Things All Black Households Should Have

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Even bougie ninjas have plastic on their furniture. Ask Barack and Michelle.

Much like the Baltimore Ravens, all Black families have murderers in their families. Or is that just mine? Wait…did I just snitch? If I tell on myself, does that violate the Stop Snitching hood edict? I’ve never known the answer to that question.

Mr. Panama sir…what’s your point?

Glad you asked.

While criminals are innate to the Black family – and shouldn’t be – there are some things that all Black households should have.

(Don’t you love that completely non-sensical unparalleled parallel that I made there?)

Growing up, I always noticed a certain similarity between my home and the homes of my various friends and family members with Africa in their souls. Simple things like those big ass spoon and fork combos that nobody but Shaq or Willie The Giant could eat with that always managed to sit in a corner like they were fine collectibles and antiques. What is it with ninjas and big versions of everyday stuff? We like big cars, big hair, big booties. None of that is practical. Big cars use a lot of gas. I STAY losing my keys in big haired chicks big hair and a to quote the great poet laureate Andre 3000, “fat t*tties turn to teardrops and fat a** turns to flab…”

I’ll bet you never heard of a player with no game.

Anyway, to be a truly Black household, here is a list of things that you should have. Get like we.

1. A drum

Stereotypical out the gate? Absolutely. I’m dumbfounded by how many Black households don’t have a drum. Any kind of drum. Real talk, when ever I have people at my home and a deep conversation gets going I always break out the drum so people know that it’s real. Amazingly, all of the convos then follow the cadence of my conga playing. Basically it all looks the scene in Love Jones when Savon starts drumming, because drumming was SOOOO a Savon thing to do. By the way, all of this was hypothetical because I don’t actually have a drum. *hangs head in shame*

2. Some sort of Obama something

Commemorative plates. Bobbleheads. Random wanton posters featuring Obama saving a kitten in a tree. Chinese porcelain dolls named Sasha and Malia. Brown paper packages tied up with string. Something. No Black home is complete without some sort of picture, shrine, or weekly family dedication to the Obama clan and their quest to make Black people relevant.

3. Coming To America and at least 2 Spike Lee movies

Well, duh.

4. The Bible and an African-American historical book

Let me tell you something. Back in the day when folks used to go door to door selling sh*t like vacuum cleaners, X-ray machines, and encyclopedias, my parents were the ideal client. Especially if there was some sort of Black book collection. We ended up with a Black Bible (what made it Black, no idea, except it was huge and heavy. We automatically laid down our burdens every time we tried to pick it up.) and some set of encyclopedias that told the Black story. Which was great except 1) who just sits and reads encylopedias (aside from me) and 2) no reports in school were ever about who created spinners or the first ninja to niggarig something. But still, no household is complete without it. Extra points if you have that same ridiculous African-American bible that we have.

5. TCB

Every Black household should have some of that good hair food. That and some pink lotion. Hell I have four bottles of pink lotion and I don’t even have hair. Oh, and NO household is complete without Palmers. One day at Target they were selling bottles of Palmer’s Cocoa Butter lotion for $1.99. I don’t know why or who thought that was a good idea. But I’ll tell you what, I copped 5 bottles. Ashy to classy like a motherf*cker. Word booty. Target definitely caught the fade that day.

6. Diana Ross’s The Bossand Diana albums strictly for the album cover art

It’s that real in the field. Admittedly, this could be a man thing.

What else should all Black households have? Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka BLACKIE CHAN aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

[***AdminNote: For the DC ninjas, come party this Saturday, November 5, 2011 at Liv Nightclub (2001 11th Street, NW) as VSB brings you another edition of REMINISCE, the party dedicated to all 90s everything. Free before 11pm ($10 after); open bar from 10-11pm (real talk); and no dress code. Party wit' ya folk. Doors at 1opm.***]

177 thoughts on “Things All Black Households Should Have”

  1. i feel like my membership/card/and everything else is in question… i grew up with none.. thats right zero of the things mentioned… not even things adjacent to…

    on a brighter note i did grow up with plastic covered furniture like in the pic!!! ???cuz i’m black yall, i’m black ya’ll, cuz i’m black black blackidy black cuz i’m black and i’m back, cuz i’m fvckin’ black man! ???

