Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Theory & Essay

sadie’s suspect: four reasons why women shouldn’t pursue men

sadie hawkins day

i realize most guys will call me nuts for publicly admitting this, and that there’s no bigger ego boost than getting propositioned by an attractive and sober woman.

i understand these sentiments, because i feel the exact same way, lol.

still, personal selfishness aside, i’ve always believed that women shouldn’t attempt to “bag” men, and i’ll give you four reasons why.

1. from a relationship standpoint, a woman making the first move usurps one of a mans most basic duties: to show a woman that he has enough balls to approach her

believe me, nothing takes more guts than a sincere cold, “i dig her, but i have absolutely no idea if she’s feeling me or not” approach. still, regardless of how shy or socially awkward he might be, stripping a man of this task subsequently strips a woman of one of natures inherent bitchassness filters. i mean, how the hell is he going to be able to protect you from lions and tigers and crackheads and sh*t if he wasn’t even able to muster a meek “hi” while in the meat line at giant eagle?

2. women don’t grow on us

***i spent at least 30 minutes trying to come up with a less blunt way of saying what i’m about to say. blame it on jim jones. and miss dominican republic in the miss universe pageant***

there’s no convo, cooking, or coitus invented yet that’s great enough to get a man to overlook lukewarm physical attraction to a woman. even if it had been, shaq would have stolen it already anyway.

women don’t grow on us, and there’s nothing a woman can do to “win” a guy,  just lose. basically, if he wasn’t attracted enough to you to approach you first, he’ll never be attracted enough to you to do anything but close-bus you.

3. its not hot

20041007pizzathehut

lisa lampanelli

brigitte nielsen

an albino cockroach

the redheaded weekend barista at the crazy mocha down the street, who looks like a freckled white female version of jason whitlock.

pizza the hut

***these are the only things i could think of that are more unattractive than an perpetually thirsty and propositioning woman.***

4. it doesn’t work

i’ve been lucky enough to be around a couple dozen or so successful marriages, and i can’t name one where the man was blatantly bagged by the woman. i’m not saying it can’t happen, but like the existence of people who actually celebrate kwanzaa, i’ll believe it when i see it

now, i’m not saying women don’t have a part in this. just as it’s our job to approach if we’re interested, its their job to make themselves somewhat approachable.

smiling, eye contact, starting conversations, subtly making your relationship status clear, and responsive body language is perfectly within a women’s wheelhouse.

bagging him on the bus, making moves on your crush, and fed-exing a thong to his cubicle with a “digits, please. sexy-ass” note attached isn’t.

what say you, people of vsb? do you think a man should always instigate the approach? if so, why? if not, why not? does it even matter? why am i asking so many questions? if a barren womanist bagged a black blogger in the woods, would her roommate buy a round?

—the champ

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't.

  • moks

    i was with you until you took the low blow on kwanzaa :(
    habari gani champ…

    • http://twitter.com/ReverendDrDash Legendary Dash

      @moks,
      I have met only one person who celebrated Kwanzaa, and she was one of those wealthy mulatto chikas who went to college and became all militant. I don’t celebrate any holidays, and it led to a hilarious blowup between us where she ended up questioning my “Blackness”. Screw you Kwanzaa! You cost me some a Guyanese swirl. Poseur ass Holiday Festival. Festivus>Kwanzaa

      • Selah

        @Legendary Dash,

        I don’t always get down with the Seinfeld, but this: “Festivus> Kwanzaa” made me snort. Really loud. lol

        • miss t-lee

          @Selah,
          It’s time for the airing of grievances!

        • miss t-lee

          @Selah,
          It’s time for the airing of grievances!

      • Selah

        @Legendary Dash,

        I don’t always get down with the Seinfeld, but this: “Festivus> Kwanzaa” made me snort. Really loud. lol

      • http://open.salon.com/blog/hipployta Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom

        @Legendary Dash, I celebrate nothing so I don’t know anyone who’s down with Kwanzaa either…

      • http://open.salon.com/blog/hipployta Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom

        @Legendary Dash, I celebrate nothing so I don’t know anyone who’s down with Kwanzaa either…

    • http://twitter.com/ReverendDrDash Legendary Dash

      @moks,
      I have met only one person who celebrated Kwanzaa, and she was one of those wealthy mulatto chikas who went to college and became all militant. I don’t celebrate any holidays, and it led to a hilarious blowup between us where she ended up questioning my “Blackness”. Screw you Kwanzaa! You cost me some a Guyanese swirl. Poseur ass Holiday Festival. Festivus>Kwanzaa

    • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

      @moks,

      I actually wanna know who devotedly celebrates Chrismahanukwanzakah.

