This Alleged Relationship Contract Between 8th Graders Is The Greatest Thing You’ll Ever See » VSB

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This Alleged Relationship Contract Between 8th Graders Is The Greatest Thing You’ll Ever See

@maxlinsky via Twitter

 

I still have doubts about whether this relationship contract found and tweeted by Longform.org founder Max Linsky (@maxlinsky) today is real. But I’m going to officially choose to believe that it is. Because that choice allows me to officially acknowledge it as the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.

Also, it being real means it was created by the best 8th grader who’s ever existed. If there were some sort of draft lottery for future VSB contributors and editors — and future mentors for my daughter — this kid (who I’m assuming is a girl) would be the first pick. She’d be the Lebron James of future blogger/daughter mentor 8th graders. It’ll also allow me to incorporate “fist bump these hoes” into my general lexicon, as this is a phrase I never knew I’ve always needed in my life until I actually saw it.

And, although this is a contract created by an 8th grader and apparently signed (!!!) by another, it’s a surprisingly accurate and succinct distillation of adult relationship expectations too. Feed me, hug me, don’t hug hoes — really, what else is there?

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • BJenks

    The first point “You cannot talk hoes” is not an error, she did not mean *talk to hoes. What she in fact meant is that he cannot, shall not, and will not engage in any kind of hoe talk. Soon as his boy starts a conversation like, “Mayne! Let me tell you bout this hoe…” He shall immediately get up and walk away from the conversation.

    • That’s too subtle a point for an 8th grader….and a lot of adults sadly.

  • I think it’s cute. The sad thing is that’s the maturity level of a lot of adults in relationships. Let’s see now: jealousy, neediness, threats of domestic violence, attempts at communication… Yep, this is fully grown.

    Now, to figure out how to spend the rest of this afternoon. Woohoo!

  • Aly

    I don’t find this cute at all.

    • miss t-lee

      I didn’t wanna be that chick, but…

      • Aly

        An eighth grader talking about hoes and being possessive? Nah.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Aly…life is real out there. We can’t even pretend like this stuff don’t happen anymore. In a way, you have to laugh at it because that’s a REALLY BIG psychatrist bill for that child’s parent in the future.

          • Aly

            I guess.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              All I’m saying is, don’t be surprised by this. At all.

              • Aly

                Oh, I’m not surprised.

          • miss t-lee

            Maybe because I’ve seen dating violence happen amongst young kids, and there was even a young girl here a few years back, who was killed by her boyfriend for simply breaking up with him. So yeah…no.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              That’s an extreme.

              But I will say this. Ask a group of teenage boys, after reading this letter, if a girl ever said something like this to them.

              I bet money they will all give some intriguing answers.

              • miss t-lee

                Not exactly extreme.

            • BJenks

              Me and my boys were speaking on this recently. We looked back and were thinking about a few of the crazy (primarily verbally abusive) relationships we knew of back in high school. At the time we kind of found the arguments funny but at the same time it was like we were 15, a shallow relationship shouldn’t be so dramatic and volatile.

              • miss t-lee

                Exactly. This type of behavior starts early. Folks wanna think this type of stuff is cute, and these are the same folks carrying that right into adulthood.

                • Mortal Man

                  Kids feel conflict=good relationship.

                  No healthy adult wants to fight every day.

                  • miss t-lee

                    Not a one.

                  • Blueberry01

                    *Socially unhealthy, mal-adjusted, and/or emotionally unintelligent kids feel conflict = good relationship

                • L8Comer

                  This is true. And making someone sign a contract is pretty manipulative… that’s not love, that’s control

                  • miss t-lee

                    Bingo.

                  • Brooklyn_Bruin

                    “making someone sign a contract is pretty manipulative”….

                    *refuses to add commentary here*

                    • L8Comer

                      Lol, oh cuz marriage? or other contracts in general?

                      Well, to be specific it’s the context and content that make it manipulative in my view. It’s the terms and conditions and subject matter that I find manipulative. This is a “love” contract and involves placing restrictions on feelings and behaviors that doesn’t allow love to be given and taken away freely… Contracts shouldn’t involve threats “you can’t leave me, I leave you… if you leave, i’ll break your face”

                      Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a marriage license, but I’m sure it doesn’t include this type of stuff and pre-nups are mostly about property… I’ve heard of marriages in some states where you promise to undergo counseling before divorce or something like that, but this here is entirely different in tone that a marriage license or pre-nup.

