I’ve learned a few lessons in life. For instance, I’ve learned that if you stick your tongue on some ice, it might get stuck there until somebody comes and pours hot water on your face. I’ve learned that Obama cannot save America from itself. I’ve most recently learned that two MC’s can’t occupy the same space at the same time; it’s against the laws of physics.
Here’s another oldie, but a goodie: After a certain age, men cannot just be nice to women.
It’s true. Oh yeah, it’s true.
That might seem like an odd lesson to learn and it doesn’t mean that if you’re a man you should just slap the monkey shine sh*t out of the next woman you meet, but it does mean that as a man, you have to be really careful with who you flirt with and how long you do so since it can easily be assumed that you are talking to such a woman out of genuine interest and if no numbers or information are exchanged at any point, well…
…you’ve just wasted that woman’s time.
While I disagree with this on principle (hell, she just got a chance to talk to me, no strings attached and I didn’t walk away, lucky her), I do understand the frustrations that many women could feel if they spend say, 30 minutes, jawjacking (no BJ) with some bloke about life only to find out that dude either has a girlfriend or is pretty much not interested in pursuing anything further with a woman.
I’ve had this problem. I’m a social butterfly of epic proportions. I will talk you up and down and forty-seven ways from Sunday and then say, “well, it was nice talking to you, but its time to keep it moving, pimpin’, you don’t know me!” And more than a few times I’m fairly convinced that the woman on the opposing end of my stellar and charming ways was either confused, dumbfounded, or dumbfoundedly confused that the interaction would end with no closure. Except, I got my closure. I got to a place where the convo didn’t interest me anymore and then, well, sayonara.
Thing is, you just can’t do that to women over age 27. Fact is, women are looking for men to date and be monogamous with and all that buttery flowery stuff. And most guys do indeed suck (no Adam Lambert). So when they come across a man who they can talk to for a significant amount of and time and not want to kill, its a breath of fresh air. Who doesn’t want to keep breathing? Women are often looking for love connections. So if you spend 45 minutes talking to a woman you have no interest in pursuing outside of the short convo, knowing what MOST are looking for, it’s almost as if you’re wasting the time they could have been using on some other guy who might actually WANT to hit.
Except, clearly, with so few men out there, technically, that time NOT spent talking to a dude would be spent talking to her homegirl and not a chap with two hangin’ and one swangin’. So there’s no real opportunity cost here. But, the chick’s time is still wasted.
GUCCI!
And that’s not very nice to be out here wasting women’s time when there’s already a man shortage and then there’s a short man problem and a tall man with a short leg problem so I suppose it makes sense. And then there’s the whole no platonic friends rules.
Anyway, good people of the VSB, is it rude for a man to talk to a woman without any intention of getting her number? I don’t think so but I’ve been debated, disputed, hated and viewed in America as a tease since I’ve left a woman hanging or two.
Am I wrong?
Or am I alright like Janet Jackson?
Is women’s time being wasted?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
. I thought at a certain age you learn to take things at face value.
Grownups should stop mind reading by 25 yall saw what happened to Ms Cleo
If a dude talks to me until he asks me for my # I assume he is talking to me because I have
Interesting insight and conversation but then I am also married maybe your theory only applies to single women.
It only applies to single women. I would be thrilled if a man struck up a conversation with me just to chat and then go on about his merry way instead turning a pleasent discussion on the events of the day into is we fcukin or not.
Lol am with you. Hate talking to a man he is interesting and all then he goes “When am I hitting that?” That usually turns me into midly crazy woman… For a second, then I just walk.
THank God am done with the whole dating scene. I understand women my age who are still single
wait…really? If this happens to you regularly truly I am sorry but this sounds crazy. Are you naked when you meet these men?
Men are especially not going to come out and ask to hit it on first meeting unless they are 1.famous or 2.women find them so douchey and repulsive that nothing else works for them and they say fuckit 1 of the 10,000 women I ask will say yes. LMAO. I’ve had cases approach me and neither made me think…help I need to get married/coupled up quick because dating is so terrible! Men like this are exceptions, IMO.
i agree. this has never happened to me and ive met some crazy mofos in my day.
more often then not, dudes are tryna make me WIFEY upon first convo, not a side-chick to super/spiderman.
So wait… You CAN’T be nice to the woman at the bar because you didn’t want to just blurt out “Please stop taking up two seats, cuz I KNOW you ain’t waiting on somebody to meet you here?”
I call shenanigans.
Also, Gemmy, we’ve had many convos. I offer to bed you all the time. I’m just being nice. Panama says no mas.
@Gem of the ocean, more often then not, dudes are tryna make me WIFEY upon first convo, not a side-chick to super/spiderman
you’re the chick who gets an A on a test that everybody else failed and then tells folks, “but i missed a question”, aren’t you? braggart.
@Dante Alexander
lmao @ your first comment. and you’re right–you do offer to bed me with regularity. how did i miss this?
@Peej
HUSH!
@ RocktheCatbox
With a name like “RocktheCatbox” I am surprised that it doesn’t happen to you more often. Many a dude would swing for the fences first time up in the batter box.
@shay-d-lady, If a dude talks to me until he asks me for my # I assume he is talking to me because I have
Interesting insight and conversation
LOL. yeah, okay. i’m sure that’s wonderful to assume but MOST dudes who are gonna chat women are indeed thinking about nudity at some point. even Blair Underwood in Set It Off hit that. lol. and he was a REALLY nice guy.
i think its safe to assume all men want to hit it at some point. but do men really talk to women for that purpose ONLY?? i mean there have got to be other bimbos around to “talk” to with “hittin only” in mind.
i could be wrong. i am the one with the vadge.
“Grownups should stop mind reading by 25 yall saw what happened to Ms Cleo”
Is Ms Cleo alive? I’m so sincere in this question…
“Is Ms Cleo alive? I’m so sincere in this question”
Go sit down…LMAO
Exactly! I think it’s refreshing to talk to a guy, and have a genuinely good conversation without the pressure of being asked for a phone number or for future communication plans (unless he is a 10 through and through-and most aren’t). So when I read this post I thought…meh….not quite.
So your’re saying that there are men that actually talk? And don’t proceed with obtaining/exchanging contact info? I’ve been in Jersey too long. I don’t like when the seemingly perfect gentleman asks for your number and bever uses it!
@Dig, yeah, i’ve done it beaucoup times. shucks i remember a point some many moons ago when i was talking to this chick and i straight up told her that i wasn’t gonna ask her for her number b/c i wasn’t going to call, but it was really great meeting her. i was drunk by the way so i’m not sure if this woman actually exists or if she was a tree. but neither would let me feel them up.
YES!!! Helllllllls yes! I always say “If you say you are going to call-call- and if not don’t say it all” . . . I mean more men should not give out their number and more women should simply say “I am not interested”— kind of like the guy I made the mistake of going out with knowing that he smoked cigarettes— I knew it would never work out- EVER- but I went out and then when he smoked and tried to chill with me I kicked him out of my house. He was in shock. I don’t have time to WASTE (GUCCI- speaking of wasting time– how’s jail) with men that are slowly killing themselves and people around them.
Gucci’s been released and he’s planning a tour. SMH
Yeah well you know even trees have limits you know?!?! lol this had me crying..done!
And random convo’s with guys who don’t ask for your number are actually refreshing….it lets me keep hope alive =)
I do it all the time too. How else am I going to get an idea of how the average woman’s mind works. It is also fun seeing how women don’t know how to take it when you just walk away and show no further interest. The next time they see you they will approach you with a mission….
@Gmune1, yeah, women just don’t know how to deal with rejection of any kind. period.
welcome and sh*t, i think
My short answer would be, you can’t waste nobody else’s time. If they feel like it was time wasted, it’s because they allowed it to be.
I’m not the social butterfly, but I’ve done my fair share of flirting and chatting a woman up a little with no intention of hollerin’ so to say. It’s just being social and nothing’s wrong with that. I will say that there has been an occassion or three when I’ve been doing this and she says something that completely turns me off and I end the convo faster than I would have.
My short answer would be, you can’t waste nobody else’s time. If they feel like it was time wasted, it’s because they allowed it to be.
I agree.
@Monk, when i lose interest, i just introduce the women to other people i know and roll out. lol. hey, i’m helping folks network.
“My short answer would be, you can’t waste nobody else’s time. If they feel like it was time wasted, it’s because they allowed it to be.”
Baddabing.
Because even if they honestly didn’t know your intentions and thought they were more than they were, it is THEIR choice to take it as wasted time and whine about it or kanyeshrug and move on to the next one.
Sincere question: Do men ever ask for a number with no intention on hittin? Or do y’all ask for the number hoping that some spark is there, but upon continuing the convo via phone, you realize that she ain’t what you looking for…yet you continue to talk to her as a friend? THIS is confusing to me. I know women do it, but do men?
I dated this guy a while back and that was his M.O. Thus his women “friends” all hated the girl he was dating (me, at the time) because they seemed to think their convos were leading to something that clearly didn’t happen. I called BS and told him he was wrong for leading them on, but he felt as though he was straight up with them, there was no spark there to date, but he liked talking to them. *kanye shrug* No se….
@ Mo –
Do you really want to know that truth? There are times when guys holla just to know they can get the number. It can be an ego thing.
Other times we may get the number, call you, enjoy your limited convo but know that we can’t deal with your talking about Flava of Love or Glee all the time (or too often you sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher once the liquor wears off) so it is not going to work long-term.
As for leading them on —- there are plenty of women who just don’t understand that “no” means “no!”. They hold out hope. They think that they can earn a promotion and all sorts of ish. Yeah, sometimes the guy is leading them on (because no guy really wants to throw away potential standby ooo-wee), but there are instances when the women just don’t want believe.
Sometimes I holla at a woman at a club/function for the sake of it. It’s just that I never slip, I never fall, a lot of girls give me they number but I never call.
Sometimes i’m just out for a one night extravaganza with a foxy lady but for whatever reason I might have to settle for the number…. I will not call. And recently, this year or so, I won’t even ask for the number i’ll just KIM.
