A Message To The Person(s) Using My Netflix Password » VSB

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A Message To The Person(s) Using My Netflix Password

Gotchabitch.

Actually, let’s back this train up a bit. Relationships are great. They’re great for all of the big things like plus-ones to events that suck to go to by yourself (like weddings, movies, and the all you can eat buffet at CiCi’s Pizza), but they’re also great for the minor and mundane things. Such as sharing, caring, and access to things you might not normally have access to. One such thing is a Netflix password. Sure, the account is only $7.99 for the streaming service, but lots of people don’t like paying that dough. I also can’t blame them.

So the good thing about having a #bae is that there’s a really good chance that one of you will either have or be willing to get a Netflix account which you will share with the other #bae. Which makes it one of the few passwords that is totally understandable to share. You all will agree on some innocuous ass password like, “cuddlebuddy” or “OMGWETOTALLYLOVEEACHOTHER” and then blissful examination of some of the worst movies and documentaries known to man will occur. By the way, for all those folks who lament the fact that we only get but a handful of Black movies a year, you really need to visit Netflix. All you have to do is watch one bad Black movie – something starring Essence Atkins or Clifton Powell will do it – and you will unlock a world you didn’t know exists. It’s like jumping over the flagpole in Super Mario Bros. You will find out that Darrin Dewitt Henson makes a shit ton of movies. You will find out who Christian Keyes is. You will learn that Essence Atkins’s career didn’t end with Smart Guy but that she’s got an entire movie career on the D-List circuit.

And the fucking plays, fam. So many terrible plays.

Blackness is everywhere on Netflix and the only price of admission is a password and one Bad Black movie.

(A word of caution. While this is a key into a world of Black movies, it’s also a black hole. Once you get in it feels like you can never get out. All of a sudden Netflix will attempt to convince you that shit like You Got Served and N-Secure are “popular on Netflix”. You will know this isn’t true but for some odd reason that never changes. Netflix will basically lie to you and judge you at the same time while never letting you out of the self-imposed purgatory of fuckshit. You’ve been warned if you didn’t already know.)

Where were we? Ah yes. Passwords to Netflix. Now if you’re lucky, you and bae will jump the broom and move on up to that deluxe apartment in the sky (with reasonable condo fees). But let’s face it, there’s as good a chance that you won’t. Because Netflix passwords don’t usually come up in the arguments about what went wrong or are tangible in a way that you can throw them in a box and burn them down by the riverside (down by), I’d guess they’re an afterthought. That is until this happens.

We’ve had a bit of a shittastic winter here in DC. It’s been pretty cold and then we kept getting schizophrenic snow patterns. One of those days resulted in a snowday. On this snowday I decided to do what any red-blooded American would do: binge watch television. My poison of choice? House of Cards Season 3. I fired up the SmartTV, hit Netflix and waited for that damn loading screen to finish and then I clicked on HoC ONLY to see that the first five episodes had been watched already. I know I hadn’t watched them, but somebody had. Using my gotdamn account.

This? No bueno.

And it’s not that I’m even mad that somebody has my password and I can’t remember who it was, it’s more like, motherfucker, you don’ started watching it before I could watch it using my own account. It’s like when people ask to borrow the movie you just bought that you haven’t seen yet. They want to actually open up the shrinkwrap themselves on something you paid for. It’s the principle, ya know. So I see that as opposed to letting me watch the season first with my account that I pay my good money for, it’s being watched.

Then I realized, I actually have no fucking clue who has access to my account. It is entirely possible that somebody I no longer speak to is ACTIVELY still using my account to watch TV shows and documentaries and movies when they’re bored. Possibly with their OWN boo who said, “you have a Netflix account?” And they said, “I sure do.”

They are lying.

It could be a friend. A boo. A family member. I remember giving out my password to women I was randomly talking to for a time back in the day when I was young – I’m not a kid anymore, ya know – but I also remember changing my password at least once. But I don’t know. And the not knowing is the rub. And it is not rubbing me the right way.

