Today we’re gonna do something a little different. One of my boys and I were having a convo the other day and he was telling me I should write about a relationship-based convo we had out in LA last summer. Now, I was drunk out of my mind so I only remembered parts of it, but in my genius, I said, “Hey, why don’t you write it. You’re a good writer. Make it happen.” So today, I’m handing over VSB to another VSB, Maverick, to kick a one-off post that all men need to read. Take heed to the words that he spit, because he drops nothing but gangster sh*t…
*************
What is it that would make men happy, you might ask yourself. Well that is a good damn question. Being that I just made the big 3-0 the other day, I have had a few decades to ponder this question. In our youth, we think that it is stuff like money, fame, devilish good looks, a harem of Jet Beauties of the Week, etc. When you get in your 20′s, you think it is a job that you don’t despise going to each morning, a full head of hair, having less than 30 percent body fat, knowing that your 401-K didn’t lose 50 percent of its value, etc. But when you get to 30, you start to see the big picture…there is one thing and one thing only that really makes men happy. Not getting into constant, senseless arguments with women…
I always laugh when I watch the movie Baby Boy…especially the part where Omar Gooding says “I am not going to call you ladies ‘bi#$hes’…I am going to call you ‘unstable creatures’”. Pure comedy. But, other than calling any woman a b$%#h (which I completely disagree with), truer words were never spoken. Women are some unstable creatures…some of whom unleash a wrath comparable to God’s punishment of Job or Ike’s boot beating of Tina.
So true happiness is figuring out how to avoid this wrath. And I, ladies and gentlemen, have found the satisfaction guaranteed, fool-proof method to avoid confusion and confrontation with the female gender. The trick is to use one of these three phrases when you are staring down the eyes of a crazed woman…
- You’re right…my bad…
- I know…I apologize…
- That’s cool…I can wait…
What is funny is that I told women about this and they were like “this crap would never work…women are not going for that”. Three minutes after that was said, I tried it on someone and what do you know…eureka!!!! Why does it work so well??? Because women want to be right so bad, when you agree with them, they are in heaven. And when they are in heaven, we men are in heaven…
Though women say they don’t like drama…they love it. They covet it. They hold onto it so tight, that it is a diamond after they let it go. On the other hand, men will confront drama but we are a peace-loving people. Drama is our Kryptonite. Women will make statements like “oh, I don’t have any female friends…they are catty and always causing drama”. What dude have you ever heard say such a thing??? Empirical evidence shows that women are a thousand times more likely to start some drama than men are. With facts like these, men need to arm themselves with the weapons to combat drama…our happiness depends on it…
So the next time that your female friend from college says “all men are dogs…I can’t even stand looking at you”, you respond by saying “I know…I apologize” or “you’re right…my bad”. Even if the faux understanding does not get you to third base, it will alleviate all symptoms of drama and even bring a smile to your face at the ease of its implementation. When you approach your girlfriend about trying that new contortionist move that you saw on a Cinemax after-hours movie and she looks at you disgusted, just respond with “you’re right…my bad”…you might even be able to get away with “that’s cool…I can wait” if it seems like she thought about it for a second. Vary up your responses a bit and you will find that drama-free life is definitely in your future. Happiness is just around the corner…
-MAVERICK
This is funny…it might be tru–not in all cases but it would work in some
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I would also add “You got it, no problem” to the list.
@osyeP,
i prefer “no problem” myself. no need to even throw the extra “you got it” in there
It CANNOT be this easy!
I am going to run some experiments on this hypothesis myself!
Back in 12 hours…
@Maximillian,
it works. thats all I can say at this time. It works tho.
@Deviant,
60 percent of the time, it works every time
@The Champ, I see we have a fellow Anchorman fan…
All married men are aware of this, h3ll every comedian/sit-com jokes about it. And by it I mean that the favorite words of every married man should be “Yes, dear.” Because men in general hate drama and arguments. Here’s a study making the point that arguments may have negative health affects…
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21195266/
@JayBilal aka QCSports,
good point, and great link
Pure friggin genius. Someone please get this man a copyright!
@Ange,
He does deserve some kind of medal or commendation or something. I been saying this for some time as well.
I think it’s also important for men to not get caught up in over explaining their point in a disagreement, because in reality she is almost never going to embrace your opinion on the level you probably want her to.
It’s just the differences between us communication wise. So 9 times out of 10 let her have her way, but when it’s something you feel strongly about state it plainly without malice and let it go. 90 percent of the time she’ll respect you more for being straight up and not going on and on about it.
MY philosophy; be a man instead of a whiny over explaining beyotch.
I agree with all…
Also I’m glad to have found someone else who finds Baby Boy to be hilarious. I have been saying for years that it is the funniest non-funny movie ever created. Snoop is the dude everyone is scared of!!!!
@A-Town Genius,
Tell me about it, that movie is up their with Five Heartbeats and The Jackson’s: An American Dream, when it comes to the unintentional comedy factor.
@MDUBB,
let’s leave the five heartbeats out of this.
nothing touches baby boy though. just straight f^ckery and giggles.