                      Some of it makes sense though. Food, loyalty, and affection are reasonable requirements, and failure to contribute, adultery, and alienation affection are valid reasons to end a relationship

                    • Brooklyn_Bruin

                      *not taking the bait*
                      *remains above it all*

                    • Other_guy13

                      I tried not too but I had to….

                    • L8Comer

                      If you’re talking about marriage, I guess I can see what you may be getting at…… but still, there’s some threatening language here and overly possessive and needy stuff –> “only talk to me, don’t look at other girls”

                      I mean I get most people reallyyy don’t want there spouse to leave them, or give love freely to anyone other than them, but maybe it’s the threatening, possessive tone and mental configuration of a relationship that’s disturbing… ? and the fact she thinks you can control / bind someone to you ( i mean feelings and heart, not finances and property) with a contract… because she’s not talking about lets join our lives and build something together and be lifetime partners, she’s like “like me and only like me and don’t talk to or look at anyone else”

                    • Marriage is a business though.

                    • Blueberry01

                      If someone MAKES you sign ANY contract, as an adult, then it’s probably against your will. So, you should either not do it or call the police and get a restraining order.

                    • Medium Meech

                      Game, set and match

                    • Freebird

                      *turns on single ladies*

                • Mary Burrell

                  They will be future misogynist

                  • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

                    I agree with you.

            • I remember seeing dating violence happen at school during lunch break. It’s real.

              • miss t-lee

                Thank you.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                Of course it is. Question is how did it get there in the first place.

                • I’m guessing for the parties that were involved they thought or saw something at home to make them think that’s how they should conduct themselves while “in love.” Then again I kind of hate sociology so I could be wrong.

                  • Blueberry01

                    You’re not that far off. And the way we glorify these reality shows and Empire, with their extreme violence when supposedly “having a discussion”, doesn’t help.

            • Mortal Man

              So much dating violence in high school I’ve had to deal with as dean.

              I’d have to suspend both girls for fighting. The guy would get my work too if I found evidence of him instigating. I’ve had many conferences where I’ve basically told parents their son is a hoe and their playing the field on campus would not be tolerated.

              • miss t-lee

                Thanks for this input.

              • cakes_and_pies

                Thank you. This is not cute or funny at all. If this was my daughter, I’d have to tell her you don’t own people like chattel. This is disturbing.

              • Mochasister

                It’s starting in elementary grades as well.

            • That’s the reason I can’t find it funny. Just because the letter writer is a girl doesn’t make it ok.

              • miss t-lee

                Indeed.

            • Diva

              Yes, this sounds like she could easily become one of those women who thinks that any time a man is talking to another woman he is flirting. Or one of those men who think the same. That way of thinking is problematic for both kids.

              • miss t-lee

                Very problematic.

          • Lol, I’d do it for half the costs:

            Then just lock her in a room and let her watch reruns of Waiting to Exhale, while planning out my retirement plan, on all that passive income.

            http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-C1qU9930gwY/VUjG7N0GbDI/AAAAAAAAAqo/ZOB6efiGIuE/s1600/Passive-Income.gif

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              I mean clearly if it was real, it’s not healthy, but even still, it exists, and we all know that has to be dealt with ASAP.

              • Well, even if it’s fake, she somehow put it out there…which already shows some problems or at least poor foresight.

        • miss t-lee

          Exactly. No bueno.

        • Well, can we fault her for taking the Queen title “Literally!?”

        • Tonya Love

          I don’t like the fact that she is calling other girls hoes, but I do like the fact that she is setting expectations and not settling for any kind of behavior.

          Many girls that age let boys run all over them and she is learning early to assess her worth and stick to it. Asking him not to flirt with other girls isn’t asking to much.

          • Buster Cannon

            Setting expectations? Telling someone that you’ll break his face and that he isn’t allowed to break up with her is moving into abusive relationship territory.

          • Aly

            There’s a big difference between setting boundaries and being possessive. I believe she’s in the latter category. Also, she didn’t say not to flirt. She said don’t talk to “hoes” at all.

            • Epsilonicus

              Kids at that age are not the most facile with their language. I bet he understood it to mean flirting.

