we all know the scenario.
boy meets girl. girl likes boy. girl passive aggressively pursues boy. boy agrees to lazily date girl. girl is single and 30, so she is easily enthralled with unremarkable boy. girl sleeps with boy immediately after second date, hoping to f*ck boy into submission. boy eventually relents and decides to make it official after completely exhausting his list of weekend romantic arrangements. girl and boy have mediocre relationship, characterized by months of angst filled nights filled with brita and re-runs of “30 rock”. girl is serious about boy, and invites boy to meet parents because parents are beginning to suspect girl “putts from the rough”
one of the most potentially nerve-racking parts of adulthood, meeting the parents for the first time is a social inevitability filled with more potential faux pas and hand grenades than liz’s bed.
so, in keeping with our commitment to fight crime, here’s the vsb do’s and don’ts of meeting the fam for the first time
do make your mate a cheat sheet
there’s awkward, there’s extremely awkward, and there’s “if i had known her uncle joe was in rehab, i probably wouldn’t have told that joke about the crackhead, the gallon of milk, and rafer alston i read in maxim last month” awkward.
if you’re gonna introduce your mate to your fam, its your responsibility t0 also give them a cliffnotes version of what to expect and which lurking landmines to avoid.
obviously, you don’t want to tell em everything and take the fun out of them finding out about grandma’s purse pistols, but if in doubt, anything having to do with predicate felonies, unusually attractive and lascivious aunts, midget cousins, jehovah witnesses, extreme wealth, and extreme roach infestation should probably be revealed a week or two in advance
do eat…
…but don’t come with an empty stomach
if invited, you have to eat something offered if you ever want to be invited again. still, just in case today was the day her dad decided to serve his famous beet souffle, its a good idea to eat a small meal beforehand, especially if you’re like the champ and a prolonged empty stomach turns you into a liken.
don’t get too comfortable
basically, just remember that taking “hey, make yourself at home” and “please, help yourself” literally is the quickest way to go from “ashley” to “can you believe” (ie “can you believe that trifling heffer jack brought home last week had the nerve to walk her ashy barefeet in my kitchen and make a salad??? with croutons!!!! croutons!!!!“)
do pay attention
if you’re at the parent stage, its probably safe to say that you’ve evolved a bit past the “i mean, we’re f*cking, so i guess i can buy her a waffle and sh*t sometime next week” stage of the relationship.
with this in mind, it would be in your best interest to pay attention to the dynamics of the household…because this could very well be your future.
do downgrade the pda
look. ever since her mom accidentally discovered the johnson triplets running a train on her in her basement a condom in her purse in 12th grade, they’ve known their daughter was sexually active, and the fact that they know that she allows you to drive her whip with a suspended license you’re living together has completely quelled any doubt. still, its probably not the best idea to remind them of that fact by referring to her as her petname “polegirl” or noticeably rubbing her skirted ass while you’re saying grace
lastly…
do be yourself…but don’t be yourself
its understandable to be a bit overzealous in your attempt to impress the fam. still, parents can usually spot out fakes faster than p*rn producers, so its a good idea to leave your inner james fray in the car.
with this being said, while you shouldn’t lie or embellish, theres nothing wrong with not giving them the entire truth about you right now. you’re pro-choice? fine. you designed a line of tiller the killer baby tees on ebay? keep that little nugget to yourself
i’m sure i’m missing a few. any suggestions?
—the champ
Please, oh please dress appropriately. Do not go to the folks house rockin’ booty shorts and a halter top. You could very well be a respectable young lady, but that particular uniform paints a very different picture.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens,
I agree, 100%
@Nicki Sunshine, hahaha!
Me too. My job (former) had its softball game/cookout on Saturday. Since when is it hot in the streets to dress like a hooker to go to a cookout? Or church? I swear a few of these young ladies were there wearing clothes that only a pimp would love. It’s 2pm and there are children here for goodness sakes – 4 inch patent leather stilettos… to a cookout/softball game?? They weren’t even cute! The child looked plain uncomfortable. You aren’t going to make any money here and you won’t be able to play anything in that get up. WHY?
@pgh muse,
Since when is it hot in the streets to dress like a hooker to go to a cookout
since when hasn’t it been?
@The Champ, True.
@The Champ, Only if you are the paid entertainment
@Nicki Sunshine, lmao. Right! I was embarrassed for them. Shame cuz some of the mamas were dressed the same way.
@pgh muse, Right. and why would you even want the awkwardness of the parents and aunts whispering and judging you? LOL. So what if it was the slutty gear that attracted their son, HIDE IT.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“Right. and why would you even want the awkwardness of the parents and aunts whispering and judging you?”
Zackly! But you know some chicks be on some “oh they just hatin’ cause they ain’t got a bangin’ body like mine.” *eye roll* Please miss me with that, lol.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens, Please and thank you. lol.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens, yeaaaaaaa
My cousin brough his lady over my grandparents house right before they were about to go to some club…
She came in with a skin tight little black dress on…she got Hillary Clinton side eyes ALL night long from pretty much everyone. With the exception of our other cousin, who proceeded to make loose booty jokes the entire night.
To her face.
Dont do it! Reconsider!
@Mr. Mister,
“With the exception of our other cousin, who proceeded to make loose booty jokes the entire night.
To her face.”
this reminds me of the time i took one of my rather bosomy ex’s to a family reunion. i was watching a couple of my uncles play chess during a cookout, and one asked if i knew how to play.
when i replied “no” my other unc was like “n*gga, we seen your girl. you know damn well you know how to play chess”
@The Champ,
““n*gga, we seen your girl. you know damn well you know how to play chess””
Ok, that made me chuckle. Black folks, lol.
@The Champ,
“n*gga, we seen your girl. you know damn well you know how to play chess”
LMAO!!! I heart crass old Black folks.
@The Champ,
tha uncles be hella checkin out ya girl all like can you turn around again. Wow you gots you a fine woman there boy.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens,
The dude version:
Pull the pants up past the crack you think your dingy boxers are covering up. Lose the do-rag and baseball cap with the sticker still on it. Wear something over the tat of your favorite pr0n chick getting it in. And make sure the bag of smoke is tucked securely away lest you get asked to roll up and burn something. Thank me later.
Oh yeah, and if the first meeting should happen to be a barbecue – don’t ask “who made the potato salad?”, and then when told, proceed not to eat it. That’s a surefire way to get bumped from A-list to Z-list in a hurry.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens,
thing is, the revealing of “whose food not to eat” is the responsibility of the person who invited you. you should know ahead of time that theres a good chance the “raisins” in aunt jackies fruit salad might still be alive
@The Champ,
We went out to eat to meet the parents right at a place I dont like. I did my best to find something to eat that happen to be veggies and sh*t. Sitting at the table with his MOTHER this woman proceed to tell me, ” GIRRRRL, WHY YOU EAT’EN DEM VESHDAYTABOWLS?!?! WE EAT ROUND HERE, I BET IF YOU WAS SIT’EN WIT……. YOU WOOD’NIT BE EATTING NO VESHDAYTABOWLS.”
