Remember me? Ha! That was a rhetorical question. I already know that you don't.
…is that none of us really want to admit that — despite our (occasionally) expert and (always) intimate knowledge about AIDS rates, unwanted pregnancies, what unwanted and unprepared for pregnancies can do to our bank accounts, what 9 pound 8 ounce babies do to perfectly nice and pretty vaginas, how single parents (mothers especially) are ostracized, Ron Mexico, bacterial vaginosis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, hepatitis, papillomavirus, pelvic inflammatory disease, syphilis, trichomoniasis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, genital herpes, the ubiquity and silliness of Valtrex commercials, Jim Jones, the fact that Magnum condoms really aren’t any bigger than regular ones, The Red Pump Project, killer p*ssy, limbo p*ssy, stripper p*ssy, Delta p*ssy, killer Delta stripper limbo p*ssy, whiskey d*ck, wack d*ck, crack d*ck, deprived d*ck, parking lot d*ck, “too nondescript to really count against my number” d*ck, keeping the numbers down, drunk sex, ex sex, sad sex, “I don’t really want to have sex with you, but I’m going to have sex with you anyway†sex, “your o face is too goofy for us to have sex again” sex, the Tuskegee experiment, Antonio Cromartie, Nas’ “You Got a House In Virginia” diss directed at Cam’ron in “Zone Out”, Eazy-E, Ol Dirty Bastard’s incoherent verse on the live MTV version of “America Is Dying Slowly”, dental dams, the utter ridiculousness of the female condom, the medieval-ness of Rape-Ex, Magic Johnson, the spaceship Magic Johnson takes to Jupiter once a month to pick up his HIV drugs, the joke that Flavor Flav looks exactly how we all thought Magic Johnson was going to look by now, The Corner, the occasionally absurd and always misleading stats that seem to come out annually about Baltimore’s infection rate, the prominence and prevalence of strippers, stripper culture, and young kids with names that have basically doomed them to be strippers, female ejaculation, the inane argument that female ejaculation doesn’t exist, the faux reliability of the pull-out method, and, most importantly, the fact that we know that we’re smart enough, educated enough, and thoughtful enough to know better — many of us (and my “many” I mean “most”) still have had unprotected sex, are currently having unprotected sex, and don’t plan on discontinuing the unprotected sex any time soon.
—The Champ
*closes piano* WELP! TY NA GO! *runs out of the juke joint holding my hat*
Right. “Nah miss Sophia, don’t do it”
*puts on red pumps and skedaddles outta here* WELP, indeed.
The Government needs to start funding advertisements of people falling the f*ck out and dying over STDS. Watch how quickly people would start using condoms if that happened.
Imagine it. You’re on the couch late at night watching In Living Color re-runs. And suddenly you see a woman limping down a dark alley. Then her skin melts off as she screams to the moon in pain before falling against the dark alley wall and dies. And at the end, huge letters would come on the screen reading, “This is what happens when you get an STD. Wrap it up.”
You think thats gonna help? Cos I don’t. People will still think, “Well that won’t happen to me.” I think thats the underlying issue. People think it won’t happen to them. For that to make a real difference, they might have to introduce a stronger “community” element. Maybe feature attractive people a la “got milk” ads asking people to guess whether they have an STD…because the “looks clean to me” standard is what people (seem to) go by.
I don’t think anything hits home harder than knowing someone who has something they can’t get rid of. Kind of like how people who only join cancer walks or diabetes walks when they have been personally affected by it.
So true!
“I don’t think anything hits home harder than knowing someone who has something they can’t get rid of”
I’d agree wholeheartedly with your statement…
except…
It’s folk out here who got it and just simply don’t care.
If they caught something that was curable, they think “Oh well. I’ll just get another cocktail the next time I catch it”
If it was incurable, they think “Meh well. Got it now. Might as well go out with a bang”.
I personally know someone who caught herpes during undergrad….and is now pregnant for the 3rd time in as many years. That’s a whole lot of unprotected sex she’s been having SINCE she was diagnosed with HERPES.
That’s the kinda stuff that makes me glad to be in a monogamous relationship….with my vibrator.
That’s the kinda stuff that makes me glad to be in a monogamous relationship….with my vibrator.
lol
sad but true…
That idea reminds me of the Say No To Drugs commercial where they show eggs frying in a pan…”This is your brain…This is your brain on drugs.”
The US government needs to get the Brits to make PSAs. Theirs are so scary that I have to change the channel. I’m curious now if the British PSAs are more successful, but I do believe that ad campaigns do help.
Long-time member of team celibacy (i.e. the safest safe sex ever) here, so no need for lectures, but…
Once upon a time I was younger and I guess I was pretty stupid, but the thing is, I knew all about HIV and STDs, hell I used to do HIV prevention at work, and every time I had unprotected sex (and was sober enough to know what was going on) I would think before, during and after sex “I could get HIV and die of AIDS,” and “1 in 3 people has chlamydia, and 1 in 5 people have genital herpes, there is a very significant chance I could have or be getting an STD right now.” So honestly, I think education alone is not enough to prevent unprotected sex.
For me personally, I think I had unprotected sex because 1) It was really hard for me to assert myself when I felt like I was in a vulnerable position and the other person was much bigger and stronger than me, and 2) I would never have admitted it at the time, because even then I knew it was crazy, but for real for real, I think I kind of sort of wanted to have a baby.
For me personally, I think I had unprotected sex because 1) It was really hard for me to assert myself when I felt like I was in a vulnerable position and the other person was much bigger and stronger than me
This sounds like you were being coerced into having sex. For various reasons, women are the ones who lead when it comes to sex (even if the two pretend that’s not the case so the man appears to lead). . .
There will be a post on this on junglelaw.wordpress.com
Doesn’t your preceding statement saying that she seems to have been coerced refute your statement about women leading? I’m actually looking forward to this post. No women don’t always lead just as men don’t always lead but the feeling that you are in a sticky situation (no pun intended) and the pressure to continue or follow through with sex is a very real concern for many women and at times men.
yeah that confused me too.
Yes, that was the point. She should have been leading what was going on and in charge. Her yes and no are absolute.
Imagine it. You’re on the couch late at night watching In Living Color re-runs. And suddenly you see a woman limping down a dark alley. Then her skin melts off as she screams to the moon in pain before falling against the dark alley wall and dies. And at the end, huge letters would come on the screen reading, “This is what happens when you get an STD. Wrap it up.â€
thing is, this is so over the top that people would roll their eyes and be like “whatever. herpes aint ebola”
“whatever. herpes aint ebolaâ€
On that note, imagine how quickly the world’s population would decline if Ebola was a sexually transmitted disease?!
Side note: I attended two lectures with the 2 scientists from USAMRIID who researched Ebola. I was taking Microbiology at the time. Fascinating bug.
Wait, you’re right. Let’s not underestimate the power of visuals. When I was young, THAT is exactly what put a speed bump on my thoughts of s.ex. When you see a penis with warts, a vagina with oozing sores, an AIDS patient with legions on the skin, puss around the eye, etc….whether you want to admit it or not…it will stick in your memory. It’s not a 100% way to stop ppl from not using condoms but it certainly will help. It’s a lot better than what we have now…which is nothing.
I’m telling you, volunteering in an AIDS clinic was one of the best things my mother ever made me do.
Very true! Visuals will stick with us whether we initial realize it or not. Some stuff just lingers in our mental and pops up at the most unexpected time…and sometimes that can be to our benefit.
Or taking a class in microbiology will do it. LOL
Those pics still give me nightmares.
I could never get my ex to wash his hands when he left the bathroom. Then he took a class as part of a home health aide certification. Apparently, the instructor showed pics and films, illustrating the kinds of growths and infections that occur when you do what you do during the day and don’t wash your hands.
My ex immediately joined #teamscrub. smh
Best line – “too nondescript to really count against my number†d*ck, keeping the numbers down” I am still laughing my ass off (ctfu)
But why was this line so accurate tho? #seriousquestion
RIGHT?!?!?!
i mean….
yeah, i knew that women and their faulty rationalizations would get a kick outta that
Sad but true, but I mean it can’t really count it barely lasted lol.
This topic should be interesting. I wish I could say I’m one of those that will continue, but I never end up with the type of chicks that are apathetic about it so I end up pretty much always wearing one, but I still agree with the post, because talking to enough educated folks lets me know that it’s not to be assumed about most of us. I get it tho, they can be rather inconvenient…and that’s a good enough reason obviously lol
+1
“I wish I could say I’m one of those that will continue, but I never end up with the type of chicks that are apathetic about it’
you must not date spanish chicks. or deltas
“you must not date spanish chicks. or deltas”
HA! (Makes mental note)
Truuuuufffffffff, Chuuuuuuuucccccchhhhh, Can.I.Get.A.Witness?! and You.Ain’t.Neva.Lied … all at the same damn time.
is everything ok?
LMAO!!!
Well damn.
yeah, i know. it’s cold as sh*t here today too
Well done Champ. Well done.
What ^ he said.
We may know better, but will we ever DO better?
I think this problem is exacerbated by the number of us who are still unmarried and having too much fun to decide if we want to have kids or not.
And it is only likely to get worse with this new generation who uses oral as a means to keep their numbers down. Sidebar: when did that happen, when I was coming up that was extra and special, not for e’ry Tom, Dick and Harry, ya know. End rant.
“Well done Champ. Well done”
i had a joke here about cheeseburgers, but i think i’m just going to say thanks and move on.
You had me at “‘too nondescript to really count against my number’ d*ck”
LMAO
Seriously though……Why the hello kitty are we so stupid about that nonsense.
because we make each other feeeel goooood
Monsters Ball, is that you?
Until the burning snesation becomes unbearable abd/or the morning sickness has us vomitting every 30 minutes for 3 months straight.
*Sensation
*and
Yea I often wonder this too….which is why I get annoyed when people that know better pop up preggers…And I even caught a popular Houston blogger speaking of how she used to never use condoms herself…smh…and how when she gets a bf she won’t still….and I’m thinking to myself wtf…you walk around here on Facebook speaking as if you are the peanut butter and jelly, Miss educated and I’m the sh*t but you are so reckless as to not use protection during sex?…I can’t….but it explains why she currently has a child now out of wedlock….I often say…hey guys remember AIDS its real!!!
A bit off topic, but I just don’t believe any consenting 21+ year old (especially if they’re educated), who says they didn’t plan on getting pregnant or it was an “accident”. Wayyy too many options before (depo-vera, the pill), during (condoms), and after (morning-after, abortion). “Our” kind is guilty of having “keep a ngga” babies too.
[And yes, I know...it's not just the woman's responsibility, abortion is not an option for everyone, etc]
Sooo true…….
Man, my best bud is going through this unplanned pregnancy b.s. RIGHT NOW, and she already has a lil’ one to care for on her own. As intelligent and savvy as she is…I know I have personally offered to choke her to death because of this nonsense. I need to rant….
