The Sugar Baby Chronicles: That Time I Was Forced To Walk Home On The Freeway » VSB

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The Sugar Baby Chronicles: That Time I Was Forced To Walk Home On The Freeway

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A long, long time ago (‘bout 2011), I lived in a place called Houston, Texas. It was here that I acquired my first job, my first apartment, and my first sugar daddy. All within six months which, if you think about it, is a damn good list of accomplishments for an 18-year-old community college dropout.

I don’t know how I learned about the world of sugar daddy dating, but I found its mecca, Seeking Arrangement, via Google, and within 48 hours of signing up, my entire life changed.

Now, there’s never been a shortage of men wanting to have sex with me. And even at 18, I’d clocked a year on OKCupid (thanks to a mom who had no idea how to monitor my internet usage and my own personal laptop), so I was used to a bombardment of online (and offline) attention from horny men. What I was not used to, however, was a bombardment of online attention from horny, rich men. Men who wanted to pay my rent, buy me shoes and take me out to restaurants with napkins folded into swans and shit, all just to spend time with me. And hopefully, eventually, spend time with me naked.

Shit was lit.

My very first taste of sugar was from a man named Rod. I mean, that wasn’t his name, but I didn’t change it to protect him, I changed it because I forgot. After a while, all rich White men start to just blend together. But I digress. Rod was, in the words of Nene Leakes, very rich, bitch. He owned several car dealerships and lived down the street from a couple of Houston Rockets. He’d spent millions of dollars on custom suits, wine he’d never drink, and really awkward African statues with huge penises that he informed me were meant to “promote fertility.” Why a 72 year old man needed to have anything to do with fertility is still beyond me.

Before our first date, Rod asked if I’d been to any of the “nice” restaurants in Houston, yet. At this point, “nice” to me was still Luby’s on a Sunday evening, so, of course, I answered no. He named some fancy ass place and asked if I had anything to wear. It was Houston in the summer, and as a barely above-minimum-wage employee, my wardrobe mainly consisted of black collared shirts, shorts for work that I kept getting written up for, Keds and some Forever 21 dresses. Again, I answered no.

Now, you’ll probably call me stupid and naive for this next part and I won’t blame you.

Rod was sympathetic, but probably also just didn’t want me to show up and embarrass his ass, so he asked for my info, so that he could send me a little cash with which to buy something nice. I didn’t hesitate. I gave him all the details required to send a Western Union transfer, and he sent me a receipt.

Three. Hundred. Dollars.

This man, who I’d never met, sent me $300 just to buy something to wear to dinner with him. I was blown away.

The day of the dinner, I got off work around 4pm. Since I worked downtown, I just walked over to Macy’s to go get my outfit. Unfortunately, it took me absolutely forever to find something, and I scrambled back to work to drop my clothes off in my locker, change, and rush off to catch the 81 bus to the restaurant on Post Oak Blvd. I fired off a text about running late, and my phone died just as I was walking in. I didn’t worry about it, as I knew my way home and he’d offered me a ride back, anyway. We had a lovely dinner and I had my first glass of wine. I was a lightweight then, and I’m a lightweight now, so that one glass of chardonnay had me tipsy enough to agree to go back to his place.

It was a long drive up to the Woodlands, but goddamn, his house was nice. The biggest house I’d been in at that point had been my godmother’s with four bedrooms and two stories. His had six. All for him. And two living rooms.

Now, Rod, like most old, rich White men I’d encounter, was really fucking horny. And weird about it. He kissed with too much tongue, he made stupid sexual jokes, and would reach over and grab my breasts in the middle of conversation. At the time, I was a very sexual young gal, but I still hadn’t gotten to a point where I could just have sex with someone for money, especially if I didn’t find them attractive. Obviously, that’s changed, but then, I was just creeped out, so I pretended I was tired and he said he’d drive me home.

In the car, Rod turned into every boy I’d dated in my one year of college. “You got me so worked up,” “can’t believe you’re leaving me with blue balls,” “come on, just touch it.” When he unzipped his pants and put my hand on his penis, I snatched my hand away, and that’s when shit got dark.

That’s when, at 11pm on a Wednesday night, on i-45, near Spring, Texas, a 72-year old man stopped his car, unbuckled my seatbelt, and told me to get out of his car.

