If you let current literature tell it, men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and Lil Wayne is from some oddly named planet in a land far far away. And while there’s truth to it, the fact is, men are fairly simple enough to accept. I’d say understand but the truth is, men and women do not understand one another. The more people accept this fact, the less people would be trying to understand just what Jay and Beyonce talk about on their alone time.
I actually don’t think they talk to one another, but that’s a whole other talk show.
Anyway, as a service to mankind, I shall outline 10 simple truths about men.
1. “A woman’s life is love, a man’s love is life…”
This line was uttered by Phonte of Little Brother/Foreign Exchange on Little Brother’s song, “Breakin’ My Heart” on GetBack. That might be the most poignant utterance in the history of utterances. Mostly because it’s so true. Women spend so much time trying to find love, they can’t understand why men don’t feel the same way. Frankly, because for us, love is just a part of life – and that love can come from a $2 ho for some guys. I mean, do you know what a $2 ho will do for those 2 bucks? I don’t think you do. It’s deep.
Pun.
2. We lie, because that’s what you really want to hear. In that sense, we’re saints and martyrs all wrapped up in one. We’re Tiger Woods hitting on Mother Theresa.
If you don’t want to hear that you look like a barn in that outfit, when you know you do, don’t ask. Sensitivity is something little boys who play with dolls learn. G.I. Joe with the kung fu grip was an action figure, not a doll, by the way. We don’t normally realize you’re mad until AFTER you shoot back the glance. Thing is, ladies, it’s your fault. Don’t make us lie, and we won’t.
*snicker*
3. Some men do lie just because. Thing is, you already know this, why are you so damn disappointed?
I’ll never understand why nearly every woman I know thinks that men are liars and then gets all shocked and pantied-bunched when they find out their man lied to them. You ain’t special. According to the current media sh*t storm, if you’re a Black woman with a man, you’re a lucky minority (like a Black leprechaun). Oh yeah, and if you’re a white woman, you’ve done NOTHING wrong, ever. Word to Fox News.
4. Until we say I love you, without you prompting it, we don’t.
You’ll know a man loves you when he just can’t stop himself from telling you. If you ask a man if he loves you, and he says, “yes”, he still hasn’t technically said it, he just answered the question that creates the shortest distance between two points: your mouth and his schlong.
5. Your degree and/or place of employment means absolutely nothing to us if you look like a cactus.
Even if you’re fine as May wine, we still don’t care unless you make way more money than we do, in which case, it is discussed on a case-by-case basis. Sorry, but it’s true.
6. When we act disinterested in you, it means we’re disinterested in you. It does not, however, mean for you to try harder.
And yes, Margaret, we can still sleep with you without any interest whatsoever. We said we didn’t like you, your boobs have done nothing to us for us to not like them.
7. Actions speak louder than words. But unless he says the words, don’t go assuming anything.
Espcially don’t assume he’s your man. That always ends badly – like Hurricane Katrina badly. More simply, if we never say I love you or that you are our girlfriend, we don’t and you aren’t.
8. The fact that we’ll sleep with you and your friends doesn’t make us trifling – it means you need better friends.
Women tend to assume that there’s some code about not boning friends of friends. Must have been a white guy who started all that.
9. Nudity does not guarantee that we are interested in you.
It means that we both thought being nude was a good idea at the time.
10. Generally, men don’t like “b*tches”. We like stong and assertive women.
Attitude doesn’t make you strong and assertive. It means you have an attitude. You should give that to Garcon Garcon at the door there.
These are 10 truths about men. And this goes out to you, and you…this goes out to you.
Community of folks, what are other truths about men that women need to know? And to my estrogenitas out there, what are some truths about women that men won’t seem to accept.
Do your community service today and speak on it.
For the kids.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
The arsonist has returned
@shay-d-lady, the wait is over. you can thank me later.
@shay-d-lady,
That’s exactly what I was thinking reading this entry!
I like P, the Arsonit.
Women despite what men believe really do like to have guy friends JUST TO HAVE GUY FRIENDS
It doesn’t mean we’re hoes
It doesn’t mean we’re b*tches that don’t get along with other females
It just means we enjoy the insight of our chocolate brethren and seek their company.
I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten labeled a hoe for merely having guy acquaintances. Like seriously? I expect this from simple, silly *ss women but MEN TOO?
I have more but can’t think of em right now.
@SimplisElegance (Formally lh),
Women despite what men believe really do like to have guy friends JUST TO HAVE GUY FRIENDS
I think that leads more to the fact that men know other men. we just don’t believe that a guy is gonna sit there and listen to your problems, just because!
@Kirk Lazarus,
I agree. There are a few exceptions (very few) but for the most part there are always some kind of ulterior motives or history that says things weren’t always “platonic”. And if all your guy friends are ex’s, that doesn’t fall into the category of platonic at all.
@Kirk Lazarus,
By the way, love the name!
@SimplisElegance (Formally lh), any guy friend you have that you haven’t known that long isn’t really your friend… there are only certain scenarios where he’s not trying to beat
you grew up together
your his ex’s best friend
your related
most other scenarios dude wants some…and most of the time you use him for random things because you know he wants some and is trying to impress you
Look I cannot co-sign enough on the last three sentences of your comment. HECK YES~ we use guys bc we know he has some type of interest. We women try to act all “whoopsy daisy” naive straight up virginal asserting we don’t use men on the regular. Well coming from “a good girl” damn it I do it often and I’m not ashamed to admit. Dude’s hanging @ anyway for something so oh well.
@SimplisElegance (Formally lh), It doesn’t mean we’re b*tches that don’t get along with other females
it does if you don’t have any other female friends. we’ve covered this extensively here at VSB. it is law. it is rule. it is rule of law. and mostly, it was written.
and yeah, only in extreme circumstances are the additions of many male friends in your life just accessories to the outfit that is your life.
mostly cuz i’d wager 99 percent of them cats are in deed trying to hit.
@Panama Jackson,
“it does if you don’t have any other female friends.”
LOL I have other female friends, I just don’t want females to be the ONLY friends I have
Sometimes I want a man’s perspective on stuff, ya know? And I KNOW (at least on my end) that these guys are my friends because I enjoy their company, convo, etc. and DO NOT want to hop in bed with them. The guys that are my good friends I actually have grown up with and a few I’ve know for some good several years.
So yeah….women can have male friends and not be hoes/b*tches
Since THIS is written so it shall be
….and sh*t
@SimplisElegance (Formally lh),
“(at least on my end)”
EXACTLY. On YOUR end. Trust that (99% of) those dudes would smash if given the opportunity.
@Panama Jackson,
“Trust that (99% of) those dudes would smash if given the opportunity.”
of course…but they have to be given the opportunity.
and of course this being the case, why do dudes get upset when i call a spade a spade? listen, you didn’t come up to me because i look like a nice person and someone you want to be friends with. you came up because you pictured me throwin my d’s on ya – so why front?
so unless you are related or a different sexual orientation from hetero.. i’m going to assume you want something from me. it may not always be my body (it could be a job, a link, my girl’s phone number).
dont call me jaded, call me keepin it real.
@Keisha Brown,
and of course this being the case, why do dudes get upset when i call a spade a spade? listen, you didn’t come up to me because i look like a nice person and someone you want to be friends with. you came up because you pictured me throwin my d’s on ya – so why front?
Because men learn from an early age that most women wouldn’t like us if we showed them how we really felt about them. So men put up this “friend” front to lul you to sleep in hopes of catching you on a off day.
@SimplisElegance (Formally lh),
I have to cosign this! Especially, “we enjoy the insight of our chocolate brethren and seek their company. ”
I have a handful of guy friends that I’m super close to. I think what’s confusing to people (read: other men) is the semantic argument about what “platonic” is. I define my friendships with men as those that are NOT a threat to my current romantic relationship. Some of those guys have been my homeboys for 10 years. Do I think they would hit if they could? Certainly. Are they actively trying for it? No. And would I ever make an offer? They would probably be more shocked than I…
@jai de vivre,
Exactly!
Cosign every single thing you said girl lol
@jai de vivre,
yep, co-sign
@R.A.G,
Co-sign.
I doubt they’d turn it down, but we would never get to that point.
My guy friends are great guys that I’d just might date if I was attracted to/compatible with them. But I’m not…so they are friends. Meaning that they have those qualities I look for in any of my relationships (romantic and not).
Also, most of my guy friends are my oldest friends. Which begs the question: If all male friends are trying to do is hit or impress (in order to hit), what would be the point it staying loyal when they still haven’t gotten any after 10 years?
How does this fit into your “rule”?
Men, please advise.
interesting topic peej. i think both men and women fail at properly trying to understand and/or accept certain truths about the opposite sex. and i think we we tried harder we’d communicate and get along more effectively without a lot of drama.
in my women’s bible study class (dont worry, im not gon start preachin lol), the book we’re reading a book that states that women need to recognize that men need admiration and respect while women need love. and once women stop trying to bend a man’s needs to her own–i.e. trying to shower our man with love like we expect him to do of us–we’d get along better (and thus have a successful marriage). and i think this is key! christian or not. both genders need to be mindful of this. men can be just as bad about not meeting a woman where she is as women can be about not meeting a man where he is.
@Gem of the Ocean,
“i think both men and women fail at properly trying to understand and/or accept certain truths about the opposite sex. and i think we we tried harder we’d communicate and get along more effectively without a lot of drama.”
This is chuuuch right here. I think society in many ways tend to pit man against woman and woman against man and when people take things too far, it’s more divisive s oppose to bringing us together in helping us understand each other. In many instances, we’re at competition (Battle Of The Sexes, if you will-No Luda) instead of working together.
The fact remains is that we need each other.
*Damn, I think I heard violins playing and shyt as I typed this…I’m goin’ soft.*
@Monk,
“*Damn, I think I heard violins playing and shyt as I typed this…I’m goin’ soft.*”
lol. yeah cause i totally heard Jilly from Philly’s “the fact is…” start playing in my head when i read your last line. haha. love that song.
@Gem of the Ocean, i think both men and women fail at properly trying to understand and/or accept certain truths about the opposite sex.
if more people understood and respected this, VSB would be out of business. lucky for us most people refuse to accept this as fact.
1.) You have given me a whole new something to ponder during moments of boredom, while waiting in line, or during a long car ride – “what do Jay and Beyonce talk about in their alone time?” That is such a good question, why have I never thought about it before? And why am I so fascinated by it now? On second thought – damn yous for this! Now I’ll be wondering for days.
2.) like a Black leprechaun: Errybody who say the leprechaun say “yeaaaaaahh!”
3.) “#6, When we act disinterested in you, it means we’re disinterested in you. It does not, however, mean for you to try harder.”
Complete co-sign and I think that’s one of the most interesting differences between men and women – and one place where men have a bit of an advantage over women.
Women are supposed to act demure and hard to get and when they do it normally attracts men. When men act disinterested or detached it also attracts women – both situations give off a try harder and you may catch me signal. Yet the women is at an inherent disadvantage in this situation. A man attracted to a women playing a hard to get game may have an actual chance with that woman for some sort of relationship. Whether its FWB or a real dating type situation – trying harder is probably going to net him something substantive. However, when a woman tries a harder to get at a guy who’s acting nonchalant she has no chance of netting him for anything more than a night or two in bed.
@Madame Zenobia, yeah, hate to say it. women don’t usually “grow on” men. we’re either interested a lot or will hit if time permits assuming we don’t have anything else to do.
