Men aren’t perfect. Here at VSB, we’ve proven this fact numerous times over the vast two-plus some years of our existence. But one thing that all men can claim to be are humanitarians. You see, us men believe in the survival of the species and realize that world peace is an achievable goal. Actually, I should say Western World peace because I don’t think there’s much of sh*t that’s gonna bring peace in some other locales.
This innate desire towards placidity and serenity causes us to do a lot of things instinctually that might seem quite odd to a lot of women, but really, we do it all for you. Yes, we benevolent beings and persons do what we can to make women’s lives easier on a day to day basis. I see you with your Lil Kim F*ck Face on wondering what nincompoopery Panama is speaking on. Fret not, Les Paul. Here at VSB, our goal is crime reduction and the peace process. And since Liz is an injun, you can share some peace pipe with her too. We’re nice like that. And here’s how we attempt to save the world:
1) We keep our phones on vibrate most of the time
Do you realize how many arguments are avoided because men keep their phones on vibrate and only answer when you’re not paying attention? I’m pretty sure a pirate ship did NOT overtake a UK sea vessel yesterday because of this very reason. See, a man’s ringing phone is fodder for “who is that?” Unless it’s mom (or sisters) usually the answer does not suffice. And because we’re pissed that you’re questioning our private property, you get pissed that we’re pissed for you questioning us. It’s a vicious cycle. Fat Bastard. Just be glad we’re thinking of your sanity, ma’am!
2) We don’t like to commit
Think about it, you know how you sharpen your debate skills? You deal with people who refuse to take sides and nail down an opinion. Well, because so many men attempt to avoid commitment, women are forced to become better arguers and deciders. This works WONDERS for diplomacy and world peace. No wonder Hillary Clinton is so good in her role as Secretary of State, Bill Clinton argued about the definition of “is”. She was primed to become a great orator…except where it counts.
Zing!
3) We allow you all to buy clothes for us that we’d never buy under any circumstance
People need clothes. Men have their own and women continue to add to our piles by buying us stuff we hate. Here’s where the world comes into play (and peep game, IT’S TWOFOLD!): A) we have more clothes to donate to Goodwill and places that take sh*t we hate, but B) this keeps the economy going as women are out there buying lots of crap that is either 12 sizes too small or says BIG DOG and ENYCE on it because somehow, it’s what cool guys are wearing…when they’re 16 or 90. But we take these clothes in the name of peace and wear them anyway, which boosts women’s esteem and a happy woman is one who will go on to great things.
4) When we’re out too late, we stay out until the next morning
On its face, this seems retarded, but if you think about it, this gives everybody time to come up with good reasons as to why he could possibly be out that late and not call. Men get the chance to sharpen our political skills and women get a chance to strengthen their creative juices. It’s a flip flop of epic proportions that the world benefits from! How could this ever be considered wrong!?
Anyway, those are a few ways that men attempt to save the world. Good folks of VSB, what are some other ways that men AND women contribute to world peace that are often looked at as problematic?
And smile, I’m sexxy.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka VITAMIN P aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
Q: “Things Men Do To Ensure World Peace”
A: Love Cheekie.
@Cheekie – no wonder the world is going to hell in a handbasket.
ZING!
“no wonder the world is going to hell in a handbasket.
ZING!”
I’mma need you to do the opposite of typing.
And zing deez.
Between the tags and the actual commentary this post makes me want to slap you…then kiss you to make it better.
@MsEsquire77 – if i had a quarter for every time a woman said that to me
…You’d owe the woman a quarter.
“She was primed to become a great orator…except where it counts.”
*softly killed*
I am THROUGH witchu after that, Panda.
Oh, and by the way, maybe ENYCE shoulda been added to yesterdays Tragedy list. What happened to ENYCE? Then again, though I vaguely remember it, I don’t necessarily remember it being that successful. Not even as successful as FUBU. Which is a #fashionfail if I’ve ever seent one. So, scratch that suggestion…
Speaking of which. I remember the day I found out ENYCE was supposed to be sorta faux phonetic pronunciation of NYC. I was floored. Than I got mad & realized that’s why they failed. Theo, that’s the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard.
“Theo, that’s the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard.”
AHAHAHA! Very nice.
And really?! I need to tell myself and the rest of my grammar school’s class of 1998 that it’s not pronounced “Eh-nee-chay.” Black folks always tryin’ to make ish fancy. SMH @ us. #themoreyouknow
@Cheeks – there were a gang of fashion fails in the 90s. you remember PNB, DaLinkWent clothing…any of the millions of DC clothing lines like DDTP (RIP), Madness (which somehow STILL has a store on Georgia Avenue – must be dope proceeds), We R One, Shooters, HOBO, etc…
DC is home to the dead fashion line
*dead*
Also, do people still rock Saucony? I remember there was this big hoopla on how to pronounce that, too. lol
Saucony makes excellent running shoes.
@ Sula…WORD!
Ya know, I heard that before. Never owned a pair.
PJ, there’s still a Shooters Store off of Branch Ave, lol…least that what the logo says, LOL
And don’t forget Solbiato and Bonidacci…or Aja Imani or Mchunu…goodness gracious, I know plenty of people who used to go BROKE to wear that stuff to school…ah, the memories.
“B) this keeps the economy going as women are out there buying lots of crap that is either 12 sizes too small or says BIG DOG and ENYCE on it because somehow, it’s what cool guys are wearing…when they’re 16 or 90.”
this is hilarious. mainly because it’s true. lmbo. i love buying a guy something i think he’d look uberhot in, esp if he would never buy it himself. i have good taste though, so it usu goes over well. lol.
i keep my phone on silent simply bc i don’t like it making any noise. period. whew. men cannot handle this. period. this is very anti-peace to the world.
@Muze – i have good taste though, so it usu goes over well. lol.
it’s not that i don’t believe you have good taste…its just that i’m aware that most women believe that they do and most men just accept stuff b/c we love you.
Men and women alike contribute to world peace by stroking each other’s already massive egos. A “you’re sexier than Idris Elba after being dipped in hot fish grease” or “girl, you’re so pretty I’d introduce you to the homies and my grandmama” has saved us from WWIII, famine and in some cases the clap. Why? When one’s ego is boosted, they’re not worried about getting into other people’s business (looking at you U.S.), are willing to work (as in “I’m so fine, I go to work, not to work, but so that everyone can stare at my fine arse) and are just more pleasant to be around.
nothing is sexier than Idris Elba after being dipped in hot fish grease.
*swoons at the mere thought*
Idris…(sigh)
I agree w/ the Idris Elba part. But I must PAUSE on the hot fish grease. Hot fish grease smells like FAIL, feet and fritos. No thanks.
I too agree w the Idris Elba part SANS hot fish grease, I’ll take mine raw..thank you.
Idris raw? O_O *asian bow* YES!
@Luvvie, why are you such an expert on what hot fish grease (fease?) smells like? yousonasty.
“why are you such an expert on what hot fish grease (fease?) smells like? yousonasty.”
“Fease”, though? Panda is a special…
Hmm, I didn’t even think of it that way. Good point.
I kinda pictured Idris as a human version of fried catfish, which sounds yummy.
But yeah, if it’s the way you described? Raw, please.
@Cheekie
I kinda pictured Idris as a human version of fried catfish, which sounds yummy.
We’ve gotta up the ante here chick…catfish are scavengers.
When speaking of Idris…that’s all grouper. The man’s got that snapper (and ain’ even (yes, ain’ even) been snapped yet).
^^^…. which may be more apropos. LOL
@Ms. Butta’sWorth,
I want a plate of Idris right now. With a lemon. Thanks.
@Cheekie
Y’all started it! LOL …but I’ll take mine with a side of butta grits, a couple dashes of salt, but spare the mustard and hot sauce. He’s got that fiyah all by himself! Woo..woo…WOO!!
