narrator: “young, wealthy, and insanely attractive, 29 year old dallas-area astronaut/monkey neurosurgeon kimberly robinson seems to be living the american dream. with an oxford education, a downtown condo, a brand new benz, and a pussy like hawaiian sunshine, she is, what rapper ‘the dream’ would call, “da shit“.
***insert footage of kimberly playing baseball with sick monkeys in diapers, salsa dancing, cheering for the dallas cowboys, making pepper for homeless women, leaving wet spots on random chairs, and rocking manolos while walking on the moon***
narrator: “but, despite her attributes, kimberly is single as the fuck. her singledom is so apparent that her NASA office mates have begun calling her “dollar bill”. in fact, kimberly is so single that she hasn’t even been on a date since her high school homecoming dance.”
kimberly (whose voice is a little deeper that you probably imagined it to be): “and that was with my dad, so it doesn’t even really count”
narrator: “kimberly’s sad singleness may seem odd, but for professional black women, this relentless loneliness is increasingly common“
***insert footage of random black women walking to work in unusually well-tailored business suits***
***insert footage of random cats doing cat things***
kimberly: “the other day, i did a random poll of the 25 to 35 year old women in my building. none of the black women had rings on their fingers, but 90 percent of the white women did. shit, even the mexican receptionist has a ring, and that bitch doesn’t even have any hands!!”
***cut to a shot of a handless and smiling mexican woman sharing a ceaser salad with what looks to be her husband***
narrator: “so, why is kimberly single? well, for starters, she can occasionally be an arrogant, aloof, and entitled asshole. but, her arrogance, aloofness, and entitlement issues aside, once you take out all of the black men in prison (5%), unemployed (8%), under 5’11 (41%), dating limbless mexicans (2%) kind of gay (11%), kappa’s (3%), or just plain wack (15%) that leaves only 15 percent of eligible black men to choose from”
cut to a shot of an incredulous kimberly: “and, unless its steve nash, i aint doing the pink meat. not now, not ever”
narrator: “we invited kimberly and three of her single, successful, and somewhat, but not really all that attractive girlfriends to our offices for a conversation with ex welterweight champion jake jenkins and poet/activist/actor/horticulturalist street chancer.
jenkins, author of the best-selling “settle, bitches: why ya’ll siddity bitches need to just stop playin“, had some poignant advice for the young ladies”
***cut to a full-shot of jenkins and his ridiculously well-coordinated easter-pink zoot suit***
jenkins: “what ya’ll bitches need to understand is that a man is like a ford f-150. sometimes you gotta take it to the shop for repairs, sometimes you just gotta get in there and change the tire yourself, and sometimes you just need to hop in the back of the trailer butt naked and fry a turkey.”
***cut to a shot of the ladies nodding their heads and taking notes***
jenkins: “like i used to tell my 4th wife: you can’t hard boil a grown-ass man. you just can’t do it. i aint no egg, bitch”
narrator: “chancer, whose book of annoyingly genteel and effete essays ‘the consultation’ recently made amazon kindle’s “best buy for a neutered guy“ list, also had something to say to the women”
***cut to a shot of chancer, dressed exactly how you think someone named “street chancer” would be dressed***
chancer: “we need to find a way to exorcise the demons lurking in our hearts. there’s so much on our minds that we can’t recline, so we blast holes into the night until she bleeds sunshine”
***cut to a shot of a visibly confused kimberly***
chancer: “breath in, ladies, and inhale vapors from bright stars that shine.”
narrator: “despite everything, kimberly remains optimistic that her, and other princesses like her, will eventually find their frogs”
kimberly (sitting in front of a giant poster of “the princess and the frog’): “it’ll happen one day. in the meantime, i’ll always have my monkeys”
***cut to a final shot of kimberly laughing and eating nachos while bowling with her sick monkeys***
—the champ
It would be nice to have a woman, perhaps Liz, right about how successful, stuck-up black men act on your site.
@It Figures!,
Dang! “right” s/b “write”. I hate stupid typos.
@It Figures!, CHUCH!
ninjas with attitudes like these… HA! I will gladly KEEP my native american sensation thank you VERY much.
@It Figures!, don’t worry grasshopper. it is on its way. in due time.
@Liz,
Yeah! My hero. Get them, girl.
@It Figures!,
It would be nice to have a woman, perhaps Liz, right about how successful, stuck-up black men act on your site.
the pittsburgh pirates in the world series would be nice too, but im not going to hold my breath waiting for it
@The Champ,
Hmm, a very smart brotha would jump at the chance to let her write the article. Then, maybe the Pirates would get their chance in the WS.
@It Figures!, Liz, right about how successful, stuck-up black men act
you must be meeting the wrong successful black men.
@Panama Jackson,
Man to man…dude…some of these cats act like they have more periods than women. It’s one thing to be successful at your gig…but to be a batch arse diva just because you got a few ducks in a row? Come to Atlanta…and go to a few spots and people watch…dudes are staring and waiting on women to approach them…and yes I seize the moment. Hell…I get labeled as the fun outgoing guy and I’m a damm introvert. When women partake in mutually gratifying chex and then admit to being envious of my ability to date openly during pillow talk via exposing these tired arses cats…there is a problem.
Fellas…your slips are showing big time. I’m off the scene for a minute…can yall please man the fugg up while I’m gone…these women need some attention. I’m tired of carrying yall’s weight.
@me,
dudes are staring and waiting on women to approach them…
See, if it was just me on earth, those dudes would have died of dry wangs and purple (past blue) balls… They should be royally ignored but they still get their pick/choice of women… Reason #678 why they will keep doing that.
@me,
Thanks! I live in metro Atlanta and you are correct. Men, of all kinds, have it good here. It does not take much on the mans part to get a woman (or women).
@me,
“dudes are staring and waiting on women to approach them…”
Yea this gahbage goes on in L.A. allll the time….its ridiculous
@me,
loved everything about this post.
that is all.
@me,
Okay, I know I’m hella late (damn you school system blocks!) but dammit if that ain’t the truth. I live in Atlanta, and this shit is redamndiculous at the amount of negros standing around looking at you all night like “bust a move!”
Everytime I visit the northeast (BK especially) men are all over me (I’m talking quality too)! I couldn’t even make it to baggage claim @ LaGuardia w/o some dude in my face.
And then I bring my ass back to Atlanta (the gayest city in America, btw) and nuccas are expecting you to damn near hold the door open for their pansy ass.
@It Figures!, Do it Liz!!!! Hold up the banner, girl!
iCackled. i wanna hate it but i can’t. *gold stars*
@SouthernGirl,
damn, long time no type and shit. we’ve missed the glitter
@The Champ,
I will do my best to bring the sparkly goodness back to vsb.
@SouthernGirl, Im with you, I actually think I know Kimberly and have been on a road trip with her
@Intellectual Hedonist,
lol. know her?! pssh…i been trying to dodge that heffa for years now…
I hate you.
@Liz,
i love you too, lizzard
I’ve been kilt by the “handless mexican receptionist eating caesar salad with her husband” line. Good job champie, I just laughed for a whole 2 minutes.
*I don’t wanna beat a beyond dead horse so I’ma leave this topic alone.
@miss t-lee, I agree. this topic is beyond dead.
@Michele, Yep! That’s exactly why I didn’t initially comment. But…to chime in, there isn’t a shortage of black men. If you watch Chili’s new show, honestly her attitude is like 80% of single black chicks I know. And if you have that attitude, then of course the glass is half (or less than half) empty. If I was a dude, I wouldn’t date that type of female either.
@miss t-lee,
“I’ve been kilt by the “handless mexican receptionist eating caesar salad with her husband” line.”
As I am a visual creature, I fully imagined this scene with elevator music playing the background. The instrumental of “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” perhaps?
@Cheekie,
The instrumental of “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” perhaps?
actually, i was thinking of the chorus from pearl jams “jeremy”
@The Champ,
Hmm.
Lol now that was funny.
And true but for real women don’t need to settle I just caution
Don’t require your prospective mate to meet standards you can’t meet.
Because chances are that ninja looking for a chic to “get like him” as well.
And aint shyt wrong with nlack women the medi needs to get off this shyt and we as
Women need to stop feeding into this bullshyt eres lookim at you chili who doesn’t
Like a man to eat pork but he can have 2 baby mommas. Lol
That is all
@shay-d-lady,
Chili and her dang baby hair!!!
I was in agreement with her requirements until that “He can’t have more than 2 baby mommas!” I thought she misspoke, until she was with talking bout Floyd Fairweather and his 4 kids and ONLY 2 baby moms.
chile sit down…permanently
@Naomi, “I was in agreement with her requirements until that “He can’t have more than 2 baby mommas!”
Lol. He can’t drink, smoke, eat pork, must be religious, but 2 baby mamas is cool??? Hmm….
@Naomi,
“Chili and her dang baby hair!!!”
It distracted me for the entire episode. Like, I can’t believe she is STILL doing this.
@shay-d-lady,
“Women need to stop feeding into this bullshyt eres lookim at you chili who doesn’t
Like a man to eat pork but he can have 2 baby mommas. Lol
That is all”
she really said that, like, in front of people?
@The Champ,
yep. did a post about that too. lol. http://www.shesoflyy.blogspot.com
her baby hair and crazy demands are laughable.
@shay-d-lady,
So what you are saying is instead of settling, revise down your expectations. . .
@shay-d-lady, Chili needs to stop playing like she didn’t make her requirements list to accomodate Floyd Mayweather’s velvet smoking jackets golden flatware toting behind….
For real though, I have no interest in watching that Nightline joint because I KNOW it is gonna play out like this here transcript.
@Liz,
did it air yet? i’m pretty sure it was already taped, but i’m not sure if it was actually televised yet
@The Champ, i recall watching an episode of nightline on this very topic with my mother, and she asked me what i thought about the situation (yes, i’m single)…seriously, this topic makes me feel the same way i feel when someone scratches a chalkboard
@a plus, it makes me feel like kicking holstein cows. and i’m not a single Black woman!
@The Champ, it airs this weekend. Friday, I believe.
Yes, it may seem that successful black women feel entitled to love but that’s not it. They want love but because they have achieved everything else except finding a partner it seems that they see as a commodity because they have so many other things going for them, but it’s natural for a woman to want love regardless of her skin color and success. I’m so over discussing this issue and perpetuating the problem. What about finding a solution or stop talking about it and engraining in the black community and beyond that black women can’t find love?
