Theory & Essay

wanted: black marriage public relations specialist

***whether its dating advice, wisdom, levity, or orgasms, we at verysmartbrothas.com will provide any service necessary to keep the peace and help to create a happier populace. with this, as well as the unstable economy in mind, we realize that luvvie and ms. sula can’t be prostitutes forever so we’ve decided to alert you to relevant job postings as well.

here’s one i found on craigslist this weekend.***

wanted:

black marriage public relations specialist

job description:

smartbroinc, a newly developed and uncommonly sexxy non-profit is searching for an extremely skillful pr person to lead their “marriage and sh*t is a good thing…really. no, seriously. no bullsh*t. word is bond” urban campaign, an attempt to reverse the increasingly negative and pessimistic sentiment held towards marriage and monogamy in the black community

job duties:

**successfully convince the 7 to 35 year old black population that marriage is a viable, positive, relevant, and essential institution.

**create and communicate detailed analysis of pro-marriage factual data, including (but not limited to) information about how married people and children generated by married couples are generally happier, healthier, wealthier, and less likely to stab your sister in the forehead with a kitchen knife because of a man than the general populace

**effectively explain exactly why the overwhelming prevalence of single-parent families, not racism, poverty, lack of quality education, gentrification, or kim kardashian is the single most pressing issue facing the black community today.

**find, synthesize, and communicate historical data that shows how successful marriages, and the dual incomes potentially generated by each household, have been a key ingredient in the ascension of every prominent racial and cultural community on earth in the past half dozen or so centuries.

**if questioned and challenged on the importance and/or historical relevancy of marriage, be equipped to explain each of the following points of information:

1.  throughout history, slave-traders and slave-masters intentionally separated married couples because they understood that this was the most vital step when attempting to completely breakdown a community

2.  up until 900 or so years ago, catholic priests were allowed to marry and have children. the vatican eventually disallowed this practice, though, when realizing that their vast wealth would eventually dwindle when the money and properties amassed by individual priests were passed on to their wives and children. even then, powerful and intelligent people knew that the best way for people to get and stay wealthy was through marriage.

**successfully debunk young blacks who use the 50 percent marriage failure rate as their sole argument against marriage by pointing out its inherent faultiness. (possible retort: “well, if you believe so strongly in statistics, why did you even bother going to college if only 23 percent of us have college degrees?.”)

**successfully debunk young blacks who use the laughably faulty and inane “monogamy is unnatural. no other animals practice it” argument as their case against marriage, by showing how truly idiotic it is to compare a rational and reasoning human being with a cheetah or chipmunk

if interested, please contact the champ at contact@verysmartbrothas.com.

hmmm. sounds interesting. any takers?

—the champ



Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • jana.love

    the fact that single moms STILL don’t have it better in 2008 compared to in the 1960s [aka, strugglin just as hard] makes me want to work it out in my marriage and also figure out why they gotta make it so hard!!

    where do i apply?

    • http://keepittrill.blogspot.com/ Kit (Keep It Trill)

      Marriage ain’t on my New Year’s resolutions, as that would be silly, although I’ve had one friend successfully do it.

      That being said, one of my resolutions is to be first on VSB…

      heh-heh

      • RedBeanzNRice

        @Kit (Keep It Trill),
        “That being said, one of my resolutions is to be first on VSB”

        Oh, you can do it girl! It takes a minute cause you gotta get past Kamakula and Luvvie – but it CAN be done. (speaking as one who successfully did it, lol) I recommend a blog repellent cloak and an unsheathed dagger.

        (late 70′s and early 80′s babies know about “cloak & dagger”, lol)

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @RedBeanzNRice,

          (late 70’s and early 80’s babies know about “cloak & dagger”, lol)

          who could ever forget the great dabney coleman?

        • Humble_One

          @RedBeanzNRice,

          I thought I was the only one that remembered that movie. I loved the SR-71.

        • miss t-lee

          @RedBeanzNRice,
          (late 70’s and early 80’s babies know about “cloak & dagger”, lol)

          Dayum!!! I haven’t seen that ish in years!

  • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

    Champ, why must you come at my head? (Maybe it’s because no one is coming at urs??? ZING!!!) Ol’ eggheaded Humpty self. Your great fall is LOOMING. Besides, my eBoyshorts are only for my eBoo, Kula.

    • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

      @Luvvie,

      lmao! zing, indeed!!

    • RedBeanzNRice

      @Luvvie,
      “Ol’ eggheaded Humpty self”

      Ok Luvvie. You KNOW I luh you and sh*t, but you can’t be talkin faulty bout Champ’s big ass egg head like that. Yeah, it’s big, but it’s TANTALIZING and sh*t. Aside from that, it’s CHOCOLATE! You know how us girls need that chocolate on the monthly basis. Shew, I’d give my right eye for some chocolate during that “time” of the month. Yep, I went there.

      • Dat Chick

        @RedBeanzNRice,
        LOL funny stuff…
        but Champ that was wrong.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @RedBeanzNRice,

        so, when i send you your payment, would you like a lump sum or a series of checks?

        • RedBeanzNRice

          @The Champ,
          “so, when i send you your payment, would you like a lump sum or a series of checks?”

          No payment is required, just keep being you – that’s all the payment I need…a lump sum will be fine.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Luvvie,

      Besides, my eBoyshorts are only for my eBoo, Kula.

      edeez

      • Hershey

        @The Champ,

        edeez!!!LMBAO

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Hershey,

          welcome and sh*t

          • the P the E the Y the S the O

            @The Champ, do u keep a runnign talley of who comments? or is it done automatically or sumthin?

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @the P the E the Y the S the O,

              like roxy reynolds, its done in my head and sh*t.

              • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

                @The Champ,

                Of course it’s done in your head. That expansive space must be good for something. Wide open spaces looking head

  • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

    What he say about Luvvie?? Oh no…I saw it. Dayum a strikethrough. I am not above going in my purse for something dangerous!!

    As for the rest of this post, my position as VSB Cat Lady prohibits me from weighing in on either side of the great marriage debate.

    • Ivy St.

      @PBG, LOL! I’m a cat lady too at the tender age of 24…

      • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

        @Ivy St.,
        Okay now the Monkey moniker was a bit more obscure, but now cats!!?!!?!! You better go get you some 28 year old lovin for Christmas n the rest o yo life.

        • Ivy St.

          @WuDaMan, I’m working on it! 28yr old lovin? What can a 28rd old do with a 24yr old but sweat and pant? Keep up please!

          *PS I only have two cats*

          • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

            @Ivy St.,
            Do the monkeys know about the cats? I’m sure that takes a lot of you to care for two cats. The kitty litter commercials lead me to believe this is true. And if you think a 28 year old is too tired for you then get you some 20 year old. Don’t be scared test yourself. Can you hang?

            • Ivy St.

              @WuDaMan, “then get you some 20 year old. Don’t be scared test yourself. Can you hang?”

              LMAO! I don’t think I’ll take the test that far though I might really want to. Under 21 is NOT cool.

              I didn’t tell the monkeys about the cats. They don’t like to share with other species.
              Taking care of two cats is simple: leave bottle caps around for them to play with, feed them low fiber food (high fiber causes them to use the litter A LOT), and make sure they have water (cats are quick to cough up “stuff”). If you want to try out the cats, i can drop them off sometime. :)

              • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

                @Ivy St.,
                OH HEEEECKS NAW! I don’t need no cats other than me runnin round my apt. But *putting on crossroads for my fallen b!tch* I perfer dogs for pets. And why do I have a theory that cats are more represenative of men and dogs women? (based on certain terms some are bad)

              • Gem of the San DiegOcean

                Under 21 is NOT cool.

                mmm hmm exactly what i tried to tell you!!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @PBG,

      I am not above going in my purse for something dangerous!!

      is this a threat??

      • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

        @The Champ,

        No, a promise.
        Don’t be scared…be prepared.

        Oh yeah…threat DEEZ.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @PBG,

          lol…what you and your infinitesimal fists gonna do? punch my nostril? beat me at thumb wrestling? pop a pimple?

          • 8th Wonder

            LOL, I can’t.

          • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Ms. Sula actually working today…go figure!

            @The Champ,

            Not pop a pimple!! :D

  • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

    i am hardly qualified for this position, as ive never witnessed a successful black marriage and am not entirely sure i can make one happen for myself.

    • RedBeanzNRice

      @shatani,

      My gramma and grandpa’s marriage lasted 54 years; since I was raised by them, I’m prone to making it work. But a SUCCESSFUL marriage is a horse of another color. Out of 54 years (God rest both of their souls) of marriage, I don’t know what would classify as “successful”.

      Was it the fact that they stayed married so long, (even though it was a rocky marriage) or was it the fact that they raised 5 kids plus 3 grandkids together without separating?

      Your comment begs the question of what really IS a successful marriage.

      • the P the E the Y the S the O

        @RedBeanzNRice, nobody knows……

        • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

          @the P the E the Y the S the O,
          It’s Peyso (hold up) It’s Peysoooo

          I couldn’t help myself. lol

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @RedBeanzNRice,

        Your comment begs the question of what really IS a successful marriage.

        i guess “successful” is relative, but imo, it means healthy, positive, and mutually beneficial

        • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

          @The Champ,

          sort of a win win win. One for each party involved and one for the people who bear it’s wittness. @ least at some point or so.

      • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Relax, Relate, Alise

        @RedBeanzNRice,

        Yeah, marriages form back in the day lasted, but sure weren’t neccesarily successful, because my grandparents have been together ovr 50 years, and my Uncle Reggie shole ain’t my grandma’s child… side-eye to grandpa….

        • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

          @Relax, Relate, Alise,

          “my Uncle Reggie shole ain’t my grandma’s child… side-eye to grandpa….”

          D.E.A.D.

        • RedBeanzNRice

          @Relax, Relate, Alise,
          “my Uncle Reggie shole ain’t my grandma’s child… side-eye to grandpa….”

          You know you wrong for that one, lmao!

          • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Relax, Relate, Alise

            @RedBeanzNRice,

            I am being for real, my grandaddy brought that child home from the mama who didn’t want him and my grandma raised him….

            • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

              @Relax, Relate, Alise,

              But did he look like granpa though?

              • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Relax, Relate, Alise

                @Dom,

                Spitting image, look like my daddy and all my uncles too… dont need maury for that one…

  • http://graywords1000@yahoo.com Dorian G.

    I have a question for the interviewer…

    Using the logic that “powerful and intelligent people knew that the best way for people to get and stay wealthy was through marriage”, please explain to me right today what the economic, social, and moral benefit is of marriage, over the many alternatives?

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      @Dorian G., What are the alternatives?

    • Lil’T Got Work To Do

      @Dorian G.,

      Economic – are you so caked up that an extra income wouldn’t make a difference to you? Daaang, bruh – let me holla at you for a minute, then…..

      Social – I know my social calendar has slowed as I’ve gotten older and my “fun money” has magically morphed into “bill money”. Having someone to cuddle up with during the long winter is a bonus. Again, if you’re all good and still happy to party every weekend, this may not be relevent to you.

      Moral – I can’t speak on a moral boon for married people – they can be just as trife as the singles. Point to Dorian.