GOODNESS! You meant to tell me with ALL the nonsense she dealt with, having babby daddy A problems and raising a lil’ one on her own, actually going through the EXACT same problems before, she still can’t seem to keep those legs closed to no-good negroes she doesn’t want in the first place? She knew good and damn well that condoms are flippin’ free (those boys are handed out like Halloween candy here), testing is free, the pill is accessible, there are umpteen options, and she is STILL struggling with the same exact nonsense? I feel the need to call her and cuss her out again now…now THAT’s love.
Are you stupid, then?
You know people get pregnant while using birth control…regularly–right?
I think its because in this scenario, most of us suffer from the normalcy bias-> “it hasn’t happened to me, so it won’t happen to me”
I agree. It’s superstition at it’s core…the confusion of correlation with causation; the thinking that they got where they are “because of” instead of “inspite of”.
“And I even caught a popular Houston blogger speaking of how she used to never use condoms herself”
hey, that’s my homie. what’s she’s saying is no different than what cats here are saying today, except she does it in video format (which, admittedly makes things like this sound even worse)
Wait, i’m up late (or early) enough to comment on a VSB post before the sea of witty, snarky, sarcastic, facetious, and all out entertaining comments start rolling in?
Now what was I gonna say?
…Dammit!
*Sheds one single tear on his left cheek and goes to bed*
Is that a box of condoms in your pocket BrothaTech?
Seriously, folks, get your HIV test done if you have not this year. Just do it. Simple blood test.
“*Sheds one single tear on his left cheek and goes to bed*”
sorry about that, man.
*slow claps*
Bravo!
*speeds up slow claps into a mid tempo soul church Kanye Creflo Dollar clap*
…thanks?
So ummmm….*looks around*
I can’t even gather my thoughts after that lol
that what raw sex’ll do to ya
This is true a** damn shame.
aint it doe?
but but but me and Mr. Wrong get along sooooo good!
i love that you call it/him Mr Wrong.
*sings if loving you is wrong….i dont wanna be right….
wait…
“many of us (and my “many†I mean “mostâ€) still have had unprotected sex, are currently having unprotected sex, and don’t plan on discontinuing the unprotected sex any time soon.”
And this is very true because most people get knocked up by “accident”. I can’t even think of the last time someone told me they actually planned to get pregnant. If we stopped having unprotected sex birthrates would drop by 82.7%.
I’m surprised by people who have “accidental” pregnancies. Did you use a condom? No! Was she on birth control consistently? No. Then why you no tell the truth? As far as I’m concerned, thats about as close to “planning” as it gets these days.
So true.
I mean there are people who really plan pregnancies, like they want to have a baby in whatever month for whatever reason, so 9, 10 months before that they start getting busy on that.
So I can see people saying their pregnancy was “unplanned,” but if your having sex and not using any kind of birth control consistently, its no accident if you get pregnant.
“the joke that Flavor Flav looks exactly how we all thought Magic Johnson was going to look by now”
Lmao! I am thoroughly entertained by u champ
i have to say that i didnt come up with that myself. i heard it on a comedy central roast. i think it was jeff ross
*Holds up Church finger and exist’s stage left*
you going go have unprotected sex now?
LMAO
Thank you for this…all of it. It’s kind of funny how our communities, media outlets and pretty much all of the U.S. of A. is so hyper-sexualized but we still haven’t figured out how to be honest and frank when it comes to the much too real task of protection. And by ‘kind of funny’ I of course mean, it aint funny at all.
Great post and welcome back and shit.
thank you, and, um, since I never actually left, I dont know how to take that “welcome back.” thanks again?
I think she means system issues
I did , thank you. Unless the page not loading on Chrome and when it did load on the dummy browser (IE) freshly waxed angry beavers showing up was all a part of the new features of the blog, I thought ya’ll was laying low for a spell? Not that I’m mad at ya… just happy you’re back.
Why? The penis talks to the vaginas and shit happens. Yup, we all go “full-tard” when it comes to getting it in. Sadly, we all know we shouldn’t but we just can’t helps ourselves!
Real talk: Who’s gonna wear a condom for oral sex? Tried to put a piece of saran wrap on the lady bits once – nearly suffocated and choked to death all at the same time.
*laughing at myself and not with myself because this topic ain’t funny*
And who can tell me where they can find dental dams? I found some at an adult store on a fluke once.
I’ve heard of people fashioning one via cutting a condom.
That doesn’t work very well- it’s too narrow.
any s&x shop store worth it’s salt should sell them.
or find one geared toward the wimmins (a la goodforher.com)
Can you still taste it through a dental dam? i really want to know the answer to this
*Epic fail on the taste* Here’s the thing: if you started having sex prior to the AIDS era (early to 80s), you will probably go skinless (*fried chicken w/out the skin is not fried chicken*). Seriously, I tell my younger cousins and nephews to strap up the first time. If you feel what “it” feels like sans condom, you’re gonna be messed up. Hard to use a condom when you know what it feels like without – and women are just as bad as men. Point is we get stupido when the sexy time happens!
NO…. except very plasticky or whatever flavor you bought the dam in.
The ones I bought were flavored.
can we talk about how stupid the female condom is?
Hold on now, bruh….we might be steppin’ into issues dealing with feminism and respect for the woman’s choice to protect herself, even if Dr. Dick decides to remain unstrapped….just sayin’…
Well, count me as one of the 3 fans throughout America. I rolled with a chick that had one (and trust, bruhman checked to make sure I wasn’t getting hit with the okey-doke), and I definitely approved. I could definitely get my thang-a-thang in without having to get my own, plus it felt just as nice as the raw dog does.
interesting…. *files that in the back of my mind*
Never tried one… *also filing*
word so they feel like going raw from the male perspective? This is definitely worth filing in the mental banks
I don’t like it, but I definitely don’t think it’s stupid, lol. It works, sometimes that’s gotta be enough! Plus, it is much less restrictive than the male one.
Are you going to stare at it or go ahead and have sex with the woman? I’m just saying I’d think a man would feel a peace of mind knowing he was about to be protected.
im going to assume that what he meant was that it can be awkward and sh*t. not the actual idea and existence is stupid.
but that’s me inferring…
I agree it’s definitely awkward as hell!
how do these things even work?
Planned parenthood:
How do female condoms work: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/female-condom-4223.htm
LMAO I was gonna do it, glad you beat me to it
I just wish they’d powdered her mug before shooting
I read that it was originally invented for gay men but they knew they wouldn’t be able to market it as such so they’re using women as the intended demographic instead.
I never been in moderation before. Things dun changed ’round these parts ever since the VSB-pron fiasco of fall 2011.
There was a pron fiasco? Who messing up the big shrimp? Lol
Ain’t nothing to say but…
CHUUUUUUUUUUCH!
Champ who said magnums arent any bigger than regular condoms? Is that what u tell urself cuz u can wear the regular size joints? Bwaahahaaaaa
HaHa
For those who think condom size doesn’t matter:
http://www.condomania.com/condoms-by-brand/coripa-condoms/coripa-condoms.html
Thank you. *drops the mic*
Good looking out dude…
All bullshat aside…it’s gettin real in the paint. I’ve made Atlanta my home…tons of opportunities on the way. But…this city and Miami…being so close…
I can’t fit off the rack suits/shirts/jeans without adjustment or weird size match ups so…tailor made sounds cool.
LMAO they actually are bigger, but the difference is so minuscule that it doesn’t seem like it should make a difference.
TRUST me, the magnum makes a difference if your man is well-endowed. I was dating this one guy and whenever he had on a regular condom it literally was too small for him where the condom would literally just roll back up or look like it was suffocating his man piece and was painful to him lol. After that, I made him ONLY wear Magnums so this on-going joke about it not making a difference is total BS.
Lol, IcePrincess came with the zinger that time haha
Anybody saying all condoms are the same size is exposing themselves if you know what I’m sayin…Lifestyles are by far the smallest. They’ll strangle ya mans smh. Magnums are thicker and slightly longer. It’s not like they’re whale size or twice as large as the others, but they are bigger and it makes all the difference in comfort/durability (broken condoms are NOT the bizness)
Read this… http://verysmartbrothas.com/whos-afraid-of-the-big-black-dck/
…and scroll down to read the quote from the actual VP of marketing at trojan.
“For all the connotations, however, it turns out that Magnum is not so large. It is the same length as standard condoms, with the same circumference at its base, Mr. Daniels said. Some people feel more comfortable with that width, but you dont have to be an overly endowed man to use a Magnum and enjoy it, he added.”
What about the XL joints?
Yes according to their own product description the base width is the same 2 inches. According to their product description there’s a .5″ difference in length… sooooo either false advertising or a misinformed higher up? *shrugs*
Annnd girth matters! I’ve seen em rip, no thanks… kinda defeats the purpose, lol.
I read the post and another article about the lack of differences in size but I’ve seen um I mean heard about men wearing Magnums when they should have stuck with a Trojan mini, so although research says otherwise; they need more people.
@maimusings +1 There’s a difference. I’ve tried both. I will say that trojan regulars aren’t that small. Lifestyles on the other hand womp womp! lol
I don’t envy you single people. I have always hated condoms, not saying that i didn’t use them but i hated them.
No one LOVES condoms. Never in the history of life has someone said “Condoms make it feel SOOOOOOOO AWESOME!” BUT… peace of mind (and a non-burning genitalia) is better than the raw wetness.
I like the extra bit of stamina condoms provide. It’s like the difference between a stick shift and an automatic transmission. Sure you can go faster with a stick, but the automatic has an easier control. Plus if homegirl is into swallowing or money shots, the extra control helps. (And I seem to have a knack attracting those who want one of the other.)
“I like the extra bit of stamina condoms provide.”
this is true. perhaps tomorrow I’ll do a best things about condoms post. in fact, i think i will
Thanks Champ!
I really need to start hanging with Todd…
I really appreciate the non-messiness of condoms. I HATE finding umm… stuff wiped onto whatever piece of my clothing happened to be close by.
re: non-messiness
+1 !!
Cosign on keeping the mess in check. Plus my ph balance doesn’t get thown off by your love juice. Yeah, that not so fresh scent is your fault.
Ok….the smell comment just made me burst into laughter at my desk. ay dios mio
+1 Yeah that ish is real.
“The uncomfortable truth about educated people and unprotected sex is that none of us really want to admit many of us … (and my “many†I mean “mostâ€) still have had unprotected sex, are currently having unprotected sex, and don’t plan on discontinuing the unprotected sex any time soon.”
And that’s crazy to me!!! I mean with HIV/AIDS ravaging our community you would think we would be a little more cautious. If you’re not willing to trust the person you’re sleeping with with your life, you really should use a condom. I mean all the other doo doo that black people have to face that negatively affects our quality of life, you would think we would do as much as is within our power to protect ourselves from these diseases. I still don’t understand why we are so affected at such a disproportionate rate in comparison to other races. Is it lack of education and socio-economic factors?