Looking around 0_0…why am i just seeing this??? but oh, while we’re at it…kind of off topic but not really, now chilean sea bass, that is the Kang of the Kang wen it comes to fish (for me anyway) and since I am a pescatarian , I oughta know…so later for the grouper..Idris is the Chilean Sea Bass for me…and i don’t need no sides with that …nothin but the entree if you will * swooning & fanning self
@bajanflchick
Okay….you got me on the chilean sea bass…. *pants*
As a matter of fact, CSB and a nice slab of salmon….pan seared with a little butter and olive oil…fresh minced garlic, herbs a light dash of seasoning garnished with parsley….guuurrrlll, don’t get me started. Please….
I cooked this for dinner with a side of steamed veggies over a bed of white and wild rice last week.
Damn you. **pumps dukes at bajanflchick like notre dame mascot**
@Ms. Butta’sWorth- thanks …for all of that TopChef-No Bravo talk…now I am literally salivating….and BTW- I also just read recently that CSB is one of the most “over-fished “….and that we shouldn’t be eating it , or some shyte that I ain’t even tryin to hear , cause when it comes to fishes ….sorry but ain’t no better..and about the duke pumpin*** I know it’s all love…
..and about the duke pumpin*** I know it’s all love…
Oh absolutely.
Its just that
seafood(stratch that)….FRESH seafood happens to be one of my weaknesses. Because being down here (in FL) where it is in abundance (or once was…BP’s some suckas)….you just can’t go back to shullbit.scratch…
number 3 rings the truest. my parents have been married 27 years and my daddy still doesn’t buy his own clothes. he cracks me up when he pulls out the pics of him in a loud ass teal and yellow short set my momma thought he looked cute in. lol I have to handed to you fellas, y’all do go to extreme lengths not to get caught.. I mean to fulfill your humanitarian duties.
@savinit4him – gettin’ caught is for suckas.
Is this why men (usually in the age bracket of 40-60) are walking around with pink and green, yellow, white, bright blue suits and square tipped faux gators?
Usually they are linen though….
And don’t forget the white hat (because it works with all of those colors) with the feather on the side.
“eat the cake anna mae”
i prefer my coffin to be cedar-lined, thank you..
and i’m usually brought along on shopping trips, cuz honestly, my taste is JUST that great!!
i contribute to world peace by
1. making sure that my worlds never collide..
my current NEVER needs to meet my former.. i can’t think of a reason why this might need to occur.. the world will cease to rotate, and fall off it’s axis..
2. hiding (or incinerating) evidence that an ex even existed.. this includes (but isn’t limited to) books, teddy bears, letters, photos (D*MN RIGHT!).. i’ll let you believe that i didn’t know what greatness was til you came along.. (now, for someone to prove it to me, THAT’S a different story!)
3. not truly answering the text til you go to use the bathroom.. or get something to drink.. or go to get dinner.. etc.. and ignore texts from people until you go home.. “oh sweetie, it’s not important..” (it’s not a lie.. it really isn’t important when you’re around.. aww)
4. i would say that i watch Sportscenter, “PTI” and play video games.. but that’s just who i am.. i don’t have to fake liking them.. (an appreciation for these things makes life MUCH easier.. i promise you!)
that’s all i can think of right now.. i’ll prolly be back when the juices are flowing.. (Pause)
BOOMPOW!
You’re lovin that BOOMPOW tonight.
@Nic
2. hiding (or incinerating) evidence that an ex even existed..
I have one guy that no one will ever know I dated…No one!
@Nick_L_Odeon – 2. hiding (or incinerating) evidence that an ex even existed.. this includes (but isn’t limited to) books, teddy bears, letters, photos (D*MN RIGHT!).. i’ll let you believe that i didn’t know what greatness was til you came along.. (now, for someone to prove it to me, THAT’S a different story!)
you actually destroy pictures??? lol. that seems a bit extreme to me. ain’t nobody rewriting my history
i have been known to burn pictures.. but i haven’t done it since.. in my defense, it was a bad breakup.. and i was 18..
now, i just hide it.. and since everything is on the computer, then i just put it in “that” folder and name it something like “don’t look in here..”
@Nick_L_Odeon
“2. hiding (or incinerating) evidence that an ex even existed.. this includes (but isn’t limited to) books, teddy bears, letters, photos (D*MN RIGHT!).. i’ll let you believe that i didn’t know what greatness was til you came along.. (now, for someone to prove it to me, THAT’S a different story!)”
This is different. From my experience a lot of women seem to have a permanent bond with their ex’s. They will be ‘friends’ with them forever. Regardless of how dysfunctional the relationship was.
“2. hiding (or incinerating) evidence that an ex even existed.. this includes (but isn’t limited to) books, teddy bears, letters, photos (D*MN RIGHT!).. i’ll let you believe that i didn’t know what greatness was til you came along.. (now, for someone to prove it to me, THAT’S a different story!)”
I’ve never quite understood this philosophy. I had an ex who asked me to get rid of photos and gifts from exes. When I refused, she accused me of trying to hold on to the ex. I tried to explain that we all have a past that we grow and learn from, and that it only remains as a closed chapter in our lives. You don’t tear out a chapter of a book just because you’ve read it, and it doesn’t mean that you’re going to re-read that chapter just because it’s still in the book. She never did understand that, which helped me to realize that she wasn’t nearly as open-minded as I need my S.O. to be.
You do not need pics…throw them things out. Especially cards, letters, etc…you’re not going to reread them. Memories like that should just stay in the head. I found my ex’s box with pics of his ex half naked on a dirty bed…FAIL
i’m in moderation..
i feel like i just got called to the principal’s office..
@Humble..
i’ve only had 2 real relationships in my life.. and no permanent bond with any of them.. my family still asks me about one of them and i told her “since he charmed the pants off you, you marry him”
(she was trying to badger me into a “paper marriage”)
i won’t lie, i tried to be friends.. til i realize that most exes try to be friends til they realize that they don’t know how.. i let you go.. i wish you well.. bon voyagee.. (bugs bunny)
“GIVE YOU FREE!!”
@caballeroso..
it’s been my experience (limited but still) that dudes don’t exactly know how to deal with this.. it’s a severe case of “you’re my tree, only i reserve the right to p*ss here” (for lack of a better analogy) most of them don’t know how to deal with the fact that someone existed before them.. nor do they want any reminders..
“denial ain’t just a river in egypt..”
i have a white gold necklace that was a gift.. and i couldn’t tell the next one where it came from cuz i KNEW it was gonna be an issue..
#insecuredudesneedtokickrocks
@SFG..
GIRL!!! that junk you just said right there was NASTY!!!
UGH!!
Nick…gurl….
Now you’re all in my subconscious. I was thinking the same ting with “give us free” (Amistad) reference. LMAO.
“denial ain’t just a river in egypt.. *nod* …although I’m sure quite a few would beg to differ. LOL
@ Nick / @SFG
I may buy her one at some point, but there’s no rush ’cause she’s got one.
I guess I’m just different. My girl now wears a necklace that her ex bought her. I really don’t have a problem with it; it’s a nice necklace and it’s one less thing I gotta buy.
In the top of her closet there are stuffed animals dating back to 2005 and in my closet there are stuffed animals dating back to 1993. I’m not going to ask her to get rid of any of it…it’s her stuff; mine will probably get passed on to whatever kids I may have OR may be donated if or when I see fit.
In 1995 I paid for an ex to get a bridge for her two front teeth. I can’t imagine her husband telling her “Yo, those two front teeth have gotta go cause your ex bought them.”
@SFG
I’ve got photos of various stages of my life history, in albums, chronologically. I will not be destroying the continuity of my albums just because I’m not with someone anymore. I speak openly about my past experiences. Sometimes I can point to a photo and say “That’s the one who….”. I’ve seen her ex’s photos in her photo album. No biggie (#noBiggie).
@Caballeroso
Nice breakdown… (no Mariah).
Pretty much… Like Panama says, nobody is going to rewrite my history!
I usually have civil breakups that don’t require I go through all that hooplah… Yes we dated, and yes it didn’t work out, but we can remain civil to each other….
@ Sula again…word!
