They Say The Best Marriage Is When You Marry Your “Best Friend.” I Think They’re Wrong » VSB

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They Say The Best Marriage Is When You Marry Your “Best Friend.” I Think They’re Wrong

I was recently reading my girl Dara’s latest blog post about marriage being boring and un-mysterious. (A conversation prompted by the Netflix show, Master of None). She also discussed the way she is comforted by the familiarity of her husband and their routine, and the newness they still experience as they grow and evolve, both individually and together.

While for some this is unappealing and panic-inducing, I’m actually really looking forward to the “boring” mundanities of marriage. But that’s not what this is about…

Dara also mentioned something I’ve heard countless people say about their spouses: marriage allows you to wake up to your best friend every day. And this is supposed to something that makes marriage attractive and worthwhile. Instead, it makes me cringe.

Because, well, I have no desire to ever marry my best friend.

Don’t get me wrong, my best friend is dope af. It’s “Go best friend, that’s my best friend” all day erry day. Top five most important person in my life. Buuut she’s already married. And, I’m not into chicks.(Nttawwt.) So there’s that.

But since my best friend position is already taken, what is the protocol? Does my love interest stage a coup d’état against the reigning best friend? Do I have to be the one to switch the BFF out for the BaeFF? Does Bestie honorably resign and relinquish her post to Bae? 

Maybe people whose spouse is their best friend didn’t have a best friend before they got married. Or maybe they liked their spouse more than their best friend (it happens). Or maybe it’s just polite to bestow such a loving title to the person who is willing to commit to spending day in and day out with your difficult ass and actually paid cash money to the state and signed legally binding documents to do so.

To each his/her own, of course. But the best friend designation makes no sense to me when speaking of someone other than my actual best friend(s).

Now, what makes someone a best friend? It’s completely arbitrary. My bestie is my “bestest friend in the whole wide world” simply because we declared it so when we were three or four. We’ve considered each other as such ever since. We’ve been together since infancy. We were each other’s first friend. Her family is my family, my family is her family. We answer each other in dated movie quotes (namely from Clueless and Save the Last Dance). Though we don’t talk every day (or even every week), she’s always there. She’s a person I always consider when I think of the good things in my life. I love and trust her unconditionally. She’s the first and forever family that I’ve had the pleasure of choosing. She’s my ACE, my day one, my bestest friend in the whole wide world. We just straight like that.

I also have other friends I refer to as “best” or “closest” friends — friends who hold an extra special place in my heart (and iPhone favorites). Again, this “best” label is arbitrary but essentially denotes those select few who I’ve been through some shit with and I know undoubtedly will hold me down, and vice versa. My most trusted confidantes. Naturally, bestest trumps best, so bestest friend in the whole wide world sits at the top of the top in the friend hierarchy. My bottom bestie, if you will.

So, as far as BFFs are concerned, I’ve got it covered. Don’t really need or want a new one. My friendship needs are met.

And, despite all of my best/closest friends being wonderfully amazing people who I wouldn’t want to live without… they aren’t exactly people I would marry. Certainly they have all of the qualities I desire in a friend, but not necessarily all of the qualities I want in a mate. And frankly, I don’t want to wake up ev-er-y day next to any of them (no shade!).

It’s just that when I consider my life partner, I don’t typically view him through the lens of friendship. Sure, I want my partner and I to have established a friendship, built on mutual trust, respect, and affection. I think that foundation of friendship is important in a meaningful relationship. But I’m not looking for my partner to be my main — or most important — source of friendship. Nor do I want my partner to think or require that of me. Because ultimately, my partner will be much more than a friend and will fulfill other needs and requirements that I can’t, won’t, and don’t want to get from my friends. Just as there are some needs that are fulfilled by my friends (best or otherwise) that I won’t and don’t want to get from my partner. I see a partner and friends as serving very different roles in my life, and prefer it that way.

Perhaps it’s all just semantics. But “best friend” will always be the description I use for friends – not an inamorato. I don’t want my partner to be what I would deem a best friend. He will be in his own unique category and have a designation that no other can claim.

Gem Jones

Gem Jones is a scientist by day, ratchet culture connoisseur by night. She takes her love of reading, writing, yoga, Black twitter, YG and having amazing eyebrows very seriously.

  • RewindingtonMaximus

    1) Master of None is an excellent show. It just speaks to the 30-something in all of us and answers a lot of questions we’ve even posed on VSB. I can’t recommend it enough to anyone who hasn’t seen it, especially #2-Parents and #7-Ladies & Gentlemen.

    2) My best friend is a woman. I can’t, for the life of me, ever look at her in a romantic way. I’d murder her within the first week. I’m so serious. I love the crap out of her because we are great friends. To add another dynamic to that relationship would fundamentally change the entire basis of our friendship. I’d then have to look at her as a woman, not my friend. And…I can’t click with her as man pursuing a woman. Too many things that I want from a woman just don’t correlate with who she is. There are so many things about her personality that I laugh at when I think of the men who seriously date her, because I feel bad for them. She’s a great person but knowing what I know,…I can’t make that work in my head.

    3) I learned this from my own marriage. I don’t want to marry my best friend. It’s one thing for us to be great friends and partners, but if you have a diverse personality, then you need other people who compliment your various sides. It can’t be just one person. I want the one I love to be the person who makes life great for the dominant part of my personality. But then I want my peoples to be the ones who compliment the other quirky sides of me.

    But to those who marry the love of their life and their best friend…more power to you. I just can’t see it though.

    • gem

      My fiance is my best friend, because we were friends first before the intimate part. Knew everything about each other. If anything, getting into a relationship made us a little less “free” for lack of a better word

      • L8Comer

        How so? Like you had inhibitions bc you were besties first and it was awkward to see each other in a different light at first?

        I hope my future husband is my best friend first. But my other 2 best friends aren’t going anywhere either lol, I get to have them all lol.

        • gem

          Lol yeah. We both had to learn to become more sensitive with our new roles, now deeper feelings were involved. Like things that would’ve been said in the past freely such as ‘geez, I need some alone time’…now had some weight.

