Lists, Theory & Essay

The Six Biggest Assholes You’ll Ever Meet

As I’m typing this, my cat is laying in my kitchen, staring at the refrigerator, thinking dumb-ass cat thoughts. He’s been doing this for 20 minutes now, and it’s taking everything in me not to sneak behind him, run the faucet in my sink, splash water on him, and watch him jump up and run underneath one of my couches.

I’m not going to do this because, well, it would be cruel. Funny, but cruel. But, I’m consistently tempted to do things like this to get his ass back for all the shady shit he pulls on a regular basis. For instance, he woke me up this morning by jumping from the floor to maybe an inch away from my face, and the first thing I saw when opening my eyes was his creepy ass staring at me. He kept meowing, so I rubbed his stomach, and he purred until realizing that he didn’t want his stomach rubbed anymore. How do I know he changed his mind? He bit me. (Well, he attempted to bite me and I moved out the way)

At this point, I figure going back to sleep was a lost cause, so I got up and walked to the bathroom. When I get back to my bedroom, this n*gga is laying across my sheets, knocked the f*ck out. He basically punked me out of my own bed.

Also, he took a shit two inches away from his litter box a couple days ago, and I’m pretty certain that if he was a little bigger and a little smarter, he would have killed me in my sleep already. I don’t know how I know this, but he just always has a look in his eyes that says “If I was a little bigger and a little smarter, I’d probably kill you in your sleep.”

Thing is, compared to other cats, he’s actually a nice cat. He doesn’t hiss at people, he rarely bites and, although he does scratch random shit, he doesnt seem to scratch shit I actually care about. (Like, you know, my eyeballs or something) He’s definitely making progress, too. He doesn’t even jump on the keyboard when I’m trying to type anymore.

But, as Teddy the Cat helps prove…

…cats are just natural assholes, and there’s really nothing they can do about it.

Now, while cats are definitely the biggest assholes we’ll probably ever encounter, there are a few more populations who can be just as consistently douchey, including…

13 to 15 year old little girls

I have to admit. When I first heard about R. Kelly’s obsession with girls who were just a bit too old to be Just For Me models, I didn’t believe it. Not because I held the R-uh in any type of esteem, but I just couldn’t imagine anyone willingly choosing to spend any free time with them. Why? Well, it’s probably because there is no other human demographic that produces more evil assholes per capita, and no one likes 13 to 15 year old girls. Teachers don’t (trust me). Mother nature doesn’t. 13 to 15 year old boys don’t. (They’re attracted to them and scared of them, but they don’t actually like them) Shit, 13 to 15 year old girls don’t even like other 13 to 15 year old girls.

Now, I know it’s not really their fault. Mother Nature does a number on them at that age, and while 13 to 15 year old boys just end up being witless, germ-ridden, half-human collections of drool, their female counterparts get the short end of nature’s stick, and they take it out on all of us.

I’m sure some women reading this are going to think to themselves “What the hell is Champ talking about? I wasn’t that bad when I was that age. What type of ratchet teenage girls do they grow in Pittsburgh?” If you are one of these women, I want you to call your mom after reading this and ask her if she actually liked you — not “loved,” but “liked” — when you were 13.

I bet the conversation goes something like this.

Woman: “Hey mom. I just read this blog where this guy said that all 13 to 15 year old girls are assholes, and that nobody likes them. You always liked me, right?”

Mom: “Baby, you know I’ve always loved you. You’re my sweetheart, my baby. I’d do anything for you.”

Woman: “You didn’t answer my question.”

Mom: “……….”


Mom: “Well, baby. Ok, so there might have been a couple years in your early teens when I kind of, sort of, wanted you to get kidnapped for a couple months or so. You eventually grew out of it, though, and became a tolerable person, so I stopped fantasizing about you getting kidnapped. Plus, I knew they were dumb fantasizes anyway. The kidnappers would have given you back after like four hours. Shit, they might have even given us a ransom to take you back. You’re still my baby, though.”

Atheists, Vegans, and Liberals

Put in the same group because they’re assholes for the same reason: They assume their politics and “informed” reasons for their lifestyles gives them carte blanche to be douchy (and surprisingly intolerant) sacks of patchouli-scented shit.

Asian men who spent most of there lives in Asian countries and happen to be in Pittsburgh for grad school and also happen to frequent coffee shops on the eastern side of Pittsburgh

I know this is a very, very, very, very, very specific demographic. I also know that saying this is kinda, sorta racist. But, one of the few Black male privileges we have is that we get to be a little racist sometimes, and I’m going to use this privilege to talk about the space issues consistently exhibited by Asian men who spent most of there lives in Asian countries and happen to be in Pittsburgh for grad school and also happen to frequent coffee shops on the eastern side of Pittsburgh.

To be quite honest, I don’t even really mind when I’m sitting at a table and I get hit in the head with a backpack by one who’s walking far too close to my damn table. I don’t even mind it when he doesn’t say excuse me or even bother to look back. I do mind it, though, when I’m in the parking lot, walking back to my car, and I see that it’s been sandwiched and the only way I can get in my whip is to jump in through the driver’s side window like I’m of one the Dukes of f*cking Hazzard.

When this happens, how do I know who did it? Well, the cars are always four door f*cking Suzukis, and the only people who drive gotdamn f*cking four door Suzukis are Asian men who spent most of there lives in Asian countries and happen to be in Pittsburgh for grad school and also happen to frequent coffee shops on the eastern side of Pittsburgh.

Anyway, people of VSB. Did I forget anyone? Can you think of any other demographic — Black men from Seattle, club bouncers, chicks who went to HBCUs that start with the letter “H,” whatever — that consistently produces assholes?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

***Check out our Very Smart Single of the Week, “Double A”***

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for and EBONY Magazine. And a founding editor for 1839. And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at Or don't. Whatever.

  • Mr SoBo

    After an intense week of controversy, intense debates, online arguments, and spewed hatred on vsb, why does this post seem like a set up?

    • Mr SoBo

      I must admit, the video of the cat was absolutely hilarious. The yawn killed it for me.
      Bored to mischief.

      • Justmetheguy

        +1 SoBo- I’m not gon take the bait lol

      • Marshal

        That was hilarious, like he was saying “Yyyeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh, What??? “

      • nillalatte

        +1… he’s so cute… :D

      • annette_b

        @Mr. SoBo
        Was that a yawn, or a roar, though?

