Lists, Theory & Essay

The Trials and Tribulations of the Male Relationship Blogger

Man, I hope she doesn't read this.

The homey Max wrote a post last Thursday entitled, “The Trials and Tribulations of the Female Sex Blogger”. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was a splendiferous account of the travails of going all full monty for the masses on a daily basis. Kudos, Max. Kudos.

Similarly, we here of the schlong have similar trials and tribulations. While this here blog doesn’t focus on the ole yum yum, bouncy bounce but more of the relationshipinal relationship between the gods and earfs, we still manage to have our own sets of trials and tribulations. And trust me, they are a plenty.

Such as?

Such as…

1. We actually have relationships that we have to protect.

Quite a few male relationship bloggers are actually in relationships. What that means is that unless you managed to convince her that the blog is offlimits, wifeyboo is going to be all up in the posts, just like everybody else. What THAT means is that you’re personally accountable for anything that you say on the blog…at home. While I’m not in a relationship right now, I have been for the majority of the time VSB has been in existence. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve gotten into full blown arguments because of things I’ve written on this blog or had to explain myself further because of my particular word choices, etc. Shucks, if you all could be privy to some of the IM convos The Champ and I have had about who could and could not write about certain things because of our relationships…let’s just say, there are a lot more topics left on the table that neither one of us was ready to discuss at home. Blogs are great, but you always have to take care of home first. Trust me.

2. Men who are funny, witty, and can read = lofty expectations.

While generally this is a good problem to have, expectations that cannot ever be met are a pain in the derriere. Oochie coochie, la la la. While this has never happened to me (as far as I know), I’m fully aware of a few male blog cats who were placed on this curious pedestal online, but when coming into contact with actual people, their profiles fell faster than bikini tops at a BangBros pool party.

3. Possible to burn a lot of bridges.

This plays back into #1, but even as a single man, there lots of topics I’d love to touch on that I just won’t because I don’t want to put anybody out there like that. Even if nobody would ever know who I’m talking about, it just doesn’t seem right, because that one person would know. And really, I don’t know if they’re reading or not, but some things just ain’t right. Plus, I know my daddy so its better to err on the side of caution. It’s never nice to hurt people’s feelings. Unless of course you hurt EVERYBODY’s feelings at once, then its okay. Let’s just say, practicing restraint can be very difficult.

4. People assume that you know better than to make mistakes.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made a mistake of some sort and I’ve been hit with, “you write about this stuff. Come on, dude. I KNOW you know better.” Truth is, everybody should know better about myriad things we all f*ck up on, but we don’t. I’m only human. I’m flesh and blood. A man. It’s assumed that we’d always know how to see situations upfront or figure out how to get out of any situation because we write about these things. It’s like Economics, we’re writing about it all ceteris peribus. Writing is objective, real life comes with all kinds of extra variables and emotions, etc. You’d be surprised at how often its presumed that despite all of our explanations of our mistakes, we’ll never make them again. It’s like good girl problems…when they do f*ck up, it looks that much worse.

5. Women have better memories than we do.

As a writer, you’re accountable for everything that you write. Understood. Thing is, men’s recall is generally much slower and much more recent in general than women’s. If you start dating a woman who reads your site, she will be more than happy to quote you contradicting some stance you took on voyeurism or politics. You’ll find yourself in an argument with a woman who will use a post you wrote against you and what can you say? You wrote it. And do you know where this shoots men in the arse? Platonic friends. Let’s just say, if you ever tell a woman that you have female friends, make sure that you DIDN’T write that you don’t believe in platonic friendships.

6. People really do think they know you.

This is an across the board “personal” blog problem but there are people out there who actually do not like me because of this blog. I find that almost comical. Mostly because I don’t give a sh*t, but generally because I get so far away from personal (down to the refusal to let anybody know my real name) on this here blog that its impossible to really know who I am from this blog. I’m a complicated man. Nobody understands me but my mother. Heck, at some of these happy hours, some folks have told me, to my face, that they don’t really f*ck me with like that and prefer Champ. Which is cool with me, but blow me. I didn’t ask for that unsolicited information. But oh well, I can take so let’s take shotshotshots, shotsshots, shotshotsshotsshosts.