@Madame Zenobia,
1.) You have given me a whole new something to ponder during moments of boredom, while waiting in line, or during a long car ride – “what do Jay and Beyonce talk about in their alone time?” That is such a good question, why have I never thought about it before? And why am I so fascinated by it now? On second thought – damn yous for this! Now I’ll be wondering for days.
i image what little convo they have to go a lil something like this:
Jay: Why wont you have my baby?
Bey: Because you’re ugly.
Jay: Fine, i’ll get one of my jumpoffs to do it.
Bey: Go ahead
@thatchic,
mi DEAD @ your script.
@thatchic, Jay: Why wont you have my baby?
Bey: Because you’re ugly.
Jay: Fine, i’ll get one of my jumpoffs to do it.
Bey: Go ahead
LMAO
@thatchic,
Hilarious and probably accurate. Thank you for clearing this up in my mind.
@thatchic,
“Jay: Why wont you have my baby?
Bey: Because you’re ugly.
Jay: Fine, i’ll get one of my jumpoffs to do it.
Bey: Go ahead”
LOL. In my mind though, she added, “freakumdress” at the end…just ’cause.
@Madame Zenobia,
When men act disinterested or detached it also attracts women
I think we need to train our daughters better… My grandma always said not to pay attention to a guy (person) who does not pay attention to me… And like I usually say, unless a guy expresses CLEARLY that he is into me, I don’t actually think of him as a potential mate… he is a eunuch until he clearly states/shows that he likes me… onlyTHEN can I investigate my own feelings towards said gentleman… He might be attractive or interesting, but until he is into me, he remains just that: an attractive or interesting eunuch.
@Sula,
Co-sign. The best lesson my father ever taught me: Never like someone more than they like you.
@Madame Zenobia, Very true. Unfortunately I’ve had to learn that one the hard way. I’ve found that men like to give alot of lip service about how much they like your company, but then don’t do much about it in the action aspect.
That’s my man, P the 3! Laying the law down! *e-dap*
Anyways, for my $0.02, I offer the following:
Us men are taught to be problem solvers. If you ladies just want to vent about your problems and don’t want us to offer a solution or will otherwise dismiss our proposed solution, please inform us of this before going into a 2-hour diatribe about your given situation.
It saves us both a lot of time that we may never get back otherwise. Good night and good luck.
@Soula Powa,
Yum. That’s one of my very favorite things about your kind….
@bittersweet’s baby, it’s not a lot of women’s favorite thing. b/c despite it being common knowledge, a lot of women STILL think that we can sit thru a problem session and just say, “here here now, it will all be okay” without offering one tried and true solution.
@Panama Jackson,
Ahhh yes. But see I’m not the average woman.
This kinda appreciation is for those of us with a slighlty more elevated mindset.
@Soula Powa,
exactly. I literally sometimes just ask, “are you venting, or looking for a solution.” I’m sure that’ may come off a little cold at first, but I’m trying to get an understanding before I say something like “Do this, do that, then do this.” Before, I’d go through the process and somehow end up in an argument.
@Soula Powa,
will otherwise dismiss our proposed solution
I think this is crucial for men (and everybody else) to understand… Offering a solution does NOT guarantee that your solution will be taken… I have gotten over the fact that my dude will always offer a solution when I talk to him about something… I understand that and have gotten over that little tidbit… Now, what he needs to understand is that his solution might not be the best suited for the problem. I will thank him for volunteering one and do what I have to do… Men need to get over the fact that they always have the BEST answer… No, hon, sometimes you don’t.
“The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right”
– Hannah Whitall Smith
@Sula,
“The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right”
– Hannah Whitall Smith”
*Quietly taking notes.*
@Caballeroso,
*Quietly taking notes.*
Lol! Because I so know you are the type to offer a solution to the problem… Right?… And truthfully, I understand that it comes from the bestest intention and everything, and I aknowledge that… but please, please do not take it personal if I follow a different route. Lol!
Good post! I pretty much agree and respect what has been laid out, but a couple of comments:
#2-Sometimes you lie to get your azz out a sling.
#8-There is a code, which men recognize if a woman is triflin’ and sleeps with HIS friends. (Which many of us never have and never would do, just makin’ a point.)
Truth’s about women:
1-We need time with the girls and time alone for ourselves
2-We don’t wanna’ be your “mother”, have a power trip, or control everything contrary to popular belief. Some of us would love to kick back and have you handle it sometimes.
3-The argument would end so much more quickly if you stopped being defensive and said “sorry”. Really, a lot of us women would respect you for being big enough to say it and admit it and could sincerely care less about moral superiority or trying to hold it over anyone’s head. What we care about respect and mistreatment.
4-Many of us are not afraid to say we are sorry and apologize when wrong.
@legitimate_soul,
“4- Many of us are not afraid to say we are sorry and apologize when wrong.”
By “many”, do you mean “very few”? If not, I call bullshyt on this one. It’s a very rare occassion when I see a woman openly admit that she was wrong and sincerely apologize. I’ve said it before, the majority of women (I’ve encountered…including my mother) hardly ever apologizes…they’ll just make excuses or give reasons trying to justify their wrong-ness. Even if they are in the wrong and decide to apologize, they still rarely take FULL responsibility for their actions or words…an excuse will often be given in this scenario as well.
@Monk, yeah, pride and ego is not limited to men.
@Monk,
really? i find this interesting.
if i dont know something – i ask questions
if i’m wrong – i apologize
i don’t believe i’m weak or stupid for doing either.
pride and ego (#nobeyonce) are definitely not limited to men – but you don’t know ANY females that can say they are sorry??
*deep thoughts (#nojackhandy)
@Keisha Brown,
but you don’t know ANY females that can say they are sorry??
Word?
I am like… hmmmm #deepthoughts
@Keisha Brown,
“really? i find this interesting.
if i dont know something – i ask questions
if i’m wrong – i apologize
i don’t believe i’m weak or stupid for doing either.
pride and ego (#nobeyonce) are definitely not limited to men – but you don’t know ANY females that can say they are sorry??
*deep thoughts (#nojackhandy)”
If I remember right you are from Toronto correct? If so you don’t count in this situation. Women from there seem to do the things you stated with without effort. I don’t know if it’s the water or air but a lot of the women I’ve met there exude humility.
@Keisha Brown,
A few, but they are a vast minority.
@Monk,
I’ve experienced this myself. It seems borderline crazy watching someone do this. I’ve had women give me every reason in the world explaining why they were wrong but not saying they were wrong. You don’t lose anything by apologizing. I don’t know who is worse with pride men or women.
@Humble_One,
If I remember right you are from Toronto correct? If so you don’t count in this situation. Women from there seem to do the things you stated with without effort. I don’t know if it’s the water or air but a lot of the women I’ve met there exude humility.
that’s an interesting observation.
*runs off to share with all my ladies and plans a road trip to the US of A (economic parity is a wonderful thing!)
@Monk, Humble_One, Panama Jackson
Well, I say very many because I will say “I’m sorry”, admit I was wrong, ask questions when I don’t know and many of the sisters I roll with will do the same.
@legitimate_soul, #8-There is a code, which men recognize if a woman is triflin’ and sleeps with HIS friends. (Which many of us never have and never would do, just makin’ a point.)
oh yeah, man law is a very very real thing. but its more about respecting other men and not looking like a nancy-boy
@legitimate_soul, 3-The argument would end so much more quickly if you stopped being defensive and said “sorry”. Really, a lot of us women would respect you for being big enough to say it and admit it and could sincerely care less about moral superiority or trying to hold it over anyone’s head. What we care about respect and mistreatment.
we get defensive not bc we dont’ want admit that you’re right, it’s that you all seem to be so focused on what we did wrong, we have to defend ourselves.
@Panama Jackson,
I know why it happens, just saying it doesn’t have to happen. I am not keeping a score of eff-ups and some of us are at a point where we have grown beyond ego and basking in the glow of being “right”. I rather know you were A. not trying to disrespect me or B. mistreat me. Once we clear, let’s move on the lighter topics and enjoy each other’s company. I have had to really work on my communication and separate my emotion from the issue. It’s a work in progress.
@legitimate_soul, Code? No code. Just a guy who did his friend’s girl and another guy who’s sensitive about it. We all know how other men are and we know if given opportunity our boy will hit it. Period. If he wouldn’t then the chick ain’t THAT hot. Code only comes in after the fact when you either keep it 100 and tell your boy he’s dating a hoe or you keep it a secret and watch him marry her.
@legitimate_soul,
Co-sign on #1, I find that the men I am meeting these days expect me to be available ALL day long! Like no I have a job and I have hobbies…you should too!
I have tried to explain #3 to many of my friends of the opposite sex and it’s like I’m speaking Spanish..they just don’t seem to understand..but it’s so true.
1/2 Co-sign on #4…It took me a long time to even notice I never apologized for things but once I did notice, I promised to make an effort to apologize or say sorry when I am wrong, it ends things sooo much quicker..and even though I love a good argument…I love to make-up and all that good stuff even more.
great response!
**That is all**
You can push a two dolla ho to the limit.
@Shay, i learned all about 2 dolla hoes from Vampire in Brooklyn. Eddie Murphy is the education president.
Only one that hit an Aha lightbulb with me was 1. I’ve tried to sum this point up so many times to avail. Perfection. The tesy I knew and underrstood cause of all my male friends ^shout to sistah wit the large dude squad above.
@AngelicNastyness, yeah, that damn Phonte can be quite profound when he wants to be.
What is it that makes a woman have more manlike qualities- sorry I am not a homophobe (you know white people tend to be more accepting-sometimes) and basically I dress like Jackie O (for those of you in the DC urea you should see me in Trinidad with my hot pink jacket on. . . ) but for real- was it men that made me more well harsh? to the point. . straight up. . . “put out or get out” (I said that to a guy once) , , , so this isn’t exactly on point but-
1. I really do want to FUKC my guy friends (sometimes I do)
2. Watching a movie- ALWAYS means “Let’s have sex”
3. Any call after 10 pm is a booty call- ALWAYS.
4. Any proposition of a massage is ALWAYS sex.
(oh by the way- some of these I am not opposed to but I would rather have a man just say Let’s screw so we can move forward or move on)
5. To the brotha’s that always say “bring your friends”- what you mean is BRING MY WHITE GF’s- well. . . all my girls are sistahs and WE are not interested in your nasty A#$.
6. Same thing in regards to the nudity. . . in fact I dare say for me if there has been nakedness I have already written you off. . .
7. YOUR DEGREE and YOUR JOB will always matter- I love me some thug love- but at the end of the day I want CORNY with a side of THUG . . maybe you are on this blog- (Holla at yo snowflake- yuck I should have never EVER typed that phrase- I am disgusted but I am still leaving it- hit me up would have been so much better)
8. Hell, I will sleep with you and your friend together if you are hot. . . (shifty eye)
9. Your SIZE always matters.
Ok- I should stop now, I think got off track. It is 3:30 am. . BLA! Peace.
@#1Snowflake, Did they ever show PSAs during your Afterschool specials when you were growing up? Did you pay attention?
(Conjuring up cast iron skilllet on hot stove) This is your brain… (Eggs cracked & sizzlin’) This is your brain on drugs…
@bittersweet’s baby,
LMAO!!!! I was trying to figure out a way to translate “O_o” in English and you did it for me, lol *daps*
@#1Snowflake,
Da fug?
