“…Can we have a post about some of the things MEN do wrong in relationships?…I mean, since you’re spreading the love and trying to keep everybody together, happy, and shyt….” –pghmuse, 4/21/09
***in an gargantuan bit of groundbreaking altruism, the champ has decided to take a stab at pgh muse’s suggestion. although he can’t name sh*t that annoys him about men in romantic relationships, since, you know, he’s a straight man and sh*t, he will name three things that have awarded him and a few of his boys extended visits to relationship purgatory.***
hope and change
while knowledge of the fact that men fall in love much faster than women do is sure to produce a verklempt cacophony of “awwww“s, “how sweet“s, and humid thongs, this feeling has a tendency to “freeze-frame”…a “love” somewhat dependent on our hope that you never, ever, ever, ever change anything. ever
although we’re aware of time and biology and nature and sh*t, sometimes we still stupidly expect you to stay the exact same perpetually horny, bubbly, and, ummm, perky 22 year old you were when we first saw you, with the exact same hair, occupation, personal outlook, income, and libido.
the realization that sh*t will eventually happen to you can eventually make us more apathetic than the pistons towards you and the relationship, and this probably isn’t fair. funny, but unfair.
the sneak attack
as you all know, we (by “we” i’m referring to “manly men”, and by “manly men” i’m referring to “men like the champ”) are typically loath to speak on sh*t thats bothering us. we relish being the “strong silent” type, and revel in the props, praise, p*ssy, and premature pulmonary hypertension that comes with it.
sometimes though, these relationship “bothers” we’re loath to speak on continue to fester and grow, culminates with a sneak attack evening dumping seemingly out of left field. i should know, especially since i’ve done this to two separate women…including a fiancee
i’m not saying that we need to start going all kanye and sh*t. theres nothing worse than a complaining ass man. ok, thats a lie. a complaining ass man with a lisp and sporadic patois is much, much worse. still, it would probably help sometimes if we didnt always keep everything to ourselves.
sh*t, who knows? maybe one day far, far away, with intense schooling, re-education camps, and a hand from evolution, women might even actually learn how to listen.
forgetting that we’re actually in a relationship
we can’t help it. we’re victims.
slaves to our own stories.
helpless to our own hype.
you see, we’ve all been led to believe that a relationship devoid of serious jankyness automatically equates to great mate and happy chick. while the rest of the world wades through the shallow muck of overits panties relationship murk, not cheating and not beating her ass should entitle us to constant bj’s and on-demand cream of wheat at dusk.
this feeling leads to complacency, making us occasionally forget that one of the closest known synonyms to relationship is “involvement”, and the only thing women hate more than complacency is women who look like kim kardashian.
damn. my altruism ticket just expired. oh well.
women (and men who wanna chime in) the floor is yours. name some other common relationship mistakes that men make
—the champ
to the tune of J Hud’s “Spotlight”
Are you a man
or a woman that lives to comment on vsb?
is that you? is that you? is that you?
are you a guard in the sat down corner, maximum security?
is that you? is that you? is that you?
do you stay home all the time cause you dont want to miss a post?
is that you? is that you? is that you?
or did you put them blogs away out of fear that you’d find something new? (to read)
@overit,
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I hate that I love you. For making me cackle in such a fashion at such a time, I demand my friendship bracelet back. The one that I wove while watching The Backyardigans *side-eye to Uniqua*
Can you drop it off at my locker after 6th period Algebra? Thanks.
@Luvvie, you can’t take friendship bracelets back, especially when they are in my fav colors: magenta, neon yellow, and black! but, i’ll still meet you though, can i borrow your walkman? i put the earphones under my headwrap, math is boring:(
@Luvvie,
Uniqua goes hard, don’t fight it.
@overit, you know something, I am not even gonna mess with you, cause here I am @ 12:27 commenting.. I feel like I’m addicted! What the hell.. I think I need vsb rehab!!
Champ its all your fault!
@Liryc, *vsb nocturnal community walking towards you with arms out and chanting*
don’t fight the urge to write
join the children of the night
fight the good fight and
spend the night
come baaaaaaaack
@overit,
NOoooo… Get behind me!! I refuse to submit myself to this!! I refuse to stay up half the night and write on the vsb board!!
::eyes gleaming @ the vsb board:: “its so shiny”
@Liryc, LMAO. there you goooo, just a few more steps…that’s it….
@overit,
I was actually thinking about yal on my way to work this morning. I was thinking “self why in the hell are there usually like 100 comments on vsb by the time I get to work at 8am” then I realized yal are crazy. absolutely nuts. I wish I could stay up past 10pm but my azz be tired.
Jeebs be some caffine so I can stay up late and chat with my fellow vsbers.
@Liryc,
LMAO “its so shiny”….. don’t walk towards the light… it aint worf it Ms. Liryc…
@Naturally Alise,
too late, they got me trapped!! I’m sucked into the vortex of vsb, and the door is freakin padlocked!!
::party ova hea!!!::
@overit,
Since we doing odes to VSB, here’s a lil limerick of my own.
There once was a blog named VSB
That was half written by a dude named Champie
They made me addicted
And I was often quitted
By the Very Smart Sisters and Brothie(s)
*takes a bow* (No Rihanna)
@Luvvie, bwahahahahaha. champie must be getting some good gatd*mn cuz you know daggone well he could come up with more than 2 examples. yeah i said it. do i hear a pump in the background?
@Miss Patterson, champie gonna plead the fif.
@overit, Correction Champie is going to plead the fifth and sh*%. Lol
I too have been traped in the VSB vortex and theres a “complaining ass man with a lisp and sporadic patois”
Wait that’s just one of my uncles fresh off a Air Jamaica flight on a Sunday with a suitcase filled with more Jamaican delicacies than clothes.
I love my people.
@Miss Patterson,
Prolly a sump pump, but that’s about it.
@Miss Patterson,
you are so right, champ got all these bulletins and posts for what women do wrong but he has only the minimal for what guys do wrong or say wrong or just breathe wrong.. Yes you have blogs about what men can change, but in comparison with what women do wrong its almost slim to none.. I think champ should collabo with Luvvie and get this done right!
@Liryc,
champ got all these bulletins and posts for what women do wrong but he has only the minimal for what guys do wrong or say wrong or just breathe wrong
vsb.com: where “looking through archives” apparently doesnt happen
@Miss Patterson,
do i hear a pump in the background?
no
@The Champ,
how about pumps and a bump? *snicker*
@Luvvie,
Sometimes I rhyme slow, Sometimes I rhyme quick
One day iQuit and said i’m overit
packed my dereon ruffle full of spandex and wit
then as much glitter as it would permit
made my way over to the world wide web
said hayy young world, “hayy” replied a black squirrel
*dead*
found myself in the land of the vsb’s
a day in the life of the dopest emcee
*bgirl stance*
LMAO *clapping uncontrollably* i luf it lufmuffin
@overit,
Girl, you’re bout to go DOUBLE platinum!
@RedBeanzNRice, hop up out tha beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed….
seriously, what if harriet tubman saw that video? WWHS??
@overit,
She would adjust her head scarf and be like:
“Hopped up out the beeeeeddddddddddd
turned my scarf around,
took a look in the mirror and said what’s up.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I’m freeing slaves. ohhhh
I got a question why they hating on me
Im just trying to get us our free
I aint did nothing but free these slaves
And Im doing it for free, I aint getting paid”
@VRenee
iQuit you as well.
*grabs e- Diane Von Furstenberg wheely bag*
Humph!
@V Renee,
I could soooo see her doin this ish. She was multi talented like that
@V Renee,
She would adjust her head scarf and be like:
“Hopped up out the beeeeeddddddddddd
turned my scarf around,
took a look in the mirror and said what’s up.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I’m freeing slaves. ohhhh
I got a question why they hating on me
Im just trying to get us our free
I aint did nothing but free these slaves
And Im doing it for free, I aint getting paid”
this was ignorant as hell, lmao. the mental image was too much to handle.
*prayer for the freedom fighters*
@overit,
“Sometimes I rhyme slow, Sometimes I rhyme quick
One day iQuit and said i’m overit
packed my dereon ruffle full of spandex and wit
then as much glitter as it would permit
made my way over to the world wide web
said hayy young world, “hayy” replied a black squirrel
*dead*
found myself in the land of the vsb’s
a day in the life of the dopest emcee
*bgirl stance*”
I was beat box’n and then I broke into breaking. Somebody better put some money in the hat.
