In less than a week, the Hallmark creation that has complicated more relationships than Facebook will descend upon, well, everybody. Nobody is immune from Valentine’s Day. If you have somebody, you’re reminded that you need to make it memorable. If you don’t have anybody, everyday without a date is like your alarm clock on snooze: sure you’d like to sleep thru V-day, but television, Sarah Palin’s hand notes, and CVS’s discount rack keep reminding you that you’ve got nobody.
Like, nothing AND nobody. As in loneliness.
As of 10pm, both of the VSBs had somebody to spend Valentine’s day with, but that doesn’t mean we can’t empathize with those individuals sans date. We make it our business to be in business of problem solving and world happiness. It’s a gift and a curse really. Kind of like Jay’s Blueprint 2, except we’re actually worth listening to.
Odd question time: Didn’t Jay’s inclusion in the Super Bowl and his “mashup” seem kind of forced? I’m as big a fan of Jay as everybody else and Reasonable Doubt is hands down one of the 5 albums I couldn’t live without, but when it’s all said and done, aside from a number’s game, is Jay’s actual musical contribution that noteworthy? Just fodder for convo. Short of the first Blueprint, has Jay really spearheaded music into any new territories? He changed hip-hop for a few years and he’s the GOAT and all, but I find him performing with like a 40-piece orchestra, slightly ridiculous and an overstatement.
So here’s some ideas to get your motor running (since you have to do it yourself anyway – no roadside assistance):
1) Crocheting – It’s slightly scary how many 30+ women I know who are actually into crocheting as a hobby. I used to assume that it was for the 70+ crowd since there really isn’t sh*t else to do while you wait to meet Jesus. Plus it doesn’t require much mobility, and what with all the old mothertruckers killing people at Whole Foods and outdoor markets, anything that keeps seniors in their rocking chairs is alright with me. Anyway, all it takes is some string, some needles (no Baltimore) and some creativity. Oh yeah, and talent, which is hard to come by. However, you were probably going to spend all your time watching pr0n, throw in a crocheting DVD and learn a skill you might actually use.
2) Snuggie Beer Crawl - They had one of these in DC a few months back and I heard about them in Chicago as well. If you can’t lick ‘em, join ‘em. And trust me, most people running around in Snuggies in broad daylight or at a bar are doing this because they don’t have anybody in their lives who loves them enough to say, “hey, stop it.” Love Misery loves company so just send out of those viral emails that results in legions of virgins and 16-year old college seniors meeting up and arguing about the 382nd number of pi. Beats the hell out of a solo Snuggie Beer Crawl which I’m pretty sure is called being sloppy drunk which is like so, ewww.
3) Online Battleship - This game f*cking rocks when you play with real people so I assume it’s pretty cool when you play against ROBOT1 too. Then again, with the advances in Internet technology, you can probably play legions of games with other gamers from across the world. And technically, if you plan to do it ahead of time it’s a date, so there you go. You can have a date with BigRobLove735. You just can’t see or touch him. We call that marriage at age 80.
4) Netflix Night – You probably suck at picking movies for a group of people. But fret not, MOST PEOPLE suck at picking movies for a group. But lucky for you, you have nobody to please but yourself so it can be all The Tale of Desperaux, A Scanner Darkly, and The Tony Yayo Story, to your heart’s content.
So good hearted people of the VSB, what are some other Valentine’s Day alternatives that folks might not think about?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
ADMIN NOTE: On February 18, I’ll be at FAMU as a guest speaker at their 4th State of the Black Student Summit along with Dr. Steve Perry, Enitan Bereola, TJ Rose and another celeb panelist. I’m honored to be asked to be there and speak on the Edification of The Black Man. I know nothing about Tallahassee so I’ll be depending on you folks to let me know what to get into (if anything). Do we have any FAMU folks here…holla at the kid. Anyway, bigups to FAMU for bringing Panama “I Speak of Myself in 3rd Person” Jackson to speak about Blackness, no Kool-Aid.
1. Masturbation. How can you love someone else if you can’t love yourself.
@N.I.A. naturally, I’m all for masturbation, but if it’s a daily thing-like Lady morning wood, it’s not as special right?
@N.I.A. naturally,
*nodding head* in fact, indeed
@N.I.A. naturally,
good point. sh*t, even though i have v-day plans, i still plan on popping the pepsi can before, after, and maybe even during said plans
@The Champ,
lmao & smh
@The Champ,
Why oh why?
