Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Theory & Essay

This or That: Signs That You Might Not Be Compatible

vodka? meet milk.

It’s a popular misconception that just because two people are attractive and have a lot in common that they are good for eachother. I know folks who, on paper, seem like an ideal couple but if you put them together in a room, they have absolutely nothing to say to one another.

Datveryboring. Nobody knows exactly what it is that draws people together. While there are people who think that San Diego is German for “whale vagina”, there is an entire school of thought out of Cambodia who calls the unmistakeable chemistry between two people, dong-qui-quong. Some people just go together and it supercedes race, class, education, and pedigree. Don’t fear the reaper, it exists because it does.

On the other hand, you have the people who think they’re drawn together or want to believe that they work when the fact is, they’re about as compatible as a PETA fanatic and Cam’ron; Blacks and Koreans in South Central; 50 Cent and Amnesty International; Aretha Franklin and A-cup brassieres; John Boehner and sincerity; Joe Biden and the swear jar…

Well you see where this is going.

Anywhere, there are more than a few signs that indicate that perhaps you and your mate aren’t that compatible. Here are the few:

1. You have nothing to say to one another over dinner (or any other place where two people who actually like eachother might talk).

Sure the love may be gone and perhaps somebody just got finished f*cking the gardener, but at least you should have something to talk about at dinner. We just passed health care and Obama seems to believe it was done in a way that didn’t alienate an entire half of the voting bloc. THAT doesn’t stimulate conversation??? Or maybe Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush heading towards splitsville? Or I don’t know, kittens?!?!?  There’s got to be SOMETHING to talk about.

2. You both are interested in similar things, but stand passionately at POLAR OPPOSITES and cannot talk to one another about certain topics.

James Carville and his wife Mary Matalin may be the ONLY couple in America this works for. I don’t know how they do it. Say you really love Obama and your partner really HATES Obama. You two are not gonna make it (no Twisted Sister). Or say you’re both into the environment and environmental policy, really heavy. Except she wants to save it and you want to demolish it so you drive a car with gas mileage equivalent of 18 old people walking down the highway – lots of gas, no mileage – and she drives a maliciously quiet Prius and runs over people she suspects litter without ever knowing. Give it up, turn it loose. And the beat goes on…

3. He/she is ugly, and you care about what your friends think and/or say.

Facts are facts, somebody’s dating the ugly people out there. I mean, I’m a 3 and I have a girlfriend. Thing is, in order to date a facially challenged individual, you have to be able to stand on your own two and not really bother with other opinions. Easier said than done, much like having coitus with Grace Jones, but somebody did it. You can too! (Date an unattractive person, not bone Grace Jones. *shudder* )

4. One person is extremely sensitive and the other person has the comedic timing and chutzpah of Chris Rock.

Sensitive people need to only date eachother yet somehow they always end up dating somebody who’s sensitivity level borders around laughing at ninjas on the roof during Katrina while still recognizing it was a f*cked up situation. Not sure how these two people end up together in all honesty, its like people just pay NO attention to red flags.

5. You insist on an OCD level of organization and your partner seems to believe the floor is as good a place to put sh*t as any where else.

If you’re favorite store is The Container Store, then you have no business dating ANYBODY who really likes going inside an actual Dollar General.

So those are few signs of incompatibility, what are some other signs that you and your mate just aren’t compatible with one another?

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://myfingersarentbroken.com/ GinaMarie

    3. He/she is ugly, and you care about what your friends think and/or say.

    LOL this is sooooooooo shallow. LMAO!!! Personally I don’t care if my man is not all that attractive as long as he is a good man and laying the pipe down right! (shakes head and whistles) LOL

    I think another signs that you might not be compatible is a difference in values. Some men want a “housewife” type of girl friend that stays at home cooks and clean. She might be more of a party animal. Guess that ass was looking good in the club at the time LOL

    • legitimate_soul

      “What are some other signs that you and your mate just aren’t compatible with one another?”

      If you are a festive person and can get in the holiday or celebratory mood and your possible partner is either a Jehovah’s Witness or not so much into festivities, that can be a bad match. Even if you may not trip over the lavish, some want their significant other to at least acknowledge their birthday with a “Happy Birthday” or card.