      So there is my semi-old person list of why marriage is looking better and better. That’s all I can think of off the top of my head – and p.s. D-dawg, what are your alternatives? Living together? Single for life? Pimpin’?

      • http://graywords1000@yahoo.com Dorian G.

        @Lil’T Got Work To Do,
        Economic – are you so caked up that an extra income wouldn’t make a difference to you? ——–No extra income is always nice. But why do i have to get married to enjoy extra income from a partner?

        Social – Having someone to cuddle up with during the long winter is a bonus.——-I agree. Again why is marriage the way to go about this? You know whats better than having a person to cuddle up with in the winter? Having multiple people to cuddle up with in the winter.

        As for alternatives, the obvious one is just not getting married, there’s also living single and trying to build wealth that way, and of course you can always enter a legally binding situation with another individual like an LLC or a Corp and then detailing exactly what you want the relationship to entail financially.

        • 8th Wonder

          “You know whats better than having a person to cuddle up with in the winter? Having multiple people to cuddle up with in the winter.”

          Go sit down.

        • Lil’T Got Work To Do

          @Dorian G.,

          But why do i have to get married to enjoy extra income from a partner? —

          Ok, we call that pimpin’ where I come from. NTTAWWT, lol. And you know you have to brave the cold to find the several people you want to cuddle with this winter, unless you paid extra for booty delivery.

          But – do you really think forming a small company with your SO is somehow LESS work than just getting married? Methinks not, young whippasnappa. I think you may change your mind when you meet the right one.

        • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

          @Dorian G.,

          “Having multiple people to cuddle up with in the winter.”

          You are nasty.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Dorian G.,

      please explain to me right today what the economic, social, and moral benefit is of marriage, over the many alternatives?

      1. compared to married people, the nonmarried have higher rates of mortality than the married: about 50% higher among women and 250% higher among men.”

      2. married men earn 10-40% more income than single or cohabitating men

      3. 40% of married people say they are very happy with their life in general, compared with less than 25% of single or cohabitating individuals

      you can also check here…

      http://www.acf.hhs.gov/healthymarriage/benefits/index.html

      …if you need more data

      • WestIndianArchie

        @The Champ,

        “2. married men earn 10-40% more income than single or cohabitating men”

        What they don’t tell you is how little of that extra money the man actually sees.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @WestIndianArchie,

          touche

      • docdj23

        @The Champ,
        76-84% of single or cohabitating men say that they still get a joy out of sex where as married men remember sex like slaves remember days off, far and few inbetween the nonoff days. (made up stat but still close enough to the truth for someone to believe it)

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @docdj23,

          good sh*t. i’m a big fan of fabricated stats that seem like they can be true, except they arent.

        • temps

          @docdj23, well you dont get paid everyday (in taht you dont get that days wages in hand) at your job but you show up? If you think sex is the majority of a marriage issues then you shouldnt get married or even think about it and why be in a committed relationship anyway?…and who sayin the sex the single ppl having is good? (esp when your early 20′s)..when you are young you are somewhat more selfish this means in the bed too.

          A lot of “no foreplay” sex being had for those under 30. IMO thats bad sex.

          Now I aint saying marriage is “official” and cant be questioned however single life is in the same boat too.

      • http://graywords1000@yahoo.com Dorian G.

        @The Champ,

        I know this is mad late so nobody is gonna read it.

        But does statistics are inherently flawed. Before I go any further I think its safe to say that in our culture, generally a married man is A. most likely gainfully employed, B. most likely sought after, C. most likely old enough to take care of a family.

        Those three things alone skews the stats so that married men would, live longer, earn more…etc.

        Put another way, of the US prison population 90% of inmates are men, and 65% of those men are black. Therefore statistics tell us that the best chance of not being a criminal, is by being a white woman, but I’m sure most people would beg to disagree with that. We all know the underlying reasons behind the statistics, and we then know that the best chance of not being a criminal is to have money.

        I think its the same thing with those statistics on happiness and marriage.

    • SouthernCharm

      @Dorian G.,

      Economic – See Guy Ritchie, Kevin Federline, etc. You also get tax benefits.

      Social – companionship. support. encouragement. pooling resources & talents. etc.

      Moral – not sure what your faith is, but i’m sure most religious texts consider marriage a moral institution. of course if you don’t believe in marriage then it negates any of that.

      as for your alternatives… marriage is a legally binding situation. detailing what you want the relationship to entail finanically is a pre-nup.

  • http://www.jarrodhalsey.com Jarrod Halsey

    Question for the interviewer. It is true that all the stats show that married people live generally better lives than unmarried people. My guess is that life-long coupling (NOT the specific institution of marriage) is the main ingredient that enriches these people’s lives. So what I mean to ask is why is marriage the only viable option to pledging your life to another person? Society offers options in pretty much every other important life event, so why not this one?

    Thanks,
    JH

    • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

      @Jarrod Halsey,

      Ask the gays!!

      • Gem of the San DiegOcean

        NOT “the gays”!!! lmao… or as i’ve been saying around my parental unit’s house full of small children “the h-o-m-o-s”

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      @Jarrod Halsey, but if you are pledging your life to each other why wouldnt you? why would you not want to marry both your hearts and your wealth or (lack thereof) why not take it to the next level? I mean for the insurance and tax breaks alone but let alone the fact that you know your (or should know) better than anyone else? would you want their mother to barge in and take your children or your house or determine funeral arrangements? I just dont get that if you are going to commit heart and soul whats wrong with taking it that extra step?