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  2. My black household wasn’t complete without thee blackest thing evah, which I grew up being fascinated with at Mama Cheek’s crib. So I decided to claim it. She gave it to me. Best housewarming present evah. What was it?

    A picture of a lady making hot water cornbread: http://twitpic.com/6r8jct

    Oh, and make sure you have Kool-Aid in the fridge. My fridge could be THEE most barren college-aged bachelor lookin’ fridge evah, but I’mma still have some Kool-Aid in there.

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  6. Can we add common sense and home training to that list of things Black people should have in the house….(yes I know these two things are not purchasable, but they are trainable) there is not a lot of it being passed around over here in Houston with black folks….I swear if one more negro hollars at me from their car with some b.s. Or I see another black chick with unnaturally colored spectrum of the rainbow colored hair I’m going to go off….<< venting…

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  7. That pot of used grease that you will reuse 5 more times before you throw the grease away.
    A jar of vaseline which is good for chapped lips to basing a scalp.
    The iconic Malcolm and Martin picture which is akin to Obama stuff, I guess.
    Oh almost forgot…that room or chair you cant go in or use.

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  8. Something that is picturing Mammy will be in the household regardless of how the people there feel about her. And there will always be a specific photo album set aside of all the distant/deceased family members with the photos in sepia or black/white.

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    • I am still amazed by the fact that black folks seem to be the only folks using wash cloths. My roommate in college didn’t even know what the hell my washcloth was for.

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      • Oh, so true. On the flip side, other groups are a lot more likely to use body wash instead of bar soap. If you’re using body wash, there’s less of a need for wash cloths. :)

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        • Exactly. I have washcloths for guests, but that’s about it. I have a sponge thingy for my body, a loofah, and exfoliating gloves for my face. I haven’t used a washcloth in years.

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        • oh no, you still need a washcloth even if you use body wash. I use a body wash for my body and washcloth for my face. I shall never use something that I wipe my butt with to wash my face! Eww!!

          That reminds me: Not just a washcloth, but a washcloth for your face and a washcloth for your body (if you don’t use a body wash).

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  10. Most of the list above was in the household of my early childhood (except the drum and Obama stuff. My grandmother has sent a new Obama book for the last 2 Christmases and 1 birthday…)

    I would like to add:
    - Something afrocentric or some symbolic representation of “The Mother Land”
    - The picture of the “black” Last Supper
    - Spray Starch.

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  11. Ugh, I hated that f*cking Luster’s Pink Lotion!!! My grandma would slather that crap in my hair like it was butter & I looked like a grease ball. That and Magic hair grease will have your hair shining like someone spit-shined your sh*t. Ugh, bad memories just came flooding back, thanks a lot PJ >_< *lol*

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  12. I swear I use to love me some pink lotion! Between me and my sisters that stuff was in constant rotation in our house. It wasn’t until I grew up and went to college that I realized there was more than pink lotion! Now, I will say that I didn’t get turned onto Palmer’s until recently but I must say it works great….

    We had the big black bible and the big spoon and fork on the wall and I always thought that it was only our house.

    Now, all other black households I grew up in always had a good cast iron skillet for burning in the kitchen and a hot comb for burning my scalp! I swear to this day I see a hot comb and get mad! Also, carmex is another thing that was always in frequent use in our house.

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    • I still live by Pink Lotion to this day. [They changed the scent a few years ago and I 'swea fo Gawd I was ready to write a letter to Luster and cuss them out because the original smell reminded me of my childhood!]
      My favorite Uncle’s house had the giant spoon and fork on the kitchen wall, and cast iron skillets are the best cookware you could ever have. As low as my iron is, I need to be cooking everything in mine.
      I didn’t get hip to Carmex until I got to college and every black person I knew had some.