Or is it just some imbedded, unconscious cultural phenomenon that allows us to gamble with our life like this?
for me…i don’t think HIV will ever really hit home for me…until someone i know says they have it…which i know is extremely unlikely, b/c of the stigma of hiv & aids. but still…in my mind…i still associate it w/drug addicts, ex-felons, & the unfortunate women who get cheated on by dudes who cheat w/drug addicts & ex-felons.
i fully realize it could be me, & i do use condoms. but whereas knowing how easy & random it is to contract hiv used to scare me witless in the past, now it’s balanced out by this feeling that it must be really HARD to get b/c nobody that i know has it (although, according to statistics, multiple people i know probably do).
Nobody you know has it because they don’t know they have it or are too ashamed to tell you they have it. Orthe wake up call can be you.
It’s sobering to meet Black people who have HIV who are….”normal” were married, are dedicated mother to their children, who had a boyfriend or even thought like you until they found out they got HIV
At 12 years old HIV/AIDS became real to me. A girl at my school needed a blood transfusion the prior year and she never came back till the following fall. We became close when she came back and like everyone else in my life who thinks it is important to hit me with real fcuking news, she told me why she was out of school one day. I was 12. In my little head, 12 year olds didn’t become HIV positive. IDK where she is now but I wish I had kept in contact.
The same year my uncle whom I loved with all my heart, died two weeks after leaving our house. He lived with us for the last three months of his life and decided he was healthy enough to go home one day. It was no secret why he was sick. Watching someone in the last stages of AIDS sobered the hell out of all of us (my siblings and cousins).
I think these things shaped how I view my life. I held out on having sex for so long because I knew it was something that could kill me. People don’t value their lives enough to get tested so why would/should I have sex? I have a friend now who has an unfaithful arse ninja for a bf. She lives one place, he lives in one of the cities with a ridic HIGH HIV/AIDS rate; asked her if she wanted to get free testing with me. She laughed and called me crazy. -___-
You can’t control a blood transfusion but you can take measures for safer sex. Even if no one I currently know has HIV, I assume that half of the dating world does. Ninja’s are guily until tested.
@CurlyTop
I feel you. When I was in high school I found out that one of my 1st cousins, who was about 10 years older than me, had HIV. She had two kids prior to becoming infected. It was like a family secret until she got pregnant not once but twice while infected. I was thinking that I couldn’t believe I knew someone with AIDS let alone had a 1st cousin but as mention above people don’t get tested so they don’t know they have it. The doctors told her to stop getting pregnant but she didn’t listen and ended up passing away while giving birth to her fourth child.
This situation caused HIV/AIDS to hit very close to home for me and cause me to refrain from having sex for a long time. Once I finally did it (after graduating from college) I was VERY cautious…I think it’s a good thing that the situation put the fear of God in me because I don’t sleep around, I protect myself everytime I have sex, and I get tested regularly.
So basically…the moral of the story is that just because you don’t think you know someone who is infected, you probably do (either they haven’t told you or don’t know they have it)…and if you haven’t been test you could be the person you knowt hat is infected. Get tested people!
i totally agree w/you, i know that i’m ignorant to feel that way.
“…in my mind…i still associate it w/drug addicts, ex-felons, & the unfortunate women who get cheated on by dudes who cheat w/drug addicts & ex-felons”.
And you would be mostly correct to associate it with these things- I’m a nurse and I’ve noticed that HIV is highly associated with drug use (100% of patients I have encountered with HIV have a history of drug use). Other than patients, I’ve only encountered one person who had HIV that I knew and she was somewhat of a prostitute (I say somewhat because she didn’t work on a street corner but she did sleep with other peoples boyfriends/husbands and with random men, sometimes for financial gain). I think maybe we could cut down on HIV infection if we just handed addicts clean needles to use….l heard they do that in NY (is that true?)
Chanelle, are you a nurse of middle class to upper class people? Or a nurse of po’ people?
It is ironic that people to this day feel they must add “But he/she/I didnt get HIV from drugs and prostitution. I got it from my boyfriend/husband” because they feel they are being judged as belonging to “that group”
I deal with lower and sometimes middle class patients. My hospital accepts people without insurance so I would say its about half lower and half middle class.
“because they feel they are being judged as belonging to “that groupâ€
This is so true. We don’t judge though, we just treat.
God bless the nurses.
Actually, Chanel, according to the CDC 80% of women who have HIV contracted it from sex with a man, so it’s not just from felons and drug-users. In YOUR experience, it might be so because of the area you’re in, but it’s not a correct assumption to make widely. And that is dangerous to even make that link. That’s why rates are so high now. Everyone thinks they know what the face of AIDS looks like. So nay.
“That’s why rates are so high now”
Rates are high because many people are irresponsible…..I think that was the point Champ was trying to get across in the first place.
Being “irresponsible” is directly a result of not thinking they’re at high risk. Which takes me back to my point. The end.
Being “irresponsible†is directly a result of not thinking they’re at high risk.
That’s called being ignorant. Your point didn’t come across clear- the point you seemed to be making is that people are ignorant (don’t know any better) not irresponsible (know better but refuse to do better) but whatever
All yall talking bout how HIV/AIDS is still associated with mostly drug addicts and prostitutes need to read The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. He tells how epidemics spread and while you’re right to some degree the book and its research prove that epidemics are spread mostly by a few people. All it takes is a charismatic, socially connected and powerful individual to bridge the gap between drug addict (who looks normal), prostitute/stripper, girl who got cheated on at one point by her trifling or down low boyfriend and that individual will spread it to MANY MANY people in the “normal” community. He talked about how they tracked the spread of syphillis in Baltimore to two main culprits who were responsible for like 50% of the cases. Yall better stop using your lil comofort logic and wrap it up (unless you both get tested regularly) Don’t say we didn’t warn you…
“while you’re right to some degree the book and its research prove that epidemics are spread mostly by a few people.”
I completely agree with this. I seen a documentary about this a while ago where a guy was spreading HIV and he affected so many women the police put a warrant out for his arrest. I wasn’t saying all HIV only comes from individuals who are prostitutes or drug users but I was explaining to the other poster that this isn’t uncommon for these people to have HIV and all of my patients fall into that category- but I know that doesn’t represent everybody in the world.
“And you would be mostly correct to associate it with these things- I’m a nurse and I’ve noticed that HIV is highly associated with drug use (100% of patients I have encountered with HIV have a history of drug use)”
Actually I have to come back to say how irresponsible this is, especially coming from a health provider like a nurse. You should be really careful about the information you’re giving out as well as the implications you’re making. If HIV was mostly felons and drug addicts, then middle class women wouldn’t have it. And rich men. And everyone who isn’t a criminal or addicted. Please understand that your experience cannot speak to the general population’s and govern yourself accordingly.
I am stating whats true for ME- Not all people. I NEVER denied the fact that HIV comes from unprotected sex also but I am sharing MY experiences by stating that the patients I have come in contact with were long time drug users as well…all of them…..so take that as u will. I Never said my experience would represent everyones…..after all isn’t the reason boards like this exist are so people can share their personal experiences? Therefore this is not irresponsible but is an opinion like everyone elses on this board!
Could I please have a link to those CDC results because I cant find that information
I think the problem is with this statement ” And you would be mostly correct to associate it with these things- I’m a nurse and I’ve noticed that HIV is highly associated with drug use (100% of patients I have encountered with HIV have a history of drug use).”
It basically reinforces the misconception that the HIV infected are drug addicts and felons. The part about you being a nurse adds some credibility. I think we realize that you are only speaking on your experience; but Luvvie has a point, in my view, that statement was a bit irresponsible.
Oh and it looks like in 2009 based on the Transmission category table, almost 85% of women contracted HIV through hetero contact.
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/basic.htm#hivest
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/aa/index.htm
I understand what u mean but how many women have contacted AIDS compared to men?
According to the CDC black men accounted for 70% of the estimated new HIV infections among all blacks and women accounted for 30% so I realize most women are contracting HIV from heterosexual sex but how are their partners catching it? Yes I understand some of their partners are catching it from having unprotected sex themselves with others outside the relationship but I didn’t want people to ignore the fact that some are also drug users or having homosexual relations.
(The CDC also states that black men who have sex with men (MSM) represented an estimated 73% of new infections among all black men, and 37% among all MSM.)
I feel like people disregard drug use during HIV conversations when it is an important factor too and I’ve stated above that I know unprotected sex is a factor ….
This is what it is usually associated with: The 4 H’s (from nursing school); hemophiliacs, heroin addicts, homosexuals and Haitians. Over time, it has changed to add a 5th element- heterosexuals. The greater spread is in the 50 and older groups according to the articles I’ve read. Nope, don’t have links at the moment. Really prevalent in elder communities and nursing homes actually.
Haitians?!? Discussed in nursing school….I don’t know what to say to that…
I thought that was changed!??!!!
It probably has been changed. I never heard of it in school myself but I am curious in seeing if others have. I think nowadays hemophiliac would be taken off the list as well because it is highly negligent to transfuse infected blood and there is extensive testing to make sure it is not.
I didn’t know they taught about Haitians having AIDS in nursing school, I know a big org put out erroneous information about Haitians being carriers of the virus in the late 80s or early 90s but I’ve never heard about this information being part of the curriculum in school??
“This is what it is usually associated with” probably should have read “This is what it WAS usually associated with.” This was in 1982, but, yes, has changed over time.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AIDS Search for Haitian. I thought it was weird too, but that was where the CDC was tracing a lot early case origins.
That is, for real, the realest real talk that ever was real-talked. Hot damn.
After the first pregnancy scare, I have not engaged in unprotected sex. That was 2 years ago. I plan on continuing that too.
Maybe this just proves that despite all the education and human innovation in the world, ultimately we really are all slaves to our biology? I can only speak for myself but I’m never truly in my right mind in the moments when sex is imminent. Right before penetration, my boyfriend looks like the second coming of Jesus to me. It’s difficult to step back and be rational in that moment.
See, I dunno….speaking from personal experience, there have been times where Mr. Wonderful is getting ready to change my life and I’m just a-smilin’ and screamin’….
…then I hear those bas-a$$ Bebe kids next door and I think about how much bail will cost me in the future if I bring more unplanned children into the world. Yep, things tend to quiet down after that thought.
“Right before penetration, my boyfriend looks like the second coming of Jesus to me.”
Bwaaaahaaahaa
*slow claps
I’m really not sure if this post was supposted to make people feel convicted and stop wreackless activies or serve as support for people who say things like, “It just doesn’t feel the same with a condom on.” Either way great post and how doesn’t MJ look like Flavor Flav (who is about to star on Wife Swap Celebrity Edition…ewe).