I was stunned. I told him to stop joking, and he assured me he wasn’t. Tears sprang to my eyes, my heart started racing, and all I could think about was my dead and useless phone in my purse. “Please.” The look in his eyes told me not a chance, and I slowly—still hoping he’d change his mind—opened the door, and stepped out.

He sped off before I even closed the door all the way.

And there I was. Stranded, with no idea where I was, in a too-short dress with too much cleavage, on the fucking freeway with no way home.

So I started to walk. And I walked. And I walked. I probably walked about two miles before I got to an exit where I could see civilization. I passed a couple car dealerships and distinctly remember Rod saying he owned one on the way to his house. I wondered which one. I kept walking to a Kroger. Teary eyed, I bought a bottle of water, and calmly asked my cashier if there was a phone I could use because my date had stranded me and I needed a way home. She called her manager—luckily, also a woman—who took me to the employee break room, let me use the phone, and gave me twenty dollars for the cab ride. It ended up being more than that. Life before Uber was tough.

As soon as I got home, I opened my laptop, ready to delete my Seeking Arrangement account forever.

Instead, I noticed I had a new message. From a man named John, in Los Angeles.

I looked at the new shoes I’d bought with Rod’s money—that surprisingly weren’t ruined after walking two miles on the freeway. I looked at the gorgeous Betsey Johnson clutch I’d bought for the night, and the BCBG dress I got on clearance and, finally, at the $100 I still had left because my momma raised me to be cheap.

I messaged him back.

The next day, I bought a spare battery for my phone that I kept charged and in my purse. And just six days after that, I was on my first plane, ever, to LAX.

Lakyn Marie

Lakyn is a twenty-something aspiring Beyoncé living in LA. She dates rich men, works in the film industry and, in her spare time, enjoys correcting people on the pronunciation of her name.

  • Kas

    Color me flabbergasted. VSS’s, all yours.

    • kingpinenut

      She said naked not nekkid too

    • IwanttobeaRizpah

      What’s so surprising?!

      • Kas

        Surprising nothing, but all I want to do is give her a hug and I’m sure that’s not what she was aiming for.

        • mr. steal your costco samples

          something something you need Western Union for that something something

          • LKNMRE

            I take Venmo now.

  • kingpinenut

    Texas highways ain’t the place to be roamin…

  • Seeking Arrangements…lol good times.

    I used to mentor a Puerto Rican girl at my job on how she could up her game and profile…10% commission. (What’s the statute of limitations again?)

    …Girl ended up joining the Army and getting stationed in Japan.

    There’s a lesson there…somewhere…I think?

  • Jennifer

    “A long, long time ago (‘bout 2011), I lived in a place called Houston, Texas.”

    *Cue 8-Ball and Lil’ Keke in my head*

    Back to the story…

  • Ari

    *Folds arms and leans head to the right*

    Welcome to VSB. Looking forward to more stories.

  • IwanttobeaRizpah

    I was eyeing this dude on Friday he looked rich bordering wealthy, but the pot belly on him had me on that’s not why Jesus died at Calvary.On top of that he had the shakes, too much to handle. Also he looked like he had sticks for legs.

    • myothercarsthetardis

      “That’s not why Jesus died at Calvary.” Yas, queen!

    • LOL this description. He sounds like he had one foot in the grave. You mighta just had to let him touch ya…kiss up and rub up and feel up on you lol

      • IwanttobeaRizpah

        Giiirrrl, he had this young thang about 40, he prolly was 80, and I was with a girlfriend of mine and our dinner tab was high, so I was like, aaaaye, maybe I could help her feed his ego, no?!

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      Note to fellas, just cause you got dollars don’t mean you can skip legs day!

      • IwanttobeaRizpah

        He about 90 doe so I don’t think he is able to endure

      • Kas

        We were just discussing this Friday.

      • AnswerMe

        So maybe it’s where I live but seems like it’s harder for black men to attain those mesmerizing thick azz calves. Such a rarity and it makes me sad. Not sure if it’s genetics or they skip legs day.

        • Kas

          Genetics. We tend to have a high insertion, not a lot of muscle to work with.

          • AnswerMe

            Ohhhhhhhh ok. Was wondering what was going on. Thanks.

        • IwanttobeaRizpah

          I think it’s genetics. They can’t have the D and the thick calves at the same damn time.

    • Lmaaao!
      You on one today!

      • IwanttobeaRizpah

        Lissen.

  • mr. steal your costco samples

    how you gonna be like “C’MON JUST TOUCH IT?!?!?!?”

    maybe I’m just square. could never say that out loud. damn.