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  14. Almost everything on your list can be found in my Mama Nola’s house, which is really the entire family’s house. No Diana Ross albums. No Obama pictures, but she has the “commemorative coin collection” sitting in a case on the coffee table.
    Add to those things:
    - A key hidden outside so that everyone can get in whenever we want.
    - An entire living room that not one soul is allowed to sit in.
    - Box of baking soda in the fridge.
    - Kool-aid
    - Old cooking grease

    Yep, we shole is black!

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  16. i need to step my black game up b/c i only have #2 (a mug w/his birth certificate on it) and half of #3 (coming to america)…ill say this though..that big fork and spoon is STILL hanging in my 86 year old grandfathers house lol

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  17. What about a picture of somebody (in my case, it was my mother and my stepfather) in the club photo in the big wicker chair from the 80s. If it isn’t that, then you definitely have to have the or the 80s family portrait in the glossy wine glass. Maybe these were just things i saw growing up in detroit though… I think our house was just kinda ghetto…i mean, we had nothing on this list (except some MLK and Malcolm X stuff which prob took the place of Obama) but we did have the crisco can of used grease on the stove, and we used our non working floor model tv as a tv stand. Our house was definitely your typical house in the hood until my mom decided she was classy when i left do college.

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    • My aunt has over 10 of those wicker chair pictures! As far as the picture in the glossy wine glass; last year by friend’s mom and husband took one for Christmas. They went to Sears and the photographer had to go look in the archives for the disk that had the wine glass on it. When I went to her mom’s house, I was like “I didn’t know they use to date back in the day. I think it is cool that she kept this picture all of these years.” Then my friend told me to check the date on the photo and all I could do was ‘SMH’ and ‘LOL’.

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  18. Always grew up with the can of grease above the stove.
    Also had Coming to America
    Wash cloths in the bathrooms (had no idea that was only a black thing but had that too)
    Pink lotion was something serious in my house
    Gran will still pop off if she can’t find the Vaseline.

    add to those things:
    Mini glass figures of black people playing instruments or African women carrying baskets on head
    A giant movie poster of any Blaxsploitation film (extra ninja points if it features Pam Grier)
    A collection of Al Green albums

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  19. Every black household must have:
    * a musical instrument no one knows how to play
    * a ‘whoopin belt’ that you don’t actually wear
    * at least one book by Maya Angelou and Terry McMillan, and The Autobiography of Malcolm X
    * cocoa butter
    * Carmex
    * a pile of Wal-Mart plastic bags…for hot oil treatments

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  20. I must have a lil soul in me even tho I might be missing a few strands of melanin in my DNA. I might not have a drum, but I drum on things — the kitchen counter, the table, my son’s back when I’m hugging him… just about anything that I can make a beat on <—(leave that comment alone now). I do, however, have some hand made maracas! Love to shake and make my own musica (or just look like a foolish white girl who had one too many tequilas).

    I got me some Obama buttons, magnets and stickers around here somewhere with his campaign slogan on it. Even have a t-shirt.

    Not much on movies, Bibles are packed up, have a copy of Roots around here somewhere, TCB not so much, and all my old albums are also packed in the garage. I don't have a turn table anymore so they are probably going to be historical. Actually, they are probably already historical artifacts. I'm pretty sure I have Isley Brothers, Full Force, TLC early album, and at least one Michael Jackson album in that box. Don't know if my copy of Rolling Stones with Janet Jackson semi-nude on the cover would count as 'art', but I still have it. Somewhere around here I do have some real African art wood carvings and weaved wool throws. I used to know an African couple who owned an art gallery so I got some pretty cool stuff from them as well as my friends from Eritrea.

