Over the course of all relationships, two people (or more depending on your religion and/or if you’re from Utah) show their love and affection in varying ways. For some people it’s the sharing of tantric activity for hours, with both people reaching mental climaxes that only paraplegics could love.
Hmmm, is it me or does it seem like tantric lovin’ was created by paraplegics since, you know, they kind of can’t…really…bang…
It’s Friday, hell points for the win.
Other people read the Bible together and quote verses and do hi-fives for Jesus and really get into some Psalms. Praise de lawd.
But for most of us, the main way that we show our love and affection is through gifts. Oh yes, gifts start early and often. Dude was in the store and he saw a little figurine of a ballerina holding a crackpipe and it reminded him of how he’s geeked out over you and you think it’s so precious and cute and you will cherish it forever. Or ole girl was at home looking at beaucoup pictures of herself and decided that if she created a collage of pictures of herself and attached it to some construction paper and wrote “Eye Luv Ewe” over the top of it, you’d not only know that she loves you but you’d know exactly what she looked like at various points of her life.
Real ninja talking, why do women give the gift of pictures so often? And why are they so frequently just pictures of her?
Shawty got gifts.
I feel like purging. Let me tell you, I’ve given a lot of gifts over my days. And quite frankly, I want most of them back. Some of them seemed like great ideas at the time but then again so did that particular woman. Theory ALWAYS seems great. So here’s a list of gifts I wish I could get back.
Can I exercise some of my Indian giver ways?
Yes you can.
Thanks.
1. The cross pendant
When I was in high school (yeah I’m THAT salty) I gave my girlfriend at the time a cross pendant that she adored. I spent like $100 on it of my hard earned Papa John’s money. Do you know how much $100 bucks is to a 17 year old? And she was a straight heathen. Her legs spent so much time in the air she could never be grounded. But she just had to have that pendant and I just had to get it for her. At least she always took it off when I was climbing in her window. But I swear that I never snatched her people up.
2. Toni Tony Tone Sons of Soul album
I wrote an entire post about this but to paraphrase. I buy you CD. You take CD and give me hug. You run tell dat to dude you like and give him a kiss. You two then go on to celebrate beaucoup anniversaries…while listening to CD I bought you. Whatever, I don’t really give an eff ewe see kay. Eff your couch anyway though.
3. My Morehouse tshirt
Every chick jacks their man’s tshirts. It’s in the dating rulebook right after thou shalt fellate without teeth, thou shalt cometh off thine favorite tshirt. So I did. Thing is, ole girl got me for a limited edition tshirt. For folks that were in the AUC back in the late 90s, there were TWO places to get school gear, Collegiate and the TKO store on Clark’s campus. They all sold limited edition sh*t. If you didn’t get that shirt or jacket the day it came out, you weren’t getting it. Ole girl got me for my Morehouse “Ha” tshirt. Late 90′s Black college alumns know those shirts. I hate her by the way.
4. Those really purdy exotic roses I copped at that one store it took me 4 hours to find in Atlanta
Boy was I stupid. I found these REALLY dope oddly colored roses that were basically genetically altered and because I was smitten over this wilted-arse dandelion chick I paid my hard earned customer service rep money for them. And when I personally delivered said flowers to your door at 5am in the morning so that you’d wake up to them what did you say to me? “Aww, thanks. You should hold them for me at your place.” Ouch, baby. Very ouch. Man do I wish I’d given those flowers to somebody who might have appreciated them…like a homeless person.
That will do for now. I actually have a lot more but if I tell you some things I got for women somebody might call me a compassionate gentleman or something and we can’t have that. Besides, everybody knows that I’m a motherf*cking monster.
So good people of VSB, it’s Friday. Let’s put it out there. Let your heart be free. Take back your gifts, if oooooonly for toooooonight.
It’s okay, we’ve got your back.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka 40p aka VITAMIN P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
Ha!