@overit,
Reading this rap again just made me cackle. YESSS! I hereby deem you Grand Master Hijab. Your fake platinum chain is in the mail. Dont wear it in the rain, lest you want it to turn black.
DJ, spin that sh*t
Luvvie is my name
And IG is my game
I roast with the best
I pass every test
Wit is DANGER
But it smashed NO homies
Humor is UNIQUE
But it gots mad support (areolicly)
Brain is a COCKTAIL
Of all things awesome
Blog is insane
I cackle un-seldom
BOYYYYYYY! Ficky ficky ficky
*drops mic*
@Luvvie,
LMAO! Not ficky, ficky, ficky! My eyes just welled up with tears!
@Luvvie,
Pack yo e-sh*t forthwith Tumbleweed.
@Luvvie,
Is my mic on?
I told ya’ll fools to catch ya zzzz’s but don’t sleep
while ya doze off, i’ll be on a slow creep
murkin all lames with this glittery IG
staying a diva while i work this jig
Trust you me I rep so lovely
don’t my cipher, it can get ugly
So what’s your status?
I be the baddest. (mc lyte)
*crowd surfing*
@overit, that should read don’t TEST my cipher, snitches.
@overit,
LMAO! U had me at “crowd surfing”
Before I go to sleep I’mo do this 1 drive by
I need 2 be blogging so I deserve a big side-eye
I just cant tear myself away from this page
Tomorrow when I awake, I will be enraged
With more bags under eyes than Airline United
I hope my rap tales dont get me eVicted
If VSB were crack, I’d need platinum PPO
For my toofs would be gone & this fact I know
PEACE! To the Middle…
I’mo go write MY OWN blog now. LOL
@Luvvie,
Ahem, I guess I’ll share my haiku (aka the hardest poem to eff up):
“VSB MC’s,
This hot fiyah cracks me up
Wait. That’s a pink slip?”
@Me fail english?, “VSB MC’s,
This hot fiyah cracks me up
Wait. That’s a pink slip?”
i’m in awe…
@Luvvie, lmao @ ficky ficky ficky, i always add a babygirl after that.
rip aaliyah:(
Da** ain’t nobody even commented on the blog entry yet?! Pure foolishness.
@overit,
lmao LOVE it!!
@overit, oh i see i was first.
*snicker*
@overit, The VSB soundtrack, i’ll cop that joint.
@overit and Luvvie… OMG! that was amazing! We got VSB S-n-P up in here… or O-n-L…good stuff!
@pgh muse,
*curtsies* Glad you like it. Me and Overit are dropping a “Best of Both Worlds” CD this Summer called “Hijabs & Rice”. It’s gon be that HOT FIYAH! We hope it sells better than Kelly Rowland’s CD
@Luvvie, Kelly Rowland’s CD
lmao… girl. If everyone who writes on VSB buys a copy ur ahead of the game!
@pgh muse,
lmao! Poor Kelly
@Luvvie, LMBAO, hope none of us gets brought up on charges shortly after.
ya’ll don’t even know what we cookin up, its gonna be the bomb this is what i bet yup…
no romeo and juliet lol…
@overit, You are soooo Hilarious! I swear. “No romeo and juliet lol…”
who sang that song?
@pgh muse,
Probably the same folks that brought us “Splackavelli”
@ me fail…
nope…two different groups…lmao
Romeo & Juliet was Silk E. Fyne…
*I’m ashamed i know that.
@Miss t-lee, That’s IT!!! I’ve been racking my brains all day!
And it’s gonna be the bomb this what i bet, yup! LMAO!!
@overit, LOOOOOOOOOOL! u are silly!
@overit, @luvvie,
i cain’t take it!!! i officially quit bouf a y’all for the week. DONE!!!
@SouthernGirl,
girl, I quit them fools retroactively last week.
@SouthernGirl, @BBMo,
Yall cant quit us!!! *grabs on to bofa ur ankles*
@Luvvie,
girl! turn loose my GD ankles!! tryna tear up my ankle strap Naughty Monkeys. You must a lost yo MIND!
@blackberry molasses,
lol. *hides strappy stilleto covered feet under desk*
There a lot of VSB Newbies and this rap battle btwn Overit & I reminds me THE BEST VSB post yet! It was back in September 2008 and Panama told us all to introduce ourselves in rap format. Some of the raps that came from it made me laugh so hard I may have ruptured a spleen atom. So if yall wanna check it out, the link is http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/friday-fun-my-mic-sounds-nice-check-1/
A particularly funny rap was by NaturallyAlise:
“Your breath is tart ,we need to put a tweak on it
You got incisors for days, I’ll put a week on it!
Pirahna teef ain’t what’s hot in da skreet sun
but best believe that grill is producing mad heat. One!”
*dead and gone all over again*
@Luvvie, LMBAO! not “One!” that BK bullsh*t we on it!
@Luvvie,
*DEAD* @ leather socks.
Can’t believe this ish.
@Luvvie,
one of the favorite verse of mine actually was:
*stepping into the ‘boof’*
You need some treatment cuz wackness is a sickness
Fubu, Boss, MCM, and Pelle Pelle is not da bizness
Fanny packs & sandals with socks ain’t a fashion statement
Are your clothes stored in a time capsule in your mama’s basement?
I think I need to Miss-t-lee to throat punch the crap out of Cupid
Because you in that Pacer all I call think is : Cole… you stupid
iHate my myself…..
ahem, i had to release some useless thoughts since my brain worked until 10pm tonight. my brain needs a hug.
first off, shoutout to my girl pghmuse, great question. champ- you got the 2 that annoy me the worst, the ‘strong, silent, malcolm’s dad from the movie “I’M A MAAAAAAAN” type dudes, and the dude who still expects the super woman he fell in love with.
i would add men who need 24/7 type reinforcement, i aint 7/11, i aint got everything for you all the time. i guess this can go for both, you should give as much as you receive. i think both parties need to be constantly thinking about the other, that way , you’re both covered:)
one more random annoying thing to add. don’t you hate when you’re venting about something someone said or did, and you have that friend who is always like “oh, that’s nothing compared to this one time”…
PAUSE.
hef*a, was i talking about that one time?? people who want to compare battle wounds are obnoxious. this one girl STAYS interrupting folks stories with her own. annoying!
men who need 24/7 type reinforcement
this is especially annoying at the BEGINNING of a relationship. like dude, i just decided that i wasn’t completely tired of seeing you once a week on “date night” so why are you pushing your luck?? go sat down and eat a debbie cake or some hamburger helper.
oh and i feel you on that last bit. like can we focus on ME?!?! it’s MY turn to vent. wait your damn turn, on a day preferrably when i’m not having issues. please and thank you.
@overit,
“hef*a, was i talking about that one time?? people who want to compare battle wounds are obnoxious. this one girl STAYS interrupting folks stories with her own. annoying!”
I think I might know her. Is her name (insert annoying azz co worker) ?
@overit,
The only thing worse than a one-upper is a one-upper who cuts you off mid-sentence, before she can realize that her situation is COMPLETELY UNRELATED to what you were about to say. My mom and one of my sister’s are the queens of this ish!
A close runner up is people who upon realizing your situation is absolutely worse, try to convince you its no big deal. Why are you talking to me?!?!
@Me fail english?,
“A close runner up is people who upon realizing your situation is absolutely worse, try to convince you its no big deal. Why are you talking to me?!?!
OMG I’m sitting next to the heffa right now.
@overit, Thanks for da shout out, Overitey
@pgh muse, anytime musey:)
Men: I ain’t saying that you need to cry at the scene in Lion King where Mufasa died (altho if you did, I wont judge), but showing a lil bit of emotion besides “stoic” is actually welcome sometimes.
You ain’t gotta be Que from “Making the Band” but you aint gotta make just the Song Cry. Bruh man cried too, aint he?
@Luvvie, love you for the Song Cry reference.
@Luvvie, “You ain’t gotta be Que from “Making the Band” ”
Que and Brian and Robert are running a tight race for the most emotional members of the group.
@Nicki Sunshine,
I think Que is so cute with his overly emotional azz. That dude will have a tantrum at the drop of a dime.
@mssmtaylor,
lol. I findQue to be crazy as hell but I do find it endearing that he is genuinely unafraid of everybody.
His bandmates, Scarface, violent cabbies, teens who enjoy Starbucks and laptops…aint nobody safe no mo’!