@internetdrama,
welcome and sh*t (i think)
and about this…
“What about finding a solution or stop talking about it and engraining in the black community and beyond that black women can’t find love?”
….i’ve already done that numerous times. today is just my attempt to show how silly, overwrought, and predictable this entire “conversation” has become.
@internetdrama,
“it seems that they see as a commodity because they have so many other things going for them”
truth. Peep the latest headlines on Liz Taylor … she has run up miles on dudes with heavy bank
“success” is one but the game is another….its about your values.
LOL…this is somewhat funny…the dialogue I mean because I remember seeing this episode on 20/20 LOL
As a black woman myself I say we need to open up a bit more. I think that we are looking for what we see on TV and what we read in romance novels and that shit ain’t real.
Sometimes we look for the wrong qualites that does not matter in the long wrong in a relationship. I hear women all the time talk about how they man has to have this type of car, this type of job, look this type of way…but I rarely hear things like “he has to be respectful”, “he has to love what he do whatever that may be,” “he has to love me flaws and all and make me feel like I’m enough.”
I mean we should all go after what we want and we should all have standards but some standards are just too high for anyone to reach.
I think black women need to stop being afraid to date outside their race as well. Me personally I am open to to that because love has no color.
I was just bracing myself for the part of the piece that listed all of the things single (black) women MUST be doing wrong to not have been wifed up yet (setting too high standards, being a b*tch, being too indepent, not approachable, etc). I’m sure the comments will be full of them, but I appreciate that you didn’t add that extra commentary. The only thing left to do about the reports, interviews, and whatnot that are addressing this “issue” is to laugh at that ish. So, thank you for amusing me.
@sanen85, sorry Gina, that was supposed to be a new post, not a reply.
@sanen85,
“thank you for amusing me.”
any time, sanen85. any time.
@GinaMarie,
just “somewhat” funny? not side-splitting or hilarious? damn. i didn’t do my job
@The Champ, well, the easter colored zoot suit did make me actually laugh out loud
@GinaMarie,
“I think black women need to stop being afraid to date outside their race as well. Me personally I am open to to that because love has no color”
*deep sigh.
this is not directed at YOU persay, just addressing this though since you were the first to bring it up.
i grew up in the suburbs of toronto (aka rich and white). i did not have a date, was never kissed, always had to invite a guy friend to come with me to formal (aka prom). hell, until i went away to school – i didn’t even know black men were attracted to me.
the moral of this story is that it’s all well and good to tell someone to look outside their culture to find love..but what if that culture ain’t looking at you? why is it we are being told to stop looking for black men, when south asian, middle eastern, asian men don’t (usually) date or marry outside their own culture/religion.
sure in a multicultural society such as US/Canada, people are more likely to choose a mate based on common interests, at the end of the day social psychology plays a very big role. how many of us know the black dudes that would date white girls.. only to end up marrying a black woman to bring home to momma? (*raises both hand and my baby toes).
at the end of the day, IF a dude of another colour/culture came up to ME (meaning he’s attracted) and I WAS attracted back – then sure, i’m all for it. but based on my history (aka being surrounded by nothing but 2520′s and never gettin ANY type of play), i’m not going to go after those who aren’t looking at me.
sure i go with what i know, is familar first and foremost, but in words of Hov: men lie, women lie, but numbers don’t.
and my final thought – each culture also has a different standarad of beauty. sure kimkardash is the IT girl right now, but no one appreciates thickness (in all the right places and some of the wrong ones..within reason of course) like the black dudes.
*back to my regularly scheduled program of working.
@Keisha Brown, I hear where you’re coming from and maybe I agree on a general level….but I have found myself attracted to a few 2520s, and they didn’t look like Brad Pitt. This coming from a woman who generally doesn’t find non black men attractive at all. For me it was a matter of them just growing on me to the point where i could look past their color and like who they are as people. This was on an individual basis though, and generally guys I had to spend a lot of time with for school or work purposes. That might be a lil too shiny happy people, but this has happened to me numerous times, so I don’t count it off as a fluke. I generally keep a 2520 crush on deck somewhere. But sure, he may not give me the time of day so…to your point, if they don’t like you back what’s the point? Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough to take a full swim in the 2520 pool lolol. I won’t rule it out it for now.
@Keisha Brown,
It’s like you were in my head as I read this.
Co-sinage 15000000.5%. I don’t know how many 2520 guys I LOVED off in middle school-high school that would never be interested in me. I’m now resigned to the fact that I will be with a black guy (happily so) and I will not be the next …….I can’t even think of an well-known interracial couple (black women/2520 guy). I just know that’s not me. The freshies LOVE me!!!
@Keisha Brown, Awesome points you make….I guess since I (kinda) grew up in the same type of environment (for me, being a Black girl in a very conservative white private school…I know, I know), I can totally feel you on the point you make about not being attracted to a…well…race who is not attracted to you. However, it might have just been your specific neighborhood where Bob and Joe didn’t show you any love. Then again, Bob and Joe might have been secretly feelin’ you but too afraid to step up/man up and let you know. Nope, I’m not defending the fellas…just speakin’ on experience.
Also, I would like to know who’s out there for us Black ladies when “you’re too Black” (according to the Bobs and Joes of the world), yet “you’re too white-actin’” for the Hassans and Craigs of the world as well….(sigh)
Thoughts?
And what the eff is a 2520, please?
@MzPW,
“And what the eff is a 2520, please..”
*i have been to ashamed to ask this question. lol.
“I would like to know who’s out there for us Black ladies when “you’re too Black” (according to the Bobs and Joes of the world), yet “you’re too white-actin’” for the Hassans and Craigs of the world as well….(sigh)”
I SO feel you on this one. I can honestly say, the most racism I’ve ever faced has been from Black people (mostly when I was younger) who told me I wasn’t acting Black enough. Grrr…
@Andrienne
Thanks for the co-sign. Sometimes I want to yell from the rooftops. Other times, I feel like I’m just sounding like a bitter jaded angry black woman (none of which am I).
cosign. Imagine the sistas that live overseas like in Europe or even Asia? I live in Germany right now and I feel EXACTLY to a tee as Ms. Brown. 2520s everywhere staring like the black men of Atlanta. To make matters worse, the ones that do come up to you think they are hot to trot and got it like that as well as approach me ONLY because I am “exotic” and a black woman. Sorry guys, I am not a commodity either.
@GinaMarie,
Bullshat…don’t lower your standards…if I as a man can’t take care of myself, get from point a to point b, maintain hygiene, not look unkempt and pull my damm pants up…I’m not worth your time.
Dating outside the race…hey…do what you gotta do. I personally love black women that aren’t scared to go there. Usually more adventurous and prone to think outside of the box.
LOL!!!
*__________________DEAD____________________*
‘…la ciudad respirarando’ love the black star reference
@Beremore,
dont thank me. thank street chancer
I feel dirty for laughing (but I laugh nonetheless).
*sigh*
I would take all this media attention about my demographic personally if they hadn’t done the *exact same story* about white women 2 decades ago (which spawned an entire slew/genre of Nora Ephron flicks/fairy tales).
Is this a sign of (further) assimilation?
Or just temporary boredom with Brangelina and Britney’s crazy?
@brownivyx,
I would take all this media attention about my demographic personally if they hadn’t done the *exact same story* about white women 2 decades ago
you know, i just read a piece on slate.com about women in china hiring dating coaches and the like to help to get dates. china!!!! there’s like 18 billion people in china!!
i’m saying that because many of the stories and articles about this phemenon make it seem like black women are the only ones having this “trouble”, but, in reality, regardless of race or culture, professional/type a women have unique issues when it comes to marriage and/or relationships
@The Champ, but, in reality, regardless of race or culture, professional/type a women have unique issues when it comes to marriage and/or relationships
EXACTLY. that’s why i take issue (and by take issue, i mean smack my lips and turn the channel or change the topic of discussion if/when it’s brought up) with all the 20/20, nightline, dateline specials and magazine articles on this hackneyed topic
@The Champ,
the funny thing about China.. I just read something else that there is a HUGE shortage of females there, so they are in high demand (this is due to the whole lets abort or kill off any baby that is not a boy thing for decades). so Chinese dudes have to have everything and more just to GET a female.
@Keisha Brown,
” I just read something else that there is a HUGE shortage of females there, so they are in high demand (this is due to the whole lets abort or kill off any baby that is not a boy thing for decades). so Chinese dudes have to have everything and more just to GET a female.”
Maybe we need to send these Professional Black women that can’t find a man to China?
@The Champ,
Exactly. Professional, degreed (sp?) women across the board have been complaining about this for decades. The Media (*cues Jaws theme*) is just exploiting the Black community’s specific “issues” (both real and imagined) to hike ratings points (and, apparently, buy Steve Harvey even more pastel suits). It’s akin to blaming 2 Live Crew for female subjugation while blatantly ignoring the country’s nay World’s history of patriarchal values which contributed to said rappers’ belief systems.
Black women are just the target du jour…which, honestly, I prefer to the previous and long-lasting alternative which was: nonexistent. At least now, there is a dialogue forming. We are acknowledged out there, albeit as undesirable, asexualized, 2-dimensional cartoon characters screaming for men cuz we went to a good school and have cute shoes.
Now…when it becomes an intelligent dialogue, one which discusses different perspectives (married, single, heterosexual, homosexual, various educational and class levels) AND also addresses the specific historical and communal variants which may have led to this supposed “shortage” rather than trot out statistics and chocolate male/female wedding figurines (and I doubt that will happen in mainstream outlets), I’ll start taking it a little more seriously.
This is funny and all, but in typical guy fashion, I gotta focus on what’s important…who is shorty in the picture??? She’s rather nice…
@DG,
i forgot her name, but i’m pretty sure she’s the woman from the nightline piece this parody is based on
@DG,
Hurry and get her number so the Nightline special won’t have to air!
@DG, she is every single black woman. and every single black woman is her.
she’s random single black chick. or rsbc for short.
but she is probably not the same, she is a martian.
narrator: “so, why is kimberly single? well, for starters, she can occasionally be an arrogant, aloof, and entitled asshole. but, her arrogance, aloofness, and entitlement issues aside, once you take out all of the black men in prison (5%), unemployed (8%), under 5?11 (41%), kind of gay (11%), or kappa’s (3%), that leaves only 32 percent of eligible black men to choose from”
This quote plus the descriptions of the “cuts” had me cracking up. The whole successful black woman = @sshole stereotype is so cliche. I really wish television, movies, books, basically media in general and who/whatever else that perpetuating the stereotype would sit down somewhere. Women, men, hermaphrodites regardless of status are capable of being @ssholes. So that’s no excuse and the lack of eligible Black men is ridiculous, too. Women shouldn’t lower our standards, but we should at least have realistic/reasonable expectations.