Anyway, those are just some of the issues that come along with blogging, and being a male relationship blogger. I just felt like sharing. Does any of this make sense or am I just full of sh*t? Male bloggers, what else do you think? Heck, some of you commenters have had similar experiences…what are your trials and tribulations?

Do tell.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka 21 KOOKAROO GANGSTA aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://onesmartblackman.blogspot.com Mr. Smart Guy

    *begins slow clap*
    Truth has been spoken here today, ladies and gentlemen.
    I’ll leave some of my sordid past in the past but I definitely can relate to what you’re speaking of and applaud you for still doing your thing on a regular basis. Much respect to you on that…

    • http://theatypicallibrarian.wordpress.com AtypicalLibrarian

      *claps along with Mr. Smart Guy*

      • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/ Sage of Silence

        Co-sign the clap.

    • http://DamonLThomas.com Monk

      Yeah, this post was right on the money.

    • http://liferequiresmorechocolate.com Tiffany

      You are so right.

      Peace, Love and Chocolate
      Tiffany

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      the slow clap is cooler than a polar bears toenails.

  • miss t-lee

    “Oochie Coochie lalala” MC Brains huh??? *snickers* #5 is truth. I just had convo w/ a kat about that last week. We remember EVERYTHING. :-) Don’t get caught slippin’.

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      “We remember EVERYTHING. Don’t get caught slippin’.”

      Right?! Man, never underestimate the effing LAW LIBRARY size of a woman’s brain. ;)

    • legitimate_soul

      So true, Ladies.

      Sidenote: Props to Panama & Miss T-Lee for reminding me of MC Brains (it takes me back to that place in time and makes me smile) and making me remember that a female rapper named Tam Rock was a guest on the MC Brains song in question.

      • miss t-lee

        Wow…totally forgot ol’ girl was on the track!

    • Deviant

      #5 makes or breaks some relationships.

      More reason to keep your pontification of certain subjects like promises……to a minimum. Women will remember not only theories you presented but also random sh*t other people said with which you agreed or at which you shrugged.

      • whykendra

        “Women will remember not only theories you presented but also random sh*t other people said with which you agreed or at which you shrugged”

        Over time we’ve learned to put less value on the things you say. To see somebody nod in agreement with a statement made in casual conversation is more telling than if they made an hour long speech on the same subject.

      • miss t-lee

        “More reason to keep your pontification of certain subjects like promises……to a minimum.”

        Agreed. I’m going round and round with someone on that right now…lol
        Basically, don’t promise ish you know you can’t deliver.

  • Oliver

    Let me just say ‘screw the steel and pass the cheese’.Thanks!
    I am appreciative of male bloggers work because, I think they bring a much needed male perspective into issues that ,might have otherwise been dominated by the female counterparts.Heaven knows the black blogosphere is dominated by the sistas.
    As for the trial and tribulations of a male blogger,i feel like they come with the territory somehow.

    • Leila

      “They bring a much needed male perspective into issues that ,might have otherwise been dominated by the female counterparts”

      I couldn’t agree more. The male perspective isn’t heard much and it’s insightful to get their perspective on relationship issues.

      • Leonie UK

        A male under/overstanding is always needed and I am always open to hearing it.

    • Mimi

      “Let me just say ‘screw the steel and pass the cheese’..”

      Last night, that third quarter was more aggravating than a case of stomach cramps on prom night.

      • Leonie UK

        …while my stomach is full of cheese and laughing at you Diddy suckers (Sometimes that hiphop cockroach is pitiful)

        Green and yellow baby

      • Oliver

        I feel you,lol! But great seasons for both teams nonetheless

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      I agree with you and let me be clear, I’m not upset about any issues that come along with blogging. It’s part of the gig so it is what it is.

      I’d rather have these issues than not have them.

      Even though I stay pissing ninjas off inadvertently.

