Category Archives: pop culture

Kinda Sorta But Not Really Movie Review: Think Like A Man

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Let me start out by saying this first and foremost: I was not paid to do this. At all. Not even for any of the tweets that I sent out in support of the campaign for this movie. I just wanted to get all of that out of the way before we get started. Yes, I was actually compelled to do this from my soul.

Okay?

Okay.

I was invited (along with all of the 50-and-over crowd in DC) to a screening of Think Like A Man, the movie based on the book of almost the same name Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man by Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey was there as was Michael Ealy. I was actually on a panel at Howard University with Michael Ealy earlier in the day along with Jasmine from The Jasmine Brand. That was fun. That’s one of the fun parts of this whole successful blogger schtick, you randomly get chose to be apart of cool and interesting things with famous people that get hundreds of women to line up for 75 slots.

On to the movie. I know you all won’t believe this, but…

…it was a really really good movie. Like, it was actually good. As in the type of movie that is well worth you shelling out money to go see. I went into it skeptical as all hell because well, it’s Steve Harvey and its based on a book where a man constantly refers to the box as “the cookie”. And yes, that did come up in the movie numerous times. But you know how we keep waiting for a Black romantic comedy that is worth seeing?

Believe it or not, Steve Harvey is the one who delivered it to us. Not only is it hilarious, but its extremely well written and get this…I actually FELT Meagan Good’s character. She did a really good job of acting in this movie. No more of that non-sensical non-sense we attribute to her roles. Nope. Earlier at the panel with Michael Ealy, he said that she delivered a great role in this movie. Now, I know its his job to sell the movie, but he wasn’t lying. She did a bang up job.

What made it a good movie?

Glad you asked.

For one, the VERY thing we complain about Tyler Perry movies is the lack of good, or even decent, writing. This movie was extremely well written. It was hilarious thanks in part to Kevin Hart who was literally non-stop laughs. Romany Malco (you all remember him from 40-Year-Old Virgin) was also hilarious. Those two characters alone made it worth the laughs. But wrapped underneath the comedy was a movie about relationships that not only worked but looked and felt very accurate. I know that I felt myself cringe a few times because I know I’m guilty of various mentalities and things that I saw.

Real spit, Terrence J was even entertaining to watch. And folks LOVE to clown Terrence J. And the fact that Turtle is supposed to be banging a somewhat drugged out (in a good way…ya know, educated chick who likes bong hits way) Gabrielle Union didn’t even seem out of place. It made sense. Read that again.

The interesting thing that I took from this, and I wonder if women will, is that despite what we tell you all all the time, men actually want their boys to win at love. So even when we tell our boys to do stupid stuff, we actually do hope that he finds a good woman and manages not to blow it. And that’s the case in this movie. The guys all come across as real friends who want their boys to succeed…we just keep getting caught up in man-sh*t. But at the end, what alllllllllllways happens, we find ourselves better off with a woman by our sides who does cause us to step outside of our comfort zones.

Believe it or not ladies, guys do like…and love love.

And in some kind of twisted ridiculousness, we always end up attempting to do right despite ALL of our best efforts to not do right. If we reaaaaaaally like you.

There’s something for everybody and I actually enjoyed it. Look at that, I actually enjoyed a movie that I went in expecting to hate and treat like a random Black movie. It turns out, we finally got a good romantic comedy that we can look to and watch. On purpose.

From Steve Harvey. I know…its still taking time to sink in for me too.

Point is, I think you all should go see it. And I really mean that. Even the most skeptical of us. It’s both a chick flick and a guy flick in one movie and believe it or not, it works. It’s got romance and shenanigans. Fun and folly. But above all else, relatable entertainment. Kind of like…40-Year-Old Virgin for ninjas.

Swear I didn’t get paid for this. And I still am telling you to go see it. It opens nationwide on April 20th. This ain’t a Tyler Perry movie. It’s a good movie. All the way through.

If you don’t like it you can blame me and I’ll take you to the movies some other time. But this is one Black movie I think we should all support. I’m even going to go see it again.

Panama’s Rating: 5 out of 5 Afropicks.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. I SAW A STEVE HARVEY MOVIE AND I LIKED IT AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS TSHIRT aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

PS: And for those interested, check out the extended cut of Episode 3 of Madame Noire’s “Ask A Black Man” featuring Panama Jackson. It’s the sex episode and home to the epic side-eye courtesy of VSB P.

Madame Noire Web Series “Ask A Black Man” Featuring Panama Jackson: The S.E.X. Episode

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Two weeks ago, Liz and Madame Noire premiered the inaugural episode of their web-series “Ask A Black Man” where a panel of ninjas, including myself, were asked various questions about what life was like for a single Black male.

