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Things I’ve Learned From VSB

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o-BEYONCE-BOW-DOWN-570If there’s one thing I can say about you folks who venture and yap here at VSB its that you all are an educated bunch of individuals. Or maybe just learned. I have no idea what type of educational attainment lies within the Hallways of VSB Manor. Since along with great power comes great responsibility, nearly everybody here has tried to learn somebody today about anything and everything. I’m a pretty smart chap. I’ve got the degrees and common sense to prove it. That Beautiful Mind sh*t? Child’s play. And thanks to all you haters I know G4 pilots on a first-name basis.

Somebody smart once said, “if you stop learning, you aren’t learning anymore.” Go on ahead and let that marinate for a minute.

*marinate*

Deep. Knowledge my brothers and sisters. Use it or lose it. Word to Dormtainment.

So in the spirit of said education, here are some things I’ve learned from the commentary here at VSB.

1. Straw man arguments and sh*t

Real spit, I’d never heard the term “straw man” outside of Kansas until some of you folks who like to argue a lot started lobbing it around. I’m still not completely sure what it means unless I look it up. I just looked it up. If I’m write, its an easily refuted argument based in logical fallacy. Now I don’t think it means what some of you think it means. But that’s okay because I’ll forget it by the time this goes live anyway. Point is, I’d never heard that term until somebody brought it to VSB. Thank you. Kansas thanks you. And so does the Scarecrow.

New writtens.

2. Cognitive dissonance

I remember writing about the fact that I’d never heard this term until Champ used it once, and then he used it a lot. Context clues didn’t even help me out. I had to consult The Internets – and you know any and everything goes down on the Internets – to figure out what the hell it meant. Now I know and I use the term at least twice a week in front of people who clearly have no idea what it means.

3. Nearly all statements of opinions are useless without pictures

This is possibly going to be one of the most ridiculous things I will ever state, but I believe it to be true. Every opinion is shaped by experience just as much as facts of a case. People are human and therefore respond based on how some sh*t feels. Sure most of us are able to usurp our feelings for logic, but we’ve all seen completely non-sensical arguments presented due to somebody’s perception. Well, we write a lot about relationships and inter-personal interactions around here. And well, I don’t believe not a gotdamn word some people say until I see what they look like and then make a ridiculous judgement on whether or not its feasible for such an experience to have occurred.

This is what happened at the Three Deez party with the chick who commented afterwards that she finds it hard to believe that Champ and I were able to have the types of experiences needed to inform most of our opinions. Funny thing is, I didn’t have a problem with that claim. My issue was that she missed one vital part about male vs female interactions: a man with a personality that can make a chick smile can do damage out here in these streets. But be that as it may, I appreciate ninjas putting pictures up to go with their opinions.

Yes, this is something I learned from VSB. And it really wasn’t that ridiculous.

4. There are many ways to skin a cat, but two wrongs don’t make a right

I just solved racism.

5. Knowing when to bow out of a conversation is just as important as meaningfully contributing to it.

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadow. That’s true. And what that taught me was that some folks don’t know when to leave things alone. I’m one of those people who enjoys debate for sport, old sport. But I also realize at some point that whatever debate I’m having isn’t going to change my mind or the other person’s. And I don’t really care one way or another, old sport. Debate is an art. Some motherf*ckers paint with crayons. Point is, knowing when to let something go is important, for your own sanity. Now, for some folks, the joy of battle is enough to keep them engaged. I can respect that. But for me…sometimes I want to watch Friends and stop battling.

Those are five things I’ve learned during my time here with VSB. I may come back and toss some more into the ring if the site isn’t f*cking us all with spoons. So what have you learned from VSB? And hey hey…keep the shots fired to a minimum. No personals.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. OPENLY AWESOME aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Debate Deez: The Five Most Annoying Debating Tactics In The History Of Debate Podiums

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[***Y'all will have to forgive us for yesterday. Apparently our host got attacked by terrorists or some such f*ckery and nobody using our host was able to log into their WP accounts until mad late. At which point Panama said, "f*ck it"the-great-debate. Well, today, we're letting VSB legend, Cheekie, come thru and spread love the Brooklyn way. We'd let her do it the Chi-town way, but somebody might get shot then. Shots fired. Triple entendre, don't even ask me how. So without further ado, the floor belongs to the cheeks.***]