      • oliver

        I get that, i think the ” pissing off ninjas inadvertently” is here to stay. I hate to say it, but cats would either look at you as threat and or some brotha who is pandering, put it this way the antagonistic feelings wont disappear and the good thing is, you dont let that get to you.
        Like i said you guys are a rare breed, in the sense that ,there arent many of you in the black blogosphere, and we both know aint too many black people in this country like that. So what happens now is what is called in business ”hitting critical mass”, your blog gains in popularity, some people like it ,others will be like ”f-u-ck u bruh”
        The party must continue!

  • http://theatypicallibrarian.wordpress.com AtypicalLibrarian

    “…some folks have told me, to my face, that they don’t really f*ck me with like that and prefer Champ. Which is cool with me, but blow me.”

    And this is why I like you (and by you I mean your VSB persona) because I never know what you’re gonna say next but I always know it be funny.

    • Girl Kanyeshrug

      “Which is cool with me, but blow me.”

      That sentence right there is why I really like you.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      LOL. I just have fun with it. I’m usually more interested in how bold folks get with me about stuff like that. I think some folks have a genuine disdain for me.

      Oh well. It happens. I’m still sexxy.

  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

    *smiles like a proud sistah because Max has been shouted out AGAIN on this blog*

    “This is an across the board “personal” blog problem but there are people out there who actually do not like me because of this blog.”

    See, if you were a 4, you wouldn’t have this problem.

    • keisha brown

      right?!?!?! tdot stand up!!
      *sits back down after standing up.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      If I could only ascent to fourdom.

  • whykendra

    i f*ck with you PJ. assuming that i know you, which i dont. lol.

    i feel you with people tryna bring up old shyt all the time. people are quick to hold something you did/said over your head from 10, 20, 30 years ago. ‘remember when we was in da fith grayde and u was like how u dont eat spinach. well den y u eatin spinach???
    relax!! i changed my mind. damn!

    but yeah you have all (im sure not all, you’re an iceberg) your thoughts all published and what not. but i cant tell you enough how important your blog is and how much i look forward to hearing from you and Champ on the daily post.

    p.s. i wish you and champ nothin but love and happiness but…. i really wanna see what kind of post will be made when yall both single. #youcallthisrestraint

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      LOL. Yes, there is extreme restraint practiced on this here corner of the internet. Trust me.

  • http://iamyourpeople.com/ I Am Your People

    #1. “While I’m not in a relationship right now…”
    What about Cheekie?

    #2. Men who are funny, witty, and can read = lofty expectations.
    No, I expect you to be a 3

    #4. People assume that you know better than to make mistakes.
    You aren’t all perfect ‘n isht like Steve Harvey? *cancels book order*

    #6. People really do think they know you.
    *disowns my cousin in the head*

    • Cali

      lol @ “cancels book order”! Good one :)

    • Madame J

      People assume that you know better than to make mistakes.
      You aren’t all perfect ‘n isht like Steve Harvey? *cancels book order*

      #DEAD

      SB: Has anyone seen Steve Harvey’s radio show that airs on Television??! o_O

      That man don’ really lost his mind.

      • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/ Sage of Silence

        you broke my brain with that one.

        Radio show that airs on Television. Hmmm. I’m going to need to let that one percolate.

        oooooh, weeeee, Imma gonna needta sleeponit…

        • Mel

          A la Howard Stern?

        • http://thisistip.wordpress.com/ ThisisTip

          It’s not a new concept. It’s like the Howard Stern show but not at all. A local Atl morning show has a tv show as well.
          Steve harveys show comes on BET or Centric at 10 (I think). Heck check your local listings.

        • Sula

          Mike and Mike in the morning airs on TV as well… So yeah it happens.

          • http://uphereoncloud9.com Wu Young

            Colin Cowherd & Scott van Pelt are aired on television also.

    • Nameless for Now

      ROFL at this whole comment!!

    • Girl Kanyeshrug

      #4. People assume that you know better than to make mistakes.
      You aren’t all perfect ‘n isht like Steve Harvey? *cancels book order*

      Somebody gave me their copy of Steve Harvey’s “Think Like A Man…” last week and said they weren’t ‘feeling it’ anymore. SAD.