Ma’am….You don’t know me. Smile and nob. smile and nob.
@The Dutchess,
“GIRRRRL, WHY YOU EAT’EN DEM VESHDAYTABOWLS?!?! WE EAT ROUND HERE,…”
Which is exactly why old Black ladies be chunky as hell with high cholesterol, diabetes, and high blood pressure.
Please step away from the ham hocks – they are not your friend.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens,
In pops from Friday voice “I want some ribs too, I like pig feeeeeeeeet”
@BLUNTBLAZER,
“In pops from Friday voice “I want some ribs too, I like pig feeeeeeeeet””
See, now you speakin’ my language, hahaha! Everytime I come in the kitchen – you in the kitchen – eatin’ up all the food! LMAO! The Yay all day!
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens,
lmao I used to eat cereal out of the big cake mixin bowl too lol 6 eggs per omlett i feel sorry for my parents cause boys be eating thank god for costco
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens,
Exactly, not to mention sitting down to eat that bullsh*t is their idea of a workout.
@The Champ, “raisins” in aunt
lmao! Gross!
When all else fails, the “smile and nod” is a good security blanket.
Mama talkin’ bout Jeebus and you haven’t been in a church since you were in the Sunshine Band? Smile and Nod.
Daddy planning a bomb over Los Angeles discussing the latest in competitive sports, and the only sports you play are Wii related? Smile and nod.
Cousin Baby Factory giving you the finer points on childrearing, when her 13 year old daughter is currently “in the family way,” and helping to raise her other 6 siblings, and you know it’s not your place? Smile and nod.
The Smile and Nod- It moves the conversation!
*Note: I have not watched the finals, and have no emotional investment towards either team involved.
@Beez,
“Cousin (Baby Factory) giving you the finer points on childrearing, when her 13 year old daughter is currently “in the family way,” and helping to raise her other 6 siblings, and you know it’s not your place? Smile and nod.”
OMG…I know this family. At least I hope there’s only one family…
@Beez, The smile and nod technique will help you out in a lot of situations, actually.
****admin edit****
ms sunshine, your comment this morning was vsb.com’s 100,000th. congrats and sh*t.
****end of edit****
@Nicki Sunshine,
The smile and nod technique will help you out in a lot of situations, actually.
especially in regards to fellatio. ladies, take notes and sh*t.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Congratulations Nicki!! (Poor Catwoman)
Where’s her prize?
@Nicki Sunshine, Yay!!!!
I was wondering who was gonna be the 100,000th commenter.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Congratulations! So I guess this means you get to eat for free at the VSB bbq?
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens, Dang. I live too far. Can u email or air mail me some bbq????
Thank you in advance
@Nicki Sunshine,
Can u email or air mail me some bbq???
no
@The Champ, How sucky of you.
**sticks out tongue, folds arms and stomps off, lower lip poked out***
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens, Thanks for the congrats everyone. I didn’t even get a speech together. This was so sudden.
***blows kisses and courtsies***
@Beez,
When all else fails, the “smile and nod” is a good security blanket.
this is true. basically, just act like you’re in a beauty pageant.
dangit, my strikethrough didn’t work. oh well, the error stays!
@Beez,
“oh well, the error stays!”
you know, this was actually the original title of “retrospect for life” until common’s a&r convinced him otherwise
@The Champ,
hahahaah
@The Champ,
“oh well, the error stays!”
Same thing Hitler’s mama told his daddy when the doctor convinced her not to abort him.
True story.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
try again. hitler jokes are sooooo 1980′s.
@The Champ,
No. For $500, Alex
* Have a good PDA balance. Don’t be all vulture-esque on your mate like impending danger. Yet don’t be cold and avoiding each other like the plague either. But give the impression that you are a healthy couple.
*Even though the parents pretty much know you guys are f*cking, don’t make any statements or actions that allude to the fact of a sexual relationship. No parent wants to even think about that sh*t.
* Also if the relationship ain’t popping don’t go meet folks parents… basically don’t lead people on, and then have me having to explain at the next family function as to what happened to that nice guy I brought by…. awkward.
@Naturally Alise, AMEN
@Naturally Alise,
Also if the relationship ain’t popping don’t go meet folks parents… basically don’t lead people on, and then have me having to explain at the next family function as to what happened to that nice guy I brought by…. awkward.
i also should have added, “don’t ask someone to meet your folks unless you’re completely sure they’re into you”. i cant imagine a more awkward few hours than being grilled about your plans by the fam of your every other friday f*ck buddy
@The Champ,
“i cant imagine a more awkward few hours than being grilled about your plans by the fam of your every other friday f*ck buddy”
Not.a.good.look.
@miss t-lee,
yea you dont go if yall aint real the truth always comes out lol
@Naturally Alise, * Also if the relationship ain’t popping don’t go meet folks parents… basically don’t lead people on, and then have me having to explain at the next family function as to what happened to that nice guy I brought by…. awkward.
Also don’t go meet the folks if the relationship is doomed…This happened to me with my last relationship….We had been dating for almost 2 years but the relationship had gotten to that we know d@&med well we need to end this crap but no one wants to be the bad guy stage… (I had met his parents long before but my parents had never met him since they live 900 miles away)..my folks came up to visit and got to meet him AND his entire family…my folks were making plans to take his folks fishing and everything…. a month later we finally (thankfully) pulled the plug but I had to explain to my folks why the fishing excursion plans should be cancelled …
@klysha,
“my folks were making plans to take his folks fishing and everything”
damn. why’d yall hafta go and f*ck up the fishing plans??
@The Champ, LOL! Talk about an awkward excursion…my folks and the exes folks out on a fishing boat together trying not to talk about the fact that their child can no longer stand the other person’s respective child.
keep them eyes focused
when visiting a family it is not uncommon to see your girl’s family members and notice that some of them look good as hell. Stay focused and dont flirt and “ack” too friendly. you never know if you talking to the slutty cousin no one can stand.
side note if someone is inappropriately dressed and something is on the verge of popping out kindly wait til grace is being said to sneak your peak. only you and Jesus need to know how trifling you are
@Blacklaw, “only you and Jesus need to know how trifling you are”
LMAO. it’s too early for this foolishness!
@Nicki Sunshine,
hahahhahahaahhaa
@Blacklaw, LMAO!!!!! trying to get me fired up in here today
@Blacklaw,
dam so true bruh bruh so true its always a fine a$$ cousin/sister/aunt they forgot to tell you about. inside you sayin dayyyyyyyyyyyum time to upgrade but outside you say hi nice to meet you.lol
@BLUNTBLAZER,
dam so true bruh bruh so true its always a fine a$$ cousin/sister/aunt they forgot to tell you about
to be honest, i haven’t encountered that issue yet. ive never met the fam of a “relative runt” (a person who’s definitely attractive, but definitely not the most attractive person in their immediate family)
@The Champ,
there is always one unless you bagg the best one all tha time then props to you.