Shenanigans ensued. Hell, the comments section over at Madame Noire resembled what I’m fairly certain our forefathers were afraid of: democracy gone wrong. Yes, it’s true everybody does have a voice, but they really never should have given some of you ninjas freedom keyboards.

Well, because Liz apparently likes starting fires as much as I do [Liz's edit: LOL YES, I DO!], I’m back for a second episode, which happens to be the third episode. This is the sex episode where a different panel of hombres talk about coyotes mulattoes staplers economics sex. Also, as the series drops a new episode every Wednesday, for those of you who missed last week’s because we didn’t pub it here, feel free to go check it out. It features the homey Streetz from SingleBlackMale.org.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the vibe as Panama and a gang of ninjas wax philosophical about the three letter word we all love. Pressy play. Diddy. (Or go check it out at Madame Noire!)

 
P.S. The full and uncut version of this episode will air on Ask A Black Man at 6pm EST tonight. It will feature more questions, more answers and all around a fun time. Make sure you log on to Madame Noire to see it.

False Victories Wrongly Decided By Public Opinion

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On “tha twittahs” a few days ago, I questioned how it was possible that Pitbull could still be relevant in any way shape or form and T-Pain can’t get a song on the radio. As was expected, folks rained down upon me (no pr0n, R. Kelly, or Mother Nature) the fact that Jay-Z killed T-Pain’s career with his track “D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)”.

Poppycock. Jay-Z didn’t kill T-Pain’s career. Changing musical tastes did. Jay-Z just made the right song at the right time to take credit for the demise. Think about this. T-Pain came onto the scene in 2005 with both “I’m Sprung” and “I’m In Luv (With A Stripper)”. For FOUR solid years T-Pain was EVERYWHERE on radio. “D.O.A” didn’t even come out until the second half of 2009 well after T-Pain was already on the decline; fact is, that’s a long time to sell karaoke for anybody. Yet, Jay-Z is awarded the victory for murking auto-tune and simultaneously T-Pain’s livelihood (though Mr. Pinnedherazzdown did release and sell albums since then, just not nearly as successfully as his 2005-2008 run). And it’s a false victory. Jay-Z just put the stamp on public opinion. Period.

And in contrast, 50 Cent absolutely did murder Ja Rule’s career. I’ll bet Ja has been constructing a voodoo doll in 50′s likeness since the moment he went to jail.

But Jay-Z killing auto-tune (1) is first up in the line of not quite victories wrongly decided by public opinion.

Here are a few others.

2. LL Cool J besting Canibus in their “battle”

Make no mistake, Bus’ “2nd Round Knockout” was by far leagues better than LL Cool J’s response record “The Ripper Strikes Back”. Canibus lost OVERALL because his career sucked. First he blamed Wyclef for creating the the dismal Can-I-Bus album, which was actually terrible. After that travashamockery, people kind of assumed that because Canibus career sucked despite his abilities, that LL Cool J – who has released more clunkers of albums than dope ones, let’s be real – couldn’t possibly have lost. Even now I’ve got somebody telling me that LL won that battle. He did not. But the people spoke and it was so. Even if it wasn’t.

3. Jay-Z vs Nas

Look, I liked “Ether”, the sheer venom in it made it a worthwhile listen. And it was the resurrection of Nasty. For that I’m happy. But the ONLY reason Jay “lost” that battle (he didn’t) was because he released “Super Ugly” and then tried to take it back. John Coffey. That’s the ONLY reason. “The Takeover” is SUCH a better song overall. And Jay didn’t resort to rote disses like “you’re gay” and “you suck” blah blah blah…he hit Nas where it hurt…with facts. And with only one vesre. But because “Super Ugly” comes out and people were happy to hear Nas so inspired, Jay “lost” that battle to Nas. Never happened.

4. The NAACP versus The n-word

Oh wait…the NAACP didn’t win did it, public opinion or otherwise. My bad. Those n-words were trippin.

5. The McRib’s existence vs common sense

Look, there is no motherf*cking reason why The McRib should exist. I’m fairly certain that even the marketing staff at McDonald’s is baffled by this one. But for some reason, despite the fact that its 1) not a rib; 2) is mystery meat; and 3) comes with pickles and onions; every time they drop the McRib, people lose their sh*t and buy them at an alarming rate making health care practioners who run HMOs happy. So somehow, the McRib continues its reign of terror on our arteries (kind of like the Baconator) because the people have created a false sense of demand for a product that nobody in their right mind needs. See also: The McGriddle. If McDonald’s isn’t the devil, then I don’t know what is. But the McRib stays around anyway. Because we have willed it so. Shame on you.

