The Top 10 Lightskinneded Black Male Beefs, Ever » VSB

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The Top 10 Lightskinneded Black Male Beefs, Ever

Bryan Steffy/Getty Images for Drai’s Beachclub-Nightclub

 

Everything that could have been said about Michael Eric Dyson’s 170,000 word critique of Cornel West has likely already been said. The forensic examination is near complete, the deconstructions have been deconstructed, and somewhere in America, Miley Cyrus is still twerking.

Still, one assessment remains. Really, the only assessment that matters.

On the list of notable beefs between lightskinneded Black men, where does it rank? Does it crack the top 10? The top five? Let’s see.

10. Drake vs Common

The world watched with bated breath as two of the top five or six light skinneded rappers ever threw some subliminal and some not-so-subliminal shots at each other. Why were they beefing? What happened? And then, once we all learned why — over the privilege to make Serena Williams breakfast — everyone was like “Yeah…I get it.

9. Drake vs Chris Brown

Sometimes it seems like they’re beefing…and then they’ll make a song together. And then they’re beefing again…and then they’ll make another song together. And then they’re beefing again, and another lightskinneded icon almost loses an eye.

Of the lightskinneded beefs, this one is definitely the most lightskinneded.

8. Jimmy Jackson vs Jason Kidd

The world watched with bated breath as two of the top five or six light skinneded players in the NBA threw some subliminal and some not-so-subliminal shots at each other. Why were they beefing? What happened? And then, once we all learned why — over the privilege to make Toni Braxton breakfast — everyone was like “Yeah…I get it.

7. Michael Jackson vs Prince

Although they never really appeared to be outwardly antagonistic towards each other, the cold war between the King of Pop and the Giver of No Fucks started before Michael Jackson was even lightskinneded and continued during Jackson’s journey through whatever it was that Michael Jackson was journeying through.

6. Charles Rangel vs Adam Clayton Powell

The rivalry between these politicians lasted so long that it now involves both families. Like the Starks and the Lannisters, but with texturizer instead of swords.

5. John Starks vs Reggie Miller

This feud involved it all. Headbutts, elbows, flopping, drama, shit talking, acrobatics, choking, Patrick Ewing’s sweat. Basically, exactly like the Gold Club. 

4. Malcolm X vs Elijah Muhammad

Should probably be higher on the list, but, well…let’s just move on.

3. President Obama vs Cornel West

Much has been written and speculated about in regards to the beef between Dr. West and Honolulu Slim (ht Wu). And everything from inauguration tickets to Obama’s introversion has been blamed for it. But perhaps it’s much simpler. If it’s anything like the beefs between the lightskinneded men I know, it probably has something to do with brunch reservations.

2. Cornel West vs Michael Eric Dyson

Cornel West. Michael Eric Dyson. President Obama. Melissa Harris Perry. Cory Booker. Kamala Harris. Neil Degrasse Tyson.

I’m not saying that it’s odd that all of our most prominent politicians and academics happen to be lightskinneded, and that it’s not a coincidence, and that it was preordained, and that there’s a cold war brewing between them all, and that the cold war will eventually move to bloodshed, and that we’re all going to have to choose sides carefully or risk watching our loved ones die in a furious hellfire, but I’m just sayin.

1. Doug Christie vs Rick Fox

These two icons of lightskinnededness hated each other so much that they fought in a preseason game. A preseason game! Do you know how much you have to hate someone to fight them in a preseason NBA game??? And this wasn’t one of those “hold me back” fights. There was no posturing, just uppercuts, tunnel wrestling, Jackie Christie’s purse, and Shaq in a Burberry pants suit I’m 99.928273 percent sure he copped from a Korean bodega that also sells salami and homeowners insurance. No lightskinneded feud can ever and will ever be greater than this one.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Brandon Allen

    Man I feel like Obama is not quite light.

    • Cleojonz

      Thank you! I was thinking the same thing. He is definitely more toffee colored than actually light.

      • AlwaysCC

        definitely more toffee than butter pecan

        • Lea Thrace

          Can we stop with the food comparisons! I havent had lunch yet and yall are making me hongray!

          • AlwaysCC

            lol i’m about to go to lunch. i’m clearly thinking about food…

      • Brandon Allen

        To be truly involved in this conversation you need to be about toasted almond.

        • Cleojonz

          Lol! I’m sticking with toffee because I perceive this as being darker, but I do like the flair of saying toasted almond.

      • heyheyno

        toffee colored LMBO!!

    • Damon Young

      he passes the paper bag test. with a c minus, but still

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Obama is the equivalent of a Butterfinger

    • vanitaapplebum

      President Cinnamon

      • Katherine McChesney

        President Communist

    • menajeanmaehightower

      He’s not light skin. Doesn’t even look biracial.

    • Akhibrass

      You are definitely adding a few shades to the POTUS. He’s definitely light skinned.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    8. The way Toni looked back then, I’d be fighting every night to prove my love too.

