Lists, Theory & Essay

two reasons why men are “better” at friendship than women are

one of my favorite educated guesses is the fact that, if you were to poll both genders about their “closest friends”, at least 25-30 percent of the women would probably name a man, while maybe 5-6 percent of the men would name a woman. although i have absolutely no statistical data to back me up, i’m completely sure that this is true, mainly because of the commonly held notion that men make better friends than women do.

as you’ve probably inferred, i happen to agree with this, but i’ve always wondered why it’s true. what exactly is it that makes a typical man better at friendship than a typical women would be?

today, in typical extraordinarily sexxxy vsb.com fashion, we’ll examine two reasons why men are “better” at friendship than women are.

1. sports

while it’s true that many men use sports as a bonding activity and/or entertainment venue, it’s main purpose is to serve as a completely subtle and in-depth subconscious character study. you see, the way a guy approaches sports usually provides a snapshot of his entire life.

***note. this also applies to women who have been involved in organized sports at some level. the female athlete’s i’ve known have all seemed to have healthier friendships than the “typical” woman***

if he’s been a die-hard fan of a team since childhood, he’s probably loyal to a fault (and also a bit stubborn). the basketball court ball-hog who’s pissing off all of his teammates by attempting all of the latest and-1 tricks during the games at the park is undoubtedly an immature assh*le who can’t be trusted, but you’d happily introduce your sister to the cat who never calls fouls and tries to get everyone involved (unless, of course, its jason kidd). if his favorite players are flashy, yet cancerous losers like t.o. or starbury, then you can assume that he’s lacking in the character department and is probably a diva dude in disguise.

also…

play fair. pass to the open man. take one for the team. compete your heart out, and shake hands afterwards. guard your man. pay attention. listen to your coach. don’t let the crowd distract you. play your position. know your role.

…many of the tenets learned through sports mimic the qualities most people value in a close friend.

the culture of sports provides a fool-proof character building, character testing, character challenging, and character evaluating process. there’s no equivalent for women, no analogous process that gives them the same test, a fact which gives many men an inherent edge on women when it comes to picking and being close friends.

2. men understand anthropology

why, you ask, is an understanding of anthropology important when discussing men and friendship? what does the “study of humanity” have do to with why guys make better friends than women do?

well, since anthropology is the study of humanity, and since a person well-versed in the study of humanity is somewhat familiar with recent population statistics, a man with a solid understanding of anthropology realizes that theres roughly 3.5 billion female humans on the planet.

basically, there’s enough ***insert crude euphemism for “vagina*** to go around, so there’s no use in sharing it…especially if its already been “tainted” by someone in our immediate circle.

we also understand that, in order to keep the population growing, we need to keep having sex. (preferably) with women. because we understand anthropology, we dont take it personally when one of our friends ditches us for a woman. in fact, we encourage and applaud it. we like the earth, and we want it to continue and sh*t.

hmmm. this all sounds about right to me. damn, it kind of sucks being right all of the time.

**actually, to be honest, it doesn’t suck. not at all.  i just couldn’t think of anything else to conclude the entry**

—the champ

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

    woohoo! im first! wait, lemme check…

    • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

      @shatani,

      yay! i totally was first! lmao….

      anywho…i so feel you on the anthropology thing though. i generally try not to feel some kinda way about being ditched by my girl for her manfriend…but its hard for me! (thats what she said) i dont mind if you turn down a plan, but dont ditch once we have them!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @shatani,

        i generally try not to feel some kinda way about being ditched by my girl for her manfriend…but its hard for me! (thats what she said) i dont mind if you turn down a plan, but dont ditch once we have them!

        so basically, you dont care about the planet?

        • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

          @The Champ,

          pretty much.

    • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

      @shatani,

      to the Sat Down corner…. NOW.

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      @shatani, Hi FIVE! LOL

    • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

      @shatani,

      Yeah so do you want me to FedEx you your “Go SAT DOWN link card or is UPS better?

  • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

    and dont think i didnt catch that ear remark, punk!

