***the following is portion of a chapter from the upcoming Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Meeting, Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime***
for many of us, the concept of chivalry died years ago, neglected so long that it ended up gaunt and emaciated, starving to death outside of a KFC because no one could spare him the big piece of chicken.
well, the champ is here to say that we’re wrong. chivalry isn’t dead or even dying…just in need of a bit of a makeover. an update. a reboot. a few minor tweaks and adjustments for the 21st century.
1. men still should always pay for (at least) the first three dates
it doesn’t matter if the guy’s a grad student working at starbucks dating a CPA making 80k a year. if he approached her and they’re dating, the man should always cover at least the first three dates.
this may seem a bit antiquated, but this universal rule actually benefits both parties. if she’s really into him, she won’t mind the fact that the first couple of dates have been at borders, the cheese dog stand at the arts festival, and the sample soup counter at giant eagle. if she does mind the limited spending dates, that’s all the proof he needs that she’s probably not the woman for him. see how easy that works? it’s not rocket surgery and sh*t
2. if a woman, any woman, is within 15-20 feet of a man and approaching the same door you he is, he must always attempt to open it and let her walk through first, even if you’re coming from an awkward angle.
if she’s within 20-40 feet and walking at a pace which insures that she’ll be at the same door you’re about to enter within 7-10 seconds, you can walk through the door first, but you must hold the door for her.
this is pretty non-negotiable. any man who doesn’t open doors for women, and doesn’t wait as a human doorstop for a woman that’s less than ten seconds away from the door sounds like a diva dude. sure, there are extenuating circumstances (you have crutches, you really, really have to pee, she’s running from the cops, etc) but this is another one of rules that will never change.
plus, as an added bonus, there’s no better way of getting a really, really good clear booty peek. women always seem to jiggle the hips a little extra whenever a door’s being held open for them. i think it’s some form of a primitive mating mechanism actually, some evolutionary correlation between held doors, jiggled hips, and ovaries, but i really have no idea.
in the rare case that you happen to come across some woman who feels as if any male holding a door for her is a symptom of 200 years of western oppression, patriarchy, and male privilege, do shrug your shoulders and continue to hold the door. and, even though you might be tempted, don’t pat her on the head when she walks by.
there’s really only one instance where you probably should treat lightly, and that’s when she’s with another man who looks as if it might be HER man.
door opening now can be tricky because it basically shows the other man up, visibly usurping one of his most important roles. you don’t want to cause some poor stranger any unnecessary anguish. he doesn’t need to hear “what, some stranger can open the door for me and your lazy ass cant??? maybe I should have given him the shower quickie this morning instead of you!!!” when he gets home.
remember fellas, happy woman means happy man, and happy men means less crime.
3. always volunteer to sleep in the “wet spot”
why? Because making her the one who always has to lay down to sleep in the spot on the bed where you just finished having sex is a sure-fire way to ensure that her spot won’t be too wet for too much longer.
along with “walk on the side closest to the curb, even though if a car does actually jump the curb, it’s probably going to kill you both anyway” this is one of those you just have to take for the team. its all about the greater good and sh*t
4. always let women within 10 feet of you go first in elevators, buses, cabs, etc, etc
this is also a great time to watch women’s behinds. you see, there are ways to appreciate women’s figures without doing the piss-boy pirouette, and chivalry actually allows for many of them. nothing beats watching a nice pair of hips walk up a few city bus stairs.
i’m actually beginning to think that chivalry is just a convoluted system devised for men to look at as much ass as possible. underneath all of those layers of clothing and armor, those damn knights and maidens must have been a bunch of freaks.
5. the man should always be the first one to change his status to “In a relationship” on facebook or any other social networking websites.
you see, her friends probably pay more attention to that stuff than your friends are going to, which means they’re much more likely to give her hell for changing her status before you changed yours than your friends would. plus, when a woman does that first, it usually screams “My name is Ation. Desper Ation”, and you don’t want to put her in that position.
subsequently, unless it was a particularly foul “she slept with my bipolar teammate” type of break-up, the man should probably also wait until his ex has changed her status back to single before he does
6. a man can never say “please” and “thank you” too much, except in the bedroom, where they should be given the condiment treatment: Best used with light sprinkles
the bedroom in itself is a paradox where the common rules of chivalry don’t exist. for instance, saying “please” during a sexual act is a bit tricky because “please” accompanies a request. depending on his disposition, body language, and penis size, “please” could be interpreted as “a playful request lightening the mood”, “a considerate lover”, or “an annoyingly desperate dude who should just shut the f*ck up and be happy that his cornball ass is getting some”
there’s basically no in-between, no gray area with this, exactly why he needs to be absolutely sure about the nature of their sexual relationship before he continues with the “pleases”. usually in these situations, a slight nudge or eye contact is all that’s needed to get his point across, whatever it happens to be.
also, the appropriateness of “thank you” is just as dependant on the situation
a) after finishing a very fulfilling tryst with your lover, you kiss her, lay flat on your back, and say “thanks baby” while you’re both still laying there, catching your breath, enjoying that post-sex hazy silence, and reflecting about the entire experience.
in this case, the “thank you” enhanced the level of intimacy, two lovers letting each other know that the act which just occurred was greatly valued and appreciated, a stark contrast from…
b) right after finishing a fulfilling tryst with a lover, you remove yourself from inside of her, jump out the bed, say “thanks babe” and hop in the shower before she’s even moved a muscle.
in this case, the “thank you” completely disengages the situation of all intimacy, treating the act as if it should be accompanied by a credit card swipe and receipt coming out of her ass. i understand that all sex isn’t going to be love-making, but it still is sex. it’s not like she just made you a grilled-cheese sandwich.
7. don’t bullsh*t the chivalry Gods.
men, don’t break your neck to open doors for every Zoe Saldana you see but refuse to give up your seat for the slightly homely chick with the eclectic face on the train carrying 90 textbooks
on the same token, women should always acknowledge a chivalrous act. it could be a smile or a “thank you” or a slight head nod or head an “accidental” cleavage peak…anything as long as it lets the guy know that his efforts haven’t been in vain. if you see a guy doing the doorstop thing for you, the very least you can do is make an effort to sped up your walk so it doesn’t seem like he’s standing there waiting for the seasons to change in the time it takes your inconsiderate ass to get to the door.
there you go young grasshoppers. go on now and make the champ proud
—the champ
[***Admin Note: On June 3rd in New York City, The Champ will be on a panel with a few other "relationship experts" to talk about relationships, love, sex, and all that other good stuff, and he'd greatly appreciate your support. Go to moderndaymatchmaker.eventbrite.com for more details.
Also, if you're planning on attending, please buy your tickets with the promotional code "VSB" to receive a 20% discount. Tickets are almost sold out, so it's probably not the best idea to wait for the last minute to purchase. Thanks!***]
Love this! I’ve been lucky enough to avoid dating diva dudes (even though, I must admit, seems like they’re more prevalent in D.C. than in my hometown of ATL..maybe it’s the southern charm thing that comes into play) and I’m currently seeing a guy who’s been really good with the chivalrous tasks mentioned above.
But the opening doors thing is always tricky for me. I have a fast walking pace, and I tend to beat the guy to the door by about 2 seconds. Am I suppose to stand and wait there for him to open the door? I usually just open it since I’m already there..
So true so true about DC. Maybe not diva dudes, but no hometraining. I interned their for a summer and my friend told me I would run into doors because men wouldn’t open them like they do down where we’re from. Maybe there’s a higher concentration of women who would complain about such a benign act in the District and environs?
I would suggest slowing down before you get to the door a tad bit or just walking with the guy if you really like him.
“I have a fast walking pace, and I tend to beat the guy to the door by about 2 seconds. Am I suppose to stand and wait there for him to open the door? I usually just open it since I’m already there.”
if its like two seconds, i’d suggest slowing down. if you beat him by five or more, just open it yourself and slow your happy ass down in the future.
welcome and sh*t (btw)
I feel ya Analog Girl,
I have a fast walkin’ past myself. But if I spot a cutie behind me, I definitely make a note to slow my ass down. Feeling the look he gives your swaying booty is worf it. Even Sophia of Color Purple fame thinks it’s worf it.
If you get to the door first, hold the door for the man (after you have walked thru) and as soon as he grasps the handle, you keep it moving (unless he fine…then you make sure you slow the walk down and let him appreciate the view from behind).
(unless he fine…then you make sure you slow the walk down and let him appreciate the view from behind)
flag on the play and sh*t. chivalry doesn’t work unless you treat everyone the same way. dragonface derek appreciates (and deserves) a nice ass view just as much as denzel does
He still gets the door opened, you just don’t put that extra effort into the walk. We know the men are going to check out the azz anyway, but you make it sway and bounce a little bit more for the man who grabs your attention…
“flag on the play and sh*t. chivalry doesn’t work unless you treat everyone the same way. dragonface derek appreciates (and deserves) a nice ass view just as much as denzel does”
Negative. If he fug, I just pretend like I didn’t see him. Which, I might as well haven’t because I’m not tryna ruin my day an sh*t.
@Jai,
Um, your avatar is the business. lol
@Cheekie…LOL. I thought I would switch it up and show yall my sexy side (pause)
“Negative. If he fug, I just pretend like I didn’t see him. Which, I might as well haven’t because I’m not tryna ruin my day an sh*t.”
the chivalry Gods are going to put a curse on you
@Champ,
“the chivalry Gods are going to put a curse on you”
No.
I was half-kidding. I let any dude to open the door for me. I just proceed to walk like a stud afterwards if they ain’t fine. Hope that doesn’t turn them on.
Ok, kidding again. I let any dude open the door for me. I smile and say thanks. But I don’t flirty smile and I don’t say flirty thanks if they ain’t fine.
(unless he fine…then you make sure you slow the walk down and let him appreciate the view from behind)
This statement is the perfect proof of the mindframe that most women have and is the foundation of why WOMEN killed Chivalry!!!
I live in the DC area now, and I don’t act like that. I feel like a super hero now, lol. *Chivalry Man*
But really doe, I’m just a considerate dude.
lol, I read “Chivalry Man” in the TROJAN MAAAAANNN voice.
lol
HMMM HMMM HMMMMMMM.
Hi…You said “I have a fast walking pace, and I tend to beat the guy to the door by about 2 seconds. Am I suppose to stand and wait there for him to open the door? I usually just open it since I’m already there..”
You don’t have to wait for him to open it but I would suggest that you try slowing down a bit (literally and metaphorically) so that it can be graciously opened for you.
Good one, Champ. Bout to finish reading this week’s new comics and go to bed but will comment tomorrow. Chivalry is not dead. Just too many lazy ninjas in the world.
thank you!!! lazy people all-round, too lazy to think and too lazy to act.
I co-sign on all of these except for #5. I’m much to grown for that silliness! Those are high school antics and I don’t have time for it.
Anyway, I think basic manners and common courtesy are becoming extinct and it’s truly a shame. We all need to do a better job of being kind and polite to each other. Remember your hometraining people!
Sidebar: I love the “medieval freaks” tag! It sounds like a type of specialty/fetish pr0n
***File under: Women who really like Iron man
Can anyone tell me where I can edit my profile pick?
1) Mr. Gundam: thank you for that giggle to start off my morning
2) I have the same question about the profile pic. I’m tired of being a silhouette!
go to gravatar.com.. it’s a really easy process.. the site will walk you through it..
Thanks!
Thanks for the info.
thanks a bunch
“I co-sign on all of these except for #5. I’m much to grown for that silliness! Those are high school antics and I don’t have time for it.”
lol, thats why its called “21st century chivalry” gotta adjust to the virtual times and sh*t.
Facebook is ruining lives tho, lol. Zuckerberg is turning into Dr. Doom, LOL.
Great list, Champ! I’m feelin’ it, I’m feelin’ it. I really, really respect and appreciate someone being chivalrous. I always say thank you, smile whenever possible and as you said hurry my walk along and such when I notice a person has taken time to open or hold the door open for me.
#1-First 3 dates can be great and inexpensive. A lot of times a gesture and thought goes a long way.
#7-I’d add that ladies receiving chivalry shouldn’t be less appreciative if the guy being chivalrous isn’t their ‘type’.
occassional lurker, 1st time poster…
#1-First 3 dates can be great and inexpensive. A lot of times a gesture and thought goes a long way.
can’t cosign that any more, I have a good female friend that I go back and forth with on this one. I’ll pay for the first few dates, but I’m not blowing my monthly entertainment budget on you and we just met. Nah slim. And if that’s your requirement, then we probably shouldn’t be dating anyway…
“can’t cosign that any more, I have a good female friend that I go back and forth with on this one. I’ll pay for the first few dates, but I’m not blowing my monthly entertainment budget on you and we just met. Nah slim. And if that’s your requirement, then we probably shouldn’t be dating anyway”
***nodding head***
welcome and sh*t, btw
Whose to say that you have to blow your monthly entertainment budget on the first 3 dates. IF that is a requirement of the girl, then maybe you shouldn’t be dating her. If it is not, then maybe you can get creative with your dates. I had the best time when a guy took me to the park…we worked out, rode our bikes and then we grabbed a lite meal in the city. I didn’t think any different about him because we did something we both enjoyed and it didn’t cost a grip…
I would be really impressed if on the second or third date, we just chilled at the house (yours, not mine i don’t know you like that). As long as you don’t try to do the college setup and go to the bathroom and come back with no pants on…
Don’t have to wine and dine me every night but have enough sense to make sure I like some of the free(er) options. I don’t like nature, so parks will be a major NO-NO.
One should never break the bank on a stranger.
@legitimate_soul – How nice of you!
“I always say thank you, smile whenever possible and as you said hurry my walk along and such when I notice a person has taken time to open or hold the door open for me.”
Exactly! I do the same thing. Its just common courtesy. Especially when nowadays people are all about themselves and getting to where they need to go. I am always appreciative when you take the time to hold the door for me.
“I always say thank you, smile whenever possible and as you said hurry my walk along and such when I notice a person has taken time to open or hold the door open for me.”
Agreed! I think the holding of the door and the thank you in return show that we are both possessed of good manners.
I’m totally a fan of chivalrous men, although I’m not always good at being the recipient of it. As I said, I always speak and smile, but I’m the kind of chick who would never let someone give up their seat for me and unless what I’m carrying is the heaviest thing on earth, I will always say I got it. My sister is what I call a “damsel” and she is so good at receiving chivalrous behavior. Probably why she’s married and I’m super single…
Eclectic face? Bwahahahah. I agree with the “please and thank you” in the bedroom. Especially the “please” aspect? What are you James Brown? Are you really begging? Is that supposed to be sexy? *throat punch* Oh yeah the azz jiggle after walking through the open door huh ? Who knew? Good to know I’m ahead of the curve.
@miss t-lee I know what you mean! The only time “please” is sexy is if he’s begging you to stop because he’s on the verge of screaming like a chick and doesn’t want to disturb the neighbors. Other than that it reminds me of a kid asking for a cookie and that’s not hot!
By the way, your throat punches bring me such joy! Great minds think alike and I appreciate and celebrate your violent tendencies. Carry on…
You understand completely. That should be the only time “please” is uttered. Even then, it’s hilarious, because if you get them to that point, they didn’t really mean to tap out. Aw…glad you enjoy my lil’ violent outbursts, sometimes there just isn’t any other way to get your point across.
Perhaps ‘please and thank you’ could be used, albeit sporadically and under the right circumstances. It couldn’t be begging tho…it would have to be used in a gentle command, kinda like polite dirty talk. Check the examples:
“Turn over, please”
“Could you please take that off”
“Thank you for that….now it’s your turn. slide up/down”
Now, it may take a certain amt. of bass in the voice as well as some conviction when you say it (he may have to yell it like Teddy did in “turn off the lights”), but it could be done. lol
Polite dirty talk huh? Seems like an oxymoron to me, but if it ain’t broke don’t go fixing things.
That’s what I’m sayin… be polite? For what? I like my dirty talk with no chaser ya’ feel me?… and a light neck grab and hair pull here and there doesn’t hurt either.
“Turn Off the Lights” is one of my favorite jams of all time! Teddy is so damn forceful in that, and most of, his songs. It makes me swoon a bit. I’m about to pull out his greatest hits!
While I can appreciate your attempt to infuse your upbringing into your sex, I think there’s a way that you can make those same requests w/o actually saying the word “please” – proximity to the ear usually plays a part in that. I, personally, don’t care for ‘polite sex’…that’s pretty much the only time you DON’T need to remember your manners.
So,
“Please turn over.”
“Thank your for coming”
and
“Please come again”
Are not good looks in the bedroom? Who knew?
…this is likely just my personal preference and may not apply to every woman, but I’m of the opinion that you can make just about any bedroom request sound like “please” if you say it right.
“for many of us, the concept of chivalry died years ago, neglected so long that it ended up gaunt and emaciated”
In other words…
Chivalry = 2010 Fiddy Cent
I see ya Cheekie. CTFU! That movie role better win him an Oscar.
@miss t-lee I know…it would suck if it goes straight to DVD! I hope this one turns out to be really good. Yes, I LOVE 50 lol.
is it legal to use 50 cent and Oscar in the same sentence? can’t be.
Girl, you know that’s what he’s going for! He really lost that weight unhealthily quick. Betcha it’ll take thrice as long to learn how to act.
“I see ya Cheekie. CTFU! That movie role better win him an Oscar”
if losing weight was all it took to get an oscar, the crackhead selling umbrellas outside of my barbershop would have like 6 of those b*tches by now
“if losing weight was all it took to get an oscar, the crackhead selling umbrellas outside of my barbershop would have like 6 of those b*tches by now”
If this aired, The Academy Awards telecast’s ratings would go sky high. #nokanye
LOL@ Cheekie. Very good. My baby 50 lost all that weight for his movie:(
also a Fiddy fan
I saw those pictures of 50. That sh!t was wild. That boy better get his acting props for that one because he looked sick.
off topic… but i love your pics!!