@Me fail english?,
“lol. I findQue to be crazy as hell but I do find it endearing that he is genuinely unafraid of everybody.
His bandmates, Scarface, violent cabbies, teens who enjoy Starbucks and laptops…aint nobody safe no mo’!”
I know rite???!!!!!
fyi- That comment made me spit on my laptop…I’m done with you for the day.
@Me fail english?,
I actually REALLY think Que is having a nervous breakdown in front of our faces. Homeboy is exhibiting some classic behaviors that points to mental instability. The constant fighting and crying? He’s acting like an angsty teeanger. He has been quite illogical too at times, talm bout folks are jealous of him.
Delusions of grandeur face. Que, the only things folks may be jealous of you about is them duck lips of urs. Shoot, you dont see Ne-Yo up in arms bout folks being jealous of his lip gloss game. Go sat down.
@Luvvie,
Wait… you wanna talk about nervous break down…. I was watching College Hill last night and that Kyle character flipped the script. I swear these nuts get on tv and start acting all kinds of crazy.
@Luvvie,
They ARE jealous I tell ya! Jealous of his pouty pink lips and inverted hair line!
….AND HE’S GOT THE TEXT MESSAGES TO PROVE IT!
*storms towards hotel exit only to be stifled by the gentle revolving of the glass doors*
@Luvvie,
I truly think he’s having a breakdown too…….
@mssmtaylor, Man. I didnt’ notice it until this season.. he was flipping out.. and remember when he did it in that public place???? I hid MY face in shame
@Nicki Sunshine,
“Man. I didnt’ notice it until this season.. he was flipping out.. and remember when he did it in that public place???? I hid MY face in shame”
I wanna say it was in the hotel lobby. That dude went bonkers.
Then he had the nerve flip the script during rehearsal like didnt nothing happen. Talmbout everybody against him…ninja sat yo bi polar azz down
@mssmtaylor, “Then he had the nerve flip the script during rehearsal like didnt nothing happen. Talmbout everybody against him…ninja sat yo bi polar azz down”
I must say, when he did that… that was a true sign of crazy.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Okay! When he did that I heard the Psycho music playing in my head. Like please, in the name of Robert’s silly ass hats, leave this man (Que) alone!
@mssmtaylor,
Q’s lips are too pink. lol Looks like a punk
@Luvvie,
Bruh man cried too, aint he?
no
@The Champ,
Don’t lie. Bruh Man cried when he had that dream that he was standing in front of a see-thoo ‘frigerator that was full of sammiches. But when he tried to open it, the fridge was locked. Oh yeah, Bruh Man cried.
@Luvvie,
*Dead*@ u remembering this!
@Luvvie,
bruh man? from the fifth (four fingers to the chest) floor?
@SouthernGirl,
*slow bobs onto fire escape*
what I’m not a fan of are guys who continually complain about their lives without doing anything about it..
I.E. my uber haitian cousin is dating an even uber haitian man, he complains about everything, from his lack of motivation to the fact that he’s over 30 still living @ home with his mom and to the fact that he’s still in college!
Just men who complain, though I do want to know what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling I do not like a man who complains about anything and everything that he isn’t happy about.. Fix it mofo!! FIX IT!!
@Liryc,
“what I’m not a fan of are guys who continually complain about their lives without doing anything about it.. ”
Change “guys” to “people” and I’d wear this comment like some Loubotins. I actually broke up a friendship with a Complaining Connie b/c of this.
If you’re gonna whine without taking action, miss me with that. Cry urself a river but if you’re not willing to build that bridge to get over it, PSHT!
@Luvvie, i have a sneaky suspicion that louboutins are something that would have my back in a 45 degree angle tryin’ to keep up wit yo azz. when do my classes start?
@Luvvie, girl there are nothing like a pair CL’s to make my day brighter, I’m actually scoping some out.. 5inch heels that will have me @ my phenomenal height of 5’10… Royal blue, suede, bow in front… ::swoon::
@Liryc,
That just gave me a shoe-gasm!
@Liryc,
“…he complains about everything, from his lack of motivation…”
He complains about his lack of motivation? The hell? How you gonna sit around tahlm bout “I don’t even have the gumption to go look for an apartment cause the white man is making me sit in this chair and watch this Golden Girls marathon.”
That fool needs his ass WHOOPED!
@RedBeanzNRice, I wanna slap him sometimes.. I just want to shake the haitian out of him and make him realize that he needs to make some changes..
the worst part of it is.. he’s HAITIAN!! He is NEVER gonna change!
@Liryc, Hatians and my people, hell all Island men. I guess theirs an un-written rule that island man must not change.
Stubborn, semi controlling bastards. My fault i was just venting… im done
@Liryc,
“the worst part of it is.. he’s HAITIAN!! He is NEVER gonna change!”
Haitians do stick to their convictions…but some do change…for the better or worst.
@RedBeanzNRice,
lMAO!
I hate u for the “Golden Girls” marathon
I too am a straight, but one of the most common mistakes I see cats make is that they suffer from the Taco Bell Commercial Man Syndrome. I know what you’re thinking (what u talkin’ about Willis)? Check it out here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELtgp52zCbU
This is quite prevalent in circumstances in which guys meet the “perfect one.” They da*n near propose to the chick after the first date. Personally, I subscribe Mariah Carey’s pre-Nick Cannon philosophy – “Love Takes Time.” But this is just my two cents…
1. uncertainity…just having too much of it as it relates to anything/everything be it: your own future/ our relationship/ your feelings/your career/your life etc. I mean once you’ve reached a certain point/age these types of areas should have more clarity,direction etc. understandably nothing is “mapped” out for us but c’mo now…
2. Being too much of a mama’s boy…I ain’t your mama…and I ain’t ever gonna be…and NO i ain’t apologizing for that reality…
indeed on both accounts.
@maria,
I mean once you’ve reached a certain point/age these types of areas should have more clarity,direction etc
what age?
@The Champ,
12
@Me fail english?,
That late? I thought we had to have it all figured out by 9 and a half.
@maria,
Yes & Yes. The Mama’s Boy is a mess. This is one of the guys I listed when I wrote a blogpost bout Men that Women Should Avoid. Shameless Plug.
Mr. Mama’s Boy — This guy is attached to his Mother in a very unnatural way that he should have outgrown a long time ago. He speaks with her multiple times a day, consults her on every decision he makes, and will drop EVERYTHING for her. This sounds fine at first, but when his Mother calls during a romantic rendezvous, and he talks to her for 1 hour while you’re sitting there in your lace negligee, it will become irritating REAL quick. He just moved out of her house and has already planned to name his first daughter after her (and her name is Gertrude or Esther). Warning: Mothers of Mama’s Boys will RARELY every like you. (i.e. Usher, Justin Timberlake, Malik from “The Game)
@Luvvie,
lmao@ Mike Jones (who? Mike Jones! who?…) being Mr. God’s Gift. Is this the Mike Jones I’m thinking about. Aw, hell nah!
@Luvvie,
Do you happen to know my ex? Because you described him to a tee. *smh*
you know what bugs me? when a guy decides that a certain topic is off-limits. just random sh*t, but then won’t explain. i don’t expect full disclosure on everything, but there’s a way to handle a discussion on something that makes you feel uncomfortable. i’ll give you an example: i was talking to someone about a dream i had and he abruptly cut me off and said “i don’t like to talk about dreams”. i said “but why?” and he said “i don’t like to talk about them, i don’t like to hear about them or anything. please don’t ask questions about it”. i was like “um…ok.”
in psychology this is the ‘all or nothing’ type of guy. there are women like this too.
one thing that can hurt a budding relationship is lack of willingness. you have to be willing to allow the other individual to get a sense of who you are, grow with them, share with them, etc. you can’t just shut down and then expect them to be willing and open about themselves. ya know? plus i hate when i can’t ask questions and sh*t.
@Miss Patterson, i was talking to someone about a dream i had and he abruptly cut me off and said “i don’t like to talk about dreams”. i said “but why?” and he said “i don’t like to talk about them, i don’t like to hear about them or anything. please don’t ask questions about it”. i was like “um…ok.”
i cannot and will not with him. i hate when folks leave u wondering what just happened. did you blank out? am i narcoleptic, are you a klepto? something’s missing!
klepto and narco ho*s are the worst.
I hear kelpto hoes steal yo’ heart.
