Pop Culture, Theory & Essay

Things Go Better With PJ and Champ, Vol. 1

photo(1)Hello all, today at VSB, Damon and I decided to employ something we often read over at ESPN’s now defunct Page 2 and now Grantland between writer Bill Simmons and anybody he felt like talking too, usually Chuck Klosterman or Malcolm Gladwell, where they picked a topic and went back and forth via email to discuss said topic. We figured, we’re both brilliant, let’s see what happens when we do it. What follows was the day long conversation we had.

Panama Jackson: So I was listening to Sway In The Morning (Shade45 radio swag) this morning as I do every morning after I don’t do the New York Times crossword puzzle in ink…and Heather B (Glocks up!) and Sway had a back and forth about men and women’s vacations being different. Apparently Heather B’s father’s homeboy (or as much of a homeboy a 65-year-old man can be) wasn’t being allowed to go to Atlantic City with his boys. His wife put the kibosh on it. Never mind that a 65 year old man STILL gets put on time out by his wife – something that I wish a ninja WOULD try to do to me at 65 – the fact is that he couldn’t go because men trips are allegedly just ratchet affairs of men indulging in f*ckery while women just go have drinks and talk to each other. I’m inclined to say Heather B is full of it but then again, I know some ratchet dudes. So what do you think? Men and women’s vacations…different? And do you think the Gay Reindeer could put the kibosh on your man’s trip at age 65?

The Champ: I have to let you know you made my morning with the news that Heather B is still alive. I assumed she got sucked into the same portal that swallowed the rest of the female rappers from the 90s. I thought she’d be in a parallel universe playing Connect Four with Charlie Baltimore right now.

Anyway, I’m more intrigued by the fact that this 65 year old man is still taking vacations to AC with his boys. As much as I thought The Hangover was THE MOST OVERRATED MOVIE I’VE EVER SEEN, its premise was created around a practical reality: The “all boys” trips to Vegas or Caribana or the Atlanta Strip Club Crawl that we (men) like to take in our 20s and early 30s usually end when we start getting families. I don’t know of any married men—especially not any married men over 40—who still do that.

Why do we stop doing that? Because all boys trips are full of ratchetness. There’s no getting around that.

Seriously, lets say three or four of your married homegirls tell you they’re going to Europe for a week. You’re going to assume it’s going to involve shopping, museums, food, and a trip to one of those boutiques Oprah was thrown out of. And, you’d probably be right. If four of your boys were to tell you the same thing, though, you’d assume that at least one of them would come back home with an STD that hasn’t been invented yet. And, you’d probably be right.

I’m not saying that women are unable to get uncontrollably ratchet in situations like that, and I’m also not saying that men are unable to control themselves. But, men are more likely to wild out in a situation like that. (And, even if we don’t, there’s the perception that we did. Basically, even if we don’t do anything, it’s still going to be assumed that we did.)

Yes, it’s a double standard, but it’s a double standard that deals with reality, not a politically correct version of it.

PJ: Speaking of political correctness, I had one of those cringe-because-I’m-Black-and-educated moments today. I was on the Metro platform (DC’s subway) and a young white couple sat next to me. Then on the bench behind me sat a duo of young Black males who were rapping along to Chief Keef very loudly. They were also harmonizing which I’m pretty sure killed two stereotypes with one stone. They continued to yell n-word this and f*ck that b*tch very loudly. Almost as if putting on a show. I both love and hate my people at the SAME DAMN TIME. Wait, did I just do what they did? I don’t know. Hold me. Point is, I just put my head down, closed my eyes, and said there’s no place like home four times. They didn’t disappear though. F*cking bad magic.

Back to the lecture at hand. While I understand why you’d be leery of a group of 20- to early-30 somethings going on a trip to say, Vegas, Brazil, or the grocery store, I think by age 65 you’ve earned the right to go to some city with your old ass homies and basically do what women do, sit around and talk about how you used to have it. They ain’t going to Vegas…they’re going to AC. Have you been to AC? It’s where dreams go to die. This is a “we’re on our last legs” and the pictures are going to start missing people trips. So yes, maybe men’s and women’s trips are different when we’re young…but explain to me why a 65-year-old man’s wife is gonna stop him possibly taking one last trip where his heart rate might get some exercise?

Champ: As we talked about yesterday, it would be in Black America’s best interest to put a moratorium on all the gun violence, rapping about gun violence, loudly repeating raps about gun violence in front of White people, and killing random White people after bragging about wanting to shoot a random White person for at least a week or so. Maybe 10 days. For no other reason than the fact it’s making it increasingly harder for me to win internet arguments about George Zimmerman.