Did anyone see Donald Glover’s stand-up special? He had a story that he used condoms strictly as birth control; he was scared of babies, not of getting AIDS
I’m along the same wavelength as well. I do it for STD prevention as well, but not because of all the terrible things it could do to be my body. I just don’t like keeping up with taking specific amounts of medicine and possibly changing my entire lifestyle because I wanted to be raw.
i didnt catch it, but i think that is true. if there was a plan b for stds.. those suckers would be the best selling drugs of alllllll time!
Interesting to note, Magnum’s are actually different than regular condoms. Though not in length. Magnums are made to accomodate girth, not length. So yes, the Magnum and the standard condom offer no real difference in length, but one (the Magnum) supports width, thickness, etc.
Um…agreed. Trust me.
When will your “I have a big one” propaganda campaign end? It’s hella annoying.
Hah!
Love it!!!!!
Hmm actually it depends on the condom- lets compare a regular Trojan condom to a Magnum Trojan condom:
MAGNUM:
Head Width: 2.5″
Shaft Width: 2.25″
Base Width: 2″
Length: 8.12″
Thickness: 0.0025″
REGULAR:
Head Width: 2″
Shaft Width: 2″
Base Width: 2″
Length: 7.5″
Thickness: 0.0027″
a quarter to a half inch makes a helluva lot of difference, if you ask me (ok, no one did but im tellin yall anyway lol).
i personally have noticed the fit is definitely is different for men who are thicker/longer.
I agree!!
All condoms aren’t created equal, unless my mind is playing dirty tricks on me…
Just memorize this post verbatim the next time you have unprotected sex and this one breath reason why you should not will be enough to make you stop and get a rain coat! LOL… Phew, Champ, even reading silently I was out of breath. Imagine if *most* guys could go on as long that sentence in bed!…lmao…….
EXACTLY.
I had to stop and breathe… felt like Big Pun or Biggie or somebody, may they RIP.
word to q-tip.
Though honestly, I still do have unprotected sex. I mean, you’d think I’d learn after the numerous (four) purchases of Morning After pills and the numerous “I’m Late” texts and/or phone calls. Honestly, it just comes down to laziness and my inability to get over the awkwardness of purchasing condoms. Like, buying magnums and having the chick at the counter give you that “Yeah right,” look.
My friends barely use them and I can’t borrow any from my Dad. That’s even more awkward. Like “Dad, can I borrow a few condoms? I snuck this chick in the house and I can’t give her first class tickets to Poundtown without some protection…”
Baaaaby, u gotta get ova dat shy sh*t. If u man enuf to be f*ckn u man enuf to buy condoms. If u think youre embarassed now, imagin how u would feel pickn up your hiv cocktail @ the pharmacy. Get ya mind rite young playa….
word
Wow! You hit the nail on the head. Seriously, the strongest argument I have read all day. “If u think youre embarassed now, imagin how u would feel pickn up your hiv cocktail @ the pharmacy.” Truth.
“Dad, can I borrow a few condoms? I snuck this chick in the house and I can’t give her first class tickets to Poundtown without some protection…â€
Bruh…..no hate intended, but if you’re using lines like this, that embarrasment you feel just MIGHT be justified. =/
Anyways, I hopw that’s a fear you can get over and soon! If there is one thing on this Earth that does not discriminate, it’s an STD/STI. Just remember, “you’re grown enough to stick it in there? be grown enough to stick one on there.” Corny (i know), but effective.
Well, I’ve had that chick look at me awkward for buying Magnums in the store. That said, once she saw it on and felt me work my jive, she didn’t question that no mo’.
Seriously though, Li’l Wayne said it best: “Safe sex, great sex/Better wear that latex/’Cause you don’t want that late text/That ‘I think I’m late’ text!”
Ironic line coming from dude with four babies with four baby mamas.
Probably the best one to hear it from though, LOL
lol!!!!
I once read an article written by a gynecologist about unsafe sex in young people and STI rates.
Some things she saw. A 15 year old with hundreds of genital warts that looked like cauliflower.
Things you get for life if you catch it:
Herpes
Hepatitis C (kills people)
HPV (genital warts forever)
HIV
Go to Planned Parenthood and get a pap smear, breast exam, condoms and HIV test and counseling on birth control methods.
If you have no money it may be free or low fee.
And you can go alone without parents finding out about it. The condoms are free.
Ask yourself do I want to make it to adulthood healthy strong and no longer embarrassed to get
condoms?
If you can’t handle this you have every right to stop having sex until you are ready.
And ladies, remember that when you go for your annual exam, particularly if you are over 26 yo, you MUST specifically ask your health care provider to test you for specific STD/STIs. With a pap smear, usually they will just test for gonorrhea/chlamdyia (but can also detect trichomonas), but syphilis, Herpes, Hepititis B/C and HIV are separate tests. A tube or two of blood will do. Also note, that having an infection, such as syphilis and trichomonas INCREASES the risk of HIV infection. I am a midlevel healthcare provider in the ER in a major city in the SE. Over the last 5 years, syphilis has made a huge resurgence and folks don’t believe it. They think that it is a disease of the past, but I have seen patients with suspected hearing loss from neurosyphilis. I am tired of seeing my sistas rolling into the ER with pregnancy and STD scares when it don’t have to be!!
I’m guilty of having stupid moments as well, but we’ve got to do better…
Thank you for bringing that up!
Syphilis affects your ability to have a healthy baby.
If I am remembering correctly, syphilis affects the health of newborn babies. I am looking at stats from that say that with this infection, 12% of babies born exposed to syphilis die. 40% die shortly before or after birth.
My sources:
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001344.htm
http://www.dhpe.org/infect/syphilis.html
Anybody who can’t face a cashier during condom purchase, or who is too embarrassed to 1) Talk to their partner about STDs and 2) Tell a former partner they’ve contracting an STD (Cuz you know this is coming next) and letting them know they too should get checked out…
….shouldn’t be having any sex.
Stop it.
+1
+2. Though that would mean a lot of people would die frustrated virgins.
+3
But if you are going to do it, get the free condoms at Planned Parenthood.
We don’t need more young parents (and their parents!) pissed at each other because they didn’t think carefully about whether they wanted to be in each other’s lives for 18 years.
We don’t need more kids with HIV/AIDS.
Damn kid. Like Liz just said, you need to get over that “too embarrassed to buy condoms” ish or keep your pants on.
“So, dad, you’re going to have a grandbaby” is going to be a pretty awkward talk to.
or “Dad, I am HIV positive’
or “Dad, it burns when I pee and its green. I tried to treat it myself but now I really need a doctor’
I work in HIV and STI prevention. I talk to people every day that are nervous or embarrassed to purchase condoms. There are places, like my office where you can get them for free, and also you can purchase online. But the important thing to know is that 1 in 4 people have chlamydia or gonorrhea, some have both, and the majority have no symptoms. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 8 men have genital herpes and the majority of them have no symptoms.
Now to give it to you real: if you dont want babies or a disease I suggest you get over your embarrassment with the quickness. You are really setting yourself up for failure. If you are grown enough for sex you are grown enough to protect yourself and the women you have sex with. Buy some condoms and get screened for STIs immediately.
Oh and at least PULL OUT!
I give you props for admitting that you have unprotected sex, because at least you acknowledge the problem. There are people reading, and even commenting, who know good well they are having unprotected sex and aren’t doing a damn thing about it.
Those that are making fun ..know how hard it is for a young person to talk about this stuff and know that embarrassment is the number one deterrent for ANY kind of action that might do them good. THIS is real.
You are still young (by username) and there is time to change your ways. Beneath the jokes is good advice. Please talk to someone you trust, if not your father. Condoms are too easy to get for you to not use them.
And if you are brave enough to break out the condom, the person you are with will know that you care about yourself (and them) enough to stay protected. If they don’t appreciate that..then they aren’t worth being with.
All good advice. I really hope that the young man who posted this takes heed. You don’t know who has or doesn’t have an STD, and sometimes even if they know they will not tell you because they (just like you) are afraid.
It’s certainly not worth the gamble.
Real talk. I’m grown and I still don’t like being in embarrassing situations. And I know you’re probably not going to stop having unprotected sex because we told you that you need to get over being too embarrassed to buy condoms. If it is really that embarrassing for you, maybe you could try to find a way to make it less embarrassing, like using one of those check out lanes where you scan your own stuff instead of a cashier doing it, or buy condoms together with a bunch of other stuff, or even (as long as you’re not driving to the store, obviously) you could have a couple of drinks before you go condom shopping. everything is less embarrassing if you’re a little inebriated.
This is probably because of a deeply engrained primordial urge to not want to have sex through a sheet of latex. If neuroscientists ever want to map self-denial and creative excuse-making to a particular region of the brain, they need to do MRI’s on people who find themselves condomless right before being confronted with the possibility of having sex with an attractive person.
What if lust really does destroy rationality? A piece of latex isn’t going to beat that. We need better condom technology…will-power enhancing drugs, maybe.
I think it boils down to those who take risks and do it often are living their life as if there is no tomorrow.
It is sobering to see on a form in a foster to adopt class this question:
“Would you adopt a child who is HIV positive?” and be informed these children are African-American.
These are not always reckless people living fast lives. This is why Champ emphasized “educated” folks. There are situations where ideally you should use a condom, but you don’t.
The boyfriend you’ve been dating for months and have started to trust.
Your fiancée.
Your spouse (he/she may have had a one night stand and hasn’t confessed it yet).
Even “safe” situations ideally still require a condom, but people figure it’s too much trouble and they have enough convincing excuses to rationalize unprotected sex. In addition to that, there’s a strong desire to have unstifled “natural” unprotected sex. Nature tricks us into having babies.
No, people who take risks often are living like there is no tomorrow.
Note I didn’t say sometimes.
We are taking risks often if we never get our HIV test but consistently have sex without condoms.
Being educated doesn’t shield us from becomign HIV positive (I know you know that–but I’m explaining my use of the word “consistently’ and ‘often’ )
Mind you in all scenerios you listed, the woman still can go get her HIV test the same time she gets her pap smear. She can ask him to go with her to get the test together.
Not doing this and engaging in unprotected sex often and consistently, no matter the person’s school degrees is living as if there is no tomorrow.
I mean a lot of us have all the statistics at hand. I do know this, the longer you stay in a committed relationship the likelier you are to have unprotected sex.
Truth.
Yes hence the need for couplesto get that HIV test regularly.
I run cold when I hear a woman who never had one say she knows she’s HIV negative because she was tested while pregnant.
I’m wondering if she realizes that if she was HIV positive, only her baby will make it out HIV negative?
agreed. in fact, most of the very-well educated people i know who are having unprotected sex are having it with their significant other.
and quite frankly, i dont see any reason why 2 people that are in a relationship and have built trust wouldnt be comfortable having unprotected sex (w/ the assumptions that both partners are clean, the relationship is monogamous and thus contracting STDs/STIs arent an issue).
now whether these unprotected sex having individuals who are in a clean committed relationship choose to use other forms of contraception (to prevent parenthood) is another issue entirely….