    • “After an intense week of controversy, intense debates, online arguments, and spewed hatred on vsb, why does this post seem like a set up?”


    • Exactly! I can’t wait for the fireworks! Is this post brought to us by Kate Perry to help promote her album in “urban” markets? LOL

      • Breezy

        Todd: You know damnn well there is all kind of innuendos, connotations and read between the lines up in the post today….lol. But I will go with you way off topic and say…… how bout Lance Armstrong and the doping…aint that a bissshhh?!?!?!?

        • I’ve had a crazy a$$ day already, so Lance is way down on the priority queue. But it’s a shame dude got exposed like that. *smh*

        • I feel like this…Cancer took one of his balls. Let him have his dope and his medals.

    • haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
      *brings all the snacks to the yard*

    • LOL, prolly because after reading this, I IMMEDIATELY thought of posting a comment to add to the list, “rape apologists that wear intellectuals clothing”, but as the kiddies say… I’m sleep.

    • reluctantamerican

      Internal medicine residents.
      American residency programs are a treasure trove of the most highly trained assholes that this nation has to offer. There is something about having just graduated from medical school and having to work for real, to pay of a mountain of debt owed that leaves most residents bitter. Bitterness, combined with unlimited power to make decision over the lives of people to feeble to care for themselves, that creates a legion of assholes.

      Most Residents posses a doctorate degree in dickishness. making the medicine wards a mental and emotional abu ghraib for its medical student. And the smiling subjects, of candid pictures, perpetrating torture are medicine residents.

  • KMN

    Champ…you told the damned TRUTH about 13-15 year old girls. I used to teach middle school and I know why it is so hard to get teachers during those years. They are absolutely HORRIBLE at that age. I’ve already planned on sending my daughter away the minute she turns 12 to some far off country until she turns 16 so that I don’t have to be bothered with her hormonal crazy that WILL emerge from her body. Because she has ONE time to talk snazzy to me and it’s over.


    But cats are a*holes…but I had a cool cat. Lady used to be fed table food by my dad…and one Thanksgiving my mom had cooked and set the table and Lady sat at my daddy’s chair in front of the food. NEVER touched the food….just sat there and waited until my mom fixed her a plate. Yes she ate Thanksgiving dinner…turkey dressing broccoli and cheese, potato salad…got some water out of her bowl, sat in the chair in the living room like a human, watched the game, and took her tail to sleep…effing cats lol


    • “Champ…you told the damned TRUTH about 13-15 year old girls. I used to teach middle school and I know why it is so hard to get teachers during those years. ”

      Can I please get a e-hug? I teach this grade level and prior to me coming here there was a 2 year vacancy where the other teachers would rotate my subject because it was impossible to fill. Then I get tricked into it and see why everyone else was running. Hell, the other teachers looked relieved the day I got here. They sighed, high fived each other, and took shots after school with me while telling me too keep my head up. I never liked 13-15 year old girls when I was one, now I am stuck with them till my contract ends. Or till they kill me.

      • You can’t let the terrorists win.

      • annettte_b

        Sounds like you may need to practice some duck and cover drills. Know where all of your emergency exits are, and make sure phone GPS is activated at all times…

      • KMN

        Don’t let them kill you T2I…then they’ve won…just ignore their little behinds and when they are repeating 8th grade….they’ll learn


    • “Champ…you told the damned TRUTH about 13-15 year old girls. I used to teach middle school and I know why it is so hard to get teachers during those years.”

      Yeah, the high school I used to teach at was connected to a middle school, and that gave me an entirely new perspective on the force of evil nature that is 13 to 15 year old girls. fortunately, by the time they get like 16, 17, they start not acting like the anti-christ again.

      • “fortunately, by the time they get like 16, 17, they start not acting like the anti-christ again.”

        Probably because they reached the age where they got horny and want to sleep with the first guy they see. I used to attend a public school 20 years ago- I got stories…

      • justfortoday

        I have two of those demons, but only 1/2 time split with their other parent. Still, it ain’t easy and I pray for the day that transition. Just had one try to tell me that she is the “voice of reason” in the family.

        Yeah. Right.

      • KMN

        I think by the time they hit 16…they are in the process of getting their hormones under control…they are still off the chain…but they are better controlled…maturity i guess lol


    • hehe

      “you told the damned TRUTH about 13-15 year old girls. I used to teach middle school and I know why it is so hard to get teachers during those years. They are absolutely HORRIBLE at that age. ”

      You ain’t lying. All my teacher friends say middle school kids are horrible. They have zero respect for authority.

    • JessicaL

      I read somewhere that if a cat poops outside the litter box its like saying eff you. When they cover their poop its a sign of submission. They’re telling you that they know you’re in charge. If they poop outside the box they’re showing their dominance. Its like saying I don’t care if this is your house. I’m here and I run this ish now. When I read that article I knew they were giant a$$holes.

  • The stereotypical Ivy-League WASPs….while they are a relatively rare group in recent years, I find that every time I see one I instinctively want to punch him in the face because they have this stupid sense of entitlement

    • whenever i think of douchey ivy league wasps i think of bradley cooper’s character from “the wedding crashers.”

  • datkenyanchic

    college frat boys who use the word swagg religiously!

    • I seriously can’t stand how white people kill black phrase in a matter of minutes! I feel like Turk from Scrubs on the real

      • Marshal

        I cosign that, damn near hada Ni@&a Moment while in Georgetown hearing some George Washington University guys saying something about backpacking in Germany and saying the German women loved their “swagg”; I turned a good 180 degrees to see if there was any Black Ninjas that were walking with them to nod with approval of the conversation- didn’t see any.

        Most HATE Hip-Hop but Love using Hip-Hop vocab like They Invented it….. SMH

      • Usually the only thing I can do when I here them

        • aw poo! I mean’t *hear

          • lol and *meant

            …goes to the Tyrese lunch table

            • *points and laughs at Think2Inspire as she sits next to Mary J. Blige, who once misspelled ‘intelligence’*

              • *cries as PA destroys my e-self esteem*

              • Kema

                Is that ‘Bicth’ (in that order) lil Scrappy Momma sitting there too?

