Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Theory & Essay

the verysmart guide to 21st century chivalry

***the following is portion of a chapter from the upcoming Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Meeting, Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime***

for many of us, the concept of chivalry died years ago, neglected so long that it ended up gaunt and emaciated, starving to death outside of a KFC because no one could spare him the big piece of chicken.

well, the champ is here to say that we’re wrong. chivalry isn’t dead or even dying…just in need of a bit of a makeover. an update. a reboot. a few minor tweaks and adjustments for the 21st century.

1. men still should always pay for (at least) the first three dates

it doesn’t matter if the guy’s a grad student working at starbucks dating a CPA making 80k a year. if he approached her and they’re dating, the man should always cover at least the first three dates.

this may seem a bit antiquated, but this universal rule actually benefits both parties. if she’s really into him, she won’t mind the fact that the first couple of dates have been at borders, the cheese dog stand at the arts festival, and the sample soup counter at giant eagle. if she does mind the limited spending dates, that’s all the proof he needs that she’s probably not the woman for him. see how easy that works? it’s not rocket surgery and sh*t

2. if a woman, any woman, is within 15-20 feet of a man and approaching the same door you he is, he must always attempt to open it and let her walk through first, even if you’re coming from an awkward angle.

if she’s within 20-40 feet and walking at a pace which insures that she’ll be at the same door you’re about to enter within 7-10 seconds, you can walk through the door first, but you must hold the door for her.

this is pretty non-negotiable. any man who doesn’t open doors for women, and doesn’t wait as a human doorstop for a woman that’s less than ten seconds away from the door sounds like a diva dude. sure, there are extenuating circumstances (you have crutches, you really, really have to pee, she’s running from the cops, etc) but this is another one of rules that will never change.

plus, as an added bonus, there’s no better way of getting a really, really good clear booty peek. women always seem to jiggle the hips a little extra whenever a door’s being held open for them. i think it’s some form of a primitive mating mechanism actually, some evolutionary correlation between held doors, jiggled hips, and ovaries, but i really have no idea.

in the rare case that you happen to come across some woman who feels as if any male holding a door for her is a symptom of 200 years of western oppression, patriarchy, and male privilege, do shrug your shoulders and continue to hold the door. and, even though you might be tempted, don’t pat her on the head when she walks by.

there’s really only one instance where you probably should treat lightly, and that’s when she’s with another man who looks as if it might be HER man.

door opening now can be tricky because it basically shows the other man up, visibly usurping one of his most important roles. you don’t want to cause some poor stranger any unnecessary anguish. he doesn’t need to hear “what, some stranger can open the door for me and your lazy ass cant??? maybe I should have given him the shower quickie this morning instead of you!!!” when he gets home.

remember fellas, happy woman means happy man, and happy men means less crime.

3. always volunteer to sleep in the “wet spot”

why? Because making her the one who always has to lay down to sleep in the spot on the bed where you just finished having sex is a sure-fire way to ensure that her spot won’t be too wet for too much longer.

along with “walk on the side closest to the curb, even though if a car does actually jump the curb, it’s probably going to kill you both anyway” this is one of those you just have to take for the team. its all about the greater good and sh*t

4. always let women within 10 feet of you go first in elevators, buses, cabs, etc, etc

this is also a great time to watch women’s behinds. you see, there are ways to appreciate women’s figures without doing the piss-boy pirouette, and chivalry actually allows for many of them. nothing beats watching a nice pair of hips walk up a few city bus stairs.

i’m actually beginning to think that chivalry is just a convoluted system devised for men to look at as much ass as possible. underneath all of those layers of clothing and armor, those damn knights and maidens must have been a bunch of freaks.

5. the man should always be the first one to change his status to “In a relationship” on facebook or any other social networking websites.

you see, her friends probably pay more attention to that stuff than your friends are going to, which means they’re much more likely to give her hell for changing her status before you changed yours than your friends would. plus, when a woman does that first, it usually screams “My name is Ation. Desper Ation”, and you don’t want to put her in that position.

subsequently, unless it was a particularly foul “she slept with my bipolar teammate” type of break-up, the man should probably also wait until his ex has changed her status back to single before he does

