With great power comes great responsibility.” ~ Uncle Ben, Spiderman: The Movie
And before him, some especially insightful fellow/fellowess who probably died penniless but who’d be happy to know that some 100’s of years later, their words would help others.
I’ve been jostling back and forth with a particular notion lately. It’s one that has affected everybody at least once at some point in their lives.
So, this idea for which jostlage has occured is the idea of responsibility. Moreso…responsibility when it comes to other people’s feelings and emotions in the context of a relationship. The only way to get straight to the heart of what I’m discussing is to lay out an example. Watch closely.
Donquestejuan meets young lady. Let’s call her Shareefa. They begin a courtship of sorts. There is no discussion of a commitment or anything, yet their actions and dates signify that they might could be heading somewhere…together. However, it is clear that Donquestejuan’s feelings for Shareefa are far more intense than Shareefa’s feelings for Donquestejuan. Donquestejuan, in his love-induced stupor, maintains doing the things he would to show her he cares, and Shareefa is accepting and even encouraging of such behavior. Unbeknownst to him, Shareefa is dating other people, etc. Donquestejuan finds this out, asks her what’s going on between them and if they are headed anywhere to which Shareefa indicates that, currently, she doesn’t want more, nor can she give more…and had Donquestejuan not been stuck in a love-induced stupor, he might realize he wasn’t getting much in the first place. However, she still wants to continue seeing Donquestejuan because she loves the time they spend and the attention he adorns upon her. He is devastated and jumps out of the second story window of his basement apartment and breaks his toe. The end.
Yes, I’m aware that was long and probably could have been shortened. But are you aware that in the time it took you to read that last paragraph, somebody’s car was stolen in this country?! Don’t be a statistic. Get insurance.
The more you know.
*ding*
Now, I know that in all truthfulness here, Donquestejuan’s predicament is largely his own making. Potentially he didn’t see the signs and was so caught up in his own romantic thoughts of a future with Shareefa, that he was just blind to the facts being laid out before him. However, Shareefa was encouraging of him to fall into this stupor. It was one of appreciation for her and adoration and other words that begin with the letter “a” that mean good stuff. She didn’t want to lose that so she might not have been 100 percent forthcoming with information and simultaneously encouraging of him to essentially, fall in love with her.
This all begs the age old question, how responsible should Shareefa be for Donquestejuan’s feelings in this matter? You see, as people, self-interest is our taste du jour. We are, at our core, the most self-interested, agenda-toting, personal pleasure concerned, bastards on the planet. I know everybody wants to think that they are great people and their heart bleeds benevolence, but in all honesty, even in our most generous of moments, there is a hint of self-appreciation in it. Which is why people want credit for the things that they do. It is human nature and there is nothing wrong with that. So maybe it is non-sensical to think that anybody should bear the burden of considering another person’s feelings in their own dealings.
But…
…if you are aware that one person is head over heels in love with you and you do not feel the same way, should you consider the other person’s feelings and just cut them off?
I guess generally speaking, how responsible should we be for other people’s feelings?
What say you?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P
P.S. Colin Powell, Warren Buffet, and Very Smart Brothas endorse Barack Obama for President of the United States. We know you’ve been waiting for our endorsement so here it goes.
Now, go. Vote. For Obama.
In short, yes, you are responsible. But you’re also selfish. You’re probably not self-actualized and don’t know you are selfish, have the upper hand, and are responsible for someone elses feelings.
Ooooh. I was first. Today is about to be a good day!
Ooooh. I was first. Today is about to be a good day!
i think she said this too
OBAMA 08!!!!!
I’m up like a kid the night before Christmas.
SI SE PUEDE!
they just reported on GMA that Obama’s grandmother submited her vote on October 27th and in Hawaii its legal if your vote is certified and her’s was~this is the news I woke up to.
SI SE PUEDE!
guys – all the best with getting obama into the white house!! south africa and the continent in general is rooting for you!!
wow. This is awesome!!!
my cousins called from Ghana this morning talking about “Don’t screw this one up. Get him in office.”
its that deep…
OKAY!?!? why did my mom get calls from family in Ghana asking if Obama was president yet…my mother is like, uh…its 5am! lmao
and yes, it is certainly that deep!
i watched the SNL election thingy last night and quoted Tracy Morgan on my twitter
“B*tch may be the new Black but Black is the new President B*tch” Tracy Morgan, SNL
who new TMorgan was prophetic
i knew!!! and i LOVED that segment! b!tch is the new black was hilarious, but i was really FEEELIN black is the new president
I’m up like a kid the night before Christmas.
thats what she said
“I’m up like a kid the night before Christmas.
thats what she said”
After your attempt to put her to sleep failed.
BURN!!!!
see, this is why u ARE the 8th Wondra…
So was I! I didnt fall asleep until 1 a.m. and I woke up to Obama news at 4:20 a.m. This is like Christmas or New Years or something!!!
I’m prepped tomorrow on my blog for either outcome. I’ve already written two posts with titles “Obama Wins” and “McCain Loses”. Now, I just wait and see what happens.
i think saying that someone is responsible for another’s feelings is a slippery slope. thats just me….maybe the word responsibility is a little strong. i aim more for empathy. if the situation were reversed and i was in Don’s place, would i want to know that he was dating other women? yes. would i be pissed to find out that i had been wasting all my lovin on someone who wasnt lovin me? hell yes! so, knowing that information, i would have to cut things off. or at least come clean about what im feeling so that anything they do past that point is an educated decision.
think saying that someone is responsible for another’s feelings is a slippery slope. thats just me….maybe the word responsibility is a little strong. i aim more for empathy. if the situation were reversed and i was in Don’s place, would i want to know that he was dating other women? yes. would i be pissed to find out that i had been wasting all my lovin on someone who wasnt lovin me? hell yes! so, knowing that information, i would have to cut things off. or at least come clean about what im feeling so that anything they do past that point is an educated decision.
yes I totally co-sign this…
I agree with you shat…
*okay. I think it was already established that the shortened version of your handle doesn’t work. lol.*
*snicker*
if it helps, folks often call me tani….
Why don’t we have posts where the chicks have real names, like Alexus, Corvette, Mercedes, Kia, Ehonda, or Alize, Hennessey, Chardonnay, or Bonequesha?
or Kitkatquisha
or Antashanay. or Ronniesha.
i new a little girl at a summer camp i volunteered at once. her name was Toshiba. that made me sad.
Reading this made me sad.
Reading that you were saddened by her sad encounter with Toshiba saddened me.
My favorite real names:
Quanetta
Vinetta
Tarlisha
SanQuanetta
Shantilla
Quatina
Sequoia
All homies from high school.
wow, 8th, i think we went to the same high school becuz i knew those girls too lol.
lol if you went to school in NC, we’ll have to chat on the side.
nah i was in CA. i guess the west and south have lots more in common than i thought lol
“Vinetta”
I need to know how this pronounced.
Vanita is a popular name in India. Did they flip the spelling, ghetto fab it up?
“i guess the west and south have lots more in common than i thought lol”
Damn, I was unaware.
i know a girl named Talitha from highschool…she was white
My old co worker had a cousin named Marijuana. I kid you not.. .I met the girl and it was her BIRTH CERTIFICATE NAME.
Top that!
Toshiba is actually the name of one of my bosses. So don’t be too sad.
ok. i’ll be slightly happier. maybe she’ll have a shot…
I did an internship years ago w/a black woman named Blondell. And…she had blond hair.
how…..fitting. *blank stare*
does Mercedes count..that was a first name b4 it was an automobile right? but on the Shareefa tip, i went to youtube to see if i could actually remember anything she sung.
i believe so…i know a oldazz lady named mercedes. she’s a firecracker! lol
this is actually a fly name to me and it is old.
i have family members named Mercedes…a couple…and in college, i knew a cat named Bakardi.
i know Black people.
i knew bakardi too. talk about a h.a.m.
Mercedes means mercies in spanish
*the more you know*
wasnt there a female actress type named mercedes rule or something of that nature??
I’ve always been a fan of the name Alopecia
i got a lapdance from a stripper named banana pudding once
Hush.
daaaaaaaang you didn’t wife that one?
this is a tough one.. my general rule in life is to be cosiderate of the following feelings after mine.. family, friends
peoples whose feeling I should consider on par with mine…my husbands (in most cases, unless its detrimental to my mental, spirtual or physical state)
people I consider before mine? My child
anyone else only gets general consideration but are in whole part responsible for their own. For the most part I have always been pretty honest about my intentions so while I would feel bad about you getting caught up..to quote a very wise man..these are the breaks..break it up break it up break it up!!
oh yeah.. O bama or bust Baby!!!
i remember when i was a little kid i used to think that song said, “pass the grits! pass the grits!” lmao…my parents had a good time laughing about that!
i really think this whole notion of being responsible for someone else’s feelings is really closely bordering on some co-dependency issues. your own feelings and emotions and whatnot should be paramount, but any decent human being would feel really crappy about using someone. so, while i wouldnt say that i was responsible for someone’s feelings, i will definitely own my actions and reactions to those feelings. i would feel (and have felt) extremely guilty knowing that someone is falling for me and not cluing them into where i am on that subject.
i would want to know, so my inclination is to tell the person.
you gonna make me cook a pot of grits…
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm grits
*drooling like Homer Simpson*
Do yall put sugar in your grits or salt n’ pepper?
Sugar for me!
butter, salt and pepper… sometimes gravy
Brown gravy????
Suddenly the election day doughnuts at the office are not doing it for me. lol.
gurl gravy made outta chicken grease… my grandma’s recipe
wait… i came back past this and i know it sounds like some straight slave sh*t but it is sooo good.
salt and pepper and ALWAYS cheese!! i never could understand sweet grits. i mean, i just cant comprehend. if i wanted sweet grits i would just eat cream of wheat! lol
Molasses. holla.
Butter, salt and pepper.
My mom would top off ours off with a lil sugar when we were really small. But I can’t do that now. I’ll just eat cream of wheat if I want a sweet, hot cereal.
wow, veg! why did i JUST say that! lmao! now you can GOMH!
Cheese in my grits
Cheese in my grits
co sign….
say word!
Yes, cheesey grits. Mmmmm….tasty.
At the end of the day, everyone is responsible for their feelings. But, I don’t see the point of wasting anyone’s time and will let a guy know pretty early if we’re going anywhere. The only exceptions is when I meet a great guy and might let it linger a little longer until I really figure out my feelings.
Hope that everyone is getting out to vote tomorrow! I’m so excited that I know that I won’t get much sleep tonight. Obama ’08. Yes We Can!
At the end of the day, everyone is responsible for their feelings. But, I don’t see the point of wasting anyone’s time and will let a guy know pretty early if we’re going anywhere. The only exceptions is when I meet a great guy and might let it linger a little longer until I really figure out my feelings.
I totally agree with you on this point. Its better to get things out in the open rather than sitting back and waiting to see where it goes.
I’m a very “up front/get to the damn point” type of person and i hate wasting my time. So i need to know early if i should treat him like a potential “jump off”, good friend, or boyfriend material. I guess at my age i dont feel the need to beat around the bush about things anymore..lol
*go hard or go home..lol*
shoot, i been feelin that way since i was 15! lol
*go hard or go home..lol*
loves it! i am the same way. once i figure out my take on it, i’ve got to let it out. if you happen to come at me before then or act in a way that makes me wonder, i will own up to the fact that i haven’t figured it out quite yet. either way, i’m all about communication.
people have the right to feel how they feel. i can’t tell another person that their feelings are not valid, regardless of if i am on the same page or not. i can however, own up to mine and the role i played in making someone feel a certain way.
Oh, and go vote people! Go Obama!
I just had a similar conversation today, well yesterday, and I as a grown a$$ woman am not responsible for other folks feelings. I m not a malicious or spiteful person so anything I do in the confines of a relationship or situationship is fine with my conscience/karma/whatever u believe in….
so would you let a man who clearly likes you do everything that he could to attempt to woo you even if you knew you really didnt want to be with him?
and if so, would you be completely okay with that?
Since I was going to co-sign with Alise (In Wonderland), I am going to reply to this one.
It’s a relationship or situationship (loves it!) because we have talked about it. I’ll let you know where I stand. If after that, you keep on trying to “woo” me, then it’s on you.