The issue comes when neither partner has been tested for STIs or HIV and they decide to have unprotected sex. Just cause you know someone for a long time doesn’t erase their past sexual behavior or their current health status. Unless recent test results are provided as proof people should treat everyone like they’re infected. Getting tested together takes an hour AND then let the butt nekkid sex shenanigans begin.
my point is this: 2 ppl in a relationship having unprotected sex isnt necessarily an “OMG I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT” type situation.
being unaware of your health (and your partners heatlh) and being dishonest with your partner is where the issues lie.
And Bingo was his name-o!
Been in a relationship for four years now, we always use protection..i know it should be about not getting STD’s but its mainly for not being anyone’s baby mama
you prefer condoms to other methods of contraception? or you use condoms and another method?
Prefer condoms..do not like to swallow unnecessary medicine repeatedly..besides it may mess up my reproductive system, condoms are only surface things…
I agree with you about condoms. I used although we practice monagamy. The threat of an unplanned pregnancy is our main goal.
i can’t speak for anyone else…but i was uber responsible until a condom tore and i discovered the joy that is rawness…
until about 2 years ago, this was the biggest reason i wanted a monogamous relationship. not love, marriage, or partnership…just someone i could trust enough to go raw with, on the regular.
on the other hand, i have done lots of “rubber” research and for all the mess ppl talk about lifestyles, i F with the ultra-thins. seriously.
honestly, as long as STI prevention focuses so acutely on wrapping it up, i think incidence rates will plateau…
b/c people don’t like rubbers. and after a certain point in any relationship, you reach some level of time, trust, impatience, or apathy where you leave the latex alone.
the “prevention” efforts, IMHO focus too much on the intercourse part, and not enough on the relationship parts. yeah, people are still gonna have 1 night stands, or smash EXTREMELY RISKY people (i.e. complete strangers, fresh out the box ex-felons, sex workers, that dude that’s run thru every chick on the eastside, the woman with 6 kids & 5 baby daddies)…in those cases, yes, please use rubbers.
and gettin it in does not always equal a long-term relationship.
but everybody i know that’s ever admitted contracting an STI, got it from someone they TRUSTED, not from some random hookup.
people have to start being honest. it starts w/being honest w/yourself, and getting tested. then you have to be honest w/your partners–which is going to be difficult for a lot of people, as long as the stigma of being “dirty” b/c you have or have had an STD remains…
we live in a schizophrenic culture where it’s taken for granted that you can’t trust the people you lay down with (not completely) & dishonesty is expected…yet by laying down w/these people, we’re literally trusting them w/our lives…
#ijustcant
Thanks for mentioning ol’ boy that ran through every 3rd chick in (fill in name of predominantly Black area in the United States). Sisters are quick to blame the DL brothers for burning them. However, it turns out that DL dudes have slightly lower HIV rates AND have slightly fewer sex partners than average. Also, sisters seem to forget that it’s easier for a dude to burn a chick than the other way around. So let ol’ boy with some game get burnt, and it’s FIIIIIIRE! Huh!
In fact, I got the official these song for when those dudes run up in half the women in the hood raw: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y47G-Wa4qfs
I’m goona hum this tune whenever I see that dude
Exactly! No one really discusses STIs and long term relationships. All they harp on is “use a condom”, not what happens after you’ve been with someone for years. I like Dan Savage’s take on condom use. He doesn’t only talk about condom use, but he also talks about the responsible way to discontinue condom use in a long term relationship. If you both get tested regularly and know what risk your taking when you stop using condoms, you can take the risk with open eyes.
” I like Dan Savage’s take on condom use. He doesn’t only talk about condom use, but he also talks about the responsible way to discontinue condom use in a long term relationship. If you both get tested regularly and know what risk your taking when you stop using condoms, you can take the risk with open eyes.”
Yes I like Dan Savage’s advice because he is thorough. He covers everything even the stuff you didn’t know existed.
“on the other hand, i have done lots of “rubber†research and for all the mess ppl talk about lifestyles, i F with the ultra-thins.”
Me too on the research aspect, but I’m #TeamTrojan Magnum thin, UltraThin, or Supra. The “pleasure pack” aint bad either!
but everybody i know that’s ever admitted contracting an STI, got it from someone they TRUSTED, not from some random hookup.
one of those sobering stats similar to most sexual assault being by someone one knows and not strangers on the street.
“then you have to be honest w/your partners–which is going to be difficult for a lot of people, as long as the stigma of being “dirty†b/c you have or have had an STD remains…”
Excellent point. The general take on HIV is for the uninfected to protect themselves from the infected boogie man. Who wants to be the boogie man? There’s no emphasis on encouraging the well-being of the infected and protecting their health to prevent/ deter the development of AIDS. Cancer patients are “victims” even if they’ve been smoking for years, yet AIDS patients are “dirty” even when almost everyone has sex.
“Cancer patients are “victims†even if they’ve been smoking for years, yet AIDS patients are “dirty†even when almost everyone has sex.”
soooo true.
i believe that when guys are honest & in control, the pull-out method is like 95% effective.
There are parents and people with HIV or AIDS who used to believe that too.
oh no, not with diseases!!! i meant with pregnancy!
Yeah my daughter’s father swears by the pull-out method.
One of the most enjoyable aspects of sex for me is the ab-so-lute loss of control that takes over. I just don’t believe that men have the presence of mind to exercise control and execute the perfect timing needed for the pull out when it gets good. I mean, you’ve felt the shudder and heard the moans, right?
If a guy is able to consistently pull out, is ya doin’ it right?
The actual statistics, in regard to pregnancy:
“Perfect use” failure rate = 4% (meaning 96% effective when done exactly as intended, good control, etc)
“Typical use” failure rate = 27% (meaning 73% effective based on how people actually use the method because people aren’t perfect)
i love how you swoop in with the stats and actual numbers to back up what you say. lol.
lol thanks, I should be better about putting the source too, though, lol.
Those particular stats are from Planned Parenthood.
its effective if the man is in control and knows what he’s doing.
but are you, a woman, willing to take that risk?
if it’s my dude, then yes. i mean honestly…this comes down, again, to trust…if i don’t feel like i can trust the person i’m laying down with, i’m not going to be with that person. like Champ detailed (hilariously) in the OP…too many consequences.
i feel you.
A plus for being married: No more condoms!!!
Due to HIV stats in Black women who are married or in a relationship, it is wise for even long term couples to get tested together every year, then no condoms.
My father’s best man died of AIDS and he was married for many years.
Word. I’m not as religious with the testing as I was, but it should be a regular part of your physical. After all, people cheat, and even the more conscientious ones who use condoms will have them break.
Stay safe.
i agree that ALL people (married or single) should get tested regularly. many health insurance policies cover HIV testing as part of your annual physical. anybody who cares about their routine health check-ups should have no problem adding HIV testing to the mix.
i agree w/regular testing, even after marriage…but it also bothers me that this is so necessary…that you can’t trust your partner. i’m not so unrealistic that i think everyone will be perfectly monogamous. but at the same time it’s like damn…if you are gonna cheat, can you at least cheat w/someone that will get a screening w/you? i mean you’re talking about the other parent of your children, the person who has your back financially when you get laid off, who’s become a part of your family, & vice versa…
why is it SO easy to risk messing all that up, just for a nut? i don’t get it.
because we’re an impulsive and self-gratifying species. we are willing to risk our health in the face of severe adverse consequences. just the way sh*t is. sucks but what can ya do *shrug*
Damn. You scurred me today…
We like to think Black-on-Black violence is the #1 killer of young Black people teens to twenties.
And not all of us are getting tested for HIV….so what is the health consequences of no test for those who are HIV positive?
Health complications and death since we aren’t getting those retroviral meds if we are walking around HIV positive & don’t know it.
How many of us have no health insurance or our health insurance wouldn’t cover certain meds that would save our HIV positive life?
Between this in the U.S. and the epidemic of HIV and AIDS infections in predominately Black countries in Africa….there will be a lot less Black people on this planet when we hit menopause/andopause.
I love sex and I want to live. I have a child and family to live for. I have myself to live for. No glove, no me.
I’ve slapped a few so called educated peeps into having & keeping the practice of safe sex. Violence is never good but I’ve lost 2 uncles & 3 friends to AIDS over the years. I’ve seen 4 folks I know pop up preggers & was the shoulder to cry on for 2 Maury moments. This past summer, I handed out dental dams & condoms regularlly because you can never be too sure. Paid for them myself, which was alot for $100 (Love condomdepot.com, btw.) What Champ posted is true. I just wasn’t going to listen to the excuses & BS anymore from folks that should know better & did something. And I just might fo do it again, with from my boo & friends.
I meant to say with help from my boo & friends.
I too hand out condoms regularly. And I do so from my own pocket because although I get them for free at work, the ones at work are really bad.
I’ve been handing out condoms since I was 15. I made sure my teen cousin knew how to put a condom on a banana because what it boils down to is when mama, aunts, uncles, siblings are not there, I want them to say “I got this” and take responsibility for their life… or we will be sitting around pissed off at their funeral.
As the oldest first cousin on both sides of my family, I feel like it’s my duty to have some of the uncomfy convos my aunts and uncles can not have with their kids. This includes the talk about protecting yourself.
I refuse to have any one of them going out in to the world unaware.
I hear you because the world is not safe for young people who are ill informed about health and safety issues.
*Stretches before going HAM on this post*
I use condoms. I don’t play around with that crap. I will pick up a chick from right off me to keep her from hitting it raw. You want me to hit it raw? Well, let’s do it like porn stars, and get a recent HIV test. (And to be fair, I have hit it raw before, just not without testing.) Don’t like that idea? Want to be trust you? Well, your a$$ will be hitting the door raw and, if you don’t get dressed in 5 minutes, you’ll be hitting whatever surface is outside whatever building we’re in: concrete, asphalt, dirt, broken glass…IDGAF.
There are two great things I’ve gotten from my emotionally abusive registered nurse of a mom: regular access to condoms and enough distrust of women to use them religiously. Heck, even when my wife decided to “lose” her birth control pills, I conveniently “found” some condoms at the local Walgreens. Do you know who you’re messing with?
The last thing was that between my junior and senior years in college, I had a HIV scare after one test done on a blood donation came out positive and another came out negative. Of course, I’d been using protection, and there were no issues with the condom, but having to hear that news crushed whatever desire I had to hit it raw before that. Thankfully, I tested clean on a retest after that (and ever since), but that put the fear of God in me.
You want me to hit it raw? Well, let’s do it like porn stars, and get a recent HIV test. (And to be fair, I have hit it raw before, just not without testing.)
U do know that the HIV will test to see if you got HIV 6 months ago. So, if your partner just recently contracted HIV less than 6 months ago it can still be passed along.