BBM is different though. BBM fills up all the boring time I have in a day (no twitter). I can talk on that all day with females, flirt etc. i’ll never ask to meet up or anything unless it’s wrapped up.
Sometimes I holla at a woman at a club/function for the sake of it. It’s just that I never slip, I never fall, a lot of girls give me they number but I never call.
Was that suppose to rhyme?
It’s a line from Rich Boy’s song “Throw some D’s” .. and LOL at Thriller for throwing that in there.
I guess I’m slow, but what does KIM and BBM mean?
K.I.M. = Keep it Moving
BBM = Blackberry messenger
“Sometimes I holla at a woman at a club/function for the sake of it. It’s just that I never slip, I never fall, a lot of girls give me they number but I never call.”
This is not a crime because the digit game shouldn’t be taken seriously when at the club anyway. Taking it to the serious level is the exception not the rule so not taking it seriously by default is the safe route. lol
I learned years ago do not ASSUME anything! I am a sweet person natually, so a man being mean to me is not likely. I used to get that confused with him wanting to date me. I learned the hard way it is not true. That is why if a man does not come out and ask for my number the conversation will end with good night, it was nice talking with you.
One time I had a conversation with a guy like almost for 30 min on the bus going to the airport. My sister said to me afterwards why didn’t I give the guy my number it was clear he liked me. I told her I was just being kind. At this point in my life I have peace knowing every man I meet is not supposed to be my husband! That is not my outlook any more. Not every woman over 27 is looking to settle down right away. I am in the minority but being single works for me. So having a conversation does not have to end with us exchanging numbers.
Amen Sister, Amen!!! It is not that serious.
Sis, your right it’s not that serious at all.
truth.com
i’m always surprised when they DON’T, but i don’t feel as though my time was wasted. it’s just something you’re used to happening. the song and dance of conversation with a male you don’t know.
@Muze, the song and dance of conversation with a male you don’t know.
that’s R. Kelly’s ploy in action right there.
@Muze,
“i’m always surprised when they DON’T, but i don’t feel as though my time was wasted.”
This sums up my feelings 100%. When I first started reading, I assumed the post was about “talking” as in we’ve been talking for a few weeks now. I am single and over 27, but I definitely am not to the point that I would tackle any man with the ability to put a few sentences together. Actually, a couple of minutes out of my day for an interesting conversation with no pressure at the end of it sounds like a pleasant interlude to me…
“i’m always surprised when they DON’T, but i don’t feel as though my time was wasted.”
Same here. It’s natural to be surprised, but the key is to not dwell on it and take for what it is…the game of life.
Exactly. I’m also a very friendly floater person and love talking to random people when I’m in the mood to do so. What aggravates me tho is encountering dudes who persist to have my number even after the 5th No… now that is wasting time and breathe
I do no think it is that serious. I am a woman and I have conversations with men all the time and I don’t feel my time is wasted (maybe because I don’t automatically assume he is trying to get with me just from saying “hi”). I really don’t think it is that serious. We meet new people everyday, maybe the man or woman you just met isn’t the one you’re supposed to hook up with, maybe you were supposed to hook up with their cousin, friend, sister, brother etc. I think some women place to much on a man giving them attention. You may be cute, intelligent, nice, friendly, etc etc but that still don’t mean he want to pursue something. Having a conversation don’t have to lead to marriage.
@Stacy Australia, you’re right. convos dont have to lead to marriage. i blame this on Jim Jones and the public education system. anytime women (some) come across a nice guy who isn’t just trying to hit on sight its like some sensor goes off saying “he might be the last one alive; focus energy and attention”
this really is jim jones fault.
welcome and sh*t btw
I’ve had very few experiences like the one described, but I don’t consider it a waste of my time because I never just assume that a man is looking to holla. I appreciate the times when a man is just trying to have a friendly conversation. Then again, I’m 25, so ask me again in 2 years.
On a semi-related note, it does bug me when a man that I’m actually feeling will make it VERY clear that he’s feeling me, and then doesn’t ask for the number.
@SaneN85, but why WOULDN’T he. that doesnt make sense to either. it to is against the laws of physics. if a man is interested, short of you farting really loudly and then fanning the stench towards him, i cant understand why he wouldn’t get the number. unless he’s just that shy and was waiting on you to offer. everybody loses there.
Oh, I only even brought it up because it happened to me on Saturday. He made comments more than once about how he was hoping to see me again, had been watching me all night, lucky I’m not snatched up yet, etc. He didn’t leave any room for doubt that he was interested. However, my girls and his boys were hanging around and the place was already pretty crowded. Things got chaotic and he ended up getting snatched away by his boy for a minute, and then I didn’t see him again. I think if we had talked longer or seen eachother again, he probably would’ve asked for the number.
I only even wrote that comment because I’m still bitter.
@Panama
“short of you farting really loudly and then fanning the stench towards him, i cant understand why he wouldn’t get the number. ”
oh this just killed me. lmbooo
@sanen85 Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. It’s not even that serious right now but like, ask me in 3.5 yrs and it might be a different story.
The art of good conversation ~vs~ The gift of Gab, eh???
But really…I think it all boils down to the individual you’re dealing and/or conversing with….and their “expectations” (if any exist). Have they reached a certain point in life where they’re seeking companionship? You can never really tell where a person “is” ….especially from one random convo (and yes, I’m sure there are exceptions to that).
But honestly, I’ve been accused of being nonchalant and oblivious before….even distant….in some ways I will admit – I am. I’m not really sure where it comes from these days. However, it is my belief that I’m only open to those who are intriguing and open as well. And that still doesn’t mean that I’m looking for anything.
An interesting exchange of words by two people is refreshing…nothing more. And I’ve been known to walk away from those who were clearly blessed with the “gift of gab” quite easily, while being accused of leaving the convo “open ended”…..while the other party refused to see it for what it was….not always but I’ve noticed this on several occasions.
But to answer your question: No… I don’t see…..nothin’ wrong.
“But honestly, I’ve been accused of being nonchalant and oblivious before….even distant”
This is me. I own that sh*t. Being that I am over 30 and in great shape, I want a woman that is the same. Most women( keep it to yourself!) in my age group are NOT in shape. They chat me up all the time. Feels like the game “20 questions.”
If I know what I want appearance wise and she doesn’t measure up, Why entertain her questions?
lol. that is a total anti-response to the message in this post. lol.
because that, is not nice at all. meanie. lol.
“that is a total anti-response to the message in this post.
My bad. I forgot to add the other quote.
“hell, she just got a chance to talk to me… lucky her”
@its2010dammit, “hell, she just got a chance to talk to me… lucky her”
word.life.
@Ms. Butta’sWorth, you use a lot of “quotes”. lol.
i must be the gift of gab cat then. lol.
@Panama,
I realized that awhile back…like I’m actually using my “quotation fangas” as I type. <–SEE! LoL and Smh.
Okay, okaaayyy…Its a habit. An annoying habit (you've pointed out, tryna be slick).
Well "quote deez" and leave me be. chuckle
…and yes, I picture you right along with Champ as the gift of gab cats…sprinkled with the art of convo on top.
is it rude for a man to talk to a woman without any intention of getting her number?
I think it just depends on the situation. For example its cool to chat me up w/out wanting my number if:
- we’re the only two Black people (or people of color) in the room
- we’re somewhere waiting (dr’s office, in line for something, airport, for a to go order, etc.)
- large social events not specific to meeting someone (i.e, sporting events, concerts)
- Networking event where I’m not useful to why you’re there (you need a blogger and I’m a accountant)
It is NOT cool to chat me up in places that are specific to looking for someone to meet w/out saying somewhere real early in the convo that you’re off the market. I’m not saying I don’t want to talk to a man unless he’s after my number, but if I’m in a certain mode/mood at the bar or the club or networking event I want to know as quickly as possible I’m chatting up a potential friend, not date. I may be bored at that spot or playing wingman for a friend so I’m cool chatting with you knowing that its not going to lead anywhere.
Again though, I want to know that you’re not interested and there are casual, tactful ways to slide that tidbit of info into the convo. For me, I already have a full quota of platonic male friends and I love them dearly, I love the conversations I have with them, I’m not opposed to finding a new one, but if making new friends isn’t where my mind is at that particular moment I am going to be a little irritated.
I agree!
I agree as well.
@Madame Zenobia, so why not just slide him your number to make sure that an exchange does indeed happen. like if he was taking too long to ask, would you be mad?
No, not mad. I’ve slid a few dudes my number, no biggie.
couldnt agree more. its just annoying to be talking to a dude you later find out is off the market or just isnt interested in general though he gave you the impression that he was.
^^^^This does not bother me because I am the outgoing type. I’ve been the one that dudes get irritated with when they talk to me and try to get my number only to find out that I’m taken or not interested. They feel like their time was wasted, I guess.
I also think the surroundings and/or atmosphere plays a big part in the situation. If me and you strike up a convo on a line thats one thing. It’s quite the other to compliment me all night at the Matchmaker Event in ny (see I promote) and then leave me hanging like two ba…well you get the picture.
@melekaj, i wonder if the dynamic changes if the woman approaches the man. like if you come to talk to him, and he engages you but doesn’t ask for your number at the end, would you be peeved?
hmmm….I don’t think so. I approached him so it was on me to ask for the number if i felt a connection.
I am notorious for chatting up women with no intentions of scooping. I am just being nice, as Southerners tend to be. On some occasions I have begun conversations with the intent to pull, but pulled back. I am the Punxsutawney Phil of holleration. Seemingly insignificant things will cause me to abort the mission.
“Seemingly insignificant things will cause me to abort the mission.”
They are not insignificant. You just know what you want. I have a bad habit (that works for me) of asking follow-up questions that totally makes them re-think the first answer they gave. Its very amusing. Especially if they start stammering
Most women have the selfish entitlement gene. It is most active within “romantic enterprises” but to call a woman on it is considered poor form and if continued deems the man “undateable.” oh they’ll downplay it make it seem innocent and uncontrived but I assure you it is a psychological behavior that is widesweeping and culturally accepted norm. Women who are the greatest perpetrators of this behavior are usually in various stages of denial about it. Convienences from minor to major are key indicators in female behavior pattern entitlement issues & the “wastes” that support it.
