Most Black people know other Black folks (and some white people too) who have gone to an HBCU. A long time ago I wrote a How-To-Guide-To-Homecoming and since it’s October – generally homecoming season for all schools – I figured I’d rehash it. Actually, its almost the end of October so this will only help out anybody who attends schools with homecoming coming up…like Morehouse and Spelman. And NC A&T who swears they have the GHOE. Aggie Pride and what not.
Anyway, here’s a homecoming primer of sorts…
1. Get to the airport earlyâ€¦unless your really excited about going to homecoming. The more excited you are the greater your chance of having your flight delayed for NO apparent reason
leaving from Washington-Dulles International Airport. This will cause you to have to find something to do for, hell I donâ€™t know, 2 hours in a terminal that only has two storesâ€¦Starbucks and a Fox News Channel store. I think God was playing with me. To remedy this I suggest having a drink at the airport. Nothing says homecoming like getting tipsy before you even get there.
2. Be prepared to drink for the whole weekend. This includes arriving to the homecoming spot and getting lit up from the second you walk into your homeboyâ€™s house. This is possible by having a young woman in a house full of dudes making drinks that for some reason pack more of a punch than Mike Tyson in his prime walking around Bolivion. Also be prepared to not go anywhere for the rest of the eveningâ€¦because you will forget that somebody needs to be the designated driver, and everybody in said place is drunk.
Addendum to #2: On the off chance that somebody does show up who isnâ€™t drunk. Have him take you to Waffle House. Just make sure that bitch isnâ€™t being robbed at 2am when you decide to go there. Basically, make sure you know where another Waffle House is just in case the one you stop byâ€¦is being robbed.
3. Get thee to a club. It’s very important to take pictures you wonâ€™t remember taking, and having conversations that would obviously never occur unless you are inebriated, so go to a club that has a huge dance floor and lots of people. Drunk dancing is the most fun dancing you can have. But drunk crossing the streetâ€¦GOT DAMN that is hands down the most challenging sh*t. Crossing Peachtree Street in Atlanta, GA, is like playing Frogger if you have been drinking a lot of anything. I suggest this at least once.
4. Now this step is very important. Wake up the next morning.
5. Plan appropriately for the tailgate. Now this is very very important. It involves proper time management. There is this drink that has been dubbed Uncle Rickyâ€™s Punch (hereafter known as the Punch). It is hands down a delicassy. One of my boys cooks this crack in his kitchen. It is important to have White Grape Peach juice for this. If you arenâ€™t careful, finding some damn White Grape Peach juice can take you over 2 hours and send you to both Wal-mart and Krogers. Iâ€™m just sayingâ€¦plan ahead for that or youâ€™ll be pissed because you are trying to get to the tailgate and you end up driving around Southwest Atlanta (SWATS…I miss when this used to be known nationwide) and into neighborhoods you didnâ€™t even know existed and fear for your life ultimately ending up leaving like 2 hours later than you planned when you already woke up lateâ€¦over some damn White Grape Peach Juice.
6. More tailgatery. After the Punch has been madeâ€¦TASTE IT. If you donâ€™t feel a single thing after drinking it, itâ€™s perfect. You now know you will be drunk by the time you leave from the tailgateâ€¦of course you have to get there. Which reminds meâ€¦if possible, do not try to pack 6 GROWN ass people into a Honda Civic. Or better yetâ€¦ask to drive. NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING was more uncomfortable and joke inducing than grown ass people literally sitting on eachother. I mean, we all got jobs and shit. It just didnâ€™t seem right.
7. Get to the tailgate and walk around and enjoy being a graduate of
Morehouse your school and love seeing all the black folks you havenâ€™t seen in a year and just enjoy life all around. Alsoâ€¦be prepared. Saturday is always somewhat a blur for me. I usually get more phone numbers and business cards than I can even remember. Thanks to the Punch. Also, donâ€™t get greedy with the punchâ€¦share the punch and youâ€™ll have strange women coming up to you later talking about how good that damn punch is and giving you wonderful hugs.
8. Please oh please find out where the hot spot is. Going to the right club during homecoming is vital. EVERYBODY is throwing a party. That means that one of them bitches is going to be empty. To avoid ending up there, stay in constant contact with lots of different people via Twitter and texting. Upon finding the right spotâ€¦donâ€™t drink anything else liquor related. You will not feel good. And, have a good damn time. Get your boogie on.
9. You will be tired at this point. So let me remix that last sentence, get your boogie on as much as your body will let you. But always always alwaysâ€¦make time to hit up the dance floor when any southern crunk song or â€œItâ€™s time for the perculatorâ€¦â€ comes on. This is vital.
By this pointâ€¦your homecoming experience is almost over and sad thoughts of having to say good-bye will creep in when you leave the club. You will no longer be drunkâ€¦just happy that you were thereâ€¦which leads to the final step.
10. Donâ€™t take your friends for granted. If you actually have friends you are really lucky. If you have about 20 folks you can honestly call GOOD friendsâ€¦well, consider yourself to one of the luckiest bastards on earth.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. HOMECOMING NO KANYE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
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