              • Mochasister

                That’s what I understood it to mean.

        • LMNOP

          Her mom needs to come back with a “terms and conditions” form for her..

        • cakes_and_pies

          Well when you see adults do it all the time online…

          • Aly

            Good point.

        • Thank you… that was not my life… but then again they just busted a 15yo girl in the bathroom in a 25 boy 1 girl gang bang down here. The ppl on the news were like…she got it honest… her mama and her grandma’s did the same thing.

          I was done.

    • Damon Young

      not even the command of language? the sense of humor here? I don’t see this as one of those times when kids do something that they didnt intend to be funny but adults find humorous. she knows exactly how funny/witty/tongue-in-cheek this is. which is the best part (to me)

      • -h.h.h.-

        would you find it awesome if a 8th grade boy wrote this and a 8th grade girl signed it?

        • Other_guy13

          I’m 30 and I would write something like this to my GF..if she gets my sense of humor then great. We were all that age once and have said some foolishness….why we trippin?

          • Mochasister

            Hello fellow Negro with strange and twisted humor!

            • Other_guy13

              Hello friend!

          • At 13 and at 30 are very different…

            At 13, she needs help… everything is so literal…

      • Aly

        Didn’t laugh at all.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Maybe a thing some of us men have in common is having entertained bossy girls in our lifetime, it’s just something we may be familiar with.

      • Stanley

        Nah, I support this. I feel like this is something my girl would have wrote when she was 13. lol

      • My wife can’t master bullet points and she’s 35. It’s actually pretty good but the young lady prolly needs therapy.

        • Gbadebo

          Therapy?? Based off of this note?
          I think everyone could use therapy…but I don’t think THIS letter expresses a need for therapy.

          • I can’t do therapy. I have a serious fear of being locked away in a rubber room.

            • L8Comer

              Unless you threaten to hurt someone else or yourself AND they think the threat is not an empty threat, they are bound to secrecy

          • L8Comer

            I think it shows a propensity for some controlling, manipulative behavior tho, no? And a misunderstanding of how a loving relationship is formed… it’s not supposed to be about control. A little therapy might save her and those she comes into contact with heartache down the road. I mean, do kids outgrow these types of thoughts? prolly not … they prolly just grow and get cemented

            • Lol psychoanalysis overload…

              Words without actions and history are a bad foundation to build conclusions on a person’s mental health or overall well being.

              • L8Comer

                true enough. I guess since everyone is reading so deep into it and how disturbing it is I just kinda went there with it and let my thoughts run with it lol

                • I think she has problems lol.

                  They’re just about socializing, “Like why it’s stupid to let such a list become public” for instance. But in terms of psychology, need a lot more context.

        • Mortal Man

          Only if this continues to adulthood.

          I’d simply ask that if you don’t trust him now, what makes you think he’s going to change when you date him? People generally don’t change.

          • kingpinenut

            Sh*the pexpletive don’t change at all. They just eventually show their true colors.

      • Mortal Man

        That’s the thing- I can’t tell if she is being humorous or not from the letter.

        • Mochasister

          Maybe something’s wrong with me. I assumed it was written tongue in cheek and meant to be funny. Like the demands are so ridiculous (except for the food part. ) that you can’t take it seriously.

      • L8Comer

        I’m not sure she does know how witty/ tongue in cheek it is… based off of pop culture and stuff I’d bet she’s serious and maybe she also knows “fist-bump these hoes” is funny… but I bet she’s mostly serious lol… eh I really can’t tell, maybe both?

      • Other_guy13

        She was clever…not to mention her grammar was on point…whats the big deal?

    • AnswerMe

      Amazes me when men or women want/agree to be with someone this clingy.

      • Then turn around and complain to their friends about said clingyness.

    • Julian Green

      It’s cool as long as this attitude doesn’t last past 12th grade.

      • Aly

        It’s interesting how, so far, the guys here are supporting this and the women aren’t.

        • PriceIsRightHorns

          You’ve said a word ma’am.

        • AnswerMe

          Could I say that a lot of men love jealous women and their drama without it being considered shots fired?

          • Aly

            Haha, I guess we’ll see…

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            You could.

            Could you understand though that many men have experienced this in real life, and it just seems familiar to them?