      • http://www.jarrodhalsey.com Jarrod Halsey

        @Shay-d-lady,

        That wasn’t my question. I didn’t ask “Why would I get married?” I asked “Why is marriage the only way to cement a life long coupling?” More specifically, why aren’t there any other ways to pledge your life to one person? While I’m all for life-long coupling, I don’t like to be controlled. Marriage being the only way to seriously commit yourself to one person (regardless of the benefits) makes me uncomfortable.

        • Gem of the San DiegOcean

          i think there are plenty of ways to “pledge your life” to one person. that on you* and your* partner. that’s yalls* business. it’s just not govt’ly sanctioned. and if you* want it so, write your congressman.

          *global sense of “you”

        • RedBeanzNRice

          @Jarrod Halsey,
          “I asked “Why is marriage the only way to cement a life long coupling?”

          Marriage isn’t the only way to cement a lifelong coupling; it’s just the only LEGAL way to do it. You can “cement” a lifelong coupling (between man and woman) but it’s only recognized as “shacking up”, except in states that constitute living together past 5 years as “common law” marriage. With same sex relationships, that logic is thrown to the wayside.

          So again, it’s only considered “cement” if it’s LEGAL.

          • http://graywords1000@yahoo.com Dorian G.

            @RedBeanzNRice,

            But that’s just not true. And marriage isn’t even THAT legally bounding, good lawyers work their way around marriage licenses all the time.

            If you’re going to argue the legal ramifications, including taxes and insurance I would counter that there are other, better ways of doing that besides a marriage.

            • the P the E the Y the S the O

              @Dorian G., argue them then

              • Gem of the San DiegOcean

                that’s what i’m waiting for. some good rhetoric, a well constructed and supported argument on these “other, better ways of doing that besides a marriage”.

            • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/ Deviant

              @Dorian G.,
              you raise some good points

            • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

              @Dorian G.,

              Sounds like you’ve been researching how to bullshyt your way through a committed relationship.

              Kudos, good sir.

              • 8th Wonder

                *shots fired*

            • RedBeanzNRice

              @Dorian G.,
              “But that’s just not true. ”

              So what exactly about my comment is just not true? Please, expound and sh*t.

          • Ivy St.

            @RedBeanzNRice,
            I agree with you RedBeanz. Marriage is a legal relationship that allows for the rest of the world (people outside of friends and family) to recognize that you and the person you are “shacking up” with are committed. It should prevent others from seeking a relationship with you as it shows you have committed to this person. YES, there are still immoral people out there who will try and ruin a marriage but that is another story. Look at marriag as a higher level of changing your facebook status from single to in a relationship.

            • RedBeanzNRice

              @Ivy St.,
              “Marriage is a legal relationship that allows for the rest of the world (people outside of friends and family) to recognize that you and the person you are “shacking up” with are committed.”

              Exactly.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Jarrod Halsey,

          Marriage being the only way to seriously commit yourself to one person (regardless of the benefits) makes me uncomfortable.

          well, if marriage isn’t your cup of commitment tea, what alternative(s) would you propose?

          • http://www.jarrodhalsey.com Jarrod Halsey

            @The Champ,
            Well there in lies the problem. I don’t know of any alternatives. But usually when I have a problem that I don’t know a solution to, I can research smarter people than I who have come up with the solutions to my problem. Not with marriage. This is where my discomfort comes in. Honestly, if there were other options, I’d probably still choose marriage. But the simple fact that no alternatives exist is one of the fundamental aspects of control/oppression. No one wants to be controlled.

            And why is Dorian getting attacked? It seems like whenever people don’t want to get married, everyone else tries to make it seem like that person is wrong and its their job to convince them to get to the right answer. Another aspect of control. Marriage is looked at as the “right” answer and since no alternatives exist, anyone who doesn’t want to get married is “wrong.”

            Wtf people?

            • SouthernCharm

              @Jarrod Halsey,

              if you’re worried about control, then that’s where pre-nups come in. i’m sure nobody wants to be controlled. but your argument makes no sense. if that’s the case, what are the point of living wills? i don’t want anyone controlling what i have worked hard for after i’m done, so i’m taking it all with me in the pine box. really? if you have a problem giving up control, then you may have control & trust issues yourself. not getting on you or dorian g… i just think we over-analyze things sometimes when it’s really just simple. you don’t want to get married? cool. don’t do it.

              • http://www.jarrodhalsey.com Jarrod Halsey

                @SouthernCharm,
                Yo are you serious? What argument did I make? I simply stated facts and asked for someone to to give me reasons for those facts. And because no one could, it instantly turned into a me issue. Even after I said I’d probably choose marriage anyways!

                Wtf…

              • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

                @SouthernCharm,

                dude, you single? i’ve got the most gorgeous cousin and she’s brilliant too (MEng in Bioengineering)!… you need to be in the family. we will feed you plenty and keep you laughing. I’m all about deepening our collective gene pool

              • Gem of the San DiegOcean

                Jarrod i think you’re takin this way too seriously. ppl are entitled to their opinions and offer them for the sake of discourse. just becuz ppl don’t necessarily agree with you or Dorian “heyyy boo” G doesn’t mean ppl are attacking yall or yalls views. but neither of you have given hearty arguments AGAINST marriage, just not completely supporting marriage. once you do, then we can really delve into the convo. make it interesting.

              • 8th Wonder

                @BBMO

                Umm e-twin….don’t be trying to send SC anywhere but to DC…..where I live.

                Thank you.

              • SouthernCharm

                @Jarrod Hasley,

                “Yo are you serious? What argument did I make? I simply stated facts and asked for someone to to give me reasons for those facts. And because no one could, it instantly turned into a me issue. Even after I said I’d probably choose marriage anyways!”