@The Champ,
That presupposes you’re even “meeting the fam”.
First things first my friend
I don’t have any suggestions right now. I’m just really intrigued about the joke with the crackhead, the gallon of milk, and rafer alston. I haven’t seen or heard and well… you know what they say about inquiring minds
@A-Town Genius,
I’m just really intrigued about the joke with the crackhead, the gallon of milk, and rafer alston
me too
I’ve romped with 2 sisters (different daddies so I’m not a total scumbag) and their first cousin. They all know about each other (estrogen goons). Now I want to meet their mom… so I can pick her off too. Any suggestions on how to clinch that 4th ring?
PS- Go LaKerS
@Frederico Savage, Crikey! You haven’t been in a serious relationship with any of them, have you?
@Nicki Sunshine, Lol @ Crikey. No haven’t been serious with them. Twas just a conquest fueled by savagery merged with silky smooth skullduggery at that point in my life. Plus my logic is: If you cross your bloodline for some well laid pipe (shameless plug), you’ll cross me triple times for a lot less.
Signed, Me.
@Frederico Savage,
Plus my logic is: If you cross your bloodline for some well laid pipe (shameless plug), you’ll cross me triple times for a lot less
*Crying* but too true…lol
@Frederico Savage, “If you cross your bloodline for some well laid pipe (shameless plug), you’ll cross me triple times for a lot less. ”
Man. That is brilliance hidden under some triflin-ness right thurr. I’m kidding, but you do have a good point.
I’mma call u Puff Daddy for that plug!
@Nicki Sunshine, (pours a goblet of ciroc & lemonade) Cue- Total’s “Can’t You See”
(Diddy bops it on out) Take that take that. That’s right. =)
@Frederico Savage, LOL!
**throws arms up and sings with the song. Abrupt stop. Dang, who cut the music off?***
@Frederico Savage, FTW, just keep being you.
@Dice Vegas, No question. I got my shovel and that’s as good as dug Dice.
@Frederico Savage,
welcome and sh*t, and thanks for introducing “estrogen goon” to my lexicon
@The Champ, Bonjour and sh*t. No doubt Champ. Props to you for a great forum.
@Frederico Savage,
There’s a stool in the Sat Down Corner w/ ur name on it.
@Thuggie Luvvie, (pulls up stool) You’re right. that was an (cimsagro) moral miscue, a lapse in judgement and a classic case of habitual line steppery. All jive aside, I’ve deleted them from my phone and ignore their attempts to keep in touch via FB, AIM and email. (kicks stool and George Jefferson strolls out). Paz
@Frederico Savage,
I banged a chick and her moms before, not at the same time tho, sad thing was the moms was better lol.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
So… will you be following Frederico to the Sat Down Corner?
@Thuggie Luvvie,
dam lol *start the walk of shame* stomping the whole way
@BLUNTBLAZER, Be sharp chief. That vintage V will have you walkin’ round here barefoot, wearing pink linen and writing prose pieces on papyrus. Easy. =)
@Frederico Savage,
I knew i was in trouble first time i went to pick up the chick and quess wha? she wasnt ready (surprise huh) so Im sittin on the couch (all the way to the right side not in the middle ya kno) and her moms comes in and sits right next to me touchin my shirt tellin me it looks nice, rubbin my knee and givin me hella compliments. she was only 35 but looked 25 had that halle sydrome she was a super cougar.
@BLUNTBLAZER, thank i seen this scenario in a porno flick
well played sir
@Blacklaw, The grown cougar will always trump the cub. I’m all for it.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
i wonder which occurs more often: someone hitting a daughter and the mom, or a chick sleeping with the son and the father. if i ever won the lottery, i’d spent at least 10 percent of my winnings commissioning studies like this
@The Champ,
neva heard of a chick bangin the dad and the son but i bet it happens tho
@BLUNTBLAZER, hahaha. Yes it does. Jerry Springer showed us so.
My wife’s parents and family are southern…and I’m fat…so I HAD to eat up some food or they would feel insulted. lol. I also eradicated all ideas of personal space and hugged all up on mom, pops, and grandma. Essentially, I just don’t follow rules like that.
However, I REALLY just wanted to make sure I posted because this entire entry is funny as h3ll.
@Saule Wright, Your entire response was funny as he!!.
@Saule Wright,
Essentially, I just don’t follow rules like that.
this has t-shirt potential, btw
Why I gotta be a victim in this post? LOL. After all I do or you champy!
i have only met the family once (recurring, but one set of family). It probably wasn’t the best….but i did my best to try and fit in. If one day I happen to meet a boyfriend’s family, I will take heed to your advice. But since I plan on being a cat lady, i’ll just pass this info on to my nieces and nephews.
@Liz,
“But since I plan on being a cat lady, i’ll just pass this info on to my nieces and nephews.”
just stop it right now.
@The Champ, LOL what? It’s good to already know your destiny up front lolol.
@Liz,
***shaking head and sighing in exaggerated mock disbelief***
this is funny!! got one of my own, after some nonsense my uncle pulled on the family….
do NOT break up with your long-term woman, who the whole family knows, and neglect to tell them – then rock up to a huge family gathering with your new girl…. who is an EXACT BODY AND FACE DOUBLE OF YOUR EX!!!!!! like – a bloody twin, doppelganger!! so unfair on all concerned!!
confusion abounded, guys!! she looked and kinda sounded just like the ex, and my crazy uncle was allowing people to make familiar conversation and hug up on her, as tho she was the woman we all knew – and not correcting anything!!!
CRAZY!!!!! and this woman’s looking at everyone a little strangely, not giving us the love we’re accustomed to, and we’re all wondering if she’s having an off day!!!
the post-mortem on that little stunt went on for DAYS!!! this is NO WAY to introduce your new woman to the family….
**needless to say, they were history 4 months later…. after which, he returned to the very smug ex, who’d heard all about his little ‘replacement’, and took it as the power of her mojo**
@superwoman,
I bought that T-Shirt as well…
My Ex-Fiance… I brought another light-skindeded light eyed lady friend to my Pops benefit concert after he had a stroke. Actually, I was just bored out of my mind there peddling his CDs, and she happened to call… Which means I probably broke that other rule about leading people on…
Anyway, she sits next to me, and my drunk uncle SWEARS this is the same chick he met at my graduation… I’m like “Naw, Unk… see that Vodka over there? How’s about you go check THAT out a lil more?”
Awkward…
@DanteA, “Naw, Unk… see that Vodka over there? How’s about you go check THAT out a lil more?”
lmao. Hilarious.