Ditto! (#noRush)
nicompoopery = my new favorite word. just sayin…
MINE TOO! I will be incorporating it into my vocabulary and I will probably say it enough times today that someone will tell me to STFU. ANd I’m ok with that…
@Jennell – it’s a good word
my new favorite word.. muppetry same meaning as nincompoopery and f*ckery. just more usable in front of kids or at work.
“1) We keep our phones on vibrate most of the time
Do you realize how many arguments are avoided because men keep their phones on vibrate and only answer when you’re not paying attention?”
Man, this ish is the truth. Putting your phone on vibrate lets you to nonchalantly check it as if looking at the clock, and by the time she realizes you’ve answered, you’re too far into the conversation for her to ask who it is
even though she’ll do it anyway.Plus it’s easier for me to feel the vibration than to hear it ringing.
“Plus it’s easier for me to feel the vibration than to hear it ringing.”
(pause)..
i don’t know why, but i did…
Okay, wow! I really didnt realize how standard the vibrate thing is…hmmm…I guess everyone isnt just being sneaky after all…just keeping the peace! I feel better..wooosahhh!
@Ice_sis – it’s all about peace
This really is a smart move when I think about it….Very smart Brothas! Very Smart!!! LOL
I keep mine on a combination ring/vibrate…I ain’t got sh*t I’m trying to hide. I try to be open and honest with mine; keeps me from doing dirt.
It’s not even about hiding anything, I just don’t need people all up in my business. So when facing the dreaded “WHO IS IT?” question, I can just answer and ignore the other person because I’m on the phone, instead of directly telling them to f*ck off (
sometimesmuch more politely, of course) before I answer.I personally hate phone rings
… I rely on the glistening little red light…
or phones in generalso my phone was always on Vibrate…. but nowadays even the sound of the vibration annoys the crap out of me, so it’s on quiet.I loved Billy Clint and the “is” discussion. Til this day that seriously makes me CTFU.
Lying for world peace? That’s called diplomacy. And rightfully so. Mostly because that sh*t works.
Artfully done, you’ll never know what we really think of your exes, crazy ass cousins, obsession with anything with the words hydro or turbo in front of it and the dimensions of whatchu packing.
So thank you for vibing the phone, coming home with the sun and doing your part for charity with that ugly Christmas sweater. Oh, and for not giving us a straight answer when we ask if those pants makes our asses look fat.
Happy girls make for happy soldiers making the world a better place in general. Ain’t understanding mellow?
@Fallen Angel – ain’t that mellow mellow.
“ain’t that mellow mellow.”
Someone’s a Willie Hutch fan, I see…lol
I take it one step further and keep my cell on silent when hanging out with a woman. Nothing good comes of answering it. Even if it’s momdukes calling from the hospital. Why? Because women want undivided attention. Yet the double standard is they wanna pick their little phone up at any moment and carry on a huge conversation with their girls, even when they’re next to you in the car.
Which brings me to my contribution. Men also ensure world peace by letting women do them, no matter how hypocritically uncouth they look. Hey, as long as we’re not going broke in the process, if y’all like it, we love it.
We also preserve world peace by saving our hobbies and shop talk for ourselves and/or the fellas. Sports, cars, comics, video games, porn, what have you, if it’s a guy thing that chicks can’t understand, we save it for a more enthusiastic audience.
Yet we also will listen when y’all ladies need someone talk to to vent all your hair and skin care frustrations….
We’re not whipped….we just wanna take on as little woman-venom as possible. Because trust, if the hell I catch on Twitter is any indication, y’all are extremely harsh!
@ManAboutIt, We’re not whipped….we just wanna take on as little woman-venom as possible. Because trust, if the hell I catch on Twitter is any indication, y’all are extremely harsh!
let the chuch say, yayment.
“I take it one step further and keep my cell on silent when hanging out with a woman. Nothing good comes of answering it.”
Yeah, vibrating is sometimes louder than the ringtone for some reason. My supervisor when I was an intern used to say her phone was farting. iDied.
“Yet the double standard is they wanna pick their little phone up at any moment and carry on a huge conversation with their girls, even when they’re next to you in the car.”
Maybe this is because I’m not a phone person, but I find this to be incredibly awkward for both parties. I mean, a little chit-chat, but a full-out convo? Nah.
“Because trust, if the hell I catch on Twitter is any indication, y’all are extremely harsh!”
You do catch a lot of hell on Twitter, dontcha? You deserve some of it.
The only thing I agree with is the “what the f!ck is he talking bout” tag.
At least YOU know its bull. Lol
“At least YOU know its bull. Lol”
What’s a goon to a shay-d? LOL Say how u REALLY feel!
@shay-d-lady, you know that you don’t know what it is that i know when i know what i be knowing.
that sounded like a tyler perry line. cocaine.
@panama
@shay-d-lady, you know that you don’t know what it is that i know when i know what i be knowing.
I read this like 5 times trying to figure out what you were saying. That is funny.
So you mean that all this time that I have been engaging in phone secrecy, I’ve been saving the world! Wow I suddenly feel like I deserve a Nobel peace prize justified.
@The Progression – bask in your glory. it is with greatness that you have been living.
Sudden and complete deafness saves many a man, and many a woman, from World War WhicheverOneComesNext
Man: You’re a bitch
Woman: #ExcuseMeSayWhat #ComeAgainSayWhat What did you just say?
Man: Nothing
Woman: Oh CuzICouldaSwo’ (Precious neck roll) (Well Precious can’t really roll, it’s more like a subtle flappage)
Man: I didn’t say anything
Woman walks off having been convinced that her hearing aid has just malfunctioned
Sidebar: Has anyone [else] seen the Comcast commercial where the phone caller comes up as caption on the top of the TV screen? Folk are about to be all types of #CaughtUp
PSA-Re: Sidebar- Brighthouse here in Fl already has that, however, you can turn it off , i think they added that turnoff feature for those who don’t want to get #CaughtUp…AKA ….ninjas AKA shysty em effers AKA those who don’t want their moms in their buisness NO K-SOLO
Re: Sidebar…my mom uses hers…but she’s a mom…my mom…& I’d cut my step dad for any nicompoopery that he causes her.
I feel you on that , and am sure that nincompoopery should be added to the VSB glossary quickly* cause I am using it , you have used it, and I am sure before the day is done it will be used fiftyeleven times more….all those in favor?
LoL @ the K-Solo reference.
i’ve been in a house, and this has happened..
watching Gilmore girls and then it’s like “WTF is that!?”
i felt the same way when Nextel came out with the walkie talkie phones.. how you just gonna have me sleep and someone is like “what are you doing?”
#fail..
#ihatenextelforthat
OPtimum has that here is NJ too…i hate it……even if I am not trying to hide anything I don’t want you knowing my business.
@BlackGirlsRead – there are a lot of technological decisions that i think were complete nincompoopery. that tv caller ID is def one of them.
“Sidebar: Has anyone [else] seen the Comcast commercial where the phone caller comes up as caption on the top of the TV screen? Folk are about to be all types of #CaughtUp”
YUP! And it does actually do that. I have Comcast and it does that as well as sometimes offer other services you can select with your remote. Ninjas all over the place will be dodging for the remote trying to hit that ‘x’. lmao
“Sidebar: Has anyone [else] seen the Comcast commercial where the phone caller comes up as caption on the top of the TV screen? Folk are about to be all types of #CaughtUp”
Directv has that too. A lady friend of mine got on the Price-is-Right back in 2005. I set the VCR to record the episode and watched it with my then gf. As we’re watching, one of my ex’s name popped up on the on-scene caller ID because it was recorded with the show. My ex then turned to me and said…”Oh, she still calls you?” Ain’t technology great?
Man…caught up by DirectTv.
That’s rough…lol
@Callaberoso
Directv has had that feature for at least 10 years. When I got Directv in 2000 you could do it.