                • Yep- complete with a big ass Webster’s dictionary, LULZ!

                  • Nanee

                    And don’t forget Mama Jones and Physichotic.

    • Volunteered at a middle school as a step-team coach in undergrad. I wanted to murder somebody’s b*tchy daughter everyday.

      Also, young emo dudes who think everything is a stuggle irk me.

      • “The sky is black…the devil’s on my back…” (<—Yeah, they irk me, too)

  • Upon reading the title, considering the week VSB has had, I thought this was about the different kind of @ssholes that post on relationship blogs. I am disappoint.

    As for atheists being @ssholes, I’m an atheist and an @sshole but I don’t think one necessarily has to do with the other. Also, my sack of sht is lavender-scented. Thanks.

    • Mr SoBo

      “Upon reading the title, considering the week VSB has had, I thought this was about the different kind of @ssholes that post on relationship blogs. I am disappoint.”

      Unless you’re being tongue in cheek, your disappointment is premature. Give it about 5 mins. The name dropping & jabs will rain on the comment section today.

      • Only 5 mins huh? So if I give it 30…I am now exite.

        • “Only 5 mins huh? So if I give it 30…I am now exite.”

          your random typos are killing me

          • They are not random typos Sir Champ. They are Borat. Cause I’m too hip to quote any movie made after 2006.

            • As a Borat-speak enthusiast, I caught on immediately and it was very nice.

      • *gets out beverages, cups and straws*

        • wheres my blue crazy straw tho

          • They in the backpack. There are some folks around here with sticky fingaz!

    • DQ

      Not all atheist are a$$holes. (Truthfully not all of any demographic is any one characteristic), and like you, not all atheist are a$$holes because of their atheism… probably not even most of them, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t run into my fair share of them that behave precisely as Champ described. The snark is almost unbearable.

      • The only time atheist, vegans, or liberals are annoying a$$holes are when they are new to the game. The most eagar volunteers to put images of dying cattle on your car are usually newly vegan/vegetarians. I think as the newness wears off and you learn more about yourself you realize it is not needed to rub your beliefs in anyones face. My friend became a Jehovah Witness in HS and would tell me every damn day how I needed to find the right path. She would leave WatchTower’s on my desk and preach to other students. Fastforward to today, she leaves me alone and doesn’t try converting people.

        All the non-new people who are a$$holes are more than 80% of the time crazy n*ggas in atheist, liberal, or vegan clothing.

        • DQ

          Well said. Your point is taken.

        • Amazonian Midget

          Can I add new Christians turned Muslim to this list? I once had a 2 hour conversation with a guy who actually pulled out the Koran and began reading it to me, then closed his eyes and began reciting it…all because I need to turn to Allah (according to him). Pardon me sir, until you can recite something written in a language I can understand, I don’t believe you.

          Why did I stay and talk to him? Eh, I was bored and I enjoy the art of debate.

    • Jay

      I am an atheist and I think that for the most part… atheists are a$$holes. Newer atheists are usually the worst.

      • I’m not new anymore. But when I was…I didn’t meet a theological argument that I didn’t like. And try to choke into submission with my “infallible” logic. Now I do better because I know better.

        • BlkFreethinker


      • SweetSass

        Christian evangelicals are 100 times more assholish than atheists… even news ones. They never stop being busybodies. Praying for you. Trying to convert you. Voting for psychos.

  • DQ

    Ninjas from New York, who aren’t currently living in New York, who must tell you every 3 to 5 seconds how much better New York is than where you are right now, and why where you are right now sucks.

    • Dovelyn


    • AfroPetite


    • Latonya


      • Justmetheguy

        +1 Misplaced New Yorkers need to drop everything go back to NYC right away.

    • DQ tell em!

      My boy is a pizza fanatic like myself but this ninja won’t give me a second to say “This is one of the best slices of pizza I’ve ever had!” Without giving me side-eye and going on a 30 minute rant about how NY Pizza is the best ish since Red Wine! Him and my girl who’s fam is from NY murder me every time!

      • Though I would like to say as a New Yorker than pizza from Pennsylvania can usually mess with pizza from New York. Then again, from what I understand, the Italians that ended up in Pennsylvania originally settled in New York but longed for some fresh air and countryside, so that makes sense. Oh, and Frank Pepe’s in New Haven is the sh1t. No seriously. You have to wait 45 minutes to get in, and it’s still worth it. Moving along…

        • AHa

          I’m from New Haven, and I’m that very very rare New Havenite who now lives in Brooklyn and has yet to have pizza nearly as good as back home. Pepe’s is great (as is Sally’s), but Modern is by far the best. (They’re all within blocks of each other).

          People absolutely don’t believe me when I tell them not to sleep on New Haven pizza, because well, it’s Connecticut–really stupid people sometimes can’t even believe that black people live there, compounding their belief that I don’t know what I’m talking about– but trust me: New Haven pizza is AMAZING.

          • For one, I think it’s for the good of America that people don’t know Black people live in Connecticut. My wife is from New Haven, and the ratchetness is pure and uncut. So no.

            Two, I know where Sally’s and Modern Apizza are, but I’m usually stuffed with too much damn swine from my inlaws to enjoy anything up there. Maybe one day, when my inlaws realize that they aren’t down South anymore and get with modern soul food cooking, I can partake in the rest of the city’s pizza.

            Three, get to The Bronx, specifically the Belmont section right by the Bronx Zoo. Any place there will mess with the pizza in New Haven. (Also, John’s Pizza in the village can be good, but it’s also very sometimey as well. Give them 3 tries to get a good opinion.)

            • DB

              I used to live up the street from a Frank Pepe’s in Manchester. I kept hearing how good the pizza was but when I tried it, I was not impressed.

            • AHa

              Quite late to reply to this, but I will definitely try them out–thanks for the suggestion!

      • Lets end this. I am a pizza junkie and I have the plane tickets to prove it. CHICAGO is the king of pizza. NY has 8 million people and the center of the advertising world trying to convince you otherwise and no I am not from either place.

        • DQ

          First time I ever had Giordano’s Pizza – Chicago. Nothing like it.

        • CNotes

          Before visiting Chicago, I thought the Bronx had the best pizza. Naw… in Chicago changed my life!