            There are only but so many women on VSB, but sometimes you all act like sensible people are everywhere. They aren’t, and most people don’t learn that at a very young age…only when they get older. So keep in mind that for some people…people who would write that note seriously exist in numbers around them.

            • AnswerMe

              I realize all of this. Was just stating it seems that clingy and jealous is what is preferred.

          • BJenks

            Yup. As much a we claim we don’t, some men secretly love the drama as much as we believe women to. I blame Moesha.

            • Rastaman

              Men and women grow up in the same environment. So if you grow up seeing drama then you are going to think its how things go. Sort of like if you grow up eating Cheetos for breakfast you will probably feed that to your kids too.

          • -h.h.h.-

            Could I say that a lot of men love jealous women and their drama without it being considered shots fired?

            http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/09/Okay-GIF.gif?gs=a

            or it could be just how we define love at that age, because that’s what we get at that age

            but it’s friday, i’ll stick with the gifs

            • It’s not the jealousy…it’s what the jealousy translates to when times are good and no one else is around.

              https://coedbc.files.wordpress.com/2016/06/d-wade-gabrielle-union-snapchat.jpg?quality=88

              • L8Comer

                ? what’s it translate to when times are good?

                • Pic wasn’t enough?

                  • L8Comer

                    Nooo…. You can get the type of closeness / intimacy and showcase it to the world (if that’s your thing and makes you feel good) without jealousy.

                • Blueberry01

                  Makeup chex, perhaps?

                  • L8Comer

                    makeup chex is just as great without intense jealousy. Idk for me, nothing really good can come out of jealousy

                    • Blueberry01

                      FACTS.

            • AnswerMe

              Nah. Men, not boys. I’m speaking of adults.

            • BJenks

              very true at that time that’s kind of how we defined relationships. I remember once upon a time these girls, one of who was in a very volatile relationship, was like “you cute and all but I couldn’t date you right now because I feel like it would be too boring.” she said something like i would be too good of a boyfriend and basically that she needed the drama.

              That’s a terrible mindset to have at any age, but I think the issue some folks are having is that we all know good and well this mindset carries over well into adulthood, at an alarming rate these days seems like.

              • -h.h.h.-

                I remember once upon a time these girls, one of who was in a very volatile relationship, was like “you cute and all but I couldn’t date you right now because I feel like it would be too boring.” she said something like i would be too good of a boyfriend and basically that she needed the drama.

                i beg your pardon!

                http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-d-KK8yqBMVk/Uk38ap01erI/AAAAAAAADiw/C76rskNbexg/s320/tommy.gif

                this never happened! i’m sure there are 5 VSS that can attest to not doing this, ergo your experience is nullified!!

                • BJenks

                  haha nullified!? well I guess my experience doesn’t count. *slinks back into the shadows*

                  • Blueberry01

                    I think he was being sarcastic…

                    Wait, we’re you also? Lol.

                • Blueberry01

                  In all fairness, there are some drama KINGS out there. Maybe not VSBs, but they do exist…

              • Brooklyn_Bruin

                *does not add to comment*
                *does not highlight what needs to be highlighted*

                • BJenks

                  say what now?

              • Mochasister

                Sadly, I know grown women with this mindset.

          • Buster Cannon

            Could I say that a lot of men love jealous women and their drama without it being considered shots fired?

            http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/no/no-text-smiley-emoticon.gif

          • cakes_and_pies

            It’s all fun and games still she bust you in your face and keys your car. Then she becomes that “crazy hoe,” you go all hotep, and only date White women. I’m not even being facetious either.

            • AnswerMe

              There you have it.

        • DBoySlim

          Not really support but amusement. I know grown women who would’ve made this.

        • Julian Green

          I don’t think it’s support, so much as amusement at the idea that- allegedly- an 8th grader wrote that list, combined with the fact that many of us know grown folks who would/have done the same thing.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Because the guys have had it done to them.

          • The earlier the better.

          • Yeah the list is different…but the actual practice of whats on the list, isn’t really rare. It’s the byproduct of excessive hopes and dreams, that you expect to be fulfilled by others.

        • miss t-lee

          Very.

        • Conrad Bess

          The majority of the men here bemused with that letter remember Grade 8. And some probably got a letter in a similar vein. And probably looked at it like…

      • L8Comer

        Can you turn that off in the time it takes to graduate 12th grade and start college? 12th grade is much too late w/o intervention… you’re already 17/18 by then!