    7. But Mike Jack was dark skinned.

    How did Barnes vs. Griffin not make the list???

    • Epsilonicus

      Toni coulda got the business back in the day. I love short hair Toni Braxton

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Short haired Toni was cute but……COMEONSON!!!!

        • Epsilonicus

          Hold up old man!!! What you mean #ComeOnSon???? Errrrrrrrbody know short haired Toni was the best!!

          • Sigma_Since 93

            Short haired Toni was cute and sung better. Long haired Toni was chexi. This is beginning to be a dark skinned fight but then I remembered they don’t really care about us. See what I did there???

            • Damon Young

              yeah, you might be by yourself here. short hair toni was on some helen of troy ish. cats would have fought wars over her

            • AlwaysCC

              she definitely sang better with short hair

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            Because nobody knew she was crazy yet, just crazy hot in those dresses for award shows

        • miss t-lee

          Nah. Shorthair Toni was slaying.

          • Epsilonicus

            Exactly!!!!

        • I don’t care if it’s Nia Long, Toni, or Charlize Theron a bad gal with short hair only get’s better.

          • miss t-lee

            I’ve always said, that if a chick can pull off short hair…she’s a killer.
            If you’re flyy with short/no hair you’re flyy period.

            • If you’ve got the face you don’t need hair. Look at Lupita, Halle, and the bald chic from Empire.

              • miss t-lee

                Zacklyyyyy.

              • menajeanmaehightower

                Which bald chick? The singer or the one in the youngest son’s crew?

            • PunchDrunkLove

              Yep, I say the same….everybody can’t rock a short do, but when you can yousa a baaad gurl

              • miss t-lee

                Yes ma’am!!!!!

          • guest

            This should be a VSB post. Short har v. long hair Toni! Short hair here.

        • Cleojonz

          No, this was not optimal Toni. I think she actually looks better now. The short hair thing is definitely her thing.

          • HeyBooHey

            Current short hair Toni is tapping on 50’s door & STILL shutting it down with her thigh-high slits and sheer dresses!

            • miss t-lee

              Say that!

            • Sigma_Since 93

              Long haired Toni would shut it down too….

            • Epsilonicus

              Amen

          • PunchDrunkLove

            Yes it is……she can pull off the short cut better than most.

        • kid video

          I had that issue of VIBE…somehow a few of the
          pages got stuck together.

    • Damon Young

      mike jack *was* dark skinned

      • Sigma_Since 93

        By the time he was light skinned, he was a non factor. Mike Jack that made Bad was black. I’m only saying was because Mike’s in the upper room.

        • Val

          “By the time he was light skinned,…”

          Wait, what? Lol

          • Sigma_Since 93

            History < Bad

            History = Bright Mike
            Bad = Dark Mike

            • DB

              I am setting the Pepsi hair on fire incident as the time when Dark Mike became Light Mike.

              Off The Wall, Thriller = Dark Mike
              Bad, Dangerous, HIStory, HIStory In The Mix, Invincible = Light Mike

              I do not know how you are defining non-factor, but I would say his “decline” (and most artists would love his sales numbers in his “decline”) started with HIStory.

              Oh, and by the way….

              HIStory In The Mix < Off The Wall < HIStory < Invincible < Thriller < Bad < Dangerous

        • Akhibrass

          You must be seeing things under a special light as “Bad” Mike was definitely light skinned Mike.

  • One of the best moments of Melo’s career:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPNR52xPzg8

    • Epsilonicus

      1. That was the ultimate light-skinned b*tch @ss move.

      2. I love that Nate Robinson is in the middle of it all.

      • menajeanmaehightower

        How are things in Baltimore right now?

        • Epsilonicus

          Fine. The protests are not new. Its safer in those neighborhoods with these protests going on then before they started.

          The police scared though. They really tentative in how they are approaching people

          • Val

            What are people saying there? Did the cops pull over and beat him again after they put him in the van?

            And your mayor looks amazing. She seems to be doing a good job with this situation.

            • Epsilonicus

              No one knows. He may have been hurt even before they put him in the van. A witness is saying that the police had him bent like a pretzel.

              She is doing ok. She is late to the game though. folks been pushing for change with the police for decades in the city. Our police is waaaaaaay more corrupt than Ferguson.

              • Val

                That police chief of yours is full of ish. He used to be the police chief in Oakland. And Oakland PD are seriously corrupt.

                It looked like he couldn’t move his legs when they were putting him in the van.

                • menajeanmaehightower

                  I won’t watch the video. Seen too many lately.

                  • Damon Young

                    yeah. ive reached my yearly quota on those. might have reached my lifetime quota

                    • menajeanmaehightower

                      After seeing Walter Scott, i can’t do anymore. I will read about it but can’t stomach the videos anymore. They are heartbreaking.

                  • TeeChantel

                    I watched the video once and that was all I could handle. but his video strikes me the most. Knowing that someone is screaming in pain and no one comes to his aid does not sit well with me. it pulls a diferent kind of trigger for me

                  • I’m so numb to that ish now, Mena.

