These Are The Tales, The PJ Tales, Part I » VSB

Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

These Are The Tales, The PJ Tales, Part I

photo (1)Can I tell you all a story? It’s not a story of redemption. In fact, it doesn’t even have a happy ending. At least not for me. Somebody else definitely took my happy ending and made babies with it. No, this is a story about blown chances. And missed opportunities. And mostly about a woman I never knew that somehow managed to be a central figure in my life for years.

She represented a young Panama’s inability to act. While I’ve grown up and into a confident (and bordering on arrogant) individual, this was a time when I could hold court for 1,000 people on stage with ease but couldn’t holler at the one woman* that I wanted to speak to.

I call this time…college.

So again, can I tell you a story? Good. Have a seat.

There are a few days that I have vivid memories of in my life. I won’t get into all of them because for this story, only one matters. It was the day I saw “her”. We should give her a name. Let’s call her Jackie. This is not her real name. In fact, just now in order to come up with a name, I looked at my iTunes list and the first name I saw was Jackie DeShannon of “What The World Needs Now Is Love” fame . Anyway, let me tell you how she entered into my life. Jackie was a cheerleader for Morehouse College. Shortly before our football season started my sophomore year, we had  pep rally for our football team. Just as a point of historical note, my sophomore year, our football team went 0-10. There must have been foresight because NOBODY went to the pep rally. Me and my boy did however, since our other friend was on the ill-fated football team.

While sitting in the stands I look down and I see Jackie. She was gorgeous. Like ABSOLUTELY, without fail, easily a dime. The kind nobody questions. Well, I’m trying to tell my boy how bad she is and he keeps asking me which one she is. My attempts to describe apparently fell on deaf ears – odd considering he easily agreed how hot she was – so I did the only thing I could think of to illustrate to him who I was talking about.

I pointed *dead* at her. And said, “her…that one RIGHT there is the one I’m talking about. The hot one!” Loudly. Or at least loud enough amidst the silent celebration taking place in our gym that a few cheerleaders turned to see who was talking. Mind you, there are maybe 10 of us in the stands so they all saw me pointing. And so did Jackie. And she smiled at me. A huge smile. One of those, “awwwwww…” smiles. One of those, “I see you up there, I’m flattered and that’s cute.”

I was embarassed, but all I could do was laugh. And smile back. We exchanged a smile. She knew I was alive. For those of you who have been cool your entire lives, a woman that you find attractive that knows your alive is pretty much where you can close the piano and go home. You’ve achieved all. Funny thing is, in every other facet but this woman, I was absolutely the cool kid.

Well, the pep rally ended and we left still laughing and talking about the fact that I’d actually pointed directly at her and she acknowledged it. We were kids. That was a big deal. Keep in mind, this is also 1998, before you could stalk anybody on social media. She went to Spelman but I had no idea when or if I’d see her again. Me and the homey went back to my dorm to sit outside on a rail and lo and behold, here she came walking down the walkway with two dudes in tow.

She looked directly at me, smiled again, then kept it moving. My boy was like, “yep, she definitely isn’t forgetting you. You’re in there.”

Oh, P. You were in there. Heh heh. Pun.

True enough, she didn’t forget me. How do I know this? Because for the next three years, we danced without ever touching.

Because the purpose of this little anecdote was to talk about missed opportunties, I won’t dwell on the regular see her from across Lower Manley (common gathering area on Spelman’s campus) sightings and mutual stare downs, though they happened frequently. So much so that even my boys were annoyed that I never tried to holler because it was clear that just from our visual interaction, she’d at least give me the chance to fail.

Which, really, is all any man needs in life…at the very least the opportunity to blow it. Maybe you win and you ride off into the sunset happily ever after. Maybe you lose, but you went down swinging and you live to fight another day.

Well because God has a sense of humor and CLEARLY was trying to see just how much of a womp I was two instances in far away places occurred that showed me that maybe, just maybe, I was supposed to meet this woman. And both times I blew it with such tremendous aplomb that I’m writing about it today because I was reminded of Jackie two days ago.

