forget about the bar, the mcats, the gre, the act, sat, psat, pssa, pap smear, and breathalyzer, the v test is the most important test any relationship minded woman can possibly ever take. despite this scientific fact, an alarming number of young women consistently fail this examination, with scores sagging and lagging behind like thongs on assless snizzles
what is the v test, you ask? well, its actually quite simple:
if you didn’t have a vagina, if you woke up tommorrow morning and was somehow rendered completely vagina-less, would any guy still want to be cool with you?
maybe its the fault of socialization. maybe its biological, or maybe its just a cultural thing. who knows. all i do know is that 9 times out of 10, when a woman is unhideous and can still get no consistent sincere male attention, it has nothing to do with the lack of available male prospects or men being intimidated by them (ha!) and their degrees and everything to do with the fact that they’re just boring ass people. boring, boring, boring, boring. boring as the f*ck. boring ass people with nothing to offer in a romantic relationship other than an occasionally wet vajayjay, a professional resume, and nice shoes.
thing is, admittedly, this isn’t always their fault. many women have been trained to think of their vaginas as prized possessions (which i agree with) and that men must prove themselves worthy to get the opportunity to sign their names on the lease (a fact i also agree with).
when this mindset is taken to the extreme though, a little thing called “personality” tends to get neglected, creating a species of walking, talking, vagina zombies (ie: “hobbyless hoes”)…a monolithic mass of meandering and monotonus monsters, their dead eyes and vapidness literally boring unsuspecting people to death.
you know, this actually ties into the reasoning behind the fact that most men don’t believe in platonic friendship. it has nothing to do with our “uncontrollable penises” and everything to do with the fact that many men consider being cool with a vagina-less woman to be as pointless as tits on a bull.
“what possible reason do i have to be cool with her if i’m not f*cking or at least trying to f*ck?”.
before you charge me with being sexist, lemme remind you that many women also feel this way about themselves. this feeling is perfectly embodied in the skepticism a typical gf possesses when finding out that their mate might have a female friend or two.
“if you’re not f*cking her or at least trying to f*ck, what possible reason do you have to be cool with her??? i mean, she’s a freakin woman for chrissakes!!! what likeable qualities could she possibly possess???”
(if you’re still a bit cynical about this pandemic of personal p*ssy pedestaling and personality neglect, do a little experiment tommorrow. ask five men to name the five funniest people they know personally, and then ask five women the exact same question, and report the results back in the comments. i know exactly how the results are going to turn out, but i want you all to do this anyway)
so, you ask, how does a woman pass the v test? easily actually.
be funny.
do things.
learn shit.
masturbate frequently.
***i’m including this because women who happily admit to never masturbating usually are also vagina zombies. basically, if you’re over 22 and still feel awkward about “popping the pepsi can“, then kill yourself, resuscitate yourself, and kill yourself again***
read vsb.com
listen to the champ
—the champ
o0o am i the first one! Yay me!
Thanks for posting this. I have to admit, i’ve never heard of the “v-test”, but it makes perfect sense. You can eliminate hours of heartache, and madness in a relationship by just thinking about whether or not you would still be with that person if they didnt have their goodies. There is only one man I would want to still be with if he didnt have his..cuz he gives good convo and is an all around great guy. (didnt work out cuz distance is a motha.)
Kudos man..Great post!
Uno.
Yeah aja the question is or should be “what else you got?”. Every woman and man desiring to have a relationship must have a “what else”.
..yeah you’re right. everyone needs some depth to them..something that intrigues the opposite sex to make you want to know more about them. you gotta always keep em guessin..lol
I think this test could very easily be renamed the p-test. I know plenty of men who dont do a damn thing but work, watch tv, masturbate, and beer it up on the weekends.
true. I know some brothas who will not work and sit at home all day playing videogames n watching tv, but STILL get women..now that baffles me..lol
dom, i’m with you on the p test…it should be used to cancel out all mimbos (male bimbos) – the guy who thinks his penis outweighs the fact that he can’t hold a conversation to save his life…doesn’t read…and thinks learning is siddity.
“and thinks learning is siddity.”
This is too funny but so true…It’s like damn I’m siddity cause I’m smart! LOL GTFOH
i’d totally rock an “i think learning is siddity” t-shirt
“I think this test could very easily be renamed the p-test.”
Dom, I agree. It works both ways. A man has to offer more than just his “p” in order to hold my interest.
Men say women come a dime a dozen. A man with a “p” come a dime a dozen too.
