Earlier, I intro’d the story of Jackie, a young Spelmanite who I’d found myself enamored with without ever having uttered much of a word to her. At all. But that’s pretty much standard fare for most guys at some point who have determined they have something to lose in life. Many, many people have stories of a love interest they never knew.
My story of Jackie, though, has some EPIC fumbles on the part of one Panama Jackson. That’s me. Two in particular for which I can do nothing but hang my head in shame at the missed opportunity due to my attempts to be SOOO cool in the situation that I OVER fcuked the dog. Speaking of f*cking the dog, did you all see that video of the cat that came the rescue of the little boy by going Terry Tate on the dog? It’s awesome.
Anyway…let’s delve back in.
So, during the course of what was my sophomore year (her freshman year) we of course saw one another a million times throughout the Atlanta University Center (AUC). I’d see her randomly at the library or on our infamous strip that runs through Clark Atlanta’s campus. Or on Spelman’s campus. We’d always lock eyes for at least a second. Always. Almost as if she was just WAITING for me to TAKE a chance. I never did. In fact, if I was her, I’d have thought I was a simp. Which given this story, is accurate. But it got taken to a NEW Celtics in ’86 level one fine Saturday in Chattanooga, Tennessee.
Yes, Chattanooga, Tennessee.
My best friend, the one who passed away, was originally from Chickamauga, Georgia, a small town right outside of Chat-town. So many summers were spent at his grandparents farm. They were kind of a big deal…actually not even kind of, they WERE a big deal there. I could tell you their names and you could google them and be amazed. But I shan’t. Because personal.
Anyway, he moved back there to pursue some rapper aspirations because instead of going to Atlanta like everybody else, he figured he’d make it coming out of Chattanooga. Needless to say, that did not pan out. Bad decisions, thy name he praised. Well, one summer (I’m thinking this is between my junior and senior year) I go up to visit one weekend and we decide to head to Hamilton Place Mall. It’s a pretty nice mall as far as malls go and back then at age 20, where else do you to scheme on women? The mall.
And yes, you know exactly where this is going.
So we walk through the mall. I even remember what I had on this day. I had on a flaming red Da*Linkwent tshirt, some gray sweat pants with the pockets and all that jazz, and the silver Tim Duncan foams. Needless to say, in Chattanooga, Tennakey, in 2000…I stood out. Oh, and at this time, I had hair like Krazy Bone. Yes, I used to have hair and it was fabulous.
So we’re walking through the mall and WHO (but who) do I see walking towards me looking like a bag of money and lugging ALL of the toys Santa Claus has ever made at the North Pole?
She stopped DEAD in her tracks when she saw me. I had already lost all of my sh*t.
We look at each other and she kept walking towards me. I stop her (see I did speak finally) to say the only thing I could think of.
“Excuse me, you look familiar…do you go to Spelman?” (OF COURSE SHE GOES TO SPELMAN YOU’VE BEEN STALKING HER FOR TWO YEARS…WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?)
Her: “Yeah…I do. Do you go to Morehouse?” (Aww she played it cool…I might be in love)
Me: “I sure do! You’re a cheerleader right?” (N*gga you know she’s a cheerleader but at least she’s playing along…this is going well…)
Her: “I am…are you from here?????”
Me: “I’m not. I’m up visiting my brother who lives here….
And this is where, I, Panama Dontavious Jackson of the Atlanta Dontavious Jacksons, pulled THE most ridiculous sh*t known to man in the history of evolution.
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Me: “Well nice to see you..take care!”
As I walked off, she just stood there standing, dumbfounded. My brother had the total sh*t face.
I didn’t even ask her what her name was, b. (I already knew it but that’s neither here nor there).
She was lugging the biggest bags in history…I could have asked her if she needed help carrying them to her car and prolonged the convo and parlayed that into exchanging information or at least a “look for me in the fall.” Something.
My brother, after a few minutes, said, “P, you my man, and I love you…but I’ve never seen a person f*ck up a green light like you just f*cked it up. I mean that was IMPRESSIVELY bad how hard you fumbled. She was talking. She was smiling. She’s bad as hell. And she was RIGHT THERE. And you f*cked that one ALL up. Bro, you disappointed me today.”
He just shook his head and kept telling me how dumb I was.
And dumb I was…soooo dumb….
Bu-bu-bu-but wait it gets worse…there’s more….
Part III will be the ultimate icing on the cake. PJ’s Immaculate Fumble with Jackie has not reached its conclusion.