True. Nothing is 100% effective. That said, the list of people I’ve had unprotected sex with is short and can be counted on one hand. Even still, I know I can be fooled.
Also, modern HIV testing shortens the window to ~2 weeks. Make sure they ask for the Amplicor or PCR test. It’s the ELISA and Western Blot that takes 6 months.
Ahhh..learn something new everyday.
Now there’s some information I can use. *jots down*
Its as recent as 90 days. Some of the rapid tests will detect HIV antibodies with 99.7% accuracy within 3 months of exposure and will give a negative result with 100% accuracy after 90days.
I saw someone comment about being happy that they are married so that they don’t have to wear condoms. True story: my friend called me to vent a few months ago. He met a really nice beautiful girl who seemed to have her stuff together. Well, they slept together and yes he wore a condom. Needless to say, she later told him that she had herpes which her ex husband gave to her. And yes, this story is screwed up on so many levels. I guess what it comes down to, whoever you decide to sleep with, you are trusting the person with your health, well-being and life. If more people considered this…well, who knows. Champ was correct on his post about the orgasim. It’s wonderful and it is especially wonderful with someone you love but it is not worth your life just to catch a nut.
1 in 4 sexually active women has herpes. 1 in 5 sexually active men has it. Herpes is not life-threatening. Now, why people react to herpes with horror even though it’s akin to the flu is beyond me. When you have the flu, people are cool with you as long as you cover your mouth when you sneeze. People hide herpes because of te stigma attached to “dirty” STI’s.
Herpes isn’t life threatening but it dang sure is life altering. It isn’t something minor either. It can’t be cured, only treated. My point was that you can get STD’s regardless if you are single or married (the person upthread said that she was glad that she was married so that she doesn’t have to worry about STD’s and i was just showing where one girl caught herpes from her husband) and that when you sleep with someone, you are entrusting your health to them–period.
I agree with Royale W. Cheese on this one. People react to herpes like it’s the plague when in reality it’s a minor skin irritation. Yes herpes can be life altering for some people and it has no known cure but for most people who have it it is not life altering. Most people who have it have no symptoms at all. And that’s just among the people who know they have it. Those who do know are reluctant to tell their partners because the stigma is so much worse than the virus. If people would ease up with the stigma people would be far more honest about their status.
Maybe we all have different ideas of what herpes is. I am speaking of genital herpes. This is far from a minor skin irritation. What are you guys talking about when you hear herpes?
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001860/
Genital symptoms include the appearance of small, painful blisters filled with clear or straw-colored fluid. They are usually found:
In women: on the outer vaginal lips (labia), vagina, cervix, around the anus, and on the thighs or buttocks
In men: on the penis, scrotum, around the anus, on the thighs or buttocks
In both sexes: on the tongue, mouth, eyes, gums, lips, fingers, and other parts of the body
Before the blisters appear, the person may feel the skin tingling, burning, itching, or have pain at the site where the blisters will appear
When the blisters break, they leave shallow ulcers that are very painful. These ulcers eventually crust over and slowly heal over 7 – 14 days or more
Other symptoms that may occur include:
Painful urination
Women may have vaginal discharge or, occasionally, be unable to empty the bladder and require a urinary catheter
To further clarify, because of our increased oral habits, unless it is specifically tested, infection with HSV-1 vs HSV-2 is a moot point. You can have the oral/cold sore herpes (HSV-1) in your nether regions and can have a cold sore/mouth blisters that are genital herpes (HSV-2). It’s more than a mere skin irritation… We are failing to remember the point of co-infections. Get infected with herpes…increase the risk of HIV infection. Have herpes and pregnant? Deliver the baby v*ginally and the baby could become blind.
Think people!
Thank you. I was getting concerned that people took herpes so lightly. This one just shocked me that I even had to explain what it actually was and the side effects.
I completely agree with you, I know that if I ever caught herpes -God Forbid – I wouldn’t be thinking “oh well, I can’t wait til I get over this outbreak”…. so I wouldn’t liken it to the common flu.
Well well well, first I must say Sir Campeon, Bravo!
2nd my line sister’s little sister acquired HIV while we were in college (she was like 16), she has since given birth to 3 children by 3 different guys: yes they knew about her status when they got her preggers. I just don’t understand their wrecklessness
I hate to say this, but the fact that Magic doesn’t look like Flava Flav doesn’t help the cause, it truly further mystifies HIV/AIDS “like unicorns and leprechauns” but it has scared the bejesus out of me. Cause honestly who but magic has the kind of money to be buying all those medications to make that cocktail; the only cocktail I want to be taking will totally intoxicate me
Actually, when it comes to AIDS medication, the care/medication he’s getting is the STANDARD. We’ve come a long way in providing medication for HIV and the list of meds is growing rapidly. I’ve now had the pleasure of meeting many, many people who look as well as he does and have been positive for many years.
There are so, so many programs and services providing treatment that most people who are positive really should not find it impossible to get the meds, with or without insurance. It might take some legwork/admin assistance, but it’s out here.
I do suspect that Magic is getting standard medical care AND extra stuff that money can buy.
Like?
alternative medicine treatments, and allopathic medicine treatments that are not FDA approved yet. Sometimes doctors prescribe something off-label.
Sure. “Regular” folks are also getting non-FDA approved treatments to (I’m giving lots of non FDA approved stuff to HIV infected patients through research trials) and the docs in the private practice certainly prescribe off label meds that have been proven through standard of practice. But sure, there are probably some exotic things out there.They pointed out in the article about his 20 year success that his treatment regimen is standard care though, so I kinda doubt it’s some exotic unknown treatment, but possible, sure!
It might be standard, but still to many it’s too expensive, and there are those without insurance that aren’t hitting up programs/clinics. Which is why so many are not getting treatment.
As with many other dx, African Americans are dying from treatable conditions where others are not due to lack of treatment and screening.
Other than a few times w/ my verrrrry first bf (when I was a silly teenager), I’ve never had unprotected sex again (well, intercourse at least). NEVAH! Too much random ish happens to me, I’d end up being the fool who got something tragic after one night w/ ManMan cuz he made me laugh… UH UHH
This post reminds me of an article I read. It was about a dude that went to school with me. He was there before me though. He got HIV as a toddler through a blood transfusion (back when it was still very new). Anyway, in college he never told anyone about his status. He had unprotected sex and girlfriends that he never told about. Just some scary stuff. I just think that most people feel invincible and stuff like that happens to other people until someone you know or close enough gets that monster.
http://www.examiner.com/pop-culture-in-cleveland/video-25-to-life-movie-trailer-william-brawner-had-hiv-hid-it-from-his-women
Are the people who hide their status always monsters, or do they hide it because they don’t want to be seen as monsters? Just as homophobia breeds down-low men, HIV stigma breeds dishonest people.
Yes, people who hide their status AND willing engage in sex of any form with another person isn’t someone that i want in my life. Something that is life altering or threatening should be discussed before you engage in sex. It sucks, it’s embarrassing, i understand that. But that person needs to let the other one decide what they are willing to deal with. It may not always be a deal breaker but that isnt up to the person that has the STD.
I am not trying to be holier than thou either so sorry if i come off that way.
When I said monster I was talking about the actual disease not the person. However, I do believe that people that intentionally hide their status from a partner is beyond selfish. That honest convo needs to be had. Although I do agree that the stigma needs to be done with so folks aren’t out there hiding important health info.
Well the truth is the truth. In a long term relationship now and nary a c0nd0m is present. IIWII
*falls back to reading today
lol so honest.
I ain’t even feel like telling lies today…
I hope you and your partner are already getting tested every year.
Nail on the head.com
Damn good post… Really nothin’ else to add…
I really loved this post for how it was written. It’s so short, but so effective and fun to read!
great post!!! …and Im grateful you listed the many other ickys that folks should be worried about & TESTED 4 in addition to HIV/AIDS cause i think a lot of times, people forget about the other sexually transmitted kudees.
[kinda on a sidenote] To be honest, I’m not a big proponent of birth control methods that involve hormones (like pills/injections) even though people expect you to just be sitting around taking those regularly (interestingly, whether in or OUT of a relationship). I think they are dangerous and there are a lot of other effective bc methods.
agree on the b.c…i prefer condoms to pills or rings…the ring made me suicidal, pills made me bleed forever…latex is simpler.
Yep! Haven’t tried the ring, but women I know that have say it makes them depressed or flat out crazy (don’t make em mad!). lol
I loved the ring but it left me with no libido, the pills made me so emotional so I am not a supporter of the bc options on the market but I am not having anyone’s baby.
I’m also not a fan of “Do you really need to have a period” birth control. I mean, yeah it’s a pain in the ass..but REALLY? That seems really scary to me.. MO
Agreed. That week of torture is totally worth it to know my a** ain’t preggers.
this was the best post ever!!!
>.>
<.<
*reps #TeamVSV …while taking copious notes*
*gets comfy next to Tes*
…
*chomps on Garretts popcorn and manages to be a saint by NOT hovering my hand over the bag, thus allowing the very smart fam to also partake in some… but not too much*
#TeamVSV
The uncomfortable truth about having sex in these times, has me scared. Aside from taking the time to work on myself for the past 5 years, a major reason that has kept me abstinent is the fear of engaging in such intimacy and risking my health. Even with a condom, I’m scared. I’m a very sexual and intimate person, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel comfortable being completely sexually free again.
the truth is, there is a lot of scary and deleterious sh*t out there, not just HIV or other STIs. no one is 100% safe from anything.
but to live a happy and full life, you have to be willing to take some risk. sure, its good to take the proper precautions and put safety first. but you dont want to stop living because you’re scared that something might happen on the off chance that x, y, and z happens. yeah, getting HIV would suck, esp if it was from a spouse who you trusted. but its not a death sentence.
that said, getting tested regularly and having open discussions with an intimate partner is the best approach to being “sexually free”. in the event you did contract something, you’d be well aware of it in enough time to do something about it and continue to live life.
+1
Very insightful response, Gem.
Counseling is another option to reduce your fears. Both regular counseling and STD prevention educational counseling where you learn to take charge, how to open that condom, pull it out, pinch the tip, place on the banana and then roll down with the other hand.
For some people it also is about TRUST and LOVING your body before you will be ready for sex.
x_________
absolutely!
Truth is…why do ‘folk’ always try to scare us away from having chex. It is not even the riskiest thing you do in your lifetime: Eating fast food, driving/riding in a car, being from baton rouge (I am from there, I can say that), drinking : all have a much higher P/K (probability to kill) than flesh rubbing.
Take the stigma away from chex and let’s examine high-risk-behavior outside of the context of trying to scare celibacy into people.
chex is good. it is NOT evil. we all came from chex. carry on.
This post and it’s sentiment just furthers my belief that raw sex is the equivalent of narcotics to most humans. Peep the parallels
1. We’ll lie to get it
2. We’ll compromise virtually any values to have it
3. Even the prospect of it killing us won’t stop us from going after it
There’s probably an override of rationality built into us to make us reproduce.