@AtypicalLibrarian, That quote had me cracking me up too and is so true. I hear a lot of women complain about the lack of black men and then their criteria for men is crazy. It’s good to have standards, but be reasonable.
@AtypicalLibrarian,
I think the point there is that she is single because she’s an as$hole, not because of the other characteristics or stats on potential mates.
@kamakula, Ok, that totally went over my head.
I guess the topic at hand just automatically put be on the defensive.
What is wrong with you, Champ?!! You are too much! LOL!
What’s up w/ the dissing of Kappas? Not cool.
and hawaiian sunshine though?? That’s damn hot.
I had the same facial expression as Kimberly after Chancer spoke.
@Made In Hawaii,
“What’s up w/ the dissing of Kappas? Not cool.”
i kid the kappas
realized I gotta be on the late niight creep wit my commets.
Hilarious. I laughed. I cried (damn alergies). Now I don’t have to read/watch/discuss/cuss anymore about this topic. The dead horse is dog food.
thank you champ
@AngelicNastyness,
GASP! heartbeat! where have you been?
@AngelicNastyness,
“Now I don’t have to read/watch/discuss/cuss anymore about this topic. The dead horse is dog food.
thank you champ”
glad i could help and shit
LMBO!!! funny post and ish. Champ, I swear our imagination and/or sense of humor are similar
Honestly, I AM TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT THIS. I wish they would allow us to talk about other issues that need to be faced regarding black women!
*walks away while muttering about how she hates the media*
@Naomi,
I’m tired of hearing about this as well. I’m also tired of these “educated” Black women allowing themselves to be used by the media as pawns. They’re playin’ themselves (and brothas, in my opinion) by doing this. Wake up sistas…they’re using you and making us all look bad in the process.
If you’re a Black woman who falls into the stereotype that these shows and articles are about, I’m quite sure you’ve had this discussion with your girlfriends or colleagues more than once. My question is, Why go on television and be featured in print articles about it? That’s not going to solve anything. In my opinion, these sistas aren’t doing it because they’re trying to shed light on the issue…it’s more so fulfilling their narcissistic desire to have the spotlight on them for 15 minutes.
@Monk, which is the main reason they are single!
nail meet head!
@Monk,
Why go on television and be featured in print articles about it? That’s not going to solve anything. In my opinion, these sistas aren’t doing it because they’re trying to shed light on the issue…it’s more so fulfilling their narcissistic desire to have the spotlight on them for 15 minutes
i originally planned on writing about this today (more specifically: how a bunch of articulate, photogenic, and media savvy women have put themselves in positions where they’re able to benefit from this discussion, and how ‘complaining” about black women being picked up seems a bit disingenuous) but it was a bit too harsh so i scraped it.
@Monk,
“That’s not going to solve anything. In my opinion, these sistas aren’t doing it because they’re trying to shed light on the issue…it’s more so fulfilling their narcissistic desire to have the spotlight on them for 15 minutes.”
I’m beginning to believe that this is the major reason behind all the coverage of this.
@Humble_One, yeah Monk might be right. Or maybe desperate times call for desperate measures and they think once they get on TV some dude will come to their rescue. Maybe their victimhood status is why they’re single, not the success.
@Monk,
I’m also tired of these “educated” Black women allowing themselves to be used by the media as pawns.
Thank you…. and then when the media gets into a frenzy, they turn around and tell the media to shut up? Really? Why did you play into it in the first place?
Yes, “bitch is the new black” author I am looking at you.
@Monk,
they’ve racked up 30 grand in educational loans and by cake anyone who thinks they don’t deserve their 15 min claim on any given local tv deserves to have their existance called into question!
i really can’t with this post. so incredibly dead.
funny thing is, i did a post on this like a week and a half ago. and i mean… it was real. i mean, black women REALLY believe this to the depths of them. and i can’t dispute or deny what people are going through in their own experiences.
anyhoo, we were talking about how single everyone was and my friend said the dude she was talking to has too many options… i’m not of that train of thought that says we just have to settle for that foolery, but i could understand where she was coming from. and since i’ve spoken to MANY *successful/professional/handsome/intelligent* black men about this and they seem to agree AND behave as such, i had to write a post about it.
but, good job for making me laugh for a good five minutes.
point.taken.
i have to add that in ALL of these ‘bw outnumber bm outrageously’ conversations, i’ve always been the one saying that i believe that if two people are meant, they will be. this is ALWAYS countered by someone pointing out instances of ‘options’ whom are all ready-made-husbands on paper, and the fact that having options (not that i do*) is an exception. so, like i said… black women really really believe and live this. and black men whom otherwise wouldn’t get the time of day from some of these women, live and believe this and take full advantage. i’ve seen it. i’ve seen it. lol.
…but i just read the helena andrews post and i’m starting to think maybe i should direct them there…
*disclaimer. that is all.
@Muze,
“black men whom otherwise wouldn’t get the time of day from some of these women, live and believe this and take full advantage. i’ve seen it. i’ve seen it. lol.”
This is happening in our city? You mean to tell me I can be a 1.5 with a degree and still win?
@Humble_One,
LOL. i think a 3 would do.
but then again 1.5s are the flav’s of the world… and he had a whole slew full of
insanewomen fighting over him.@Muze,
and since i’ve spoken to MANY *successful/professional/handsome/intelligent* black men about this and they seem to agree AND behave as such, i had to write a post about it.
can you provide a link and shit?
@The Champ,
http://shesoflyy.blogspot.com/2010/03/its-thousand-yous-its-only-one-of-me.html
@Muze, thanks for sharing this link. def a great post i can identify with. sigh.
@Muze,
thanks and shit
@Muze,
co-sign. (without the shit).
“there’s so much on our minds that we can’t recline, so we blast holes into the night until she bleeds sunshine”
“Breathe in, inhale vapors from bright stars that shine. Breathe out”
This was the last song I ran to on my treadmill Monday
@Made In Hawaii,
lol, i think you need better treadmill music. nothing about “respiration” screams “motivate!”
Shoutout to the monkey neurosurgeons
@That Damn African,
(although i know you left a comment last week) welcome and shit
@The Champ,
‘preciate that, sir.
@That Damn African,
That’s me! Thanks! I just freed all of your monkeys, BTW.
@Ivy St.,
I just freed all of your monkeys, BTW.
get a room
@Ivy St.,
Hey, do me a favor and swallow a knife. Kthxbye.
This is completely on point. I was getting sick of every major media outlet obsessing about how successful black women can’t find successful men. Sure some of them have ridiculous expectations (He’s taller than 5’11, not a kappa, went to college, AND never went to jail…. come on now, that’s asking a dude to do a bit much), but for the most part I just think the media likes to be able to talk about black people and not feel racist.
@InvisibleManNakedCity,
WTF? Is it THAT hard to stay out of JAIL?!?! Is it that hard to find a nice guy over 5’11 (I’m 5’10), who went to college and never went to jail? I don’t care about Kappa status either way (even tho I’m an AKA)…but since when did such NORMAL CRITERIA for 2520s become such “picky” and “high standards” for black women? How is this a “ridiculous standard”?
I feel like I stepped in bizarro world. maybe all of ya’ll black men really are locked up and gay or on the DL.
The propaganda about lonely black women is bad enough, but what’s equally bad is what it says about black men: ya’ll ain’t shit. We can’t buy into either argument. cmon son.
@Liz, I was wondering the same thing. How is that just too much? Anywho, I won’t even count someone out if they don’t have a degree. As long as they are still capable of intelligent conversation and making a decent living at a legal occupation, I’m not gonna judge.
@sanen85, I feel you. I’m the same way. I just know I’ve seen tons of college educated black men over the height of 5’11 who haven’t been to jail…it’s not like they’re completely extinct lol.
@sanen85, So I have a
splackavelliefriend who’s 5’10 which is cool since I’m 5’3.75″ according to my doctor. He went to college and has a Bachelor’s degree in business but works as a mechanic. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that especially since he says that he could never “ride a desk all day.” Thing is, while he’s competent and I’d venture to say intelligent, he insists on using slang all the time and he “txts like dids, u no?” He’s 30, has a 4 year old daughter, lived abroad for a while, is legally and gainfully employed yet he won’t let go of that immature state of mind. He’s fine as all get out, but he’d rather talk about the finer points of Tiny and Toya rather than anything that actually matters.I’m just saying that a degree doesn’t really matter if I need to consult urban dictionary just to keep up with the conversation. And I know all about code switching and turning “it” on/off, but I think dude’s switch is stuck on stupid and simple.
Even though he sweats it out every timeI’m gonna need him to bring a little more to the table.@Liz,
This notion that successful black women can’t find a good black man really trips me out EVERY time I read or see it. Simply because I never run into these women…EVER! Maybe i need to get out more. (I have been living overseas for almost 4 years in Dec) but nevertheless, even when I’m home in Tx these women are like leprechauns to me. You hear about them, you see them on tv, movies and in magazines…But do you REALLY know if they exist??
Houston’s probably one of the top 5 corporate cities in America, so it CAN’T be location. But maybe I should move 2 ATL…Where they’re more opportunities than Big Ben at a frat party. *shrugs*
Yeah, possibly. I mean I have some stellar-resume friends who haven’t had a man in ages, but it’s not like they’re finding complete duds. Just guys they aren’t compatible with. it’s like the assumption is if you’re single then it’s not because of choice (or reasons you’re aware of and working on) but because you’re some wench who is undeserving of companionship lol.
@Tx10inch,
I think you are really right… It must be location, because I live in Houston and only 3 of my girlfriends are single… and those 3 do date tremendously… only 1 keeps dating less than stellar dudes but that’s her specific issues not a the norm…
So when I hear this phenom being soooo prevalent, I am left looking like “Uh? where?”…
Oh, well… *shrugs*
@Liz,
“The propaganda about lonely black women is bad enough, but what’s equally bad is what it says about black men: ya’ll ain’t shit. We can’t buy into either argument. cmon son.”