You mean the pics in my avatars? Appreciate it. I try to switch it up every once in a while. Can’t ever go wrong with Spider-Man.
You most certainly cannot.
He did look sick:( They got to give him respect for that. I look forward to seeing the movie.
Look and be amaze:
http://gawker.com/5548714/50-cent-lost-a-quarter-of-his-body-weight-and-looks-terrifying
@ Mr. Gundam
O____O Say what Say HUH!?!!
I cannot believe that is him. I was NOT expecting that at all. I’m a lil sick to my stomach now,
aww 50 that can’t be healthy, smh.
i have to echo somebody here;
couldn’t he just act thin?
Yeah, my heart actually sank like I was watching a horror film when I saw that. Scared the other half-a-dollar outta me!
Woow, he’s all skin and bullet holes now..
I keep hearing about this movie and how 50 lost all this weight, any pics folks I still haven’t seen it and am beginning to feel out the loop :-/
Well it still doesn’t mean that he will be good in the movie. It just shows that he knows how to get skinny.
@Comicbookguy He DOES look sick…I saw that pic and gasped. He looks scary and I hate to say it but, looks like he’s got ‘the package’
*Trying to keep a straight face while pointing at Cheekie like the Evil Monkey on Familly Guy*
LMAO and 3 x’s Dayum (Florida Evans)
“for many of us, the concept of chivalry died years ago, neglected so long that it ended up gaunt and emaciated”
In other words…
Chivalry = 2010 Fiddy Cent
dammit!!! i definitely should have used a picture of him for this post. f*ck.
Maybe next time, tiger.
It’s still early you still have time
As sickly as i’m feeling right now, I still managed to laugh and snort through my stuffy nose.
and to add to #4, if you see a lady approaching a parking spot and she was there first, don’t be a diva dude and swoop in on it like “b*tch please!”
yeah I’m still salty bout that shit. neva have I eva!ATL must be divadude/bitchass capital of the world right nowand #6 could be used as a bit of advice to the ladies too. you would be surprised how much more dudes (and people in general) are willing to help you if you say please and thank you (and smile) and leave the screw face and stank attitude at home.
and to add to #4, if you see a lady approaching a parking spot and she was there first, don’t be a diva dude and swoop in on it like “b*tch please!” yeah I’m still salty bout that shit. neva have I eva!ATL must be divadude/bitchass capital of the world right now
hmm. see, i don’t know if chivalry applies to driving. you should be considerate of other people on the road, but once you’re behind the wheel of an suv you’re all the same gender to me
see, I whips a Honda Accord, which I think makes it even worse for dudes to try and punk me for parking spots. who picks on the girl in the Honda? lol
“you should be considerate of other people on the road, but once you’re behind the wheel of an suv you’re all the same gender to me”
Even if it’s a VW beetle, you’re not gonna assume it’s a chick?
“Even if it’s a VW beetle, you’re not gonna assume it’s a chick?”
upper-middle class white men in the burgh love beetles, so no
o_O
“a slight nudge or eye contact is all that’s needed to get his point across, whatever it happens to be.”
Sho’ you right. (El DeBarge, “The Secret Garden”)
I love this post. L O V E I T!
ummm, thanks for the debarge quote?
I noticed that there are a lot of rude ass mofos in the world. I’m a product of Southern parents, so I always hold doors open, offer seats up, say things like “ma’am” and “sir” and sh*t. I may be an asshole, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try to adhere to the chivalrous principles I was raised on.
Some cats just ain’t got no home trainin’.
I agree with you. I respect chivalrous men more because it shows me they have the ability to think about someone else besides themselves. Case in point: It rained 2 days ago, I saw a guy hogging the umbrella from his chick who was soaked while her guy was as dry as a Jackie Chan joke.I secretly hoped a car drove by and splashed water on his Gucci sneaks.
My ‘rents would treat me to a roundhouse kick to the face if I went around actin like I dont have any home training.
her guy was as dry as a Jackie Chan joke
You people slay me all the time.
*Applause* @ “Some cats just ain’t got no home trainin’.”
But it’s not just our sons, P. We’re raising our daughters to have low expectations. Boys who didn’t learn it at home ain’t never gonna figure it out if our girls keep giving ‘em silver-plated poonanny and everything else under the sun without expecting simple courtesies in return.
I too was raised in the south. I open/hold doors and say sir/ma’am out of habit. I am also an asshole and think that most don’t deserve it. I do it anyway.
Ladies, you can’t have it both ways(not with ME). You can be a millennium woman and insist that you are my equal. I’m fine with that. You will pull 50% financially since you are my equal. You will also get the door for me from time to time. If you are a traditional woman and have no problem with me being the man God intended me to be, you will get chivalrous treatment.
Pick one. You cannot have both.
No Bullsh*t
@its2010dammit
I totally agree that we can’t have it both ways. This goes for men as well…you can’t expect to have an “independant woman” that going to bring home the bacon and fry it in a pan. I can’t hold down half the finances working as hard as you AND have dinner ready when you get home, keep the house spotless and take care of the kids.
@OftenConfused
CHUUUCH.
I love this! Good to know a man feels the same way about these things as a Cali-raised with southern roots woman. Again, thank you and please pass it on!
It makes me sad to know that home training is a dying art. I tend to forget that things are not the same everywhere since I’m southern born and raised, and it’s just what I’m used to.
Yeah!
I have to join you in mourning the death of
HOME TRAINING EXPERTS
and homes for those of us trained to seek home somewhere above a woman’s neck.
and homes for those of us trained to seek home somewhere above a woman’s neck.
TRUTH! ..y’all truly are like some lost tribe of folks , but there are still some of us who ‘preciate you immensely , perhaps a “Thoughts & Actions of VSB Class 101 is in order” all of y’all VSB’s can get together & get it taught..( I can dream can’t I )
I will be honored to teach a course in the philosophy of being a proper curmudgeon.
i think this goes along with manners and common decency dying out, PERIOD!! “manners” caught the ninja and couldn’t recover..
i’ll dare to add my few…
1. “if a woman has given you the priviledge of knowing her name, then please remember it!”
i can understand if it’s been a while since we last saw each other.. or you can’t remember whose house we were both at.. but d*mn homie, if you just heard it, and we’re in the same conversation.. then please, my name is the least you can do!! this only matters if you’re interested.. if you’re not, then you can forget my name all you want.. (though i don’t know why you would wanna!)
2.”whoever is the least messiest.. should volunteer to go get the rag and do cleanup..”
i would think this goes without saying.. but not exactly.. it doesn’t take an einstein to figure this out.. if i gave you the priviledge of bestowing a pearl necklace upon me.. then please, PLEASE don’t have me there, frozen, scared to move, talkin bout the Dolphins draft pick.. i’m not gonna rub it in, even if it IS good for my skin.. and make sure you use hot water!! that feels very nice! i’ll do the same for you, i promise..
3. if i made dinner, then please volunteer to do the dishes.. trust, i probably don’t want you to cuz you don’t do them right.. but still, it’s the thought that counts.. and TRUST, if you made dinner, i’d do the dishes AND prepare your lunch for work tomorrow..
and trust me, even better than any “please” and “thank you” i got other ways to show my appreciation.. T.R.U.S.T.!!
if i gave you the priviledge of bestowing a pearl necklace upon me..
marry me…I clean the dishes and I can remember your name
lol..
“but honey, where would we live?”
3. if i made dinner, then please volunteer to do the dishes.. trust, i probably don’t want you to cuz you don’t do them right.. but still, it’s the thought that counts.. and TRUST, if you made dinner, i’d do the dishes AND prepare your lunch for work tomorrow..
You couldn’t have stated this better!!! I wish after I made a dinner using all of my pots the man that ate the food would at least offer to wash the plates. Clearing the table is not enough! This whole thing is funny because I’ve yet to meet a man that can actually CLEAN the dishes,
“1. “if a woman has given you the priviledge of knowing her name, then please remember it!””
i’ve lost count of how many times i’ve done this. i’ll remember everything else about a person when first meeting and talking to them, but their name will usually escape me unless i write it down
you know what.. i’ll give you a “pass”.. because you said you remember other details.. i’m the one that’ll remember the name and the details.. but that’s just me..
but the dudes that can’t even make an effort!?!? Ooh-Weee!
i’ll keep this in mind in case i run across you next week…
“but their name will usually escape me unless i write it down”
It’s the 21st century, you should enter it in your smartphone.
But seriously, I getcha. I know a lot of people who are WAY better at faces than names.
But seriously, I getcha. I know a lot of people who are WAY better at faces than names.
I agree. I think it’s a right brain left brain type of deal. If a guy remembers everything about me but my name, I won’t hold it against him…
I once went on a date with a man whose name I didn’t know b/c I didn’t remember it from the night that we met and after so much phone convo and texting, I was embarrassed to ask. So on the first date, I asked how old he was. He told me. I said I didn’t believe him. He showed me his ID. FTW
And let me also add:
1. Walk your date to her door/vehicle/etc. at the end of the evening and see that she’s secured. Nothing worse than me walking to my car alone at night, clutching my purse and fearing for my virginity while you burn off. That really will keep me from ever considering you again.
“my name is Nick_L_Odeon.. and i approve this message”
i also notice if you drop me off at my front door and not wait until i’m inside to drive off..
you’ve turned the corner before i got my keys out of my purse..
i gotz a big, huge, donkey issue with that one!!
“i gotz a big, huge, donkey”
lol, the first time i skimmed over this comment i was thinking to myself “what the hell does the size of her ass have to do with chivalry?”
Also, If you want to go above and beyond, a call or a text just to make sure I made it home safely is always a great touch. If I enjoyed the date, this is like icing on the cake. If I didn’t enjoy our date, this really does nothing for you.
Oh and don’t forget, when you drop your date at her house, wait until she gets inside before you drive off (this is for those who can’t walk her to the door)
LMAO @ #2 on Nick_L_Odeon’s list. That’s a dream come true for a bunch of dudes, how is son worrying about some football? LOL
Great list, Nick!! Especially the name thing. Even folks who ain’t tryin’ to get in my pannies can remember my name, so a nicca who is trying to should at least make a little extra effort. lol
@Nick_L_Odeon
I look forward to your comments..you are hilarious!! I cosign on all three. Especially the do the dishes if I cook part…but that just never happens.
Great job Champ! LOVE that chivalry can be celebrated again:)
I live in high rise apartments and it touches me when a guy steps aside for me to get on or off the elevator. I make sure I say thank you every time.
So,
does this mean that we can go back to claiming all the property of any man we kill in fair and open combat, including his wife and children?
Or is it just the nice nice genteel crap, with no tangibly valuable reward or return on investment.
Just asking.
Is this directed toward me? Because I am confused…
Nope
just asking
Oh ok….
lmfao @ how no one answered it. I know it’s goofy, but the above exchange made me giggle.
“So,
does this mean that we can go back to claiming all the property of any man we kill in fair and open combat, including his wife and children?”
go back? when did we ever stop doing this?
Exactly!
Rudeness generally seems to offer the promise of great, rough, messy, uncommited sex.
initially… i will admit i rolled my eyes after reading the title… thought the subject would be a mish mash of pseudo updated standards…
but… (yet again) VSB surpises the cynic in me!
touched on some very good points:
1) My bf and i alternate who pays for date nights and we also kinda alternate who pays for expensive dinners, tix, etc… keeps everyones pocket smiling and he appreciates that i can and DO pull my weight… cant expect every other area of the relationship to be 50/50 (im looking at you, Ms Independent yet SINGLE) and not include financial.. sometimes he does pay for more but I buy more groceries/supplies so it balances
3) enough said. special place in my heart for my baby…. he’s sure to do this along with warm my icy feet anytime i ask.
5) my BF recently did this… i was actually pretty surprised bc we are both private and theres been enough time and mushy fb albums to not necessarily need the official news blasted throughout our minifeeds
(and “liked” by all his groupies… woooo sah!)
7) I hate to see a guy break his neck to help me or hold the door only to ignore the more plump mom with 2 bags of groceries or let a door slam in an older womans face… skinnin’ and grinnin’ not knowing they just lost all 37 seconds i might have spared to politely say “im not interested”
initially… i will admit i rolled my eyes after reading the title… thought the subject would be a mish mash of pseudo updated standards…
lol, what did you think it would say?
just the usual
1) open doors
2) pull out her chair
yada yada yada…
LOL
forgive me, O wise one!
I love your #5…I HATE facebook groupies. Facebook almost ruined my past relationship. Quit liking and commenting on all his ish b*%$@….ugh. (excuse me)
I just had *this* convo with my male friends. I’m not sure if its a New York thing but he and his New York mans ‘n em (ok thats the only time I’ll do that) are always getting lashings from me because they dont hold the door or other things the southern belle in me considers basic. They claim women asked for equality and we got it. They will watch a chick struggle, with groceries in tow, to open a door and wont flinch. I have talked until I’m blue in the face. I’m making progress. I’m sending them the link to this post as I have a reasonable suspicion at least one of them has said “please” in the “I’m just glad to be getting some” type of way.
Great post, man
It’s not just NY. I was in Philly walking up a long flight of subway stairs with my huge suitcase. Not one man stopped to ask if he could help OR held the door open for me. *SMH* This is why I never dated a man form Philly my whole four years there.
See, this is why if someone in the Philly/(North) Jersey/NY area does all these chivalrous things, I think they’re trying to talk to me. And if they’re cute, they get the smile with all the pearlies showing lol
@ this message will self destruct
These is the type of things humans should do for each other. Granted this topic is about men being chivalrous, woman are not prohibited from having manners too. If I saw someone struggling, I would do my best to at least throw out a “need some help”. The problem of the 21st century is inconsideration and b*tcha$$ness.
I think people are just meaner on the East coast… Must be the deadly cold + pollution combo.
Ah.
I don’t mean to be rule and sh*t, but…
…What kind of Cheese on that grilled Cheese sandwich?
And BTW…
…What kind of bread and how was this sandwich grilled.
I mean, you know was it all gourmet organic from the baker and a dairy 50 miles out of town, where the cows only eat grass and salads and things? With clarified green butter.
Or was it like Kraft singles on something from the “Day Old” shelf at Walgreens.
The quality and care to these things can bring about different levels of “Thank You”.
And definitely determines whether the offering to sleep in the wet spot, convo, cuddle and afterglow or jump straight to the shower, then Swazye option is enacted.
I’m just saying.
At my age, these moments must be carefully selected, must avoid waking with a Klingon.
The rest of your sage advice seems to be just good commerce and entertainment.
i’m starting to get an idea of the kind of chicks you date…
You don’t really mean date do you?
Because the truth is…
…relationships without the great organic, gourmet grilled cheese, usually end in the parking lot outside of the club where they started that night.
The ones that include great grilled cheese, wild blueberries, melon bisque, conch fritters, black beans and rice, chicken adobe, potato vodka, single malt scotches, Parker, Coltrane, Dolphy …
…ad nauseam.
are still on and poppin’ and
I’m more than grateful to pick up the tab for the restoration of her sweat-ed out doo.
Lord have mercy!
i looked at the list of ingredients and was like, “what, no smoked gruyere?” but then again, it doesn’t really melt…
and LMAO @ “must avoid waking with a Klingon”..
i mean, if organic bread is your thing.. and the sandwiches must have the crusss cut off.. then i’m SURE there’s someone out there that’ll do it..
and considering you seem to be able to reciprocate in other equally selfless gestures (pic up the tab for her sweat-ed out do) then i don’t think there should be a problem..
i understand where you’re coming from (sorta). i have NO PROBLEM doing things that seem above and beyond (giving pedicures n sh*t) if he’s doing his part..
but i’m gonna need you to up your caliber of woman if the relationship is ending in the parking lot of the club..
but that’s just me… lol
Nick, I think that even the most suave and genteel guys will settle for a “becky” in the club parking lot on a bad night.
Cheap thick bifocal biere goggles make more women more attractive, and may result in relations with Jay Z fans ending soon after exiting the club where we met, with the following statements,
“Ahh…
…What’s your name?
Anyway, at was great Becky.
…Thanks for smoothing things out…
…Swazye!”
Flings with Alice Coltrane fans have been known to last twenty years or more.
With Sunday mornings that begin with fresh fruit and camembert, harvarti and colby or a jack which are best for grilled cheese, before the sedan picks them up to take them the salon and then the plane.
Please don”t cut off the crust. I’m fifty not five.
Meh! women asked for equality and they got it! Why should i hold open a door? unless it weighs 900 pounds, and Im a weight lifter AND woman approaching said door is the size of a mouse. for grannies and toddlers-fine. but not for grown a** women. and about the wet spot-are you kidding?? she made it so SHE sleeps in it. please. And why should i be the first to change my status?? It should be the woman who should be MORE excited than the man to be in a relationship! What i see here is the feminization of the male gender. Men can no longer be men (shouldnt fart, blah blah blah). What a load of crock. Soon you so-called chivalrious men shall be barefoot with aprons in the kitchen cooking for your woman while that woman is with ninjas like ME, in the pub or wherever. and as you sit chivalrously at the dinner table, ALONE, at 11 PM, sobbing into your glass of wine-woman shall be whispering sweet nothings in my ear and trying to have my baby. bring it.
Sorry-my above post was supposed to be a stand-alone post, i.e. not a reply to ulysses. Nevertheless, I hope it get the proper attention that it deserves.
i have to ask this again; who peed in your sandbox?
in other words,who hurt you?
I don’t understand how is it the feminization of the male gender when these acts are considered things that men do and not women.
@Realistic dude
To each is own, but my assumption is that you’re not a parent. If/When you do decide to travel that path, are you going to teach these same “principles” to your daughter(s)? Will you tell them that it’s okay if a man lets a door slam in her face because she has two hands and can open it herself? Will you tell her to make sure she doesn’t go to the store and buy more groceries than she can carry because expecting some man to help her with them is simply foolish? Wil you be the one telling her that she needs to be MORE excited about her relationship with the boy across the street because that’s just what women do?