As long as we are clear on where we stand, my karma is as well.
shout out to Champikins–yay for the Stillers!! (read: “black coach and qb”…perhaps this win is foreshadowing for other victories to come)
put Country First ppl and BARACK THE VOTE!!
yay for the Stillers!!
Boooo! *pouts*
i wonder where dorian g is this morning.
He’s probably in line voting, I hear the average wait in Maryland is a couple of hours
dag, that’s rough. my wait was like 17min. at least we know ppl are voting!!
Where did you vote? 17 minutes???
I EARLY VOTED and was in line over two hours.
yeah the kid was in line for at least 1 and a half hours…BEFORE they asked for people with last names from T-Z…at which point, i finally got to vote…
2hrs for early voting?? wowsers.
apparently pgh has tons of polling places. mine is just around the corner from the crib. still had time to go to the gym and grab breakfast before strolling into work.
“I EARLY VOTED and was in line over two hours.”
Dayum!
I early voted and it only took 10 minutes.
the hell?
I was in heels…feet were stinging from all that standing.
And y’all just waltz in and waltz out. lol.
Ain’t fair!
actually, i sauntered in and sauntered out. or did i sashay? it was 7am and i hadn’t had my AM Starbucks yet so the details are slightly blurred.
“I EARLY VOTED and was in line over two hours.”
I just voted literally… 10 minutes top
i mean, i waited, but thats because i went hella early. i arrived at like quarter of 6 (polls opened at 7)…and im glad i did, too. i was the second person in line. by 6:30 there were at least a 100 people there. by the time polls opened there were at least 250!
so, being early had me in and out in 5 minutes or so.
Yeah it is but my district is in the hood so you know ain’t nobody voting over there. I just slept in this morning and told my JO that I had a 3 hour wait.
Yeah it is but my district is in the hood so you know ain’t nobody voting over there. I just slept in this morning and told my JO that I had a 3 hour wait.
LOL me too Dorian…..
He’ll be here talking ish soon, I’m sure…lol
Good job Steelers!
::applause::
I’m actually glad you guys won. You have to understand I hate the Redskins. Besides we won on Sunday so as long as we’re one game back i’m happy. It will make when we beat you Dec 14 in our house to win the division that much sweeter.
Line out here in naptown is 4 hours long. My mother early voted on Friday and it was a 3 hour line.
I am so happy that you guys didnt do an election post. I needed a break from it all.
Now onto the topic at hand, I think that they are both responsible. B/c in both cases their actions are a necessity to creating the whole situation. If she was honest things wouldnt be this way. If he wasnt in a love induced loser, things wouldnt be this way either.
If she was honest things wouldnt be this way.
When was she dishonest? she encouraged the adoring behavior, sure but when was she dishonest?
I’d call that dishonesty. We all do/have done it. Doesn’t make it right.
If you are a taking a person’s all and have no plans of returning the favor, then you are misleading them. Misleading, to me, equals dishonesty.
If you are a taking a person’s all and have no plans of returning the favor, then you are misleading them. Misleading, to me, equals dishonesty.
LOL shut up VEG with yo old deep insightful zenfully clean a$$ comments!!! I was asking Peyso!!!
but for real if we kicking it and we never discussed commitment and I enjoy your company but you fall in love why is it considered being dishonest and if not at what point do you cross over into dishonesty?
I mean its not like I am lying and saying I love you, or that I am in anyway letting you beleive you are the only one. MY thing about this post is that when the conversation came up, She was honest with him. So I dont think she was dishonest before…..he was just living in la la land which is why he didnt bring the conversation up before then. He knew the answer and the longer he could go without having to admit that he was cool.
LMAO.
and lol. (that’s for Gem)
This one is sticky. Him doing stuff for her could have been part of their ‘arrangement’ – spoken or unspoken – from day 1 and she was sticking with the routine.
Now, if she is asking ‘hey…take me to dinner…’ that’s different.
You should only take so many free meals from a guy you ain’t feeling.
and lol. (that’s for Gem)
This one is sticky. Him doing stuff for her could have been part of their ‘arrangement’ – spoken or unspoken – from day 1 and she was sticking with the routine.
Now, if she is asking ‘hey…take me to dinner…’ that’s different.
You should only take so many free meals from a guy you ain’t feeling.
girl I know, I know…
lmao! dang…he’s all “put me in coach!” and you got him ridin the bench and stuff…til you need something!
i dont like taking free stuff from a dude even if i am feelin him. now if i say, look we cool but its not going anywhere and he still wanna take me out? bet! i have quite a few male friends that always pay for me, and im cool with that.
like i said, educated decision. thats the name of the game.
dangit shady! you changed your post! lol
Now, don’t get me wrong.
I like to eat, too. And food tastes better when it’s free, it seems.
But I feel bad taking stuff if a guy is thinking we are moving on up when, really, my mind/heart is elsewhere. Guilt leaves a bitter after taste.
Platonic friends? That’s different. They can treat to their heart’s content. Cuz they’ve known from day 1 nothing was happening. And yes, I know…they may be treating in hopes of winning me over. It’s just a little different. But if they get to actin’ the fool and start talking about sailin’ away on the wings of love, I’d only take a drink or an appetizer from them.
dangit shady! you changed your post! lol
LOL girl I was trying to re write it and my time ran out!!!
But for those interested.. in a nutshell I was saying that I have been guilty of knowing a guy liked me and knowing I wasnt feeling him but accepting gifts, using his car, blockbuster card and accepting dinner and groceries thinking I was not leading him on because there was no s.e.x in volved and I never told him I was interested.. basically like knowing he was never going to move up from the JV squad but I kept telling him all he needs to do is practice and you never know what might happen.
I mean I didnt tell him he would make it, but I gave him false hope..
but shyt I knew that was wrong but he.ll I was a broke college student. You get tired of the wack a$$ campus movie channel and oodles of noodles.
“Platonic friends? That’s different. They can treat to their heart’s content. Cuz they’ve known from day 1 nothing was happening. And yes, I know…they may be treating in hopes of winning me over. It’s just a little different. But if they get to actin’ the fool and start talking about sailin’ away on the wings of love, I’d only take a drink or an appetizer from them.”
this is how people get stabbed
LMAO.
and lol. (that’s for Gem)
yessssss!! i <3 you V.E.G.
i think the dishonesty comes in dating other people and not saying so. if youre not trying to hide it and you think its perfectly okay, then why would he have to find out in the street? thats dishonest to me.
the whole accepting of his adulation. meh. everyone loves to be loved. but, in the interest of full disclosure, i think she shoulda started that conversation long before.
im just one thats all about putting the cards on the table. however we proceed, there will be no one saying “i didnt know”
i think the dishonesty comes in dating other people and not saying so. if youre not trying to hide it and you think its perfectly okay, then why would he have to find out in the street? thats dishonest to me.
I dont think this is dishonest unless she specifically told him that she wasnt but if it never came up? I think thats different. Now dont get me wrong she is just as much at fault for assuming he understood the situation as he was for assuming she was his main chick ( by the way I think Panama used this example to see if chicks would change their answer based on the fact that the chick was the “playa” in the scenario) and she should have put it on the table to make sure there would not be any “i didnt know” situations as Shatani said….
but of course! P-Jizzle aint slick…i see what he’s trying to do.
i think i have a tendency towards being overly noble (or maybe overly judgmental!) because even if it was never discussed, i would feel guilty knowing that i was dating around and he was steady trippin and stumblin into love and whatnot. even if he never asked. even if it ‘never came up’….i would feel like thats dishonest.
strictly speaking, i guess its not. and it depends on whether or not you view “lies by omission” to be lies at all (and i know a lot of people dont)
and also, i find it hard to believe that it wouldnt come up. not impossible though. ive seen some pretty superficial type relationships!
strictly speaking, i guess its not. and it depends on whether or not you view “lies by omission” to be lies at all (and i know a lot of people dont)
I agree that lies by omission are still lies but if we meet, start dating and never discuss commitment why would you assume that I was committed? At what point did she indicate this? see that part there is whats making this debateable.. was she at his house everynight and they talked on the phone everday? then that would give him plausible reason to draw that conclusion even though he still should have asked and gotten the official title…but if they was kicking it just the same I dont think thats omission….like the saying goes
when you assume you make an a$$ out of you and me……
i feel ya, shay….i guess it just comes down to this whole idea that it never came up. my azz would bring it up. i cant have you fallin in love with me when im not even halfway there (livin on a prayer!!)….if thats what i perceive is happening, then yeah, we need to have a talk dammit!
i like to know where i stand, and i like to return the favor. lol
feel ya, shay….i guess it just comes down to this whole idea that it never came up. my azz would bring it up. i cant have you fallin in love with me when im not even halfway there (livin on a prayer!!)….if thats what i perceive is happening, then yeah, we need to have a talk dammit!
EXACTLY….. we are eye to eye on that one chile
( by the way I think Panama used this example to see if chicks would change their answer based on the fact that the chick was the “playa” in the scenario) and she should have put it on the table to make sure there would not be any “i didnt know” situations as Shatani said….
lol i peeped that too.
y’all are some conspiracy theorists.
” You get tired of . . . oodles of noodles”
I’m sorry I was with you until you made this statement. A person can never get tired of Ramen Noodles, EVER!!! It’s like Bubba in the movie “Forest Gump”, there’s infinite variations of making oodles of Noodles. You can add vegetables, different types of meat, spices, etc to have a different meal every time. Asians are not the only ones that have been raised off of noodles
I’ve never had Oodles of Noodles. Or Ramen.
I feel like I’ve missed out on something…
*staring at VEG in utter shock and dismay*
*raises hand* i got tired of them after college. vowed to never eat ‘em again. went home after a year in grad school, found out moms wasn’t cooking on a regular any more. had to eat some d@mn noodles. my feelings were hurt. then my begging nephew comes up talking about “i loooooove noodles.” here kid, just take ‘em. and then i was starving again. bad memories.
*staring at VEG in utter shock and dismay*
i kept coming back to this…. but didn’t know what to say…
*more shock and dismay*
I’m sorry I was with you until you made this statement. A person can never get tired of Ramen Noodles, EVER!!! It’s like Bubba in the movie “Forest Gump”, there’s infinite variations of making oodles of Noodles. You can add vegetables, different types of meat, spices, etc to have a different meal every time. Asians are not the only ones that have been raised off of noodles
Eff I was in college and broke.. I aint have no money to be buying fresh vegetables and making meals and shyt and they didnt even have the flavor variety available now..the only choices they had beef, chicken, shrimp, oriental and pork and He.ll shrimp and oriental are the same flavor and I dont eat pork…..that shyt got real old 3 years in
LMAO @ the shock and dismay.
Never had either. I think I will try some just so I won’t feel left out. Or pitied.
That oriental flavor did baffle me.
I mean, what exact flavor was that supposed to be? lol
VEG, don’t do it. Your arteries will thank you.
The amount of sodium in 1 cup equates to about half a salt shaker…
Lived on em in college and I am SURE I shortened my life span by at least 6 years…
V.E.G, you’re not alone.
Plus the smell revolts me. Sorry to the fans.
I’d call that dishonesty. We all do/have done it. Doesn’t make it right.
If you are a taking a person’s all and have no plans of returning the favor, then you are misleading them. Misleading, to me, equals dishonesty.
i agree 100 percent.
I think this is one of the few examples of female privelege. If this was in the reverse, I think that every woman on here would be saying he is to blame for playing her and such. Or I may be wrong.
I think this is one of the few examples of female privelege. If this was in the reverse, I think that every woman on here would be saying he is to blame for playing her and such. Or I may be wrong.
I dont know maybe…but I have always been taught never to assume. I was raised to ask probing questions. I have seen to many of my girls and associates get caught up in this situation assuming there is a relationship based on nothing but their desire and the fact that the guy seems to like them. Of course he likes you, that dont mean he wants to Wife you….
I think champ quoted Patrice on yesterdays post when he says he been with his girl for 8 months she been with him for 4 years or something to that effect. Thats why I dont approve of the FWB thing. Because this scenario seems to always be outcome; its very rarely a bipartisan agreement. it almost always happens that Someone is cool where things are and someone is trying to become or thinking they are an SO and that only leads to heartbreak and trouble…
Once again, you inspire me to comment
maybe Shay should change her handle to Shay-d-Muse or Peyso’s Muse.
maybe Shay should change her handle to Shay-d-Muse or Peyso’s Muse.
