as t.i. and tiny continue to prove, romantic relationships aren’t a continual loop of milkshakes, bliss, burps, and glee. sometimes you’re gonna hafta hide your mans gats in your purse, and sometimes you’re gonna need to remind your girl that its probably not the best idea to tell her stylist, “you know what? i’m going to court today, and i wanna look a damn fool. can you make me look like a damn fool”
with this in mind, arguments will occasionally occur. armed with the knowledge that “he aint gonna hit me“, though, some women occasionally break the implied geneva relationship disagreement concordance, boldly crossing the line and committing war crimes by conveniently forgetting about the “untouchables”.
the 4 f’s of fair relationship fighting, each of these subjects have the power to irrevocably damage an otherwise happy coupling, and each need to be avoided at all costs, like e coli…
…and women who remind you of her.
a) fists (since we’re not allowed to hit, any negative discourse about our fighting prowess should be off the table¹.)
b) family (we already know that one of our aunts looks like rick ross. no need for you to bring it up)
c) f*cking (nnte²)
d) funds (trust me.)
in keeping with vsb’s commitment to combat crime, i’ve decided to name two more damaging relationship mistakes women occasionally make.
arguably the best play-by-play man in television history, costas combines a panoramic knowledge of sports with a keen eye for detail and extensive vocabulary, qualities ensuring that the viewers know exactly whats going on at all times. he misses nothing. no detail or occurrence is too minute or insignificant to share…a fact also making him the patron saint of annoying girlfriends.
while we understand that women generally need avenues to verbally emote, there’s a fine line between “fishing for innocent feedback” and “scooping the salon with every salacious relationship specific like sandra rose“.
your moms doesn’t need to know about his strange weekend “dusk slobbers” and every minute disagreement you’ve ever had, and, if you actually want to keep your man from eventually f*cking one of your friends, your lonely ass girls don’t need to be briefed with every bottom-line banality of your bi-weekly bedroom back-breakings
you’re in a relationship with one person…not one-third of your blackberry’s address book, and every bit of publicly shared “tmi” slowly tears away from your foundation like club mist and cvs eyeliner
disturbing the peace
we lie.
daily.
hourly even. i will not deny this. sh*t, i’m texting a pseudo-lie to three separate people while i’m writing this sentence³.
despite these admittedly troubling facts, our white lies are our most chivalrous act, our way of protecting you all from windmills, waterfalls, white women, and our burgeoning p*rn addictions, and its a relationship death knell to worry yourself over every minor inconsistency. i mean, think about it: do you really want us to tell you the truth about everything?
everything?
do you really need to know that last weekend’s slightly sprained ankle came from stupidly walking into an in ground waterfall when double taking too long at a zoe saldana doppleganger downtown…and not from winning an impromptu dunk contest on a 8 foot rim at the park? is it really paramount for you to know that the missed call you “accidentally” noticed on his iphone last month is from his crazy-ass ex randomly drunk dialing him at 5pm…not his nephew?
nah. i didnt think so.
i could name a few dozen more, but i’m not contractually obligated to reveal anymore until the geneva relationship disagreement concordance is amended.
until then, any additions?
¹unless your name is “shad moss”
²”no need to expound”
³i’m lying
—the champ
But what? Is this post complete, Champers? I’m feeling like I’m dangling over here.
And YES we want the truth, but you can’t handle the truth.
@RedBeanzNRice,
I thought I was the only one. I feel like the post isn’t complete! LOL
@Mimi,
still?
Maybe I’m too early cuz this doesn’t seem finished yet.
LMAO i’m thinkin the same thing girlfriend
@iloVEGrits,
Womp. Leave it to the Vampire crew to call Champ out on his unhemmed post.
But Champie, you do know we are your focus group. We get the UnCut version (No Tip Drill)
@Luvvie, yes. a focus group representing the diverse cross sections of IG.
@overit,
We got VEG – Southern Belle IG. She be ackin like she got sense but we all know the REAL TROOF. The chile is FOOLISH!
Overit – East African IG. Your IGnificence aint even disguised. It’s all up through ur hijab & Dereon duffle
Luvvie – Naija IG. The most SENSIBLE of the IGs. She is oftentimes the voice of reason. *curtsies*
@Luvvie,
Luvvie also is delusion and lies. Proof:
“Luvvie – Naija IG. The most SENSIBLE of the IGs. She is oftentimes the voice of reason.”
@Luvvie, Luvvie – Naija IG. The most SENSIBLE of the IGs. She is oftentimes the voice of reason. *curtsies*
whew, good thing morris chestnut was here, if he wasn’t, ida choked on my water at that.
sensible? really? *dream sequence of all of luvvie’s IGNORANT WAYS i am too tired to document, ya’ll have long term memorys”*
i do rep the east siiiiiiiide though. holla! i got some anjera for ya’ll, veg brought some jambalaya, luvvie got some rice lmao.
and for the record, my dereon duffle’s zipper broke the day my pleather dereon pants did. da*ntheywrong!
@overit,
I’m REALLY mad at u for mentioning pleather Dereon pants. You know there’s prolly a Dereon Spy amongst us. This is gon be on their Fall 2009 collection. And I will blame you wholeheartedly.
@Luvvie, aww so you just gone leave me and Shatani by the wayside huh? what about me, Harpo? what about me…….
@shay_d_lady, LMAO! ya’ll know the vs-perience would not be complete without your wild stories and shatani’s hilarious commentary.
@shay_d_lady,
Aw naw!!! Yall kno I’s senile! I only listed the folks that were here. Hell, I almost forgot myself. Thats why I was last. lol
I gotta say – one relationship no-no is snooping. Yours truly has played Super-Sleuth Sherlock on quite a few occasions, but to be fair, had he TOLD THE TRUTH in the first place, there would be no need for the snooping.
Still, all in all, snooping is a BIG relationship mistake.
@RedBeanzNRice,
Yup! When you go looking, you WILL find something. Forget you know his passwords. Just let things BE!
@Luvvie,
Forget you know his passwords.
lol…i dont think this is possible. i think you’d literally hafta give a woman one of those men in black flash things in order to mentally erase an account password
@The Champ,
Or just nicely ask him to change them.
@Sula,
Or just nicely ask him to change them.
so basically say
“hey honeybun, can you do me a favor? since you lended me your gmail account password a couple months ago, i havent been able to resist the urge to ravage through your inbox like the zombies in 28 days later. i know this is a latent sign of distrust, but…i dont know, i love you so much. would you mind changing it for me, pretty please?”
@The Champ,
Pretty much. You could add “with a cherry on top” for extra effect
@The Champ,
Yup. Luvvie, got it right. The cherry on top will be a very nice addition.
@The Champ,
It’s possible. You just need a whooooole lotta self-control…which most people don’t have…nevermind
LOL i’ve done this too. but deep down i didn’t need to see the proof, my 3rd eye and 6th sense already told me trouble was brewing. but nooooo i just had to go and look. but even after i printed the emails that negro still tried to LIE!!!!!!
men. *smh*
@Gem-nasty,
lol. That’s what really grinds my gears. not the fact that you’re lying. But the fact that you’re telling a stupid lie that insults BOTH of our intelligence…and I have the receipts right here, Whit!
LMAO @ the receipts.
“show me the receipts!!” if i ever saw a receipt for a crack transaction i’d DIE.
@Gem-nasty,
i bet shamrock made receipts
@RedBeanzNRice,
I’ve suffered from this also in the past.. It’s not my fault that he made his passwords so freakin’ easy to guess. Or that one time he gave me his MySpace password because he didn’t know how to change his profile song, I just happened to remember it. I’ve had access to phone records, e-mails, Facebook messages, etc.
Yes, I’m Reci, and I was once a crazy psycho as.s girlfriend in my past life.
@Reci,
Simply breathtaking…..
Question (1) What would warrant this type of behavior?
Also provide a response to this analogy. I lock ALL of my passwords into my computer. [While pursuing this analogy, assume that I had done NOTHING to make you suspect that there was any foul play]. If you had to use my computer and I was in the next room or had stepped out of the crib for a minute, would you read my emails?
Also would you do this to someone that you are merely dating or would reserve this behavior for only the more serious relationships? I guess what I am asking is if there is some type of sliding scale that you use to determine “who” you will spy on or do you do it indiscriminately?
Thats why i like gmail… b/c it tells you when these type of shenanigans have been perpetrated against you.
@IDaHoe,
Thats why i like gmail… b/c it tells you when these type of shenanigans have been perpetrated against you.
how do you turn this on?
@tbird,
As soon as you log on the following appears at the bottom of the page:
You are currently using 0 MB (0%) of your 7318 MB.
Last account activity: 1 day ago on this computer. Details
@IDaHoe,
To answer all of your questions…
Question (1) What would warrant this type of behavior?
Insecurities, trust issues that I had in the relationship, not trusting my own intuition and needing concrete evidence to support what I’m feeling.
(2) so provide a response to this analogy. I lock ALL of my passwords into my computer. [While pursuing this analogy, assume that I had done NOTHING to make you suspect that there was any foul play]. If you had to use my computer and I was in the next room or had stepped out of the crib for a minute, would you read my emails?
If you have never given me any reason to believe there was anything foul going on. Well, no, I would not impose on your privacy if I used your computer.
(3) Also would you do this to someone that you are merely dating or would reserve this behavior for only the more serious relationships? I guess what I am asking is if there is some type of sliding scale that you use to determine “who” you will spy on or do you do it indiscriminately?