Alright, those are a few examples of false victories decided by the court of public opinion. What else do you have? VSB, let’s call out the fakers, posers, and bullishers.

And yes…I fully expect to get a gang of comments disagreeing about Jay vs. Nas. You may disagree with me. You will be wrong.

WHAT!

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. DO YOU WANT A VICTORY! aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

 

The Five Most Underrated Black Movies Of The Last 20 Years

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Although I still maintain that Black movies can and should do better, I definitely don’t think all is lost with Black cinema. In fact, along with the quotable classics such as “Do The Right Thing,” “Coming to America” and “Love Jones,” there are quite a few (relatively) recent Black movies whose quality and “unforgettableness” has been overlooked to the point where you can justifiably call them underrated.

Here’s five of them.

(Also, before I continue, let me clarify what I mean by “underrated.” You won’t see movies like “Ghostdog” and “Fresh” on this list because, while not many people have seen them, most of the people who have actually seen them think pretty highly of them. The flicks I’m mentioning today have been seen by many, but just aren’t rated as high as they should be.)

“Drumline”

This movie had a very great chance at being shitty. In fact, I remember specifically not seeing this in the theater because I literally said “This movie will very likely be very shitty” when I first saw the trailer and realized that it was starring…Nick Cannon.

Now — and I will definitely devote an entire day to this topic at one point — is there another person in Black culture whose level of cultural (dis)respect is so vastly mismatched with his actual production? Seriously, Nick Cannon has been legitimately successful in everything he’s done, and has helped launch the careers of numerous actors and comedians, and has been with some of the most fantasized-about women in the world, but he still doesn’t get the type of love that his success should warrant. Seriously, Nick Cannon is the reason why this movie doesn’t get the props it should, which is crazy because he’s the main reason why it deserves props!

Anyway, I (obviously) finally got around to seeing it. And, aside from the fact that they cast a 49 year old actor as a college senior, everything about this movie works. The band scenes are cool. The story line is believable. Zoe Saldana and Nick Cannon had genuine chemistry. Shit, they even brought Jason Weaver back from wherever the hell Jason Weaver hangs out when he’s not making movies about drummers.

“Life”

This movie was extremely funny, had a great cast (Seriously, take a minute and go look at its IMDB page), and had a few signature/quotable scenes. (My favorite? The Boom Boom Room bit)

So, with all of this in place, why don’t people talk about it more? Three words: The ending sucked. Now, it wasn’t just the ending that sucked, but the fact that we knew Eddie and Martin were innocent and we still had to watch them stay in prison for 50 years. At first, the whole wrongly convicted thing was funny, but after about an hour or so you can’t help but wonder when the hell they’re going to get out of prison. It would have been a much better movie if they let them go to the major leagues with Bokeem Woodbine and followed their hijinks there.

“Undercover Brother”

Let’s just say that any movie where Dave Chappelle is only the 5th or 6th funniest person in it definitely deserves a shitload of love.

“Hoodlum”

Let’s forget for a minute that Vanessa Williams’ and Larry Fishburne’s romance took up waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much screen time and was about as compelling as a Mitt Romney mixtape. Let’s also forget that Andy Garcia definitely was definitely given a suitcase full of 20 dollar bills to be in this movie. In fact, let’s even forget about the fact that, to be quite honest, the movie wasn’t really that good.

What made “Hoodlum” memorable was the fact that the actors — Tim Roth and Chi McBride, specifically — clearly had fun with their characters, and this made the movie pretty enjoyable. You could even tell that Cicely Tyson probably hadn’t had that much fun since those crazy-ass loft parties Frederick Douglass used to throw.

“Deep Cover”

This movie is largely (and understandably) forgotten about because it was released in that 1989 to 1992 period where heavyweights such as “Do The Right Thing,” “Boyz in The Hood,” “X,” “New Jack City,” “Menace to Society,” “Juice,” and “Boomerang” were made. (Wow. Look at that lineup again. All released within a 30 month span)

Still, this movie is definitely entertaining, and so rewatchable that they decided to remake it 7 years later and call it “In Too Deep.”