LOL shut up VEG.. wit cho scalp greasing a$$….I told my parents about this and my daddy was like.. He.ll that gal is old school she was raised right..cooking, greasing scalps? They dont make em like that anymore.. I thought my mother was gone hit him in the face….
LMAO.
literally.
I bet your daddy got his scalped greased tonight. lol.
lookit veg causing strife in grown folks marriage! lmao!
LMAO.
literally.
I bet your daddy got his scalped greased tonight. lol.
LOL she did call and ask me what I be using in my hair to make it so soft …LMAO
I wouldn’t say that, Peyso. Wrong is wrong in this situation, regardless of gender.
yup.
encouraging behavior from somebody you have no intention of returning it to is dishonest…and downright f*cked up.
as much as i want to say that you should let folks hang themselves, its really messed up if you give them the noose and tie the knot for them. the problem is that a lot of single women, do like being doted on by some fellow even if they don’t want him…
…and really, the minute he stops and they see him out with somebody else, they’ll catch feelings. Waiting To Exhale teaches us this.
I actually agree with this, but women are not the only ones guilty of this behavior.
Nobody likes to have attention showered on them, only to have the shower-er find someone else, thus leaving the shower-ee shower-less.
Good thing I shower every morning huh?
This is good for a multitude of reasons.
im with 8th on this one…thats not only a woman thing at all.
i LOVE to be showered with attn when i want it (which isn’t always) and when its from somebody i’m willing to do the same for in return. afterall, i grew up an only/youngest child–never a shortage of attn. but the love and affection isn’t worth it when its coming from some one i don’t share mutual feelings for. i mean, if i led every stalker i’ve had on, i’d be locked in a rapunzel tower somewheres in siberia. no thanks.
encouraging behavior from somebody you have no intention of returning it to is dishonest…and downright f*cked up.
but she wasnt..she was encouraging the behavior from someone that she liked kicking it with..thats the gray area… she liked him but was not ready to commit and in fact wanted to keep seeing him per the scenario..to me thats not misleading or dishonest…selfish, yes
I am not responsible for anyones feelings but my own, however I should be responsible enough to do the least harm. So if Donquestejuan has made me aware of his feelings and not only that but expectations of exclusivity than I should be respectful of that and let him go since I want to continue to date others. That is the grown up thing to do.
holy sh*t, i agree. damn.
**checking sky for pig sh*t**
it’s ok Champie today is a new day, a CHANGE is coming… are you ready?
i do think thats a fairly succint and accurate way to look at it.
grown up too.
The only credited response.
I appreciate and completely agree with your statement. Like I said yesterday… you are my kindred spirit/ personal she-ro
Agreed with everything you said!
thanx Luvtheshoes, love the name, and the shoes (I been meaning to say that for a while now)
The vampires beat me to it but I have to say: you aren’t responsible for someone else’s feelings. We are, in only chronologically, adults. As such, we can only control what we as individuals feel.
Naturally, if in a relationship – romantic, platonic, familial – you don’t want to do anything to make your partner/buddy/loved one unhappy. Nevertheless, they will probably become upset with, feel neglected by, etc. you at some point along the way.
What you can do to minimize these hurt feelings is enact some control over what you say and what you do. If you don’t want a person dreamin’ up romantic fantasies about the two of you, then don’t behave in a way that would encourage such notions. Want your man/woman to feel loved? Then act like a person in love; show them you appreciate them. How they react after you’ve done your part is out of your control. At least you will be able to hold your head up.
It is an unfortunate reality that, in the process of living our lives, we are going to hurt people, some worse than others. We can lessen the blows by having a bit of integrity and not misleading people.
It is an unfortunate reality that, in the process of living our lives, we are going to hurt people, some worse than others. We can lessen the blows by having a bit of integrity and not misleading people.
VEG does greasing ones scalp constitute misleading? LMAO just kidding
I am with you 100% Yall shole been insightful thes last couple of posts over here at VSB ..what is going on? LOL I cant wait to see what Comeback and PBG add to the mix….
aw dayum. It’s like that?
I thought we had an intellectual e-bond.
lol.
And no it doesn’t. lol.
*I choose to live in denial*
“VEG does greasing ones scalp constitute misleading”
OH LORD..LMAO..
DAYUM!
its wrong when the posts from the day before continue to haunt you.
and by wrong I mean irresponsible of others
“its wrong when the posts from the day before continue to haunt you.and by wrong I mean irresponsible of others”
this is sexy…in a sit between my legs kinda way, maybe it needed one more mentioning. lol.
this is sexy…in a sit between my legs kinda way, maybe it needed one more mentioning. lol.
I been trying to get my husband to grease my scalp all day.. Dayum it veg.. this fool talking about
you dont never let me use your grease…..LOL fool go in there and get that imported coconut oil and come on……..
I thought being married guaranteed a greased scalp, among other things.
lol.
make sure you put that in the pre-nup, veggie!!
GOMH shatani.
I was thinking of adding “Imma need to add that to the marriage contract if I ever jump the broom.”
I thought being married guaranteed a greased scalp, among other things.
lol.
well he is good at greasing.. um everything else… but I did have a small breakdown about my hair grease when I first went naturual and I spent like 2o dollars on some bullshyt hair grease…and he was in there using the shyt out of it!! hair and fo’head just shining…LOL so that might be my fault..
lmao!! you cant be effin with the products, son! he brought that on himself!
Oh no! He was playing in the $20 grease.
That’s cause for a fight. lol.
This gave me a flashback – not sure why cuz it’s not related – to when my ex went to Aveda and came back with googobs of organic shampoo for his locs. Not one thang in that bag was for me! I was lit!
How you gonna go buy $12 shampoo for yo’ free form dreads?
Lol.
This gave me a flashback – not sure why cuz it’s not related – to when my ex went to Aveda and came back with googobs of organic shampoo for his locs. Not one thang in that bag was for me! I was lit!
How you gonna go buy $12 shampoo for yo’ free form dreads?
Lol.
I mean… doesnt that defeat the purpose of free form.. I mean aint you suppose to be using moisture from the earths soil and pure mountain spring water on them joints?
did yall know Jazmine Sullivan did a song a few years ago called “Can I Braid Your Hair”…
“Can I Grease Your Scalp” should be the companion song to the above. Someone needs to get crackin on the lyrics and submit them to her people.
“I mean… doesnt that defeat the purpose of free form.. I mean aint you suppose to be using moisture from the earths soil and pure mountain spring water on them joints?”
Yo, I hate all of you.
Can I Braid Your Hair”…
i REMEMBER this song! googling now…
8th said: “Yo, I hate all of you.”
i really just laughed so loud at that! lol
if its wrong, i dont wanna be right! lol
aw dayum. It’s like that?
I thought we had an intellectual e-bond.
lol.
And no it doesn’t. lol.
LMAO we do chile.. I am just jealous….
“LOL I cant wait to see what Comeback and PBG add to the mix….”
I don’t know if I just dropped some acid and AM reading someone waiting to read my thoughts. I actually am pretty wet duvet about all of this.
but let me sleep on it. Maybe I’ll comeback with a more aerated version of the truth.
I don’t know if I just dropped some acid and AM reading someone waiting to read my thoughts. I actually am pretty wet duvet about all of this.
is it really that someone is waiting to read them or that I am waiting to read them? LOL
do i hear Jimi Hendrix playing the The Star Spangled Banner. Did Janis Joplin just ask me to come to the window?
Okay.
You did NOT just mention Jimi and Janis in one post!
Two of my favs.
If you hear both Jimi and Janis (and don’t have any music playing), you are beyond high. You are having an out of body experience.
Gimme some of what you got, please and thank you.
lmao.
Pass it ova here, when ya done PBG. pon de left hand side.
@ PBG and VEG
Janis is actually one of my favs.
But I’m just gettin a little high off of what’s possible right now. We’re about to elect a Black President yall. This means that ANYTHING is possible if one just sets an intention, makes actionable and consistant steps to their goal…thats better than acid. (i’ve never done drugs btw. life is my pipe). lol
Well, I have indulged in some elevation in my life n’ times, and I promise you, none of that compares to what’s got me going today! Go Obama!!!!
do i hear Jimi Hendrix playing the The Star Spangled Banner. Did Janis Joplin just ask me to come to the window?
no you heard me waiting on your opinion. Whether I agree or disagree they are normally well written, and insightful. Just cause we tend to disagree doesnt mean I discount what ya saying…….
“no you heard me waiting on your opinion. Whether I agree or disagree they are normally well written, and insightful. Just cause we tend to disagree doesnt mean I discount what ya saying…….”
ok my last dust ruffle is in the dryer on “no heat”…you is sycin’ me up.(dc slang)…i hope i don’t disappoint. lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcvgdBRO3F0&feature=related
LMAO @ CBG using that slang and then getting that wittle man to be her “more people”!! That is sooo funny to me!
How you gone slap my main damie up here w/ the syce it. I actually knew him when he went to FAMU.
I have been so inspired by the VSB blog postings that I have started my OWN advice blog. Apparently, I’m rollin’ w/a bit of sagacity. Who knew?
sagacity and sagacious are two of my most favoritest words!
Hello, fellow logophile.
well, hellooooo!
*channeling mrs. doubtfire*
Damn, Mrs. Doubtfire.
You just reminded me…I need to go to work!
Bye!!
this is a cool concept..advice blog. Imma check it later. don’t change that.
reminds me of that ole Isley brothers tune..”don’t change don’t change”.
You so sage-like and sh*t….
I think you’re responsible insofar as you knowingly allowed someone to feel something for you that you could not reciprocate.
Let’s not play dumb here and act like we don’t know when someone is sprung over as and we’re not feeling the same. A lot of people are guilty of letting people continue to fawn over them and stroke their ego.
Almost every woman has at least one brother who she can call who is guaranteed to make her feel better when she’s feeling down on herself. She knows she’s never going to give him any play but she keeps him around for the adulation.
In that case I think you can eschew some responsibility. In that scenario you’re keeping the person going on hope…you’re dangling the carrot but you haven’t dated said individual or are not currently dating them. If they can’t see the trend in that well…god bless ‘em.
BUT,
If you are actually dating someone and you KNOW they are feeling you like *that* and you haven’t made it EXPLICITLY clear that you’re not on the same page, and allow them to continue in their ignorance while happily accepting their advances…then you have to accept some responsibility.
welcome and sh*t
well stated there, General.
Yes sir, you are responsable!
Let your poss SO, boytoy, whatever what you want out of the relationship, situation, whatever…
NOW
If you make things clear and they keep keepin on…
Thats on them.
Nite kids.
that comment was truly inspired…which makes you a liar
No one is responsible for anyone else’s feelings. But each one of us is responsible for our own integrity and what kind of person we’re going to be out here.
Our selfishness is human nature, just like PeeJay says here, but our ability to think outside and beyond ourselves is what puts us above 99% of the rest of the animal kingdom.
I think THE MOST disrespectful thing anyone can do to another person is to be dishonest with them. The truth is what allows people to make informed decisions for themselves and when Shareefa was not 100% forthcoming with Donquestejuan (couldn’t just call that bamma “Mike” could you, PeeJay?), she took away his right to do whatever he thought was good for himself, whether it be to carry on in his dealings with Shareefa or cut his losses and move along.
“Shareefa, that ain’t right!!
If anyone ever finds themselves in a situation in which they are struggling with whether or not to be honest about your intentions or feelings with another, ask yourself “What if it were me?” and let your human nature make the decision for you.
In short, Uninspired Muse made my point.
“Our selfishness is human nature, just like PeeJay says here, but our ability to think outside and beyond ourselves is what puts us above 99% of the rest of the animal kingdom. ”
I also agree with this, and not just in this case, but many others. We might not always be inclined to do what is right/moral/whateva you call it, but that’s where our ability to think on a higher plane SHOULD come in. Lee also made a good point about every woman having a brother who she can count on to make her feel better, but as long as he knows it aint like that, its all good. Its easy to have someone shower attn on you when they like you (why did i want to insert “smitten by the kitten” in here but thought better?), even though its not the easiest thing to do, I always cut it off…eventually. Let me stop, I usually cut it off after the first gift outta nowhere. It makes me feel too guilty, and then I usually ended up buying him something to even it out in my head…lol, I have issues.
