Things Drunk White People Do That Black People Don’t Do…Unless We’re Being Black

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Drunk white people are a trip. How do I know this? Because I’ve had some close encounters with them.

And let me put this out there upfront, I’m scared of drunk white people. Drunk white people make me feel very uncomfortable like there’s always a fight that’s about to break out and if anybody ends up in jail, it will probably be…me. Especially with drunk white dudes. I don’t stay around those cats long. I saw the Scottsboro Boys, Face/Off, and Roadhouse. Oh yeah, and you remember that scene in The Little Mermaid where the drunk white cat starts hanging with the albatross and then eats eggs and dances with plates? Drunk white dudes did all that.

You see, drunk white people garner the same reaction from reading Black people that all Black people draw from white folks. Amazing how the stereotypes just flip-flop when you add some Pabst Blue Ribbon and Jager-bombs to the mix. Actually, I have no idea what the white libation of choice is but I will say that I only know one Black cat who’s ever ordered a White Russian, because it has milk…and you KNOW Black folks are lactose intolerant.

The more you know.

*ding*

Anyway, here are things that drunk white people do when they’re drunk that Black people don’t do.

1. Get loud and belligerent as f*ck

While we, the Black people, are loud by nature – face it, we are – drunk white people take being loud to a whole new level. Especially the chicks. Thing is as opposed to yelling about important things like why the white man is the devil like my Hebrew Israelite friends in NYC do, white chicks yell about where their friends are and say, “I’m so drunk” over and over very loudly. Drunk white guys like to yell out the word, “bro” a lot, which is also different from our standard greeting (at least in the Southern states) of “bruh”.

I remember once while Chappelle’s Show was on the air a group of white dudes driving thru Adam’s Morgan in a cab yelling out to every Black person, “daaaaaaaaaaarkness”. And I’d have been mad if it wasn’t so gosh darn funny. Bazinga1

2. Fight

I know us ninjas are a fighting breed. I’m watching Martin right now and he just got into a fight with an old woman. See, we just do that. But drunk white people fight any and everybody. A drunk white guy just can’t stop himself from punching a hole into something and then going all “rager” while his drunk girlfriend tries to pull him away from the other drunk parties as they take off their shirts to show off the their muskels and prove that they can handle anything. Pride is the number one killer of Black men between birth and death. Alcohol and insider trading is the same for white people.

3. Go gay

Not sure why being drunk makes all white girls think its okay to tongue each other down. And it’s not like I’m complaining either. While it doesn’t do anything for me it would be rude of me to try to rob somebody else of the joy of seeing two snowbunnies ski each other’s slopes. But why does that happen? Ain’t no way in f*ck that two Black women are going to slob each other down because of liquor like white people. But yep, the pinks feel eachother up and grab boobs and arses, lick one another and taste the rainbow. By the way, tasting the rainbow is gay.

4. Invade personal space

All white people go all Napoleon when they’re drunk. Which is saying something since white people don’t respect personal space when they’re NOT drunk. But noooooope, drunk white people get all up in your grill and disrespect the 6-9 inch rule. This is the main reason I don’t do drunk white people. The entitlement issues developed during slavery manifest themselves at clubs where they embark their tyrannical reign of imperialist curmudgeonry by stepping on my toes and whipping me with their hair whilst elbowing me because we’re sharing the same square foot of space. I hate sharing square foots, son. Hate it. But that’s a drunk pink for you. Oh, and Black folks don’t invade personal space because doing so means somebody’s show might get stepped on and you know what happens when somebody’s shoe gets stepped on. You remember Do The Right Thing! And he was WHITE TOO!!!!

See?

See!

By the way, I love white people.

What else do white people do when they’re drunk that Black folks just don’t do (unless we’re being…Black)?

Heal the world.

-VSB P aka MR. GO KING BEEF aka 40 P aka VITAMIN P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

323 thoughts on “Things Drunk White People Do That Black People Don’t Do…Unless We’re Being Black”

  1. Drunk white people proceed to bark out orders about when you should dance and with whom, start ordering drinks for everyone in their vicinity, and acting as if having spasms is dancing.

    Oh, and drunk white dudes go all “the rumor about white dudes is a lie. I got more than enough if uknowwhati’msayin. Black chicks are so hot. I’m diggin you Nubian princess” blah blah blah blah.

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    • Your comment is truth. I had white ladies tell me I should be dancing and try to make me dance with random dudes. No, I don;t know them. However, you did a remarkable ninja move by hopping in front of P to be first.

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        • Oh how I love approving a moderated comment from somebody who beat the first placer. It makes this whole thing slightly less annoying for me. Slightly.

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    • “Drunk white people…start ordering drinks for everyone in their vicinity”

      Co-sign! They will order everyone a drink for everyone and argue to pay for it.

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  2. Yo, this is the truest sh*t I’ve ever seen on here. Whenever we hung out with white people at OSU, all of these things happened every. single. time.

    I got stories for days, but a ninja also got class bright and early tomorrow, so maybe later.

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    • @P
      THANK YOU!!! for posting something actually relating to the post and not being all “first” about it.
      I hate having to scroll down a thousand comments concerning being first before actually reading a relevant comment.

      YES I am pretty f!cking cranky today.

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      • “I hate having to scroll down a thousand comments concerning being first before actually reading a relevant comment.”
        Ditto. You are not being cranky. It is the truth.

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      • Yaymen.

        I was getting pretty f!ckn tired of that “first” foolery too. Especially when Reading this through my iPhone.

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      • Hell, even I was getting kinda bored with it and I never really actually said “first” in a comment. It was fun playing around with it, especially since when I first got “first”, it was on accident and then it became this “thing.” It ain’t my fault! No Limit. Actually there is a limit because where the eff dem niccas?

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        • LOL, yeah it was always done here even in the olden days so I don’t take it too seriously. Was just a silly game for me. I’m silly. Though it is more fun when folks are more creative with it (i.e. Mr. SoBo’s one-liner from yesterday), than just saying “first.” I figure, hell, we’re all off-topic all up and through here all day.

          *dougies*

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          • LOL@ Sobo below.
            @Cheekie
            I don’t see why it ruffles everyones feathers. Like you said, I think it’s funny! Especially the acceptance speeches and LS throwing confetti. I think some people need to lighten up.

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          • LOL, yeah it was always done here even in the olden days so I don’t take it too seriously.

            naw it wasnt done in the olden. there where some pockets here and there and everyonce in a w hile every one has been happy about being the first commenter. but only after posting relevant comments, and it didnt take so much space.
            its not that i mind people wanting to be first. its that part of why i like to come here is to read the comments as they pertain to the topic. I am also at work or on my cell most times, i dont have time to scroll through 100 comments about being first. I mean 1 or 2 or 10? but got dayum that shyt be going on EVERY SINGLE Day for like half of the comments.
            and at first it was okay but now that shyt is out of hand. but thats my opinion.

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            • I gotcha, shay. I’m just saying this recently ain’t the first time it’s been done here, not so much that it was done all the time back in the day.

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              • Oops…hit submit too soon. But, yeah I see it’s more about the VOLUME of folks doing it, rather than the mere act of doing it. I can see how that could get tiring when reading via cell.

                I understand my peoples.

                Let’s do shots.

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      • And I hate having to scroll down a thousand comments concerning how much people really hate the ‘being first comments’ before I actually get to reading a relevant comment.
        I’m not cranky. Just the truth.

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      • Add me to the list of cranky people who hate seeing the race to first. I guess it would be different if the first comments actually talked about the post. But what do I know?! I do annoying stuff on the regular. Lol

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    • Not that I disagree or anything, but damn this turned to Rail On “Race to First” Hour quick fast and in a hurry, lol.

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    • Whenever we hung out with white people at OSU

      My life is filled with OSU grads (I live in Texas after all) but y’all are a different partying breed altogether. :)

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    • This is def. true. I remember being at a foam party and one white dude was telling me and my friend how he never danced with a black girl before and how we had big butts and oohh..really weird.

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    • Co-sign…But the ones that approach me (when they are inebriated) say sh*t like “I want to kidnap you and keep you in the trunk of my car…” or other terms of affection like “Is black girl p*ssy is the same like white girl p*ssy?”
      True story.

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      • I know exactly what you mean. I was in NY, and a white guy actually yelled across the street and said, I hear Black girls have the best p****, is it true? I was stunned!

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        • @Mimi & opensilent
          ““If black girl p*ssy is the same like white girl p*ssy?” , “I hear Black girls have the best p****, is it true?”

          For me, this is the Tootsie Pop of s*x questions.

          Wh*te Guy: Hey Mr. Sobo. Is black girl p*ssy really better than wh*te girl p*ssy?
          Mr SoBo: Hmmn.. Let’s find out.
          *grabs nearest black girl*
          Mr Sobo: One stroke. Ta-hoo stroke. Tha-ree stroke….
          **Loud SPLASH**
          Mr SoBo: zzzzz zzzzz zzzzz
          *wh*te guy gives blank stare*

          Announcer: “Is black girl p*ssy REALLY better than wh*te girl p*ssy? Mr. Sobo will never know”.

          I’m quite satisfied with my black berry mola$$es. No need for pancakes.

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    • TOO true. When I worked as a ticket-taker at our football games in college (a PWI), I got hit on more than evah before. Like these same niccas acted like they had anti-black chick glasses on in class. o_O

      In vino veritas, indeed.

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      • Ditto on entire post. I went to a PWI too, and though, I didn’t work as a ticket-taker, I can resonate with your experience. I’m like, “you remember from class? But…but, we have never said a word to each other.”