          • L8Comer

            Ahh, I see. Thanks for answering

          • Hugh Akston

            Sounds like my story…my “bestie” used to understand that im an introvert when we were friends. Sometimes I would just ghost, and she wouldn’t hear from me…and then we would pick up where we left off…now after spending a few days together and im like “i need my alone time”..all of a sudden it’s because I do not like her or want to be with her…

            It’s as if a brand new chemical is introduced into the mix that erased a portion of the person’s memory…which negates what they knew of you before getting all romantic with you…le sigh

            • gem

              I think it may also be heightened anxiety because it’s even more terrifying than things not working out with a regular dude. Like if we don’t make it, lost my bestie and gotta start over. Anxiety does crazy things to a mind.

      • Val

        “If anything, getting into a relationship made us a little less “free” for lack of a better word”

        I get that. I’ve been in that situation before.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        But that’s a great foundation you two started with. That’s a completely different story and there was room to maximize on your friendship in the first place.

        I don’t know if I can do that with another person at this point in life, but for all I know, it is too early to tell.

    • “I’d murder her within the first week.” — lmao this is how i feel about my bestie. even if she became a man, or i became a lesbian, i couldnt marry her. i would stab her with a jagged spoon so many times. or stab myself to just end things. but as my bestie, i wouldnt change a thing about her.

      as to your #3 – that’s exactly it. esp having multiple ppl compliment your various sides. well said.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        lmao see those were the kinds of words I wanted to type, but then I thought everybody would be looking at me all crazy.

        Thank you for writing this Gem, it was certainly on time. I’ve been going over a lot of stuff between my best friend and my previous marriage, trying to go over mistakes I made and such. This helped shine some light on things I thought of but didn’t pay attention to until the last minute.

        i will say this though. I chilled with Dara and her husband before. They are besties, but not the creepy type that finish each other sentences and make kissy faces. Because then you’d have to murder both of them and I’d just get your bail money ready.

        • LOL! we are >>here<< clearly.

          i dont know Dara IRL but i love her talk about her Husbae and their adorable kid. if they are besties, that would explain a lot of how she views her marriage. and trust, i'm not knocking ppl who believe their spouse is their best friend. i just dont think thats a requirement needed to have a healthy, happy, and dope af marriage.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            From what I got, they have an understanding. I feel bar none, that’s the most important piece of the puzzle…for both people to be on the same page and not waver on where things stand.

            Trust me, you picked a great friend, but when you get your husband, what you have will be something she can appreciate for you too.

  • mr. steal your costco samples

    Friends come and go, even best ones.

    My wife’s my partner, my rock, etc. Different relationship by a loooong chalk. We ain’t unfriendly but we gotta get this boy ready for the world, take care of family, etc. That’s deeper and more rewarding than friendship cuz it’s a unity of purpose

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      What about your personality does your wife compliment in many ways that no friend could? I’m always curious about different people’s look on life.

      • mr. steal your costco samples

        My wife’s made it OK for me to be kinder / softer to other people than I might otherwise be, really awakened my capacity for empathy.

        As a counterweight I managed to increase her capacity for irritation.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          “As a counterweight I managed to increase her capacity for irritation.”

          Ahahahahahaha.

          I get your point. It was like being a totally different person, once you realized what she was doing for you, wasn’t it?

          • mr. steal your costco samples

            Better, not necessarily different.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Interesting. Thank you for answering my questions.

    • “a unity of purpose” – wow. thats deep yo lol

    • PDL – Cape Girl

      Nice

    • Pinks

      I know that’s right! We got little people to be raising – you better be my best relationship!

    • Asiyah

      Spouses come and go too. All relationships are temporary.

      • mr. steal your costco samples

        who hurt you girl

        • Asiyah

          Who hurt me is irrelevant. The high divorce rates coupled with many break-ups serve as proof that spouses come and go. The fact that we are not immortal proves that all things end. How they end is another story, but they end nonetheless thus they are temporary.

          • mr. steal your costco samples

            yes, it’s all some Frenchman’s joke, very good

  • Brooklyn_Bruin

    I see a problem created but no solution.

  • Pinks

    Ya know, I used to lament not having an official “best friend” like a Six to my Blossom or whatever – that one girlfriend who stays in my texts, we finish each other’s sentences, we borrow clothes, etc., and that never happened for me. Maybe I’m too much of a Virgo, but I tend to live in my own head and retreat into myself far more than I’d like to. That being said, I have a circle of five besties whom I’ve known 10+ years and we all have different, but equally meaningful friendships. Just not one that I’d really choose as my favorite, one and only biffle.

    On the other hand, I feel all of that with my husband. When we met, more like reconnected after our initial introduction, there was this instant feeling that we were old homies catching up instead of strangers getting to know each other. To this day, people remark that we seem more like brother and sister than a couple sometimes because of how we interact. He’s welcome at girls’ night and I was taught the homie dap by his boys a few weeks into us dating. I like knowing that I have a spades partner (if I ever learn to play), drinking buddy, shopping buddy and Mr. Dig it Out all rolled into one.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      This is interesting.

      See, I had this kind of relationship with my cousin. He is my homie. My ace. My brother to the very end. We should have never been as close as we were, but he’s part of the reason I am the man I am today. But when he met his then-future wife, and she had his baby, things between us changed, more so than the growing pains we already were experiencing. So now I see that him and his wife have that relationship you speak of, and I’m proud of him.

      I know we can’t have what we used to have again. It’s changed for the better. It is a huge difference to see things evolve before your eyes though..

      • Pinks

        Such was the case with some of my friendships. In college, I became friends with guy during a sucky relationship and while he was on line. We were holding each other down for a while and spent so much time together folks started speculating he was my side piece, but I just felt safe and protected by him all the time and he liked that I could roll an L faster than anybody else lol

        Once I moved back home and got with my boo, our relationship changed and I can’t say I’m not sad about it. For one, we weren’t that close physically anymore so the hanging out that had become a big part of who we were ceased, and chopping it up all hours of the night just wasn’t “appropriate” anymore. It’s almost like he started looking at me differently once I grew up – I wasn’t just his ni gga pinks anymore -I was somebody’s wife and mother, so certain stuff couldn’t fly. He loves my husband OD though, to the point they communicate without me knowing sometimes, which I think is beautiful, but as you said, we’ve had to evolve. Crazy where life takes you.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          I think that’s the funny thing about both growing up & having a friend of the opposite s e x. There are so many things I do with my best friend that are literally no big deal to me, but to other people, they can be seen as “inappropriate”. The labels begin to impede on the foundation of the relationship because of what people think is happening, but I also realize when you have your own relationship, it can’t stay the same.