    I'll be taking my honorary "you must be the blackest white chick ever" card now. And, growing up, yeah, we had the super huge wooden spoon and fork hanging on the wall. I always wondered what the hell that was about.

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  21. Love love love the new layout. Very sexy.

    I’m missing several items but I have the Obama nalia and a few Spike Lee flicks. Maybe there should be a separate list for pseudobourgeios Negroes that includes items like a fraternal paddle or a Tribe Called Quest record.

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  22. Wicker furniture. The ‘good furniture’ that is only used to entertain company and for show. Security screen doors. A junk drawer in the kitchen. Velvet paintings. A ‘black power fist’ Afro pick.
    I’ll be back when I think of more.

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    • Plastic runners in the hallway. BLACK LEATHER COUCHES. [Why do black people love leather couches? A lady at my sister's church has a red leather couch with white, gold, and red leather pillows that she had specially made =/] A picture in the bathroom of a black baby playing with toilet paper.. something like this http://www.visualphotos.com/photo/2×4574383/african_american_girl_looking_into_toilet_bld072835.jpg
      This picture somewhere. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/B001V220YU/ref=dp_image_text_0?ie=UTF8&n=1055398&s=home-garden
      Praying hands. Bronzed baby shoes.

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      • Wow….I forgot ALL ABOUT the plastic runners, with the bumpy bottoms, so it won’t slide all over the house….but it still did anyway. Thanks.

        That second picture…..wow. Really, what the he11 are the chains for? I don’t think either of them are going to try to go anywhere.

        I thought that Marvin Gaye was the reason that so many black people were born in the 70s, but maybe it was these paintings…… These things just MAKE you want to grab somebody, ANYBODY…..well, almost anybody.

        Wait, I just thought of one:

        Incense! Especially Cherry, or Jungle Musk, or Panther sperm, or some other erotic scent.

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      • +1 on the black luv pic. My uncle used to make ‘em in jail and give them out as gifts.

        My favorite was the black light felt poster with the chex positions on it

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        • ” My uncle used to make ‘em in jail and give them out as gifts.”

          LOL! Really? Are you serious!??!?

          That is so hilarious to me, somehow.

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          • P made me feel free to share that I too have a criminal in the family #dontjudgeme.

            This was back in the 80′s when you could take educational classes and stuff before the cut those things out.

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            • C’mon, seriously. I have more than a few jailbirds in my family, my father being one of them. I’m not judging you, but the picture of some big, muscular brother printing Afro-erotic art is somehow funny to me. My bad.

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            • C’mon, seriously. I have more than a few jailbirds in my family, my father being one of them. I’m not judging you, but the picture of some big, muscular brother printing Afro-erotic art is somehow funny to me. My bad.

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  23. Plastic floor runners….lord jesus….and the Kitchen Prayer… in fact I have the kitchen prayer in my kitchen now, I dont know one black family that dont have a placard, plate, or something with that posted up in the kitchen….and whomever said the fish grease can and regular grease can was so dead on…. cant mix them up either!

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  24. Oh, this should be fun. Things all black households should have:

    - that one big a** pic of MLK Jr. My parents have a huge portrait hanging in the foyer of their house.
    - a painting of Mahalia Jackson
    - junk drawer in the kitchen
    - cast iron skillets
    - A copy of New Jack City
    - Malcolm X autobiography
    - the 80′s floor model tv that no one uses, but they just refuse to throw away
    - a collection of vinyl records
    - can of grease by the stove
    - Blue Magic hair grease
    - Black Jesus figurine
    - King James version Bible

    U guys pretty much covered a lot of the other things but those are the things that were in MY family’s house growing up…and now lol.

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    • lol much of this list is familiar. My mother has the junk drawer in the kitchen, king james bible, the hair grease and that can of grease by the stove.

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  25. I have non of these products in my household currently but I did grow up with the pink lotion, hair grease, and brown gel.