6. a man can never say “please” and “thank you” too much, except in the bedroom, where they should be given the condiment treatment: Best used with light sprinkles

the bedroom in itself is a paradox where the common rules of chivalry don’t exist. for instance, saying “please” during a sexual act is a bit tricky because “please” accompanies a request. depending on his disposition, body language, and penis size, “please” could be interpreted as “a playful request lightening the mood”, “a considerate lover”, or “an annoyingly desperate dude who should just shut the f*ck up and be happy that his cornball ass is getting some”

there’s basically no in-between, no gray area with this, exactly why he needs to be absolutely sure about the nature of their sexual relationship before he continues with the “pleases”. usually in these situations, a slight nudge or eye contact is all that’s needed to get his point across, whatever it happens to be.

also, the appropriateness of “thank you” is just as dependant on the situation

a) after finishing a very fulfilling tryst with your lover, you kiss her, lay flat on your back, and say “thanks baby” while you’re both still laying there, catching your breath, enjoying that post-sex hazy silence, and reflecting about the entire experience.

in this case, the “thank you” enhanced the level of intimacy, two lovers letting each other know that the act which just occurred was greatly valued and appreciated, a stark contrast from…

b) right after finishing a fulfilling tryst with a lover, you remove yourself from inside of her, jump out the bed, say “thanks babe” and hop in the shower before she’s even moved a muscle.

in this case, the “thank you” completely disengages the situation of all intimacy, treating the act as if it should be accompanied by a credit card swipe and receipt coming out of her ass. i understand that all sex isn’t going to be love-making, but it still is sex. it’s not like she just made you a grilled-cheese sandwich.

7. don’t bullsh*t the chivalry Gods.

men, don’t break your neck to open doors for every Zoe Saldana you see but refuse to give up your seat for the slightly homely chick with the eclectic face on the train carrying 90 textbooks

on the same token, women should always acknowledge a chivalrous act. it could be a smile or a “thank you” or a slight head nod or head an “accidental” cleavage peak…anything as long as it lets the guy know that his efforts haven’t been in vain. if you see a guy doing the doorstop thing for you, the very least you can do is make an effort to sped up your walk so it doesn’t seem like he’s standing there waiting for the seasons to change in the time it takes your inconsiderate ass to get to the door.

there you go young grasshoppers. go on now and make the champ proud

—the champ

[***Admin Note: On June 3rd in New York City, The Champ will be on a panel with a few other "relationship experts" to talk about relationships, love, sex, and all that other good stuff, and he'd greatly appreciate your support. Go to moderndaymatchmaker.eventbrite.com for more details.

Also, if you're planning on attending, please buy your tickets with the promotional code "VSB" to receive a 20% discountTickets are almost sold out, so it's probably not the best idea to wait for the last minute to purchase. Thanks!***]

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Analog Girl (in a digital world)

    Love this! I’ve been lucky enough to avoid dating diva dudes (even though, I must admit, seems like they’re more prevalent in D.C. than in my hometown of ATL..maybe it’s the southern charm thing that comes into play) and I’m currently seeing a guy who’s been really good with the chivalrous tasks mentioned above.

    But the opening doors thing is always tricky for me. I have a fast walking pace, and I tend to beat the guy to the door by about 2 seconds. Am I suppose to stand and wait there for him to open the door? I usually just open it since I’m already there..

    • http://www.unepetitefillenoire.blogspot.com KayBeezy

      So true so true about DC. Maybe not diva dudes, but no hometraining. I interned their for a summer and my friend told me I would run into doors because men wouldn’t open them like they do down where we’re from. Maybe there’s a higher concentration of women who would complain about such a benign act in the District and environs?

    • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

      I would suggest slowing down before you get to the door a tad bit or just walking with the guy if you really like him.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I have a fast walking pace, and I tend to beat the guy to the door by about 2 seconds. Am I suppose to stand and wait there for him to open the door? I usually just open it since I’m already there.”

      if its like two seconds, i’d suggest slowing down. if you beat him by five or more, just open it yourself and slow your happy ass down in the future.

      welcome and sh*t (btw)

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

      I feel ya Analog Girl,

      I have a fast walkin’ past myself. But if I spot a cutie behind me, I definitely make a note to slow my ass down. Feeling the look he gives your swaying booty is worf it. Even Sophia of Color Purple fame thinks it’s worf it.

      • Jai

        If you get to the door first, hold the door for the man (after you have walked thru) and as soon as he grasps the handle, you keep it moving (unless he fine…then you make sure you slow the walk down and let him appreciate the view from behind).

