Category Archives: random

The World’s Actual Most Judgmental People

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Indiana Pacers v Miami Heat - Game Seven

It’s been a pretty shitty last couple of weeks for everyone’s second favorite ambiguously everything R&B singer. First, he provided the universe with perhaps the 11th or 12th most gif-fable high-profile moment of the year. (Can’t crack the top ten. Those all belong to Chris Bosh.) Then, adding insult to injury, the woman hit by his star-crossed stage jump may sue him. 

In between all of this, Miguel also found the time to piss off Black America’s whole entire ass by tweeting that we (Black people) were the most judgmental people in the world. As expected, he was roundly criticized by (mostly Black) folks, who obviously failed to see the irony in throwing negative judgments at someone to prove that they’re not judgmental.

Although Miguel was wrong (more on this in a second), it’s not hard to see why a person might believe what he said. We (Black people) collectively possess many positive attributes. We’re (generally) great at picking up the words and melodies of songs we’ve never heard before while in church, we’re (generally) a pretty forgiving people (well, forgiving of men and boys, at least), and we’re (generally) adept at f*cking Kardashians.

But, we also tend to have somewhat rigid definitions of things like masculinity, sexuality, and religion, and this does have an effect on how we perceive, assess, and ultimately judge people. Obviously, this doesn’t encompass all Black people. Not even most of us. But, the few this mindset does apply to tend to be very passionate, very demonstrative and, unfortunately, very influential. They’re basically Black America’s Tea Party.

That being said, there are dozens of other types of people far more judgmental than the typical Black person and even the Tea Party Black people. Naming them all would take a couple hundred thousand words, so I’ve limited it to a few.

Diehard Sports Fans

Maybe sports tends to attract people with judgmental personalities. Maybe sports culture itself cultivates that way of thinking. And, maybe Justin Bieber got tired of being mistaken for a White lesbian from D.C. and decided to dress like a Black one from Baltimore instead. Either way, no one is more provincial, territorial, irrational, and ultimately judgmental than a diehard sports fan (And yes, I’m including myself).

Very Liberal People Living in Very Urban Areas

Ironically, the demographic who prides itself on being the least judgmental only extends that lack of judgment to people who share the exact same world view as they do.

 Old-Ass Black Men

Do you all remember that entry from a year or so ago when I joked that one of my goals in life was to make it to 60 just so I could be an old-ass Black man and be granted the old-ass Black man privilege to say whatever the f*ck you want to say without any fear of reproach that every Black man over 60 seems to have? Well, I have a confession to make. I wasn’t joking. This remains the only human want I still have.

Perpetually Single Women Who Happen to be in New Relationships and Also Happen to Have Single Friends

Every woman reading this who happens to be single and happens to have a homegirl in a new relationship is solemnly nodding her head while remembering the time last week this homegirl snidely suggested that she “might actually find a man” if she “stopped wearing all that damn gray all the time” because it “scares good men” (presumably “good men” like her new boyfriend) “away.”

 —Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Who Pays For The 51st Date?

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"You're not fooling anyone. I know you just wanted to "take a romantic walk" cause you don't wanna spend any money."

“You’re not fooling anyone. I know you just wanted to “take a romantic walk” cause you don’t wanna spend any money.”

We’ve all heard the story.

Boy approaches Girl while at annual Delta Sigma Theta “Twerk For The Cure” sickle-cell research fundraiser. Girl, slightly impressed by Boy’s confidence despite his quite conspicuous reverse widow’s peak, gives Boy her actual real phone number. Four days later, Boy and Girl go on first date at Irish/Cajun fusion tapas bar. Date goes extremely well. Boy covers tab for this date, as well as the next three Boy and Girl go on. By the fifth date, Girl offers to cook for Boy—a Bougie Black Girl’s way of saying “We go together now, and I’m officially open to the idea of f*cking you.”

Boy and Girl go on a few more good dates—all on Boy’s dime—while both becoming more and more convinced that this is will turn into a relationship.

It does. They officially make it Facebook official eight weeks after the first date. 

I know it’s not the most politically correct and/or progressive thing to say that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to court, but the scenario above—where the man foots the bill for the majority (not all, but the majority) of the dates that take place while courting—is the right way to do things. If you disagree, that’s fine. You’re wrong, but you’re allowed to be.

(Yes, I understand that many of these types of “rules” were crafted at a time when it was just more practical and financially prudent for a man to always pay while in the courting phase. I also understand that it may not make much logical sense for a man to be expected to pay even if the person he’s dating makes more money than he does. But…well, there is no but. Just shut the f*ck up and f*cking do it.) 