@superwoman, That is so funny. My bf’s mama’s neighbor swore that she met me before. I just laughed it off and said “no ma’am. I’m a new one. “
@superwoman,
**reminding self to attend at least one south african family gathering before i die**
@The Champ, you can come to my sisters wedding this december sweetie….promises to be full of drama – the zulu’s, tswana’s and swatis’ will be in full force! guaranteed to be hectic!
@superwoman,
promises to be full of drama – the zulu’s, tswana’s and swatis will be in full force! guaranteed to be hectic!
lol, i saw “sometimes in april” a couple years ago, and i dont know if i’m ready for that type of drama.
seriously though, you and shay_d_lady both need to provide video footage of these events you all write about
@The Champ,
Time of your life!
@superwoman,
Weird thing is most of my ex’s/chick look alike short and thick with long hair. My homies be like why you break up with a chick just to date her stunt double. shiiiiiii the stunt doubles aint fraid to get they knees rug burned up lol.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
“the stunt doubles aint fraid to get they knees rug burned up lol”
this was actually the original title to “charm school” before the vh1 people thought it would be too confusing
1. Don’t call your S.O’s parents by their first name no matter what they tell you, unless you put a Mr. or Ms. in front of it (or is this is southern thing?)
2. Don’t be fake (i.e. overly nice, using yes ma’am and no sirs if that is not you). Parents can tell.
3. Don’t be needy. If your man/ girl leaves the room and leaves you alone with the parents, don’t freak out and chase him/ her down.
4. Hold a conversation. Don’t sit there on mute. You’ll just come off retarded or unfriendly.
I just met my man’s parents a few weeks ago which is prolly the first time a man has ever formally brought me home. I panicked for nothing. Just: Be calm, Be respectful, Be charming.
@Nicki Sunshine,
1. Don’t call your S.O’s parents by their first name no matter what they tell you, unless you put a Mr. or Ms. in front of it (or is this is southern thing?)
Is D.C. the south? Because I was also raised to do this. Also, my parents’ friends/cousins are also Aunt or Uncle So-and-So.
@WordSmith,
I think there may be some southern tendencies in DC as much as ppl don’t want to admit it…md and va are just too close to deny the connection
@Sherylalx,
I agree with you, but people from the “Deep South” like to tell me D.C. is “the north,” but everyone I know from the real north talks about how southern D.C. is. I guess it’s all about N. Sun’s perspective.
@WordSmith, My ex used to correct me all the time for calling Maryland up north… really Maryland is just over there.
@WordSmith, yeah DC is the south, they just act like it’s not though. but south of the mason dixon = south
@Nicki Sunshine,
“1. Don’t call your S.O’s parents by their first name no matter what they tell you, unless you put a Mr. or Ms. in front of it (or is this is southern thing?)”
I would LIKE to say this is a southern thing, but I’m from Detroit.
I guess they go hand in hand, though, cuz wherever I go that ISN’T in the south, I’m called country as hell.
Yes, mofokka, I say “Nighladers”. Anyway…
Putting the Ms. in front of it may be only cool in certain parts of the world where pork ain’t never killed nobody. I tried to call somebody by “Dr. First name” and she damn near had a fit. So i learned… That’s something you should ask about also…
@Dante_Alexander, “Yes, mofokka, I say “Nighladers”. Anyway…”
LMAO. I think I saw Nahladers (who pronounces the whole friggin thing anyway?_) along with huur and thurrr and herr (for hair)… so that’s about the same
@Nicki Sunshine,
1. Don’t call your S.O’s parents by their first name no matter what they tell you, unless you put a Mr. or Ms. in front of it (or is this is southern thing?)
i don’t know if this is a regional thing as much as a class thing. and by “class” i mean “aggressively siddity folks who’d have a bird if you used anything other than judge or doctor to address them”, and by “aggressively siddity folks who’d have a bird if you used anything other than judge or doctor to address them” i mean “middle-aged black greeks”
@The Champ, I don’t know what I’d do if I ever had an S.O with parents that were a Reverand or a Doctor. I’d imagine I’d self destruct with trying to think about what I could call them!
@Nicki Sunshine,
“1. Don’t call your S.O’s parents by their first name no matter what they tell you, unless you put a Mr. or Ms. in front of it (or is this is southern thing?)”
I’m thinking so, I do this all the time…it’s in my upbringing…lol
@Nicki Sunshine, if you dont like saying Mr or Ms, auntie and uncle is a fine substitute in my family
@Nicki Sunshine,
“1. Don’t call your S.O’s parents by their first name no matter what they tell you, unless you put a Mr. or Ms. in front of it (or is this is southern thing?)”
Nigerian custom will call for your disowning if you call anyone that’s 10 yrs older than you by their name without adding “Aunty/Uncle/Sis/Bro/Cousin I Can’t stand but have to put up with” in the front.
@Nicki Sunshine, yes, this is a non negotiable. as a southern african, i was raised to call all women my mothers age ‘mma’ – (prounounced ‘ma’). which created a bit of weirdness at the first meeting with my african-american boyfriends mum back in the day – she thought i was calling her ‘mum’, (rather over-familiar) but where i’m from, it’s a polite way to address an older woman…and it came out so instinctively…
lesson – be mindful of cultural differences! otherwise people will think you’re crazy!
@Nicki Sunshine,
*starts slow clap* good stuff here.
@Saule Wright,
“*starts slow clap* good stuff here.”
*Joins in, lights a lighter and starts doing “the wave”.*
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens, Thanks very much to u both.
***e hugs***
@Nicki Sunshine,
Regarding #1, it varies. If someone refers to their parents as Mike or Lisa and introduces them to me as such, that is what I will call them.
If someone introduces me to their parents as Mr. Jackson and calls them “dad”, then I’ll call them “Mr. Jackson” unless otherwise asked by “Mr. Jackson” to call him something else.
In work situations, I always refer to people in my company by their first names unless they are older than myself AND only use last names when talking to anyone else.
Seriously, am I going to be yelling “Mr. Fracklebacker” every time I make a pass during the company soccer game? I’m a grown man.
The most contact you should make with your girl is a hand hold. Body language says more than you know.
-no hands around the waste
-no kisses ………anywhere(that includes her whispering eye)
-if your bold enough to propose on the first meeting(like myself F* brass I got platinum balls) then be yourself. Sincerity shows on its own.
-speak up for yourself.(your girl answering for you is weak…..MAN UP)
@Double J,
oh yeah in addition
-speak up for yourself. Don’t let your girl answer questions posed to you. That’s a sure fire way to be considered the B*tch made new (emphasis on boy) boyfriend.
@Double J, I agree. No kisses around the parents.
@Double J,
-no kisses ………anywhere(that includes her whispering eye)
whispering eye?
@The Champ,
“whispering eye?”
