I Don’t Understand Why Puff Speaking at Howard University’s Graduation Is A Thing.

P. DIDDYSo Sean “Puff/Puff Daddy/P.Diddy/Diddy” Combs, possibly Howard University’s most famous dropout has been summoned to speak at their commencement exercise in May. This has apparently ruffled some feathers. And by some I mean way less than a lot. But enough to garner debate and discussion as if it were a thing so let’s pretend its a thing. Assuming its a thing, I honestly cannot understand for the life of me why anybody would have a problem with this.

This can’t be because he’s a college dropout. Should Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gates or Steve Jobs (RIP) be the commencement speaker I’d wager that not one single person would bat an eye. All those men have changed the course of human history. Maybe it’s because they’re the kind of college dropouts we can get behind? Me no know. Puff changed the course of history as well. He helped turn hip-hop into the multi-billion dollar industry that it is today, for better or worse. Fight me.

It can’t be because he’s not successful enough. Puffy is chasin’ that billion dollar net worth like his life depends on it. He has managed to successfully run Bad Boy Records and turn it into an empire while jacking holding the publishing rights to various artists you know and love (See Badu, Erykah). While he has definitely tanked more careers than he’s managed to usher into longevity, his business sense has fostered the careers of everybody from Usher to Outkast to Mary J. Blige to Jodeci to Biggie to Faith, etc. You see where I’m going. While very few people signed to him survived Bad Boy in tact, he put everybody in a position to win. And win they did for a while. Puff’s worth has been over $500 million for quite some time. That’s not because folks are handing him things, its because he’s been ridin’ around and gettin’ it…coincidentally a mantra that I’d wager 90 percent of HBCU students invest and believe in. HBCU students like the ones he will address in May.

It can’t be because he’s not inspirational. Love him or hate him, the man’s life story hasn’t been an easy one. He scrapped to get where he is and it isn’t like you wouldn’t listen to Puff give advice on how to make it in America. Hell, we seem to like to listen to Jay-Z and they pretty much have the same story. The only difference is Puff was cuttin’ the checks WAY earlier than Jay was. Hell, Puff’s most famous lyric might be, “Don’t worry if I write rhymes, I write checks.” Undoubtedly ghost-written, but important nonetheless. Gangstarr has an album called The Ownerz…Puff IS one. I remember telling my father I wanted to be an NBA player before I stopped growing and he told me not to play for a team, own a team. Real n*gga talkin’. Shut the f*ck up ho.

Quick aside, I went to Howard’s graduation a few years back. Current Secretary of Education Arne Duncan was the keynote speaker. I can’t tell you a damn thing he said. Hell, I had to look it up to find out who the speaker was. There’s no point to other than graduation speakers are largely forgettable unless its a President or Oprah. I’m pretty sure David Satcher spoke at my graduation. I only remember this because he went to Morehouse, not because I can remember a single thing that he said. Graduation speakers are largely just pomp and circumstance.

So perhaps the issue is because people are attaching some type of unnecessay status to both Howard (I love HU and all, but let’s not pretend that HU is some beacon of Blackness and who speaks there determines some sort of status in the world community…plus, Morehouse had Obama last year…we won) and what it means to be a commencement speaker.

To me, and I’m the end all be all authority on this subject considering how many leatherbound books I have in my home, the commencement speaker really should be somebody with a grand message. To that end, you could probably find a homeless person who could deliver a great message that would change your life. I really do mean that. What you need is somebody to inspire you through the struggle as you cross the threshold from idealism into the grand abyss of “why didn’t I stay for another year”. Ultimately we all want a celebrity – like a real one – and only a few schools actually are able to pull that off. I’m fairly certain that if Tougaloo College could pull Puff they’d be happy as hell. Hell, they’d be happy with Chef Roble. The top shelf HBCUs and most of the top tier universities are obviously able to do this. It’s an honor to speak at these places so I’m sure they don’t take it lightly. I wouldn’t. In fact, it is my goal at some point to give a commencement address. It’s on my bucket list. I don’t even care if it’s DeVry or Capella (does that still exist?).

So this has to come down to he didn’t graduate so he shouldn’t be speaking at a graduation. Which is just stupid. Puff is a successful business man. Nobody would ever argue this. Puff won at life, like Zuckerberg and Gates and Jobs and any number of other people who didn’t need to finish college to make the leap.