It’s for this reason why I feel that Black women are throwing brothas under the bus by letting the media pimp them to perpetuate the “Black man ain’t shyt” belief and agenda.
@Monk, I feel you. I think there is enough throwing under the bus to go around with this issue.
@Liz,
I just know I’ve seen tons of college educated black men over the height of 5?11 who haven’t been to jail…it’s not like they’re completely extinct lol.
PLEASE point me in that direction!
LOL! You can start with the NBA and the NFL….
@Liz, I guess sarcasm is lost to the internet. The thing I think everyone in the media, and myself, feel is the confusion over what is wrong. I initially want to blame the women themselves thinking they must be ‘some wench who is undeserving of companionship’ but the more I think about it the more that doesn’t really make any sense. It’s like the line from the Dead Prez album ‘instead of blaming the hunter, the wolf gets blamed!’
I do think it’s bull-ish all the focus on black women though. I find it hard to believe that Becky Wasp is having it that much easier as she’s earning her MBA at Wharton. Maybe she just drops her panties faster, and doesn’t complain when the guy never calls her again?
@InvisibleManNakedCity, LOL. Sadly Becky Wasp is gettin hers at HBS from what I hear. I was told recently, there’s a 2 carat minimum around that crowd. Though, I do have some brown (but not black) friends who seem to be having similar issues as the black woman. Maybe it’s a culture thing or a minority thing.
@Liz,
LMAO! Well damn…if I get lucky maybe I can be on the next season of “Basketball Wives”
*dry face*
@La Bakir, LOL yup. And see, none of them broads have advanced degrees. We got the game twisted. Womp.
@La Bakir, @Liz
“Well damn…if I get lucky maybe I can be on the next season of “Basketball Wives””
Did anyone else notice that this show about “wives” is really about one wife, a soon to be ex-wife, one current fiance and the rest are just ex fiances/girlfriends/jumpoffs…
How you gonna make a show about some damn Exes…what can yall tell me about a relationship when yall got the boot? *Imjustsayin*
@Liz,
Twisted like a bad thong. Smh…perhaps I should put down “The Bhagavad Gita” and pick up a friendly hood novel.
@Liz,
But that itself is a problem because if you’re going after guys whom the 2520s are also going after, you’re going to have much more competition. . .
Sounds like someone needs to organize a 2011 meets acceptable successful women standards black male draft. With salary cap rules and everything else. Just let me know, hire me as a . . . “consultant” . . . and I’ll make sure to have your first few rounds picks all available within a week. With a month, i’ll have the rest of those male
prostitutesprofessionals under control.Ahem, gotta keep that
pimppowerful hand strong!@InvisibleManNakedCity,
but for the most part I just think the media likes to be able to talk about black people and not feel racist.
i think this is part of it, but i also think that the people behind the scenes know that we eat this shit up. i mean, this topic wouldnt continue to keep showing up if abc ratings or wapo pageviews went down when they focused on it. our consumption is driving the discussion
@InvisibleManNakedCity,
I’ll take:
“I just think the media likes to be able to talk about black people and not feel racist”
for the WIN
Sucks to be a Kapa today!! Let me take the typical approach: “I am a strong, beautiful and educated black woman and I am single and loving it.”[As I open up a pack of double A batteries.] See what I’m talking about Lies and deceit…
@JamaicanGirl, “I am a strong, beautiful and educated black woman and I am single and loving it.”[As I open up a pack of double A batteries.] See what I’m talking about Lies and deceit…
WORD.
I was very tempted to bite and go in but I found this horse’s funeral program in my box of keepsakes. Good sh!t though champ. I’ve had this same discussion on more than one occasion, been through the sh!tstorm, and lived to tell about it.
@TJOHN,
been through the sh!tstorm, and lived to tell about it.
i dont know how happy i’d be about living through a shitstorm. seriously, if i walked outside and it started raining manure, i think i’d just prefer to die right then
A.) “or kappa’s (3%)” – hahahahaha! co-sign!
B.) “and, unless its steve nash, i aint doing the pink meat. not now, not ever” While I’m an equal opportunity dater I notice that a lot of Black women seem to give Steve Nash a pass and I think its hilarious. I also think its because he was born in South Africa so you can justify him as African-American. Which is why I would never get mad* at any Black man dating Charlize Theron. She’s hot and technically African-American too. (BTW – does he like the VSSs? As much love as we give him – does he love us?)
Though I really love this post I think its worth mentioning that finding a date as a young professional Black woman is difficult even if you’re not holding out for a Black man. There really does seem to be a stigma attached to us and yes sometimes we can be bourgeois and arrogant about our accomplishments but so can everybody else who obtains success. Why are we the only group that seems to suffer in the dating arena because of that success? Just a question.
*Yes, I’m one of those Black women who cringes when she sees a Black man with a White (or non-Black) woman but isn’t bothered by Black women with non-Black men. Is it hypocritical? Probably. Do I care? No.
@Madame Zenobia,
“Why are we the only group that seems to suffer in the dating arena because of that success? ”
like i said upthread, i dont think that you are the only group that ‘suffers” because of that success, its just that black women happen to be the ones focused on now
@Madame Zenobia,
“Why are we the only group that seems to suffer in the dating arena because of that success?”
I haven’t been reading many Vietnamese-American blogs or television programming lately so I can’t really attest to this one.
@Madame Zenobia,
Though I really love this post I think its worth mentioning that finding a date as a young professional Black woman is difficult even if you’re not holding out for a Black man.
Like I said above, this might be a location thing… I live in Houston, and my single friends (3 out of a lot) stay getting dates and sh!t… with decent cool dudes… all over the color spectrum… So maybe people need to move to Houston?
or become my friend?I don’t know the whole “black women don’t find dates” thing elude me… Heck, I am engaged and I go on dates (with my homeboys though)! Lol!Why are we the only group that seems to suffer in the dating arena because of that success? Just a question.
Errr, no… we are definitely not the only ones. Remember that tiny little show on HBO that spawn millions of fans across the globe? Remember? It was called Sex and the City? It was based on this very same premise. So, nope, it’s definitely not a matter of “us”…
Trust me, if Carrie and the gang were living in Omaha, NE…. The show wouldn’t have any raison d’etre.
@Sula,
I think that a big aspect of this is that people forget that this issue also affects people of other races, which is why I always find it amusing that IR is so often assumed to be the solution.
@Sula,
a.) Let’s be friends!
b) I say this all the time before there was Sex and the City there was Living Single.
@Madame Zenobia,
Yay for friendship!
I say this all the time before there was Sex and the City there was Living Single.
Then again, the girls on SATC were more pathetic than the ones on Living Single in my opinion… LS was more “realistic” as in relationships happen when they happen, let’s not get too wrapped up about them and live in the meantime…
All in all, we can’t truly pin this whole relationship debacle on a single factor… It’s lots of things: location (SATC & Living Single were both based in New York), the people involved in those relationships, the relationship readiness factor for each party, the media, the Obama presidency, the price of llama fur in Papua New Guinea… like I said lots of things… So in the spirit of sanity, let’s just try to work on our corner of the world, on the things we can or cannot change…. IMO, it’ll make our whole life happier as a result…
Anyways, enough Deepak Choprah for the day… It’s quitting time.
@Sula,
can i be friends too? i bake cupcakes! i sweat im nice! lol.
Yes, I’m one of those Black women who cringes when she sees a Black man with a White (or non-Black) woman but isn’t bothered by Black women with non-Black men. Is it hypocritical? Probably. Do I care? No.
This.
This
and
THIS!
co-signed sealed and delivered
I’m just curious as to if men are really intimidated by successful women, just in general, race not being the question or if the media just portrays that.
Even if they were, the argument hinges on the fact that successful black women are lonely because black men ain’t shit (ie pickings are slim). And I don’t know WHY some of these men get on the internets banging on us like “hell yeah yall are single cuz youre too picky and have attitude” when the other side of the coin is BLACK MEN AIN’T SHIT, from a media POV. It’s a lose-lose case for black men and women.
The real data shows that black women with advanced degrees are more likely to marry a man without an advanced degree, when compared to white women with advanced degrees. When you look at it that way, we shouldn’t even be reminded of prison rates, gayness, shiftlessness of black men, and the HIV….and yet CNN has this shit all over their reporting.
@Kendra,
I’m just curious as to if men are really intimidated by successful women, just in general, race not being the question or if the media just portrays that.
admittedly, some men are.
but usually, when the ‘men being intimidated by successful women” topic comes up, whats really happening is men being “turned-off” by women who prioritize their accomplishments over what they actually bring to the relationship table. its not intimidation as much as its guys just thinking that they’re not optimum mate material.
@The Champ, That’s so crazy to me. But makes sense. I think it’s sad that chicks dumb down because they think it’ll land them a man. It looks like a lose lose situation here because who wants to be with a women who gave up her dreams and tried to tie a man down by having kids or with one you can’t provide for because she’s got it all, by herself. It sounds like guys should take that as a chance to improve and have more of a challenge.
@Kendra,
Actually what is sad is having to dumb down so that you don’t come off as too 2520 for a chick. That’s what I find sad. Somehow, all these elusive successful ninjas are supposed to be drug kingpins as well, but very well hidden so you don’t find out, but not so much so there is always a hint of danger.
@Kendra,
http://www.conversateisnotaword.com/?p=128
@Kendra,
http://www.conversateisnotaword.com/?p=128
LMAO…
*puts respiration on replay*
@trin-trin,
i’m with you
Interesting take on the plight of legions of your VSSs and hilarious at the same time. Not every single black woman is single because she’s successful, it might be one’s personality…or lack there of.
I don’t necessarily agree with settling. I’m a winner, I’m going to win. The way one defines winning is important though. If a relationship with another person is the end all be all for you, you might want to re-evaluate your relationship with yourself. Also settling is not the same as understanding reality. The fact is that you might run across a man who has had some jail time either do to an actual fault or a flawed justice system. Dig this Economist article:http://www.economist.com/world/united-states/displaystory.cfm?story_id=15867956
Finally:It’s also important to realise that not everyone is going to find that somebody.
Maybe people need to focus less on finding love and more on accepting it in all of it’s incarnations…and cut to kumbayah in the park with a fire and smores.
*Note* I say all this at 23, let me not have a long term lover…or husband in a decade and I’ll tell you the news.
@KayBeezy,
“If a relationship with another person is the end all be all for you, you might want to re-evaluate your relationship with yourself.”
*slow clap* I need more people to understand this.
