He May Be The Worst Contestant Ever. He May Not Be Bright. He Said “Dicespin.” But He Got Robbbed.

The video heard ’round the world is of the recent shamefest that is Indiana University student Julian’s foray into America’s favorite show, Wheel of Fortune. My man went onto the show and f*cked up not one, not two, but THREE shots at glory.

He landed the chance to win a milli.

He landed the chance to win a car.

Blew both of those with tremendous and mind-boggling aplomb. Then he came thru in the clutch with the world’s most ridiculous attempt at solving a puzzle that was CLEARLY “On The Spot Decision” with a word that will haunt his dreams for the rest of his life.

Actually, I take that back, saying the name Achilles wrong will haunt his dreams. Saying the word “dicespin” on national television as a college student RETURNING to the land of Twitter and IG posts gone wild will just embarass the living hell out of him. Indiana University, you let him in. It’s your fault.

Despite the shenanigans and fcukery present by dear brother Julian, the one who would be our shame, I kind of feel like he got robbed. Here’s why.

On the puzzle where he landed the chance to win the million, he got penalized for not know the correct way to say the name Achilles. We can blame his parents. We can blame his education. We can even blame Indiana University for this. Let’s blame them all. But he READ what was up there, he just got the name wrong. He’s Black. What if he has a cousin named Achilles who pronounces the name like ATCHilles as he pronounced it. I ain’t saying that Wheel of Fortune doesn’t have rules, but he read what was up there. He just mispronounced it. How did he lose? What if he had an accent? Would he have been given the benefit of the doubt if he pronounced it like that but was from the Ukraine?

I know some folks who STRUGGLE with pronunciation. And I judge them with the power of Zeus. But I also know what they mean and I’m not going to penalize them. But I don’t have a million dollars up for grabs either.

But he solved the puzzle, he just mispronounced the name. Hell the puzzle WAS SOLVED! All the letters were up there. He read what was up there. He didn’t get the name wrong. He didn’t says “DICESPIN” where he should have said “decision”. That was epicly wrong. In this case, again, he just stated it wrong.

Am I trippin?? I feel like he got jobbed!

Oh, and shouts out to Pat Sajak who after my man mispronounced Achilles and the chick from Texas A&M wins the puzzle goes to her basically says, “this n*gga can’t read”.

My man Pat.

What say you all?? Did he get robbed??!?!

-VSB P 

**DC** Game Night At Penn Social | REMINISCE Tees & Tanks!

photo (1)For those in DC, on Tuesday, April 15th at 7pm, VSB is one of hosts for a Ride Along DVD Release Game Night at Penn Social (801 E Street, NW). Come out for chances to win DVDs, get movie swag and other prizes, etc. Mostly, come have some dranks with your boy Panama “A$AP KillQuinn” Jackson as we play whatever games (I’m guessing trivia type stuffingtons) the folks from Ride Along are bringing to the table.

This event is stricly 21+ 

Come on out and holler at your boy!

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REMINISCE is killin’ the game right about now in DC. To that end, we’re runnin’ a very short limited run campaign of Reminisce tees and tanks. And if you cop one and wear it at the next REMINISCE, you are likely to get yourself a free shot of something or other. We do this for the culture…

Plus, if you’ve ever been to REMINISCE you know how hot it can get in there in the warmer months. So swag yourself out with a tank ladies or cop the Carolina blue sh*t and be the hottest ninja on the block! This is a short run, week long campaign for all the folks who come to party with us and hang like some real OGs. Thanks for sleepwalking…from the heart. Real spit, that Carolina blue t-shirt is KILLIN’ the game .

Men’s/women’s tees – http://www.teespring.com/reminiscetees

Women’s tanks – http://www.teespring.com/reminisctanks

-VSB P

 

The Differences Between Northern Blacks And Southern Blacks

If you can guess where this pic was taken, I'll give you...nothing. Because it's an easy f*cking answer

If you can guess where this pic was taken, I’ll give you…nothing. Because it’s an easy f*cking answer

(A timely blast from the VSB past. Happy Friday.) 