    • IwanttobeaRizpah

      He was 72.

      • Ari

        I believe that age group also uses the phrase “cutie pie” liberally. It’s all gross.

        • IwanttobeaRizpah

          What do you expect from a man the age of Methuselah?!?

          • Ari

            Almost passed out from laughter.

            • mr. steal your costco samples

              honestly?

              a shrug, like “your loss” and “I’ll just touch it myself fam”

              • IwanttobeaRizpah

                I really don’t understand why you getting offended on her behalf. These motherphakkas are not their to be polite and nice to you. They doing business as usual.

                • mr. steal your costco samples

                  I’m not offended for her. I’m amazed at this dude. he’s that dog in Anchorman.

                  • IwanttobeaRizpah

                    Loool. You funny. You go to a website to satisfy a man you don’t know checually and expect to be woooed (sp?!)

                    • mr. steal your costco samples

                      bro all i’m saying is this might as well be talmbout the planet Lovetron for me

                    • IwanttobeaRizpah

                      You single? VSS, I think he is a keeper.

      • mr. steal your costco samples

        that means he should have more advanced vocab / game!

        • IwanttobeaRizpah

          Mschewww! He should develop his vocabulary after wiring her 300$?!?! Cmon this is just business.

          • mr. steal your costco samples

            HOW DO YOU FIX YOUR MOUTH TO SAY “C’MON JUST TOUCH IT!”

            HOW?

            SWAY??

            • IwanttobeaRizpah

              After $300?
              And dinner.

            • Epsilonicus

              Because you on that site to buy chex.

              • IwanttobeaRizpah

                THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!

              • mr. steal your costco samples

                you can buy chex cheaper than $300 (is my understanding). ain’t just about that

                • Epsilonicus

                  You can. But in some ways, you get what you pay for.

                • People will feel like if they get an “escort” instead of a “hooker” it will be less dangerous for THEM (less likelihood of dealing with pimps and addicts…maybe) and it will be a “cleaner” situation (less likelihood of diseases…and general poor hygiene. Again…maybe).

                  • Deeds

                    Ok, that makes sense, less sleazy I suppose.

              • Deeds

                Well it has to be more than just chex, why go through the motions of a fancy dinner and nice clothes. So it must also be about the experience.

                • Epsilonicus

                  And part of that experience is buying chex.

                  In wealthy people’s world, spending that kinda bread for chex is pretty cheap.

                • Yea some ppl don’t wanna feel like they went down to Hunts Point or whatever…but that end product is still the goal…fancy dinner or not.

                  • Epsilonicus

                    At the end of it all, its gonna end on the question “are you sucking or nah?”

                    • Like even if he’s old…and can’t actually do the do…he still probably wanna rub up on ya…maybe get his tongue wet…I’m not here for 72 year old tongue. I’m just NOT.

            • LOL men love getting your cornered in a car and whipping out saying things like “Just touch it” or… “you can touch it”

              like DUH I know I can touch it…you obviously pulled it out for a reason. I’ll take a pass tho.

              • mr. steal your costco samples

                that’s what I’m sayin Twi.

                I can’t even imagine cornering and pulling it out! like, if you want it you know where to find it, you ain’t need sonar or radar or nothin!

                • LMAO exactly. Whenever that has happened to me I’m always thinking “Well this is weird…If I’d wanted to touch it…I would have”

                  • AnswerMe

                    Same with giving head.

        • Money was his game, lol.

        • IwanttobeaRizpah

          More like she got gamed. She didn’t get exactly what she wanted from him. He has tons of options

          • Fair enough.

            That being said, blue balls is never a W…at least not till the day after.

          • RhetoricalReverie

            Meh, she got some money, a new purse, and dress and he got blue balls.

    • Jennifer

      Perhaps you’d be more comfortable with “C’Mon just touch it”‘s lame cousin, “How nasty do you want it?!”

      • Quirlygirly

        *spits out water- Dang you Jennifer!!

      • Ess Tee

        BWAHAHA! That won’t ever get old!

      • Gbadebo

        ha, y’all need to leave dude alone

      • MsCee

        Lmfao. Well Played.

      • Other_guy13

        And Im out

      • Hahahaha!

    • Ess Tee

      He was 72, which means he came of age during the 1950s where folks were acting like they didn’t know (and weren’t engaging in) premarital chex. That sounds like what I imagine a 16 year old boy in the ’50s would tell his date after the sock hop.