  • Leila

    I can’t argue with this post. Guys tend to make better friends. I have a close group of female friends and love them to death, but in general I tend to get along better with guys. They don’t take things as personally, listen better, are more loyal, and there’s less cattiness. I’ve lost a few female friends over stupid fights and to this day, I have no idea what we even fought over.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Leila,

      I’ve lost a few female friends over stupid fights and to this day, I have no idea what we even fought over.

      it wasn’t jim jones, was it?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Leila, i had an ex who quit talking to her friend b/c her friend asked ME to go to the mall with her. all of a sudden her friend became suspect and had ulterior motives.

      needless to say, me and the ex broke up and i still talk to the friend. lol. chicks are weird. the lines in the sand are moving targets.

      • GEMiniscing…

        a girl friend of your gf, who was not already YOUR friend to begin with, has NO business asking you to go to the mall with her. alone. that’s ridiculous, inappropriate and blatantly outta order in the court. if she were my friend, we likely wouldn’t be friends anymore either. cuz that’s some BS. and as a grown woman, i do not keep close friends who are line crossers and boundary breakers.

        • SouthernGirl

          @GEMiniscing…, hello! i’m sayin’…. i need more info cause if you didn’t know ‘ol girl already then gem is right. i wish a heffa would…

        • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

          @GEMiniscing…,

          LMAO!! Did I miss something?? Was this an invitation to the MALL or did “mall” mean “dominatrix boudoir”?

          Damn!

          • GEMiniscing…

            i mean, WHY on earth would you just up and ask your friend’s man to hang out with you?!?!?! there’s NO ONE else?!?! you’re that lonely and friendless that you can find no one else but your friend’s bf to go to the mall with?? come on now!!

            spending QT with your friend’s man is NOT appropriate. regardless if it’s to get an Inn & Out burger and fries, going to the mall, or “hanging” out at your apt where the only tv is conveniently located in your room. there’s NO good reason for alone time to be spent with another woman’s man, who wasn’t previously your friend to begin with. now, if homegirl and dude were friends 1st, then this might (key word: might) be a different story. otherwise, it’s NOT ok for any reason.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              @GEMiniscing…, perhaps i left out a few other details. for one, her friend and i were actual friends before me and her even got together. they just knew eachother longer from school, but when her friend and i both moved to DC at the same time after college (and before me and the ex even got together) and had been hanging out for a while…it aint like she just randomly was like, “well i’m not doing anything, what’s your man doing”.

              also, we were all supposed to get up later that day (my ex had to go do something with her family before we all – including the friend – went to dinner later). it was a more, let’s kill time before we all get back up in a few hours thing anyway.

              to recap: me and the friend had a history, independent of the ex. a harmless, we’re homies. before the ex and i even got together.

              either way, the ex was SO pissed at this, she cancelled the evening’s hangout event and stopped talking to the friend wholesale. like to this day, the friend told me she saw her at a wedding in B-more last month and she still refused to speak to her.

              this all happened in 2002.

              now maybe, including all that additional info that i probably should have added in the first place, i’m being a little shortsighted, but man…that was some little stuff in my book.

              but above all else, why exactly shouldn’t your bf and bff ever hang out? assuming they’re both going ot be in your life, presumably forever, why wouldn’t you want your close friends to be friends too?

              ALL of my girlfriends have gotten to know my boys. hell some of my ex’s hang out with my friends STILL.

              just asking.

              • SouthernGirl

                @Panama Jackson, ok, that’s better. you can’t go calling folks out in the story and not give the details and sh!t.

              • Leila

                @Panama Jackson, She immediately cut her off? She has trust issues. I’m not in a relationship now, but I’ve become friends with all of my ex’s friends and vice-versa. It’s one thing if she invited you her home late at night, but the mall? I used to live in VA and i”m not even sure if Landmark Mall should even count as a mall lol.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            @Luvvie, it was totally the mall. as in, Landmark Mall, in Alexandria, VA. which does suck as a mall, but is a mall nonetheless.

          • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula In Planning.

            @Luvvie,

            Funny, but true.

