I hate destiny.

Tradition is the backbone of a strong society. Without our traditions, we are left, well, traditionless and searching like Roy Ayers, which is so sad since everybody loves the sunshine. We are the equivalent of the lost Black girl who doesn’t enjoy talking about that God body back to Africa stuff.

NOT THAT WHITE STUFF!

What does this have to do with the price of Magnums in Tokyo? Not very much really, but it got me to thinking about a bunch of relationship norms that while seemingly sound in theory, are actually quite non-sensical. And if non-sensical is too strong, then they’re at the very least Urkelian.

And I’m guessing Magnums in Tokyo go for real cheap. I figure its one of those places where supply doesn’t necessarily create demand. Take that Reagan. Swing low, sweet chariot. Trickle deez.

Back to the lecture at hand. There are quite a few tenets that many of us tend to hold pretty tightly too, and if we were to actually examine them more closely, we’d realize that perhaps, we’ve got it wrong, even if we hold onto them for the “right” reasons.

Wrote a song about them, like to hear them? Here they go.

(Okay, no song.)

1. No living with somebody until you’re married

It’s common knowledge that you don’t know somebody until you’ve lived with them, or at the very least spend a significant amount of unintentionally inseparable time together. Yet, so many of us (and by us, I mean ninjas since white people are ready to move intogether after two weeks or a cup of coffee, whichever comes first) swear that we don’t want to live with our boyfriends or girlfriends until we’re married. Here’s the thing, I understand. Women don’t want to give up the milk if the man isn’t purchasing the cow. And men hate buying cows. It’s this notion that by living together, we are inadvertently prolonging our desire to marry the woman we’re living with. Or, more simply, we don’t want to share our space until we HAVE to. It’s the stuff of legend and rude awakenings. Of course, once you’re married and you realize you hate your spouse you’re required to at least attempt to work it out before you call Al Cowlings. Again, I understand why we hold off on living together, it just seems like a good place realize whether or not you actually want to marry the person that you’re about to…marry. Or not.

2. Waiting until you’re in love to sample the goods

Fret not, this isn’t another “ladies, give up the booty after date 2″ plea. No. This is more about those individuals who chose to wait until they are in “love” before they are ready to sleep with eachother. And that makes sense. I get it. You want to ensure that the person is fully deserving of your all before you go all in. Pun intended. And that makes lots of sense. Thing is, what if you fall in love with somebody who effectively gives you the worst schlong of your life. Every time and can’t get any better. Or can’t help but use her teeth. Like the damn things just STAY in the way. And you love chicks from Atlanta and the Georgia Dome? It is a beautiful thing to both decide to wait knowing that when you do partake, it will be a surreal and beautiful experience for you both. Or so you hope. If bootydo matters a whole lot to you and you have a terrible partner, will that color the love? Or do you just work it out? If coitus and finances are the main reasons that marriages die, and you ain’t rich and getting bad partnerplay…then what do you do?

3. Waiting to discuss finances until you have to

While I realize that asking somebody their FICO score can be a red flag of tremendous proportions – intrusive much? – the fact is, the more you know about how somebody handles their money will ensure that you don’t end up married to the person who effectively ruins your chance to buy a house with an interest rate that doesn’t rival current employment rates. So I get it, we date people and try to ascertain as much about their responsibilityness and self-management through observation. But peep game, how somebody manages their finances will tell you more than you need to know about whether or not you may want to move forward. But, generally, those conversations don’t come into play much later at which point when you do find out that your partner’s credit score is the over on a Knicks-Golden State basketball game score.

Those are three “traditions” so to speak that I think could use some updating. What say you? Do things make sense as they are? Do we need to hold onto these paradigms to ensure the continuation of the species?

What else you got? Any other perhaps shortsighted traditions?

Speak to me. Petey.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka lower.case.p aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3