      • Humble_One

        @Cheekie,

        Growing up we celebrated Kwanzaa and Christmas. My dad is African and he couldn’t have cared less about Kwanzaa. My mother the super pro-black African American was the one that had us celebrating Kwanzaa.

      • Humble_One

        @Cheekie,

        Growing up we celebrated Kwanzaa and Christmas. My dad is African and he couldn’t have cared less about Kwanzaa. My mother the super pro-black African American was the one that had us celebrating Kwanzaa.

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com BlackBerry Molasses

        @Cheekie,

        I thought I was the only freak who said that.

        **waves at fellow freak**

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @BlackBerry Molasses,

          Oh, yes, ever since I saw those commercials (I forget who…was it a phone company?) I’ve embraced the term.

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @BlackBerry Molasses,

          Oh, yes, ever since I saw those commercials (I forget who…was it a phone company?) I’ve embraced the term.

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com BlackBerry Molasses

        @Cheekie,

        I thought I was the only freak who said that.

        **waves at fellow freak**

    • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

      @moks,

      I actually wanna know who devotedly celebrates Chrismahanukwanzakah.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @moks,

      i was with you until you took the low blow on kwanzaa

      if i had a dollar…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @moks,

      i was with you until you took the low blow on kwanzaa

      if i had a dollar…

    • RedBeanzNRice w/Catfish

      @moks,

      Ick – just ick. Kwanzaa is a made up “motherland” custom. I have yet to meet one African person who recognizes it. Yes, I ended my sentence with a preposition. And?

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Thuggie Luvvie

        @RedBeanzNRice w/Catfish,

        Thank you. – Everyone

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Thuggie Luvvie

        @RedBeanzNRice w/Catfish,

        Thank you. – Everyone

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com BlackBerry Molasses

        @RedBeanzNRice w/Catfish,

        And I quote:
        “My daddy says Kwanzaa is just a made up holiday for Black people who are too uppity to celebrate Christmas.” -Cindy from The Boondocks Comic Strip

        • http://hunnybeezhive.blogspot.com Beez

          @BlackBerry Molasses,

          I “less than three” you. <3

        • http://hunnybeezhive.blogspot.com Beez

          @BlackBerry Molasses,

          I “less than three” you. <3

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com BlackBerry Molasses

        @RedBeanzNRice w/Catfish,

        And I quote:
        “My daddy says Kwanzaa is just a made up holiday for Black people who are too uppity to celebrate Christmas.” -Cindy from The Boondocks Comic Strip

    • RedBeanzNRice w/Catfish

      @moks,

      Ick – just ick. Kwanzaa is a made up “motherland” custom. I have yet to meet one African person who recognizes it. Yes, I ended my sentence with a preposition. And?

  • moks

    i was with you until you took the low blow on kwanzaa :(
    habari gani champ…

  • Leila

    “how the hell is he going to be able to protect you from lions and tigers and crackheads and sh*t if he wasn’t even able to muster a meek “hi” while in the meat line at wegmans”

    I wholeheartedly agree. I live on the west coast where the guys are really passive and the women are usually the aggressive ones (at least in my experience). I still won’t approach a man. I feel that if he’s interested, then he should approach me. It’s funny talking to my boys here because they say that they’re intimidated by women and have a hard time approaching them (I’m talking about tall, built men who don’t like they’re intimidated by anything). I don’t get it.

    • http://www.passmeashovel.com The Lioness

      @Leila,

      That’s not just the west coast, that’s the Midwest too. We actually went out and interviewed random single men about that and they said the same thing.

      While I agree with this post (in theory) it seems the only place where this would truly be applicable would be in the South where men still have the gumption to walk up to a woman without feeling like he has to take his balls off and put them in her purse to do so.

      • Lil’T

        @The Lioness,

        Add the east coast to that list. The DMV has a good amount of men who will approach.

        • Ms. Ma’am

          @Lil’T,
          Really? Many of the women I know in the DMV have experienced the opposite. Especially in comparison to the guys in B-more up the hwy.