      • Nikiloveli

        @Panama Jackson,

        So you’re seriously saying that if your boy asked your gf to go to the mall with him, you wouldn’t hold his ass suspect?

        There is no planet upon which this is acceptable behavior. Flag on the play!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @Nikiloveli, y’all got trust issues.

          • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula In Planning.

            @Panama Jackson,

            Me thinks so too.

      • V Renee

        @Panama Jackson

        Yeah I’m with the other ladies. I need more info. He.l.l YEAH your ex had every right to stop talking to ol girl.

        The only reason that I can think of where it would be okay for your ex’s friend and you to be out shopping is if you were planning on buying an engagement ring and brought her friend along for her opinion.

        • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

          @V Renee,

          Yeah all Im sayin is that I need more info b4 I can tell my BFF of 10 years “u invited my man to the mall?? B*TCH forget you ever MET me!!”

    • WestIndianArchie

      @Leila,

      “I’ve lost a few female friends over stupid fights and to this day, I have no idea what we even fought over”

      I’ve lost a few girlfriends over stupid fights and to this day, I have no idea what we even fought over

      • Leila

        @WestIndianArchie, I’m not big on fighting, but if I’m mad about something, then I’ll let the other person know especially a good friend. One friend that I grew up with got in a stupid fight with my sister and immediately stopped talking to me even though I wasn’t involved and said that I wasn’t taking sides. We knew each other for over 15 years and still haven’t talked since then.

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    hmmm I am tired and cant think of anything as a rebuttal.. I just want to disagree because I am a dayum good friend! LOL but this aint about me….I guess I agree… grudgingly….shakin head… and if and when I think of something I will be back!@

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Shay-d-lady,

      you didnt od on your prozac last night, did you?

  • http://vodkaandmilk.wordpress.com Sasha Two Pistols

    I tend to agree with this post, although I adore my female friendships, I do have some of the best conversations with one of my best guy friends. I know that I can bring up ANY type of conversation and have a lively discussion about it, without him being like “ewww”, lol! Plus, guys tend to give great no-B.S. advice when it comes to life situations.

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      @Sasha Two Pistols, I concur..and I dont have to think of a way to say some thing nicely.. if he did or said something that pi$$ed me off.. I can just tell him and he does the same.. I dont have to be worried I will hurt his feelings and shyt..now to our credit we have been friends a LOOOONG time so that could also play a major part…but then I have a close woman friends and I have been friends with her even longer and I still have to be cautious with her…

      • GEMiniscing…

        i’m the same way– i don’t believe in sugar coating and telling ppl what they want to hear. if you ask me for my advice or opinion, be prepared to hear it in its raw form. i can be warm, em/sym-pathetic, and caring when needed, but i think reality checks are best served cold.

        • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

          @GEMiniscing…,

          here here! my friends know not to come to me for no sugar-coated BS…im not the one!

        • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

          @GEMiniscing… WORD! I be cashing reality checks up in this muhfugguh!!!!

          • GEMiniscing…

            lmao right! if you just want me to listen, i will. but once you give me permission to give my dos pesos, it’s on and poppin like some corn. i will assault a friend with common sense, tough love and no nonsense.

            • SouthernGirl

              @GEMiniscing…, and that’s how it should be.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @GEMiniscing…,

              “…it’s on and poppin like some corn…”

              obviously you didnt get that “updated, 21st century slang” encyclopedia i sent you, huh?

      • http://vodkaandmilk.wordpress.com Sasha Two Pistols

        @Shay-d-lady, I feel the same way. My good guy friend, I’ve know about 2 years, but he’s like a brother to me and I know I can let him know (as i have on many occassions) that’s he’s getting on my nerves, and he doesn’t go run in a corner. He’ll apologize and keep it moving, he doesn’t dwell on it. I don’t have to worry, “is he gonna be my friend after that”. I just think that guys in general are like, cool if you don’t want to be my friend, then ok, no sweat. But us women, we tie EVERYTHING to our emotions, so when someone says “you’re getting on my nerves” we automatically think well this person doesn’t like me anymore. And it could only mean that at that moment you’re bothering them, not all the time.