I wonder if she means that one cocked-eye that nobody wants to acknowledge.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens, *snicker* u’s a funny lady.
@The Champ,
It’s from Role Models. It’s the girls’ treasure trove
I will read the post in due time as I will be trying to kill time at the airport. Where am I jetting off too now? A-T-L-A-N-T-A
I’ll be bailing on- I mean, at meetings at the CDC til Thursday.
Being that the contingency from my office that I’m travelling with is drier than a chick after an escapade with The Champ, any VSBers in the area, please holla at ya girl and save me from nights of getting drunk in my room alone.
Check my blog to find my e-mail
Toodles!
@blackberry molasses on her Crackberry,
Being that the contingency from my office that I’m travelling with is drier than a chick after an escapade with The Champ
***nodding head and taking notes***
I didn’t read the comments cus I’m lazy…
1) Who waits that long to meet someone’s parents? Even if I don’t really like a dude, I typically meet the family within the first couple of months–assuming they live locally or semi-locally. If I don’t, he’s probably not really into me either.
2) Being yourself is cool. I’m the same fake ass self I am around my own dayum family. They know what I tell them. Nothing more, nothing less. Can’t have them all up in my business.
3) I try not to let anyone meet my folks. I’m from Detroit. If they came to a holiday dinner, they will encounter damn near every brand of dysfunction that exists.
4) try to avoid sleeping over. My ex and I ended up staying at his aunt and uncles house. His granny lived in their mother-in-law suite. I was assigned to sleep on the couch in her apartment. He was assigned to sleep on the couch in the main house. Why did his granny sleep in the room with me? She had a bedroom. But she didn’t want any hanky panky going on on her watch.
5) Listen to the reactions of your family. Unless you’re paying your mother’s bills (I know a lot of Black men who do this for their single moms), if she doesn’t like you’re date, trust her. If she, your sister(s), aunt(s), and granny doesn’t like you significant other, listen to them.
6) Don’t roll into someone’s house with an attitude just because your significant other told you that when he was eight his cousin tripped him at the family reunion and everyone, including his parents, laughed.
7) Clean up behind yourself.
@Hostess,
“3) I try not to let anyone meet my folks. I’m from Detroit. If they came to a holiday dinner, they will encounter damn near every brand of dysfunction that exists. ”
Nail? Meet Head…
nobody really understands my reluctance to showing people my people. It’s not that I DON’T want them to meet you, its THEM. LOL
And by them, I mean Cletus, Uncle Ron, Cousin Mike and his twin Mick (who will inevitably get into a fist fight at some point over “which brown M&M is the most missed, or something equally as ridiculous), Nana (because she watches the way you eat and discerns your worthiness based upon whether or not you mix peas in with your potatoes). There’s many others, and I never really feel like writing that cheat sheet, because it’d be like 18 pages long (DON’T mention dolphins around Uncle Ike. He’ll jump off the deep end and toss barbecue sause at your feet cussing the heavens for killing Sammy Davis. Don’t ask”), and that’s a lotta pressure for a newby.
I LOVE my family, but we sometimes too hood for TV. I’d like to ween someone into the process, instead of one visit at a big gathering. Too many of us in one place at one time leads to nothing good…
@Dante_Alexander, I bring potential mates around the fam. Let them know what they’re getting into and find out if they can hang lol.
@pgh muse, Naw. I gotta fold people in. First they can meet my uncle–cus he’s local. If they can get past him, we’ll head down to my nana’s where my aunt and cousins are. Absolute foolishness. The third layer would be my mom’s house. But this is only after a couple phone calls. Nobody has made it past the phone calls.
@Hostess, lmao. I hear u. Believe me I do.
@Dante_Alexander, I’m glad I’m not alone.
@Hostess,
Not at all.
I can’t have people being thrown into the fold and expect them to come out unscathed or perform admirably, any more than I can expect a Van Gundy to look like he knows what he’s doing in the playoffs.
IF you ever get to meet my mother, do not be surprised if she:
(a) Roasts you unmercilessly, in a joking way. I had a girl come over the house once, and my dog (who was but a tender pup at the time) was reluctant to go see… My Mom decided to come downstairs, and after my girl said “Max didn’t wanna come chill in the living room?”, said “nah. And it’s just you. She’s usually friendly.”
Joking to be sure, but my girl was mortified. Dah well.
(b) Burst out into song for no reason whatsoever, ESPECIALLY if she’s in the kitchen. It’s a brown skinned thing. Light skinted folks have yet to consistently show me this side… Except my Pops. But he’s the next point…
I never brought anybody around them because my old dude is a letch. He’s like the Uncle at the wedding who “wanna have a lil lookey at nephew’s sweater meat sammich”…
I love him so. I want to be JUST like him when I grow up. His belt cannot be worn anymore… it has been retired for too many notches. Damn musicians…
@Dante_Alexander,
“DON’T mention dolphins around Uncle Ike. He’ll jump off the deep end and toss barbecue sause at your feet cussing the heavens for killing Sammy Davis. Don’t ask”
*dead and gone* This is just turrble lol
@Dante_Alexander, Oh my stars….dolphins??? I’m feeling more and more thankful for my oh so tame family…..LMAO!!!!!!
@klysha, Oh, you have no IDEA.
People think I’m nuts because I tend to be callous and unemotional. There’s a reason why. These people will eat you for dinner. Four times. Then come back for more.
You know how they tell you not to speak about three things in a bar (Money, Religion and Politics) because they can always lead to fights?
Yeah… you come to my family gigs and the list is something like:
Dolphins
Christmas and/or Thanksgiving (Ironically, these last two happen the most ON the damned Holiday)
Abraham Lincoln
Arnold Terminator
Corned Beef from anywhere but Lou’s Deli
The EastSide or The WestSide (this ALWAYS trips somebody up… the feasts usually alternate sides, so fisticuffs and brouhaha develop when one sider says something about the other…)
Illinois
Black Cinema (am I the only one who ever questions the validity of saying a “black” movie is completely idiotic and NOT funny? No, but my family will inevitably say some movie is great when everyone knows it’s boolsheet. Although I loved “Black Spring Break 1 &2”)
Computers (my mother thinks they are the Devil. Half my family agrees).
Surely there are more, but these get togethers are a mine field in and of themselves.
Like they say… Smile and Nod…
@Dante_Alexander,
“Corned Beef from anywhere but Lou’s Deli”
Bread Basket>Lou’s Deli
“The EastSide or The WestSide (this ALWAYS trips somebody up… the feasts usually alternate sides, so fisticuffs and brouhaha develop when one sider says something about the other…)”
I’ve seen this happen before. You should here this conversation on the Southwest side. Each part of Detroit has its own character.
@Humble_One,
Lord, don’t get me STARTED on the Number Streets… LMAO
@Dante_Alexander,
im just mad you have twin uncles named mike and mick, lol
@The Champ,
Ethiopian part of the Fam. They will have you in stitches, or make you get stitches. Either way, its a memorable time.