          And when you grow up, your buddy has to realize s h i t aint the same anymore. Moves to make, more time occupied….you just have to let your homie live. Even better when you become great friends with their mate, because that trust is solidified for good.

          • Pinks

            That’s where we were. We used to sleep in the same bed a few nights a week, either at his place or mine, and a friend has pictures of him holding my hair back over the toilet and helping me take off my dress after a night of too much drinking. Now that I think about it, by today’s standards he would’ve been considered in the dreaded friend zone, but to my knowledge he never wanted anything more than what I was giving so there was no unrequited longing. I need to ask him about that.

            • Don’t make it weird.

              • Pinks

                It would be weird? After all this time and we’re both involved?

                • As VSB’s President of Weirdness, yes that would be weird.

                  • Pinks

                    Yea I’m thinking about it and it could open up some ish I might not be ready for.

                    • Cleojonz

                      Yeah leave it alone lol.

                    • MsSula

                      Yup agreed. It’s best to leave it alone. There might be some longing there that was not brought forward back then… and as @madlark:disqus said it all could become very awkward very fast.

                  • Val

                    Lol Stop.

            • PhlyyPhree

              Nope. Let sleeping buddies lie. If that’s what it was, that’s what it was.

    • Cleojonz

      This is so totally my husband and I although I DO sometimes still lament that whole official best friend. I used to have that, but my best friend moved to the West Coast and I haven’t been able to forge that kind of relationship with anyone here since then. We are still in touch and it’s always like time has never passed when we do talk but it’s not really the same. I like you do have some folks I can hang out with and I’ve made some new couple, parents of kids’ friends kinds of acquaintances but that’s not the same.

      My husband and I are very much the same person in a lot of ways, same birthday same sense of humor. He was always out with the girls and I and he’d be the guy to drag his girl along. I and he’s the kind of guy that women just unload to in the strangest of circumstances. It’s a good thing I’m not a jealous person.

      But he’s a depressed person so he doesn’t have a lot of grand designs to hang out with other folks and that also affects things like his sleep pattern. When I’d like to be doing something sometimes all he wants to do is sleep. This is where I wish I had the super bff. I can’t very unload about him to him and sometimes its just exhausting.

      I never thought I’d be that person to say my bff was my husband, but it’s actually accidentally very true.

      • Pinks

        My dude has two female best friends who call on him all the time. Women have always loved him because he’s sensitive and charming but also gives it to you real rap raw, no sugar coating at all. If I were the jealous type I’d be seething every day lol

        How do you manage his depression, if you don’t mind me asking? I’m so not good at helping people dealing with issues.

        • Cleojonz

          I kind of just have to let him have his space. Which has taken me a long time to do. He also wasn’t always trying to help himself so it was hard for me to empathize. He didn’t have medication, he wasn’t seeing anyone so I would throw my digs in because it pissed me off. and I now know it’s counterproductive to criticize when it’s really not anything I can have any control over. He doesn’t even have control over it. There are ebbs and flows so I just have to ride it out sometimes.

          • Pinks

            This is true commitment. I now realize my ex was dealing with some serious mental health issues and I was just like “He’s an a s shole.” There were absolutely some things out of his control just because of how he was raised and who he was as a person.

            • Cleojonz

              This is us. I almost left him a lone a year in because I really didn’t understand and made it all about me and my feelings. And sometimes he really is an a s s hole truth be told. Like your ex because of how life was at home for him he refuses to let anything go. The way we fight keeps it together though. Neither one of us holds it in. We blow up and then it’s gone. No grudges held, no cold shoulders.

              • Pinks

                It sounds like y’all have a formula that works. I try to tell my friends that marriage for me and for you will always look different. You have to take it day by day and make sure your short term memory erase game is on point. You’ll never move forward if you’re stuck on how it should be or what you thought it was.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            I still say you’re very special to try to dig beneath the surface and find out who your husband really is.

            • Cleojonz

              Aww, thanks Rewind.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          That is me. I get along with women mostly and it just leads anyone to think the wrong things when I know full and well…none of that will never happen.

          • Pinks

            I get along with women and men equally, but my friendships with men always get misconstrued. I was homies with hubby’s best friend before they even met, and now folks who don’t know us have asked if we ever had anything going on. Like can’t two attractive people just be cool?!

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Apparently not. That’s always the problem. I constantly have to defend my stance and now I’m done doing it.

        • Oluseyi

          Women have always loved him because he’s sensitive and charming but also gives it to you real rap raw, no sugar coating at all. If I were the jealous type I’d be seething every day lol

          Someone told me this recently, that I get along well with women due to a variety of personality traits—sensitive, honest, charming, perceptive. Very flattering, of course, but also a potential source of friction if I get into a relationship with someone who’s inclined toward jealous…

          • Pinks

            Just being yourself can be taken as flirting/cheating when you’re with someone who isn’t too sure of themselves. I knew when I got with him what to expect, but I’ve never felt any way about any of his friendships with women because he’s never crossed any lines.

            • Oluseyi

              Just being yourself can be taken as flirting/cheating when you’re with someone who isn’t too sure of themselves.

              Been there. Definitely been there.

    • MB

      this is word for word my life :)

    • cancergirl08

      “Maybe I’m too much of a Virgo, but I tend to live in my own head and retreat into myself far more than I’d like to.”
      Well this Cancer, who was raised by a Virgo, does the same thing :)

      • Pinks

        Aren’t cancers super emotional too?

        • cancergirl08

          Sigh. Yes.

          • Pinks

            All the female cancers I know are bulls in their professional lives and soft and pink in their personal lives.

            • Siante

              “soft and pink in their personal lives.”

              What does this mean?

              • Pinks

                I think of soft and pink as traditionally feminine behaviors e.g. being emotionally vulnerable, looking for and trying to give affection.

  • I couldn’t marry my best friend even though on paper she’s probably my ideal.

    The things I’d want from a best friend aren’t necessarily the things I would imagine would make for a strong marriage.

    • that last line tho… yes.

    • That’s kinda where I am with it

    • Val

      “The things I’d want from a best friend aren’t necessarily the things I would imagine would make for a strong marriage.”