@N.I.A. naturally, i feel you. in fact i throw away all self-love and motivation books if the first chapter isn’t about pulling your own chain.
@ N.I.A. naturally-
LMAO!
When in doubt,
Rub one out!
@meka,
when in heat
beat your meat
@meka,
when you’re alone,
get your stroke on.
@meka, instead of buying a vowel, bust off on a towel.
@Panama Jackson,
lol wtf
@Gem of the Ocean,
I second that “lol wtf”. Leave it to Panana to go to a whole ‘nother stratosphere. lol
@Cheekie, you know you like my stratosphere. my stratosphere is sexxy.
I def thought there might’ve been some serious suggestions on this until I saw crocheting…lmao…
@JumpOnIt, um, crocheting is a very serious suggestion. just yesterday i had to break up a crochet ring going on oustide my front door. that’s when i realized just how big this “crocheting” thing had become. even the teenagers are doing it.
@Panama Jackson,
NOT a crochet ring lmao
@Panama Jackson,
Yeah crocheting is pretty serious in these streets…
I kid in their teens ran up to my car after work the other day and asked if i had any yarn, for which the answer was no. He proceeded to tell me “man I’ll …. yo ….”. Needless to say I declined, but let it have been an attractive young women, i may have had to check i.d. before making a trip to Walgreens (Its like Duane Reade)
ugh… I look forward to V-Day like I look forward to VD.
this list sucks salty balls.
@Ashleyg,
damn. not even sugary balls?
@Ashleyg, my list disagrees with your assertion of its suckage. it in fact does not suck salty balls. it spreads love like Gandhi with a bucket of rice.
You could learn to knit, because crocheting is for the weak.
@Manny, i got a 64-year old welter-weight crocheting champion great auntie who would disagree with that statement, bub.
you could always get your single friends together and hire some talent.
@Happy Meal,
@Happy Meal, or you all could become the talent and set up a camera and have at it.
It’s really weird because I just wrote about Blueprint 3 and how YOU people love Blueprint 1.
i have no valentine’s hints/advice. it’s a day for lovers and if you ain’t got one, you’re destined to be sad/bitter.
goodbye.
@Angel,
it’s a day for lovers and if you ain’t got one, you’re destined to be sad/bitter.
ive spent MOST vday’s outside of a rel’ship and ive never been sad or bitter on feb 14. mostly becuz i dont put much stock in the “holiday” as being about loving some one else. sh*t i love myself!! and i love my family and friends. and i like giving “valentines” to ppl who make me smile. its nice to hear “i heart you” every now and again, even at the suggestion of $$-making corporations.
vday is special if YOU make it special!
@Angel,
welcome and sh*t.
and what to you mean by “you people”, ross perot?
@Angel, who is YOU people? i haven’t listened to that album since probably October and even then, it was relegated to “thank you” and “already home”. other than, that i’ll pass on it.
btw, you know you need to work harder when Cornel West calls you motivated. i’m looking at you jay-z.
and um, welcome and sh*t
@Panama Jackson,
I think you should listen to it again. Especially So ambitious… It took me to another level when I listened to it and related it to the struggle of the black boys in my school. I swear I have a new out look on how I teach cause of that song. TRUST BP3 is the truth!
Yes @ JUMP ON IT.
Crocheting???? who does that.
@Angel,
i do!! lol. judge me if you want to. but im makin $$ off it!! ive been able to make some nice gifts too — that ppl (including Ivy St) actually like!!
@Gem of the Ocean,
I’m still waiting on my gloves! Size smedium, please.
@Ivy st.,
lol im workin on it!!! ima need $$ to cover supplies though :– the rest is on the house
@Gem of the Ocean,
I GOT you… at the end of the month.
lol!
@Gem of the Ocean,
I’m kidding. Anytime. Maybe you can teach a young chica how to Crochet. I can make little boots for the cats and a hat for Champie Poo Poo’s head.
@Ivy st.,
lmao!! oh em gee id teach you to crochet just to see those 2 creations come to LIFE!
im ready for the lessons anytime!
@Gem of the Ocean,
I’m trying to learn to knit. By October, I want to be able to make hats, scarves, and gloves to sell for the winter.
@N.I.A. naturally,
id like to learn to knit too! i think knitting is a little more versatile in terms of types of things you can make and the styles. im gonna try to “stitch and b*tch” series — i hear its perfect for young chicas trying to learn
@N.I.A. naturally, y’all some resourceful, build your own soap, types around here huh?