        • bhillboy

          Chicago deep dish pizza beats that carboard floppy new york pizza any day.

          • Chicago-style “pizza” is yummy…but it isn’t pizza. It’s like calling baked chicken covered in Shake-and-Bake “fried chicken”. If they’d back off the word pizza, I’ve give them a shot.

            • JessicaL

              Lmao, then what would you call it, sir?

              • Pizza-style casserole would suffice. The dish has the traditional toppings of pizza in a casserole style dish.

                Also, there’s a major difference in eating styles for New York and Chicago style pizza, and I didn’t realize this until I saw this on one of Anthony Bourdain’s “No Reservations”. New York pizza is fundamentally street food. You’ll see people walking down the street or in the subway eating pizza, and everything relating to the style is reflective of that. (Oh, and Chicagoites, don’t let the flat crust fool you. Done right, New York pizza has a soft, almost buttery crust.) Chicago-style pizza is meant to be eaten with a knife and fork sitting at a table. It wouldn’t make sense to eat Chicago-style pizza with your hands and walk. On the flip side, using a knife and folk on New York style pizza would be major overkill. Different strokes for different folks.

        • You all are very smart people indeed.

        • THANK YOU. I really want to try NY pizza… I do… but even the pics ya’ll advertising with the pretty Instagram filtery glitter still makes it look like wtf it is: Cheeseless (for real… WHERE is the cheese on ya’ll pizza???) floppy cardboard.

          • And Chicago-style looks like sauce and cheese on Wonder bread. Nah man…can’t mess with.

            • bhillboy

              But it tastes like heaven.

              • YeahSo

                If I had a nickel.

            • o___________O

              LAWD I can’t wait til there’s universal healthcare because ya’ll ninjas can’t SEE.

              Tee hee.

          • Lola’s Mambo

            You’re not missing anything, Cheeks. Just some floppy greasy big pizza. Bacci’s does it better.

            Baccis = Chicago chain of “street style” pizza. One slice > size of your FACE + soda (unlimited refills) = $5.00 \(^_^)/

            PS I was also oversold on Grey’s Papaya. Want my money back!

    • Tes

      Can this also apply to folks from LA?

      • Tes explain that statement. Cuz what folks in LA got to do with Pizza?

        • Pseudonym

          LA folks tend to be that way about sushi.

          People from Cali period tend to be that way about Mexican food.

      • Beautifullyhuman

        LA ain’t nothing special outside the weather and beaches IMO. Don’t get me wrong, it’s home and I have an affection for it, but I want to deuce this place.

        • I take yo beaches and raise you this Arizona heat. You can take it. I’ll take Cali back in a heartbeat.

          • Beautifullyhuman

            I’m hella good. Had the option of moving into a brand new house in Surprise and passed on it and decided to live on my own. I don’t think I can do the desert long term. It’s cool for a couple of days but seems mighty boring for the long haul.

            • My Beauty you have no idea how boring this place is

        • CNotes

          “LA ain’t nothing special outside the weather and beaches IMO”

          I feel the EXACT SAME WAY.

          • jmo

            Make your way down to SD…

    • Sorry you don’t like honesty.

      • bhillboy

        ^^^^^^^^^^^^^New Yorker^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

      • YeahSo


      • MJoy

        Can’t help but love Malik… I just can’t help it. Truth is attractive and sh*t.

    • Nikki

      SO TRUE!

    • yeah, if I would have made this list longer, n*ggas from nyc would have made the cut

      • bhillboy

        The biggest smack talkers but the softest guys in the Army were always from New York. In college, I made it a point to say F- New York to anybody standing in Ohio telling me that New York was better. I meant it and was willing to “get down” over it.

      • As a n*gga from NYC (and potential employee of the city government once the background check clears), I resent this statement. It’s sh1t like this that has me faking accents North of I-84 and south of Exit 6 on the NJ Turnpike. Grrr….

        • bhillboy

          That’s been my experience. New Yorkers- Hard with the mouth, soft with the hands. This is not to say all of New York is soft but all of you are not tough guys.

          • Corey

            True statement. They’re still living off the old rep. New York hasn’t been hard since the 80’s.

    • Jay

      This is how I feel being stuck in Alabama while calling Atlanta home. I feel like people get tired of hearing me say “back in Atlanta”, but thats because EVERYTHING actually does suck here. FML.

      P.S. Roll Tide

      • dmcmillian72

        Shut yo’ mouf, Jay!!! LOL! I’ve been in B’ham for almost 6 years and I love this place! I’m sure relocating from kiss-my-a$$-Illinois has a lot to do with it…what place ISN’T better then Central Illinois?! But my sister lives in ATL and I swear I can only take it in small doses! Love my sister, love my cousines, aunts, niece, and nephew, but I be SPRINT-TING to get back home (Alabama) when my visit with them is over. To each his or her own, huh?

        #RollTide! =D

    • “Ninjas from New York, who aren’t currently living in New York, who must tell you every 3 to 5 seconds how much better New York is than where you are right now, and why where you are right now sucks.”

      I’ve seen this so much in the South that it’s not funny. The odd thing about it is that as much as they like to trash where they are living at the moment, they almost always never seem to leave…

      • It’s because the New Yorkers who end up down South moved there because they couldn’t afford to live her on their BS job. They’re the ones who couldn’t make it here and wanna talk about how tough they are.

        • BINGO!!!!

        • bhillboy

          Is there really honor in living in a place that’s too expensive to really enjoy and too loud for peace of mind? Is there something so wrong with this:;_ylt=Am9pxvYodVopYA850xia8Xpn47Qs
          Is this really a step down?

          • That’s the thing about NYC that people who don’t live here don’t understand, and the media plays a big role in perpetuating the myth. Large chunks of New York are quiet, and depending on where you live, it’s not THAT much more expensive. Plus, because of the population base, you get free and cheap stuff that isn’t feasible a lot of other places. New York is a cheap place to get your basics done, but if you play your cards right, you can live on a quiet (if not spacious) block and still live OK.

            I think what New Yorkers miss about home is that whole lack of convenient stuff on the weekends that they didn’t realize they banked on. That’s why I really don’t want to leave. Yeah, space is nice, but what about that cool street fair or that concert in the park or that block party or just being able to go to a Zoo or museum without making a huge trip.