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  26. Was it DL Hughley who did his HBO special on a stage with a stereotypical black home? What killed me was the TV on top of the old TV in the nice wooden cabinet. I can’t tell you how many relatives had that stackable set.

    When I look around our place and realize that despite our color we must not be very black because we don’t have anything on the list. I have a cousin who insists that I need something black in my home. She buys me “black art” that she buys on the corner in front of the gas station. It may have black people in the picture, but it sure ain’t art. And, it won’t be hanging in my home.

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    • I was thinking about my parents home and my grandparents and other relatives homes and they barely have anything similar. Definitely no fork/spoon or old albums or TCB. The only things they really all have in common were giant TVs, LOL. Apparently folks in my family like TV.

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  27. Ok, here’s a few things that I’d like to add:

    1. Champale – My mother KEPT a bottle of Champale chilling in the fridge for the impromptu adult, after I beat the kids to sleep, convos.

    2. Murray’s hair grease – Yall’ sleepin’ on this one. Every real black home should have 1 orange can, ok.

    3. Aunt Jemima pancake syrup – That bottle is some of the most offensive, stereotypical products on the market, and WE are it’s biggest customer.

    4. Kaboom Cereal and Fruit Rounds – …….did I say something wrong? Why did everyone get quiet all of a sudden?

    5. Blue Magic – You GOTS to have some Blue Magic in the house! In the winter, my mother would slather that sh1t on my face before I went to school. My green writing paper (yeah, I know) would have little greasy fingerprints all over it.

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    • +1 for Aunt Jemima…

      My pancakes/french toast don’t taste right w/o it! And YES I can taste the difference!

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    • See, one thing my mom didn’t skimp on was cereal. We kept name-brands in our house. I think it was because she had to do without as a kid and wanted us to have better. We could skimp on some things, but name-brand cereal wasn’t one of them.

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    • “Kaboom Cereal and Fruit Rounds – …….did I say something wrong? Why did everyone get quiet all of a sudden?”

      Can’t front on this and I am not embarrassed. : ) When my mother used to get WIC after having my little brother, these were the only sugary cereals she was allowed to get. Otherwise, we could only get plain corn flakes or plain Cheerios. With those options (and given that I was 11 years old), I was begging for some Kabooms! LOL!

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      • My mother would sometimes get the corn flakes since that was all that was left, and I remember that I had to put half of one of those orange plastic containers of sugar on them to make them palatable!

        And I don’t care what ANYONE says, that damn cheese made the BEST grilled cheese samm-iches ever!

        Sometimes, I would get really high brow, and put a thin slice of spam with the cheese and grill it.

        Classy.

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        • LOL! I like you Dee!!!

          Didn’t 5lbs of sugar poured into your cereal make the milk taste great afterwards??

          And that block of cheese in the brown box…..had to put your back into it to cut a slice, but boy was it worth it!! : )

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          • “And that block of cheese in the brown box…..had to put your back into it to cut a slice”

            -I know, right! That’s when I realized that the butter knife is actually for butter! All of the different knives in the kitchen had a purpose. I thought it was arbitrary until I tried to get at that cheese.

            Oh, and the milk afterwards…..Oh, I HATED when I had a pound of straight sugar at the bottom of the bowl! My mother would be like “you’d better not waste it. You better make another bowl of cereal, or something”

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          • “And that block of cheese in the brown box…..had to put your back into it to cut a slice”

            I know, right! I had no idea that the knives in the kitchen had meaning, until I tried to cut that cheese with a butter knife.

            Oh, and the sugar in the cereal….I HATED when I had a pound of sugar at the bottom of the bowl when I was finished. My mother would say “you’d better not waste that sugar! You’d better make another bowl of cereal or something!”

            I grew up in Detroit. Where did you grow up?