Gnight people and be sure to vote! Am I the only one who told her job not to expect her today?
oh and when I say vote, I mean vote Obama, if you are voting McCain…please do not share. You will get e-stomped! I really am tolerant and shyt, but I sincerely do not understand how someone could vote McCain over Obama. I don’t even mind McCain as much, its that oblivious running mate of his that makes that dormant high blood pressure gene twitch. Ok that’s enough of that, VSB is a glittery haven from politics.
ps) at this point someone does need to bring glitter to the vsb bbq.
“but I sincerely do not understand how someone could vote McCain over Obama”
I saw my first McCain sticker on a black man’s car two weeks ago in the DC area….I imagine he’s just doing this for his white repub friends. Cause I know once Colin Powell sent the word down that Micheal Steele, J.C Watts and Armstrong Williams know what time it is on the little voting computer.
***turns up Cube’s “Today Was A Good Day”***
tho you are CBG and not a “muse” of some sort, you have inspired me to play this song as well. i hope the 2520s up in the spot don’t try to get crazy when it’s blaring from my laptop on repeat
“tho you are CBG and not a “muse” of some sort, you have inspired me to play this song as well”
ummm thanks ..i think…
**hoping gem never decides to write for hallmark on the side**
what?? did i say something wrong?? d@mn, sorry if that seemed like an insult, not what i meant!
i was trying to say, even though your moniker did not include the word “muse”, you still inspired me. make sense??
*making mental note to rip up hallmark application when i get home*
There will be glitter @ the VSB bbq. I’ll have a shaker in my purse.
and I’ll have packets of pixie dust son!
lol. if ya’ll ever make it Chi i’ll bring the gold stars.
I have been absent due to waiting in line to do my duty today, but the Diva Dust ™ will definitely be gently billowing about in the midst of the glitter, pixie dust and gold stars.
That’s going to be one sparkly @$$ BBQ….
lmao!
LMAO @ BBMo’ trademarking “Diva Dust”!!
you know how WE do….
I am so mad you trademarked “Diva Dust”
LMAO!
Ummm…who made your point?
I’ll give you a pass for that slip up since you were up commenting in the middle of the night.
“smitten by the kitten”
That’s what he said.
HA!!!!!
PBG, i completely agree with your comment. it’s hard to be responsible for some one else’s feelings, as they are THAT person’s feelings and they are the ones in control of them (unless of course they have traumatic brain injury or lesioned/malformed limbic cortex). but i think as individuals we should take some responsibility to ensure that we handle feelings (as they pertain to matters of the heart) with care and respect. it’s hard to predict or control some one else’s reaction to what you say and how you treat them. but for the most part i feel ppl deserve honesty and openness. it’s not always easy to be upfront about your intentions but often times you can save a lot of hurt, bitter, angry feelings in the end.
see my problem is this. They meet, they talk they kick it.. he develops feelings faster and she likes him but not ready to make a commitment. I guess I need to know what he did to show his love and what she did to encourage it. Perception is a MF and if you see the glass half empty and I see it half full its still the same dayum glass. So she might have thought the relationship was still the same while his love filled eyes made every moment with her seem that more magical and in love. WE also dont know what clues his love clouded vision let him overlook. From the scenario I didnt get that she was “hiding” the fact that she was dating other people, just that he didnt know. They are both in the same relationship but different perceptions. The problem is the lack of communication not that anyone was honest or dishonest cause when the topic came up ol girl was honest about her feelings and intentions the topic should have just been brought up sooner .. i said it before and I will say it again shyt if you want to know if you are his girl or her man? you betta ask them…… there are very few aspects of life in which you can “title” your self…so why would a relationship be any different…..
Shay, perception is indeed a MF, but I have full control of how I will be perceived when I open my mouth and tell the whole truth. I hate it when someone makes assumptions about me, so I handle that. You will never need a clue when dealing w/me. If a person is even wondering if I’m talking to or about them…I’m probably not.
That’s not to say I don’t practice a certain amount of discretion when it comes to my dealings and comings and goings. That’s all on a need to know basis, because I’m grown and single and report to no one. But if I’m spending time/energy/cute outfits/cosmetics on a dude, then he needs to know that he either is or is not the only one upon whom I am bestowing my fabulousness. How he reacts to that disclosure is completely up to him.
Personally, I like to be proactive in my own successes.
Shay, perception is indeed a MF, but I have full control of how I will be perceived when I open my mouth and tell the whole truth. I hate it when someone makes assumptions about me, so I handle that. You will never need a clue when dealing w/me. If a person is even wondering if I’m talking to or about them…I’m probably not.
1. I agree and disagree. You never have full control over how you are perceived.. You can only control your actions and your self perception and hope that your self perception and the perceptions of others match. If you are the type to do what you say and say what you mean this will be the case in most instances but there will be some that will take your actions and your words differently than intended and therefore their perception of you will be skewed. However I am in agreement that communicating your intentions are important and part of being a grown up. . Again I feel that this scenario does more to show how important communication is and the perils that lack of communication cause than it is about being responsible for other people’s feelings. .
“Again I feel that this scenario does more to show how important communication is and the perils that lack of communication cause than it is about being responsible for other people’s feelings.”
Agreed!
Again I feel that this scenario does more to show how important communication is and the perils that lack of communication cause than it is about being responsible for other people’s feelings.”
Agreed!
Good cause if I had to go around being responsible for the feelings of all the people that fall in love with me because of my sheer awesomeness I dont know what I would do!!!
LMAO.. and good night..
sing it, girl!!
as much as we like to engage in “impression management” we really dont have much control over how others perceive us and what they feel about us and so forth. it would really be the weight of the world on our shoulders if we were truly in control of that.
Is it that many people just out there falling in love or is it lust (faking for love). Now thats a growing problem, people thinking they know love.
i will admit that i throw the word love around willy nilly…folks who know me, get it. lol
“…if I had to go around being responsible for the feelings of all the people that fall in love with me because of my sheer awesomeness I dont know what I would do!!!”
I’m just sayin’…that would take up a great portion of my day. I got sh!t to do/talk.
I think the truth of this matter lies somewhere between the notion of the “golden rule” and “to thine own self be true”.
Yes, there should be a real basic need to “first do no harm” to treat others how you want to be treated. But let’s be real different levels of interest CAN BE PERCEPTION. And not all interest is created the same. As a woman “of a certain age” (in her young 30s), there have been men that I wanted to just shoot the shyt with. They were comfortable and cool or familiar and fun. Then there were rare instances where I wanted to go half on pillow top, breakfast, parts of my life.
And perhaps at times I haven’t always been “Joe, look I just like you to chill with as a compliment to my YaYa posse”. But is that my responsibility at week 2? What really pains me is that people , namely women (let’s be real) can’t read social clues?
Can’t a person honestly tell when they are being felt beyond a saturday tuna melt?
And to me this is a woman’s issue. Let’s not lallygag around the totem pole people **removing the duvet cover nicely from the washer.** Rarely can you fyck, conive, manipulate, worry, and “pubically desperati-ze” yourself into a man’s heart.
Part of this goes back to self worth and self respect. Part of this is a little ego on both sides (winning and being adored).
But didn’t everybody get the memo that its nicer to want what wants you. Sadly, if people really knew there was a lid for every pot, they wouldn’t be trying to fit a wok in a crock pot.
***i don’t why my @zz is so hungry this morning. Hungry for change and Hungry for grits and salmon, fried corn, and biscuits…wait i mean hungry for a bran muffin and a grande pike place with steamed breve 180 degrees two packs of splenda… (im on a diet).
im definitely feelin this soggy fleece post!
i know i am guilty of trying to force feelings cuz dude looks good on paper. i dont know if i believe every pot has a lid though. that the pessimist in me. everytime i reject a guy that actually likes me i get a twinge of “what if that was it?!?! what if thats the best i was gonna do?!?!” and then i get sad….
“i dont know if i believe every pot has a lid though”
i rebuke this message in the name of “divine orchestration” (yes i made that up).
***ok i need to “obamify myself” for the polls this morning***
oh P-Fiddy prolly won’t be pleased at this annoucement but…starbucks has free coffee today. Don’t you just LOVE the house that howard (shultz) built? So stop in today and get you some.
yeah, imma catch a free coffee….i dont like coffee, but i sure do like free!!
ps. ben & jerry’s is givin out a free scoop too….between 5 and 8pm
Really? Don’t play, I’m headed to Starbucks across the street right now.
“Seattle-based Starbucks will announce an initiative Monday to give away a free “tall” (12-ounce) cup of coffee to anyone who went to the polls to vote. The announcement will air in an advertisement Monday during the Saturday Night Live Presidential Election Bash. The show will be aired at 9 p.m. on NBC.”
“Voters can show their state’s “I voted” sticker for proof. There is a limit of one cup per customer.”
wk cite WSJ…
i don’t lie on my vajay jay or my espresso…girl scouts honor.
Sipping right now…lol
can i just say i am really extremely highly ticked off that i did not get an “I VOTED” sticker!?!?! apparently they don’t give them out in the burgh(another reason to hate this city. sorry pgh muse.)
Really? Aw mayne.
apparently they don’t give them out in the burgh(another reason to hate this city. sorry pgh muse.)
lol… No offense taken. I understand. Really I do…
i know! my feelings were hurt. i’ve looked forward to getting that sticker for like 20yrs (i used to wear my mom’s when i was little, hehe)
I didn’t get one either. I figured it was cuz I early voted.
Awwww Gem… i’m bout to call my polling place and see where they’re passing them out so i can get u one…
I’m sorry ya’ll didn’t get one.
I have all my past stickers on my fridge…lol
can i just say i am really extremely highly ticked off that i did not get an “I VOTED” sticker!?!?!
me too.. I have never even heard of that shyt!!! What they hatin on the south
I’ll ship y’all some extras. My building is a polling place and I got ‘peoples’ that will snatch a roll for me….
I’m mad I got folk jackin ‘I VOTED’ stickers… but you all deserve to represent…
awwww thanks pgh muse
(oakland polls suck! lol)
Thanx BB Mo’ cause I think that’s the only way we’re going to get some… sorry Gem, I tried… apparently i don’t have peoples like i thought i did. nobody i know got a sticker.
i got 2. just for good measure n shyt. sawwy:(
i havent gotten one since i moved to philly either….i dont like it! i want my sticker! i want to put it on my forehead like a gold star
BBMo, holla at ya girl!! lol
Dang, I thought everybody in America got a sticker. I always get one and so do Ike n’ Tina, even when I’d take them to vote with me as babies. We all have ours stuck to our faces right now. I don’t even want to take mine off.
“i don’t lie on my vajay jay or my espresso…girl scouts honor”
I’m sure the girl scouts will appreciate you using their honor in such a way
f*ck starbucks.
don’t get hurt, P…and on your own site no less
oh i won’t. you don’t want drama with the Arsonist…aka Tangle Jig.
i mean who really wants to scrap with a ninja named Tangle Jig?
lol! tangle jig sounds kinda soft for a ninja dontcha think?
it puts images in my head of penises (penii?) folded like pretzels.
these outbursts against starbucks only makes me want to get another cup. which reminds me, i need to take a data analysis SB break… brb
Whatever, Tangle Jig. I’m getting my free coffee from Starbucks and I’m bringing it right on up into your establishment this evening, raising it up, talkin’ ’bout “It’s a celebration, bytches!!”
Hungry for change and Hungry for grits and salmon, fried corn, and biscuits
dayum… ***looking at dry wholewheat pancake with teaspoon of honey** … i’m having a moment of sadness…
ur whole post is inspiring and sh*t.
“grits and salmon, fried corn, and biscuits”
I know what I am making for dinner…
“Sadly, if people really knew there was a lid for every pot, they wouldn’t be trying to fit a wok in a crock pot.”
Yep.
See we are EYE to EYE on this Comeback.. I am so glad my wait wasnt in vain…..all the stars seem to be lining up today…….LMAO
im inspired to not throw in the towel on this one!