      Interesting. I’d like to hear more.

      • I would prefer my partner do be significantly more affirmative and loving than I ever would expect from a best friend who I would prefer (and does) call me out on my sh*t more than anyone else.

    • KNeale

      Agreed. I actually want two different kinds of personalities/demeanors. What I want in a best friend is not what I want in a husband/partner.

  • MissusMaxwell

    I do think it’s more semantics. I still have my posse; my tight knit group of sistahs & sorors who ride with me through thick and thin, my true, purposefully small inner circle. However, my husband is my best friend in a whole ‘nother sense. He sees shades & shadows of me that even my gurlz haven’t. He’s the one person I’ve entrusted with the teeny, tiny insecurities within myself that I don’t even want to admit to. And then there’s the whole sexing angle. Allowing someone that kind of access to yourself while you’re giving them all the milk & cookies does make a spouse a best friend. We just don’t have words to differentiate between the levels, IMO.

    • mr. steal your costco samples

      yup, this. you on it.

    • Pinks

      This is where I’m at with it. He’s privy to things even my momma don’t know, and I’m OK with that. I still have wonderful bonds with all my circles of friends and I love them dearly, but if we talking straight, I’m choosing him over them if for some reason I ever had to.

    • the thing is, i dont think some one knowing you differently, or knowing things about you that others dont makes some one a “best friend” (for me, anyway). or even a BETTER friend. there are things i talk about with certain friends that i dont necessarily talk about with my best friend. and my mama knows things about me, or sees me in a certain light, that know one else does – that doesnt make her my best friend (or friend at all really).

      but as we both understand, it may just be how you define best friend.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        Yea, we all define things differently. But we all know what the importance of a bond is for any of us.

      • Superstrings

        ” i dont think some one knowing you differently, or knowing things about you that others dont makes some one a “best friend” ”
        True because there are likely some exes who know plenty about but aren’t anywhere near best friends.

  • OSHH

    .

  • Val

    First, Hiya, Gem! Great post!

    There’s no real way to plan to have a best friend and a spouse being two separate people. Either it happens that way or it doesn’t. But if you are fortunate enough to have a BFF and also have another person be your spouse then I think that’s the best for lots of reasons.

    From a very practical standpoint, if your spouse is your best friend then what happens if, God forbid, the marriage has serious problems or ends. You’ve put all of your friendship eggs in one basket and now who do you go to?

    As the great George Castanza showed us all it’s best not to have your worlds collide. Having a support network of friends being somewhat separate from your SO relationship can be vital in having healthy relationships with both your spouse and your best friend.

    • miss t-lee

      “Having a support network of friends being somewhat separate from your SO relationship can be vital in having healthy relationships with both your spouse and your best friend.”

      Agreed.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Word. One of the things that drove me crazy before was that I was her only best friend, but she wasn’t mine. I needed other people to be the outlets to the side of me I couldn’t be when I was with her. No matter how I explained that though, to her it just sounded like I was saying she wasn’t good enough to be my everything. And at the time, that’s wasn’t true at all.

      • QuirlyGirly

        Some women are taught to believe they need to be a man’s everything- I’m Every Woman comes to mind-Wife, best friend, counselor, pron star etc when in reality people are diverse and have varied interests. Although you are married you are still an individual so a husband and a wife wont have the same interests and don’t need to be together all the time. Balance is needed- as my girl Pinks said upthread

        • Pinks

          I saw a meme that said ‘Dudes want their girls to wear Js, play video games, watch pr0n, etc.. What you want is a boyfriend, ni gga!”

          I’ve heard that from some guys – they want a woman who’s like one of the fellas except when it’s time to get in some guts lol

          • Keeping it real, women ask for their equivalent as men as well. You can’t be on completely different planets, but you need to be people as well.

            • miss t-lee

              “Keeping it real, women ask for their equivalent as men as well”

              Nah.

            • Pinks

              Do we?

              • In a lot of aspects, yes. Sometimes a man needs to be a man.

                • QuirlyGirly

                  I can’t agree more!!

                • Pinks

                  Like, wanting y’all to WANT to do girly stuff with us as opposed to just doing it so we’ll shut up? lol

                  • For real, y’all know we don’t want to go shoe shopping. Quit acting like we’re bogus for not smiling the whole time.

                    • Cleojonz

                      In all honestly my husband would rather go shoe shopping than me. My eyes glaze over lol.

                    • Sigma_Since 93

                      I like to shop but the number of stores I visit in person are so few that I’m done after two stores. Shopping wouldn’t be so bad if there was a logical, six sigma approach to what stores you plan to visit. I always feel like you’re price comparing two stores at extreme opposite sides of the mall and we go back an forth at least four times for you to make a decision if one is made at all.

                    • KNeale

                      Why would someone want to go shoe shopping with their hypothetical husband? Is he paying? If so, then just give me the money. People go shopping with their friends because they want input. I don’t want his input.

                    • My exhusband actually liked going shoe shopping with me. He loved seeing me in heels. Also, the stores would give him champagne while we were shopping. Lol.

                    • KNeale

                      What kinda stores you shopping at?!

                    • It’s never about the shoes. It’s the time together that she forces you to spend on a Saturday during basketball season.

                    • KNeale

                      Lol! Shoe shopping with my male S.O. doesn’t sound like good time together. Sounds aggravating.

                    • Val

                      I didn’t really get what you were saying until I inserted ‘track and field’ season. Lol Oh yeah, I get it now.

                    • Pinks

                      Because they might enjoy his company? I love my husband’s input because he thinks I look good in everything lol

                    • KNeale

                      Lol. I see that side. Maybe the fact that I’m not a hobby shopper in the first place. If I’m shoe shopping I have a shoe need that needs to be filled and have an idea in my mind what its for. So a significant other there (unless he just chills or goes and looks at shoes for him) is really a waste of my time. Lol. Like why are you even here bro?

                      You also just reminded me there are men out there that are really into feet and/or women’s shoes and they would enjoy watching. But other than that scenario, its not for me.

                    • Pinks

                      Totally get you. I’m a browser – I get joy from just being in the stores, looking at prices and touching fabrics, so it’s usually more about the experience than actually procuring an item. Heck, I do most of my shopping online anyway so if I’m even in a store it’s for good reason.