                What facts did you present? You stated that the non-existence of alternatives is a fundamental aspect of oppression. I beg to differ b/c there is an alternative to marriage. It’s being single. Besides, oppression is using power to empower one group at the expense of disempowering another. That power is, at that point, corrupt. Marriage should empower both parties for the cause of the union. That union should be incorruptible. If one party is corrupt, that’s when the problems occur and you get oppression, control, infidelity, miscommunication, trust issues, and what have you.

              • SouthernCharm

                @blackberry molasses

                “dude, you single? i’ve got the most gorgeous cousin and she’s brilliant too (MEng in Bioengineering)!… you need to be in the family. we will feed you plenty and keep you laughing. I’m all about deepening our collective gene pool”

                I have a girl. But, it is hard for me to turn down a good meal. lol

              • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

                @SouthernCharm,
                well if she ever stops feeding you…. j/k

                make that work. i’m sure she’s a good girl, if she’s got a good guy

            • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

              @Jarrod Halsey,

              “I don’t know of any alternatives.”

              That’s because there aren’t any real alternatives to marriage. Either you are married or you are not.

              Choose.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @Jarrod Halsey,

              “And why is Dorian getting attacked”

              as a few people pointed out, i don’t see where dorian was being attacked. he asked a question (“please explain to me right today what the economic, social, and moral benefit is of marriage, over the many alternatives?”) and i answered it.

  • James Nantucket

    Outlaw Marriage, aggins love breaking the law!

    I keed I keed

    These Questions, although presented as a joke, always bring me down. I have not a clue on how to fix black America when it comes to marriage or college. I see my younger cousins acting a donkey and getting pregnant at 16 then again at 18 and wonder how people keep making their lives harder. I make good money and think I am too poor to raise a child, much less by myself.

    • Gem of the San DiegOcean

      … and wonder how people keep making their lives harder. I make good money and think I am too poor to raise a child, much less by myself.

      i feel you on this. i’m in my 20s and in grad school and it seems like every time i meet some one not in school the first thing they ask (after my name) is if i have kids. and me sayin i’m in school and single doesn’t seem like reasons enough NOT to have kids to take care of. what can ya do??

      • Ivy St.

        @Gem of the San DiegOcean,
        “and me sayin i’m in school … doesn’t seem like reasons enough NOT to have kids”

        I soo feel you on this Gem. Though not directly the same thing, I always find men that think because they have their stuff together (an MBA) that I should be up and ready to have children with them… (hmmm) I’m in grad school!!! Please stop trying to make my life harder!

        • Gem of the San DiegOcean

          lol!!! like we should be signing up to be baby mamas for they i-cant-pay-for-the-1st-date a*ses…

          • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

            @Gem of the San DiegOcean,

            say it loud!!! and why are mofos tryin to impregnate me before they are tryin to marry me? that one baffles me! and then they act like im crazy cuz i dont just jump right on that?

      • Lil’T Got Work To Do

        @Gem of the San DiegOcean,

        I feel you on this one, Gem. There is a HUGE disconnect when it comes to childrens and when to have them. It always seemed to be a randy and wayward man asking. Coming at me like, “You don’t have no kids? Why? Are you gay?” And I’m like, “You don’t have no degrees? Why? Are you stupid?” Hot azz bammas…

        • the P the E the Y the S the O

          @Lil’T Got Work To Do, hahahahahahahaha

          • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

            @the P the E the Y the S the O,

            i second that emotion!!! LMAO!

            *loves lil T’s bamas*

            • Lil’T

              @shatani,

              I thought everybody knew what a bamma was until I went away to college. Then it was sheer hell trying to explain to them what a “bamma” was….convo went like,

              me: You are such a hot bamma!
              2520: What’s a bamma? I’m not from Alabama
              me: That’s not what it means. A bamma is a…bamma.
              2520: Well, what makes someone a bamma?
              me: Being bammafied. Check your mirror.

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                @Lil’T,

                Everybody from the DC Metro area has this same conversation whenever we go more than 50 miles past the Capital Beltway. LOL!

              • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

                @Lil’T,

                im so mad at “check yo mirror”! lmao!!!

                now you know better than to use the word in its own definition! you gotta come up with something, so us yankees know what a bamma is! lol

                now, what is a bamma? how does one know if he is exhibiting bamma-like tendencies? i mean, other than you telling them! are there lady bammas? how does a bamma differ from, say, a scrub?

                these are important questions, lil T….you gots to educate us!

        • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. thebestintheworld….

          @Lil’T Got Work To Do, “You don’t have no kids? Why? Are you gay?” And I’m like, “You don’t have no degrees? Why? Are you stupid?” Hot azz bammas…

          LMAO!! Things like that is why I rarely go anywhere when I’m hme visiting my parents. Silly bama ninjas….

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Lil’T Got Work To Do,

          And I’m like, “You don’t have no degrees? Why? Are you stupid?” Hot azz bammas…

          when i first skimmed through this, i thought you typed “hot azz banana’s”, which would probably be even worse than a hot-ass bamma, imo. in fact, the next time i’m pissed at someone, i’m just gonna call em a hot ass banana

          • Lil’T

            @The Champ,

            Can I just side note for a second? I mistook a plantain for a banana the other weekend. Had it peeled and covered in Nutella, then took a bite and was like, WTF??!!??!? My b/f almost gave himself a hernia laughing, then called all his Haitian fam and had them rollin’ too. I feel like the black Jessica Simpson and sh*t.

            • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

              @Lil’T,

              In that moment, you were the Black Jessica Simpson.

              Take that “L” like a woman, Sis. We all gotta do it every once in a while.

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                @PBG,

                Take that “L” like a woman, Sis. We all gotta do it every once in a while.

                and by “L” you mean “D”, right?

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                @The Champ

                No. That’s not what I meant. Not at all.

