The Trailer For Same Kind Of Different As Me Is Exactly Why White People Must Be Stopped » VSB

Featured, Pop Culture, Race & Politics

The Trailer For Same Kind Of Different As Me Is Exactly Why White People Must Be Stopped

When the Gods decide to show favor to us, it is a sin not to rejoice and exult in your fortune. It is also necessary that when given this unexpected bout of grace, its shared so that others can receive and partake in the good. So when Dolezal, the Goddess of Post-Racial Fuckshit, decided to descend from the heavens and bless me with the trailer for Same Kind of Different as Me, it became my mortal duty to share it with you.

So please, go and watch it. I implore you to do so.

Marvel at Renee Zellweger’s unplaceable accent, which exists between “an impression of Jimmy Fallon doing an impression of Dolly Parton doing an impression of Frank Underwood” and “Scarlett O’Hara after a particularly intense vape session.” Witness Greg Kinnear, with his stupid Greg Kinnear glasses and stupid Greg Kinnear Eddie Bauer sweaters and stupid Greg Kinnear faces, achieve a level of caucasity that hasn’t been seen since the third season of Friends. Pay close attention to Djimon Hounsou expertly vacillating between “Peak Unchained Nigga” and “Peak Wise Nigga With No Education Who Saves These Silly White People From Themselves” and “Peak Magical Negro” and “Peak Black Guy Who Needs A New Barber.” Listen to some of the Fisher Price: My First Slave-ass words that come out of his mouth. Focus on Jon Voight, who I’m 1000 percent certain was totally paid in cash to grow that Unabomber beard and do this movie. Learn that this calamitous clamor of 180 proof White guilt was actually a book too. Laugh your fucking ass off when saying the name of this movie aloud to yourself. And then say the full name of the book the movie was based on — Same Kind of Different As Me: A Modern-Day Slave, an International Art Dealer, and the Unlikely Woman Who Bound Them Together (seriously, that’s the full title) — and die. And then, when done dying, go and read Stuart Heritage’s hilarious piece on it at The Guardian, and die again

And then, reflect on the thought process of the people making this movie. Ask yourself why (capital letter) White People feel a need to continue making this movie. Then ask yourself how no one in the process of making this movie thought to stop everyone and say “Doesn’t this movie feel like a long-ass Key & Peele skit?” Think about Hounson saying “Well…I’m gonna hafta dink about dat” at the 1:03 mark. And then remember that someone actually wrote that line down on paper. And wrote it again in Final Draft or some other script writing software. That line was brainstormed. That line went through gotdamn rewrites.

And then join me when it’s finally released, because I’m seeing this shit on the first day.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • LMFAO no way. Damon…NO…WAY! As I’m watching this “Magical Negro” popped into my head. Then, I’m like…why is he a homeless slave in what appears to be a modern city? What is going on here? That full title?! Not even acceptable. LOL like…stop it. STOP IT NOW White People.

    • miss t-lee

      “Then, I’m like…why is he a homeless slave in what appears to be a modern city?”

      See…that had me confused, also.

      • L8Comer

        I thought it was a movie from the 40s, then someone Said its in 2016. Didn’t finish the trailer tho

        • miss t-lee

          Even if you finish the trailer…you’ll be just as confused.
          I was.

      • Erica Nicole

        I still can’t work out what they are trying to do….

        • Mochasister

          Me neither. I truly don’t understand why Honsu was talking like that.

        • miss t-lee

          Girl…

    • Buster Cannon

      Then, I’m like…why is he a homeless slave in what appears to be a modern city?

      Right, do you know how old he’d have to be for this to seem remotely convincing?

      • Ghettoprincess

        Duh. The average life expectancy of magical negroes is like 300.

        • Junegirl627

          I can’t

    • Junegirl627

      So he was a slave that no one in the last 200 years has told was free…….. Where the fluck he been at?!!! and fr fr the first thing this magical everlasting negro does cuz he pissed cuz he been hiding for no reason is break shyit up?!!!! like really?!!!! and even after “good hearted stupid YT people” find him and clean him no one gives the Ninja a shave…. FR FR……. FR FR??? ….. LIKE REALLY?!!!! FR FR????!!!!!