                      Hubs doesn’t have a foot thing perse, but he goes into VS without me all the time and buys pieces he wants me to wear. I’ll come home to a random g-string on the bed like welp I guess he was bored today lol

                  • RewindingtonMaximus

                    Sometimes we would. But it’s the constant pressure that makes us like…..

                    http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/10/Aww-Hell-Naw-Hell-naw-Hell-no-no-no-way-will-smith-GIF.gif?gs=a

                    • Pinks

                      Not for nothing, but I’m glad I got hitched when I did to whom I did. We both weird so it works lol

                    • RewindingtonMaximus

                      That’s why it’s just the will of the world, more so than your own decision. It Was Written.

                  • LMNOP

                    This will probably sound kind of ignorant, but how many straight women actually want to be sleeping with men who like to do “girly” stuff? You can’t have it both ways with stereotypical gender roles .

              • Maybe 03-07 when Queer Eye was popular? I think women just want men to bathe more.

                • QuirlyGirly

                  *muttley snicker

              • Gbadebo

                Yuuuuuuup.
                Some women, as well as most men, don’t understand that we tend to communicate differently. That has a very big part in several, if not most, issues that arise in relationships. Trying to force someone to communicate in a manner that YOU want, over how they have their entire life, doesn’t work out well for everyone involved.
                There’s only so much you can change/educate a person.

                • Pinks

                  That’s why it’s so important to get with someone equally yoked in more ways than not. I think it makes for less heartache and confusion.

                  • Gbadebo

                    Ha, some of us like(?) to live dangerously though.

            • The myth of Narcissus:

              A lot of times, what people want is the image in the mirror, they then get depressed that they never can achieve it.

              • QuirlyGirly

                I think to a certain extent this is true but I also think that many people have learned to see beyond the image and be happy with the reality.

            • AlwaysCC

              a friend of mine was telling me how he and his wife had a huge argument because…*wait for it*…he didn’t want to go shopping with her for a new outfit. o_O

              apparently because he didn’t want to go, he didn’t care about her. *shrug* of course, this is from his pov…but, i’ve heard other women talk about wanting their men to do similar things.

              • Lol, isn’t that just simple manipulation?

                • AlwaysCC

                  lol it would be if she wasn’t serious. i know several people who “expect” their husband/so to do just about everything with them. they’re rationale is something like “we’re married/together so why wouldn’t we do everything together?”
                  i just used shopping as an example because it was the “girliest” thing i could think of off the top of my head.

                  • KNeale

                    I don’t have a good example because my parents were divorced but my friends these days when they (in my humble but ultimately meaningless opinion) over prioritize their husbands leaves me annoyed and confused. Y’all don’t have to do everything together!!!

                    • AlwaysCC

                      it’s become so common for people around me to act like that lol me and the hubs just chalked it up to us knowing each other for so long. but we both like our separate space…that works for us!

                    • Gbadebo

                      My wife has a friend who prioritizes her husband’s wants over her own, and it drives my wife crazy. However, that’s the type of family this woman came from. That’s how her mother was, and, in talking to her, that’s the type of family she wanted (very traditional, as far as roles)……
                      So I can sympathize, but that’s the type of man she wanted.

                    • RewindingtonMaximus

                      And she won’t realize she doesn’t have to be that way until it is too late

                    • Gbadebo

                      Agreed. She needs to prioritize herself a lot more. From the outside looking in, it almost appears that she created this dynamic and is now seeing some of the negative effects. She came from a very traditional family structure. Father works and supports the (large) family. Mother has a lot of children and takes care of the household.
                      When I first met this couple, they were just starting to have kids. He wanted her to work, she wanted to stay home….she won that decision (outside looking in)…a few years later, two more kids, a brief hiatus working away from home….she might not be enjoying staying at home as much as she previously did…Husband could absolutely be more of a help at home though.

                      They appear to love each other like crazy, though. Just delving into one of those cracks found in every marriage.

                    • RewindingtonMaximus

                      In a case like that, even if you tried to help,she wouldn’t want it. She just needs to find out on her own how things are supposed to be. I do hope with time she grows up enough to take time out for herself and not everyone else.

              • cakes_and_pies

                Was he aware she was that emotionally needy before they got married?

                • AlwaysCC

                  lol i know right?! we ain’t *that* cool that he tells me all his business like that…so i don’t know what he knew before they got married.

                  • cakes_and_pies

                    That’s crazy to think he has to theoretically put up with that nonsense.

                • Gbadebo

                  Ha, people change after marriage. Hopefully, you change together, but sometimes….

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                That’s the thing for us. If a woman is telling us how to feel and who to be because that’s what she wants…she’s not even asking for us anymore. And then that’s how those big fights come about, because we are being told who we are isn’t good enough…which is weird, because SHE PICKED US.

          • Val

            A lot of men are socialized to hate women but to like to have chex with women. So these types of men only know how to be social with other men and want a women who can fill that “male” role in their lives.

            • Pinks

              So true, When you think women are less than you, it’s hard to see anything redeemable in them besides some cootie.

              • tgtaggie

                That is some effed up thinking right there. I see it everyday how some men treat women. Some dudes are trained to treat women like they are a commodity.

                • PDL – Cape Girl

                  Every woman teach men how to treat them. Maybe men are trained to treat women like commodities, at that point though it comes down to what’s allowed. If women start dismissing this kind of stuff on an individual regular basis we might see change. As long as it’s allowed it will continue happening.

                • Hugh Akston

                  And some women treat men as if they are simply their accessories…goes both ways

            • QuirlyGirly

              Interesting! So this types of men want a woman to be both a woman and a male?

              • Val

                Basically they just don’t know how to relate to women in general. So they relate to women in the only way they know how to which is the same way they relate to other men.

            • Hence today’s chitty R&B music. I’m sure it was always present but it’s glaringly obvious now.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                Because everybody is ho level now, we can’t even talk about women just being women.

                • It’s all “foreign broads”, skrippers, and side pieces. Very little liking and even less actual loving.

                  • Sigma_Since 93

                    At least there was a balance back in the day. Today we just want to treat everyone like stamps.

                    • I blame Instagram. Lol!

                    • Pinks

                      Them dang “bishes be like” memes were the beginning of the end lol

                    • Lol! They are the worse. People have no chill on Instagram.