And what about your son(s)? Will it be okay for them not to open the door for their mother? Will you condone him sitting in the only available comfy seat while his mother stands? Is that okay with you?
I’m just saying, the actions that you practice will no doubt be inherited by your children and being an a*s about chilvary is one tradition you might want to thing about breaking!
“What i see here is the feminization of the male gender. Men can no longer be men
i get the feeling you’ve been waiting for a while to get this off your chest, and i’m glad you took advantage of today’s opportunity. but, you’re 100 percent wrong. actually, not treating women with a different level of care is a mark of a feminized man. in the past that you allude to, where men were “real” men, you were thought to be a sissy or a queer if you weren’t chivalrous. so, which one do you want to be?
welcome and sh*t, btw
thanks Champ
Are you serious!?! I think the main message of this post is to reinforce to guys that it’s important to be a gentleman because it seems our generation has forgotten what that truly means.
And why wouldn’t you be just as excited as your spouse to be in a relationship?! I wouldn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t as excited and happy to be with me as I was to be with them.
This is what I’m not getting about this generation… why don’t the men that feel this way want to be chilvalrous? It comes off like you’re in competition with women so everything with you must be equal as far as we’re concerned… you bring-up women rights and shit like everything should be a even playing field, but really you just sound hella gay! This is VSB, I’m sure you’re smart enough to know that the rights women fought for were those in regards to politcal and social injustices… stop generalizing/broad-stroking EVERYTHING and use some fuking common sense. Chivalry and denying women of their rights are so different.
Ho#sh*t at it’s finest….
That tis all….
o_____0
No offense but, have u by chance dated a woman…….wit three degrees???
lmfao
very well played… *highfive*
“Men can no longer be men (shouldnt fart, blah blah blah). What a load of crock.”
So by the above statement, you wouldn’t agree that chivalry is a part of being a man? It’s all a part of the game we play as women and men. I think a man IS being a man by opening the door for a lady. *shrug*
Our moms and grandmas didn’t ask for this crap! A bunch of 2520s conned them into believing it was part of the civil rights movement and they’d get better pay to take care of us, not reading the fine print as usual they got hoodwinked.
Now, collectively these new sistahz have not earned the right to enjoy the Old Code, which still allows for a man to claim all the possessions of another man killed in open, fair, close combat. Including his wife and children.
Still it’s best to practice the skill of being kind, courteous and crap, then you’ll have sistahz on your side when you make it big, then eph up and do a Bill Clinton.
PS
I’m known for slapping my daughter up side the head for answering to greetings like “Yo Ma” and “Hey Shawtie”. She’s twenty five. I’m hovering around fifty.
I am more apt to acknowledge a chilvarous act now that I live in the South. A man opeing a door for you in the Chi might be a sign that he is gonna snatch your purse.
Took a little getting used to but I love a chilvarous act. It makes me smile a little as I head to my destination.
As for #7, a chilvarous act only for the Zoe Saldana’s of the world is not a chilvarous act, it’s subterfuge..
“A man opeing a door for you in the Chi might be a sign that he is gonna snatch your purse.”
lmao…there are still some true chivalrous men here in the Chi, though. Remember most of our families here migrated from the South The mentality is still here…it’s rare and not as plentiful as it is in the actual south, but it’s here.
That’s terrible, Cheekie. Hilarious, but terrible nonetheless.
“A man opeing a door for you in the Chi might be a sign that he is gonna snatch your purse.”
lol
Teaching chivalry to a black man is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. It aint happening!
Black men need to first learn how to take care of themselves before trying to accomplish what comes natural to civilized gentlemen.
Wow! it seems as though you used the needle of which you speak to burst my happy balloon!
Why such bad faith in black men? especially on a site called very smart BROTHAS…..why are you here again?
Why such bad faith in black men? especially on a site called very smart BROTHAS…..why are you here again?
**TROLL ALERT**
To be a T-R-O-L-L. Obviously she (maybe even he) wants the attention with the constant negative remarks regarding black men on a black site written by two black men. Trolls are simply here to disrupt harmony where there is little or non. That’s how you know you’ve made it in the blogging community. Read – Resist – Ignore. Eventually they go back under the bridge.
I meant:
*Trolls are simply here to disrupt harmony where there is little or no disharmony.
I appreciate the edit (I’m super neurotic about my own typos), but I kinda liked the French vibe your pre-edit comment had.
aaahahahahahahahahahaha
Exactly! How smart can you be to come to VSB and bad mouth brothas?… GTFOH!
“angry Black Chick with Three Degrees”… three degrees my @ss- “We don’t believe you/you need more people”!
Damn, sista…I respectfully suggest you change the first word in your screen name to all caps.
LOL
d*mn girl!!!! who peed in your sandbox?
It’s rather difficult to take your latest remarks seriously, maybe its some sort of angle to get some attention and/or vent…who knows…
However, if you are in fact dead serious, its a shame ’cause its obvious those three degrees don’t account for much since you’ve sadly ALLOWED a veryNONsmartbrotha (or five) transform you into a veryNONsmartsista.
If in fact you’re actually feeling as bitter as you read, then its even more obvious that you’re really (more) angry with yourself. Please do better.
I may have just written something about you, in regards to grilled cheese sandwiches, gratitude and the chronological span of most of my relationships.
You don’t teach men to be anything,
you teach boys to be men.
Walking into those glass doors can be hell on the nose
Ha ha, Im always game for a strident tirade every now and then but you are just messed up! Im guessing black men dont hit on you much but YET you wish they did. Perhaps if you had taken only two degrees youd have had time…
You do know this is a site for smartbrothas right? You need to give respect to gain some, by looks of it you wont gain since you dont respect them. Smart people judge individuals and not an entire group of men. SMDH*
hmmm, unfortunately i have seen you in here on numerous occasions spoutin all of your anti-Black men BS, so for you aBCwTD, 9 little letters always seem the appropriate response to ANYTHING that i have ever seen you say, and that response is as follows “GTFOHWTDS”
Hi Bajanflchick
Would you explain to aBCwTD why
I’ll do the work of being cordial and courteous,
but I will not claim the title or dress the part.
Please and Thank You
Dear ulysses,
I would do almost anything for you,:-) BUT I’m not realy feelin like wastin my breath on some aBCwTD.. I .would rather have a root canal without novacaine then deal with the likes of he, she, it…whatevah…the prospect of trying to explain something that could never be understood is just too painful for me * but you are still my most favoritest vsb hands down
I understand
and greatly appreciate your truthfulness
@ABCwTD
*In Ricky Bobby’s son voice*
“Someone didn’t love you enough when you were little, did they?”
FIST PUMP!
YES for the (underrated)Talladega citation.
“Black men need to first learn how to take care of themselves before trying to accomplish what comes natural to civilized gentlemen.”
And while you’re learnin’ them, I’mma be swaying my cheekie hips while walking through the door of the brotha who opened it for me. Fun times had for all!
**Holds door open as eyes get bigger watchin those hippy cheeks walk through**
*grin*
that’s the truth… if someone holds the door for me, he can stare at my booty all he wants (just no lewd comments).. i consider it the “cost of entry”..
thank you.. and stare away..
*nods* @ the “just no lewd comments”. And if you MUST grunt under your breath, at least look foine. It won’t be as icky.
@Cheekie
Where can I find this door?
HAAAAAAAA, you have me dying over here!
I will not entertain such f*cketry so early in the morning (beginning to think all 3 degrees were obtained from a community college….)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
“(beginning to think all 3 degrees were obtained from a community college….)”
O_O
BWAHAHAHAHA! I love this place.
Wow! Uncle Ruckus has a sister!
hmmmmmmmm @ Champ I think you have an overload of Ho#sh*t in your lovely community today.
@angry Black Chick with Three Degrees
I almost NEVER slang insults but I can’t help it….Your name alone is why you have a problem with men. Go ahead and get another degree. Spend all your time in school…cause I bet you suck at life….and I bet your ugly too.
*sticking out tongue* Wah! …NEXT
@angry Black Chick with Three Degrees
No Offense, but have you ever dated man who considers himself “Realistic” ???
Thank you, Champ, for putting your genius spin on a topic that is as relevant now as it was when my great-grandmother, Big Mama, told me the real reason men walked nearer to the curb back in her day.
She said the streets tended to be pretty messy in their time. Even Main Street was little more than an unpaved dirt road…and this was in the big city. And I’m sure there was the occasional wayward driver that jumped curbs. (Remember that crazy white woman who couldn’t drive worth two sh*ts in The Color Purple?)
Anyway, it seems them streets were dusty as hell and when it would rain, well…
Now imagine your lil lady in her Sunday finest, covered in mud, sprayed from car wheel splashes and horse sh*t and such after they went rolling by. Great-grampa was a proud-ass chivalrous human mudflap.
But I have absolutely no doubt Big Mama scrubbed his suit pants and made it more than worth his while.
This whole comment gave me the warm fuzzies….
May my hubby be the mudflap to my pant scrubber!
“Now imagine your lil lady in her Sunday finest, covered in mud, sprayed from car wheel splashes and horse sh*t and such after they went rolling by. Great-grampa was a proud-ass chivalrous human mudflap.”
this is cute and all, but after a while i would have just called a jitney
@ “…but after a while i would have just called a jitney”
Buzzkiller.
But I thank you for teaching me a new word today. I had to check Webster on the jitney thing.
Great anecdote. I too felt all warm n’ fuzzy. (sigh)
Can I be your mud flap baby…ooooohhhhhhhhhh….can I be your mud flap baby? Eye on you.
and I can be your pant scrubber….I see you, too.
Since I was born, raised, and currently live in Tennessee, I love this story.. It makes me want sweet tea on a hot day, and go walking on the riverfront on a Sunday Afternoon..And sit on the porch with a sundress on waiting on my “gentleman caller.” It makes my southern accent draawwl a little more.
This is my favorite post by far! As a southern lady I heart chivalry. Also, could all the men who read these print out tons of copies and post them above urinals and all other places where men will surely be, PLEASE and THANK YOU!
“Also, could all the men who read these print out tons of copies and post them above urinals and all other places where men will surely be, PLEASE and THANK YOU!”
Yes indeed!
I love a chivalrous man. Chivalry will get you brownie points even if the woman benefitting from it isn’t a potential mate. I’ve witnessed guys do chivalrous stuff for other women and it made me give them a second look. Were you reading on the bus, comfy in your seat but you gave it up for the woman w/ the baby & groceries? I noticed. Did you hold the door open for that older woman even though she was moving at a snail’s pace (b/c of age and/or illness, not b/c she’s inconsiderate)? I smiled. Chivalry is sexy! lol. I know that you will do those things for me w/o any complaint.
Also, chivalry is infectious . . . you do something chivalrous and hopefully another man or boy will see this and take note. I’ve had little boys struggle to hold doors open for me or help me and it’s just too cute. I’ve also seen guys chide their friends when they’re less than chivalrous or force them to get involved. Each one, teach one.
When you hold the door or let us go ahead of you somewhere we know that you’re looking at our asses and we know that you’re enjoying a good look at our “girls” to as we approach . . . if you could see our faces after we pass by, we’re probably smirking. We also get a good look at your face, a whiff of your cologne, and a guarantee that we’ve got your attention. If it’s an elevator you’re holding for us, you may even get a little small talk until we reach our destination.Win-win for everybody.
If we play you when you try to be chivalrous, atleast you got a good deed in for the day lol (for the record, I was raised to say thank you, so i’d never play a dude unless he’s slimey after the fact).
.
You have to realize that not all men are desperate for brownie points. so that I do with them what??? brownie points from a woman in a random hallway are about as useful as those ‘gifts’ you get sent on facebook. So and so sent you a drink. send one back. wow.cool. only thing is- I cant get high on an e-vodka! get my drift?
Clearly, a lot of men could give a damn. That’s nothing new. LOL.
You don’t have to be desperate for anything to be a gentleman. IF you are a man who cares about how he conducts himself in public, you may want to try being chivalrous. Impressing random (or not so random) women is simply an incentive or bonus IF you care about that sort of thing. If you don’t *shrug*.
And the hypothetical “brownie points” may not get you anything but respect from that strange woman in the hallway. I suppose that’s not good enough? What do you want? Gratuitous flashing? LMAO.
I guess, by definition, one may definitely call me chivalrous because I do these acts and I don’t think most men do it for brownie points at all. It’s more so just being courteous and having manners (as others have mentioned). Even if another dude is approaching the door as I’m going in, I tend to give the door that extra push as to make it stay open for him.
There’s no expectation of points or anything, just common courtesy being returned.
“There’s no expectation of points or anything, just common courtesy being returned.”
This is what I love to here
.
*hear
I can remember my pops teaching me how to be chivalrous as a very young boy. I can’t even pass by stranded female motorists on the side of the road.
Brownie points…any man that does not value this concept will catch hell in life. Women remember shat…period. For instance,.hollering at numerous chicks at your ex girl’s birthday bash…straight slimy…somebody will remember your azz at the most inopportune time and say bad things about you. Looking a woman in her eyes and letting the door go before she at least gets to it…same thing. Now reversed erthang I just talked about. Keep your cool at ol girl’s party…hug her as a friend and say happy birthday and chill in the corner for a few minutes then leave. Open the door and say “after you”. You may just get a recommendation from that lady after you become friendly with that beautiful chick that works somewhere else in the building.
I hear you, BSQUARED86 . You watch men and see how they act when no one is looking to get an idea of who they really are (men do this as well when peeping women). Sometimes the woman a man is looking for is not the one you are giving up your seat for, but one who was somewhere else and happened to see your kind gesture and thought of you as a chivalrous, respectable man. Other times the woman who thought of you as a nice and chivalrous man ends up vouching for you when the sister you want to date asks her girl, what you know about ol’ boy. I have seen it work like that.
now where can i get my personal copy of you Champ? hmm? where do they make you?
In a large factory in Luxemberg.
And the factory is called “Deez La Champs”
I’d like to congratulate you, Champ.
You just described Oregon in #2, #4, #6 and #7.
Exactly
Dead on
Some of the dudes will even speed up, open the door for all their boys and let the door close in your face no more than one to two seconds before you get there.
(I clearly need to move back to the South.)
don’t move too far back South.. cuz Florida ain’t doing= that ish either!
Lovin’ the post Champ! I must say I agree with all of your crime fighting insight. Unfortunately I think even within these updates for the 21st century, most guys (at least that I’ve noticed in LA) are on that diva dude bs and are only courteous if they want you to be their trophy OR aren’t courteous at all and keep it pushin.
I remember a time I was at a club with some friends and of course by the end of the night it was packed. My girl and I saw a chair we could share to chill (read: rest our feet at 1:30a), mind you no one was sitting in the seat but this damn diva dude was dancing in front of it and his boy was sitting in one next to it. This fool literally kept ignoring us when we said excuse me and asked if we could sit down o__O really!? I couldn’t believe this rude a** n*nja just looked at us and said ‘well no, I want to sit down later.’ WTF!?! Please say that again in my good ear bc I must have misheard you… Right before my girl and I started to tear him a new one, his boy stood up and said ‘I’m sorry ladies, here take this seat’… I guess chivalry wasn’t completed dead that night be seriously, WHY do men like this still exist. Just RUDE!
My bad for the flashback… as I said love the post
LMAO @ “in my good ear”
Something similar happened to me at a local black hot spot that I like to call Club Magic (Magic Johnson’s TGI Fridays here in LA). The bar area is prime seating and first come first serve. So, me and my homegirl are standing around scouting for a good seat and notice an empty booth. We scurry over and before I can take a seat, I see a coat laying across it. I ask the security guy (who’s nosey as hell) and he points the guy out. This dude is keekee’in it up w/ his boys at the bar w/ a drink in hand & his back to the booth. We could honestly sit, drink, eat, & be merry and he’d never know. But, I’m fair, so I go over to him and ask if he plans on sitting at the booth. He says “Naw, not right now.” I ask if we can sit there since he’s not using it, he can leave the coat and when we’re done we’ll say the booth is taken. He looks at me like I’m crazy and says, No. I couldn’t help but ask if he was serious. We finally get another booth later (from some women that saw us waiting) and do you know that this fool NEVER sat down? I mean NEVER. After the game, he grabbed his coat and him and his boys bounced. So much for chivalry that night.
…takes the coat by the neck, holds it up, shakes it a bit to get his attention, drops it on the floor and then gives him the “NOW WHAT, PUNK?” glare.
Sorry, that would have sent me to the deepest darkest depths of BITCHTOPIA. My respect would have gone out the front door. That was such a weak move on his part.
(looking for my NO BITCHASSEDNESS Sean Jean T)
Sorry, but that was a straight b!tch move by him. In my book, that had “weak @$$ ni**a” written all over that. I’m actually kinda mad about that.
…..Is it just me, or do women meet a gang of worthless n!ggas in every aspect of their life before meeting one self-respecting (and other-respecting) brotha??? It’s like the ratio of b!tch n!gga to gentleman is 200,000:1. dang, lol..
I’m going in…
Chivalry is a dying animal… but people need to learn to resuscitate it because it helps everyone.
Think about it. Everyone has their method of weeding out undesirables. Chivalry basically does it for you. Why would you want a dude who doesn’t think you’re worth a few dinners and drinks or a movie ticket or a venti frappucino? Why would you want a dude who can’t do something for you (hold open a door) that people just do out of hospitality for absolute STRANGERS? Why would you want a dude who knocks it out the park in the bedroom but treats you like a two-bit trollop the morning after?