Alls I know is, I have an aunt that refuses to say anything until you’ve correctly answered the question “What yo mama name you?” Which, when I write it, doesn’t sound that hard to do. But she don’t say it like I write it… its more:
“Whachoemummanaeoo?”
If she don’t get it, she don’t get in. So many of em bit the dust off this… Shame. I tend to have to hold my breath when she says it, too, if only for the fact that her voice is a combination of Barry White and Madea. Craziest thing ever.
@Hostess,
If she, your sister(s), aunt(s), and granny doesn’t like you significant other, listen to them
good point. if nobody in your fam is feeling your girl on any level, then they probably see something her crazy coitus hasn’t allowed you to
@The Champ,
**nodding** right right right right
@Hostess, “Why did his granny sleep in the room with me? She had a bedroom. But she didn’t want any hanky panky going on on her watch.”
Oh GOD. I was not ready for this. I think u get the funniest comment this morning for that one.
@Hostess,
“If she, your sister(s), aunt(s), and granny doesn’t like you significant other, listen to them.”
Do cousins count? The parents, grandma, aunts and uncles liked me. There just was a cousin that did not like me, but it was mainly because she wanted to hook her friend up with my bf but he wasn’t having no part of that. Should he have listened to her and dropped me to talk to her friend?
@Ms. T,
Naw.
Errbody know thirsty wenches only get love behind closed doors.
I mushed my cuz for tryna pawn me off in front of the chick I brought to the crib. That’s blatant disrespect right there.
But I took that number for later use. Sue me, I was like 21. Y’all shoulda seen the friend chick, tho…
Although I’ve never brought of my S.O’s around the parents (grand or mother/father), Id definitely have to warn her about over half my family being Jehovahs Witnesses (which you mentioned above…hilarious). I’ve seen them in action when others would bring their S.O.’s over. Its all peace until they get ready to go, and grandmom hands them a Watchtower on the way out.
From my experience though, not putting too much thought into it is the key.
Always look people in their eyes though. Always. Especially with dads. Not on some alpha male ish, but respectfully. Even if you arent really listening to them.
@Mr. Mister, “Its all peace until they get ready to go, and grandmom hands them a Watchtower on the way out.”
My ex best friend’s family are J-Dubs. They push those Watchtowers like the music man at the barbershop.
@Nicki Sunshine, God hates you if you dont peddle enough of them so I’ve been told.
@Mr. Mister, LOL!!!!!! They are surely working to get their ticket in heaven. oh, hold up. They don’t think we’re all going anyway.. Only a certain number, the elite- if you will
@Mr. Mister,
Always look people in their eyes though. Always. Especially with dads.
yeah, i learned the hard way thats not a good a idea to be caught staring at the mom’s chest while the dad is asking me about toast
@Mr. Mister,
That is funny! Reminds me of my family.
DO NOT let her parents know that your weak as has been manipulated into engagement by their insecure, 30 something daughter who has such low self esteem that she transfers the responsibility of loving herself onto you thru a series of mind fcuks, pity-parties and trips to Guiltsville.
If #1 applies to you. DO run like hell when you get the chance.
Don’t ignore the relationship dynamic and operations heirarchy that exist in the household your S.O. was reared.
DO NOT reveal your true desire to be a housewife/husbandstay at home parent unless it is a desire also shared by your S.O and parents.
Don’t wear the nut hugging jeans dude.
Don’t wear the daisy dukes or the clingy skirt that when caught in the right angle/light reveals your camel toe. But DO have these items in your Ho Bag you’ll need them later.
DON’T let this be the week you get your favorite teams logo cut in your hair cause you lost a bet and this was better for you than letting the winner sleep with your S.O.
DON’T let this be the week you get your hair colored orange with blond highlights unless your man is the guy who lost the bet above AND his mothers hair is that new red velvet.
Don’t give a play by play of the event on twitter. Not even under your “inconspicuous” conspicuous alias (DIVABTICH) and slightly out of focus picture because your S.O. and his father have been following you for a month or more.
@Dice Vegas, LMAO!
@Dice Vegas,
Don’t wear the nut hugging jeans dude.
lol, isn’t this always applicable?
@Dice Vegas,
“Don’t wear the nut hugging jeans dude.”
This does not apply if your last name is Jonas.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens, lol. If i were a prepubescent white girl i’d b in love with the JBs…they kinda cute and make cute little records.
I’ve got nothing…
@miss t-lee,
we know.
@The Champ,
*throat punch*
To add on to the be yourself but not really comment, we’re all very smart people…pay attention. The parents will display the acceptable rhetoric. I say even if you feel like you don’t want to be a part of this family afterwards, you don’t want to give them cause to call you a monkey.
If you are lucky enought to be invited to stay in their home for a few nights, do NOT have sex or any variant of such…and that’s all I have to say about that.
Look alike or not, ask your family not to make references to the one they wanted you to be with infront of the new potential. I know you wanted me to be with someone who was a college athlete, but this J not S and he is a knowledge bowl champ. Get over it Dad!!
Do not tell the new SO to lie to your parents. This is really uncomfortable. Your dad has me in the office asking me specifically the question you told me to lie to!! I feel like this can go two ways and they both end bad. Either I’m a stellar liar or I fumble through and your father thinks I’m a retard.
Do warn the person if you know the rents have certain prejudices that you know are going to be issues. For example, your mother looks like Alek Wek and hates light skin, light eye girls with full breasteses…that way I won’t take it personal. Or in my family, my father doesn’t trust men who don’t drink…as they are likely to be serial killers.
Lastly, if you are someone who introduces a lot of people to your parents, pay attention to timing. If everyone in your family is still getting over the last so that they loved and thought was the one, wait until its safe to introduce someone new. Doing this too soon is just painful for everyone.
@treble,
If you are lucky enought to be invited to stay in their home for a few nights, do NOT have sex or any variant of such
if you changed this to “do NOT get caught having sex…” i’d agree 100 percent
@The Champ, do NOT get caught having sex…
hahahaah… ho bag.
@The Champ,
yea i banged tha baby mama in her grandmas bed (i didnt wanna do it but she forced me great head is my weakness) we thought she was sleep i mean it was 2am I came then I came out to go to the toy-let and dam nana still up watchin some show givin me a cold side eye. Worst walk of shame ever. Nana never looked at me the same after that. lol
That has to be the worst description of a relationship I have ever heard. Slightly depressed me into a Lil baby Jesus never let this be my life…
However, I have met the parents of all my S.O’s and have never had a problem, I think if you are naturally a good person it just comes out. But if you’re not fake it til you make it.
