On Kanye, New Slaves, Kim, College Dropout, and Kill Bill

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1. There are few movies I anticipated the way I anticipated Kill Bill Volume 2. None perhaps. As far as sequels to movies I’d loved goes, I also was anxious to see The Dark Knight and The Matrix Reloaded. But with each of those, I had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen and, most importantly, the way the story was going to be told. With Kill Bill Volume 2, though, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to see. Yes, I knew Beatrix would find a way to kill Bill at the end of the movie, but would Elle Driver and Budd be given the same type of anime-intro O-Ren received? Which genre would Tarantino lean on more? Spaghetti Western? Blaxploitation? Samurai? Would the scenes follow a chronological order? How much would be shown in black and white?

As I’ve mentioned before, this same type of imperviousness to prediction is (to me) the most notable aspect of Kanye West’s talent, the most literal manifestation of his (depending on who you ask) genius, madness, or wackness. I can’t think of any other hip-hop artist who consistently defies expectations this way. I mean, when you hear that Jay-Z or Ghostface or Drake or whomever is releasing a new album, before you even hear it, anyone familiar with their work is going to have an idea of what it’s going to sound like. The only question is whether or not it’s going to be any good. But, trying to predict how a Kanye West album is going to sound is like trying to imagine how the air tastes on Jupiter. I think that people who anticipate his albums the way I do are compelled by this volatility, while the people who can’t stand him and/or find him inauthentic are annoyed by it.

2. It would be unwise to craft your final judgments on New Slaves and Black Skinhead right now because one thing you can predict about Kanye is that a Kanye song the first time you hear it and the album version of a Kanye song are likely to be completely different. But, in the chance that these were the final versions of the songs, I have to say that I wasn’t expecting to like them as much as I do. My opinions aren’t based on whatever “messages” the songs were trying to convey. I just like the way each sounds.

3. I loved College Dropout, but I do not miss College Dropout Kanye or want College Dropout Kanye to “come back.” For those who do—and, apparently, there are many—I don’t know if you realize how selfish that is. It’s also impossible, both literally (obviously) and figuratively. You’re asking someone to recreate memories and music so you can feel how you felt when it was initially created. You don’t want College Dropout Kanye back. You want who you were when College Dropout dropped to come back. Neither will ever happen.

Thing is, even if this were to happen—if Kanye or whoever was able to transform back into a long dead version of themselves just to replicate their art—you would not be able to replicate how you felt when first hearing it. Just as they’re not the same person, you’re not either, which is why it’s imperative to create new memories and associations instead of trying (and failing) to relive old ones.

4. From a personal perspective, I am almost completely neutral about Kim and Kanye’s relationship. And, by “I am almost completely neutral about their relationship” I mean “I am neither rooting for nor against them, but if a gun was pointed to my head and I had to choose, I’d root for them. I’d then ask Panama why he pulled a gun on me.”

But, as Rembert Browne alluded to last week, it’s near impossible to listen to a Kanye song or album now and not wonder what influence Kim has had on his work. For this reason, I think being with her may end up being the worst musical decision he’s ever made. I wont pretend to know what’s going on inside of Kanye’s head, but he’s always struck me as an artist who’s more concerned with product, legacy, and praise than popularity. Not only does he want to be the best artist, he wants everyone to recognize him as such. (Ironically, this maniacal focus on product and legacy has made him extremely popular. There’s a positive message here somewhere that I’d note if I cared about positive messages.)

But now Kim Kardashian’s shadow looms over his work. Regardless of how good (or bad) this album is—and regardless of whether their relationship has any influence at all on the quality of his work and the frequency that work is produced—Kim’s name will be mentioned in every longform review and article about it, and her presence will be thought of when people assess this album. She, he, and them together are too transcendentally (and, perhaps, intentionally) bizarre for this not to happen.

For an artist so concerned with legacy, so concerned with how his work is regarded, you have to wonder why he’d willingly enter a relationship that would have such an effect on how people regard his work.

(Actually, I don’t really wonder why. Although Kanye has been the subject of numerous gay rumors, he’s always struck me as a person who’s exclusively attracted to and infatuated with women and completely dependent on their validation. Basically, he seems like the type of guy who needs women to cum while f*cking him for him to get any lasting pleasure out of sex. Sure, the woman “wins,” but it’s really all about him and proving to himself—and her—that he has that power. For a person who thinks like this, Kim Kardashian—a woman whose popularity largely stems from being the amalgamation of a million different porn-addicted men’s sexual chimeras—is not only an understandable choice, she’s the best one.)