And perhaps the biggest question: why would you want someone who decries that CHIVALRY IS DEAD when really, society doesn’t HAVE to dictate how you treat women? How about just being a good person just because? IDC if Lil’ Knick-Knack is saying fuck them hos with a lead pipe, you talk to me like that, you’re gonna have a case of the dry dicks.
“Everyone has their method of weeding out undesirables. Chivalry basically does it for you”
good point
Great post The Champ.
Most of these seem like basic (not in the negative way, but rudimentary) ways to live your life. Would that more people would get like you.Sigh.
#7 is real talk. Chivalry, it should go without saying, is not limited just to us young things roaming around, but older women as well. I hate when I see young people not at least offer their seats, hold a door, offer to help with heavy things etc. Granted not every old woman is frail, but it’s the principle.
On that note, I also think that if you have time and you see a young lady travelling with a heavy suitcase you should offer to help her if you can.
“Chivalry, it should go without saying, is not limited just to us young things roaming around, but older women as well. I hate when I see young people not at least offer their seats, hold a door, offer to help with heavy things etc.”
yeah. i talk about this in the extended version in the book
“Chivalry, it should go without saying, is not limited just to us young things roaming around, but older women as well. I hate when I see young people not at least offer their seats, hold a door, offer to help with heavy things etc.”
Please post this on folks’ foreheads in the greater Chi area. I cannot stand to see teenagers ack like (yes ACK) they don’t see the poor ol’ lady standing in front of them. Looking around and out the window like the museum buildings are interesting and they never saw ‘em before. I usually have to offer my seat and I’m way over there somewhere. SMH. Some older folks are more independent and I respect that, but I at least ask.
*Hooray for me I’m a newbie!!!*
This list was definitely on point!!!! Now for some this may be too much but I think men should help women carry their groceries (if they seem heavy and cumbersome). If I am walking into the same apt complex as you and you see me struggling with my things please offer to help (I’ll always turn down the help cuz I watch criminal minds) but you will get the same brownie points for being willing to help
Then why did you buy more groceries than you can carry? going into hibernation? war? what? buy what you can carry
“Then why did you buy more groceries than you can carry? going into hibernation? war? what? buy what you can carry”
LOL, this is actually pretty funny
“Then why did you buy more groceries than you can carry? going into hibernation? war? what? buy what you can carry”
Probably for Y3K.
welcome and sh*t
Romeo, Romeo…wherefore are thou Romeo?
How do I love thee Champ….let me count the ways:-)
***Applause***
thank you. your check is in the mail, btw
Great post, Champ! You got the troll(s) and diva dudes all upset this morning.
I love it when men open doors, ask to help carry something, or give up their seat. A smile and nice ‘thank you’ goes a long way. Giving some extra twist in your hips (giving him an innocent, yet niiiice view of the booty) as you walk in the door being held for you is even better.
Chivalry is so sexy and the men who did it, regardless of how many ungrateful women fail to acknowledge the action, will always be a star!
You got the troll(s) and diva dudes all upset this morning.
i see. i think i’ve pissed off a different group of people with each entry this week. i guess i’m doing my job. being verysmart aint easy.
I love this post Champ!!! I thank you on behalf of womankind.
I’d say most of the guys that I’ve dealt with in recent years have had their chivalry game on point.. but what’s weird is, sometimes you get the opposite side of the spectrum.. like the OVERLY chivalrous. Now, before I continue, I know somewhere someone is thinking the words “ungrateful b*tch” (lol) but let me explain!!
I went out with this one guy (he was older) apparently whose sole purpose in life was to make up for all the unchivalrous guys as he was so over the top with it. I mean, when we’d go somewhere in the car, when it came to getting out of the car – he wanted me to sit and wait for him to come around and open the door for me to get out. Similarly, when he’d pick me up, he’d like to get out and come over and open the door for me.. And doors? Fuggedaboutit.. I better not even think of touching a door. Then if I was carrying anything, i mean ANYTHING, he’d carry it for me. I appreciate chivalry just as much as the next, but jesuschrist, I’m not a child though!! I’m not a friggin paraplegic..
But then there’s things I consider chivalrous which guys have mixed feelings about. Like if I’m with a guy and we’re about to enter a door and I’m maybe 2-3 steps ahead of him, should I wait and let him open the door for me? If I do, am I being a diva or allowing him to feel like a man? If I don’t, is he thinking, she just too damn independent, she don’t need me….
Or carrying a purse… I personally like seeing a guy carry a girl’s purse, I think its adorable. But some guys are like, f*ck no that sh*t is gay!!! But c’mon now, clearly if you’re walking with a woman, and you appear to be a couple, most reasonable people aren’t going to draw the conclusion that its YOUR purse. I mean some guys don’t even want to hold ur purse even if its just for a second in fear someone, anyone, might consider even momentarily that its their purse…. geez dont be so homophobic lol..
Holding your purse, not a problem at all. You need to try on that dress..sure let me hold that for you. We’re in Nordstrom’s and you’re in full fledged shop mode, navigating through racks of blouses and such…sure I’ll get my sit down on and of course hold your purse for you. Carrying your purse, well that’s a different animal. If you went through the act of meticulously pairing your purse with your outfit why would you waste that feat of accessorizing by having me carry it. I’ll handle all of the bags we accumulate through the day. You handle the purse unless it’s one of or some variant of the aforementioned scenarios. Think of it like basketball, pick and roll…good, moving screen…bad.
“Or carrying a purse… I personally like seeing a guy carry a girl’s purse, I think its adorable. But some guys are like, f*ck no that sh*t is gay!!”
ummm, this IS gay, lol.
Ok… well what do you think about the other scenario – if we’re walking somewhere together and I’m a couple steps ahead of the guy, should I wait for him to open the door or should I just go ahead and open it?
“should I wait for him to open the door or should I just go ahead and open it?”
depends on how far away you are. if its a couple steps, wait. if not, just go ahead
I know somewhere someone is thinking the words “ungrateful b*tch” (lol)
The purse thing…too much, no bueno.
Well its like this… if I ask a guy to hold my purse or even carry it, its going to be temporary.. If we’re strolling around town I wouldn’t expect a guy to be carrying my purse all day.. I’m talking like, I just bought a slice and I’m trying to stuff it in my face while walking and I need to you to carry my purse for a minute… or I just bought some ice cream, etc. or anything where two hands are required.. I mean some guys literally won’t even do that out of fear that someone *might* possibly assume its theirs… its like get over urself geez!!
I remember in high school when I was at band camp (no american pie) our band director asked her husband to *hold* her purse so she could, um, DIRECT.. and mofo was so self conscious, he put the purse inside of a plastic grocery bag just so no one would see him holding a purse. SMH…
Former marching band aficionado as well. Misinterpreted your meaning. I try not to put my guys in that position, but I do understand.
I was hoping someone would say something about the overly chivalrous! I really do appreciate the demonstration that a man I’m with (or just any man off the street) has manners. So please don’t let the door slam in my face and make the offer to carry things that look heavy. However, I had a similar experience with a guy that was doing too much in this department. First (and only) date. We walked in through a set of double doors which he opened and I was grateful for. He kind of swept the door open and stood to the side, so now it’s going to take him that much longer to get in behind me. But there’s another set of double doors. I’m like you, BK Sweetheart, I really don’t feel like it makes any sense for me to stand at this second set of doors waiting for a man to handle it. We already did that. This ninja looked like he wanted to pop my hand! Do you know that he literally fussed me out?! “Never touch a door handle when you’e with me!!”
At the end of a very long, very bad first date, I had my keys in hand, ready to make my escape. I dropped them and automatically, b/c I’m also not in any way disabled, bent to pick them up. He snatched them out of my hand, dropped them again and picked them up himself. And said, “I’M the man!” Yeah…I really don’t know what to say to that…
And said, “I’M the man!”
He should have said “I’M the control freak!”
Yeah, dude was REAL extra!
something like this happened to me – at church. He was married so its not like he was trying to holla or anything. I asked him to hand me a pen. He went, picked it up and was walking toward me. I got up to meet him half way. He yelled at me: “If you ask a man to bring you something, don’t you EVER get up to get it yourself!” What the…?
“If you ask a man to bring you something, don’t you EVER get up to get it yourself!”
^This…I feel like you could potentially be waiting for a long time playing with a lot of dudes…
@Caballeroso, yeah “control freak” would have been more appropriate. Most accurate? “I’m the psychopath with control AND boudary issues who’s going to stalk you for months after this one horrible and intensely awkward date.” :/
“Or carrying a purse… I personally like seeing a guy carry a girl’s purse, I think its adorable. But some guys are like, f*ck no that sh*t is gay!!!”
lol It is. I wouldn’t dare do that to a man. Now, my shopping bags, sure. Yes, even the gay pink Vicky Secret’s bag (which, hell, what’s inside would be for HIM anyway so…not so gay). I’ll hold my own purse, thanks.
Grew up shopping with my mom and sisters. Have held a lot of purses, waited outside of dressing rooms, and been uncomfortable in the underwear section in my lifetime. My older sister had a rule in her car when I was little: You sit in the front sit, you hold the purse. You get used to it. It actually paid off for me. I had an ex that let me sit in the dressing room with her when we went shopping. *sigh* One of the few good things about that relationship. (she had a donk, too)
This sounds like some good anticipation building type of foreplay, but didn’t the other women in the dressing room give you the side-eye?
I don’t think so. If she did, I didn’t care. My ex would tell to come in the dressing room with her all the time, like “you don’t have to sit out there and hold my purse.” Boy, was she a tease.
Lmaaaooooooo…they don’t let men in the dressing room out here. *sigh*
Has anyone else noticed that the more chivalrous the guy in their life acts, the more we want to take care of them, please them, etc, etc…Honestly, truly chivalrous men just seem more manly to me. And I definitely act accordingly.
“Has anyone else noticed that the more chivalrous the guy in their life acts, the more we want to take care of them, please them, etc, etc…”
don’t say that too loud. some diva dudes might hear you
Don’t worry about it
They don’t listen to the words
They just like the beats
I am so, so happy that the Champ has chosen to address this very important topic.
Though I’m from Cali, my mother and father are both from the South so I’ve been taught to expect certain things. Most men don’t seem to realize how important being chivalrous really is and often times, if I’m on the fence about whether or not to continue dating someone, those chilvarous acts can tip things in his favor.
Case in point: I was dating one gentleman who had much going for him (handsome, Ph.D., two great jobs, etc.). The first date went well conversation-wise but I couldn’t get over the fact the he didn’t open doors for me, didn’t “walk on the outside”, didn’t walk me to my car after the date ended, and didn’t follow-up to make sure I made it home safely (even though our date ended well after 1am). I had to ask myself “Is this how I want to be treated?” and since the answer was a resounding N-O, I had to keep it moving.
So, while some men might not give a d*mn about those “brownie points”, I think they should. They’re more important than you may lead yourself to believe!
“Case in point: I was dating one gentleman who had much going for him (handsome, Ph.D., two great jobs, etc.). The first date went well conversation-wise but I couldn’t get over the fact the he didn’t open doors for me, didn’t “walk on the outside”, didn’t walk me to my car after the date ended, and didn’t follow-up to make sure I made it home safely (even though our date ended well after 1am). I had to ask myself “Is this how I want to be treated?” and since the answer was a resounding N-O, I had to keep it moving.”
after one date? this does seem kind of harsh.
Yes, Champ, after one date! Typically on the first date, most people are putting their best foot forward. And if he’s not doing anything even slightly chivalrous on date #1, what makes me thinks he’s going to suddenly start doing it on date #2 or #3? I’m not into trying to change people; either you perform chivalrous acts or you don’t!
I lost all hope when I had a guy with an upset stomach fart thruout our date because he could not hold it in (on the first date)….and had the BALLZ to ask to go out the next day like nothing was wrong…
*farted
“i lost all hope when I had a guy with an upset stomach fart thruout our date because he could not hold it in (on the first date)….and had the BALLZ to ask to go out the next day like nothing was wrong…”
lol, you can’t blame a brotha for having gastrointestinal issues
It is very welcome when I see chivalry in action especially with young boys. I remember I was buying some bottled water and I was carrying out the door and some boys about 11 or 12 offered to carry it out and put it in my trunk. I thought that was very nice of them. I wondered who their parents were. I guess some are still teaching their kids home training.
did you give them a dollar?
More than a dollar. This is 2010. What can a dollar do?
“More than a dollar. This is 2010. What can a dollar do?”
buy a 20 second lap dance
I didn’t even think of that.
Good look on the chivalry post after pissin’ off a lot of VSSs yesterday, who happen to be very funny. lol
Champster is runnin’ game. I see you!
I kinda peeped that, too. lol
lol, funny how YOU peeped it. I think Champ still mad at you for yesterday.
“Good look on the chivalry post after pissin’ off a lot of VSSs yesterday, who happen to be very funny. lol”
thanks, but some of ya’ll aint as funny as you think you are, lol. the type of funny i was referring to yesterday only applies to like 5-10 percent of women
“thanks, but some of ya’ll aint as funny as you think you are, lol. the type of funny i was referring to yesterday only applies to like 5-10 percent of women”
Uh-huh. Cool. But funny is in the eye of the laugher.
What is this wet spot you speak of? Sweat? Because an old towel is usually grabbed to handle the only other wet spot action I can think of.
“What is this wet spot you speak of? Sweat?”
squirt
Try a Large beach towel…it works Most of the time hehehehe
I used to be big into chivalry…then I started reading a book called the “Manipulated Man”…and I stopped.
Chivalry is highly dependent on culture. And right now chivalry is incompatible with the culture we have today. Until the culture changes, chivalry is just an illusion.
I used to be big into chivalry…then I started reading a book called the “Manipulated Man”…and I stopped.
Chivalry is highly dependent on culture. And right now chivalry is incompatible with the culture we have today. Until the culture changes, chivalry is just an illusion.
Funny that the book you read was called, “The Manipulated Man”.
More like gullible if you ask me.
Might I add the book was written by a woman. But obviously, the desire to do a google search much be very low.
Now please, if you will; explain to me after this comment that you made, why I should be chivalrous to you?
“I used to be big into chivalry…then I started reading a book called the “Manipulated Man”…and I stopped.
Chivalry is highly dependent on culture. And right now chivalry is incompatible with the culture we have today. Until the culture changes, chivalry is just an illusion.”
this reasoning is stupid. its like someone living in the hood saying “you know what, if there’s litter outside, why should i even bother cleaning my house?”
welcome and sh*t, btw
Obviously you don’t understand that chivalry was created and is not natural my friend. Read up on the birth of chivalry and what it’s really about, hell even do a wikipedia search.
Chivalry works best when their is a culture of respect. Obviously, by the back and forth we have on blogs like this, hip-hop, hood culture etc. you can tell that that doesn’t exist or isn’t present in the majority. A culture has to first embrace the concept of having respect for one another, before practicing chivalry.
Disrespect is a major part of our culture right now. This incompatible with chivalry. People have to be less disrespectful, in order for chivalry to be effective. If you been to places where people value respect a lot more like in Asia and Africa, you would have a better understanding at my reasoning.
i know when and why the concept of chivalry was created my friend. but, chivalry itself is basically just an expansion of tenet that’s been around for eons: its man’s job to make sure his woman is safe and feels cared for. being chivalrous just means that you expand the courtesy of courteousness to all women.
you’re right in that society is sick right now. but, this fact makes it even more important for vsb’s to be courteous and respectful and chivalrous. if we (men) don’t lead the way, who will?
The reason why I brought up the book “The Manipulated Man” is because in the book it addresses how men don’t really understand the power that they have. It’s a deep book and it will really change your whole concept of male and female relationships, especially in America.
Just because I’m not chivalrous doesn’t mean I’m not respectful. I believe respect trumps chivalry. You can pull out the chair, you can open the door etc. And still cheat on her. Casanova is regarded as the chivalrous man in European history. If you respect a person your intentions are purer vs. just doing a chivalrous act to make someone comfortable.
@ David and The Champ:
I see and understand both of your points. David, the flaw in your reasoning is that you are essentially allowing the behavior of a (perceived) majority to influence the conduct of the individual. Always do what you feel, to hell with society at large. Don’t decide to be polite only when you are somewhere that’s full of courteous people. I understand your point David, but if you are “chivalrous” then just be that way regardless of your geographical location.
I am familiar with the book you mentioned, and that book is one woman’s opinion. Her perspeectives are interesting, but it’s not something I take for Gospel. I personally think in terms of reciprocity, so if I am courteous and respectful to others, it is simply a matter of time before I recieve similar treatment, possibly tenfold (especially from someone I’m in a relationship with.)
**Plus, I love looking at a round, soft booty, so why wouldn’t I hold the door? LOL**
I’ve been reading VSB for a few months. My first impression was that it’s a place for intelligent brothers to come discuss various issues, but really it just seems to be ANOTHER outlet for pandering to women with all sorts of cosigns and endorsements. It’s a conflict of interest to measure manhood in terms of what he can do for a woman.
Some of the later comments are a bit more interesting. A fellow can’t greet a woman without her thinking he’s after that one thing. “Home training” is code for getting across the idea as early as possible (to the churins) that her “one thing” is to be respected above all others. Because that’s all she has, she thinks that all she needs. I can’t even imagine a FATHER passing down that kind of propaganda. It’s Shaniqua, Theresa Laronda, and L’Dudutasha (grandmom, mom, and daughter respectively in the same manless household) talking about all women are special.
I agree with David. Let’s keep apples to apples.
“It’s Shaniqua, Theresa Laronda, and L’Dudutasha (grandmom, mom, and daughter respectively in the same manless household) talking about all women are special.”
Had to come out of lurking for this one. Maybe the household wouldn’t be manless if there were some chivalry practiced in the first place? Maybe there’d be fewer manless households if Sharonda and ‘em start feeling a little respect coming their way and stuff? Just sayin…
“Obviously, by the back and forth we have on blogs like this, hip-hop, hood culture etc. you can tell that that doesn’t exist or isn’t present in the majority”
I was born & raised in Arkansas and these basic chilvalry laws that The Champ mentioned happens on a daily basis for me. Especially the door opening one.