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    • One of my most memorable experience (and there are many) involved me turning a white guy down, and him replying with, “lots of Black guys date white girls, when are you gonna even the score?” WTH?

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          • @Mimi

            No doubt. I was on a wedding website this morning – directed by an engaged friend of mine to vote for her and her fiance – and as I flipped through the pictures of the 716 couples, there were only 7 couples that consisted of a 2520 man and black/bi-racial woman.

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            • Black women and white men just really don’t like each other that much. Unless she’s Halle Berry or he is Robin Thicke. Black guys and white girls will bang/date for the hell of it.

              But truth be told A LOT of famous white women have dated and MARRIED white men. Since forever. Josephine Baker and on down the line.

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    • Is it just me or does that sound borderline racist..? Not the post, just the use of that word..

      It’s in jest of course.. but I’m pretty sure half the people here would cry bloody racism if they saw “the darkies” used by a white blogger.

      If I’m starting sh*t I apologize but I’m confused..

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      • @RemTheMulatto,
        “Is it just me or does that sound borderline racist..? Not the post, just the use of that word..”

        No.

        To elaborate a little, in my opinion, words or the usage of certain words in itself does not make one racist. Racism is much deeper and it has to do with one’s belief that one race is superior to others. I don’t believe that a white person who have said the word “nigger” is racist necessarily either. Although, the word has a history attached to it that’s extremely close to racist beliefs so therefore it’s perceived as being such. “The pinks” doesn’t have such history.

        Hope that alleviates some of the confusion.

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        • I see what you sayin’, but yeah – if I went to a message board and saw a bunch of ppl talmbout “the darkies” I’d call them racist. It doesn’t mean they ARE racist, but it wouldn’t stop me from saying it.

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          • It doesn’t mean they ARE racist, but it wouldn’t stop me from saying it. .

            LOL!! I too feel this way about certain things.

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        • That’s how I view racism too for the most part. Like I totally understood Whoopi Goldberg’s stand on Mel Gibson’s not being a racist..

          What makes it sound racist is how the words are used.. I mean, if I were gonna insult white people, I’d totally go in on their sometimes pink complexion.. And that’s my problem with it.. It’s like a full on jab at white people as a whole. When u take a jab at an entire race, isn’t that racism?

          Maybe it wasn’t an intentional jab, but I must admit if I didn’t have such a great sense of humor, I’d be half offended.

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          • I’d laugh my ass of if someone called me pink! Work harder. And I think yours is an isolated incident, or incidents. I was pretty much the only white at my high school, and all my black friends I would drink then, and to this day, are loud as shit! No louder than my white friends. But my white friends are a hell of a lot louder on certain other substances.

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      • Nope, not starting anything.

        Racism is systematically putting another race of people at a disadvantage, socially, politically, etc. The term is consistently misused and often mis-defined (yep, my word). I think the term darkies may be taken offensively because it was/is generally coupled with social and political inequity across several indicators of life quality, including, jobs, housing, school, etc.

        The term “pinks” could be considered offensive to some, I imagine. But, racist? I doubt that seriously. School me, now I’m confused.

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        • I say it sounds racist because it’s used to define an entire race. U feel me? I suppose it doesn’t have history, but every racial slur had a beginning.. I mean, what if white folks took an outstanding characteristic of ours and called us that? Would that not be at least borderline racist?

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      • I’ve been listening to white people use racist words for years…they can handle “pinks”, trust me. I don’t condone it but I understand why black comedians can make white jokes but white comedians can’t make black jokes.

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        • See.. that’s the problem. Not ALL white people use racial slurs.. So when we group them all together and say it’s ok to insult all of them, we’re as bad as the people who actually deserve to be insulted.. the racists.

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        • I would disagree only to say there are many white comedians who can make black jokes and are actually good at what they do without going all “Krammer” on folks. Bill Burr and Joe Rogan are two that come to mind off top, but there are more. If a comedian is good regardless of race their jokes about race can be funny.

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        • That is pure crap! Yeah it’s not okay for white people to make black jokes…… if you live in the past. If that is all you surround yourself with, and refer to, that is all you will ever reap.

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      • yeah it kinda sounds that way, but it isn’t. especially since it’s a color and its acceptable to call each other black and white. if anything labeling people by color is suspect in general.

        and it’s definitely nothing like being called a “darkie” because that word already exists in a historical context and is negative.

        also, i don’t know if anyone here would care if people were offended and cried “bloody racism”, least of all if white people were offended. they say things on here that could be offensive all the time- its part of the shtick. conservatives and those easily offended should be reading another blog.

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        • I wouldn’t be upset if anybody called me brown or beige. 2520′s wouldn’t know to call me “red” or “yellow” even. But I still wouldn’t get my feathers all ruffled if they did because there is far far worse.

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          • 2520s?

            I just Google’d what that meant.. Damn.. OK.. and pinks too, huh..

            Maybe I’m overly sensitive or I’m the ONLY one here who is looking at it from the other perspective.. Don’t be trippin’ when white folks start calling us new stuff too..

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            • “Don’t be trippin’ when white folks start calling us new stuff too..”

              What makes you think they’re not? People in majority are always coming up with new ways to term minorities. Things like ‘urban’ and ‘at-risk youth’ come to mind. And I won’t even get into the ‘mistaken’ use of the old standbys a la Dr. Laura.

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              • Oh I see.. So since they call us stuff, we will call them stuff back..

                Whoa.. I just had a flashback to elementary school.

                I’m not defending Dr. Laura, but she’s just a confused old white lady who doesn’t get why a word is race-exclusive. Coming up with cute little words to call them other than just white people adds to that confusion.

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            • You do realize that “pink” is a color, like “black”, and they came up with that word for us. Prior to that, folks were referred to by their country, nation or continent of origin. So if “pink” is racist, so is “black”…So yeah, you’re being sensitive to only one of your “mulatto” sides (which is also an offensive term at it’s base).

              Regarding being called “new stuff”…smdh…you do know something about American history, right? Come on…

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              • OK Mr. (or Mrs?) Logical, so u mean to tell me that if I refer to whites as pinks that’s the same as whites referring to us as blacks.. Seriously? OK.. And nigger is just bad pronunciation of the base word Negro, which is also a color. And black people being compared to monkeys is just a matter of color too cuz they’re brown, so also harmless.. F*k outta here!

                More importantly, I’m not a case of racism from one angle but something else from the other. I am black identified. Being called black does not offend me because I grew up with it. Being called white does not offend me because I am half white. However, being called pink.. That’s new and something inside me questions whether it’s ok, whether u try to get it or not. What it really comes down to is the meaning behind it. I can’t think of anything endearing about being called a pink, so that’s why I’m asking questions.

                Relax your bias for a moment and imagine you’re reading a white blog doing a similar comparison about black and white drunk people, and somewhere in there they say, “Darkies usually drink Hennessy..” If that almost offends you, then u get me. If not, then u are more desensitized than I am and we will never see eye to eye anyway, so let’s stop arguing and just be friends.

                And the last thing u said was a bunch of ambiguous condescending blah blah blah and shall not be addressed without further explanation.

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        • I get that. That’s y I’m not trippin’ about the entire blog.. But shouldn’t there be a line? If we’re coining racial slurs, how can we maintain credibility when we take offense to hearing the n-word from the wrong people?

          I’m just starting to feel like too many black folks feel like we can say whatever we want about everybody else, but still want to take offense when the tables turn. Hypocrisy aint a good look.

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          • Yeah the word “pinks” did kinda throw me off a bit. Not 2520s tho. I look at it as more of a nickname than a slur. I do think that as black people we do tend to have double standards when it comes to racial speak. Some ppl try to justify it, but growing up I always tried to ask myself if I would be offended if the roles were reversed. If the answer is yes we need to just admit when were wrong.

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            • There needs to be a committee or something to determine what words are offensive and what aren’t across the board, and whether there’s a place in a modern peaceful society for them. Either that or all these words need free reign and people need to stop being so sensitive (and that should include the N-Word).

              Somebody get on that..

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    • I take your urinate in public and raise you a round of puke and rally.**

      ** for those who attended their first kegger in college, the burb’s kids do something callled puke and rally, where you basically get trashed, barf it all up and go back for more…not wash/rinse needed.

      hooray!

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    • Two weeks ago, I had spotted a white man (who was drunk) pissing on the side of an ATM machine. It was obvious that he was drunk, but what made it weird was the fact that it was a Wednesday afternoon, around 2 o’ clock.

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  8. i agree with all of these.
    Especially the personal space thing. Like for real get the F!ck out of my face.
    I am not your “friend” dont put your arms around me, dont buy me a shot, nothing…

    drunk white people also randomly invite you to their home to “keep the party going”
    no thanks im almost certain thats how serial killers get ya

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    • LOLLL. The home thing is SO TRUE. OMG. I can’t tell you how many white boys have tried to get me or my friends to come on to their house. I look at them like, WHAT FOR? GO HOME lolol.

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    • At BlogHer, Me, Huny & Afrobella found a GREAT drunk white chick who invited us to her hotel room. Where we had an awesome impromptu wine party. We somehow drank 3 bottles in 30 mins. We. were. GONE! It was AWESOME!

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      • We somehow drank 3 bottles in 30 mins. We. were. GONE! It was AWESOME! .

        *snickering* Did yall each just consume a bottle of wine? LOL

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  9. I appreciate drunk white folks b/c they buy everyone in a 20 ft radius a drink.