Between the phone on vibrate and the Comcast thing I was thinking…is there a way to bypass ringing and go straight to Voicemail? On the rare occasions my landlord returns my call, my phone doesn’t ring, I just get the new VM beep. (I have Sprint) If he’s doing this on purpose, this is he ultimate jump-off technology
“Well, because so many men attempt to avoid commitment, women are forced to become better arguers and deciders.”- For this here alone I want to give you piles of dap, high fives, and whatever they are currently doing in Negronia to show appreciation, cause this is the most backhanded, twistedest, gratuitous shyte I think I’ve ever seen..all that being said…..stank you very much..
I like that shirt
*of course you would, cause you the creator
but unfortunately due to the depth & width of my ,ummmmm well you know, the words ain’t all that clear…must figure out a way to do this correckly…so you can get the shine you deserve 
which reminds me I have someone wanting to make a purchase…is it ok to give em your email address, or website or what zactly do i give them? thank you ..
@bajanflchick and @ulysses – was this some sort of einformercial that you two crafted??? lol
cuz now i want to know what that shirt says. and um ulysses…good job?
Thanks and hire me!
I got hungry Detroiters to care of
I wasn’t really about the blatant self promo thing, but…
I love to see my work
What does the shirt say? I’m intrigued. I feel like it says somethin’ profound and cool.
It does say somethin profound & cool , actually a ulysses quote from some months ago “Girls make boys stupid, woman makes man great”, he had commented on a post with that & e’rryone was sayin they wanted the t-shirt, he said he was a graphic designer & left his info in his next comment , and the rest is all VSB History*
* Panama- Noeinformercial-just Business…ulysses is a Black business man who is all about the Business…and ILOVEMYPEOPLESO#
Oh sh*t, I remember that!!! It’s an actual reality? Love it. We say “t-shirt?” all the time, but it’s fabulous when it is actually manifested into reality.
I must have that. Must.
ulysses? Info please.
I like that….and I’d like to know how I can get one of those?
besides, I’d probably have a better chance at getting one of these before a VSB t-shirt**heh heh**Men keep the peace 95 % of the time by uttering two words: Yes baby! This is always in response to a query of some sort that we wish you had not asked. ***side note*** Before we actually say “Yes baby!” we let out a sigh that can only be heard by beagles, Wolverine, and Rocsi from 106 & Park.
The next way we keep the peace is by saying “Stay in the truck.” There’s some dumb sh*t happening outside we like if you don’t get involved. Hell we don’t want to get involved, but alas, once more unto the breach.
“Men keep the peace 95 % of the time by uttering two words: Yes baby! This is always in response to a query of some sort that we wish you had not asked. ***side note*** Before we actually say “Yes baby!” we let out a sigh that can only be heard by beagles, Wolverine, and Rocsi from 106 & Park.”
^^^^^This right here spoke to my heart (NoDonnieMcClurkin)!! If I wasn’t already e-boo’d up (Hey, Humble **waves & blows e-kisses**) you’d be a strong contender.
Seriously though I don’t argue just for the sake of doing it mostly because I argue for a living so who wants that drama at home?? Therefore, when I get heated there is a basis in reality. If I express myself and you respond with “yes baby” or “I’m sorry” but don’t change the behavior I’ll know that you weren’t really listening to me when we talked. That ish will get you dumped! I don’t have time for a man who doesn’t value my feelings…GTFOH and kick rocks while you’re leaving.
@MsEsquire,
I feel you. Smart men use “Yes Baby!” when it comes to things that may happen everyday that we are inherently slack about. Garbage dumping, shoes in the wrong place, leaving guns on the kitchen table when company is coming over, and such. “Yes Baby!” is not a proper response to relationship/game changing events. Well not for adults anyway. “Yes Baby!” is not an adequate retort to “Are we ever going to talk about my mother moving in?”
“leaving guns on the kitchen table when company is coming over, and such”- must agree with this , this too gets added to the list of “nincompoopery”,
“leaving guns on the kitchen table when company is coming over”<—-almost made me choke! It was SO random that I wasn't ready. I needed that laugh this morning so thank you very much
@MsEaquire77
You’re welcome.
@Wu
“Stay in the truck.”
LMAO…sounds familiar. What if we want to be by your side? Ride or die chick.
But what if we don’t want you to die?
Okay but I’m winding down the window and commentating…engine running
“But what if we don’t want you to die?”
Then in the game of “Which do you choose, ride or die”, you choose ride. As I’m sure many o’ nicca would choose a lady to do. Ride. Ciara.
@SFG,
“Ride or die chick.”
If I ever say “stay in the truck” Miss Moneypenny things aren’t going to go well. Truth be told when your S.O. tells you to “stay here” he doesn’t want to go out to face whatever it is that’s waiting for him, but he’s going out to handle things before they get to you. If something bad is about to happen I would rather not have her in danger because I’m worrying about her instead of the problem that I’m getting out of the truck to handle. Now if you are Keisha from New Jack City, Sarah Connor, or Ziva from NCIS then by all means get your a** out of the truck.
@Wu Young – right. we don’t want no parts of the drama but sometimes you got to do what you got to do to make sure your girl gets home safe.
Keisha from New Jack City
#DEAD…*gets back in truck and slams door* I think I’m more Kisha from Belly.
@SFG
And put the window back up too! Don’t try to be like anyone from Belly… thank me later (No Aubrey)
Rocka-Bye-Baby.
LOL your timing is perfect
RADDA-TAT-TAT!!!POP!!!
LMAO.
“The next way we keep the peace is by saying “Stay in the truck.” There’s some dumb sh*t happening outside we like if you don’t get involved. Hell we don’t want to get involved, but alas, once more unto the breach.”
*waves church fan* you betta preach! this is so true! while i’ve never had this happen to me in a relationship per se, I have had it happen on account of my brothers or my male friends, and lawd knows did it keep the peace. I know they didn’t want to go out and face all the bullshenanigans that were occurring outside, but they wanted to ensure my safety, and that made me happy.
And unlike @MsEsquire77, I am currently not e-booed up, so..you are in my front running for that whole comment. *wink* lol
“Stay in the truck.”
*swoons* As mouthy as I can be sometimes, I love a man that can say something to make me stop everything I’m doing and listen. And no, not in the disrespectful, demeaning, or angry Eat The Cake kinda way. But b/c I know what he’s saying is for the best.
Don’t know why, but I’ve given up on the whole world peace thing.
Might be my doctor telling me about high stress levels.
When I realized that I don’t have commitment issues, but instead am not willing to be content with compromise, I knew it was mandatory to invest in really good earplugs and put a trap door to the strip bar in my dog house.
It seems that drama is avoided by always having the options open and visible. And the thoughts made clear.
What is with the vibration ring men? I’m having a conversation with you I turn my head and you are now on your phone? huh…I need to hear the phone ringing, too….so, I’ll know to pause the conversation.
If a man learned the fine art of listening…..world peace would be at an all time high..I mean eye contact, mirroring back my words listening.
Good post!
If a man learned the fine art of listening…..world peace would be at an all time high..I mean eye contact, mirroring back my words listening.
WOWWWWWWW# No Flava Flav- * this right here is so true …me thinketh i will get fired today because of the running back & forth to this page ..and I second the Good post, and raise that to Great post .!
I love a good rationalization in the morning.
“Fret not, Les Paul.”
Love this line but I’m a Fender gal.
@Michele – life is about rationalization. that and slappin mothertruckers who dont bring your money back on time.
To add to this list…….
* Keeping all emailed & camera phone pics of exes and other contenders saved in some random hidden folder cleverly called “MS Norton Shield” buried deep in your hard drive because oddly enough, folders named, “Photos”, “Jamaica Bachelor Party” or “Bucked N@ked pics of Random chicks I know” will certainly get searched and might result in non world peace related and catostrophic events.
For now, that’s all folks. Porky Pig.
This made my morning! hahahahahahaha…and delete all texts not just from your inbox but your sent folder too.
don’t forget about the draft folder too….
@MrSoBo – lol. a smart woman would know to go thru each and every folder. LOL
I once caught a ninja with the Upload folder on his cell phone. How many of ya’ll know about that? Gotcha ninja
this is all too timely.
@JessKnowsBest – wristwatch.
Um…question:
Men could try harder.
