Hey young world. Today we bring you a discussion with the woman that seemingly launched a thousand ships with a Washington Post profile article that made it to the far reaches of Negronia and beyond. Helena Andrews (aka Big H, as we affectionately call her), author of the forthcoming book Bitch Is The New Black, has been the subject of many a blog post and article in the past few weeks (including here at VSB) and we figured that we’d reach out to her and see if she’d be willing to chat with us. Lo and behold, she accepted our offer and what followed was a long, yet interesting discussion about the WaPo article and her characterization in it, dating in the urban professional community, East vs. West Coast rap debate, Tyler Perry, and ultimately her book and what it intends to bring to the table.
Enjoy.
Podcast Notes: This was taped in December before Christmas so all references to last week are to December. Also, because Panama decided to participate while out Christmas shopping, there are some minor spots of sound distortion and he sounds like a doof. Forgive him people for he knows not what he thinks half the time.
Download: (right click > save as)
-VERY SMART BROTHAS (aka Big C and lower.case.p)
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I listened to the WHOLE thing. The whole hour plus thing. like WHOA..my ADD had me itchin…lol
so yeah them segments? would have been great this go around. However I found it very interesting.
but I am glad you guys did it. I dont know if she comes off as likable per se in the interview…but I do have a better idea about what she is trying to do with her book, what it is actually about and a new perspective and opinion on her overall Now, I am actually planning on checking the book out, instead of launching a book burning campaign in front of Barnes and nobles upon its release. Good Job Guys (and liz)…..
@shay-d-lady,
book-burning, lol? would have purchased the books first, or just hijacked the barnes and noble delivery truck?
@The Champ, I would have read it but I would have read it with a very nit picky attitude..
see this bytch using commas all willy nilly.. burn the books!
@shay_d_lady,
lmao shay you crazy guhl!!
@shay-d-lady, i think everybody should now have a better idea. hell, i had no idea initially either. that article came off one way and i feel it (unintentionally) shortsighted everybody’s view.
and forget book burning, im still trying to steam roll some sinead o’connor CDs.
I’m SO happy I listened to her clarification. WHEW. I was a little annoyed by her based upon the article – and wished she didn’t get to be the one to be the so-called “face” of the single black American professional woman.
But listening more – I have more respect for her perspective – and can’t wait to actually read the book.
@The GingerFly,
I was a little annoyed by her based upon the article
i have to admit that i was as well, until, at least, we actually spoke. i think i’m just a softie, lol
i, too, listened to the entire podcast in one sittin. whoa indeed. but i am on a tv-strike so it gave me something to listen to while i made this scarf… en-tee-wayz — great podcast. good job, kids *clap clap clap*
im very interested and eagerly awaiting the book. esp now that ive had a chance to hear big h speak so candidly about it and clear up some misconceptions ppl might have had regarding the wapo profile.
in that profile, the quote i found most interesting was right at the beginning–“For a lot of black women, especially young successful black women, we have a lot of boxes on our master plan list checked off… We think happiness should come immediately after that. But that is not always the case.”
i can totally relate. as a soon-to-be-doctuh black(sican) woman who happens to be single, i just expected things to happen in my life in a very linear fashion. graduate from high school, then college, maybe grad/professional school, get a good job, and start a family — where the starting a family piece can be moved and inserted into other parts of the timeline. but what happens if/when things dont go according to plan? is life complete without all the boxes being checked, i’s being dotted, t’s being crossed?
furthermore, i really like the point big h (i think) was getting at about her book not being about a desperately-seeking-love sista who can’t find a man because there are no good brothas out there. yes, im single and frustrated with dating. and i have worried about whether or not ill ever find “mr. right” and start a family. but being single doesnt define who i am. its just a fact. my dating woes are a part of my life, but that doesnt mean im seeking pity, sympathy, or revenge because i dont have what i desire. in the end, my “single and ready to mingle” lifestyle makes for good stories with my friends and family — even co-workers (nosy 2520s, i tell ya *smh*).
i say all that to say, i appreciate big h’s perspective. i wish her the very best with her book and film. id like to support both because im definitely the target audience — along with many close friends. i have a good friend whos a screenwriter in la, so im gonna ask him to hook me up with a role as an extra!! put me on the scene
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean, great comment Gem!