It would definitely have to be a serious relationship in which there was a breach of trust in the first place.
I no longer do this. Everything I have ever discovered was things I already knew intuitively. However, I have had girlfriends where breaking their boyfriend/husband’s privacy for no reason at all has unveiled all types of things they would have never known or wanted to know.
(3)Also would you do this to someone that you are merely dating or would reserve this behavior for only the more serious relationships? I guess what I am asking is if there is some type of sliding scale that you use to determine “who” you will spy on or do you do it indiscriminately?
@Reci,
Thanks for addressing my inquiries in such a methodical fashion.
I’m not real big on titles, but when I have been in relationships, I NEVER did anything like that. I know guys whose insecurities (in themselves as well as the females they are dating) drive them crazy. In the words of the late, great Gerald Levert, “I Aint no Casanova.” However, I have too much pride to allow myself to perform covert operations and such.
I respect you for acknowledging your own insecurities and I am glad that you have overcome them.
@Reci,
Yes, I’m Reci, and I was once a crazy psycho as.s girlfriend in my past life
past life?
@The Champ,
Yes, I have certainly calmed down from my old self.
@Reci,
“Or that one time he gave me his MySpace password because he didn’t know how to change his profile song, I just happened to remember it.”
Suuuuure….lol
We’re all family here, you ain’t gots to lie chick…
*giggling*
were you going to put up footnotes for your subscripts?? or is your 3-person-text-lie taking up too much of your time to be bothered with details involving VSB??
@Gem-nasty,
footnote deez
First, love the being Bob Costas one. I tell the women folk all the time no man wants to hear all about your day. They don’t want the play by play. lol. Just give ‘em the highlights.
I’d add:
1. Expecting your man to fulfill all of your needs all the time to the list. Both women and men do this, actually. No one is perfect on any given day…if there isn’t a consistent pattern of neglect on your partner’s part, some of the things they overlook should be given a pass.
1a. Expecting someone to carry your cross for you. You lost a job, your mom is sick…yes your partner is supposed to be there for you BUT everyone has their own burdens and breaking points. You have to be realistic about what you expect from someone during your difficult times.
1b. Expecting your man to respond/act in the way your girlfriend would. First of all, he’s your man…not your girlfriend. If you wanted him to react the way she would, you should have told her first. You have to let people be who they are in the moment. Over time, they will get to know what you need better and attempt to temper their responses/reactions to your needs. But blowing up at him cuz he didn’t respond how Susie did? Not a good look.
2. Being delusional about what you bring to the relationship, i.e. the ‘alpha female’ complex. It is these attitudes, delusional ones, that I think have a lot of chicks wondering why their stables are empty. Nothing about anyone is 100 percent great. We are all hopelessly flawed and we need to own up to those.
3. Trying to be what you are not. If you are a mush bucket, do not try to be a hard ass. If you are conservative, do not try to act like a freak. If you want a relationship, do not try to “kick it”. Doing what you think the man wants most often results in you sitting with a cracked face, alone.
@iloVEGrits,
**Jesus is Christ the King and will Wrap me in His Arms Always Faith Tabernacle Church of God Pentecostal Baptist**
*scoots in the aisles until Ushers tell me to go Sat Down*
oh my, she said that!…
@iloVEGrits,
1a. Expecting someone to carry your cross for you. You lost a job, your mom is sick…yes your partner is supposed to be there for you BUT everyone has their own burdens and breaking points. You have to be realistic about what you expect from someone during your difficult times.
good point and sh*t
@iloVEGrits, Doing what you think the man wants most often results in you sitting with a cracked face, alone.
this.is.the.TROOF!!!
@iloVEGrits,
*shooting gold stars* all up and through this….
Another relationship mistake: Using Sex & the City or any other romantic comedy as your Bible. You will end up with 15 cats wondering why you didnt get your Mr. Big.
P.S. Carrie used to walk down the streets of Manhattan in 4 inch Manolos. Jeebs be some knee reconstruction surgery for her by the time she 50. That just aint healthy
@Luvvie,
“Using Sex & the City or any other romantic comedy as your Bible. ”
BUT most women think/dream in these unrealistic relationship terms. I think pop culture caters to the delusion not creates it.
@iloVEGrits,
Gurl hell yeah. It woulda been ONE had I been embarASSED like that. And if I DID end up marrying you, betta believe you gon spend a long minute being reminded of it.
Me: “You’ont wana go visit my family? Well, guess I shouldnt expect much from the man that left me to stand before God BY MYSELF.” lol
@Luvvie,
LMAO. For everyone else: I edited my comment but I had written: I don’t know one chica who would marry a dude who left her standing at the altar (for the mens: referring to SATC, the movie).
lmao Luvs.
@iloVEGrits,
Yes. This is where the movie lost me. It went from being light-hearted, funny and semi-sad to a total “RuuurF?” Scooby Doo-face.
They might as well have had Carrie sprout wings and fly to the moon after that dumb ish.
@Me fail english?,
I would have kicked him in the nads when he got down on his knee to propose again.
It would be one thing if he backed out and there wasn’t the history of her being strung along.
After all those years of drama I do not know one woman who say ‘ok. I trust you THIS time.’
I wonder if he cheats on her in the sequel. lol.
@iloV.E.G.rits,
You know he’ll cheat in the sequel!
Now that Charlotte and Miranda are all boring and coupled up with predictable men and Samantha hit 50, what else can happen?
What were the writers thinking? Big slept with the first wife’s best friend, cheated on the second wife with Carrie and now the audience is supposed to jump for joy that he finally gave in to marrying Carrie? I can’t think of a less romantic ending.
@Me fail english?
I was so rooting for Aidan. Now he’s wifed up with his Tater and I can’t see Carrie playing step-mommy if Aidan had suprisingly become un-married.
Damn Gina!
I was also rooting for Aidan. I mean, no matter how nice a guy is, if you aint feelin him you gotta move on. But I got the feeling Carrie was really into him but just stuck on the foolishness with Big’s ol’ geriatric ass.
Don’t the SATC writers know how that movie ends? Candace Bushnell did NOT get to keep her Big.
@iloVEGrits,
You have a point, but I dunno, if Carrie hadn’t been so focused on what SHE wanted and totally ignored Big’s wants, her ass woulda been married the first go-round. So I think she was able to acknowledge that, and that’s why she was able to say yes when he asked her to marry him again.
Yeah, I just commented on these folks like they’re real. I LOVE Sex and the City, lmao!
@8th Wonder,
Thank you, Wonderful Wonder.
@iloVEGrits, Pause my whole comment. But I saw SATC w/o my gf (It’s been on HBO) and I think he deserved to marry the jawn. She was playing him by worrying about the wedding more than she worried about him and you can see that he knew he made a mistake and was turning around to come and see her. Yea she was embarrassed but I mean everyone was still in the church, they coulda had a 5 min convo and then went and got married. Its her and the pregnant jawns fault she aint get married
@Peyso,
Really? So if you and your boys were waiting in the church for your bride to come in and she hit you on the celly like “Nah I aint comin thru. Tell everybody it’s off”. You’d just be cool with her coming thru 15 mins later like “ok, I change my mind”? You wouldn’t be humiliated, hurt, pissed or anything? I call B.S.
And if “you’re into the wedding too much” is a reason to not marry you, trust me, she really just didn’t wanna marry yo ass. Marriage is hard enough when both people wanna be married. Why settle for someone who’s willing to drop ur ass as soon as you take too much interest in flowers or some ish?
I never understood how people could be okay settling down with someone long-term who’s not sure they even want you.
@Peyso, I would be hurt. But not so hurt that I aint gonna talk to the jawn to find out why she aint show up. Not hurt enough to run away. Being embarrassed aint the end of the world. It happens get over it.
But also, she aint never considered what he wanted in the wedding. I understand that its a women’s day and what not but its his wedding too. I think the fact that she was so into the wedding should shed insight into how she is going to act during the marriage. Her way or the highway. The man got nervous and tried to came back. Realized that he made a mistake and tried to come back, I think thats a honorable thing. Of course its his fault, she did nothing wrong I guess.
@Peyso,
If you watched the series you would know that BIG was always stringing Carrie along on some BS, so for him to back out of the wedding was predictable.
In the series, he kept acting like he didn’t wanna get married at all, since his first marriage failed. So Carrie was cool with that, then he turned around and married Natasha all willy nilly.
I remember watching the movie, like dayum Carrie, you let him screw you again. LOL
@Peyso,
I think you’re being facetious but I really don’t think she did anything wrong. You can’t complain about a woman commandeering your wedding when you weren’t giving her any input. If I remember the movie right, he was doing much communicating with Carrie at all.
Also, there are a million valid reasons for backing out of an engagement, but leaving someone at the altar is straight disrespectful. Esp. if the extent of the talking to her you did was “Is it really gonna be us?” Huh? lol.
Maybe Miss T-Lee is right and you had to see the series to get the significance of this. But Big stayed embarassing this girl, dropping her ass, etc. and comin up with little wack excuses a la “you read too many wedding books. I no longer want to spend the rest of my life with you.” A ten year rel’ship and you use the few months leading up to the wedding to judge what she’s gonna be like? I still don’t believe he was feeling her that much. Which is why I, like many women, nearly lost our lunches when they got married at the end. It made Carrie seem all sad and desperate
@Peyso,
But I saw SATC w/o my gf (It’s been on HBO)
lol, way to justify it
@Peyso,
I was so torn on Big and Carrie. I like fairy tale wrapped in a bow endings, but at the same time he played her WAY too many times over the past decade. It was almost like he finally was like awwww phuck it, we aint getting no younger and she been my bottom biatch, I guess I should go ahead and wife her. I’m done playing, biatch me at the altar. Wait a minute on second thought, maybe I aint ready.