            • Meisarebel


              I’m gonna miss this exactly. Sigh…This

            • bhillboy

              Every other place has museum’s street fairs and all that stuff. We just don’t have to take the train to get there. And the parking is cheap and plentiful. I don’t hate on your choice of locales but New Yorkers have a way of hating anything non- New York as if having a newly built 2500 sq ft house in a nice quiet suburb- For $100k or less- is wack. Like living in Manhattan in Walk up or building that you have to use an elevator to get to your apartment that has 10 other apartments on that particular floor is appealing to most. More power to you. I like not sharing a wall with a neighbor. I like having a fenced backyard with enough room for my son to play baseball in. I like being able to leave the garage door open with a car 2 bicycles and mass toys sitting there and have it still be there in the morning. I like owning a car. I like having a 2 car garage. I enjoy not having to depend on trains and buses to get around. If you like it though- I love it, more power. BTW- What are you getting for free or for cheap that’s so poppin?

              • Corey

                You have to take that “cheap” word with a grain of salt. After paying $1500 for 700 sq ft that you DON’T own, cheap takes on a whole new meaning.

                • bhillboy

                  I owned a 3200 sqft. house- 5 bedrooms 3 baths and we paid $1100. Big yard, 2 car garage in a neighborhood that was so safe. Hearing sirens more than 3x’s a year was a rarity. The only time I saw a police cruiser in the subdivision is when I called them.

              • Chanelle

                Yes to all of this!

              • “Every other place has museum’s street fairs and all that stuff.”

                Yeah, but NYC’s museums are on some next-level sh*t. In the U.S., only D.C. comes even sort of close in terms of number and quality. If you’ve been to MoMA or the Met, you’d get why ex-New Yorkers lament the fact that they can’t just up-and-go today.

            • Ms. Bridget

              Sigh. This is exactly what I miss. Yes, other places have stuff (entertainment, festivals, museums, etc.) but it’s just not the same. I need to go visit my folks.

        • Kema

          Try again Todd… We move not because we cant afford to live in NY but because we realize we can affort MORE if we go somewhere else. Plus It took me moving from NY to realize that supermarkets were supposed to be clean. :-P

          • Justmetheguy

            +1 Kema- I actuall kinda like NYC. I can appreciate the things that make it unique, but u get A LOT more for your buck elsewhere. Hype has a way of exaggerating any and everything thats good. I like NYC but there are places in the U.S. that r just as good or better but for different reasons. Different strokes for different folks and sh!t

            • First, Kema, I was more checking for what PA was talking about, those idiots who scream NY all of the time. The ones that leave looking for a bigger house don’t scream about missing New York too much.

              JMTG: I understand you. The thing I don’t get is how what people think New York looks like and what it actually is can be radically different. Check out this link over here. Believe it or not, all of those semi-bucolic scenes are within NY City Limits and are generally accessible by mass transit. I just annoyed when people think I live on the 35th floor in some tight studio when I actually live in a 2 family house with a yard and plenty of parking. The only difference is that there are 5 bodegas in easy walking distance and, if I’m willing to cough up some extra scratch, I can be in Midtown in 25 minutes. Hell, where my brother just moved from, negroes were walking from the projects to go hunting and fishing. (Yes, you read that right.) We aren’t a monolith.

              • Kema

                I feel you Todd. I’m from Queens and use to play in the street with the other kids because our neighborhood didnt get a lot of traffic. My parents have lived in the same house for almost 30 years. A lot of the neighbors have been there for a while as well.

                But I aint gonna lie! I use to be on my “well in Ny you can…” steez but that was when I was newly out.

            • MJoy


              But you can’t pay for the spirit of NY. It’s magic! Magical I tell you!!!!! And I know magical when I see it ;)

      • sincereluv4life

        “Ninjas from New York, who aren’t currently living in New York, who must tell you every 3 to 5 seconds how much better New York is than where you are right now, and why where you are right now sucks.”

        Trust me, it’s even more annoying when you were born in NYS & live in NY & people who are from NYC wanna say you ain’t sh!t if you’re not from one of the 5 burroughs lol.

        Ridiculous, but I’m sure NY not the only state that has that “I’m from ‘here’ & you’re not so I’m better than you” thing going for it

        • “Ridiculous, but I’m sure NY not the only state that has that “I’m from ‘here’ & you’re not so I’m better than you” thing going for it”

          California does- but that’s only during basketball season. New York does it all year round, LOL!

    • Yes…take ya 3am bored, fried chicken eating, never watched a minute of baseball but yankee loving, always almost getting into a fight behind back to new york then

      • I’ll be bored at 3 am. Y’all stop trying to get the party started RIGHT after dinner. That always irked me about the South. Like how you supposed to party RIGHT after dinner. Let it digest a bit, give yourself a chance to nap and catch some of the game, maybe shower some. Yeesh!

  • negroes from historically black middle-class suburban enclaves are asshole extraordinaires! I hope they burn in hell, the bougie f*cks!

    • tell us how you really feel next time

    • msdebbs


    • bhillboy

      +1- Shaker Heights Ohio.

      • Marshal

        Shaker Heights??? Say What?? Shaker is the Step-Sibling to Cleveland, Cleveland Heights, and Warrensville; Shaker is the Stuck Up Community that lovs to restrict pools, schools, and most over Government-oriented things to Shkaer-Only residents and it ain’t even That Good. Shaker Heights is a JOKE!!!

        • bhillboy

          Okay then- Cleveland Heights, Ohio. They really are interchangeable anyway. I’ve found brothas from Warrensville aren’t like the other two though..

          • RnBChick

            I never really noticed this about Cleveland Hts. Though I mostly agree about Shaker Hts. I’m from a suburb northeast of Cleveland but have fam that lives in Shaker.

            • Eps

              Stop badmouthing Cleveland Heights. My fiancee from there and she is suburb-ratchet.

    • Deez

      This is frilly a monumental and bold true statement.i consign to the millionth degree

  • 13-15 year old girls…LMAO. I have one in my house and special prayer is said every day so I don’t yoke her up! LOL I love it! And that cat is a fool. Knocked your ish down, looked at you and yawned! Classic.