Question of the day: Aside from accents and the always hilarious soda vs pop battle (it’s #teampop all the way, bitch), are there any other behaviors, characteristics, and mores separating Blacks from the north and Blacks from the south?

(Oh, and just to be clear, although the south technically starts once you pass the Mason-Dixon line, I’m going to throw the entire DMV — well, the entire DMV except for the backwoods of Virginia where they breed 400 pound rottweilers and things named “Marcus Vick“ — in with the north.)

This is (obviously) a rhetorical question. Why? Well, OF COURSE there are intraracial regional differences. The only thing left is what I plan to do today — determine exactly what these differences are.

Oh, and before I continue, there’s a couple things I want to add:

1. This “determination” will be completely anecdotal. I’ve done no studies, surveyed no people, and slept with no cousins to understand what it’s like to be from Mississippi. These are just observations I’ve made, that’s all.

2. I realize that limiting this to northern and southern Blacks leaves out midwestern Blacks, west coast Blacks, northwestern Blacks, and n*ggas from Youngstown. If you’re a member of one of those neglected populations, please feel free to add your own observations in the comments.

Anyway, let’s begin.

Southern Blacks are more likely to…

…attend HBCUs, be Greek, attend church, be Baptist, have stupid-ass names that are hybrid combinations of other names (i.e.: “DeLadariusray Jenkins”), get married at a younger age, get married at all, buy expensive American cars, buy cheap-ass American cars and put $35,000 worth of added expense in them, know their fathers, hate White people but date and/or marry interracially, be killed by White rednecks, coordinate outfits, have happier, more fulfilling lives, eat everything on a pig except its eyeballs and anus, buy Steve Harvey books, look like Steve Harvey, be colorstruck and not realize that being colorstruck is a bad thing, breed better women, rock braids/cornrows/locks (the men, at least), be provincial, be socially conservative, be unpretentious, have children, and be generally better people.

On the other hand, northern Blacks seem to be more likely to…

…attend PWIs, scoff at HBCUs while secretly wishing they had decided to attend one instead of paying 75 grand a year to attend some bullsh*t liberal arts college in Poughkeepsie, New York, be anything (Muslim, Jewish, Atheist, Laker Fan, etc) but Christian, be smart, have stupid-ass names that have absolutely no connection to anything remotely human name sounding (i.e. “Powerful Godbody Jenkins”), convince themselves that they’ve willingly chosen to stay single, buy European, be cool with white people even though they’d never actually date one, be militant, get killed by white rednecks with billy-clubs and badges, not be decedents of American slaves, rock ceasers, coordinate furniture, have better, more fulfilling lives…on paper, be more worried about how they’re perceivedread Hill Harper books, look like Hill Harper, look like someone who’d date someone who looked like Hill Harper, abstain from pork for no apparent reason, be staunchly liberal and close-minded at the exact same time, be somewhat lame, but migrate to the south and be the sh*t down there, be professional and promiscuous, live generally “better” lives.

Did I miss anything?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Why “Black Middle Class” Is The Ultimate Oxymoron

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***Maya Francis offers her take on Jamelle Bouie’s recent piece about the difficulties we (Blacks) have with being truly upwardly mobile***

Someone managed to find a photostock picture of Black folk in fair isle as the accompanying photo for this article about what happens when Black people make a little money and come up in the world. It’s a weird photo, mostly because the kid in the center of it looks like the kid from Everybody Hates Chris, the dad looks like Ronald Clifford, and the caption, which mentions “substantial pockets of poverty” is used to frame this photo of smiling-ass Black folks. Photostock of Black folks is hard to come by, so I’ll allow it, especially since this rant has nothing to do with anything I have to say. I just wanted these thoughts acknowledged.

DeSean Jackson was cut from my hometown’s football team essentially because he’s a headache. And, apparently, part of this headacheness is due to the people he knows from back home. Whether its true that Jackson’s people pose a problem in his life is irrelevant. The point is, Jackson was expected to get a new set of friends because he became successful, a practice also known as “selling out.”