And it might be okay if along the way I got a random ass “thank you” text message but I never do. I’m inadvertently increasing the joy in somebody else’s life by opening them up to thousands and thousands of movies and television shows they might not ever watch if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m paying for the service. Fuck a $200 date; I’m sponsoring an $8 LIFE, b. If it’s cold outside, they don’t have to leave the house. They can fire up the ‘flix with my money and have a day in butt naked eating bonbons and wearging towels to walk by the window they haven’t purchased drapes for and then drop the towel to hop back in bed and watch some shit that was popular seven years ago.

And this little scam would work perfectly too considering how infrequently I fire up Netflix. But I did. And they broke open the seal on House of Cards before I did and now I know. So I did what any real nigga would do in my situation.

Changed my password.

Gotchabitch.

PJ Petty out.

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • Sahel

    House of cards..i understand

    • Pinks

      For some reason I haven’t been able to really get into this season. I’ve watched 2 episodes and was like bleehhh both times.

      • camilleblu

        this season was underwhelming for true. i feel like they must be gon make up for it next season.

        • Pinks

          I was wondering if it was the absence of Zoey or gratuitous chex scenes, but something wasn’t quite hitting home. I’m over it and waiting for OITNB.

          • camilleblu

            *slight spoiler alert*

            umm…i think they made claire lose her edge…i’m not here for #struggleclaire…

            • Rachmo

              Yeah this softer Claire isn’t for me.

              • AlwaysCC

                happy mary j > soft claire…and i ain’t for either

            • Pinks

              What? The thoroughest of them all has gone soft?

              I’m not here for it either. Her riding him when he was crying? I was like “ewwww with sweaty workout vag? I guess.”

          • Sahel

            Hmm,lets hope OITNB hits it all the way home

            • Pinks

              I really am hoping. I have a feeling Vee ain’t dead.

          • cakes_and_pies

            Not enough dead people in this season and the whole Meechum thing didn’t materialize like I thought it would.

            • Pinks

              LOL..the dead people definitely made it more spicy. I’ll just watch an episode a week during my normal HTGAWM time slot.

        • Epsilonicus

          I liked it. It was about the politics. I thought when they started killing people it jumped the shark too much

      • I watched the whole thing. While I didn’t love it as much, I just assume it was a buffer of some sort as they wade their way into Season 4 where the hammer comes down.

        • Val

          I hope you’re right.

        • Wild Cougar

          Thanks for letting me know. I won’t renew the Netflix for it.

        • Epsilonicus

          Its going down next season. They had to set up the problems for Frank and Claire.

      • Val

        HoC seson 3 sucked. Season 4 had better be good or I’m done.

        • KKay

          Yeah, I watched it. And I was entertained. But it wasn’t as good as previous seasons.

          • Val

            I tried to be entertained. But, every time it seemed to be getting good the show went left and there I was disappointed.

            • KKay

              ***Light Spoilers***

              Oh I can see what you’re talking about. They basically spayed Claire, and they made Francis a creeper. IMO, they also made the characters complete opposites of what they were.

              I will thank this season for finally dealing with Doug and his Rachel obsession. I could not wait for that frakking storyline to end.

      • LeeLee

        Also. Things got a tad more interesting around Episode 9.

  • One day, i was entertaining company, she logged in to Netflix on my PS3 and i never felt any reason to log out. This was like 3 years ago.

    • camilleblu

      lol…you ain’t shyt

      • Psssh i cant even prove she’s paying for it

        • camilleblu

          lmao!! but you can definitely prove that YEW ain’t paying for it…

          • Agatha Guilluame

            #facts

            He’s so comfortable in his ain’t shytness. Too comfortable.

            • Old enough to know better, young enough to not give a fuh…

              God aint though with me yet

              • Agatha Guilluame

                God ain’t even start.

              • PhlyyPhree

                God might not be through with you, but I am!!! Lol

                • You could never be either

    • Sahel

      This is ok..these things happen

    • HeyBooHey

      Damn, that Netflix stayed in your life longer than her?