    • KMN

      And for that ma’am i send out a prayer for you as well everyday because I am sure you are going through fire and brimstone surrounded by rainbows and unicorns…I believe that 13-15 year old girls are temporarily bipolar…


      • LOL! AAAAAMEN!

        • KMN

          And I said chuuuuuuch
          #divadudedrakeswag lmao


    • Mr SoBo

      Looked at him like, “Yeah?…*kanye shrug*…and what are you gonna do about it beyatch?

    • What about 13-15 year old boys? Please tell me they aren’t as bad?


      Not trying to make this post about those yucky, peen sporting creatures. Just asking cause I have boys not girls.

      • KMN

        They aren’t as bad…they only have the hormones. Girls have the hormones AND menses…so you have hormones + PMS + awkwardness = crazy.

        Boys are more sullen and to themselves trying to get rid of morning wood…girls are trying to make life hell lol


        • Whew! I still have a couple of years to prepare for male puberty. I just needed to know what I could be in for.

          • KMN

            Yeah they can be a handful but they are NOTHING like girls at that age…it’s like girls turn into the exorcist or something when they hit puberty lol


            • nillalatte

              Lived through the 13-15 age girls, twice now. It was rough, but mama don’t take no shyt. I’m THE arsehole and/or discipline nazi when it comes to kids. My son is pre-teen and really starting to test boundaries. But, that’s okay. Mama has the same home depot paint sticks for resolving issues the old fashion way if need be.

              • KMN

                Real talk…my momma used to tell me you may be the biggest (I have at least 6inches on her) but I’m the baddest B up in this house.

                yes ma’am lmao


      • My boy students care about food, attracting and running away from 13-15 year old girls, doing gross male stuff, and a$$, a$$ a$$! lol. Those with hobbies are my favorite because they can talk about something other than the above mentioned.

        • Kema

          Yes!!! @ running away from the girls. My sons stay coming in the house tired from runnin from the girls. lol.

      • Guenther

        Be prepared to spend half of your paycheck on groceries only to have them be gone in like two days with teenage boys. You will be eaten out of house and home. God help you if they are bigger like my brother, father, and I. My mother doesn’t cook to this day because of us….:\

        Just in case anyone is wondering. When I visit my mother I do cook for her.

    • whatupdoe

      LOL my sister just turned 13 a few months ago and it’s damn near WWIII between her and my step-father. Please pray for us as the journey seems long and rough lol

      • JessicaL

        I laugh every time my 14 y/o sister and my step-dad argue. I really don’t mss my teen angst years. Every thing was the end of the world for me.

  • AfroPetite

    *Looks at Howard para, flips hair, smooths pencil skirt and sips on grande caramel frap gingerly*

    1. Gym rats: Listen, I know you take your little protein shakes religiously and read about the wonders of HIIT but your advice on what I need to be doing to get maximum results out of my workouts wasn’t asked for nor is it needed.

    2. Kappas: Oh….just me? Oh ok.

    3. Cowboys/Laker fans: Both are equally annoying and a$$holish

    • Latonya

      No, Kappas are asshole! And like to add to your list Stevie J and Kanye West.

      • RnBChick

        Co-sign! I only know one Kappa that I don’t can vouch for not being an @hole. Others?…smh

        • RnBChick

          * didn’t mean to say don’t can

    • DQ

      Cowboys, Yankees, Lakers, Duke fans. Can’t stand them.

      That all said, I’m a Philly fan and if I’m keeping it real, Philly fans set the OIympic Gold standard in what it is to be an a$$hole.

      • AfroPetite

        Duke getting upset by Lehigh and destroying every bracket made this past year was the highlight of my LIFE!!!

        • As a diehard UNC Tarheel fan, I approve of this comment.

          • Marshal

            Since I’m not from NC, is it ok that I like Both Duke and UNC?? I hate whe they play each other (and Ohio State, since I’m from Ohio), but Anybody Else they play I’m rooting for them……

            • Jay

              I hate whe they play each other
              Gasp! You hate to watch THE #1 rivalry in modern sports… possibly all time?!?! I have no words. I don’t know you, but if I did, I would probably thereafter tune out anything sports-related that you said.

              • bhillboy

                Ohio State vs. Michigan is the number one sports rivalry. IMHO- no shots fired.

                • Sandpaper

                  Alabama-Auburn is the number 1 rivalry.

                  War Eagle!

                  • So much so, fights have been known to break out over that sh*t. I live in Auburn- I should know…

                  • P.

                    I was in Montgomery over the summer with my OSU gear and even they knew not to joke with me about the Michigan rivalry. That was proof enough for me — best rivalry in sports. #OurHonorDefend #GoBucks

                    • Eps

                      The fact that you have a Natty Boh logo warms my Baltimore heart

              • Marshal

                I hate when Duek and UNC play each other because I can’t pick a winner, especially in the ACC tournament. What can I say

                • Marshal


              • Ms. Bridget

                Georgia vs. Florida football = #1 rivalry

                • Breezy


                  • Shawnie


                    • Justmetheguy

                      And best believe them Dawgs gettin all up in dat @ss this year too

            • Texas vs Oklahoma all the rest is like watching pee wee soccer.

          • AfroPetite

            You are the stuff which legends are made of sir *swoon*

        • DQ

          Anytime Duke loses, America wins.

          • AfroPetite

            Bless you DQ…..bless you

      • Can I throw Cubs fans on this steaming pile?


        Your team is NOT cursed. They and their park just suck dingy donkey balls. Accept it.

        • Njnear

          yes, you can throw Cub fans in there. Specifically, uninformed/drunk Wrigleyville fans. They are ones to quickly say every game is a party and that Sox park is in the ghetto.

        • Why yes, yes you can. Like… they shade the White Sox more than ANYone I’ve ever seen from a different city/state. Like… hol’ up, I’m sorry… the Sox are irrelevant yet they’ve actually won a world series in THIS (21st) century? Oh aiight.

        • P.

          Real talk, I hate the Cubs. I hate the “Lovable Loser” crap because… what makes them more lovable than anyone else? The Orioles suck. Why aren’t we lovable?

          (sidenote: Here’s the part where I admit that part of my hate for the Cubs comes from the fact that I was a complete ChiSox stan in the 90s because of Frank Thomas and I cheered for them like no other as long as they weren’t playing the O’s).