      Also, if you are social and dude is anti-social….Or if you are a social butterfly and your partner is socially awkward….like make EVERYONE feel really uncomfortable or say something really inappropriate awkward…Yeah, ya’ll feel me.

      • legitimate_soul

        @legitimate_soul,

        Sorry, this was put in the wrong place! My bad!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @legitimate_soul,

          “Sorry, this was put in the wrong place! My bad!”

          ***filed under “things the champ usually says in bed after six rum and cokes”***

    • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/db49c1a2fca1f481e908a155f341ccd0.png RocktheCatbox

      @GinaMarie,
      Ugly men do work about 85% harder in the bedroom. Still I would not take one in public, don’t care how good the pipe is. Besides an ugly man knows his place and wouldn’t expect that anyway.

      Foul? yes. True for most women? Fuck yeah.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @RocktheCatbox,

        Ugly men do work about 85% harder in the bedroom. Still I would not take one in public, don’t care how good the pipe is. Besides an ugly man knows his place and wouldn’t expect that anyway.

        replace men with women and pipe with p*ssy and the general theme remains as true

        • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/db49c1a2fca1f481e908a155f341ccd0.png RocktheCatbox

          @The Champ,
          Amen.

      • http://myfingersarentbroken.com/ GinaMarie

        @RocktheCatbox, LOL *dies* I shouldn’t be laughing but damn! LOL I guess I never really dated someone that I thought was ugly so it didn’t matter if anyone else thought that they weren’t Denzel.

        • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/db49c1a2fca1f481e908a155f341ccd0.png RocktheCatbox

          @GinaMarie,
          Oh, what we did wasn’t called datin’…

  • lh

    If you have VERY dissimilar religious values its not gonna work

    I consider myself an averagely devout Christian and made the mistake of dating an Athiest.

    While in rare cases this could work out most of the time its just…bad. He would not/could not come around to my way of thinking and would NOT even set foot in a church. (like he would catch on fire and shyt the moment he stepped across the threshold)

    I humored his rants about there being no God and all but he refused to consider my beliefs or even consider the prospect that there may be a “God” somewhere out there.

    So yeah, bad idea

    • http://anikeunscripted.wordpress.com Anike Love

      @lh, I’m about to go visit an out of town quasi-boo who isn’t into the whole religion thing while I am. Dang. I always figured it wouldn’t work out, but you really just confirmed it lol. Free dinner anyway?? Ohhhh yeah!

      • charli skipper

        @Anike Love,

        “quasi-boo.” i love it.

        and, yeah, the whole dating an athiest thing is highly unlikely to work out. esp. when you start talking about the future. cuz um…..all of charli skipper’s kids (even though, technically, i don’t want any) is gon’ serve the lord. discussions’ll get unnecessarily heated. and i might end up calling you “satan” and shoutin, “not in my house, DEVIL!!”

        • lh

          @charli skipper,
          Exactly! This was always an issue with the ex cause he was determined to turn his children into mini-demons
          THE DEVIL IS A LIE!

          Did the HTML work? (Never tried it before) lol

        • http://www.felicia-shelton.com The Tall One

          @charli skipper,
          I second that emotion and that you’re hilarious.

        • Ms. Butta’sWorth

          @charli skipper,

          “is gone serve the lord”

          ^^^ I’m cryin’…LMAO.

          Yes, I can hear it now…charli and lh hollaring “get back thee satan, I rebuke you in the name of the lawd!”

          Too funny!

      • lh

        @Anike Love,
        Yeah sorry to bust that bubble for ya
        But shoot, you better get that free dinner! hahaha

    • http://myfingersarentbroken.com/ GinaMarie

      @lh, The religion thing is def a deal breaker. I’m more of a free spirit and not religious at all so there would be some conflict in dating someone who is so strict about their religion. I respect it but I don’t want it force on me.

      • Sula

        @GinaMarie,

        Agreed. I have a problem with narrow-minded people period… The religious narrow minded breed is even worse.

    • http://www.thegiftedlife.com Toni Childs

      @lh,

      i have to co-sign this, especially if it’s something that you hold close to you. Having differing religious views or values is eventually going to be a deal breaker down the road whether its arguing about giving all that money to da chutch tithing, getting the kids dipped in holy water baptized, and the like.