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  28. Growing up all we had were the fork/spoon and Black history books. I don’t recall having a Bible but I know we did cus I spent a lot of time in church my first ten years. In my own home, I have pictures of the First Family up like they are relatives of mine. Oh and I have a Bible. Thankfully, my Blackness isn’t judged on possession of the items you listed.

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    • We had the King James Bible in my house. It wasn’t on a grand stand or anything, but everyone knew where to find it.

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    • White folks LOVE the big fork and spoon. Pier One sells them for loke sixty dollars each now. Smh

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      • YES! They stay stealing our ‘stuff’, repackaging, and making money. I think I need to open a business adding plastic covering to high end furniture before they get wind of that and start selling that too!

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  30. Bad Afro-American art used to be pretty standard on the list of things most black households have – but boughie folks have kinda gone away from it in favor of semi-afrocentric Caribbean art from DR or Costa Rica that looks good when you’re at the resort … until you get home and realize that all resort art looks the same. But if you still have one of those “lock any key” posters that adorned black college dorms across the country, don’t invite me over. Those and the Tommie Smith/John Carlos poster from the ’68 Olympics shouldn’t be allowed in black adult households.

    Adding to the list:
    A CD collection.
    Wonder Bread – White
    Whole Milk
    Crisco
    A gun or some other sort of weapon for home protection. Maybe a baseball bat behind the door that’ll never see a baseball diamond, or the long end of a Club anti-theft device, a machete someone found somewhere … etc.
    Old, Cast Iron Pots and Pans
    A Gas Stove – because everyone knows you can’t really burn on an electric stove.
    Your uncles big, huge, hand me down speakers
    A Cable box because n*ggas need cable.
    And of course… a working TV that sits on top of a broken one.

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    • I remember being extremely disturbed at 9 years of age when I was playing under my grandmother’s bed and found a machete. Really grandma? Really? lol

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    • I chose my place because of the stove! That electric shyt is some shyt!

      I have a machete I got from Ghana in my bedside table. I honestly don’t know how I got TWO of them through customs.

      Cast iron pots are LIFE! I steal them from my older relatives because they are perfectly seasoned.

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    • I DESPISE electric stoves. They do not cook food evenly.

      And, LOL @ the weapon. I inherited my Mom’s old baseball bat, lol…and I’m not getting rid of it.

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  31. So apparently I nor any of my family are black.
    Who knew?
    A drum…o_0

    What else should all Black households have?

    1. A giant TV that’s disproportionate to the size of the room.
    2. A deck of playing cards and/or Uno cards
    3. White bread

    I personally despise white bread. That’s all I got.

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  32. Things all black households should have:

    - Shortening. Even if it doesn’t have actual shortening in it and has been converted into a can to hold chicken grease.

    - Sugar. You know the deal.

    - Vaseline (it’s getting cold out!!!)

    - Comet (the cheapest scouring cleanser out there. Either under the bathroom sink or on the edge of the tub)

    -Pancake syrup (except we didn’t have Aunt Jemima, we had Mrs. Buttersworth)

    - Bread (you can do a lot with some bread)

    - TCB hair grease (loved the smell, hated it in my hair)

    - Pink Oil Moisturizer (until you got old enough to know better)

    - Cast-iron skillets (except ours came from Jamaica and are considered heirlooms)

    - Junk drawer in the kitchen (for ketchup/mustard/salt/pepper/soy sauce packets, old fortune cookies, take-out menues, matches, etc.)

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  33. I like the new fung-shway yall got going on here, even if the construction lasted longer than Kim K’s marriage….

    My house had everything except 1 and 6….wait im lying we had a drum it was just used as a curvy table.

    Notable Additions
    1. The old TV that blew out in 94 but you too lazy to throw out
    2. That old toy that would’ve been worth money had some lil ninja cousin not opened it that one thanksgiving
    3. Plates and glasses you never use even on holidays
    4. Empty liquor bottles (tell me Berry ciroc bottles dont make nice vases)
    5. A newspaper clipping from that one time a family member was mentioned
    6. A baby bottle from that one time you babysitted this relatives baby

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  34. I agree with several things already listed. In addition I would say a remote control with silver tape to hold the batteries in because you lost the actual back LOL

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  35. Grand Ma’s cast iron skillet. That thing was like a swiss army knife: paperweight, self defense tool, and made the BEST fried chicken and biscuits.