Maybe it’s just a Southern thing…IDK
Well, yes! Down South men tend to be more chivalrous…but there have been a lot of consequences to that…
There is a large culture of trickin’ and simpin’ that has invaded down south…you’re a woman, so you don’t get to hear about this like guys who have friends in that are do. Trust me a lot of men are spending more time with their baby oil bottles than with a breathing woman.
The thing is, when ever a man is chivalrous to you there is a purpose of doing it. “Let me make her comfortable, so she can respond to my advances easily.” Back in the day chivalry was enough. Today it is not enough. A lot of girls are talking about giving “points” or “respect” to a man for being chivalrous… Men could care less for respect or points, we want you to respond to our advances. We want a reward. We don’t demand it, hell we don’t even expect it, but there is a purpose to treating a woman well.
Your friendship is not a prize, your respect is cool, but not the purpose. We want to be with you, whether it’s one night, one year, or a lifetime. You like it so we do it. We’re not like you women, you women enjoy chivalry because it makes you “feel good”, we are chivalrous because “it makes you feel good”…we don’t feel good because we pulled out your seat, when we know you can do it yourself.
The problem is now, women expect a man to make them feel good… what was once a voluntary act, is now a pre-requisite to most women. Men created chivalry, and we ought to give it to those who deserve it, but based on the society which we have today, a whore “deserves” chivalry just as much as the pure virgin. That is wrong. And it’s about time men took it back and teach other men how to put it to it’s proper use. It was designed as a form of power, power should always be used wisely.
My name is Ms. Smart and I approve this message.
It’s unfortunate that a lot of our men don’t do this naturally. I blame them partly but I also blame their parents and community for not equating masculinity and manhood with treating women respectfully.
“I blame them partly but I also blame their parents and community for not equating masculinity and manhood with treating women respectfully.”
i agree. i can still remember getting smacked in the back of my head by my dad because i didnt open a door for my mom. i think cats just didnt get enough back of head smacks growing up
I’ve lost my husband for an entire 5 minutes b/c I walked through a door he held for me….followed by a herd of grannies. It was serious. I had to wade through polyester pants & blue cotton candy hair to find that man.
lol, thats happened to me a few times before. you open the door for one person, and it just happens to be the moment that the entire staff at uptown spa decided to walk in as well
Excellent synopsis Champ. There’s also another…
8. always let the lady go up the stairs first, but always go down the stairs ahead of her. if she loses her balance, you’re there to break her fall.
your theory of chivalry being “a convoluted system devised for men to look at as much ass as possible” holds true if you’re heading upstairs. otherwise, she just gets to see if you’ve been hitting the gym.
Regarding number 3, I’ve heard another take on its origins. The guys walk on the outside near the roadway because, when people used to dump the “slop jar” out the window of the second story, the waste would be more likely to “coat” the person walking closer to the street than the person closer to the building. Both would get “rained” on, but her to a lesser degree.
8. always let the lady go up the stairs first, but always go down the stairs ahead of her. if she loses her balance, you’re there to break her fall.
Greta addition! My dad use to say the same thing to my brothers.
“Regarding number 3, I’ve heard another take on its origins. The guys walk on the outside near the roadway because, when people used to dump the “slop jar” out the window of the second story, the waste would be more likely to “coat” the person walking closer to the street than the person closer to the building. Both would get “rained” on, but her to a lesser degree.”
thanks for ruining my brisket and milk
I guess #5 not for everyone. I can’t stand when people put all of their business on fb…I just leave that part blank and say I’m networking. First they put ‘in a relationship’, then when they break up it’s ‘single’, then when they get back together but are on shaky ground it’s ‘in a relationship, but it’s complicated’ …way too much info(but that is a subject for another day…I’m done venting)
lol, a couple friends of mine went through this last week, posting numerous statuses about their new relationship status. what made it even funnier is the fact that they live together, so they were probably sitting on the couch next to each other posting about how their relationship is over
I agree with alot of this Champ but some folks use chilvary as game, please remember it is also very important the spirit(motive) in which things are done, very important moreso than the act itself…
I heard tell the devil is the perfect gentleman that is until he done lead your ass out there, used you., gotten what he wanted etc so be careful .Discernment is crucial
I heard tell the devil is the perfect gentleman
I agree. I think the way to discern what is real and what is being done to get something in return is to watch all future actions. Pay attention to how the person responds to your kindness and whether they are looking to take advantage of it.
My struggles with chivalry:
I hate it when I hold the door for some random broad and she just walks through with this spirit of entitlement like I truly am just some sort of doorstop. Not even a hello. Rest assured I won’t hold the next one for her.
Ok, so you’ve held the door and ole girl walked through. Instead of letting the door close, you hold it so the dude behind her can grab it while you walk on through, but noooo….this diva dude mofo thinks he’s going to just walk on through and past you like the lady did. No podnuh, it ain’t goin’ down like that today. I make it a point to release the door just as he’s in range to catch it. If his arms are full, that’s different. We have a saying in Texas, “Fool me once…(3 second pause)… Shame on…(4 second pause)…Shame on you….(6 second pause)…Fool me…Can’t get fooled again.” – G.W. Bush
Ok, so I’m dressed in my good pair of jeans and favorite tee shirt as I’m out and about town. I swag out of the corner store and what do i see? A damsel in distress with a flat tire in the parking lot. Hero complex kicks in and it’s Super “Cab”alleroso to the rescue. I grab the spare from the trunk in a single bound, remove and replace the airless tire with the spare, all the while taking care not to soil the good jeans or favorite tee that are becoming sweat soaked because this is Houston and it’s 95 degrees in the shade. Mission accomplished (#no g.w. bush – epic fail, btw). What’d she say? Not a damn thing. She got in her car and left. BEEYOTCH!!! Better have triple-A next time!
All women are not ladies, but a gentleman treats mostly all with basic chivalry..that says alot about you as a man, even if the lady is a tramp..*nods*
Some dude spotted me onthe escalator this morning, said good morning coming down, said something again before I went thru the gate, like I am just getting down there or something, corny but ok, then approached me yet again on the plaftform asking if I am on flex time…….then got mad when I repsonded are you my boss in playful manner LLS
Don’t approach me in a scared, unsure of yourself manner, buzzing around like a gnat and ask me dumb sh*t then get mad and in your feelings . I’ve had 16, 22 etc year olds step to me in FULL confidence as young gentleman and then I have people like this bama this morning who looked to be about 38/40, not a bad looking dude, probaly relies on that heavily too, but just weak in his approach and not very gentlemanly or refined.
A fellow Texan…always so very grateful when a SUPER man comes to my rescue. (Lois Lane swag)
Caballeroso,
Being a Belle from TX, had you changed tire on my ride it would have gotten you an offer to lunch/dinner/breakfast which ever was appropriate at the time.
I probably would have accepted, but would have paid the bill before you realized the check had come.
You know what’s funny, frat? I was in New Orleans coming out a corner store about 3 years ago and I saw a lovely older woman that had a flat tire. So I gave her hand and changed her tire for her and she was so grateful but you know what made me want to do that? I had a frat hoodie on and I kinda felt like Superman. It felt good to unconsciously rep the frat while doing a random act of kindness.
Yeah I feel you on that. Wearing gear has made me go the extra mile quite often.
Did she not say thank you or anything? If she did say thank you, what else were you expecting? I always get flat tires (those curbs just come out of nowhere) and by the time I pop the trunk to pull out my jack, there is always some kind gentleman standing at my car to help me. I always thank them profusely, but I don’t know if I should do more. If I have cash, I offer them some (they don’t usually accept), but I rarely have cash. I just don’t wanna leave them looking at me like “BEEYOTCH!!” like that lady did you.
Yonnie 3000, you seem to be the appreciative type. I respect that. I expected nothing more than thank you from her; however, the lady I wrote about was a lady of few words. The following quote captures the entirety of what she said to me, verbatim: ” .”
So she said “period” or “dot” in response?
“Chivalry is dead…and (some) women killed it.” -you know who-
Ah yeah…this one is near and dear to me. I was born and raised in NC, but moved to the Northeast for a few years right after college, then a few other places across the U.S., and then back to the South. My experiences as a chivalrous man in America have lead me to the following conclusions/observations:
In the South, (some) women take chivalry for granted (I guess that’s because it’s more commonplace). And everywhere else, (some) women just flat-out don’t know how to properly react to it b/c they don’t seem to be used to it.
I can’t count the times I’ve held doors open for women and they strolled through without a simple “thank you”. I can’t count the number of times I’ve stopped on the sidewalk to help a “lady” pick up books or groceries that she has dropped, and my chivalrous efforts were met with a stern, “I got it! Thanks!” Hell, I’ve cordially said “hello” to a couple of women who immediately began telling me how they’re not interested in talking to anyone right now. Whoa whoa whoa, heffa, I’m just speakin’…I don’t want nothin’ from ya. It really makes you consider NOT being chivalrous.
But then again, I also can’t count the number of times I’ve held doors open and the women were very appreciative. Nor can I count the number of women who’ve welcomed assistance gathering whatever-the-hell they dropped on the ground….or the countless conversations I’ve had with random women in random places that resulted only from a smile or a “hello” on my end. I guess one tends to remember the negatives.
But to my point, ladies, always express appreciation to a chivalrous act, no matter how simple. And teach your daughters the same. We (men) don’t owe you chivalry…it’s a choice. I’m not expecting you to flash your jigglyparts at me (just kiddin’….unless you gon’ do it), or a gold star, or a medal of valor in exchange for me sharing my big-azz umbrella with you in a rainy parking lot. A mere “thank you” and a smile will do.
@Intelligentleman
Hell, I’ve cordially said “hello” to a couple of women who immediately began telling me how they’re not interested in talking to anyone right now. Whoa whoa whoa, heffa, I’m just speakin’…I don’t want nothin’ from ya
LMAO!!!
well for all the chicks that didn’t… “thank you Pookie” lol
Awwwww shucks
“if you see a guy doing the doorstop thing for you, the very least you can do is make an effort to sped up your walk so it doesn’t seem like he’s standing there waiting for the seasons to change in the time it takes your inconsiderate ass to get to the door”
Heeelllll Yes!!!
Speed your sexy-but-not-sexy-enough-that-my-arms-won’t-get-tired a*s up! I have to get to my 11:00 class
“Speed your sexy-but-not-sexy-enough-that-my-arms-won’t-get-tired a*s up! I have to get to my 11:00 class”
lol, college chivalry is an entirely different topic.
“a) after finishing a very fulfilling tryst with your lover, you kiss her, lay flat on your back, and say “thanks baby” while you’re both still laying there, catching your breath, enjoying that post-sex hazy silence, and reflecting about the entire experience.
in this case, the “thank you” enhanced the level of intimacy, two lovers letting each other know that the act which just occurred was greatly valued and appreciated, a stark contrast from…”
I don’t know about this one, Champ. To me, it depends on how one views s*x and what the relationship is between the two involved. If you look at s*x as a man getting something from a woman, then yeah, the “thanks baby” seems appropriate. But if you view s*x as a mutual exchange, then the “thanks baby” is kinda awkward, if not even a mood spoiler. If the event was passionate and intense enough, and you two have a level of comfort with one another, when you’re blissfully basquing in the afterglow there really isn’t a place for word at all. Your bodies will do the talking with embraces, caresses, panting, and the like.
Or another round…
I don’t know about this one, Champ. To me, it depends on how one views s*x and what the relationship is between the two involved. If you look at s*x as a man getting something from a woman, then yeah, the “thanks baby” seems appropriate. But if you view s*x as a mutual exchange, then the “thanks baby” is kinda awkward, if not even a mood spoiler
lol, i think you’re reading into it too much. obviously, both parties are sharing and benefiting from this act, but there’s nothing wrong with showing verbal appreciation afterwards either
My struggles with chivalry (pt 2)
Ok, so Ms. Becky is in the parking lot struggling to get the printer box out of her trunk. Along comes our hero “Super-Caballeroso-to-the- Rescue”, like A Tribe Called Quest, Super-Caballeroso-to-the-Rescue(yes say the whole thang, yes every time). I offer to assist because she’s obviously struggling. “No thanks, I’ve got it.” she says. Really lady? I mean really? Do you really think the man in the shirt and tie with the laptop bag is about to try to try to jack you for your printer? SMH. Can’t help ‘em all I guess.
Modern Day Chivalry Dilemma:
Being the gentleman that I tend to be, I open the car door for females riding with me. But, I find myself conflicted when it comes to platonic lady friends. We’re more like buddys since there’s no romantic interest between us (besides, she’s gay). I could see if we only had two stops to make, but after 20 stops, I’m tired, that isht is getting old, ain’t nothing wrong with her hands, and she has even said “you ain’t gotta keep opening the door for me!”. Is it ok to stop at this point?
For the modern day dilemma, I would say that you should open her door the 1st time (when she first gets in the car), and then resolve to let the automatic locks do the rest. I’m the same way (opening her car door 1st), but I think this is one of those instances where modern technology (remote door locks) gives us a pass. If you own a car that allows you to open all doors at once and she doesn’t have to reach over to unlock your door, it’s just more efficient and expedient (if she’s just a friend).
Automatic locks or not, I like for my door to be opened. Once I’m inside, I reach over and open his door for him.
I feel you, but I think for many of us it gets tricky depending on the nature of the relationship one has with the woman. As Caballeroso alluded, the woman is more of a buddy, not a potential interest. I think we (men and women) view & treat close friends of the opposite sex somewhat differently than those who we’re interested in…cuz we’re generally NOT trying to impress our close friends/buddies.
“Ok, so Ms. Becky is in the parking lot struggling to get the printer box out of her trunk. Along comes our hero “Super-Caballeroso-to-the- Rescue”, like A Tribe Called Quest, Super-Caballeroso-to-the-Rescue(yes say the whole thang, yes every time). I offer to assist because she’s obviously struggling. “No thanks, I’ve got it.” she says. Really lady? I mean really? Do you really think the man in the shirt and tie with the laptop bag is about to try to try to jack you for your printer? SMH. Can’t help ‘em all I guess.”
yeah, black men doing chivalrous acts for white women is a tough one, because you never know if they’re gonna think you’re trying to rape them. also, if a group of sistas happens to see this, you could potentially be branded as a becky boner
Roger That
“also, if a group of sistas happens to see this, you could potentially be branded as a becky boner”
I was just thinkin’ this. Look both ways before assisting a white woman. If a group of sistas nearby, they probably gon’ be like, “Oh, look at him tryin’ to help out Becky! There goes another one!” *shaking their heads*
@Cheekie And they probably also would be thinking, “I bet if that was a sista he wouldn’t be going all out of his way to help…hmp!: LOL
Dear VSB,
I usually have a ton of crap to say about your site. But despite my complaints, I have to admit you “get” what goes in the female brain. Thank you for this post vsb. Thank you for teaching us how to live our lives and damn good ones at that.
no problem and sh*t
“But despite my complaints, I have to admit you “get” what goes in the female brain.”
That’s ‘cuz they have Liz.
I agree with Champ on almost every point (couldn’t give a damn about facebook.) but #3. always volunteer to sleep in the “wet spot”.*
I can only speak for what happens in my relationship but If the uglies of both parties have been properly bumped this could be moot point. The post O-face ecstasty only cause Miss Moneypenny and I to fall the f**k asleep. The both of us aren’t thinking about a “wet spot”.
Then again we could be weirdos.
The post O-face ecstasty only cause Miss Moneypenny and I to fall the f**k asleep. both of us aren’t thinking about a “wet spot”.
You aren’t then, but you WILL when you wake up. lol
by that time it would have dried and you can take a shower…thus the ‘wet spot’ is no longer an issue…it just means between the sweating, drool, slobbering, and the wet spot you have to wash your sheets (or fabreeze them if you are lazy, nasty, don’t have a washing machine and laundry day is not until Tuesday, or just don’t give a fcuk)..
Just break out the Tide the next day and the problem is solved. If two grown folks only have one set of sheets between the two of them that’s another blog for another time.
I left off the obvious, but the sheets still need to be washed/changed. I refuse to believe that when my SO and I finish handling our bizness, I don’t wash/change the sheets the next day (only because if we changed the sheets every time some debauchery hopped off, stock in egyptian thread sheets would go thru the roof). Maybe go 2-3 days (that’s just me and only with a significant)…
lol
I like this post, funny stuff. Chivalry as a method of sneaking a peek at women’s jiggly parts lol. Yezzir. But seriously, it’s a shame that common courtesy has fallen out of favor in American culture. Honestly, this stuff should be common knowledge for men and women alike.
welcome and sh*t (i think)
Good post! It made me smile and I needed that b/c I was seriously living by the Wish Creed this morning. I was waiting for somebody to step to me wrong.
Thanks VSB…you potentially saved someone from being a victim of my wrath.
A nice gentleman at the DMV held the door for me, and I said thank you.
Chivalry always gets a positive response from me.
But the ninja who mushed me b/c I wouldn’t dance with him…or the one who was shoving my friend and I to see Jay-Z at a concert…those situations didn’t end so well.
“But the ninja who mushed me b/c I wouldn’t dance with him…”
- This is assault, not just a lack of chivalry.
“or the one who was shoving my friend and I to see Jay-Z at a concert”
-This is just plain rude. It would be no better if he were doing this to men, either.
These kinds of things aren’t polar to chivalry, per se, they’re polar to legal conduct and basic considerateness.
To me, the opposite of chivalry is not rudeness or law-breaking. Rather, it’s more like equal treatment, or, the basic and “acceptable” (kind of a loaded word, but whatever) treatment any man would show to another man.