Sidenote: When Smith and Samantha bought in the New Year with matching blinged out robes, I thought that was soooooo secksy. That’s on my bucket list of things to do.
(I love SATC talk!!!!)
@Peyso,
I agree with you Peyso. Carrie went over her head forgetting who she was freaking getting married to. You know your dude, so you best act accordingly…
How you going to have a grand New York wedding, when your dude is getting married for the friggin’ 3rd time. Ole inconsiderate lookin’ girl!
@Luvvie,
“betta believe you gon spend a long minute being reminded of it.”
another relationship mistake men and women make.
It is one of my biggest, biggest pet peeves to hear about some ish that happened weeks ago. I realize folks need time to process but if you are reminding me about something a month down the line…we got problems.
@iloVEGrits,
LOL yea yeah yeah. But being left at the altar breaks that rule. DAMnat. i’mo remind you of it at random times too. We be driving down the street talm bout cartoon and I’d be like “HAhaha! *serious face* Remember when you left me at the altar? That was jacked!”
LMAO Then he gon shake his head and be like “Why did I get married?” and we’d go home and watch the Tyler Perry movie.
@Luvvie, right after making reservations for a couples only retreat in the woods.
@Luvvie,
LMAO. I can see you doing this.
Yes…your are right. Getting stood up at the altar nullifies the ‘don’t be the dead horse’ rule.
@Luvvie,
that should read “don’t beat the dead horse”
“don’t be a dead horse” is the bedroom rule.
@iloVEGrits
“don’t be a dead horse” is the bedroom rule.,
LMAO! Sooo right.
@IloVEGrits
““don’t be a dead horse” is the bedroom rule., ”
HILARIOUS
@iloVEGrits,
It is one of my biggest, biggest pet peeves to hear about some ish that happened weeks ago
Word.Life.
If it happened, let’s talk it out and MOVE the hell on… Can’t be harping on the same stuff over and over, it gets ridiculous.
@iloVEGrits, one of my dear friends thought that she was carrie bradshaw and every encounter she had with a member of the opposite sex read like a sex and the city episode. it was sad.
…d@mn, I think I might have dated her…and it was sad.
@A Plus,
Example????
@Luvvie,
Also: I see nothing wrong with this: “Carrie used to walk down the streets of Manhattan in 4 inch Manolos”
A girl who’s always in heels is a popular girl.
Plus your walk is automatically sexier and your booty toots out. Both good things.
I kid…but only slightly so.
@iloVEGrits,
True but 4 inch STILETTOS 24/7? Psht. You know I STAN for shoes of the FIERCE variety. But how you gon booty toot when you 50 and your knees all wonky? Oh I SAW the Maury show w/ folks who were 45 using canes. mmhmm.
@Luvvie, i love me some fierce shoes but more often than not, i’m not in no stilettos lol.
that still don’t stop my party, hayyyy! always the baaangles, dahling.
@Luvvie,
Well, that was fantasy. The real woman should stick to 2″ and 3″ and switch up the shoes often. Regular foot massages and pedicures, combined with yoga and weight lifting (quadricep exercises) will strengthen the muscles around the knee, making them less susceptible to injury.
As you can see, I am an advocate for wearing heels daily. I’d wear a flip flop now and then but I’d die before I am caught outside the gym or track in sneakers. And definitely not a ballet slipper (which is bad for the arches).
@iloVEGrits, lmao! we are so on opposite sides of the track, meet me 1/2 way…well i’ll come more than 1/2, i got my dunks on lol.
@iloVEGrits,
I agree. 2-3 inches regularly ain’t bad. And mix them up. One day, rock a wedge so you’re not walking on a pencil. The next, rock a boot with a slightly chunky heel. Carrie had ONE type of shoe. Stiletto. *shakes head*
@Luvvie
Not regularly. Daily. Daily. Daily.
@Luvvie, I rocks the 4 inch on a regular to work.. but then I am 5’2 or 3 depending on who you ask….I try to mix it up with a wedge, or aplatform but I dont do a midlevel heel….
@shay_d_lady,
This is why I like you.
@shay_d_lady,
i too am of the short variety. i tend to mix it up with all kinds of shoes (heels, cute sneakers, etc) but my heels be hiiiiiiiiigh. 2-3 is like a flip flop to me.
@shay_d_lady,
Midlevel heels are the worst… Although they do work for slingbacks.
@SoutherGirl
I love love love the height gained by heels… the higher the better, (though Carrie was model road kill when she fell off hers) Cute 4 1/2 inch heels.. gives the gams an extra length to them.. though daily I’m in flats! I gotta run around a lot! got to be able to move quick!
@Luvvie,
LOL @ “knees all wonky”…I really had an outburst.
@Luvvie,
TV should never be your guide… NEVER…
Just because it worked for so and so on (insert relevant television show here) doesn’t mean it will happen that way in REAL life and that you should go and try it on your SO. doing that is often followed in the re-telling by “and then the fight started”…
@Luvvie, damn I’m mad that I’m just reading this hole satc convo.. UGH, darn work
But I think @ the end **here comes the eye rolls from some off yall** love conquers all.. I know some of you would say that they didn’t get married for love but for convenience but I think that isn’t the truth. Because despite it all Big loved Carrie and Carrie loved Big, which is why she got pissed @ Miranda when she found out that Miranda had spoken to big PRIOR to the wedding cause Miranda is a two bit OH cuz her hubby cheated cuz she wasn’t givin him none!
Big put Carrie through a lot during the series, from whats her face (his second wife) to her cheating on Aiden with him (then wanting to be friends) I think he knew she was the one but like a lot of men who refuse to admit the obvious didn’t want to say that she was cause he was scared.
Tell me some of you weren’t happy that she left the russian? I know I was, though I kinda like Petrovsky.. as for Aiden, tall drink of water he was, but to me he was a flake, kinda corny.. Big was the Milk in her cereal… remember when she needed a loan, who did she go to?? BIG!!
Tell you.. LOVE CONQUERS ALL (well sometimes)
**I rest my case your honor**
@Liryc,
*case well made, counselor*
4. Assuming/making up all these feelings your man is having.
Women love, love to sit around and discuss what they think a man is feeling. I have these convos with my friends a lot. I NEVER listen to their advice. lol.
Stuff like: “Girl, he likes you. He’s just scared. You should talk to him” or “He’s been hurt in the past and is afraid of commitment that’s why he can’t settle down yet”.
90% of the time y’all is wrong. Word.
@iloVEGrits, that’s basically the main point of that movie “He’s Just Not That Into You”. Girlfriends go to any length to make you feel better..by setting you up lol.
“Honey, he ran the other way because he was overwhelmed by your hotness, hello! have you seen yourself?”
you know what though, guys do the same thing. i’ve had plenty of guys think i like them cause i was my effervescent self. being thoughtful seems to be something reserved for people you have feelings for, who knew?
@overit,
“i’ve had plenty of guys think i like them cause i was my effervescent self. ”
Yeah. I was raised to be polite and I can be charming to most people for 15 minutes. lol. How some men take that to mean I want to jump their bones, I am not sure.
Years ago, I was talking to a guy who was standing next to me at a bar. The guy told a joke, I laughed and gave him my comeback. My then-boyfriend thought I was flirting. Nooo. Making conversation.
@iloVEGrits,
Perhaps the guy was flirting with you…….
@overit,
“Honey, he ran the other way because he was overwhelmed by your hotness, hello! have you seen yourself?”
LOL
@overit,
*snicker* @ “Honey, he ran the other way because he was overwhelmed by your hotness, hello! have you seen yourself?”
I am sooooo not that friend. lol.
@SouthernGirl,
because that’s not a friend. that’s a dirty, rotten scoundrel h*ll bent on your self destruction. they should be pelted with old fruit and shoelaces
@iloVEGrits, girl aint it.. stop guessing and just ask.. they men not deaf/mutes……
LOL this hasn’t happened to me since high school. my friends who i do talk to about my guy issues typically give sound advice and encourage me not to act like a “chick”.
@iloVEGrits,
“4. Assuming/making up all these feelings your man is having…90% of the time y’all is wrong. Word.”
Exactly! Everyone knows men don’t have feelings – DUH. The only feelings they have are because of “nerve endings”, and it’s not hard to guess exactly which ones I’m talking about. Can I get a witness?
@RedBeanzNRice,
Can I get a witness?
no
@iloVEGrits,
Agreed.
For my unrelated post of the day, I got F My Life streaming through my Google Reader and lawd, that thing is ridiculous. I got 55 F MY Life entries to read. But I shall share one bout ‘relationships.
“Today, I asked my boyfriend what he thinks about long term relationships. He said, “Our relationship is kinda like having a dog. Chances are, your dog is going to die pretty quickly, before you do. Dogs and humans just aren’t meant to be together forever.” He compared me to a dying dog. FML”
D*mn, just… d*mn
@Luvvie,
lol, i think these are a bit worse:
Today, I found out that the girl I’ve been in love with for a long while got back together with her ex boyfriend because he had confessed his true feelings to her through a note in her locker. It was my note. FML
Today, I found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
@Luvvie,
But on the bright side, he won’t have to spend the rest of his life buying kibble. : )
luvvie, you need help! lmao, i’m so surprised u aint grab my mac and type in FML’s url when i was indoctrinating…i mean showing u bscott videos in chi.