@KayBeezy,
I am pressing the Like button on this post.
Great contribution, grasshopper.
@Sula
Aww thanks
I have nothing to add… but a simple and brief thank you. enough already.
@Keith,
welcome and shit
*closes laptop like piano player on The Color Purple* time to go…..
@Saule Wright, LOL!
This topic has been beaten to death, its crazy. Ladies, i m going to take a stab and say not having gone to jail is a reasonable expectation and I think finding love takes patience, so hang in there, act right be reasonable and Mr Right will find you
@MindChronic, <3
@MindChronic,
welcome and shit. and, whats this nonsense about not having gone to jail being a reasonable expectation? obviously, you never watched the wire
@The Champ,
whats this nonsense about not having gone to jail being a reasonable expectation? obviously, you never watched the wire
*KILT!
(#noscotland)
I don’t give a flying f**k what anybody says, this s**t right here…this s**t right here…this is the Illmatic of blogg-posts way beyond a Reasonable Doubt.
I’ll comment after I’ve recovered…lmfao!!!!!!
@sisanda,
this is the Illmatic of blogg-posts way beyond a Reasonable Doubt.
i think you mean “the supreme clientele” of blog posts, but thanks for the compliment anyway
@sisanda,
Illmatic of blogg-posts way beyond a Reasonable Doubt
Im SOOO stealing this way of complimenting someone!
WICKED!!!
can’t lie this shyt right here is ridiculous as he!!,you’re killin me, it’s almost as ri-dam-diculous as us even still discussing it..I can’t….
@bajanflchick,
***filed under “statements that sound like they could have easily been said about an excessively fat ass”***
personally…ive had with the bi-weekly ‘black men aint shit’ shows…
my only question (and ive asked this before): what do these women have to offer a man besides degrees?
men dont care about shit like that….sure we want a woman with drive…but never have i sat down with bruhs, and talked about women, and what we look for in a woman, and come up with this list of shit these women list as attributes….NOT ONCE.
You are assuming men and women want the same thing from each other. Of course your list isn’t gonna look like a woman’s list, men and women have different needs.
Maybe a “successful black woman” doesn’t get degrees so she can offer a man anything from them. Maybe she has degrees so she can pay her damn bills and make a living while she’s single. Why is this so difficult to understand? It’s basic maths.
Degrees are only brought up in the discussion purely due to the study that the data originally came from (advanced degreed women), that was then bastardized by the media. No black woman in her right mind thinks having a degree means automatic husband.
@Liz,
i beg to differ…from what ive seen of these types of shows, some of these women do equate the fact that she has degrees, the house, the car…etc …ad nauseum…to their troubles with finding a suitable husband.
yes. i realize that women attain degrees for self worth and as simply a way to make a living.
But. the point i was trying to make is that those things dont entitle her to a husband.
thats bad math.
@Liz,
iono Liz… i know A LOT of BW who think exactly this. went to school with a bunch of them. conversation always leans toward a man being intimidated by their money/car/assets/profession yadda yadda. …and this eventually evolves into a ‘i don’t need a man’ type discussion.
i’ve gotten into actual debate/arguments about this with other women when i said that it’s not necessarily something men care about. some women think what’s important to us is important to a man… and that is just not the case. maybe i need to move. lol
@Muze, conversation always leans toward a man being intimidated by their money/car/assets/profession yadda yadda. …and this eventually evolves into a ‘i don’t need a man’ type discussion.
While a lot of Black women may think men are intimidated by their possessions, profession, etc., sometimes (some, not all) men actually are intimidated by these things but would never admit it which leads to a whole ‘nother set of issues. I find it foolish because I learned the Eleanor Roosevelt quote “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” around 4th grade or so and no one intimidates me. My ex could never quite get over the fact that I’m working on my master’s and he dropped out of community college. Even though he’s very smart, can converse with most anyone on any topic, and we make roughly the same salary in our respective white and blue collar positions, he just couldn’t get with the fact that I actually like going to school and I happen to have the means and wherewithal to pursue and actually attain an advanced degree next year. Sad thing about it is in my field (library science–I know I’m a nerd) entry level professional positions have starting salaries around what I currently make if not less so for me it’s not even about the money.
Finally,
as I climb off my soapboxI don’t need a man, I want one. I have no problem with eh whole “I don’t need a man convo” if the woman in fact isn’t some needy @ss heifer who really doesn’t need a man. Now if she’s selling wolf tickets then I have an issue. Yeah, that’s longer than I intended.@Muze,
” know A LOT of BW who think exactly this. went to school with a bunch of them. conversation always leans toward a man being intimidated by their money/car/assets/profession yadda yadda.”
I think this falls in line with women thinking what they want to think regardless of the truth. What kind of men are these women attracted to? I know cats that would not be intimidated and would love to meet women like this. Send them over to me I’ll take them. Especially if they have a Badukadonk. (workcite Cheekie)
@Humble_One,
“have a Badukadonk. (workcite Cheekie)”
I love you like Chilli loves baby hurr toothbrushes for thinking of me, but I didn’t come up with that. Got it from a commenter here…wish I could remember who.
@Liz, I agree.
I think people get confused; it’s not that women think being so successful means they think they automatically should have a man too or that their standards are too high and/or specific, it’s that they’re looking for someone they can relate to.
My sister announced that she’s going to Harvard for a PhD in Health Policy. She already has a MD in Pediatrics, has spent the last 10 years in medical school/doing her residency/being chief resident/being involved in national medical organizations and even leading them.
What could she possibly have in common with someone who doesn’t have a degree at all or someone that is not as driven as she is? How could they relate to each other? How could they understand each other?
I think that’s what the supposed “high standards” boil down to. Even I couldn’t date someone that wasn’t well versed in computer science/engineering. Computers are my entire life and I need someone to TRULY understand and relate to that when I’m spending hours coding to meet someone’s deadline…someone who can help when I run into roadblocks…or someone to geek out with me over the latest microprocessor.
Lucky for me…my dude is a “Pretty boy” Kappa to my “Pretty Girl” AKA, has a degree in a Computer related degree from a top 10 public school school (like me), is a serious non-casual gamer (like me), has a technical computer related job (like me), and is easy on the eyes (like me).
Similar interests and goals, that’s what “standards” are all about.
@KaNisa,
My sister announced that she’s going to Harvard for a PhD in Health Policy. She already has a MD in Pediatrics, has spent the last 10 years in medical school/doing her residency/being chief resident/being involved in national medical organizations and even leading them
Good gravy!! Kudos to her!!
@KaNisa,
But some of these “standards” are things like “he has to be 6’4″ and above” (see, e.g., the ABC Nightline segment). I don’t see how that’s an issue of being able to “relate.”
@KaNisa, I know right?! My other sister has a grad degree too so now my parents are side eyeing me…bleh. (Rebel)
@Helagramki I remember some of those women were tall themselves though…
@Liz, No black woman in her right mind thinks having a degree means automatic husband.
but i do know a few women (black, white and other) that have gone to law school or business school in the pursuit of a husband, with a degree on the side
@a plus, oh mos def. I’m thinking of going to business school so I can land me a 2520!
@cbsepts,
imma get fired today…i can feel it
@cbsepts,
I agree but some men do— some women want wives and some men want husbands….I say this to say the roles in a relationship are so screwed up that some men do want degreed-independent women bc they don’t want the responsibility of being a provider and on the other hand some women want men to be helpmates because they’re to scared or stubborn to be submissive.
@OftenConfused,
“….I say this to say the roles in a relationship are so screwed up that some men do want degreed-independent women bc they don’t want the responsibility of being a provider and on the other hand some women want men to be helpmates because they’re to scared or stubborn to be submissive.”
How about some men want degreed wives because you can’t support a family on one income anymore? Not only that but only post WWII has it been the sole responsibility of men to provide for families. Women have always provided just as much if not more than men.
@Humble_One, this trips me out. there is a single older man near and dear to my heart who not only thinks women should keep the home clean and cook every freaking meal and be a lady but also bring home some big bacon because it’s tough in this economy to live comfortably (and have kids). he already has kids…so I am wondering where is he going to find a super woman at? Because I can be suzie homemaker or betty big bucks, but you best believe both are not happening at 100%. Just because I can doesn’t mean i want to.
@Liz,
” Because I can be suzie homemaker or betty big bucks, but you best believe both are not happening at 100%. Just because I can doesn’t mean i want to.”
You shouldn’t have to bear both of those responsibilities. That older man has to understand that you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I don’t understand how it is the sole responsibility of a woman let alone a working woman to maintain a house and work. As if the man is just a guest in a hotel or something. He is just as responsible for maintaining the crib as she is. Now granted there may be somethings that a man may not be equipped to handle because he isn’t a woman and vice versa. But people trying to hold on to some of these old ways of doing things when the social dynamics of society has changed so much is ridiculous.
@Humble_One,
I didn’t say either was wrong. It would be hard to live off one income, but I know quite a few people that do just that with 2-4 kids even. However, there’s a difference between the reality that inflation is a b!tch and a man that doesn’t want the pressure of being a provider.
@Liz,
ITA with what you’re saying. I’m cool with either but I’m not doing both. I can be a traditional stay at home wife/mom or a new age 50/50 woman, but I’m not gonna earn the bacon and fry it in a pan. This is one (of the many) reasons I’m divorced. My ex expected me to cook or have some food for him everyday. Dude, how did you eat before you met me? There were days he was off and I’d come home from work and he’d be asking me what’s for dinner. WTF?! I was about you ask you that!
@OftenConfused, yeah there has to be some understanding here lol. We ain’t all Michelle Obama and really, she rarely saw Barack for several years while somewhat unhappily married. Luckily they made it through but I don’t think all of us will be so fortunate. It’s tough.
The dead horse that is this topic was made into kibble and fed to my parent’s dog Champion last Thanksgiving. Btw Champion thought it was overdone and tired too.
I will agree with Liz about shows of this ilk are essentially saying “Black men aren’t sh*t” without saying “Black men aren’t sh*t” thusly dooming black women.
When my GF and I see these stories we race each other to the remote to change the channel to something that’s not predicting our failure. We’ve talked about living in a bizarro world because the majority of the “successful” sisters we know are in relationships. Maybe we missed something while we were asleep.
Btw jail is really easy to avoid.
@Wu Young Agent of M.E.,
I will agree with Liz about shows of this ilk are essentially saying “Black men aren’t sh*t” without saying “Black men aren’t sh*t” thusly dooming black women.