I’ve seen quite a few articles talking about this (and by this I solely mean Puff speaking at HU) and they’ve been met with some interesting “why Puff” rhetoric in the comments though nobody could actually come up with a good reason. Short of his club shootout NOT GUILTY verdict and that promoter issue he had in the early 90s where some kids ended up dead because of overbooking, Puff has managed to fly mostly above the fray. So either folks just think that Puff, a business man who likely respects the hell out of the fact that the school that would be his alma-mater (though they’re giving him an honory doctorate), will get up there and say “take that take that…you’re nobody ’til somebody kills you” and then spit his verse from “All About The Benjamins” (which actually would make for a compelling speech), or we REALLY think that giving such a high honor to a rapper is crossing the line.

Actually let me amend that last paragraph, the worst thing Puff has done and he didn’t even know it is place Stevie J on the Hitmen (spawned some of the best songs to ever come out of Bad Boy) which would eventually lead to Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta. If that’s your argument, then you got me.

Are there seemingly more conventional choices? Sure. But would they be better? Who knows. Maybe Puff gets out there and blows everybody’s mind. Maybe he doesn’t. But anybody claiming he doesn’t deserve that kind of shot is sadly mistaken. Anybody.

I’m sure Puff doesn’t care about detractors in any way, shape, or form. In fact, I’m sure he’s listening to track 2 off of No Way Out counting money and scratching his balls with a golden scepter. Coincidentally produced by Stevie J. That man made hits.

What you need to do is check your distribution, his songs bump in Houston like Scarface produced them.

Victory.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka PUFF FOR PRESIDENT aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Shit Bougie Black People Love: 15. ’90′s Nostalgia

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Aside from Bill Clinton’s penis and Michael Douglas’ penis in movies starring Michael Douglas, nothing had anything good happen to them in the 90s. It was a truly awful decade. The clothes were shitty, everyone started drinking coffee, and everyone cool got shot or got AIDS.

Perhaps you remember this. Bougie Black People, however, do not. Bougie Black People love the 90s more than anyone loves any other decade, easily surpassing White people’s love for both the 1980s and the 1830s.

This love for all things 90s is only matched by their passion for bringing the 90s back. Hence the reason why, if you happen to ask a Bougie Black Person what they’re doing right now, you’re likely to get at least one of the following answers:

1. Taking a quiz to see which Living Single character they are.

2. Taking a quiz to see which Fresh Prince of Bel-Air character they are.

3. Taking a quiz to see which Martin character they are.

4. Planning a 90s nostalgia party.

5. Planning an outfit for a 90s nostalgia party.

6. Thinking about Lark Voorhees.

7. Listening to Mase.

(Read more at Ish Bougie Black People Love)

Because #OLD: Kids React To Walkmans

Looks like he could be my cousin.

Looks like he could be my cousin. He also looks like he’s thinking “WHAT IS THIS SH*T!”

As a connoisseur of ghosts of times past, watching children all born since 2000 finagle and fumble with past technology is awesome. Such brings us to this KIDS REACT video as the kids are presented with walkmans/walkmen(?…I feel dumber) trying to figure out how it works (and why?). Predictably, their reactions are hilarious. It’s one of those moments that you wonder about when you’re younger. I remember saying to myself back in the day when CDs came out what future generations were going to be using. And then Napster and Audiogalaxy, etc hit the scene and then the burst of the MP3 player. No Zune.

Also, these kids are hilarious. Fun facts are displayed throughout and did you all know that when Walkman’s first dropped, they were $200??? When presented with this fact some kids are like, thats a ripoff…but one smart, wise, and clearly reasonable chap points out that some iPhones cost upwards of $700. Smart man young man. Smart man.

So take your time young man and don’t you rush to get old. And enjoy what life was probably like for us when many of us were listening to our walkmans and our parents pulled out an 8-track of Betty Wright. What’s also interesting is how inconvenienced the kids seem – possibly for show – by them. Walkmans/Walkmen(?…still feel dumb) were and are remarkbly simple devices. Definitely easier to use than an MP3 player. The kids seem to disagree.