I dont really have anything to add since veg stole them all…but I really wanna stress everybody has a limit and a breaking point dont push those boundaries unless you really ready to deal with the consequences………..
@shay_d_lady, that’s basically it, shay. it all comes down to respecting the other.
@shay_d_lady,
“dont push those boundaries’
So many women are the queens of pushing boundaries, even when they think they don’t, they do.
@iloVEGrits, you wanna provide an example?
you had to post unique and her albino halo. her hair is a nest of hot mess. WHY??
either way, that’s the least of her concerns now that she has those sores…
@overit,
I REALLY hatechu for callin Unique’s hair an albino halo. It looked a GOOD mess when they blew it out for the Finale. She resembled our (not so) favorite tragic Mulatto and world’s oldest Tweenager. Yes, the Connoisseur of C**chie Cutters & Cannon Concubine herself. Dame Mariah Carey.
@overit,
I actually disliked Unique the least (I ain’t like none of ‘em) and her blow out on tonight’s episode was the worst thing I’d ever seen.
@iloVEGrits, i aint like none either, i can never take seriously any of these women. like really? *you gon risk yo life, for 0.35 cents?! but really, flav is the love of your life? do you really feel as if God doesn’t love you?
the blow out killed me. i know she can find a decent leave in. and her outfit for her date?? i mean, it was cute, but dang.
@overit,
yeah. If she didn’t have a pretty face she’d have been busted cuz her clothes and hair were so whack tonight.
I was DONE when Cocktails family offered up shots before dinner. Who does this?
@iloVEGrits,
Coacktail’s family was a walking cliche. They were caricatures of Mexicans. Tequila shots were chillin at their front door and ish. I’d be HEATEd if I was Mexican and them fools just made it a point to hit EVERY stereotype.
All they were missing was a Mariachi band singing “Aye Ya ya ya…” and a Speedy Gonzales cameo
@Luvvie, Coacktail’s family was a walking cliche. They were caricatures of Mexicans. Tequila shots were chillin at their front door and ish. I’d be HEATEd if I was Mexican and them fools just made it a point to hit EVERY stereotype.
All they were missing was a Mariachi band singing “Aye Ya ya ya…” and a Speedy Gonzales cameo
LMAO!!!! I havent even seen it yet but I shall make it a point to see it before bed!!! you stoopid!
i don’t think they were a walking cliche. many families are like that, no joke. mexicans like tequila (jose is the man), plain and simple. other than that, there was nothing that screamed “mexican” to me, besides the mother only speaking spanish (which is often times the case in many mexi homes). i, as a halfsie mexi was NOT offended… now, had her dad been a gardener, their house been painted in many bright colors such as yellow, red, orange, etc, and the brother’s name Paco, then i woulda been like “hol’ up!”
besides, i think “cocktail” was just trying to show ray that she nor her family is up tight, they like to have a good time, and his party guy image could fit in with her lifestyle.
@iloVEGrits,
Her blowout was all wispy and twiggy-like, kinda like Naturally Alise’s unemollient COIFFURE. Jeebus be some Infusium Leave in Conditioner and some BAWDY (body).
@overit, I hated Unique’s a$$ i was pulling for danger.. shes a little emotional but I didnt think she was crazy….a little bit more stalkerish that i would like but as far as her dealings with the other girls I felt her.. f!ck them biatches and she wasnt crazy just prone to violence..and they made to big a deal out of her saying she thought about killing the girls in teh house.. do you know how often I have thought about chokin the shyt out of my booss and co managers I aint gone do it but shyt I think about it everytime they say something dumb as he.ll which is all the dayum time…..and dont let this be the day my student loan payments are due.. im paying all this money back so I can sit here with you dumb mutha….woosaaa…maybe this didnt help defend dangers lack of crazy……
@shay_d_lady,
LOL i liked danger too, i wanted her to win, although i already knew she was going to leave the show. I liked danger bc she was so real, and i’m certain she was crazy but so what, it gave her character. As for them other hoes they can go kick rocks, i’m just waiting for the reunion show lol…i hope danger shanks cocktail
@PrincesMo,
I liked danger bc she was so real, and i’m certain she was crazy but so what, it gave her character.
She was too crazy. She was like “wake up in the middle of the night with her standing over you with a knife” crazy. Not a good look.
@PrincesMo, I liked danger bc she was so real, and i’m certain she was crazy but so what, it gave her character.
this is precisely my point, danger is real. i aint tryna die. danger had to go.
@shay_d_lady,
“maybe this didnt help defend dangers lack of crazy……”
No, it really didn’t.
@overit, LMAO. Yaw are making me mad that I missed the show. I am sure it will be on fifty ‘leman times for me to catch up though.
@overit,
you had to post unique and her albino halo. her hair is a nest of hot mess. WHY??
she may have replaced jim jones on my bane of all existence list. if they happened to meet, there’s no doubt in my mind that they’d eventually spawn the antichrist
you don’t hate me, you LOFF me like a naija girl loves rice:)
yeah, her hair was a mess, and her dress which gem so fittingly called saran wrap was just insulting to my ocular sensibilities. just rude.
everything about that show was a mess, and even more so his raggedy black and mild lip lookin arse is gon be back. ugh.
@overit,
You the most thread makingest mofo walking this side of the intrawebs. Jeebs be a reply button for ur face.
@Luvvie, reply deez. (no rosie)
tee heee.
lmao, my bad, i’m sleepy! goodnight luvvie and co.
Er’body says they want the truth, but I doubt it ALL can be handled. I mean, its like too much DVR, can you really watch ALL that shyt!!?
@AO,
…good analogy and sh*t. even if you record it all, you can only watch one at a time.
@AO,
I mean, its like too much DVR, can you really watch ALL that shyt!!?
the vsb figurative language consortium officially approves of this analogy
@The Champ,
Thanks GodFather
If we’re together, then I already know you’re attractive. You’re not helping anyone’s cause when you tell me that construction workers, mid-life crisis sufferers, bartenders, waiters, or any other random/unknown person for that matter, was flirting with you or asked you out. The only thing you’re doing is letting me know you have low self-confidence, or you’re just speeding up the day when I complete my well and inform you that it rubs the lotion on its skin.
@An Island,
“you’re just speeding up the day when I complete my well and inform you that it rubs the lotion on its skin.”
are you planning on kidnapping someone and making a skin suit to dress up in? cuz this comment didn’t make any kind of sense to me in the way that you referenced it?
@maria,
lmao
@maria,
“are you planning on kidnapping someone and making a skin suit to dress up in? cuz this comment didn’t make any kind of sense to me in the way that you referenced it?”
OMG, I needed that laugh…yal crazy
@An Island, I agree
@An Island,
The only thing you’re doing is letting me know you have low self-confidence
Is it really low self-confidence or the fact that you have stopped complimenting her or making her feel attractive?!? Sometimes those things come up in conversation and sometimes they are subtle hints! I don’t think it shows anyone has low self-confidence. Who doesn’t like to be complimented or admired or wanted? Low-self esteem is when you life revolves around what other say and think about you.
i agree. most women want to HEAR that there man is still attracted to them, find them desirable/sexy/beautiful, and like the way they look. especially if she’s feeling (and looking) a bit bloated that day.
women are always expected to let a “man be a man” yet men refuse to let a woman be a woman. if i go out of my way to keep you well fed, ego (and maybe other things) stroked, keeping the piece and NOT being bob costas, why can’t you entertain my questions about telling me what you like about me or noticing i just went to the “doctor” and got my hair fried, dyed and laid to the side?!?!
@Gem-nasty,
Compliments sure are nice, and sometimes I agree, you have to hunt them down. But there’s a difference between gently fishing for a comment “Dude, you better tell me how hot I look in this outfit!” and constantly remarking on how the window cleaner hit at you when you woke up, then the postman, then the traffic warden lady, and so on ad infinitum. I think the latter is a drama setting opening move.
@Wanjiru,
Exactly.
no, i completely agree with you. it’s unnecessary to tell your man how great other men find you. becuz if that really is the case, he already knows. but i don’t think it’s that bad if a woman asks her man what he finds attractive about her or wants to be reminded of why her man is with her. granted, that’s not MY style, but i recognize many women need that kind of confirmation from their men.
@Gem-nasty, Preach Gemmie!
I gotta agree with keepin your bedroom business to a minimal, everything isn’t meant to be shared. some females be thursty as hell and tryin to get what they aint got and what you out there putting on blast…aint no need to be advertising what is yours to appreciate.
and if you don’t trust him wtf you with him for? you just gonna drive urself and other person crazy if you tryin to snoop, guess about, play detective, become a stalker, “catch” him/her b/c you got an instinct that he/she is up to something but you just ain’t caught him/her yet…really? man grow up, and take a time out until you yourself are ready…
@maria, “some females be thursty as hell and tryin to get what they aint got and what you out there putting on blast…aint no need to be advertising what is yours to appreciate.”
I agree. I worked with a chick who dated this guy and he sent her a penti pic.. she went around work showing all of us what he was working with. Lucky for her, none of the women were ‘rat enough to go after her man. She ended up marrying him.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Ummmm that would be akward. I shouldn’t know what your man’s meat looks like.