@MDUBB,
no era did unintentionally funny movies better than the early to mid eighties. any drama/horror/action flick made during that era will literally have you in stitches if you watch it today
@MDUBB,
“Can’t nobody sing, like Eddie Cane, Jr.”
Eddie Cane. In the gold jumpsuit. The funniest thing ever. He made me laugh more than Gator from Jungle Fever.
…interesting.
Know what, a lot of the times, these things may work. Play into the woman’s “you’re always right” ego and it does break their defenses down a bit. Less drama indeed.
However, dudes must not be push-overs in all of these cases and give in to the foolishness. Contrary to popular belief, some women KNOW that they are crazy and will insist on testing (trying) their man just to get some type of reaction EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW THEY’RE WRONG. In these cases, the peace-loving response might not be the best idea. I’m all for love, peace, and happiness, but a dude just gotta know how to choose his battles wisely.
Monk, honey. If you find yourself with a woman who argues even when she knows she’s dead wrong just to be “right” – run, my man. Fast and far. Cuz she’s Bonafide Extra Crispy Crazy.
@Monk,
Contrary to popular belief, some women KNOW that they are crazy and will insist on testing (trying) their man just to get some type of reaction EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW THEY’RE WRONG.
in this case, you gotta just shut up and bail as fast as you possibly can
The only time those three lines work on me is if a man means it; and I can tell when you’re just pacifying me as opposed to meaning the words that are coming out of your mouth.
@lulu, EXACTLY!!!! there’s nothing more irritating than knowing that you’re just being ‘handled’ and he doesn’t really feel any remorse – just wants you to shut the hell up…. drives me up the wall, and is only guaranteed to escalate the conflict….
my beloved: um… my bad, you’re right.
Superwoman: STOP BLOODY PATRONISING ME!!!! I KNOW YOU DON’T MEAN IT, SO JUST EFFING STOOOOOP!!
@superwoman,
CHURCH!!!!! Patronization will get you absolutely nowhere….well, except right where you started.
Although this may work on some things, we know where men are BSing. A solution that simple will NOT work on such complicated people all of the time…
Dang….when will you guys learn??
)
@This Just In…Welcome to SIXBURGH!,
A solution that simple will NOT work on such complicated people all of the time…
well, is it about solutions or just getting your point across?
@superwoman,
Preach, darling sister!!!
Patronizing is my absolute #1 pet peeve. If we can’t disagree and have a discussion like adults about our disagreements then we don’t need to be together.
I’m not trying to live “Everybody loves Raymond” black style!
@Sula for the kids…,
discussion like adults about our disagreements
thing is, once it gets to a certain point, discussing disagreements gets circular and redundant. you just gotta let sh*t go
@The Champ,
Fair enough.
@superwoman,
Preach!!!!
If these statements always work on your woman, then she must be as dumb as a box of hair!!!
@lulu,
yeah….plus this brother ain’t one to lie…i can’t front like that….
I’m still on…red mode from last night….
happiness right now is lookin like a crib of my own….
@lulu,
I agree, it only works if you mean it. If you’re being patronizing – you can kick rocks!
@lulu,
*leaping out of pew and waving church fan*
when will the menfolk learn?!?!? these three phrases might get you off on a small technicality like not taking out the trash, forgetting the lettuce/rice/sugar or some small insiginificant thing i was gonna let go in the first place for the sake of my own sanity.
but real deal sh!t we need to discuss? no sir. i really do not like drama but i am that chick who’s gonna bring something up just because my theory in life is let’s just talk about it and get it out of the way. it will only come up again if i feel like you are trying to drop one of these phrases and pull a jedi mind trick on me instead of actually helping me find a solution to OUR problem.
@SouthernGirl is at work.,
oh my goodness, it’s like you straight reached into my mind and pulled out exactly the way i feel about this dude right now! i don’t give a sh*t about the petty stuff, but when we have some real ish to discuss, i need you to actually give a real opinion, regardless of whether it’s what i want to hear or not, rather than just letting me talk and nodding occasionally in agreement. that’s not constructive and it makes me want to drop kick you across the room.
Preach brother man, preach!
it is so true because face it or not most women think they are smarter than men, so when a dude disagrees with them she will go out of her way to make him see how dumb he is for disagreeing with her.
@Dope Fiend,
unfortunately, this is sometimes true. I have a friend who would always start arguments with her male friends, and be consistently wrong. I would call her on her mistakes, but being her, she would laugh it off, and not admit she was wrong to the dudes. Of course, they just thought she was a nut, and not that bright….
What’s really interesting (and funny) about this is that I have used those same tactics to get out of arguments with my spoiled and dramatic female friends. And it does work on those particular women. I guess I am different from most women b/c I don’t like emotional drama over something silly, even if I am right, which I usually am.
However, if I am having an intellectual conversation with someone, I expect them to respect my opinion even if they disagree and I will respect their opinion. This goes for males or females. When it comes to the men who use these lines during conversations regarding politics, the economy, etc., I recognize them as just being patronizing, disrespectful and not really interested in what I’m saying in a discussion. Those men get dismissed, and I usually look down on them as not being emotionally or intellectually mature enough to have an intellectual conversation with someone who has a different point of view; that someone being a woman.