    “Yo buddy!!! Youwannadrink??? YaknowuwannadrinkIthinkyoutoosoberrightnow. BAHTENDAHHHH! GETMYNEWFRIENDWHARREVADRINKSHEWANTS!!!:”

    Yes. They rock for this. But I agree w/ everything P-Money said.

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    • This was my add and I love it!!!

      Drunk white ppl become everyones friend and they want all their “friends” to be a drunk (uh..I mean happy) as them.

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    • Agreed. The best night I had in Vegas w/ 4 drunk white guys and my group of 7 minority girlfriends. After the party ended the after party… which included bottles of Vodka and Patron carried on in their room. ABSOLUTELY EPIC.

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    • I always had fun when I partied with white folk. The worst I’ve seen is some guy start to choke his girlfriend before catching a beat down of legendary proportions (by pretty much every other guy at the party…..and the bouncers).

      But anyway:

      -Most of the time I’ve been out with white people, they refuse to see you NOT drunk. So this results in plenty of free drinks. And man law clearly states that you are never to refuse a drink from another man (unless he’s trying to get at you…..different story).

      -White chicks do tend to get very….liberal with their sexuality when plastered. One time down Adams Morgan some drunk white girl starting throwing her ass on every chick at the party.

      …This included my sister, which made for a very hilarious situation.

      -The best thing about partying with white folks is regardless of how many fights break out, nobody dies. As much as I love my people…I can’t deny that we go nuts when the alcohol comes out. We take a dude stepping on our shoes as blatant disrespectin’ of our whole hood.

      And we can’t have that.

      Ol’ Tom Van Peterschmidt wilin’ out on the dance floor and bumps into you? No problem.

      He apologizes and goes to get you a drink to make up for it.

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  10. What I have seen some people do:

    1. Pi$$ openly in public and look at you while doing so as if you’re the skeevy perv who opened the door on them in an actual restroom. Pi$$ in a parking lot, in front of the line to the venue, in a corner INSIDE the venue, in a phone booth, in the shrubs and landscaping, in between parked cars in front a jumping business with high pedestrian traffic…just about everywhere BUT the bathroom.

    2. Tongue down a complete stranger.

    3. Throw ‘ish (food, water, bottles) at people.

    4. Grab your a$$.

    5. King Beef, you told the daggone truth on stepping on feet ignoring personal space, elbowing you and flicking hair in your face. Will bump all up in you and continue to do until you choke em’ out remove yourself from the situation so as not to get into an unnecessary altercation
    .
    6. Ride a bike. A drunk riding a bike and talking ‘ish is a thing to see!

    7. Fight with the people they came with. A fight em’ as if they don’t know em’ and that’s their mortal enemy and not the best bud that grew up with them.

    8. Get naked, flash a body party, or be so wasted that they are in some form of disrobe. Folks can see a woman’s g-string and it’s not going down the “middle” and her dress is up around her waist. They also might jump on a chair, a stage, DJ booth, or climb behind it and start to strip.

    9. Get faded wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too early where they are throwing up and making their whole crew go home early. Why you “earlin’ ” in the bushes before 8pm? Why you are about to pass out and you just walked in half an hour ago?

    10. Start ‘ish with cops without the sense of urgency, caution, or concern that most people of color have like spidey sense. A cop car is on one end of the street, drunk person and their party is parked the opposite way, the drunk fool will stumble in the right direction and might prevent the feel of handcuffs but will turn a round and run up on the cop belligerant or start yelling how the police are “fascists” and “ain’t ‘ish”.

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    • “5. King Beef, you told the daggone truth on stepping on feet ignoring personal space, elbowing you and flicking hair in your face.”

      Yeah, I went to a white party this summer and since we were on a boat full of niccas, there was BOUND to be some accidental stepping-on-shoes. The boat was rockin’ and so were the people. I accidentally stumbled on to folks feet and I just KNEW things would pop off, but everyone was generally nice. I get HELLA lovey-dovey and nice when I’m drunk so when chicks stepped on my feet (and that sh*t HURTS with heels), I’m just like, “That’s okay honey!”…I mean, if they apologize…if they don’t acknowledge it or have a stank attitude…things magically reverse. lol

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  12. Let’s add to the list DANCING! If you happen to be so lucky to be in a club/party where the music and liquid courage are plentiful, be prepared for various renditions of Dance Dance Revolution or whatever they think they’re doing. Both drunk white men and women also seem to get the bright idea they want to dance with a black woman. Oh and not just two-step…they want to do what they saw on BET/MTV and completely invade personal space. No sir, no ma’am, no thanks! That ish is annoying!

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    • @ Dash,

      That is very true. Some might teabag you, draw stuff on you, or some other ill stuff and either video tape it or photograph it with you being none the wiser until they “premiere” the photos or video.

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      • Yeah, in this day in age where it’s about as easy to videotape something and upload it on the internet as it is to enter Kat Stacks, folks gotta be careful ’round drunk 2520s.

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    • White people play too much when they get wasted. .

      I’ve seen some drunken pics that just make me say “Oh noooo he/she didn’t”! I’ll be damned if I wake up with you having written on my face or pissed on me while passed out. I’d mess around and catch a case.

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  14. That invade personal space one is the TRUTH!!!
    GOTTA love when the drunk, gay ones start to get all “handsy” and start to park themselves in a “hetero man’s spot”.. When did you turn straight? WHY are you touching me? Who said you could do that? I bet if I shove you to the ground you won’t remember in the morning…

    Drunk white people come up with insane ideas that they’d never do if they were sober. “Let’s throw bottles at other cars.” “Let’s go in the Kwik-E Mart and ask for True Blood.” “Let’s run around the car at the next red light.” “Let’s ask the next PoPo we see for some Grey Poupon!”
    “Let’s drive through Libery City and yell n*****”
    yeah, sh*t like that…

    They get real disrespectful for life…
    Like they somehow turned untouchable… I don’t even need to say anymore..
    “Let’s hang Billy off this overpass and see what happens..” “Let’s drive southbound on the northbound side..”
    Like they have a special deal with the grim reaper and he said he wouldn’t take em… WTF!?!?

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    • “Let’s ask the next PoPo we see for some Grey Poupon!”

      hilarious!!!!

      bad girls club (even with the token black chicks) is a perfect example of this ridiculous drunk white people behavior.

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    • “GOTTA love when the drunk, gay ones start to get all “handsy” and start to park themselves in a “hetero man’s spot”.. When did you turn straight? WHY are you touching me? Who said you could do that? I bet if I shove you to the ground you won’t remember in the morning…”

      Yeah, there are some gay guys I won’t hang out and drink with cause of this nonsense. it felt like my brother was touching me…and it’s like you start to wonder if they are in the closet about their heterosexuality….

      Reply ↓

  15. @Luvvie–I appreciate drunk white folks b/c they buy everyone in a 20 ft radius a drink.

    This is the trufus rufus! I love to go to bars with white folks because I drink all night without spending a dime.

    Reply ↓

    • Co-sign 100%…it’s never just a drink, but always “You ready for some SHOTS?!” I went to a PWI and on graduation DAY a group of white boys came to the ceremony WASTED out of their minds with decorated “Pimp Cups” in hand. I still don’t understand who let them walk across the stage like that SMH…icant

      ..Drunk white ppl always step on my feet during the “Cupid Shuffle” at the country bar..ugh!!…

      Reply ↓

  16. Hilarious! I laughed out loud at every single one of these.

    The only one I’d add to the list is go skinny dipping at the house of the owner of the bar they just partied at.

    Yes, this did happen to me. Yes, I was with my boss. No, I did NOT get in the pool – besides the obvious reasons I couldn’t mess up this indian I done paid good $$ for – and yes I told them that. Oh, but a ninja DID go cause there was NO WAY I’d pass up on the good black mail stories that ensued. Hey, we all gotta climb the ladder one way or another….

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  17. Oh… I forgot..

    – they go REAL emo…
    Like that geyser in that park somewhere, it’s like all the sins they were trying to run from come bubblin up. They start talkin bout Kathy and how she’s pregnant. He wants to get her back but just can’t etc etc. meanwhile, they’re hanging off of you tossing the eyebrow-burning breath in your face. You look around wondering what stable surface you can deposit this guy on.. By the time he’s done with the story, be prepared for a whole lot of “I love you mans”.. Oh, and don’t forget, his childhood was tragic.. He never DID get that Huffy bike he wanted… And pops said the trust fund won’t kick in til he’s 25.
    Who LET you in here dude!?!?

    Reply ↓

      • When i read this comment i BUST out laughing!!! and i laughed for a good while..
        i don’t know why..
        umm.. i can say it’s probably yoga.. yoga worked out a lot of things that I didn’t know i had.. my booty lifted and the core started to get tight.. and the arms, well.. they got done on their own..

        also.. take two dumbbells, put them on the floor in front of you.. do a push up [modified] (still holding the bell.. so instead of pushing off the floor, you’re pushing off the bell) and when you come back up, take the bell and lift it in a reverse fly type of thing.. (Lord, this is so much harder to explain..) i wish i had a pic for you..
        ahh.. put “Reverse fly” in google and check it out..
        there’s other ones, but i’m not trying to drown the thread..

        Reply ↓

    • I know right!

      Drunk 2520 Woman: “And you know what else, my ancestors OWNED your ancestors and that is NOT RIGHT. I know the government won’t APOLOGIZE, but I think we should.”
      *Gets up on table*
      “I would like to app, appp, say I’m sorry for SLAVERY!”