      • LMAO too much fuckery going on. I can’t take this movie…the book it’s based on…nor any of these actors seriously right now.

      • mssporadic

        I’m convinced this is Bagger Vance Part 2 but Will Smith passed on it.

      • thutch24

        “no one gives the Ninja a shave”

        I think it’s called slave couture…..I watch Project Runway

        • Junegirl627

          why you killed me?…… sway?

          • thutch24

            ha ha ha ha ha ha ha……….I thought that was the answer!

      • Mr. Mooggyy

        They say black don’t crack! I guess slaves don’t die?!?!?

    • TheCollinB

      Slaves find time machine. I’m calling it Blacks to the Future

    • Jacqueline

      Yes, inquiring minds what to know if non-black homeless people with insight would be classified as a modern day slave?

    • Mr. Mooggyy

      Modern cars and slaves!? Ok, I guess?!

  • PhlyyPhree

    So this fuckery is supposed to be released on my birthday. I’m taking personal offense. I need reparations before I start smashing sh it with a baseball bat.

    • Tambra

      If it would not have landed you in trouble I would have asked for pics.

      • PhlyyPhree

        If it happens, I’ll be sure that who ever posts my bail knows they are to upload the pics to that days VSB comment section first

        • Mr. Mooggyy

          We’ll start a gofundme!

          • B-Dot Willz

            Gofundmes have been started for much worse causes.

    • TheCollinB

      Wouldn’t that feel good tho? To and smash some schit up and have the outcome be a white person coming to try to make nice and buy your friendship? That’s the America I’d like to live in.

      • PhlyyPhree

        That America sounds glorious. WAY better than the current ‘Murica I inhabit. Alas, we all gotta wake up sometime.

  • Courtney Wheeler
  • miss t-lee

    Dayum…I barely recognized Djimon Housou. They got him looking like Uncle Ben.
    Well…Renee is from Texas…so it’s not exactly “unplaceable”.
    Why is Greg Kinnear still getting work?
    This looks madd Hallmark Channel-ish, I’m surprised it’s on the big screen.

    Pretty sure this is something my grandmother would have me watching on a sunday afternoon after church in about 4 years when it makes it to television.

    • Girl! I was like…soooo this isn’t one of those bad movies they play on Sunday’s on Ion or something? I’m supposed to pay for this?

      • miss t-lee

        For. Real…lol

    • Courtney Wheeler

      They made Djimon Housou look like everyones drunk black uncle. Which is ashame cause he’s quite a handsome man

      • miss t-lee

        Exactly!!!!
        I always remember the first time I saw him in the “Love Will Never Do Without You” video.
        Mmmm.

        • Cheech

          With that Trumpian underwear model.

          • miss t-lee

            Don’t ruin my fantasy. I’d like to remember Antonio Sabato Jr as pre- teen T-Lee did.

    • LadyJay?

      Omg. Until I read your comment I didn’t realize that was Djimon. I had to scroll up to look at him again.

      • miss t-lee

        LOL
        Damon also mentioned it in the article…lol

        • LadyJay?

          To be honest I didn’t understand what he wrote. I understood it via the comments

          • miss t-lee

            Ahhhhh. Ok. Gotcha.

    • B-Dot Willz

      I may need o check with my grandmother to make sure this hasn’t already been on Hallmark on a Sunday at 3 o’clock.

      • miss t-lee

        Your grandmother sounds just like my grandmother.
        She loves the heyll outta the Hallmark channel.

  • “aggressive condescension” is the word of the day…from the piece written over at The Gaurdian LMAO

  • Hugh Akston

    uhhh yeah……. no

  • BrownKitty289

    1. I hear country music…(*rolls eyes*) Most def for a “certain” audience.
    2. THAT’S Renee Zellweger!!!!??? Whoa.
    3. Black folk gotta eat & that includes playing the Poor, but Wise character in these kind of movies.