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          (unless he fine…then you make sure you slow the walk down and let him appreciate the view from behind)

          flag on the play and sh*t. chivalry doesn’t work unless you treat everyone the same way. dragonface derek appreciates (and deserves) a nice ass view just as much as denzel does

          • Jai

            He still gets the door opened, you just don’t put that extra effort into the walk. We know the men are going to check out the azz anyway, but you make it sway and bounce a little bit more for the man who grabs your attention…

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

            “flag on the play and sh*t. chivalry doesn’t work unless you treat everyone the same way. dragonface derek appreciates (and deserves) a nice ass view just as much as denzel does”

            Negative. If he fug, I just pretend like I didn’t see him. Which, I might as well haven’t because I’m not tryna ruin my day an sh*t.

            @Jai,

            Um, your avatar is the business. lol

          • Jai

            @Cheekie…LOL. I thought I would switch it up and show yall my sexy side (pause)

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “Negative. If he fug, I just pretend like I didn’t see him. Which, I might as well haven’t because I’m not tryna ruin my day an sh*t.”

            the chivalry Gods are going to put a curse on you

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

            @Champ,

            “the chivalry Gods are going to put a curse on you”

            No.

            I was half-kidding. I let any dude to open the door for me. I just proceed to walk like a stud afterwards if they ain’t fine. Hope that doesn’t turn them on.

            Ok, kidding again. I let any dude open the door for me. I smile and say thanks. But I don’t flirty smile and I don’t say flirty thanks if they ain’t fine.

          • KautiousNupe

            (unless he fine…then you make sure you slow the walk down and let him appreciate the view from behind)

            This statement is the perfect proof of the mindframe that most women have and is the foundation of why WOMEN killed Chivalry!!!

    • firstofseptember

      I live in the DC area now, and I don’t act like that. I feel like a super hero now, lol. *Chivalry Man*

      But really doe, I’m just a considerate dude.

      • Yonnie 3000

        lol, I read “Chivalry Man” in the TROJAN MAAAAANNN voice.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

          lol

          HMMM HMMM HMMMMMMM.

    • Karen R.

      Hi…You said “I have a fast walking pace, and I tend to beat the guy to the door by about 2 seconds. Am I suppose to stand and wait there for him to open the door? I usually just open it since I’m already there..”

      You don’t have to wait for him to open it but I would suggest that you try slowing down a bit (literally and metaphorically) so that it can be graciously opened for you.

  • ComicBookGuy

    Good one, Champ. Bout to finish reading this week’s new comics and go to bed but will comment tomorrow. Chivalry is not dead. Just too many lazy ninjas in the world.

    • YAYER

      thank you!!! lazy people all-round, too lazy to think and too lazy to act.

  • MsEsquire77

    I co-sign on all of these except for #5. I’m much to grown for that silliness! Those are high school antics and I don’t have time for it.

    Anyway, I think basic manners and common courtesy are becoming extinct and it’s truly a shame. We all need to do a better job of being kind and polite to each other. Remember your hometraining people!

    Sidebar: I love the “medieval freaks” tag! It sounds like a type of specialty/fetish pr0n ;)

    • Mr. Gundam

      ***File under: Women who really like Iron man

    • Mr. Gundam

      Can anyone tell me where I can edit my profile pick?

      • MsEsquire77

        1) Mr. Gundam: thank you for that giggle to start off my morning :)

        2) I have the same question about the profile pic. I’m tired of being a silhouette!

        • http://nicknotnikki.blogspot.com/ Nick_L_Odeon

          go to gravatar.com.. it’s a really easy process.. the site will walk you through it..

          • MsEsquire77

            Thanks!

          • Mrs. Dr. Evil

            Thanks for the info.

          • Mr. Gundam

            thanks a bunch

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I co-sign on all of these except for #5. I’m much to grown for that silliness! Those are high school antics and I don’t have time for it.”

      lol, thats why its called “21st century chivalry” gotta adjust to the virtual times and sh*t.

      • firstofseptember

        Facebook is ruining lives tho, lol. Zuckerberg is turning into Dr. Doom, LOL.

  • legitimate_soul

    Great list, Champ! I’m feelin’ it, I’m feelin’ it. I really, really respect and appreciate someone being chivalrous. I always say thank you, smile whenever possible and as you said hurry my walk along and such when I notice a person has taken time to open or hold the door open for me.

    #1-First 3 dates can be great and inexpensive. A lot of times a gesture and thought goes a long way.

    #7-I’d add that ladies receiving chivalry shouldn’t be less appreciative if the guy being chivalrous isn’t their ‘type’.