LMAO
@overit, i know. me thinks it’s some ol’ jacob’s ladder ish, but i don’t know. does this mean i can’t say sweet dreams either? i say sweet dreams to all my people at the end of the night. does this mean i can’t talk about martin luther the king’s dream either? what happens during black history month, do you avoid all documentaries about the civil rights movement? what about the debarge song? i mean the list goes on really…
@Miss Patterson,
when a guy decides that a certain topic is off-limits. just random sh*t, but then won’t explain.
Stuff like that kicks me in my graw too.. I think if its not a about something too personal then we should be able to discuss it, and if its stupidity then that means that you’re not able to handle a grown up conversation and what I dislike a man who acts like a boy!
@Miss Patterson,
lol. That brotha probably was the top grad from Champ’s school of intrigue and mysteriousness.
Haha!
@Me fail english?,
“That brotha probably was the top grad from Champ’s school of intrigue and mysteriousness.”
summa cum laude and sh!t
@Me fail english?,
@Miss Patterson,
i was talking to someone about a dream i had and he abruptly cut me off and said “i don’t like to talk about dreams”. i said “but why?” and he said “i don’t like to talk about them, i don’t like to hear about them or anything. please don’t ask questions about it”. i was like “um…ok.”
this is why you shouldn’t date inmates
@The Champ,
“this is why you shouldn’t date inmates”
i guess the Champ knows best.
@Miss Patterson, if best is the new nothing, sure.
@overit, ZING. no i meant he knows best about dating inmates. i need to work on my comebacks.
@Miss Patterson,
Is it wrong that I found it amusing that ol dude aint want to talk about dreams. WTF?!?! Maybe he has nightmares all the time and it’s painful. Post traumatic syndrome perhaps?
@V Renee,
This isn’t a relationship mistake per se, but it irks the ish outta me. If there’s some ish you don’t like to talk about, please don’t shroud it in the ancient black sheath of delicious, taboo, forbidden mysteries! All carrying on about this ish like “It’s a tale far too shocking and macabre to share!” (insert spooky ghost moaning and whispering winds)
Just say you don’t wanna talk about it. Maybe that’s the dormant cynic in me bursting through but I always think these people just wanna be milked for the info. I will NOT play this game.
@V Renee, i found it amusing too, lmao.
I definitely despise dudes dragging Dereon Dufflebags full of past relationship crap. I don’t care what you say but menfolks are 1,000 times worse with past relationship baggage than the fairer sex. They will hold it against me and the growth of our relationship bc his girlfriend Hoquita kissed Bokeem behind the bleechers at the 5th grade kickball championship game. Ninja please, you 35, Imma need you to charge that one to the game…. (he shouldn’t have expected that much from someone with ho in the root of their name… it starts early)
@Naturally Alise, Bokeem just told me its my bed time.
oh and i hate you, laughing is not part of my rocks on water sounds, zen transition to dreamland.
@overit, that’s funny cuz idris just called me to bed too. nighty nite.
dang alise, are we speaking from personal experience??
but i feel you, negros with baggage is def not attractive. unless you’re carrying mine, i need you to go head and put down the luggage and walk away.
@Naturally Alise,
“I definitely despise dudes dragging Dereon Dufflebags”
I approve of your awesomely amusing application of alliteration.
@Naturally Alise, please please please say that ain’t nobody’s name. please. hoquita? oh lord, i’m gonna need to find her momma and slap her.
@Naturally Alise,
“I definitely despise dudes dragging Dereon Dufflebags full of past relationship crap. ”
YES they do!! I mean some sh*t goes back to 1st grade. Like are you forreal dude?
@Naturally Alise,
“he shouldn’t have expected that much from someone with ho in the root of their name… it starts early)”
go sat ur azz down
I think I’ve posted this before….but, it’s so true. “Every woman is someone that some one else is through with.” (c) Corey Holcomb.
Men, gotta stop wondering, asking, giving a bloated seahorses anus about what she did with previous cats. No matter what she says about her past, it really is too much for you to handle.
What I dislike is when a guy will bring up stuff that he did for me when we first started dating.. if it happened 2 years ago then leave it @ two years ago.. because it burns my biscuits when something that happened years ago is brought up.. isn’t there an unwritten rule about this..
If you bought me something and I liked it then, and I used it please don’t keep on reminding me about it, and if I don’t use it anymore there is a reason especially if its over 2 years old..I use it when I want, what in the french toast is wrong with you!! Leff me alone!.. if its going to cause you to bring it up.. don’t do me any favors PLEASE!!
@Liryc, Yes yes and yes, i complete agree Men just need to let the past go!
Just like people need to let this single ladies dance craze go. wtf a 100 women in London breaking out dancing to that mess.
That’s why they single now, if they was somewhere giving up the goodies and putting it down, Then he probably would have put a ring on it.
@JamaicanGirl,
ayyyy! that video was bad! im mighty upset my girl didnt let me know about it.
@Liryc,
lol. My pops is like this. Worst part is usually not even smthg all that fly or generous.
Ol’ “remember back in ’88 when I gave you that trike?” ass ninja
I suppose you purchase my soul with that, huh?How long do you want credit for that? And if you have to keep bringing it up, you’re only making it MORE obvious that you haven’t done much for me since.
@Me fail english?, LMAO my Dad does this too, as often as he can get away with it. Most recently, he did it to my sister who needed him to pay for catering her wedding. His response “remember when I paid that phone bill you racked up in college?” I was both highly amused and mortified. He got his sh*t together after I kindly reminded him that while he’s old as h*ll, he hasn’t reached the age where he can say/do whatever he wants and get away with it.
NOT a trike!!! lmao
@Liryc,
What I dislike is when a guy will bring up stuff that he did for me when we first started dating.. if it happened 2 years ago then leave it @ two years ago.. because it burns my biscuits when something that happened years ago is brought up.. isn’t there an unwritten rule about this..
please expound and sh*t. this isnt making any sense
i cant even comment …..LOL Luvvie and Overit have ruined it for me………
testing…..
my posts never post, my replies to posts do, but my originals never post.
@ the Champ
“men fall in love much faster than women do”
Really? Punks.
@Ms. Hall,
punk deez
@The Champ,
I think she just did.
@The Champ,
I think she just did.
Awww. How I heart gargantuan altruism, Champ. Now I’m all aflutter… however. I have the sneaking suspicion somebody needed a topic. Either way I am happy to lend one to the cause
. I can write a long a$$ 1st of the month 2 cart grocery list of things that I feel the masculine gender does to fcuk up relationships. But I’m trying to quiet my inner male basher… so I’ll just list a few:
-Being Stubborn. men are probably the most stubborn creatures walking the earth. Stubborn and rigid to the point of indifference and stupidity. Do some yoga and get ur minds right
-Lazy… men have a tendency to think that just because something is one way in one moment it will NEVER change… everything changes. everything. It’s natural and it’s part of the cycle of life… flow with it. stop resisting change and being too lazy to try. I swear i meet more men who just give up! On life! Why? because they are LAZY! Nothing more.
-try some reciprocity. Ties into to being lazy… women will get up @ 5am to cook, then go to work, then pick up the kids, then come home cook and clean some more…and her man will still come in the door complaining (true story – i know a couple couples like this) after he got off work and went to play video games for a couple hours. Bytch please… that’s my attitude. But me and this friend of mine are working on winning our disagreements w/ love instead of cuss words… so when he complains she gives him a hug and tells him nicely all the fcuked up shyt he does. ne who. If he walked in her shoes a couple days maybe he wouldn’t be such a prick. ok. that’s all
@pgh muse, “so when he complains she gives him a hug and tells him nicely all the fcuked up shyt he does.”
hahaha.
“you know what honey, you always got something to whine about when you come through that door. *insert smile*. And you know what’s even worse, you don’t even help around this house…baby, don’t even try mention the bills… I pay those *insert smile*, and your debts, i cook, I clean, I pick up the children and put up with THEIR whining a$$es, I hate my job and my boss even more, but you don’t see me complaining! Well dinner will be ready in ten….please don’t tell me about your day.” *insert final smile and back rub*
@Dope Fiend
LMAO!
@Dope Fiend,
Applause and sh!t
@mssmtaylor, teehee.
Thanks n sh*t.
*takes a bow*
night people. xoxo
@Dope Fiend,
LMAO this was a lesson in the awesomeness of the art of Passive Aggression
@Luvvie, I don;t like to boast….but i will.
I am a pro at passive aggression! Works a charm! And it makes me laugh when the people involved gradually realize I’m mocking them.