@Scipio Africanus
Touche
I don’t really endorse chivalry out of any respect for the basic foundation of the concept: that women are to be infatilized and treated as inferior, helpless beings needing to be coddled by whatever man is within 20 yards of her.
I endorse men being chivalrous based on the knowledge that most people in our society *do* view ^^^that up there^^^ as inherently noble, or else they just don’t know about the whackness and misogyny at the core of chivalry. In other words, the idea that chivalry is “right” will ALWAYS be with us. With that in mind, it’s usually in a guy’s best interest to just get down with the easier and less onerous aspects of it (holding doors, paying for the first few dates, letting women go first, etc.) – it just makes your life easier to not fight it..
ok
I am almost ashamed to admit that I’m officially hooked on this site. Well, no, not really. You always bring it with these posts. It’s hard to be chivalrous these days sometimes because some women think that you’re only being nice cause you want to bed them. I personally am chivalrous to all women from the 10′s to the 1′s. That’s how my mama raised me. I have to admit though that there are times that I just don’t give a damn cause of some unappreciative chick, but for the most part I believe chivalry will always exist. However, like most things men do, it all depends on the women. We mainly do what it takes to get a woman’s approval.
welcome and sh*t, and thanks for the addiction.
All I can say is, thank goodness this post is just one man’s opinion/belief and not the law. *whew*
Chivalry been dead. And as we have heard comedian after comedian say in their jovial social commentary, “….women killed it”. Sorry Champ, but in this post, you’re really just trying to raise the dead. On the flip side, I can’t say I blame you brother. Chivalry is definitely needed. However, what is needed more than chivalry is a woman’s appreciation of it. Which brings me right back to the reason it died in the first place. *yes, pontificate on that for a moment*
So, let’s resurrect the females appreciation of chivalry simultaneously with the resurrection of the males demonstration of it, and perhaps the basic common respect between men and women will improve (strangers and otherwise).
“Chivalry is definitely needed. However, what is needed more than chivalry is a woman’s appreciation of it.”
Umm that comment sounded a little diva dude-ish…
“However, what is needed more than chivalry is a woman’s appreciation of it.”
so all the blame lies with women?
welcome and sh*t, btw
GREAT POST!! I can’t wait to read allll the comments later.
I’m recently back on the dating scene (local dating scene), and have been surprised that chivalry is fact isn’t as dead as Nas claims Hip Hop to be.
I’ve been independent before since I was a child (#nodestiny’s), so it’s sometimes hard for me to just let the dude pay (especially since you don’t know who has the ‘pay to play’ mentality). So after spending almost $100 on dinner, I paid for the movies. That way at least he knows I’m not always expecting him to pay for EVERYTHING. cuz until I launch my own biz (or get hired by Oprah), there will be times when him paying will be needed and vice versa.
I think it’s about balance and making sure the other person at least feels like things are reciprocal. If you take me out to dinner, and I cook you dinner, to me that balances things out cuz the money you spent equals the labour I spent.
As for all the other things, they are little things, but should ALWAYS be appreciated. I never took it for granted when my ex would open the car door and make sure I was all tucked in before going to his side. One day, after leaving a store, a dude postin up outside was shocked and made a comment to him about doing it. Saying he should start being all nice and sh*t. Somehow I think the point was lost in translation.
Some Not-so-VSB’s think if they do these things, it’s will equal a wide open path to pu**y and let the record show that it ISNT the case.
I feel you…I always offer to pick up the tip if the man pays for dinner (regardless of which date we are on). If we go to the movies (still bitter about a movie ticket that costed me $14, but I digress) I buy them online (just looks odd IMO for a woman to pay at movie) print the tickets and he gets the drink and popcorn..
Chivalry isn’t dead, at least not to me. Real talk, the more of these ninjas that don’t practice it, the better I look, so I really ain’t trippin’. Just kidding.
Seriously, though, a lot of chivalry is pretty basic and little things like that go a long way with women, believe it or not, but at the same time, as a man, it’s what you are supposed to do. My folks split when I was young, but my dad and my mom taught me how to act and conduct myself. Both of my parents are from the country so they carried those values through me even when they moved to the city. Sometimes it is going to be hit and miss with it, but to me, chivalry is one of those things that can seem thankless but a real BIG thank you will come out of nowhere. A pretty smile and a thank you from a woman goes a long way with me, so anything more than ( a conversation, a praise, a phone number, hell, even a extra booty wiggle) is just icing on the cake. If you are really feeling a woman, paying for dates should be nothing (quit being lame and step ya game). Opening a car door, pulling out a chair should a commonplace thing. Random acts of chivalry can be hit and miss, but hey, got to go for it sometime. I’m 6’2″, not a super tall guy, but above average in height, so when I see a older woman that is looking at the top of the shelf at the grocery store, before she can even ask me, I just offer a hand, “Ma’am, can I get that for you?”. If I can do it for my mom, I can do it for her. I’ve carried groceries, offered my umbrella, hell I even carried a friend of mine on my back over a few mud puddles. I even make it a rule that when it comes to a woman I am interested in, I kiss her on the hand before I kiss her on the lips, you know, leave that up to her and when she is comfortable. So I am basically saying that it doesn’t have to be strict, but every man should have some kind code of honor or chivalrous standards he lives, whether it is ingrained in him or he learns it on his own. If you have a code like that, the best thing you can do is pass it along to someone, a little brother, a cousin, a mentee or in my case, a nephew.
Ladies, all we ask is that you appreciate it. We are not always trying to get in your drawers when we do something nice or something that a man should do. It is pretty much just the right thing to do for you. I open the door for my mom, my sisters and my niece if they ride with me. I would do that for any woman, platonic friend or romantic interest. All men really want deep down inside is appreciation for what we do, no matter how big or small. We don’t need a ticker tape parade for opening a door, but a thank you and a smile goes a long way.
Alright, I’m done.
@ComicBookGuy
I even make it a rule that when it comes to a woman I am interested in, I kiss her on the hand before I kiss her on the lips
That’s cute!
I even make it a rule that when it comes to a woman I am interested in, I kiss her on the hand before I kiss her on the lips
@ComicBookGuy
Do you give out forehead kisses too?
That usually comes after the hand kisses. Plus, I’m tall so it is an easy kiss to give.
@ComicBookGuy
You seem like really good people so I’m going to give you a fair warning…if you ever find yourself in the DMV watch your back because you may end up hogtied and living in my bedroom! I cook/bake and work so while you won’t be free but you will be well-fed and taken care of.
By the way, I’m 4, 11 and will gladly welcome forehead kisses
@MsEsquire77
Shout out to all the chicks under 5′.
I’m 4’101/2″!!!
And yes, forehead kisses are cool!
@MsEsquire77,
@More is More,
Okay, thanks for the warning. I need to watch myself if I am out in the DMV on business, which I pretty much could be this summer. I am glad I will at least be taken care of if I am apprehended. I got love of the 5′ and under ladies. My niece just turned 18 and she is 5′ tall. She is my little short person and I kiss her on the forehead all the time.
Say word, brotha. And check out Invincible Iron Man #25 while you’re at it (if you haven’t already).
Yes sir, I have. I like how in the end Thor pretty much told Tony “Hey, you know you f**ked up, but Imma let you slide this time until the right time comes around.”
I dunno why, but this made me sad.
Really? Why, darlin’?
I dunno, I guess it’s cuz we’re on here and many of y’all are sayin ALL the right things… you know, you say the right things all the time(zing), and it’s not even that I don’t know men who are chivalrous- I live in the south so it’s an everyday thing for me, but though there is a majority(maybe) that is chivalrous everytime you come across that 15-25% that isn’t that sh!t hurts my feelings… as a woman who is very appreciative of a chivalrous man, when dat sh!t don’t happen I feel slightly disrespected- by strangers at that. I dunno… to me chivalry is one of those things that reminds me(a single hard-working woman) that I’m not just floating around in life slaving like crazy alone, like ‘someone got yo back’ (though it’s just for that moment)… and I don’t think y’all really get how deep that sh!t can run for us (some of us).
@Yeah…So
Okay, that’s it! I’m moving to the South. I’m starting to feel like where I live is effecting my single-ness.
@ LaBakir
Straight-up (I’m not even gonna lie to my VSB/S fam)… don’t waste your time. I mean yeah a ninja will open up a door for you and what not, but he’s the same ninja that will treat you like you ain’t sh!t becuz there are 200 other of you(so he thinks) in his rolodex… you wouldn’t believe how many dudes have told me to my face that I need to “get wit it, or don’t cuz I ain’t the only fish out here biting” O_O and I’m sorry but Yeah…So is all about her one in a million bizness (no Aaliyah)… compare me to who? Ninja pleez get out my driveway before I call the cops!
See, stuff like this makes me want to send you some flowers or something. I believe you when you say that courteous acts by a man run deep for you and for a lot of women. It does suck to see a guy just be disrespectful to a woman. I know it is hard out there for y’all. It pains me as a man to see you talk like that because all good women deserve better nowadays. I know you live in ATL so I bet it can be pretty iffy out there for a woman like you. Chivalrous men like to appreciated by women like you and the women on here because we don’t feel like being a man with class isn’t falling on deaf ears. Hey, if no one else has your back, the CBG does.
@Yeah…So
Yikes!
@ LaBakir
who you tellin, eh *shrug*
@CBG
Awww that’s sweet… having my back and sending flowers. Hold on a second baby *waves at LaBakir* Aye girl, you get them birthday cookies yet?… lol
@Yeah…So
*waves* hey girl hey!
Nah I didn’t get my birthday cookies yet
@ CBG
Mmmmhmmm… flowers yo ass! lol
@ComicBookGuy,
*swoons*
WHAT KIND OF CREATURE ARE YOU??!!
@Cheekie
ComicBookGuy (Thisninja Cantbereals) is a member of the Unicorn family and as a black unicorn is the most extinct of the species. While sitings are rare, unicorns such as CBG are said to frequent places like your local gym, Barnes and Noble, and Trader’s Joe.
I myself have yet to find this species in my area of dwelling.
lol… y’all stupid! But seriously, the second I see one I’m throwing a net over its head, tossing it in the trunk of my car, takind it home and mounting it- YOW! lol
@Yeah…So
Word…my tranquilizer stays tucked in my purse.
You know how it would be to get a grown @ss man in the trunk of my car?
@ LaBakir
lol… no lie, that Misery* chik was off her rocker, but the b!tch had tact and ambition… gotta respect dat. lol…
*don’t worry guys no one’s gonna be breaking ankles up in here.
@Yeah…So
LMAO! Me and my girls were reminicising about college and how there was this rumor that this chick put some of Aunt Flow in her dudes spaghetti….and he started feeling her, now they are married w/ kids.
So eveyone is like “Ill….that bish is crazy!” etc. Then someone was like…”Well, she got her man”
*dead*
@ LaBakir
that is fuking disgusting… and I’m eating lunch
That b!tch is crazy tho… I mean, she sat. and watched. him eat. aunt flo… eerrrrrrlllllll
@ LaBakir
LOL… I so missed the point of your joke… my bad. Thing is I would be like “she got her man too” except… I can’t get the thought of him having period in his mouth out my head *dry heave*
@Yeah…So
ROTFLMAO!!! Yeah, I mean…that’s some calculate desperation right thurr. Aunt Flo?!!!! I don’t know who’s worse…the spaghetti spiker or the chick from Misery
@LaBakir
@Yeah…So,
First of all, you two are crazy, talking about tranquilizer darts. Secondly, that spaghetti thing is an old wives tale in this part of the south, from Mississippi, Louisiana and south Texas, that if a woman puts a drop of her Aunt flo in her spaghetti sauce and feels it to a man, he will be hooked to her. A joke among guys is that your boys ask what kind of food is cooking for you the first time a girl you like cooks for you. We always say don’t eat her spaghetti.
@ LaBakir
I don’t know what’s comparable for men as far as Aunt Flo, but if I’m given a choice between whatEVERDAFUK that is and breakin my ankles… LET IT BE KNOWN… BREAK MY SH!T! LOL
@ComicBookGuy
Ol’ girl is African and Hatian…soooooo….I’ll let you make the call,lol
@ Yeah…So
yeah girl, I’ll be a ankle-less muthafuck@. Call me Lt. Dan.
@ LaBaKir
LMAO @ Lt. Dan… fuk that post from yesterday, y’all funnier then a muthfuka… ol’ long foot short foot face-@ss*
*n.southern expression for one’s image
@Yeah…So
Bhahahaha! Yeah, the ladies were straight clowning today
*takes note* I MUST use that description
*leaves desk to try it on one of my students*
“While sitings are rare, unicorns such as CBG are said to frequent places like your local gym, Barnes and Noble, and Trader’s Joe.”
I’m heading to Barnes & Noble @ CampCreek this afternoon. I’ll be sure to pack a blow dart in my purse, just in case…
@I’ll give it a try
LMAO @ blow dart!
*insert native sound here*
This whole comment was hilarious, but the genus and species name GNR
@LaBakir
Love it! LOL!…you right, Trader Joes is the shiznit!
I vote for Trader Joes
Dean and Deluca
and
Zingerman’s
ComicBookGuy and some of the other vsb’s are unicorns or DTD’s (dare to dream) guys.
@Cheekie,
I am pretty much the black Peter Parker. Smart guy. Wear glasses. Did good in school. Got picked on. Bad string of luck with women. Takes care of his sick mom like Aunt May. I still laugh at myself and laugh at life and still try to enjoy it. I just haven’t been bitten by a spider and don’t plan to wear red and blue spandex.
@LaBakir,
Girl, you stay cracking me up. That description had me rolling. What is funny is you will find me at those places, except for Trader Joe’s. They don’t have any in Texas, but you will find me in GNC every week.
@ComicBookGuy
GNC huh? *takes note*
Trader Joe is that ninja! Ya’ll need one down there for real!
@LaBakir,
Hey, I’ve been meaning to tell you that I got a new tea this weekend at the grocery store. It’s a white/green fusion tea. It has white tea and 5 different kinds of green tea. It’s been pretty good.
@CBG,
Man, I’m in GNC every first week of the month (gettin’ that 20% off…I’m not playin!), if only the cities were the same.
Man, I’m in GNC every first week of the month (gettin’ that 20% off…I’m not playin!), if only the cities were the same.
Get it, girl. I feel ya on that. I be on the lookout for 20% coupons at GNC like the Borders coupon.
“Get it, girl. I feel ya on that. I be on the lookout for 20% coupons at GNC like the Borders coupon.”
Are you a GNC rewards member? Since you stay in there, you should become one if you’re not.
@Cheekie,
Yeah, I’m a Gold Card member, but they send me coupons in my email during the month when it isn’t Gold Card time.
@Cheekie,
You better fix yo damned eyes!! What da hell are you wobblin’ fo”?
Don’t make me have to unbutton my suit!!
lol, uh-oh!
That’s what I want to know!!! Who’s breeding these type of species because I don’t ever meet them here in the North. I felt hopeful after reading ComicBookGuy post….jeezlouise I need to head on over to the South
@T
Yeah, I’m in the North too and have yet to have a sighting
@ComicBookGuy aka eboo
I’m 6?2?, not a super tall guy, but above average in height, so when I see a older woman that is looking at the top of the shelf at the grocery store, before she can even ask me, I just offer a hand, “Ma’am, can I get that for you?”.
Awwww….that’s good to notice the small things that can help a woman out. Trust me, women do appreciate it.
I know y’all do. What’s funny is that when I was younger, I would be in the grocery store and a nice woman ask to reach up and grab something for her. Now, it’s just second nature to me to notice if a woman is looking up at the top shelf when I go grocery shopping.
“Now, it’s just second nature to me to notice if a woman is looking up at the top shelf when I go grocery shopping.”
*sigh*
Please stop commenting. You’re gonna turn me into a non-cynical Disney-believing child.
@Cheekie
Word…son will have my watching “Aladdin” tonight
Please stop commenting. You’re gonna turn me into a non-cynical Disney-believing child.
hahahahahaha
Are you single? If so Hi!!! *batting the eyelashes*
“I kiss her on the hand before I kiss her on the lips.”
(Throwing my handkerchief and batting my eyes at the gallant Knight passing before me.)
Dude, you ROCK!
Sigh.
You have me swooning. Your parents did a great job raising you it seems,and more importantly you’ve done a great job keeping yourself at a high level.
Bravo.
Thank you kindly. Keep doing your teaching thing in France. My mom’s an English teacher and she almost had me and my sister move to Russia when we were kids because of a job offer.
I don’t have a problem with the idea of chivalry but rarely is it practiced as described in theory. What I see more these days are bitter women with a stank-ass sense of entitlement. Chivalry isn’t a necessity, it’s a privilege. A woman shouldn’t ‘expect’ chivalry, she should be pleasantly surprised by it. Unfortunately, many women these days use it as a passive-aggressive display of their feminine prowess and I’m simply not down with that. It’s analogous to the spoiled kid that expects to get whatever he wants for his birthday. It makes the giving of the gift much less rewarding for both parties.
“What I see more these days are bitter women with a stank-ass sense of entitlement. Chivalry isn’t a necessity, it’s a privilege. A woman shouldn’t ‘expect’ chivalry, she should be pleasantly surprised by it. ”
Another diva dude-ish comment. Yes, I do EXPECT chivalry, and I don’t see anything wrong with that. Especially if we’re dating. it IS a necessity. I’m not some raggedy broad, so don’t think you just gonna treat me any old way and I should just be happy for whatever crumb of chivalry you decide to toss my way.. hell NAH
DIVA DUDE!!!!!!
Code pink, code pink! *sprays diva dude with Victoria’s Secret Spray*
lol, seriously tho, um if anyone caused high expectations for chivalry it’s you mens. Ya’ll invented it…and probably for not-so-complimenting reasons. You guys played the spade first, don’t be mad because we slapped down the Big Joker on ya.