@V Renee, Exactly… and your husband at that! lol
@Nicki Sunshine,
Why in the hell would you be showing people your man’s junk?
I don’t understand!!!
@miss t-lee, I think she thought it was bragging.. but it made her look real good and stupid.
@ nicki sunshine
Especially if one of them women decided they wanted to see what it was all about for themselves.
Nahmean?
That’s like fattening a hog for a snake.
@maria,
Girl you made a good point. I have to check myself. I was diggin a guy and I had a bad feeling that he was lying. This bad feeling could have been either (a). me just trippin cause I’m known to trip (b) me having a hunch that he wasnt keep’n it 100 (c) I’m just crazy like that or (d) all of the above.
To make a long story short. It didnt work out. We hooked up on one of those singles sites and he claims to have been hurt cause I didnt delete my profile when he did. Mind you I havent met the dude yet. We have only had a telephone friendship for about a month. He claims to be so hurt and distraught that I “wanted my cake and eat it too.” I’m going to assume cause thats what I do…he either had a woman and needed to come up with a way to end it or he was just one of those over sensitive guys that cant get past the past.
iunno
Another one:
Playing the “what is it you like about me?” game.
Similarly: “What do you find attractive about me?”
That ish is annoying! I also think this is a sign of insecurity and immaturity. A person likes you…they’ve asked you out. Why would you ever need to ask this question? Ever? He will let ya know.
I had a guy ask this – repeatedly. I finally replied ‘not much’ with a laugh and ended the call. I stopped answering his calls after that.
@iloVEGrits,
I had a guy ask this – repeatedly. I finally replied ‘not much’ with a laugh and ended the call. I stopped answering his calls after that.
He’s such a b1tch!
@YGB,
I agree. I’ve dated dudes that asked that ish and it’s like total turnoff.
Straight shamwow action. (I would credit whoever said this the other day, but I can’t remember…lol)
@YGB,
“He’s such a b1tch!”
My sentiments exactly
@iloVEGrits, ” person likes you…they’ve asked you out. Why would you ever need to ask this question? Ever? He will let ya know.”
I agree. I had a man ask this after two weeks… He had to be let go.
@iloVEGrits,
D@mn VEG, you might as well write a book, cause you hitting it out the ball park today…….
@V Renee,
Word. She’s droppin knowledge.
@V Renee,
Girl…I ain’t writin’ no books so folks can send the PDF email ’round the world and I lose out on profits, a la Steve Harvey.
@iloV.E.G.rits,
tee hee.
someone just e mailed that to me. i figure it’ll be good for a quick lunchtime read. that’s about how long it’ll take me. lunch.
@blackberry molasses,
That’s how long it took me. lol. And…it didn’t have anything in there I didn’t know.
@iloV.E.G.rits,
i figure i could use the giggles. work is a biatch lately. i’m firing my interns. that is all.
@blackberry molasses,
I got that same pdf. I gotta read it to have an informed arguement when I’m belitting him for writing that “book”.
@miss t-lee,
here here! would you like to guest blog it for me?
@miss t-lee,
Ya know what? I really might write something up for you. I never blogged before, I guess this could be a good debut. Will definitely be in touch, after I sift through that drivel.
@iloVEGrits,
Playing the “what is it you like about me?” game.
there’s a variant of this, the “if you’re complaining about me all the time, why the hell are you still here?” game.
@The Champ,
“there’s a variant of this, the “if you’re complaining about me all the time, why the hell are you still here?” game.’
That’s a good game play with shots of Vodka! Huzzah!
@RedBeanzNRice,
That’s a good game play with shots of Vodka!
its actually a bit more fun to do it with baileys
@The Champ,
I approve
Dang, lying? For real? I’m not okay with that one. I don’t ask ten thousand questions but when I do ask, I expect the truth.
Common mistakes a woman makes:
1. Listening to their lonely or bitter girlfriend’s advice
2. Submissiveness to a fool. We should only be shedding that “S” on our chest for a man who is ready to assume the responsiblity. I’m sorry but if your man has never lived a day of his life alone, he’s prolly not who you need to be following.
I am confrused by the post a lil bit. I hope I answered the question right!
@Nicki Sunshine,
I don’t ask ten thousand questions but when I do ask, I expect the truth
YOU CANT HANDLE THE TOOTH!!!!
@The Champ,
“YOU CANT HANDLE THE TOOTH!!!!”
Coincidentally, this is the working title to Estelle’s memoir. That or “Jagged Edge”.
@Luvvie, The tooth, Champ?????
“Coincidentally, this is the working title to Estelle’s memoir. That or “Jagged Edge”.”
I have been officially murked
@Luvvie,
Damn, all this time I thought Nas and Fabolous co-wrote that joint.
@8th Wonder,
lol! I ghostwrote that ish for them (I have a chipped bottom tooth)
@8th Wonder, girl you know you love him no matter how chipped his toof is.
@overit, …wit you, it aint because my whips is ruthless.
That is my JAM!
@Nicki Sunshine, 2. Submissiveness to a fool. We should only be shedding that “S” on our chest for a man who is ready to assume the responsiblity. I’m sorry but if your man has never lived a day of his life alone, he’s prolly not who you need to be following.
I say HALLELUJAH to this. But when he is the right man… let him have his manhood. I’ve had to learn this…
@pgh muse, I respect this comment
@Peyso, lol Thanks Peyso. It’s true. But i guess VSB is good for something more than a few daily cackles
@pgh muse, “I say HALLELUJAH to this. But when he is the right man… let him have his manhood. I’ve had to learn this…”
U and me both@
Most common mistake a woman makes in a relationship is doing EVERYTHING for her man. There is nothing wrong with ensuring some sort of daily happiness but when your life revolves around making him happy, I’d say this is a mistake. It is even a bigger mistake when he does NOTHING to show you it is appreciated or EVEN looks to recipricate your actions. I’ve seen women baby their men to the point where their men become like children. An example, my lab manager’s husband doesn’t work. He hasn’t worked for years and so he chills at home all day. She works to support 3 kids AND him. She still has to come home and cook and do everything. Last week he called her @ work because HE COULDN’T FILL OUT A BANK DEPOSIT SLIP. *smh* I’m not going to lie, I too have fallen victim to “catering” or taken on the “wife role” when that was never in the cards.I blame the first 9 years of my southern life. Lol! You live and you learn.
@Ivy St.
“He hasn’t worked for years and so he chills at home all day. She works to support 3 kids AND him. She still has to come home and cook and do everything. ”
He he’s going to be a househusband, then this mofo is going to have to play his role accordingly – house cleaned on the daily and smelling good, taking care of the kids, dinner ready or almost ready when I get there, Sade on the stereo system, candles burning, the bath tub filled with rose petals.
WTF?!?!?!
@V Renee,
Nah eff all’at. He can spread all the rose petals and cook all the steak he wants. I could NEVER live with a man who wasn’t making any money and was OKAY with that. That probably sounds un-PC but…so what?
@Me fail english?
“I could NEVER live with a man who wasn’t making any money and was OKAY with that.”
Me either…….
@V Renee,
Me either
@V Renee,
alls I got to say is you betta have a job or a trust fund, ninja.
that is all.
@Me fail english?,
question: could you all be with a loaded trust fund guy who didnt work?
@The Champ,
IDK–I mean even if he was a trust fund baby, I’mma need you to leave the house everyday. I mean, have a hobby, volunteer…something.
@miss t-lee,
OK! I’mo need you to mentor some urban youths or SUMTHIN! Sitting on the couch doing ur best Al Bundy impersonation just wont cut it
@The Champ,
I agree with Miss T-Lee that I’d be turned off by a man who didn’t spend his days doing some manly ish. Work. Shoot hoops. Hunt bears. Something! But I don’t think the trust fund guy is in the same catgeory with Stay Home Jones.
Even if all he’s earning is interest on an account that someone else set up, he IS earning and is helping to support his household . I couldn’t respect a dude who was okay with not contributing to the family financially.
@Me fail english?,
“Work. Shoot hoops. Hunt bears.”
LMAO @ hunt bears.
@Ivy St.,
Ain’t nothing wrong with catering to your man, if that nuh is doing something worthy.
This kat ya friend is with obviously ain’t doing ish, so that’s her fault.
Study long, study wrong.
She’s a better woman than me–that’s all I can say, because this is clearly throat punch situation.
@miss t-lee
Whenever I hear anything related to catering to your man, I think of the lap dance Michelle gave Magic Johnson at the BET awards.
::snickering::
@V Renee,
I’m snickering along with you now…lol
@V Renee,
That lapdance was so awkward. I was at home like “EEK! Cookie, go get ur man from the bottom Michelle’s gluteus!”
@V Renee,
They stayed tryna play Michelle. How you gonna get some ninja old enough to be her Daddy and HIV positive for her to sexy dance on? Them other chicks are lucky they got cut!
@Me fail english?,
I know I shouldn’t laugh, but this was evilly funny!!!!
hahahhah
You know Daddy Knowles set that up…and you know he wasn’t gonna have ‘Yonce grinding up on Magic.
@Me fail english?,
“They stayed tryna play Michelle. How you gonna get some ninja old enough to be her Daddy and HIV positive for her to sexy dance on? Them other chicks are lucky they got cut!”
hahah *dead and gone*
@Me fail english?,
Okay I just laughed waaaayyyyyyy too hard at your comment. They did play her with that one though.