@shay-d-lady,
yeah, i agree and sh*t. i have nothing to add, and i dont even have anything snarky to say
@The Champ & shay-d-lady
awwww thanks guys!!!!
p.s. champikins we need to work and getting you new guy friends so you can have some one to intro me to whenever i see you. kthnx!
Women, If you’re lucky, you get to have 3 out of the 4 characteristics in a man.
1. Man who fits your needs Financially.
2. Man who has a great personality.
3. Man who fulfills your needs physically and sexually.
4. Man who is faithful.
Pick 3 and that’s it. Find out which one of characteristics you can live without and pursue accordingly.. Just know that NO MAN IS ALL 4…
NONE.
@B-Dub,
Pick 3 and that’s it. Find out which one of characteristics you can live without and pursue accordingly.. Just know that NO MAN IS ALL 4…
NONE.
lol, someone ate their low expectations cereal today
@B-Dub, so women should expect us to fufill their emotional needs?
being a man rocks.
@B-Dub, hmmm…
what does that have to do with the podcast?
@shay_d_lady,
lol.. maybe nothing at all.
honestly i sorta tuned out on the podcast.. she was very defensive and had too much attitude for all the contradictions she was throwing out.
I did read the Wa. Post article about her titled “Successful Black and Lonely: D.C. author’s tale of young black women’s loneliness catches Hollywood’s ear”. So maybe I was trying to post something related to that article and help out whoever may be “successful black and lonely”
Once again, kudos to the fellas and to Liz (Skee-Phi) on another great podcast. I need to start downloading these podcasts and throwing them on the Ipod. Might be good to listen on the plane when I get back to traveling again for work.
I think Helena Andrews did a good job of opening up on her perspective on why she wrote her article and her book. Like I said in the original post, I feel like successful intelligent black women have every right to be happy with the kind of the men they feel like they should be happy with. You have a generation of black men who were raised by women just like that, by themselves, and those men have major love for that strong, successful woman. I grew up around women that aren’t defined by the men they are with. It’s a different world and society today and women are capable of anything now. You define you. That’s how it should be with everyone. Have someone around or along for the ride makes life a lot more fulfilling.
Oh yeah, I have not read Helena’s article or seen her picture, but she sounds hot.
@ComicBookGuy,
thanks and sh*t for the compliments.
as far as this:
“You have a generation of black men who were raised by women just like that, by themselves, and those men have major love for that strong, successful woman”
i actually think the opposite may have occurred. i think that a man raised by women is probably more likely to want to be babied than have an appreciation for the strong woman.
i’m not saying that all men raised by single moms and grandmothers and sh*t are like this, but i think the trend skewers more towards the latter than the former
@The Champ,
There are always two sides of every coin. For me and my main circle of friends, we were all primarily raised by our mothers and our mothers were educated, driven women. None of my boys date anyone beneath that. Most guys I know do run away from that strong type of women but eventually marry a woman like that because they realize that ambition and that drive that type of woman has a greatly attractive factor, so I see a lot more men wanting women like. It make take more time for some than others to realize that but it happens.
Then again, maybe that’s just me. Oddly enough, it usually is.
After listing to her explain the book, she sounds a lot more rationale than that stupid ass title would indicate. Then again, I’ve always been one to give Deltas more leeway than they deserve. The book still sounds lame, just not as pathetic as I thought.
@Carl, i usually give Deltas more lee way too. that’s how i ended up with a f*cked up car insurance policy.
No More Howard Deltas.
@Panama Jackson,
Late as hell but, uuh yea shots fired.
Me,my school and my org are offended
I guess my e-fantasy about me and panama in an e-love affair shall never be
I checked out the podcast, however my original comment stands.
Best of luck to Miss Andrews in her endeavors
@miss t-lee,
what was your original comment again?