So, I be debating in these streets. And I enjoy it, thusly. Seriously, I love to debate for the sake of debating. Not because I want to change my opponent’s opinion (this mission is as futile as me trying to jump into freeze frame in real life as they did in 80s sitcoms, but still, I rise), but because I genuinely enjoy the discourse with someone who doesn’t share my opinion. It’s an adrenaline rush. A long one (heh), too. Apparently, the “gotta have the last word” is a Leo thing and it takes a lot for me to let sleeping dogs lie. #StayWokeDawg

Because of this, I’ve developed a few pet peeves when it comes to debating others. These are the things folks say in rebuttal, but in a “bringing a knife to a gun fight” manner WHILST puffing out their chest as if they brought an AK-47. So, without that ninja Adieu popping up to say anything further, I’m gonna to list ‘em for ya:

1. “I have a right to my opinion.” 

Often said when I disagree with someone. Um, yes, booboo, we know you do. Know what I didn’t do, though, by disagreeing with your opinion? TAKE AWAY your right to yours. For the 50-leventh time folks (especially ya’ll in the back row), if I disagree with you, that is not taking away your right to your opinion, it’s using my own right.  Capiche? Quiche. Also in this same vein: “I have freedom of speech.” You GO BOY/GIRL. But, I ain’t the gubment. Thus, I can sh*t on your speechy freedom as I dayum well please. Because I am doing, what again, class? Class: USING MY OWN RIGHT. *clap clap clap*

2. “Only SOME do this, NOT ALL.” 

Chile. I think Panda-Panama wrote an entire post on this in the past, but in the spirit of being truthful, this IS in my top five of debate tactic pet peeves. So, I gotta speak my piece in order to maintain peace. Wait, what? Anyway. For some reason, generalizations ain’t what’s sizzling on these boulevards. And I get why, I really do. We are not a monolith, blah blah skippy. However, generalizations are necessary sometimes. Yes, necessary. Because what we can’t do is note every single instance in which our claim has occurred. I mean, do I gotta be like, “ONLY the 56,48484.54 men I have encountered have approached me on some street harassment steez” or can I assume readers have common sense and will read “Men engage in street harassment” and — by default — realize it only applies to the specific men who have engaged in such behavior? I be TRYING to achieve the latter, but alas…

3. “Agree to disagree.” 

Now, this is my Lioness roaring again, because I do acknowledge that sometimes this is necessary. However, it’s oft-abused like a mug. So, while the term itself doesn’t particularly annoy me, it’s the manner in which it’s used: to have the last word, which, by default, MUST mean you have won. “Agree to disagree” is the end of the discussion and if you say this right after you have said all you need to say on a matter, you can smugly claim victory. Except not. But, folks do this sooooooo often and I be mad. Q: You mad? A: Yup.

4. “You just a hater./Why you hating?” 

This is usually uttered when discussing a famous entity, even when you have a legit gripe about them. Lemme tell you something. Numero uno, someone has to be in the position to be hated on, in order for me to hate on them. Gotta get that outta the way as folks STAY claiming we’re hating when… girl wut… why???? Further, just because I have one not-so-glowing thing to say about someone doesn’t mean I hate them. It just means I know they ain’t perfect. The problem is… some folks don’t get this. It’s a low down dirty shame. Whew.

5. “You’re comparing apples to oranges.” 

Another actually-necessary phrase that is oft-abused. And to use an example, I’mma bring up old sh*t (but not really, as it’s still an ongoing argument, in general). So, Panama (hey boy hey!) and I had this forever-and-a-day argument about how men are hypocrites for calling women hypocrites for liking “Scandal.” The menfolk (remember: NOT ALL! tee hee) came to a consensus that women are hypocrites for enjoying the drama within “Scandal” while hating cheaters in real life. And I used the example of how men love “The Wire” yet wouldn’t necessarily love the violence that came with it… in real life. I said that both occur for sheer entertainment, and it’s okay. It really is! He said I was comparing “apple to oranges.” NO SIR. Yes, the specific situations may be different in that women are more vocal about cheating, but the concept is exactly the same! Which is what I’m comparing. The concept that just because we are entertained by something in fiction, that doesn’t mean we condone such an act in real life. If we can’t separate the fact that even though it’s entertaining, Olivia Pope is a cheater (and we hate cheaters), then ya’ll can’t separate the fact that even though it’s entertaining, Stringer Bell, Avon Barksdale, an’nem facilitate in killing the community, including the kiddies (and ya’ll surely hate that if you have a heart, Five Heartbeats). Apples and oranges may be different in taste and color, but they still both fruit. (Manager’s Note: Did this motherlover really just come into my motherf*cking establishment and take as hot at me on a guest post I allowed to happen? Oh. Yes. Carry on. – Panama)

Woo, followed by… sahhhhhh.