              • the P the E the Y the S the O

                @PBG, ^^^^^^^^^^^
                Lies and deceit lol

            • miss t-lee

              @Lil’T,
              “I mistook a plantain for a banana the other weekend. Had it peeled and covered in Nutella, then took a bite and was like, WTF??!!??!”

              Why must I cry?!?!?
              *CTFU!!!*

        • Gem of the San DiegOcean

          lmao!! lil’t i can soooo picture you actually answer that question that way.

        • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Ms. Sula actually working today…go figure!

          @Lil’T Got Work To Do,

          “You don’t have no degrees? Why? Are you stupid?”

          I need to use that sentence in the next 23 days. Before the Inauguration. :)

          Hilarity!

      • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. ….

        @Gem of the San DiegOcean,
        feel you on this….

        I’m no longer in grad school, but the same thing happens to me whenever I go back home to SC. Old high school classmates who either didn’t go to school or didn’t stay in school always ask me if I have any children. They don’t ask if I’m married or am I in a relationship. It’s sad that its the norm for a black woman b/t the ages of 23-28 to be a single mother.

        • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. thebestintheworld

          @N.I.A. …., It’s sad that its the norm for a black woman b/t the ages of 23-28 to be a single mother.

          or, it seems to be the norm in my town

          • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

            @N.I.A. thebestintheworld,

            well shoot…im glad im on the end of that range now and maybe folks who couldnt help me support a child will stop looking at me incredulously when i tell them i dont have none!

        • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

          @N.I.A. ….,

          “It’s sad that its the norm for a black woman b/t the ages of 23-28 to be a single mother.”

          And here I was, thinking I was special all these years.

          • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. thebestintheworld….

            @PBG, you are special. What’s not special is black people automatically assuming a young black woman would have a child and not a husband. Point being, those poeple I know who ask me those questions don’t even consider marriage as a part of the equation.

        • Gem of the San DiegOcean

          It’s sad that its the norm for a black woman b/t the ages of 23-28 to be a single mother.

          you right. it’s sad that we have so many single black mothers having to raise kids on their own, but its even more sad that its expected black women are NOT going to have anything more than a “baby daddy”… and actually the main ppl who ask me if i have kids are other women! and be shocked as hell when i say i don’t.

          them: you don’t have any kids?!?!
          me: no
          them: really?!?!
          me: i’m not married…
          them: *blank stare*
          me: and i’m in school…
          them: *blank stare*
          me: i have lazy ovaries and occluded fallopian tubes
          them: ohhhh ok *nodding*

          • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. thebestintheworld….

            @Gem of the San DiegOcean,

            The same d*mn thing happens to me. And the chicks who ask me usually have a baby daddy, and act like a husband and marriage is some new and novel idea. But the men are the same way, accept they seem to be pleasantly surprised while the females look at me like I’m crazy

            • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

              @N.I.A. thebestintheworld….,

              i havent come across any females in this genre….pretty much every female i know these days has no kids and the couple that do are actually married! go figure! lmao…

              i will say that here in philly, while the men are pleasantly surprised there are a bunch who take a while to get there cuz they just can understand how it came to be that im old as i am and dont have no kids….i finally had to tell one dude, “ive just been very careful with my genitals” he dropped it after that.

              i never thought id see the day that being childless would make me like an exhibit at the museum of natural history!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Gem of the San DiegOcean,

        i’m in my 20s and in grad school and it seems like every time i meet some one not in school the first thing they ask (after my name) is if i have kids.

        do the convo’s go something like this:

        mba: “what’s your name?”

        gem: “gemmie”

        mba: “nice to meet you, gemmie. damn…you got some child-bearing ass hips. you got any babies??”

        • 8th Wonder

          Well, sometimes its this:

          Asshole: 8th Wonder, how old are you?
          Me: 25.
          Asshole: Oh okay, how many kids do you have?
          Me: *blinks* NONE.
          Asshole: Oh, I just assumed…..

          I have had that conversation with people more times than I care to admit. And I can’t even make it a racial thing and act like its 2520′s asking me that based on some sterotype of young black women, its EVERYONE.

          At my age, children are scary @ me, so get the hell outta here with that.

          • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

            @8th Wonder,

            I’m sending Ike n’ Tina to your house to haunt you for the holidays.

            But if you’re brave and use your outside voice on the inside, you can get them to take out your garbage and wash your dishes.

            • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

              @PBG,
              so Ike n’ Tina goin to Ocho Pan’s.
              I got a twister game some chicken wings bourbon and tequila and a bootleg of 7 lbs even better yet ‘Yes Mam I mean Man’. What up?

              • 8th Wonder

                “so Ike n’ Tina goin to Ocho Pan’s.”

                The hell they are, LMAO!

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                @WuDaMan,

                Look @ my eBoo trying to lure me w/liquor and chicken wings. He knows me so well…

                And Aif Wondra! Don’t let me find out where your house is…they will be on your porch with a bag of chicken nuggets and Guitar Hero…for your listening enjoyment. ;)

              • 8th Wonder

                I ain’t got no porch.

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                @ Aif Wondra,

                You do know my kids don’t necessarily need a porch to get in your house, right?

              • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

                @PBG,

                I declare you is raisin them kids right!

              • 8th Wonder

                I ain’t got no house.

        • Gem of the San DiegOcean

          @The Champ,

          actually, when men ask me if i have kids, i think it’s like a standard question since most of the women they typically meet are single mothers. and they seem relieved when i say “no”. women, on the other hand, look at me like i’m some mutated freak when i say i don’t have kids.

          and don’t let them see the pics of my nephews on my phone. like they discovered a secret–YOU DO HAVE KIDS!!! *smh*

          • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

            @Gem of the San DiegOcean,

            “and don’t let them see the pics of my nephews on my phone. like they discovered a secret–YOU DO HAVE KIDS!!! *smh*”

            Seriously, who is hiding their kids?? Either you have them or not. There is no evil or abnormality in either situation. It “just is”.