@Nipsy Hustle – um…shots fired?
Hustle’s in the house.
In many a womans mind, if they don’t achieve suitability to their comfort, coveinence, purposes, need & desired results, you have wasted her time. (Entitlement issues, Esteem, Psychological attacks to project guilt. Etcetera.) Men and women before us set the standard & we carry it forward. What is the opportunity cost of dating & mating? What is the risk reward of pairing and wtf does love have to do with it? What are the expenses and are we commodities?
Nipsy Hustle (5:15 am) —-> Tipsy Hustle (1:59pm)
Must’ve been a long night and/or interesting morning for you, folk.
LOL! I see you.
I totally agree with this perspective. I think a lot of women are walking around feeling entitled. And that creates a lot of hurt feelings. Not everybody wants you and it IS ok. Until these women realize that, they will keep being frustrated when nice strangers trying to chitchat just keep it moving…
@Sula,
Not everybody wants you and it IS ok.
Just had to put that on repeat.
first… totally heart the Renegade reference. that’s my isshhhht. kinda thought you were going to throw the mfer in there. lol.
anyhoo… i agree with some of the statements above. it will take me by surprise if i talk to a man for more than ten minutes and he doesn’t want to exchange info. but this is mainly because this is not the usual. but i won’t feel like my time is wasted. UNLESS, like someone said, it is at an event/atmosphere specifically for meeting potential somethings other than friends. lol.
some women will feel like that is rejection. and women despise being rejected much, much more than men.
@Muze, it will take me by surprise if i talk to a man for more than ten minutes and he doesn’t want to exchange info. but this is mainly because this is not the usual.
so your friends hate you, huh?
whoa. i reread that and that sounds totally conceited. lol. i don’t mean i expect every man to be GENUINELY interested in me, but (and perhaps the over-aggressively pressed men in detroit have disillusioned me) that just seems to be the norm for ANY male/female conversation between two strangers. lol.
and, my friends love me.
lol.
@Muze
“some women will feel like that is rejection. and women despise being rejected much, much more than men.”
I didn’t understand this until I got older. It’s funny too considering how hard I’ve seen women reject men. You would think there would be some empathy.
I didn’t understand this until I got older. It’s funny too considering how hard I’ve seen women reject men. You would think there would be some empathy.
It’s called maturity. I am a big girl so I am not used to every guy asking me out. So for this reason when a guy does approach me I am nice to him regardless. I know what it feels like, but most women who are used to men hanging on their every word feel themselves.
right. i think it’s just from sheer numbers though. in general, men will be rejected far more times than a woman will in their dating years. so when a woman is rejected or takes it as rejection if a man doesn’t pursue something more, it’s usually an “oh really?” moment. lol
@ Panama
“So when they come across a man who they can talk to for a significant amount of and time and not want to kill, its a breath of fresh air. Who doesn’t want to keep breathing?” This statement made me laugh out loud and is also true…if we’re talking about dating and not just casual chat at Safeway, a bar, somebody’s cook-out, wherever.
I’m an extrovert so I can talk to almost anyone but it doesn’t mean I’m interested in everyone I talk to. I don’t ask for numbers I don’t want and I don’t offer my number (or provide it when asked) if I know I don’t want to talk to you beyond that moment.
I co-sign on Dig’s with “I don’t like when the seemingly perfect gentleman asks for your number and bever uses it!” I’m not crying in my pillow at night but it does vex me that some men can be that silly.
Sidebar: “hell, she just got a chance to talk to me, no strings attached and I didn’t walk away, lucky her” This comment reminded me of my FAVORITE Law & Order: SVU quote from an episode called “Rooftop”. I needed that laugh this morning so thank you!!
@MsEsquire77, glad i could provide a morning chuckle.
In a related but not so related situation, I know that there’s a lot of dudes out there who string women along when they’re in a relationship with regards to that little thing called marriage. This is a totally different situation.
All relationships are different so I don’t think one can put a time on when a couple should get married, but c’mon dude…if you’ve been with that girl for 10 years and been ‘talking’ about marriage for 8, you wasting that girls’ time. Hopefully, she’s smart enough to know it.
@Monk, yeah that’s a totally diff situation
this is almost word-for-word what i told my friend to tell Carmello Anthony, regarding his rel’ship with LaLa, thru a msg on facebook (which she did in fact send). *shrug & smh*
I think you shouldn’t chat for no reason if you see that she is flirting with you. If she’s laughing at your mildly funny jokes, giving you “the eye” and leaning in, YOU KNOW she’s interested. If you’re not (whether its b/c you’re in a relationship, her breath stinks or whatever) then its your responsibility to wrap that ish up. And quickly. If you keep a person hanging you’re just looking for a quick ego boost. Not hot.
If its just convo at a social function, chat away.
@LadyE, i’m not sure i agree with you. you’re basically saying that i should take it upon myself to be responsible for somebody else’s situation that i don’t even really know. if she’s flirting with me then maybe its cuz she wants to hit and we can both end the night happy. who loses there?
So maybe I need to reread the post b/c I was under the impression you meant carrying on a lengthy convo w/ a woman and then just throwing the deuces.
I didn’t imply that you need to marry the broad but you would have 2 swap numbers or leave w/ her if you’re going to have a fun evening. What happens after that is between 2 consenting adults.
I thought you said you carry on deep convos and then go outtie 5000 w/ no closure…
My point was that if you have ZERO interest in that person, and they are giving you OBVIOUS signs then don’t string them along
@LadeE, i did mean carrying on a convo and then peacing out with no “closure”, but if she’s flirting with me, i’m supposed to just stop talking to her as to save her feelings? right there, you just effectively killed 99 percent of all male-female interaction.
Wow, 99%? Hyperbole much? Lol
Hey, you have your opinion and I have mine. If its a mix and mingle type setting where hooking up is taking place I think its in poor form to let a person throw you signals when u don’t feel the same. As in holding a long convo for 30-minutes to an hour. Pleasantries are always nice. Like one of the VSSs above mentioned the setting is key.
I’m not big on awkward situations so if a dude is throwing me signals and I’m not trying to catch them I make myself scarce.
Like I said if its a general social setting chat away w/ no remorse.
I think this is where the phrase “leading someone on” come into play. If I pick up that a guy is more interested in me than I am in him, I feel that it is polite to quickly shut it down. It may not be your responsibility, but clearly the person has already misinterpreted your signals/body language so you may just have to spell things out for them.
Trackstar You got my point. Leading someone on, when its done intentionally, isn’t cool to me. That’s when I think people, men or women feel that they’ve wasted their time. Socializing is part of how we get to know each other. But when you feel as attracted to them as you do to a piece of tupperware while they’re clearly giving you the googly eye make yourself scarce.
@Dash-I am just being nice, as Southerners tend to be.
I totally agree with this, which is why I can spend the entire plane ride talking to hugely successful very attractive black man and it never crossed my mind to take it further. I was being friendly; however his old ass was trying to start something.
Like someone said upthread, I’m aloof and nonchalant on top of being friendly so I usually have some weird interactions.
But if I am interested in getting to know a guy, I’ll give him my contact number instead of waiting for him to ask for it.
It doesn’t bother me. I love to talk…so get at me. I don’t assume that because a man is holding a convo with me that he intends to try and get my number ….he could be married, in a relationship, gay, lol…I mean you just never know…I could be not interested as well…I enjoy a good conversation with a man or anyone for that matter…so, no you are not wasted a person’s time…In my 20′s I probably may have felt like you were wasting my time..but, now I just go with the flow…It’s not that serious.
It’s wrong for a different reason.
Women love to conversate, so just doling out the good word does ALL men a disservice. You’re giving up the goods for free. That’s why women don’t like them fast gulls. Giving it out too easy makes it hard on the rest of them. Just cause Tasha is willing to do this that and a third at the drop of a hat, means we expect Keisha to as well.
We, as menfolk, need to better ourselves. If we had a bit more solidarity, we could undermine their entire organization.
It’s like all those cats out there that just like to compliment a chick for no reason (and a bunch of them have the nerve to be mad when she doesn’t accept the compliment graciously) On monday you say something to that girl in supply chain. Now tig ol bittie Bertha is always feeling herself, despite the fact she got a buttaface. Come Wednesday happy hour, some poor Broseph is thinking he got an easy in, but you done boosted her self esteem so much that she now is requiring he take her to cheesecake factory for an audition. And that same Brougham gotta come with the ill conversation. Jokes, innuendo, current events, sprinkled with some Shaza Zulu gems.
YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS? DAY IN DAY OUT?
No sir, don’t be dropping jewels or entertaining, unless you’re getting something out of it. If a chick want to bump the gums, let her holla at her friends. All this extraneous conversation and *smh* attention is messing up the game for all of us.
I mean really, after you do hit it, and repeatedly, you’re not trying to chat ol girl up on a regular basis. Like you really care about her day and what she bought at duane reade.
I agree.Thats why I try to even out the scale If I am not interested in her. Muze says that I’m a meanie but someone has to be honest to her. It’s really for her own good. I’m really just being a good samaritan, lol
wat
WestIndianArchie posted this:
“It’s like all those cats out there that just like to compliment a chick for no reason (and a bunch of them have the nerve to be mad when she doesn’t accept the compliment graciously) On monday you say something to that girl in supply chain. Now tig ol bittie Bertha is always feeling herself, despite the fact she got a buttaface. Come Wednesday happy hour, some poor Broseph is thinking he got an easy in, but you done boosted her self esteem so much that she now is requiring he take her to cheesecake factory for an audition.”
My reply:
“I agree.Thats why I try to even out the scale If I am not interested in her. Muze says that I’m a meanie but someone has to be honest to her. It’s really for her own good. I’m really just being a good samaritan, lol”
The scale I’m speaking of has bullsh*t compliments on one side, The truth on the other. I do my part to even the scales. Everyone needs balance.
Get it now?
I honestly don’t understand the concept of talking to randoms in real life, much less complimenting them for no reason.