    • Caballeroso

      @lh, “If you have VERY dissimilar religious values its not gonna work.”

      I think the word VERY in your statement is highly appropriate. Being a Pragmatic Agnostic who dates in the south and in the black community, this very often tends to be a sticking point. Surprisingly enough, I do meet christian women who will not run away screaming once I reveal my beliefs.

      I often debate myself about when it’s most appropriate to bring this up. With some it’s on date one. With others, I figure it’s not an issue until it’s an issue. If we’ve dated for 6 months and it hasn’t come up, what’s the point of bringing it up…it’s obviously not an issue.

      I tried to fit into a Christian mold for a period of 8 years but never could see what it was that everyone else saw, that is, what gave them the ability to simply accept everything in the Bible as the truth without question. I never understood it and finally accepted myself as being different. I do recognize the system of morality that it promotes and I can certainly appreciate that. There’s definitely a need for it in the community.

      Out of respect for my dates, who usually tend to be Christian, I will bless the food at dinner. This usually causes bewilderment and I get the question “why do you pray if you don’t believe?” to which I respond “It causes me no harm to do so.”

      As far as kids go, I take no issue with raising any future kids in the church. We live in a society that is predominately Christian. Not raising my kids to understand Christianity would be like sending them to live in rural Vietnam and not teaching them Vietnamese. How can you identify with others if you don’t know what they are talking about. At 18 they can decide for themselves. Besides that, it is an in-place system for providing a basis of morality. No need to recreate the wheel.

      While I am not Christian, I am Christian-friendly so to speak. I suspect that this is what makes it easier for a Christian to date me. I believe what I believe and I respect that she believes what she believes. I make no disparaging or condesending remarks about her beliefs and will even go to church with her from time to time. I just don’t have to feel guilty or conflicted when I do something inline with the nature of man simply because the Bible says not to (yes, fornication).

      If two people can agree to disagree, understand and respect where each other is coming from, and be willing to govern themselves accordingly…and remain willing to do so, the differences don’t become a deal breaker. Similarly, if you squeeze the toothpaste from the top and he squeezes from the bottom, simply use separate tubes…it’s not a deal breaker just because you believe your way is right. If you are closed-minded or take a “my way or no way” attitude, then yes, it won’t work. Those who have accepted me and my beliefs usually say that that’s between me and my God. I’m cool with that.

      (Sorry for the rant, but it hits close to home.)

      • Yonnie3k

        @Caballeroso, I’m a Christian woman and I could date you. I don’t think that most people are as “accommodating” (for lack of a better word) as you are – in terms of praying over the meal, being willing to raise your kids as Christians, and occasionally going to church. Also, it doesn’t sound like you’re the type to try and change your girl’s mind or constantly point out why she shouldn’t believe what she does.

      • Sula

        @Caballeroso,

        I think men are more accepting of the religious sitch than women… maybe because the man is supposed to be the Head of the household and as such is sorta, kinda responsible for the spiritual well-being of women…

        I say this because despite my very interesting (read absolutely non-traditional) beliefs, it’s never really come up as a problem in my dating… And I am opinionated so those beliefs are not hidden by any means… but I also do respect others’ beliefs whichever they are… which is nice because it allows you to date across the belief system spectrum and confirm what you’ve always suspected, those religions are ALL crazy… I will claim spiritual, but I usually shy away from the “religious” bunch…

      • kenyangal

        you my friend, are a smart, smart man!

    • Mo

      @lh, I’ll give you one better. A Christian with an ACTIVE WALK WITH GOD dating the person who just “believes”. That’s a no dice as well. I just did that and it was brutal. You can’t judge someone by a standard they are unfamiliar with…or worse. They are familiar with the standard, but don’t apply it to their lives because their belief is weak. Nope.

      Your walk don’t have to look like mine, but you better have one.