@#1Snowflake, Did someone steal your identity? Your previous posts haven’t seemed this ridiculous. Get some rest, and try again tomorrow.
I’m still kind of flabbergasted because I agree with points 2, 3, 4, 7a. I too want corny with a side of thug, or maybe even thug with a side of corny but you lost me at “maybe you’re on this blog…holla at a snowflake.” Throwing e-panties and letting them fall wherever they may is never cute.
@#1Snowflake,
Maannn…where’s Sista Toldja when you need her?
@Monk,
lol, word.
@#1Snowflake,
No, dear. It’s not the men that made you that way. A white girl with hood tendencies will always see your sex and raise you double penetration. Like a hood proof of purchase. I have no problem with you liking sex, hell that’s what male friends were made for. However, I’m gonna need you to refrain from dressing like you live on 106th and park and get yourself a group of better girlfriends.
@RocktheCatbox,
“A white girl with hood tendencies will always see your sex and raise you double penetration”
That sentence made waking up today worth it. How can I repay you Rockthe Catbox? I’m in you debt.
@Wu Young Agent of M.E., I meant to day in your debt. I’m suffering from premature posting syndrome. *hanging head*
@Wu Young Agent of M.E.,
LMAO…dont worry, it’s not a big deal, it happens to lots of guys, it’s normal.
@RocktheCatbox,
It wasn’t until I got to your post that I realized “Jackie O” wasn’t the former Mrs. Kennedy.
I was mad confused by everybody telling Snowflake to stop dressing like a hoe.
Now it makes sense.
@Big Man, Jackie O IS the former Mrs. Kennedy. . . at least that is who I am talking about. . . . who is everyone else talkin ’bout? I have the sunglasses they sold at her last exhibit here in DC- I have since accidentally sat on them and they are a little crooked but I can’t find any other ones like them. I like my mint green suit, my silver flats with the flowers on top, and hot pink jacket. . .
@RocktheCatbox Now. . when I reply to you- does that reply to the thread?? LOL LOL LOL!!! I vow to never post AGAIN at 3:30 am. . . I knew when the words “holla at your snowflake”- I shutter even typing the words- and I would never even state the words out loud- however, if anyone on this thread hears that single in the club in the near future- hit me up I want royalties!! I actually don’t have “hood tendencies” I didn’t watch my first 30 minutes of 106 and Park until the great snowstorm of DC. And I think the flavor of my post was taken wrong- my list may be of course things of past but straight up- I am not interested in anymore. My girls tell me I dress “Safe” and men constantly ask me if I am married or a school teacher. . . soooooooo- I think I will stick with my polka dots and leave a few things to the imagination. But I will never write something so well . . . crack a lack again : )
@#1Snowflake,
Like I said yesterday, you never fail to make me laugh. **snicker**
@V Renee, this was not and will not be one of my highlights (note to self- don’t just write whatever pops into your head at 3:30 am. . .EVER again. . well it might happen again) I think VSB should let me write as a guest . . . I mean I can take the heat/laughter/etc. . . Thank you for laughing. . . . I should have a disclaimer ***most posts are intended for pure laughter- through the eyes of a snowflake
@#1Snowflake,
Cocaine is a helluva drug…
Also, “holla at a snowflake” sounds like a future Plies song.
@SouthernCharm,
holla at a snowflake” sounds like a future Plies song
BRUAHAHAHAHA. i laugh because its true…
Bow head in shame, shake from right to left and mumble, sumthin just ain’t right with that child!
@SouthernCharm,
“Also, “holla at a snowflake” sounds like a future Plies song.”
*snicker*
I rebuke thee if he records this hot mess! (78% chance)
@SouthernCharm, many in my neighborhood like the white stuff- but not so pure. . . “This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs” . . . that was one of Nancy Reagan’s quests. . I was about the only one it worked for- fewwwww. Never touched a thing. Not weed, not even smoked a cigarette. (cue the Bell’s of St. Mary’s) . . . . like I said- I want royalties- “holla at yo snowflake” smh at myself. . . LOL LOL. . .
@#1Snowflake,
” really do want to FUKC my guy friends (sometimes I do)”
o_O
No judgment though…do you girl…do you o_O.
@GATribe, you ever got with your girl_friends? How are things in GA?? I lived in ATL for a second.
@#1Snowflake,
Questionable. But I will co-sign on #’s 2 and 4…for sure.
I will add to the lists made so far on truths about women.
1. Nothing you do will ever be good enough. If we say it is, it’s just to look understanding and supportive.
2. Your mother is the enemy in 99% of cases.
3. The first thing we do when we meet an eligible guy is google him.
4. We are NEVER ok with you having an ex around, unless she got really unattractive since you two split (weight gain, acne, etc).
5. We always keep an eye (online or otherwise) on our significant exes, if we can.
6. We like to date nice guys, but it’s the thugs that turn us on. Watching Inside Supermax was my porn for a long time.
7. We do watch porn.
8. We do fantasize about your hot friends/brothers… sometimes even your father, if he’s well-preserved and we have a taste for older men.
9. 99% of straight women would make at least one exception, for the right chick.
10. We will turn into our mothers at some point. We don’t like it either, but we will.
@catintherain, now there are some serious honesty and truths in here. full of contradictions and oddities that every man thinks anyway.
@catintherain,
#3 hilarious…but so true
@catintherain, #10 is very true. I find myself doing things, saying things, or doing expressions like my mother and it catches me off guard. Sometimes I think in my head, OMG I’m turning into my mother.
@catintherain,
8. We do fantasize about your hot friends/brothers… sometimes even your father, if he’s well-preserved and we have a taste for older men. .
Bwhahaha!
@catintherain, this was a pretty good list!
@catintherain,
The first thing we do when we meet an eligible guy is google him.
i have never done this. am i the only one? i google myself!
@Keisha Brown,
Nope! Not the only one… I got better info on most guys I meet than google does… #thankgodforanextensivenetwork… Lol!
I think I can get with #6 to #10… The rest? It leaves me hella confused!
@catintherain, 9. 99% of straight women would make at least one exception, for the right chick.
See I tried explaining this to a couple of my female friends and they didn’t believe me…
@T, my famous ‘right chick’ is either Charlize Theron or Rachel Maddow.
@T,
your friends are lying to you, and YOU are prolly that one chick for them and they don’t want to let that cat out of the bag….
@catintherain,
#3: yes, I google you to see what I can find….discovered one guy was SERIOUSLY into high stakes poker….not a good look on his salary…I google myself to see what;s out there.
oh, and if you think google is bad, type your name into http://pipl.com.
@catintherain,
Number 4 is SOOOO true
Cosign, preach, chuuuuch and ALL that! LOL
I don’t know about number 9 though…
@catintherain,
Hmm…half of this list is problematic.
Do some of ya’ll really do/think these things? Yikes.
Hows about let’s not: #s 1, 2, 3, or 8
I think my first comment went in the bucket of the netherworld. ANYWAY, as I was sayin’, I think it’s interesting how the brothas keep parading these tired @sz
reasonings that supposedly explains who they think they are!! It cannot be true that the menz are as simple @szed as what our brother PJ of VSB is tryin’ to put down on us!! No, no, no! I KNOW that this $h*t is not true, because I got one of these things called a man at my house right now, and I’ve studied him! So I know of whence I speak!! Yes sir! Imma drop some science on all of you all and I hope I’m published. The menz may START at the “my d!cque is my boss” level, but they simple do not stay there! NO, no, no! The menz progress, because progression is in them! Yes! They move forward to the “my d!cq is my coworker” level after having lived some life. They are equal with their thangs! They don’t have to listen to what he tells them to do EVERY TIME! Then if they are VSBs, they move forward again to the “I’m the master of my d!cque” level, where they D!cquetate what the deal is gonna be! NO more my D!que is the boss of me!! It’s then and only then that they can truly enjoy the blessing of having and enjoying what the good Lord gave em, with ONE good woman!
Let the church say YEEEAAAH!
@Anna Renee,
I dig where ya coming from. I just think LOTSA menfolk either a.) fight against the progression tooth & nail or b.) Actually do progress, but then regress to pointing to the peenie in times of trouble.
@bittersweet’s baby, you get where she’s coming from? lol. must be one of those man woman differences. cuz um…i think the canadian spelling of d*ck threw me off
@Panama Jackson,
We can’t write dick in here? Shit.
I get what she’s saying…however, being the master of your parts doesn’t always boil down to eventual monogamy with the good lord’s blessing.
Is it sunday up in this bitch?
@Panama Jackson,
lmfao @ Canadian spelling of d*ck.
@RocktheCatbox,
“We can’t write dick in here? Shit.”
Yours just went through. As well as shit. lol But, yeah, in general, dudes names Dick are forever screwed in the internets.*
*double-entendre fest!
@Panama Jackson,
Is it sunday up in this bitch? .
Stick a fork in me because I am DONE! LOL
@bittersweet’s baby, What young men should know and ought to find out if they don’t is that sex is in the mind, not in the d*ck! So those who hop around are shortchanging themselves. Every male animal has a d*ck, but the human male has a mind to go along with his! Youngsters always think quantity, and not quality. Grown azzed men think quality with one woman! Grown azzed men know how to handle their women to bring the BEST out in her and get the best kind of lovin out of her while satisfying her in every way and in turn being satisfied completely! He knows this because he put in time to learn her! Now a child-man can’t learn none of this! Because he is focused on a long line of broken down 2 minute f##cks and refuses to settle down long enough with one woman to put in the right kind of work!!
Excuse the Canadian english.
@Anna Renee,
so many firsts for me on this post..
besides adding u in words that they really don’t belong..what else is canadian english?? lol.
hmmmm, let’s see,that Phonte quote pretty much says it all, just hard to get our “estrogenita” brains around that one I guess….BTW- gonna be using the he!! out of that word, love it.
@bajanflchick, sally forth with it and make it so.
Crucial! For a lotta men, SEX does not equal LOVE. The world would be better place if more folks understood this.
@Da Iceman, that is so true. sex is just sex. love is a whole other ball game.
@Da Iceman, same can be said for women.
@Dee,
Exactly.
@Da Iceman,
“For a lotta men, SEX does not equal LOVE. ”
Who over 7 years old thinks this? lol
ETA:
Just for clarification purposes, I meant “who still thinks it DOES equal love for men”.
This post is oddly familiar. I will search laters after I’ve gotten some sleep.
@kamakula, you do that.
@kamakula,
“This post is oddly familiar. I will search laters after I’ve gotten some sleep”
Yep, most of the posts around here are lists, lists, and more lists. And don’t these entries contribute to the men vs. women thing? Hmmmm…..(I’m just sayin’)
@Ivyette, men and women are a complex lot.
hmmm deez.
@kamakula,
I think this time it’s flavored with Peejy’s special BBQ… instead of Champale’s aioli dressing… but we’ve discussed it.
Lol about Jay-Z and Beyonce. Now you got me wondering about what they talk about.
#1 – You hit this one on the nail. I was just thinking about this one because lately I can’t talk to any of my girls without the topic turning to men and finding the “one.” It seems like a lot of women are incomplete unless they find love.
One thing that I will never understand about the men in my life is why do they always have to be right? They will argue for hours and hours to prove a point. Sometimes it’s better to let it go.
@Leila,
@Leila, i dont know if we always have to be right, we just dont want to be wrong.