*nodding head*
@Wu Young Agent of M.E.,
“I will agree with Liz about shows of this ilk are essentially saying “Black men aren’t sh*t” without saying “Black men aren’t sh*t” thusly dooming black women.”
Cosign. That is why I said I kind of take it personal.
“Btw jail is really easy to avoid”
Agree. Although I should have record for things that I’ve done. People act like it is just so hard to not go to jail. Most dudes are in jail over BS anyway. They weren’t kingpins and more than likely they did something stupid.
I wonder what folks that don’t come into contact with black woman on a regular basis must think when they hear stuff like this? If we buy into it, and I know plenty of married black women, then I’m others must be thinking we’re just some lonely a$$e$.
@Deeds,
I wonder what folks that don’t come into contact with black woman on a regular basis must think when they hear stuff like this?
probably that you all either act like oprah or nicki minaj
See, if all stories were like this, I’d watch t.v. a bit more.
Loving the subtle yet obvious dig at Steve Harvey!
@Roxy,
see, why we gotta assume that all zoot suited country advice giving negros are a reference to steve harvey? shit aint right
I saw Street Chancer perform at a deaf poetry slam in sign language.
@Deviant,
word? did he perform “space queen”? (that my favorite piece of his)
As a guy who has been married to several different Handless Mexican women… (F*ck what you heard.. them b1tches are mean) I find this post HIGHLY offensive.
@Brettandthecity,
you know, i did hear that they’re pretty good in the sack. i think its just them overcompensating, but still, results are results
…I don’t feel good.
*sneezin’ and walkin’ away*.
@QueenT,
do you need a hug and shit?
Too funny Champ!!!!!!
But as a lot of folks have already said, I’m so done with this topic. F*ck it, I say black men AND black women need to get their shit together. I know y’all heard about that study that was published a few weeks ago talmbout black womens average net worth/net assets is $5. FIVE FREAKIN DOLLARS!! (Or was it $1, can’t remember, same shit!!) So all this sh*t bout black women are doing big things f*ckin flyin to the moon and finding cures for shit and black men are all lazy underemployed slouches……. little inaccurate if you wanna take tat study at face value.
Bout 10-15 years ago white chicks wasn’t checkin for black dudes all like that… Sure, there was interracial dating but it wasn’t nearly as accepted as it is today. I think back to my high school in the late 90′s, there were NO blk/white couples. It was just not done, it was like taboo. (But then again I did go to a predominantly black HS in the Hill District in Pittsburgh… go figure)
But now that the black man started to be seen less as thugs and gangsters and more uber-masculine, the epitome of cool and/or non-threatening (i.e. Carlton Banks)… non-blk women started showing them some love. Now they out here like a kid in a candy store. Slowly but surely, black women will get the memo and stop acting so freakin indebted to black men (sh*t I never got my loyalty check in the mail… did you?) and just look for someone that makes them happy. Sick of all the racial hangups….. if u just dead set on a black man, kudos to you and good luck. But until you find your “black king”…. nothing wrong with sampling the spectrum… dig!!
@BKSweetheart,
Bout 10-15 years ago white chicks wasn’t checkin for black dudes all like that… Sure, there was interracial dating but it wasn’t nearly as accepted as it is today. I think back to my high school in the late 90’s, there were NO blk/white couples. It was just not done, it was like taboo. (But then again I did go to a predominantly black HS in the Hill District in Pittsburgh… go figure)
you know what, though, i think this was just unique to inner city pittsburgh because, if you went out to the mon valley or like corapolis, interracial couples would be all that you’d see.
@The Champ,
suburbs in early 90′s: black dudes with white girls. asian dudes with white girls. south asian dudes with white girls. (it’s all a numbers thing)
This post right hur (not here) is quite possibly the funniest post I’ve ever read!!! Seriously I was going to quote the funny parts butbi wouldve copied the whole post. I was done at the intro but I died at the handless Mexican receptionist. Lmbo.
Ok I will probably reply about the actual post later.
you…stoopid…
I typed out a long response full of speculation and assumptions…
But I’m married, so
It sucks to be y’allI can’t begin to understand what it’s like being single in this day age, so I won’t even try to diagnose and prescribe. So I’ll just sayGood post, and sh*t!
Good for you! Another one who is debunking this silly & baseless rumor. Hope it’s to a Black woman, though.
*had to say it*
Couple of questions:
*Why do these “educated” Black women who appear on these types of programs fail to realize for what it’s worth, the media is using them? How smart are you?
*How does one define “successful”? Money? Cars? Clothes? Hoes? (I suppose) Does a well-paying job, nice crib with all the trimmings equal success to you? Someone claiming to be “successful” isn’t really that if they aren’t truly happy. At least that’s how I define success.
*Why do people keep suggesting for other people to lower their standards because they feel like it’s asking too much? If someone has extremely high standards, who are you to dictate what their standards should be? Many guys do this and I just don’t get it. A woman should be wise enough to know that by having these standards they’re cutting out a large population of men. The results will be one these three outcomes: They’ll find the perfect guy who walks on water and is the man of their dreams, they’ll eventually lower their standards as they get older (and possibly less desireable), or they’ll just spend the rest of their lives sleeping with cats instead of a man. It’s their choice to make though by having their standards. I say live and let live.
@Monk,
Money? Cars? Clothes? Hoes? (I suppose)
Not Drake… Bwahahaha!
@Monk,
I think the point is most people’s standards for that “one” person are not feasible. There is just no one person that can meet all of those. Heck, I’m a pretty realistic guy and I know all the qualities in my “perfect” woman cannot exist in one person. In some cases, it is just physically impossible.
Some people need to be reminded of this.
@kamakula,
I totally agree with what you’re saying. The thing is, I know (and have known) some stubborn women who wanna stick to their “larger than life”, unrealistic standards. I’m not gonna keep trying to convince an adult woman with an extensive checklist to lower her standards. 9 times out of 10, they’ll dismiss you anyway (word to some women on this blog). Nor will I knock them for “doing them” and waiting their knight in shining armor to come scoop them up. Regardless, they’re the one who has to live with their decision.
SMH… lol. Funny post, Champ.
The only thing I will say on the subject is that the media is having a huge laugh at our expense, while playing on long held stereotypes about black men and black women. They’re what has always been said about our men. However, the The “experts” all say the same thing… “stay in your lane, black woman. Know your place.” I find it all insutling, and we all continue to buy into this inferiority complex wrapped up in a neat package served on Nightline, WaPo, CNN, and other media outlets that don’t have our best interest in mind. I’m over it.
I find it all insutling, and we all continue to buy into this inferiority complex wrapped up in a neat package served on Nightline, WaPo, CNN, and *other media outlets
…that happen to be mostly AMERICAN media outlets..
let that marinate..
Champ this is funny but so true. I am tired of this. Maybe I’m being sensitive but I take it kind of personal. It’s like someone has an agenda to prove that Black men are just born losers. This news stories and the women that keep cosigning this ish is old now. When I found out the British magazine “The Economist” was covering this I knew that this was sensationalism. I like that magazine and felt they would never do a story on something like this. At times I’ve wondered if I’m the sucker for feeling allegience to Black women and the Black family considering our situation as a people. Idk. I do know that I’m sick of this and wish men and women would accept some personal responsibility for their situation as far as having a mate or being able to find a mate. If the problem ain’t you then there is a good chance it may be you.
@Humble_One,
c/s…people gotta start taking some responsibility for their relationship situations. I feel overall dating isn’t easy…and it’s not just exclusive to Blacks. And I also feel like a sucker sometimes for not “giving” up on the Black man, family, and all that jazz.
But hey…it is what it is
If the Mexican is handless… I imagine the ring is on herrrrrr… chain/necklace? things that make you go hmmmmm.
*sidenote* Uh can we move on from the LONELY successful black women topic… I feel like this isht is being pounded into my psyche… Please y’all “give us free!”
Also, why is it only men writing about LONELY successful black women, I mean dang if anybody wanted to (or better yet should) talk about it wouldn’t it be us*cough*… ehem, I mean them?
@Yeah…SO!?!, I think that maybe enough women don’t get to talk about the opposition of this idea in popular media. But there are plenty of female voices online who talk about it (sister toldja, cluth magazine, somebody at the root maybe lol).
@Liz, maybe so… everyone I’ve been seeing has had an extra appendage, but I even understand why they want to talk about it too… I just don’t get why we gotta talk about it SO MUCH!
@Yeah…SO!?!,
If the Mexican is handless… I imagine the ring is on herrrrrr… chain/necklace? things that make you go hmmmmm.
she’s actually rocking it as an earring
@Yeah…SO!?!,
give us free.
AMEN.
Being that I am tired of this story I will take it upon myself to solve this problem. This summer I will have Humble_One’s Ark.
Humble_One’s Arks #1 and #1a
1) On this ark will have all the super ambitious, advanced degreed, white collar Black men that only date 2520s or any other race other than Black woman. Also on this ark there will be super ambitious, advanced degreed, white collar Black women. Ark #1 will have a 10:1 ratio in favor of men and ark #1a will have a 10:1 ratio in favor of women. The ark will stop one time. At that stop if you haven’t found anyone you and everyone else will be shipped off into space never to return back to earth. So us Black folks that love Black folks and have no problem finding other Black folks to love can live in peace.
Humble_One’s Ark #2
This ark is for all the Black women that feel there are other “options” and a Black men that aren’t in jail, educated, blah, blah, blah are like leperchauns. One this boat all the men will be like the 2 dudes from the metro pcs commercial, Gordon Gekko, AC Slater from Saved by the Bell, and John Mayer. The ark will stop one time. If you don’t have anyone at that stop you will be sent into space never to return and bother us with your news stories, articles, and rants.
@Humble_One,
Like seriously….why are you so funny?
@Humble_One, Alas, I agree with something you’ve said- lol who knew?
@Humble_One,
“At that stop if you haven’t found anyone you and everyone else will be shipped off into space never to return back to earth. So us Black folks that love Black folks and have no problem finding other Black folks to love can live in peace.
Co-sign, Miss Moneypenny and I will gladly volunteer to help build that rocket to do the shipping. We’re tired of these convos.
@Humble_One, This was too funny!!! LOL
@Humble_One,
i heart everything written.
carry on.
Ok, we need to find a way to put this topic to rest.
How about this:
We’ll make a romantic comedy that makes a parody of the unreasonable “standards” that black women impose.