@The Champ,
It was something about degrees and a sense of entitlement regarding love…I’m too lazy to look for it right now…lol
@miss t-lee,
to be honest, i dont see where this sense of entitlement comes in as far as HA is concerned. then again, i dont know what your comment was or am i trying to read your mind. so my comment isnt aimed at you, but more at the “entitelment” piece…
but i think most women, regardless of class, education, or gender, have a sense of entitlement to love and finding a good man. those that WANT love, that is. i highly doubt there is a woman alive who wants love (be it in a marriage or not) that thinks “its ok if i dont find love and live a lonely existence. i dont deserve it anyway. it’d just be nice to have, that’s all.”
i can honestly say i do think i deserve love! not because im smart, successful (at being a perpetual student lol), pretty, or have done all these things in my life with more good things on deck. i think i deserve love because i want love and ive made large attempts to make myself available for love and willing to nurture it once i have it.
as humans, mammals even, we feel entitled to mating with a person of our standards. its natural.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
Let’s just say first impressions go a long way with me.
Oh yeah– you totally missed the mark with your comment, that’s not at all what I was trying to convey.
It’s all good though.
@Liz
You got it.
@miss t-lee,
my comment still stands though. because i have had this conversation with some not-so-VS brothas lol
@The Champ, basically we couldn’t make misst-lee have a change of heart!
@miss t-lee,
I finally checked it out too. And yeah I am with you. I stand my ground.
Good Luck to her.
I think i am probally the pajama wearing folks she is referring to, as i thought she came off very defensive. She was constantly firing back with aggressive answers before she even heard the answer. *sigh* and comparing yourself to david sedaris doesnt help either. But like everyone else, she is deserves much praise for her success thus far!
@postmodern pwnage, yeah her personality was a little oft putting…
@postmodern pwnage
AND she clearly didnt know Angela Nissel or the broke diaries..and thats an automatic strike in my book. lol
I’m really glad I listened to the podcast…I was gonna read the book when it came out anyway…but the podcast really gives a much better picture of what Ms. Andrews was trying to say. It even helped me get over my mild issues about the title. The only thing I’m more mad about after listening to the podcast is now it’s clear that Ms. Andrews is doing exactly what I set out to do when I started writing a book and she beat me to the punch. Damn damn damn James….procrastination done bit me in the arse once again LOL…But I wish her the best of luck in her endeavors.
I’ve been hovering around VSB for a while now without commenting, these posts are kinda like crack, I can’t get enough. Anyway!
I listened to the whole podcast and I couldn’t get over how rude sounding she was. I can totally understand coming off as a “bitch” at work because you’re in an environment where your not comfortable but this was a pretty tame conversation about the WashPost article and her upcoming book. No need to be so defensive. I bet that was one of those times that she was unaware that she was putting out that vibe. I don’t know if anyone else felt that but I did.
I swear if I heard “and thats why I wrote a book” one more time I was going to throw something.I’m glad to know that the book is much more than just being a black successful lonely woman in DC because I don’t need to read that, its my life too (well not the DC part, I live in LA). I feel like she contradicted herself in your interview in comparison to the article. She asks herself why she’s single in the article but then in the interview says she’s single because she wants to be. Helena, lets be real. You don’t want to be single. You wouldn’t feel like your life was “on pause” if finding a mate wasn’t very important to you and it was the next thing you HAD to do.
I definitely agree that just because it looks like you have it all (pretty, successful, multiple degrees, house, car, clothes) doesn’t mean you’re okay on the inside. For me, all my life its been the “go to school, get a good job and make money” mentality. Check, Check, Check. Unfortunately, I wasn’t taught how do I get in a good relationship, what should I look for in a partner, how do I keep him, yada yada. These are things I kinda make up as I go. Do I feel like my life is “on pause”? Yes. Why do I feel that way? Lots of reasons, some of which I hope Helena covers in her book.
All in all, I’m glad I got a chance to hear her out because I had the worst impression of her from the article. Oh and finding out she was a Delta helped too! You go soror! I wish you all the success.