Aiight, VSB fam, what other debates tactics annoy you? Do any of the above annoy you or do you think they’re valid? Speak (or debate) on it.

(Hey Panama, can I do this alias sign-off thing? It always seemed like fun.)

– Cheekie aka CHEEKS aka BELINDA J. CHEEKINGTON aka DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWG, SHE GOT CHEEKS

That’s That Sh*t I Do Like…Even Though No One Else Does

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The Cruel Summer album

So what if no one—not even the biggest, most diehard Ye fans—loved this album. (Some people liked it. But, no one loved it) So what if it was titled Cruel Summer even though it was released two weeks before the first day of fall. So what if I still kinda think this album was just a very elaborate 401k for Pusha T. So what if my two favorite songs on it (Higher and Sin City) happen to be the two songs that the seven people who actually like it always skip through. So what if one of these songs (Sin City) features two verses from my least favorite rapper. And, so what if one of those verses happens to be my favorite verse on the album. For reasons I’ll probably address sometime later this year, no album is more connected to a year to me than Cruel Summer is to 2012. (I realize that last sentence was unnecessarily cryptic, but it’s Friday and, well, f*ck you, it’s Friday.)

Derrick Rose sitting out until he feels ready to come back and play

If you disagree, if you think that since he was “cleared” to play a couple months ago, Rose is basically just being a spoiled little bitch who needs to put away those big-ass Coogi neckties and get back on the court, you are an intentional idiot, and since intentional idiots need to die, you need to die.

Tyler The Creator doing the things Tyler The Creator does when he’s not making music

(If only because “Proud of that nigga cause I know that shit is difficult or whatever. Anyway. I’m a toilet.” is, all things considered, the best tweet I’ve ever seen.)

Cheese-less sandwiches

***My reaction to the next person to ask me if I’m sure when I tell them I don’t want any cheese on my sandwich***

Standardized tests

I have nothing particularly witty or insightful to say about this. I liked taking them while in school. I like the fact that students still have to take them. I even like the fact that while the rest of the world embraces technological advancement, standardized test results are somehow rendered completely obsolete if not completed with a number two pencil. (BTW, has anyone ever used or even seen a number one pencil? How about number three? Or four?)

***Spoiler Alert!!!***

The way Omar was killed on The Wire

For a series that prided itself on its stark realness, Omar’s character just got progressively more fantastical and contrived as the seasons passed, and although it seems like everyone was waiting for a showdown between him and Marlo, getting got by a 10 year old restored the natural order of the show.

That’s it for me today. People of VSB, I’m curious: Name some sh*t you do like even though no one else seems to share your opinion. 

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

How To Be A Pseudo-Celebrity Like A Motherlover

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Rottenecards_34892250_3m37wvsm23Hello.

My name is Panama Dontavious Jackson and I’m kind of a f*cking big deal. People stop me in the streets and ask me for directions. Almost every day, somebody looks at me. Sometimes it happens twice in one day. What is it? I don’t know. But I got it. Whose is it? Even Michael wasn’t sure.

MJ gone. Our n-word dead.

The reason my apartment reeks of mahogany and is filled with leather-bound books is because I’m a pseudo-celebrity aka 40 percent of the time people know me all of the time.

What is a pseudo-celebrity you ask? Good question. Pseudo-celebrity is what happens when a few people know who you are and everybody else is like who the f*ck are you when the few people who know who you are say things like, “hey you’re XYZ!”

Or even better. You know how famous people get free things? Not pseudo-celebrities. Sure, pseudos get into places free as long as they either know a manager or a bouncer, but if neither are present at the bar, he’s paying for that drink. Basically, there are no free drinks. Even if somebody wants to get you a free drink, they’re paying for that drink first. You know why?

Because you’re only pseudo famous. If you was famous famous nobody would have to buy you a drink…

…you’d already have one.