<– In the if you don't have anything relavant to say, don't say anything at all camp
So I guess I agree with WestIndianArchie. I for real will not compliment ANYONE unless I'm truly impressed…and not a lot of people can do that. (My poor future children, lol…)
@WestIndianArchie
“Women love to conversate”
There is some woman or VSS that just read this and has her panties in a bunch or wants to crucify you for saying “conversate” instead of “converse”.
“There is some woman or VSS that just read this and has her panties in a bunch or wants to crucify you for saying “conversate” instead of “converse”.
i am that woman……….. english major.. sue me!
“There is some woman or VSS that just read this and has her panties in a bunch or wants to crucify you for saying “conversate” instead of “converse”.”
I’mma give WestIndianArchie the benefit of the doubt that he was using that VSB word-irony that we use around here. I am a strong proponent of breaking the rules, but only if you know them.
But if WestIndianArchie actually thought it was a word? Well, forget the above and proceed to watch me gather up my pannies in a bunch.
@WestIndianArchie
“It’s like all those cats out there that just like to compliment a chick for no reason (and a bunch of them have the nerve to be mad when she doesn’t accept the compliment graciously) On monday you say something to that girl in supply chain. Now tig ol bittie Bertha is always feeling herself, despite the fact she got a buttaface. Come Wednesday happy hour, some poor Broseph is thinking he got an easy in, but you done boosted her self esteem so much that she now is requiring he take her to cheesecake factory for an audition. And that same Brougham gotta come with the ill conversation. Jokes, innuendo, current events, sprinkled with some Shaza Zulu gems.”
I call this “p**sy speculating”. Just like speculators artificially raise the price of oil and other commodities regardless of true supply and demand, ninjas do the same with p**sy. Simps, tricks, and no-game lames are usually the culprits. I have to ask Panama & Champ but I think stopping this type of behavior should fall under VSB crimefighting?
“Just like speculators artificially raise the price of oil and other commodities regardless of true supply and demand, ninjas do the same with p**sy. Simps, tricks, and no-game lames are usually the culprits. I have to ask Panama & Champ but I think stopping this type of behavior should fall under VSB crimefighting?”
Exactly. I have 2 capes on hand for my crimefighting and one at the cleaners! LOL
@Humble_One
“I call this ‘p**sy speculating’.”
I realize this comment may be too late to be seen by anyone
but just wanted you to know how greatly amusing all your made-up terms are. It’s like you’re Isaiah Washington in Love Jones or something.
Women love to conversate
I really tried to bite my tongue with this here ^^^…mainly because you’re serious, well your post seems to be quite serious ….LoL
And correction: Its some, (possibly most) like to converse. Converse. No matter the gender nor marital status. chuckle
Occasional pointless banter is cool, but even it has its time and place. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the sentiments behind your post, however to insinuate that those who are skilled at holding an (interesting) conversation without looking for and/or being entitled to “the man” (or woman for that matter) is hands down attention h0ish…well, for such an assumption, all that could be ASSumed is such bitter “onlookers” could possibly be a little “starved” themselves.
And that ^^^ there would be putting too much stock in something as petty as a conversation, which does not necessarily equate to flirting. Depends on who you ask. But as stated above, not all that serious.
…only what you make it to be.
Ms. Butta’sWorth
“I really tried to bite my tongue with this here ^^^…mainly because you’re serious, well your post seems to be quite serious ….LoL
And correction: Its some, (possibly most) like to converse. Converse. No matter the gender nor marital status. chuckle”
Thank you for proving me right. RE: my comment roughly 40 minutes before yours.
@Humble_One,
Just went back and read yours… LoL
I couldn’t help myself that time…it was just calling me. But I meant no harm….
My reaction to the (non)word “conversate” (hush Panama) was the same when I first heard Charlie Wilson’s – There Goes My Baby…tombout “conversatin’ on her cell phone”..??? It was like the music abruptly came to an end. I was stuck thinking: “man, how old are you? Really?”
And as far as proving you right, I don’t mind at all. Its cool because I think that’s where some folk’s problems lie when it seems nobody wants to be wrong. I mean who really does? But I’d rather bow out gracefully and accept that, instead of arguing and further looking a dayum fool. If I’m off base, proved someone right, so be it…
You beat me to the punch, that’s all… “we even”.
Humble_One – 1
Ms. Butta’sWorth – 1
@Ms. Butta’sWorth
“And as far as proving you right, I don’t mind at all. Its cool because I think that’s where some folk’s problems lie when it seems nobody wants to be wrong. I mean who really does? But I’d rather bow out gracefully and accept that, instead of arguing and further looking a dayum fool. If I’m off base, proved someone right, so be it…”
I like you for saying this.
@Humble_One,
Gracias señor…
I learned that lesson overtime….no use in frontin’ as if I just came out the womb knowin’ this. Because knowing it and admitting it are two very different things.
@WestIndianArchie,
Ya’ know, you just reminded me of a conversation I had with an old friend of mine. He mentioned the entitlement attitude that a lot of the women held, while out with a few friends of his. Apparently, a lot of these women were expecting the menfolk to buy drinks as some sort of prereq in order for the guy to even converse with them. <— This I do not agree with at all.
But the point I'm trying to make is I think the ball is in and has always been in the man's court with the shullbit play. And now you collectively have a ishtload of men leading with their wallets and unfortunately have a certain "brand" of women who not only follow but pass "the play" on down to their girlfriends…and sadly their offspring.
And because of that, its so amazingly ironic to me that such men have the nerve to cry about it, now that its created a
caliber of a womanwhole nutha beast.A lot of men have single handedly enabled this isht and now they wanna call timeout. What did some of you expect? Let me guess….reciprocity? Not like that you won’t.
“You” collectively get back, what “you” put into it. Substance is a key.
Substance is
akey.@WestIndianArchie, i’m really surprised that more women aren’t commenting on this…
We know West Indian Archie… Only the new(er)bies are falling for it.
I don’t believe its a matter of being new or not….”knowing him” on this forum….
But shullbit is shullbit…and although I understood Awchie’s “frus-kra-shuns” (when it boils down to “conversating”…ooh, lawd)….collectively it still reeked of …..well….shullbit. And one of my pet peeves when it comes to grown mofos….tis all I’m sayin’.
Oh, I know….I didn’t disclaim it with an “LOL”…..
Just making a contribution
LOL so true. the vets? we read, we laugh, we comment on the hilarity, we move on.
These folks is mad invested in proving me wrong, lol.
I can see ol gull in her cubicle typing all loud, “IT’S CONVERSE, NOT CONVERSATE”.
I’m too cleaver for my own good
———^^^I’m really cutting up here.
@WestIndianArchie,
LOL. Well not exactly…but teeth gritting did occur….with a little chuckle.
And you-so-late….I already paid Humble_One his due…with no regret.
I’m over here cuttin’ up too…but more so at your delayed epiphany. Teehee…..
Oh and I almost agree with “fast gulls” being extra open thing, though I would apply it more to the e-world. Some people are just open and friendly like that. Thinking the about the ole lady in the store that told you about her day just beause you looked at her.
I side eye chicks who don’t have privacy settings on their social media accounts though…or ones that have 50 million friends. Why are you willingly sharing your info with all those people?
And why are most of your “friends” dudes?
*looks in the camera and waits*
“No sir, don’t be dropping jewels or entertaining, unless you’re getting something out of it.”
i agree. i only have like three surefire great conversations starters that’ll easy the tension and make her laugh (and intrigued) in my wheelhouse. thats it. three. no more. can’t be wasting them for no reason
I don’t understand. Are you saying don’t talk to a women unless she is giving up the goods?
@WestIndianArchie
1) “we could undermine their entire organization”, 2) “No sir, don’t be dropping jewels or entertaining, unless you’re getting something out of it”, 3) “All this extraneous conversation and *smh* attention is messing up the game for all of us”
(With all due respect…..really) You have to be pretty young because the theory you subscribe to makes you sound like that dude that some women avoid. It doesn’t matter if women are getting compliments (or even that their egos are boosted)……..play YOUR position. If you don’t want to sprinkle “Shaza Zulu gems” or bring ill conversations to the table, then don’t. Women actually respond better to honesty instead of a man who’s trying to be strategic. Because in the end, she will just to end up being disappointed by your game-playing.
@CNotes,
Agreed. He’s worrying himself about the wrong dayum thing.
I wondered about the age thing too…no sweat, but it did cross my mind…almost a little whiny (no dis), just going by context clues…and surprisingly – the tone..
But then again, there are some folks 40+ with this same frame of mind…who are surprised at what they get back from the universe, when it’s exactly what they put out. Just sayin’….
Great post, but I have to disagree. I love meeting people and enjoying conversation, male or female. You can talk to a woman without flirting with them.
If grown folks can’t even talk to each other anymore without assumptions of trying to hit, then we have a problem. That’s some shit that I used to think about when I was in my early 20′s, not now.
@reefinyateef, we do have a problem. the black male shortage and some very self-aware women who know that the convo aint’ coming around so often are more than likely ones that feel they have the most to lose if the prospect (the number exchange) doesnt happen.
I hope I’m not seen as rude, because on most of the business trips I take nowadays I see more Black women than Black men that are around my age. I always try to reach out to one if I see her.
I just think you can’t have expectations of a stranger, period, except to not assault you in public. And even that’s not a guarantee. Why spend time worrying about why one dude or even a few you don’t even know hasn’t asked for your number? To me there is simply no mystery to be solved and nothing to be getting to the bottom of. Dating means you reject and get rejected on a fairly regular basis. If self-aware people were as much, they would get this. So I think self conscious is a better way to describe them. Sorry to get all cumbaya but personal growth tends to happen when you spend time in conversation with people, especially in dialogue that isn’t punctuated with a romantic suggestion.
@ RocktheCatbox
Exactly! It’s not personal! If you are self-aware then you know who you are and no one can reject you!
@RocktheCatbox,
Great post!…
Exactly. Hey good point, Natasha!