I’m not the same guy I used to be in terms of being shook. And to be clear, I wasn’t really shook of the ladies. I was shook at THAT lady. Jackie represented something to me. She wasn’t some hot chick – though she was – she was a woman I genuinely wanted to know.

Tune in later for Part II where you get to see how somebody’s God did their BEST to hook me up and I fumbled. Oh…did I fumble.

-VSB P aka MR I WONT FUMBLE NOW BUT IT DOESNT REALLY MATTER IN THIS CONTEXT SINCE I ALREADY BLEW IT AND THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • My sincerest apologies to Peggy back in 2006. I saw you were interested in me, but I didn’t have the heart to take it there- you know, workplace rules and stuff like that. If it wasn’t for that, then…you know…

  • Thankfully, I haven’t had to many Jackie stories. I have an ability to push on anyone at anytime. I may or may not have pushed up on the female cousin of a VSB regular 30 seconds after meeting her because I liked the way she fit them jeans. Everywhere I’ve been since 12 and single, there has been some story of “yo, did you see Todd push up on so-and-so?” It’s gotten me a lot of pretty women on my arm and a lot of freaks. It’s also let to some awkward conversations with my dad after he’s seen me interact with said women on Facebook. (Though I’m just friends with a few now.)

    My legacy is that of the nuclear rejection. Of being yelled at for 10-15 minutes by someone upset that I had the audacity to talk to them. Of being told that no one would want a burnt African m*therf*cker like me. Of being yelled at and mocked for talking to the “wrong” women, and that I had to earn my way to talk to women like them. My thinking was that I had the right to holla at any woman as of right. All of those nuclear rejections also showed me that as much as women present themselves as caring and loving, the only thing keeping them from Ike Turner status is a lack of (physical) strength. They will know how to emotionally abuse a man repeatedly just because they can. They will try to destroy a man’s will, but I refuse to let them.

    Now you men need to step up, and you women need to show your interest in much more explicit terms. Don’t hint. Don’t flirt. Just shove your tongue down his throat, grab the goods, then ask if he has condoms and a place where there’s reduced likelihood of being arrested for indecent exposure. After that, enjoy yourself. *cues The Jacksons’ “Enjoy Yourself”*

    • “My legacy is that of the nuclear rejection. Of being yelled at for 10-15 minutes by someone upset that I had the audacity to talk to them. Of being told that no one would want a burnt African m*therf*cker like me. Of being yelled at and mocked for talking to the “wrong” women, and that I had to earn my way to talk to women like them. My thinking was that I had the right to holla at any woman as of right. All of those nuclear rejections also showed me that as much as women present themselves as caring and loving, the only thing keeping them from Ike Turner status is a lack of strength. They will know how to emotionally abuse a man repeatedly just because they can. They will try to destroy a man’s will, but I refuse to let them.”

      You know how to respond to a nuclear rejection? Simple: Aim for the insecurites, LOL!

      • How do you pick up insecurities on someone you just met when they go nuclear? Hmmm…

        • A secure person wouldn’t go out of their way to embarrass someone in public. If they really weren’t interested, they would just say so and leave.

          If a person has to resort to being a drama queen over being hit on by someone they weren’t attracted to, that says a lot about their character- or lack thereof.

      • esa

        ~ You know how to respond to a nuclear rejection? Simple: Aim for the insecurites, LOL!

        may i ask, what is the value of escalating ?

        • Rachmo

          Right, clearly there’s something off about the rejector.

          • Girls looks so good but their mind is not ready. I don’t know! I’d rather talk to a woman because her mind is so steady. So here we go!

            • Freebird

              upvote for the classic song reference.

          • Mrs.HarveySpector

            Soooooo, I just read rejector as ejaculator and I was very disturbed.