@Leila,
“One thing that I will never understand about the men in my life is why do they always have to be right? They will argue for hours and hours to prove a point. Sometimes it’s better to let it go.”
Are the men arguing with THEMSELVES for hours? It usually takes two.
While we all lie to avoid unpleasantness (i.e. hurting someone else’s feelings, reaping the consequences of one’s actions), I think that there is a significant portion of men who lie for sport–who lie “just because.” I’ve had more men lie about who they are, what they’re doing in life, etc. Obviously, they didn’t get the memo that integrity is important.
@meka,
Cosign x 1000%. I think men lie just bc they think it impresses someone (usually women) and makes them more important or something. Even if the truth sucks, it’s still better to tell it in most situations.
@meka, those guys lying to you just lie only want to have sex with you. they don’t respect you.
@lawchick12
I’m glad that we’re eye-to-eye on this. But I’m also talking about those men who lie for no reason whatsoever. Saying they’re going to A instead of B when there’s no problem with him going to B. I dated a guy who lied so much that his own moma had to bust him out. Lol. Hell, I don’t even know if D**** was his real damn name.
@meka,
that sucks. those kinds of lies are some mess. my brother’s gotten caught up in a few like that. are u sure u weren’t dating him? lol
@meka, so my question…how long did you stay around after realizing he was a pathological liar? cuz then its your fault.
More simply, if we never say I love you or that you are our girlfriend, we don’t and you aren’t.
I totally get, understand, and accept this. but fellas, don’t get your boxers in a bunch if this is the case, but then you see ol girl with another man and think that even though said girl isn’t “your girl” that she shouldn’t be anyone else’s girl either.
@a plus,
preach.
a man can say he wants to be friends, be scared to commit, whatever the reason… yet still feel extreme jealously if you even mention you know another guy on the planet, and then question you indirectly (because the pride won’t let them show extreme jealousy) about him. it’s funny. i’ve seen this happen sooo many times.
@Muze, y’all date crazy men.
@Panama Jackson, Then there must be alot of crazy men out there.
@Panama Jackson,
lol. that’s the thing. this is a man you’re not dating.
i run from crazy men.
@Panama Jackson,
i agree. i dont know these men but i wish i did so that i could understand the reasoning.
@Muze,
“a man can say he wants to be friends, be scared to commit, whatever the reason… yet still feel extreme jealously if you even mention you know another guy on the planet, and then question you indirectly (because the pride won’t let them show extreme jealousy) about him. it’s funny. i’ve seen this happen sooo many times.”
Those cats have the rules missing. I’ve been that dude before. I was dating a chic that wanted me to commit. I was hurt but not mad. How could I be mad? I told her that I didn’t wan’t to be in a relationship. When I saw her with the other dude I just sucked it up and went on about my business.
@a plus,
“I totally get, understand, and accept this. but fellas, don’t get your boxers in a bunch if this is the case, but then you see ol girl with another man and think that even though said girl isn’t “your girl” that she shouldn’t be anyone else’s girl either.”
my first thought is to say it’s our ego, but on second thought, you might want to run from any dude who acts like that. sounds like controlling tendencies. i mean, we’re all grown-ups. if you’re not my girl, then i have options. you should exercise yours too.
@a plus, “I totally get, understand, and accept this. but fellas, don’t get your boxers in a bunch if this is the case, but then you see ol girl with another man and think that even though said girl isn’t “your girl” that she shouldn’t be anyone else’s girl either.”
AMEN!!!! N*ggas be on that half steppin ambiguous BS but let them see u with another dude or another dude tryin to holler, now they want to act all jealous and possessive and sh*t… Yeah, I understand, he likes hitting it and doesnt want to lose his nice lil FWB situation.. but dudes thats the game you play… sucks to get a dose of your own medicine sometimes
@a plus,
Let the people say AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!! This is exactly what I can’t stand about dudes. If you’re not willing to claim me, I’ll go find someone else who will and don’t get mad when you see me with him. Simple as that.
@T,
Truth! Quit saltin’!
@T,
“If you’re not willing to claim me, I’ll go find someone else who will and don’t get mad when you see me with him.”
*nods* It’s why fellas were so up in arms about Beyonce’s “Single Ladies”, because there’s some truth to it…other than the heavy radio rotation and annoyingness of constant radio play (see also TLC’s “No Scrubs”)
@a plus,
I’ve had the same issue with a guy who wasn’t “ready for a relationship”. After being “friends” for a few months, then the remarks started: (after not picking up the phone right away) “oh, you were on the phone with that otha dude?”. He would try to come off as being funny, but then it would happen again in other ways, like: (after I ask him whether or not I told him about something) “wasn’t me…must have been that other dude”?.
It’s wasn’t a big deal at first, but when it continued to happen I was confused.
@CNotes, yeah, this is starting to happen now. I’m hella confused…we’re gonna need to ‘talk’
@Dee,
Yes we do! I have a gang of stories like this one for us to decipher.
@Dee,
Don’t be confused. It is what it is. Let it ride especially if it’s only been a few months. Don’t bring it up. He’s making those kind of comments just so you will react.
And as is proven – he will deny until he dies. (Or is ready to man up and admit that he does in fact want to take it to the next level.)
IF you want to be more than friends with this dude, say nothing. Practice patience and let him bring it up. Goes over better when they think it’s their idea.
@a plus,
I may be ready if you decide to settle down, butdo you really think I’m sitting idly by why you do your thing. Eff no.
@a plus,
I may be ready if you decide to settle down, but do you really think I’m sitting idly by why you do your thing. Eff no.
A very smart brotha must’ve wrote this! Co-sign!
I think you touched on alot of things I already knew. Some things are just common sense, too.
I don’t think the mysteries of men and women will ever be truly revealed….men are like a rubix cube. I still can’t figure that thing out to this day…I still think women are simpler to understand. We basically just want to be loved listened to and taken care of…and when I say taken care of I don’t mean financially because most women can hold their own financially, a little assistance wouldn’t hurt though. I mean taken care of emotionally…cherish our minds, bodies and spirits. Accept us as we are….love us thru all of our insecurities…support us and be loyal to us……that is all.
@QueenT,
wow. you think men are more complicated than women? i understand what you’re saying about the basics… but i think men are very simple. it’s just us women who over-analyze and complicate everything.
i can’t tell you how many conversations i’ve had with girlfriends that go something like:
friend: “so he called me at 10:30 but i wasn’t by the phone. it’s 11:25 right now, do you think i should call back or will i look desperate?”
me: “umm did he leave a message saying call back please?”
friend: “yeah but he sounded kinda sleepy and i’m not trying to look desperate but i want to talk to him.”
me: “so call him back and see. why would that be desperate?”
friend: “but what if he’s sleep and then i’m calling waking him up. i don’t want to look all unemployed or have him thinking i don’t have a life and i have all night to call his arse back.”
me: “okay… i’m hanging up now.”
OR
friend: “he hasn’t called me in six days. think i should call him? i know he misses me.”
me: “what was the last thing y’all talked about?”
friend: “well you know i told him to not call me unless he was ready to get some act-right and stop playing these games, and his arse hung up on me. so sick of his bullsh*t.”
me: “and he hasn’t called in six days… i don’t think you should then.”
friend: “well what if he’s trying to surprise me with a ring the next time he comes over here? i don’t think he knows my ring size. i’ve gotta find a way to casually let him know. i’ma call him.”
me: “okay… i’m hanging up now.”
lol. i wish i were making this up.
@Muze, I have a friend just like that…lol
Behind all of your friends inquiries about what she should do..the bottom line is problem very simple in what she wants from this guy….
@Muze,
wow. you think men are more complicated than women?
I will have to ask that question as well…
Women are more complex than men… We might want simple things but we are more layered and those things are more complicated… I know I am.
Men can be the simplest creatures on earth as long as you interpret their actions in light of themselves and not yourself…
@QueenT, that all sounds so simple and easy.
too bad so many of us are too f*cked up to do either of those things on either side of the aisle.
@Panama Jackson, the point is to try….put forth the effort.
@Panama Jackson,
*seriously speaking* Why are we too f__ked up to do either?
I’d rather avoid what ever that why is and continue living with the capacity to love and be loved…
@QueenT, I still think women are simpler to understand. We basically just want to be loved listened to and taken care of.
See how simple us women are. Shoot we don’t even need 10 truths about us…
@QueenT,
I’m with you 100% on this. When it comes down to it, women are really simple. Love, care, acceptance…oh, and sex (I really hate when folks assume that this isn’t crucial for women too).
Men could make life a lot easier on themselves if they just stopped assuming women are “so complicated” and women could do the same if we were just straight forward about what we needed.
It’s only complicated if you are playing games.
#6, When we act disinterested in you, it means we’re disinterested in you. It does not, however, mean for you to try harder.”
um, same goes for women, well at least me. if i act disinterested in you (i.e. you’ve called me 20 times and i have yet to answer. i have caller id, i know it’s you) it does not mean try harder (i.e. don’t call me 20 more times expecting that i may have a change of heart)
@a plus, you know why that still happens? b/c we can think of so many cases where perseverance for men has eventually worked out. lol.
it NEVER works out the other way around.
@Panama Jackson,
True. I mean… Urkel eventually got Laura!
Myra > Laura btw.
@SouthernCharm,
I was just thinkin about Myra last week. My roommate was stunned to hear she passed away. I think in the late 90s.
@SouthernCharm, No Laura liked Stephon…not Urkel.
@SouthernCharm,
@QueenT,
By the time the show lost popularity, and went from ABC to CBS, Urkel and Laura were together. By the time the series ended, they were engaged.
#3 sooo true. I think it’s something in the male brain that makes a lie just fall out of their mouths…even if it’s something that doesn’t matter. Fact of life I suppose. BUT you can’t blame us for having a little ounce of hope that somewhere there is some guy who opts for the truth….
@Toni Childs, there are lots of guys who tell the truth. a lot of women just prefer the guys that have that edge about them, that will probably lie to them.
@Panama Jackson,
you are on fire today!
@Dave,
He is the Arsonist, after all. lol
I wonder if they are gonna revoke Panama’s man card for imparting such knowledge. Well, I guess he’ll get to keep it since it’s community service and all. I totally agree with the post in its entirety and I’m a little upset that I too am now wondering about the communication habits of Jay-Z and Beyonce.
I think that another thing that keeps women at a disadvantage in relationships with men is that many women hold out hope that their man will be the one who’s different; the one who acts disinterested but really is, who won’t say the words but really loves you; the one who won’t lie etc. Unfortunately, some men know that some women think like this and manipulate women into thinking that they are that one rare specimen that women are looking for when they know full well they aren’t.
One major problem is that women are expected to concede to the wants and whims of men while disregarding our own feelings. That’s an unreasonable expectation. If men and women are to be on the same page relationship wise they must be willing to compromise. And if they’re not on the same page, whoever the disinterested party is should be honest about his/her intentions and move on instead of selfishly stringing the other person along and potentially blocking future relationships.
@AtypicalLibrarian, relationships really would be simpler and more people would be happy this way right?
like i said upthread, its just too bad that so many people have to bring so many other people’s BS into their relatinships.
really, it all comes down to what we learn as kids. we get f*cked up early.
@Panama Jackson, True indeed, Mr. Jackson, true indeed. It could all be so simple, but simplicity seems so complicated to achieve. Honesty and communication are key which further complicates ish because some women rarely say what they mean, and some men lie. It’s a real lose-lose.