      Soula Powa: “Thanks for that.”
      *laughs and continues to drink for free*

      Reply ↓

      • LMFAO @ apologizing for slavery.

        I’d show up at their house the next day (while they’re nursing a hangover) on some “So, um…you gon’ FedEx my 40 acres and a mule, right?”

        Reply ↓

          • I don’t know where they hiding it. Like, have you ever SEEN this mule and 40 acres? Plus, it gives me kikis that they gotta pay shipping charges on top of it.

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  18. Tackle each other.

    They just find it necessary to play football while completely drunk. Which is why my roommate this past summer came to work with a limp and bruises. His frat brothers just had to make sure he had a good night. He also got choked out by his drunk father, but I dunno….that’s for another post.

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  20. Thats the truth P. I once had a some 2520 coworker of mine go all gay on me, I quit hanging with them chics there and then, they fight with each other and curse out police, am black woman, we dont mess with police. . . . Nah am good.
    They let their jungle fever be known as well as their inner racist self.

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  21. When wasted, my caucasian brethren often fall asleep/lay out/pass out in the most random of places: car hoods, university quads, on parking meters, etc.

    Also, inebriated whites try to emulate all the hood dances that they’ve seen on videos over the years: everything from the cabbage patch, the running man, the reebok, poppin’ and lockin’, the snake, etc. It’s like watching a dance mashup of every Guy/Paula Abdul/Bobby Brown video ever made…lol

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  22. Black people generally don’t get naked in public when drunk, and we SURE don’t get naked on TV (for free). Nothing is better than watching live news at 10 or 11 and somehow a nude drunk ALWAYS manages to run across the background. At some point, the news has to figure out not to go live from bars, college campuses, outside sports arenas, gay pride festivals…

    Reply ↓

    • “…Black people generally don’t get naked in public when drunk, and we SURE don’t get naked on TV (for free)…”

      Which is why you don’t see a lot of black girls on one of those Girls Gone Wild DVDs. A black girl can be two sh*ts to the wind, but she will sober the hell up, if some guy with a video camera asks her to show her t*ts.

      Reply ↓

  24. I love this list. And they are all so true. And they get you everytime because they buy the drinks and “as a ninja, we are not prepared to turn down a free drink” (Katt Williams).

    No, I don’t want to dance with you. No, I won’t teach you how to dougie. No, I won’t allow you to fulfill your Black girl fantasy. Yes, I got this stank look on my face because I don’t want to be bothered.

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  25. Alright. My ONE BEEF with the Drunken 2520s (besides this entire list):

    They wanna take the time to learn how to dance…from ME.

    First of all, being highly inebriated is NOT the time to try to learn ANYTHING, especially coordination, white boy. Secondly, they’re so drunk they don’t even realize how much I suck a dancing to know they shouldn’t be taking dance lessons from ME; my skin color is NOT a qualifier dude. I’m barely hanging on to my Black Card (no Centurion) my damn self, so fall all the way back. Thirdly, what I look like? Debbie Allen in FAME?

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  26. Quick Story before I add on to the list: I totally almost kicked this white girl in the neck at a club in Atlanta once. She was wasted and thought we were standing too close to her VIP area. Nevermind we were all sharing a certain section. When I looked at her like she was third eye blind, she had thee NERVE to get an attitude and proceed to shout something that started with the word: bitch. I have no clue what she said after that bc she was speaking drunk english and i was sober and bc she called me a bitch. I don’t mind that word, but not when a drunken white girl is slinging it like a pocketbook (aww my grandmother would be excited i used that word). She actually got in my face too! I gently moved her (ok I pushed her) and she thought she was about to start something, but what i assumed to be her bf, grabbed her and spent the next 83 minutes apologizing for her because “she’s so drunk. she acts like an idiot when she drinks. im really sorry.” That girl almost got slayed, Buffy style. Dumb.

    Ok, add on: White guys also “go gay” when they’re drunk…I could argue and say some black guys do too, but I work in the arts, so that might just be par for the course.

    The BEST drunken baboonery is when they dip passed out dude’s hand in a bucket of water and the drunk dude pee’s on himself in his sleep!!!

    (Sometimes I get confused for a guy on here, but today, I think I might have to remind everyone that I’m of color. What w/ my keggers and pee buckets, you ain’t know?….)

    Reply ↓

    • but today, I think I might have to remind everyone that I’m of color. What w/ my keggers and pee buckets, you ain’t know?….)

      And the Buffy reference, lol

      Reply ↓

        • Me, my best friend and the black dude at the comic book store watched Buffy. I was more of an Angel fan myself. I watch the reruns on TNT every morning.

          Reply ↓

        • Aw hells, yes. I still watch some Buffy reruns on LOGO… ’twas a stan. Well, earlier Buffy…that ish lost me towards the end to tell you the troof.

          Reply ↓

              • lmao….this reminds me of the convo Gemmie and I had. She’s a fan of the movie while I’m a fan of the tv series. She hates me for it (well…among other things lol).

                Reply ↓

          • awww, i meant the movie. ahhh Luke Perry!

            but the tv show was great too. I have to admit, I stopped watching after Angel fell into the hell mouth. I remember me and my bff sitting in her rec room watching the episode. We were hysterical. I can still remember the Sarah McLachlan song that was playing as she got on the bus and left sunnyside….

            I swear i’m black!

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  27. Ass grabbing mofos, i swear the number some white coworker thot it was ok to grab a sistahs *ss just because he was drunk. . . . smdh*
    Go gay-kissing and what not, i have seen this happen even among the males. Good thing they learnt to stay out of my personal space, or lips.
    They reveal their inner racist quit alot along with their jungle fever, thats when they go* We do like black women, dude i love your *ss!

    Reply ↓

    • I cosign this!! When I would party with white friends, as soon as they start drinking, the wanna start grabbing my face trying to kiss me. Or dancing with me real close and grabbing my butt. WTF?? When does alchohol make you turn gay? Same thing for white guys…they wanna start kissing your neck and putting their hands on you.

      Reply ↓

    • Yeah, I have experience the “inner David Duke” persona with my (white) “friends” have gotten tore up.
      It’s one of those situations where you think to yourself ‘should I let this sh*t go or do I f*ck this b*tch up?’ For me, it is usually the former, because I want to see if that heifer will remember (what happened on the night before) on the next day.

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  28. Ugh, the personal space thing is definitely true… And I happen to know a guy who ends up naked (and pasty!) EVERY time he drinks… And the thing is, they invade your personal space WITHOUT BALANCE… So just the slightest misstep could end with you feeling like you’re being touched by the inside of a jar of mayonnaise. Ugh. Blah. Ew.

    And something that’s kept me from certain parties at school… Beer-throwing. And AIMING FOR THE HAIR. Like… Why is beer in my hair and on my clothes a good time? I don’t understand.

    And some of the girls get eeeextra belligerent too… One time this tiny little thing walked past and tried to push my six-foot-tall friend out of the way… My friend didn’t even budge and the girl assumed my friend pushed back… She screamed “DON’T PUSH ME, B****!” and stood there for a second, after which she walked away looking stupid after my friend and I both looked at her like she was crazy… smh. Wildness.

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  29. Another white libation of choice: box of wine
    Yet another after that: kegs of beer

    But I digress…as far as drunk white activities I know of that blacks won’t do:
    -dancing on the bar or pool table
    -getting all “I love you, man!”
    -kissing random ppl
    -random tiddys and junks coming out
    -full blown sexual situations jumping off in public (and not for two seconds…no, someone’s blowing a load on the dancefloor!)
    -bar hopping (meaning already drunk at one spot, jump in the whip and do it all over again at another within 15 minutes)

    When 2520 is in an alcoholic mood, they go a different kind of hard.

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  30. I’m over drunk people in public period. Some people lose their cool entirely too easily after several shots. These people, black, white, or mulatto, need to be tagged so we know who to cut off and when so they can go home and be as belligerent, violent, yes-homo, and touchy feely as they want..

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  31. 2520 women get waaaaaay more aggressive sexually than VSS when they get juice up inn’um. I’ve wondered how many lynchings have occurred over the centuries b/c of a WG getting a little too much juice and immediately start throwing the P at a ninja.

    Also, that bumping into you on the dance floor is no joke. And the almost 180 degree difference there is on a CRUNK black dance floor where most folk have some juice in them.

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  33. Witnessing the antics of inebriated, white folks is the only reason why I have gone to bars and pubs, when I was still in college.

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  34. UGH! I went to a PWI and you are spot on with your list. I used to want to push snowbunnies down when they would whip their hair everywhere! Do you know how gross it feels to have their hair sticking to you in a hot packed club? And they bump all into you without so much as an “excuse me”. Then the girls start humping each other from the back! OMG, I just had a flashback! lol

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  35. “By the way, tasting the rainbow is gay.”

    Skittles hater.

    Anywho.

    Things melanin-challenged folks do when they drunk:

    - Say “whoooooo!” a lot. Like, is that a mating call? Some Illuminati ish? What’s goin’ on there…why it’s so widespread?
    - Dance even WORSE. See, when I gets drunk my rhythm don’t go n’an place. It’s still there. In fact, I probably get more showy with it. I mean, unti I lose my balance or some mess. But, when 2520s get drunk, they make up these dances that is the exact opposite of rhythm. And they act like they’re pullin’ out their best ish. lol

    LOL, this post reminded me of the toasted waitress we saw at that lounge we met at, P. She smelt like liquor and hardships.