Seems like the only way to avoid that urge is to not have sex, at least not as often. So if you become a cynical jaded woman like me, you blow most dudes off as a bad situation waiting to happen, and you decrease your sexual activity to nearly zero. Hooray
(end of vent)
****There’s probably an override of rationality built into us to make us reproduce.****
Agreed. Prime example. When you said “So if you become a cynical jaded woman like me, you blow most dudes” I saw that going a completely different direction than where you actually ended up. Stop judging me.
Why? Why won’t biology let me be great?
p.s. Yes I know what separates us from animals is the ability to choose despite our urges, but damn… reproductive urges make us embrace our inner foolywang like no other stupidity we embrace. Sadly I think celibacy is the best choice and the least likely to be employed… EVER.
I think that any relationship that is between consenting adults who respect each other and take good care of their health is the best option.
People were not meant to live a sex-free life unless they feel called to do so.
I agree with you, I think everyone would agree with you… long term committed relationship is a solution to the dilemma… the question is how do we keep from killing ourselves until then (if ever)?
Safer Sex:
condoms — latex and polyurethane
water based lube
spermicide
Options to Sexual Intercourse:
Celibacy (not to be confused with chastity)
sex that doesn’t involve insertion of the penis into her orifices
Ex:
self masturbation
mutal masturbation
protected oral sex ( “protected” = with prophylactics or between sex partners who are STI free)
Frottage
Vibrators/dildo used on one person but not both unless separate condoms are used per person or per vibrator/dildo
Skype sex
Phone sex
Fantasy sex
Tantric sex with no penetration
Spanking, tickling, nipple pinching during self stimulation or mutual masturbation
Sybian machines and other sex machines that offer penetration and/or clitoral stimulation
et cetera
No one has to have blue balls or blue ovaries while avoiding sexual intercourse.
et cetera
oral sex with protection
And people wonder why I feel completely justified in thinking that most other people are idiots. . .
Everyone’s excuse for not using condoms just rings hollow to me. Off the top of my head, here are my responses to some of those (Oh and please, if you’ve got more reasons. . . let me know!):
1. They reduce sensation. BS. Buy the ultra thin lightly lubricated with spermicidal lubricant condoms. Like spending time in jail, there are only two times you know it’s on, the time you first put it on, and when you take it off (which geniuses is pretty much immediately after ejaculation). Furthermore for the cats who are worried about losing sensation, aren’t you the same fools who can’t go more than 5 minutes?
2. They cost too much – I never have enough around, etc. BS. For $50, you can buy a box of 400 condoms. (I now buy mine 500 at a time, only because that’s the largest single package I can order of condoms from amazon). Condoms are cheap. For the same amount that you’d spend taking your hoodrat out to the McDonalds for a dollar meal date, you could have paid for 10 condoms. Nobody said YOU had to eat on the date.
3. It ruins the mood. Well Mr. 3 seconds of foreplay, I guess it does ruin your mood. For everyone else who even pretends at it, you do realize that universal instructions of condom use state that you put it on when erect. It doesn’t say only put on immediately before penetration. Reading is Fundamental.
4. They’re not 100% effective anyway. Is that right Miss 4 STDs and 5 illegitimate kids? Because I’ve had a lot of sex and guess what, I’ve got zero of those. Now, maybe I’m just lucky. Maybe when God was assigning guardian angels by lottery, I was the guy who won the only one with sperm and std killing power. Or maybe I’m a secret agent of the man so my condoms don’t arrive with pre-poked holes. . .wait, I thought the man didn’t want us having babies? Well, let me tell you, 5 kids out of your 6 sex partners means that even at not 100% effectiveness, condoms are still beating your ass. You might as well join the winning team.
5. Wearing a condom is uncomfortable. So is getting raped while in jail for not paying child support. Your move.
um. the message yes.. the delivery…
and who are the people you know that claim money as the reason to not buy/use them?
ignant folks will claim ignant things
“its too expensive”
It is free at Planned Parenthood! lol
With #2, I will say this. I’m struggling to think of a product with wider price swings than condoms. If you don’t know where to show, you will get your butt kicked. It’s like finding out a Mickey Dees extra value meal is $6 in one spot…and $20 in another and $10 someplace else. I do agree mail order is the move, but I’m not going to front like it ain’t a pain.
I see the price of condoms. Have you seen the price of birth control pills? Insane.
and the price of babies? whoa nelly!
the non-financial prices of:
* having HIV/AIDS/STIs
* dealing with someone you cannot stand simply because you had sex with him/her raw & the prospect of dealing with him/her for 18 years.
Truth! Besides with insurance birth control pills are less than $10 monthly…….which is way less than paying for a baby or HIV medications (Them damn HIV medication cost ain’t no joke- check out the link
http://aids.about.com/od/hivmedicationfactsheets/a/drugcost.htm )
well daaaaaamn… WELL SAID!
Not saying this happened to me but let’s say I have a friend who had unprotected s.ex…more than a little bit. She only did this with one person who she was in a comitted relationship with for a very very long time. THAT still didn’t stop him from cheating on her 8 YEARS in. Did he use a condom with homegirl? He said he did but she will NEVER know. Since his cheating “wasn’t planned” and an “accident”, she knew he probably didn’t have condoms handly like that. She went and got tested and had the most stressful week she’d had in a long time waiting on the results. Needless to say she got lucky with negative results but it was a good lesson for her.
I’m sharing this very private part of my friend
to say that there really isn’t any fool proof way to stay std free except to use condoms. Sadly, ninjas cheat even when they’re MARRIED but dare you bring a condom into the bedroom with your mate and see the look on their face. No bueno. I really can’t think of anything that would make people use condoms 24/7, no matter who they are with…there will always be exceptions like when you want to conceive with your partner, etc.
So to me, in addition to condom use, I think people should get tested before they start to take off the glove with their partner AND I think ppl should start to re-evaluate their s.exual practices like infidelity, etc. I haven’t read any recent research but I’m willing to bed good money stds are sky high because people are cheating and taking off the glove to people they aren’t committed to. Another part would be to get tested. People with diseases are spreading it because they don’t know. If you go to jail and your booty is snatched, you don’t have to tell anyone but go get tested before you go home to your girlfriend upon release. I just feel like we can be more responsible, especially Black people. I know I’m talking in the wind but it feels good to type it anyway.
“People with diseases are spreading it because they don’t know.” Sad and true.
I plan on using condoms when I’m married. How exactly are we going to keep from having kids until we’re ready? I’m not down for elective surgeries. . .
birth control but as you know it doesn’t protect against stds so womp…and it makes you gain weight. lol
thats why i get tested before and after every relationship. even with using condoms i have this ocd thing about getting tested all the time.
Me too. I’m super ocd about everything lol
This is one sentence. One funny-@$$ed, truth ridden sentence at that.
I left this Earth at Ron Mexico.
Someone above mentioned Donald Glover (awesome rapper by the way) and how he wore protection because of fear of unplanned pregnency more that STDs. On the occasions I do wear condoms, I do so more to prevent pregnency than anything else. Mainly because I have several Facebook friends who I graduated elementary school with and a good number of them got knocked up almost as soon as the went to high school. I was surprised at the sheer number of females I knew that this happened to. Like, even the quiet ones weren’t spared…
Use condoms every time just so you can reach adulthood healthy and not getting sued for child support or thrown in jail because of not paying it.
Welp, everybody said what I woulda said. I know a lady who got Herpes from her husband. That kinda thing is fairly common, I hear.
I don’t know about this urge to do it raw. I’ve had it both ways and the difference is not that much. Not enough, anyway. I think some people want to accidentally get pregnant because they’re too much of a coward to plan it.
For the people who don’t have sex often enough to feel like they need to keep condoms, or the folks who are embarrassed to buy them, one suggestion, get them online.
I keep them in my purse, car and night stand. And anybody who thinks that makes me a heaux is too retarded to fcuk.
“I don’t know about this urge to do it raw. I’ve had it both ways and the difference is not that much. Not enough, anyway.”
Very very true. I remember there was a discussion on here, can’t recall the topic but there were a lot of finger pointing between the genders on who’s responsible for unplanned pregnancies, stds, etc.
A LOT of men were blaming women for being “sluts” and “fast” etc like she decided to knock herself up, etc. I remember thinking why would a woman benefit from not using a condom? The difference in feeling isn’t that different and we would still org@sm just the same. No, to men, s.ex without a rubber feels GREAT. Some of them want this feeling no matter what the cost. It’s majority the MEN who pressure the women to go raw, look at her like a h0e if she already has a condom, etc. I don’t know many women who want kids or trick men into kids, that’s a small minority. It’s the pressure tactics from men seeking the raw feeling that’s a big problem with unwanted pregancy and stds. The only reason why there are more women who account for HIV #s currently is because women are the ones who get tested more. When I worked at my mother’s AIDS clinic, it was majority women who came in plus women have to go to the dr more often for other reasons and are more likely to get tested then. How often do men go to the doctor? So not only are a lot of men pressuring women to let them hit it raw, they’re not even getting tested. They show less symptoms than women so they feel fine. It’s so sad. Excuse the generalizing as I’m obviously not speaking about all men. I’m not playing the blame game but just what I see. We need to be honest with eacher about why this is happened. Just ranting
Nope not a rant…I was nodding in agreement to everything you had to say.
Never heard that analysis before, but it sounds spot on.
*ponders*
What she said! *drops mic*
It’s also easier for a women to catch an STD than a man. http://hivinsite.ucsf.edu/insite?page=ask-01-01-23
Sex with a condom feels GREAT. I don’t see the logic in going without the condom. Maybe we should market condoms as something that helps people last longer in bed. . .
“Maybe we should market condoms as something that helps people last longer in bed. . .
Maybe that would work since marketing it as helping save lives doesn’t seem to work too well!
true true true…i hear many a story from female friends getting pressured and the guy didn’t want to use protection (even the first dayum time) because because she *said* she didn’t have anything or she looked clean. SMDH.
Yep to all of this!
Agreed. Alladis. The exception that proves the rule is that women tend to go raw only when trying to be someone’s girl, not for every random dude that comes through. And if she does go raw for every random dude, HIV is the least of your worries. Last I checked, a well-placed knife will kill faster than AIDS. Boiled bunnies, anyone?
Truth ^. An ex consistently pressured me to go raw, but I never could. The thought of catching whatever evaporated the mood, you know? After we broke up and enough time had passed to be civil to each other, we had an honest talk about the relationship and why we didn’t last. He said one of the main reasons for him was that I wouldn’t drop the condom thing.
Now, let me acknowledge my own foolishness in alladis. One – When I met him (I found out after the fact), he was living with (off of) his girlfriend who was 8 months pregnant at the time. I allowed the relationship to develop after I found out about the baby momma. Two – He cheated on me with said baby momma not once but *twice*. When I found out about the second time, I called it quits.