Thank you sis!
you can’t have expectations of a stranger, period, except to not assault you in public. And even that’s not a guarantee. Why spend time worrying about why one dude or even a few you don’t even know hasn’t asked for your number?
THIS!! Like seriously!
I didn’t even take this post seriously, it seems so far fetched to
apparently only myreality… So we can’t smile, we can’t have friendly conversation, what else can’t we do? Can we even breathe next to a person of the opposite sex?You can talk to a woman without flirting with them.
If grown folks can’t even talk to each other anymore without assumptions of trying to hit, then we have a problem. That’s some shit that I used to think about when I was in my early 20’s, not now.
**Head nod** Very well stated and to the point. Thank you.
“If grown folks can’t even talk to each other anymore without assumptions of trying to hit, then we have a problem.”
And I believe that problem is what plagues everything from relationships to Sarah Palin’s existence: lack of communication.
I agree with you…I notice the older I get, the more random conversations I have with people in general. If the conversations with men don’t lead anywhere, it’s cool. If the conversation lasted for 30 minutes, he must’ve dropped some gems, had interesting and thought provoking topics to share or was extremely funny. Whatever the case, I feel like I won just by being able to feed off the energy of an interesting individual.
Maybe that’s just me…
I think this would only be the case for women who don’t normally get male attention (even from a three like you
. Otherwise, I have seen this work the exact opposite. A woman who is chatty is seen as a flirt and when she decides to end the conversation because something shiny caught her eye (this has happened to me before because my favorite color is SHINY), she’s accused of being a tease and wasting the man’s time. Life sucks!
My favorite color is shiny too
That’s what I though too. I never pegged dudes as conversationalists. I’d see that more as something females use to get what they want…(ex. feigning interest to get a free drink).
Dudes don’t have control over whether or not a chick wants to do them. I would even say the more they talk, the less likely they have a chance at doing so.
“I would even say the more they talk, the less likely they have a chance at doing so.”
AMEN!
@KaNisa, not sure what kind of dudes you’re talking too…but the more i talk…the more they want to come over.
double entendre.
LIKE A PIMP.
@Ms. Smart – you know, I was thinking that maybe its a male attention thing and some women are just glad that a man is talking to them, but I’ve had rather attractive women tell me that they get annoyed when they’ll spend time talking to a man and nothing comes of it.
That’s the good ole “princess” syndrome. Also known as entitlement issues.
@its2010dammit
I have a Phd in dealing with women with “princess syndrome” and you are completely right. They are the poster child for entitlement issues.
I want to fully disagree with y’all but I can’t. However, I think they are only entitled when they have nothing else but their looks to offer. In that case, not trying to ‘get at’ them is an insult to their looks. But nothing is funnier than a chick who used to be fine but still has the entitlement issues when it comes to male attention.
I’m just nice. If you talk to me (like you have some sense) I’ll converse with you in the same manner. I guess it depends on your frame of mind as well. I just don’t assume.
@smiley face – aw, you’re such a nice lady.
Hey girlie! Aw, your avatar is cute.
“I’m just nice.”
Word. Problem is nice is stretched FAR too much these days. Almost as much as Kat Stacks’ special place.
There’s nothing wrong with talking to a woman without the intention to get her number. I’ve done the same thing to guys. It’s naive to think that every person you talk to and have great conversation with is out to get your number.
@A Dive State of Mind – yeah, but guys almost expect not to pull a number sometimes. our ability to live and deal with certain rejection is much higher than you alls. or y’alls. or y’alls is.
english just got murdered.
is it rude for a man to talk to a woman without any intention of getting her number?
[rolls eyes] No, it’s rude to be rude. Why would it be rude to chat someone up and be friendly? I’m a non-vulture over 27 and have gladly talked to men I’m neither interested in nor are interested in me. I don’t know about yall but it’s fun to go to a social event and you know, BE SOCIAL. When other men see a woman being friendly, other men notice and gravitate toward you, it’s scientific fact. So I don’t view talking to anyone I meet at a function as time wasted, the way I don’t think failed relationships are time wasted. You got something good out of talking to someone as you did being with someone, or else you would have walked away a long time ago. Life is NOT short. Life is long and very often tedious and yes your ass does have time for the conversation. The people that get annoyed over not getting a number from every person of the opposite sex that chats them up are very often those annoying, entitled people that are neither satisfied single nor when in a relationship [
no Helena Andrewsyes Helena Andrews].@Rockthecatbox, not the entitlement issues. lol. damn
yeah…I had to trot them out for good measure. It’s great how they can pretty much be blamed for everything
@RocktheCatbox
“The people that get annoyed over not getting a number from every person of the opposite sex that chats them up are very often those annoying, entitled people that are neither satisfied single nor when in a relationship”
I was just talking about these people yesterday. Women that think they are the ish really don’t get it when every man isn’t trying to jump their bones.
*dies @ “yes Helena Andrews”*
The giggle I got from that sorta made my Monday.
“BE SOCIAL. When other men see a woman being friendly, other men notice and gravitate toward you, it’s scientific fact. ”
YES. Stephen Hawking and his fabulous monotone robot voice has done studies on this and has concluded that this is truth. Women need to stop sleeping on the above because if men watch anything (other than tv, boobs, and asses), it’s the way you interact with other men.
Bwahahaha! I vote this post FTW… especially this –>[
no Helena Andrewsyes Helena Andrews]. Hilarious!!Morning all…
I think that you have a very good point Panama. I think every woman has been there…talking & having a great convo, getting your hopes up, and then nothing.
I think alot of the times the man is interested and that’s why he can conversate with you for two hours but he is involved or married. The timing is the issue. I think about it like this…if he was single, we would probably have dated, but he’s not. I’d just be happy he didn’t date me & hide the GF/wife from me. Still sucks though….
@TheOpinionated1, but what about cats like me who really are just talking to you b/c well, you’re there. i talk to rocks. lol. its not a timing issue with me (well it is but that’s another talk show), am i wasting women’s time by being so damn debonair and charming?!?! lol
I wouldn’t say that you’re wasting womens time…well not ‘MY’ time. LOL @being so damn debonair and charming. But anyway… I’m sure some women may feel like that. But see I do this too, & usually out of boredom…I make conversation…make him laugh, he makes me laugh, but I know that he’s totally not my type, or I’m not ready for a new relationship, or whatever. So my answer is no Panama…you are not!
BTW you know d*mn well that you don’t talk to rocks! lmao
I initially thought this post was about drunken times and perhaps that catchy song about getting “white boy wasted”.
Anywho, I wouldn’t feel my time was wasted. Good convo, is good convo. I don’t assume a man is interested unless he says so.
“I initially thought this post was about drunken times…”
So did I. I thought we were gonna get a Panama adventure or somethin’…
@Cheekie
Yeah man, I was gearing up to add to tales of drunkness and debauchery
Perhaps another day
Hmmm….
I would have to agree with some of the others when they say just because you talk to somebody for say..30.. does not mean you wanna bag. (“and I gotta n*gga, grocery bag”.) I mean, way to be thirsty, IMHO. Like, drink an Evian and keep it rocking. Unless you all are kicking it the entire evening I think you should assume it’s platonic until it’s not. Also, I have to say, this is coming from a person who has been the person who walked away more than a couple times.
@Miss Reese, I think you should assume it’s platonic until it’s not.
words to live by. and driveby too.
I jive agree with Ms.Smart and a few other comments.
Like she said if folk ain’t used to the attention from men etc. SMH LLS
I don’t have issue with this, every bloke that chats me up I”m not remotely interested in outside of some cool chit chat, and if I was I’ve never had issue there * kanye shrug* LOL
The being nice thing can go both ways, thats why I limit certain interactions cause folk can get it twisted when you just being your cool self.
I don’t think a woman’s time is wasted by making friendly conversation. Friendly conversation is a good thing. However flirting is something all together different. I guess I’m more apt to flirt harmlessly with people I know who won’t misconstrue my friendly advances (this includes gay men). I feel safer flirting with these individuals because I know a certain line will never be crossed. But if some attractive brotha I don’t know approached me at a bar/lounge/wherever and flirted with me and had intentions of getting the digits, I would be quite annoyed. Bottom line, P. Nothing is wrong with friendly conversation. But if you’re going to flirt- use your powers for good and not for evil. mmkay?
I meant to say “if a brotha approached me and had NO intentions of getting the digits, I would be quite annoyed.”
I don’t see why a woman would expect anything more from good conversation. I think this is only an issue if the conversation is good and she finds you attractive. Then again, I may be the wrong person to comment on this. I always assume that any woman that I may hold a conversation with at a club or social gathering is just being friendly. The bad thing about that is that I’ve missed out on some women by being like this. Conversation is just conversation unless one party wants more. Like I said before if she wants you to ask for her number and you don’t then you’re a tease. I don’t think she would consider “J-Bo” with the orange suit and perm that she has talked to for 20 minutes a tease. At the same time if a woman finds this guy’s conversation interesting then why doesn’t she ask for his phone number? If you’re interested why would you let that man get away?
At the same time if a woman finds this guy’s conversation interesting then why doesn’t she ask for his phone number? If you’re interested why would you let that man get away?
Dunno…but it could be one or several of the following:
1. She prefers the natural order of things aka he makes the first move aka she wants to be pursued or simply asked first. That way she’s reassured that he’s truly interested.
2. Fear of rejection….not sure if she’s “reading you” correctly.
3. Her phone number has been temporarily disconnected.
4. She noticed her GF was diggin’ you.
5. Though the convo was good and dude’s thoughts were on point, she couldn’t get past what the hell he had stuck between his teeth.
…which lead to….
6. ….when he leaned in towards her, she realized that awful whiff was his boo boo breath.
Or….
7. She just may be a little shy.
@Ms Butta’sWorth
1. Since she prefers that natural order of things should he just beat her over the head with a club and throw her over his shoulders.
3. Idk about this one. Women pay their cell phone bill before rent and groceries.
5&6 His perm and orange suit should doesn’t make up for his breath and chicken bone between his teeth?
@Humble_One,
1. Since she prefers that natural order of things should he just beat her over the head with a club and throw her over his shoulders.
