The VSB 10 Point Guide To An HBCU Homecoming

Most Black people know other Black folks (and some white people too) who have gone to an HBCU. A long time ago I wrote a How-To-Guide-To-Homecoming and since it’s October – generally homecoming season for all schools – I figured I’d rehash it. Actually, its almost the end of October so this will only help out anybody who attends schools with homecoming coming up…like Morehouse and Spelman. And NC A&T who swears they have the GHOE. Aggie Pride and what not.

Anyway, here’s a homecoming primer of sorts…

1. Get to the airport early…unless your really excited about going to homecoming. The more excited you are the greater your chance of having your flight delayed for NO apparent reason leaving from Washington-Dulles International Airport. This will cause you to have to find something to do for, hell I don’t know, 2 hours in a terminal that only has two stores…Starbucks and a Fox News Channel store. I think God was playing with me. To remedy this I suggest having a drink at the airport. Nothing says homecoming like getting tipsy before you even get there.

2. Be prepared to drink for the whole weekend. This includes arriving to the homecoming spot and getting lit up from the second you walk into your homeboy’s house. This is possible by having a young woman in a house full of dudes making drinks that for some reason pack more of a punch than Mike Tyson in his prime walking around Bolivion. Also be prepared to not go anywhere for the rest of the evening…because you will forget that somebody needs to be the designated driver, and everybody in said place is drunk.

Addendum to #2: On the off chance that somebody does show up who isn’t drunk. Have him take you to Waffle House. Just make sure that bitch isn’t being robbed at 2am when you decide to go there. Basically, make sure you know where another Waffle House is just in case the one you stop by…is being robbed.

3. Get thee to a club. It’s very important to take pictures you won’t remember taking, and having conversations that would obviously never occur unless you are inebriated, so go to a club that has a huge dance floor and lots of people. Drunk dancing is the most fun dancing you can have. But drunk crossing the street…GOT DAMN that is hands down the most challenging sh*t. Crossing Peachtree Street in Atlanta, GA, is like playing Frogger if you have been drinking a lot of anything. I suggest this at least once.

4. Now this step is very important. Wake up the next morning.

5. Plan appropriately for the tailgate. Now this is very very important. It involves proper time management. There is this drink that has been dubbed Uncle Ricky’s Punch (hereafter known as the Punch). It is hands down a delicassy. One of my boys cooks this crack in his kitchen. It is important to have White Grape Peach juice for this. If you aren’t careful, finding some damn White Grape Peach juice can take you over 2 hours and send you to both Wal-mart and Krogers. I’m just saying…plan ahead for that or you’ll be pissed because you are trying to get to the tailgate and you end up driving around Southwest Atlanta (SWATS…I miss when this used to be known nationwide) and into neighborhoods you didn’t even know existed and fear for your life ultimately ending up leaving like 2 hours later than you planned when you already woke up late…over some damn White Grape Peach Juice.

6. More tailgatery. After the Punch has been made…TASTE IT. If you don’t feel a single thing after drinking it, it’s perfect. You now know you will be drunk by the time you leave from the tailgate…of course you have to get there. Which reminds me…if possible, do not try to pack 6 GROWN ass people into a Honda Civic. Or better yet…ask to drive. NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING was more uncomfortable and joke inducing than grown ass people literally sitting on eachother. I mean, we all got jobs and shit. It just didn’t seem right.

7. Get to the tailgate and walk around and enjoy being a graduate of Morehouse your school and love seeing all the black folks you haven’t seen in a year and just enjoy life all around. Also…be prepared. Saturday is always somewhat a blur for me. I usually get more phone numbers and business cards than I can even remember. Thanks to the Punch. Also, don’t get greedy with the punch…share the punch and you’ll have strange women coming up to you later talking about how good that damn punch is and giving you wonderful hugs.

8. Please oh please find out where the hot spot is. Going to the right club during homecoming is vital. EVERYBODY is throwing a party. That means that one of them bitches is going to be empty. To avoid ending up there, stay in constant contact with lots of different people via Twitter and texting. Upon finding the right spot…don’t drink anything else liquor related. You will not feel good. And, have a good damn time. Get your boogie on.

9. You will be tired at this point. So let me remix that last sentence, get your boogie on as much as your body will let you. But always always always…make time to hit up the dance floor when any southern crunk song or “It’s time for the perculator…” comes on. This is vital.