      • Hey, I’m a Yankee fan. My a$$ was going there in 1989 when they were losing 100 games a season, and crack was running wild through The Bronx like Hulkamania. I dealt with Tim Leary, Andy Hawkins and Orestes Destrade. F*ck you with lumping me in with the bandwagon because I’m not the one.

      • Truth! Camden, NJ born & raised and growing up, I thought loud & obnoxious = fandom. ‘Tis the culture of Philly sports…

    • Co-sign Cowboys and Lakers fans and adding ALL Boston team fans.

    • 3. Cowboys/Laker fans: Both are equally annoying and a$$holish

      Yo come on now! I understand everybody hates the Lakers but Jesus Christo what did I ever do to you and your (insert state team you don’t follow)? Cuz seriously I don’t understand people’s beef with some winners?

      • AfroPetite

        I don’t mind showing pride in your team, I know I do, but Cowboys/Laker fans take their teams to the nth degree -_____-

        Is the GM of the Cowboys/Lakers giving ninjas a cut to defend their honor on the field/court?

        • Ok see now that I understand. Some of these so called fans act like they got stock in the team. If you do you know do you and get money. But for the rest Keep Calm and Cheer On. Btw that Kobe comment is so true. I love Kobe the player, but Kobe they person might need some attitude adjustment

    • Beautifullyhuman

      I live in LA and I can’t attest that Laker fans/Kobe stans are a.ssholes. They’re turning into even bigger ones now that they got Steve Nash and D. Howard. You know every year is their “year.” lmao.

      • @Beautifullyhuman

        Last year wasn’t are year! Giving up D. Fish for sorry azz Sessions and Lamar Odom getting traded and going crazy was the biggest blow to the Lakers! We can make to the playoffs cuz we got Kobe but we wasn’t seeing no championship last year with that squad.

        • Beautifullyhuman

          A Laker fan with some common sense. Tell that to the other tens of thousands of fans who failed to realize that…cuz you know according to them Kobe can walk on water. Lol

          • Yeah but that sense ain’t so common is it? That Kobe comment is that truth fa real tho. I don’t understand that. But I do love seeing my boy win.

            • AfroPetite

              Imagine if the NBA would have let Chris Paul join Kobe. Laker fans would self-emplode -____-

              • At that point we would have had a better chance of getting that Championship but I still saw holes in a whole lotta things with my team. Paul would have done some stuff but that bench was still and is horrendous

                • Corey

                  You don’t trade highly skilled 7 footers for 6ft PGs with creaky knees and a 15ft and in game. It’s just not prudent thinking.

    • Marshal

      As a Lakers Fan- I’ll give you that, Dallas hasn’t won squat sine the 90’s and if you ad LA got gots to add Boston, sin ce they got just as many titles as the Lakers.

      And Add Yankees, Knicks, and Bandwagon Miami Heat fans- NOBODY was on the Heat ince 06 until Lebron “2010 Game 5 Choker” aka ” 2011 NBA Finals 4th Qtr Collaspe” James joined them

      • Bandwagon Heat fans.. . . .oh how I hate thee so. Hear me out when I tell you that yes its cool to celebrate ya championship but y’all ninjas didn’t save humanity from some near catastrophic apocalypse! Do us all a favor and take a seat.

        • Nikki

          I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this. However I am a Cowboys fan, but I am a realistic Cowboys fan. I stan for my team, but I can admit when we look like shyte.

          Can I add obnoxious Redskins fans to this list of @ssholes? It’s ALWAYS their year and now that they have RGIII they won’t just wait and see what happens. According to them they are going to the superbowl this year….uh…..ok.

      • With the NBA, I’m a fan of players, not teams. So, the team my favorite player right now happens to be on — The Heat — happens to be my favorite team. Ironically, my second favorite team is a team — The Cavs — I never thought I’d root for again. But, they drafted Kyrie Irving and well, the rest is history

        • Justmetheguy

          +1 About NBA players rather than teams Champ. Im actually the same in the NFL. Now college football is a different story #Dawgs

          • Ms. Bridget

            “Dawgs” as in Georgia (wait for it) Football, Go Dawgs sic em? I knew there was a reason I liked you!

            • Justmetheguy

              Ms Bridget- I felt the same way. I was like “there’s somethin about that one that I like”

              Go Dawgs sic em indeed! Tell that mumbling wreck downthread to stick to engineering and leave the football to the real GA team lol

              • Ms. Bridget

                I’m not too worried about them. Tech lost 9 of the last 10 games against UGA. Bless their hearts….

                • Justmetheguy

                  Lmao! Exactly. It’s a very one-sided rivalry

          • Shawn

            I’m a Ramblin’ Wreck from Georgia Tech, and a hell of an engineer—
            A helluva, helluva, helluva, helluva, hell of an engineer.
            Like all the jolly good fellows, I drink my whiskey clear.
            I’m a Ramblin’ Wreck from Georgia Tech and a hell of an engineer.
            Oh! If I had a daughter, sir, I’d dress her in White and Gold,
            And put her on the campus to cheer the brave and bold.
            But if I had a son, sir, I’ll tell you what he’d do—
            He would yell, ‘TO HELL WITH GEORGIA!’ like his daddy used to do.

            GO JACKETS!

            • Lea Thrace

              I had to come out of lurkdom to ask:

              How bout them dawgs?

              Piss on em!!!

              Very nice to see a fellow GT alum in here :-D

              • Lea Thrace

                Damn. My first post ever and I get sent to moderation jail?

                This how we treat folks???

                Give my comment free!!!

        • Well, you grew up in the largest American city without a NBA team. It’s kind of hard to ask you to have loyalty to a squad.

          And hey, how come Pittsburgh never got a team but Salt Lake City and Oklahoma City have? Odd…

          • We already have three pro sports and a major college team. An NBA team just wouldn’t get much support here

        • I can’t like you if I don’t like your team. This makes sense.

    • b sweet

      Steelers fans who are NOT from Pittsburgh.

      • DQ

        Yeah I’m with you there. I seriously can’t stand them. I also don’t like Lakers fans that aren’t at least from the West Coast, Yankee fans that don’t even know what Division they play in, and Cowboys fans who have never even been to the city, but will undoubtedly argue how great “their” team is by traveling back into time to discuss championships they were too young to even remember happening.