        • Ms. Ma’am

          @Lil’T,
          Really? Many of the women I know in the DMV have experienced the opposite. Especially in comparison to the guys in B-more up the hwy.

      • Lil’T

        @The Lioness,

        Add the east coast to that list. The DMV has a good amount of men who will approach.

      • http://chubbyafro.com T. Troy Stewart

        @The Lioness,

        You ever thought that the reason why a lot of these dudes don’t step to sistas has less to do with “manhood” and more to do with “not wanting to get clowned”? Let’s not pretend that all women are acting like they will carry on a convo with anyone.

        • http://www.passmeashovel The Lioness

          @T. Troy Stewart,

          Whatever happened to go old fashioned risk taking? Why does everything have to be a sure thing anymore? Do you only apply for jobs that you are overqualified for? No. You go after the ones with the best salary & benefits. You apply to schools that you don’t have a shot in he double l in getting in to. You try anyway and hope for the best because even if there’s a 1% success rate, if you happen to be in that 1% then it’s all worth it. If you can do that in your career/education, you can do that in your dating life.

          And MOST women will at least entertain a dude if he comes at her right. If she doesn’t, then she wasn’t in your 1% and you keep it moving.

          • rebel soul

            if it were that simple why don’t more women pursue who they want?
            simple…gals have a hard time dealing with rejection….
            for us average looking dudes, well it’s a way of life….. not to mention demoralizing

          • rebel soul

            if it were that simple why don’t more women pursue who they want?
            simple…gals have a hard time dealing with rejection….
            for us average looking dudes, well it’s a way of life….. not to mention demoralizing

        • http://www.passmeashovel The Lioness

          @T. Troy Stewart,

          Whatever happened to go old fashioned risk taking? Why does everything have to be a sure thing anymore? Do you only apply for jobs that you are overqualified for? No. You go after the ones with the best salary & benefits. You apply to schools that you don’t have a shot in he double l in getting in to. You try anyway and hope for the best because even if there’s a 1% success rate, if you happen to be in that 1% then it’s all worth it. If you can do that in your career/education, you can do that in your dating life.

          And MOST women will at least entertain a dude if he comes at her right. If she doesn’t, then she wasn’t in your 1% and you keep it moving.

      • http://chubbyafro.com T. Troy Stewart

        @The Lioness,

        You ever thought that the reason why a lot of these dudes don’t step to sistas has less to do with “manhood” and more to do with “not wanting to get clowned”? Let’s not pretend that all women are acting like they will carry on a convo with anyone.

      • http://open.salon.com/blog/hipployta Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom

        @The Lioness, The South WILL still approach you…except it on the South it goes like this

        Him: Ayo shawty…when you gonna sit on my face?

        Me: What?

        Him: Lean in so I can whisper it

        Me: *Leans*

        Him: When you gonna sit on my face *Sticks tongue in my ear*

        Me: *Lean Back Quickly and Stare for a few seconds…then bust out laughing

        Gotta love the South

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom,

          *DIES @ the above foolishness*

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom,

          *DIES @ the above foolishness*

        • http://www.passmeashovel The Lioness

          @Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom,

          As a woman who’s from the South, that sounds like a winner to me. LOL.

        • http://www.passmeashovel The Lioness

          @Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom,

          As a woman who’s from the South, that sounds like a winner to me. LOL.

        • NiazDad

          @Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom, Wow….LMFAO on that one…that is something my fellow southerns would say…SMH!!

        • NiazDad

          @Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom, Wow….LMFAO on that one…that is something my fellow southerns would say…SMH!!

        • http://open.salon.com/blog/hipployta Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom

          @Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom,

          I can’t even think the number of times some variation of that happened to me…it’s the South all day, and YES you must die from the madness.

          I’m still trying to work out how that became a viable pick up line…even in HS.

          *smh*

        • http://open.salon.com/blog/hipployta Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom

          @Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom,

          I can’t even think the number of times some variation of that happened to me…it’s the South all day, and YES you must die from the madness.

          I’m still trying to work out how that became a viable pick up line…even in HS.