This is my life. Now this isn’t a complaint at all. I actually rather enjoy the times when I see people out and they say things like, “hey, its Panama! Oh my gosh, I didn’t expect to see you out and about like that! You’re not nearly as hot as I thought you were in that picture where I can’t see your face but I do see you smoking!”

That’s the funny part about pseudo-celebrity. Some people think you’re famous, others couldn’t care less. I mean it looks cool when you’re out in these streets and people stop you to say they read the site (I think most bloggers with a good readership go through this) or when you’re out of town and folks randomly recognize you and make it seem like you’re a big deal. But you know how real bad boys move in silence? Your highness?

Yeah, pseudo-celebs are total bad boys. Nobody moves out the way when we come thru. In fact, unless you’re a tall person, nobody moves period. I have to push through the crowd like everybody else. Of course that time somebody yelled out Panama and somebody else yelled out Noriega was funny. There’s no story there.

Well, as the pseudo-celebrity motherlover that I am, and seeing as so many of you who venture here are clearly famous in your own right (even if nobody knows your real name, which is like, totes coo, since most folks don’t know my real name either! AS IF!), I know its hard out here for a pimp. So I figured I’d drop a little knowledge. Knowledge my brothers and sisters; use it or lose it.

So you wanna be a gangsta, all that sh*t smoke any motherf*cker don’t even trip and be hard as hell and say whatever you want, punk suckers wanna front…

Or here are some on how to be a pseudo-celebrity like a motherf*cker.

1. Be super f*cking fly

Not a little fly. Leave that tsetse fly sh*t at the door, whoadie. Naw. Big dog it. When you walk into a building, dap people up, especially people you don’t know. This gives you the chance to seem more important than you are. Somebody will say, do you know who that its? Most people will say no, but one person who is totes in the know will say, “hey, that was Panama Jackson and he’s one fly motherf*cker.”

2. Be super f*cking cool while being super f*cking fly

Basically its the same sh*t as 1.

3. Wear sunglasses when it rains

Before you can be out here dapping up people you don’t know, you need to LOOK like somebody that should be dapping up people. You can’t pointdexter the sh*t, my ninja. You have to rock the stunna shades and pop your collar. Don’t pop your collar. But like wear Jordans or something. Pseudo-celebs totally rock Jordans. And really expensive tank tops. In the winter.

4. Always respond to anonymous shoutouts

You ever been out and somebody yells for their friend across the street. Always assume they’re yelling for you. Say you hear a “HEY! HO! HEY! HO!” like you’re a Lumineer my ninja. Well, you bet’ yell back “WHATS UP BRO! STAY SWAGGY!” Then keep on walking I ain’t talking to you anymore.

5. Tell people you’re a promoter

In fact, create a Linkedin account with your sole job as promoter. That way when people google you (you are pseudo-famous remember) they’ll see that you ain’t lying. On paper. Promoters are famous people. You are kind of famous, so you promote happy hours. Especially the one you’re at where you dapped up all the people you didn’t know. HEY HO. HEY HO.

6. Always walk to the VIP line and be surprised when you can’t get in…in the VIP line.

This has never happened to me. I’m not only pseudo-famous, I’m the pseudo-famous president. I got a card. It’s like one of those punch-cards for so many free coach entries and you get a free VIP entry. Totally rocks.

Do dat do dat do do dat dat dat.

You know what, this is how motherf*cking pseudo famous I am….I’m spent.

You do the heavy lifting. How would you advise somebody to get their fake celebrity on. Like Panama Jackson. I’m your client. Help me be famous.

Happy Friday.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. WHAT THE F*CK DID I JUST WRITE? aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

How To Avoid The Stevie Js Of The World

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[I just heard that news that Chris Kelly from Kriss Kross died. RIP homey. Jump.]

If you see this man ladies, run. Run like the wind. Run like your life depended on it.

If you see this man ladies, run. Run like the wind. Run like your life depended on it.

I consider myself to be somewhat of a Black pop culture maven (BPCM). I’m not even sure what maven means, but I do know I used it properly in that sentence. I also know somebody named Mavis. No staple.