      • iLoveit

        @Mo, YEP

  • caramel eclair

    4. One person is extremely sensitive and the other person has the comedic timing and chutzpah of Chris Rock.
    this one hit home…actually all of them for my previous relationship but especially this one…i didn’t realize dude was so sensitive…these just jokes mane…i like to joke…and i’m a fan of sarcasm…daily….also this one
    2. You both are interested in similar things, but stand passionately at POLAR OPPOSITES and cannot talk to one another about certain topics.
    yeah it seemes we had similar interests but uh yeah…not really

    i really wasnt happy but stayed almost 2 yrs till i fd out he was cheating (gasp, the nerve of the facially and abdominally challenged mofo) but i am in a new relationship that is like 10X better…in every way!!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @caramel eclair,

      so, ummmm, why were you even with this person?

  • legaleagle

    I wear glasses because I need glasses. I dated ths girl who would leave stuff on the floor, then would get mad when my blind self ran into/trippped over it on the way to the bathroom. She refused to put the shit away off the floor!

    • Blacklaw

      @legaleagle, tragic…..but that sounds kinda funny none the less

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Blacklaw,

        lol, i agree. this sounds like something that would be in a apatow flick

    • http://passionoir.com/ passionoir

      @legaleagle,
      That’s not bad, I leave stuff everywhere and my husband blind (was) I bought him lasik solve the problem. He still a neat freak though. I just gotta remind him that we bought that $4000 surgery so I wouldn’t have to hear abt sh%t on the floor!
      @Panama Grace Jones LMAO I had to google who the F is Grace Jone? she looks like Michael Jordan with that flat top… what’s wrong with that? don’t y’all ninjas worship Mike? *wink wink*

  • SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil

    You don’t have the same chex drive…
    I had this issue with a boyfriend of mine…I wanted to bump uglies on everyday that ended in y… and he needed divine inspiration to drop his pants… there was alot of frustrations on both sides…(and batteries used ) in this relationship…

    • http://blackwomanlost.blogspot.com naturallyalise1

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,

      been there, done that, got the battery bill, lol.

      • Blacklaw

        @naturallyalise1, lol…..whats ur substitute of choice?

    • http://TheSunk.com TheHallway/TheSunk

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,

      Damn they have guys like that, I like to have chex when its anytime that ends in o’clock.

      • JumpOnIt

        @TheHallway/TheSunk,

        Coooooo Siiiiiiign….although you’d never know that now….:(

      • Keisha Brown

        @TheHallway/TheSunk,

        LOL…
        and any month that has a Saturday? ;)

    • Blacklaw

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil, i assume that ol’ boy had a job that really took a lot out of him or maybe you weren’t sexually compatible either way this is just not the way the world is supposed to work……

    • Keisha Brown

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,

      *remembers the time…(#nomj). i too have been there done that.
      difference is, i just walk away from the relationship rather than try to have my cake and eat it too (cheat)

    • Sula

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,

      Have to co-sign this. Not only chex drive but chex style… aka compatibility. When that sucks? Everything else can be “perfect” and it’s still no bueno…. It will leave a bitter taste in both of your mouths… (pun semi intended)…

  • http://anikeunscripted.wordpress.com Anike Love

    One person likes using protection and the other likes it raw and in the flesh. Always the start of an argument from my experience!

    • Blacklaw

      @Anike Love, as a dude i can only assume that he wasn’t feelin the glove………i can cosign on the strength of dating someone who got that killah…..you dont want to “waste” it by using no “tection”

      but alas poor Urich, in this day and age…..it just aint safe out there for a young sistah…..i begrudgingly cosign *sigh*…..well played Ms. Love, well played

      negroes are legal,
      over and out
      (kicks pebble walks off into the distance, violin playing)

      • http://anikeunscripted.wordpress.com Anike Love

        “i begrudgingly cosign *sigh*…..well played Ms. Love, well played”

        Namaste *presses hands together and bows slightly* lol

      • miss t-lee

        @Blacklaw,
        “but alas poor Urich”

        LMAO!!!! Love the Hamlet btw…

      • Keisha Brown

        @Blacklaw,

        actually, most times gloves leave me drier than the sahara dessert..but alas…

    • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/db49c1a2fca1f481e908a155f341ccd0.png RocktheCatbox

      @Anike Love,
      …and the start of an itching, burning sensation…

      • http://anikeunscripted.wordpress.com Anike Love

        @RocktheCatbox, WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL *like they do in the black church*