Okay I just pictured that and he’s saying: “Me, man – you, woman. Come….” LOL
You know that’s not what I’m saying. All I meant was, when you men are really interested…I mean, really put your mind to something…(women tend to voice it)….men show it. It’s just more confirmation aka your own personal stamp of approval for her to go for the green light. That’s all I’m sayin’.
Bwahahahaaa! You’re wrong for number 3. I for one, can’t eat, sleep and isht in or on my cell….rent gets paid first buddy…then lights….then phone.
5&6 His perm and orange suit should doesn’t make up for his breath and chicken bone between his teeth?
A perm on a dude. Okay, who still does that? I’m not going to comment on the orange suit….but if he’s rockin’ both, then I’m sure he probably had a toothpick somewhere within reach. And nothing…and I mean nothing makes up for bad breath on first impressions.
@Ms. Butta’sWorth
“A perm on a dude. Okay, who still does that?”
^Quit hatin’ on Snoop and Dru Down. *giggling*
@legitimate_soul,
I’m just sayin’….though I liked some of Snoop’s music….those perms, ponytails, rollers and sidburns…still looked a hot mess…but I suppose he made up for it with his music…
But as long as Shante loves it, well heyyyy….shu, she probably does his hair on occasions.
Strangely enough, #2-7 could be the exact same reasons why HE doesn’t ask for HER digits…I’m just sayin. lol
@DG,
LOL…could be.
While I hate having my time wasted I love some good convo and will take it when I can get it. I think I am more likely to walk away and say nice talking to you before dude does. It’s a convo, not a proposal. There are no expectation (or there shouldn’t be) because I don’t know you from any other stranger on the street. Now if I see you often and we talk then maybe names or email or something like that may be exchanged, but if I am hanging at the local coffee shop and you strike up a conversation then there is no need for that. I can leave it right there and move on no biggies.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
@Panama So conceited…it can be somewhat of a turn on though…just don’t go too far Mr Jackson!!!
Interesting topic, Panama. I don’t think something like that should be considered rude at all, at least to me. Women, especially the pretty ones, are so used to a man chatting them up, trying to spit game or just straight ask for her number within 30 seconds of trying to talk to her that when a man doesn’t ask her for her number, she should be surprised is a good way. I feel like a single woman over 27 is probably at a point in her life where she feels like that she doesn’t have to try to marry the first man that shows her any interest. She probably got her own, doing her own thing, and making herself happy. I don’t feel like you would be wasting her time unless she feels it is a waste of her time to talk her without getting her number or actively pursue her. I am one of those guys that can talk to a woman for hours and not throw a sexual innuendo in the conversation, not ask for her number and go about my business. Honestly, it’s less pressure plus I am close to my mom and my many sisters so talking to a woman is pretty much second nature to me. It’s honestly when I talk to a woman I am trying to pursue outside of a normal conversation that I turn into that nervous 14 year old kid that was 120 lb soaking wet. I have gotten better at talking to women since that time in my life. At least I think so.
@ComicBookGuy
“I feel like a single woman over 27 is probably at a point in her life where she feels like that she doesn’t have to try to marry the first man that shows her any interest. She probably got her own, doing her own thing, and making herself happy.”
I wish I could say that. She should be all these things at 27 but there is a high probability she isn’t.
“I am one of those guys that can talk to a woman for hours and not throw a sexual innuendo in the conversation, not ask for her number and go about my business.”
Cosign 100%. Women are surprised that I talk to them and not bring up sex. I’ve had women compliment me and gave me their number for not cutting into them about sex. I don’t get it. When I talk to women I’m talking to them as a person and not as a p***y. I don’t know how to talk to a human being with a brain any other way.
He said over 27, LOL, and as long as folk are working toward bettering themselves and situations, is there really an age limit to achievement? Takes some longer than others based on the terrain of their particular path and who really knows that but the LORD.
The journey ain’t over til its over
I definitely feel you on that. I am always a seeker of knowledge and personal advancement. I just used that number because Panama did.
@Orange Star Happy Hunting
I don’t think the journey is ever over….aren’t we all constantly evolving….(or should be,lol)?
the one in the flesh does end, LaBakir, thats what I meant by not being over til its over, not over til your last breath…..
@Orange Star Happy Hunting
*thumbs up*
I am one of those guys that can talk to a woman for hours and not throw a sexual innuendo in the conversation, not ask for her number and go about my business.
Admittedly, that’s one of the biggest turn ons and when I truly appreciate the company of the opposite sex the most. To be honest, I don’t come into contact with too many outright rude “I-wanna-hit dem-drawz” kind of approaches. Its almost as if I can spot the madness from across the room, down the aisle, etc….so I just try my best to avoid the slightest bit of eye contact. Most of the time the approach is pleasant…mature convo with hints of humor…whether they’re fishing for contact info or not.
Sometimes I believe this can be attributed to how you carry yourself as well.
Having a healthy sense of humor has pretty much been a win–win and its usually easier to turn down certain advances (i.e…can we keep in touch, meet for drinks, can I call you sometime? type of questions)…if I know that I’m not truly interested.
But yeah, like I said: the ones that can carry on a conversation and look me in the eyes without licking their lips and being such an extra-charmin’ muthafcuka are the most memorable and will get more consideration for future time spent than those who cannot seem to contain themselves.
Similar analogy and almost the way some of you men feel about a woman who’s more into your material possessions, how much you make, what you drive and job title….and who constantly places value on those things instead of who you are at the very core.
i don’t think it’s rude at all. in fact it’s the story of my life. i’m also a very sociable person. i smile at strangers and i’ll strike up a conversation with damn near anyone (male or female). i could see how a woman might think i was interested in her if i’ve been chopping it up with her. only in fairness she really can’t get mad if i never come right out and say that i’m interested. *shrug*
@Humble_One- yeah, you probably would’ve gotten my number.. juse because you didn’t mention chex…
i’ve never had this happen to me.. there’s AT LEAST an email exchanged..
there have been times where i’ve told said dude “if we meet again, then it was meant to be, and you’ll get it then..” (lame, i know.. but it works..)
i’m over 30.. and i go out not expecting that anyone is gonna wanna hit me up.. (i have a “vibe”) so if it happens.. and no number is exchanged.. then that’s fine..
HOWEVER, if i engaged you in conversation.. and it was stellar.. (cuz, come on, you were talkin to me) then please trust i’m thinking more about the conversation that the way the guy looked..
i think i’m just happy if there’s a conversation involved without the guy askin me my favorite position..
and he’ll be involved in the “end of night re-cap” that happens when i get back home… but that’s it..
I mean really…what’s worst….not asking for the number or having good conversation, being asked for the number and not being called? Focusing on little shyt like this will drive you start questioning yourself (why didn’t he call…did I say something last minute or did he ask just to be polite…did he lose the #, etc… or was he just not feeling my convo…did he just talk to me bcuz he was bored)…
Let it go-it is not that serious. Just take it for what it’s worth–you just had some good convo and keep it moving.
Is the regularly scheduled comments format back?! Whoot! *indoor sunglasses fist pump*
“Am I wrong?”
You’re wrong that I have any love for you whatsoever.
“Anyway, good people of the VSB, is it rude for a man to talk to a woman without any intention of getting her number?”
It’s not so much that you’re talking to a woman, it’s just how you talk. Bottom line, men know what they’re doing when they’re trying to smash (meaning, they intentionally communicate with a woman they want to bone a certain way), so why is it so confusing to decipher friendly chat with hardcore flirting? Because women take it differently than men. And not women in general. There is a wide range. Some women take ANY attention from a guy as flirting, while others know the difference.
Alls I can say is that you’ll never know someone else’s intentions because everyone communicates differently. That’s why it’s best to be direct. But only when the situation arises, I mean. Don’t come off the bat like, “Um, I gotta girlfriend but I’ll humor you for a few seconds”. I mean, try not to be overtly flirty when talking to a chick and if she deciphers it as something more than it is, then SHE was wasting her time, not you.
Same with guys. If I show you attention just because I’m trying to be friendly and you take it as more, that’s on you. I give men who I dig a certain look that I do NOT give to men I don’t dig. If I’m just chatting with you like I would that old lady down the hall (i.e. NOT gazing into your eyes too long, flirty touching, etc), then don’t take it as anything more. It ain’t my fault (did I do that) if your imagination is more creative than Levar Burton’s.
@Cheekie – “Am I wrong?”
You’re wrong that I have any love for you whatsoever.
now you KNOW you love me. stop frontin’.
Negative.
HAHA! Were you in me and my homegirls brains this weekend? We were just talking about this. Most times I don’t mind a convo with a random dude and I can walk away like that was cool. What I don’t like is when dude is all, “yeah me and my girlfriend.” And then wants to talk to me for another 30 minutes. NEXT! And what really grinds my gears is if you have the good convo, he asks for your number and then doesn’t call. Don’t do that. Let’s just part ways and live on the memories. So now I wanna tell dudes: if you ain’t, then don’t. Lol.
‘grinds my gears’ (picturing Peter Griffin right now) Loves It!!!
“What I don’t like is when dude is all, “yeah me and my girlfriend.”
This is when you exit stage left on ‘em.
For real. In fact, slide to the left. And do a cha cha.
LMAO! Y’all silly. Now I’ma be singing, “sllidddee to the left. Everybody clap your hands…” all day now. HA!
What I don’t like is when dude is all, “yeah me and my girlfriend.” And then wants to talk to me for another 30 minutes. NEXT!
Not sure if I get this right here…I mean, if dude says he has a girlfriend early on, then progresses to try to flirt and/or holla, that’s one thing…but if it’s just “yes, my woman and I were just talking about this last night….how do you feel about Kagan as the next potential chief justice”, then what’s the harm? It’s meaningful convo AND he let you know up front that he’s got someone (i.e., so he’s not pressed to flirt with you…just genuinely interested in your opinion). Does he still get get “nexted” on that basis?
DG, I’m wondering the same thing. Usually during a social conversation, my wife will come up because we do a lot of things together. I don’t do it on purpose – hell, I shouldn’t need to, I have a wedding band on.