* put your phone on silent if you don’t want me to ask who’s callin you at 12:43am.
* Even if you’re not cheating, we will be mad at your over friendliness with women
* Put more effort into pleasing us…especially if you have a woman who goes above and beyond to please you
* Lie better
* Go with us to all of our functions
* Be neater
Good morning ya’ll
“* Go with us to all of our functions”-This was the policy until I ended up as the only straight male at a Mary Kay luncheon. It was the longest morning of my life.
“* Even if you’re not cheating, we will be mad at your over friendliness with women”-This is always been a problem for me. Even when I am trying to be shrug women off, it still seems like I am flirting with them.
LOL…that bish aint that funny, quit showin yo teeth!
I can’t show my teeth. You chipped a couple of them with a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc the last time I was caught smiling too hard.
@SmartFoxGirl – hello, thanks for playing
Women could try harder:
*stop assuming every call is about something we’re doing dirty
*realize that we’re nice guys, that’s how we pulled your ass, but we’re with you and like seeing you naked, we’re nice b/c she’s making our tacos
*realize that some of the stuff we come up with required a lot of effort. but women tend to be more romantic than men in general. stop trying to give me breasts.
*we’d prefer to not have to lie, but drama requires it
*we like going to your functions. we just like leaving them more.
*clean your car
LOL
shots.fired.
“*clean your car”-I do not understand why women will allow their cars to resemble landfills. All the “nice” clothes that you buy us run the risk of being fatally stained by all the clutter in your whip.
**I once got rid of a horrible pink Coogi sweater by taking it off in a chicks car and leaving it there. She did not find it for 4 months.*
i’m not gonna lie.. my car was a family heirloom, THEN i helped someone move so it looked horrible..
one sweaty saturday and 3 hours later.. Gabriella is lookin like spring on Sunday morning!!
i can NEVER let her get to that state again.. now, i can count on one hand what i have in my car.. i dont’ understand women on this one..
if you take it to the car.. take it back out when you get home..
#notrashpileup
Cars are our traveling closets and offices. I have books, paperwork, mail that didn’t quite make it into the house, bottles of water that I meant to finish, tons of cds, a mountain bike, skateboard, two tennis rackets, a basketball, a frisbee, an unbrella, and Wrigleys 5. We have to have a spare set of flipflops, heels, earrings, makeup, luffah,shampoo, shower gel (can’t be just me), and a suit (just in case you have a last minute meeting).
You enter my truck at your own expense. I advise you not to bring any valuables because if they get lost or damaged, I will not be held liable.
***sidenote (my birthday is tomorrow!!!!!!)
You just described my car!!
I just removed the swimming gear but it was replaced by the road bike (I need a rack! 
)
My father (and most men in my life) always makes fun when stepping into my car… Talking about he is going on a scavenger hunt…
*clean your car…….
guilty!!
@Panama Jackson
“*realize that some of the stuff we come up with required a lot of effort. but women tend to be more romantic than men in general. stop trying to give me breasts.”
Cosign this 110%. I’m a man not a Twinkie. I am limited in my skill to do foo-foo schmoo-poo ish
“foo foo schmoo poo ish”
that’s hilarious!
I’m going to find a man to call a Twinkie today. LOL
@Humble_One
Okay….I think you’ve resurrected a craving I had about two weeks ago for a nice n’ spicy stew with a side of fufu. And I don’t know why?
@Ms Butta’sWorth
You know about fufu? Please don’t tell me you know how to cook it. Its been so long since I’ve had fufu with peanut butter soup.
@Humble_One
Oh yes….yes, I do. I’ve had it several times. And although I’ve been known to throw down in the kitchen and on the grill, I have not mastered it as of yet. Its on my to do list though…plus, I have a good teacher…and it helps that cooking/concocting recipes happens to be a hobbie of mine. So I’ll be sure to keep you posted on that.
…however, I do have that spicy stew down pat.
And I take it peanut stew is your favorite to be paired with fufu? Yes?
@Pandy
*realize that we’re nice guys,
I got love for you but if this were true…there would be world peace.
*clean your car
I’m an OCD neat freak so my car is immaculate (and I have a 5 year old). Now my trunk is another story.
stop trying to give me breasts.
:O I’m about to eat lunch foo
I’m an OCD neat freak so my car is immaculate (and I have a 5 year old).
How is that even possible…I have a pre-teen and I still find crumbs in the seat (had to buy a dirt devil hand vac to maintain my sanity (OCD’er overhere as well…)smh)
I have zero excuses as I have no kids (and the kids I usually have in my car are some of the most well behaved kids in the world)… I just think of my car as a moving container…
I try to keep to my no food in car rule but lots of vacuum and wipes action…and I have a TAN leather interior so it shows *sigh*
* put your phone on silent if you don’t want me to ask who’s callin you at 12:43am.
* Lie better
C’moan nah…I can’t advocate such nincompoopery shullbit (LoL)…besides:
“It’s not about East or West
It’s about ninjas and batches, power and money,
riders and punks. Which side are you on?”
Which reminds me….Happy Birthday Pac (yesdiehardfanhere…’xcusemecomin’thru) …and if my memory serves me correctly, Happy Birthday OrangeStar616?? (Cheekie, I was late catching up on yesterday…how was the B-day?)
***….And on another note: Dude does not have to make an appearance at ALL functions I attend. I want a “man’s man”….not another girlfriend. Besides, time apart gives us both time to miss the other. Love it when the man has hobbies of his own. Sitting up under me around the clock???…not cute. And unhealthy.
Do-you-know-where-your-testicles-are?
i hear you..
i couldn’t convince my ex that the way to make me love him more was for him to LEAVE ME ALONE!! (especially when i just got off work!)
#reasonswhyhesanex
he wanted to go with me everywhere.. eyebrow threading, salon.. etc.. WTF!?!? back up offa me..
@Nick_L_Odeon
LOL…yeah sounds a lil moist there.
LMAO at accompanying you at your appointments for eyebrow threading.
it was REALLY horrible!!
he’d call me soon as i got off work, spoke to me the three busses home.. and then when i got home would say “open the front door”.. cuz he was outside..
#icant
That sounds pretty weak to me. The only time I went to a salon with a girlfriends was as punishment for making her mad. I went and got her something to eat and everything while her hair was drying. Boy, was I young, dumb and very accommodating.
Okay I should say functions that require your SO to be present…like my cousin’s wedding. I’m still mad over that ish.
Do-you-know-where-your-testicles-are?
Can this be made into a bumper sticker and sold on ebay?
@SmartFoxGirl
I’m afraid I was just biting (think House Party3 circa 1994).
But anything’s possible…
***….And on another note: Dude does not have to make an appearance at ALL functions I attend. I want a “man’s man”….not another girlfriend. Besides, time apart gives us both time to miss the other. Love it when the man has hobbies of his own. Sitting up under me around the clock???…not cute. And unhealthy.
Do-you-know-where-your-testicles-are?
^Co-muther-effin’ sign! A good balance of time together and time apart is cool. Plus, I wouldn’t ask my guy to come to functions where he is the only guy there and uncomfortable and bored. I’m telling him to come to the ones where other guys are there and he can chill with the men in the “man-cave”.
@legitimate soul
Ya know?! I knew you would….
I can understand the man wanting to spend time with me…I can even understand surprise visits or like you mentioned “co-ed” events. And you know some men like to show their ladies off every once and awhile, but I’m sure he wouldn’t require nor want me sitting up in the barber shop with him and other cats….AND being the only feline in the lair. Attention-oh-ism and neediness at its finest.
“(Cheekie, I was late catching up on yesterday…how was the B-day?)”
It was my mama’s actually. She had a nice chill time with her man-friend. We’ll do something this weekend.
Oh that’s cool….Happy Belated Birthday, Ma! (I don’t see how I missed that part..haha).
But hey…Mama gotta have a life too.
“But hey…Mama gotta have a life too.”
And I’m glad she does. With her fast self. lol
@Cheekie
No you did not just call Mama Cheeks fast….and you’re the child….LOL.
I was the same way with my mom though.