    • keisha brown

      bwahahaha @ what about cheekie.
      *waits for answer while whistling jeopardy musak

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      I quit you, IAYP. LOL

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      I see I’m going to need to send you to my publicist.

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  • http://fatgrlatheart.com fatgrlatheart

    all your points listed above make sense.

    but it’s very hard to exclude your exes as examples when that’s the truth you know when you discuss relationships. i’ve had an uncomfortable conversation or two because of my blog. and there are SO many things i wish i could say but i know i can’t cause it would put someone on blast.

    and i go out of my way to make sure my real name is nowhere on my blog and when my friends would comment “omg [insert name] i totally agree with you on this” i’d edit their comments.

    those that have complained usually complain that im too cocky. uh … “you can’t imagine the immensity of the f*ck I’m not giving”. everybody can’t be your target audience.

    look up “target VSB audience” and you’ll find a picture of me. i love me all the ridiculousness that you guys say :)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      we’re glad you love it. cuz we love it.

      hell we all love it.

      we like to move it, move it.

  • Madame J

    “It’s assumed that we’d always know how to see situations upfront or figure out how to get out of any situation because we write about these things. It’s like Economics, we’re writing about it all ceteris peribus. Writing is objective, real life comes with all kinds of extra variables and emotions, etc.”

    Great point. And lawd knows that when testosterone kicks in, emotions can turn a simple situation/ confrontation into full blown Steeler’s defense. Disastrous. Same goes for women and estrogen.

    People that challenge your writings verbatim have no sense of what it means to be a WRITER. They’ve already deemed you and Champ as “relationship experts” so you betsta be on yo best behavior in every relationship and have the ability to sweep the panties off your lady with NO HANDS.

    You hear me?

    • tezzybaby

      *have the ability to sweep the panties off your lady with NO HANDS.*

      Aint that the truf.

    • keisha brown

      emotions can turn a simple situation/ confrontation into full blown Steeler’s defense. Disastrous

      bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa…….

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      People will challenge what you say/write verbatim because you said/wrote it. lol That’s life. If I say something, people will remember and call me out on it. I do think, as humans we are all hypocrites in some form. Our words shouldn’t be law cause we are allowed to change our minds. Also, like psychology, you can treat your patients but not yourself. Giving advice is much easier than receiving and following through on it. lol

      • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com Reecie

        “People will challenge what you say/write verbatim because you said/wrote it. lol That’s life. If I say something, people will remember and call me out on it.”

        exaaaaactly.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        ain’t that the truth, Ruth.

      • http://yourchildsmother.blogspot.com/ KMN

        My sperm donor did that to me a few weeks ago. Texted me all out the blue tombout I’m slandering his name (knee.grow.please. o_0). Come to find out, he been e-stalking me via my FB via someone else FB page and then stalking my blog.
        I went off on his arse hear me? WENT.OFF. If it wasn’t true I wasn’t going to write it but fool it IS true and I’ll stand behind it. If I wrote it, I prolly said it, and i KNOW I meant it. So stuff that in your pipe an smoke it (pass it to the left tho’)

        I have no problems admitting to what i wrote and will have a convo w/u defending my words. And if you don’t like me kick rocks.

        oh and by the way…from Milwaukee, WI…#GREENANDYELLOW yes ma’am yes sir

        KMN

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          I had to rise back from the DEAD to laugh again at this entire comment. lolol No matter what someone says, I always give alittle respect for those who stand by what they say. I hate, I HATE people who make comments and deny that ish like you’re blind, deaf and dumb.

          • http://yourchildsmother.blogspot.com/ KMN

            Girl I’m saying. Now I know I’m not the BEST writer in the world. But I protect my written word. I stand UP for my written word. And I mean what I say in my written word. If I said it dammit I did…I’ll get up in chu’ch and start sangin bout it like Shug Avery when she found the Lord again in her daddy’s chu’ch.

            See daddy…sinners have souls too. -_-

            KMN

            • EngrGirl

              LMAO @ the color purple reference. I actually really like that song.

              People aren’t accountable these days and always surprise when you are