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    • I got the chance to go to a club that plays house music/top 40 mash-up & no damn wonder the 2520s don’t have any rhythm. That music is crazy… i mean yea there are parts that you see on TV or hear on the radio that is bass line CRAZY so the beat shouldn’t be heard to follow but there are lots of times when the DJs rip away the bass line. How is a 2520 who is rhythmically-challenged to begin w/ supposed to maintain some semblance of balance/dance/control when the DJ is stripping all the bass line all willy-nilly?? I was confused w/o the bass, I didn’t know which way to move & it wasn’t like I could look around and follow by example. Plus, I think having a 2520 DJ doesn’t help either b/c his transitions… pitiful. The mash-up was actually pretty good, but the transitions = pitiful.

      Reply ↓

      • Well Top 40/house music is nothing compared to techno. That stuff is just straight noise and the movement that is done to it I just don’t get.

        Reply ↓

    • @Cheekie,

      What is even more hilarious than witnessing drunk white folks dancing? Watching drunk white folks think they are b-boys and try to break out an air flare or a windmill…hilarious.

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  36. I hate admitting to this, but yeah, you got me on number 4…but only with women I know and I give them fair warning before we actually go out and drink, so they knew what they were getting into.

    I also enjoy hearing myself speak when I’m inebriated. I’ve been told I have a nice a*s voice, and alcohol helps me remember this fact. Lawd help me if someone is actually enabling my bullsh*t and setting me up to talk about all the pointless trivia/information that’s floating around in my head.

    My cohort at HU has deemed me the life of the party, which might be a low-key way of calling me an alcoholic, but honestly, I’ve calmed down considerably from when I used to work at an insurance company. I hated that job and I got it in erry night of the week, even on Sundays.

    I try not to drink that often, because, well, funds are tight and when I do drink somehow, some way, I end up blowing through my budget for the night. I have a bad habit of buying rounds for whoever is with me. I’m feelin’ good, so why shouldn’t my people be feelin’ good too?

    I am also quick to hop up and sing karaoke if I’m feelin good…but I attribute that to my Asian heritage. I also have a tendency to turn red once I’m a bit tipsy.

    On the gayness and fighting? You can miss me on all that.

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    • SN: You might actually be able to see this phenomenon in person tomorrow night at Park. Imma try to make it out.

      Reply ↓

  37. Spending my freshman year at a predominantly 2520 college in the mountains of damn near West Virginia in a town where Wal-Mart is the hotspot, I feel I am somewhat of a expert on this:

    -Take sh*ts……….with the door wide open……….in a house full of people
    -Participate in opposite day= I would never give you head
    -Become hella brave= Wassup my ninja! (you better be glad I’m carrying my equally drunk black roommate and know what would happen to black kids who effed up white kids in this Rosewood town).

    *disclaimer* I was not involved in the second one.

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  38. I got sloppy drunk ONE time in life and that was with a bunch of white people. I was 20. I ran into some girls I went to highschool with who invited me to her house to “catch up” and have some drinks. They were forcing me to do shots. You know how white people can peer pressure you into doing ish. Anywho, four shots of tequila and a margarita later… I was killing the white boys in dominos. I felt like I had to go pee so I stood up (funny you don’t realize you drank too much until you stand) and fell back in my chair. I was done. One of the white guys who had a thing for me offered to take me home (10 cases of vodka couldn’t get me to say yes) and then all of a sudden I noticed all 3 white guys looking at me like they wanted a piece. I went into panic mode and demanded a female to drive me home…her sister offered. Long story short, I learned that night that I can’t trust a white person like I can a black person. Homegirl dropped me off at my parents front door and left me. She broke the rule that you always wait til you see the person go inside before you drive off.

    Needless to say, I was trying to get my key in the door and it wouldn’t work. I ended up passing out on the front steps. My dad opened the front door at 7am and found me laying on the mat and I had peed on myself. I had 3 mosquito bites on my face no lie. As soon as I looked at him I started crying for sympathy. He just closed the door in my face. Never again.

    Reply ↓

    • lmbaooooo

      “He just closed the door in my face.”

      I am that kinda Pop too

      let them lil ninjettes come and do that sh!t

      Reply ↓

    • “My dad opened the front door at 7am and found me laying on the mat …. As soon as I looked at him I started crying for sympathy. He just closed the door in my face.”

      Damn! Pops is hardcore!

      Reply ↓

    • AHAHAH im sorry I know this isn’t funny, but I love the fact that your dad closed the door on your face. My dad would do the same, no matter what just happened to me.

      Reply ↓

    • Poor thing. I am glad nothing happened to you. Pops was real for doing that. I probably would have done the same to my future daughters. It’s okay, you were young and a lightweight. For some reason, if I am out and I see a black woman in a bar full of 2520s, I kinda keep my eye on her, just to be sure she is cool because I know I am probably one of the few black men around and that whole, brotherly, looking out instinct kicks in.

      Reply ↓

      • Yeah it was summer time, off from college and dad was trying to exert his parental role. Plus I was underage. I didn’t know how to handle my liquor back then, and I was 120lbs at the time so it hit me hard. I love that you’re the type of guy that would keep his eye on a woman amongst men. I don’t think it’s racist to say that many (not all) white men view black women as sexual objects…if I had a dollar for every white boy in my face. They some hornee mofos when they’re drunk. One of the girls that night told me all I kept saying was “get the eff away from me!” when they were trying to figure out who was going to take me home. LOL…even drunk I knew I couldn’t trust them.

        Reply ↓

        • Considering where you grew up, I understand where you are coming from. Especially at that age, I had to be careful when being around 2520s because, especially in the South, if something pops off, it’s her word against mine, and down here, my word wouldn’t probably mean sh!t. It can be the same way with a black woman and a white man in a situation like that. That brotherly instinct does kick in when I got out when I am on the road I am usually at a spot with nothing but white people and if I see a black woman around, she is going to stand out. The only time that it sucks when they are really bougie and act like I am trying to holla when I just want to say hi, just to let them know if anything pops on off with her, I got her. It ain’t like I got a grill or my pants are sagging. I probably got my sh!t together more than the 2520s you are hanging out with right now. (sorry, flashback)

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          • LOL!!! I’m not laughing at you but you describing a “oreo” black girl. I loved to laugh at these girls growing up. You know there was only a handful of black people in my school and there was two types of us: a) we were black and PROUD and tried to represent our race well or b) we were ashamed of being diff and did not want to associate with any other blacks in order to be more like “them”. Just laugh at black people like that and feel sorry for them because they don’t know any better. Self hating negroes are the worst! And to think I hated being light and I actually used to tan…YES!…to be darker. It wasn’t because you did/didn’t look like a thug, it was because you were a black man and it reminded her she was black too..

            Reply ↓

            • Self hating negroes are the worst for real. You poor thing, trying to tan. Ain’t nothing wrong with being light-skinned. What is funny is that people are saying that light skin is coming back in style and Wesley Snipes in New Jack City brought back dark skin back in the 80s. Well, I, and every chick I tried to get at from 1990-2004, didn’t get the memo because my brown skin @ss got no play from any shade of woman. And yes, I got plenty of stories about that. I have lived a very awkward life.

              Reply ↓

              • Awwww boo I’ll play with you. ;) I love my bronze skin cause that pasty yellow I was rockin before aint the biz but thanks! I didn’t think dark skin black men had that problem cause I usually am attracted to dark skin black men verses the light skin ones. I guess opposites atrract.

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    • @SFG

      LMBAO @ your drunk situation.
      Also, don’t trust white dudes either if they hand you a drink.
      Here’s my story: When I was twenty (yeah, I know I shouldn’t have been drinking), I went out with a couple of friends (with their male white friends) to celebrate a friend’s 21st birthday. The guys were buying the drinks and us girls were happy to accept them. At first, we were drinking shots of tequila with the occasional sips of beer in between. Then, the guys had brought back another round of shots from the bar and we assumed it was tequila, so my friends and I downed those in one gulp. After watching all three of us drink that last shot, they announced to us that it was Bacardi 151-proof instead of tequila. I learned a couple of things about myself from that night: when I am drunk, I am violent and mean. Plastic shopping bags from a bodega is really durable. I am a functional drunk.

      Reply ↓

      • Mimi, so glad you are able to tell the tale. Yeah, you gotta be careful accepting drinks. Everybody isn’t just benevolent and generous. Also, if you set your drink down and walk away from it, don’t pick it up again. Let it go, charge it to the game, and get a fresh one if you need a drink.

        Reply ↓

    • Yeah yeah HA HA…it was funny though. My dad is an old school jamaican with “princibalities” and ish. He knew I was out there because a neighbor saw me and called the house. True story he made me mow the lawn and clean the pool that day. We laugh at it now though. Mimi, yeah I don’t trust men PERIOD. The guys actually showed up after we started drinking. It just got way outta control. I didn’t mention this in the comment but I was wearing a bikini top and shorts…that was it! Stupid.

      Reply ↓

    • Awww, gurl! I’m glad nothing happened to you. Yes, if I did get bent, I made sure I was around cool people.

      Reply ↓

    • I’m late (and I rarely comment), but this??? This has tears running down my face. Probably the most hilalrious visual everrrrr!! Just now catching my breath. Thank you! Ha!