        I’m think I’m gonna starting “friending” like a man and see how that works out for me. That would be a great experiment, haha!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @Sasha Two Pistols, conversely, there’s nothing more annoying than a man who does all the things you just attributed to women’s behavior. i just want to stab those dudes and throw pantyhose at them and tell them to man up.

          • GEMiniscing…

            so you’re saying the way to “man up” is to bleed while wearing pantyhose?? i’m confuseded….

    • Leila

      @Sasha Two Pistols, They give really good advice, no bs and straight to the point.

    • shay

      @Sasha Two Pistols,
      whats so non-BS about their real talk is not so much how ice cold it is, but more so how unbiased it is; women have a tendency to be jealous of you and some take any opportunity to hurt your feelings just to have that “one up”

      • http://vodkaandmilk.wordpress.com Sasha Two Pistols

        @shay,

        That is so true. It is unbiased. They have a way to look at a situation and give pros and cons. Now I’m not bashing my friendships I have with my girls, I do cherish those. But honestly, the guy friends just come from a different perspective and sometimes you just need someone to tell you like it is, straight up –no bull. And I can appreciate that. And you know its not coming from a mean place, they’re just like check yourself. I appreciate my friends not letting me go out in the world looking like a fool in certain situations, haha.

  • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

    I’m actually going to have to partially agree with the champ here. Sports participation/fandom actually teaches people how to relate to others and gives an inside clue to their personality quirks.

    I also agree with the assessment that men who like bitch$$es like TO are usually people I want to slap upside the head on a regular basis. Women get a pass because… well… no they don’t. He’s a bitch$$. A good woman recognizes and is appropriately disgusted.

    As far as the understanding of anthropology… well… I’ll come up with a rebuttal to that in the morning when my toes aren’t being… nevermind. TMI.

    Goodnight.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @blackberry molasses,

      I also agree with the assessment that men who like bitch$$es like TO are usually people I want to slap upside the head on a regular basis. Women get a pass because… well… no they don’t. He’s a bitch$$. A good woman recognizes and is appropriately disgusted.

      honestly, what a person likes and why they like it says more about them than any briggs-myers or holland code could ever measure

      • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

        @The Champ,
        “honestly, what a person likes and why they like it says more about them than any briggs-myers or holland code could ever measure”

        you know I LOVE that smart ni99a speak….STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @GOODENess,

          you know I LOVE that smart ni99a speak….STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!!

          make me

    • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula In Planning.

      @blackberry molasses,

      Sports participation/fandom actually teaches people how to relate to others and gives an inside clue to their personality quirks.

      I think that’s the strongest point The Champ made to date (well, one of them). Sports participation teaches valuable stuff about yourself and your peers.

      I have my own testimony that I should probably write as an entry. :)

      • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

        @Sula In Planning.,

        i dont think its just sports participation…i mean, lots of athletically challenged people can be good friends. i think you can find just as many values and lessons being taught on the math team as you’ll find on the football team.

        *mathletes unite!*

        • 8th Wonder

          No ma’am, not the mathletes.

        • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula In Planning.

          @shatani,

          Since we’re speaking of mathlete, let’s use (my remnant memories of) some math terminology.

          “Sports” is not a sine qua non of “knowing yourself and your peers”. It’s the other way around.

          You can tell a lot about a person by looking at the sports s/he engages (ed) in… as you can with a lot of other things.

          Does that make sense?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @shatani,

          mathlete deez

          • 8th Wonder

            *chortles*

  • http://www.kindredsmile.blogspot.com kindredsmile

    Huzzah! I’m back thanks to the magic of my new phone, though i never stopped reading. Anyway, i have to concur with the general consensus that being friends with a guy is just easier, even the ones who didn’t play sports in school. I’ll add something witty to this in the morning, just wanted to comment before the masses filed in.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @kindredsmile,

      Anyway, i have to concur with the general consensus that being friends with a guy is just easier, even the ones who didn’t play sports in school

      why do you think this is?

      • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

        @The Champ,

        because, like you all keep trying to tell us…men are simple. simple motivations, practical and pragmatic thinking and a tendency to assume that one is NOT a mind reader…

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    I do wanna add though that men are raised to be friends while women are raised to be wives…..its a big different we grow up hearing stories of bad women, jealousy, dont let your woman near your man, man before friends etc etc.. we have a much longer row to hoe when it comes to developing friendships…

    • Just Plain Ole Peyso

      @Shay-d-lady, and ya are taught that by ur mothers, so its still a woman’s fault haha jk jk

    • GEMiniscing…

      i can honestly say i was raised the exact opposite. my mother was highly encouraging of healthy girl friendships. “don’t ever let a man come between a friendship. boys come and go, friends should last a lifetime.” aside from this, a solid education is my mother’s top priority for me. she’d prefer i wait until i’m done with ALL my schooling before i even seriously consider being a wife.

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

        @GEMiniscing…,

        “a solid education is my mother’s top priority for me. she’d prefer i wait until i’m done with ALL my schooling before i even seriously consider being a wife.”

        yo mama and my mama must share a brain.

        • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

          @blackberry molasses,

          girl, mine too!

      • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula In Planning.

        @GEMiniscing…,

        I would have to agree with you Gem. I was raised the exact opposite. My family has a lot of females (my parents alone have 4 girls), so we were taught early on the sacredness and importance of female relationships.

        My dad was really big on education, knowledge. He used to tell us that “Our first husband was our studies”. I don’t think I was raised to be a wife… (which is probably why it took so much to accept the idea of being one)

        I don’t know. I have equally good female friends as I do guy friends. But I’ll concede that I have more male associates than I do females.

        • GEMiniscing…

          lol @ your 1st husband being your studies. i know that’s right!

          my dad never told me that. altho he did tell me it’s easy to be mediocre– and it takes as much effort to fail as it does to be above average.

          my dad also told me if i ever brought a dude home, he’d ask them what was the square root of [insert obscenely long number]. if the guy answered “huh?” or “what’s a square root?” my dad said he’d show him to the door. he’d rather the guy say “i don’t know” or take a stab at answering. *sigh* i love my nerdy parental units…

          • Tx10inch

            @GEMiniscing…,

            my dad also told me if i ever brought a dude home, he’d ask them what was the square root of [insert obscenely long number]. if the guy answered “huh?” or “what’s a square root?” my dad said he’d show him to the door. he’d rather the guy say “i don’t know” or take a stab at answering. *sigh* i love my nerdy parental units…

            “the square root” of a number refers to the principal square root: the square root of 2 is approximately 1.4142.

            Ask Pappa Gem whats up?..lol

  • http://www.onesmartblackman.blogspot.com Mr. Smart Guy

    Another fantastical truth is that men are less likely to want to be friends with women while women are quick to certify a guy into the friend zone…

    Men generally don’t wanna be bosom buddies with a female. They usually like to buddies with the bosom. I’m just saying.

    • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

      @Mr. Smart Guy,

      I actually agree with you. I can now admit to the fact that every guy I am friends with now was (or still may be) trying to get the goodies. Except for my gay boyfriends. They are allergic to vag…

      • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula In Planning.

        @blackberry molasses,

        They are allergic to vag…

        But they may still want the bosom…. for themselves. :)

        • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

          @Sula In Planning.,

          that’s Boob Envy… it doesn’t count. They admire breasticles like they appreciate art. Beautful but purpose is not fully understood… because they are gay and can’t bear chilluns.

          • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

            @blackberry molasses,

            i have always wondered what is the deal with gay men and boobies!!

            • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/ Deviant

              @shatani,
              gay or straight men like boobies

              • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

                @Deviant,

                i expect straight men to like them…i was surprised to find that gay men were interested in them as well…

      • http://vodkaandmilk.wordpress.com Sasha Two Pistols

        @blackberry molasses,

        Except for my gay boyfriends. They are allergic to vag

        I’m dying over here…..lol.

      • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

        @blackberry molasses,

        LMAO!! I heart the gays. Vag allergies (and sometimes envy) and all

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Luvvie,

          I heart the gays

          this would be a great t-shirt to make a vsb-er rock outside after losing a afc championship game wager (hint, hint, dorian g)

          • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

            @The Champ,

            I would PAY GOOD MONEY to see this!

  • Resident GRitS

    Just to be clear, are we talking about men being better friends to each other or men being better friends in general? If it’s the latter, I think the recent post about platonic friendships being a figment of our imaginations throws a wrench in the premise of Champ’s point.

    It has been said that platonic relationships (read: friendships) cannot exist between members of the opposite sex without some sort of attraction or chemistry between the two. We could argue, then, that men are better friends to women because they are, essentially, “protecting their investment” until such time that benefits can be reaped. It seems that it would have less to do with character and more to do with “waiting it out”.

    If the argument is that men make better friends to other men, then, I believe that goes without saying. I wouldn’t know, but I would imagine that few people can relate to a black man better than another black man. It makes sense that they would be better friends to each other because they share experiences and perspectives specific to that existence.

    As for women, we, too, have the capability to be friends with each other for the same reasons. Though we are more emotional (read: hate on each other, are jealous, are catty, etc.), we are also empathetic. If that were not true, Oprah wouldn’t be a billionaire.

    • http://complicatedmelodi.blogsome.com/ melodi

      @Resident GRitS,

      *taking off my lurking cloak and waving*

      I was thinking the same thing. If men and women can’t really be platonic friends, then can a man really be a better friend to a woman?

      Men can be good sounding boards, but if you need a shoulder to cry on, someone who is well versed in ‘chick logic’ and can understand where you are coming from even if “i just feel that way” is your only real reason, someone who will just listen and not try to solve the problem, someone who will drop whatever they are doing to come to your side without any ulterior motive – that’s a woman.

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

        @melodi,

        Welcome!!! **Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**

        • http://complicatedmelodi.blogsome.com/ melodi

          @blackberry molasses

          Thanks! *cheesing*

      • SouthernGirl

        @melodi, welcome!!!

        and since you delurked and actually made a comment you get a *shooting gold star* that lands perfectly in bbmo’s Diva Dust v.2.0 ™

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      @Resident GRitS, I t hink he was saying better friends in general..true most of the times men are friends with women because they are waiting it out but on the rare occasion true friendship exists between men and women the characteristics that make them great friends to each other, also make them great friends to women. I dont think anyone is saying that women dont make good friends but the points you list below..hateration, petty jealousy and cat fights, and all around cattiness tend(although I do think a lot of that is more characteristic of younger female relationship ) to take away from the friendship…men are more likely to be friends with each other for longer periods of time with very few fights or big blow ups ..the course of the friendship tends to be smoother than between women…IMHO

    • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/ Deviant

      @Resident GRitS,
      “but I would imagine that few people can relate to a black man better than another black man”

      guy friendships have nothing to do with race. Mine dont anyway. I can go get drunk and talk sh!t with any ba$tard.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Resident GRitS,

      It has been said that platonic relationships (read: friendships) cannot exist between members of the opposite sex without some sort of attraction or chemistry between the two. We could argue, then, that men are better friends to women because they are, essentially, “protecting their investment” until such time that benefits can be reaped. It seems that it would have less to do with character and more to do with “waiting it out”.

      thing is (and i brought this point up in my platonic friendship entry), just because a male/female friendship isn’t platonic, doesnt mean that it can’t be close. basically, just because a guy WOULD sleep with you doesnt mean that he WANTS to, or would try to.

      so, to answer your question, i’m referring to all friendships, not just male/male ones

      • Resident GRitS

        @The Champ,

        …then I’m going to have to disagree.