      • When you say it like that I sound awful lol

        • HeyBooHey

          Lol welp. If the shoe fits….

    • ED

      lmao

  • Aly

    You didn’t notice anything weird in your “Recently Watched” section?

    • Naw. Seems like maybe we have the same viewing patterns. Which is trash.

      • Aly

        That’s how I knew my mom was stealing my Netflix. Then she had the nerve to ask me if I changed my password lol.

        • Val

          “Then she had the nerve to ask me if I changed my password lol.”

          Lol!

  • Pinks

    This is a real prollem.

    Ain’t no way you about to be getting access to all the tomfoolery (and some great cinematic triumphs, too) that is Netflix on my dime and not contributing positively to my life on a consistent basis. We use hubby’s best friend’s dad’s account, so it looks like this 60 something year old man is looking at a bunch of Power Ranger movies on the regular, but if he ever complained I’d reinstate my membership.

    • Hubby best friends dad tho

      • Pinks

        *hangs head*

        We were on his boat one summer, and I figured I go up and talk to him while he steered us around the harbor to get rid of my heebeejeebees. We got to talking about good movies and he was like “You never saw it? Look on Netflix.” I told him I cancelled my account so he told his son to give us the password since he hardly uses it. He’s like hubby’s second father and his son is at my house at least thrice a week eating up my food and playing 2k.

        we provide for one another lol

  • nillalatte

    You petty man you. LOL…. Go back to the D-list Black movies. Son, lissen. I had no idea that even existed! I was all about a movie night with someone once (a girly rom-com at that) and it was the start of a ritual, ya know. Then I met the D-list Black movie list. This was at Redbox doe, not Netflix. I trusted Redbox. I got the movie, sho it was gonna be bishin’. He set up the DVD player, again, and slid that thing on in there.. the movie that is. We was disappointed as h3ll. I don’t remember the title, but about a half hour in, we had enough torture. I have never again trusted Redbox.

    As for Netflix, my kids have my password and their own profile. I gave my parents their own profile and the password. Neither of them have used it once. I just recently watched Django believe it or not. And, that’s about the only thing of all the movies and shows I’ve watched since I’ve had the service. Kids use it like mad. I just ain’t into it… yet.

    • I downloaded a ratchet eBook and my recommendations have looked like Atlanta ever since

  • Damon Young

    I don’t have Netflix, but I did buy some raspberry simply lemonade a couple weeks ago. And I felt a certain way when the person I’m married to who is living me opened the bottle and drank some before I did. That I intended to share it doesn’t matter. I just wanted to hit it first, like Ray J.

    So I understand.

    • Aly

      Raspberry simply lemonade sounds delicious. I’ve only had their oj.

      • Pinks

        You have to try the simply with mango. HEAVEN IN MY MOUF.

        • camilleblu

          #troof

        • Aly

          Putting it on my grocery list…

        • God Shammgod

          with some champagne???? gurllllll

          • Pinks

            That will be on my list soon as this lil parasite with eyebrows leaves my abdominal cavity.

            • God Shammgod

              *cries in epidurals*

            • JanuaryBabe

              Awwww! Sweet!

        • miss t-lee

          The mango with some vodka? Listen here!!!!

          • HeyBooHey

            Yes. All of the yes

          • Pinks

            That sounds like the stuff my summer dreams are made of.

            • miss t-lee

              If you pair it with some cranberry vodka+club soda?
              WIN.

          • Val

            Also try Trader Joe’s Tangerine juice.

            • miss t-lee

              Oh?
              A new contender has emerged!

          • KMN

            Oh the simply lemonade, EXTRA bacardi limon and a bit of sugar? oh lemon drops droppin you onyoass

            • miss t-lee

              This sounds good as heyll.