    • Big Mike

      occassional lurker, 1st time poster…
      #1-First 3 dates can be great and inexpensive. A lot of times a gesture and thought goes a long way.

      can’t cosign that any more, I have a good female friend that I go back and forth with on this one. I’ll pay for the first few dates, but I’m not blowing my monthly entertainment budget on you and we just met. Nah slim. And if that’s your requirement, then we probably shouldn’t be dating anyway…

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “can’t cosign that any more, I have a good female friend that I go back and forth with on this one. I’ll pay for the first few dates, but I’m not blowing my monthly entertainment budget on you and we just met. Nah slim. And if that’s your requirement, then we probably shouldn’t be dating anyway”

        ***nodding head***

        welcome and sh*t, btw

        • Jai

          Whose to say that you have to blow your monthly entertainment budget on the first 3 dates. IF that is a requirement of the girl, then maybe you shouldn’t be dating her. If it is not, then maybe you can get creative with your dates. I had the best time when a guy took me to the park…we worked out, rode our bikes and then we grabbed a lite meal in the city. I didn’t think any different about him because we did something we both enjoyed and it didn’t cost a grip…

          • bougiefruit

            I would be really impressed if on the second or third date, we just chilled at the house (yours, not mine i don’t know you like that). As long as you don’t try to do the college setup and go to the bathroom and come back with no pants on…

            Don’t have to wine and dine me every night but have enough sense to make sure I like some of the free(er) options. I don’t like nature, so parks will be a major NO-NO.

      • firstofseptember

        One should never break the bank on a stranger.

        @legitimate_soul – How nice of you!

    • Beremore

      “I always say thank you, smile whenever possible and as you said hurry my walk along and such when I notice a person has taken time to open or hold the door open for me.”

      Exactly! I do the same thing. Its just common courtesy. Especially when nowadays people are all about themselves and getting to where they need to go. I am always appreciative when you take the time to hold the door for me.

    • http://www.grownfolkstalking.wordpress.com jaidevivre

      “I always say thank you, smile whenever possible and as you said hurry my walk along and such when I notice a person has taken time to open or hold the door open for me.”

      Agreed! I think the holding of the door and the thank you in return show that we are both possessed of good manners.

      I’m totally a fan of chivalrous men, although I’m not always good at being the recipient of it. As I said, I always speak and smile, but I’m the kind of chick who would never let someone give up their seat for me and unless what I’m carrying is the heaviest thing on earth, I will always say I got it. My sister is what I call a “damsel” and she is so good at receiving chivalrous behavior. Probably why she’s married and I’m super single… :)

  • miss t-lee

    Eclectic face? Bwahahahah. I agree with the “please and thank you” in the bedroom. Especially the “please” aspect? What are you James Brown? Are you really begging? Is that supposed to be sexy? *throat punch* Oh yeah the azz jiggle after walking through the open door huh ? Who knew? Good to know I’m ahead of the curve. :-)

    • MsEsquire77

      @miss t-lee I know what you mean! The only time “please” is sexy is if he’s begging you to stop because he’s on the verge of screaming like a chick and doesn’t want to disturb the neighbors. Other than that it reminds me of a kid asking for a cookie and that’s not hot!

      By the way, your throat punches bring me such joy! Great minds think alike and I appreciate and celebrate your violent tendencies. Carry on…

      • miss t-lee

        You understand completely. That should be the only time “please” is uttered. Even then, it’s hilarious, because if you get them to that point, they didn’t really mean to tap out. Aw…glad you enjoy my lil’ violent outbursts, sometimes there just isn’t any other way to get your point across. :-)

    • DG

      Perhaps ‘please and thank you’ could be used, albeit sporadically and under the right circumstances. It couldn’t be begging tho…it would have to be used in a gentle command, kinda like polite dirty talk. Check the examples:
      “Turn over, please”
      “Could you please take that off”
      “Thank you for that….now it’s your turn. slide up/down”

      Now, it may take a certain amt. of bass in the voice as well as some conviction when you say it (he may have to yell it like Teddy did in “turn off the lights”), but it could be done. lol

      • miss t-lee

        Polite dirty talk huh? Seems like an oxymoron to me, but if it ain’t broke don’t go fixing things. :-)

        • Yeah…So

          That’s what I’m sayin… be polite? For what? I like my dirty talk with no chaser ya’ feel me?… and a light neck grab and hair pull here and there doesn’t hurt either.

      • MsEsquire77

        “Turn Off the Lights” is one of my favorite jams of all time! Teddy is so damn forceful in that, and most of, his songs. It makes me swoon a bit. I’m about to pull out his greatest hits!