    • cakes_and_pies

      That’s Brad Paisley’s song. You know the same guy who sang the song “Accidental Racist” with LL “My lips been dry for 30+ years” Cool J

  • panamajackson

    This has the potential to be the most magical Magical Negro movie of all time. it’s Bagger Vance as John Coffee playing every character Morgan Freeman has ever played.

    • miss t-lee

      Every character times 1000.

    • Madame Zenobia

      I mean, but have y’all not seen the Mr. Church trailer with Eddie Murphy? Talk about a magical negro…and critics are hailing it as “Eddie Murphy’s comeback!” Aight then. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LT3bzXXKtrs

      • Negro Libre

        I saw this, on mute.

        Still waiting for Eddie to get his funny back.

      • mssporadic

        So this is what happened to the little girl from The Help.

        • Terry Wynn II

          she’s still changing Black lives….cause they matter

      • Not actually sure if Norbit was better or worse than this….

        • brothaskeeper

          Same.

      • Jahneen

        Every time that whyte mama is cast, she is destined to die.

      • mssporadic

        Can we discuss Eddie’s career? What is he doing? I know he has ALL the chillrens, but he ain’t broke. Just because he doesn’t want to do stand-up anymore doesn’t mean he has to do this. I’m sure he can write something better than this (or Norbit). Where are Keenan Ivory Wayans and Robert Townsend? They need to do an intervention!

        • Madame Zenobia

          Honestly, I don’t know what tf happened to Eddie. Like, has he been trolling us?

        • Shanna

          Just saw him on Access Hollywood talm bout how he has started writing stuff to return to stand up. He needs to hurry up.

          • mssporadic

            I hope so.

        • Mary

          Boomerang pt. 2 would be better than this!

          • brothaskeeper

            At this point, I’ll take a Distinguished Gentleman 2.

            • April N. Harley

              You got me coming out of lurk life to respond to this!!! AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

        • Nik White

          He was robbed of an award for his serious turn in “Dreamgirls” so this.

          • JamesInstagram

            But why does he have to take it out on us?

            • Skegeeaces

              ^^^Fo’ real!

        • B-Dot Willz

          Hang tight now because Robert Townsend brought us Meteor Man, and fr that he will always get the side eye.

          • mssporadic

            Hollywood Shuffle and The Five Heartbeats gets him a pass on that movie.

          • Vanity in Peril

            Do. Not. Disparage. Meteor Man.

            • B-Dot Willz

              Are you a Golden Lord? Did you see that hi-top hairpiece he made James Earl Jones wear? An injustice in itself.

      • I’m trying to figure out why…like why was he just cooking for them? Where did he get all that cash? Why was he cooking for them when he had all that cash? What is this?

        • brothaskeeper

          In a word: Magic.

      • tlcarr08

        Ugh….

      • brothaskeeper

        There. Just watched the whole movie.

      • Junegirl627

        So now Magical Negroes are asexual? I mean it looks like he gets no buns for the whole 3 decades covered in the movie

        • Willemaq

          Aren’t Magical negroes ALWAYS asexual? And reproduce ‘magically’?

          • Junegirl627

            Nooooo A level of ain’tshitness is needed in the origin story for a negro to truly be magical. It is during this time that they were dickslinging and cumbopping virginal vaginal walls. Then they come across the va-jay-jay-o-terror that changes them….. wakes them up…. makes them see the light. And then the begin the glittery journey into magical negro-dom

        • brothaskeeper

          Doesn’t even get to put the tip in.

          • Junegirl627

            You Know!!!!

      • Willemaq

        “Driving Miss Daisy’s Granddaughter”

      • Mochasister

        More white people nonsense. For some reason they insist on seeing us in some subservient role. Apparently we were made to serve them and not God.

        • justtwo post

          but I thought they were God

          • Mochasister

            I had a former coworker who used to say that there are some people who think they have more power than God.