                    • KNeale

                      Sometimes you think the world is making progress but then you realize its just that you’ve selected a group of like minded people over time. Then you follow an old work friend on insta and see nonstop memes that, in addition to being so hostile towards women, make absolutely no sense!!! One girl I follow, I went to unfollow but instead I send all her post to my other friends to show them we have so much work to do.

            • well you should know this about them before you marry them that’s the purpose of dating and if he is not what you need and want move on.

            • KNeale

              oop

          • no idea how that sounds appealing in a girlfriend

            • Pinks

              Me either. But what do I know?

          • miss t-lee

            Good luck with that…lol

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            Keyword ” n i g g a s”

          • LogicalLeopard

            You know, a funny part of life is that we all say we want certain things, but don’t actually want them when we get them. *LOL* All of that seems nice and wonderful, but when your girlfriend blows off your date and says, “Nope, gotta be first in line when the new J’s come out tomorrow morning,” consistently head-shots you in whatever war video game you’re playing, embarrassing you in front of your other friends, and makes comments on how good the male performers are in a dirty movie, you’ll probably think otherwise.
            Even some of the women who want “a sensitive thug” will eventually say, “Look Leroy, sit DOWN and chill! No, I don’t want you defending my honor by beating some guy up who looked at me with elevator eyes, cause then I’ll have to listen to another stupid poem about it when we get home! And if I get another text during the day that says “I miss u”, I’m going to scream! Aren’t you at work? WORK!” Leave me alone!”

            • mr. steal your costco samples

              If my wife’s Fallout settlements produce more caps than mine I will lawyer the fk up for real

              • LogicalLeopard

                LOL!

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          That was the problem in essence. I needed to find a balance. I never saw her have a balance outside of me. I was the balance. I think that’s why it used to weigh heavy on me.

      • Yeah, that’s an unhealthy situation. There’s a fine line between intimacy and enmeshment. I could mention my experience, but I realize that my marriage mind as well have been in Outer Space compared to everyone else.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Yea I know fundamentally the experiences will vary, so there were times it was just hard to talk about it and connect with those understand.

          • Pinks

            That’s why there’s VSB. And Patron.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              And Jameson. And Disarono. And Hennesy. And Wray & Nephew. And 1800 Coconut. And Malibu. And ginger liquor.

              Yea……..

              • Pinks

                Nah Wray and his bum a s s nephew can go far away from me. Only in sorrel.

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  LMAO yuh scared nuh

              • Ginger liquor? Where might one acquire some ginger liquor?

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  My friend my friend….you’ve not tried any yet? Oooooh I got to put you on. I don’t find them at every liquor store I go to but it is great for mixed drinks, or even on it’s own with some lemon juice.

                  Look online and see if you find any websites that deliver liquor, might be able to purchase a bottle and have it shipped to you in case your local liquor stores don’t have any.

                  • I always appreciate being put on to some new, tasty likka! I’m a fan of the Wray and Nephews. Since you listed it, I can presume that your likka taste is one to be respected. I will do some ATL based research for the ginger liquor, but I like your online suggestion for next steps.

                    • RewindingtonMaximus

                      Since you’re a Wray & Newphew fan, that’s all the more reason to give you some tips.

                      Wray & Newphew, ginger liquor, bitters, and lime juice = AWESOME. Even better with a splash of pineapple juice.

      • Pinks

        Awww – sounds heartbreaking from both sides. From her position, I can see wanting to be your man’s everything and feeling inadequate. But from your side, it’s like naaaaaaah boo, I just CAN’T get certain things from you and that’s OK. You still dope.
        Sigh.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Yea. It’s not like I never ran that scenario through my head, but I’m like…if I don’t get to express the other sides of me..I won’t feel like me. Which is how I wound up here.

          • Pinks

            Yea you can’t give all of yourself away because then you have nothing left for you.

            • QuirlyGirly

              That is where depression and hopelessness lie

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                Yea and that’s why I have so much work to do.

            • miss t-lee

              Yup.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              And that’s what happened. I was running on E and didn’t realize it until I was so angry I couldn’t help but lash out.

              • Pinks

                Welp now you get the chance to refill the tank. And ain’t that nothing that it’s under $2 a gallon. Go forth and prosper, young man!

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  I’m doing it……………………………………..but these NY BILLS GOT ME SO BROKE, OH MY GOD

                  • Pinks

                    Nugga.

                    Tell me about it. I’m taking up donations to get me to happy hour tomorrow lmao

                    • RewindingtonMaximus

                      Yo this s h i t hurts so much now that I am doing it by myself. I get paid tomorrow and I know that s h i t don’t even count now.

                      Get a MLK shot for me cause I’m so done now.

          • gem

            Went through this. I understand where she’s coming from. Ended up in a different place

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              How did that work for you in the end?

              • gem

                Like the case you described, I wanted to be his everything AND be everything to him that he was to me. Had to learn a few things along the way, mostly that in my quest I was losing myself. Particular the bits he most valued. Hard to let go of control for a type A but it was a lesson worth learning.

      • That “You are my only friend” mess is too much.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much. Like everything I wanted to do outside of her got a suspect comment.

      • Asiyah

        I also feel that being a person’s only best friend puts a lot of pressure on you and a lot of guilt. Like if it’s not working out between you, you feel forced to stay because that person has nobody else.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Well…yea…all of that happened. It was a lot to sort through.

      • Gibbous

        That’s why domestic abusers isolate women from anyone who would support them and help them escape. Anyone she trusts and loves who would look at her and say “he’s crazy, you need to get away from him!” And then actually help her escape! If your SO is not hip to you having good or best friends, run away!

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          You’re absolutely right. It’s something I can’t forget now.

      • Lillie Emily

        I needed to hear this! I am so guilty of this! I will read through the rest of the thread (time permitting) but why did you feel that you couldn’t be certain parts of you with her? That’s where I am struggling here….

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          When we were first getting to know each other, there were things that I liked to do for fun, people I liked to hang around with for fun. She didn’t click with that side of me very well, but I wasn’t going to change all of it.

          I will admit, it’s my fault for not understanding the differences. I felt like I was being told certain parts of my personality were problematic, and that she was being standoffish. Maybe she was just looking out for me with potential in her eyes, and thought I could do better. When I keep thinking about it, that may have been one of her beliefs, and I kept thinking it was something more negative. But in the end, what makes me happy only works for me. So I recognized I couldn’t share everything with her, and that’s actually ok. You’re supposed to have your own life in a relationship.