Meanwhile Baby Wipes over on the side making googly eyes with Bey with his junk harder than Chinese arithmetic.
@V Renee,
“his junk harder than Chinese arithmetic.”
I will have you know I just hollered. Loudly!!!!
@V Renee
Meanwhile Baby Wipes over on the side making googly eyes with Bey with his junk harder than Chinese arithmetic.
This right here?! Killed BBMo.
Please send all condolences, flowers, donations and gifts of food to Mr. BBMo. Thank you.
@V Renee,
lol @ Wet Wipes Howard. That man is creepy as all hell. On second thought, I mighta preferred to dance on Old Magic
@V Renee,
Slickback Ivanhoe (c) Crunktastical is a mess. There’s somethin bout him that jus dont CURL all the way over, and it aint jus his scurled hair.
I was thinking the punch should fall a little lower on the body, twinny.
@8th Wonder,
I agree as well.
@miss t-lee,
When did the phrase “better woman” become synonmous with “GD idjit”?
@Nikiloveli,
hehehehe.
We always say that ish…it’s straight up sarcastic.
@Ivy St.,
I understand taking care of your man and making sure that he’s well, but there is a cut off point and there is a level of reciprocation that must be met.
I know some of the ladies here may bite my head off for this next statement but here goes : I believe that sometimes we need to play our positions as women and do certain things for our men!! BUT!!! I do believe that a man NEEDS to be a man and be the provider for his family.
This dude that your lab manager is married to is less than a man! He never got the memo about being a true man to your wife and family.. this dude is the pure definition of bytcha$$ness!!
@Liryc,
“I believe that sometimes we need to play our positions as women and do certain things for our men!! BUT!!! I do believe that a man NEEDS to be a man and be the provider for his family. ”
I concur.
@Liryc,
I agree with you but I feel there have to be some reservations ESPECIALLY if you aren’t married. Why buy the cow when u can get the milk for free (grandma)?!?
I feel like a woman should cater to her man but I feel like he should do the same. A lot of men just take it without giving it back. Then they ask why their woman stopped f**king them silly every night.
I’ll cater, but I want to be appreciated and I want to be catered to also. I know it won’t be 50:50 but it should at least be a 2 way street.
@Poison Ivy St., Why buy the cow when u can get the milk for free (grandma)?!?
that should read (everyone’s grandma) why is there a version of this in every language? or at least arabic and somali lmao.
ps) i just noticed the “poison” in your name. lmao.
@Liryc,
Yes!Yes!!! I’d gone to see one of my best friends from elementary school in another state, and I knew that her husband hadn’t worked for almost 2 years (pre TET). And in the morning, she was running around getting the kids ready to go to daycare and get stuff in order in the house. I felt a bout of sheer rage when just as I was about to leave for my presentation, he rolls out of bed- AT ELEVEN o’clock in the morning!!! I mean, you’re not sick!!! You have the qualifications to work!!! How can you lie abed, while your wife handles everything and still call yourself a man?!!! That’s a pet- non?
A pox on all decorative/ ornamental “men”.
@Wanjiru,
“A pox on all decorative/ ornamental “men”.”
Aww…poor Stedman.
@Wanjiru, A pox on all decorative/ ornamental “men”.
What if this works for them? I’m serious. If you were Oprah’s man, what would you possibly have to do in life besides make Oprah happy? I’m sure she stimulates the economy by hiring folks to do all the rest… so what’s wrong with it? That man doesn’t have any “MAN” stuff to do. She’s OPRAH!
@pgh muse,
I agree with this. People should do what works for them.
@pgh muse,
Ah.. but you see, IMO, there’s a difference between being an accessory/house-husband/Steadman – and a selfish slacker. I was referring specifically to the man who can watch his wife juggle double & triple shifts/ is fine with being at home while the kids are with sitters and friends – this type of seemingly inequitable situation. That’s a total abdication of duty and unfathomable.
But then again, it doesn’t have to make sense to me- which is what my mums always says. Diff’rent strokes and all that- but still….
@Ivy St., “There is nothing wrong with ensuring some sort of daily happiness but when your life revolves around making him happy, I’d say this is a mistake”
I agree with this!
I agree with the “Being Bob Costas”.
But that lying…nah playa…nah.
@miss t-lee,
But that lying…nah playa…nah.
trust me and sh*t
@The Champ,
and why should she trust your admitted liar self?
@blackberry molasses, This is a tough pill to swallow for me too… but BB Mo’ not only men lie. PEOPLE lie. I’ve gotten into this convo a time or two… and when i catch myself telling a little white lie to smooth some ish over i just have to fall back a little and admit that it happens. Not saying that men shouldn’t attempt to be honest. With some men thier lying is pathological. But if you have a good dude and you know he’s a good dude and u catch him in a white lie or 3 (lol) i think you should call him on it but not judge cause you may catch yourself in a little lie and want some understanding too.
@blackberry molasses,
Right? I believe that if you lie about little ish, you’ll definitely lie about big ish…
Not saying just men…that goes for everyone.
@miss t-lee,
Exactly. You can’t trust someone who’s comfortable with lying. Lies are for people who can’t handle the ramifications of their words or actions. White lies are not necessary if you learn how to truthfully express your thoughts in a way that won’t hurt a person. It’s a skill and it takes some prcatice, but more people should learn it, especially when it comes to dealing with loved ones.
@blackberry molasses,
and why should she trust your admitted liar self?
the latent point with “keeping the peace” is that somethings are so insignificant that the truth becomes inconsequential, and you’ll drive yourself crazy spending all of your time pulling at strings. if a guy has proven to be reliable, faithful, and committed, theres no reason to allow an inconsistency or three allow you to get your panties perpetually bunched.
@erryones…
I was just being funny. Everyone went and got all heavy on me.
**sad face**
Jesus be a sense of LEVITY.
@blackberry molasses, Sorry BB Mo’! I hafta ask tho bcause I’m curious. With everybody raising their right hand and telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth – and I consider myself to be a very honest person… Extremely honest even… but who can say that they DON’T lie sometimes? Ever? Really?
@blackberry molasses,
levity deez
@Champ-o
The word from Aif Wondra is that it will end in my terminal disappointment…
that’s putting it lightly.
To quote the great philosopher Kat Williams, “It’s called SELF-ESTEEM. It’s the esteem of you muthaf*ckin self!” Women, stop letting men dictate and determine your worth.
-there really isn’t anything else to say here.
I would add stop asking men you already know the answers to. By the time stuff gets to the point where you’re asking this dude if he cheated, where he’s been all night, etc. I would argue that you already know whats up. So either just leave or suck it up and smile about it. This is kinda like asking to be lied to.
@Me fail english?,
I would add stop asking men you already know the answers to.
the only people who should be allowed to do this are parents. thats it
I agree with much that’s been mentioned. Especially the point (I think shay-d made) about not pushing the boundaries. I’ve known some women to do this and it’s never a good outcome. This falls along the lines of women who test men too much also. When you have all these preconceived tests and you expect a dude to go through all that shyt, you’re bound to wind up disappointed or lonely.
I’d also suggest not being a drama queen who makes everything a big deal and when in the company of others, never put your man on blast.
@Monk,
I second that part about the tests. Some men (read: boys) have these tests as well and they only serve to annoy me. And if I can see the test coming I usually “fail” on purpose just to see what you’ll do. Not the most mature way to handle that but it amuses me to see their reactions.
@Monk,
I totally agree with the putting your man on blast in public. Nothing makes me angrier than watching a woman blow her man out in front of thier mutual friends, not only emasculating him, but giving others the impression that they can now freely become involved in what should have just been between the couple anyway.
I just wanna slap-a-hoe when I see ish like that.
@8th Wonder,
I honestly wanna slap the man for that dumb ish. Like why don’t you just grow a pair and jump out the line of fire?!
Earlier in the year, this couple of college students, high school sweethearts got into an argument at a bar. Depending on the news source she was either jealous of another girl or he did something to her hat. So she broke a glass and stabbed him in the neck.
I almost felt bad for him until him and his dumass (“the name’s doo-MAAS” hahaha) mother were quoted in the paper saying they still want the son to marry this girl.
i should probably feel bad for the “victim”… but I don’t.
I don’t either.
Nuts: they aren’t just for squirrels.
I have nothing significant to add, but I have a random question. Why is the crazy blond from Ray J’s show always braless? It looks so tacky. Her girls aren’t big, but she still needs support. I hate when women don’t take care of the girls.
@Voiceofreason,
Why is the crazy blond from Ray J’s show always braless?
because she’s evil.
this is really the answer to any question about her.
@The Champ,
She’s doesn’t wear a bra b/c she’s evil? LOL!
@Voiceofreason,
I’m glad ya’ll told me who this chick was, because I seriously had no idea…lol
@Voiceofreason,
Unique is a member of the IBTC. However, that dont mean her and her nonexistent Clevelands gotta be braless all the time. I dont need to know that the wind is blowing perfectly 5 degrees SW. Homegirl’s underwire allergy must be fixed.
@Luvvie,
They were IBTC, Luvvie. They were small but not nonexistent.
What they were, though is saggy. She NEEDED a bra.
@Voiceofreason,
“Why is the crazy blond from Ray J’s show always braless?”
I was thinking the same thing. I’m not sure. Maybe she spent her bra money on hair products.