Great post, btw.
I disagree with your interpretation of #1. Many women do spend a disproportionate amount of their lives looking for love, I don’t think that was the point.
Women live to love. They love family. They love children. They love puppies. They love friends. They love Love. Outwardly and openly.
Men on the other hand are about doing. Action. Moving and shaking. They love living. Find a verb and you will find a man. Except many men don’t see Love as an action but just a feeling.
So I can see the disconnect. Some men view Love as boring and routine, something that takes away from living, because they don’t see it as an action. Even that’s though how most men love… through their actions. And women need to do better by reassuring her man that life won’t end the moment Love starts. That (voluntary) commitment doesn’t prohibit anything except spreading their seed and another woman’s legs. And if he’s not ready, he should just be honest and say he’s not ready and she should be able to accept the truth.
Clearly, these are ideals and hypotheticals… You’ve already established that men will lie to give things the appearance of wonderment and we all know (most) women can’t handle the truth. Word to Col. Jessup
@Deviant, i understand what you’re saying, and i think it can be interpreted numerous ways. though in the song, it seemed to me that phonte was alluding to the fact that women’s focus being love and men’s focus being life leads to women having to settle and be happy that she’s got a man that comes home (following the mood of the song anyway).
either way…i see what you’re saying.
@Deviant,
Here is a Very SB…
And I read the same thing in that quote as well… but then again, that’s the magic of Art… It can be interpreted any which way…
@Deviant,
You sir, understand real women. We just want the REAL thing, and that don’t always mean it’s coming from a man. Sometimes it comes from a career, or family, or *gasp* ourselves!
Some truths about men….
1. Yes, ladies there are good men out there! (WHOA) Despite the fact that society tries to pit women against men, most men are good. Ironic that I think women seem to perpetuate the idea that all men are liars, cheaters, rah rah rah *inner/outer/under/over/side eye to Gloria Steinem and NOW*
2. Men are….men. Their brains are wired differently (really,they are) and this difference is meant to compliment the female wiring, not cause hatred
Truths about women…
1. We are not desperate
2. Many of us aren’t trying to be your “wifey” “side action” or other low term that men use, especially men who aren’t getting attention from women anyway
3. It goes both ways: if you aren’t commited to us then we can date other men, do our own thing, and we could care less about any other woman who you think we are competing against.
@Ivyette, if you aren’t commited to us then we can date other men, do our own thing, and we could care less about any other woman who you think we are competing against
sounds like it should be true. but a “disinterested woman” getting showered with attention and love from a man she’s not convinced that she should give her heart too will not be a happy salamander if she finds out dude is out there spreading his pollen. i know this from personal experience…more than once. before i was a 3, i was a 2 and i had 2 chicks not be willing to commit then get hightly pissed that i was out there finding other women to deal with. i think they think i was takign their attention away. i was.
@Panama Jackson,
“before i was a 3, i was a 2 and i had 2 chicks not be willing to commit then get hightly pissed that i was out there finding other women to deal with.”
Well…go back to being a 1 and see what happens. Let us know how that goes for you.
@Ivyette, yeah i’ll pass. i’m good here in 3ville.
@Panama Jackson,
“before i was a 3, i was a 2…”
Tell me, sir, what exactly catapulted you to 3 status?
@Ivyette,
“if you aren’t commited to us then we can date other men, do our own thing, and we could care less about any other woman who you think we are competing against.”
I always understood this. Maybe it was because of the women I was friends with. I know and expect women to do their thing if I haven’t committed to her.
@Humble_One,
“I always understood this. Maybe it was because of the women I was friends with. I know and expect women to do their thing if I haven’t committed to her.”
And if/when she finds someone who is willing to commit before you do, you simply move on?
@Ivyette,
“And if/when she finds someone who is willing to commit before you do, you simply move on?”
Of course I move on. She made her decision and I have to respect that. I had my opportunity and I let it pass. If I told her I didn’t want a relationship I meant it and I have to live with that. Her moving on doesn’t change the way I feel about her but I have to suck it up and move on because I am not willing to give her what she wants.
@Ivyette,
Like this list a whole lot.
@Sula,
why thank you *curtsy*
“5. Your degree and/or place of employment means absolutely nothing to us if you look like a cactus.”
this made me guffaw loudly. lmbo. next time i’m having a bad day i shall refer to this. a cactus. i just can’t.
anyhoos… good list PJness. i think deep down, a lot of women know these to be true, but just refuse to accept what a man is saying (and not saying). men are very simple IMO.
truths about women? hmmm
- we say we want a nice guy … but what we really want is a nice guy with a tinge of thuggery in him. balance is key.
- women will always question and speculate whether or not a man Loves them, no matter how many times VSBs tell them if he hasn’t said it, he doesn’t. always. even if she knows this and claims to not care, if she wants him to (keywords: wants him), there’s always the glimmer in the back of her mind waiting on him to say it.
- you cannot convince a degreed/successful woman that this doesn’t matter to you. lol. a beautiful woman with no credentials believes and knows this, but the degreed/successful woman, beautiful or not, won’t.
- you say one thing… we hear something totally different. most of the time.
- we don’t want to cook like your mother, be like your mother, etc. but we do want your mother to like us.
- a hug and a kiss accompanied with a stress-relieving sentence, i.e. “baby come sit and relax, don’t worry.” or some variation, works much better than “this is what you need to do…” when we are stressing about a problem. …initially. later, bring solutions. for now, just give me a ManHug.
- we LOVE ManHugs. there is pretty much nothing better than a man engulfing you in his arms. especially if he smells good. even if she doesn’t want to hug you, she does.
that’s all for now.
@Muze, – a hug and a kiss accompanied with a stress-relieving sentence, i.e. “baby come sit and relax, don’t worry.” or some variation, works much better than “this is what you need to do…” when we are stressing about a problem. …initially. later, bring solutions. for now, just give me a ManHug.
you know, i’ll never understand why more men (myself included) can’t just do this. it’s just so HARD to not try to fix a problem that your woman is bringing to you that is bothering her. for men, we want to make sure our women doesnt have problems. that’s why the “hug and it’ll be okay” is so difficult. cuz it won’t be as it stands. its a lie. lol.
y’all said you dont want liars.
@Panama Jackson,
i can appreciate the ‘we don’t want y’all to have problems’ concept, which is why i said later, bring solutions. but how is it you can lie about evvvvverything else but a “it’ll be okay?” lol.
and, i was refreshing yesterday to see you and champs’s POVs on the barack discussion you ignited and y’all were nowhere to be found. yep, i noticed. lol
@Muze, lol….i was actually travelling all day yesterday so i couldnt get in on the convo. and trust me, i wish i could have.
i’m a travelling man, moving thru places space and time, i got a lot of things i want to do, godwilling i’m coming back to you, baby boo
@Panama Jackson,
“that’s why the “hug and it’ll be okay” is so difficult. cuz it won’t be as it stands. its a lie. lol. ”
Let’s call it a fib. Or a fiblet. On a scale of bogus lies, it ain’t all that bad. lol
@Muze,
“- we say we want a nice guy … but what we really want is a nice guy with a tinge of thuggery in him. balance is key. ”
*nods* There’s a difference between a thug who has nice moments and a nice guy who has a tinge of thuggery. Because a nice moment for a thug can mean NOT poppin’ you (oops) upside your head.
“- we don’t want to cook like your mother, be like your mother, etc. but we do want your mother to like us.”
Tell ‘em!! Tryin’ to be like a man’s mother is like losing the race before starting it. It’s a lost cause and if a man wants his woman to be just like his mom, he shoulda married her on some Oedipal ish.
“- we LOVE ManHugs. there is pretty much nothing better than a man engulfing you in his arms. especially if he smells good. even if she doesn’t want to hug you, she does.”
Tabernacle Holy Trinity of Baby Lambs. I believe “man hugs” is a synonym of “heaven” in the thesaurus.
@Cheekie,
Tabernacle Holy Trinity of Baby Lambs. I believe “man hugs” is a synonym of “heaven” in the thesaurus.
*fixes church hat, raises hands to the sky and says AMEN.
@Keisha Brown, Tabernacle Holy Trinity of Baby Lambs. I believe “man hugs” is a synonym of “heaven” in the thesaurus.
*fixes church hat, raises hands to the sky and says AMEN.
I’m standing right next to you waving the hands in the air saying alleluia jeez zeuz Amen amen amen Alleluyer
@Muze,
So right on the ManHugs!!!! Love em!
@Panama
I agree. Those men were lying to me for sex. But what makes no sense is to lie to me after we’re on the same page? If we’ve agreed to a strictly physical relationship why would a guy lie about wanting something more meaningful when he really has no interest in that? I think some men lie because that’s what they’re “supposed” to do. (I’m sure this also relates to my “I don’t care” attitude when I meet men. I’ve been told it is a challenge.)
But the pathological liar, I stayed with him because I loved his family. Lol. Our breakup was like a divorce to them. I take full responsibility for staying with him even after he got “help” for his mythomania. That, however, does not negate that he lied for no damn reason.
@meka, If we’ve agreed to a strictly physical relationship why would a guy lie about wanting something more meaningful when he really has no interest in that?
cuz we’re programmed to believe that women aren’t okay with this. so keep up the facade to ensure further nudity.
good list. I’ve know most of those things for some time now. I love Tay’s verse on that song–poignant indeed, I blogged about it once. I’m a woman but I can relate…
@Reecie, that damn Tay is a wordsmith beyond belief.
@Reecie,
I’m just glad Phonte is back to actually spittin’… He had a Dre 3000 moment with that Foreign Exchange album.
Sad that this next LB album will be the last….
@SouthernCharm,
Yeah, the lost me with Get Back, but those first two joints, and mixtapes were good listens. Damn shame the wheels feel off.
@Wu Young Agent of M.E., I thought getback was pretty dope. for the song featured and a few others, but yeah looking forward to LeftBack.
@Reecie,
I’ve seen the tracklisting for Leftback and it looks like it should be a dope cd. Doesn’t B.o.B’s cd come out that day too?
phonte spits knowledge. breakin my heart is such a great track.
“Momma was like, “Baby now, I hate to see your tears
But I been with your daddy for bout 35 years
And in my day, I had to turn a blind eye to cheatin
but I ain’t never had to wear no black eyes from beatings
As long as he doin right, by you and the kids
How you gon expect that man not to be who he is?”
word to life on number 6 and 7. men really aren’t that complicated. we are rather simple and if women take what we did at face value then things would be so complicated between us.
@Tunde,
“better to have a rich pit than a broke german sheppard!” LOL
@Reecie, so true
@Tunde, Phonte is one of the underrated mc’s no question
@Panama
Isn’t this a problem? I never would have contemplated having a serious relationship with this person had he not repeatedly, through words and actions, demonstrated that he wanted to have something more serious.
Men don’t need to lie to ensure the nudity (lol). Flava Flav is evidence that some women will kcuf anything. I’m a firm believer in “if you won’t, she/he will.”
Truths about men women need to know.
1) Men are not indestructable rock hard machines. We go through ish too. Although your father may have seemed like he worke 12hrs a day and 7 days a week with no complaint he was releasing in some way shape or form.
2) Men need for you to understand who they are as a person just as much as you need to be held, caressed, and told how hot he thinks you are.