Respect due to my man who when given headphones states that he’s such a 90s baby though he wasn’t even born in the 90s. No RKelly.

Reminisce.

-VSB P 

 

I Think Mimi Really Just Wanted To *CENSORED* On Camera, B

If you are a person who both has a Twitter account and are in any way plugged into Black Twitter then your day was full of the most hilarious ridiculousness of the Mimi vs Nikko (and I call a versus because there are shower rods involved, that almost makes it a competition) sex tape that “leaked” via, well, whoever it leaked via.

Hi. I'm Mimi. This is going to go bad quickly.

Hi. I’m Mimi. This is going to go bad quickly.

But let’s start at the beginning. The supertrailer, a 4 minute and 35 second teaser, for season 3 of VH1′s Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta hit the internet recently, followed by news reports from TMZ that the sex tape being discussed by Mimi and Nikko (Mimi had the nerve to sound concerned at one point like, “I have a daughter”) and then Mimi and Stevie J, had been procured by Vivid Entertainment. For those not in the know, Vivid has had a pretty good run in the past few years of cornering the pr0n tape markert, though I felt they slowed down a bit since sex tapes kind of became like a 40 degree day. Basically, nobody cares anymore. Anyway, Vivid was the conduit under which most tapes were released to the public. Vivid would pay a handsome sum for it and then let the dogs out. Proverbially speaking, of course.

Anyway, within what seems like hours, stills and a trailer of the tape’s best moments had hit the Tweets.

Now one thing we all know is that the Internet has no chill. But before we get to that, let’s talk for a minute about two people in particular: Mona Scott-Young and Mimi Faust.

Mona Scott-Young might actually be the devil. I’m almost convinced she has made it her singular purpose to be the producer of any and all content that places ninjas in the worst light possible. Folks still have to show up to be filmed, but for all the non-sense we talk about Tyler Perry at least he’s attempting to be positive. He may fail miserably. In fact, Tyler Perry is Julian from Wheel of Fortune, he is squandered opportunity at its apex. But Tyler Perry is making money attempting to do something positive.

Again. Attempting.

Mona gives zero f*cks. I can’t even be mad because I watch the trainwrecks. She’s an opportunist and I’m apparently here for it.

I am the problem.

photo 1 (1)Which brings us to Mimi. Oh, Mimi. We all wanted this woman to win. We wanted her to rid herself of Stevie J and move on happily. As much as she annoyed me – though to be fair, they all annoy me – Mimi was the one with some sense. But she just couldn’t not make bad choices. And it seems she hit the bad choice (but big payoff?) lottery. Now, I’m only calling her tape a bad choice because when you see folks who seem to have some sense, you want them to be able to win the old fashioned way. Plus she’s like 45. She shouldn’t have to resort to this type of stuff in her life at this point. I mean she has a maid service!!!! But somehow, her interesting looking boyfriend who once gave her a fake Rolex and who she cursed out managed to get back into her good graces and panties and they decided to pr0n it out for the cameras in order to profit in some form or other.

Which is odd because they’re kind of already on a reality show which seems like the ceiling for relatively non-talented individuals who are connected to people who have been somebody’s in a past life. But these folks chase the fame because well, what else do they have going. But be careful what you chase.

Which brings us back to the Internets. Which have no chill. Maaaaan listen. Between Kid Cudi’s terrible decision to wear a crop-top sweater while performing at Coachella…

Quick break in the action: N*ggas is wearing capes, skirts, and crop tops now? These might not be the last days, but something is foul in the state of Denmark. Out damn spot!

I’m assuming that Mimi thought a sex tape might bring some positive notoriety. Basically, she may have thought this would Kim K her life. Except…Mimi is an old hasbeen who is only famous because of this show. And her fame is limited to a certain segment of the world community: the shadows. So I don’t really know what the point is. However, what’s done is done. And once you sow…the grim reaper shows up.

The Internets is the grim reaper. The slander. The shade. The lack of f*cks. It’s Disneyland for n*gga technology. And the Internets have not disappointed. A few leaked stills and then we were off.

We’ve got this pic:

Kind of looks like what Mimi was doing.

Kind of looks like what Mimi was doing.

Then this one:

What happens when you try the Mimi special at home.

What happens when you try the Mimi special at home.