          *smh*

        • Nushal

          OMG, that “stick tongue in my ear” sh*t happened to me. I live in the DMV and I met this guy who was visiting from Texas. We had just met and he was trying to take me to a bar. When that didn’t work, he tried to take me back to his house and when that didn’t work tried to lick my ear. All this within 10 minutes of meeting me. What is that about??? Really

        • Nushal

          OMG, that “stick tongue in my ear” sh*t happened to me. I live in the DMV and I met this guy who was visiting from Texas. We had just met and he was trying to take me to a bar. When that didn’t work, he tried to take me back to his house and when that didn’t work tried to lick my ear. All this within 10 minutes of meeting me. What is that about??? Really

      • http://open.salon.com/blog/hipployta Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom

        @The Lioness, The South WILL still approach you…except it on the South it goes like this

        Him: Ayo shawty…when you gonna sit on my face?

        Me: What?

        Him: Lean in so I can whisper it

        Me: *Leans*

        Him: When you gonna sit on my face *Sticks tongue in my ear*

        Me: *Lean Back Quickly and Stare for a few seconds…then bust out laughing

        Gotta love the South

    • http://www.passmeashovel.com The Lioness

      @Leila,

      That’s not just the west coast, that’s the Midwest too. We actually went out and interviewed random single men about that and they said the same thing.

      While I agree with this post (in theory) it seems the only place where this would truly be applicable would be in the South where men still have the gumption to walk up to a woman without feeling like he has to take his balls off and put them in her purse to do so.

    • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

      @Leila, The word intimidation always burns my toast. I don’t buy it. I think it’s just an excuse to get dumb women to chase them so they can sit lazily back and reap the benefits.

      • http://twitter.com/Stank_0 Stank-0

        @Ms. Smart,

        This doesn’t sound isolated at all. There has to be a reason, a cause for this lack of trying.

        *Puttin on the Kevlar*

        Are women themselves somehow effecting this change? Is it that dating is dead? Why date if you can get chex for cheap? I’m just sayin…

        • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

          @Stank-0, You’re gonna make me pull out my MLK,Jr./Swanson Funeral Home church fan early in the week with those questions.

        • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

          @Stank-0, You’re gonna make me pull out my MLK,Jr./Swanson Funeral Home church fan early in the week with those questions.

      • http://twitter.com/Stank_0 Stank-0

        @Ms. Smart,

        This doesn’t sound isolated at all. There has to be a reason, a cause for this lack of trying.

        *Puttin on the Kevlar*

        Are women themselves somehow effecting this change? Is it that dating is dead? Why date if you can get chex for cheap? I’m just sayin…

    • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

      @Leila, The word intimidation always burns my toast. I don’t buy it. I think it’s just an excuse to get dumb women to chase them so they can sit lazily back and reap the benefits.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Leila,

      It’s funny talking to my boys here because they say that they’re intimidated by women and have a hard time approaching them

      are your boys gay?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Leila,

      It’s funny talking to my boys here because they say that they’re intimidated by women and have a hard time approaching them

      are your boys gay?

    • http://stuffghettopeoplelike.wordpress.com Stuff Ghetto People Like

      @all the girls, maybe these dudes are intimidated because they don’t have the finances that give a lot of guys courage and confidence (as they’ve had it beaten in their head that having money–and other pedigree-makers like professional degrees–is the only way the ladies will f*ck with men)

      • miss t-lee

        @Stuff Ghetto People Like,
        No.

      • miss t-lee

        @Stuff Ghetto People Like,
        No.

      • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

        @Stuff Ghetto People Like,
        there ya go how can mr walmart step to miss prada?

        • http://www.passmeashovel.com The Lioness

          @BLUNTBLAZER,

          Simple. By saying, “I find you attractive and would like to get to know you better.”

          • mayormaynot

            @The Lioness, whats the chances of that being sucessful

          • mayormaynot

            @The Lioness, whats the chances of that being sucessful

        • http://www.passmeashovel.com The Lioness

          @BLUNTBLAZER,

          Simple. By saying, “I find you attractive and would like to get to know you better.”

        • Deviant

          @BLUNTBLAZER,

          or you can say “Would you like to see THESE balls?

        • Deviant

          @BLUNTBLAZER,

          or you can say “Would you like to see THESE balls?

      • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

        @Stuff Ghetto People Like,
        there ya go how can mr walmart step to miss prada?

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com BlackBerry Molasses

        @Stuff Ghetto People Like,

        stop pandering… it does NOT become you.

        Thanks,
        Management.

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com BlackBerry Molasses

        @Stuff Ghetto People Like,

        stop pandering… it does NOT become you.

        Thanks,
        Management.