@Poison Ivy St.,
“Maybe she spent her bra money on hair products.”
Or not. Her hair didn’t seem like it had them juices and berries. I think all her money went to ruffled shirts.
@Luvvie,
LOL! I typed ruffled shirts first. I was between the 2.
@Poison Ivy St.,
She definitely didn’t spend money on hair products. If anything she bought a texturizer for $5.49 and left it in too long.
I bet all her money goes to head shots.
@Voiceofreason,
“If anything she bought a texturizer for $5.49 and left it in too long”
Girl…YES. I have never seen ‘natural’ hair with so very little shrinkage. And that looked so straw like. The texturizer/color combo was not good.
@ Champ
despite these admittedly troubling facts, our white lies are our most chivalrous act …windmills, waterfalls, white women, and our burgeoning p*rn addictions, …do you really want us to tell you the truth about everything?
Not everything but my thing is I don’t like the lies, and there is no such things as a white lie, a lie is a lie is a freaking LIE DAMMIT!! I don’t mind you lookin @ another chick, you aren’t dead, matter of fact I’ll point out another chicks butt for you!! sometimes I’m bewildered my d**n self @ how big a girls booty is @ times…. porn doesn’t bother me, you do you!! and No I don’t need to know about your bowel movements and nothing else of that sort but please don’t lie to me and then let me find out you lied, cause shyt HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE!!
In the words of todays youth KEEP SHYT 100 w/ me and we all good!!
I would rather live with a thief than a lier, cause I can always hide my shyt with a thief, but with a lier.. damn!!
But a part of me feels like this post is semi done, though I get your drift.
@Liryc,
I would rather live with a thief than a lier, cause I can always hide my shyt with a thief, but with a lier.. damn!!
this reminds me of my favorite couple of lines from ocean’s eleven:
Tess: You’re a thief and a liar.
Danny: I only lied about being a thief, I don’t do that anymore.
Tess: Steal?
Danny: Lie.
Don’t throw ish is his face. You make more money? Don’t make it a point to remind him constantly. You get along with your siblings and he doesn’t, don’t throw it in his face. You’re look better than him? No need to remind him, he passes mirrors on a daily basis. You cook better than him, than take your arse in the kitchen and fry/grill some ish up. If you don’t like it, cook it yourself.
@V Renee,
Don’t throw ish is his face.
not even p*ssy??
That’s enough outta you.
@The Champ,
P*ssy is the exception………..
@V Renee,
P*ssy is the exception………..
id definitely rock this t-shirt to an avn convention or caribana
@The Champ,
“avn convention ”
Oh yeah?
*chuckling*
To the Ethiopian cab driver that took 50 minutes getting me to work when it usually takes 25 minutes in rush hour, I hope your pinky toe nail falls off. And H*LL NAW I aint giving you a tip. Not only did I think I was going to be early to work, but you made me a walking cliche, being 10 minutes late. My $24.65 cab fair that shoulda been $20 TOPS is your tip. And here’s a tip. If you’re a cab driver, know the flow of traffic.
Hmph! A Plague on ur curls! I hope they frizz up!
And SCENE! I’m done japping.
@Luvvie,
That’s how I feel about cab drivers who drive like they’re blinfolded and have diplomatic immunity. I refuse to tip them.
Don’t bring up things that happened years ago in a present day conversation/argument.
Don’t bring up his/ her past before the relationship to use against him/her now that you are together.
Don’t ask him if you are fat or look fat if you already know you are fat. no matter how he answers, you’re going to be mad.
Don’t ask him questions that you aren’t prepared to answer for yourself.
Do no publicly embarass or lash out at you man. If you have an issue with him, handle it at home in private.
Do not try to monopolize all of his time. If he had friends before you, he probably still has them and will want to kick it with them without you sometimes. I suggest you get a life so your life doesn’t depend on him.
Do not spend a lot of time with single, bitter friends…misery loves company….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince82….,
chuuuuch
@N.I.A. fabuloussince82….,
Don’t ask him questions that you aren’t prepared to answer for yourself.
***nodding head***
I think one of the most common relationship mistakes women make is comparing thier relationship to other couples.
BIG MISTAKE.
First of all, you don’t really know ANYBODY’S relationship unless you’re a part of it. For all you know, the man and woman who seem to be so loving and respectful of each other could be in the house beating each other upside the head with 2 x 4′s, and throwing hot spaghetti on each other. Now, is that what you want for you and your SO? No? Then stop worrying about what the f*ck they’re doing.
Thanks.
@8th Wonder,
Good to see ya back chick.
yes indeedy!!!
my ex did this all the time. he was always comparing our relationship to his PARENTS’ and reminding me how not like his mother i was. no sh*t!!! it was so annoying. and yet, i ignored this and didn’t register as a “beware” sign.
@8th Wonder, hot spaghetti?
anyone who wastes hot spaghetti should get a paer cut in the eye!
@8th Wonder,
First of all, you don’t really know ANYBODY’S relationship unless you’re a part of it.
this is a hug-worthy comment
watch out deh’ now…
@8th Wonder,
“First of all, you don’t really know ANYBODY’S relationship unless you’re a part of it.”
***Usher Board’s Annual Retreat***
off topic (sorry, champie one!) : Tomorrow, South Africa votes!! send us your best, it’s been a tough year, and tensions are high… nothing like the mandela and obama elections, alas….
it’s been 15 whole years of freedom, can you believe it?!?!?! all the craziness notwithstanding, it feels fantastic, fantastic to be able to cast my vote!! woo hoo!!!
@superwoman, Wow! That’s amazing! Congrats!
@superwoman,
That’s great news!!!
@superwoman,
YESSS!! 15 years after apartheid. I hope the election goes well. May the best person for the job win!
@superwoman,
good luck with the votes and sh*t
Nothin to add. Just wanted to tell yall my job has officially blocked this site. Guess I was on it too much. F*ckrs. So, I’m on my phone. Guess I’ll hafta catch yall in the PM.
Dueces. Long live “The Mirror”!!
***backin out doin the George Jefferson***
@nia,
Have I told you I loved you… lately? (Yes, Tyrese). You doing the George Jefferson just bout made my day.
@nia, Awww
. That sucks! I know the feeling Nia… whoo. I was sweating and getting the shakes w/o my daily VSB fix.
@nia
BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Have you tried taking it through google translator?? Sometimes that works.
Keep bringing up old ish and you will soon be old ish.
@CreoleInDC,
Love it. This is a t-shirt to worn after an argument that refuses to die.
@CreoleInDC,
That was so sagetesticle I’d rock it and bake my own words to eat next to her I won cake.
@WuDaMan,
Who put you up to this? It was The Champ wasn’t it? He’s still mad cuz I sometimes wonder if he likes women. Tell the truth.
@CreoleInDC,
Okay I admit I was biting his style a lil. but the sentiment was all mine. Matter of fact that t is as good as moth food and the scenario is a pipe dream unless she plans on whearing it. ha ha haaa.
@CreoleInDC, He’s still mad cuz I sometimes wonder if he likes women. Tell the truth.
Wow! rotfl!
@CreoleInDC,
wonder deez
@The Champ,
ROFL! I SERIOUSLY burst out laughing! LOL!
@CreoleInDC,
“bring up old is”
*tripple head nod*
@mssmtaylor,
::sniggling::
I definitely cosign this post! Sometimes its just that simple.
I never understood why women didn’t understand the art of the white lie. You don’t need to know every little detail if the effect to you is insignificant. We don’t want to give you any more reasons to be annoyed or upset, or to btich at us, lol.
It isn’t about deciet, its about your feelings and our sanity.
@streetz,
Can you handle your woman telling you a “white lie?!?!”
I don’t care really about the white lie, everyone stretches the truth. I find that men are soo bad at telling them that it causes women to be annoyed. It is almost sad.
Don’t get mad the next time she tells you that you look nice in your pink (pick a color you wear) shirt or that your hair cut looks nice, or that she just happen to run into an old fling at Starbucks. LOL!
@Ivy St.,
Yeah man. Men need to appreciate the white lie as well. Was my last bf better than you, did I come, are you the best I ever had, what do I really think about your hairline and is the workout routine working??? EEK!
Just leave those alone.
Thanks,
The Women
LMAO!!!!!!! hilarious.
one of my guy friends, who knows i’m blunt and straight forward, had the nerve to ask me the “is the workout routine working???” question. and even texted me a pic with his shirt off lol. he then asked me to RATE his “sexy” on a scale from 1 to 10. and me being me, i obliged. i gave him a 6.5 (he got mad) told him he needed to spend some time crunching it out and working on his mid section. he told me to stop critiquing. but i felt if he really wanted to be RIGHT he’d need to know exactly what he needed to work on so i proceeded to send him a pic of Gilles Marini (DWTS) and told him to aspire to that kind of perfection, tho he wasn’t tall or lean and would just have to work with what he had. he then quit me as his friend for the day. *shrugs* he asked…
@Gem-nasty,
“so i proceeded to send him a pic of Gilles Marini”
LMAO!! It’s safe to say he hated you that day!
Come to think of it, I think men are the bigger offenders here. Women tend to be overly critical of themselves. So as much as we ask “do I look fat in this?” and as hurtful as the answer sometimes is, at least we weren’t blind-sided.