5. I think certain decisions Kanye has made has caused many to think of him as a shameless attention whore. I’ve never agreed with this, mainly because I can’t think of a current celebrity who’s noticeably disquieted by attention more than he is. It feels like he wants to be known and thought of, but not actually engaged unless he has complete control of the interaction. Basically, he’s the music world’s unlikeliest introvert.

6. I think Kanye is the single most important person in music right now. I think he’s very aware of this. He also must be aware that his last album was regarded by many very serious hip-hop critics as one of the best rap albums ever made. I think this would put any artist under a shitload of pressure. I’m (obviously) not sure how Kanye is handling this, but I think we’ll have a better idea June 18th.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) 

Danny Brown Got Head On Stage And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

Chicks dig this guy.

Chicks dig this guy.

So a couple of weeks ago, indy-alt-ratchet rapper Danny Brown allegedly got some head from a which while he was performing in Minneapolis. Not only did he get head in the whip without crashing it on stage, he FINISHED his verse AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!

I don’t care who you are, that’s talent. I remember one time at band camp, I was performing Michael Jackson’s “Speed Demon” on stage and some chick yelled out “you suck” and I totally forgot the words and stood there doing the same ole two step while the instrumental played in the background. Totes embarassing.

Since I’m a dude, you’re a dude, she’s a dude, we’re some dudes my first thought was how crazy that is and also how cool that is. I mean, you can’t see that type of thing coming can you? No pun intended. But he’s just on stage doing his thing and some chick just can’t wait for the hotel room and not only grabs his crotch but yanks his chain and domes him off. That is some rock start sh*t.

But of cousre, I have the Internets. And the Internets told me that Danny Brown was sexually assaulted. Tour mate and friend Kitty Pryde penned (or typed since I don’t know if you can pen something if you don’t actually use a pen) a letter where she mentioned both Ricky Smiley and To Kill A Mockingbird within 200 words of each other. That, my friends, is a some amazing command of the written word. I remember once I used the words Barack Obama and new Bugatti pretty close to one another. That was a good day.

Champ wrote a post some time ago about a time when he got drunk and woke up to some sexxing that he didn’t even remember til the next day. He immediately felt like he got a happy ending while being able to realize that had something like that happened to a woman it’s rape, thru and thru. But for some reason, when situations like Danny Brown or a man waking up to some woman humping him to high hell just don’t seem…bad, per se. I realize this makes no sense. But I also realize that double standards exist.

Back in 2005, I was out in the mean streets of NYC with a gang of folks for New Year’s Eve. Long story short, a friend of mine pulled out my johnson at the bar. No dome, just freedom. Why she did it is unimportant because it happened. I was too drunk to immediately react but I’m fairly sure that had I just grabbed some woman’s boobs and pulled them out I’d potentially be on my way to jail. And that would be fair.

Kitty Pryde brings up a good point via her letter though. Men aren’t well equipped to handle these situations either. When my homegirl pulled out my wang, I just laughed it off and waited for her to return him to my Hammer pants. In school, and actually out and about, I’ve had women walk up to me and grab my wang. Never once did I feel compelled to say something to an authority. I guess it’s because I had no idea what to say. It happened and after the shock wore off – face it, we’re taught that women just aren’t generally that foreward – I just laugh it off and tell my boys that some chick grabbed my sh*t, to which they usually want to know which chick so hopefully she’ll do the same to them.

Men and women view sexual contact differently. It’s clear that the same interactions can elicit wholly different outcomes depending on who is doing the initial contact. Which is probably why Danny Brown wouldn’t punch the chick in the fore head when she domes him off. Can you imagine if Rihanna is on stage and some dude jumps up there and puts his mouth on her vajayjay? He’s going to jail, the concert is going to stop, and news media would explode from all of the articles about how dangerous men are getting and how prevalent rape culture is nowadays. This Danny Brown story barely got any traction anywhere outside of rap blogs. It doesn’t matter as much. It’s the same reason why people shrug off the idea that men can get raped.