I really wish we all lived in the same time zone…i missed out maaaaan!
@pgh muse,
I can write a long a$$ 1st of the month 2 cart grocery list of things that I feel the masculine gender does to fcuk up relationships.
lol, if you can do this, why did you ask me to?
@The Champ, well, Champ I don’t have a pen!s and it’s possible that I can be wrong, or shortsighted, or, inconsiderate of your gender’s issues or something… so what better source than the horses mouth? We women need HELP w/ these things… and soooo do you
smooches!
@The Champ,
“lol, if you can do this, why did you ask me to?”
Just to eff with you, haha
@Me fail english?, lol.. good answer!
Awwww boo. I like Kim K.
Mistakes men make:
1. Putting a woman through he!! (like it’s a Gladiators challenge) before realizing she’s actually a good woman worth keeping. Some women stick around… Those who know their worth will end up walking away.
2. Being a$$holes: Let’s face it.. some of you wear this title like it’s a badge of honor and it’s stupid.
3. Putting your woman last: Some of you’d rather, play Sega (or whatever the hottest toy is out now. lol), “shoot ball”, clip your nails, etc. then spend some QT with your girl.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Sega? Um….this ain’t the 90′s girl…lol
@miss t-lee, LMAO.. I couldn’t think of that new thing.. and then I didn’t think men really sat around and played the Wii together. Girl, I am sooooo off when it comes to those things.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Okay…I’ll let you make it.
This time…lol
@miss t-lee, Thank you. lol
@Nicki Sunshine, I agree with these additions
@klysha, gracias.
@Nicki Sunshine
I like Kim K too. Ha!
“2. Being a$$holes: Let’s face it.. some of you wear this title like it’s a badge of honor and it’s stupid. ”
OMG this is true. Men will say this as an opening line, like it’s something to be proud of. It one of those things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm.
@V Renee, “OMG this is true. Men will say this as an opening line, like it’s something to be proud of. It one of those things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm.”
Yes its goes up there like Chucky’s line (‘Child’s Play’)
Hi, my name is Chucky and I’m an a&&hole… seriously, who tells you their most negative trait, right off the bat like that? lol.
Hey, I’m cool with that. Let me know upfront if you feel like within a week of knowing you I’ll want to throw you into a tiger cage at the Zoo.
I wish everyone was as honest.
@V Renee,
Yeah I think some men, usually the ones used to dating pushy, demanding women, equate assholishness with confidence and not being a pushover.
Unfortunately for them, the normal women still see it as assholishness…and they wind back where they started.
Women do that too. I call it Terry McMillan syndrome. I forgot the name of that guy who gives all of that hopelessly misogynistic dating advice but he’s a classic case too.
@Me fail english?,
I forgot the name of that guy who gives all of that hopelessly misogynistic dating advice but he’s a classic case too.
Steve Harvey?
*sniggling*
@miss t-lee,
Lol. I see my VSS’s aint too sweet on Mr. Hightower and his fluorescent suits, ha?
I forgot the dude’s name. I think it’s some Arabic ish or maybe it’s a stripper name.
@Me fail english?,
You mean Tariq Nasheed a.k.a. King Flex, lol.
I don’t agree with everything he says, but he’s a pretty bright dude when you get past the theatrics…
@Me fail english?,
I don’t think I could take anyone named King Flex Serious.
*sniggling*
Yeah, I wonder if “King Flex” realizes how corny that handle makes him sound. *chuckles*
@miss t-lee,
BWHAHAHA. Mr. Zoot Suits Finest!
@miss t-lee, Steve Harvey
Oh Miss T, you have made my morning for calling out Steve Harvey!!! and I like him… he’s like a cool a$$ OLD SCHOOL (if I knew html code i woulda italicized that) uncle that cracks jokes at the cook out! But taking 2009 dating advice from him. I’ll pass. I think there’s a lot of good stuff in his book, but HE can’t keep a wife… he’s on his 4th!
@pgh muse,
Yes. Any man that refers to my sweet parts as “the cookie” cannot tell me much.
lol@ the 90 day rule. Cuz that’s when all men lose their ability to be rotten a**holes…on that 90th day.
@pgh muse,
I’m still pressing my way through the bootlegged pdf version of his “book”.
@pgh muse,
Someone must send me this pdf at once!
Me fail…I would send it to you but it’s on my gmail account which I can’t access here at the J.
I can send it to you when I leave if no one else has sent it to you by then…lol
@miss t-lee,
Thank ya kindly
@ Me fail, I read portions on line through some site.. don’t remember… but I will look b4 the day and see what i can come up wit’ 4 u too. It’s an entertaining read if nothing else.
@ Me Fail – I found it
!!!!
email me @ muse.acd@hotmail.com and I’ll send you a copy.
@me fail…,
shoot me ur e mail. i’ll send it to you.
@blackberry…
Thanks my luv. Muse just forwarded me the magnum opus that shall heretofore be known as…”Zoot Suit Riot”.
@ me fail…
Yay!!!
@pgh muse, bbmo. somebody…
can i get in on the bootleg foolishness? cause if one more person asks me if i read this book… *sigh*
dirvin@gmail.com
thanks in advance.
Check ur email SG
LMMFAO at “Zoot Suit Riot”!!!!
@SG… sent! you’re welcome and don’t b spreadin my gumbemt info around. I got warrants ‘n shyt
@me fail, bbmo
thanks ladies!
lol @ bbmo. all names, emails and identifying info is locked in the vault. i promise and sh!t.
@miss t-lee, Aw dang, I liked the Steve Book. lol… I think I’m one of the people that need things Hammered into their heads to believe them.
@Nicki Sunshine,
I know chick. I don’t hold it against you, but do know…you’re in the minority.
At least amongst people I feel like I know…lol
@miss t: LMAO.. I can handle minority.
@Nicki Sunshine,
1. Putting a woman through he!! (like it’s a Gladiators challenge) before realizing she’s actually a good woman worth keeping.
expound and sh*t
@The Champ, some men… feel the need to test their boundaries to see how far they can go with a woman. My friend had this guy who put her through the wringer… he slept with his ex wife, cheated numerous other times, told her he’d never marry her, etc.
And then one day he woke up and bought a ring to propose.
She dumped him.
lol. U snooze you lose.
This is an extreme case, but I’ve seen it… Since some of you are so scared of being hurt, u don’t recognize something good when you see it.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Or they recognize something good and put her through the wringer anyway just to make sure she’s there to stay.
Not anymore she’s not!
@Me fail english?, Exactly.. and I encouraged her to do it.
I suck for bad men. lol
@Nicki Sunshine,
Since some of you are so scared of being hurt
I don’t if that was the case for your girl… He was just an a$$hole and she let him.
@Nicki Sunshine,
I’m loving the list..
Might I add:
4. Acting like the ish you got going on is more important that mine.
5. Acting like yo mama cant breath without you.
Cut the cord lil ninja
@mssmtaylor,
“4. Acting like the ish you got going on is more important that mine.”
Haha, this reminds me of when I was in undergrad. My roomie was seeing a local who took some sort of auto course at a community college. So here we are studying for finals at real college and she has to turn him down for dinner or smthg.
To get back at her (for this was clearly an affront not to be tolerated), next time she wants to go out he starts barking at her about “Man I got all this homework! We got tests coming up! Look at ALL THESE PAPERS!”
What did this fool drop on our kitchen table but some word match, draw lines across the page ish. I’m talking:
E arburetor
C ngine
T park plug
S orque
WTF?! Fool get yo’ money back!
@Me fail english?, OMG… i’m hyperventilating.. men. Gotta love ‘em!
@Me fail english?,
Hey, at least bruh was in school trying to make some isht happen as opposed to waiting around for it to happen to him. Dude could’ve been a lot more mature about your roomie’s situation but she also could’ve taken the high road and taken him seriously.
Mistake that a lot of dudes make in regards to relationships:
Not dealing with women who puts wind in their sails.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro, Awwwww TPN! I don’t think it was meant like that! I don’t think that there’s anything wrong wit a mechanic! It’s legal and necessary. It’s a good job. She prolly would have been plenty encouraging. But why couldn’t he be encouraging to her? My problem is with the masculine attitude that his work is more important than hers or that his work should come first or should be the priority. It’s 2009. A lot of times it takes 2 incomes to make it.
@pgh muse,
Yeah. And I think she would’ve understood if he had real mechanic work that only a mechanic student would understand, but that ish was…maybe that’s just another thing I don’t understand about cars.