              • KMN

                Let me tell you…that is my DRANK. I’m not supposed to drink due to a missing gall bladder and pancreatis but every once in a while…i get to shaking. Sometimes I just pour about half of the lemonade out…fill the rest up with bacaradi and some sugar and shake and drink lmao…making sure to remind my baby…do NOT drink the lemonade…have CPS all over at the house lmao

                • miss t-lee

                  hahahah. Gotta have a special pitcher for Mommy’s Lemonade. :)

                  • KMN

                    Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas girl…this is mommy’s juice box lmao

                • HeyBooHey

                  I must and WILL be trying this! I can taste the joy it must bring lol

                  • KMN

                    Oh its sunny lemon-y limon-y 80 proof joy!!

      • HeyBooHey

        It’s divine! If you drink, add some vodka to it in the summer time and flourish

        • Aly

          Um, I have vodka in my kitchen right now and will be trying it probably this weekend! :)

          • HeyBooHey

            I’m so excited for you lol. Got some in my fridge now, cheers!

            • Nicholas Peters

              smh…..

              • HeyBooHey

                Your judgment has no place here Nicholas

                • Nicholas Peters

                  i pray for you…

                  • HeyBooHey

                    Somehow I don’t think this prayer is one of the blessed kind smh

                    • Nicholas Peters

                      how could t not be?….

                    • HeyBooHey

                      It seemed to come from a judgmental place

                    • Nicholas Peters

                      …. :( if it wasn’t love than what would it be?

                    • HeyBooHey

                      Sheer, unadulterated and unbridled hateration

                    • Nicholas Peters

                      hateration?

                    • HeyBooHey

                      Yes, hateration. Holleration. In the dancery? Goodness, I keep forgetting you’re a mere baby cub smh

                    • Nicholas Peters

                      you are 3 years older than me…when i was sucking on my moms titty to get food, you were sucking on a bottle with a fake nipple to mimic your mom’s titty

                    • HeyBooHey

                      You would bring t*ts into the convo somehow….

                    • Nicholas Peters

                      all women have them and most men like them….they are a part of a almost all of our lives

                    • Epsilonicus

                      You two need to get a room…

                    • HeyBooHey

                      Smh….there’s No-Chill Waldo

        • miss t-lee

          Yes, lawd!

      • AlwaysCC

        all of their lemonades are good. have you tried the orange juice with mango? delish!

        • Aly

          Oj with mango? No, haven’t tried that one either! Clearly I need to step up my oj / lemonade game lol.

    • HeyBooHey

      You married. That’s HER juice now fam. You’re lucky if she didn’t swig straight from the bottle like a true thug Mrs.

      • Pinks

        I was gon say, ummm..YOU bought it? Dafluck dat mean? Community property, bruh.

        Although, it does get under my skin when the man finishes something of mine that I was looking forward to. Like if I brought home the other half of a Cinnabon, don’t assume it’s fair game without at least asking me first. Especially not in my state. I will send that a 5 5 back out in the snow for a fresh joint. And it better still be warm when I get it too.

        • Aly

          Never mess with a pregnant woman’s food. Never.

          • Pinks

            Or you get the roots put on ya!

        • HeyBooHey

          LOL “It better still be warm when I get it too”. Consequences and repercussions for eating my snacks but his?? That’s for US boo

          • Pinks

            You better know it. One time I got to work to see my turkey, lettuce, tomato and bacon on a bagel bitten into. I called him and put up such a fuss he bought me flowers lol

            • HeyBooHey

              LMAO!!! I’m taking notes on how to regulate a hubby, he gon learn once he materializes

              • Pinks

                HE GON LEARN (that) DAY!

                I’m not selfish with food, but I am particular about my cravings. Right now I’m stuck on Talenti mango sorbet. I drove 4 miles to Pathmark yesterday during lunch to discover the one by my job only had raspberry and damn near lost my marbles in the freezer aisle.

                I’m buying four containers and telling hubby leave ONE for just me alone. The rest he can have at.