  • http://blackwomanlost.blogspot.com naturallyalise1

    When there is no where you can go together besides restaurants. (if that) I have tried to date people with dissimilar interests thinking we would rub off on each other… no such luck. I wanted to do my spoken word thing and this fool wanted to go to “grown & sexy”, frontin’ a$$ upscale mixer type of stuff. Total mismatch. The only thing we could vibe on was dinner dates…. *yawn*

    • TiP

      @naturallyalise1, WOW!!! I feel u on that!! I consider myself a well rounded, cultured individual and if all you wanna do is go to dinner and grown and sexy events, that gets sooooo old. Can I get a broadway play , no tyler perry please, or how about visit an exciting new art exhibit!! I even love sporting events especially b-ball!!

    • http://anikeunscripted.wordpress.com Anike Love

      @naturallyalise1, eugh, talk about restaurants. How about a dude that only wants to eat hamburgers wherever we go? McDonalds-Burger, T.G.I.Fridays-Burger, Cheesecake Factory-Burger, P.F. Changs-Chinese Burger, Kobe Japanese Steakhouse-Sushi Burger, like wtf?!

      I think food is tied strongly to culture, and dating a guy who hated or refused to try anything that wasn’t American irritated the hell outta me!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Anike Love,

        I think food is tied strongly to culture, and dating a guy who hated or refused to try anything that wasn’t American irritated the hell outta me!

        thing is, some guys have acid reflux and irritable bowel syndrome and sh*t and can’t be experimenting with all types of foreign foods.

      • iLoveit

        @Anike Love, one deciding factor for me is your last statement Ms.Anike (it might be stupid to some but it is serious to me). I cook any and everything but my children will be raised on that fufu and jollof rice (West African food) even if I end up living in most remote part of this earth. My husband can not have a special plate of lasagna while the kids eat fufu…No sir.

      • Sula

        @Anike Love,

        I think food is tied strongly to culture, and dating a guy who hated or refused to try anything that wasn’t American irritated the hell outta me!

        I so know this guy!!! And I want nothing to do with him… Ugh. I can’t stand narrow minded folks.

  • charli skipper

    one person always dreamed of havin a career, a nice home, and a future. and the other still rides around jumpin up and down in the driver’s seat with his car rattlin to n*ggerishly loud music, uses the word “swag” in a non–sarcastic manner, and refers to everybody he meets–embarassingly, even wait staff and family members–as “big dawg” or “boss man” (pronounced: bawse main)

    • Blacklaw

      @charli skipper, lol @ bawse main

  • charli skipper

    …..with his country bumpkin ass.

    • VeronicaCorningstoneD

      @charli skipper,

      you cant have me laughing out loud at work! i need these 2520s to know im doing something

  • legitimate_soul

    “What are some other signs that you and your mate just aren’t compatible with one another?”

    If you are a festive person and can get in the holiday or celebratory mood and your possible partner is either a Jehovah’s Witness or not so much into festivities, that can be a bad match. Even if you may not trip over the lavish, some want their significant other to at least acknowledge their birthday with a “Happy Birthday” or card.

    Also, if you are social and dude is anti-social….Or if you are a social butterfly and your partner is socially awkward….like make EVERYONE feel really uncomfortable or say something really inappropriate awkward…Yeah, ya’ll feel me

    • Ivyette

      @legitimate_soul,
      “Also, if you are social and dude is anti-social….Or if you are a social butterfly and your partner is socially awkward….like make EVERYONE feel really uncomfortable or say something really inappropriate awkward…Yeah, ya’ll feel me”

      So true. I knew this woman and her husband was anti-anti social. When they came to gatherings, he would be the one sitting alone in another part of the house while everyone else talked. If the gathering was at their house, he would be in the bedroom or off elsewhere.

    • Ivyette

      @legitimate_soul,
      “and your possible partner is either a Jehovah’s Witness or not so much into festivities, that can be a bad match.”

      Cosign,especially the on the JWs. Even nonpracticing ones seem to hold on to not celebrating. One guy wouldn’t even attend a Christmas Party. No, thanks.
      (or maybe it’s just a convenient way to be cheap. *Ivyette shrug*)