But, while the rules and the general financial responsibility of courtship are generally understood and agreed upon, what happens when courtship ends? Basically, we all know who is supposed to pay for the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd date, but what about the 51st, 52nd, and 53rd? Is there a “right” way to handle the bill when an established couple is out to eat or any other date-like activity?

In theory, this seems like a question with a pretty practical solution. If you’re a serious couple, you’re likely sharing expenses. And, if you’re sharing expenses, you should—in theory—also share date expenses. But, as anyone who saw After Earth last weekend will remind you, just because something should work in theory doesn’t mean it actually will.

There are people who believe the courting dynamic should last for the entire relationship. Basically, aside from his birthday and those rare and random days when she finally apologizes for some bullshit that she’s always done—and, despite the apology, will continue to do—the man should always pay. Others believe that couples should take turns, which, although this seems to be the most reasonable choice, can get weird if someone starts keeping count (and someone always does).

And, while splitting things 50/50 is the best idea in theory, who wants to be 40 years old and still going on dutch dates with your wife?

I guess the best thing to do is just to communicate your financial expectations before the “real” relationship starts instead of assuming that you’ll both be on the same page. But, while this also works “in theory,” I just can’t see too many women with the balls to interrupt a conversation on a date with “You know this shit’s on you for the next 50 years, right?” while happily clutching a forkful of lobster.

My advice? Just don’t date Deltas.

***BTW, today is Panama’s birthday and shit. So, if you see him today, buy him a shot. If you don’t see him and see me instead, just buy me the shot and we’ll drink in his honor***

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Who I’m Iz In 5 Karakters Or Less…

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1330010904_35icj4It’s Friday. And on Friday at VSB we try to have a little bit of fun around here. Well, a few days ago I made a few references to the movie Class Act which starred Kid and Play. I’ve long been associated with Kid. I always get told that I look like him, which I’m totally on the fence about. But real talk, I can totally associate with Kid’s character in the House Party movies. I didn’t have an overbearing comedian father who died and went to heaven in part two of my life story, but we are both lightskint.

Well, this got me to thinking, what five characters in movies or television shows, or whatever, would encompass the greatness that is Panama Jackson. And there’s a lot of greatness here to encompass.

So here’s my shot at picking characters that I think would best make up moi, Panama Dontavious Jackson.

1. Harper Stewart (The Best Man)

Minus admitting to be a b*tch a**, Harp was an ole writing arse ninja who put too much of his business out there for world consumption and paid for it dearly.  He almost got thrown from a roof. That’s never happened to me as I’m not Vanilla Ice (even if it is a myth I find it hilarious), but the writing and putting it all out there is similar. I’ll take the Oprah shoutout but you know she ain’t caaaaaaallll me? Anyway, Harp’s on my list.

2. Andre “Dre” Ellis (Brown Sugar)

I promise I won’t make this a Taye Diggs-a-thon. But Dre was the hiphop dude who got caught up in trying to keep it real while trying to keep it profitable. Hello, VSB? Constant struggle. Granted, I feel like his hiphop knowledge was a bit fugazi and mine is extensive as a ninja rocking Extenze with a Swedish penis pump, but thats just splitting hairs.

3. Preston Meyers (Can’t Hardly Wait)

I was the quintessential guy everybody knew who was pining away for the girl who had no clue I existed back in high school. Though thats not completely true. I had a girlfriend. I just shouldn’t have. But I did have a crush on a girl back then. And she ain’t care. But I was a cool kid and everybody knew me. The stoners loved my theories. The skaters loved my wheels. The black folks were my friends and the white folks respected my intellect. I was cooler than you. Word to the guy who sings that song.

4. Steve Urkel (Family Matters)

Hopeless romantic with a good heart extraordinaire. And the killer glasses and suspenders set. Not in 2013. But in 1995? Awwww…that’s me.

5. Will Smith (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)

I was never really a Theo. I was more Will. But Will who applied himself in class and school. But even now. I’m cool as a fan but goofy as all get out. Goofy in the…well I don’t know how to describe it fully, I just know that in my own estimation, I feel like i matchup well with Will Smith from the Fresh Prince. I could be lying to myself, but now I’m lying to you all too.

So those are 5 characters that I feel help make up the essence of Panama Jackson. Who makes up the essence of you? And why? Share with us like you are Brother Numpsey.

It’s Friday. Happy weekending.

Somebody’s birthday is Monday.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Things I Think I’d Hate About Men If I Were A Woman (Which I’m Totally Not)

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Beat the p*ssy up beat the p*ssy up. Like bam bam bam bam bam.