Considering the age angle, the wife’s refusal to let him go makes less sense. As spry as he may currently be, the only time he’s making it rain right now is after a prostate exam.

Perhaps the wife’s feelings are less about him potentially acting crazy and more about him, gasp, having fun without her. That—women not wanting their man to have too much fun unless they’re present—is something that seems to transcend age. Somewhere in America, there’s a seven year old girl on a playground pissed because a boy she held hands with yesterday is having too much fun playing kickball with his boys. She doesn’t know how to handle her anger, so she starts twerking.

PJ: You know, I’m inclined to agree that the wife probably just doesn’t want him having fun without her. Which I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest is the reason that the “mute” button was added to cell phones. The only person who would create something like that is a man just like the only person to think of something like a “mute this user” on Twitter is a woman. Only women are concerned with looking like they’re following somebody all the while totally not paying attention to their timelines for personal reasons.

Here’s my concern: If I’m 65 and my wife says that I can’t go…I’m inclined to think that I’d just go anyway. By this point, I would have lived and seen enough to take some damn agency over my own decisions and ain’t nobody gon’ tell me I can’t go hang out with the homeys. It just seems mean. Of course I’m talking big sh*t now. There’s probably a better than 90 percent chance that I’d just come up with an excuse about washing my hair for the weekend. Or my toupe or something. It’s just evil. Like I have no clue how much fun he has with his wife and I’m assuming its like totes balls to the wall, rock out with their cock out types of fun…but a homey trip at 65 where you KNOW your husband ain’t doing nothing but walking around looking like a right-after-mid-life-crisis seems like a cruel thing to take from him. She’s not nice. There, I said it. I didn’t even want to be rude. But she.is.not.nice!

Champ: Maybe the wife’s issue isn’t necessarily what he’s asking to do but the fact that he’s even asking to do it. Yes, he’s “earned” it and no, he’s probably not going to do anything to jeopardize the marriage, but I can imagine the wife thinking “Why the f*ck do you even need to go on an all boys trip at this point in your life? You, and Rufus, Titus, and Drake are too old for this sh*t.”

Perhaps all-boys/all-girls trips are there with getting tattoos, implants, and coming out the closet on the list of “things you’re too damn old to still be doing if you’re 65.”

PJ: I’m going to disagree with you there. I think the only thing you’re too old to still be doing at age 65 is eating atomic wings or things that will burn coming out of your ass when you take that trip to the bathroom. Everything else is fair game. I mean, are we to assume that if his wife wanted to take a prayer bus trip to Atlantic City anybody would have an issue with it? It would just be a bus full of old women with family reunion t-shirts, polyester belts, and sequins talking on a bus and partying it up in AC. I’d put money on the fact that she’d go. So I’m guessing that her husband just ain’t sh*t. He knows and she knows it. Either that or he’s a smooth cat. The type who would fall into some 50 year old stank just because that’s what he does. Maybe he’s just not sh*t.

Champ: That is a valid point. We’re getting the info from a third hand source, so perhaps the wife has a good reason to shut down the trip. Maybe he aint shit. Maybe he’s a diabetic who forgets to take his insulin regularly. Maybe he intentionally scheduled the trip at a time when the wife was expecting him to help her out with something. (I’ve definitely been known to pull the “I can’t help you now. I need to finish writing this” card when the Gay Reindeer has asked me to wash a dish or scratch her neck or something.) Maybe the wife is having an affair with one of the cats on the trip, and she doesn’t want them to bump into each other. We just don’t know.

I do know, though, that there definitely is a list of things you shouldn’t be doing when you’re past a certain age. Fortunately, all the stuff you can’t do as a 65 year old man is negated by the two things it’s socially acceptable for you to start doing at that age: be creepy and be an asshole.

Hmm. That considered, maybe the wife had a point after all.

*************

So you’ve seen our debate. What say you good people of VSB? Happy Friday!

-VSB

 

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • keisha brown

    Lmfaooo!!
    What happens at caribana – stays there. But the ratchetness of the weekend isn’t specific to one gender.
    Or so I’ve heard. From a friend.

    Do more of these!!!

    • alana

      *waves vigorously* HEY, Boo, Hey!

      • http://TripSixes.com/ Trip

        Did someone say Trip? *hands over 2 drinks* No time for drama, it’s Friday!

    • Todd

      Sure, it’s happened “to a friend”. It’s OK. Eastern Parkway is the same way…and is coming up in 10 days. :) And I’m not working this year, and hopefully will avoid any passive-aggressive attempts to keep me from going. Yay!