@Cheekie
Code pink, code pink! *sprays diva dude with Victoria’s Secret Spray*
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAH! *paralyzed*
Didn’t even see ya there. My fault. I agree to an extent. The issue is that the concept has been expanded beyond what men originally intended it to be. The media, in attempting to pander to female audiences has blown the perception of what it means to be chivalrous completely out of proportion while simultaneously encouraging its decline. You can’t say you weren’t affected by Disney movies as a child or that Terry McMillan’s interpretations of a ‘good black man’ didn’t shape your ideas of what it meant to be chivalrous. Or can you?
“You can’t say you weren’t affected by Disney movies as a child or that Terry McMillan’s interpretations of a ‘good black man’ didn’t shape your ideas of what it meant to be chivalrous. Or can you?”
Disney movies are fantasy. So, yeah I can say it didn’t change my perceptions of reality. I might have thought it was that way when I was 5.
And Terry McMillan books/films aren’t a means of creating a type of chivalry, it is in reaction to men who have treated her wrongly. So yeah, she does put the fantasy element in there, but it’s not somethin she created, it was in reaction to something that was already there.
But I have to ask, since you say we’ve “expanded” the meaning of chivalry…what exactly is your definition of chivalry. Because you stated that there are women who don’t respond to acts rightly — which is true — but that shouldn’t stop any man from doing so. We can make a scroll of ways men have done us wrong but that doesn’t stop us from letting ya’ll touch us does it? Bad apples may spoil the bunch, but not every damn apple in the universe. lol
@Cheekie
I fear you’ve missed the point entirely. It’s not just Terry McMillan and Disney movies that affect your ideas of what chivalry means (even though I believe that the point about Terry McMillan is debatable), it’s literally thousands of different sources that have taken the idea of ‘chivalry’ and molded it in into something that makes money. You can say that none of these affect you ‘in reality’ but in actuality, mass media affects you in ways in which you are simply unaware. It’s the same for everybody. The fact that we’re debating a commonly understood connotation of the word and that we know (within reason) what the other person is talking about, even though we’ve never met, lends credence to this opinion.
For the record, I never said that women ‘expanded’ anything, I said that the idea was exploited and internalized by many women who then, combining that with a stinky attitude, present themselves in a way that evokes perceived feelings of entitlement. I don’t know how many times I’ve not done something that some female expected me to do and been met with a literal scoff from women I don’t even know. It has nothing to do with how women respond when I actually do a chivalrous act because in most cases, I really don’t care, but if you’re so self centered that when I’m focused on something else and forget to open a door for you, you give me a stinky face, then I have no time for you.
Finally, to address your question, in my opinion, chivalry as you and I believe it to be never existed. It has a lot to do with the idea of individual reputation in today’s world and the decrease of patriarchal values from when the knight’s code was a very serious thing, but that’s a completely different discussion. In today’s world there are no set of superficial acts that when done instantly indicate that you’re a good person or a ‘good catch’. It’s more about how you are in the long run. I sleep in the wet spot not because it’s the chivalrous thing to do, but because I want my significant other to be comfortable after an intimate encounter. I cook for my gf not because its the chivalrous thing to do, but because she’s hungry. My woman knows she’s well taken care of and it’s not because of some silly code of ethics that some women want because it makes them feel better about themselves (but can be faked and manipulated endlessly). She knows she’s well taken care of because I actually take care of her and care whether she’s happy. I’d wager that any woman that stakes feelings of attractiveness on whether someone follows some superficial ‘code’ has a lot of growing up to do. And all this was said without going into the whole independence/dominance or chauvinist undertones of what ‘chivalry’ implies.
@NomadaDare
Had to come out of lurkdom to respond to this. I don’t think chilvary is a privilege. I think it’s called common decency and having manners. I expect chivalry!! Why you may ask? Because I am appreciative and because I apply the same principles of chivalry to everyone else I encounter. I hold the door for any person that is within 10 seconds reach of me, male or female. I will help pick up something anyone drops, male or female. I will help anyone who needs help carrying something. So yeah, I do expect the same from everyone else. Chivalry is also known as having MANNERS!!!!!!!!!!! That’s what they teach us as little kids in the south. So I expect such things to be practiced by all, but especially by MEN. And yes I will say a resounding THANK YOU!!! to anyone that does practice such things towards me. It’s so sad that all these men are complaining about being considerate and having manners….just depresses me. That’s why the world is so messed up now…everyone thinking about self and too good to do something for someone else. SMH………….back to lurkdom.
“I fear you’ve missed the point entirely. It’s not just Terry McMillan and Disney movies that affect your ideas of what chivalry means (even though I believe that the point about Terry McMillan is debatable), it’s literally thousands of different sources that have taken the idea of ‘chivalry’ and molded it in into something that makes money. ”
Don’t fear. No where in my comment did I say or even imply that these were the only two sources. I addressed those two specific sources because YOU brought them up. See how that works? Just because I didn’t mention any other venues doesn’t mean I’m not aware of them. I know how media works, I majored in it in college. But in the long run, not everything can be blamed on media. People have to create the messages n the first place. Media is simply a venue in which people use. People like you and me. It’s not some big monster that no one can fathom or control.
I misinterpreted the part where you say:
“The issue is that the concept has been expanded beyond what men originally intended it to be.”
I see now you were talking about the media there, not women. I looked at the bigger picture though and figured you were implying that women took what the media expanded in regards to chivalry, thus they were expanding the idea too.
As for your third paragraph, I ultimately agree with you in that you do things for a woman (or YOUR woman to be specific) to make her happy not to be chivalrous. But, I think you missed the point and are too stuck on semantics in regards to this post. Because chivalry, ultimately DOES make a woman happy. And that’s what straight men want in the long run. It’s not about doing chivalrous things to be chivalrous, it’s doing things that make a lady smile and these things are thusly called chivalrous. Sorry, that sounded like a math equation it was so run-on. Hope you get where I’m swimmin…
@ Cheekie
While I understand that I brought up the two examples that you refuted, you acted in you’re original reply like addressing those two examples was addressing the heart of the matter. You choose to focus on the examples and not the actual issue, not me, so attempting to belittle my response to your response is intellectually dishonest.
In response to the meat of that paragraph, I disagree with you there. For a relevant example we have to go no further than Hip-Hop. Look how it has been grossly deformed and denuded by its ‘world-wide exposure’. You can’t say that what it was in the eighties and what it is now are the same thing and you also can’t say that it would be the way it is today with world-wide exposure. Whether you like it or not is irrelevant, but you can’t deny that some parts of it have been exaggerated well beyond what they were meant to be. In addition, If it weren’t some giant monster that we can’t control, why do people (especially black people) have such a hard time controlling their image in it? Surely we should be able to put exactly what we want other people to see of ourselves in it, no?
Finally, (and this is for GAPeach too) I think you missed the point of what I was saying again. As a chivalrous person, you’re not supposed to care what other people think about your chivalry. In theory that’s fine. What makes some women reek of entitlement is the stinky behavior I receive if I am not at their beck and call to perform some arbitrary task that they think I should. I mentioned this in the second paragraph of the last post to which you responded. I don’t care who you are or what you think, I have no obligation to someone I don’t know or know of and just because you think I do doesn’t make it so. If I do render services that benefit you, then it is at my discretion. That’s why it’s a privilege, because you have to earn it. You may think that this is semantics but there is a crucial difference. It relates to the analogy in my original post, in my opinion one should not expect chivalry and give stank attitude if one doesn’t receive it. To do so makes the woman seem spoiled and self-centered. My original statement was that I see more of that attitude these days. That’s all. Anything else you guys want to read into it are your own interpretations.
If you disagree with this idea and do feel that some people are owed services from other people purely on the basis of [fill in the blank] then I don’t know what to tell you. We’ll just have to agree to disagree but do notice that discounting people purely because they don’t open a door for you or walk on you’re preferred side of the street (as the sister dating the PhD brother did) is shallow, superficial and obviously very stupid; especially when it’s ‘so hard’ to get a brother now.
“While I understand that I brought up the two examples that you refuted, you acted in you’re original reply like addressing those two examples was addressing the heart of the matter. You choose to focus on the examples and not the actual issue, not me, so attempting to belittle my response to your response is intellectually dishonest. ”
I chose to reply to the two examples because you asked “or can you”. I didn’t “act” as if I addressed the heart of the issue, you read more into it…kinda like you accused me of doing. All I did was address those two examples directly. If I wanted to go deeper, I would’ve…trust me.
“You can’t say that what it was in the eighties and what it is now are the same thing and you also can’t say that it would be the way it is today with world-wide exposure. Whether you like it or not is irrelevant, but you can’t deny that some parts of it have been exaggerated well beyond what they were meant to be. In addition, If it weren’t some giant monster that we can’t control, why do people (especially black people) have such a hard time controlling their image in it? Surely we should be able to put exactly what we want other people to see of ourselves in it, no?”
But you’re still not addressing my point. My point is, media is not an idea. It is not some untangible thing. It is a conglomerate of PEOPLE. Just like you and I. The same people who — ironically — take in other forms of media. It’s like a huge chicken and the egg argument. Which came first? The media changing the way hip hop works or the demand of less intelligent hip-hop? It’s a huge circle and no one truly knows where it began…because well, it’s a circle.
“I mentioned this in the second paragraph of the last post to which you responded. I don’t care who you are or what you think, I have no obligation to someone I don’t know or know of and just because you think I do doesn’t make it so. If I do render services that benefit you, then it is at my discretion. That’s why it’s a privilege, because you have to earn it. ”
And this is where you and chivalrous men differ. You view it as a priviledge. They view it as simple manners. Something their parents probably taught them. And you know what, everyone experience IS different, and that’s cool. Opening the door for an old lady ain’t about her being entitled, it’s about the person who is opening the door for her being kind. You are putting all the onus on the person who is receiving the good deed by calling them entitled, when in actuality, a lot of men willfully WANT to do this just for the sake of being kind. Eff the labels and whatnot, it’s what they were raised to do. It’s all they know. And they’re happy with that.
“If you disagree with this idea and do feel that some people are owed services from other people purely on the basis of [fill in the blank] then I don’t know what to tell you. We’ll just have to agree to disagree but do notice that discounting people purely because they don’t open a door for you or walk on you’re preferred side of the street (as the sister dating the PhD brother did) is shallow, superficial and obviously very stupid; especially when it’s ’so hard’ to get a brother now.
Yeah, well why I may not be as extreme in my views of chivalry, I also know the truth. We’re all shallow and superficial as humans. All of us have specific traits we look for in a mate and one may view it as stupid while the other may view it as valid. I view them all as different. And you’re lying to yourself (and pretty egotistically holier-than-thou, IMO) if you don’t think we all aren’t shallow/superficial in some way.
And with that, I wish you a Happy Memorial Day. If you have a retort, that’s fine. I’m not sure I can explain myself in more ways than I have without you misinterpreting but if I can clear up anything, I’ll try my best. These internets are somethin’ else when it comes to miscommunication.
Great way to be exactly the type of person that I was talking about. You obviously glossed over the second part, “Unfortunately, many women these days use it as a passive-aggressive display of their feminine prowess…” Not once did I say that I didn’t practice chivalry, I just disagree with how some females present themselves. The current GF gets the best treatment because she isn’t “some raggedy broad”. The difference between you and her is that she doesn’t have to declare it. What does that say about you if you must constantly announce your worth? It seems to me that you should look for your self-esteem in other places.
It also seems that you are a great example of one of society’s more pervasive problems, confusing ‘wants’ for ‘needs’. As another commenter said above, one could easily be as chivalrous as one needs to be to get in that ass. I could pull a chair out for you or open a door and still be diddling your best friend. I have a good friend that is the most chivalrous guy I’ve ever met, but goes through girls like Kleenex. The funniest thing is that he falls in love which each one. It seems to me that maybe some would fare better if they focused less on trivial formalities and more on the person.
jus’ sayin…
WHOA now hold the f*ck on buddy… you don’t know me, you comin up in here droppin grenades. We supposed to be all family and sh*t..
First of all, I was being facetious.. If you can’t have a sense of humor about sh*t then you need to take your
dickstick up the azz, whack diva dude logic having azz up outta here..I may have gotten a bit personal and for that I apologize (definitely seems like I struck a cord there), but just because your ‘diva dude’ comments were facetious doesn’t mean your return was too. The entire argument still stands. Oh yeah, I see what you did there with the ‘dick’ thing. When all else fails, call him gay, right? Real clever…
“When all else fails, call him gay, right? Real clever…”
Bout as clever as calling a woman who wants chivalry bitter. Que sera sera…
@Cheekie
If you’re going to defend someone, at least read carefully. No where did I call anyone any names as a way to appease my bruised feelings, as your friend did above. Seems like you have something against that phrase ‘bitter woman’ though.
@NomadaNare,
“If you’re going to defend someone, at least read carefully. ”
Uh-huh, right.
Here:
“What I see more these days are bitter women with a stank-ass sense of entitlement.”
RE-READ you own writings carefully. You’re doing the same thing to women in general what you accuse BKSweetheart of doing. When all else fails, call the woman bitter.
Oh, and spare the pseudo-analyzing of me. Folks love to do that on the internets but you’d be wasting your type-strokes with me. kthx.
@Cheekie
Again, it would behoove you to read carefully. If it’s one thing I hate it’s misinterpretations and misrepresentations of what I said. The original statement you quoted is intentionally vague because as a reasonable person, that’s all it can be. No where did I generalize and say all or even most women are bitter with stank attitudes. As a reasonable person that statement would be completely baseless and not grounded in reality. What I said was that I see more of it now then I did during some unspecified time in the past. You’re attempting to imply something in my language that I did not write or even intend to communicate. As for your friend, she intentionally (whether joking or serious) tried to imply that I was gay after having her buttons pushed. See the difference there? No where have I tried to insult you nor her, nor stifle debate by calling either of you bitter women, but you are attempting to make a baseless parallel between what I said and what she said. It’s simply not there. Also, you stated that there was some sort of psychoanalysis going on, I simply noted an observation that you were trying mighty hard to make an analogous relationship between two situations that were dissimilar.
@NomadaNare,
I promised I wouldn’t reply but if you don’t like misinterpretations, allow me to clear up YOUR misinterpretation of what I meant. I didn’t say you meant all women, I said women in general specifically because you didn’t specify what women you were talking about. You just said “bitter women”. How am I supposed to know you’re talking about a specific group of women unless you actually say that? “Bitter women” is generic. Which is why I said “in general”.
And AGAIN, I didn’t say you directly insulted her, I was comparing the overuse of “bitter women” to describe any woman who dares to ask for something of her man (such as chivalry) with you implying that calling a man “gay” is commonly done by women in defense mode. I was just saying both sides of the fence do it. I was comparing the overuse of both, not saying that you directly insulted her. If I wanted to say you directly insulted her, I would’ve just said that….directly.
I just question the use of bitter women because it is so cliche and overused and usually…without reason. Because notice, you didn’t provide any reason, you just through it out there. Kinda like how BK did when she called you gay. And there lies the comparison. But, it’s no big deal. You’re still gonna assume I thought you directly insulted her…
This Diva Dude stuff is turning into a shaming tactic meant to silence dissent and debate. The Shame Game, if you will.
To clarify, I mean the use of the term “Diva Dude” as a cudgel to bash men over the head if they dare disagree about the finer points of these kinds of topics.
I think the base of the concept of the Diva Dude, as described on this site, is accurate and fine. But now it’s implied definition isbeing unreasonably expanded and used to stifle debate. That’s whack.
Naw, it’s just jokes. Besides, any accusation of “diva dude” was usually followed by a retort. Thus, debate not stifled.
Also, Scipio, are you implying that “diva dude” is the male “bitter woman”? (which — well would ya look at THAT — the above commented USED. Hmm)
“What I see more these days are bitter women with a stank-ass sense of entitlement.”
i think you just need to meet some different women.
welcome and sh*t, btw
This Hannibal Lecter like obsession with polite and genteel social discourse has gotten completely out of hand.
Dammit!
Now I feel obligated to reply to this, because it keeps popping up in my email.
For those of us who feel courtesy to a reciprocal exchange in which one gets what one deserves.
You’re right.
If you’re a butt wipe that treats others like butt wipes, you’ve earned your karmic status. Be grateful when it is instant and you know what the cause of it is.
For those of us who believe cordiality being a product of social nurturing, you’re right, we are taught the proper behaviors for the society we dwell in. Therefore we should not expect the same actions in a foreign setting. Especially if it is a densely packed, economically depressed place where everyone is dedicated to their hustle and immediate self gratification.
I’ve never seen a prize that had not been designed, manipulated and refined to the optimal level of desirability for it’s target audience.
Some people like that raw, rough, rude, rugged, justifying my Blackness, thugginess, homo-erotic fresh out of prison, magnetic feral posturing, static, stagnating, sweat and swagger. Others like someone cultured, mobile, articulate, bred, raised, trained and presentable in the social settings we desire to attain, rather than the circles we’ve migrated through most of our lives. Still others like a balance.
Yes, all of us are vain and somewhat insecure, some of us view members of our societies as reflective statements about our society.
But only a dog that should be neutered is so weak and self absorbed that they cannot afford to be helpful because the person in need of help or simple encouragement has not been helpful to them.
A man’s public social behavior is a statement of what kind of mate and parent he will be. A man that will habitually offer polite and kind gestures for strangers, especially women, children, the disabled and the elderly, will do these things, thoughtfully and graciously for his loved ones, regardless of how or if they respond. And will demand that his children, especially his daughters expect nothing less from their potential mates.
Now, are the sisters of our society deserving of this kind of “chivalry”, for the most part, no! They have been brainwashed into believing that they can at the same time compete for the titles, rewards and entitlements of their counterparts, who should be their partners, while maintaining a level of decorum dedicated to the managers of the intimate social construct we call family and home.
Should we be grateful that our sisters have gained access into greater money earning levels of society?