Men are bigger and usually stronger – though Wendy Williams pisses all over that theory – so a man should be able to stop some sh*t from going down. If he doesn’t he must want it and since all men are all sex all the time its hard to fathom the idea of a man being sexually assaulted.

Was Danny Brown sexually assaulted? Yes he was. But do most of us view it along those lines? Hell does he? Probably not. And if you aren’t upset that you got assaulted, is it still assault?

Overall, I just find it curious that this happened, and even if it wasn’t to an A-list superstar artist, there’s really not much coverage of it all. I think we can all agree that male sexual assault isn’t getting as much face time, no pun intended, at the sex crime table. I wonder why that is?

Or do we all, men and women, truly subscribe to the boys will be boys mantra and as long as its happening to him and not by him then he’ll be alright? I don’t know.

But I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t punch any chick in the forehead for doming me off on stage either.

Help me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. DON’T STAGE ME aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

That’s That Sh*t I Do Like…Even Though No One Else Does

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The Cruel Summer album

So what if no one—not even the biggest, most diehard Ye fans—loved this album. (Some people liked it. But, no one loved it) So what if it was titled Cruel Summer even though it was released two weeks before the first day of fall. So what if I still kinda think this album was just a very elaborate 401k for Pusha T. So what if my two favorite songs on it (Higher and Sin City) happen to be the two songs that the seven people who actually like it always skip through. So what if one of these songs (Sin City) features two verses from my least favorite rapper. And, so what if one of those verses happens to be my favorite verse on the album. For reasons I’ll probably address sometime later this year, no album is more connected to a year to me than Cruel Summer is to 2012. (I realize that last sentence was unnecessarily cryptic, but it’s Friday and, well, f*ck you, it’s Friday.)

Derrick Rose sitting out until he feels ready to come back and play

If you disagree, if you think that since he was “cleared” to play a couple months ago, Rose is basically just being a spoiled little bitch who needs to put away those big-ass Coogi neckties and get back on the court, you are an intentional idiot, and since intentional idiots need to die, you need to die.

Tyler The Creator doing the things Tyler The Creator does when he’s not making music

(If only because “Proud of that nigga cause I know that shit is difficult or whatever. Anyway. I’m a toilet.” is, all things considered, the best tweet I’ve ever seen.)

Cheese-less sandwiches

***My reaction to the next person to ask me if I’m sure when I tell them I don’t want any cheese on my sandwich***

Standardized tests

I have nothing particularly witty or insightful to say about this. I liked taking them while in school. I like the fact that students still have to take them. I even like the fact that while the rest of the world embraces technological advancement, standardized test results are somehow rendered completely obsolete if not completed with a number two pencil. (BTW, has anyone ever used or even seen a number one pencil? How about number three? Or four?)

***Spoiler Alert!!!***

The way Omar was killed on The Wire

For a series that prided itself on its stark realness, Omar’s character just got progressively more fantastical and contrived as the seasons passed, and although it seems like everyone was waiting for a showdown between him and Marlo, getting got by a 10 year old restored the natural order of the show.

That’s it for me today. People of VSB, I’m curious: Name some sh*t you do like even though no one else seems to share your opinion. 

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

How To Avoid The Stevie Js Of The World

[I just heard that news that Chris Kelly from Kriss Kross died. RIP homey. Jump.]

If you see this man ladies, run. Run like the wind. Run like your life depended on it.

If you see this man ladies, run. Run like the wind. Run like your life depended on it.

I consider myself to be somewhat of a Black pop culture maven (BPCM). I’m not even sure what maven means, but I do know I used it properly in that sentence. I also know somebody named Mavis. No staple.

Well being the BPCM that I am, I spend an inordinate amount of time watching shows that Black Twitter watches. This includes all of the shows in the Ratchet Roundup (Love & Hip-Hop, Basketball Chicks, Real Live In Girlfriends, Say No To That Girlfriend, Pull Over That Ass To Phat, etc). Surprisingly, I do not watch Scandal and have only seen a few episodes in their entirety. I can’t reconcile this with my ratchetry except to point out that I f*cking rock and if you know like I know, you don’t want to step to this. It’s the PJ era, funked out with a gangsta twist.