@Ms. Butta’sWorth,
lol, yeah I call her that all the time. She doesn’t deny it.
@ Ms. Butta’sWorth, legitimate_soul, and Nick_L_Odeon
I am glad some women feel this way. In my last relationship I was expected to spend every
hour not in work or school with her. I’ll never forget when she told me “your time is my time”.
@Humble_One,
“your time is my time”.
Chill out, mayne.
SAY WORD!!!!
that’s a guaranteed way to have a man start comin up with the stories..
“i gotta go help my mom do such and such” JUST so he can get some breath from you!!
i’m upset, on behalf of all women that her mouth fixed itself to say that to you!!
OWW!!
#reasonwhyshesanex
@Humble_One
So glad you were able to get out of that situation in time….
It was only a matter of time before ‘ol gurl had you sitting up, strapped to the bed like a KathyBateslookin’boy… (#yesMiserynoHotStylz).
It was only a matter of time before ‘ol gurl had you sitting up, strapped to the bed like a KathyBateslookin’boy… (#yesMiserynoHotStylz)<—-Chelz time of death: 4:06pm
As of today, iQuit this site.
*Even if you’re not cheating, we will be mad at your over-friendliness with women…….
EVERY. TIME! Because just as a man knows the possibly intentions of another, so do we when other women are involved.
She ain’t calling to ask about what she should do in her relationship because she values your advice, ninja! She’s calling because she wants to let you know that she available for the foolywang if you want to be down. Period! (okay, well there are certain exceptions…but still…none we want to entertain)
@SmartFoxGirl:
* Even if you’re not cheating, we will be mad at your over friendliness with women
Um, shouldn’t that say:
* Even if you’re not cheating, we will be mad at your ANY friendliness with women
?
Just Askin’
men..
wipe your behinds properly…
that’s all i need..
#oneofthereasonshesanex
THIS RIGHT HERE……DEAD ….CTFU….ROFL…..ETC….
@Nick_L_Odeon – lol. um that’s nasty
Sounds like someone caught dem Weezy poop stains while you were washing the draws…
*gag*
not EVEN while washing the draws.. but my first experience was ON MY BED!! (post chex)
OH NO!!! i didn’t even know what that was (where it came from) and because i COULDN’T believe that it might be.. i sniffed..
SAY WORD!!!!
*In Cleveland’s voice* That’s just nasty.
Dang Nick…you had to sniff???
BwaHaHaHaHaaaaa…..I can’t breathe….ROTFL!!!
@Nick_L_Odeon
So you sniffed a ish stain? You know I got mad jokes for you?
yes.. YES.. i was only 19 and that had NEVER happened to me before..
in my naivete’ i thought something ran on my sheets when i did the laundry..
it was a very incredulous moment in my life..
and yes @Humble..
i realize you got mad jokes for me..
@CBG
i hate you and love you at the same time..
@Buttasworth.. yeah, i did.. NOW, i can recognize that ish (literally) a mile away..
but my question is, what is the hurry?! why!? on the towel, AFTER the shower.. on the draws..
i was giving someone a massage and i could STILL smell it..
wipe yo crack!!
it’s ok, i know the planet is in peril.. but you can use up ALL the toilet paper i got.. i won’t be mad..
AHHHH!
World peace is overrated.
Without conflict, there is no story.
@SexyCool – that’s what Bush said and we ALL hated him. now you want to change the game in the 9th inning?!?! lol
“Without conflict, there is no story.”
As a writer, I agree.
As a person adverse to nuclear bombs, I say, “Girl you crazy!”
“Without conflict, there is no story.”
As a writer I also agree, but for some reason my inner Erwin Rommel is saying “child please.”
lmao
To further ensure world peace…..compliments are a must.
Compliments #1 & 2
First thing in the morning before exiting the bed, it is essential to tell your woman that her silk headscarf brings out the beautiful (insert eye color here) in her eyes….And that her
morning breathoral fragrance is a delightful treat when she insists on speaking directly to you as you lay together.lol..
i keep water by the bed specifically for that morning breath.. it’s not a miracle worker, but it gets the job done..
yes, compliments are lovely..
i see you got your degree in “bullspit and the fine art of trickery”
i salute you
If you’re going to keep the phone on vibrate so you can creep, don’t act like you don’t hear or feel it, especially if that person keeps calling back.
I’m looking at you, Dad.
“I’m looking at you, Dad.”
O_O
This brings a whole differen’t meaning to the term “Family Matters.”
WTF @ me. Why did I put that errant apostrophe there?
*sigh*
*takes more Omega-3 vitamins*
For a minute I thought he was gonna smack me when I said (loudly, and within earshot of my Mom) “Your phone is ringing…aren’t you going to answer it?” Mind you this was fairly recently, so I knew exactly what I was doing.
boiling a pot of grits for Dee’s mama, check back in about 5-7 minutes, please.
@Dee – Well, we know you’re #teammamaDee *dying laughing*
@Ms. Butta’sWorth – *DEATH*
*now walking away to deal with her own daddy issues -well i guess if papa was a rolling stone-no temptations, he gets what he deserves…and @Ms. Butta’sWorth- could you please make that a double -thank you , believe a bunch of us could use them grits
@bajanflchick & Dee’s Mama
fresh pot ‘o grits – pick it up! Ding!!!
@Ms. Butta’sWorth -fresh pot ‘o grits – pick it up! Ding!!!
LOVES ME SOME LIVING COLOR…….thanks
Boy, way to call out the old man. lol
-I forgot to comment on this. I keep my phone on vibrate because a phone ringing is one of the most annoying sounds to me. (I should’ve added it to my soundtrack to hell.
I hate talking on the phone.
“Aren’t you going to answer that?” “Nope, I have to make my self answer the phone when you or my family calls so this isn’t an oddity.”
-I’m not cheating and the status of my phone’s vibration is no indicator of my fidelity. I wish you would put yours on vibrate too.
-Do not look through my phone or e-mails. Don’t end up like that cat.
If there is a post I cosign it’s this one…. I barely ever answer the phone, it irritates me to no end… Even when I am not doing anything, I just don’t like talking on the phone period. So yes, I will not answer that call and don’t worry about the person calling…
Now I’ll text or BBM with the best of them…
@Sula
See, I’m just the opposite….text convos — no can do. I feel like I’m playing the ‘ol skool atari.
The way I see it, we’re two adults. Pick up the dayum phone and talk to me. Not much to say? No pressure. Simple five minute chat over the phone…just wanting to hear his or my voice….curable. Idle chat is cool (online) and texting just to put something in my hear and on my mind for the remainder of the day is welcomed….because I occasionally like to do the same…especially if I’m pressed for time.
The art of good conversation has been lost since they’ve made cellphone and other related devices available to people other than doctors, lawyers and law enforcement. Interpersonal skills be damned. This new generation is a prime example.
Besides, I love a good intrigue…and deep “baritones” (unsung) of a man…MY man sets it off real nice.
co-sign 100% on loving to hear the deep baritones voice, specially with a side of bass…like good ol skool Barry White (SecretGarden)..*sigh…GURL i don’t know what it is, but today you & me are right here ***-***, Idris, CSB, and now the deep man voice thang…perhaps you are my e-twin” …
@bajanflchick
Gurl, can’t you tell I’m trying to e-hustle you for one of those shirts? Work with meeee!!! LMAO j/k…j/k.
e-twins we could be…even if its only for a day, we are definitely —->>>HERE<<<—–.
Sula = Cheekie, with the above post.
Ms. Butta’sWorth and Cheekie…feelin the love today fo real do….makin my eh-heart smile
side note RE:the ulyssesnewkirkoriginalshirt, hit em up (no Blu Cantrell)
email : ulysses@in-artwear.com or call 313. 908. 0819
so umm Ms. Butta’sWorth- I peeped your hustle for the t-shirt game, and although it is tighter than a smedium shirt on (insert manly man name here)…..Please go forth & get in touch with this VSB bidness man, thank you & good night * JK- I’ll be back-#noschwarzennager
* i hate these em-effin typos* should .be e-heart, not eh-heart…UGH
@bajanflchick,
I’m just catching this ^^^ Thanks alot gurl for the info! Will do….and I look forward to receiving my very own. Appreciate the hook up.