Beat the p*ssy up beat the p*ssy up. Like bam bam bam bam bam.

“Don’t bring no whips and chains to bed with me. I wasn’t a slave, but I heard about it. I watched Roots about seven or eight times: I’m liable to have a flashback and choke the hell out of somebody.” – Don “D.C.” Curry

I’ve never been a woman. I know this may be a surprise to some of you but I checked with my parents and everything. Nope, I was never of the boob. So since I was never a woman nearly all information that I have about the fairer sex comes second hand from sisters, mothers, aunties, etc. Having an inordinate amount of all the above has afforded me a sometimes more intimate than desired look, or at least insight, into how frustrating life can be for a woman. From the man standpoint, aside from the tiny sexism thing, being a woman looks like it rocks.

There’s free dinner. You can call somebody to kill bugs and nobody bats an eye. You never have to take trash out once you’re in a relationship. If you’re pretty, people like you more. It seems like 95 percent of television is catered to you and there’s an entire lineup of shows dedicated to women killing men and anybody who watches them totally understands.

See? All of that up there? Advantage women.

Even though being a woman clearly rocks, nothing that rocks does so without issue. And from where I’m sitting, it seems that the thing that probably makes being a woman rock less than it totes could – aside from that whole menstruation thing which is women’s fault – would be some of the things that men do. Before the men release the hounds and go all medieval on my arse, let me explain. Being a man allows us a certain amount of inconsiderateness. Ultimately, we pretty much do what we want and smoke crack in the bathroom on a lark. While every man isn’t a douche, many of us play them on television. Conversely, all women aren’t saints. These are all facts.

Well one of the things that I think many of us fail to properly do is truly attempt to place ourselves in the shoes of the other sex. I’m pretty sure folks call that empathy or something. I honestly don’t know. I suck at empathy. However, I’m going to put on my “if i were a woman” hat and based on the men I know and the life I’ve led ponder about some things that I’m pretty sure I’d hate if I were a woman.

Such as…

1. Male insecurity

I’m a guy and I hate male insecurity, but I almost can’t fathom what its like to deal with it head on as a woman. For instance, you meet a guy, you all hit it off well, then he starts questioning why you’d go out of hte house wearing certain clothing. Clothing, mind you, that he was okay with when he met you. Or a guy wondering if you’ve dated “men of name” before and judging you based on it. See, I hate it when folks take out their issues on me. So I can’t imagine how it must feel to be a woman and have a dude question you about something that clearly is his issue. Unless you leave the house looking like a ho on your way to Ocho Cinco’s house. Then again, I probably MET you at Ocho Cinco’s house looking like a ho, so thats more than likely on me. Yeech.

2. Obscene cat calls

I know there are “Stop Street Harassment” campaigns and I’m sure they’re working exactly like you think they are. But awareness is never a bad thing. To that end, I’ve seen guys make THE most obscene and ignorant comments to women walking by. I’m sure its not so bad for women a few times as long as no lines are crossed, but it seems like men, we like crossing lines. Again, not all of us…but those dudes who cross the lines step all over that line, do the “typewriter” hit a “tootsie roll” then backflip and spit on it. I’ve actually heard a man (not one I knew) yell to this woman that he wanted to put his d*ck in her lightskinned ear and that she knew she wanted that to.

(To be fair, I’ve been manhandled by a woman that I’m pretty sure didn’t know she was a lesbian yet. I’ve always been slim so in high school this chick, “Nancy” grabbed me up and hugged me like a toy doll and dragged me to her next destination. That made me feel like less of a man and I hated every minute of it. I thought she was going to stick me in her vagina and keep me there for a rainy day. That never happened but it felt possible. “Nancy” is gay now.)

3. Having to be “strong enough to let a man be a man”

I get it. I’m a man. I appreciate when my woman knows to let me be the man. But geesh that has to be annoying sometimes. Or maybe its not. I have no clue how women feel about that. But I can imagine sometimes feeling like “f*ck” I could totally build this IKEA boudoir in 10 minutes and this dude is over here struggling with the Allen wrench. By the way, DAMN YOU ALLEN WRENCHES OF THE WORLD.

4. Having my face licked in a club by anybody, Kappa or not

I’ve seen this happen with my own two eyes to somebody who used to (and presumably still does on occasion) frequent VSB. Some dude trapped her, then licked her face. In the club. Just because. If I never saw that, I’d think it was a myth like men refusing to ask for directions (something I have no problem doing). But that’s just nasty. On the contrary, I also witnessed a man suck on a friend of mine’s toes in the club and she was totally okay with it. Buddy also had baby oil on deck. The most important lesson here (as with anywhere): know your audience.

