The Stages Of Getting Dragged By A 14-Year-Old (A Short Story Inspired By Beyonce’s “Lemonade”) » VSB

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The Stages Of Getting Dragged By A 14-Year-Old (A Short Story Inspired By Beyonce’s “Lemonade”)

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

 

“Intuition”

It is a mild spring day in Hamilton Heights. Gypsy cabs are zooming up and down the West Side Highway. Churros are being sold as the rooster crows. At a distance, a hate-filled bodega cat languidly stretches, and cocks its tabby ear. “I think someone is talking to about me,” it says. One paw in front of the other, it lands gingerly in front of the Mac Book, and is alerted to the offending tweet:

“Denial”

Azealia chokes on her disdain-tinged breath. “Who is this child and what deems her worthy to talk to me? My latest single is at the top of the charts in Sokovia! I’m headlining in the Soviet Bloc festival circuit!”

She pauses to ponder; does her Googles on the indignant spirit who deigned to cast aspersions her way. “Perhaps she doesn’t know who I am. Let me deliver a gentle reminder.”

“@AZEALIABANKS: Never heard of you before. Never even seen you on TV…Your aren’t a star. You aren’t a topic. You’re a meme.”

“?@AZEALIABANKS: and you need to grow some hips and start ur menses. stay in a child’s place.”

“Anger”

No sooner than hitting send to her IG tour announcements of East Coast Bodegas, Banks is stunned by an overhand right counter that impressed even the likes of Canelo Alvarez:

 120 characters stopped her in her tracks faster than last evening’s hairball. “Who the fuck does she think she is? You ain’t messing with no average bitch, girl. I can ruin your whole life, girl. Watch me type this up and hit click, girl.”

“@AZEALIABANKS: lol ur mom’s been pimping you out to disney since you were a lil girl. lets see what you end up like at 21. bye!”

 “Apathy”

Having returned from her catnap, Banks opens her screen with the hubris of a woman possessing no shame whatsoever as to verbally harassing a teenager, only to be hit with a reckoning harnessed by the unique fury of young pubescence:

 All the rage expelled itself from her body, along the vestiges of a career long deferred. There was no glee, no remorse. There was simply nothingness.

 “Emptiness”

Madame Stanks lays down forlornly, humiliated by the latent realization that no amount of maliciousness can outweight the sharp-tongued timbre of an eight grader. Stanks merely adopted the darkness; middle schoolers are born in it, molded by it. 

 Stanks glances around, extending her arms throughout social media to latch on to the allies that stood by her as the darkness once did. One by one, the emails come in. “We regret to inform you…” “Due to unforeseen circumstances…” “In light of recent events…”

 Tremulously searching for the last bit of indignation in her rapidly deteriorating spirit, she plaintively replies: “but what about my dark skin?!” In a collectively curt response she is merely sent a picture: the embiggened avi of an aforementioned 14-year-old with everything to offer the world, including time to get in that ass.

 Here lies Azealia Stanks’ career; gone but not yet forgotten. Ashes to ashes, dust to paying gigs.

***Please stay tuned for “Accountability,” “Reformation,” “Forgiveness,” “Resurrection,” “Hope,” and “Redemption”*** 

Shamira Ibrahim

Shamira is a twentysomething New Yorker who likes all things Dipset. You can join her in waxing poetically about chicken, Cam'ron, and gentrification (gotta have some balance) under the influence of varying amounts of brown liquor at her semi-monthly blog, shamspam.tumblr.com

  • minxbrie

    This pleases me so much.

    Also, where are my astrology stans? Let’s discuss Geminis Gone Wild.

    • brothaskeeper

      Gems scare me. Gem women are fine as frog hair, but you rarely know what personality you’re dealing with from day to day.

      • minxbrie

        Stanks is a Gemini. Which kind of explains her unpredictability but my god this woman needs her Twitter privileges revoked.

        • Michelle

          Well… Damn it.

        • brothaskeeper

          She definitely must sit down in every seat ever made. I certainly don’t wanna disparage Gems, but they are the tire slashes and the cellphone pitchers of the zodiac.

          • minxbrie

            It’s the competing dual personality, they don’t always have a grasp on balancing it in the same way as Libras.

            • JennyJazzhands

              Hey, chill.
              -libra

      • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

        #facts #todaysfacts #factsdontlie

    • Ooh, I’m an astrology stan, or def used to be.

    • As a Sag.. I don’t mind Geminis.. but they can be a little much though.. especially the June ones. (Can you tell I got burned?) The May ones I really dig though.. I think having a little bit of Taurus helps ground all that wind..at least it helps me :)

      • minxbrie

        I’ve heard that May Geminis tend to be more rare but I don’t think Taurus really influences them unless they’re on the cusp?