“thing is, admittedly, this isn’t always their fault. many women have been trained to think that their vaginas are their most prized possession (which i agree with) and that men must prove themselves worthy to get the opportunity to sign their names on the lease (a fact i also agree with)”
Know what, I’m kinda torn with this statement. I don’t neccessarily think that the ‘p’ is women’s MVP (most valued possession) because I do look for a LOT more than that in a mate. Not to demean its importance, but p*ssy come ‘a dime a dozen’. Plus, I can deal with sex once, twice, or thrice a week…or whatever. If I’m in a serious relationship with someone though, reminders of WHY I’m with that person as oppose to someone else with a ‘p’ should be constantly evident – as in the qualities you mentioned at the conclusion.
I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment that women are trained/conditioned/socialized to believe that their ‘socket’ is gold and it’s not their fault. Aside from what they are taught from family and society to ‘not give it up’, dudes out there have (and probably will forever) continued to go ape shyt over conquering new cooch without putting much value/importance on their own ‘plugs’. The comments and insight on this blog alone is clear evidence that women love/like/enjoy sex just as much as men, and I know that once more men understand that, less of that dynamic of women feeling that way will exist.
In short, cats need to Stop Simpin’!!
It’s one thing to compliment a chick, but when you’re taking that shyt overboard and putting her up on a pedastal to the point where she’s a goddess who’ve got you wrapped around her finger JUST because she has a socket you wanna stick your plug into – that’s when shyt’s gone tragically wrong.
Monk says: “Not to demean its importance, but p*ssy come ‘a dime a dozen’.”
Advantage Monk.
Monk a lot of the shit you said was on point. i wont bother cutting and pasting. you’ve employed my favorite “iron fist wrapped in a lace glove” whereas im a wee bit peckish today. (had some overdraft charges and just sick of this whole kowtow shit)
Checkmate Monk.
“Know what, I’m kinda torn with this statement. I don’t neccessarily think that the ‘p’ is women’s MVP (most valued possession) because I do look for a LOT more than that in a mate.”
you know what, i actually didnt mean to type “most prized”. i made the appropiate edit this morning.
this is what happens when youre editing entries with one hand at 12:05am.
“this is what happens when youre editing entries with one hand at 12:05am.”
lol…what was the other hand doing Champ? huh?
LOL! yeah Right Patt what was he doing with that other hand (u know the one that’s attached to the disproportionately big forearm) LOL!
“lol…what was the other hand doing Champ? huh?”
ummm…praying
just because you make yourself call out for jeezus..doesn’t make it prayer!
just because you make yourself call out for jeezus..doesn’t make it prayer!
****CRYING****
Too. Damn. Funny.
my mom wants to know why I’m laughing out loud every few minutes, I think you should call her and tell her.
Oh yeah, even though I felt I did it subconsciously, I will be applying the ‘v- test’ to all random chicks I’ve dealt with and will deal with in the future, exception being, I got a name for it now.
Thanks bruh.
no problem
I nearly lost my sh*t laughin @ hobbyless hoes, ohh you are racking up hell points for that !!
I actually know a dude who had a live-in girl for years. He looked like Cedric the Entertainer and many described her as the poor man’s Alicia Keys. They dated and dated and people wondered why he never proposed. After they broke up, someone asked him why and he said she was boring. She never wanted to go anywhere, do anything, and she was as engaging as a lobotomized turkey. I wonder if she knows that was the real reason?
It is truly sad when you can only be tagged as a warm place to rest at the end of the day. (Pun intended)
“He looked like Cedric the Entertainer and many described her as the poor man’s Alicia Keys.”
lol…why did you give us this info? i’m still trying to figure that out
i was trying to put into context why everyone was puzzled that he had not proposed: they were implying that he should wife her up just because she was so attractive, and he apparently couldn’t do better in the looks department. But I ain’t one to gossip, so you didn’t hear that from me
“i was trying to put into context why everyone was puzzled that he had not proposed: they were implying that he should wife her up just because she was so attractive, and he apparently couldn’t do better in the looks department. But I ain’t one to gossip, so you didn’t hear that from me ”
lol…ok. i suspected that, but didnt want to assume
“lobotomized turkey”
Okay…I’m done!!!
*claps hands*
I’m out!!!
“she was as engaging as a lobotomized turkey”
LMAO!
Im guessing its a bad thing that 90% of my friends (guy and girls) came to mind while reading this.
BTW, thanks for the “hobby-less hoes” term.
“Im guessing its a bad thing that 90% of my friends (guy and girls) came to mind while reading this.”
birds of a feather…
daaaaaaaaaaamn….you ain’t have to type that!!
My heart is hurt now. Im offended, im appaled, but you gotta do better than that.