    • Keisha

      “My legacy is that of the nuclear rejection. Of being yelled at for 10-15 minutes by someone upset that I had the audacity to talk to them.”

      Obsidian found the perfect solution for this kind of situation…you gotta ask him about it! You’ll never experience this again. :-)

    • T.Q. Fuego

      ” I may or may not have pushed up on the female cousin of a VSB regular 30 seconds after meeting her”

      Lol. It looked like things were working out for you with that one too. She was definitely aggressive and confrontational like u like em.

  • LMNOP

    Who knows if this is even a missed opportunity? It sounds like you never got to know this Jackie, and you can’t base an entire relationship on physical attraction. For all you know you dodged a bullet (even if it was a hot bullet).

  • Tentpole

    Shyt happens. Moral of story. It was one of the building blocks that made you the man you are today. P.S. we live in an electronic world just look her up.

  • Rachmo

    Dear Kramer.

    I was a huge jerk back in ’07. However glad to see you’re married she looks cute and has great shoes.

    Le Sigh,
    Rachmo

  • Keisha

    “While I’ve grown up and into a confident (and bordering on arrogant)”

    Bordering would be standing on the pavement surrounding the pool, while being in the water it contained would be full out arrogance. You, my dear, climbed the ladder of the high dive and did a cannon ball! ;-)

    For me, missed opportunities have a way of finding me again. Not that things work out as they do in fairytales, but I don’t go through life with any regrets or wondering what could have been if only….

  • Michelle

    Most of my “Jackie” incidents occurred in high school. Each story involved a teenaged me being rejected by a boy that I knew (courtesy of my AP classes and peer mediation training classes).

  • Andre

    I’m 27 going on 28 and I’m still not (nor do I think I’ll ever be) comfortable with approaching [random] women. I’ve taken consolation in the fact that I’ll always be just looking from a far.

    • I know that feel man.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      That feeling can last a lifetime. You’re not alone dude.

    • Ya dig? Cold callin is only for those who dig the law of averages. I stayed looking for an in-road, convo starter, something we had in common.

    • h.h.h.

      been there. still there. lol.

  • Kim

    I didn’t have a Jackie per se but I had a Jack and I dropped the pass EVERY time smh, I don’t know why he just had that effect on me…Damn we could’ve had some beautiful babies lol

  • Freebird

    my jackie was “mindy.” The suburbanite tri-captain at my prep school. next to the winslows daughter, old school thelma, and janet jackson pleasure principle era she was my celebrity crush. a grade ahead of me and a shade darker than a brown paper bag she wa the most stunning person i had seen in my life up to that point. she was also the most down to earth beautiful woman i have ever met. i was humbled by her. she dated a popular white guy who out of pure jealously i would try to hurt during football practice and pick up games of basketball. i butterflied in public when they broke up. when i first got to the school, she would look at me walking down the halls and i would look away so quickly. she was so elegant and i was so not. i didnt want to seem pressed or make her uncomfortable. there were not many kids of color at my school so by default we became cool. but i couldnt sit around her long and often would go to another side of the room she was in to do homework (a ninja rarely did homework). we became playful, and as i aged i could talk to her, and she would actually listen. by her senior year she would sneak up behind me and put both her hands on my forehead – boobs on my back damit! – and id sit there with my heart pounding, scared….like a dummy. she even started giving me playful hugs, and id sit there weak in the knees and eyes closed afraid to look at her or hug her back. i felt validated by her being comfortable in my space even though i was awkward in hers. she asked me who i was going to prom with. i said nobody. i wanted to ask her but i was shook. rejection from her would have ruined me. i felt good being her mascot. in college i ran into a mutual friend and i confessed my feelings for mindy. she said everyone knew, including mindy….and if i had asked her to the prom she would have gone. beyond that, she would have considered me. she’s married now and friended me on facebook. still fine as h*ll. her dude looks like a herb though. im still hating.

    • menajeanmaehightower

      Nice. You make my heart melt.

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