@Gem of the Ocean,
Yeah, I’mma need a cute hat. Even if it is an e-hat.
Crocheting is not something I’m particularly interested in, but I’ve seen some beautiful effing work done.
@Cheekie,
i gotchu girl!!! color requests?? lol
@Gem of the Ocean,
Red.
@Cheekie,
done!
@Gem of the Ocean, in my profile of a crocheting ninja, you definitely don’t fit the description.
then again, i am a 3 so what do i know.
@Panama Jackson,
im great. so i dont fit into anyone’s mold or description. i am legend.
I have no desire to revisit any Jay-Z tracks post-Reasonable Doubt; the dude is mad boring to me, and his flow these days is downright lazy.
But honestly? I haven’t played Battleship in years and this post just made me want to play (against a real person of course). I’m bout to call my homegirl up and if not Battleship, I know she got some type of board game that I abandoned in adolescence up in this b*tch.
@P., Battleship is like crack. in fact, if battleship was crack, it would be the kind that kept rick james coming back for more.
or wait, the kind that enticed whitney to stay with bobby after all those years.
you know, that top shelf crack.
ill just start by saying i LOVE vday. its a cute meaningless holiday that i enjoy partaking in. i esp love getting fun vday gifts from my mommy (my one true love) — vday socks, candy, etc. its sweet!
i crochet on an avg day (im even gettin PAID to do it, whoop whoop!! lol). so im NOT going to spend my vday doin it. mostly becuz id rather enjoy my usual sunday faves: church, brunch, nap, catching up on tv shows i missed during the week, and perhaps a little fun with my “boy toy” in btwn activities. nothing says “self, i love you” than spending a nice wknd day with myself and making me give myself the O face — “ooooh! oooooh!” lol jk (but not really)
too bad my street is virtually unreachable since i dont think the mail will be coming anytime soon so netflix is out since i dont like watching movies on my laptop (and so are getting my mom’s gifts boo!). theres always ondemand, yay!
and yay for being alone vday!! but not to worry, i wont be lonely
@Gem of the Ocean,
major co-sinage. i’m also usually single and i gotsta say say that I LOVE vday and always have (and battleship and crocheting).
It’s having miser friends who lament their singlehood that make it tough, so either i end up planning something to lift spirits (there’s usually home baked goods and candy involved) or if I find myself drained by the debbie downers I plan some lovely way to love on myself (the Spa is a terrible thing to waste).
@Happy Meal,
indeed!! luckily most of my single friends are indifferent to vday so i dont get a lot of whack d.d.’s to b*tch and moan about how stupid a holiday it is. we usually try to get together for dinner/movie and enjoy each other’s company.
@Gem of the Ocean,
“ill just start by saying i LOVE vday. its a cute meaningless holiday that i enjoy partaking in. i esp love getting fun vday gifts from my mommy (my one true love) — vday socks, candy, etc. its sweet! ”
Aw, this sounds like my mama! She gives me V-day gifts too…in fact, for a while, the box o’ chocolates would be a Snoopy theme because we always watched A Charlie Brown Christmas together when I was younger.
Even though I have no date (and rarely do this time of year), I don’t hate the holiday and I don’t really get the whole “they should show their love everyday of the year”. It’s not like V-day cancels out the lovin’ the other days, it’s just a “special” day set aside. If every single day was just a “norma” day for “normal” lovin’ there wouldn’t be anything to get excited about. That’s what hoildays are about to me, anyway. *kanyeshrughandsovermic*
@Cheekie,
It’s not like V-day cancels out the lovin’ the other days, it’s just a “special” day set aside.
sooooo true!!! the same ppl who gang bang on vday celebrate mother’s day and father’s day. and hell, christmas and thanksgiving too!! lol why not just take it for what it is. if you dont believe in spending a lot of money to say “i love you”, then dont!
and i love that your mommy is like my mommy!! my mom gets me the green “lady” m&m-themed stuff for vday and christmas (since my initials are MM and my mom’s fave color is green and the m&m is just sassy and fierce! lol)
@Gem of the Ocean,
Yeah, that green M&M is quite fierce. And ‘co-sign’ and ‘aww’ to your entire comment.
@Cheekie,
she is. her white go-go boots bring all the m&ms to the yard!
@Gem of the Ocean, ill just start by saying i LOVE vday.
i love this day too. though i find the requirement to go the extra mile on a particular day a bit ridiculous but whatever, i aint built this world, i just got trapped here.
you humans and your customs.