If nothing else, this explains why I do alot of stuff alone in FL. Come on down to the south Champ, Im going fishing this weekend…unless you’re one of those pretty boys that cant bait his own hook.
Its all love.
“Hobby-less hoes” is my new fave term. I must use it and abuse it.
I have adopted this phrase into my vocab as well. Very insightful and explains a LOT.
Hmmm, I dunno. I know some seemingly boring women who stay with a man and some DAMN interesting women (cough, cough) who can’t keep a decent one around….
The catch is who’s doing the judging. Just because a woman, or man for that matter, thinks they are all that and a cup of mocha magic java doesn’t necessary mean that they are.
Sometimes we all need to see ourselves (entertaining/or not) thru the senses of others.
“The catch is who’s doing the judging. Just because a woman, or man for that matter, thinks they are all that and a cup of mocha magic java doesn’t necessary mean that they are. ”
***CHURCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***
Yeah it’s a relationship thing. In relationships people get someone elses take on how they livin. Kind of a how you livin mirror. Relationships the basis of all human interaction.
(wow!) first, i don’t think a whole lot of women aspire to be the type of woman a guy is ‘cool with’. second, i think a lot of men still keep the p*ssy on the pedestal and as a result are not looking for the fun, engaging chic you mention in your post. Now if we’re talking making friends with the opposite sex I feel ya…if we’re talking about the v-test as a measure to make yourself ‘more marketable’ towards the opposite sex then I have to disagree. I don’t think passing the v-test is a wide spread phenomenon. I think in order for this to work men have to actually want an engaging female in their presence. On the otherhand, most of my relationships have played out like Musiq Soulchild’ Half Crazy Video… friends turned lovers kind of ish. Not the ideal situation imo, because it always feels like men are more comfortable with keeping their homegirls in one category and their potential gfs in another. but your post is suggesting otherwise…is it not?
Miss Patterson like I mentioned up above we all need that “what else” to have a relationship substaining balance.
Lacking something more can lead to emotional affairs outside of the relationship.
“Not the ideal situation imo, because it always feels like men are more comfortable with keeping their homegirls in one category and their potential gfs in another. but your post is suggesting otherwise…is it not?”
it is.
thing is, there is a balance that i think some of the habitual homegirl chicks are missing. being cool is great…but we don’t want to be with someone who is just cool…and thats it.
what i’m saying is that the optimum mate has the sex appeal thing and isn’t afraid to use it…but the sex appeal isn’t the only thing they have going for them.
sex appeal, huh? well, i think that’s understood right? these exes didn’t go from being my “homeboy” to my lover bcuz i tripped on his d*ck one night or because i had a burlap sack over my head. there was obviously some chemistry (lol). i guess the point i’m trying to make is that a lot of men prefer the sex over the personality to a fault. i’ve seen a lot of my guy friends end up with women who have completely failed the v test. i don’t get it…and i’m not saying you have the answer but it just seems strange to me when i’m better friends with my guy friends than his own gf is…it’s like she’s just there to look pretty. wtf?
I think that’s your friend’s choice to be like that. Maybe they haven’t been made to feel bad about how little that person has to offer. GK was on it down below when he commented on marriages being subject to the law of deminishing returns. And the more you have off top @ the beginning the longer it’s going to last?? Just saying there’s no substitude for competance and we want what we want when we want it. say la vi
“most of my relationships have played out like Musiq Soulchild’ Half Crazy Video”
of course i had to find the video on you tube …because i like to have visual references for everything. i can’t believe this song is 7 yrs old…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsVIPcqZzpk
“first, i don’t think a whole lot of women aspire to be the type of woman a guy is ‘cool with’.”
Can’t speak for all brothas but I DEFINITELY wanna be ‘cool with’ my lady. As the Champ stated, being cool with your girl who also exudes sexiness is the ideal mate (ya know, if everything else falls in line).
“first, i don’t think a whole lot of women aspire to be the type of woman a guy is ‘cool with’”
Yes, I do. My number one criteria for dating someone is to be cool with said person.
Reason why I am also cool with my most of my exes… Now did I just undo my first statement?
I agree with you Miss Patterson. I know a lot of men who are not even checking to find out if a women has a personality or may even ignore it if she does. And this do this because sex is they’re desire and goal.
“a monolithic mass of meandering and monotonus monsters, their dead eyes and vapidness literally boring unsuspecting people to death.” – hahahhahahaahahahahahahhaahahah
That sh*t right there my nigg, that sh*t right there, that line is my chronic for the week, keep me smilin n sh*t. It’s official, I’m a VSB regular my nigg.
“It’s official, I’m a VSB regular my nigg.”
welcome and shit
“welcome and shit”.
LMFAO my nigg.