5. Double standards

Goes both ways, but I figured if I didn’t mention it, folks would ALL immediately go with double standards as something that sucks.

So let’s have fun people and play some role reversal. For the men, what do you think you’d hate most about men if you were a woman and women, what do you think you’d hate most about women if you were a man?

3…2…1…contact. Go.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. LADY SINGS THE BLUES LIKE A DAMN G aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Sistas In Science

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***The Champ’s latest at Ebony profiles four Black women who happen to be close friends…and all happen to have PhDs in STEM fields. (VSB vets should recognize at least one of them)***

Four Black women. All friends. And, all granted PhDs in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) fields before reaching 30.

What sounds the premise for an urban fairy tale has been the reality for Jessica Porter, 29, Marguerite Matthews, 29, Dahlia Haynes, 31, and Racquel Jemison, 27—a reality made even more unlikely when reading statistics about Black people and STEM PhDs.

According to the National Center for Education Statistics, Black people are 12% of the U.S. population and 11% of all students beyond high school, yet they received just 7% of all STEM bachelor’s degrees, 4% of master’s degrees, and 2% of PhDs. And, out of 5,048 PhDs awarded in the physical sciences, such as chemistry and physics, 89 went to Blacks—a number that gets even smaller when removing Black men.

Yet, Porter (a Boston native and current senior sensory scientist at Proctor and Gamble in Cincinnati) met Matthews (who matriculated at Spelman and is currently doing a post-doc at the University of Portland) in 2006 while both enrolled in the University of Pittsburgh’s neuroscience PhD program. In 2010, they met Jemison, a Morgan State grad and doctoral student at nearby Carnegie Mellon University (CMU) who will receive a PhD in chemistry this fall. A couple months later, Jemison introduced them to Haynes, a post-doctoral research associate at CMU who received her PhD in chemistry at Clemson University.

The ladies soon grew close, forming the nexus for a “crew” of grad students and young professionals who migrated to the Pittsburgh-area for work or school.

EBONY.com recently had the opportunity to sit down with them and discuss Black women in science, the importance of early STEM education, and the value of having a strong network of friends.

EBONY: Cases such as the one with Kiera Wilmot reinforce the idea that, from a lack of administrative support to Black students not given the same allowances other students are to experiment, there may be substantial social and institutional barriers preventing Black women from entering and excelling in science-based fields. Do you agree with this assessment?

Dahlia Haynes: This question reads unclear. I am not aware of this case but what allowances are we as Black women not getting? I, for one, have received great institutional support to excel in science based fields. I do believe however that it is because of the (White) people I had around me who were heavily invested in diversity. Socially, unfortunately is that there remains very few of “my people” in the STEM fields. This starts from an early age however. Where I’m from in particular, the only successful careers that were popularly known were the “Huxtables” (medical doctor or lawyer). To overcome this, being scientists has to become socially more acceptable at younger ages.

Marguerite Matthews: I don’t think there are barriers preventing Black students from going into or excelling in the sciences, per se. But I do think there is a lack of support, encouragement, and proper education for many Black students – especially those coming from more disadvantaged economic backgrounds. Similar to Dahlia, I had teachers who pushed me into STEM opportunities, which inspired me to pursue science in higher education and as a career. Exposure to these opportunities, and feeling empowered to thrive in the sciences, has made a world of difference. Unfortunately in the case of Kiera Wilmot, the stereotype that Black kids are thought of as criminals first, not scientists, is being reinforced. This type of experience – being faced with criminal charges – may totally deter her from pursuing science in the future. And while this likely isn’t the case for all Black children, it highlights that society often does not value Black children, even those who are proven to be good students, as future innovators and intellectuals.

Jessica Porter: I do not think that there are barriers preventing Black women from entering or excelling in science based fields any more than there are barriers for White women. Science remains to be a male dominated field so the issues from my experience have had to do more with being a woman than being Black. In addition, as  a Black woman, we check two boxes, which tend to be very important for funding especially at a time when scientific funding is being cut. I don’t want to think that the reason I received funding was because I was Black, but being Black did help. In most science fields, the government or non-profit organizations pay for higher education through grant funding, thus eliminating the barrier and making a scientific education cheaper and easier to pursue.

Racquel Jemison: I think I’m more inclined to agree with Marge.  There isn’t enough support for our young Black students to pursue interests in the sciences.  It’s primarily those few heavily involved teachers or mentors that encourage early exposure to the sciences, and quite frankly, there aren’t enough of them.

Read more at EBONY