            *smh* right along with you.

            • Gem of the San DiegOcean

              exactly. i no longer make the mistake of assuming most ppl have common sense. becuz well, it’s not all that common, apparently.

  • Leila

    Marriage is a beautiful thing. That’s why I don’t get why so many guys look at it as such a bad thing. I’m not married yet, but I have witnessed many great marriages. My mom passed away, but my parents had a very strong marriage. One of my aunts and uncles have been married for over 35 years, very happy, and I can really see the impact on their 4 children who have very high self esteems, very happy, and great relationships.

    • James Nantucket

      @Leila,
      I am a guy who is extra soft when it comes to marriage. I want to get married but seriously the fact that I only date black women finding one who is around my age (25) with no kids and no daddy issues and is somewhat attractive is a hard thing.

      • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

        @James Nantucket,

        well with the state of the black family today, daddy issues are almost par for the course. thats gonna be a rough hurdle to uh…hurdle? lmao

        • James Nantucket

          @shatani,
          LOL yeah I am looking for that partial daddy issues. No daddy but they had a cool uncle who had a good family. Partial daddy issues are my goal!

          • the P the E the Y the S the O

            @James Nantucket, im on the same plan. i’ll even take if u had a good god daddy or a good neighbor

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @the P the E the Y the S the O,

              i’ll even take if u had a good god daddy or a good neighbor

              **guffawing**

          • Ro

            @James Nantucket, I must have been under a rock or something, is it that hard to find a woman who doesn’t have daddy issues?

      • overit

        @James Nantucket, do you live in Detroit?

      • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

        @James Nantucket, exactly why we should be pro marriage!

        • James Nantucket

          @Shay-d-lady,

          I totally agree with you we should be pro marriage. Tired of broken homes, daddy issues, no father figure for men to mimick, bad kids in schools who don’t fear fatherly butt whooping.

          @ overit

          LOL no, Detroit is one of those places like LA that I never want to visit because of all I hear about it. From TV there are like 3 jobs and 1 million people there :D

          • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

            @James Nantucket,

            plus i have it on good authority that its mad cold in the D.

            • James Nantucket

              @shatani,
              If I could find a woman half as good as T-Baby I would wife her in a second. Orange weave and Orange shirt?! Yall broads should learn a thang or 2 from her.

              • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

                @James Nantucket,

                some of us broads did!

              • 8th Wonder

                “Yall broads should learn a thang or 2 from her.”

                I did.

                * The cold in the D enhances birth defects, much like the one T-Baby suffers from.

                * If you’re going to make a somber video, make sure you tell your friends to be somber too, not horseplaying and sniggling in the background.

                * Being able to hold any kind of note is always optional.

                * So is knowing the words to your own song.

              • RedBeanzNRice

                @8th Wonder

                * The cold in the D enhances birth defects, much like the one T-Baby suffers from.
                * So is knowing the words to your own song.

                Those made me choke on my delicious cheese grits. *sighs*

          • Gem of the San DiegOcean

            la is whack. the diego is where it’s at!!! *c-walking*

            • RedBeanzNRice

              @Gem of the San DiegOcean,
              “la is whack. the diego is where it’s at!!! *c-walking*”

              Funny how you say that, when “c-walkin” came from where? wait for it… L.A. Recognize.

              Proves my theory that San Diego is nothing but a bunch of biters – bottom line.

              SD only strives to be what LA alread is.

              • RedBeanzNRice

                @Gem of the San DiegOcean

                “SD only strives to be what LA alread is.”

                I meant to said ALREADY is. The edit ran out, lol

              • Gem of the San DiegOcean

                lmao!!!!!!! umm yeah ok. delusion is a muthafugga.

              • RedBeanzNRice

                @Gem
                “lmao!!!!!!! umm yeah ok. delusion is a muthafugga.”

                I know right? That’s why I had to let you know how whack SD is – you’re delusional. Glad to be there for ya. ; )

              • Gem of the San DiegOcean

                cute. but i think you need a psych evaluation. i know lots of MDs who would be happy to conduct one for you.

                *in best Ron Burgundy voice* GO F*CK YOURSELF, LOS ANGELES!!

      • Leila

        @James Nantucket, My problem is that I meet guys with daddy issues too. They didn’t have a good role model growing up and it creates a lot of problems. I can see how not having a father figure really affects them, but I’ve seen guys overcome that. My dad is the best example. His father was an alcoholic and a womanizer, but my dad was the exact opposite. He made sure that he set a good role model for us.

        • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

          @Leila,

          often times, mens daddy issues arent recognized as such….which i think does them a great disservice because then they go on and perpetuate the cycle.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            @shatani,

            often times, mens daddy issues arent recognized as such

            good point (and potential future vsb topic)

      • Ivy St.

        @James Nantucket,
        *waving at James*
        I don’t have daddy issues but you might have to wait for me to finish up grad school…it’s just another 3 years). Don’t worry, I’ll still be in my prime then… ;)

      • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Ms. Sula actually working today…go figure!

        @James Nantucket,

        Where do you live??? You need to move out STAT!

        :)

      • A Plus

        @James Nantucket, really? are you actually in nantucket, cuz that could be your problem right there…
        and here i am thinking it would be hard for me as a 25 year old black woman to find a single, hard working man with no kids

    • RedBeanzNRice

      @Leila,
      “…and I can really see the impact on their 4 children who have very high self esteems, very happy, and great relationships.”