Always wanted to do that. Alright, here’s a few things I’d like to take back: 1. a hundred fifty dollar watch I bought with my hard-earned money (high school part time job)- and you don’t even appreciate it, but you get the tenth basketball to add to your collection for your birthday and you nearly c#me. That’s all you wanted? Do you know how much interest I could have earned in my savings after all this time? Lol 2. Tickets to see a concert you were dying to go see…no comment. 3. Cologne you just had to have..yes Cool m#thafkkn Water cologne – to which I learned post-gift you lied about having already owned it and was getting a soon to be released CK One from me…lyin bast- *sigh* high school…
I want that xbox360, plus them games, and the wireless controllers I got you, you bastard! I also want the money I spent to take you to Orlando for the weekend back! Wow, that does feel good. That almost felt like waiting to exhale.
I guess I’ll say it again. I want that xbox360, plus the games, and the wireless controllers I bought you 4 years ago that you said broke. I know you have it! I gotta admit this felt good Panama. Kinda like when ole girl burned homeboy’s stuff in waiting to exhale.
There are a few videos that are on the internet, which shows women destroying their boyfriends’ video game consoles…
….So theraputic…
My new jack city double disc edition. I can buy it again…but the irony of jacking me for my New Jack City dvd is to much. That dude’s momma aint sh*t. word to black jesus.
i want my cell number back that i gave dude tonight. it was a gift and i want it back. brrrrr
i don’t know if you came up with it, but i will start calling women of the garden tool variety, women that can’t stay grounded!
“i want my cell number back that i gave dude tonight. it was a gift and i want it back. brrrrr”
YASSS! I’ve learned the hard way not to be giving my number out all willy nilly. The alcohol was the blame, but um…alcohol wears off. That dayum number is forever. I gave my number to this hawt dude one time and while we dancing he gon’ whisper in my ear ‘I have a 21 year old son.” The hell, HE looked about 28. And I’m 26. NO MA’AM. I’m glad I got a new phone…with new number.
@Cheekie
What’s da matter, Cheekie?
You could’ve been that boy’s step-mama!
LOL!!
google voice mail.
if you have a smart phone you can make then see the google # when you call them. They call leave a message if you WANT to you call back. its a google number they get irksome you change it, but the reall people don’t have to know you changed your number or why.
And this is why Google PWND Bing. I <3 Google and will be signing up for this TODAY.
Google voice is like a gift from GOD. I can block your number, make you hear the VM *I* want you to hear, respond to texts from my computer…..it’s like manna from heaven. Only bad thing is that’s it’s SMS only….no MMS yet.
Yea only thing I learned was that sms wasn’t free..Did that happen to anyone else or is that a Verizon special?
YOU and google just changed my life !
Let me cosign on the changing of my life.
I too must co-sign and shyt on the awesomness of Google!
thank u for this! my brother was telling me something about it too, but i was not paying attention
My takeback moment?
The first time I told a girl I love her and she said “awwwwww……..thats nice”
>:-l. Nice? Nice? Nice is a new bootleg Louis purse , Nice is/was a brand new 3XL white tee (yes I used to wear those don’t judge me) until I get Grape huggie juice on it, Nice is offering your last Chicken Wing to your little sister (with her greedy a$$) I just told you I loved you girl and its Nice?!?!?!
But I digress, it was freshman year of high school and we broke up a month later.
Another One: Anytime I offer a girl food we better be a committed relationship so all the girls I chilled with and gave food too but we never went past buddies? I want my dollar back for them dollar menu fries and 2 for 1 pies.
@rog
ohhh another gift to give back.. a bootleg purse.
umm a small louis joint goes for the 400. I know yo ass aint put the grip down it takes to swing a f!cking suitcase. I hate bootleg bags. The straps ALWAYS give them away. REAL LEATHER changes color people….. AND it doesnt unravel at the seams. im just saying
dont do me, do ya momma hair with that shyt.
“The first time I told a girl I love her and she said “awwwwww……..thats nice”
hahahahahaha….ya’ll are killin me in here today. Thats just terrible.
@ Rog
Oh baby Jesus away in a manger I’d have been pissed! Sayin “That’s nice” is like sayin “Well good for you!”.
Had it been me, I’d have waited until the next chexual encounter and said “Welp, that was nice,” and been out.