How men keep world peace.
1) Let the woman have the entire house and keep a small part called the man cave.
2) put peace before being right
3) front like we are enthused about doing romantic foo- foo ish.
Side note: Thanks for this post Panama there has been a tad bit of pandering here lately. This brings some balance to the Force.
“1) Let the woman have the entire house and keep a small part called the man cave.”
I agree ya’ll need this. We crazy.
please understand that if your man cave has ANY video games in there.. i will want to be there too!!!
#sosorry..
@Nick_L_Odeon
Your like of video games will not get you in the man cave. You can play DC vs. Mortal Kombat on a 65 inch plasma somewhere else.
i wanna punch you for that..
and i’d rather not play the computer, thank you..
i’d rather play (and trash talk) with someone..
but yeah, i understand what you mean..
#stingymutha
Thanks for this post Panama there has been a tad bit of pandering here lately. This brings some balance to the Force.
*like he wasn’t part of the pandering squad…
*
@Sula
Are you telling me that Panama was brown nosing?
Several caveats:
1) We keep our phones on vibrate most of the time.
Your phone is only “personal property” when you’re a.) anywhere but in MY apartments, and b.) it’s not interfering with my life. The second your “personal property” starts barging into my conversations, waking me up in the middle of the night (from under the pillow, where you have it in a death grip and 7 passcodes set), or in any way comes between me and the nookie, then it’s “community property” and it needs to be addressed. Handle that ish and tell your side-piece not to call you when #1 has you. Like between 6pm and 6am. Please and thank you.
2) We don’t like to commit.
I’m cool with dudes not wanting to commit. Hey, don’t. Better that than PRETENDING to commit and then cheating. Rather than do that, why not be real from day one about your tendency to enjoy one-nighters at Motel 6 (“59.99, not a cent more, for that dirty a$$ h*”) and $5 lap dances. There are plenty of chicks who are into guys like that. BELIEVE ME. And while I’m sure you WANT some quality women that are into commitment, you’re not, and you need to listen to that Rolling Stones song one mo’ ‘gain.
3) We allow you all to buy clothes for us that we’d never buy under any circumstance.
Stop me. Those clothes cost money and in this economy, I don’t need to be wasting it on dudes ungrateful to get presents. Trust me I have other ways of spending my money. Like….on MYSELF.
4) When we’re out too late, we stay out until the next morning.
Some guys mistakenly think this give women time to “cool down”. In actuality, it just gives us time to get REALLY angry and eventually pack up your things so when you finally return, you can pick up your things and be on your way for good.
I wish a ninja would come home in the morning…I’ll be sittin in that chair in the corner…in the dark…waiting.
Cellphone “from under the pillow, where you have it in a death grip and 7 passcodes set”
LMBO I’ve been guilty of this. I could be dead sleep, mouth open but don’t you dare think I won’t feel you trying to get my phone. lol
I like you. You keeps it real. That cellphone under the pillow thing was funny. I feel ya on the clothes thing, too. Me personally, don’t buy me clothes. Buy me beer. Beer makes me happy.
I checked out your blog, too. Good stuff. Very good.
***blushes*** Why, thank you.
Wrote most of that stuff a WHILE ago, but I may resurrect it. We shall see…
“59.99, not a cent more, for that dirty a$$ h*”
***THIS! Faizon (Faison?) Love and his lines in that song are CLASSIC!
*fist pumping*
Off topic – I see plenty of folks with avatars on here. How does one add an addy?
Check out http://www.gravatar.com. It’s pretty easy.
Thanks for the info…
One thing some brothers don’t realize is that for a woman that loves you you can ALMOST ask for anything and just about get it. You just gotta know how to ask. Some of ya’ll don’t know how to ask! You ask like you talkin’ to your boy which gives you the ninja please side-eye.
@legitimate soul
Yes ma’am. My folks would always tell me “Its not what you say, its how you say it…now replace say with “do”….and in doing his part (well, no halfazzin’) makes me want to do mine (to the 10th power)…which encourages him to keep making it do what it do…and you know the rest. A non-vicious cycle.
I suppose I just do not care enough about the phone. I’m not a phone person. I answer for family. Do what you want with your phone and on it, and I will do the same. Searching anything is a no no!
@ComicBookGuy
Cool. Thanks brother.
i look forward to your avatar…
We won’t judge you or label you crazy based on the fact that your family is crazy, even though you know they’re crazy, we know they’re crazy and that you are one nervous breakdown from being just as crazy as they are, we still won’t judge you. You know, because of the whole world peace thing.
We agree with you that the chick with the pencil skirt 1/2″ below her butt and tight, revealing shirt is trashy and ugly and should be ashamed of herself…despite the fact that we are thinking of unbelievably horrible things to do that chick. We are only looking at her because YOU want us to…despite the fact that we noticed her the moment we walked into the mall/grocery store/club/restaurant. We try. We really do. Once again, for the sake of world peace.
We don’t introduce you to certain friends we have because we know things about them that if you knew, you won’t let us hang out with them. Sure, my boy works for a defense contractor, but you don’t know about his will-come-to you stripper business that is very lucrative. He is not an @$$hole, just a smart business man. He’s contributing to world peace.
i wanna take your glasses from you..
lookin at the girl with the trashy skirt.. *sucksteeth*
but you get back one lens for saying that you at least try to be good..
I’m picturing a man walking around with one lense…LMBO
I’ve been wearing glasses since the third grade. That happened to me a lot as a kid. I put glasses through hell.
“We won’t judge you or label you crazy based on the fact that your family is crazy, even though you know they’re crazy, we know they’re crazy and that you are one nervous breakdown from being just as crazy”
You should CBG, judge away and run like hell. *alicia keys voice* My booooooo
And as far as looking at the hoe, I learned to never point out the hoe to my man. I know you see her too because I’m busy looking at you trying not to look at her.
You are too, too funny. I guess you really are that pretty to know when a man is looking at you without seeing him. Go on then, girl.
*eblushes* Thanks but I think all women can tell. We “feel” the stares…plus I have a bomb *ss peripheral vision.
i love that dudes aren’t subtle about it either.,. NOT AT ALL!!
it’s like “honestly, i’d just rather you say ‘hi’ instead of staring at me like a piece of meat in the butcher’s window..”
i’ve been known to walk up to people and be like “you really need to be more subtle than that.. it’s not cute..”
@Nick,
I can understand that. If a woman looks good, smile, make contact with her, she might actually say hi. If you lucky ( or cute or both), she might smile when she does it.
Another way women promote world peace is we peeped dude 2 blocks a way and acted like we didn’t when we got up close with you in tow. Women have wandering eyes and look but don’t touch. We see everythang! Guys have no idea. We know you looked at homegirls’ booty and chick with no bra in the tight sweater. We not mad. It’s to be expected. Sometimes I get a kick out of seeing your expression, but please believe we peeped our fair amount of ‘ish too! No one is trying to act on anything, but we all human and we all look.
We also stop gushing over a particular famous dude in your presence and lie and say you finer than he is. You ain’t. But we know and love you and not him. Love makes everybody look better anyway…..
I love this whole post and cosign on both. I see everything…Everythang? Everythang. I even see a man looking at me without seeing him. It’s special powers I tell ya. I love me some Boris, my man knew this and hated it. I had to stop my panting everytime I saw him onscreen…you know for love and stuff. *sigh*
@legitimate_soul
“We also stop gushing over a particular famous dude in your presence and lie and say you finer than he is. You ain’t. But we know and love you and not him. Love makes everybody look better anyway…..”
So you lied to me when you said I was finer than Flavor Flav?
^No, that was the gospel! You GOT that! …Sheeeit, I ain’t even seen(t) you, but I KNOW you look better than Flav. Stevie Wonder knows you look better than Flav. Ninja’s can taste the air and know you look better than Flava Flav…
Ninja’s can taste the air….