“Does he still get get “nexted” on that basis?”
No…that’s a completely different thing.
It’s one thing if you’re talking and just having a convo, and JUST a convo, and your bring up your GF. It’s another thing, if you walked up on some straight flirty, skinning and grinning type isht, ya’ll talked for a minute (the whole you single, where you work?…etc questions) and then you wanna bring up ya chick like 15 minutes later. Now that will get you exited stage left.
Understand?
I got that, but I’m not sure if you and Rum Punch described the same situation. The way I read her comment, it’s like dude brought up his SO early, THEN wanted to carry on a 30 min. convo about whatever.
But yeah, I feel where u comin from tho….
Ah…I think Rum Punch and I may be talking bout two different situations…lol
I’m not quite awake yet.
HAHA! Yesss miss t-lee! Yesss! Thanks for clarifying. The best example I can think of is that Sex and the City episode when she first meets Berger and they’re all walking in the park, sharing fries, she invites him to an event, and he’s like, “oh yeah. My girlfriend’s parents are coming into town.” Excuse? Lol.
Idk. As an unattached woman I try to limit how much time I spend chatting with involved/married dudes. Cause somewhere in there after we’ve talked about Kagan and Lebron, eventually I’ma have to hear about family vacays, how the two of them met, and what she cooked for dinner last night. Heh.
I was a bit (make that a lot) confused as well… so now only single guys are eligible to talk to other people? Ay dios mio!
No, I think that miss t-lee pretty much summed things up. I didn’t give a lot of detail in my original comment. But I have had the ‘boom I have a gf’ experience when all I asked him was “how are you doing today?” whilst waiting on my drink at the bar. Like really dude?
Sula – sure I think that all kinds of people can talk to people. Lol. But what I interpreted in this post (and I think there’s some truth) is that after a certain age when women really start wanting marriage and baby carriages, and clocks are ticking, and such – that encounters with the opposite sex then have more weight. This is not to say that you should start envisioning a white dress and an aisle with every man that you meet. But I think that if you find yourself attracted to someone (because of the physical and the convo) and then he’s all, I’m married. I have a gf. I was just passing the time waiting on my “fake person.” (c) Will & Grace. I’m just a nice person and like to chat. Then it can be like well damn. Lol.
Am I wrong?
No, it isn’t rude. But so-called relationship guru’s, male and female, are telling women that a man speaking to you for that length of time is trying to holla. So, that doesn’t help. It also doesn’t help that as a woman you don’t assume anything and go with the flow and some dude acts as if you’re stupid because you didn’t catch his vibe to holla. Then all of a sudden the woman is missing the signals. You can’t win.
@legitimate_soul
“But so-called relationship guru’s, male and female, are telling women that a man speaking to you for that length of time is trying to holla.”
So Steve Harvey has been debunked again?
^ Not only him, homie. Poor information is effin’ the game up for everyone!
@legitimate_soul,
Poor information is effin’ the game up for everyone!
This isht right here^^^ ! Blind leading the blind has got lots of folks confused.
As for your previous comment, I will admit it often feels damn if you do, damn if you don’t…that’s why I stopped worrying about what the masses and other societal views and opinions had to say…
“If you don’t define yourself for yourself then you will be crushed into other’s fantasies of you and…(you all know the rest)
“that’s why I stopped worrying about what the masses and other societal views and opinions had to say…”
^Agreed! You gotta do what works for you.
Maybe its just me but I sit on edge when having small talk with a guy. But for the opposite reason. I live in Atlanta and most of the men you DON’T want to ask for your number. During the entire convo I’m saying to myself “I hope he’s just being friendly”. So when most men walking away I’m breathing a sigh of relief. Its actually a breath of fresh air to have a decent conversation with a man that’s not trying to get my “draws”.
Fab,
Co-sign.
@Fabulously Me
c/s It is very refreshing indeed.
As one who is in a committed and stable relationship, I find conversation entertaining. H#ll, I would even consider it a hobby of mine.
I truly enjoy conversing and interacting with others on an intellectual, current events, philosophical or even bullsht @ss conversations. I just sat at the bar at TGI Fridays on Camp Creek Friday evening and shot the sht with three dudes just for the fun of it. In fact, I was talking to them about the fact that TheDude had requested that I purchase a new pair of stilettos for the evening. And that took us into a conversation about keeping things fresh in a relationship.
IDK – maybe I’m just a different kind of chick.
Yeah…I don’t even know what to do with this post today. I don’t have feelings one way or another. Most of the time I would rather you miss me with the BS. Holleration or otherwise.
1) I like the Eminem, “Renegade,” reference at the end.
2) No, it’s not rude.
3) It’s just a conversation. You don’t owe anyone anything unless your name is Nasir Jones.
First comment. Welcome!
I just find it to be ironic. Women that are too easy make it hard for women with substance.
Now, women have been taught that once you get over a certain age, most men don’t want to just be your friend. Now everyone is upset when a woman assumes a man just wants to have sex with her. It is confusing.
I, personally, love the conversations with my platonic man friends. It is a shame that women and men cannot meet and just be friends. I love to meet people to support their business or cause and possibly have them over for game night (lame but don’t judge me lol).
I don’t assume anything anymore. However, it is hard to take someone for face value because of those that posses the gift of gab. Great posts guys!
@Carmie7373, did you welcome YOURSELF?? lol. that’s funny.
but welcome and sh*t.
Really? People go around assuming folks want to get with them because they talked about the Tea party movement? GOOHWTBS. Like Shay-d-lady said, grown-ups should be able to exchange niceties and make small talk without one projecting horizontal sessions or walks down the aisle…
My rule of thumb since I was a tween has been and remains: If he didn’t holla he ain’t trying to holla. Forget about trying to put together Blue Clues, read chicken bones, and check for smoke signals. To converse and just meet folks out and have a pleasant conversation is a beautiful thing. In many cases it builds your game and teaches you more about the opposite sex as you move forward. Plus, I appreciate nice people and chivalry.
“he didn’t holla he ain’t trying to holla.”
yeah…it’s really not that hard…lol
I’m thinking this is all payback to women for high school. Seriously.
Not saying there is anything wrong with being 27 and single or whatever, but those dudes you can have a convo with at that age were more than likely the same dudes you used to walk ALL over in High School.
Remember the scene in “Love Potion #9″ whenre Teat Donovan (no that was NOT a typo) decided to get back at the super-hot chick by leaving her high and dry, or wet, as it were?
Perhaps your chickens have come home to roost.
I’m just sayin. We got better with age, and hold the fadjsz outta grudges. If only subconsciously. We’re still nice people. Really.
I keep saying we. I am not condoning this behavior. Be clear.
See I’m like the opposite. If I’m at some sort of social function and a guy starts talking to me.. I feel like I don’t want to waste HIS time… Just like Chris Rock said, every time a guy’s being nice to you, he’s offering D*CK.. (“Can I help you with that?” = “How bout some d*ck”)
Therefore, I don’t even assume a guys just talking to me just for sh*ts and giggles, especially not once the convo goes over 5 or so minutes. . And since I have a bf, I’d rather tell them that as early on in the convo as possible so they don’t get their hopes up only to be crestfallen that they wasted precious time and opportunity chatting me up..
Dont you men feel some sort of way when you are interested in a girl and sit there chatting it up for 20-30 min and THEN she decides to say something like “Oh that’s so funny, my BOYFRIEND says the same thing all the time!!”
@BKS – This line – (“Can I help you with that?” = “How bout some d*ck”) – reminded me of a conversation that I had with my boyfriend this week.
Backstory – I am an admittedly oversexed, high libido having chick. I am always telling my dude I want sex.
This weekend, I said to him, when I send you a text that says, “I miss my boyfriend.” That is code for “I wanna fck.” and if I send you a text that says, “Good morning. I hope you have a great day.” that is code for “Don’t work too hard today because I don’t want you so tired that you don’t wanna come home and fck.”
(giving myself the side eye….lol)
This is just a single person problem – man or woman.
People in relationships are for the most part oblivious that other people may have an interest in them. So, they are fine carrying on a conversation because they find the conversation interesting, and not necessarily the person.
The non-single person in the mix will tend to feel like their time has been wasted, because they assume that everyone is in on the “I’m only here talking to people I want to date/bone/bbq” tip and thus if someone spent more than 2 minutes chatting with them w/o at least dropping the “and my gf said this . . .” or “yeah, my bf bought me those shoes you complimented me on”, then you are deliberately wasting their time.
My advice – when in semi ambiguous situations (ones where it may not make sense to assume that just about everyone is single), when you approach with an observational opener (“wow, you are really rocking that dress”), throw in (“your bf must be jealous that guys will be hitting on you all night”).
That forces someone to respond with:
1. Whether or not they have a SO
2. Whether or not they are open to YOU hitting on them.
Believe me, “Nah, I don’t have a bf but I’m not here to chat with dudes” really means “No, I don’t have a bf but I’m not interested in you. Step away before I bust out the pepper spray”.
@kamakula, People in relationships are for the most part oblivious that other people may have an interest in them.
yeah, i think you’re wrong there bub. just b/c its goes unacknowledged doesn’t mean you have no idea if somebody is interested. if i’m in a relationship and a woman walks up to me batting her eyes and touching my arm and stuff, i know she’s interested. i just chose to throw a drink at her and run away yelling “FIRE” to avoid the problem. but i know. yes, even a 3 like myself knows.
and women know b/c they assume all men want to bone. and 98 percent of the time they’re right.
See, you say this, but you are wrong. In fact, you may be making my point. For you to tell she’s interested in you, she needs to make is pretty damn obvious.
If the woman isn’t taking off her panties and throwing them at you, after writing her number on them, while you watched, you’d think she was just being nice. It has to be loud and in your face.
For her, just looking at you, smiling a little, and actually saying hello might be all the signs she feels are enough. Because she is single and you are not. Just like beer and drought goggles, there are relationship goggles as well.
@kamakula, that just sounds like plausible deniability to me. so good job.
LOL, excellent points!
