The Whitest Thing We’ve Seen This Week: The Palin Family Snow Mobile Party Brawl » VSB

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The Whitest Thing We’ve Seen This Week: The Palin Family Snow Mobile Party Brawl

Sarah Palin (Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

 

We’re equal opportunity assholes at VSB. So while we’ll continue to recognize lovely examples of peak Blackness, peak Whiteness deserves some love as well. And this story about the Palin family getting into a brawl — first alerted to us by — easily qualifies.

Why? Well…

1. Sarah Palin, easily one of the six or seven Whitest women of all time, was involved.

2. The Palin family, which includes actual people actually named Track, BristolWillow, and Piper was involved.

3. It happened in Alaska, which was the second Whitest state in America for a two decades (Maine is first), and became the single Whitest after Mario Chambers graduated high school.

4. It happened at a motherfucking Snowmobile party. Which, admittedly, sounds like the awesomest party ever. I want my next birthday party to be a motherfucking Snowmobile party. But, it’s still some White people shit.

5. It was alcohol-fueled. Now, as anyone who’s ever been fortunate enough to drink with White people knows, they tend to be very generous — basically, very non-African-Americanly — with the spirits. It’s almost like “getting you drunk as hell” becomes their own personal edict, a mission pursued with the same vigor as Henry Jones searching for the Holy Grail.

But, one negative is that, occasionally, they will fight. And it will be the best fight you’ve ever witnessed in your life. And no one ever seems to get seriously injured (or shot).

6. The Whitest thing of all? No one got arrested.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • The first time i went to a party with nothing but white people was in Brentwood (a neighborhood in Pgh all black people are afraid of b/c a a black dude got killed by the cops there 20 years ago) so i was nervous. I walk in and get handed a beer mug size class of Petrone. Straight. PETRONE!! When I have people over, the good stuff gets put away or doled out in doses. They was giving out Petrone to EVERYBODY. Aint nothing better than drinking w/ white folk. Anyway, I think Trajon Langdon’s still in Alaska so they still might have Maine beat.

    • weethomas

      Petrone’s not the good stuff. Trust me. That’s some knock off sh#t.

      • I agree that there is better, but its still $100 a bottle and they was passing it around like kool aid. You come to my house for a party, you MIGHT get Cuervo.

        • weethomas

          $100 a bottle – someone’s being ripped off. I’m not expert on knock off labels, but I can’t expect anything labeled Petrone would sell for more than $10 – $15 a bottle.

    • IcePrincess

      It’s Patron. But your phonetic spelling of it is hilarious.

  • Val

    The Palins are so ghetto.

    • Yep.

      1. A lot of guns
      2. A lot of alcohol
      3. The husband may or may not have a job.
      4. A few kids running around but we aren’t sure who the parents exactly are.

      • Lea Thrace

        damn. there is so much truth in that list.

      • Amber

        3a. The husband may or may not be missing a lot of teeth

  • She a racist

    Can’t stand dis heffa!!!

  • stmije

    True about the white folks making it their mission to get you drunk. I went to a white friend’s wedding that was held at a biergarten. Aunts were plying me with drinks.

  • nillalatte

    The Palins. They are worse than some Appalachian hillbillies. smdh…

  • theokyoung

    If this was the Obama’s it would have the next episode of Cops.

  • JDnshit

    *Mario Chalmers

  • Megan Harris

    Ugh. She gives white people a bad name.

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