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  36. it might have been mentioned…
    but in a west indian household
    you will see dettol. and probably dax.
    both purchased in 1977.

    oh a sign that clearly states that you will get the side-eye of death if you walk in my house with your shoes on. (and maybe worse).

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    • My father was Jamaican. Name brands likely to be in our house was Desnoe & Gedde (D&G) and Grace. No Goya. Never Goya.

      Other items:

      - Curry powder
      - fresh coconut – the actual coconut, not the shredded kind for desserts
      - jerk seasoning
      - scotch bonnet peppers
      - lots and lots of onions and scallions
      - browning
      - kidney beans (for the coconut rice)

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        • My husband’s Caribbean. I forgot one time and tried to walk in the house with my shoes on (when we were dating) and got a good Caribbean fussing-out. I take my shoes off OUTSIDE the house now. But I LOVE his Caribbean a@@ and whatever he wants me to take off, I will ;) . Did I say I LOVE him, lol? Is it a requirement for all Caribbean men abroad to have the flag of their home country somewhere – in the house, on the car? Also, those shirts that are made of mesh or something (the ones that you can see through with all the holes. that are red, gold, and green). He calls it a skipper shirt.

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  37. I’m probably the only black man this side of the Chattanooga that has never sat through Love Jones in it’s entirety. Not to say that it isn’t one of those classic and frequently referenced movies in the blogging community, but I don’t know what it is that will not allow me to finish that movie.

    Every black person should have a piece of African Art in their living room. Sure, you bought it from a flea market from a man named Yusef with ashy feet. He sure looked authentically African (even though his real name is Joseph Miller) with his Kufi on and all. It can be the pregnant woman with baby attached to her hip or of a guy holding a spear…or carefully carved wooden birds…you gots to have some African art in order to feel cultured.

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  38. Palmer’s user for over 15 years lol

    My son has his Obama doll with the ears and the finger & his gourd drum lol

    * Who has relatives who still have the Black velvet painting with the nude bodacious Black woman with the Afro? :-)

    Honorable mentions:

    * A picture of the Last Supper that has semi-nude Black men in dreadlocks and kente cloth

    * School Pictures taped to the wall — not in the nice frames — but taped to the wall with scotch tape, and sometimes in a cardboard folder that was folded open then taped to the wall.

    * Grease is literally coating the upper and sometimes lower kitchen cabinets from all the cooking done in grease on the stove.

    * the dining room table that’s just for display and/or the living room sofa that no one is allowed to sit on.

    My grandma had plastic on her living room furniture. After a press and curl, I’d lie down on it and take a nap and wake up with one side of my body drenched in sweat and half an Afro.

    Reply ↓

      • Most hoodrat cribs use the frameless montage in order to chronicle the lives of their little hoodlets. They do sell frames at the dollar store though…just saying…

        Reply ↓

  39. A roach clip!

    Don’t even TRY to tell me your parent(s) didn’t have one in the ash tray, like the kids didn’t know what it was for.

    Reply ↓

      • Oh, you don’t know about the roach clip?

        The term “roach” is an old slang term for the remnants of a joint (marijuana cigarette) that has been smoked. The roach clip allows the very very cheap a$$ weed smoker to get another inch of smoke from an already smoked joint.

        Either this would happen, or they would take a bunch of roaches, and make them a new joint.

        And your next question, although I do indeed have dreadlocks past my shoulders, and my parents were complete weed-heads when I was young, no, I have never smoked weed in my life.

        “I learned it by watching you!”….partnership for a drug-free America (lol).