      • Resident GRitS

        While I can appreciate your attempt to infuse your upbringing into your sex, I think there’s a way that you can make those same requests w/o actually saying the word “please” – proximity to the ear usually plays a part in that. I, personally, don’t care for ‘polite sex’…that’s pretty much the only time you DON’T need to remember your manners.

    • Big Man

      So,

      “Please turn over.”
      “Thank your for coming”
      and
      “Please come again”

      Are not good looks in the bedroom? Who knew?

      • Resident GRitS

        …this is likely just my personal preference and may not apply to every woman, but I’m of the opinion that you can make just about any bedroom request sound like “please” if you say it right.

  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

    “for many of us, the concept of chivalry died years ago, neglected so long that it ended up gaunt and emaciated”

    In other words…

    Chivalry = 2010 Fiddy Cent

    • miss t-lee

      I see ya Cheekie. CTFU! That movie role better win him an Oscar.

      • http://natashasjourney-natasha.blogspot.com Natasha

        @miss t-lee I know…it would suck if it goes straight to DVD! I hope this one turns out to be really good. Yes, I LOVE 50 lol.

      • Big Mike

        is it legal to use 50 cent and Oscar in the same sentence? can’t be.

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

        Girl, you know that’s what he’s going for! He really lost that weight unhealthily quick. Betcha it’ll take thrice as long to learn how to act.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “I see ya Cheekie. CTFU! That movie role better win him an Oscar”

        if losing weight was all it took to get an oscar, the crackhead selling umbrellas outside of my barbershop would have like 6 of those b*tches by now

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

          “if losing weight was all it took to get an oscar, the crackhead selling umbrellas outside of my barbershop would have like 6 of those b*tches by now”

          If this aired, The Academy Awards telecast’s ratings would go sky high. #nokanye

    • http://natashasjourney-natasha.blogspot.com Natasha

      LOL@ Cheekie. Very good. My baby 50 lost all that weight for his movie:(

      • Mrs. Dr. Evil

        also a Fiddy fan :)

    • ComicBookGuy

      I saw those pictures of 50. That sh!t was wild. That boy better get his acting props for that one because he looked sick.

      • http://nicknotnikki.blogspot.com/ Nick_L_Odeon

        off topic… but i love your pics!!

        • ComicBookGuy

          You mean the pics in my avatars? Appreciate it. I try to switch it up every once in a while. Can’t ever go wrong with Spider-Man.

          • http://www.unepetitefillenoire.blogspot.com KayBeezy

            You most certainly cannot.

      • http://natashasjourney-natasha.blogspot.com Natasha

        He did look sick:( They got to give him respect for that. I look forward to seeing the movie.

        • Mr. Gundam
          • Beremore

            @ Mr. Gundam

            O____O Say what Say HUH!?!!

            I cannot believe that is him. I was NOT expecting that at all. I’m a lil sick to my stomach now, :-( aww 50 that can’t be healthy, smh.

          • YAYER

            i have to echo somebody here;

            couldn’t he just act thin?

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

            Yeah, my heart actually sank like I was watching a horror film when I saw that. Scared the other half-a-dollar outta me!

          • Tx10inch

            Woow, he’s all skin and bullet holes now..

      • Beremore

        I keep hearing about this movie and how 50 lost all this weight, any pics folks I still haven’t seen it and am beginning to feel out the loop :-/

      • Deeds

        Well it still doesn’t mean that he will be good in the movie. It just shows that he knows how to get skinny.

      • http://proverbialmindcandy.blogspot.com TheOpinionated1

        @Comicbookguy He DOES look sick…I saw that pic and gasped. He looks scary and I hate to say it but, looks like he’s got ‘the package’

    • legitimate_soul

      *Trying to keep a straight face while pointing at Cheekie like the Evil Monkey on Familly Guy*

      LMAO and 3 x’s Dayum (Florida Evans)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “for many of us, the concept of chivalry died years ago, neglected so long that it ended up gaunt and emaciated”

      In other words…

      Chivalry = 2010 Fiddy Cent

      dammit!!! i definitely should have used a picture of him for this post. f*ck.

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

        Maybe next time, tiger.