    • http://stuffghettopeoplelike.wordpress.com Stuff Ghetto People Like

      @all the girls, maybe these dudes are intimidated because they don’t have the finances that give a lot of guys courage and confidence (as they’ve had it beaten in their head that having money–and other pedigree-makers like professional degrees–is the only way the ladies will f*ck with men)

    • aja

      @Leila,

      Im in cali too and I wont approach a man either. I may do a ” flirty eye thing”..lol We have more than our fair share of bitchassed men out here. If hes a real man and interested he’ll holla..if not, press on homie..lol

    • aja

      @Leila,

      Im in cali too and I wont approach a man either. I may do a ” flirty eye thing”..lol We have more than our fair share of bitchassed men out here. If hes a real man and interested he’ll holla..if not, press on homie..lol

  • Leila

    “how the hell is he going to be able to protect you from lions and tigers and crackheads and sh*t if he wasn’t even able to muster a meek “hi” while in the meat line at wegmans”

    I wholeheartedly agree. I live on the west coast where the guys are really passive and the women are usually the aggressive ones (at least in my experience). I still won’t approach a man. I feel that if he’s interested, then he should approach me. It’s funny talking to my boys here because they say that they’re intimidated by women and have a hard time approaching them (I’m talking about tall, built men who don’t like they’re intimidated by anything). I don’t get it.

  • overitnomore!

    of all the points you mentioned, i think your #1 hits it on the head. as much as i empathize with the struggles of approaching a woman, i still think its weak when men make it a mountain. get over it, you get to nap until an hr before the wedding, and i get to nap for an hr until i have to get ready. in short, deal.

    oh, and your # 2? rude.

    • Miss Patterson

      @overitnomore!, whatchu mean “no more”? booooooooooo!!!

    • Miss Patterson

      @overitnomore!, whatchu mean “no more”? booooooooooo!!!

    • Me fail english?, the runaway slave

      @overitnomore!,

      Hey I saw homegirl whose apt you took me to last week on 34th. She’s so cute! Did she tell u?

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Me fail english?, the runaway slave,

        Hey I saw homegirl whose apt you took me to last week on 34th. She’s so cute! Did she tell u?

        ***filed under “things that lesbians probably say to each other all the time”***

        • Me fail english?, the runaway slave

          @The Champ,

          file deez…

          …in ya mouf

          • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Thuggie Luvvie

            @Me fail english?, the runaway slave,

            *DEAD* iHate that iLove u

          • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Thuggie Luvvie

            @Me fail english?, the runaway slave,

            *DEAD* iHate that iLove u

          • Me fail english?, the runaway slave

            @Thuggie,

            I accepted your Gchat and then it went bye-bye????

          • Me fail english?, the runaway slave

            @Thuggie,

            I accepted your Gchat and then it went bye-bye????

          • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

            *needs to get up on this Gchat*

            I’ve missed some FOOLISH convos because of not signing up for that thang yet. lol

          • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

            *needs to get up on this Gchat*

            I’ve missed some FOOLISH convos because of not signing up for that thang yet. lol

        • Me fail english?, the runaway slave

          @The Champ,

          file deez…

          …in ya mouf

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Me fail english?, the runaway slave,

        Hey I saw homegirl whose apt you took me to last week on 34th. She’s so cute! Did she tell u?

        ***filed under “things that lesbians probably say to each other all the time”***

    • Me fail english?, the runaway slave

      @overitnomore!,

      Hey I saw homegirl whose apt you took me to last week on 34th. She’s so cute! Did she tell u?

  • overitnomore!

    of all the points you mentioned, i think your #1 hits it on the head. as much as i empathize with the struggles of approaching a woman, i still think its weak when men make it a mountain. get over it, you get to nap until an hr before the wedding, and i get to nap for an hr until i have to get ready. in short, deal.

    oh, and your # 2? rude.

  • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ V.E.G.

    Champ,

    I first wanna say that men don’t grow on women either (well…not this woman. I know a few who have said “he’s kinda ugly but he likes me” or “he’s missing a tooth but I can tell him what to do” – I’ve actually heard these things said.) Those relationships have never lasted).

    I also want to add that I agree with everything you said.

    BUT…I think a woman can let a man know she’s interested. I have written here before about my patent-pending walk by, make eye contact, mutter “dayum” and walk away technique. That has always, always worked. I also, if with friends, will separate myself from the pack if I notice a cutie scoping me (if he’s fugly, we close in on each other).