Yes! Dammit! That frees us up to go do great things for our people, to be greater men that we are portrayed and expected to be, or to remain the self endangering, simple, sweating, swinging dick, unreliable, running, jumping, singing, dancing, emotionally unstable, entertaining, crumb snatching, always fighting our reflection, Diva-Dude, boy cunts that fag hags, 2520s that make their men cuckolds, thespians and boy lovers what us to be seen as and strive to live up to just like.
Get your head out your ass and your cock out the space where your brains should be,act like you know you should toward your people and not like they act toward you.
Start trying to see every woman the way you want your closest friends to see your daughter and treat them that way. I promise the sisters will adjust their attitudes towards you. Most of my girlfriends are under thirty, I’m damned near fifty.
Otherwise, it would be best for you to throw your daughter in to the river the moment they are born, because there will be a brother like myself, in the club, buying drinks and whatever will lower their inhibitions, enjoy a little Becky and terminate the relationship moments later in the parking lot. Think of them as an angel, sent to visit the sins of the father upon them,
Sisters, quit trying to convince these slaves that it is the right thing to do. Start inspiring the actions you desire.
I’m old and I’m tired of educated, well paid, fine a*s lonely gurlz with stank attitudes, Ya’ll need more than a good d*ckin’ down. Too many of you are unjustly perceived as prostitutes, most likely ’cause they get too much play. But you all need to stop that mess with, Monday through Thursday complaining about traffic, prices, coworkers and ugly looks, Spending half your pay check to get your doo done on Friday, Drunk on well drink specials and top shelf flirtations on Saturday, hung over in church on Sunday praying for the five men in your life (A great lover, a great provider, a great listener, a great father to your children and a great date for the holiday office party) to be wrapped up in one package. We’re very expensive, so for most of you, It don’t work that way.
Besides
I came here to laugh and have a good convo with my VSP.
Lighten up!
Cosign x a bajillion on #1,2,4. It’s not that hard fellas, just do it.
Funny you should mention #7. Just yesterday my boy was telling me about how this real attractive chick sneezed and every dude within a 5 mile radius said “bless you.” Then a little while after that a not so attractive chick sneezed and everyone became a mute.
I wasn’t surprised that it happened cause I’ve seen it myself and, although I’m not proud of it, I’ve done it myself. We all know the cute joints get more attention and sometimes it’s subconscious. I blame my penis (that’s still allowed, right?)
“We all know the cute joints get more attention and sometimes it’s subconscious. I blame my penis (that’s still allowed, right?)”
this is true. i’ve actually even caught myself in the past overcompensating for that by being more chivalrous and courteous to unattractive women
“I blame my penis”
I’m printing that on a shirt
Yes I am
Shall I credit “The Champ” Bro?
I blame my penis (that’s still allowed, right?)
Now, since you know better do better.
This makes me think of The Brothers when Jenifer Lewis tells Gabrielle Union that a man is good if he offers you the last hot wing, slice of pizza, red faygo, etc.
6) if he ask you if it’s ok if it’s cool to grab the last snack. i love food and i would really appreciate it if he didn’t snatch the last piece of goodiness w/o making sure i’m not thoroughly p!ssed the rest of the night. If i do want it, he aint got to give it to me. we can have a rock, paper, scissors session and let the best (or the hungriest) man win. do this and we will both be winning for the rest of the night
“This makes me think of The Brothers when Jenifer Lewis tells Gabrielle Union that a man is good if he offers you the last hot wing, slice of pizza, red faygo, etc.”
this is probably the toughest one out of them all, lol. even if i offer its usually 100 percent disingenuous.
@bougiefruit Are you from Detroit?? Only folks from my hometown tend to appreciate the deliciousness that is Red Faygo!
Nope from the South, but I get that a lot. My best childhood memories were Redpop (2nd fav Peach) Faygo and some pickled pigfeet (didn’t know any better).
Ok…this may just be the best post I’ve heard all month! I love this CHAMP! Especially 1, 2, & 5. I think alot of men don’t understand that they can get soooo much further with a woman that they are interested in if they don’t act like a cheapo right when they start dating. major turn off! I love this!!! Kudos for this one!
“I think alot of men don’t understand that they can get soooo much further with a woman that they are interested in if they don’t act like a cheapo right when they start dating”
ummm, i dont think this is what i meant with number 1, but thanks anyway
I know…I’m just saying….:)
This post was so on point. I especially like your rationale for #1. Earlier this year a guy invited me on an afternoon first date at a Starbucks that was inside of a bookstore1. I got a muffin and a mocha and we sat and talked for hours. Later that night2 a different guy took me to a (more) expensive dinner (where we also talked for hours). Both great guys and I had just as much fun at Starbucks as I did at dinner.
1After hearing about the book The Year of Yes, I decided to say yes to dates from men that don’t fit the description of what I think I’m looking for. This guy was younger and made less money than the husband-to-be that I have dreamed up in my head, but we had good of chemistry, he was very intelligent, and very
countrycharming and polite.2Yes, I double booked.
Play on, playa. Ain’t no hating over here.
@Yonnie 3000
Sweeeeeet. The only time I’ve double booked is w/ a BOGO coupon at Borders.
Gone ‘head witcho bad self.
I looooved “The Year of Yes” and while I’m not as hardcore about it as the woman in the book I do keep an open mind when dating.
LOL!
Can you really blame ninjas for not being ‘chivalrous’ though?
I mean when there are innumerous instances(more often than should be) where the fairer s*x has casually strolled on by as if somehow it was the wind -not you, but the mighty wind – that not only blew, but also HELD the door open for them.
Or instances where the fairer s*x has watched you engage in a vicious battle to the death with a closing elevator door, only to then stroll on in, not only press HER button, but proceed to NOT even acknowledge you or your panting, or the clearly visible sweat and blood dripping from under your now torn shirt shirt as a result of your elevator door death match.
Or occasions where you politely greet someone in passing with a simple, “hello”, and then be completely ignored as if your presence and “hello” were mere ambient noise synonimous with chirping birds and passing cars.
Yet, the world is somehow puzzled and upset that more men do not practice ‘chivalry’.
6.5 paragraphs with sub-bullets dedicated to chivalry(or a lack thereof), and only 3 puny @ss sentences at the very end stating that ya’ll women could be more appreciative. Go figure.
LOL!
It’s like watching a John Singleton movie where you sit watching glorified and gratuitous violence for 2.5 hours, only to get 1.5 minutes worth of ‘message’ at the very end that is somehow supposed to “epiphanize” your mind into usurping the 150 minutes you sat through before that.
“My grandpa asked me one time if I care whether I live or die. Yeah I do. Now it’s too late”. “UNLEARN”
Yeah, whatever man. *smile*
“Can you really blame ninjas for not being ‘chivalrous’ though?”
Yes.
again, man. i think you just need to meet some new women.
“My grandpa asked me one time if I care whether I live or die. Yeah I do. Now it’s too late”. “UNLEARN”
You made me spit out my drink from laughing.
Don’t let the few who don’t appreciate it spoil you for the hundreds that do. (gesturing to all the VSSs in the room)
I agree with Champ. I completely disagree that because some woman fails to thank you when you hold the elevator for her, you should thereby never hold another elevator in your lifetime. Since you’re here (this blog), I assume you’re much too smart a brotha for that.
And about saying hello to someone on the street, only to be ignored: Honey, women (and men) do this to women too. The death of the “black folks’ nod” (at least on the east and west coasts) could be an entire post. You lucky to catch eye contact from ANYONE who ain’t tryna to holla.
Yes!
Wait!
Let me think about it…
…Yes!
It is good to be a better man than anyone’s expectation.
Even if they fail to live up to your hopes.
Take Ivo, for example.
No practice.
No ring
And LeBron
mom takes one for the team and still
No ring.
Mom gets the red carpet.
They get asked for a ten spot.
You never know when your personal B. Smith is waiting for you.
Chivalry is just good, old fashioned manners. I think we’ve become disillusioned with the whole independent women movement… thinking that treating women as equals gives us men a pass to be disrespectful.
My act of chivalry for today… this new Drake ft. Jay:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGsXkXYDMT0
I definitely cosign on this. It is good to see women doing their thing and getting their own but that shouldn’t stop a man from being chivalrous. Chivalry is not really its own separate entity of standards, it’s a part of being a man.
@SouthernCharm You always hold the door open for me. Thanks LOL
@TheOpinionated1
Ha! I do, don’t I?!?!
Yup
@SouthernCharm
thanks…dope track
I was gonna listen to that yesterday, but procrastinated. Decided to listen to it now. So, thanks.
No prob… Jay bodied that track.
@ Analog Girl…how long have you been gone? I haven’t had issues with doors and such, but trust me the DD mindset is in full effect in ATL.
I laughed out loud over this (i’m at work :0) Funny stuff.
I agree men should pay for the first 3 dates. It makes me feel good. After that, we can alternate. If you paid last, I’ll pay next. If you ask to go dutch on the first date, I’ll just pay for it and be pissy on the inside…sorry but I don’t do dutch. I think it’s alittle tacky.
I never really notice men opening doors. Not sure if it’s cause I expect it but it seems normal to me. There must be alot of gentlemen in south florida. *snicker*
As far as the wet spot. This is going to be TMI but the only time i see a wet spot is after oral (because of all the spit). I must be a dry chick cause the sheets are okay….((don’t flip your laptop upside down to view my avatar and judge me…champ put it out there)) lol
Facebook is so out of control. I don’t put my relationship business on facebook. I have 200+ friends and I know or have met them all and still don’t want them up in my business. So I cosign that statement.
Oh and as far as chivalry goes…too much of it may seem fake. I always think of when Chris Rock said “You want some d*ck with that?”
Yeah but I think it’s not too hard for the ladies to decipher when it’s extra… the same diva-dude who wouldn’t typically be chivalrous is the same diva-dude who will perform an act of chivalry with that thirsty look in his eyes! lol
Oh yeah it’s more than obvious and not just limited to diva dudes. We get many trying to serve up some d with their “assistance”. lol
@ BKSweetheart
“Chivalry is definitely needed. However, what is needed more than chivalry is a woman’s appreciation of it.”
“Umm that comment sounded a little diva dude-ish…”
Umm, sorry sweetheart. No divadude here. But your commentaries reak of entitelement. I believe diva is the term for that.
@Champ
“so all the blame lies with women?”
Absolutely not. My point is that the position here is heavily one sided. With every action, there is a reaction. And the emphasis is being placed on the response, and not enough on the stimuli that got us in this unchivalrous state.
Simplified: Koolaid(as delicious as it is) is no good without the water.
They are mutually exclusive, but they are effective and serve a COMPLIMENTARY purpose when combined. Otherwise, you just have heavly flavored powder and flavorless water.
So perhaps if just as much emphasis and focus given to men about resurrecting chivalry, was ALSO given to teaching the recipients of chivalry how to be potiletly receptive to said chivalry, things would work better for all.
Afterall, you don’t send just one spouse to a marriage counselor if repairing the marriage is the objective.
“So perhaps if just as much emphasis and focus given to men about resurrecting chivalry, was ALSO given to teaching the recipients of chivalry how to be potiletly receptive to said chivalry, things would work better for all. Afterall, you don’t send just one spouse to a marriage counselor if repairing the marriage is the objective.”
And THAT’S really all it is right there!
I was just introduced to your blog and will become a loyal follower! I don’t know how many men I’ve had this very discussion with. My favorite is when they say, “I don’t want a woman to expect me to open the door. She should open it for me sometimes as well.” Seriously dude?!
How do you feel about the toilet seat issue? Should he always put it back down?
Going to diverse university i’ve learned, black or white chivalry is all about upbringing. At my school (UMBC) everyone holds the door for everyone, it’s like the things to do, male or female. When i moved out male floor mates offered to help me move alot of things, but when i got those things home, the boys on the block just looked as we struggled to get them in the house, both groups of men were black, but the difference, was probably the same difference that determined why one group was in college and the other on the block.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn Gina. It’s noon on the West Coast and you’re at 400 comments?
I don’t know if anyone’s mentioned it, but #5 is one of the many reasons why Facebook is the devil. It messes up the early phases because it’s like, “are we ‘in a relationship’ or aren’t we? Can I change my Facebook status yet?” Just let the relationship take its course.
Um, I’mma say it again. Fellas: Ya’ll mad at ComicBookGuy ain’t ya??
*cracking up*
@Cheekie
We gotta hide CBG before they lynch his @ss
@Cheekie @LaBakir
If they were smart they should be nice to CBG because if the mythical VSB cookout/crabcrack/spadestourney/gospelconcert ever takes place my man CBG is going to need a talented wingman. That’s just an observation from the cheap seats.
@Wu Young Agent of M.E.,
That entire comment is too funny.
Haha, word, Wu Young. Word.
@Wu Young Agent of M.E.
LMAO @ wingman
@Cheekie,
Fellas: Ya’ll mad at ComicBookGuy ain’t ya??
Um, I hope not. I’m just keeping it real. Like I said, the chivalry can be hit and miss nowadays, but know the ladies on here truly appreciate it, it keeps going and having more faith that it is appreciated.
@comic book guy
i mean.. i know i’m not the only one on here that got an e-crush on you..
“but i ain’t wanna d*ck ride or nothin” -(riley freeman voice..)
I don’t think being chivalrous has anything at all to do with dating (or potentially dating), nor is it only about the way strangers treat one another in the streets. It’s about the male female dynamic, which is all out of whack nowadays, and it’s about simply treating one another well.
I suppose I come from an old fashioned family but my father, uncles and male cousins are chivalrous to the women in our family, young and old, and that’s where it starts. My 26 year old male cousin would never sit on the couch watching ball while the ladies bring in the groceries or figure out why the fence is banging outside nor would they walk into a house or building ahead of us. Don’t even think about walking to your car alone, even in broad daylight, somebody is going to get up and walk you out. Period.
Likewise, the women in my family engage certain behaviors that may be considered old fashioned by some people’s standards. However, there sure are a lot of long marriages in my family, so something is working. The biggest issue we have is holding folks outside of the family to our own standards. Now that’s rough.
I used to be a lil’ unruly as a freshmen in college. Females used to take the southern hospitality for granted and I used to correct them. Whenever I held a door open and a chick didn’t at least say thank you (as a real woman would because politeness deserves politeness) I would utter the phrase ” your welcome bit*h to let them know the have taken a lil more life out of chivalry.
p.s. I have matured since then and now I just chalk it up to (direspectful term here)-ness
*HEAVY SIGH* I’m new here, dunno if this’ll get me booed and banned, but damnit I gotta say it…I guess I’m just a big fan of personal responsibility. I would never let what some douchebag does compromise what type of woman *I* am and want to be. I’m calling BULLSHIT on the whole men don’t do this cause women don’t do that (and vise versa) argument. How bout EVERYONE choose to commit to being on their best behavior despite the fact that it won’t always be appreciated or rewarded? And how bout we tackle one damn thing at a time? We will never get anywhere if everytime the shortcomings of one gender are up for discussion and it turns into a blamefest. I absolutely can’t stand when someone denies that they are prone to a particular behavior then turns around and uses that exact same behavior as a defense. WTF? It just seems that the dialog can never be objective. As the saying goes, “A hit dog will holla” If it doesn’t apply to you calm down, if it does perhaps you should try introspection insted of projection. This is not an indictment on any commenter here, it’s just a frustrated observation on the state of the whole man woman thang.
I’ve been busy all day. Who knew Dulles was an hour and a half out from DC?! I flew to the Natti from IAD last February and I don’t remember the ride being that long, but then again, my man Akeem might have been pushin’ a hundred to get me to my flight.
Chivalry…The best compliment I ever received from a woman was when she told me that I was noble. I don’t know all about that, but she had me cheesin’ for the rest of the week.
I don’t hold doors and walk on the side of the street because I want something for you. I do it because it’s the decent thing to do. I’d do it just as quickly for Gabrielle Union as I would for Gabourey Sidibe. If a woman gives me points for that or not, it’s not really the point. Sh*t, I hold the door for guys that are behind me. It’s just common courtesy..even if it’s not that common.
The world is a harsh enough place as it is, there’s no reason that I cannot show others some kindness. It costs me nothing, why not? My father explained to me from a very young age that I was blessed with broad shoulders for a reason. I don’t so much lament the death of chivalry as I do the death of honor, integrity, and loyalty.
‘I don’t hold doors and walk on the side of the street because I want something for you’ should read as ‘I don’t hold doors and walk on the side of the street because I want something from you.’
Of course I want something for you, I want you to be happy, whatever that means for you.
@Shay Are you in town this weekend? If so, we may have to get married and make some of those pretty babies you were talking about.
Practice makes perfect, no?
I’m really glad you posted this…Like seriously. I’ve had the opportunity to date great men and they have all done the things you’ve mentioned above.
However I would hear stories from my girlfriends that men they have dated would ask them out and while in the same breath ask for them to pay at an IHOP in his area! So not only was she asked to pay but she was asked to travel AND pay toll AND pay gas AND well you know… Or how they don’t open doors etc…Sad, but so true. I was starting to get concerned.
I’ve always felt bad hearing it. Like, “damn really? He asked you that? He didn’t do what? Man…come on!”
Good to know there are more respectable men out there that have it all together!
This is JUST what some men need to know…Truly!
Keep up the good posts seriously. May this inspire many youth on the come up! Love you for this…word up! Peace
Pingback: Guest post- 21st Century Guide to Chivalry « Mzmish122's Blog
i cosign hard #3 and #5
I always sleep in the wetspot, i think I talked about it in a previous comment. I feel the man changing the FB relationship status first signifies he wants the world to know about his lady.
Pingback: ETIQUETTE 101: Things that bug me, but probably shouldn’t « Anani Miss
Pingback: 5 Acts of Casual Chivalry Men Never Get Any Credit For — Very Smart Brothas