Anyway, people of VSB, did I forget anything? Can you name any other underrated Black movies you’d add to the list?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

***For all the folks in the DC area, this Saturday, April 7, from 930pm-3am at Liv Nightclub (11th and U Street, NW) is another edition of #REMINISCE, the party dedicated to all 90s everything brought to you by VSB, Shine On Me, and Just Cause Events. It’s FREE BEFORE 11 w/RSVP (reminiscedc.eventbrite.com), a Courvoisier sponosred open bar from 930-1030pm, and no dress code! It’s cheaper to come out and party. Last month’s party was OFF THE HINGES! Somebody shook my hand when they left and just said, “Thanks P, for throwing this party…” <—- not lying. So come and make it do what it do this Saturday at Reminisce!***

Six Possible Reasons Why Mary J. Blige Thought It Was A Good Idea To Sing About Burger King Chicken

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As every trace of Mary J. Blige’s ill-conceived Burger King ad disappeared from the universe yesterday, I couldn’t help but think that the Burger King public relations people and lawyers had obviously never seen “8mm.” Why? Well, if they had seen it, they would have undoubtedly remembered Joaquin Phoenix’s infamous line…

“There are some things that you see, and you can’t unsee them. Know what I mean?’

…and, knowing that the image of The Queen of Hip-Hop Soul happily crooning about some crispy chicken wraps will be forever etched into the brains of whoever happened to see the commercial, they wouldn’t have even bothered removing it.

I, like millions of other red-bloodied and (slightly) bougie Americans, will never, ever, ever forget that sight.

Yet, while it’s easy to understand why Burger King would want Mary J to help promote their chicken, it’s not so easy to get why she’d agree to do it.

I (obviously) don’t know Mary J. Blige, and don’t pretend to be able to read her mind, but I did come up with six possible reasons why she thought this was a good idea.

1. The gas is too damn high 

Shit, the four dollars a gallon is killing my pockets right now, and I only have one car and only fill it up with the cheapest, Fisher-Price ass gas I can find. I can’t imagine what it must cost to fill up Bugattis, Maybachs, and private helicopters and shit everyday, so perhaps the cash she got for signing off on this ad went straight into her tanks.

2. They gave her a “Godfather” offer

Every now and then, I play a game with my parents where we ask each other how much money it would take for one of us to do a ridiculous task. (Example: “For $100,000 cash, would you walk butt naked on the parkway for two miles?”) If the answer is no, you keep going up in cash (“$200,000? No? Ok, how about $500,000 cash, right now?“) until the person finally says yes.

Perhaps Mary J. received a call one night from some BK exec on the other line asking “Ok, will give you $750,000 in one dollar bills to sing a crazy song about our “chicken” for 45 seconds,” and perhaps she just kept saying no until she heard an offer she couldn’t refuse

 ”Ok. We’ll give you five million dollars in quarters, a free camel, and we’ll convince our government friends to allow you to kill one person of your choice within the next 18 months. Deal?”

3. K-Ci is on that shit again

Although they’re no longer together, I’m sure Mary J. still has a soft spot for her troubled ex.   Maybe K-Ci is off the wagon again (or is it “on the wagon?” I always get them confused), and she knows that the only way to calm him down when he gets all cracky is to give him an unlimited supply of Whoppers and crispy chicken wraps. What better way to do that than signing a deal with Burger King?

4. She just really, really, really likes Burger King chicken wraps

Out of all of my theories, this one makes the most sense. Why? Two reasons

A) Companies such as Apple and Nike are so loved by their loyal fans that many of the fans, even celebrities, would promote their products for free. Perhaps Burger King inspires that type of loyalty from Mary J. I mean, she is Black and hood and has cried so many tears in her songs that we know she’s not a stranger to comfort food, so it’s not too far-fetched.

B) True story, out of all the non-chicken centric fast food places that have meats they call “chicken” on their menus, Burger King’s meat they call “chicken” actually tastes the best. Burger King’s meat they call “chicken” completely shits on both Mcdonald’s and Wendy’s meat they call “chicken.” It’s not even close. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

5. She’s f*cking the Burger King

With his bling, his Ross-esque beard, his giant head, and his impeccable sense of style, what woman wouldn’t want one night with the Pink Meat Maven?

6. Rick Santorum slipped her the same batch of evil chicken that Billy Dee Williams was given in “Undercover Brother” so that she’d convince Black America to eat it in bulk, resulting in us turning on Obama, cutting off our facial hair, and allowing George Zimmerman political exile in Liberia. 

Hey, stranger things have happened. 

Despite of all this, there remains the possibility that this commercial was intentionally campy. Burger King’s spots are usually a bit offbeat and winking, and this would be no different. If it was, though, then why the quick removal (and why the “clearance issues” bullshit excuse for the quick removal?) Who knows?

I do know, though, that since I’ve started writing this, I’ve developed a craving for a crispy chicken wrap. Maybe we weren’t able to stop Santorum and his fry cook minions in time. Drats!

Anyway, people of VSB.com, did you see the infamous ad before it was erased forever? What did you think about it? Also, do you have any other theories as to why Mary J. signed off on that deal?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)