I should have refreshed – I meant kamakula had excellent points, lol
& Panama, a woman can be interested in you without making it obvious – she could speak in a normal tone, make no physical contact or flirty eyes & still be thinking, “yea, he could get it.” As a shy girl who’s never been great @ flirting, I know. Hence, my single state – woowoowoo…
I have no problem with a dude chatting me up without asking for my number. If its for a extended period of time, it makes me feel like I am contributing jewels to good conversating; which is a huge plus (a nice change from the guys who seem like they are picturing me naked as they talk to me) lol! I do have to admit, I sometimes feels weird when a guy has been talking to me for a while (giving me compliments on the way I look) and he is wearing a wedding ring. (eek!)
I limit chats with married chaps…LOL
@Orange Star Happy Hunting
Yeah, you right! I try to give them the benefit and say, “oh, its just an innocent compliment” (which it very well may be). But I still feel weird.
**Doing the happy dance**
I can actually get to the site today! Yaaayyyy!!!
As for the post, insert blank stare.
So people don’t know how to hold normal conversations without feeling like someone should hit on them?! Forreal?!
Who would’ve thunk! Learn something new everyday
and glad I don’t know these type of people in real life.glad I don’t know these type of people in real life .
Ya feel me? Lol!
Well, for the most part, yes.
What reason do I have to talk to a non family member or friend in a situation that wasn’t work or school related for a nontrivial purpose?
I have friends and family if I want to have a conversation that goes nowhere. Therefore, most of the time, if we are talking, it is so that I can get something. Whether it is your number, an inside connection, or some other advantage, believe me there is an ulterior motive besides innocent chatter.
I kinda live as if there is no value in small talk. All talk should have purpose. If not, then I tend to keep my mouth shut. So you can imagine what things are like with me at a party
I think that’s fair but that doesn’t describe everybody’s experience (think extrovert vs. introvert)… I am a social butterfly aka I talk for sports and giggles. Lol. I can have interesting conversations with (equally interesting) strangers with the only purpose of engaging one another. We might not even exchange names.
Are we as a society so focused on end results that we actually forego processes? Idk about you, but that sounds scary to me.
@Sula,
“I talk for sports and giggles.”
>>>here<<<
I’d like to thank Liz, Panama , or whoever changed the comments back to the old style. Although scrolling the page is long I don’t mind it because it is easy to follow the comments.
I second that. Thanks!
Yes…yes…and yes. I wanted to express my gratitude sooner, but thought as soon as I opened my mouth….Bam!
And I’m thinking: Aww isht, there goes that “previous comments” tab again. Now which way do I go….which way do I go…..
Not to say you all did it for anyone’s benefit in particular, but I do thank ya. “Preciate it.
” I’ve been debated, disputed, hated and viewed in America ”
Finally, after years of reading I know one of your obscure music quotes! I feel so damn hip! That was my anthem in high school too. I thought I was Em, a little m’er e’fing renegade!
Meanwhile, P, I didn’t congratulate you on so adequately using one of my fave lines in all of hip-hop dom. Long live L-Boogie!
Aight so Panama has been hanging around in my head or on the walls of my soul. I have decided to kill all opposite cecks platonitian. Ever since that nightmare I had this weekend when I had to tell this one chick that I wasn’t interested in getting w/ her. See I bet I too have been known to obfuscate plenty of women who thought they were being lined up for the cecksie time inveigle. hm. Is it my fault flirting and meeting new people brightens my day? NO! Hearing their lives stories and lessons and stuff is fun sometimes. uh & dog on it! It takes two to tango. Don’t act like yall ain’t fun women…
Yo i love doing this move. I call it the Kansas City Shuffle. Especially if its a girl that you know your going to see again. Makes you look like mac-of-the-year (no huggybear)
Three weeks ago, I meet a cute girl on the elevator in my office building and we exchanged smiles. The next day I approached the table where she was sitting eating lunch, sat dawn and chatted with her, made her smile then left abruptly. Needless to say, last Friday she asked me to Happy Hour. HA!
Nothing wrong with a little conversation with the opposite sex. However, Tall men with short legs = crimes against humanity. I’d rather date a dude in a wheelchair.
But just as a reminder, from the second a chick develops T&A til post college, 10 out of 10 conversations are to get #’s. It takes some women longer than others to decipher intent during conversation.
Back to the beach, b*itches. I had *food poisoning* over the weekend, couldn’t make it in to work
You know, I find it funny when I notice a new topic has been posted with new graphics, pics and such…I actually try to determine what the topic is probably about and find that I’m (often) wrong. Because when I saw the glass of “spilt” (spilled) milk on the table…I thought the topic would possibly be related to “Momma says: there’s no use in crying over spilled milk”.
But as I looked closer, I realized – that “ain’t no” (yes, ain’t no) MILK?!
Random question:
Who took the picture of a glass of what seems to be a coat of spilled eggshell white paint on the table?…or is it whiteout? Milk of magnesia doesn’t even coat the bottom of an empty glass so well.
What is it anyway, because it can’t possibly be digestible or even edible for that matter.
…and yes, I can be inquisitive at times. So what it is? LoL
@Ms. Butta’sWorth,
Stock Photogrpahy uses cheats just like the movies do. They may have ethical reasons for wasting perfectly good milk with so many people hungry, so they may have used a watery paste solution for visual appeal and to do a cripser white color contrast. There are jobs with food styling and stuff in which lot’s of “cheats” are used to make things look more edible and visually appealing or the contrary. In photography (which I’m sure you know) you got “it is what it is” reality, and “it is what I manipulate it to be” because I want the shot to do x,y, and z. We won’t even get on airbrushed photos. I hope that helps.
@legitimate_soul,
but……what is it? I’m kidding…I’m kidding…
And yes that did help, because I figured whatever it was and whomever took the pic, they were going for the most natural effect possible…as with all things Hollywood.
Just me being silly… Gracias!
@ Ms. Butta’sWorth
but……what is it?
I thought that was so funny when I read. Sound like a nagging curious child. LOL
@Sasi Quaia,
See, you got it…LOL. Because that was the desired effect. Hell, I cracked up at myself there for a moment.
When I’m approached by a man, most times considering how, I automatically assume that he wants my#. So when that doesn’t happen, I am left confused but I do realize that it’s not gonna happen all the time. Also, I like good conversation with the opposite sex and am appreciative while confused. I still don’t feel like my time has been wasted though I may jokingly say it.
So I have a question:
Am I allowed to voice my opinion on the issue even though I’m only a 20 yr old woman? I mean I don’t think the age difference matters but then again…I’m only 20
If the answer is yes:
I don’t think a man holding an extended conversation with a woman and not tryna hit or get the digits is a crime. I don’t think it wastes time at all.
Its funny that you think this is only a women to men thing Panama cause I swear I’ve caught hell a good number of times for holding a conversation with a guy and then telling him I’m in a relationship when he asks me out on a date. Like I HAVE to wanna jump a ninja’s stuff because I’m talking to him…
I mean as a woman, I have to admit, we are mixed up as fu(k sometimes. I say that cause I was just about to suggest that you just work the fact that you have a significant other into the beginning of the convo so she’ll know what she’s getting into (or rather not about to get into…or onto for that matter) right off.
BUT
Then you’d probably catch sh@t for automatically assuming that she wants to get it (even though that’s probably the truth) and told “I didn’t ask you that!”
Yeah we women are….something else lol
But if the answer to my initial question is no:
Well, um….nvm
I don’t think it’s rude at all. I enjoy conversing with men on a platonic level. I don’t consider it a waste of time, I find it refreshing actually, probably because it’s so rare. It’s nice to be chatted up by someone who is interested and who you may be interested in but often times we are bombarded with “conversation with the intent to smash” and it gets sickening, even for some single women.
If it turns out he is interested and waits to ask for my number at a later date after a few more random conversations then I’m impressed by the fact that he’s taking his time and is not just pressed to smash asap
If it turns out he has an s/o or wife then it gives me hope that not all guys are lousy cheating bastards, like I actually had a convo with a man who is attached and his intention wasn’t to cheat on his girl/wife – that is refreshing
A no pressure agenda free convo is fine by me…
I don’t think it’s rude at all. I enjoy conversing with men on a platonic level. I don’t consider it a waste of time, I find it refreshing actually, probably because it’s so rare. It’s nice to be chatted up by someone who is interested and who you may be interested in but often times we are bombarded with “conversation with the intent to smash” and it gets sickening, even for some single women.
If it turns out he is interested and waits to ask for my number at a later date after a few more random conversations then I’m impressed by the fact that he’s taking his time and is not just pressed to smash asap
If it turns out he has an s/o or wife then it gives me hope that not all guys are lousy cheating b@st@rds, like I actually had a convo with a man who is attached and his intention wasn’t to cheat on his girl/wife – that is refreshing
A no pressure agenda free convo is fine by me…
Waste of time indeed. I’m a friendly person myself but as a woman, I’m on the prowl even when I don’t think I am. Love is a priority and until we find our champ- we will keep taking applications.
I wish I would of seen this sooner! But I’m still going to put my 2 cents in. Personally I don’t think random talking wastes my time. If we have a great conversation then I’ll get a little confused on why there were no digit exchanging but I’ll forget about it in about half hour, tops. I’d like someone to tell me if this is a good way to go about the “digit game”. If a guy just gives me there number I’ll rarely ever call. I feel like it disrupts the normal balance of guys doing the chasing. If I call then obv they are gonna know I’m into them. If the guy gives me his number and makes me call his phone so he has mine right away or vice versa then there’s more of a chance I’ll call first. And obviously if they just get mine that’s all on them. Plus I rarely ever just give my number out. I figure if they want it then they’d ask.
FireFly_Sky, I just hope that you don’t miss out on a guy of your dreams because you’ll rarely ever call the number they give
The only time a guy has approached me and not gotten my number is when it’s an older man, and he just realized how old I am. I’m 22 going on 35 with a 17 year old face so I tend to throw people off. That and when I make it very obvious that I’m not interested, they end up walking away with their tail between their legs. Otherwise, everyone who approaches is trynna bag. Not sure if I has to do with my youth or stunning gorgeousness.