        Reply ↓

      • +1 on the roack clip. Folks would smoke that thing down to the metal if they could. Hence the “weed lips” reference.

        Reply ↓

  40. Blue Magic, Duke, or Sulpher 8
    Some kind of Last Supper or Ernie Barnes picture (think Good Times) with a plastic gold frame
    A pitbull or rottweiler tied up outside
    A fake large floor plant in the corner
    Stack of outdated magazines/newspapers
    Mason Jar or coffee can w/old grease on the stove
    Multiple cars in the front and back yard that dont work
    Indoor furniture used as outdoor furniture (couch on porches)

    Reply ↓

  42. the velvet ebony picture, cans of reused lard on the stove, random tops rolling papers that got lost years ago in a closet, pink oil moisturizer, wooden fork and spoon on the wall in the dining room, plastic floor runners (((why is it that the carpet was dirty everywhere else but under the floor runner))), hot combs, leather barber straps (((which i was beat with on more than dozens of occasions))), royal crown hair grease, duke hair care products

    Reply ↓

  43. To add…

    Crown royal bags!

    I can’t think of anybody in my family that doesn’t have a few crown royal bags with a bunch of change in each one.

    Reply ↓

  45. dang i missed y’all……

    i been travellin like a mug for work…nice redesign too

    i got thangs 1 3 and 4. We all natural up in my joint…pinkhairdrank

    some ivan van sertima books don’t never hurt

    Reply ↓

  49. I and my woman are only marginally black. We had some Palmer’s. She be goin thru that lotion like water. We have bibles but I think we have a copy of every religious text. I even got some Hindu book. We just have multitudes of books for no reason. We be reading and sheet.

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  50. LOL this list just tickles me. I’m feeling like my black card may get revoked as well because the only thing I have on this list is the Bible. I will say that whether it’s Palmers or some other kind of lubricant there’s always tons of lotion and moisturizers in a Black home. I keeps lotion and oils and vaseline and body scrubs on deck, can’t have no ashy skin!

    Reply ↓

  52. Maybe these are Florida things:
    1: A broken screen door that’s barely on the hinges, but still manages to lock – at my grandma’s house – and she gets mad if you pull on it too hard because it just might come off. The screen’s torn too. She won’t let us replace it.

    2. Aloe in the house from the front yard for any skin ailments.

    3. Anything Arm & Hammer makes.
    4. Ambi.

    Reply ↓

  53. -Headscarves
    -Do Rags
    -Black Hair Care products
    -Whole Yams/Sweet potatos somewhere in the kitchen
    -Great sound system for music
    -The Wedding Broom (the one that was jumped over at the wedding) on the wall) if it’s a couples house.
    -Black Angel atop the Christmas Tree, Black Santa on the roof, Black Jesus for the holy rolling black families.
    -Sylvia’s canned goods
    -

    Reply ↓

  54. Unsure if this is a black thing or a Florida thing – or maybe these are black things in Florida

    1. A raggedy screen door that’s coming off the hinges but still locks (at your grandma’s house). She gets mad if we pull the door too hard because it might actually come off the hinges – and she won’t let her children or grandchildren replace it. The screen is torn too.

    2. Aloe from your yard that’s in the house and used to treat any type of skin ailment.

    3. Anything made by Arm & Hammer.

    4. Ambi.

    5. Indian house blessing air freshener.

    6. Lottery numbers written on scraps of paper.

    7. Throwback wicker fans hung on the wall/those hanging bead things that you have to walk through to get into my grandmama nem kitchen.

    Reply ↓

  55. Dead @ a drum. We have a mini two (twin?) drums in the basement. Have had it since I was little and my brother and I used to get down on them. HAHAHAHA! Now I wanna get a drum for my house!

    Reply ↓

  57. I just got an Obama sticker and I believe I have Coming to America, Jungle Fever and Do the Right Thing. Good enough right?

    Reply ↓

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