      Reply ↓

  39. Going to a predominately white school and having a white roommate I have witnessed ALL of this and them some…I swear I can’t count how many white dudes I’ve seen beaten out of their shoes in front of the “O” b/c they picked the wrong person to engage in their drunken rage with! And I swear my roommate banged our suite-mates at least twice our freshmen year…

    Alcohol gives WP a kind of boldness that is mind blowing sometimes…for example I was coming out of a party and it was raining and as you all know black girls do NOT do rain…anyway this drunk white dude walks up to me like “You want my umbrella? I know you don’t want to get your WEAVE wet!” and then he burst out laughing like it was THE funniest thing in the world, while I proceeded to take his umbrella (which was covering him and his equally drunk and stumbling girlfriend) and finished my walk to my car. No anger…because really I didn’t want to get my weave wet! :)

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  40. Drunk White Boys, as in drunk off your a$$ bout 3 am Sun morning in Adams Morgan, get real bold as in aggressive sexually as in tryna holla at a sistah O_o, that they’d normally(sober) be TOO intimidated to even speak to in a basic way LLS..

    These same mofos also tend to overly and irritatingly use alot of black folk speak/slang in extra lame attempts to sound cool or down and sometimes I think even in a mocking sort of way……

    Reply ↓

    • This is why I try to always take a man with me to Adams Morgan. Them mofos get EXTRA aggressive when drunk! And recall absolutely nothing the next day.

      Reply ↓

      • yessss that is the best policy, but sometimes they are not available or want to hang with the girls and play bodyguard LOL..

        Reply ↓

    • Have ya’ll been to Adams Morgan lately? Somehow we’ve managed outnumber the 2520s. Somebody mustve left a memo in the hood…

      1. athletic wear allowed
      2. reasonably priced drinks
      3. food
      4. music…
      5. minimal/no cover charge

      the ninjas are OUTCHEA. i don’t know what happened…

      Reply ↓

      • @So Flyy

        -LMAO…I was actually in Adams Morgan about a month, and I was surprised to say the least. I’m like when did things change? Granted, I used to mostly hang down there between 2004 and 2007 (geez, I’m aging myself), but still I’m confused, I didn’t get the memo that the demographics had changed so drastically.

        Reply ↓

        • you aren’t the only one… I didn’t get the memo either. I went down there hoping to relax (night w/o my stilettos & in my cute jeans) and laugh at the antics of the drunk 2520s. To my suprise, there were ninjas everywhere. O_O
          Of course where ever the ninjettes go the dress code changes so there were joints out there in their 5 inch heels & club attire. I was most definitely thrown off.

          Reply ↓

          • I haven’t been up AM in a min sh*t was getting out of control up there, people getting stabbed, shot, knocked upside the head, robbed etc and that’s not a fun environment to me. TOO much be going on up there on the late night, but I can def see the youngins hangin and/or the college crowd, HU students etc, but to me it always drew a diverse crowd *shrug*

            Reply ↓

    • I think even in a mocking sort of way

      Yes, I agree….I remember being at the beach and this white guy just started singing Lemon by Gucci when me and my friend walked past, but it seemed off to me.

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  41. I just wanna say thanks, Panama, for acknowledging how a lot of White people already have proximity issues when sober (men more so than women). That shit is so crucial.

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  42. Being born and raised in Boston, and going to school in the suburbs, I’ve had experiences with drunk white folks from the age of about 13 on. I believe that makes me a qualified expert. Seriously, I have a certificate and everything.

    The craziest thing I’ve seen them do when drunk is lay down in the middle of the street. Last winter alone I saw two white dudes laid the eff out. One was in NY, close to Times Square. Add to that that it was -10 degrees outside and traffic was heavy. We had to call the cops to come collect his drunk a**.

    The second time it was a younger guy in the middle of a busy intersection. He was bleeding from his head and two white chicks were trying to DRAG him to the curb cuz he couldnt walk, and were like “dont call the police he’ll be alright!”

    These two incidents, the fact that I know they have years of practice, and the incessant singing of “Sweet Caroline” is why I try to avoid drunk white people all together.

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    • I have heard some thangs about the people in Boston, especially about the hospitality that the 2520s give towards the black and brown folks. I traveled to Boston once and I behaved in the manner that one would go through if they were sitting in a Mercedes Benz, at 3 am, in a bad neighborhood.

      Reply ↓

      • They’re not that bad, I havent had too many blatantly racist incidents. But I shurehell dont wanna be around em when they’re drunk!

        Reply ↓

  44. Drunk white people scare me too.

    Whenever my 2 friends and I attend our 2520 friend’s party…we leave JUST in the nick of time…b/c they ALWAYS start fighting. The son in law and the father….my friend and her gay neighbors…the brother and Pauly P. I just can’t.

    I was catching the train back from NYC a few weeks ago…this drunk white dude gets on and his staring at me HARD. At first I thought he was trying to read my tattoo (it’s in arabic)…but it was more than that.

    Now I ain’t no punk about my sh*t…but I got scared as hell! He’s all sweaty and swaying as the train moved. Then he sat down next to me and said the following things in no particular order (mind you…black people ain’t ish…I’m looking at my fellow brethern for a life line and everybody would not make eye contact with me):

    -I look like Rhianna
    -I’m very pretty…for a black girl
    -Am I muslim
    -Do I hate white people
    -Have I dated a white boy before
    -I’m very pretty…for a black girl
    -Do I hate white boy b/c I never date one
    -Would I like to date one

    Reply ↓

    • See this is the foolywang, I’m talking about. They can be REALLY scary at times.

      A friend and I were leaving a concert and a group of about 9 white drunken guys surrounded us, asking do we date white guys, saying we’re pretty hot black chicks, blah blah blah. Funny enough, no one came to our rescue, and there were lots of people around.
      So, I had to act all Angry Black Womanish just to get them to leave us alone.

      Reply ↓

      • @openlysilent

        I was SO happy that guy got off at the next stop. I was trying to explain to my guy friend how scared I was. I mean really, you don’t know what 2520′s are capable of when they’re drunk. Black folk…I pretty much know what to expect,lol.

        Reply ↓

    • @LaBakir,
      Glad you can tell the tale and the entire exchange you listed made me salty. WTF does “for a black girl” mean? However, I totally agree with those scary moments with 2520 men, because something about the exchange sees you as a novelty, an object, and not a human being.

      Reply ↓

      • @legitimate_soul

        EXACTLY the “for a black girl” part slayed me more than Rhianna…b/c the only thing her and I have in common is the way my hair was styled. Made me think about that saying “all black people look alike”

        Reply ↓

  45. this is the reason fells point became a place not to go…..

    drunk ass white folks……

    supermax is right up 83…wasn’t tryin to make it my home….either

    i work with em…but that’s about it….

    Reply ↓

  46. This sounds all too familar to me. I need more black people in my life. STAT. Drunk 2520′s is NORMAL to me…unfortunately. Ha.

    Reply ↓

  47. Ok, regarding personal space, here’s how it is:

    Starting in Scandinavia people have really big personal spaces, and they are still respected in a drunken state, but then you always have a few mad-cow drunks (male and female) and then all bets are off.

    Going further south the personal space and the respect for it decreases. In Italy for instance personal spaces are pretty small, but it’s less socially accepted – especially for women – to get dead-ass drunk there, so the problem doesnt exist in the same way.

    Continuing south one gets to subsaharan Africa where the concept of personal space doesn’t really exist, except among the 0.1% who own everything.

    So, you must have turned things upside down somehow over in the New World. Well, there were a lot of hot-headed people going over, like my grandfather’s brother. At age 18, in 1921, he had this argument with his father and basically said f**k it, and boarded a ship to New York.

    As for African Americans, I have never actually met any, but I’m sure you are great when you are drunk!

    Reply ↓

  48. Ah, the stories I could tell, and probably will tell in this comment. I agree with Panama’s examples and here are some things I notice because I have been around drunk white people on many an occasion:

    -They buy random ni@@as drinks. Black people don’t do that and you know it. If I don’t you and I’m not trying to get into your drawers, I ain’t buying you a drink.
    -Drunk female 2520s grab my @ss, a lot.
    -They provide delightful entertainment with their lack of proficiency for dancing.
    -Drunk female 2520s with no @ss suddenly think they have one after drinking and want to back it up on everyone.
    -They educate you on new ways to get drunk. Black people mostly f**k with Hennessy, Crown, Patron, Goose and the cheap stuff is usually Paul Maison, Smirnoff, E&J. Because of drunk 2520s, I know what PBR,a Jagerbomb, and an Irish Car Bomb is.
    I will say this, though. I attended an HBCU and that is the only place I have done a keg stand and a beer bong. Go figure.

    *Time for ComicBookGuy story time*

    It was about 6 months after I graduated and I was working. I got cool with a new engineer that was hired at the time so me, him and his girlfriend went out bar hopping one Friday night. He and his girlfriend are 2520, I am in a bar that is predominately 2520 in a city that is 2520. No escaping it plus I am more bar, chit chat kind of guy. So I go to the bathroom and as soon as I zip up my pants, a 2520 chick with glasses barges into the bathroom. Apparently, the door did not lock properly to the bathroom. So of course I am surprised because just a few seconds earlier, my thang was out and that would have created a whole other story, but that didn’t happen. She was mad at her boyfriend because he was being jealous or something and she ran into the bathroom to get away from him, not knowing I was in there. This chick really wanted to have a conversation with me and I was like “maybe you ought to go outside and talk to him because he might think something is going on in here.” As soon as I open the door to lead her out (after washing my hands of course), there her boyfriend was. He looked like your typical Southern college graduate douche that still had some redneck in with a tight polo shirt and gelled hair. Probably an Auburn graduate. #shotsfired He was like “What were you doing in there, with my girl” and I was like dude, nothing happened, she barged in there not knowing I was in there. I was ready to throw down for real. I was still skinny back then so he probably wasn’t intimidated by me but if we had to throw dem thangs, cool. Out the corner of my eye, I see my boy get up and stand next to a bar stool. That’s all I needed to see. The girl calmed her guy down and they walked away. My boy was like, “I saw what was happening and if he had swung at you, we was going to catch a stool upside his head.” He’s been my friend for 5 years now.