We’ll show a parallel of all the black men who are decent brothas and finally, after years of being a playa, want to settle down. These brothas will have some sort of fatal flaw that makes them undatable for the young, well-ta-do, single, accomplished, black females (i.e., he’s under 5’11″, doesn’t have a baby mama, respects his momma, only has one degree, drives a Honda Accord instead of a BMW, he ain’t all that funny, swaggaless, etc…you know, the stuff that’ll make yt America recoil thinking, “really? it’s no wonder they don’t get married”). In the culmination, we’ll show how the two come together because when he started dating Becky, young well-ta-do negro lady gets all indignant talking about “See, that’s the problem right there” as she forgets all about how she wouldn’t date him anyway. A week later they’ll meet because they represent their respective firms on a project and have to work together. She’ll realize he’s actually a pretty deep brotha who coaches little league, the drinks will start flowing at happy hour, they’ll have a lively discussion over why black men/women ain’t shit, they’ll wake up together, do the early morning walk of shame back to the office, the old lady aunt jemima-lookin’ negro janitor looks at them with suspicious disapproval as they lower their heads and go their separate ways, only to cut to a year later when they are standing at the alter together. The reverend says, “can anyone show just cause for why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony?” The camera pans the audience as a pregnant Becky stands up. The best man’s brother grabs Becky’s arm and escorts her out of the santuary as we realize that the two of them are married now. Roll credits. Show wedding guests doing the Cupid Suffle.
Folks will see the movie, realize their so-called standards are all superficial and unimportant, and our realities will begin to change.
Anyone got Tyler Perry’s number? Tyler, you on here, you gettin’ this? Sit down Spike Lee!
@Caballeroso, I <3 this! Somebody get Tyler on da phone!!
@Caballeroso, Dis sound a lot like “Deliver Us From Eva”… let’s make them Dominican so no one knows they’re hispanic til they start talking… I’ll front you some start-up bread to get it going- wut it do?
@Caballeroso,
“Anyone got Tyler Perry’s number?”
LOL, on the real, while reading your post, all I could think of was Tyler Perry. I imagine him as the aunt jamima janitor.
@Cheekie, I imagine him as the aunt jamima janitor
you know that’s the part he’d want to play. a big ol sassy aunt jamima janitor
@a plus,
And note, that character is only one of which he’ll portray.
This post right here… This post right here… This is why I read VSB. Hilarious. Thank you.
Even this brief on the Court’s continuing jurisdiction to enforce a protective order, these discovery responses, and the boxes of documents that I have to review won’t be able to blow my high off this one.
I’ll be back at lunch for another hit from the comments.
Interesting interview….I think black women just need to open their horizons, Halle berry did.
LOL @ 4% Kappa’s…smh
@Utica Dolla Van,
welcome and shit
After reading this transcript, I am — much like this topic — DEAD.
gotta say, i was gonna skip reading today’s post b/c i’m kinda (and by kinda i mean really really) tired of this whole topic of discussion, but i’m glad i read it, if, for nothing else, jewels such as this:
“and sometimes you just need to hop in the back of the trailer butt naked and fry a turkey.”
Finding and maintaining a relationship is hard for anybody – unless your name is Elizabeth Taylor – and even she ain’t good on the *maintaining* part.
I say all the time “Love is easy. It’s the relationships that are a mphcka.”
And most of us don’t have too hard of a time finding someone (unless you’re my girlfriend Francis, who unfortunately looks like one of those troll dolls and is built like linebacker – BUT she is lightskinned and has her own hair down her back.), it’s just the successful relationship of it all that is putting most in quite the conundrum.
And I could go on.
I think what it really comes down to is Black women need to learn to multi task. Often they are married to there carrier but dont take the time to enjoy the rest of life. #noshots
when very smart brothers can’t get with successful sisters – they look stupid.
@DryerBuzz,
thanks?
You forgot the part where the Steve Harvey clone tells these beautiful women they need to holla at the older men.
Yes, he said that in the Nightline clip. I ain’t mad, playa. If I was an old man and all these PYTs floating around you bes’ believe I would be trying to lay my game down quite flat.
@Stank-0,
“You forgot the part where the Steve Harvey clone tells these beautiful women they need to holla at the older men. ”
If they dress anythig like Steve Harvey or IS Steve Harvey, it’ll be a lost cause because if these women’s standards are so damn high, then it’s safe to assume that “zoot suit wearing tooth monster” is pretty low on the potentials list.
I’m so over this topic, but couldn’t help but read since I love satire. Handless Mexican with a ring eating a ceasar salad…I’m now officially addicted to VSB…might even get a t-shirt. Hilarious!!
@Nina,
welcome and shit (i think) and, please, buy a tshirt. my dinner for the rest of the week depends on it
@The Champ, stop begging from the new commenters. Who let you out of your cage anyway?
Great article. One thing tho… the not going to jail arguement is kinda silly.
Great men who’ve been to jail: Martin Luther King, Malcolm X and so on and so forth….
@Nicholas Stewart,
It’s not silly and there are some exceptions to every rule. It doesn’t seem like a woman who has her life together should entertain a main that doesn’t and most likely never will. it’s hard to get a good job as an ex-convict.
@Ivy St.,
I agree… so possibly felons. I would encourage all sisters to scratch felons from the list. But the dude who’s been arrested at an anti-abortion rally…. maybe he should get a second look.
@Nicholas Stewart,
As long as they weren’t arrested during violent anti use of animal in research protest, can deal with being arrested for simple things (protest, standing up for your rights, etc.).
@Nicholas Stewart,
**said in Tracy Morgans hustle man voice** come on y’all know what we mean by went to jail. ain’t nobody talking about one night, we mean extended trips, usually more than one.
@OftenConfused, LOL. I love HustleMan!
Bwahahahahaha! iCant with y’all.
Oh my friggin’ god, I am so mad I’m going to a meeting (with monkeys in diapers), but seriously this was one of the most hilarious posts I have read from you Champikins (cf. Gem of the Ocean)… and I am not one to freely give accolades. But well done…
This one goes straight in the basket. 3-pointer from the middle of the court. I like.
@Sula,
This one goes straight in the basket. 3-pointer from the middle of the court. I like.
thanks. i always appreciate a hoop analogy
*dead* at this entire post. Too many quotables. I swear this should have ended up on The Boondocks or something.
Wait, so now I’m confused. Is there another NEW special coming up this Friday? April 16, 2010 Friday? Wtf, Huh, *blank stares*… Just all kinds confused about another pointless story about Black women just because Michelle Obama is 1st lady. This is getting real real old.
@divalive, set your TiVos!
I was at the taping last week in Decatur, GA. It wasn’t actually that bad. In fact Sherri Shepherd (from The View) and Jacque Reid represented the single ladies well. Sherri was very adamant about refusing to lower her standards… but at the same time worried if she’ll ever be able to find a father figure for her 5 year old son. Jacque Reid was the strong independant single woman who is now approaching 40 years old and alone. Steve Harvey (Zoot suit) was co-moderator. Hill Harper provided the most insight for the night tho…. Its about the state of the Black family and how it is dissipating. Black households containing both a male and female is now at a record low of 31%….. And what does that say about hte future of black families…
@Nicholas Stewart,
oh so you’re not gonna mention “Jimmy” and his antics? I could tell within the first 5 minutes that he & Sherri were gonna be enemies. I’m glad they didn’t disappoint.
BTW, I think Hill Harper is either gay or dates white women exclusively…rebuttal is futile.
@Carver The Great,
LOL.. im purposely leaving and the “author” Jimmy and his Denzel principles crap. That was just embarrasing. (i was shocked when he said he use to be married….. to a woman no less!!!)
Hill Harper…. to be honest I thought he was gay too….. but supposedly his fiancee…. a black woman was in the audience.
@Carver The Great,
jimmy?
@The Champ,
Jimi… the other “brother” on the panel with Hill Harper.
http://www.jimiizrael.com/?page_id=2
He got the most stage time and I only hope its cut out of the show.
@The Champ,
Yeah some dude named Jimi Izrael who wrote a book called “The Denzel Principle”, he was a panelist on this event last friday: http://www.shadowandact.com/?p=20981
@The Champ,
Jimi also blogs for The Root and is an NPR reporter on “Tell Me More”. He constantly fails to impress me. He’s the Jamarcus Russell of reporting.
while i have nothing more to add to this post that my compadre has so eloquently written, and i’m pretty sure its our first episode of the new sketch comedy, “champ jackson’s comedy hour”…
also, if you are in DC, get your azz out to sutra lounge tonight for the happy hour and party with myself and Liz as we attempt to avoid drunken shenanigans. panama promises to be sexxy.
@Panama Jackson,
and i’m pretty sure its our first episode of the new sketch comedy, “champ jackson’s comedy hour”…
wait. why are you telling people about that? shits supposed to be a secret
Am I the only one who honestly NEVER gets tired of reading about this topic? It doesn’t amaze me that black women are single. There are reasons why they are single. i graduated from HU and I saw from day 1 tons of future success stories in every class. some of these women had qualities at a young age that made them dateable and some had qualities that made them perpetual single ladies and fans of beyonce. here is my thing….why are there no interviews or posting from black men on this topic. and when i say black men, i dont mean the ninja who works at UPS and has gold teeth and 6 kids9(Plies/lil wayne). i mean the equally educated brotha who is trying to do well for himself and his future family. i would kill to see someone like myself on air being 110% real about the topic of dating/marriage in the educated black community. and when i say “real” i mean it in its truest sense. someone needs to say that these men are concerned with how well you help keep a house, the potential for raising well to do kids, your ability to provide for him if he has career/health issues. the common trait i have noticed in the perpetually single black woman is this…they all have the inability to submit to a black man in any way shape or form. submission takes on many forms and doesn’t mean you cook, clean, do laundry for your man everyday while trying to persue your career and dreams. when i say submit i simply mean the woman not having to win at everything in life and in every argument you and your SO have, not belittling him because he may or may not have an MBA from an ivy league school, not throwing your career/money in his face, supporting his career decisions/aspirations, etc. there are PLENTY of black men out there who do and will make outstanding bfs/husbands if black women are willing to accept him for him and arent caught up with his resume or inability to be compatable because he isnt on your educational/career level. If dude wants to be a teacher and you want to be us surgeon general, let him enjoy teaching and just like you enjoy open heart surgery. i think its hard for black women to come to grips with traditional roles in relationships in 2010, but it has worked for thousands of years of marriage and only in the last 40 years has it really begun to become an issue. why rock the boat now? you can have your fast paced career and a husband if you are willing to accept certain things about yourself that need to change in order to make that happen. nobody seems to be saying that except me. am i wrong????