        • Blueberry01

          So, are you saying it was too late for someone to stop you from *redacting* with your boyfriend dyeing open lunch? Lol.

          • L8Comer

            lolol, well there was a lot going on in those days. I’d say it was too late to stop me from the things I had been doing for years, but the new things I got into could have been stopped if someone intervened early, for sure

            • Blueberry01

              I see, I see.

              Well, I’m happy that you made it out of your past unscathed…

    • PDL – Cape Girl

      I think it’s a bit much…..”terms and conditions” tho? Eight grader?

    • Val

      I agree. It’s really disturbing for many reasons.

      • L8Comer

        I initially thought it was hilarious… and I’m still kinda chuckling at the imagery of her explaining the terms and conditions, but I see what you’re saying.

        If I had a son and I found this in his backpack, I’d have a major problem with it and they’d be breaking up and I’d be talking to the little girl’s parents…. Also, if you flipped this, and a little boy wrote this for a little girl it would take on a whole new meaning.

        • JennyJazzhands

          There’s something wrong with me then. Because, if I found this in my son’s backpack I would laugh hysterically. Then once I gathered my composure, I’d be like, “but for real, who is this little girl? I need to call her parents.”
          Then I’d laugh again trying to explain it to my friends.

          • L8Comer

            lolol, nah there’s nothing wrong with you. The comments are pretty split and even I said I thought it was funny… but still, if I think deeper about it deeper, and if this happened to my son, I’d be like what kinda controllin mess is this?? Nah, she can’t be your girlfriend, stay away from her lol.

        • Mochasister

          You’re right. I didn’t think about flipping the genders. But if some little boy were to write this I would not be amused at all. I would be thinking who is this mannish little abuser in the training?

        • This.

    • Buster Cannon

      Yeah, I don’t care for it either. She comes off as super controlling, and honestly, I think 8th grade is far too early for relationships.

      • miss t-lee

        Far too early.

      • kingpinenut

        hold up yall wasn’t going steady in 5th grade??

        • PDL – Cape Girl

          Noooooo

          • kingpinenut

            hmmm….

            I loved them fast girls at that age…

            • L8Comer

              lolol, it doesn’t make you fast necessarily… some 8th graders just wanna talk on the phone and hold hands and kiss at the bus stop w/ just a little tongue

              • kingpinenut

                *nods*

                i just saw a hit to first base…..

                a lil tongue lol

                • L8Comer

                  lolol, i swear it stopped there for me in 8th grade. plus all me relationships lasted like 72 hours. I did know some girls getting it in though lol

                  • kingpinenut

                    uh huh i hear you…

                    They was all 72 hour relationships….ain’t sh*t to talk about at that age that you didn’t see at school lol

                    I was like, “yo…..we done already spent ALL DAY together – I GOTS TO GO!!”

                    *click*

                  • Blueberry01

                    Yup, messing around ending up pregnant sophomore year.

                    Shoot, I know a few people now who had kids in middle school and 9th grade. SMH.

                    • MzPW1985

                      No lie…..one of my friends had her first child during our 7th grade year; my other friend had her oldest son in her 8th grade year. (I had to ask a LOT of students why ‘Jan’ didn’t come to school anymore). My first friend’s son is now graduating high school and my 2nd friend’s son is getting ready for prom season.

                      I just turned 31 today. Who knew I’d be soooo behind in the relay called life??

                    • Blueberry01

                      We must be late bloomers. Lol.

                    • Mochasister

                      Before seventh grade ended there were three girls who got pregnant. One of the girls was giving her baby up for adoption.

                    • S3x was so far away from my right v process.. omg

                    • Mochasister

                      Right? I was so shy around boys when I was that age. I could barely hold a conversation with one let alone have chex at that age. Plus they were so silly; they used to throw pennies at us and put tacks on our chairs!

                    • I had a teacher in 8th grade who gave the BEST and Most IGNORED advice.
                      “If you don’t bother S E X. S E X won’t bother you.”
                      Needless to say, almost 1/3 of our class was pregnant by the end of summer leading to 9th grade.
                      sad, but TRUE.

                    • Mochasister

                      1/3? Mayne, only 14-15 and your childhood is over.