@Nique,
welcome and sh*t (i think)
Tips for dealing with meeting West Indian Parents:
1) Do have something very ambitious going for you ideally be an aspiring MD, Lawyer, CEO, Engineer, etc. You will be judged heavily/almost solely on your ambition. Under no circumstances say you want to be rapper/actor/anything of the entertainment business, etc. If you do not aspire to be a doctor or lawyer or such, you can save yourself from utter Caribbean disdain/embarassment if you are simultaneously employed by at least three different legitimate jobs. The more jobs you have the more ambitious/impressive you will seem. This tip can also go well for African parents/families. Blah, I kinda exaggerate.
2) Do be open to try new “exotic” foods. Do not under any circumstances wrinkle your nose in disgust after you find out what you thought was stewed beef is actually curried goat meat(very popular dish in some Caribbean islands). Do eat all new foods heartily with a smile.
3) Do not under any circumstances assume that everyone you meet in a Caribbean family is Jamaican unless you know for sure. This can get you shot (I exaggerate). In the worst case scenario, it will make you seem ignorant and uncultured to the offended persons. Do your best to not make any Jamaican references at all if the Caribbean family is in no way related to the island.
3) THIS ONE IS VERY IMPORTANT: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MAKE FUN OF THEIR ACCENTS OR SHOW THAT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THEIR FORM OF ENGLISH. It is understandable that some Caribbean parents (especially fresh transports) are a bit difficult to understand at times due to rapid fire, heavily accented dialect. In cases like this just smile and nod. Given that your relationship lasts with the person of Caribbean descent, you will eventually come to understand a beautiful new dialect of the english language and can puff up your chest in pride that you have become a bit more cultured.
@Blue Skyez,
Edit: Do have something very ambitious (AND PRACTICAL) going for you.
@Blue Skyez,
Change this to Tips with African Parents too and we’d be in business. I will add:
*When offered Bailey’s, do NOT decline. They will take it personally
*Don’t judge us when we start dinner with a prayer and 5 songs
*Don’t laugh when we get up to dance after dinner. We loves to get it in
*If the parents bring out money and start to spray everyone w/ these bills, don’t dive off your chair to the floor to catch the missed ones
*Do NOT call the adults there by their first names. Automatic side-eye & potential “That one is a bad one, o!” comment after
*If you eat nothing else, at least eat the white rice. Try not to cry because it’s too spicy. The men will think you’re a punk
That’s all I gots for now.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
shouts out to my africans
Ghanains and Nigerians
dont trip if you dont see any cutlery lol
I luv me some fu-fu fuqa fork jus gimme a bowl of water to dip my hand in (seriously that is a great way to eat)
@BLUNTBLAZER,
If this comment was a dish, it’d be jollof rice w/ plantains. THAT is how much I approve
@Thuggie Luvvie,
plantain is the shiiiiiiiiiiii
@BLUNTBLAZER,
Man, I haven’t had any fu-fu with peanut-butter soup in a minute.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
*Making notes to bring Humble & BluntBlazer FuFu at VSB bbq. IF you both like goat meat, then I just may have to take YALL to meet MY parents. Mmhmm I’m in need of a new e-boo anyways. I dumped Kamakula for creeping on me w/ Gemmie
@Thuggie Luvvie,
naw not into goat meat lol ill jus dip tha dough in the sause lol
@Thuggie Luvvie,
So it’s like that huh? I knew there was a reason to keep that pounded yam recipe secret.
@Thuggie Luvvie
Don’t judge us when we start dinner with a prayer and 5 songs.
lol this brings memories of my grandma. her prayers were about 20 minutes long and everyone will be just starving and dying to eat. Even Jeebus was like “goodness woman enough talking! Can’t you see that we are ready to eat!!!”
@Blue Skyez,
This tip can also go well for African parents/families. Blah, I kinda exaggerate
Yup. That’s quite right. That ambition business is like a requirement.
@Sula,
LOL African and Caribbean parents have so many similarities.
Is it odd that I’ve never let my family meet a guy I’m dating? My family is an extremely important part of my life and unless a man is equally as important, I see no point in introducing him to my people. Of course some of the men I’m friends with have met my family, but I don’t feel like any guy I date needs to meet my parents unless there’s a chance he could be their son-in-law.
@Voiceofreason,
It’s not odd…my Dad hasn’t met anyone since my junior year prom date. To me, it’s just that serious, and my Dad knows what time it is. I wouldn’t just bring home a random kat that I was just kickin’ it with.
Now my brother on the other hand? I’ve met a few too many questionable trollops that I knew for a fact I would never see agian…lol
I told him to stop that ish, I can’t remember names, and I’m not trying to throw salt.
@miss t-lee,
“I told him to stop that ish, I can’t remember names, and I’m not trying to throw salt.”
My girl’s brother is always bringing someone to their house, and she’s good for saying something like, “Who are you? You seem like such a nice young lady so why are you dating my brother. Stop laughing. I’m serious. I know he’s charming but he doesn’t have his life together. You’re better off spending time with someone else. Don’t say no one warned you.”
My girls is a mess.
@Voiceofreason,
Your girl is nice.
I don’t warn them girls of anything…if you’re dating him that’s on you.
I want no parts of anything…lol
@Voiceofreason, I don’t find this odd at all….
@Voiceofreason,
It’s not odd at all… until it’s serious, there is no need to involve the parents… (especially when they live 6,000 miles away from you…)
hmh me I’m myself. I like to let the fireworks that will be fly early. I keep that old G-N-R welcome to the jungle playing in the back of my head. I’ma smoke some today.
@WuDaMan,
Ya know I’m not sure why I still try to decipher your musings. Like trying to figure out why I can smell Al Sharpton’s perm through the TV. Just ain’t gon happen
@Thuggie Luvvie,
“Ya know I’m not sure why I still try to decipher your musings. Like trying to figure out why I can smell Al Sharpton’s perm through the TV. Just ain’t gon happen”
PREACH!! Cause I done got (yes, done got) too many headaches tryna decipher the early hieroglyphics used by the Wu.
But it’s cool, cause we love you Wu!
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens,
curse my proclivity for effing up the written language.
Don’t try to overimpress, your already at a disadvantage. – instead of claiming to be a 11th degree brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt who freelances as a cape wearing crimefighter, the fact that you have a job, in/went to some type of post-high school education, and have a mode of transportattion beyond a 30 day MetroCard you have already become likeable enough.
@rockstar718,
“claiming to be a 11th degree brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt who freelances as a cape wearing crimefighter”
I do this with EVERYONE I meet – complete with cape, utility belt and grappling hook.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens,
haha yea dont make up no stories like I used to play ball with Jordan. -”really michael jordan”-”yea i used to clown him on the court”- “really michael Jordan” – then Jordan walks thru tho door “i dont kno you negro”- busted
Take it easy on the drank!
Nuff said!