The only feelings I am responsible for are my own. I cannot tell anyone what they should do or how they should in fact feel. But I can tell them how I feel without leaving much room for interpretation. More often than not, when people are placed in situations like this, instead of saying kick rocks, we use loose terminology. Something along the effects of ‘I’m not really ready for a relationship”. And a big fat “WITH YOU” should be added. I believe in cutting ties. It only gets worse. You find someone you really like and next thing you know you’ve got someone hiding in your bushes. Not a good ending…
“The only feelings I am responsible for are my own. I cannot tell anyone what they should do or how they should in fact feel. But I can tell them how I feel without leaving much room for interpretation”
i agree..this is basically what i tried to write in my adaptation of war and peace. It really is ok to be selfish. Being selfish means you get the person who is right for you. Not someone who wore you down into a “situationship”. Im not sure why someone would even want that kind of pixie dust.
“i agree..this is basically what i tried to write in my adaptation of war and peace. It really is ok to be selfish. Being selfish means you get the person who is right for you. Not someone who wore you down into a “situationship”. Im not sure why someone would even want that kind of pixie dust.”
I don’t know about this one. . . what if the person that is “right” for you is close watching your selfish @ss run a muck. The answer I expect is probably “then he/she isn’t right for me” . . . I feel many thinking this way are on the way to spinsterdom with a extended layover in cougartown.
Most women (I think) have dealt with a few bad men and have thus erected barriers to protect them from being stupid twice (or 7 times. . .whatever) . . . as a fairly good man, we deal with these women that may not put themselves right out there and they may be a welcome break from the scallywags that screw right after the club . . . should we not endure this test of will if we feel she is worth it?
Now, if you know for sure that you aren’t in to me, you should tell me. I would be willing to demonstrate that I am a fairly good man if we were all upfront . . . but don’t have me doing all this and you KNOW you don’t want to be with me. . . I am just saying. . .
IVR I agree with everythang u said here… I’m trying to get over my man issues so i don’t run off my good man and turn into a spinster … sigh. It ain’t easy tho.
sho you right, girl.
word! that one dude that turned out to be married…man, that effed my sh!t up good for a LONG time!
“IVR I agree with everythang u said here… I’m trying to get over my man issues so i don’t run off my good man and turn into a spinster … sigh. It ain’t easy tho.”
I can only imagine . . .
You do not seem like the woman in the post . . . Shareefa is apparently entertaining other men while dude is in love . . . you seem like you are aware and possibly upfront . . . I don’t know how it is possible, but if a dude lets himself fall in love after you are honest about it then I do agree that is his fault.
I agree with what you saying IVR but what comeback was saying is that she owes you nothing more than being upfront with the person she is with and if you fall in love after that its not her fault nor should she be guilted into a relationship because of
it.
Yeah there are women out there that have been hurt but that is their right to be protective and to make you earn their heart instead of giving it away on silver platter. as long as they are upfront with you thats all you can ask for
thanks Shady…chinese flip flops on big feet “diametrically opposed” or not..you got me here.
Firstly I am a very emotionally smart woman. So I understand how the word “selfish” bothers people. I’m not talking about the literal interpretation of making sure we only go to the places i like. Always wanting to sit outside and eat when you hate how the bugs get in your orange juice..stupid shyt like that…not.
Im talking about the self-preservation piece of dating and courtship. And I mentioned the DELICATE balance upthread between the “golden rule” and to “thy own self be true”(but somehow people are attracted to the extremes)….
Being selfish also suggests a bit of integrity as well. The kind that again knows that there is someone for everyone (in many cases many someones). And I’m not going to waste a man’s time if there are core elements I’m not feeling.
women often talk themselves out and into people…this isn;t a bitter assumption. There are men that i have dated and know who have renewed my faith in relationship possibilities and at 33..im not settling for anything less. not pixie dust. not what someone else thinks i should be doing. particularly men who haven’t done a bit of introspective work and likes throwing relationship darts at the wall to see what sticks.
namaste and whatnot
i feel you girl, i so do. im always telling folks that selfish is not a dirty word. self protection/preservation is the human being’s primary drive…
*nods head in agreement as I roll up in glittery and shimmery dust.*
Long Live the Yayas. Krishna Hare.
wow… there are always a few people that read and comment like that day’s post is more relevant to their life than (insert something that is really really really relevant to some other thing… it’s 3:10am-metaphors are beyond my mental grasp) but, not only is today’s post relevant, im currently having a conversation relevant to today’s post…
Let’s just add the fact that Donquestejuan and Shareefa are both in college, that Donquestejuan had a girlfriend (of one day) when he met Shareefa and that Shareefa just happens to be talking to the same guy (from back home) after two-years, who has recently gotten out of a relationship and doesn’t want to rush into another but at the same time has developed more serious feelings for Shareefa himself… oh and for some reason Donquestejuan and Shareefa decided to skip the b.s. and tell each other about their loose ends…
In the case above… Shareefa tried to take responsibility for Donquestejuan’s feelings, suggest that they fall back and just be friends, but that was met with strong words/feelings that his feelings were not her responsibility, and if he’s stupid enough to knowingly put himself in the position he’s in then any consequences are also on him… but u best believe she still feels guilty about it….
shoulda never baked him brownies…
we must all learn from v-dot on that front. baked goods are never okay unless you want him to stay!
Dope blog
Go B.O.08!
I voted early and want to go back lol
e.
thanks and sh*t
“I voted early and want to go back”
In Chicago, they say “vote early and vote often”
*snicker*
“In Chicago, they say “vote early and vote often”
Funny…my homeboy from Chicago does say this!!!lol
This town knows a thing or two about voter fraud.
i had to stop myself from saying this the other day and i’m not even from Chi.lol. i guess they got me in my few years here…smh
i say it a lot too…damn that american idol! lol
I hope y’all know this originates from the Kennedy election and not American Idol
Wow…I had no idea who I was voting for…up until VSB endorsed Obama. Thanks for helping me make such an important decision *2 thumbs up*
Anyway, people are evil. Not everybody though. Just men. So with men being evil, women have to be prepared and take everything that a man says, and believe the complete opposite. Thats the only way to have a successful relationship in 2008.
I kid, I kid. Plus 2008 is almost over.
My personal philosophy: I treat people how I want to be treated. I want a man to tell me whats up, if he’s just not that in to me. If he just likes my friendship, let me know. I’ll be sure to do the same if a man falls deeply in love with me (it happens all of the time).
I know we all like the attention that these people bring to our lives, but I really don’t like hurting people. If I can hurt you now, to spare you more pain later, then I’m all for it (it’s kinda embarrassing to get your proposal turned down on the big screen at the Raiders game..plus the Raiders will probably lose the game too..thats 2 downers in one day).
I learned my lesson when a good friend of mine decided to take things with me to a higher level. I wasnt feeling him but we clicked in so many ways, and on paper he was perfect for me, so I gave it a shot. Needless to say, after he would take me to the August Wilson play in San Francisco, or the comedy show, or the candle lit dinner, or suprise me with a picnic lunch, I’d leave him with a peck on the cheek and head on over to the man’s house who I was really in love with to practice making fake babies as passionately as possible. And when the friend started whining of how I would never make REAL time for him, I had to let him know the deal. It ruined our friendship…a friendship that I could have saved had I kept it real in the beginning and stopped him from spending money on me.
I’ll never do that again. Even though that August Wilson play was really good.
i like that raiders dig…that was nicely done! lol
It ruined our friendship…a friendship that I could have saved had I kept it real in the beginning and stopped him from spending money on me.
that “friendship” was doomed from the start
I have been in those situations before and honestly there is never really a good way to handle it, but it is usually best for your soul to stop it in its tracks, even though backstage passes, plays, and NBA tickets sho’ make it hard to be righteous, pray my skrength in the lawd……
You weren’t friends to begin with
Yes we were. I honestly believe that had I stopped it initially when he first asked me out, things may not have been terrific, but we’d still be cool with each other. He just had a little crush on me in the beginning…something that could have easily dissipated had I kept it real with him.
im kinda leaning towards agreeing with WIA on this one….it seems like he was just biding his time. you might have been friends with him, but he seemed to have been just waiting for the right moment to act on his ‘little crush’
1
ah 1-2
ah 1-2
1 < 2
1 x 1 < 2 x 2
1 x 1 =Dorian < 2 x 2 = Gem
1 x 1 = #1 = Dorian
2 x 2 = 4 (outta 4) = Gem
Dorian >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Gem (0n her best day)
Aww I’m sorry boo, I hate it when you’re sad
Dorian G is a meanie!
:p
i know right! i only had 1 > and he had a whole bunch of >!! as if not getting my “i voted” sticker weren’t enough heartbreak for one day *pouting*
I like this topic. I just have to say that the Steelers WON (:-P Dorian G.!!!) , we’re about to BARACK THE VOTE, and it’s not cold. It’s a beautiful day… back to the question at hand. I don’t think that people are responsible for other peoples feelings but should feel compassion and empathy (this is the TRUTH Shatani). Put themselves in another person’s shoes and live by the golden rule – do unto others… If we lived how we should live instead of dog eat dog like we are now we would follow one of the greatest commandments (Jesus said it, not me) which is to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. i know that’s hard but like PBG said yesterday (and i read and re-read that like 3 times it was so on point) that the more dirt you do and the more hits your soul takes the more unlikely you are to know how to relate to folks and have good relationships and that is REAL. So i think it’s bad to be selfish when dealing with other people period. Being honest is best.
“So i think it’s bad to be selfish when dealing with other people period. Being honest is best.”
lol…its really true that everything you need to learn in life is taught in kindergarten
That is really the truth… The most important things you need to know.
I’ve been Shareefa a little bit but not really. In the situation I had, I TOLD the guy from jump that I wasn’t into being his girl and to be honest, I wasn’t even that nice to him throughout the time we kicked it. He was just being extra, in my opinion. Let him tell it though, I was Shareefa all the way.
Recently I feel more like DonWhateveryoucallhim. In that case, I feel like people should have basic courtesy for your feelings. It’s not like a F-Buddy relationship where both parties know what the deal is. No discussion was had limiting the relationship and subsequent actions lead you to believe that there is opportunity for growth.
Man, it friggin blows when you are into him/her and they take without reciprocating ANYthing.
I won’t think you respect me if you continue to take advantage of my feelings, exploiting how much I care. So, as far as responsibility, if you have some basic respect for me and the common courtesy to respect my heart, that’s really all I can ask.
“I’ve been Shareefa a little bit but not really. In the situation I had, I TOLD the guy from jump that I wasn’t into being his girl and to be honest, I wasn’t even that nice to him throughout the time we kicked it. He was just being extra, in my opinion. Let him tell it though, I was Shareefa all the way.”
“Recently I feel more like DonWhateveryoucallhim. In that case, I feel like people should have basic courtesy for your feelings. It’s not like a F-Buddy relationship where both parties know what the deal is. No discussion was had limiting the relationship and subsequent actions lead you to believe that there is opportunity for growth.
Man, it friggin blows when you are into him/her and they take without reciprocating ANYthing.”
it’s funny how much situation effects perception.
Woohoo!!! i voted!! i was out by 7:07am…and not a moment too soon either, it was bout to get HEATED up in there!!
shouts out to early black folk!
now, lemme go take a nap before my afternoon class….
I guess I’m the only VSB regular voting for McCain today? I guess I’ll be the odd-ball today.
BTW – I’m voting for McCain because everytime I vote for someone they always lose. This has been true from Al Gore to the Blue M&M. Plus McCain makes the best frozen french fries
the blue m&m won! i voted purple…i think i was in 9th grade lol
I always thought the purple M&M won, I’m about to google it.
I still got gagged when I voted for Al Gore and the Tip Drill video on 106 and park.
i just had some blue ones in my morning handful of m&m’s! lol…i so wanted purple!
I still got gagged when I voted for Al Gore and the Tip Drill video on 106 and park.
i’m mad at you for this. lol.
Eff, you funny and sh*t. I’m still mad at your “dirty dawg cheaters handbook” though! Talkin bout “it’s hypothetical”…..
P.S. – please identify the day when you are *not* the oddball….
(jeopardy music playing in background)
aaaand….time’s up. lol!
The correct name is , “The Dirty Dyck Cheaters handbook”, not “Dirty dawg” lol!