                • HeyBooHey

                  Cravings are real, pregnant or not lol. I have Lays kettle cooked BBQ, chocolate chocolate chip ice cream and Haribo gummies. Ex knew not to touch those or face the wrath unless they were replaced. I don’t play with my snacks smh

                • AlwaysCC

                  i cried over a turkey sub #truestory

                  • Pinks

                    If it had sweet banana peppers and crisp lettuce, I understand.

                    • AlwaysCC

                      you already know it! lol hmmm….now i want a turkey sub #notpregnantjusthungry

        • I can understand pregnancy demands, but how you gon’ say your man needs to ask first while telling Damon that the juice is hers and she’s entitled to it b/c they’re married. Those ideals run counter.

          Sounds like she can do what she wants, and he needs to ask.

          • Pinks

            I say ask first to finish something. I don’t mind if he has some of it, but don’t dead my whole item without knowing if I planned to go back to it.

            To me, a container of juice is different than, say, a sandwich that was purchased for one person and has already been half-consumed. The juice can be drank multiple times, whereas that last bite of a singular cupcake I got just for me and didn’t get to finish at lunch is a one-shot deal.

            Unless it’s a favorite item that’s usually only eaten by me – like Utz Red Hot chips – most food stuff is fair game in our house, so I’d have the side eye for him if he felt away about me drinking some juice…like if it was that serious, write your name in a Sharpie so I know what to stay away from.

        • Cleojonz

          Ha ha, I didn’t see your comment. I just said something similar above.

        • ThatBlackBear

          Pizza, chinese, that dope azz artisanal burger we got at that spot almost no one knows about but we found: I’m all good.

          Put yo hands on my Cinnabon and we gonna have problems!

      • Damon Young

        in theory, yes. what’s mine is hers and vice versa. but just as i make sure not to be the first to rummage through the yogurt, i have certain expectations.

        • HeyBooHey

          Jokes but I understand your point. Can’t speak for all women but I know I have selfish tendencies in some regards that I make up for in others. Snacks being one of them, I can’t share Haribos to save my life. I respect a guy’s expectations but they usually let a lot more ride

          • Cleojonz

            how about when you have portioned yourself out the perfect snack and booskini reaches over to take some. No n!gga got get your own!

          • dmcmillian72

            Lolol! The Haribos ain’t no joke! There are only 2 people I share mine with…Twin and one of my girls who is equally addicted to them! And by sharing, I mean we always buy each other a bag when we’re hanging out, and other friends know not to even ask us for any, even with 2 bags between us! Lol! #Issues

            • HeyBooHey

              Listen, ERRBODY knows not to touch my Haribos lol. My 12yr old niece is trained to tell her mom to cop me some when I visit cuz she loves to sit & steal from my bag. My ex always bought 2 bags cuz he knew I wasn’t sharing. #Issues indeed, it’s serious!

        • Angel Baby

          Lol awe that’s cute. Lol

    • Hitting it first matters.

    • Cleojonz

      I feel like that over leftovers which is completely irrational I know. I get so mad every time I think I’m going to go in the fridge and get a mouthful of some delicious meal we’ve had and it’s already gone. I feel like he should just know to leave it for me lol.

    • Nope. you gotta have SOMETHING to your self. We are allowed to one thing, ladies.

    • MsSula

      I am like that with my magazines (print). Do NOT and I repeat do NOT open my newly arrived magazine before me. Or you will get CUT. :-)

  • Jocelyn

    My cousin and I used to rent those D-list black movies in college under the guise of supporting independent films. We really laughed while watching them. Of course we were the fools paying Blockbuster (or Hollywood) good money to watch them so… I have run across a few gems but not without half watching 30 terrible movies first.

    I don’t event remember my Netflix password so unless someone steals my laptop or iPad, I will not be funding any snow days. No love for moochers.

  • God Shammgod

    I had to make a separate Netflix profile for my baby brother because his preferences were messing up my entire steelo. I’m trying to watch Trash Dance Movies but Netflix keeps trying to tell me that I’d rather watch Naruto instead. No the fuck I would not.