3) If a man’s business isn’t straight he isn’t really emotionally available. Beware of any cat that doesn’t have his ish together and chases after women.
4) Most men aren’t ready for serious relationships until their late 20s early 30s. There are exceptions to the rule but most men aren’t ready for a girlfriend until they are about 28.
Truths about women men need to know.
1) A woman will give you some @ss before she gives you some money.
2) Women will give you more chances than you deserve.
3) Women can be more practical than men at times.
@Humble_One,
“2) Women will give you more chances than you deserve.”
This is as true as a damn fact.
I don’t know that there are universal truths about all men but I noticed trends with men in age groups. Men in their 20s are ruled by their peers. They understand 3 types of women: which are ugly and smart, pretty and dumb, churchy and slutty. Everything is surface; you are either this or you are that. Women that don’t fit their very basic idea throws them. Men in their thirties have seen the world a little, have more $ in the bank and want to nest (they ask obvious wife interview questions, mostly on the first date, which is weird but I understand). Men in their 40s who manage to not get married are self-conscious and usually humble (specially if they were getting a lot of play in their 20s but don’t pull the women like they used to). Otherwise they’ve finally grown into their grown man-ness and are soft around the middle, the married ones are easy to spot because they have that settled and slightly worn look. If they aren’t married yet, you can take or leave them because they aren’t changing for anybody.
@RocktheCatbox,
lol I meant 6 types of women, and ugly or smart, etc. LOL. Ah well. typing fail.
@RocktheCatbox,
I would say men in their teens are ruled by their peers. I don’t know about 20s. But you are pretty accurate about how we see women in that age group. I didn’t stop looking at women that way until I started dating women not from America in my early 20s.
@Humble_One,
true, the smart ones stop that foolishness out of their teens..the dumb ones end up as weed holders for Young Money, lmao.
@Humble_One, Dang why they had to be from St. Elsewhere for you to stop looking at women like that?
@Yeah…SO!?!,
“Dang why they had to be from St. Elsewhere for you to stop looking at women like that?”
Because at the time you all wanted Nino Brown, Albert Einstein, a gay dude, and a nice guy all rolled in one. He also had to perform Jackie Chan stunts just to get with you.
@Humble_One,
” I didn’t stop looking at women that way until I started dating women not from America in my early 20s.”
Nice dig at American women. Very nice. So to you, women from America fall in those categories, huh?
(Unless you really meant this exactly as it is typed, I must say you really know how to put your keyboard in your mouth)
@Ivyette,
“Nice dig at American women. Very nice. So to you, women from America fall in those categories, huh?”
Noooo. Not at all. I felt that way when I was 20, 21 years old. Not now. I’ve experienced a lot more so I don’t feel the same way. You didn’t notice I said early 20s.
@RocktheCatbox,
We still look at women in those categories, but as we get older those categories are not so absolute (only a Sith deals in absolutes lol)… they’re more so filters… if that’s the right term.
Immature man: She’s pretty, smart, and churchy!
Immature man: She’s ugly, but I’d hit.
Mature man: She’s pretty. Okay, I’m attracted to her, but what’s her character like? She’s smart. Okay, she has a degree, but that don’t mean nothing! Is she wise? How well-rounded is she? Is she smart with numbers, or is she smart with words? She’s churchy. Okay, that don’t mean nothing! The sluttiest McSluts are at church. What’s her relationship with God like? Are we on the same page spiritually? Do we believe the same?
Mature man: She’s ugly, but I’d hit.
LOL
@SouthernCharm, fo’ shame- smh
@SouthernCharm,
Mature man: She’s ugly, but I’d hit.
Hyperventilating!! Bwahahaha!
@SouthernCharm,
LMAO, deep down it’s would I or wouldn’t I, but more reasoning occurs with age. I can dig it.
True and I”ll add one truth for women, if we are not emotionally involved with you before sex, sex and feelings are equally detached. its only when there are “feelings” before sex, does sex consumate those feelings.
But eh, casual sex is ……., I would say for the birds but 90% are monogomous for seasons or life. LOL learned that watching Life on DSC
@Orangestar Happy Hunting, DSC has a lot of good programming.
@Panama Jackson, YESssss I have been enjoying this series Sunday nights, three more to go!!!!!!
PJ,
I really needed to hear this today.. I feel like I’m at church and you just spoke the word…. where do I leave an offering?
The dating/smashing scene is truly nuts, I never met so many BA negros
I’m also saddened that you know people that look like cactus…it actually concerns me, you need better looking friends
@Intellectual Hedonist, I’m also saddened that you know people that look like cactus…it actually concerns me, you need better looking friends
cactus looking women are running amok in the streets of the city. i started a campaign but my goal for cactus face eradication was revoked b/c i’m a 3
@Panama Jackson, that is unfortunate is there some cactus killer that can be sprayed in the air IDK
“Women tend to assume that there’s some code about not boning friends of friends. Must have been a white guy who started all that.”
Is it the same white guy that told men? Was his name John McSmashthehomie by chance?
@Cheekie, naw, it was mc serch.
I may be alone here, but I think that one of a mans biggest “fears” (for lack of a better word) is confronting a woman that he’s hurt. This often leads to the lies and hem-hawing that is done when something happens.We KNOW when something we’ve done is going to hurt you, we just don’t want to have to confront you as you deal with it emotionally: we don’t want to see the pain that our hurt caused.
Drama is like duderepellent. Now, that doesn’t ensure that we won’t do anything to kick off said drama, but we will go to some obscene lengths to avoid drama.
And this may/may not have anything to do with anything, but um, ladies….we likes bootay. It’s not a matter of disrespect if we look even when we are with you, we can’t help it. The lure of a wayward dancing rump is like the sunlight our eyes grow towards.
Um…..yeah….don’t judge me.
@Saule Wright,
but we will go to some obscene lengths to avoid drama.
Like my grandfather used to say, “all a man wants is peace of mind in his house”…. Lol!
@Muze
That dialog killt me. STOP lying on your friends! No self respecting black woman would have such a nonsensical conversation.
Good list!
Really you think we are all about Love huh?
Well check this out Here are MY womanly truths:
I just told you I loved you cause you said it first, but really I just like having you around cause you meet some need of mine.
I love you but if you don’t give me what I need….I will go phuck with someone else!!
I have alot of male “friends” cause each one of them meets a need. Ex: The backbreaker, the sponsor, the road dawg, the problem solver, Mr. Fix-it, the thug/bad boy, and of course the gay friend!!
I’m sorry, are two words that will take you very far in a relationship.
I’m independent cause I don’t have anyone else I can depend on. So it’s GOD and ME!
When I’m fed up with you…there is NOTHING you can do about it.
You are nice guy and seemingly a good person, but your not right for ME. Doesn’t mean I just like thugs.
“All a man had is his Word and his Balls” Your not a man if you have no Integrity and I don’t respect you. If I don’t respect you I can’t deal with you. So eventhough the truth hurts, I still respect you for it.
I am who I am, get with it or get lost!
That’s all for now.
@TiP, I just need to say that out of all the different type of male friends, I’m not give them all the business, so NO I’m not on some Hoe sh*t. They do those things for me cause you know they are trying to hit, but I’m not feeling them like that. But I will take advantage of their generosity.
Ok just had to add that!
@TiP, I’m independent cause I don’t have anyone else I can depend on. So it’s GOD and ME!
Co-Muthfukin-sign that! If I hear anutha I-N-D-E-N-P-E-N-T song I’m going postal!… no woman WANTS to be independent, that ain’t even in our chemical make-up.
@Yeah…SO!?!, Word on the independence. Women are independent out of necessity, not desire. Being an independent woman is a double-edged sword because some things just have to get done. When I get home today I will not only cook a nice dinner for me, myself, and I, but I will also pull out my step ladder and replace some light bulbs, an air filter, and the batteries in my smoke detector. Why? Because I have to eat, and I’m not gonna be in the dark, burn my house down, or ruin my HVAC waiting on a man to do those things for me. Especially not a man does those things in a futile attempt to get some. No and thank you because I have a solution for that, too. I have yet to meet a man who is 100% comfortable with the fact that I know my way around a toolbox and the way around my toolbox. I can change oil and tires but I still have AAA and I have a “massager” and a
maintenance manfriend for the hard to reach places.For me, and I would imagine other for other women also, independence is more a matter of self-preservation.
@AtypicalLibrarian, Could not have said it better myself
@AtypicalLibrarian,
“I have yet to meet a man who is 100% comfortable with the fact that I know my way around a toolbox and the way around my toolbox. I can change oil and tires but I still have AAA and I have a “massager” and a maintenance man friend for the hard to reach places.”
I don’t know where you are but I know men that would chase after you because you can and actually do all of those things. Those things are a plus not a minus.
@Humble_One, You say that here, but that’s sounding a lot like #2 to me.
@AtypicalLibrarian,
co-signery on your comment and subsequent convo with Humble_One….
@Yeah…SO!?!,
“You say that here, but that’s sounding a lot like #2 to me.”
You’re wrong. I was being honest when i said that. After dealing with women that are the opposite of that you don’t have patience for a woman that isn’t independent. Especially when you were raised by an independent woman.
@Humble_One,
if it’s actually a plus then why are so many women who have those qualities single? oh wait..it’s cuz i don’t have ms badu’s badu.
@Yeah…SO!?!,
Instead of refreshing the comments section of VSBI actually worked yesterday after my last comment and didn’t see the subsequent co-signery until today.@Humble_One, I’m in Charlotte, and I agree that those traits are pluses. My ex, however felt that I wanted “to wear the boxers in the relationship” when I took it upon myself to do the things that he wouldn’t do. I guess because we didn’t live together he didn’t think it was his responsibility to do “man things” around my house which is fine and good, but don’t expect me to pay a locksmith to change my locks when I can read and have to capable hands. I’m just saying.
@keisha brown, if and when you get an answer to that question (beyond lack of badu) please inform the masses!
@TiP, I’m independent cause I don’t have anyone else I can depend on. So it’s GOD and ME!
This should be written in the bible somewhere
@TiP,
“I’m independent cause I don’t have anyone else I can depend on. So it’s GOD and ME!”
COSIGN! A man can’t be impressed by my “independence” and then dislike it when I take the initiative to get things done (car issues, odd jobs around the house, negotiating something). Women would love to defer things to men, but how many men truly want that repsonsibility? That would mean having to keep their word, being knowledgeable about things they may have to study, and dedicating time (which means less time for tail chasing and he-hawing about why he shouldn’t have to do something).
@Panama
“Must have been a white guy who started all that.”
Props on the obscure 3rd Bass reference. This too made getting up today worth it.
#1 Cosign
#2 – Agree. Sometimes women damn near beg you to tell them what they want to hear. And if you don’t do it they will go to some other dude that will do it with no problem.
#3 – Agree. But then again if you are hell bent on being told what you want to hear and if a man knows he will lose by being honest you get men lying.
#4 – True. Men aren’t going out their way to say this. And you need to give the side-eye to any man that says it easily.
#5 – Cosign. I have seen down to earth hood chics get cats get professional men easily. While the degree is who I am chic stays losing.
#6 – Cosign
#7 – i think this goes both ways. If a dude says it and his actions show it you can bellive it. Some dudes will say it and actions don’t reflect it or the actions will reflect it but they won’t say it.