    Reply ↓

    • LMAO @ “So of course I am surprised because just a few seconds earlier, my thang was out and that would have created a whole other story”

      But isn’t getting into arguments/fights while your out with your White friends the worst? The first time I had a run in with the cops (accused of stealing (I wasn’t) and called a ni@@er at a Target) was in high school on one of the rare occasions that I went out with a big group of White people. They all had my back, but still it was like, “Why now?”

      Reply ↓

    • They grab your butt huh? I bet. You had your “thang” out? Why do you do this. I’m trying to change. Let’s just say if I’m drunk around you, feel free to take advantage of me. I don’t mind one bit. Oh and you washed your hands? That’s a lie! Men never wash their hands after touching their 9 inch juicy perfectly lotioned thang…not neva.

      Reply ↓

      • LMBAO I got you. That was all on me. I could have told another drunk 2520 story but I told that one with you in mind. LOL But for real, that sh!t really caught me off guard. It would have really sucked if I was in midstream. I was tipsy but I was sober enough to realize the implications of being in a bar bathroom with a white girl in the South. Ben Rothliesberger should have learned from my example. And yes ma’am I do wash my hands after handling my business. As much as I travel, I see so many nasty 2520s that don’t wash their hands and it makes me want to shoot them with a paintball gun. If a brother doesn’t do it, he gets a major side eye from me, like “ni@@a, you know better”. I am more worried about you slipping roofies in my Tangueray and tonic than me taking advantage of a drunk SFG. I’ll probably wake up tied to a chair with a Granny Smith apple in my mouth.

        Reply ↓

        • I’m glad you are starting to know me. I think we’re at a point where I don’t need the drugs. You don’t want to see me drunk. Can you imagine what I must be like? I’d tear a hole in that spidey costume. LOL j/k!! i kidding

          Reply ↓

      • Lol, that’s my dude for real. His girlfriend, who is now his wife, is from Canada. The more I got to know her, when I look back on that moment, if dude would have swung, she would have come across his head with a beer bottle.

        Reply ↓

  49. Are we only doing funny stuff? ‘Cause I immediately thought, drag their Black friends behind a truck..i.e. James Byrd and Brandon McClelland.

    Reply ↓

    • ……

      I’m with you

      …….

      i’m out…folks already tellin me i look angry……..shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

      Reply ↓

      • I used to get the “why u mad?” comments too…I think I’m better at keeping a low profile now though, lol!

        But I am aware. I have not forgotten. And I do not chill (alone) with drunk white people.

        Reply ↓

        • *edaps*

          I used to think i was keepin it covered…..last week let me I got much work left undone…lol

          that and it’s time to move…..

          Reply ↓

  50. every drunk white person within a 10 foot radius without fail will touch my hair. and ask me “omg, i lurrve ur hair. how do u make it do that? i want an afro so0o0 bad!”.

    i tried to avoid this a few times by wearing a head wrap. didn’t work. “omg! how did u do that? i want a head scarf thingy!”

    tried another approach with hats. nope. whilst invading my space they would attempt to take off my hat and say “omgeee! pina where is ur haaaaayyrrr? i always lurve ur haaaayrrrr!” i immediately engaged my thote choppin technique.

    i also work at small ridiculously expensive college, in bawlmer city. these mofo’s forget that the hood is 2 blocks away. there seems to be a magical bar located on one of the worst corners in this part of the city that they ALL have to go. EVERY WEEKEND. apparently, the promise of obtaining an all-you-can-drink wristband deletes all prior knowledge, experience, and warnings that they will get the reginald denny treatment going to and coming from said bar. cuz they just keep on doing it. funny thing is they never report it, only way it gets in the blotter is if they pass out from the k-o and the ambuhlamb has to get them.

    Reply ↓

    • You must be talking about either Goucher, Loyola or Mica…. seen a couple of them students catch a bad one venturing outside of their boundary lines….

      Reply ↓

      • loyola. mix equal parts catholic guilt, inaccurate senses of entitlement, and dad’s credit card with copious amounts of alcohol (shaken, not stirred) and you get me sitting in on another judicial hearing.

        Reply ↓

        • lol…figured as much. that’s right down the street from me….
          it wouldn’t be a stretch to guess you referring to the bar on york rd…I see Loyola students act a fool along York rd. Fri, Saturday nights like they aren’t 2 nanoseconds from the hood…lol.

          Reply ↓

            • yeah…Mica students ..usually be artsy, drunk, entitled and unaware…till they cross over Eutaw st. or the other side of North ave…

              used to live over by bolton hill so seen this play out a couple of times..

              Reply ↓

          • they think that every black dude in the area is slangin, and approach them in an effort to score something

            or they don’t notice that crackhead/stick up kid/debo looking dude following them down the street

            best non hood story – after katrina a lot of groups were doing fundraising for the red cross. these 2 girls got the genius idea to buy a blow up kiddie pool and all the vanilla pudding they could find. then they put on bathing suits and charged for guys to come watch them wrestle in their dorm room. they were beyond wasted. made about $300 tho.

            Reply ↓

        • lmbaooooo….

          I used to live up that way too….cross York Road headin east…

          preppies gettin beat down

          oh the memories….i’m glad Gators is closed too….

          I am too old to deal with that sh!T!

          Reply ↓

          • Gators! HA!

            I remember the night gators got shut down forever. every towson athlete underage or not was there. the cops bust in to raid the place for underage drinking. kids were climbing over each other to get out like it was the sinking titanic. a few gymnasts climbed up in the rafters to hide from the po-po. good times.

            Reply ↓

            • 99/00 somewhere around then. was def closed by the time i graduated in 00. its a cafe called zen west now. the building was vacant for like 4 yrs before the cafe opened.

              gators was bananas. only fitting that the incident that caused it to close was epic. i remember the towson u paper had a whole 1st person account of the event. white kids were seriously freaking out about not having somewhere to go.

              Reply ↓

  51. I’ll say this though…for the adventurer among you, sticking around drunk White people WILL get you free entertainment, booze and, occasionally, food. The food bit is damn-near guaranteed if you’re around older drunkies who aren’t side-eying you or questioning your presence in their vicinity.

    Just don’t look the belligerent ones in the eye.

    Reply ↓

    • Cosign…it’s a helluva experience being around the drunkies….you’re guaranteed to walk away from the night w/ 2-3 interesting stories to tell.

      Reply ↓

      • Too true…but you gotta pick your drunkies carefully. Fuck w/ the wrong group, and the next thing you know, you’re being charged at by a drunken former Division II wrestler cuz he thought you were hitting on his ex.

        WATCH the entertainment, don’t BE the entertainment.

        Reply ↓

  52. Admittedly, drunk white folks tend to get extra friendly. Especially if its in a venue where they are the majority. They usually want to come up to the one black person and say/ask dumb shyt, and/or hug or put their arm around you.

    Regardless, I don’t like being around drunk people period. Black or White. Cause when black cats drink, they get an imaginary “S” on their chest and wanna live up to the street/music video hype.
    Thats why I stay walking around the spot with my empty Heineken bottle.
    I. Will. Not. Hesitate.

    Reply ↓

  53. Gotta mention drunks at sporting events:
    Drunk 2520′s be on that extra ignance at sporting events. Need I remind anyone of the Cleveland Browns game a few years back where ppl started throwing AA batteries, beer bottles, snowballs and other ish at the players and onto the field (this was before the game was even over).
    Better yet, the Pistons/Pacers game at Auburn Hills in 05. I’m sure dude had too much of that liquid courage…what else would prompt someone to throw a cup at Artest of all players. Needless to say, he prob wouldn’t run up on Ron-ron completely sober (I get the feeling a VSS is follow this comment w/ a well-placed shout to QB, New York)

    The ignance is felt at college sporting events as well. It ain’t necessarily a result of liquor, but 2520s at PWIs remain standing the whole time at college football games. Also, at a few schools it might be unwise to sit in the home section w/ the opposing team’s colors/paraphernalia on…words will often be exchanged and, depending on the level of intoxication, physical altercations are a possibility. I’m just sayin…

    Reply ↓

    • they be drunk as sh*t at games, so drunk I’m like how can you even enjoy the dayum game, SMH!!!

      Reply ↓

  54. LMAO This post take me back to my days at University of Delaware. Drunk white people will also vomit and piss on public property, and then return to the party and keep drinking. Also, this is a lesson I learned the hard way, but never, EVER try to keep up drink for drink with white people. I did that shit once, and only once, and literally can only remember 10% of that evening. the rest my roomate narrated to me, and i’m still mortified. drunk white people just don’t know when to call it quits, and insist on getting you just as fucked up as they are by buying you free drinks.