Then this picture because slander:

Stevie always finds a way to win.

Stevie always finds a way to win.

Then the worst one of all, folks really have no chill, b. A shoutout to their kid:

Ouch.

Ouch.

I don’t know why these folks set themselves up. Mostly because I don’t know what is to be gained when you’ve already maxed out your status. And we are a brutal bunch. And by we, I mean anybody with the chance at making fun of somebody else with little to no repercussions. Basically, people online. Mimi isn’t going to make it to cultural icon. But she will get meme’d the f*ck out. She already has been.

See here:

photo 4

Ya know, I wonder if celebrities feelings get hurt by this stuff. They can always fall back on “but I’m rich” but they all aren’t. And they have feelings too. I get my feelings hurt sometimes. And it hurts when people boo.

In terms of Mimi, she won’t even make it to community icon. Now, granted, there will be those folks who say that she’s a grown woman, which is true. She has the right do what she wants to. She can make all the tapes and sell them to all the world. But she’s not a pr0n star and from what I can tell that’s not her goal in life. Also, why go this route now? There really is nothing to win. Which means she probably just really wanted to f*ck for the camera’s, b.

Sure I’m talking about it right now and so is Twitter, but fame like this is short-lived. A footnote on the colon of Black History. It doesn’t matter beyond its immediacy the day we all see it (and it’s leaked which means this won’t matter by Thursday). Grown women can do what they want, but she always portrayed herself as being above the rest of these women who engage in the sex for money industry. Well the formal one. And yet here we are.

So I come to you, humbly, curious about what does one who has reached their zenith stand to gain. Why put yourself before the Internet firing squad for what really amounts to attention that doesn’t translate into even bitcoins? At least the Internet got fun out of it. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t better for it. But nobody wins.

Nobody.

And Mimi actually lost.

Reality.

-VSB P aka MR. MY TAPE AIN’T GONE VIRAL (NO STD) aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

He May Be The Worst Contestant Ever. He May Not Be Bright. He Said “Dicespin.” But He Got Robbbed.

The video heard ’round the world is of the recent shamefest that is Indiana University student Julian’s foray into America’s favorite show, Wheel of Fortune. My man went onto the show and f*cked up not one, not two, but THREE shots at glory.

He landed the chance to win a milli.

He landed the chance to win a car.

Blew both of those with tremendous and mind-boggling aplomb. Then he came thru in the clutch with the world’s most ridiculous attempt at solving a puzzle that was CLEARLY “On The Spot Decision” with a word that will haunt his dreams for the rest of his life.

Actually, I take that back, saying the name Achilles wrong will haunt his dreams. Saying the word “dicespin” on national television as a college student RETURNING to the land of Twitter and IG posts gone wild will just embarass the living hell out of him. Indiana University, you let him in. It’s your fault.

Despite the shenanigans and fcukery present by dear brother Julian, the one who would be our shame, I kind of feel like he got robbed. Here’s why.

On the puzzle where he landed the chance to win the million, he got penalized for not know the correct way to say the name Achilles. We can blame his parents. We can blame his education. We can even blame Indiana University for this. Let’s blame them all. But he READ what was up there, he just got the name wrong. He’s Black. What if he has a cousin named Achilles who pronounces the name like ATCHilles as he pronounced it. I ain’t saying that Wheel of Fortune doesn’t have rules, but he read what was up there. He just mispronounced it. How did he lose? What if he had an accent? Would he have been given the benefit of the doubt if he pronounced it like that but was from the Ukraine?

I know some folks who STRUGGLE with pronunciation. And I judge them with the power of Zeus. But I also know what they mean and I’m not going to penalize them. But I don’t have a million dollars up for grabs either.

But he solved the puzzle, he just mispronounced the name. Hell the puzzle WAS SOLVED! All the letters were up there. He read what was up there. He didn’t get the name wrong. He didn’t says “DICESPIN” where he should have said “decision”. That was epicly wrong. In this case, again, he just stated it wrong.

Am I trippin?? I feel like he got jobbed!

Oh, and shouts out to Pat Sajak who after my man mispronounced Achilles and the chick from Texas A&M wins the puzzle goes to her basically says, “this n*gga can’t read”.

My man Pat.

What say you all?? Did he get robbed??!?!

-VSB P