For those who haven’t seen LHH:ATL, I can’t decide if I feel like you’ve made all the right choices in life or if you’ve missed the boat. Maybe you’ve done both. “Maybe” was a good song. But either way, if you haven’t seen it, one of the central characters is Stevie J aka Sleazy J of Hitmen (Bad Boy) fame. He produced “Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems” for Biggie and several other huge (seriously huge) hits for Bad Boy. He and his on-again-off-again girlfriend Mimi have a daughter together. He also has a relationship with a Dominican chick named Josaline Hernandez who most people would have sworn was a man in the beginning of the first series.

But this isn’t a show recap. And this ain’t funny so don’t you dare laugh, but Stevie J might be THE worst kind of man out there on the planet. When women are talking about men that are terrible, they’re talking about men like Stevie J. He’s stereotypically all of the worst facets of manhood (short of his parenting, I have no idea what kind of father he is…by all accounts Mimi has nothing negative to say about his involvement and love for his daughter): he’s a liar, he’s a cheater, he’s the ultimate opportunist, he’s selfish, he’s condescending, he’s emotional, he’s conniving, he makes rat faces, he literally just watches as the ship sinks then gets off as it heads towards the bottom for another ship while the other patrons die. He’s the kind of man that every man with a daughter will encourage her to avoid.

Only because we see Stevie J weekly can most people (read: women) say they’d never date a man like him. But people like him are extremely personable and they tug at women’s heart strings. They come through with gifts. They’re all about the short con and see everything solely through their own eyes.

You know something is wrong when Benzino of Made Men and Almight RSO fame is the voice of reason. Yes, Benzino, is on television spitting realness and truth to Stevie telling him that he needs to change his ways and stop being so selfish. But that’s what it all comes down to. Stevie J is the most selfish man on the planet. He’s so selfish that even men don’t f*ck with him. Do you know how selfish you have to be to make another man stop f*cking with you?

So here are some tips to avoiding men like Stevie J and saving yourself the most severe and painful heartache EVER:

1. If a man ALWAYS sounds like he’s trying to game you, then he probably is…

If I thought Stevie J owned any books, I’d believe he’s spent as much time reading up on game as Obsidian. Everything Stevie says sounds like he’s conning you and giving you half the story. EVERYTHING.

2. Once you feel like a man is trying to game you, be prepared to be taken for all of the emotional capital you have to give…

You know what sucks about bad love? It’s exhausting. It drains your soul and your spirit. Ladies, men will drain you for everything you have and test your entire mettle so that you can see what kind of woman you really are. I have a lot of sisters. A lot. I’ve seen them go through so many levels of Tyler Perry’s hell its almost made me cry (and get a gun). However, they’ve all risen like Maya Angelou in an elevator. But they did lose in the process. A lot of winning involves loss. Remember that. And all loss ain’t just sacrifice. Stevie will take your cookies then expect you to make more so he can take those too.

3. Read the signs. A man’s face will tell you a whole hell of a lot.

I think 99 percent of women are crazy. I truly do. But only 50 percent of that crazy results in actions that are possibly illegal. But a man who has hit his crazy level, that is some scary sh*t. Some men can’t take it when they don’t get their way. It burns because their life is built around controlling everybody like pawns. Entire subgenres of Black movies are built around this premise. Men who snap because their will is not done. God complex having ninjas will tow that line on occasion. God is the giver of life and free will. A man who feels this way will attempt to prove to you he has those abilities.

4. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times…you’re in it forever.

Learn when to cut your losses. This really goes for men and women. But people who can’t seem to do right no matter how many chances and who continue to improve on their f*cktasticness, well, learn the lesson. Let them go. If it doesn’t take a whole day to recognize sunshine then it doesn’t take the end of your life to realize that you’re dealing with some bullsh*t. Learn to move on.

So what are other ways to notice that a woman (or a man for that matter) is dating Stevie J? Help the people out.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. NOT STEVIE J aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

What’s Your Religion?

jesusFor the record, and before we begin, “Jerry, let the record refleck…” that I’m not using the term religion in the Bible/Torah/Talmud/Qu’ran, Holy Trinity and you’re out, type of way.

Naw, we’re going to use it in a different way. Allow me to explain.

Can I kick it?

Yes you can.

Can I kick it?

Yes you can.

Can I kick it?

Yes you can.

Well I’m gone.

For years and years, eons even, religion has been the source of more conflict than a Chris Brown interview. It’s gotten to the point where people have to write articles about the difficulty of interfaith relationships. On Love & Hip-Hop: NY we see how Consequence, his teeth, and Jen the Pen can’t seem to live happily ever after because he has turned his religion into an immovable object. She is not a Muslim. He is. He refuses to allow their mixtie son to even observe non-Muslim holidays, etc. Like Christmas. Because that’s his word.