@legitimate soul
Sheeeeeuuuuuutttttt…. heen know??? …you’re in the jungle, baby… (cues background jungle music).
Btw, loved the original (1:50pm) post upthread. Hilarious.
i hear you on this..
i see ERRTHANG!! absolutely.. everything!!
and i remember the bullcrap stories.. down to the details.. and months later, if anything about the story changes, i remember it!!
but yeah, i feel you..
i’m always scanning the area.. and yeah, i peeped dude but no, of course he doesn’t look better than you sweetie..
not at all
#liesitell
4) When we’re out too late, we stay out until the next morning
On its face, this seems retarded, but if you think about it, this gives everybody time to come up with good reasons as to why he could possibly be out that late and not call. Men get the chance to sharpen our political skills and women get a chance to strengthen their creative juices. It’s a flip flop of epic proportions that the world benefits from! How could this ever be considered wrong!?
***Can’t believe no one mentioned this one! The longer you stay out, the more ENRAGED I become. After I have called every hospital (and jail) in the metropolitan area and have reassured myself that you are not injured or incarcerated, then I will commence to assume you are with some other woman, a group of women, or worse
a man-lady named Holiday Heart. Sippin on Red Bull, hop in the whip and try to find you. (no Mya)(Oh by-the-by, I been on this site for MONTHS now and never had the nuts n berries to comment, but for this I must come out of the Lurkville Cafe and be social n siht. I done got ‘taken off the schedule’ at ten jobs busting into spontaneous laughter at ya’ll fools. My compensation request will be emailed to each of u individually by my attorney. Kthanks!)
Co-sign.
I’m going into panic mode if you don’t come home. And if you come home sans evidence of bail or medical release the next morning, all hell is about to break loose. Especially if I already have reason to be suspicious (reasons which I probably
concocted discovered while you were out all night) it won’t be pretty. I’m not even the overly suspicious, insecure, or jealouse type. But what’s got you out all night that prevents you from dialing a phone and letting me know what’s up? Or answering your phone for that matter. Naw, boo . . . you got some ‘splainin to do!Damn it, HTML has not been my friend today. Here we go again–
I’m going into panic mode if you don’t come home. And if you come home sans evidence of bail or medical release the next morning, all hell is about to break loose. Especially if I already have reason to be suspicious (reasons which I probably
concocteddiscovered while you were out all night) it won’t be pretty. I’m not even the overly suspicious, insecure, or jealouse type. But what’s got you out all night that prevents you from dialing a phone and letting me know what’s up? Or answering your phone for that matter. Naw, boo . . . you got some ’splainin to do!I understand that women have their celebrity crushes, etc. Now, as a man, I can deal with a woman ‘stanning’ over some celebrity/athlete…..WITHIN HEALTHY ACCEPTABLE MODERATION. However, some women take these crushes to astronomical groupie proportions that makes me question what kind of hostess twinkie did I really wifey up.
“If you got backstage passes at homeboy’s concert, you would suck his what??!!!! Why you dirty…..”
I’m sorry, flashback.
“tell em why you mad, son!”
in like manner.. having a poster made of you and your “5 baby mamas” is NOT what’s hot.. dude, you’re 30 years old.. i REALLY don’t wanna sleep in the bed with Aaliyah lookin over me..
i understand you appreciate them.. but in like manner, for you to say “if i met her, i’d have to re-think me and you” makes me wanna save you the trouble of having to make that decision..
#buhbyerightnow
i wouldn’t say inappropriate things to my S/O (when i get one) .. besides, i only have 1 celebrity crush.. (Common) and most celebrities don’t do it for me.. there’s certain things you just don’t say.. WTF would make you think Janet Jackson wants YOU!?
sorry, flashback
“i REALLY don’t wanna sleep in the bed with Aaliyah lookin over me..”
In her defense, Aaliyah was a seXXy lil’ sumthin (RIP).
And this…
“there’s certain things you just don’t say.. WTF would make you think Janet Jackson wants YOU!?”
Blame Jermaine Dupri…make no mistake, seeing Ms. Jackson coupled up w/ ol’ boi these past few years gave a LOT of brothers hope…got ‘em thinking “If HIS lil’ a$$ can pull Janet, I’m certain I at least have a shot”
umm.. Aaliyah was dope (RIP) but i am LIVING!!
and how does that REALLY look.. you lustin over a deceased person instead of focusin on the one that’s in your bed..
does that even sound right?!
@Nick_L_Odeon
Oh believe me, after I heard that, I immediately re-evaluated her, and that relationship was curtailed within the week.
Schoolgirl Crush – Sure
Groupie Gizz Bucket – No thank you very much.
LMAO @ “gizz bucket!”
SAY WORD!! i’m a use it all day.. (even when it isn’t appropriate..)
Also we say… “Huh?” when asked a question by our significant other. 1. This gives us time to assess the situation. 2. We can determine if she can handle the truth, if she will smell our BS if we lie… 3. We can measure our words to make sure this ball of emotion in front of us, doesn’t throw hot grits on us!
So Chelz… decided to come out of the Lurkville Cafe (the pizza here is delicious, btw) after perusing this site for MONTHS! I have been ‘taken off the schedule’ at no less than 10 different jobs for bursting out into spontaneous, LOUD laughter @ the commentary round these parts. My compensation demands will be emailed to each of you individually by my attorney. Kthanks!
I will neither admit to or deny that I may or may not constantly check & text/gtalk/tweet on my cellphone when I am in male company. My phone NEVER leaves the kung-fu grip of my hand, nor do I put it on silent/vibrate. But I always notice when a dude I’m chilling with gets any kind of phone alert. I hit him with that ‘go head and get that, homie’ look. It got so bad that one of my exes used to literally TURN HIS PHONE OFF AND REMOVE THE BATTERY when we had cuddle time.
I also remember one dude who tried to be slick and put his on silent. He was wearing light colored basketball shorts at my house and his phone was constantly lighting up. the screen literally GLOWED thru his pants every 5-8 minutes. He didn’t notice but I did. So whenever it lit up, I’d nonchalantly nudge him and say ‘think u should get ur phone’. By the time he grabbed it, the light would be off and he kept trying to figure out how I knew someone was hitting him up while he thought he was SO DAMN SMART. *eye roll*
That phone “glowed” up his spot!
Hee hee. Sorry. I had to. I know it was corny.
Welcome out of Lurkville. This funny as hell post puts you amongst the witts of vsb.
@KitKat
yeah…corny but I forgive you.
@SmartFoxGirl
*bows deeply* I am honored to be amongst greatness! Er uh….u DO know this means
I think I’m HovaI’m here to stay right? Just a warning…#1 – Putting a phone on vibrate could save your career. An acquaintance of mine got into an argument when she accused him of cheating. His phone rings during the argument, and she snatches it off the counter. The woman asks for Jon. She cusses the woman out, call her a ho, etc. What makes this the saddest story ever: (1)he wasn’t cheating, he was sneaking around trying to plan a surprise party for her (2) His govt. name is Jonathan, but he put Jon on his resume. The woman was calling from HR.
#3 – I don’t know about clothes, but I think every woman takes on the duty of buying her man grooming products. My dad won’t buy lotion, but he’ll wear it if my mom buys it. But he absolutely won’t put anything on his hair. My mom combs the Carols Daughter Hair Milk in FOR him.
Have you been eavesdropping on my life this week Panama??
Really being out at all night?? You just not going to be able to waltz in the house without a doctors note and a bandage. That will result in a miserable existence.
I haven’t posted in forever, but since there’s no new post…I just wanted to say…I hope u guys (and Liz) are cool!
Maybe I’m just too young for people to do this yet, but most guys I know haven’t learned this trick. I’m the queen of ignoring my phone, though. (Mostly because I hate the damn phone). But I could never understand how dumb guys my age are when it comes to common sense; being just a little more considerate goes a looooong way. I’ll be waiting for the right person to actually take consideration for me…and in the mean time, steering clear of groupie ass dudes who tweet porn stars for attention ..