The reality is that many successful Black folks are just a stone throw away from poverty, either because they’re newly arrived in their own success, or because the bounty of success hasn’t spread over their entire family tree. And so while buppies have taken on the sacred ritual of mimosa toasting downtown during Sunday brunch, they also drive to their grandmom annem’s house on the south side during holidays when it’s time for the whole family to get together.

And when they leave grandmom annem’s, they go back home…which is also on the south side.

A “nicer” part of the south side, perhaps. But, for many of us, the “nice” part of our neighborhood and the “hood” part of the neighborhood are separated by half a football field. Sometimes just a backyard.

Jamelle Bouie writes:

“The key fact is this: Even after you adjust for income and education, Black Americans are more likely than any other group to live in neighborhoods with substantial pockets of poverty…It’s tempting to attribute this to the income disparity between Blacks and Whites. Since Blacks are more likely to be poor, it stands to reason that they’re more likely to live in poor neighborhoods. But the fact of large-scale neighborhood poverty holds true for higher-income Black Americans as well. Middle-class Blacks are far more likely than middle-class Whites to live in areas with significant amounts of poverty.”

Consider this: When looking for a place to live (rent or own) do you consider the racial demographic of the area?

Not sure about y’all, but being the fly in the ointment is something I can accept in school and the workplace, but I don’t want to deal with it at home. Fact is, Black neighborhoods tend to be mixed in their income level, where culture is the bonding factor. But, for outsiders, this also conflates poverty with Blackness, rendering them one in the same.

Culture is a bonding factor for White folks, too. Consider also White flight in cases where upwardly mobile Blacks move to non-black neighborhoods. Again, because the face of poverty is Black, there is only so much mobility that happens. Starbucks aren’t being built in well-to-do corners of Negronia [(c) the homie Jamilah Lemeiux]; money, access, amenities, follow along racial lines, putting an economic chokehold on people of color.

So back to Jackson. It’s unfair to assume that wealth would create any level of distance for Jackson socially, as it very rarely does for Blacks in other aspects of their lives. Richard Sherman wrote a great piece outlining how absurd it would be to think that he would. As any Black folk with a modicum of success could tell you, you can never go home again, but you can also never leave home.

You can follow Maya @MF_Greatest. And, if you don’t do that, she will follow you. Like, in real life. She will literally follow you to your house. 

Black Coffee DVD Giveaway Contest!

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Hey young world – we’ve been given the opportunity to give away 5 copies of the movie Black Coffee starring everybody you see on the cover in the picture up there. I’ve seen this movie umpteen times at this point. Let me say, Christian Keyes is my dude. Thru and thru.

Anyway, the movie is about losing love and finding it…again. Sometimes you find it in odd places, sometimes its right in your face. Love is everywhere people. It’s everywhere. And the title? Think about how important the term “brown sugar” was to the movie Brown Sugar and realize its just like that in Black Coffee.

But since this is a giveaway and we only have a limited number, we have to make it interesting. So here’s the deal-io.

Email to me panama.jackson@gmail.com your WORST breakup stories. Here’s the rub…it has to be repostable (anonymously). So yes, if you win, you will receive a free DVD of the movie Black Coffee starring all the Black people on the cover picture but you’ve got to let me post your story. (You will also receive a congraulatory email from me, Panama D. Jackson, stating that you have won which is likely to be worth somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 cents 20 years from now.) Let’s call them cautionary tales. And so this doesn’t get to 1,000 words, let’s keep it to 200 words or less (unless you legit have the worst story in history). 

And so this doesn’t last forever, all entries must be in by Wednesday, April 9th.

Synopsis

Robert (Darrin Henson) picked the wrong time to meet his soul mate!  After being fired from his own father’s company, he feels like his luck has run out – until Morgan (Gabrielle Dennis) enters into his life.  Just as things start to heat up between them, trouble brews as Morgan’s ex-husband (Lamman Rucker) vows to get her back and Robert’s gold-digging ex-girlfriend (Erica Hubbard) returns with an agenda of her own. With the help of his cousin (Christian Keyes), Robert’s about to find out how much good can come out of a bad situation in this charming romantic comedy that’s good to the last drop.

-VSB P