By this point…your homecoming experience is almost over and sad thoughts of having to say good-bye will creep in when you leave the club. You will no longer be drunk…just happy that you were there…which leads to the final step.

10. Don’t take your friends for granted. If you actually have friends you are really lucky. If you have about 20 folks you can honestly call GOOD friends…well, consider yourself to one of the luckiest bastards on earth.

Happy Homecoming!

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. HOMECOMING NO KANYE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

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  • Bri

    This post is so accurate, this weekend can’t come soon enough. #spelhouse

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      word to big bird. hope to see you out there…whoever you are. #spelhouse

    • mimi

      Why did I graduate 20 years ago but home coming weekend is still like this? The only thing different is that we now hire a car service to drive our drunk butts around all weekend. Also you can pre-order the vital punch ingredients on Amazon and have that delivered to your hotel minus the alcohol.

  • http://www.shesgottawriteit.com a. chigozie

    Last year it was woo woo juice filled into mini plastic water bottles lol. My friend kept trying to figure out where they found so many small plastic bottles but i didnt care because it was good. Like who has time for that thought process. Great fun though, hope i can make it this year

  • Tanny

    What’s a homecoming? Is it like graduation?

    • Iceprincess2

      Nah. It’s at the beginning of the school year. It ties into the school’s (American) football season. It’s one of those things that someone made up just as a reason to drink all weekend lol.

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Though since some schools don’t have football teams, they’ll either use their school’s soccer team as an anchor for homecoming (since both football and soccer take place around the same time of year) or basketball (since it’s a higher profile sport). Either way, all that PJ mentioned applies, except Majority schools, like my alma mater, get it less crunk. It’s one of the things I missed out on in college. :( Moving along…

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Homecoming and tailgaiting are akin to some of the pre and post match activities when the Black Shirts are playing at home.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          Good way of putting it, SS93. As I’ve gotten more into international soccer, I’ve come to realize that it’s like college football, but without the educational pretense and with cooler sounding accents. :)

          • Sigma_Since 93

            And let’s not forget the chants and songs. Go Gunners!

    • chameleonic

      ………………@ me going to say “its a time when alumni come back to the school to celebrate accomplishments and have rowdy football experiences against rival schools whose accomplishments dont measure up.”

      but lets just go with “drunken football party.”

      • Tanny

        So your school year starts now? Our school year starts in January after our summer holidays.. I love that you have football in your schools, we don’t take our school sports seriously but it would be fun if they did! Oh and we don’t have school cheerleaders either:-/ very boring!!

        • chameleonic

          wow. what a difference in culture. private schools in certain places start a little earlier if memory serves me correctly but not january. yeesh! our school year starts in the fall in september. and yeah football is taken pretty seriously in america as are parties; more so then academics and the ACTUAL point of college but it REALLY provides a lot of opportunities to scope and devour eye candy.

        • Brazzaville

          All those years of watching American films and I never knew what a homecoming was either.

          Tanny you must be an Aussie or a Kiwi

          • Tanny

            Yep I’m an Aussie:-) What about you Brazzaville?

            • Brazzaville

              #teamAussie! :)

        • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

          @Tanny

          We have sports in our colleges because college sports, mainly football and basketball, are huge money makers. Big colleges make millions on their football and basketball programs each year. The players however do not get paid. They get scammed into playing free by being offered yearly scholarships. But if they get hurt then they just get sent home and their scholarships are rescinded.

          • kid video

            They get scammed into playing free by being offered yearly scholarships.

            Im sure the NCAA “public relations” department are looking for an employee with your passion.

            LOL

            • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

              Lol. but it’s true, the players are getting scammed.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            “We have sports in our colleges because college sports, mainly football and basketball, are huge money makers.”

            Incorrect.

            Colleges believed in the Latin phrase “Mens sana in corpore sano” or strong mind and stong body. Certain College sports have evolved into profit centers for their respective schools that’s a positive extrananity.

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              As to how it flipped into the money maker it is today, it has roots in 19th Century mass media promoting college sports as a way to tie into that same mindset and allow the average Joe to tie themselves with self-styled Ideal Men. The colleges noticed that a lot of people off the street liked to show up at games despite not having deep ties to schools, and the cash flow began. :)

            • chameleonic

              yeah, i always thought college sports were meant to be a competition amongst men and it just happened to turn into money making centers because people became uber interested. first time im hearing about the “strong mind, strong body” thing.

              • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

                There was a huge movement around it historically, esp. toward the end of the 19th century. As industrialization popped off, sports because popular because, well, the idea of a man sitting in an office or working for a factory all day was odd to a generation fresh off the farm. There was this idea that sports would present an intellectual and mental challenge that the culture of the time didn’t provide.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          yeah, its basically a time when folks who have graduated come back to fellowship every year and its just based around the football game though if you go to certain HBCU’s (historically black colleges and universities) the band/halftime show is the best part since many of our football teams, save for the ones in the SWAC (football conference in teh deep south) suck. we just drank. and walk around. and have fun.

    • Rewind

      A very special way of having a bunch of loud ass, drunk ass, happy ass, rowdy ass, ratchet ass Black people gathered in the city from all across the country for the soul purpose of being affliated with an HBCU. Or to just get fawked up something silly for a whole weekend. Depends on who you are and stuff.

      Ahh memories.

      • chameleonic

        im seriously trying so hard not to puke. alcohol. i cant. i cant believe it still makes me sick, smh.

        • Rewind

          You clearly had some bad experiences. But alcohol isn’t for everyone, the chemical reactions it gives your body clearly doesn’t work for you. But that’s ok, because I’m sure you figured out a way to go to La-La land on your own without it.

          • chameleonic

            yeah, no. im strugglin just reading the comments. i think the sick feelings are engrained into my memories or something. i didnt even realize i was still like that lol. my body pretty much rejects everything though i cant smoke, i dont like taking medication. i cant evn gets IVs! smh. my veins suck up and run away like ‘leave me alone!’ my body likes to be el naturel.

            but yeah. i definitely was a shenanigans kinda girl. i think i plotted pretty much every major event/prank/cool random thing to do back in the day. i was just sober.

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      It’s when the alumni come back “home”. It’s when you see all the people you hung out with in college and remember all the things you did that you really hope no one will ever find out about. And you have license to act like a college student for the weekend.

      • dabigpodina

        “like”

  • Iceprincess2

    I know the juice you’re talkin bout P! Too sweet tho. I know that punch is a hangover waiting to happen lol.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      naw…we dont do hangovers in my clique. clique. clique. clique. clique.

  • Iceprincess2

    Don’t worry P, everyone’s done the clown car thing before :-)

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

      I was a big dude before so u know big dude drives or gets passenger so clown car wasnt that big an issue

    • Rewind

      Yea but when it makes you want to cry because you feel like ketchup enclosed by two beef patties…..then you start singing “Can’t Be Life”.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      yo…that memory was one of the most humbling things ever. i’m sure there were dudes sitting on dudes laps.

      ALWAYS DRIVE.

  • Iceprincess2

    *crickets* Hello? Where is errbody? *looks around* TUK? Jay? Val? Anybody? Ok, guess not. *Goes to bed*

    • kid video

      *crickets* Hello? Where is errbody? *looks around* TUK? Jay? Val? Anybody? Ok, guess not. *Goes to bed*

      This made me laugh…

      Around my way we have the Magic City Classic this weekend…Alabama State University vs Alabama A&M…with special music guest Maze…and Bootsy Collins.

      T.I. is performing at a local club(Platinum) this Friday, and Pinky performed at a different club last weekend (Yes…that Pinky…and no…im not making this up).

      • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

        It go down @ The Classic.

      • msdebbs

        Pinky peformed what exactly??

        • kid video

          I didnt go…but im sure she didnt have to do much…expect bring that big ol azz.

          • kid video

            …except bring that…

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        My dad and sister and cousins went to Alabama A&M so I’m familair with the classic. its a good damn time.

    • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

      @IP2

      I actually went to a major league baseball game! My first time. I was out celebrating after the game since our team won!. It was kind of fun too. If they win tomorrow they go to the World Series! Anyway, now I’m all hyped up and can’t sleep. Lol

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Good choice for a first game! :) Mine was when I was 6 in the middle of the season. Hey, if you’re going to get into baseball, start at the top, right?

        • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

          “Hey, if you’re going to get into baseball, start at the top, right?”

          You’re right. I probably wouldn’t have even gone had it been just a regular game. You should have seen the place, people were crazy! And the stadium had amazing garlic fries!

  • Mz Thang

    SpelHouse Homecoming week!!!! ….Yah!!!.cant wait to get to ATL this wknd…Panama your stories bring back so many memories

    • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

      Spelman!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        you coming to homecoming?

        • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

          No, not this year, PJ. I might get a little group together and go next year. I assume you’re going, right.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            most definitely.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      I actually used to write about homecoming every year. like a 2000 word post from 2004 through 2007. epic memories.

      SPELMAN.

  • chameleonic

    << is always the resident designated driver. because i dont drink. its fairly annoying when grown men and women are still driving honda civics and its a teenage boys streetracing wet dream. really? at least get the accord…..you can comfortably fit five drunk adults AND a few boxes of party favors.

    i honestly am trying so hard not to puke right now. ive gotten drunk on few occassions. it was cool except for some reason i stay dizzy and nauseated for days and days after. one time….[*swallowing heavily while holding mouth*] no one explained drinking to me. this girl challenge — i did a liquor bong of vodka after a night of mixer beer pong. i have the strongest psychological aversion to alcohol. horrible week. horrible. just….horrible.

    just IMAGINING drunk ppl makes the bile rise. its so gross. i cant. designated driver, all the way. not even. i havent done that in years. ppl can spend the night at my house after the desidriver takes you somewhere to puke, sober up, and shower. ill be the home you come to via desidriver bc you cant make it back to wherever. i can be like the designated sleepover home where i make breakfast and advil spiked smoothies…..except no bc im not that friendly. only for sexy ppl who recognize theyre too old to pretend they can drink like they used to. maybe. in a 'itd be really nice to host semi sober, accomplished friends who dont OD on partying' kind of way.

    but tailgating is awesome! ive never done it before…..

    im normally just off the field screaming my voice gone at the players during homecoming or cozying up with networkable ppl over my awesome peppermint cinnamon hot cocoa, and then i go home and we all have boring conversation. but i think guys who tailgate are awesome. its just something about guys and trucks and grills and shirtless posturing. have you ever seen guys on football sundays arm wrestling over steaks and bad calls??? homecoming is like the spartan bodies of the movie 300 clashing over dominance. in your living room.

    [*sighing*]

    men.

    • Rewind

      You poor thing. Ehh I used to be like you, couldn’t handle my liquor worth a damn thing. Then I built up an immunity to it, and now I drink like a fish. But clearly you know your limits, so just stick with that and you’re fine.

      HOWEVER!….you should always take the fact that you are the sober person seriously since you can take the most horrendeous pictures of everybody else and cackle like the Wicked Witch of the West when they find out.

      • chameleonic

        LOL. i never thought about that. i normally just sit there looking bored and pretty pissy or i read a book or star search or something. i never thought about taking candid photos. smh. maybe for an intervention like ‘look….you were so drunk last night you knocked on a pineapple and asked for spongebob. i had your loved ones write you some notes…’

        i like my people sober. i like doing fun stuff i just dont like the trouble of alcohol. my bestie and i used to get into some raucus fun back in the day; granted, we werent exactly sober some of those times but we did it the…”natural”….way. which i sucked at too unfortunately. so we just ended up doing things sober and it was awesome. i miss college. [*stares off into the distance reflectively*]

        • Rewind

          Nah I totally understand. I am an avid drinker but I refuse to get drunk. I always know my limit and leave it at that, because anytime I’m around drunk people, I have to break up fights, stop girls from going with strange men, or baby sit grown ass people as they puke their guts. That blows any reason to be drunk yourself. When you’re sober, or just a better drinker than others, people just assume you’ll do the work to take care of them. No….fawk that. Be evil like me and keep black mail pictures, texts, and all sorts of goodies that keep people in check when they get too big for their britches.

          • chameleonic

            exactly!!! finally, someone gets it! that used to suck so much booty having to be the caretaker all the time. and then i used to get in trouble for it! my dad would see my car or smell my car or see the state the house was in and ‘i was taking care of my alcoholic friends’ somehow turned into ‘young lady i cant believe you would behave this way and get into such things’ lectures. it. sucked. SO. much. but now im gonna be mean about it. that whole embarrassing visual package sounds AWESOME.

  • Thai

    “On the off chance that somebody does show up who isn’t drunk. Have him take you to Waffle House. Just make sure that bitch isn’t being robbed at 2am when you decide to go there. Basically, make sure you know where another Waffle House is just in case the one you stop by…is being robbed.”

    LMAO. Did this happen to you PJ? Luckily, when I was going to school in the A i never witnessed robbers and such. *shrugs*

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      yes this happened. we went to the Waffle House off of Riverdale Road and that joitn was being held up. So we turned around and went to another one.