          • Lillie Emily

            Interesting! I wonder if there would be any circumstances under which you may have considered her objections more seriously? I’m not sure how long you were with this woman or really into her (not sure if that matters).

            I hate sharing my man…with anyone! It’s terrible but after reading your post, I immediately recognized that in me! Sounds terribly selfish, I know, but I think it comes down to being prioritized.

            I always want to feel that I am at the top of my man’s list and when friends come into play (especially when their female), it becomes concerning.

            However, I think you are right in stating that she was accepting of you entirely! She only could manage certain aspects of your personality and was put off by the other. Maybe, if you incorporated her into the activities, in which she may not have felt included (or maybe had no interest in)…things could have worked out.

    • Pinks

      Your last sentence is troof.com.

      Being married doesn’t mean you stop being an individual. In everything, there should be balance.

    • “From a very practical standpoint, if your spouse is your best friend then what happens if, God forbid, the marriage has serious problems or ends. You’ve put all of your friendship eggs in one basket and now who do you go to?”

      I have a friend going thru a divorce now and he’s trying to get his social life back like he ain’t get chose and throw up the deuce

      • Val

        This is exactly why people need to maintain their friendships while they are married or in serious relationships.

    • Cleojonz

      I quote George on that all the time lol. “World’s Will Collide!!!!” My boss just recently sent me a friendship request on FB. I don’t know what to do with this lol. We know a lot about eachother’s lives, but I wouldn’t necessarily need him to be privvy to the fact that I might check it during the day occasionally lol.

      • Val

        Yikes. That’s a bad situation having your boss as a fb friend. Things may be good now between you but what if that changes and now he knows all sorts of personal stuff about you? Nope.

        I think bosses should understand that people need to have a personal life completely separate from work.

        • L8Comer

          Seriously, I’m mad he even sent the request. He had to know he was putting her in an awkward situation… @cleojonz:disqus Don’t do it!! Reconsider!!

        • KNeale

          Just random. But I work at liberal organization that doubles as a cult for primarily white people who are totally gonna save the world. And having a life outside of work is a touchy subject because any interest or obligations that even start to appear to have more weight then the organization, in their brainwashed minds, means you aren’t dedicated to the “movement”. So I will never befriend a boss on any personal social media accounts. My job depends on it lol!

      • Oluseyi

        I haven’t been on FB since 2010, but I believe there’s now a way to “filter” or “zone” what a person sees of your profile?

        Alternately, speak frankly to him about it. Like, “I get it, but I’m also weirded out about it, and I don’t want you to be offended if I turn you down.”

        Good luck.

        • Cleojonz

          Yeah, I’ve taken the stance of ignoring it for now. Not accepting, not denying. I’m not doing anything he shouldn’t see but still, it’s just the principle.

      • L8Comer

        This happened to me once, but with a co-worker. It was over a year ago and I still have neither accepted nor denied her friendship lol. She ended up getting fired anyway, so I dodged that awkward convo.

        After that I changed my FB name from my government to something close-ish to my real name, but not close enough that anyone I don’t want to find me will.

        • Cleojonz

          I have a few co-workers that I am friends with on FB. One co-worker had to be unfriended twice because she was commenting how I was on FB and I was home sick. I was like oh heffa no. She got the message the 2nd time. It doesn’t pay to be nice to people sometimes.

          • Pinks

            One of my coworkers hates me because I post too much black-oriented stuff. She’d rather I just share videos of puppies doing the nae nae or some other nonsense, but I’m like NOPE. You asked to be let in, so now you and your people bout to GET DIS WORK

            • Cleojonz

              Word. If you don’t want to see how I live you don’t want to be my friend on FB lol. I’m completely hidden on twitter though. I do most of my militant blackity black stuff there lol.

          • L8Comer

            o_O Whoaa… see, now, this is why I can’t lol

    • Asiyah

      “As the great George Castanza showed us all it’s best not to have your worlds collide.”

      AGREED!

    • PDL – Cape Girl

      “There’s no real way to plan to have a best friend and a spouse being two separate people. Either it happens that way or it doesn’t.”

      All day every day.

    • When my marriage ended, I was so great fun for my support network had built over the years. They really came through for me. I was able to bounce back much easier than I thought I would and I have them to thank for that.

      • QuirlyGirly

        I am glad there were there to support you. I do think you need friends other than your husband. There are some topics that men don’t necessarily want to hear that a good friend won’t mind sharing with you.

        Also in your situation with your marriage ending, if he was your only friend, who would you have to turn to.

  • There are days I don’t want to wake up with my wife, just like I don’t want to be anywhere near a bed my best friend sleeps in. But, my wife plays a role that makes me keep coming back. She can’t be my best friend because she wants no parts of the shenanigans we get in to.

    Even still, if the wife says I can’t go out, I can’t go out. My best friend understands that completely.

    • Pinks

      Are you legit asking to go out, or is it more like you’re considering her opinion and choosing to act on the side of caution by staying home when you know she wants you to?

      • I never really ASK, per se. I just make sure that she’s not going to be mad if I do.

        • Pinks

          I dig it. I know someone who used to have to actually ask for permission because his woman was so jealous/controlling/insecure and it was so awkward.

          • Yeah, my ex-wife was on that plan when we were married, and it caused a lot of drama. It got to the point where I had to lie when I was talking to my friends on the phone.

            • I won’t lie about anything but I’m not volunteering information either.

            • Pinks

              That’s OD. Must’ve been stressful. I’d find it hard not to badmouth her to the homies in that situation.

              • Mental illness FTMFW. Then she started spying on my calls at one point and flipping out about it. Long story short, my friendships are there, but they’ve suffered some wear and tear.

                • Pinks

                  I lost a couple of people in college due to a bad situation. Homie texted every male in my phone after I left it in his car one night like “Leave my woman alone or I’mma come find all of y’all…”

                  I was apologizing for weeks.

                  • The worse story in that vein (out of dozens) was when I called a family friend for tax help and got accused of flirting with her because we shared an inside joke. Yeah… That was scary.

                  • I wish a nicca would. I will send him an invite to that beat down. I don’t do abuser boyfriends.