And it was hypothetical, since I don’t indulge in those type of acts . . .
anymore.
And speaking of the Jeopardy Music, am I the only one that’s upset that they changed the music up like that?
Change can be good. But in this case, it was bad. I also don’t like how they tried to jazz up the Law and Order theme music. Now it sounds like the guys who did the Miami Vice soundtrack did it.
And I got the soap for yo DD cheater’s handbook!
I won’t mind you washing my DD . . .as long as you use Dove Soap
I see you are like McCain, no wonder you voting for him. Flip flopper!
“since I don’t indulge in those type of acts ”
“I won’t mind you washing my DD . . .as long as you use Dove Soap”
while I totally endorse the use of Dove Soap, this message is reverting to old behavior.
It’s ok, IH – I’m using that ole lye soap on his behind….and a stiff horse brush.
*singing*
Gonna wash that McCain right outta his head…
Damn just like a politician (read: woman), you’ve used my words against me.
That wasn’t flip-flopping. I was just inviting someone to wash my DD (with Dove soap of course). If Prince Hakeem can get his royal penis cleaned, why can’t I?
eff, I know Prince Hakeem and you are no Prince Hakeem
dang, i didnt even know they changed the song…i havent watch jeopardy in years!
It’s a different song, I noticed a couple of weeks ago when I watched.
Speaking of Jeopardy in general…
I was highly offended to see a guy on the show competing wearing some scruffy polo shirt and khakis and not in a proper shirt and tie. And it wasn’t even the college tournament! That truly bothered me! I mean, c’mon…he was on “Jeopardy”!! He should’ve dressed for the occasion and not like he was going clam digging or something like that.
NO!!! I was so upset, I removed it from my TiVO line up… (that and it conflicted with something else)…
….but I miss Alex.
damn! alex is gone too?!?! what the crap is happening to jeopardy!??!
This kat said the blue m&m….lol
I voted purple too…
…said from the west side of Germany, that while the initial attraction is mutual…there is no telling where it will head. Feelings change, am I responsible for theirs–don’t know? Would I feel bad, maybe, but then again, we doin’ the grown folks thang, so probably not. Is that too cruel?
AO said it!!
no, its not cruel. i think there are people that care far too much about other people’s feelings, sometimes to their own detriment.
in reality, you dont owe that person anything. but if you fancy yourself an honorable type person, your conscience will nag at you a bit.
“in reality, you dont owe that person anything. but if you fancy yourself an honorable type person, your conscience will nag at you a bit.”
This is one of the best parts about being a heartless @sshole. This is right up there with kicking cute little kittens and sticking my tongue out at babies.
Kicking kittens???? Oh sweet HaySuess!
*passes out*
PBG, I have seen the Debbil, and he goes by the screen name “Eff Yo Couch”.
Sparkle, Smoke and Tiberius rebuke thee!
Who would kick a kitten? And why?
Poking your tongue out at babies is okay…
I think that we should avoid knowingly hurting others. Usually it happens because having someone want you makes you feel good, even if you don’t feel the same way about that person. So instead of playing them completely to the left, we only play them about 50% to the left and they have no idea what’s going on. After all, if we did the unrequited lover too bad, they may not come around and give the foot rubs/bubble baths/bomb-azz meals/dandruf scratching/scalp oiling we have become accustomed to. It’s a human thing. God forgives us.
The reason I have a hard time doing men like this is simple: money. If a man is trying to wine and dine me and I’m not feeling him I will let him know the deal quickly. Ok, usually I just cease all communication. Money is near and dear to my heart (ok, bank account and credit) and I can respect it enough to not waste someone else’s. Besides, I don’t need some ninja looking at me like I owwweeee, him sumthin’! (thanks, Ginuwine. I got some gel for your baby hair whenever you’re ready)
Lil’T, I’m gonna need you NOT to encourage that behavior in Ginuwine. He needs to cut that mess out.
I can’t believe some of ya’ll thought that hot bamma was cute.
C’mon now – I didn’t know any better when I was in middle school! It was more like a “he’s cute – but there’s something not quite right about this bama” feeling. And isn’t he from B-more? Him and ole boy from Dru Hill…the hottest bamas on the planet.
OK, I keep forgetting quite a few of you are a little younger than I am. I’ll give you a pass.
And Ginwine is from PG County. He went to HS w/my cousins. That’s yo’ people right there! Bwahahahaa!
NNNNNOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
This news, and the spankin’ my skins took last night..*sniff*…it’s too much!!!! I just thought with the baby hair…and the gel…and the semi wack dance moves….he has to be from B-more. He just has to!
^^^ Damn this is how I felt when I first learned wrestling was fake
and that was last week too!
How ’bout them Steelers??…… PBG i’m jacking your glitter! . We made it rain last nite
this is rain… btw
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took a QB from DC to do it though…
lol…. he’s a pittsburgher now…
once u go black and gold u don’t go back
Ummmm, I’ve known BL for a few years at this point, and neither he (nor his good cookin’ mama) are leaving MD anytime soon.
I’m still very sad, though.
*shaking medium sized fist*
You’ll get your soon enough, steelers!
That’s ok. Ya’ll can have him back after the season’s over. Thanx for him in that case…
***waving the terrible towel i have draped around my desk****
lol like there are many major athletes that play in the city they’re from.
there are probably more than you’re giving credit for (though it aint no 50 percent)…hell, in the olden days, there used to be a clause in many basketball contracts that hometown teams had the rights to players from there…
plus Chauncey Billups is back in Denver, Lebron is in Cleveland (Akron is close enough), stephon marbury is in NY, Vince Carter is in Hell….
see it works out.
i feel you, but i’m saying for those instances that you mentioned, it just so happens that way from some.
I thought he was fine, but I always felt like he needed an extra 30lbs.
I always thought that pretty muhfugga was too hyped on himself but he did bus’ some crazy dance moves. I can’t front though, I owe him a debt of gratitude because “Anxious” really put took my swagger/mack-adociousness to the next level.
LOL!!! See…even you could appreciate him, helping out your game and all.
Everyone wins.
I voted this morning, I just had to share that.
VSB, MrSwagger, and Obama taking over the modern world.
thanks for sharing and sh*t
So I just voted and am feeling GREAT!!!!!!!!!!
The only feelings I care about right now are mine.
“The only feelings I care about right now are mine.”
***making mental note to not hit on v renee at the vsb bbq***
Si se Puede!!!!!! I voted last Sunday and I can’t wait for the day to be over, so I can celebrate. Everyone who hasn’t voted yet, get out and vote!!!
To answer the question
“…if you are aware that one person is head over heels in love with you and you do not feel the same way, should you consider the other person’s feelings and just cut them off?”
I normally let the person know that I’m not “feeling it”. I don’t believe in the whole “he should like you more than you like him” rule. If I’m not feeling you, I’m not gonna feel you ever.
I take feelings into consideration because I don’t know wanna lead anyone on, I’ve been there and it sucks.
I’ve said before leading people on can turn into stalkers and possibly being locked in a closet. I’m not down with either.
*singing* That one is gonna be my president!
“If I’m not feeling you, I’m not gonna feel you ever.”
lol…this sounds super harsh for some reason.
You think so? I don’t think it’s harsh, but it is real.
Lol its a lil harsh, twinny.
Okay, okay.
*hugs*
i don’t think it’s harsh. unless you actually say to them “look, i’m not feeling you and i never will.” then that’d be kinda harsh lol.
Okay…I can be mean, but not that mean…daaang!!!
No–I know how to let them down easy. It’s an art, I would never just say, “hey I’m not feeling you and I never will”…lol
It would be more like “I just don’t think we’re gonna work out.”
See? That’s nice right?
“i just don’t think we’re gonna work out” = “i’m not that into you… and never will be”
lol but yes, that’s a nicer way of saying it. and i feel you, really i do. i’ve had to have many a “it’s not you it’s me” talks. it’s terrible. i saw a guy break down becuz of one of those talks. it’s unfortunate. what else can you do/say??
what else can you do/say??
“welcome to dumpsville…population: you”
““welcome to dumpsville…population: you””
Is this patented? it needs to be.
i cant claim credit on that one and i really dont even know where i heard it. i just love it. and i use it for many places, not just dumpsville! lol…
“If I’m not feeling you, I’m not gonna feel you ever.”
perhaps that works for you, but i actually think that’s a very relative concept. in my much younger days, i spent a lot of time chasing down some chick who basically shareefa’d me. at some point, i realized i was the only person fighting in the war b/c she was at peace like a mothertrucker. well, i quit her.
next thing i know, she’s decided that she really DOES like me and can’t believe she let me go. took us a while to make it work, but we did…
…then we broke up. the end.
“…then we broke up. the end.”
Exactly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmOUP0U5PNk
Today’s theme song…
i just watched this and it reminded me of how handsome B.O. is…
yes we can!!!!
*Homer drool*
LOL!!!
Country First! McCain in a landslide!
Just kidding.
I tend to be the oblivious type when it comes to this stuff. Unless we blatantly discussed something, I will just assume that all actions are just part of the chick’s nice personality. She could be campaigning for 1st Lady/team MVP and I wouldn’t necessarily know it until someone else pointed it out to me. At this point, it becomes my responsibility to…well…hmmph.
depending on how much of a jacka** i have been, and its been in the decline over the years, even if i know a chick was feeling me, i’d just let her keep doing what she felt it in her heart to do. either she’d get tired at some point, or i’d just tell her to kick rocks b/c i got tired of her being tired of waiting on me. lol.
i was bad like leroy brown.
Wow. this story sounds like me, except I’m a girl.
I think if you are aware that someone is feeling you and the feeling isn’t mutual, you need to cut them off…..
I’ve learned to walk away on my own but not every person is strong enough to kick bricks. If you know, that’s kinds of leadng the person on….
Which may lead to murders of passion and stalkers. (LOL, or do I watch too many movies?) You seriously don’t know how someon will react if pushed to far…
VOTED THIS MORNING!!!!
yep, too many movies, stalkers/crazies are who they are whether lead on or not, one of my 2 stalkers in life never even had anything past a first date, crazy gon’ do what crazy gon’ do regardless….
“crazy gon’ do what crazy gon’ do regardless….”
preach! saying you caused someone to stalk or kill you is really blaming the victim. folks will stalk you and you aint even met them before…
By the way I saw a pic of you yesterday and your a liar. Unless you mean your the one not feeling dude, which in that case, I saw a pic of you yesterday and that makes sense.
Huh Dorian??? LOL. No honey.. this happens to me all the time… looks mean nothing… not to say I look anything like Halle, but look at her, all her men have treated her AWFUL.
Thanks for that kinda compliment though.
I voted this morning and I believe in CHANGE. BARACK the Vote. In the words in Barack Obama in his last speech last night “FIRED UP AND READY TO GO!!!”
Pray for his and his families protection. God be with him.
I say F*ck ‘em (And no, not in the cool, drop-them-drawers sort of way). If you happen to be casually dating a person who is knee-deep in love with you, it is their job to get a hold of themselves–not your’s. Your job is to figure out whether they are the one or not.
On another note…can you guys believe that a black man is going to be the Leader of the Free World!?! When the results are in I am going to act a fool. If my boss asks me to do work it will go something like this.
Boss: “Good morning D*Pain, would you mind flying to Australia to evaluate our Sydney Business units.”
D*Pain: **Rolls eyes and slowly takes feet off desk”** “Motherf*cka, you must not have seen the election results. Barack won, B*tch. Times done changed, MAN! When he got upgraded so did I. So, from now on, you don’t tell me what to do…I tell you what to do. And what you need to do… is F*ck off! NOW!”
Boss: “Please forgive me. I’m going to f*ck off now.”
D*Pain: “You damn right you will!!”
Please begin forwarding job listings to Yung$$$ aka D*Pain now.
LOL! You must not know ’bout me… You must not know ’bout me…
LMAO! i think thats the best story ive ever read! lol…that should be adapted into a screenplay and shyt!
LMAO!!
D*Pain, I’m w/you. I know if Obama wins, I’m going to work late, still drunk and I’m knocking over all the stuff in their house, yellin’ out “Si, se puede, bytches!!”
Si, se puede, bytches!!”
Bwaaaaa!! that was funny! I checked ur blog, Madam Sagealicious PBG… blogspot is block by my job so i can only kinda check it out but it looks great. I can’t wait to read more!!