                    • menajeanmaehightower

                      That’s my issue though. I don’t want us to become numb to it. When you become numb, you expect it. And if seeing police brutality is expected then what happens next?

                  • HeyBooHey

                    Ditto. Someone was talking to me and kept referring to how he was/wasn’t standing and I had to tell them I had no clue what it looked like. I can’t watch a dead man’s final moments and I’m so over all of this happening smh

                  • Wild Cougar

                    Its awful. Don’t watch it.

                • He had no control over his lower body from the looks of things. You could tell that his weight was dead because the cops weren’t having an easy time with that foulness.

                  • Cleojonz

                    Also the way his head was lolled to one side. You could totally TELL something wasn’t right, not that he just wasn’t cooperating.

                    • Wild Cougar

                      They are so callous and inhumane. How do you get so you are cold to human suffering? Cops seem to be savages, hunting people for sport. He was hunted.

                    • Cleojonz

                      Some of the most dickish people I knew from high school have been on the police force for years. There is something to this savagery you speak of. It’s like blue before all other human beings.

                    • Wild Cougar

                      They operate like terrorist organizations. Think about it. You can’t even call them a gang. Even a gang has some order. They don’t just hunt down random unarmed people to brutalize and torture. That’s what they did to Freddie. Tortured him to death. That’s what terrorists do.

              • Wild Cougar

                I heard a theory about a “rough ride” that the cops commonly give to people in the paddy wagon. They drive erratically and throw the people around in there. I heard he wasn’t belted, so if they did that it could definitely break his spine.

                • Epsilonicus

                  “Rough riding” is a very common practice locally

                  Naw. He lost use of his legs even before he got in the van. And then they probably rough rode him on the way. They may have even stopped the van before they made it to the station.

                  • Wild Cougar

                    First they said they had another prisoner in the van but he wouldn’t talk because he was a snitch, but now they are saying that he said nothing out of the ordinary happened in the van…..smells like 3 week old fish

                    • Epsilonicus

                      Mmmhmm. A witness is saying they had him balled up like a pretzel.

                      Baltimore cops been cruddy for the longest. You would think we live in Baghdad the way they run up and check people

                    • Wild Cougar

                      I call that hunting.

          • menajeanmaehightower

            The police union there compared the protests to a lynch mob. Like really?! The protestors want the cops in jail to face trial. Not hung from a tree. And then to say that to a large group of blacks!! iCANT.

            • Epsilonicus

              No one expected anything different from the union. Most of the officers do not even live in the city.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            You would think the mayor would say to the cops STOP COSTING US MONEY!!! $7M in paid out claims.

            • Epsilonicus

              There is just not enough control of the police. Especially because so many of the people are afraid of crime going up if you reign them in. And by so many a lot of the wealthy, who are not the ones being harassed and killed.

  • I’m sorry, we’re not claiming Michael. He only became light through disease/skin bleaching…

    • CrayolaGirl

      LOL

  • heyheyno

    Bruhhhhh I never knew half of these beefs existed but that Jackie Christie and Rick Fox fight I’ll have to side with Jackie on that one. How you going to push ol boy then mush him in the face and act like you didn’t do anything wrong? Now as far as Chris Brown and Drake when did they make a song together? I haven’t heard it.

    • Damon Young

      fox wanted no parts of anyone from the christie family that day

  • Deeds

    I wouldn’t classify Cornel west as light skinned. So, maybe this list should be the top 10 light skinneded/medium skinneded black male beefs ever.

  • RewindingtonMaximus

    1) Is anything involving Drake really considered beef or just agitation, like too much baby powder on your nu ts during a real hot day?

    2) I fully endorse more light skin-on-light skin violence as a dark skinned man. I like more doors opening in my direction.

    • Damon Young

      1) Is anything involving Drake really considered beef or just agitation, like too much baby powder on your nu ts during a real hot day?

      drake catches bodies, and bodies are full of beef, so…

  • kid video

    Ya know, I used to get peeved at these liteskin post but now I look forward to them. Im kinda
    busy, but i’ll be back to comment later.

    • Damon Young

      “i was initially peeved by you, but then I somehow started to look forward to seeing you” — every woman I’ve ever dated

      • kid video

        Champ, you forgot about the Michael Jackson/ El DeBarge beef…
        Even Janet jumped to the other side for a year or two. They were
        gonna battle it out using curl activator guns…
        It was gonna get messy.

  • TeeChantel

    Lightskints lol. I’m surprised LL Cool J -vs- Cannibus (or anyone else for that matter) did not make it to this list.

    • Damon Young

      i was going to put it there, but then i googled canibus and he’s a bit more brown skinned than i remembered him being

      • TeeChantel

        True. Canibus is a confusing one. He looks light skinned in some pictures and brown skinned in others.

  • mssporadic

    Cory Booker has been chose. If anybody puts their hands on CB, I’m going to put these paws on them!

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