@RemaAtWork, Haha. Great comment. Thanks for de-lurking!
For the record, I didn’t think Helena came off as rude at the time of the conversation, but it’s interesting to hear some of you guys say so. I think she definitely thinks/knows she’s “mean” so it’s probably no sweat off her back, either way. It’s all in perspective.
@Liz,
lol which is exactly why i like her. she is who she is and i didnt get the impression she was trying to come off any other way than who she was — attitude and defensiveness and all.
i like that about ppl. if you are bitchy and mean, then be you. your attitude isnt enough for me NOT to like you.
@RemaAtWork,
She asks herself why she’s single in the article but then in the interview says she’s single because she wants to be. Helena, lets be real. You don’t want to be single. You wouldn’t feel like your life was “on pause” if finding a mate wasn’t very important to you and it was the next thing you HAD to do.
while i can understand where you’re coming from, i dont think she contradicted herself. and i’ll explain why…
NOTE: though i haven’t read the book, obviously, i feel much similarity to HA and so i feel very comfortable being transparent and speaking from the perspective i assume she’s coming from based on the article and the podcast interview.
but i think its naive to believe that because a woman chooses to be single means she’s choosing NOT to have love. that doesn’t even make sense. i would say that im single because i want to be. yet i am looking (well, not actively, but im keeping myself open to new prospects) for love. i choose to be single because im not willing to settle or enter a relationship just to be in one. there are plenty of GOOD BROTHAS who are trying to holler at Gemmie and get to know Gemmie better. but i’m not interested in them — for various reasons. just because dude’s a good person and i’m a good person doesnt mean we’re meant to be together. and i truly believe in not wasting time on playing the part. i’m not interested in dating some one i know i’m not that into just because he’s really into me and makes a good boyfriend. because he’ll only get hurt in the long run if/when i don’t feel the same way about him.
so essentially whats stopping me from being in relationships is ME. as far as i’m concerned, there’s no shortage of eligible “got their sh*t together” men out there. there is certainly a shortage, however, in the men that i’m attracted to and have an interest in (based on my own personal likes/dislikes) who are interested in me also! so until i meet a guy i want to be with, i will be single. in the mean time i’m checking off other ish on my list of things accomplished…
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
The above comment is like rice. I love it.
@Cheekie,
and i love you, cheeks.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
Ditto!
(shuttup, champ)
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
I agree with a lot of what you’re saying but there’s a difference between choosing to be single and wanting to be single. I’m pretty sure HA and a lot of other women like her don’t want to be single but for whatever unfortunate circumstance they feel like they must choose to stay that way. Everyone wants to experience love and companionship, I understand that and want it for myself.
I think women should probably be absolutely sure that the criteria they are using to determine whether or not Guy A is compatible with them is sensible. It may be very possible that women are dismissing guys that fit 80% of the “must-haves” but because they’re missing that 20%, he just won’t work. There is no perfect guy and if women are waiting for the perfect guy to come along, they’ll be waiting for a long time.
@RemaAtWork,
i hear you, but don’t necessarily agree. i dont believe women should compromise their standard at the risk of NOT finding some one that meets them. true, it will certainly slim the hell outta the pickings, but if thats what you want and think thats what you need to have a successful, meaningful, satisfying relationship, by all means have your expectations!!
i do, however, think women need to be realistic about their expectations. dont ask for some ish you cant even live up to either. and if your standards are based on shallow, meaningless criteria, you’re likely to end up broken hearted and/or lonely even if you DO find the guy that meets your standards.
@Gem of the Ocean,
We’re saying the same thing about criteria and expectations, they must be realistic.
What is this “standard” that can’t be compromised? Relationships are all about compromise.
If you want the whole world in a man, you must not really want love or understand what love should be. Love is unconditional and kind. Love is difficult. Why is it difficult? Because people aren’t perfect. All the pieces of the puzzle aren’t going to fit together. You have to work together (and want to work together) to make them fit.