      • LMAO the sock hop hahahahahahaah

    • Money ? Game.

      • Epsilonicus

        You don’t need game if you are buying chex

        • Seeking Arrangements isn’t buying chex though. It’s more of a girlfriend experience thing. These are rich guys trying to live in two worlds at the same time. A lot of them don’t even sleep with the girls…which is why for a good time I was making some dough just giving some guidance.

          #PartTimePimpin

          • Epsilonicus

            And part of that experience is chex.

            • Lol…trust me a lot of these dudes aren’t out there looking for chex man, or are just too intimidated to ask for it. Trust me I was shocked too.

              • mr. steal your costco samples

                I believe that 100%. Especially if a dude had health issues.

              • Epsilonicus

                But for a large amount, yup. And I feel like as a woman you gotta go knowing that this is a very real and highly likely possibility

                • I agree, look everybody who puts down money expects something. All I’m saying is a lot of these dudes out here just wants some some young girl to listen to them.

                  • Deeds

                    What kind of insight can an 18 yo, offer someone in their 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, etc?

                    • That Guy

                      How to send email

                    • Sweet Potato Kai

                      How to tweet

                    • “The good times ain’t coming back”

                    • Quirlygirly

                      How to snapchat

            • mr. steal your costco samples

              t’aint though. I could see paying for seeing / being seen with young interesting strange that had a lot of book learning

  • Oh man. Ummm…I’ve got nothing that won’t come across as judgmental soooo I’ll just comment surf.

    • JennyJazzhands

      Getting my purse to come sit by you.

      • ChokeOnThisTea

        Got room on that bench for one more?

        • Kas

          We need a longer bench. I ain’t trying to be fresh.

          • Mochasister

            I might as well sit down too.

        • DomiMami

          *Sits down, uninvited*

          • ChokeOnThisTea

            Lmao! Girl, prop ya feet up and lay down. This one was a doozie. Lol

            • DomiMami

              Drinks on me, ladies!
              I’m Dominique {shakes hands}

              • ChokeOnThisTea

                Free drinks? Yeah, you’re a keeper. Come on in.

    • Michelle

      *joins the bench with my bowl of grapes*

    • Jocelyn

      I’m just going to sit on the ground next to the bench.

    • MaarkyMark

      I’ll bring my lawn chair.

    • troubleman

      WORD…

  • Jennifer

    I mean…I’m glad you’re not dead. *kanye shrug* Every time I wanted to yell out, “No! Girl, don’t go through that door!” during your story, I just reminded myself that you were 18. That explains so many bad decisions in life.

    I look forward to your follow-up story.

  • Brooklyn_Bruin

    This is a whole lot funnier if you’ve lived in Houston.

    • Jennifer

      YES! This story has me playing detective in my head.

      I’m going through a mental list of old man car dealership owners right now trying to figure this out. I think she went to the Kroger near my Uncle Sweet’s house for that bottled water. Five-star restaurants that rich ol’ white men would take their sugar babies on Post Oak Blvd? I have two in mind.

      Also, I miss Luby’s.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        I’m singing “Go see Cal” in my head. Coulda been Mac Haik or David McDavid

        • Jennifer

          …or Sterling McCall. He died a couple years later. He was old too.

        • David McDavid? LOL That’s a cartoon character name.

          • Brooklyn_Bruin
            • wayment @brooklyn_bruin:disqus whatyou know bout them Texas Boys?!

              • Jennifer

                Now you got UGK in my head!

              • Brooklyn_Bruin

                Catch your boy off Scott at Frenchy’s .

                Used to go to the crunk Timmy Chan’s on MLK Jr. ( the one that’s further into the hood, not the one by the freeway)

                Is that still there?

                They closed the flea market on 610..

                *draped up, dripped out..*

                • MAYNE HOL UP… I think the one on MLK is still open and the Kings Flea is gone, they’re about to put a work/play/live development there – Blame gentrification & lightrail

                  • Brooklyn_Bruin

                    I have no faith in the light rail gentrifying na’an Southside Houston. Especially now that oil money is out.

                    Let me get a single family in Montrose. Met a cat that bought in the early 00’s. Tombout 300k, and was a steal.

                • miss t-lee

                  Now I want some Frenchy’s.

      • miss t-lee

        I stay like 5 minutes from a Luby’s. The fried fish is still hitting.

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