wanted: black marriage public relations specialist
***whether its dating advice, wisdom, levity, or orgasms, we at verysmartbrothas.com will provide any service necessary to keep the peace and help to create a happier populace. with this, as well as the unstable economy in mind, we realize that luvvie and ms. sula can’t be prostitutes forever so we’ve decided to alert you to relevant job postings as well.
here’s one i found on craigslist this weekend.***
black marriage public relations specialist
smartbroinc, a newly developed and uncommonly sexxy non-profit is searching for an extremely skillful pr person to lead their “marriage and sh*t is a good thing…really. no, seriously. no bullsh*t. word is bond” urban campaign, an attempt to reverse the increasingly negative and pessimistic sentiment held towards marriage and monogamy in the black community
**successfully convince the 7 to 35 year old black population that marriage is a viable, positive, relevant, and essential institution.
**create and communicate detailed analysis of pro-marriage factual data, including (but not limited to) information about how married people and children generated by married couples are generally happier, healthier, wealthier, and less likely to stab your sister in the forehead with a kitchen knife because of a man than the general populace
**effectively explain exactly why the overwhelming prevalence of single-parent families, not racism, poverty, lack of quality education, gentrification, or kim kardashian is the single most pressing issue facing the black community today.
**find, synthesize, and communicate historical data that shows how successful marriages, and the dual incomes potentially generated by each household, have been a key ingredient in the ascension of every prominent racial and cultural community on earth in the past half dozen or so centuries.
**if questioned and challenged on the importance and/or historical relevancy of marriage, be equipped to explain each of the following points of information:
1. throughout history, slave-traders and slave-masters intentionally separated married couples because they understood that this was the most vital step when attempting to completely breakdown a community
2. up until 900 or so years ago, catholic priests were allowed to marry and have children. the vatican eventually disallowed this practice, though, when realizing that their vast wealth would eventually dwindle when the money and properties amassed by individual priests were passed on to their wives and children. even then, powerful and intelligent people knew that the best way for people to get and stay wealthy was through marriage.
**successfully debunk young blacks who use the 50 percent marriage failure rate as their sole argument against marriage by pointing out its inherent faultiness. (possible retort: “well, if you believe so strongly in statistics, why did you even bother going to college if only 23 percent of us have college degrees?.”)
**successfully debunk young blacks who use the laughably faulty and inane “monogamy is unnatural. no other animals practice it” argument as their case against marriage, by showing how truly idiotic it is to compare a rational and reasoning human being with a cheetah or chipmunk
if interested, please contact the champ at firstname.lastname@example.org.
hmmm. sounds interesting. any takers?