                    • This.

                    • My Gawd.

                    • I just died… omg.

                    • miss t-lee

                      There was a girl in our 8th grade class who had a baby. Trust we were all shook…lol

                    • L8Comer

                      Me toooo!

                    • L8Comer

                      by grown ayus men too, smh…

                    • Naw meng…Somebody would be fukked up.

                    • Whoa.

            • PDL – Cape Girl

              I.bet.you.did.

        • Jennifer

          You obviously haven’t met my mama. Nope.

          • kingpinenut

            them girls started early….. think i had three in 6th grade alone….

            • Kas

              *Open door* – Well I never . . . though not for lack of trying

              • kingpinenut

                They asked me. Who was I to say no??!!?

                • Kas

                  Pure jealousy on my part

              • Mary Burrell

                I am clutching my pearls sir.

          • kingpinenut

            See you had someone keepin you out them mean streets….

            Folks was latch key when I was comin up. So we had plenty of time to “play”

        • miss t-lee

          You think my Pops was having that?

          Chile…

          • L8Comer

            You told your parents the truth about boys at that age? I was super sleuthing it… but I kinda wish I had that type of relationship with my parents and I hope i have that with any future kids I produce

            • miss t-lee

              Of course there were boys I liked, but aside from phone calls and passing notes…that was about it.
              I didn’t tell him about those, however there wouldn’t have been any dating, because we couldn’t go anywhere…lol

              • L8Comer

                lolol, I couldn’t have a boyfriend till 16 either… until I turned 16 and it became 18. I turned 18 one week before college smh. They shoulda let me have boyfriends in the open when I was under their roof so they could guide me imo, but that’s another story.

                I also couldn’t go anywhere. I was on “Restrictions” – not grounded, mind you – 85% of the time. The rest of the time my parents would walk into parties and I couldn’t spend the night anywhere until I was about 17. Somehow… I stillllll found a way lol. I lied a lot, smh. I had all types of extracurricular after school activities and when senior year kicked in and I had enough credits to end my day after 4th period, (about 10:45am) I was out in these streets, downing 40s and *redacted* with my boyfriend. Smh, thinking back on this has me feeling bad lol… so deceitful.

                • miss t-lee

                  I dated at 16. I had bits of freedom, being in a small town wasn’t much you could do. My first boyfriend we dated all of a month anyway…lol long enough for us to go to prom.

                • Blueberry01

                  Shout out to half day schedules! I wasn’t *redacted* as I had an internship, but it still felt good to leave after 4th.

                  • L8Comer

                    Lol, i had an internship too!! But it was only M,W. So I had T, R, F to act the fool lol.

                    • Blueberry01

                      Lol…What high school did you attend?

          • kingpinenut

            I didn’t tell mom and pops….

            but moms knew…

            “boy, I can smell that pu$$y on you…”

            not the goodness

            • miss t-lee

              Nah. We were kept very sheltered. Couldn’t date til 16.

              • PhlyyPhree

                You could date at 16? I wasn’t “allowed” to go on dates. THere was one guy who could come over and sit in the living room, but my mom literally had a formal sit down with his mother first.

                • miss t-lee

                  It was dating, as in I could go somewhere with a group and had to be back home by 10. Or he could come over and we sat at the kitchen table and talked.

          • Mochasister

            I wish more Pops were like that. There’s a 5th grade girl in the class next to mine who can easily pass for a fifteen year old. She gave her teacher ( my friend) a fit with her defiant and nasty attitude. Her parents “don’t know what to do with her” and basically let her have her way.

            • miss t-lee

              Yeah no, we would’ve been picking teeth up off the floor.
              My folks were very old school in too many ways…lol
              I hated their ways growing up, however grateful for it now. I can’t stand to see children disrespect people.

              • PhlyyPhree

                Mannnnnn look. I still tell the story about the time I blatantly lied to my mother’s face and she reacted and punched me so fast, I didnt know it had happened until I felt the black eye coming.
                It qualifies as child abuse (Now), but you better believe I never lied to her again*

                • miss t-lee

                  Girl…I got a slick mouth so I stayed dodging backhands.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Y’all forget that girls in middle school tower over boys for the most part. She could have gone we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way route.