Also, dollar menu fries? No wonder ya’ll are just buddies! Get a woman a meal! Show you care with a number 11 and a coke with no ice…that’s all i’m sayin…
@Tess
I was in high school, a brother had a budget lol
@ Rog
As my Nana always used to tell me “If that’s the bait, don’t be saddity bout the fish.” lol
I’m late, but I feeelss you on this one.
I would like to take back the phrase “I love you…” The first (and only time, I have never said that ish again verbally) time I said it to the “love of my life,” he told me to “hold on to that emotion” with what I’m imagining was a smirk, though I’m not entirely sure… I could be making up the smirk part, but the phrase I’ll never forget.
Hold on to that? Hold on to that? Why the fuck would I want to hold on to my love for you? I wish I could have that back and punch him in his face.
Oh well. He’s married now. (And no, not to me. I probably dodged a bullet on that one.)
gifts I want back
ummm
I write sporadically. those who follow my very infrequent blogging are quite aware but I went through a phase in college where I was “finding myself” and wrote lots of poetry. I gave this ninja my poetry book. Of course they probably werent as epic as they have become in my mind but who knows?
WTF was I thinking?
i through a third party (trifling as.s sister) gave a dude my senior year Majorette jamboree vhs tape. WHAT do you know how banging I was back then? No cause that ninja got the tape… i will never see that shyt again smh, she also gave another ninja my 9th grade concert chior finale tape. Yeah my sister was pretty much a hater.
a set of tires … which I later slashed
co signed for an apt…. which I later flooded
gifts I wish i could give back? in jr high this dude gave me his baby tooth.
i also got a cd of the wackest Rnb songs available. like the b side of every great hit from the 90′s
and the last gift I want to give back is this impromptu freestyle rap that dude left on my voicemail for my birthday one year.
it was so terrible i never spoke to him again. We had been dating like 4 months.
LOL. Sporadically is an understatement.
*dead* @ flooded the apartment you co-signed. And getting a baby tooth?! Lmao
Not the baby toofus. . .
wait. wait. WAIT A MINUTE…
A BABY TOOTH??????????
@keisha, @hustle
yes a baby tooth. because he cherished me just as much and wanted me to have a piece of him with me. he gave it to me like on a string/rope.
I think he later grew up and became billy bob thornton.
O__O
I’ve missed you.
@8th wonder
LOL Ive missed you as well
where YOU been chica?
Wow you are shady!!!! Lol
With thes statements:
a set of tires … which I later slashed
co signed for an apt…. which I later flooded
I’d like to welcome you to the “crazy club”
***throws confetti***
It’s good to be in the company of others who will go h.a.m. on that azz
Only crazy thing I ever did was delete a guy’s whole email and everything on his computer…. I am savvy at password and PIN procurement.
That’s entry-level crazy. I have:
1. Set a car on fire from the inside-out
2. Retained email passwords and deleted term papers (he was in law school no less)
3. Stalked the girl he left me for….(okay, this was a bit much)
4. Slashed car tires every few months…before I said e’f it and torched the car
Granded this happened all with one dude I was engaged to…and since then, I have sought counseling and will not allow myself to do even a fraction of these things.
However, I do let folks know my potential for crazy upfront. No shame
Co-sign on the writing and giving away of various poems as gifts. Why, M, why did you do these things? *slaps self*
I have also purchased various, non-cheap Hallmark cards with beautiful words written on them about how much you love someone, or how much you’re falling for them… them cats didn’t deserve them… can I have them back, so I can burn them?
I also wish I could have back every damned sandwich I ever made for the old guy I was “seeing” at some point, because that bitch needed to get a life, not a meal. smh.
I have a given a lot…maybe too much. Like Panama, I have thought it over and decided that in some cases, the recipients didn’t deserve that ‘ish at all. However, I don’t want anything back. When I gave it, I meant it. I gave in love and because I wanted to. So even though my feelings for the person has changed, I don’t want anything back because I was true to myself when I gave and did it from the heart.