PBG
You had me right here…
“A skinny man can’t do a thing for me but introduce me to his big-boned brother/young uncle/co-worker/frat brother.”
You’ve been added to the favorites.
Thank ya kindly @ both Miss T-Lee and Ms. Muse. How about one or the both of you ladies send me a letter? Everything will be posted anonymously. H3ll, send me some of yo’ friends/family members business! LMAO!!
You had me right here…
“A skinny man can’t do a thing for me but introduce me to his big-boned brother/young uncle/co-worker/frat brother.”
You’ve been added to the favorites.
ditto that! that line cracked me up! i’ll see if i can send a letter in too (if you like)
I’ma add you to my blogroll… me likes you, sage one.
liberal helping of Diva Dust ™
i’ve been in this situation for ten months now, not including the dating other people. in my predicament, we both have feelings, strong feelings, both said the dreaded i “heart” you, but he has other commitments to business endeavors and therefore can’t commit to me as much as he would like to because he is just as selfish as i would be with his time and company. so you have to be very responsible of your own feelings and never be afraid to communicate early on. after a few dates and definitely after being intimate, you have to have some discussion of where this relationship is going. we get hurt when we’ve developed our own ideas of the connection that we come to find aren’t true. knowledge is power, the power of your own emotions in this case.
or he could just be running game, great game… hmph ***scratching my head and dialing his number***
You know… my homegirl is in the exact same situation. (Kadijah is that you?) Anyway, when she told me about her situation I was skeptical about dude’s inability to commit due to he professional ambitions. It just sounds kinda strange to me. But I could just be a cynical mofo.
i’m pretty cynical when it comes to this type of stuff…i feel like if somebody wants to commit, they will and they’ll make things work. when folks don’t, they come up with reasons that seem reasonable to them as to why they just can’t commit.
i have 37 jobs and a cat and still found time to commit to my girlfriend bc that’s what i wanted.
Exactly, P. Daddy.
I try to explain this to people, but they don’t get it.
WE ALL MAKE TIME FOR WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO US.
Period.
I agree. If you’re really trying to be there, you will be there.
Eff the words, I’m all about actions.
word! and i see sometimes folks get mad that i take their words with a grain of salt. they get REAL mad when i point out what their actions convey. lol…they just hate gettin caught!
I cannot tell you the ginormous amount of times I have said this. I LIVE by this. *daps 8th*
I agree… Read he’s “Just not that into you” girl!
that is my book right there! its all raggedy, cuz i freely loan it out to my girls who need a damn reality check. and i am NOT one to loan out a book, so they know that ish is meaningful….shatani is stingy wit a book.
He’s just not that in to you.
Ok, I am @ work, trying to teach these babies how to say “Yes we can!” They seem to be catching on.
I am also bumpin’ my DJ Green Lantern Obama mixtape for them. I’m getting hyped up to go vote @ 2pm!
@ Pgh Muse: 4get ya’ll Steelers!
I do not support kitten kicking, but I do endorse sticking your tongue out @ babies.
@ Pgh Muse: 4get ya’ll Steelers!
“but I do endorse sticking your tongue out @ babies.”
I stick my tongue out at babies ALL THE TIME. It’s almost like a natural reaction.
i like teaching babies bad habits. lol
Good question Panama
I would say that we would have to be as responsible as we know/want to be. I mean should your partner/friend come to you and say, ‘that they are on such n such a level, do you want to come too?’ You owe them/yourself the most truthful answer. Remember kids omission is just as much a lie as a lie=a lie.(because they both by design try to hide the truth)
On the one hand in being truthful you must admit/or find out that this potentially isn’t a match. On the other hand you are a greedy bloodsucker. So do like Spike says and ‘do the right thing.’ Here’s a lil help for the ladies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8luxaT0JRs and the fellas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9P2hoO088lc.
So the moral of the story is don’t lead people on, unless you want to be labeled a greedy bloodsucker.
Great post, btw are we making the world a better place or what?!
yes we can!
(thanks Lizinator)
I definitely think you know when someone is giving you more than you intend on giving them. As hard as it may be to hurt their feelings and stop allowing your own ego to be stroked with all the attention, you have to let people know what the deal is.
Karma is a big bytch…named Helga.
But the game slingers of the world have messed things up for the gullible and naive. I think you have to give people a chance to wrap their minds around what is going on. Ever heard the line (don’t fall in love w/ me). Sometimes it’s a line, and sometimes it’s a come harder cue. *shrugging shoulders* How do you live knowing that there’s sharks swimming w/ Nemo, wolves w/ the whitest of fleece down.
“But the game slingers of the world have messed things up for the gullible and naive. ”
I don’t think they messed it up only for the gullible and naive . . . they messed it up for everyone . . . Greedy/Selfish people screw up everything that would be wonderful in an ideal world (the bond between man and woman . . .free market capitalism. . . Religion) . . . ahh to be born in a simpler time. . .
Touche
getting jealous; then my fav playlist starts on my cell phone, b4 I get a txt from my sweetie and remember, I’m still young(almost kinda relatively). Okay I’m not jealous anymore.
I voted. Love me.
As far as folks feelings go, I don’t necessarily think that you should be responsible for other folks feelings, but I do think that you should be cognizant of what you are doing to heighten them. Encouraging them to be there for you and do things for you, etc. is totally sending the message of intimacy and moving in the direction of greater bonding. If you don’t want that, then why would you continue to allow somebody to act in a way that you know is geared towards relationshipism?
If you tell folks whats up…then its completely on them. Save yourself some unwanted phone calls and conversations…
Or you can just treat ‘em like a prostitute.
I don’t think you should ever continue to mess around with someone you know feels considerably more for you than you do for them.
People are stupid. They think that if they make him come a little harder or buy her a pretty enough V-day gift or wtfever, they can change folks’ minds.
I think that when you continue to mess around with these hopeful/hopeless people, you are encouraging them to delude themselves and possibly driving them toward acts of violence and destruction toward themselves and others (mostly, you).
lmao @ “mostly you”
Kudos Panama 4 voting
I would definitely agree. I am responsible for nobody’s feelings but my own or maybe my seed’s. As far as someone else getting dun up, by me. I’d state my stance on our relationship just as they did to me. I would come as strait up as they did. If they came out and said it, I’ll come back and say it too. If they go and flash me and I don’t want them then I’ll sully their happy place w/ me.(cuz everybody knows how good accidental party hat showing is)
By the way, for those in the DC area – we’re having a huge Election Night party at my club. Four levels of entertainment and I even think we have a freakin’ MOON BOUNCE inside the club (no lie). From 3pm to 3am on U Street.
Bohemian Caverns at the corner of 11th and U Street, NW.
Well have live bands and DJs and of course coverage courtesy of CNN and Jon Stewart on Comedy Central…
If you’re looking for something to do…
How much and shyt?
i do believe its maybe $5 bucks. it definitely ain’t expensive I know this…
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present:
ELECTION PARTY 2008
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FEATURING;
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SIX BANDS, FOUR DJs
…a victory parade on U Street
Comedy Central, CNN, Fox News on multiple screens
Games, Contests & Prizes all nite
Drinks Specials courtesy of DIAGEO
The Most UNIQUE Election Celebration in the City!
A once in a lifetime event for a once in a lifetime election.
$5 ADMISSION ALL NITE w/RSVP
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I’m going to another party tonight, but i definitely might slide thru there afterwards.
And yes I took off tomorrow months ago for an “appointment”. The first thing I’ve been proactive in doing since trying to bag that 9 from NYU I met at the airport a couple years ago.
Ninjas is gonna act up tonight.
Yeah – how much?
hey Peej–is there anything goin on in the District Nov 15-19?? i’ll be there for a conference.
i’m not sure…i mean, its DC, there’s ALWAYS something going on, but in the ways of anything special…i haven’t the foggiest.
right. maybe i shoulda been more specific. since i’ll be there during the week, and we love to drink and party before waking up to listen to boring talks, i was curious what places (bars, lounges, whatever) are poppin during the week, like monday-wednesday??
oooh Gemie, Im always looking for an excuse to visit my LS and DC…
yaaaay play date!! you just let me know.
I’ve already made plans to attend. And I’m gettin’ in that moon bounce!!!
Okay if PBGizzle is in the house, I wanna come too.
lol you think i’ll be able to spot your e-personality out in the crowd?
Just look for a short brown woman w/locs, more than likely dressed in some jeans and a snarky t-shirt with a drink in her right hand.
Okay, if a 6’2 (I’m wearing heels) amazon with a bob in a black wrap around dress comes up to you, dont be alarmed.
Matter of fact, it may be easier for you to just find me, lol.
*bitting fist* ooooh I wanna go. Where is Eff Yo Couch man we need to get out there.
i know right! that sounds fun! if i didnt have work in the morning, i would so take the road trip.
I’m mad I’m missin that party… but I will be having a throwdown in my house tonight… Obama cupcakes and shots of Patron for every state B-ROCKS!
with all that good uplifiting music… Marvin Gaye, Earth Wind and Fire, Sam Cook, Public Enemy… you know!
dang, i wanna party with BBMo (and get my sticker hehe)!!
oooh, that sounds fun! me and my girls were gonna go to the election night party down at Sole Food…but most of us are not in the mood for no dress code! lol…if i didnt have to be useful all early tomorrow morning i would knockin back shots all night!
I voted today! I’m so excited and nervous I ready to slap myself.
Ok. I am a big proponent of not wasting other people’s time. I have been in Shareefa’s position, and I had to just tell the man in question that I didn’t see a future with us and couldn’t continue seeing him. I mean, I would want the same consideration and respect. Hurt me a little right now instead of a lot later. I’m a big girl, I can take it. Of course he didn’t like it, and it was an uncomfortable conversation, but it needed to be said.
See…I like how you think.
I knew I wasn’t alone…lol
you certainly dont need more people. lol
I would just like to point out that when we do not take responsibility for other people’s feelings, songs such as Before He Cheats, Mrs. Leroy Brown and Bust Your Windows are penned, emphatically performed, sung along to and, eventually, reenacted.
Thaaass right, J.
Eff yo couch – I hope your insurance game is tighter that Beyonce’s weave. You gon need it!
My insurance is cool, but that all depends on how many window get broke. Yes I’m speaking from experience. Last time my window were broke by some crazy chick ,it cost me like $250 dollars to get replaced. Which was under the $500 deductible for my insurance policy, so guess who had to cough up the $250.
Is she crazy or are you crazy for promoting the behavior that got your ish effed up?
she crazy. im sure there are plenty of women that get done dirty by Eff and they dont start bussin windows.
he just needs a better screening process. lol
speaking of not so tight weaves, i started watching Real Housewives of Atlanta. and that Kim (?) child’s hair* is just a hot-flippin-mess!! she got all that dough from her “big poppa” and she walkin around lookin like a lion. i declare. what is going on!?
*if that’s what you want to call “it”
ok, so i JUST now read this post. yes, even after making a few random comments this morning about the election and the Steelers’ great win last night. but this…
He is devastated and jumps out of the second story window of his basement apartment and breaks his toe. The end.
…made me LMAO and lol. thanks for double laugh, PaJamas.
you’re welcome…i’m glad you enjoyed it…
(completely unrelated) a school bus filled with JHS children pulled up at the polls this morning screaming OBAMA at the top of their lungs . . . they were hustled into the building and quieted but this made me smile and sh!t.
Niiiice.
My five year goddaughter told me the other day she voted for Obama. They had an election at her school and she was too proud!!!
awww too cute! i love it.
my brother was telling me my nephews were at their maternal grandparents house (they’re 2520s) and they had a mccain/palin sign in the front. 1 of my nephews (7yo, lightest skinned of the bunch) asked his “nana” why she was voting for mccain and she said “becuz he’s the best candidate.” my nephew’s response: “but he’s not.” he puts on for Obama, never been so proud *tear*
side note: always the light ones that be so pro-Black and ish lol
i love stories about the babies for obama! its amazing!
My neices were telling everyone we saw today that Obama won the election, people kept looking at them like these stupid @ss chilldren, then the 7 year old said yeah on Nickelodeon all the kids voted Obama president, he’s my president!
she said it so matter of factly each time, I have been close to tears all day. My emotions are boiling over
I have been giddy all day.