        • Marshal

          @ DQ- I’m hurt you feel that way towards Non-West Coast Laker Fans. I apologize for liking them since 1998; I’m saying, NOBODY was really rooting Against Jordan and the Bulls in the 90’s, BUT if any VSB and VSS were, I commend you. As a Late-80’s Baby all I say was MJ, Pippen, Grant, Paxton, Kerr, Rodman, and co. in Chicago winning titles and beating LA, Detroit, Cleveland, NY, Utah, Portland, etc.

          • Well, it took me until 2005 where the mere MENTION of the Bulls didn’t make me angry with frothing rage. And the Knicks would have beaten the Bulls in 1993 if it wasn’t for Charles Smith. My brother actually had a chance to curse him out when he saw him on the street, and the crowd on the street cheered. The clincher is that my wife has an uncle whose government name is…Charles Smith.

            Why must Baby Jesus cry?

      • “Steelers fans who are NOT from Pittsburgh.”

        Steeler nation stand up!!!

    • Third Of August

      Co-sign on the Cowboys/Lakers/Yankees fans.

      I got a homie that’s a fan of all three of those teams at the SAME. DAMN. TIME.

      Which is crazy, given that he’s from Murrland. (that’s “Maryland” in DMV-speak. LMAO)

      He’s still my homie, though.

      • AfroPetite

        I should have listed DMV residents who are Cowboy fans. That ish makes NO since to me. I bet it ain’t no one from Texas down for the Redskins.

        • AfroPetite

          *sense* dern autocorrect

        • Third Of August

          Exactly. I have theorized that 83.6 percent of Cowboys fans have probably never even BEEN to Texas.

          • Justmetheguy

            Yea I remember that from livin in DC. That ish was pretty funny and strange

        • Nikki

          You would be surprised how many Skins fans there are in Dallas. And for the record I was born and raised in the DC area, but have been a Cowboys fan since birth. My parents are from Arkansas and by extension Cowboys fans and they wouldn’t have it any other way. BTW I have been to Dallas several times and my family currently lives there. Besides, who says you have to root for the home team? I am a Wizards fan though. *hides face in shame*

        • Keisha

          You’re right about that…GO COWBOYS!!!

          I couldn’t resist…

    • *rocks matching “Howard girl” tee from Victoria’s Secret*

    • YeahSo

      Oh sh*t… my ex was everything on this list… what’s wrong with meeeeeeeeee!!?! *passes out*

      • YeahSo

        oops… he’s not dead so… “is” everything on this list… ugh *goes for long walk off short clif*

      • AfroPetite

        I am so sorry you had to go through that. A Kappa and a Cowboy and/or Laker fan? How did you put up with him?

        • YeahSo


          • AfroPetite

            It’s always the d!ck :-(

    • +1,000,000,000,000 on MOST (but not all) Cowboy fans.
      i say most..cuz well.. i love my momma. :D

    • Kema

      *nudges Afro Petite* But you really want to make sure your knees dont go past your toes when squatting. Oh and stick your butt out more.

  • I have a personal hatred for cats thanks to living with my boy who had a cat he called Squirrel. This cat took pleasure in phucking with people all day long, but worst of all it loved phuckin with me. I swear that cat was racist! It would plot on my blacc azz day and night. One time Squirrel was believing the hype (thinking it was a squirrel) and jumped off my boys loft to the couch below tryin to be cool and ish. Low and behold the cat missed the couch because it got hit by the ceiling fan and flung into the wall. I have never laughed that hard in my life!!!! It was tears of joy (for the ceiling fan had my back) and pain becuz I was seriously crying I was laughing so hard

    • KMN

      LMAO…between this story, Champs gully cat, and the praise dance instructional video…I’m having the best day ever


      • Tell us bout ya day folk

        • KMN

          Thanks for being concerned :)…in a nutshell my mom has a herniated disc with fatty deposits that can possibly paralyze her and she just found out that the doctors WON’T do surgery because they don’t want to be responsible for possibly paralyzing her with the surgery.

          So the eff’ery that I’ve seen today was very much needed…that and my week long vacation next week lol


          • I pray for nothing but good things to come yo way and that’s real

          • sorry to hear about your mom. I hope everything turns out alright

          • CNotes

            Sending prayers to your mom and you…

          • Prayers up for Mama KMN!

            • YeahSo


          • KMN

            Thanks y’all for the prayers and concerns…they say don’t claim it so I won’t. But it’s been rough…nothing a little valium can’t handle LMAO
            Honestly…thanks again

          • That’s sad and scary

    • Beautifullyhuman

      High-larious!!! Good for that punk cat. LMAO.

      • Cats get OVER. We humans who own them are suckas.
        They take marathon naps, expect you to play/pet on demand, refuse to be trained – even though they are smart enough – and they are only bothered when they want to be bothered.

        • Royale W. Cheese

          But they’re so fuzzy!

          I wonder sometimes if the way we’re drawn to @sshole cats is similar to how some guys hang on to pretty @sshole chicks.

          • “I wonder sometimes if the way we’re drawn to @sshole cats is similar to how some guys hang on to pretty @sshole chicks.”

            I DEFINITELY think there’s a connection here. Even told someone I was seeing that the reason she doesn’t like the cat is that it acts just like her

            • Justmetheguy

              +1,000,000 U could learn a lot about women from cats. So many similarities. Y u think they call it pu$$y?

          • that’s EPIC RWC. Now everytime I see a chick like that I will be reminded your statement.

      • I hated that cat and to finally get that small victory was just so sweet

    • ellemarie

      I certainly share your hatred towards cats. My previous roommates cat walked around my place is if she owned it and that I’m paying her mortgage! And the deal breaker was when she randomly jumped on the banister and caused me to fall down my stairs….that damn cat tried to kill me. Needless to say I kicked them both out shortly after. I can’t stand cats!

      • I would have whooped yo roommate’s and that cat’s azz!! Y’ALL MADE ME ALMOST KILL MYSELF ON SOME STAIRS!?! Everybody got to get hurt now

    • hehe

      LOL! I hate cats too and their sociopaths. Cats are only affectionate when they want something from you!

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