My name is Panama Jackson. You may remember from such websites as VSB BP (before pr0n) or VSB BTSSFU (before the site started f*cking up). I have a partner named Champ and a bawse named Liz. We write ’bouts relationships. race, pop culture…you know, the usual.
Enough of the intros. It feels good to be home. You may be wondering, just what the f*ck happened to the site, and what’s with all of the issues we’ve been having around here? Or you may have left a comment saying “VSB used to be dope. It ain’t what it used to be around here.”
Boo hoo ni**a.
Let’s rap a taste. So what was Gucci my ninja? Well it turns out we got robbed. Actually we got hacked. Some big evil bad man (think Dr. Evil with an afro wig and some chopsticks) came into our lifespace and f*cked our site the f*ck up. Got real belligerent and ignant. Just disrespectful. The site got overloaded and crashed multiple times. Every time we thought it was fixed (due to some handy work by Liz) we got inundated with more f*cksh*t. It’s like we were fat because we couldn’t stop eating, and we couldn’t stop eating because we were fat. I love lamp.
The thing that was most annoying for us was that we knew that folks were getting pissed and frustrated. And so were we. Champ and I nearly drove Liz to a permanent retirement no less that 5 times. Liz personally told me to go f*ck myself at least 78 times. And that was in one convo. Plus, everybody kept telling us on Twitter, email, real life (for real, somebody stopped me in the street and was like “yo, your site keeps messing up P”) and on Facebook. Trust me, we knew. Thing is, we couldn’t really take the site down because then we couldn’t make sure our fixes were working. Again, fat = eating, eating = fat.
Not to mention that the site was giving some folks viruses and sending OTHER people to pr0n sites. Unintentionally. Thing is, we all like some pr0n around here. We just want to view it because we want to…which means on our own time.
Raise your hand if you got sent to pr0n at work?
We even had to bring in somebody else to help out who may have unlocked the key to the chastity belt to the stars. So hopefully we’re all to the good right now. Of course, we’re monitoring the site to make sure things are running. But we just wanted to let everybody know that…
…a muthaf*cka apologize. DAAAAAAMN.
So what exactly were we doing during the #vsb lockout? Allow me to inform you:
Panama started the world’s first for-profit non-profit, dedicated to selling NFL apparel to help pay the bills of NBA players. He’s gangbusters right now. He also got into that sh*t that George Harrison was on when he wrote “Here Comes The Sun” and “Something”. He also started a support group for people that cannot believe Taylor Swift won the AMA for Artist of the Year, co-founded with Taylor Swift.
Champ. Oh Champ. Champ became angry, bitter, disjointed, and quite crotchety. He bought a bunch of Bill Cosby sweaters and started watching Reed Between The Lines and rocking back and forth in a rocking chair lamenting the old days. He could be heard yelling “f*ck Theo” a lot. He also started an onion garden because onions have layers like Shrek.
Liz. Well, last I heard Liz joined a convent for a day after witnessing a murder in Reno. She quit though when they told her that she couldn’t Tweet all day. Liz then decided to shut up Panama and The Champ by fixing the site and telling them to kick rocks or she’d erase the entire archives. She’d do, she’d do it, yeah we know she’d do it, cuz she’s a te-te-te-tech junkiiiiiiiiiie.
Anyway, we’ve all given up our other lives and come back to dust off VSB and hopefully kick things into high gear. Thanks for sleepwalking with the kids, and we should be back in effect mode like Al B. Sure.
RIP Heavy D.
Welcome back, again. Hopefully we don’t have too many more issues.
So…what did you do during the #vsblockout?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. BACK LIKE COOKED CRACK aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3