I guess I should have mentioned that her rejection of dinner was in the vein of “Maybe next week” while his was more like “Pshht! Silly girl. It’s man thangs goin’s on.” I didn’t even get the impression that he was going tit for tat. I think he was really feeling himself with that word search homework! How you gon front on our finals and act like that word search got u under pressure? haha.
This was especially funny cuz when she said she couldn’t do it that night he wanted to hang in the living room watching tv while we studied. Um, why don’t you not do that?
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Hey, at least bruh was in school trying to make some isht happen as opposed to waiting around for it to happen to him. Dude could’ve been a lot more mature about your roomie’s situation but she also could’ve taken the high road and taken him seriously.
Mistake that a lot of dudes make in regards to relationships:
Not dealing with women who puts wind in their sails
***nodding head***
@The Champ, This may be true Champ. Seriously, but I think that this theory also supports why men feel the need to date “beneath” them, which is insecurity. A woman who’s professional and gainfully employed can be proud of her man, even if he’s not a doctor… like I said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong w/ being a mechanic. She can offer him all the encouragement, support, tuition payments, ego stroking, and d*ck riding in the world but HE still won’t feel good enough because unless he’s “outdoing” her he will feel insufficient…
@The Champ,
I should have also mentioned that my roomie really had no reaction to his extra self (who drops dittos on a table all Kay Chandler-like? lol)
But why are you fronting like this letter scramble requires as much study time as the finer points of string theory? That made me giggle on the inside.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Not dealing with women who puts wind in their sails.
That’s a good one. And to me that’s one of the most critical things to look at to see if a relationship is worth it/a good one.
Does s/he make you want to get more out of life/yourself?
Yes —–> Keep on going.
No —–> Exit stage left.
@Me fail english?,
hahahaha hell mufukkknnn naw
@mssmtaylor, “4. Acting like the ish you got going on is more important that mine.”
YES.. U do know that is why Tyra Banks and that basketball player didn’t work out, right? She said he wanted her to travel with him 24/7 and she couldn’t bc she had a career and he was not feeling that.
@Nicki Sunshine,
So thats why Tyra Banks and Chris Webber broke up? I’mo need him to not want her to be all under his nutsack 24/7. Jeebs be 3 feet of breathing space
@Luvvie, Exactly.. the same reason he prolly fell in love with her is the same reason he ended up despising her.. she had a GOAL.
Some men don’t really want a full on independent woman.
@Nicki Sunshine,
U do know that is why Tyra Banks and that basketball player didn’t work out, right?
For some reasons, I have a hard time believing that. Is that also why she broke up with Seal? and all the others?
She needs to find out why… and leave that I’m too powerful stuff alone. There are powerful women who have men (trick is you need to be able to deal with a Steadman type man… Alpha males DO NOT WANT Alpha females.)
“ok, thats a lie. a complaining ass man with a lisp and sporadic patois is much, much worse”
Okay…this ish right here? *chuckles loudly*
Definitely agree with the sneak attack, I think I was in a relationship once that consisted of nothing but those. And to think, I just thought he was crazy….thanks for clarifying this Champie.
@miss t-lee,
Definitely agree with the sneak attack, I think I was in a relationship once that consisted of nothing but those. And to think, I just thought he was crazy….thanks for clarifying this Champie.
no problem. ummm, thanks for using my words as evidence that all men are crazy
@The Champ,
It was so easy too, like fish in a barrel.
I’ll add trying to “win” the argument rather than trying to stop the drama and move on.
Lol. This is another thing my dad does (luv u daddy). He’ll just say some ish that makes no sense just to complicate the discussion. I guess he figures he can outwit my mom into thinking she “doesn’t get it” and she’ll just drop it. But she only replies “Now why would you say that? We both know that’s immaterial to the discussion, nor does it make sense in ANY context.” And he winds up lonely and looking an ass.
Other winning tactics:
-reducing the discussion to semantical debates.
“Depends on what the definition of ‘is’ is?”
Don’t raise that brow in triumph just yet Mr. President. While you were busy thinking you’d just ran an intellectual circle around folks, stock in Rhodes scholarship and Yale educations just tanked!
-Debating widely accepted, yet difficult to prove theories. (which is why they’re called ‘theory’ twabhead)
“How do you know men are stronger than women? Have you met every man and woman? And where are the receipts?!”
-Trying to personalize something and make it off-limits. This is an especially ill-advised strategy when dealing with someone who knows you very well or doesn’t know you well and doesn’t give an eff about your feelings.
“What you mean I should mow the lawn cuz I’m the man? My mother mowed the lawn. Are you calling her a man???”
Yes, I am. And specious reasoning like this will only get your feelings hurt.
@Me fail english?,
““What you mean I should mow the lawn cuz I’m the man? My mother mowed the lawn. Are you calling her a man???”
Yes, I am.”
If she shaved her goatee every now and then, there would be no confusion.
@RedBeanzNRice,
::chortling::
@Me fail english?,
“I’ll add trying to “win” the argument rather than trying to stop the drama and move on.”
Now we all know what happens when men try to drop it and move on . . .
http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/the-pursuit-of-happiness/
@eff yo couch,
I get what you’re saying. But there should prob be a happy medium where men don’t just cut you off mid-sentence and say “You’re right honey!” and run out the door to play ball and making up all types of stuff we both know doesn’t make sense ftw.
@Me fail english?,
And he winds up lonely and looking an ass.
when i first skimmed this i thought it said “lonely and looking at ass”, which made me think “damn, me fails mom’s is cold-blooded, forcing her pops to internet p*rn and sh*t”.
i actually prefer the skimmed version
@The Champ,
Well he’s probably doing that too. Pops is nasty like that.
@Me fail english?,
LMAO!!! do we have the same daddy?? cuz this is soooooo my pops
@Gem-nasty,
LMAO!!! do we have the same daddy??
vsb.com: where all poppas were rolling stones
Using my shortcommings as a reason not to address yours
I know I’m not perfect and I make mistakes, so when my man points out things I do that bother him, I make the effort to adjust accordingly. So when I point out yours, don’t hit me with” well you [insert egregious relationship mistake here] as an excuse for not trying to be better.
@Happy Meal,
“Using my shortcommings as a reason not to address yours”
Yep – that one right there gets my blood to boiling! Besides that, it only creates another argument and never solves anything.
@RedBeanzNRice,
That’s the whole point… it’s the equivalent to a ninja smoke bomb. When is gets tough and our backs are to the wall….POOF!!! choas and confusion and hopefully we can live to skirmish another day….lol
@RedBeanzNRice,
That’s the whole point… it’s the equivalent to a ninja smoke bomb. When is gets tough and our backs are to the wall….POOF!!! chaos and confusion and hopefully we can live to skirmish another day….lol
@Happy Meal, ooooh yeah that’s a good one… my ex did that crap to me all the time
yeah mine too. *smh*
@Happy Meal, That might be at the top of my list. Just thinking about it is making me ball up my fists
@Kindred Smile,
yea my jaw was clenched all tight as I was typing it. My ex bf did that, on top of starting arguments with me in public, and while I was more than 6,000 miles away in Brazil (who does that?), all which contributed to the demise of our relationship.
I just want to say Champ I absolutely love your writing style. And to all the regular commenters, y’all are a trip! Entertainment and distraction applenty can be found right here. I’ve “lurked” and commented before but I don’t think I’ve ever really shared my feelings. Okay that’s about all the sentiment I think I can muster in a day….. I hate mushiness…..
@klysha,
lol, thanks and sh*t.
@klysha,
“I hate mushiness”
You, my dear, are a gangstress, like I am (iRebuke the side-eyes that just came with that. Yes, you Kindred & BBMo & Overit). I like ya.
@Luvvie, please do rebuke it, i’m scared my eyes gonna get stuck to the side.
@overit,
*howling*
don’t worry. i got your back. i’ll take the next “side eye cause luvvie is softer than charmin” shift.
*snicker*
@Luvvie,
indeed– rebuke all you want… Sniffle McMushyface.
I know what mine is:
– trying to get sex as often as possible.
– losing interest; however, that isn’t all my fault…
– going too long without stroking HER ego (ya’ll constantly want re-assurance)
– saying “Yes, you are fat, what are you going to do?”
That’s the short list.
@CPT Callamity, LMAO at the last one. People actually do this? If so, +2 pts for honesty.
@CPT Callamity,
“- saying “Yes, you are fat, what are you going to do?””