The reason? Read my blog.
Am I my brother’s/sister’s* keeper?
We have a responsibility to act in a manner that does not cause malice to others but we cannot be emotional babysitters.
Emotions, feelings, chemical reactions are all subjective. No individual can control the perceptions of another. Deviant controls Deviant and no one else*.
*Or so we let you believe.
Say this w/ me Deviant “self, (come on don’t be shy) self… you are under my control…”
lol
Deviant does not believe in self-control. Only self-indulgence.
Remind me to take your class/retreat when it comes around next year.
Emotions, feelings, chemical reactions are all subjective. No individual can control the perceptions of another.
i couldn’t agree more. well stated.
Certain people* are more than willing to feign ignorance and enjoy all the fruits of another’s adulation.
*aka women.
They do this at their own peril.
Example
Let’s call her Dana, and call him Simp.
Simp is paid.
Simp is going to Acapulco.
Simp is totally into Dana’s frame.
Simp tells Dana that he wants her to go with him.
Dana thinks
- that’s my friend
- we can go as friends,
- I don’t owe him anything – va jay jay or $$
- It’ll be great, plus I need a break
Dana is a fool in more ways than one.
- He definitely wants something.
- he is not her “friend”, she’s just not seeing the signs that he really wants to bend her over a couch.
- she’s herself, she’s thousands of miles from home with a strange man.
I see this all the time. A woman puts a ton of faith in her ability to control the men around her. And when things fall apart….
See people this IS a scenario too often played out. I just like to pontificate Dr. Richard P. Feynman’s famous quote, “don’t fool yourself and remember, YOU are the easiest person to fool.”
this does happen often. but men have to also be willing to be upfront and say “look, you can come on this trip with the idea that you will come on this trip.” while men may think their intentions are obvious to women, women may have their own intentions (i.e. the friend angle) and totally abuse the situation. while women can def be trife by “feign[ing] ignorance and enjoy[ing] the fruits of another’s adulation”, women most often times do what they know men will let them get away with. i’m tired of hearing/seeing dudes play the victim when they are knowingly letting themselves be taken advantage of or played. fault lies with both parties.
if a dude can’t man up and be honest about what he wants and expects from a chick, well then… sorry for ya.
no woman is gonna go on a trip knowing ahead of time a dude she thinks is her friend wants some a$$ unless she is willing to give up the goods
and she’s stupid to think that any man would take her on vacation just for the pics. that is what you call stupid – knowing better and doing it anyway
this has nothing to do with ppl being stupid. ppl are stupid all the time about many different situations. that’s not the point. the point is, ppl (in this situation “women) will use whatever angle (be it real or made up) they can to get what they want. is that right?? no. but is it her fault a dude knowingly plays into it?? no. dudes gotta take responsibility too. stop faking.
” women may have their own intentions (i.e. the friend angle) and totally abuse the situation”
^^A woman who abuses a person in this situation – IS NOT A FRIEND.
You don’t do that to friends. At least I don’t try to take advantage of the people I call my friends.
The fact that your friend Dre wants to donkey punch you – means he’s not a friend.
i have not/am not disagreeing with this comment. just cuz some one uses the “friend angle” doesn’t mean that’s what it is or what they think.
my point is, most ppl don’t get UNKNOWINGLY used in the situation you mentioned above. if Simp gets taken advantage of by Dana, that’s on him.
the women that do this and the men that let it happen should all be stoned then tossed in an algae bloom
you might be on to something. i “might could” support this.
how is it his fault for thinking that a chick who agrees to go to Acapulco wants to “come” with him?
They don’t wanna hear “Do you want to go to Acapulco with me? Now before you answer, let me tell you that I do expect some putty or at least some head. You still wanna go?”
chicks do not want dudes to outright solicit the putty. they say they do but they really don’t. they want to be lied to* and coerced.
They wanna hear “Hey, girl. I’m going on this trip to Acapulco. You wanna come? I’ll pay for everything. I just want you to enjoy yourself.”
We’ve already talked about the fact that men and women can be friends. Not for real, for real. So the mere offering of an all expense paid trip is really an open invitation to see his dyck.
The kicker is, if they did go and Dana didn’t put out and Simp found someone else to enjoy his vacation with… Dana would be pissed.
* not “that’s not my wife” lied to… more like “yeah, your friends are interesting” lied to
if you* aren’t already getting the “putty” from girly and yet you decide to take her on an all expense paid trip outta the country and expect that’s gonna do the trick—ummm something is wrong with YOU. it doesn’t make sense to me to even go there (literally and figuratively). what would be her incentive to let you hit now?? to say thanks for this free trip?? maybe not. if she not already giving it up, and you just subliminally asking for “it” (with a trip), you’re gonna get played. you can be mad about it but you shoulda seen that coming [acapulco distance] miles away.
*you as in a Simp or any dude that would/has do/done this.
note: i am not saying this is right or justified. but. i understand…
“if you* aren’t already getting the “putty” from girly and yet you decide to take her on an all expense paid trip outta the country and expect that’s gonna do the trick—ummm something is wrong with YOU.”
But some chicks ARE that easy.
Folks: I am going to the rally tonight.
No signs, backpacks..nuthin…allowed.
But I can’t wait.
In the words of my friend Keisha “It’s like Dr. King has come back and I get to go to the March on Washington”
tell Obama i said hi and ask him where my $5 is…he’ll know what i’m talking about!
PeeJay, would that be unpaid fees for your speech writing??
bwwwaaaaaah
naw, my speeches cost $2.50. the $5 was for some work i put in on the west side of chicago for him.
i bought him some Bubblicious and he never paid me back. it was a jumbo pack.
Dag son Bubbalicious! I miss hood candy; hubba bubba, air heads, those apple suckers w/ caramel on em, big slice pops, sticks of jolly ranchers, cherry now n laters….
sticks of jolly ranchers
Has to be apple!!!
Nah, Miss T-Lee. It’s ALLLL about the cherry jolly ranchers!
i prefer watermelon jolly ranchers!
and have fun at the rally…he came round here to my school. the weather was BRUTAL! but it was so fabulous to see him and we got REAL close…my pics came out really good!
Awwwwwww. Kiss Obama for him and let him know that I left the hallway light on for him.
Oh and tell him I said Congratulations….. I have a surprise waiting for him when he gets done celebrating.
already throwing drawz at that man?!? lawd jeefus.
Hi Hater
Vavava voom(this is actually hi in vixen speak) Vixen
Michelle’s gonna whup your azz.
i love how folks be forgettin Chelly is southside chicago! lol…my girl is planning her move on barack and i keep tellin her michelle will CUT HER. lol
It’s never cool to take advantage of another person, period. This means, no s3xing a chick that you KNOW you don’t want to be with but she wants to be with you. This means no telling some dude you’re not ‘ready’ for a relationship KNOWING full well you’re just not into him just to continue reaping the benefits of a relationship. It doesn’t matter what you (general you) ‘said.’ You’re an azzhole. Stop being an azzhole.
And why the heck does it take hours to vote in some places but no time in others? I live in a suburb of Philly and my polling place is right across the street from my apartment. It took all of 30 mins for me to get through the line and cast my vote. Yet in other parts of my county and in Philly the lines were ridiculous. That’s crazy.
I’d say it depends on the time of day you vote too. They(the media) was exclaiming that the best times would be between 10:00a.m. and 2:00p.m. And population density and people’s ability to read and so forth.
I voted at 8:30am. I don’t get it.
some areas just have a lot more registered voters. some areas have more competent polling staff. and some polling places are more organized.
it’s like that in a lot of parts of pgh. i haven’t seen (or heard reports of) long lines in the area i live/work in, or the surrounding areas. i went to my voting poll place at 7a and my experience lasted less than 20min. my roommate went at 9a and she waited like 5min.
yay for us.
OK, somebody pray for me!!
I get off the Plantation early to come home, pick up the kids and walk down to the school on the corner to vote. First of all, it’s raining, but that’s no real deterrent. It took me an hour and a half to get home due to Metro being on bullshyt today. And then when I get home, Ike n’ Tina are in here acting like some dayum Palinites!! Just dayum nonsensical!! Got my pressha up!
I just told them “Ya’ll are both on the verge of getting a historical a$$ whuppin’ today if you don’t get yourselves together, post haste!!”
I’m sure Obama got that azz tapped as a kid and look where he is now!
**calling the prayerwarriors now** No worries no hurries. Them polls ain’t going nowhere. And that is what Ike n Tina do. You can do it. Si su puede.
Thanks Wu. I didn’t have to set any a$$ whuppin’ precedents and we got in and out of the polling location in less than 15 minutes!
Yes we can!!!
woohoo!! im glad all went well. thats what i liek to hear….a few of my classmates had some horror stories when they came in.
you know how we all get up to the front of the line and theres that momentary dread that our name isnt on the list and how its gonna suck to have to eff somebody up in this joint. then we breathe the sigh of relief and hit the booth. not for them
hee hee. tim robbins straight acted a fool in NY cause his name wasn’t on the list. you know how him and susan sarandon do…
Metro is always on some bullshyt and increases the farther away from the blue and orange lines you go lmao.
okay everyone seems to agree that leading someone on is wrong, you should not give false hope nor should you let someone think there is a chance in he,ll of being with you when you know, know,know you aint feeling them. But in the scenario the chick was feeling him. She was keeping her options open but he was still one of her options. AT what point is THAT behavior wrong if the person has been made aware of that?
i dont think the behavior is wrong. i just think laying it out there early on is preferable. having the talk early on is the best thing for folks…but you know men dont like to hear “we need to talk” lol…
***RANDOM***
i got the most hilarious text message (many of you probably have already received it) and i just had to share becuz it brightened my day from the gloom of no voting sticker and dorian’s meanness.
2 my smart friends, u already made ur choice of who ur going 2 vote 4. 2 my easily influenced undecided black friends, mccain shot biggie!
who thinks up these things?? lol
I got one that went like this
‘They have a sign up sheet for who can help Bush pack his shyt n get the phuck out the White House. I put us down for the 6-2 shift!
Got this one last night…
Rosa sat so Dr. King could walk, Dr. King walked so Obama can run, Obama is running so our kids can fly.
this made me get misty….
that was truly beautiful!
hehe, i got that one too. i sent them both to moms who sent me back texts like “lmao.” it tickles me that she’s so text/im lingo-savvy.
Literally just received this: “if Obama is not elected tomorrow, smack the first white person you see pass by.”
People, my people.
::snicker::
i don’t even wanna think of the alternative to Obama not winning. but i am all for slapping YT.
but i am all for slapping YT.
yes…..co-sign.. how about slap them if he wins or loses there are good arguments for both sides
im all for slapping YT as well…there are a couple at my job that need a good backhand regardless of the outcome of the election.
I’m feeling extra good today about casting my vote for the 1st black presidential nominee and eventually the 1st black prez. So with that said, I’m not considering anyone’s feelings today. Matter of fact, f*ck yo feelings!
YES WE CAN… D*MMIT! lol
“Matter of fact, f*ck yo feelings!”
LMAO!!!!
Love it mayne!
T-shirt?
Matter of fact, f*ck yo feelings!
well i never! so much for southern charm…
“well i never! so much for southern charm…”
sometimes the charm lies in the bluntness.
I’m definitely still a fan.
for sure, i am too. besides, i’m from southern cali, i know all about blunt[ness] charm. *winks at SC*
“well i never! so much for southern charm…”
lmao! i could just see Gem clutching her pearls and shyt! lol…
Ps. im still a fan too
I think we do have some responsibility for the feelings of others. Some. Not a lot.
If Shareefa had explained HER intentions beforehand, Donquestwhatever may not have jumped out that basement window. However, Donquestikinkador should have made his intentions and feelings known and not assumed there was exclusivity.
I tend to be more like Donquestchickenwang. I keep how I feel about someone to myself far too long, and my expectations to myself as well. That way in the end I can just hate me, rather than the world. I am working on that by the way.
But to sum all of this up, yes and no.
Cheryl thank you for taking me nowhere and everywhere all @ the same time. mmwwuuuaah!
Its a talent. And you are most welcome.
I say cut off Donquestejuan. It’s not nice to lead anyone on.