Most men think they are hotter than they actually are. So that 6.5 (a respectable number) hits like Sugar Shane!
lmao you right.
my girl told me i was being generous with the 6.5 LOL. but it’s not like i said he was fat or ugly or anything. i just said his sexy was not up to par to be going around shirtless and thinkin he was the biznass. no sir. you got more work to do. now, if you’re satisfied with what you got, what are you asking ME for?? i still hang with you and all your 6.5ness. just know you aren’t on Gilles level (he is part of the reason i even watch DWTS this season thankyageezus!!)
but what’s funny to me is he had the nerve to retaliate by threatening to tell me what was wrong with my body. i was like boo, i already know what i need to work on so nothing you can say will hurt my feelings or enlighten me. but if i wanted an honest opinion, i’d be prepared to get an honest answer. his response “d@mn. actually, your sexy is fine. i’d hit it” … gee thanks?
@Me fail english?,
Men need to appreciate the white lie as well.
i agree. it goes both ways and sh*t. some questions aren’t worth the trouble that the answer might bring
Don’t talk about someone’s mama even if they do. I’ve never heard of an EX-mama. Ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-fiances, ex-husbands, ex-wives…yup.
EX-mamas? Never.
@CreoleInDC,
What about Gary Coleman? He divorced his parents, so yeah, he has an ex-mama.
@RedBeanzNRice,
Gary Coleman and folks who keep up with Gary Coleman are certainly and anomaly indeed.
@CreoleInDC,
bwuuaahahhahahahaa
@CreoleInDC,
Well, I thought it was common knowledge since there was such a media blitz surrounding it when it happened.
@WuDaMan
Hush up, you! lol
@RedBeanzNRice,
I truly had NO idea. I promise.
@RedBeanzNRice,
Any mention of Gary Coleman’s life as an example of somethin renders your awesome point MOOT. That lil person is more disastrous than Chernobyl. I mean, I don’t understand how ur life could just be a series of unfortunate events, such as his.
In fact, Gary Coleman needs to change his name to Lemony Snicket
I just laughed so hard, that I had to cower down in my cube afterwards.
FML
@CreoleInDC,
I would extend that to friends too. You’re going to see a lot of them, and you have to be nice to them, but that doesn’t mean that you have to acknowledge their existence to your sig-other afterwards.
So even if shorty like to s*** on her girls behind her back, I let her vent and go back about my biz. Good or bad, I find that commentary on the friends always ends up ugly.
@Mean_Mugg,
welcome and sh*t
I have this weird thing about honesty. That alone explains why I’m not married. Well, that and men want to know if the psych. major in me is analyzing them. (YES! Yes, I am.)
@B. Nicole,
Its not your fault, when you’re taught about peoples psychoses you tend to use that to your advantage, ain’t your fault you can detect crazy off the bat..
Its an advantage..
@B. Nicole,
My degree’s also in Psych and when I get asked the question “You’re probably analyzing me, aren’t you?” I usually say “Nah.” and then think “You’re not that important.”
Really. I dont sit there thinking about what level of Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs you’re at, and wondering if you were stuck at the Oral Stage when you were little which is why you can’t close ur mouth all the way (Diddy). You just arent that important.
@Luvvie,
which is why you can’t close ur mouth all the way (Diddy).
you’re batting a thousand today…
you. to. the. corner!
Don’t try and make the composite “perfect husband” from bits and pieces of your friends’ husbands/ your exes etc. that you think are great. Men are not like buffets where you can pick and choose exactly what goes on your plate. They come pre-assembled and what you pick from the lot- is what you get!! Don’t be talking to Susie about her poetry writing husband, and try and put your man on the accelerated sensitivity course; and then you look at Tasha’s husband who does NOT do boy’s night out- and start on your husband on that etc. I think that a worthy man comes with a whole host of qualities that are both wonderful and also seriously irksome. If you picked a cow because you needed milk, don’t start acting all ornery because he ain’t in the derby too. Ditto the racehorse- you could try and milk it but…well, one word, PSTD causing stallion video (Yuck!!!).
@Wanjiru,
GREAT POINT!!!!!!! Especially since you don’t know what truly goes on within their 4 walls. Yeah her husband may be sensitive, but he may also be impotent, and they haven’t had chex in the past couple years. You never know……..
@Wanjiru,
“They come pre-assembled and what you pick from the lot- is what you get!!”
Hmm really?!? I always thought the younger they were the easier it was to accessorize them. Once they turn 30, sadly enough, they are what they are. dag nabit!
LOL indeed. men (at certain ages) can be changed. and some men are begging to be transformed. i have seen many men come out a lot different from serious relationships where the woman crafted him into what she needed/wanted.
that said, i don’t want any guy i have to raise from a boy to a man. i’m nobody’s mama.
@Gem-nasty,
“men (at certain ages) can be changed. and some men are begging to be transformed. ”
This statement is 85.7% of the reason why women are unhappy in relationships. You cant change no man! This is just setting urself up for failure. A man is not for a woman to change. Either u put up w/ his flaws or move on. sittin there tryna mold him is a waste of time
@Luvvie,
Preach!!!!!!!!
@Luvvie,
::STANDS UP AND CLAPS::
A woman should never have to make a man, he should already be made!
@Luvvie,
*Deaconness special retreat of the holy tabernacle*
Amen!
If you don’t go here and give you stupid like cole and all yo relationships is going down.
Oh and also
1. Don’t ever ask “Is that it?” especially if he broke a sweat. Ditto men, when doing your chick, never make tightening motions with your hands (i.e. pretending to screw something tighter).
2. “He shoots blanks” said to a group of friends is never, and ever will be funny. Ditto for men, remarks about Kalahari deserts ain’t funny.
3. Remarks about how this is “your first husband” makes you a second wife.
4. If your home is not a democracy (Wanjiru stand up!), don’t be trying to be the candidate for an alternative illegal party.
5. If he does something heart-stoppingly, supremely, outstandingly wonderful (as they do), tell him! Heck, tell his momma. Positive reinforcement is the name of this game.
@Wanjiru,
If he does something heart-stoppingly, supremely, outstandingly wonderful (as they do), tell him! Heck, tell his momma. Positive reinforcement is the name of this game.
I agree… stop focusing on the negative and appreciate the positive!
@Wanjiru,
5. If he does something heart-stoppingly, supremely, outstandingly wonderful (as they do), tell him! Heck, tell his momma. Positive reinforcement is the name of this game.
***vigorously nodding head***
Can we have a post about some of the things MEN do wrong in relationships?…I mean, since you’re spreading the love and trying to keep everybody together, happy, and shyt.
@pgh muse, I was thinking the same thing.
Ok Champ we understand that some women have issues and sometimes need to be told what to do and how to avoid mistakes, but can the same be done for the male side..
EODA*
Equal Opportunity Disciplinary Advocate
agreed. there are plenty of things men do wrong, and it’s SUPREMELY annoying to see different men make the same mistakes time and time again. and after you ask me what you did wrong, and i tell you, don’t get mad. you asked. if you didn’t wanna know, you should have just kept on steppin.
@pgh muse,
lol, i guess a years worth of links, articles, and other info about how we think, what type of guys to avoid (http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/diva-dudes-the-relationship-jabberwockys/, http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/the-sad-tale-of-the-bab-bitter-ass-bastard/), and not to avoid (http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/signs-that-hes-a-good-dude/) aint enough, huh?
@The Champ,
No
@Luvvie,
BWAHAHAHAHHA!
@The Champ,
It’s not the same as a post on the things men do to screw up their relationships! Why can’t we have a mirror post of this one… just targeted @ men? Why can’t we have a post about the annoying shyt YA’ll do?
sidenote: i think tiny actually looked pretty cute this time –sans the boob tattoo. i mean, her lady parts were mostly covered, her hair colors actually flowed together and sh!t and was nicely curled…
*shrug*
you KNOW it could’ve been worse…
@SouthernGirl, I concur! They look cute in this pic!
@SouthernGirl,
you KNOW it could’ve been worse…
lol, somethings wrong when this is the best compliment you can give someone
@The Champ,
Iunno why but I jus cackled at this. Damn you for makin me lose my composure
Another mistake some women make, and I’m hearing this from older women who are married, keeping sex from their husbands because they messed up..
Now granted he messed up and made a mistake, but what does that have to do with your parts and his parts, you don’t have to talk to each other, words don’t have to be uttered, just give me, I mean him what he wants and keep it moving, we can be upset all we want, but dang nabbit don’t keep the pleasure away from him, cause that’s just wrong and its not fair!
Don’t use your p***y power to make him understand, cause thats just stupid! Its like you’re giving him the opportunity to just go out and cheat on you! That’s what you’re doing! And in actuality you’re the one that’s hurtin.. cause dang nabbit I’d be d**ned if I ain’t get none cause we fightin!
@Liryc,
don’t keep the pleasure away from him, cause that’s just wrong and its not fair!
Especially when you’re keeping said pleasure away from your dang self… But that’s Chick Logic 101 though… I guess it was a prerequisite back then.
do you really need to know that last weekend’s slightly sprained ankle came from stupidly walking into an in ground waterfall when double taking too long at a zoe saldana doppleganger downtown…
Oh my god, I almost died when I read that. It is my right as a fellow blogger and man that I will use the word doppleganger tomorrow.
-Ed.
Man better be providing for his family?
So a woman better know how to take care of a household?
You know, cook, clean, all that good stuff.
Cause if a woman expects a man to fill his traditional role, she better know about hers.
I’ve found that every woman has a detailed list of things a “real man” does.
Not many have the same sort of list for a “real woman.”