    • Cleojonz

      It’s not cute but you all are in denial about just how dramatic teenage “love” is. They really do think it’s this serious, like they’re going to be together forever when most 8th grade relationships last about 2 weeks.

      • Aly

        Lol. Ma’am, I have a 16 year old son so I know ALL about the drama, trust me. The only problem I have with this is that it’s portrayed as cute or funny.

      • Teenagers are the worst. Middle schoolers are the devil.

    • Question

      Exactly. Its funny for about .28 seconds until you remember that this is from an 8th grader.

      So I’ll focus on what’s funny:
      – You have to buy me food
      – You can’t break my heart or I will break your face
      – You can’t break up with me I break up with you…

      • Blueberry01

        I’d be willing to bet she has seen someone in her family, probably get mother and father, have a tumultuous relationship that ended in divorce.

    • troubleman

      If that was a boy making a girl sign a contract, y’all be ready to call SVU…

    • ChokeOnThisTea

      So in other words, you read the contract like this…

    • Daddy Long Stroke

      “If we have problems we will resolve them” This is the best thing in this letter and something people much older should adhere to

    • Freebird

      Thank you.

  • You can’t break up with me, I break up with you, if we have problems we will resolve them

    https://cdn.meme.am/instances/66367102.jpg

    Hehe, young fella gon learn. Dude’s gonna be filling up his spotify with Too Short and Suga Free a decade from now if he makes out in one piece.

  • I’d fist bump every h0e i came across.

  • Julian Green

    Nobody was telling 8th grade Julian not to talk to the h*es. The h*es was the only ones who were paying me any attention.

    • Stanley

      MAAAAAN LISTEN!

    • I wish these h0es would have. I might have enjoyed the 8th grade.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      RIGHT!

      People clown ho’s all the time, but they the ones who gave many of us some confidence in life.

      • Could you imagine college without these h0es? *shudder*

        • Julian Green

          It would have been a disaster. A DISASTER!

          • Nobody would graduate.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Nobody would go to class.

              And what would the dudes who don’t live on campus do with their lives, since they only stop by to impress women?

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Nope. I mean, I didn’t get to participate on any of the fun, but if it had not been for them, my condom hustle from my dorm room would have been bust, and I would not have been able to afford my Chik-fil-a. AT all.

          • Epsilonicus

            I am glad I am not the only one who had a condom hustle in college

            • I’m almost afraid to ask but what was your condom hustle? I didn’t associate with your sort in college, so I don’t think I know what this means…

              • Epsilonicus

                You sold condoms to your fellow dormmates.

                • …Y’all didn’t have Planned Parenthood or a school that provided free condoms??

                  • Epsilonicus

                    We did but you aint gonna do that at 2am when shorty ’bout to bust it open for a real one. Condom hustle is about convenience.

                    • Ugh, okay. Now regretting I even asked. Thanks for answering tho lol.

                    • kingpinenut

                      stay prepared….punnai ain’t no game

                      *daps*

                    • L8Comer

                      Props for being an enterprising young man. There was a need, and you addressed it. Do colleges these days have condoms in vending machines? They should. and maybe plan B too…. or is that tew much? As long as its not a Christian school I don’t see why not acutally

              • Epsilonicus

                ” I didn’t associate with your sort in college,”

                Please define this lol

                • Don’t make me call you out in these here e-streets for bein as hood as you are, Epsy. Don’t make me do it.

                  • Epsilonicus

                    I am a gentleman and a scholar.

                    • Downvote for the lies.

                • -h.h.h.-

                  i halfway gasped at this shocking accusation by sawyer. smh

                  • -H’s- I learned some things about Eps I can’t unlearn. He truly is not the sort I associated with lol.

                    • -h.h.h.-

                      listen you never know who was doing what where how and when back in them dorm days

                    • lol I guess you’re right and I should just be glad Eps and ‘Wind were around to keep them dorms a little bit safer. I. Guess. ‘Cause turning it into a side hustle doesn’t seem right either.

              • Love thyself

                Asking for a friend

            • brothaskeeper

              *dappin’ you and Rewindington*

            • L8Comer

              That’s a smart hustle. No ones trying to go to 7-11 at 2a.m. if there’s even a 24hr spot in your immediate area. It has the added benefit of promoting health and safety so you can feel good about yourself… cuz how many people would have no condom and just been like fuck it, pull out method if they couldn’t a condom? or tried saran wrap?