        Thanks, however, for the clarification.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Resident GRitS,

          no problem. i enjoy helping people be wrong

    • GEMiniscing…

      As for women, we, too, have the capability to be friends with each other for the same reasons. Though we are more emotional (read: hate on each other, are jealous, are catty, etc.), we are also empathetic.

      i hate to get all “brainy” but i’m in comps mode so i can’t help myself…

      i do think biology plays a big role in friendships. men tend to be impulsive and instinctive about their actions whereas women tend overthink things and let their emotional status dictate their moods and behaviors.

      it’s easy for men to guide their friendships becuz of their knowledge/practice of (1) sports and (2) anthropology becuz testosterone enables them to. of course a man understands when his dude leaves him behind for a woman. his penis and mind are completely on 1 accord– “go get you some cuz i’d do the same.” women’s hormones, on the other hand, can cloud judgment and complicate actions becuz it sends different signals to the mind and body often times to act in opposition. for instance, a woman may feel insulted or “ditched” if her girl leaves her for a dude becuz women typically don’t think with their vadge and can check sexual desires. her instincts may tell her one thing (let her go be with her man– if you had one you’d be with him), but her emotional status may say another (i’m depressed and need to b*tch so you’re going to just leave me alone to drown in my sorrow?). now there’s a conundrum–how does she appropriately respond with all these different stimuli? MY explanation for women cattiness, jealousy and pettiness is that some women don’t understand (or get to know) their feelings and why they feel certain ways, so it’s easy for those little feelings to get hurt. and this lack of self-awareness can/will change the dynamics of relationships/friendships.

      so intrinsically (imho), men are typically better equipped to have strong, long-lasting relationships with the same group of friends. women have a harder time with this becuz their emotions often get in the way of good intentions and can cause friction.

      that’s the beauty of having different sex chromosomes.

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

        @GEMiniscing…,

        I completely understand and appreciate your thesis on theis compelling and somewhat confounding (not epi) subject. Especially the portions on female response to internal (hormonal) and external stimuli (this is part of the reason Eve has WORDS coming when I get to the Pearly Gates-ol jackin up Creation’s perfection lookin’ gal).

        But I also notice that with age (as someone noted downthread) women are more inclined to have greater control over their emotional response to sh*t (if they are actually mature and not just ‘old girls’). That would explain why the cattiness/injured feelings/percieved disloyalty is probably at its maximum expression among high school age girls, and diminishes over time.Given that said women actually grow and mature as people, a lot of it gets relegated to being ‘silly sh*t’. Consequently, its rare that women are close friends with ALL of their high school friends when they get older, though a couple do survive. Those that do make the cut to “adult girlfriend” status are usually from 3 categories (these categories are not mutually exclusive and often intersect):
        1) You have been friends with this girl since y’all were in Underoos
        2) This is the girl you have a mind-link with… you similar/complimentary outlooks on life (finished each other’s sentences, you would dress alike by accident, etc)
        3) She’s the one who has seen you through some SERIOUS shyt (i.e. death of a loved one, parents divorcing, etc.) while you were younger.

        screw comps and dissertation… hand this woman her PhD!

        • GEMiniscing…

          in my own experiences, as well as those of friends, there are LOTS of grown a*s women who are catty, petty, jealous, crazy, selfish, bossy, etc, esp on the job. we just HOPE women will get better, more refined (emotionally, mentally), and maintain healthy friendships as they get older. sadly, this just isn’t always the case.

          becuz, as i mentioned to you earlier— mature, stable, secure women need other women in their lives/circle of friends who are on the same page emotionally and mentally. as a grown woman, i need friends who are going to help me be better and vice versa. if there is no growth, there is no friendship. not to say i can’t be cool with my hard-headed peeps from around the way growing up and check up on them every once in awhile, they just aren’t my bffs or ppl i turn to or include in my major life events.

        • Dr. Watson

          @blackberry molasses,
          &
          @Resident GRitS

          I used to actually think no such thing as male / female friendships as well. But as time passed, I’ve gained female friends without the initial attraction / chemistry guideline.

          Blackberry touched on it. Those three points also applies to cross gender friendships as well.

          I’ve thought about why we are friends and nothing more and my only conclusion was I didn’t feel anything towards them like that. They fill some other role in my life rather than romance or random lust.

          Some of them are married now, some aren’t. But I would go to bat for them as hard as I would for my homeboys. And I’m sure they would me.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @GEMiniscing…,

        look at the big brain on the san diegoan. who’d a thunk it and sh*t?