See it’s not enough that two people have religion. Religion has to be shared. For the record, I understand this. I get why folks wouldn’t want to cross their God-sabers. Different faiths come with different rules and guidelines. Shucks, one religion says don’t eat that swine, one says don’t eat that lamb, one says don’t eat that monkey. I’m paraphrasing. In fact, it seems we only all agree on chicken. And I’m pretty sure I’m making that up. Eat mor chikin.

I’m losing my religion here. Back to the lecture at hand. The point is, two folks can have that old timmmmmme religion, but if it doesn’t match, well, you get chaos. I think at times its almost better (should this interfaith or faith-and-not situation arise) that one person has it and the other doesn’t give a flying f*ck. But people always give f*cks. It’s what people do.

So as Jesus said to the guy he was asking, “what’s your religion?” (that doesn’t have to be religion)??

Well for me, it’s music. Music is my religion. You know, when I’m not being religious. How does this work? Or what brought this to my attention?

Have you ever, ever, ever in your long legged life seen a long legged sailor with a long legged wife? No? Me neither.

But in the midst of a conversation recently with a person who is a music head/snob like I can be at times, I discovered that while we both were extremely fond of music as a whole, our tastes varied so widely that it was eye opening. For one, I discovered that this friend is one of those mainstream-rap-is-not-hip-hop people, a camp I’m staunchly not in. Then came the kicker. In the midst of a convo about Kid Cudi and my assertion that he is the best accessory rapper (you know makes everything sound better by virtue of his presence) in hip-hop and citing Kanye West’s beautiful masterpiece, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, she posited that she wasn’t even familiar with it or his work for real.

Sccccccrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Say heffa say wha?

Say heffa say wha?

Oh no she didn’t.

Oh no she didn’t.

It was totally amazing to me to think that somebody could be unfamiliar with one of the biggest artists in hip-hop critically lauded albums…as a fan of the artform. Even hip-hop heads respect Kanye’s artistry. Not this one. Nope. She gave no f*cks. And for me, it seems like willful ignorance. It’s like people who buy Zune’s (do they still exist?) because they don’t want to purchase Apple products. It’s impossible to not be familiar with Jay-Z. It just is. But to specifically not pay attention to Kanyeeevel. I ain’t even say you had to like him, but to not pay attention or even know songs on one of the most lauded albums in years, hate it or love it?

#cmonson

While that’s all well and good, it made me realize that music could be just as divisive a force as regular religion for me. I’m the kind of person who can appreciate and love pop music. Cobra Starship “You Make Me Feel” is just as dope as any underground song. Same with Rihanna’s “We Found Love”. I siiiiiiiiiiiiiiing, because I’m haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy. But I can’t discriminate because I’ll miss out on too much.

But…but…I have to respect other people’s views and means for listening. And try not to judge. Lord knows when it comes to music there isn’t an argument I’m not willing to have. And girl I’ll house you. And judge your tastes. I’m like a Dilla Donut, workinonit. It’s hard though. You can’t send me some crap that’s hot because its not mainstream. Ya bish. Just because 12 people know it doesn’t make it exclusive. It probably makes it trash.

Hashtag gospel.

Hashtag yeah I said it.

That was harsh. I apologize. See what music made me do? Plant a flag. Iron Flag. Two people with vastly different tastes in the same thing can get along. Clearly. If Mary Matalin and James Carville can get along and be married then its possible. But it also helps if you just agree to never discuss those things at home over dinner. Or in a boat. On a moat. In a chair. Over there. But people who are passionate need to outlet their passion. It ain’t passion if you ain’t passionate.

Message. Knowledge my brother, use it or lose it.

So music is my religion. Clearly. It’s uplifting and encouraging and can be as divisive as North Korea making the quadratic formula the official language of Mongolia.

What?

Also notice I never said anybody was wrong or right. It’s religion, we’ll all find out when we’re dead. Word to Father Abraham.

It’s Friday. Good morning. Good afternoon. Good night.

What’s your religion?

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. GET YO SH*T AND GET OUT BUT LEAVE MY D’ANGELO VOODOO ALBUM aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3