#8 – True. There is no code about boning female friends of women we have boned or are boning. The rule is men can’t wife our homeboys ex or jumpoff. Which is funny because a lot of women don’t have a problem being with their ex’s or jumpoffs homeboy or bestfriend.
#9 – agree
#10 – Cosign. I’d also like to add that the bad attitude does not make us respect you more.
@Humble_One, Pumpkin… couldn’t you have just cosigned the whole list?… things that make you go hmmmmmm.
@Yeah…SO!?!,
Yes I could have. But I wanted to give my 2 cent for each one. You always seem to snap on me. LOL. Good ones too. I think I am going to have to start keeping my eye on you.
@Humble_One, Aww it’s not snapping it’s… gently guiding you into a more concise direction. See you say snap, we say nuture… smh(lol).
@Humble_One, you know that’s suppose to say nurture right?… I know.
@Yeah…SO!?!,
“you know that’s suppose to say nurture right?… I know.”
LOL. You had it right the first time.
Why do you think Jay and Bey don’t talk to each other?… that’s a veird relationship/marriage to be in.
Why I died today…
1. do you know what a $2 ho will do for those 2 bucks? I don’t think you do. It’s deep…Pun.
2. you’re a lucky minority (like a Black leprechaun)
3. estrogenitas out there… you’re Spanish is improving- lol
This was very entertaining today…… a lot of these things I’ve had to learn the hard way, but being the stubborn b*tch that I am, there’s still a few things I refuse to accept…. Like when people say “you can’t teach and old dog new tricks” – oh I can and I WILL, lol. A few truths about women:
1. Do not try to argue with us. You cannot win. End of story. Whether we’re right or wrong, we’re right. And even if you prove us wrong, now you look like a douche. It’s a lose-lose situation for guys. You need to lean to just take the L and shut the f*ck up sometimes. Choose your battles. It’s not worth it, trust me.
2. We don’t find your disgusting habits (i.e. burping, flatulence, not brushing your teeth immediately when you wake up) or your post five hours of playing basketball BO charming or “manly” (as my SO likes to say, “man-stank” – ugh, shudder) We actually find it pretty disgusting. Yes men, no matter how much a woman loves you, she is secretly at least slightly disgusted with you at the same time. But because we love you, we put up with it and clean up after your nasty a**es. So appreciate that sh*t!!
3. Yes, we would like you more if you taller and buffer.
4. You don’t still have rights to the p*ssy years later just cause we used to f*ck back in the day. That ship has sailed. Get your grubby paws off me.
5. If we get mad at you over something you did wrong and tell you about it, it’s not “nagging”. That’s a man’s way to deflect without accepting any responsibility for his actions. The jig is up. We’re on to you. Stop it.
6. We’re not all gold diggers who would do anything to get knocked up by you so we can get a “come up”. N*gga please get off your own nuts. We have money and goals and sh*t too. We got sh*t to do too. Please stop assuming all a woman wants to do is get pregnant and be taken care of. Some of us actually do like you for you and not what you have.
Okay, i think I’m done here….. and as always the disclaimer for the uber sensitive folks.. of course i’m being slightly facetious… its all good fun, we’re all family and sh*t here….
@BKSweetheart, i disagree with most of your post….not cuz you tellin lies, but cuz u tellin troofs…..you have been warned
@BKSweetheart, Amen to #6… ninjas know they be WANTING someone to give a isht about what they do… get over yo’self.
@BKSweetheart,
#4 made me laugh out loud, since I just got that call at 8am, tombout whatchu doin after work–uh, prolly some other cat. thanks for the offer tho, I will file this with the others.
@RocktheCatbox, LMAO!!!! Exactly!!!!
@BKSweetheart,
1. so true….had a dude tell me I was ” very argumentative”. WTF? First off, we had been dating for like four months before he said this. Secondly, it was something that didn’t need to be said since I explicitly stated in my match.com profile that I enjoyed ‘lively debate’. it’s not my fault you are illiterate and that you had wack ass weak arguments.
@BKSweetheart,
Love this post!!
4. You don’t still have rights to the p*ssy years later just cause we used to f*ck back in the day. That ship has sailed. Get your grubby paws off me.
**DEAD**
5. If we get mad at you over something you did wrong and tell you about it, it’s not “nagging”. That’s a man’s way to deflect without accepting any responsibility for his actions. The jig is up. We’re on to you. Stop it.
(Ultimate CoSign)
6. We’re not all gold diggers who would do anything to get knocked up by you so we can get a “come up”. N*gga please get off your own nuts. We have money and goals and sh*t too. We got sh*t to do too. Please stop assuming all a woman wants to do is get pregnant and be taken care of. Some of us actually do like you for you and not what you have.
**Bow to you** Soooo True!! (Men should remember this if they don’t remember anything else)
@CNotes,
LMAO!! What I oughta start saying is, If getting knocked up extramaritally was the culmination of my life’s hopes and dreams, don’t you think I’d have done that already, and with someone richer, taller and better looking? I mean, look at me. Now look at yourself. Now back to me.
@RocktheCatbox,
**Doing the Holy Dance** LOL!!!
@BKSweetheart
#2, “and i approve that message…
i tell my current that i still want a kiss after basketball.. even with the salty lips.. but inside i’m like “sweetie, i know that lay-up hurt you.. and you have to recover, but just hop in the shower, i’ll even bathe you..”
#6, i can’t get my male friends to believe this ENOUGH!! and usually the ones who have nothing to offer (i.e., your car got repossessed, and you have no job) that start cryin about “i want someone to love me for me, not for my money..”.. WTF?!?! my ex said that, and i asked him, “so you’re staying jobless, and funky with no haircut.. and asking a woman that has her ish together to ‘love you for you?’ good luck with that”
i’ll add my own..
it’s an addendum..
men, the older you get, the more you need to have your ish together.. all that fantasy “i’m gonna be the xbox champion, then travel the world tellin people about it” is FINE in your 20′s before all your reality has set in.. but in your late 20′s and your 30′s.. when xbox live isn’t what’s hot anymore.. you need to start focusing on the here and now..
not only that, but if you’re expecting a woman that can bring something to the table.. then you better be SURE that you’re bringing something to the table too.. i told a friend of mine, “you’ll be lucky if they don’t wanna see your stock portfolio before you get the first date..” sub standards aren’t cute sweetie..
and because your woman wants to remind you that your cell bill is due, that’s not nagging.. she wants to support your dreams, really she does.. but let’s be realistic here..
that’s all i can remember off the top…
@BKSweetheart,
“6. We’re not all gold diggers who would do anything to get knocked up by you so we can get a “come up”. N*gga please get off your own nuts. We have money and goals and sh*t too. We got sh*t to do too. Please stop assuming all a woman wants to do is get pregnant and be taken care of. Some of us actually do like you for you and not what you have.”
Can this right here ^^ be shouted from the rooftops! I’m so tired of the madness. Guys in LA are notorious for this mentality… ninja I don’t know you or what you got, and if I am actually interested in you enough to get to know you I STILL am not trippin on what you got so stop feelin yaself so much. Cause that ish right there is gonna have you by your damn self. GEEZ!
My bad bit of a flashback lol, smh men are a trip…. good list
@BKSweetheart,
Great list and this one:
“5. If we get mad at you over something you did wrong and tell you about it, it’s not “nagging”. That’s a man’s way to deflect without accepting any responsibility for his actions. The jig is up. We’re on to you. Stop it.
IS SO TRUE. The “nagging jig” usually begins with the words “There you go…” Uh, it’s the very first time I spoke out about something I didn’t like. WTF you mean “there you go…”
i don’t know what the ettiquette about posting links to other sites…but i read this just the other day and it was very very very on point, much like this post.
http://ow.ly/1v4pJ
(sorry in advance if it doesn’t work!)
as a SBF, i will take all of this new and renewed knowledge and store it for future puposes.
*shooting star..the more you know…
If we are acting like your mother, it’s because you haven’t commanded our respect.
We like porn (maybe not as much as you do…but we do!). Ladies who don’t are not that sexual.
If you choose to “upgrade” your chick, relationship issues upgrade as well (Comes with the territory)
We expect a lot (period)
If we’re attracted to you, we WANT to sleep with you on the first date. But we can’t. (you know why)
@CNotes,
I like your list! I co-sign on “We expect alot”.
I was gonna add to mine that to whom much is given much is required. So if I give you the business, some things are required or expected….period. There are NO exceptions.
@TiP,
Yep! I mean I’m not asking him to feed 5000 with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but I do expect my feelings to be considered, him to spent quality time with me and to respect me. (…..and an occasional pair of shoes…*bright eyed*)
I know this is like so unrelated…but anyone else feelin The Dream these days??? I never like him but for some reason he has really grown on me lately. I usually don’t like songs where curse words or obscenities are “sang” – i mean if its a straight rap song, that’s different.. but in a R&B song, i usually hate it (ala R Kelly/BIG classic “When I’m f*cking you tonight….” (even though that was a rap song, but u get what i mean)
Anyways, I think The Dream is so underrated. Seems like he gets very little shine for his level of talent and all the contributions he’s made as a producer in recent years.
Okay, I’m done with off-topicness. Just wanted to share. Thank you
@BKSweetheart, but anyone else feelin The Dream these days???
definitely not… he annoys the isht out of me.
@Yeah…SO!?!, and he looks like a platypus LOL
@Orangestar Happy Hunting,
I feel bad, but I agree. LOL!
@BKSweetheart,
For about 30 seconds when Falsetto and Rocking that thing came out…but definitely not in a sexual way. He looks like he sweats standing still.
@BKSweetheart, Ummm yah i didn’t mean in a sexual way, i was talking about his music!!
@BKSweetheart,
he has little hands like the hamburgler…i’d be scared he would still all my hamburgers.
@thatchic,
in a coma after reading this!!
@CNotes
@a plus,
I’ve had the same issue with a guy who wasn’t “ready for a relationship”. After being “friends” for a few months, then the remarks started: (after not picking up the phone right away) “oh, you were on the phone with that otha dude?”. He would try to come off as being funny, but then it would happen again in other ways, like: (after I ask him whether or not I told him about something) “wasn’t me…must have been that other dude”?.
It’s wasn’t a big deal at first, but when it continued to happen I was confused.
This has happened to me more times than I can count. I’ve concluded that some men want women to chase or otherwise “sweat” them even if it is in vain. He doesn’t want me but he doesn’t want me to not want him.
@meka,
I’ve concluded that some men want women to chase or otherwise “sweat” them even if it is in vain. He doesn’t want me but he doesn’t want me to not want him.
(Agreed)….the Male Ego
Men like women who stroke their ego (laugh/appreciate our jokes, compliment us on our actions, etc) in a similar way that women like men who make them feel beautiful. This is sometimes why you see less-than-attractive women getting a dude’s “attention” (I use that term loosely since not much attention is actually given to said female. It’s more of a formality than voluntary. You give to receive and sh*t). Now simply stroking a man’s ego won’t get you a ring, but a man will keep you around….for a while.
This also means that men like to be appreciated IN their relationships. Women are always illustrated as being the ones who need words of affirmation, which they do (don’t take that as an accusation of weakness or fragility, it just is what it is). Men, while not needing words of affirmation as much as women (please don’t smother us with texts, calls, facebook messages, and singing telegrams every 5 minutes…we will speedy gonzales out that joint), do need to feel appreciated. We act tough most of the time, but we’re human too.