          • brothaskeeper

            See. We’re like brothers and stuff. I had a rubber hustle as well!

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              That money had to be made!

        • Medium Meech

          The thing that got me about college is that white girls got to be garden tools and it was treated like a normal right of passage and they could settle down and live their lives as wives with no recourse. Black girl hooks up with a guy that doesn’t claim her publicly and do all of the things on this list and she might as well wear a scarlet letter until her 30s.

          • Same on my campus. Let’s not even talk about the ones that didn’t go to college.

          • There was this sociological study about women in college. One of the conclusions were that women with money and social connections were given the freedom to be $exually loose while those same women would nail poorer women for doing the same. It’s a $ex version of Negroes being uppity. I’m not a woman, so I can’t fix it, but the shenanigans are real.

          • Buster Cannon

            No recourse that you can see, anyway

          • Blueberry01

            White privelege extends far and wide, MM

            But y’all were the ones placing that scarlet letter on them, though.

            Black Boys: Yeah, I f u c ked her after the step show. Leave that hoe alone.

            White Boys: Yeah, we hooked up at the Kappa Delta house during rush week. I didn’t see her again.

      • #facts Like we all start somewhere with women. Why not a home, so long as you aren’t a jerk about it.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Exactly! We aren’t all perfect products from the get go

      • Blueberry01

        Or, was it an ego boost that was easily accesible?

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          As an adult, I know it was an ego boost to a child of low self-esteem eager for attention. As a child, I knew NOTHING so I eat it up.

  • Stanley

    Hoes be the most interesting people. I can’t talk to them at all?

    • Kas

      Like not even during lunch? Deal breaker.

    • Hoes don’t do good interviews.

    • Buster Cannon

      Gotta dodge ’em like Donald:

      http://i.imgur.com/MA9eY.jpg

    • Mika

      Why did this make me giggle so bad?

  • Damon Young

    I’m kinda surprised (some) people think this is a serious “contract” and that the girl who created it has serious issues. anyone who’d go far enough to create a contract and actually put “fist bump these hoes” in it is trying (and succeeding) at being funny.

    • When your mom has a PhD and you dad is Filmore Slim…

      • That sounds like a sitcom idea.

        • Jennifer

          Give it a title.

          • brothaskeeper

            “Pimpology”

    • miss t-lee

      We’re not all gonna find humor in the same things, Champie.

    • Julian Green

      I have to disagree. If this list is for real- and given my past contact with kids of this age- then I think that whoever wrote it was being entirely serious. “Fist bump these hoes” isn’t an attempt at humor, it’s an attempt to be magnanimous.

    • BJenks

      I would agree that the fist bump part is what make it seem all in jest. I guess it just hits home for some people because we all can think of plenty of women who have this exact same mindset and actually say these things. Minus the fist bump part.

    • On one had you could take this as low-key hilarious and on the other hand this girl grows up to be the lady from Gone Girl.

    • Elowwole

      I thought we were hoping for a generation that stopped referring to women and girls as “hoes” and treating other people as property. Maybe not though. And if this was indeed created by an eighth grader the fist bumping part may not have been intended to be funny and was more like an attention to detail.

      • cakes_and_pies

        You can’t get adults to stop saying it even when old chick wasn’t looking at Steph Curry. She was called a hoe for looking somewhere else while wearing more clothes than the cheerleaders.

    • -h.h.h.-

      sorry, i guess i’m sufferin’ from a case of the equals.

      http://images.parenting.mdpcdn.com/sites/parenting.com/files/uploads/6_5.gif

    • Question

      That all depends on how SHE defines hoes.

    • troubleman

      If this was a boy making a girl sign a contract, y’all be ready to call SVU…

      • DomiMami

        Yes, if I perceived the list as one written by a real child in a serious way. I didn’t in this case.

      • Freebird

        And it would not be funny. It would be seen as a sign of a future predator and creep.

    • DomiMami

      Agreed. I literally laughed aloud and shared the list with the hubbs

  • DBoySlim

    I heart hoes.

  • MissMiamiHeatNation

    She has to be a Big Bang Theory fan because that’s straight out of Sheldon’s playbook, lol!

    • Mochasister

      31 pages!

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