Closing hit – During our keeping it 100 post-breakup talk, he told me that the reason why he did the baby momma twice (that I know of) was because she let him hit it raw.
I was an idiot, but my real fear is that I *still* am re: relationships. My current friend with benefits is as adamant about keeping it wrapped as I am. But I haven’t been tested in a while – too long. No health insurance currently, but I need to find a clinic.
Thanks to Champ et al for the wakeup call.
I keep them in my purse, car and night stand. And anybody who thinks that makes me a heaux is too retarded to fcuk.
this needs to be said louder
*looks in the direction of will.i.am (an idiot)
i can honestly say i’m very “eh” to the whole unprotected sex debate. i think risky unprotected sex + not knowing your STI status is whats dangerous and stupid.
but i have absolutely no problem with people having unprotected sex in a committed relationship where both partners are getting tested regularly.
because short of not having sex at all, well really not even leaving your house (so you wont get raped by an infected person or stuck with an infected needle), theres NO guaranteed way to prevent pregnancy or infection 100%.
if you’re going to enjoy the pleasures of genital-to-genital (or genital-to-anus) contact, be up-to-date on your health.
or mouth-to-genital. lol.
haha yep!
This really comes down to human nature and biology. Education is not a factor. Humans have been having sex unprotected for thousands and thousands of years. We’ve only veered towards promoting safe sex and condom use en mass for the past, twenty, twenty five years? That’s an uphill battle for real.
Add to that our bodies are made to reproduce, and we’ve got a helluva system in place to make sure we do so. I doubt ads would help since they’d have to be very graphic to be effective. This is one of those situations where only bad experiences learned from your past or a loved one will curb the behavior. Unfortunate but true.
What you said reminds me of those history specials that talk about someone developed syphilis back in the day and went crazy or walked around burning and with sores and was rumored to smell foul. Or that they died from horrible complications of years of an untreated STI.
Except for my first (when I was on the pill and we’d both been tested), the only time I’ve gone without a condom is when the condom broke. Seriously, folks, wrap it up.
Two things: I always keep condoms on me, just in case(no, Jaheim), ya know; I don’t engage women with the intention of bedding them because I don’t trust random strangers.
I typically end up giving my condoms away but not in a large measure by any means.
My theory is to not “engage” any woman that I wouldn’t marry. I am Stoney Jackson (Xzibit fans?Strong arm steady reference).
All the same, condoms are a harsh buzz kill. If you cared about the people around & connected to you, then you’d think of them before gambling your health on a foray with a stranger. It stops me EVERY TIME. I really mean it.
brilliant post Champness.
Pure dopeness ………. that is all!
oooohhhhhhh Baby I like it raw —–RIP ODB
But on a more serious note, we have this problem because as a society we don’t follow rules or authority. Our grasp on reality is so screwed. We speed, run red lights, drink b4 21, hang out with mary jane. And all this is glorified in our culture today. People don’t wear condoms because its provacative it gets the people going. . . . I digress, but really they don’t because they dont think it will happen to them. Until we start to educate and truly show our children that this isn’t acceptable behavior then nothing is going to change. Safe sex has to become part of the culture not a slogan that those other people chant. And as far as our generation were lost in the sauce word to usher.
Great post Champ
Very nice post, Champ!
Wow this is a doozy. Sooo true there, and I have had more than a few scares in my life in terms of STDs (all turned out negative though) and I’ve taken blood tests twice. Haven’t taken one recently cause man that sh*t is scary! I mean, talking about heart pounding type sh*t.. I mean even when you think you’ve been pretty meticulous and prudent and sh*t, soon as you submit that blood test, like Chris Rock said, you start thinking about those couple ‘less than prudent’ situations you might have been in or that time you had to pee really bad and accidentally sat down on the toilet seat at that back road Exxon gas station or that time you borrowed your homegirl’s chapstick (i know the last two are highly unlikely methods of transmission, but I get paranoid like that sometimes)
But honestly, I just really hate condoms. I have used them of course when I have not been in a relationship with someone but dont if I am in a relationship. They actually irritate me *down there* Maybe the guys I was with those times had cheap a** condoms or were excessively ‘pounding’ it, can’t say.. But I currently don’t use them with my SO and couldn’t imagine having to do so. Just keeping it real.
If it’s chaffing, first, make sure you’re well-lubricated. If that doesn’t work, go for the polyurethane kind. They cost a touch more, but if you’re that irritated, it’s probably worth it.
They actually irritate me
You know, I really think a lot of women are allergic to latex and just don’t know it. I didnt become sexually active until I was two months shy of 20, so I was able to pick up on the fact quickly. Should you find yourself in need in the future, try the polyurethane form like Trojan Supra’s. I’d recommend them anyway b/c they’re thinner than latex.
Condoms do suck, but there are other options that won’t make you irritated or sacrifice too much sensation.
i was going to suggest the Supras too. saved my life as latex and i have a very volatile relationship.
Well done Well done I applaud you… but knowing my queen is clean, n im clean… this shit just makes me appreciate it even more, so excuse me while I play sick, leave work, and go home to make her pussy tremble…. with no protection
I think that being educated is actually the root of the matter…many people find it hard to believe that anyone in their inner circle or within six degrees of separation could actually have a disease. Since everyone they tend to socialize with and date is probably on a comparable educational level, they just assume that everyone must have been conducting themselves in a completely responsible manner prior to connecting with them, so they trick themselves into thinking that this is prob the first time that one or both of them is taking this risk, therefore making it a total non-risk. i also think that people are afraid to be prepared, as it would appear to be planning to “sin”, rather than just making a last minute mistake that you can ask forgiveness for and brush under the rug. Fin.
Brilliant and hilarious. I also think ppl are having unprotected sex b/c the are wearing the wrong size condom (good or bad)
I am going to be the first person in the entire blogosphere to admit what I’m about to admit, if not to inform, not necessarily to scare, but bring to light a few things. I read posts like these and sometimes take them with a grain of salt, just like many other topics because people always want to make it seems like “they ain’t talkin about/to me.” I however am one of the 25 that has Herpes Type 2. Yes the Genital one…the one everyone is cared of getting because it’s nasty and it last a lifetime and it says how dirty and irresponsible sexually you are as a person. A lot of times it is discussed, it is by people who know very little information about it aside from those horrible excuses of sexual education programs weakly enforced in our school systems.
I know…just me typing it sends people rushing for hand sanitizer. I’ve lived with it for 7 years and I have changed dramatically sense then, but I wanted to point a few things out because I can start an entire blog of my experience alone.
1. I contracted it with an acquaintance and I was using a condom. So some people need to get this dirty little notion that if you use a condom, it’s a sure bet. It helps, but not completely, the only ways to truly know if your partner is effected is to ask them and make sure when they go for those STD tests, they ask specifically for the blood test that identifies HSV antibodies. If not, you’re just guessing. Most people I know who take those test don’t know what I’m talking about.
2. HSV is not a death sentence and is manageable. I panicked when I found out. I contemplated suicide. I felt unclean, unwanted, no longer worthy of love or any intimacy with anyone. I felt like I should’ve just disappeared or took myself out because I became the Gorilla in the room so to speak. Then, after years of talking with folks who had it, doctors and through my own research I found a way to manage it without the use of OTC or BTC medicines.
3. Oh yeah! Most people have been exposed to one type of Herpes in their lifetime, many at least 2. Chickenpox? Yep, same family. Cold Sore? Come on now…don’t act like folks don’t get them and you don’t look and know what it is. But once that sore appears below the belt, oh shit…shoot this guy. As a gorilla in the room, I can’t tell you how many times folks have threatened to kill anyone they suspected of giving them anything. Yet most to the time, folks don’t know they are carrying this virus and passing it along. I at least know my status and truthfully, I do not know any other MALE who admits to having it. Women, yes, they have told me. I do not know one adult male that has admitted publicly or privately that he does.
4. Knowing my status, despite the emotional trauma inflicted by myself through worrying and ignorance, has not hindered my life and yes, I have continued to have relations with partners after I have informed them. The talk is never easy. It never will be. Let anyone tell you and they are all clean. At least knowing what it is and what it is doing in my body is a leg up. I don’t feel as spontaneous and not as sexually primed as I once did, but I don’t feel like the piece of shit most folks would label me as because of this skin disease.
I would like to write a lot more but I suggest folks do their research and communicate with their partners better. Please use condoms and some other form of birth control but also think ahead about your consequences. I would never have typed anything like this 7 years ago, but today I do it in order to educate and hopefully help those who are infected and want to feel somewhat normal again.
If anyone would like to know more or interact with me about it, send me an email: Gorillndaroom@yahoo.com (note there is no A in Gorilla)
Thanks for sharing your story and providing a dose of education as well.
You said it well, about the risks, and how people are not forthcoming about having it, and that people with Herpes can and do have a sex life with focus on protection of their partner. Thanks for sharing.
I can honestly say I’ve never had unprotected sex. I haven’t been with a man who even so much as SUGGESTED that we not use a condom every single time, so I’ve never been tempted to not use one. Lucky me, I guess?
As an educated woman, after reading sixty percent of the terms you just mentioned, I realized that I am not wholly sexually educated……So while, I’m quite informed about a lot of sh*t..I’ve arrived to the conclusion that sex isn’t one of them after reading all that.
Guess I should take a class in NY where they’re apparently covering everything in sex ed including bestiality, not that I’m interested but they’re covering EVERYTHING, I hear.
Soooooooooooo was the point of this post to discourage us from having…dare I say it, “unprotected sex”! lmbo
Educated or uneducated we all make crazy a$$ decisions when it comes to getting in a little “vaginal activity”. SMH Thank God I’ve avoided contracting any std’s thusfar. I’mma do better from here on out. #scoutshonor
Man. I jumped on the celibacy wagon a little over a year ago and let me tell you it’s the hardest thing in the world!!!!
*sidenote* why is it that when you decide you wanna be celibate the finest men and women in the world start crawling out the woodwork trying to talk to you? Or maybe they’re only fine coz I’m getting none.
Back to my point. I used to hand out condoms in my university and do sex drives in high school talking about Abstinence and safe sex and alla dat but I would still let me man hit it raw if we ran out of condoms and were too lazy to go to the store. Education is never enough.
It took me getting pregnant for me to realize that this shit does happen to well off health conscious women not just random girls on BET. (no seriously I can’t tell you the number of times I thought to myself “I’m not some stupid high school kid. Of course I won’t get pregnant”)
And even after the baby I still let the baby dad hit it raw once for “old times sake” and then he dropped off some chlamydia on his way out. And all I could think of was that it could have been aids or herpes or some new flesh eating hybrid disease with no cure.
So yea… education is never enough. I really think it needs to hit you personally for you to realize that it can and probably will happen to you
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