      • T

        It’s still early you still have time

  • I’ll give it a try

    As sickly as i’m feeling right now, I still managed to laugh and snort through my stuffy nose.

    and to add to #4, if you see a lady approaching a parking spot and she was there first, don’t be a diva dude and swoop in on it like “b*tch please!” yeah I’m still salty bout that shit. neva have I eva!ATL must be divadude/bitchass capital of the world right now

    and #6 could be used as a bit of advice to the ladies too. you would be surprised how much more dudes (and people in general) are willing to help you if you say please and thank you (and smile) and leave the screw face and stank attitude at home.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      and to add to #4, if you see a lady approaching a parking spot and she was there first, don’t be a diva dude and swoop in on it like “b*tch please!” yeah I’m still salty bout that shit. neva have I eva!ATL must be divadude/bitchass capital of the world right now

      hmm. see, i don’t know if chivalry applies to driving. you should be considerate of other people on the road, but once you’re behind the wheel of an suv you’re all the same gender to me

      • I’ll give it a try

        see, I whips a Honda Accord, which I think makes it even worse for dudes to try and punk me for parking spots. who picks on the girl in the Honda? lol

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

        “you should be considerate of other people on the road, but once you’re behind the wheel of an suv you’re all the same gender to me”

        Even if it’s a VW beetle, you’re not gonna assume it’s a chick?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “Even if it’s a VW beetle, you’re not gonna assume it’s a chick?”

          upper-middle class white men in the burgh love beetles, so no

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

            o_O

  • Mrs. Dr. Evil

    “a slight nudge or eye contact is all that’s needed to get his point across, whatever it happens to be.”

    Sho’ you right. (El DeBarge, “The Secret Garden”)

    I love this post. L O V E I T!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      ummm, thanks for the debarge quote?

  • P.

    I noticed that there are a lot of rude ass mofos in the world. I’m a product of Southern parents, so I always hold doors open, offer seats up, say things like “ma’am” and “sir” and sh*t. I may be an asshole, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try to adhere to the chivalrous principles I was raised on.

    Some cats just ain’t got no home trainin’.

    • http://HUSLtoday.blogspot.com This message will self destruct

      I agree with you. I respect chivalrous men more because it shows me they have the ability to think about someone else besides themselves. Case in point: It rained 2 days ago, I saw a guy hogging the umbrella from his chick who was soaked while her guy was as dry as a Jackie Chan joke.I secretly hoped a car drove by and splashed water on his Gucci sneaks.

      My ‘rents would treat me to a roundhouse kick to the face if I went around actin like I dont have any home training.

      • Sula

        her guy was as dry as a Jackie Chan joke

        You people slay me all the time. :)

    • Fallen Angel

      *Applause* @ “Some cats just ain’t got no home trainin’.”

      But it’s not just our sons, P. We’re raising our daughters to have low expectations. Boys who didn’t learn it at home ain’t never gonna figure it out if our girls keep giving ‘em silver-plated poonanny and everything else under the sun without expecting simple courtesies in return.

    • its2010dammit

      I too was raised in the south. I open/hold doors and say sir/ma’am out of habit. I am also an asshole and think that most don’t deserve it. I do it anyway.

      Ladies, you can’t have it both ways(not with ME). You can be a millennium woman and insist that you are my equal. I’m fine with that. You will pull 50% financially since you are my equal. You will also get the door for me from time to time. If you are a traditional woman and have no problem with me being the man God intended me to be, you will get chivalrous treatment.

      Pick one. You cannot have both.

      No Bullsh*t

      • OftenConfused

        @its2010dammit

        I totally agree that we can’t have it both ways. This goes for men as well…you can’t expect to have an “independant woman” that going to bring home the bacon and fry it in a pan. I can’t hold down half the finances working as hard as you AND have dinner ready when you get home, keep the house spotless and take care of the kids.

        • itsmeagain

          @OftenConfused

          CHUUUCH.

  • Mimi

    I love this! Good to know a man feels the same way about these things as a Cali-raised with southern roots woman. Again, thank you and please pass it on!

    • miss t-lee

      It makes me sad to know that home training is a dying art. I tend to forget that things are not the same everywhere since I’m southern born and raised, and it’s just what I’m used to.

      • http://in-artwear.com ulysses

        Yeah!
        I have to join you in mourning the death of
        HOME TRAINING EXPERTS

        and homes for those of us trained to seek home somewhere above a woman’s neck.

        • bajanflchick

          and homes for those of us trained to seek home somewhere above a woman’s neck.

          TRUTH! ..y’all truly are like some lost tribe of folks , but there are still some of us who ‘preciate you immensely , perhaps a “Thoughts & Actions of VSB Class 101 is in order” all of y’all VSB’s can get together & get it taught..( I can dream can’t I )

          • ulysses

            I will be honored to teach a course in the philosophy of being a proper curmudgeon.