                    • Pinks

                      One guy was like “I’m in the computer lab” lmao…

                      To this day, none of my male friends have anything to say about him except “F uck that ni gga”. He was terrible to me sometimes.

                    • LadyIbaka

                      I’m in the comp lab-deader than dead!!!

                    • Pinks

                      he generally didn’t give two facks about anything, much less some crazy bf lol

                    • LadyIbaka

                      That response is hilarious!!

                  • LadyIbaka

                    *SCREAMS*!!!!

                • U sure it was mental illness?

                  • Four different mental health professionals had to evaluate her independently before they gave her the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. They even dragged me into a few meetings to basically tell me “do you know how real this ish is”? Also, I’m leaving out a lot of details. Psychotic breaks don’t make for light anecdotes.

                    • I just ask because I’m always skeptical of such kinds of diagnoses.

                      I remember a couple years ago, they had bunch of psychologists/psychiatrists on TV saying Charlie Sheen was bipolar because he was talking about tiger blood. It ended up being revealed, that he was doing too much coke. It remind of a mean joke I once heard from a psychiatrist, “When it comes to diagnoses, Bipolar is for white people, while schizophrenia is for black people.”

                    • First, that joke is accurate. LOL Second, being in the mental health community running support groups makes for interesting learning about diagnoses. Some have rigorous work done, and some have a few websites. LOL

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          I learned this the hard way. You’re an adult. You don’t need permission to do what you want, as long you’re doing it within reason.

          But as men, we tend to just follow the cues of the woman, so that if she doesn’t like something, WE don’t like it either. But that’s not particularly fair. There’s a balance that has to be maintained to keep yourself happy, and your marriage happy.

          If you feel like you’re doing what she wants because that’s what she wants, that’s wrong. Because then you’re cheating yourself. So if it isn’t that way, no biggie.

          • This is very true but one of the reasons I love her is that she knows I’m a maniac and she helps me to dial it back.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              I get you. I am too. But after a while it becomes maternal instincts instead of just her being your partner. That’s where you have to draw the line.

          • cakes_and_pies

            “But as men, we tend to just follow the cues of the woman, so that if she
            doesn’t like something, WE don’t like it either. But that’s not
            particularly fair. There’s a balance that has to be maintained to keep
            yourself happy, and your marriage happy.”

            That’s a plot line of every married couple in a sitcom. I don’t get why it’s supposed to be that way.

            • It’s only that way if the dude lets it be that way.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                True but many men do not know any better. All the advice given usually says “happy wife, happy life”. It never tells him how to be happy or to look for it for himself.

                • “happy wife, happy life” <———– Pure unabashed sucker sh*t

                  • RewindingtonMaximus

                    Seriously.

                    But soooooooooooooooooooooo many have fallen for it.

                  • Pinks

                    I hate that line. It benefits me a heck of a lot in life LOL but still…it sets up too many disappointments.

                  • Val

                    I’ve always thought that saying was a way of calling women nags. That if the wife isn’t happy she will nag you.

                    • That’s exactly what it’s saying but some folks actually embrace that foolishness.

                    • AlwaysCC

                      the way it was explained to me, it came from Proverbs 18:22 –
                      He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.

                    • Val

                      Interesting.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              It shouldn’t be, because as cute as it looks to make jokes about it, that’s also how married couples end up on the ID Channel after one of them gets murdered.

        • mr. steal your costco samples

          WHEN SHE WALK AWAY THEN I BE TALKING AGAIN

          …I kid, I kid

        • AlwaysCC

          that’s what my husband does. and he usually only does that if he knows when he’s pushing the limit on friendship minutes lol

      • Good point. One option is being a decent human and the other I an abusive marriage.

  • AlwaysCC

    i agree. i have a best friend. i also have a husband. he is not my best friend. i *can* tell him anything, be honest with him, argue with him, sit in a room silent and not be uncomfortable….all of the same things i can do with my best friend. however, it is a different type of love. romantic love (eros) versus friendship (philia) is my best explanation.
    also, my husband doesn’t particularly want to talk about things like how ridiculous “have a happy period” was as a slogan…that’s what my bff is for! lol

    • Exactly. Stole my thoughts. You get different things from different people.

    • miss t-lee

      I see we’re thinking alike. Good to hear this from a married lady.:)

      • AlwaysCC

        i understand the sentiment when people say they marry their best friend. i just think that it is very possible to have both a bff and a spouse. i don’t have to pretend to be someone else with either of those people. some of the qualities in the relationships are the same, but the relationships are not the same.

        maybe it’s because my bff is the same s3x as i am (and we’re both heterosexual)? our relationship changed very little once we both got married. i think the biggest change is that i’m not her first phone call when something great (or bad) happens (and she’s not mine anymore) lol

        • miss t-lee

          I can dig it.

    • KNeale

      I like that you wrote *can*. One (ridiculous) concern I have is whether or not my wanting to not share every single part of my past is going to get in the way of me having “true love” or “lasting relationship”. If anything, I’m not ready to talk about everything right away so are we not supposed to seriously commit until you got every detail? Is it okay if we continue to learn as we go through life? I’m not being sarcastic. I’m curious about the share part and how that plays into your partner being your “best friend” or your one true confidant. Is your partner supposed to be your one true confidant? Help me out folks.

      • I’m like you, I don’t like sharing every single detail of my past, I like to reveal bits and pieces as we get closer. My exhusband couldn’t understand that about me. He thought I didn’t trust him.

      • AlwaysCC

        my husband knows all the important stuff. i’ve been married almost 10 years and there are still some things my husband doesn’t know about me because i was this whole entire awesome person before we met, and there aren’t enough days/hours to tell everything lol but if i’m having a bad/good day, i have a goal/dream i want to share, i have some strong opinions about the last episode of black ish….i can talk to him about alladat. but that’s *our* marriage…you and your partner have to define how you want *your* marriage/relationship to work.

    • Siante

      “my husband doesn’t particularly want to talk about things like how ridiculous “have a happy period” was as a slogan…that’s what my bff is for!”

      I can feel you on this, my bestie & I talk all day long about our emotions & the most random/ridiculous things. I was just laughing to myself thinking about how I’m about 101% sure this type of communication would drive ANY man batsh*t though lol

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