It’s silly to ask yourself why you’re single if your list of “requirements” is as long as the road to Kilimanjaro. If that list MUST stay as is then I don’t wanna see any more ABC specials about you. You’re not representing me fairly. The problem your having is not because of black men or other socio-economic factors. The problem is you.
@RemaAtWork,
The problem is you.
agreed.
I love ya’ll a lot… but, ya’ll went too easy on her… she contradicted herself through this whole interview… I call bs-
How I see it (a little bitter I didn’t think of it first)- there was an opportunity to make some $$ do to a void in the entertainment industry and she jumped on it… I doubt this book will even scratch the surface as to the real isht a successful black woman goes on a daily basis… a freakin gimmick
@Yeah…SO?!, and what’s so wrong with that….no one book is going to scratch the surface on a huge issue like the life of black women…I’m just glad that someone is out there trying to tell another part of our story because like she noted in the interview black women have been portrayed in a very one dimensional light in the past. And ain’t nothing wrong with doing something to make that $$.
@klysha, It does come across as hating- I’ll be the first to admit… but, I can’t apologize for hating gimmicks and isht. Basically, this is the black woman’s version of S&TC- cool, but don’t play this role like you’re crusading to end the successful black woman’s strife…
her first contradiction (of many): she said was tired of hearing all the dialogue/stereptypes(crap) about how sad and lonely successful=bitchy black women are… remind what her book is about again.
Good look, ya’ll! I was a bit “eh” about reading her book (or maybe I woulda just read it for the same reason Panda Panama watches Tyler Perry movies…cuz everyone will be talkin’ about it), but when she name-dropped David Sedaris (Love him) and said her book was kinda like that, my interest piqued. Lookin’ forward to reading it.
@Cheekie,
I’m with you and Panama, I’m going to read this book because everyone else will and I can’t be left out
Afternoon VSB. I’ve finally decided to step from the shadows and show love. I’ve been lurking for a few weeks now, without narry did I say a mumbling word…
HOWEVER! I’m throwing the yellow flag on this Andrews lady. Just listening to her leads me to question her just a tad. I’ll hold off further judgment until the book drops. I’m not sold on the fact that she’s leading a “revolution” of black intellectual women who are “single by choice.” (We don’t believe you…You need more people…) As a man, I’ll have to read it in the shadows of course. I’d certainly have my playa card pulled if a pyt or phrat bruh sees me reading this thing in public…
GREAT BLOG tho fellas! The commentary gets me through the day.
She is still suspect in my book.
That whole winter boo thing is plain old wrong. Not because she wants to be fancy free for the summer, I get that. But because she’s only taking the winter boo for the meantime. He’s really not good enough for her and she’s just biding her time with the winter boo until she has a chance to put on her peep toes, soak up some summer sun, and upgrade.
People should not be used like that.
At least she’s got a sense of humor. I actually found her sort of charming, in a backwards and indirect way.
I’m maad late on my comment, but i’m in the “homegirl let the WP article slide to create fodder for the book” (read: marketing gimmick) group. She sterotyped herself in the article to debunk the stereotypes in the book???
If the book is about ” the black woman you may not know” then why portray the “black woman we are all tired of” in the article? Methinks that’s where all the “here we go again…” feelings are coming from.
For whatever the reason, it worked…cause we are all on here talking about it…so kudos?
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im new to following vsb and really appreciate this interview. as an ivy league degreed and good gov’ment job holdin young, single black woman, i absolutely despise the type of black woman i thought Big H was per the WaPo article/ video. im so glad she had an opportunity to speak to nuances beyond the archetypical- dream closet, perfectly coifed doo-wop, dope apt, and high- powered job that overshadows the humanity of so many of my black female peers. i’ve often wondered if other black women at this level believed there is more to life than looking fly on paper or on a stool at the bar. but hearing parts of her story- everything from appreciating the genius of David Sedaris to her soror’s suicide- really helped humanize her.
although i do detect a little stankness in her personality, i appreciate that she is forthwright and genuine about the desire to add visibility to the varied and complex plight of blacks, females, and black females.
once again, thanks for providing the forum. you guys (and Liz) are documenting some great things.