  • alana

    Man trip vs. Woman Trip…

    Trips I go on with my female peeps….umm, oh yeah, it gets “we have to leave this here, but it’s so epic, we can’t leave it here” ratchet.

    PLEASE, do more of these. LOVE IT!

  • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

    I’m just here to report that Luke Keuchly is raw. Panthers are probably still going 7-9 again this year but that don’t change the fact the Keuchly is raw.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      the panthers are a hit away like bleek

  • nillalatte

    I despise that folks think there is an age limit on doing anything. As long as one has good sense and good health, go the f*ck for it! You both will understand when you’re older. As for the madam putting a whoa halt on the AC trip, y’all really don’t know. Maybe dude is spending his social security check or something. LOL In that case, I’d give him an allowance and send him on his merry way. Yes, I said give him an allowance. Sometimes you guys need a woman that limits your ability to get stupid. Oh, and conndoms in case he remembers to take his Viaggra. rotflmao

  • I Am Your People

    At 65, the one staying home with his wife sounds smart; the old ones about to get ripped off by casino skanks are another story.

    For some reason this post reminded me of the His/Hers podcast when Jemele Hill said her mom does her 70+ year old stepfather’s cornrows.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      60 the new 40…or something.

  • Yoles

    I love the back & forth, you guys should make this a semi regular thing!
    1st thought dude isn’t in the best health & traveling with other older gentleman might not be the smartestchoice
    2nd thought playa is a cat daddy & is gonna spend cash, floss & get some relativelyyoung snatch3rd thought he’s an sweet old man that would get got4th wife knows this situation would turn out all kinds of wrong if unchecked so she plays the bad guy to keep things in their lives ok

  • 321mena123

    More than likely, one of dude’s friends is trifflin. Probably has nothing to do with him and more to do with the friends on the trip. I know of guys who get into their feelings when one of their girl friend’s friend is a certified h0 and will barely allow for their girl to hang out with the chick.

    Y’all should do these every Friday especially after a day like yesterday when PJ had folks reminiscing and sobbing into liquor and soy milk. New relationship may have ended bc of you PJ. Why don’t you love new love?

    • Rachmo

      “Y’all should do these every Friday especially after a day like yesterday when PJ had folks reminiscing and sobbing into liquor and soy milk”- seriously

      • 321mena123

        I’m sayin.

    • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

      I know of guys who get into their feelings when one of their girl friend’s friend is a certified h0 and will barely allow for their girl to hang out with the chick.

      See, I don’t get this. Just because my friend’s a h0 doesn’t automatically make me one by default. It also doesn’t mean that she’ll somehow influence me to take part in her h0eish ways. I’m a grown up with my own brain.

      • 321mena123

        A lot of people feel that the company you keep is a reflection of you. Something i agree with however, i have this friend. She was hardcore in her 20s and i do mean hardcore. She has been one of the most loyal people to me though because i never gave up on her. So i also agree with you.

        • kidvideo

          Are u her “wing-woman”?

          • 321mena123

            No sir. We are polar opposites. She told me a few years after we graduated high school that people would come up to her and say “we can’t believe mena would hang out with someone like you.” Junior high was bad for me on a different level but she hated high school. All i knew was that i had a friend in the 5th grade that i turned my back on and i told myself i would never do that again and so far i haven’t.

        • Todd

          This is true. Everyone has that friend in their circle that’s a bit too turnt up. Heck, I’m known for being “the crazy one” in my circle of friends. Still, if ALL 12 of your friends are on h0 ish, well, Lucy, there’s some ‘splanin’ to do!

      • BreezyX2

        Aly, I am on Episode 6 Season 5 of Breaking Bad. Man why did he shot that little boy at the end of Episode 5…and now here enters in these plastic bins and acid…this is so sad.

        • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

          Man, that was a tough episode. It was definitely a turning point for Jesse and still haunts him even in the current episodes. It also shows how callous Walt has become.

          • BreezyX2

            Walt is definitely jaded. I am just starting this episode and already I have a bag of mixed emotions. They are sitting here feeling some kinda way about killing the kid and the dude who shot him talking about how he is eager to be apart of the team and what he can bring to the organization O___O…this fool acting like he is on a job interview.

        • 321mena123

          That one guy didn’t even think twice before shooting him either. He just whipped out the gun and pulled the trigger.

          • BreezyX2

            OMG, Walt just killed Mike. Nooooooooooooooooooooo, now I hate Walt and Skylar.

            • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

              SEE WHAT I MEAN? Walt has lost his damn mind. I loved me some Mike. *pours out a little liquor*

              • BreezyX2

                I really liked Mike and I was so hopeful he would ride off into the sunset. iCant take no more.

              • http://TripSixes.com/ Trip

                I’m still mad he’s gone! Mike handled his business. No Heisenberg without him

                • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

                  Yeah, that hurt me just as much as when Gus died. They both handled business.

                  • http://TripSixes.com/ Trip

                    There just isn’t enough liquor Aly :( Why’d you have to go and remind me of Gus? Very true to life how those who put in work usually have to see everything fall apart when idiocy decides to run things

                    • 321mena123

                      Gus was dumb for messing with Walter to begin with. He saw the money and that was it. Walter is on some “i missed my chance to be a billionaire so i am going all in now.” I have no idea how he has been able to do everything without ANY muscle to back him up. And then he threatened Jessie when he reminded Jessie of why Gus killed his protege. Walt needs to get got. It’s time.

                    • http://TripSixes.com/ Trip

                      Mena, Gus made more than 1 mistake for sure. I think he had to corral Walt. It was either use him or kill him. Having him walking the streets with his cook knowledge was a no-go. Walt just has no concept of staying in his lane.

    • SuperStrings

      “More than likely, one of dude’s friends is trifflin.”
      I think we all have one of these in our circle. lol

      • 321mena123

        Very true.

    • panamajackson

      Why it had to be all that though? LOL

      after doing this yesterday, we both felt like we should do this more often. it was fun. easy. and blonde.

      • 321mena123

        Because you went extra with the feelings yesterday PJ.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

    ima assume theres something thats important going on during that trip otherwise i cant see reason for her to veto this trip

  • Bittersweet

    Like the back and forth, although damon didn’t really adddress panama’s metro encounter.

    as for the 65yo on time out, my 50yo husband could take a seat next to him if he came to me with such a plan. I’d bet money on the fact his travelling companions are well known to be up to no good. no, Not for you. Go fishing or to the Superbowl with your boys, and in those cases, they’d be better be friends that I know and trust. If a PURELY “ratchet” trip is going to be taken, where the whole purpose is debauchery and funtimes, I’m going, too. That’s what being married is about. For better or for worse.

  • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

    A few thoughts:

    - If you can’t trust your partner to take a trip without you, then you have bigger problems which need to be addressed.

    - Y’all need to stop acting like 65 is knocking on death’s door, sheesh! My mom, who recently moved to my city and is turning 60 this year, is always asking me to go out… to clubs. I mean, I don’t even know of any clubs where almost 60-year old black folks hang out, but the point is she wants to go!

    - There’s a movie coming out with this exact premise: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1204975/ In case you were wondering, yes, Morgan Freeman’s in it. It actually looks pretty funny.

    - I like the back and forth debate, more please!

    Happy Friday!

    • Todd

      That seems like it would be an interesting and funny movie. And seeing Morgan Freeman not be so damn noble would be nice. :)

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        I’m kind of sick of Morgan Freeman. I’m not sure why.

        • http://TripSixes.com/ Trip

          Maybe because he’s the highlander of older Black male actors? Nothing personal against his hustle, but I doubt he’s the only one with acting chops.

          • kidvideo

            white folks like his kindly voice, and he doesnt bring up race to much…Driving Miss Daisy guaranteed he would have a long career.

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

            True. We usually only get one in each category. The sexy actor/ actress. That’s Denzel and Halle. The versatile actor/ actress. That’s Jamie Fox and Zoe Saldana. Etc.

    • panamajackson

      LOL. I know 65 really aint’ old. But these are Black men. Let’s be real, at this point a 65 year old Black man is playing with house money.

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      “If you can’t trust your partner to take a trip without you, then you have bigger problems which need to be addressed.”

      That’s true. Especially when you’re pushing 70. But, the flipside of that is that, I’ve been amazed at the immaturity of old folks on quite a few occasions.

      • Yoles

        i’m saying.. those geriatrics scream out YOLO with their actions all the time… i guess they are thinking i lived past life expectancy already… im in the black and the the party don’t stop til i drop… or something like that

        • http://TripSixes.com/ Trip

          If you think about how much you have to work and sacrifice to get somewhere…anywhere in this life, you just want to get in as much as possible before your time is up. We will blink and suddenly be 65

          • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

            Truth.

            • http://TripSixes.com/ Trip

              Happy Friday back atcha Aly :)