      That’s great and sh*t, but personally, I don’t think that’s BECAUSE of their marriage; it’s because of their parenting.

      You can be separated parents, yet still have children that possess those same traits you mentioned.

      It’s what you INSTILL in your children that make the difference. Two good parents, together or not, who work together to raise said children, are more likely to foster upstanding, self-loving, mentally balanced children. The same can be said for the single parent; it’s how you raise the children – bottom line.

      • the P the E the Y the S the O

        @RedBeanzNRice, i agree

      • Leila

        @RedBeanzNRice, I agree with you that the children can still be happy with separated partents, but I also think being in a household with 2 loving parents also sets up a good role model for future relationships. When you grow up in a household with happy parents, it sets a good example for what a healthy relationship looks like.

        • RedBeanzNRice

          @Leila,
          “but I also think being in a household with 2 loving parents also sets up a good role model for future relationships.”

          That’s true also. It’s optimal, but not absolutely necessary.

        • the P the E the Y the S the O

          @Leila, or you could know that you’re going to do everything opposite of your parents

          • Leila

            @the P the E the Y the S the O, Easier said than done. I’ve seen a lot of guys really try hard not to be like their fathers, but turned out exactly like them. The problem is that if you grow up a certain way, it’s hard to change when you’re older unless you really put in a lot of work.

    • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/ Deviant

      @Leila,
      in response to “That’s why I don’t get why so many guys look at it as such a bad thing.”
      In my travels I have encountered many married men. There are some of those that will say the same thing u said (marriage being a beautiful thing) but in the same sentence they will vent to you about all the turmoil they encounter in their marriage. Plus married men often speak on the things (they say) u have to do and give upwhen you get married. The picture they paint is far from a pretty one. At my job now I hear every few days from men (of all ethnicities) about how I should stay single as long as possible or the horror stories of their divorces or the things they have to do or not do to make their wives happy. I know I dont walk in their shoes and that their misery is not my misery but to hear such negativity about being married constantly from men since I was too short to see the kitchen cabinet I know why most men dont seek marriage with the enthusiasm women do. Its looked at in the same light as going to the dentist to get wisdom teeth pulled. Its not something you will enjoy and it can be very unplesant but its something you may have to do eventually so you may as well just suck it up and take it and if you can aviod it as long as possible. I’m not sayin I am against it (it would be nice to get the tax break), I just don’t romanticize it or see it as any instant solution to our social problems. It is what it is.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Deviant,

        “I know I dont walk in their shoes and that their misery is not my misery but to hear such negativity about being married constantly from men since I was too short to see the kitchen cabinet I know why most men dont seek marriage with the enthusiasm women do”

        thing is (and i’m guilty of this as well), we’re conditioned to talk negatively about relationships (in public at least), regardless of happy we might be in them. obviously, i’m speaking in general terms, but, seriously, how often do you hear any guy speak about the positive aspects of any romantic relationship we’re in? in this regard, most of us aren’t that far removed from al bundy, who’d spend 22 minutes a week for eleven years fantasizing and b*tching about his wife and kids…even though he knew that they were the best things about his life and sh*t.

        point being: in this regard, alot of us are full of sh*t

        • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

          @The Champ,

          if this comment was a guy and i wasn’t already married…. the things i would do to it… good lawd.

          • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

            @blackberry molasses,

            well, since im single i can do those things on both our behalf!

            • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

              @shatani,

              oooooh Watch Out Now!

              *singing Man Eater– the original, not that Nelly Furtado mess**

              “Ohhh, here she comes! Watch out boy, she’ll chew you up! Ohhh, here she comes! She’s a Man Eater!!”

              *sigh* my silliness gets me through life. LOL

              • RedBeanzNRice

                @blackberry molasses,
                ““Ohhh, here she comes! Watch out boy, she’ll chew you up! Ohhh, here she comes! She’s a Man Eater!!”

                Sang that song girl! Hall and Oates are the bomb – still to this day! Hell, I was just singing “Sarah Smile” the other day, lol

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    Where do I sign up? I think the whole “I dont believe in marriage thing” is another example of when a little education is dangerous? you know kind of like black folks that go to college and decide that because of the electoral college thing that voting for the president is stupid. I used to be one of them..I used to think that it was grown up and mature to realize that men will be men and will never be able to commit to one woman and therefore I shouldnt expect it…but then I dont believe in open relationships, I do believe in commitment and mind of body, I do believe that if I want to have children there should be a committed relationship there with the father. I do believe that 2 is better than 1 in most all instances, that marriage could help end generational poverty…Marriage is the ultimate commitment and when done correctly, yes its hard, and forever is a long time but its definitely something we should all strive for..,,

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Shay-d-lady,

      Where do I sign up? I think the whole “I dont believe in marriage thing” is another example of when a little education is dangerous? you know kind of like black folks that go to college and decide that because of the electoral college thing that voting for the president is stupid

      lol…seriously, when ranking “ages that consistently produce the worst people”, “the 21-24 year old recent college grad” would list just below “middle school kids”.

  • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com Slim Jackson

    Whoever takes this job will need a large salary since they will probably be working more hours than investment bankers…if there are any of those left at this point. Fortunately for me, all the people immediately around me believe in marriage and intend to be married. Unfortunately, a lot of those people around me have witnessed or heard of pretty crappy ones.sigh…

    • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

      @Slim Jackson,

      all the women around me believe in marriage and whatnot. i cant say the same for the men, though….not the black men, anyway.

      • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com Slim Jackson

        @shatani, come to think of it. I can’t see myself being married…yet. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I do believe in it though.lol.

        • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

          @Slim Jackson,

          i can get on board with that…i would like to be married one day. but today? nah…im still far too selfish for that.