Women need to feel wanted. Men want to feel needed. Something I heard in a sermon once.
Now on to what I really want to talk about.
Fighters Lupe Fiasco
deep waters Michelle ndignaochello
Iced cream paint job Durro?
scrapple grits sunny side up eggs corned beef hash
baked ziti (kinda hight acid tomato sauce)
Thick ssa bacon
cherry dilly bar
Suzzie Q
curry potatos n stuff w/ some peas vegan style
colors
pork and beans
hot dog
@WuDaMan,
colours by iced t
kielbasa w/ sourkraut and cheese whiz on a hoggie roll
hash browns from dunkin doughnuts Is it me or would these hash browns taste great w/ some sour cream.
@WuDaMan, those hash browns are the TRUTH!!!!!! i SWEAR they consulted with some island people before they put those out.. cuz truth be told Jamaicans think that Yanks can’t season anything…
“what chu want me to do, i’m sorry!”
@Nick_L_Odeon,
Yanks in Louisiana know how to season everything. : ) (Yes, I’m a cajun girl!)
@WuDaMan,
scrapple grits sunny side up eggs corned beef hash
That sounds good! And I just discovered grits a couple of years ago.
@Panama Jackson..
#7 is the TRUTH!! i had to tell my homeboy last week that just because i got to hold the Playstation doesn’t mean that homie loves me.. the same goes for holding the keys to Jeep when he’s out of town..
i’m not assuming JACK! matter of fact, i act like i know nothin concerning you until you’ve told me yourself.. hints don’t work well with me, not because i am daft, but because your momma gave you a mouth, so speak..
@Nick_L_Odeon,
hints don’t work well with me, not because i am daft, but because your momma gave you a mouth, so speak
PREACH IT.
*on purpose all caps.
As always, brutal honesty that many women probably needed to hear. I have never understood what women really expect men to do when they ask them a question like “how do i look in this…” when most of us girls know exactly how we look, just like we know exactly what we want the man in questions response to be. But we put them in a catch-22 cuz if they’re honest they now have a P.O.ed girl on their hands, but if they lie we’ll get mad at that too and if we dont believe the lie response, we’ll proceed to ask the same question again … and again… and again… and always ended with an “honestly, what do you think?” Like they said, if you ask for the truth, dont get pissed when you hear it.
@Kali,
I just don’t get it. In my 32 years living, I have NEVER asked a boyfriend how I looked in any outfit and am completely baffled that this keeps being brought up as an example of how women–do what? get gratification? trap their men into an opinion of them? flex the use of a living, breathing crutch? I think fishing for compliments is a symptom of a bigger problem, other than an obvious sign of chronic WACKNESS. I have been dressing myself for years and with excellent results, it would never occur to me to ask another human being how I look in an outfit just because we’re in a relationship, as long as there are mirrors in my house and I have the common sense I was born with. Massive eye roll. Carry on!
@RocktheCatbox & Kali,
This is the first time i’ve ever heard this from a woman. Either I need to meet different women or the VSS on this blog are from the Bizarro world.
@Humble_One,
LOL Well I know I’m from planet earth so you’re gonna have to get out there and meet different women. Since I empathize with you for being from Detroit, there is a jay electronica afterparty in the jazz cafe at the music hall on the 10th (starts 11ish) and one of those cigars, suits events at habana on the 17th. How useful am I. Now if I keep inviting you to things and you don’t come, I’m gonna assume you just want to date girls named Liquidasia who party at those places they announce on 97.9
@RocktheCatbox, girl i’m right there with you. I might ask “is everythin good?” just to make sure i dont have somethin on my back that i can’t see or somethin like that. But I have had plenty of friends who have told me situations where they asked for their guys opinion just because they wanted to hear “you look beautiful, wonderful, fantastic, etc”… so they were essentially fishing for a compliment… and madness ensued when they got a different response than what they’d already determined they wanted to hear. It’s just like girls asking their dude if they think so-and-so is pretty, when you know straight up she is… but the guys know that they their girl doesnt wanna here that she’s hot, so they lie. Asking questions they dont really want the answers to.
@Kali,
LOL True, true, nobody wants to go out with an, um…stain…on the back of their dress [no Lewinsky].
Self esteem is free.
@RocktheCatbox,
Well you sound like a woman whose confidence is at an all-time high, swag is on a hundred…thousand…trillion, got that aura about you, etc. lol.
If you have to ask how you look in an outfit, then there’s some insecurity there. Either you’re insecure about what you’re wearing, how you look in it, or you know it looks good but you just need the confirmation. All of that is insecurrrr. lol. Anyway, good comment!
@RocktheCatbox,
*prepares envelope for offering while choir prepares to sing. CHUCH!!!!!
Insightful post. If there is one true thing I’ve learned about men is that they will certainly lie with their mouths, but every bit of truth is in their actions. “Say one thing and do another”? Yeah, what they do is what they really want to do, regardless of what they tell you. Peep that first, ladies.
Man as problem-solver is an admirable attribute…all solution-driven, but no drive for passion. A women wants nothing more than for her man to be passionate about her because she is damn sure passionate about him. So, in a tiff, she’s looking for him to match her emotional level. When he doesn’t, well, tears roll. It’s not that we don’t want to fix things, we just want you to be emotional with us before we fix things. LOL
Dont make generalizations about women… both male and females tend to bring emotional baggage to a relationship from past experiences…. I think until you can judge the individual, you should probably refrain from being a serial dater…
Things men should know:
WE CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!! It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. I am a profossional bearer of Bad News. It’s all in the delivery hun!
WE ARE NOT ALL EMOTIONAL BASKET CASES!!!! If it were not for the emotional baggage and past scorn men have built up against women in general, It would be much easier for us to mold you.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT!!!! If the chex is everything you have dreamed of, u may have to deal with the fact that she is a lil chubby. If she is flawlessly beautiful, you may have to deal with the fact that she may not be accustomed to hearing the word no. If she is super intelligent, she may not know everything, but you have accept the fact that she knows WAYYYYYYYYYYY more than you do ( which is like the closest thing to knowing everything), If she is super fine, you will have to deal with the fact that sheis going to recieve massive amounts of attention from men…. yall get my drift.
ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU CANT FUNCTION WITHOUT US…. If it were not for women, all of you guys would be shyttin’ charcol, because apparently all you know how to do is bar-b-que…. Gawd forbid we talk about a mans bar-b-que
Its really nice to see u laides telling us the truth on here instead of what u think we wanna here or the lie that ur parents told u.
As far as the men who posted on this board, i dont think we are as passoinate as the women are. I think we’re just on here to set records straight and try for u to get an understanding on where we coming from. We lack the passion simply bcuz its not as important to us as women. To me(now this is my own opinion) relationships are optional in life and just are not needed. Dont get me wrong i dont us to be at odds with each other, but as far as that “we are one” jazz i just cant get with it. Women have to understand is that no matter how much u are around them, how much u tlk to them, or how many u dated(hopefully not that many) u actually have to be a man to know what a man is. Its a damn shame that most women get their ideals of what a man is from movies and t.v. From childhood lil girls get the notion that prince charming is how a man should be or that thier father is too. What women dont realize is that ur father did all those things not bcuz he was ur man, but bcuz YOU ARE HIS CHILD. The fact that u have all these hypotesies on how men are ur letting reality slip away from u. Trust me how we are is how we are ment to be and if u try to change ur man otherwise then he’s not a man he’s a rep. I find it fasinating that we are TELLING U how we are, yet u still say that its not true. Some of us gave up on our dream girl yeeeeears ago, so why cant u all give up on ur superman.?
Well damn PJ, you were one of my favorite’s however, today you have successfully crushed all my hopes, dreams, and self esteem. There goes my weekend plans, damn you!
I think the larger truth is that men are not a monolith. There are some similarities but after that it’s on a case-by-case basis.
I really don’t need my ego stroked, because I do it quite enough by myself. I’ll tell anyone that will listen I’m effin incredible.
I will say if the man you are with or eyeing is not ready to settle down WITH YOU, keep it moving. You are fighting a lost cause.
Addendum: #2 and #3: Don’t ask questions you are not ready to hear the answer for. My SO and I go round and round about that one. She will say you were supposed to say XYZ. You can either tell me what to say or ask me but it can’t be both.
“If he won’t say he loves you or that you’re his girlfriend, then he doesn’t and you aren’t.”
Okay…so what about the dude who says “this is my chick” but never sees her on a regular basis, doesn’t let her call him at the house, only comes through during the day to get it in and the only reason she does get to talk to him during the day is because she broke down and bought him a phone??? True story, my roommate was dealing with that and other shyt when “dating” this man. So sad…and a lot stupid!
So in that instance, he could say all day long how much he cared and loved her and how much she was his, but his actions said something ENTIRELY different.
Likewise, if a man is with you everyday, takes you out, spends time, money and other resources on you and introduces you to his friends, family, etc with the PROPER title (not this is my “friend”)…and he hasn’t explicitly said “i love you”…then it’s effectively time for the woman to call his bluff. He either does, or he doesn’t…and it doesn’t matter who says it first, if the feeling is there, then dammit, someone needs to acknowledge it so there is no confusion as to what’s happening.
“Cowboys and Angels”- George Michael, applies here oh so very well…….
When your heart`s in someone else`s hands
Monkey see and monkey do
Their wish is your command
You`re not to blame
Everyone`s the same
All you do is love and love is all you do
I should know by now, the way I fought for you
You`re not to blame
Everyone`s the same
I know you think that you`re safe
Mister
Harmless deception
That keeps love at bay
It`s the ones who resist that we most want to kiss
Wouldn`t you say?
Cowboys and angels
They all have the time for you
Why should I imagine
That I`d be a find for you
Why should I imagine
That I`d have something to say
But that scar on your face
That beautiful face of yours
In your heart there`s a trace
Of someone before
When your heart`s in someone else`s plans
Things you say and things you do
They don`t understand
It`s such a shame
Always ends the same
You can call it love but I don`t think it`s true
You should know by now
I`m not the boy for you
You`re not to blame
Always ends the same
I know you think that you`re safe
Sister
Harmless affection
That keeps things this way
It`s the ones who persist for the sake of a kiss
Who will pay
Cowboys and angels
They all take a shine to you
Why should I imagine that I was designed for you
Why should I believe
That you would stay
But that scar on your face
That beautiful face of yours
Don`t you think that I know
They`ve hurt you before
Take this man to your bed
Maybe his hands will help you forget
Please be stronger than your past
The future may still give you a chance
#5…the truth. Personally don’t care if you make more money either.
#10…the truth. Bytches are entertaining though…they require a thorough dack down and firm tone from time to time…that’s all.
#5 is so true. Too many women believe that just because they have a high profile career that they will automatically get they type of man they want.
“4. Until we say I love you, without you prompting it, we don’t.
You’ll know a man loves you when he just can’t stop himself from telling you. If you ask a man if he loves you, and he says, “yes”, he still hasn’t technically said it, he just answered the question that creates the shortest distance between two points: your mouth and his schlong.”
Omg!!! this has to be one of the most profound quotes, and you know what I never thought about it like that but it makes sense. If you ask a man a question, he’s gonna answer it. and saying yes to an “do you love me question” is just an answer!!!
Funny thing is, I don’t think I have ever asked that question, but I did have a SO tell me that recently, without me prompting him and I just kinda ignored it.. I guess I should believe him huh?, I do now!
Good post!