    To totally jack Peej’s post though…let’s do a roundtable of the most obscure connection you have to a premium streaming service such as HBOGo or Starz On Demand…mine is my HS best friends’ best friends’ now roommate (who I actually could not stand back in HS)…everytime I watch an ep of Game of Thrones on his service I think of it as reparations for every time he had me fugged up.

    • Aly

      I use my uncle’s HBOGo account. He owes me money so really it’s like he’s paying me back.

      • camilleblu

        *He owes me money so really it’s like he’s paying me back*

        lololol…i don’t know why *owe me back* by nas and genuine just popped into my head…

        • Aly

          Lol, I’m still salty about that money though. I think about it every time I see him!

          • camilleblu

            haha…i bet you be like * you BET NOT cancel your account nicca*

            • Aly

              Ha! Yup.

    • HeyBooHey

      I got my weedhead cousin’s password, who’s married to an Asian woman. Their suggestions range from Belly 2 and dark action movies to Doc McStuffins and anime flicks. That w*ed must be next level in the Midwest.

      My friend’s co-worker had my Comcast password. Had to switch my ish up after he went ham on Game of Thrones episodes before I got to the 4th season. My petty was on PJ levels

    • Pinks

      Hubby’s best friend’s dad Netflix. Also, not a streaming service, but I’ve used one of my best friend’s husband’s cousin’s Amazon Prime account before.

      • Careful she bites

        I love how deep you’re willing to go for convenient viewing options! We can all learn from you…

    • Nicholas Peters

      Naruto is great

    • cakes_and_pies

      I use my friend’s HBO2Go and he uses my Hulu and Amazon.

    • Damon Young

      an ex f-buddy’s girlsgonewild password. she got it from her brother and gave it to me because she assumed I’d be into that sort of thing. (and she was right.)

    • ED

      I had my cousin’s password for HBOGo but then he cut the cord smh

    • I could give you better anime suggestions than Naruto.

    • Angel Baby

      Lol I use my big brother’s Netflix so he created a separate access for me too!!! This is exactly how the conversation went:
      Me: (calls him when I notice) Hey why’d you separate us? You don’t want to share with me man?
      Him: Jello now you have your own page and our movie preferences won’t get combined.
      Me: (laughing) Im still going to use yours (even though I’m not. I just like to play my lil sis card).
      Him: Ok (he laughs & hangs up).

    • I got Hulu from another girl who got it from her cousins ex. I don’t use it to watch much but trailers and clips from late night talk shows. I got HBOGo from a follower on twitter, we don’t speak much outside of just lols I’m not sure if it was a #heyboo or she just really couldn’t have me out here not here for Game of Thrones.

      I just need to get a boo with Amazon Prime aand Spotify family.

      • MsSula

        Sounds like a #heyboo move gone awry. Loll.

        • Aye gotta say it with your chest lol

      • HeyBooHey

        I must be doing twitter all wrong, I never got streaming passwords out the deal. You must pimpin in them tweets lol

    • KB

      I am the host for all of the streaming service parasites. I cannot recall how many times I’ve given out my Netflix and Hulu passwords to people.

      • HeyBooHey

        Really? Lemme get that Hulu hookup!

    • Agatha Guilluame

      My boss has my HBOGo/cable password. I would tell him I have all the premium channels so he could watch more than just HBO but I won’t, just cuz. I have a VSS’ Netflix. I’m not ashamed of that.

  • miss t-lee

    Why are you eating at Cici’s?

    Ew.

    • Why aren’t you? lol

      • miss t-lee

        It’s hideous, that’s why…lol

        • #colonblockage

          • miss t-lee

            I haven’t been since the buffet was $2.99.
            No suh.

  • Medium Meech

    I didn’t want to be the one to point it out but this is some cold blooded VSB on VSB aggression right here. Looks like its back to riding his bike made entirely of distressed Prius parts to the public library for Vontilla Steven. Sad, not that much selection in the hemp bound book section either.

    • Agatha Guilluame

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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