I will say this though, stuff that belonged to me that was broken or torn because “we” got a little over-zealous in getting it in and at the time my guy said “Oh, I’ll buy you another one.” Ummm, he never did. I want that shyt back. LOL!
LOL yousa freak hahaha
I bought my ex leather Michael Kors winter coat. The soft Italian leather and real lamb’s wool lining were truly out of my budget but it was my way of stupidly showing how much I cared. You wore the coat on occasion, receiving compliments each time, and tossed it on your bedroom floor after a night out. I knew we wouldn’t last.
I’d also like my BJs back. I blew you like my life depended on it, showing you with my body how much I loved, cared and appreciated you. You were ungrateful and didn’t mentally/emotionally understand the gift(s).
I’ll be grateful; call me. Soon.
LMAO!
Hmm…I love giving gifts. I don’t like receiving gifts though, unless they are random. I hate birthday gifts, holiday gifts, valentines, anniversaries, etc. I just like cute small gestures and that is what I try to do with my SO and my friends.
The only gift I regret was actually to a friend. I bought this boxset of James Dean movies to a friend. It was supposed to be a join gift, but everyone was salty and didn’t feel like spending top dollar on this girl. Anyway, I bought the gift myself and it was TOTALLLY unappreciated. I mean, I didn’t even want a gift (even though our birthdays were the same day) and I got a lame ass dvd of a movie that I saw for free on PBS…
The only reason it bothered me so much was that this girl SWORE she was obsessed with James Dean, but a year later that boxset was crushed under some crap in her room, but some lame ass gift given to her by some other broad was still in mint condition. Yeah, i’m a little bitter, just a little bitter…
lol that was a while ago, but yeah I’ve gotten a lot better at gift giving.
I had an exbf tell me that he wanted a gift back. I haven’t given it to him, but is that even cool?
I eff-ing hate that…I really do…
1. This will always be #1 no matter what order I use, and it hurts to type…I gave an ex my black Nike Tim Brown Raiders jersey. To outline this: black = favorite color. Nike = favorite clothing line at the time (still is among athletic gear, esp. when Jordan is included). Raiders = favorite team at the time. Hoping the Brown part is obvious. Shoot, I still have pictures of myself wearing it before I gave it to her. Every time I look at them I get the same feeling I have now. Even when we got back in touch and I visited her years later I still wanted it back.
2. Ah, the check…my then-girlfriend was moving to Orlando to start her new job. Me being the faithful and devoted boyfriend, I insisted on financially helping her move (I couldn’t help with the move physically, but…shoot, she got movers anyway). I insisted on a certain four-figure amount, but she wouldn’t take it. We agreed on half said amount – which was also four figures.
3. This is kind-of cheating since I didn’t give it to her, but she still has it so it’s going here. My ex has my Maroon 5 “It Won’t Be Soon Before Long” CD. If you’ve heard said CD, you understand the irony. I fell in love with that CD when I first heard it. Bought it the same day as TI vs. TIP (#2 behind Urban Legend, as far as his work goes – so it’s not like I had anything against that disc) and TIP got no play for a while past that standard first listen. Then again, M5 is more family-friendly and after leaving Best Buy I drove to spend the holiday with her and her family. Anyway, she gave back just about everything…except that.
4. The last two also got stuffed animals. Not little stuffed animals that you can carry in your arm or hold with one hand. They got animals almost as big as they were. Orlando girl got hers because I saw one just like it the previous weekend in Atlanta and said I was buying one if I saw one here. I did, and there went the 50. M5 girl…well, I just happened to see one in a store one day and she liked it so that was a wrap. The story with the stuffed animals isn’t about me wanting them back for self (if that was it this list would’ve been three deep and I’d have pressed ‘Submit’ five minutes ago). I’d have just rather given them to little cousins or something than have them sitting wherever they are.
aww..
im a sucker for stuffed animals.
Or you can always douse them with gasoline (or some other flammable fluids) and set them on fire.
Am I the only person who’s done it?
Things i would want to take back?
i can’t think of a single thing. except gas, going back and forth to my ex’s house.
Gas is major.