See? That’s why I don’t even ask, lol. No need for me to end up in jail over assault charges – cause you best believe if my fiance told me I was fat, the next words he’d say would be said through snaggled-teeth. Yep.
LMAO love it
@CPT Callamity,
Hell I’m already on team chunk, if I asked that question it would be completely facetious. lol
@CPT Callamity,
The “what are you going to do?” part is what makes this awesomely hilarious. That would be the verbal equivalent of a two-finger mush to the head. Like it’s a challenge or something. Fellas please don’t incite the volley of insults that will follow this question.
@Me fail english?,
Well I’m aware that most times, women ask questions knowing the answer already. Might as well make it an interesting exchange. If a woman were to get mad at me for saying yes (an okay…that last part was extra) then she’s probably more comfortable with a man that lies. Aren’t relationships supposed to be honest? I mean, I’ve had no problems with a woman telling me my faults without me asking, might as well reciprocate.
@CPT Callamity,
“…what are you going to do?”
i’m gonna try to add this to a sentence at least once a day from now on.
@The Champ,
It works…
Somebody hit my car while crossing across the parking lot one day. It was just a bump but I was furious it was taking place. Right on cue, the lady in the drivers seat of the offending car doesn’t ask am I alright…she says “Whatchu try’na do?” Way to flip it on me.
What’s up good people at VSB
I’ve read through some of the comments and i agree that yes as men we make these mistakes … but one common thing I noticed about a majority of the complaints is they’re UNIVERSAL. From carrying past relationship baggage to being a constant complainer can be said about both sexes. Does one sex do it more than the other? …. who knows? To me that’s all heresy.
@eff yo couch,
True.
@eff yo couch,
but one common thing I noticed about a majority of the complaints is they’re UNIVERSAL
i was thinking the same thing. i came here expecting to read sh*t that’s unique to us, but most of the complaints arent gender specific…just people specific
@The Champ,
True. I was thinking that about yesterday’s post too tho.
@The Champ, You know I started thinking about what the guys I’ve dated did wrong and it was tough to pin down any universally applicable truths. It seems like each of them had their own brand of flawedness.
One wouldn’t let me breathe because he wanted to be up under me 24-7. One neglected to mention that he was juggling both me and his kids mom after I moved out of town. One proved to just be an overall flawed and arrogant a$$. I must return to my chamber and ponder this a bit more. There has to be some commonality in there somewhere…..
@eff yo couch,
I second that, but its kinda looked upon differently when a man does it. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that men have emotions. I’ve met some heartless ninjas. And when I finally come into contact with one that isnt hard or stoic..I kinda pause for a second… like” damn this is what its like when a man shows emotion”
I’m trying to raise my sons to not be cry babies, but I dont want them snatchin purses either.
@mssmtaylor,
Tell them if they don’t cry as much they’ll have more ‘ink’ for writing stuff in the snow.
@WuDaMan,
lol choking on my cheez-its and sh!t
I’ll be back after I get over your saying “humid thongs.”
@CreoleInDC,
take your time
@The Champ,
Okay…I’m back.
1. B*itching cuz you think you know everything. Can’t take it. NEVER could take it. I will tune you out and roll out quicker than you can say “eh.”
2. Acting like you’re somebody’s daddy. *BLINK* Imma need you to GO.SIT.DOWN!
3. Getting too comfortable too quick. Just because my home is nice doesn’t mean I want you laid up in it all the time. Going on REAL dates should last longer than 3 months.
4. Being one way in public and a completely different way in private to the point where I don’t even recognize your azz.
5. Lie about how much you work out.
@CreoleInDC,
I like #3
@CreoleInDC, *striking gavel* My name is pgh muse and I approve this WHOLE message.
@pgh muse,
Thank ya, thank ya, thank ya very much….. (Movie star Elvis…NOT druggie Elvis.)
@CreoleInDC,
“Lie about how much you work out.”
LOL. This is such a stupid thing to lie about. At some point we’re gonna hug and I’m gonna know the real answer to this.
Unrelated, but to the men at the gym, please don’t give me workout tips if you don’t know what the eff you’re talking about. Especially if I didn’t ask you!
So I’m minding my own business, doing my pushups and this fool takes it upon himself to tell me I need to be doing a “diamond”. I struggle through my pushups as it is. And you want me to do the harder version that gives you boy shoulders? Have you ever spotted a woman? What makes you think this would be a good idea when I can barely do the regular ones? Probably just to show off that he knows a little something about fitness. Sir, please return to your station!
@Me fail english?,
So I’m minding my own business, doing my pushups and this fool takes it upon himself to tell me I need to be doing a “diamond”. I struggle through my pushups as it is. And you want me to do the harder version that gives you boy shoulders? Have you ever spotted a woman? What makes you think this would be a good idea when I can barely do the regular ones? Probably just to show off that he knows a little something about fitness. Sir, please return to your station!
lol, he was probably planning that approach for weeks, and searching for a perfect opportunity to attack.
@The Champ,
Well damn, if he was plottin for weeks he coulda at least came up with an exercise I’d know how to do!
@Me fail english?,
“Unrelated, but to the men at the gym, please don’t give me workout tips if you don’t know what the eff you’re talking about. Especially if I didn’t ask you!”
LOL! Add to that try to instruct or holla at me when you sir, have bad [workout] form… :::SMH at the compilation of images of all the men I’ve seen at the gym with terrible form::
@Happy Meal,
YES!! Just lifting with their backs, knees over toes and tryna show off.
@Me fail english?,
I just *BLINK* at people doing all that talking about going to the gym and fluffy as hell. YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE!
Regarding men at the gym trying to holla? GROSS!
@CreoleInDC,
I like #4. The schizo mofos irritate the he!! out of me.
Not being up front.
Number one problem guys run into. I say this as a man, if nothing else, being honesty is a CYA function.
IF your bad with dates and dont remember things like birthdays, and the (insert random number here) month anniversary, tell her when the relationship is just jumping off.
IF your a flirt (an innocent one {if theirs really such thing}) tell her before, WAY before you get brought around her girls. (as someone on here once said “a thirsty ho will always flirt with your man…testing him out for me my @ss)
IF you arent packing (you know…down there) TELL HER! Please please please im begging all men (at least the ones that read VSB) dont go round out here lying on your d*ck…it make us ALL look bad. Let a woman ask what im “working with” and i tell her the truth…i get the STRONG Huey Freeman side eye and im instantly labeled a lier even though i told the Gods honest.
NOT the business
Im not saying you should use this as some magical cover all, or that it allows you to forget, BUT if you know its gonna come up AND bite you in the a** later….you may as well put it out there and avoid the problem before it even starts.
@ESQuared, At the end of your comment, you brought up a good point that can apply to both sexes. If someone is being upfront and honest with you, then you need to believe them and take what they say at face value, not brush it off or pry for some hidden meaning. Everything’s not that deep or complex. Really.
@Kindred Smile, THANK YOU! you are receiving massive quantities of e-Love.
This one woman i was in a relationship with could NEVER seem to take what i had to say for what it was. Always looking for a hidden meaning, a secret, some ulterior motive, for something i said.
I think that was a result of past baggage, but in NO WAY is that an excuse for calling foul and liar on things that are in no way serious.
EX: {ME} “I dont have alot of female friends, women dont really hang around me that much.”
{Her} “Why?”
{Me} Because im blunt i guess, it causes conflict sometimes because people sometimes ask for the truth and really dont want to hear it, let alone what you have to say.
{Her} IDK…Why would you tell me that?
{Me} Just to let you know…if you ask me something and I have an answer for you, im going to give it to you straight. I dont want you thinking im an ashhole just because it dosent come out nice.
{Her} Are you sure? Are you sure its not because you have some side joint, or some other female friends her are all on you and your trying to hide it?
WTF kinda sh*t is that? we went from reflective intimate sharing conversation, to the spanish inquisition…..(in the late Bernie Mac’s voice) Thats some BULL America!
@ESQuared,
OMG I’m laughing but I too have been know to ask some dumb ass questions like that.
@ESQuared,
“Please please please im begging all men (at least the ones that read VSB) dont go round out here lying on your d*ck…it make us ALL look bad.”
*screwface* Ok, mayhaps I’m naive to what passes as a “pick-up” line these days. Why on Earth do men even feel the need to let women know what they got in their draws? That sounds like some 7th grade truth or dare type stuff to me.