    By taking these steps, I let him him know that he won’t be immediately rejected or laughed at when he comes over. Closing the deal is up to him.

    • Selah

      @V.E.G.,

      Co-sign. Wholeheartedly. You said what I wanted to say but didn’t feel like typing out. lol

      • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

        @Selah,

        A woman letting a guy know that she’s interested, I think, is the best thing a woman can do. Guys still love a little chase..it gives us the impression that hopefully she’s not THAT easy as to where she has been around the block or smutted out by every Tom, Dick, and June Bug and ‘nem. In my experience, I have very rarely approached a woman until I had some type of inclination that I wouldn’t be shot down and rejected. I’m not throwing up half court shots when the lane is open for a lay up.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Monk,

          I’m not throwing up half court shots when the lane is open for a lay up.

          lol, true, but you gotta be suspicious if the hoop is only four feet high

          • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

            @The Champ,
            lmao lololol its too early

          • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

            @The Champ,
            lmao lololol its too early

          • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

            @The Champ,

            Really this doesn’t make any sense. How is the woman supposed to know that the guy isn’t “easy” himself? What if it’s a guy that approaches every woman in the hopes of reducing things down to a numbers game.

            Perhaps it’s just me, but I only date women I’m actually interested in. If 100 women that don’t fit that category approach me, I would go home and figure out what I’m wearing.

          • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

            @The Champ,

            Really this doesn’t make any sense. How is the woman supposed to know that the guy isn’t “easy” himself? What if it’s a guy that approaches every woman in the hopes of reducing things down to a numbers game.

            Perhaps it’s just me, but I only date women I’m actually interested in. If 100 women that don’t fit that category approach me, I would go home and figure out what I’m wearing.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Monk,

          I’m not throwing up half court shots when the lane is open for a lay up.

          lol, true, but you gotta be suspicious if the hoop is only four feet high

        • Tx10inch

          @Monk,

          True..true. Men are hunters by nature. Let a brotha know you interested without being too aggressive. Me personally..if I know I got u from jump street, that’s just gonna put me in “fallback” mode automatically and make me feel like I’m not pressed to close tha deal. Think about it as tha carrot on tha stick routine ladies. Put it out and let us know it’s there and let us chase. But don’t keep it out there too long cause eventually I expect 2 bite….

        • Tx10inch

          @Monk,

          True..true. Men are hunters by nature. Let a brotha know you interested without being too aggressive. Me personally..if I know I got u from jump street, that’s just gonna put me in “fallback” mode automatically and make me feel like I’m not pressed to close tha deal. Think about it as tha carrot on tha stick routine ladies. Put it out and let us know it’s there and let us chase. But don’t keep it out there too long cause eventually I expect 2 bite….

      • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

        @Selah,

        A woman letting a guy know that she’s interested, I think, is the best thing a woman can do. Guys still love a little chase..it gives us the impression that hopefully she’s not THAT easy as to where she has been around the block or smutted out by every Tom, Dick, and June Bug and ‘nem. In my experience, I have very rarely approached a woman until I had some type of inclination that I wouldn’t be shot down and rejected. I’m not throwing up half court shots when the lane is open for a lay up.

    • Selah

      @V.E.G.,

      Co-sign. Wholeheartedly. You said what I wanted to say but didn’t feel like typing out. lol

    • http://twitter.com/WuDaMan WuDaMan

      @V.E.G.,

      Okay the seperating from the pack is a man move. You just supposed to look @ him in the eye from across the room like twice and touch yourself above the neck line. yeah

    • http://twitter.com/WuDaMan WuDaMan

      @V.E.G.,

      Okay the seperating from the pack is a man move. You just supposed to look @ him in the eye from across the room like twice and touch yourself above the neck line. yeah

    • http://brandonsaintrandy.wordpress.com Brandon St. Randy

      @V.E.G., BUUUUUUULLLLLLSHEEET. Men grow on women allll the time. If not for this little glitch in the woman’s matrix, half of us would never have had a chance. Our ability to overcome initial lukewarmness or even complete dislike is the only reason the human species hasn’t died off and been replaced at the top of the food chain by bears.Bears are bigger than us, stronger than us, and a much more handsome species in general. It is they who should rule the earth. But because for millenia, man has been able to talk, romance, lie, charm, and cajole women into liking them, we remain the top of the heap. I can’t tell you how many women told me they initially didn’t like me who I went on to sleep with. Women ARE much more succeptible to being sold on a man than vice versa, and thank Jeevus for that.