      • Sweet GA Brown

        Man I think that Waffle House is closed now. I guess I know why.

  • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

    The best homecoming I ever went to was at Howard. (I know, PJ, blasphemy) It really had nothing to do with the school though. Lol. And the funny thing was I wasn’t even planning on going. We were just stopping through on our way home from Atlanta. One of my car mates was dating a woman at Howard. And she had a roomie. :-) A really cute roomie. ;-) And her roomie is why I had such a great time!

    Ahhh, sweet college debauchery!

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Ah, Howard. I think every Negro in America who goes to college and is on the East Coast is required to go there. I liked my visit there during my college days, and even got involved in the ratchetness of the place. :) Howard gets it crunk, and it made me wish I had that experience. Though it would mean giving up on Grease Truck. Decisions, decisions…

      • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

        The funny thing was that I didn’t attend one single party or concert or anything. Lol Heck I barely even walked around on campus.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          NICE! *applauds Val* Sounds like a trip I took to a certain small New England college where I lost my virginity, but that’s another post. :)

          • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

            “… where I lost my virginity, but that’s another post.”

            Feel free to share. :-)

        • Rewind

          All you had to do was be on Georgia Ave and your night was done.

    • kid video

      One of my car mates was dating a woman at Howard. And she had a roomie. A really cute roomie.

      Sounds like an episode from “The L Word”.

      no shots…lol

      • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

        Nah, it was waaay better than the L Word. ;-)

    • Rewind

      Howard Homecoming FTW!

      I remember my first HH so vividly. It was awesome. Black folks everywhere drunk & high, guys punching girls for not hollering, girls punching girls for hollering at their man, girls slapping guys for touching their ass…..ahhh memories.

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        I remember mine but simply because we partied and had such a good time. No punching…more like hunching (not me though,LOL) Although I do recall being encourage to consume “Hunch Punch.”

        • Rewind

          Hunch Punch? That sounds awesome, like it would put you in the fetal position after 2 sips.

      • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

        Lol@Rewind. Homecoming sounds wild at Howard. I’m glad I stayed in the dorm.

        • Rewind

          You will definitely be in the audience for Ratchet Piece Theater if you go, but honestly anywhere there’s hood people at, you’ve been at least one time and know the routine. You can still have a good time regardless of the madness.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      HU folks will disagree, but I remember when Howard Homecoming was an event for real. There’s a reason it stayed getting shouted out in songs. So when I moved up here I was mad hyped and it just never really popped like it used to. I mean its still a good time…it’s Howard and all…but those epic times from the early to late 90s…gone.

      • ?

        HU……YOU KNOW!!! Im required to say that anytime anyone mentions my school. I was there from 03-07 and the first couple of years were good. We had Kanye before he was Kanye. But after that it got a little worse every year. Now I hear about it and I just shake my head.

        • Rewind

          I was there from 04-07. It was definitely an interesting time. I do remember when Kanye came out there, the place was going nuts. It’s like artists come out there before they blow up or just as they are about to be on some new level shyte. I know it is totally different now though. Even some of the faculty I knew back then decided it was time to move on.

        • Meisarebel
        • http://globetracer.wordpress.com @TracitaLinda

          Yes, my first homecoming was this year. And although I didn’t make it past #4 on the list, I didn’t see the big deal with Yardfest. Prob. because I don’t listen to 2Chainz or Meek Mills, not my generation.

      • Rewind

        When I was younger, I used to hear how hype it was. Then dudes would always say HU was about P & P (Parties & P*ssy). And even when I went down to DC one year to see my cousin, back in 01 I think, that Homecoming was poppin. So when I went to HU myself and did the homecomings, I realized how stripped down things were from what I was told. Somewhere between all the shootings, rapes, fights, and all around reasons to think crowds of black people = anarchy, the rules changed and the police squeezed Howard into taking more control of how things go.

        • mimi

          I am from the early to mid 90s era of HBCU partying and the Howard homecoming used to rival Freaknic of that same period. Just, you know people wore clothes in DC.

    • http://globetracer.wordpress.com @TracitaLinda

      HU! (YOU KNOW!) Why are you all over the web Val?! lol My homecoming ended short because I stopped at step 4 after my night of too many drinks on Friday. I literally spent Saturday in bed. :) So needless to say… my first Homecoming experience was just aaight. I saw Drake perform, that was cool. Then I realized that I’m kind of over him.