@Freaknik,
Am I the only one who honestly NEVER gets tired of reading about this topic
no, you’re not alone. its not the topic so much but the reactions to it that always get me
@The Champ,
Yup….very touchy subject among the black community. keep em comin.
@Freaknik,
Nah, I don’t think you’re wrong. I agree to an extent. There are women out that who def have problems w/ submission and knowing their roles. I can only speak for myself when I say I have no problems with submitting, however…that man needs to be “worthy” of my submission. Perhaps when more men take that leadership role women won’t feel as stubborn in the submission area. No way in hell I’m listening to Boo Boo the fool.
@La Bakir,
O of course. I wouldnt expect you to put up w/ Boo Boo either. But not everyone is Boo Boo.
@Freaknik,
I want to disagree with what you are saying, but you are right.
I will say this in response to, “i think its hard for black women to come to grips with traditional roles in relationships in 2010.”
I think it is just as hard for black men to as well. Some black men are still trying to “put a woman in her place.” Is it really necessary? I’m still not clear on what you mean by submission. No a woman doesn’t have to prove she is a man or win the fight but must she always take the back seat? I think sometimes the issue is that men are intimidated by educated and big career women. It’s been my experience that the men that aren’t afraid, just want these women around for trophy wives… someone that looks and speaks well at the corporate events or smiles and nods at the hospital parties. He doesn’t want her for her but what she has. There are plenty of men out there who will date an educated woman, I am sure, but with an educated woman comes some since of entitlement (same as with men). Why is it ok for men and not women? I have to rush to a meeting so this may not be clear. I’ll try again a little later.
@Freaknik, maybe nobody is saying it because it’s quite ridiculous lol.
I seriously doubt all educated black men are thinking about how good of a mother a chick can be before trying to get her number, or date her. Some of yall be on some hoe sh*t. It also seems as though the better the “catch” you are the more of a hoe you are. It is what it is. I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that if that’s your thing, but please don’t come preaching about the saints marching in when that’s not the case.
as for all perpetually single women not being able to submit, I disagree with that too. Some of us get a bad wrap for the mouthier ones. Others of us just don’t want to be bothered with the constant shenanigans so we sit it out until we’re good and ready to go back in and try again. there is plenty other things to occupy our time lol. nothing more, nothing less.
@Liz,
Well Liz it seems that you have just proven my point. The point of my comment wasn’t to berate women, belittle them, or make men look high and mighty. It was to simply note things that keep successful black women out of the dating game. Obviously educated black men have the better hand among dating black women, so I am not excusing the ones that are hoes. The whole point of my post was that educated black women have a very tough time with constructive criticism about the realities of them trying to date equally educated black men. It is unfortunate that you can fire back a fast response and become offended or in disbelief that someone like myself had the audacity and nerve to say that you(not specifically you) need to do some self reflection and change your(again not necessarily you) dating/relationship habits. As for submitting to a man, I certainly don’t expect you to submit to the jerk who is always trying to get in everyones pants. I simply meant that to make a healthy relationship work, the woman cant be everything. In a long term relationship she cant be the breadwinner, chef, landscaper, babysitter, mechanic, CEO, disciplinarian, the one who wins every argument, the one who has the final say, etc and expect a man to feel like a man and stick around/stay faithful. A man needs to feel like a man one way or another and some women are incapable of submitting to his need to feel like a man. Its perfectly healthy to let your man feel like he has say or control over a certain thing and women shouldn’t have a problem letting him feel that way. This is what I mean by submission.
@Freaknik, I jsut have problems when you say ALL perpetually single black women do X…when that’s not true, especially when you’re way off base. If you didn’t mean ‘ALL perpetually single black women do X’ then….don’t say it
lol.
As for submission, I don’t have a problem with it personally. I see why some women could but I think that’s independent of education or this nebulous”success” measurement.
@Freaknik,
I understand where you are coming from. I’m not a woman but I hate when men say “submit”. There has to be a better term to use. Anyway I find that a lot of educated sisters don’t have the hang-ups dudes scream about. Seriously look at the some of men that they choose to be with. I know men and we have to be honest and admit that some of us white and blue collar are on some BS point blank period. I’ve met mad cats that went to school that suck as far as character.
@Humble_One,
Eargasm! This is so true and I have never in life heard a man admit this, please report to the Cloning Center forthwith
Thanx!
I died so many times reading this!
Just knowing that another man sees what I see in this so called ‘sucessful black woman’ mess is a relief. Those women go on those shows parading around like they are above black men, not even realizing that they are basically dowing their own race at the same time…tragedy.
“I ain’t no egg, bitch” is going to be my phrase of the week.
this article just made me smdh…
grass isn’t greener on ANY side of the fence…for ANYBODY.
http://www.thestar.com/living/article/791851–female-newlyweds-flock-to-join-cheaters-club
This ish had me laughing in the office; but this topic is done. New Bond post up.
Bond.
The study related to this post gets a deep cutting side-eye from me. How can the media be allowed to diagnose what’s “wrong” with the “successful” black woman? Shame on the women who participated! **hand smack**
What I subscribe to is not taking myself so seriously that I allow my advanced degree and ability to support myself to be the sole definition of who I am. Am I happy to reap the benefits of education’s design (good job/well paid/independence)? Absolutely! But it has a very small percentage of effect in securing a successful relationship. Honestly, when getting to know someone I don’t bring up my degrees unless I’m asked. It’s not that I’m not proud (of course…I put in the work), but its secondary to who I am as a person. When it comes to attraction, people will pick up what you put out there; They’re attracted to you physically and then respond to your energy. I’ve never met a man who wanted to get with me because I have an MBA. So, I try to keep a good attitude, my expectations in check and a decent arse to waist ratio. It works for me!
@CNotes,
keep a good attitude, my expectations in check and a decent arse to waist ratio
This should become a mantra somewhere….
@Sula,
LOL! Yes, we should repeat this to ourselves daily and let the transformation begin! : ) *eyes closed while humming*
@CNotes,
Gospel spoken. PLEASE!! Tell these women….
Bond.
@BlkBond,
Why thank you!! : ) That’s not to say it isn’t difficult out there. But a mindset can be reflected in behavior. And who wants to get with somebody who gives off a pessimistic attitude?
iDied the whole way through, starting with “handless Mexican” and well past “eating nachos while bowling.”
imma need a youtube production of this, sir. tyler perry is a lil busy but i’m available to produce/direct/cast/shuckandjive.
I’ve had atleast 20 women tell me in the last few months that they are surprised that I married a black women, a dark skinned black woman at that. When I ask why, they say…”because you have a good job”..WTF??!?
As much as I’d like to believe that it’s really is hard for a black woman to meet a good black man…it’s not, that’s bullshit…just act like a real person, get a REAL hobby (not sleeping or the movies) and you would be surprised at the results.
i really have nothing to add but this post made me cackle…LMAO!
PUREST. FORM. OF. HILARITY.
That’s all I gotsta say!!
(And umm…. how do I suscribe? I ‘registered.’ Does that mean I’m in??)
ROFLMAOOL!!! This is the funniest isht EVER.
I never watch any of these nonsense “interviews” but this is exactly what I imagined they must sound like.
Champ, I like this piece, it’s different, over the next couple off days I hope I’ll be able to enjoy reading through your archives.
Question: Was this piece taking a dig at the unrealistic expectations of successful black women or was it cussing out black men?.
Tobiaking
LMFAO!!! there’s a reason they call you the Champ….this is hilarious! and exactly rightt! hahaha
I cried at the 3% of Kappas…LMAO
That line about the Kappas is too much. LOL! My ex is a Kappa so I loved the joke.
Now, that’s not to say that all Kappas are bad. Just appreciated the humor.
@
I read something interesting that brought up the madonna/whore complex.Basically a lot of black men have been brought up in single parent families with mothers that they love and respect,especially for bringing them up on their own.
As such,for some(not all as I know,not all men have a M/W complex and IR marriage is still only like 10% for black men) of these men,the ones that are all ‘I’m not into black chicks’ maybe unconciously black women remind them of their mothers and so they find the idea of being sexual with them wrong in a incest/defiling madonna kind of way,and look to other races for sex/relationships.
Of course this is only one theory about what may be part of some men’s thinking.I’m not saying all black men in IR relationships think their partners are ‘whores’,and of course many are just attracted to different races and theres nothing wrong with that,but I thought it was an interesting theory.
Also I think the Obamas’ put the spotlight on black relationships,it was like ‘Fuuuuuck!A together black family is the most prominent family in the world nooo,Jay-Z and Beyonce were bad enough but this???’
Then suddenly all these stories appeared about black familes being in decline/you can’t have it all bitches!;’black women you can be as successful and uppity as you like,but nobody loves you blah blah’. And of course the pointing out why black women and men were supposedly unattracted to each other.
The coverage is hysterical,I read(from the internet so it MUST be true bwaha)that black marriage rates are actually UP,and as I said before, IR marriage only is like 10% or less.Personally for me, at my university(very racially mixed)blacks guys in relationships all tend to be with black girls,the most IR couples I commonly see are asian girls/white guys.
Hardly time to start a colony where black people are made to marry and procreate to continue the race just yet I thinks.
@Champ
If laughing extends your life expectancy then I’ll be living forever. #DEAD at
” chancer: “we need to find a way to exorcise the demons lurking in our hearts. there’s so much on our minds that we can’t recline, so we blast holes into the night until she bleeds sunshine”
***cut to a shot of a visibly confused kimberly*** ”
I’ve been laughing so hard …My roommates prob might think I am losing it since I’ve been laughing at my screen for the past hours reading Very Smart Brothas.
(flatline) —————–
Thank you Champ for slaying the tired “successful single sad black woman” narrative! The satire is on point. As a “successful” single black woman, I’m sick of the the types of 2-D characters the media use to represent my demographic (for the sake of sensationalism) and the lack of balance between male and female voices.
This was super funny. The CNN special Black in America was EXACTLY like this ish. I am single, successful, educated, independent, and not at all miserable like the women in these shows and “studies”. Leave it to the media to tell the world that even when we’re successful, we’re pathetic and unhappy…what a mess.