      • Furious Styles
    • TheCollinB

      Rename this Movie Panama just described.

      AAAAAND GO!

      • Lisa Necole

        All Shuck and No Jive

        • TheCollinB

          !!

        • ~*V. von Schweetz*~

          You win

        • Karine1976

          I don’t need to read an further entries.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Coffee Spewed on the Keyboard Award of the Day

        • Lurker

          AND…WINNING!

        • Emmie

          I watched the trailer and was so dumbstruck that I busted out laughing and walked out of the room

          fast forward to perusing the comments and I’ve spit my water out at my desk.

          You win!

      • Brass Tacks

        “Isa gon’ hafta dink about dat”: The Prequel

      • Junegirl627

        “We’s Free? But what about all the YT’s who’s neeeeds me?”

        • TheCollinB

          F*************ck

      • OG Mermaid

        “Unchained Yet Still Bound: A Negro’s Journey Through White Savioring”

      • cedriclathan

        “Another mysterious negro white folks dying to get to know” (so they can keep they eyes on him)

      • Shanna

        I’se A Ni66a….Everywhere You Need Me To Be

        • LadyJay?

          Lmaoo!!! Love this one. Funny as fuck.

      • KatieGonzo

        That movie he described is called “Caddyshackles.”

        • TheCollinB

          you a genius

        • JamesInstagram

          You win. You win the internet. Everyone, shut it down.

      • brothaskeeper

        “Under The Same C o o n”

        • Junegirl627

          I’m crying

      • SororSalsa

        The Spook Who Sat By the Door (So He Could Open It Cuz Being White Is Hard)

      • SororSalsa

        National Lamcoon’s Magical Negro

        • TheCollinB

          Gatdamn

      • Emmie

        I can’t mess with yall today…this thread has me closing my office door to lol in peace.

    • SirKnows DevoidofPunk

      SPOILER ALERT: At the end, Dimon sprouts wings and Richard Dreyfuss shows up as Saint Peter and says “Well, done my boy. Well done! You’re in!”

      Then they both float away on a big puffy cloud as White baby Jesus giggles with approval.

      • Crystalrcote4

        <<hp.. ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!il942r:….,……

    • SirKnows DevoidofPunk

      “Cornbread, Muffin Top, Hurl, and Me.”

      • Lea Thrace

        I kinda hatelove you for this.

        • SirKnows DevoidofPunk

          i was gonna go with “Cornbread, Guhhrrrllll, and Me” but Zellwegger is just boiled chicken bland.

          • Jeannineccramer1

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !iw983t:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !iw983t:
            ??
            ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash703TopInsideGetPay$97Hour ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!iw983t:….,…….

  • Val

    The Blindside: Thirty Years Later

    • Hugh Akston

      Still haven’t seen that movie and the other ones that came after

      I think I’ve seen enough of those movies to last me a lifetime +

      • Val

        You are better off not having seen that garbage.

        • Mochasister

          I’ve seen bits and pieces of it here and there. Against my will and in places where I had no control of the tv. I tend to agree with you even though I haven’t seen the whole movie. It should be called “My N***** Giant and Me.”

          • Ustadh

            My N***** Giant and Me.

            LOL!

      • Jill

        I agree. I refuse! I don’t even have to dink about dat.

      • Glo

        I watched it on a flight a few years ago and could not believe that Sandra Bullock won an Oscar for that mess.

    • Melissa

      Oh jeeeeeeeze, I’m an interior designer (like Leigh Anne Tuohy) and I can’t tell you how many times someone has said, “Have you seen The Blind Side?! You’d love it! I can totally see you doing that!”

      If anyone’s looking for me, I’ll be cruising the streets of Mattapan looking for a disadvantaged Offensive Tackle that needs me right now.

  • Buster Cannon

    Eww, this looks like The Blind Side all over again, but…worse. These “white savior/magical negro” movies are so cringeworthy and condescending.

More Like This