These Are The Tales, The PJ Tales, Part II » VSB

Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

These Are The Tales, The PJ Tales, Part II

photo (3)Earlier, I intro’d the story of Jackie, a young Spelmanite who I’d found myself enamored with without ever having uttered much of a word to her. At all. But that’s pretty much standard fare for most guys at some point who have determined they have something to lose in life. Many, many people have stories of a love interest they never knew.

My story of Jackie, though, has some EPIC fumbles on the part of one Panama Jackson. That’s me. Two in particular for which I can do nothing but hang my head in shame at the missed opportunity due to my attempts to be SOOO cool in the situation that I OVER fcuked the dog. Speaking of f*cking the dog, did you all see that video of the cat that came the rescue of the little boy by going Terry Tate on the dog? It’s awesome.

Anyway…let’s delve back in.

So, during the course of what was my sophomore year (her freshman year) we of course saw one another a million times throughout the Atlanta University Center (AUC). I’d see her randomly at the library or on our infamous strip that runs through Clark Atlanta’s campus. Or on Spelman’s campus. We’d always lock eyes for at least a second. Always. Almost as if she was just WAITING for me to TAKE a chance. I never did. In fact, if I was her, I’d have thought I was a simp. Which given this story, is accurate. But it got taken to a NEW Celtics in ’86 level one fine Saturday in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

Yes, Chattanooga, Tennessee.

My best friend, the one who passed away, was originally from Chickamauga, Georgia, a small town right outside of Chat-town. So many summers were spent at his grandparents farm. They were kind of a big deal…actually not even kind of, they WERE a big deal there. I could tell you their names and you could google them and be amazed. But I shan’t. Because personal.

Anyway, he moved back there to pursue some rapper aspirations because instead of going to Atlanta like everybody else, he figured he’d make it coming out of Chattanooga. Needless to say, that did not pan out. Bad decisions, thy name he praised. Well, one summer (I’m thinking this is between my junior and senior year) I go up to visit one weekend and we decide to head to Hamilton Place Mall. It’s a pretty nice mall as far as malls go and back then at age 20, where else do you to scheme on women? The mall.

And yes, you know exactly where this is going.

So we walk through the mall. I even remember what I had on this day. I had on a flaming red Da*Linkwent tshirt, some gray sweat pants with the pockets and all that jazz, and the silver Tim Duncan foams. Needless to say, in Chattanooga, Tennakey, in 2000…I stood out. Oh, and at this time, I had hair like Krazy Bone. Yes, I used to have hair and it was fabulous.

So we’re walking through the mall and WHO (but who) do I see walking towards me looking like a bag of money and lugging ALL of the toys Santa Claus has ever made at the North Pole?

Jackie.

She stopped DEAD in her tracks when she saw me. I had already lost all of my sh*t.

We look at each other and she kept walking towards me. I stop her (see I did speak finally) to say the only thing I could think of.

“Excuse me, you look familiar…do you go to Spelman?” (OF COURSE SHE GOES TO SPELMAN YOU’VE BEEN STALKING HER FOR TWO YEARS…WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?)

Her: “Yeah…I do. Do you go to Morehouse?” (Aww she played it cool…I might be in love)

Me: “I sure do! You’re a cheerleader right?” (N*gga you know she’s a cheerleader but at least she’s playing along…this is going well…)

Her: “I am…are you from here?????”

Me: “I’m not. I’m up visiting my brother who lives here….

And this is where, I, Panama Dontavious Jackson of the Atlanta Dontavious Jacksons, pulled THE most ridiculous sh*t known to man in the history of evolution.

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Me: “Well nice to see you..take care!”

Walks off.

As I walked off, she just stood there standing, dumbfounded. My brother had the total sh*t face.

I didn’t even ask her what her name was, b. (I already knew it but that’s neither here nor there).

She was lugging the biggest bags in history…I could have asked her if she needed help carrying them to her car and prolonged the convo and parlayed that into exchanging information or at least a “look for me in the fall.” Something.

Anything.

My brother, after a few minutes, said, “P, you my man, and I love you…but I’ve never seen a person f*ck up a green light like you just f*cked it up. I mean that was IMPRESSIVELY bad how hard you fumbled. She was talking. She was smiling. She’s bad as hell. And she was RIGHT THERE. And you f*cked that one ALL up. Bro, you disappointed me today.”