        • You’d be surprised.. in my experience you don’t necessarily need to be on the cusp to have lingering energy from the previous sign….For some reason I end up around and close to cuspy folk.. I have some good friends on the Gemini Taurus cusp.. which works for me because I am a Sag with Scorpio tendencies… but I’m not on the cusp at all..

          • minxbrie

            Hmmmm… Have you ever looked at your birth chart? You may just have a lot of water in your other signs, or a Scorpio rising.

            • yeah :) I used to dabble in astrology a bit :)… both venus and uranus are in Scorpio in the12th house :)

      • Michelle

        What’s with this June-Gemini hate?!

        • I mean… I don’t hate June Geminis.. but I can say that I have been burned awfully by your male counterparts…Ya’ll okay.. I just feed ya’ll with a long spoon.. I know Sags have issues too..

  • BJenks

    lol what did azealia do to invoke such a wrath? I don’t keep up with her to know much.

    • TJ84
      • Kas

        What the what!

        • Asiyah

          Yeah it was crazy. She also said this:

          https://twitter.com/imraansiddiqi/status/730178042979487744

          Zayn’s mom is white, though…

          • Kas

            She got issues. Even Kanye is concerned for her.

            • Asiyah

              She went off on Deray the other day (not meaning to rhyme here lol). He asked her why she used the f-word to describe a person she was having a problem with and she went off on Deray, then demanded he refund the money she gave for his campaign. I followed her for one day on Twitter about a month ago and had to unfollow. Much too toxic for me.

            • Mary Burrell

              When Kanye is concerned it’s serious

          • Val

            Wow. She’s like those people who get so angry that they forget that the stuff they’re saying to the object of their anger will also offend others.

            • Tambra

              Not wanting to be an arm chair psychiatrist, but she seemingly has a mental problem. The reactions are just off the chart.

      • brothaskeeper

        She’s just a despicable human being at this point.

    • MsSula
  • SammysMama

    Yes, just yes

  • Glo

    I mean, I understand that 100% of Azealia Banks’s success can be attributed to the fact that she pops off on Twitter on a regular basis. She is basically a professional troll. That being said, the fact that she 1. said some extremely racist things about Zayn, and 2. went in on a 14 year old for no reason makes me think that she’s coming unhinged. This is no longer “I need attention” trolling. This is “I’m about to start losing money” crazy.

    I didn’t know who Skai Jackson was (apart from her meme), but she just gained a new fan. Baby girl said, “My memes are more relevant than you” and I cried at how beautifully true that simple statement was.

    • refslady

      Azealia is turning into Amanda Bynes. I’m just waiting for the 72-hour hold announcement.

    • pls

      She was successful in spite of those twitter attacks. Her music actually has a great vibe, the fashion industry had welcomed her with open arms…we were rooting for her!

      But that ho cookoo. They said she was on periscope last night high as a kite. so unfortunate.

  • Leggy

    I can’t stand Azaelia. She literally disgusts me. The way she went full racist on zayn saying things that even racists in America would never say made me cringe so bad and then she came for a 14 year old girl. A freaking child!! Telling her to change her body and telling her that her mother sucked di ck to get her where she is. Seriously, she probably has a mental illness and someone who loves her needs to get her help but I honestly don’t give a fuck anymore. Fuck her so much. She’s terrible.

    • PaddyfotePrincess

      Mama Jackson hit ’em with, “She’s too old to go at it with a 14-year-old but not too young for me to see her. I don’t play those games.”

      • CaramelSundae43

        “I’ll see you in these here streets”

        • PaddyfotePrincess

          Moms ain’t having it.

      • And I aaaammmm teeellling yooouuuuu!! Let a bih twice my daughter’s age or so come for her and act like you ain’t gon see me.

    • Tambra

      She has a bad case of phoneinhanditis combined with diarrheaforbrainagic fever.

  • KNeale

    I feel sad for Azalea Banks as time goes by. Sometimes its just “saying what shouldn’t be said out loud” but its becoming “illogical and mean for no reason” I just feel like she losing it just a wittle.

    • ChokeOnThisTea

      This.

  • Ess Tee

    1. If a 14 year old roasted my azz that way, I’d have to find the nearest hole, crawl into it, and stay there for 17 years. Like a cicada.

    2. Why does “embiggens avi” always kill me?!

  • ChokeOnThisTea

    But who takes Azaelia seriously? Even when she has a point (ex. some of her past comments on Iggy), she quickly turns around a ruins her credibility. Chic is seriously broken.

  • KNeale

    I just now saw she was dropped form a headlining slot at some music festival because of her comments to Z(addy)ayn Malik. Smh. She is so childish. She really has no control over herself, I weep for her mother. Imagine when she was in high school!!!

  • Brilliantly written. I’m rolling at my desk.

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