      • Me fail english?, the runaway slave

        @Brandon St. Randy,

        “Bears are bigger than us, stronger than us, and a much more handsome species in general. It is they who should rule the earth.”

        LOL!!!! This sounds like some shet from South Park.

        And I gotta agree with VEG. Physical attraction NEVER changes for me. In fact, I’ve dated some VERY, VERY physically attractive guys and they always look less attractive as time moves on. Then I see another chick drooling over dude, so I’m reminded I got a stunner. Heh, heh…

        But that aside, I can friend zone (read: dead zone) a dude within mere seconds of making his acquaintance.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Me fail english?, the runaway slave,

          And I gotta agree with VEG. Physical attraction NEVER changes for me. In fact, I’ve dated some VERY, VERY physically attractive guys and they always look less attractive as time moves on. Then I see another chick drooling over dude, so I’m reminded I got a stunner. Heh, heh…

          what brandon is trying to say is that most women can grow to like a guy that she’s not immediately physically attracted to. the physical attraction might not change, but everything else does, which makes them more sexually attractive.

          we can’t.

          • http://stickwityocat.blogspot.com V.E.G.

            @The Champ,

            “most women can grow to like a guy that she’s not immediately physically attracted to”

            Me fail and I are not among these women. Sue us.

          • http://stickwityocat.blogspot.com V.E.G.

            @The Champ,

            “most women can grow to like a guy that she’s not immediately physically attracted to”

            Me fail and I are not among these women. Sue us.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            @v.e.g.,

            sue deez

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            @v.e.g.,

            sue deez

          • Me fail english?, the runaway slave

            @The Champ,

            Thanks VEG. I thought that was clear in my post. And further, I’d argue that “most” women prob arent like that either. You’re not really growing on a woman just cause she hasnt left yet.

            Maybe women are just more likely to go through the motions with someone that’s good-on-paper and that they can tolerate cause they dont wanna be alone or pay their own bills. I dont know too many of my girls that genuinely started liking some lame/busted dude, though I do know some that “surrendered”

          • Me fail english?, the runaway slave

            @The Champ,

            Thanks VEG. I thought that was clear in my post. And further, I’d argue that “most” women prob arent like that either. You’re not really growing on a woman just cause she hasnt left yet.

            Maybe women are just more likely to go through the motions with someone that’s good-on-paper and that they can tolerate cause they dont wanna be alone or pay their own bills. I dont know too many of my girls that genuinely started liking some lame/busted dude, though I do know some that “surrendered”

          • http://stickwityocat.blogspot.com V.E.G.

            @Me fail english?, the runaway slave ,

            “You’re not really growing on a woman just cause she hasnt left yet.”

            lol. Good way to put it.

          • http://stickwityocat.blogspot.com V.E.G.

            @Me fail english?, the runaway slave ,

            “You’re not really growing on a woman just cause she hasnt left yet.”

            lol. Good way to put it.

          • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

            @The Champ,

            I guess what I’m trying to understand is why would someone date someone whom they don’t find attractive?

          • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

            @The Champ,

            I guess what I’m trying to understand is why would someone date someone whom they don’t find attractive?

          • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

            @kamakula,

            “I guess what I’m trying to understand is why would someone date someone whom they don’t find attractive?”

            That’s what I wanna know. The physical attraction, to me, differentiates that cool guy you like to hang with as “dateable” as opposed to “friendable”.

          • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

            @kamakula,

            “I guess what I’m trying to understand is why would someone date someone whom they don’t find attractive?”

            That’s what I wanna know. The physical attraction, to me, differentiates that cool guy you like to hang with as “dateable” as opposed to “friendable”.

          • Me fail english?, the runaway slave

            @Cheekie,

            Exactly. Champ must be referring to the gold diggers and chicks to lazy to find a man they like.

          • Me fail english?, the runaway slave

            @Cheekie,

            Exactly. Champ must be referring to the gold diggers and chicks to lazy to find a man they like.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Me fail english?, the runaway slave,

          And I gotta agree with VEG. Physical attraction NEVER changes for me. In fact, I’ve dated some VERY, VERY physically attractive guys and they always look less attractive as time moves on. Then I see another chick drooling over dude, so I’m reminded I got a stunner. Heh, heh…

          what brandon is trying to say is that most women can grow to like a guy that she’s not immediately physically attracted to. the physical attraction might not change, but everything else does, which makes them more sexually attractive.

          we can’t.