Either that or you just wanted to give yourself a “plug” for all the available VSS’s on here. *side eye*
And for the record, most people who brag about what they got (applies to anything) typically AIN’T got it.
@RedBeanzNRice,
lol. I was thinking that too.
@RedBeanzNRice,
The post assumes your actively dating and have that kind of relationships. Most of the women i know ask up front (no one wants a negative bed room surprise)
no need for the face or the side eye…my VSS is very happy with me…so sorry ladies even if i was about to give my self a glowing review…im off market. lol
@ESQuared, no need for the face or the side eye…my VSS is very happy with me…so sorry ladies even if i was about to give my self a glowing review…im off market. lol
get it squirrel!
@overit,
get it squirrel?
me confused…lol
@ESQuared, lol, it is a B Scott reference, please youtube “B Scott attacked by killer squirrel”. I do think B Scott, who is a very pretty man, will offend your male sensibilities so…suffice it to say I meant that I’m happy for you and your girl and sh*t lol
@overit,
awww… thanks boo.
@ESQuared,
“no need for the face or the side eye…”
Bite your tongue! There is ALWAYS a need for the side eye and the screwface! It’s just like Jello – there’s always room. (except if it’s gelatin, cause that stuff is just plain disgusting)
@ESQuared, “no need for the face or the side eye…my VSS is very happy with me…so sorry ladies even if i was about to give my self a glowing review…im off market. lol”
so confident…
@ESQuared,
Good sh!t
“while the rest of the world wades through the shallow muck of overits panties relationship murk.”
har har har.
One more thing. Men can be as masochistic as women. It seems to be generally agreed upon that “good girls like bad guys” but men can like the girl who is a b*tch, over the nice one.
i rebuke that in the name of kind pretties everywhere.
@overit,
I hate to admit it, but it’s true. Men LOVE bitches. There have been a lot of books written on that very subject. It still boggles the mind, though. Much like why men like hookers – yet another mystery of the pseudo-complex male psyche.
@RedBeanzNRice, ole hunter gatherers, they love the chase. That’s fine, the intrigue can only last for so long ,you get the b*tch, then they really end up being her b*tch lol.
@overit,
But where’s the chase with a hooker? I mean, it’s not like those dames can run a 440 in those heels, and since he’s paying for the “goods”, where’s the hunt?
(aside: wait, maybe they CAN run a 440 in heels cause of the occupational hazard? Oh hell, I don’t know, lol)
@RedBeanzNRice,
I hate to admit it, but it’s true. Men LOVE bitches.
if you change this statement to “men generally love physically attractive women, regardless of whether they’re schoolmarms or bitches” i agree 100 percent
@The Champ,
true, I dated a guy when I was young who told me that, as an attractive young lady, I had a choice to make. Be the bitch or, they’ll call you a hoe. lol funny thing is, being a lil bitchy does seem to encourage men to offer their undying love.
who said you catch more flies with honey than vinegar??
@The Champ,
And that’s what I was about to say… Men go where they find attractiveness at. Whether it’s a “b!tch” (we need an agreed-upon definition of that) or not, that’s where they’ll be at. Pretty simple.
@overit,
B*tches and crazy chicks are one in the same . . . meaning there freaks in bed.
@eff yo couch,
right right right right
@eff yo couch,
*nods head in agreement*
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
Yo TPN you need to get out n drank w/ us sometime. Let us know when that permision slip is signed
Wu n Eff
Why do I keep checkin the site at work, thinkin maybe it’ll be unblocked today. Like, maybe I was just on punishment?? Surely they weren’t for real. Why must they hate on VSB so??? Dang. I DO come in everyday at 8:00 (read: 8:13) and give them at least 20 minutes of very focused hard labor (read: reading emails). Doesn’t that count for anything??
Ingrates. Oh wells…
As for the post, men are just stupid. The end.
***backin out Stanky Leggin***
Ooooo! I know I know I know! I have another one! Why do men get mad when women are adventurous in bed? Why does that get their panties in a bunch? If she tells you that there is something that you need to be doing to take her to the next level (as in actually Orgasm) why get offended?
@pgh muse,
There are dudes who get mad at this?
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro, YES! *waving* Hey! haven’t seen u around these parts in a while
@pgh muse,
*waves back* Good to see you sis. Haven’t had time to do anything but read in the background lately but had a minute today to add on.
Any dude or woman who’s not willing to go the extra mile to please their partner in the sack will find themselves replaced with someone who will.
If we don’t need O2 tanks and gatorade at the end of it all, then we really ain’t secksin…
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro, If we don’t need O2 tanks and gatorade at the end of it all, then we really ain’t secksin…
@pgh muse,
“Why does that get their panties in a bunch?”
Men wear panties? You’re talking about Al Reynolds, aren’t you!
@pgh muse,
Or guys, who look brand new when you suggest something new. Like, where did you learn that?
@pgh muse,
Ya know its funny that you say that. A common mistake men make is confusing “Good D.” with being a good lover. I wouldn’t say that they get angry, but it is kind of a low blow when you tell a man his sex game isn’t as proper as he thought it was! There was this one time that I tried to be the better person for the sake of not being shallow, and dated this guy that was the WORST COOCHIE EATER in the world! OMG! He was a clittlikker! I would always have to tell him that there is a world of cooch b’tween my legs to explore, and he didn’t have to spend soooooooooo much time concentrating on the dayum clit ( it was very aggravating) . At first I started off with nice sweet suggestions,… but he was NOT willing to accept the fact that he did not know what the hell he was doing. Somebody definitly lied to him, because he thought he was the shyt! Needless to say it went from sweet suggestions, to me being slightly agressive to being forcefull, to me getting irratated and pissed off… Well we don’t date anymore, but he still is oblivious to the fact he was a lame lover. I’m pretty sure that this does not apply to all men, but to those that it does… remember….. EVERY WOMAN IS DIFFERENT, and it generally takes a little longer for a woman to discover her sexual preferances than a man. if you are a 1 trick pony… please….. stay in the stable! lol! TO THE FAM OF VSM… i’m new to the site.. i have been loving the posts… I’m Lanieanna from New Orleans.. 29/f ….. and luv life. I guess thats y i like it here, because even if posts or comments are negative, the vibe is really positive, and most of the comments crakk me up! Keep it up!
@Laneianna,
ok my NO sista…and i say this will all the lurve in the world but BBJ be a paragraph! lol. but one trick ponies are indeed not the business.
welcome and sh!t!!!
*shooting gold stars*
@Laneianna, EVERY WOMAN IS DIFFERENT, and it generally takes a little longer for a woman to discover her sexual preferances than a man.
Amen!
@Laneianna,
“and dated this guy that was the WORST COOCHIE EATER in the world! OMG”
You shoulda kicked him in the forehead.
@miss t-lee,
that’s why i love my violent e-triplet. she does the things i don’t have the guts to do.
but he would be roundly dismissed with his feelings hurt–no question about that.
@pgh muse,
Insecure men will. I had one crazy a$$ boyfriend who wanted me to act like “the wife”…. Negro what? Come again? Miss me with that BS.
Confusing the excitement displayed when you drop mad chedda on an evening and she raving over how much fun it was w/ how much she like you.
Confusing the liking of the gift with the liking of the giver.
@WuDaMan, Can’t she like both?
@pgh muse,
yeah but don’t get it twisted. You got to put out some tests to see which she likes better. You or the cake?
@WuDaMan, I hear u Wu. I don’t know the chick ur dating, but if you date women who have their own money, wouldn’t that make this argument null? It seems that there are throngs of single women who got their own cash that would be throwing the panties at u…
At this stage in life, I’m irritated by the 30+ men who still depend on their parents to do all the thinking for them. Be your own man dagnabit!!
@treble,
ooh somebody sounds frustrated
@WuDaMan,
just sayin, if I wanted to marry your father, woulda dated him.
I was involved in a long term serious relationship with a guy, only to find out that, he truly only valued his parents opinion on EVERYTHING!! Stay with them, and stop wasting people’s time perpetrating to be a strong independent man.
not really frustrated, but that struck a nerve.
@treble, I can identify w/ that shyt. The nerve activation part. Hey are you new to the posting game if so Welcome n shyt. I like your style.
@WuDaMan,
yes, I guess I just lost my virginity.
Thankyou.
@WuDaMan
n shyt
lol
@WuDaMan,
look at you trying to hop on the welcome wagon.lol.
@treble,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
@SouthernGirl,
Thank you