He just shook his head and kept telling me how dumb I was.

And dumb I was…soooo dumb….

Bu-bu-bu-but wait it gets worse…there’s more….

Part III will be the ultimate icing on the cake. PJ’s Immaculate Fumble with Jackie has not reached its conclusion.

Le sigh.

-VSB P

 

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • Check Panama’s Instagram. He had the prettiest Indian remy hair as a kid

    • panamajackson

      Not pretty Indian remy hair tho.

      • me2

        i saw that yoles said he was posting pics of cute lil indian kids on IG

  • Reemo

    You fumbled while running into the endzone untouched
    You air-balled a free throw in a quiet gym
    I don’t know an appropriate baseball or hockey analogy but whatever they are, you did them too.
    I feel you pain though because I still do this. I have several “wait, did I just miss something moments” in my life. Some people live and learn but I just say “eh” and keep it moving.

    • panamajackson

      I’m basically DeShaun Jackson.

  • Val

    Comes out of lurkdom to smack PJ upside the head.

    • panamajackson

      It’s deserved.

  • IcePrincess

    Panama!!!! Smmfh. Witcho cool azz. Her too. Both of yall were ridiculous that day. You walked off, & she let you. Closes mouths don’t get fed, and yall fools starving lol. Can’t wait for the 3rd installment!

    • panamajackson

      You know, there’s always the possibility that she let me walk away cuz she wasn’t interested at all. But I doubt thats the case. I think by that point she was justlike who is this f*cker that keeps being around that I keep locking eyes with.

      • IcePrincess

        Idk, it’s like you two were in some type of weird standoff or something. You already admitted that you are somewhat arrogant. And if she bad as you say she is, she prolly was too. Seems like yall both missed out cuz of pride. If she was a real woman that was interested in you, she woulda recovered your fumble!

  • bwahahahaa DUDE!! yikes! I alsoo feel for her more so if she is an overthinker like me. Suspense!! Please finish the story SOON! :)

    • panamajackson

      soon come. its going up at midnight.

  • Sweet Ga Brown

    PJ I really cant see you f’ing this up more than its already been f’ed up.
    Poor Jackie left that mall that day feeling like she wasnt as pretty as her daddy told her she was. She is somewhere believing that guys come off like they feeling you but they “playing games.”
    Jackie may even be the person that came up with the phrase “playin games” and its all because of that day in the mall. Woe is Jackie!!! Wooooeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

    • panamajackson

      Trust me. I definitely did worse.

    • No, she was the game player. She should have just laid it out there. Or maybe she ain’t about that life. Ain’t no shook hands in Brooklyn and all that. If she was, she would have pushed up.

  • I’ve crashed and burned on the spot similar to the way Panama did here. I can’t explain why I shut down but I did. I’d been clocking this lady for about a month. Passing each other at work, making eye contact. I’d see her out and about and we’d speak then one day found myself front and center to her with a coffee shop right behind her. Did I take advantage of the God given prop and offer coffee? Nooo. I spoke, she hesitated as if she was expecting more to come out of my mouth–it didn’t. I bid her a nice day and have been kicking myself every since for letting that one get away.

    • panamajackson

      A man after my own pain. *tips hat*

  • Paradigm

    Jackie must have been FOIINNN! This lends itself to what one of my favorite radio personalities states regarding your idols. It’s best never to truly meet them because you will be disappointed. Seems like if PJ really got to know Jackie well it may have messed up whatever fantasy girl aspirations he had for her.

    • panamajackson

      Yeah, she was/is. Here’s the thing. Bc she went to Spelman we know so many common people. Hell, I hang with her linesisters here in DC. She was allegedly as nice a pesron as I thought. She’s good now. Happily married and living the good life.

    • towninc

      yep stick to just crushing

  • NomadaNare

    Son, though… PJ, you sonned yaself.

    • panamajackson

      Totally.

  • Keisha

    Man, I feel so bad for you. I can’t possibly imagine how you could have done anything worse… :-(

    • panamajackson

      lol. That’s b/c truth is stranger than fiction.

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