@YGB, AGREED!! I warned my ex about this when meeting my family. Not only will they talk about you getting drunk the next day (EVEN IF THEY GOT DRUNK TOO) but my aunt will set you up good. She will offer you a drink & then make a comment like “OH WE RUNNIN LOW”. Next thing you know you making the next liquor store run with a long list of things to bring back even if you ONLY had one drink & YOU ARE BUYING. BYOB when you come around my family or just say NO!!
Top 5
-Find people of your own gender and try to fit in – if you a guy visiting the girls fam go kickit with tha dudes at the card table dont stay all up under ya girl. Let her kno you can blend in. Vice versa if I bring a chick Ima introduce her to the women fam and say bye bye dont try ta fallow me kick it with the chicks.
-Avoid arguments/confrontation- you gotta have tuff skin fam can be heartless sometimes with the jokes/ stories dont take it personal. Drank is good it help you loosen up so you can laugh with um. DOnt be no punk tho if the girls uncle gets you ina headlock let him kno u dont play (sad but true story i fought both my baby mamas uncles)
- Show the old people hella respect- Any normal person will show respect but go out of ya way for big mama or pawpaw if they like you, you good to go. So if you see them strugglin offer to help you will get mucho brownie points. (I got dome of the century on the ride home cause this chick saw me help her grandma take a turkey out the oven. I was so glad I went to the kitchen for another beer and found the 70 yr old damsel in distress)
- Even if the food sucks pretend to like it- Even tho the potata salad taste like paste dont trip put some hot sause on it (hot sause makes anything taste good) and pretend like you on fear factor.
- Dont get to drunk- even tho you and the girls fam are gettin hella coo with eachother dont get wasted know ya limit cause you still gotta drive the chick home let um kno that you are responsible. No drunken games exp (no playing ego driven drunken basketball, race to the fence, street football, drag racing etc etc) its always a lose – lose situation.
@BLUNTBLAZER, Good list.
@pgh muse,
i learned from experience (sad but true)
@BLUNTBLAZER,
“- Even if the food sucks pretend to like it- Even tho the potata salad taste like paste dont trip put some hot sause on it (hot sause makes anything taste good) and pretend like you on fear factor.”
Yeah, it’s a real good list, but you can’t just be eatin’ everybody’s potato salad. That’s where I draw the line, lol. But yeah, you right – hot sauce gets the job done!
@RedBeanzNRice w/Collard Greens,
its “patata” salad but yea you gotta suck it up sometimes. I once had to eat some cole-slaw that was so bad I started to sweat tryna convince my body to hold it down lol and still keep a fake smile on my face. again thank god for hotsause.
hint: if ya guest puts hotsause/bbq sause/ ketchup on everything 9 times out of 10 ya food sucks lol
@BLUNTBLAZER,
“hint: if ya guest puts hotsause/bbq sause/ ketchup on everything 9 times out of 10 ya food sucks lol”
Oh so true, If your food is nasty or bland I will not eat anything without hot sauce!
Love this post!! The biggest mistake I made meeting this dudes parents was using SALT! Apparently I offended his mom by asking for salt for my food. LOL. It was bland and I didnt see a salt shaker on the table so I asked LOL!
As far as dudes meeting my family……If you come to meet my family you must come with a sense of humor, icecream truck money & be self confident.
My family is very sarcastic & we all have a dark sense of humor. We laugh at stuff we probably shouldnt so if you dont get the joke just smile, chuckle or nod.
We are also constantly cracking on each other. Bringing somebody NEW around is like FRESH MEAT in jail! They are going to let him have it. It is all a rite of passage for dating me. He must first take the abuse with a smile and show no sign of any type of aggression NO MATTER WHAT lol. By the end of the gathering he better be able to take little jabs back at my family. They have to be light jabs though. He cant come too hard on the first gathering.
If he gets angry then my family will take that as a sign of him being aggressive or mean LOL. If he sits and takes their abuse all day then they will think he is weak LOL. It is all so crazy and I always feel bad for guys.
If a male family members brings a woman home it’s just as HORRIBLE!! We do this thing were we ignore her LOL. I am not sure why but we do. It is her JOB to win us over and make her way into our circle LOL. If we are huddled up in the kitchen and she doesnt come in then SHE IS STUCK UP!! She is pretty much judged this way all night. And if she is brave enough to come join the women then she is interrogated like she stole something! If she makes it through all of this with a smile then she is acceptable.
The little kids in my family will just give you the stare down!! If you got kids and think that will win them over…. it wont!! They will stare them down too because they are thinking “HELL!! SOMEBODY ELSE I GOTTA SHARE MY SH!T WITH ONTOP OF ALL THESE OTHER COUSINS.” The only way is to bribe them with money for icecream…PERIOD!
@Yaa,
The biggest mistake I made meeting this dudes parents was using SALT! Apparently I offended his mom by asking for salt for my food. LOL. It was bland and I didnt see a salt shaker on the table so I asked LOL!
lol, i learned this the hard way as well, although, admittedly, asking for a bucket of bbq sauce to dip the dry-ass ribs in probably wasn’t the best idea
@The Champ, The petty thing was EVERYBODY else used the salt too!! It was as if they were relieved that somebody asked but then I got the side eye from mommy all night because of it. You’d think because she was country she could cook & she had the nerve to cook some weird meats (gator, deer, turtle) with no salt. HOW YOU GONNA OFFER ME BLAND TURTLE LOL!! Convince me that the turtle is worth eating DAMN!T otherwise I am with you Champ… pass the BBQ sauce!
@Yaa,
HOW YOU GONNA OFFER ME BLAND TURTLE LOL!! .
Okay this is HILARIOUS!!
Maybe it’s just me, but a lot of the rules brought forth her (especially in comments) sound eerily like those in the BBQ post…
Anyways, some of my own:
-Change the RAINGTONE to something regular. The latest vulgar/provocative song doesn’t only make for a Southwest “wanna get away?” moment at job interviews.
-The potato salad rule is like my rule on macaroni and cheese rule. I generally can’t truss it (c) Chuck D, so I don’t eat it. And I think it’s OK to say what you don’t eat (e.g. pork, shellfish, allergic to peanuts)…mater of fact, those ground rules should probably be laid beforehand by the person whose parents are being met. because why should the entire burden be on the person mee-ting the parents?
More later…
In any case, regarding meeting my parents, we’ve never been on such terms where they just meet people I’m dating. Perhaps that will change in the future, but who knows.
So, at the moment, meeting my parents is a big deal. As a result, even if we’ve reached the bf/gf stage, you probably still won’t meet my parents. You may meet other relatives, but unless my parents specifically make a request, you won’t see them. Why? Because I prefer to only introduce my parents to the woman I plan to marry.
But again, perhaps that will change. After all, I’m still relatively young and may or may not have several years of dating to go.
I don’t even know how related this is to the post but, if the relationship doesn’t work out and you break up. You break up with the family too.
There’s nothin more awkward than poppin up at mom’s and runnin into the ex whom you can no longer stand.