VSB Presents: The #Blackestname In America Tournament, The Sweet 16 (Pt. 1) » VSB

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VSB Presents: The #Blackestname In America Tournament, The Sweet 16 (Pt. 1)

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We started at the bottom, and now we’re here. And by “we started at the bottom, and now we’re here” I mean we started with 64 of the loveliest examples of Blackness nirvana, and now we’re down to 16.

Yup. 16. These are the 16 Blackest names in America. Which is an honor in its own right. If you’ve made it this far, you’ve reached the pinnacle of Blackness. You are officially Blacker than the back of Forest Whitaker’s neck.

But, the journey isn’t yet complete. We still need to find the one. The one who stands out among them all. The one worthy of the crown. The one whose sheer name makes you think “Yup, they’ve definitely put sugar on watermelon before.

The Black People You Know Bracket

#1 Va’Shaundya Karlette Nelson VS #5 Jermajesty Jackson

  • Va’Shaundya Karlette Nelson (64%, 329 Votes)
  • Jermajesty Jackson (36%, 189 Votes)
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Is there any difference between “Va’Shaundya Karlette Nelson” going by “Shaunie O’Neal” and the dozens of Jewish actors and businessmen with names like “Vilkvkandrinken Uberquestionstein” who now go by “Ben Stein” and “Donald Sterling”? Is it racist to even ask (and answer) that question? (Don’t answer.)

#2 Linnethia Monique "NeNe" Leakes VS #6 Ashanti Shequoiya Douglas

  • Linnethia Monique "NeNe" Leakes (69%, 356 Votes)
  • Ashanti Shequoiya Douglas (31%, 161 Votes)
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When did Ashanti become bad as hell? Not “bad” in a bad sense, but bad in a in “Shit, she looks good as hell!” sense. When did this happen? Its weird. She’s always been attractive — and she doesn’t look much different than she did 10 years ago. But she somehow looks…better today. I’m confused. So is Nelly, apparently.

The Rappers Bracket

#1 Nayvadius Cash (Future) VS #4 Keenon Daequan Ray Jackson (YG)

  • Nayvadius Cash (Future) (53%, 271 Votes)
  • Keenon Daequan Ray Jackson (YG) (47%, 244 Votes)
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Raise your hand if you’d buy a mixtape featuring Future and YG. Now, take that hand and strangle yourself with it.

#2 Cymphonique Miller VS #3 Algernod Lanier Washington (Piles

  • Cymphonique Miller (70%, 360 Votes)
  • Algernod Lanier Washington (Plies) (30%, 154 Votes)
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Raise your hand if you’d buy a mixtape featuring Plies and Cymphonique. Now, take that hand and strangle yourself with it.

Check back later today for Part 2 of the Sweet Sixteen.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Dara Makeda Wilson

    Two hands for spelling Plies as ‘Piles.’ Much more appropriate name.

    • panamajackson

      I saw that too. I laughed.

  • Brandon Allen

    Answering that question – It’s usually last names that change with Jewish people. Instead of given names.

  • BeautifullyHuman

    I’m still rocking with Keenon Daequan Ray Jackson to win this.

    And Ashanti is super bad now! Her body is glorious…whatever she doing, I need to incorporate in my life!

  • st george doesnt exist

    CYMPHONIQUE may be my sleeper pick. telling you, good stripper name who can make that thing clapp

    • st george doesnt exist

      i mean it has to be a combo of cymbal symphony and unique or some shit her dad Percy thought was cool at the time.

    • Sweet Ga Brown

      I hope that she will one day be able to live up to the name and make that name clap to the beat of any song like a symphony.

      • st george doesnt exist

        this blew my mind. or at least a good brass band beat. something different lol

  • st george doesnt exist

    did shabazz napier make any of the lists, I see the heat trying to get him in draft tomorrow

  • I’m preemptively calling a recount on #1 NAYVADIUS CASH (FUTURE) VS #4 KEENON DAEQUAN RAY JACKSON (YG).

    As I’ve stated before, YG has reached the pinnacle of black names. Double letters (EE), check, urban prefix/suffix (DAE and QUAN), double word score, multiple middle names, check. Then, just to increase the black quotient, his last name is Jackson. I’m sorry, but all of this magic cannot be beat by ‘hard to pronounce’ and inclusion of Y and V.

    • BeautifullyHuman

      Yes, yes, yes!! This is like Scrabble…you got this down to a science, girl! lol

    • Sweet Ga Brown

      I picked future because I still dont know how to pronounce his name…or spell it without copy/paste which I refuse to do.
      Drop the DAEQUAN(I have to put in caps) and YG can be any other black male graduation from a HBCU with honors.

  • miss t-lee

    I call that girl Campho Phenique in my head…but I digress.

  • Detroit Skater

    i love this blog! i am always guaranteed a good laugh when i stop by.

  • Guest

    Marijuana Pepsi Jackson – FOR THE WIN!!!

    http://www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/40874017.html

    • ThinkyLily

      I know of her and she is who I want to be when I grow up. She is smart, confident and great at what she does.

  • Jay Ess

    This is too hard. I can’t vote for any of these. I want them all to stay. #hoodnamesforlife

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