      • Me fail english?, the runaway slave

        @Brandon St. Randy,

        “Bears are bigger than us, stronger than us, and a much more handsome species in general. It is they who should rule the earth.”

        LOL!!!! This sounds like some shet from South Park.

        And I gotta agree with VEG. Physical attraction NEVER changes for me. In fact, I’ve dated some VERY, VERY physically attractive guys and they always look less attractive as time moves on. Then I see another chick drooling over dude, so I’m reminded I got a stunner. Heh, heh…

        But that aside, I can friend zone (read: dead zone) a dude within mere seconds of making his acquaintance.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Brandon St. Randy,

        Bears are bigger than us, stronger than us, and a much more handsome species in general. It is they who should rule the earth

        lol, i actually have something coming this week along these lines and sh*t.

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @The Champ,

          I can wait ’til this post. Cuz I can’t imagine what you’d possibly have in store. lol

          A post about handsome bears? A post about bears taking over the dating world? I’m so curious…

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @The Champ,

          I can wait ’til this post. Cuz I can’t imagine what you’d possibly have in store. lol

          A post about handsome bears? A post about bears taking over the dating world? I’m so curious…

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Brandon St. Randy,

        Bears are bigger than us, stronger than us, and a much more handsome species in general. It is they who should rule the earth

        lol, i actually have something coming this week along these lines and sh*t.

    • http://brandonsaintrandy.wordpress.com Brandon St. Randy

      @V.E.G., BUUUUUUULLLLLLSHEEET. Men grow on women allll the time. If not for this little glitch in the woman’s matrix, half of us would never have had a chance. Our ability to overcome initial lukewarmness or even complete dislike is the only reason the human species hasn’t died off and been replaced at the top of the food chain by bears.Bears are bigger than us, stronger than us, and a much more handsome species in general. It is they who should rule the earth. But because for millenia, man has been able to talk, romance, lie, charm, and cajole women into liking them, we remain the top of the heap. I can’t tell you how many women told me they initially didn’t like me who I went on to sleep with. Women ARE much more succeptible to being sold on a man than vice versa, and thank Jeevus for that.

    • http://open.salon.com/blog/hipployta Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom

      @V.E.G., CO-SIGN!

      Accept I will proclaim that he has a nice ass…or some other attribute…because that’s just how I roll.

    • http://open.salon.com/blog/hipployta Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom

      @V.E.G., CO-SIGN!

      Accept I will proclaim that he has a nice ass…or some other attribute…because that’s just how I roll.

  • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ V.E.G.

    Champ,

    I first wanna say that men don’t grow on women either (well…not this woman. I know a few who have said “he’s kinda ugly but he likes me” or “he’s missing a tooth but I can tell him what to do” – I’ve actually heard these things said.) Those relationships have never lasted).

    I also want to add that I agree with everything you said.

    BUT…I think a woman can let a man know she’s interested. I have written here before about my patent-pending walk by, make eye contact, mutter “dayum” and walk away technique. That has always, always worked. I also, if with friends, will separate myself from the pack if I notice a cutie scoping me (if he’s fugly, we close in on each other).

    By taking these steps, I let him him know that he won’t be immediately rejected or laughed at when he comes over. Closing the deal is up to him.

  • Miss Patterson

    ugh.

    • ofloveandotherdemons

      @Miss Patterson,
      Lol.

    • ofloveandotherdemons

      @Miss Patterson,
      Lol.

    • http://lmbao.org Dorian G.

      @Miss Patterson,

      Reply of the year

    • http://lmbao.org Dorian G.

      @Miss Patterson,

      Reply of the year

    • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

      @Miss Patterson,

      I loved how this summed up an opinion better than any our tomes. It’s so simple, yet complex.

    • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

      @Miss Patterson,

      I loved how this summed up an opinion better than any our tomes. It’s so simple, yet complex.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Miss Patterson,

      my bad. i didn’t think anyone would smell that

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Miss Patterson,

      my bad. i didn’t think anyone would smell that

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Thuggie Luvvie

      @Miss Patterson,

      This… was poignant. Kudos

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Thuggie Luvvie

      @Miss Patterson,

      This… was poignant. Kudos

  • Miss Patterson

    ugh.

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