    Reply ↓

  56. so i’ve finally caught on to commenting FIRST and then scrolling back up and reading. else i forget my comment and end up getting into discussions about fantasia and hair weaves and transformers and everything else ninjas are talking about off topic. lmbo. gotta love VSB.

    anyhoo… “imperialist curmudgeonry?” really? lmbooo. your brain. really.

    i’ve always been afraid of drunk white people. the last drunk white party i was at i got hit on by loud drunk white girls and loud drunk white men who kept asking to touch my hair. ew. which is suppose is the offspring of invading personal space… actually wanting to touch you. ew again.

    they also streak. and flash boobs at any near camera.

    give me a weed smoking ninja over a drunk white person anyday of any week. thanks. lol

    Reply ↓

  57. “4. Invade personal space”

    You right–white people don’t respect personal space even when sober. I can’t count the number of times when I was in class and the girl in front of me flipped her damn hair and it ended up landing on my desk, on top of my space… I wanted to cut her hair off. I really, really did.

    Reply ↓

  58. i don’t hang around white people period let along drunk white people and based on this list i’m glad that i don’t. i was having this discussion earlier about one of my frat brothers who gets annoying when he gets drunk. he gets loud and irritating. i personally think that when you’ve been drinking your personality shouldn’t change dramatically up or down.

    Reply ↓

  61. Definitely have to co-sign the “go gay” part. Its a big reason why I dont do work related events cause all of a sudden my colleagues start fetish-izing me. Not fun at all and time to go home.

    Reply ↓

  62. I remember once while Chappelle’s Show was on the air a group of white dudes driving thru Adam’s Morgan in a cab yelling out to every Black person, “daaaaaaaaaaarkness”.

    That is hilarious!

    Reply ↓

  63. Another thing that I’ve noticed:
    With the experiences that I have gone through (with both white and black folks), I notice that white folks drink alcohol with the goal to get drunk. But, with the black folks that I’ve been around, getting drunk wasn’t the goal but can fall into the category of “sh*t happens”.

    Reply ↓

    • Yeah Mimi, Chris Rock once said white folks like to party to the edge, edge of death…being drunk in and of itself is not a good feeling but deliberately trying to go BEYOND is def some 2520 sh*t.
      Alcohol poisoning and sh*t and like that SMH…….

      Reply ↓

    • Yes, and I don’t understand that either. The times that I have been drunk off my a$$ I remember thinking “I don’t like this and I can’t wait to get sober.” Being a little tip is fine with me.

      Reply ↓

  64. I’d like too add to the gayness
    1. encourage other women to touch their fake tig ole bititie implants. “Go ahead squeeze them.”
    2.Become masochists. I once went to a white frat party. They were paddling each other. They messed up up an handed it to me and told me give it a try. I turned Ronni from players club. I tore some white boys up (for Kunta). In a bizarre display of machismo they all lined up for a swat to prove they weren’t “b!thches”
    3. Start fights for other people. “Me and my friend will beat your a$$.”

    Reply ↓

    • I forgot. They leave or throw their things down to fight or dance. Black folks assign a designated holder. I’m no sticky fingers but I find myself doing an inventory.Unattended Lexus keys, coach bag, watch that tells time in 9 countries, that shirt is on the mannequin at buckle for 90 dollars, iphone, leather jacket. That’d be a real comeup for a booster.

      Reply ↓

  65. YT women get fat…. as soon as they get drunk, they go from an actual size 3 to a size 16 in their mind.. I can’t tell you how many “do you think i’m fat” or “does this make me look fat”‘s i have gotten out with yt chikks. If you everrrrrrrrr want to break down a white girl, all you gotta do is call them fat. If you call them a skinny lookin coke wh**e… they will probably say “Thank you”

    Reply ↓

  66. LOL @ you KNOW black folks are lactose intolerant! My cousin and I were talking about how the mac n cheese, is barely touched at thanksgiving dinner. This must be why!!!

    Reply ↓

    • Barely touched mac n cheese? BLASPHEMY! Seriously, I understand if it makes you sick, but I’m a mac n’ cheese connoisseur! Reading that made me clutch my pearls (figuratively).

      Reply ↓

      • Hearing that info hurts my soul…
        I am also lactose intolerant, but I will still eat a bowl of my mom’s mac & cheese. All I have to do is pop a lactaid pill and I am cool.

        Reply ↓

  68. I’m mixed (black and white) and a girl, but when I’m drunk I can’t help but do that dude head nod at people. Like “sup bro” though it probably looks more like “hey, let’s have sex, its totally cool if you follow me home (the creepier the better).” I wonder if any other mixed chicks do that too or if I just become insanely weird/slutty when I throw back a couple of margaritas.

    Reply ↓

  69. I know you said you want to do journalistic writing, but these men write about themselves. They call themselves “Very Smart Brothers” VSB. They give 100% their opinion in a very personable way. Maybe you can bite some ideas off of them!

    Reply ↓

  70. Ya know at first I actually found this blog to be kind of humorous. As a white male I have seen alot of these characteristics a good bit in my caucasion Bretheren. But for real, to say that ALL white people do this stupid shit makes YOU PEOPLE (meant the way I said it) just as bad as any racists that ever walked this earth. Oh but I forgot in modern society its ok for black folks to get on the “pinkies” I guess to make up for all the years of slavery and lack of equal civil rights. Well for real the past is the fucking past and Black people need to leave that shit in the past. As you said drunk white people get crazy, and thats cause they do shit that they wouldnt normally do when they are sober. Thus they get smashed to let that shit out (and that might seem crazy to other races but thats just how we get down). MODERN white people are trying to be fair and equal but the scales will never be that way if black folks cant just let the past go and focus on an equal future. If anything black people bring out the racism in white folks by not letting that shit go. You back a mothu fuckin animal in a corner and its gonna fight its way out. Thats the way it is these days for white folks when you are the bad guy when you havent even done anything wrong(personally). Is what it is I guess and its gonna be what its gonna be.

    Reply ↓

  71. This post just takes me back to my good ol college days at White Univ.

    The drunken brawls on the bus leaving the local bar…..the racial slurs stated during said brawls…..the white boys asking me stupid questions like “do I know eddie murphy” because their drunk minds think that all black folks know each other….the puke in the residency hall…..the smell from the puke in the residency hall…..ah, those were the dayz!

    Nothing like drunk white boyz…..my one fear on this planet.

    Reply ↓

  72. Always remember…never pass out around white folks. Ever!

    I can bravely say I haven’t but I don’t sleep around them if drinks were heavy that night. Go ahead and google pass out pictures. SMH.

    Reply ↓

  73. Top reasons to not be around black people…. ever
    1. There’s a 95% chance I will get shot.

    2. Black bitches are scurryyyy. (Sober or drunk)

    3. You people are sneaky. I like knowing my hard earned money won’t mysteriously disappear from it’s hiding spot in my shoe.

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  75. White people are definitely known for urinating on themselves when they get drunk and pass out. I can’t even count all the stories and first hand experiences I’ve encountered with their inability to retain their bodily fluids after they fall asleep. It doesn’t even matter whether they are young or not!!! Grown ass white people will get trashed, meet a random girl/guy, go have drunken sex, pass out afterwards and then wet the other persons bed!!! I’ve never heard of a black man or woman doing this… EVER!!
    #shrug

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  76. Well how about u bastards stop bein racist cause a good bit of shit that us white ppl do.. Ya’ll do 2!!! N a lot messier

    Reply ↓

  77. You forgot one. White people get real friendly when they’re drunk. No joke I worked at this restaurant and the boss had some of his (drunk) friends stop by and for some reason the drunkest one in the bunch kept calling me “Brotha.” I didn’t even know this joker.

    Reply ↓

  78. what a great story and these comments, are very much from the heart, not rascist when you tell what you have seen with your own eyes, for me they seem light hearted and anicdotes, i’m white( imagine that ) and im a get funny and comedic drunk, i get all witty and blurt out things as if I was the white Eddie Murphy, and fromwhat ive been told can be borderline rascist but not in a sake a fist mad at other ways but a bring out the stereo types heavy way, some i remember most i dont, hard to believe yes but true,ive never been in a drunkin fight ever unless i was fighting myself to stand up, but i treat other races the same i pick on them and be funny just like everyone else, is that not equallity. i have not once wet myself since i was 3, vomit like a hose yes but not in my bed.and hope someday you guys will meet the more friendly white drunk we are a blast just dont take what we say serious especially if we are being a comedian and not trying to clobber you with a bottle in hand. the Chappelle rick james – eddie murphy’s brother darkness bit is so had me in tears, and everyone gets made fun of whether hateful or not. so i declare Tuesdays as get Tipsy with the happy drunk white guy day youll have a blast (or get arrested) not responsible for the 2nd and keep up the posting yours respectibly
    Phil the Thrasher.

    Reply ↓

  79. did i stumble across a secrete all black channel here? im a ginger (red head with freckles) which is super white. and i am wondering who you guys hang out with, lol as far as ive seen, no matter race or skin color the people i drink with all act the same. but thats funny that people act like that when they are drunk.

    Reply ↓

  81. Pingback: The “I’m Lucky I’m Black” Passes: Things Black People “Get Away With” That Others Can’t | Very Smart Brothas

  83. you forgot the holy grail of things white people do when they are drunk as opposed to black people…KARAOKE!

    anonymous white guy

    Reply ↓

  84. Also,black broads think themselves too good to pursue us life-size Brett dolls-in my case,a boyishly handsome,muscular-I’m 5’8″,212 lb.,sporting 181/4? biceps-black Canadian lad said by a lot of(buxom blonde)ladies to resemble a handsome black cowboy in my wranglers and lay it down even better OUT OF THEM!!!!Those white babes DO approach me,so guess which girls I prefer?

    Reply ↓

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