Well being the BPCM that I am, I spend an inordinate amount of time watching shows that Black Twitter watches. This includes all of the shows in the Ratchet Roundup (Love & Hip-Hop, Basketball Chicks, Real Live In Girlfriends, Say No To That Girlfriend, Pull Over That Ass To Phat, etc). Surprisingly, I do not watch Scandal and have only seen a few episodes in their entirety. I can’t reconcile this with my ratchetry except to point out that I f*cking rock and if you know like I know, you don’t want to step to this. It’s the PJ era, funked out with a gangsta twist.

For those who haven’t seen LHH:ATL, I can’t decide if I feel like you’ve made all the right choices in life or if you’ve missed the boat. Maybe you’ve done both. “Maybe” was a good song. But either way, if you haven’t seen it, one of the central characters is Stevie J aka Sleazy J of Hitmen (Bad Boy) fame. He produced “Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems” for Biggie and several other huge (seriously huge) hits for Bad Boy. He and his on-again-off-again girlfriend Mimi have a daughter together. He also has a relationship with a Dominican chick named Josaline Hernandez who most people would have sworn was a man in the beginning of the first series.

But this isn’t a show recap. And this ain’t funny so don’t you dare laugh, but Stevie J might be THE worst kind of man out there on the planet. When women are talking about men that are terrible, they’re talking about men like Stevie J. He’s stereotypically all of the worst facets of manhood (short of his parenting, I have no idea what kind of father he is…by all accounts Mimi has nothing negative to say about his involvement and love for his daughter): he’s a liar, he’s a cheater, he’s the ultimate opportunist, he’s selfish, he’s condescending, he’s emotional, he’s conniving, he makes rat faces, he literally just watches as the ship sinks then gets off as it heads towards the bottom for another ship while the other patrons die. He’s the kind of man that every man with a daughter will encourage her to avoid.

Only because we see Stevie J weekly can most people (read: women) say they’d never date a man like him. But people like him are extremely personable and they tug at women’s heart strings. They come through with gifts. They’re all about the short con and see everything solely through their own eyes.

You know something is wrong when Benzino of Made Men and Almight RSO fame is the voice of reason. Yes, Benzino, is on television spitting realness and truth to Stevie telling him that he needs to change his ways and stop being so selfish. But that’s what it all comes down to. Stevie J is the most selfish man on the planet. He’s so selfish that even men don’t f*ck with him. Do you know how selfish you have to be to make another man stop f*cking with you?

So here are some tips to avoiding men like Stevie J and saving yourself the most severe and painful heartache EVER:

1. If a man ALWAYS sounds like he’s trying to game you, then he probably is…

If I thought Stevie J owned any books, I’d believe he’s spent as much time reading up on game as Obsidian. Everything Stevie says sounds like he’s conning you and giving you half the story. EVERYTHING.

2. Once you feel like a man is trying to game you, be prepared to be taken for all of the emotional capital you have to give…

You know what sucks about bad love? It’s exhausting. It drains your soul and your spirit. Ladies, men will drain you for everything you have and test your entire mettle so that you can see what kind of woman you really are. I have a lot of sisters. A lot. I’ve seen them go through so many levels of Tyler Perry’s hell its almost made me cry (and get a gun). However, they’ve all risen like Maya Angelou in an elevator. But they did lose in the process. A lot of winning involves loss. Remember that. And all loss ain’t just sacrifice. Stevie will take your cookies then expect you to make more so he can take those too.

3. Read the signs. A man’s face will tell you a whole hell of a lot.

I think 99 percent of women are crazy. I truly do. But only 50 percent of that crazy results in actions that are possibly illegal. But a man who has hit his crazy level, that is some scary sh*t. Some men can’t take it when they don’t get their way. It burns because their life is built around controlling everybody like pawns. Entire subgenres of Black movies are built around this premise. Men who snap because their will is not done. God complex having ninjas will tow that line on occasion. God is the giver of life and free will. A man who feels this way will attempt to prove to you he has those abilities.

4. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times…you’re in it forever.

Learn when to cut your losses. This really goes for men and women. But people who can’t seem to do right no matter how many chances and who continue to improve on their f*cktasticness, well, learn the lesson. Let them go. If it doesn’t take a whole day to recognize sunshine then it doesn’t take the end of your life to realize that you’re dealing with some bullsh*t. Learn to move on.

So what are other ways to notice that a woman (or a man for that matter) is dating Stevie J? Help the people out.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. NOT STEVIE J aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3