I don’t think it’s so much that we want to be right, it’s more that we want to be heard or validated. Men have the problem solver mentality so deep inside them, that when we’re venting, you are trying to think of a way to fix it.
Sometimes we just want you to listen… and in that way, your responses mentioned above are perfect.
@Nicki Sunshine,
I don’t think it’s so much that we want to be right, it’s more that we want to be heard or validated.
lol, this is the latent idea behind like 12 of our entries.
wait, actually more like 112
@The Champ, Dang.. LOL.. that’s what I get for never reading first!
I’m surprised to see how many men responded. I was beginning to think only women read this blog.
We’re here. We just pick and choose our battles…
@AkShone,
Tell em son.
@AkShone,
Smart man…lol
@AkShone,
We’re here. We just pick and choose our battles…
very apropos
I agree with Maverick but, I think this approach works with certain women. If she is the type of woman that never apologizes, never holds herself accountable, and is spoiled this works. I think some of the women this works on only see things their way and no other way. If she is grounded then patronizing her doesn’t work.
@Humble_One,
“If she is grounded then patronizing her doesn’t work.”
yes.
@Humble_One, I believe it will work with any woman. As long as the topic isnt something relationship ending like infidelity and the man does say it in a sarcastic way. It will work.
@Suga&Spice,
hmmm….i think we may really need to add the caveat that it depends on the topic.or the type of woman you’re with. i mentioned it on comment #9. but to say this will work on any woman any time is not the business.
nothing in this post is new as someone else mentioned. chris rock and many other comedians have made a pretty penny off of this way of thinking. when i feel like you’re not being sincere or are just opening your mouth and letting words fall out when we are having a serious discussion i have been known to say, “really? what are you sorry for? why am i right? so, what part do you agree with? etc.’ because some men will try to say something just to get you to shut up or end the discussion and nothing has been resolved.
@Suga&Spice,
Errr… no, it won’t. I don’t argue over stupid stuff anyways. But when we are having a grown-up, serious conversation and all you can provide is “You’re right?”. Yeah that will get you dropped.
I think the word “drama” is put on every and any thing very lightly. Avoiding discussions is what brings “drama”.
If there is a problem, let’s discuss it honestly and move on.
They don’t talk about ish and then they want to find ways to release when they are “scorned”! Talk it out.
@Humble_One,
I see you really are a feminist man! You.get.it.
Bravo and welcome! This is true in ANY discussion. I have been using ‘You’re right’ to end arguments with everyone from the CVS checker chick, to the friend who just loves to argue. Saying someone is right shuts them down. And if they continue to argue, they look like a complete jerk while you, the one who said they were right, look sensible and mentally stable.
@Hostess,
What is it that makes people want to be right so bad? If i’m wrong I don’t mind being told i’m wrong. Tell me i’m wrong and explain to me why. After that I will decide if I agree with you or not. I feel you grow more as a person this way.
@Humble_One,
Agreed.
I guess it’s because I love learning and hearing people’s thought processes. I am in constant learning mode, so if we’re having a conversation and you think I’m wrong, let me know and tell me why. Then let’s move on. I don’t get what the big deal is.
@Sula for the kids…,
me either.
@SouthernGirl is at work.,
The big deal is what Humble_One wrote, ‘After that I will decide if I agree with you or not.’ We want to get back to the part where you look lovingly @ the stupid shyt we up to. It makes us happy. & in the end we know you keep living and you’ll see you were wrong. + it don’t take a 3 hour disertation to understand that it’s sunny outside. The ‘I told you so speach,’ we’ll let yall have that cuz yall like to talk. We like to get to the point. I’m rambling… got that itis after lunch.
@WuDaMan,
I agree. I meant I don’t see the big deal in someone telling me I’m wrong. It happens occasionally. lol. Like she said, just tell me why and lets discuss.
@SouthernGirl is at work.,
No w/ the discusion. You wrong now what is the fastest way to get you to 1. accept that fact 2. integrate it into who you are & or change that about you. But no us guys want what? To get to the part where you’re loving us again. (all cuz guys are usually far more endpoint goal oriented not the journey along the way to the goal) (n men don’t talk like yall talk)
@wu
no. that’s the fastest way to ensure that you will not be happy or loved again. believe me i know men don’t ‘talk like we talk’ and all that jazz but trying to skip over the middle just to get to the end only ensures that you will be pissed when you get there. i’m not saying yell, cuss and scream but at some point a talk will be had (depending on the severity of the situation as i have already stated in other posts).
mic check
sorry for the mic check. I responded and my browser freaked out.
anywhoo..I totally agree with this post. Moreover it got me thinking about my own truest and longstanding friendships with other women. And we have NEVER had an arguement. Sure we have disagreed to high heaven, but we were usually laughing and joking while doing it.
It further got me thinking ..am I more discerning with other women in regards to friendships than I have been with men in regards to romantic relationships.
To me the overall premise is still the same. If you’re arguing AND to where it becomes an issue of being dismissive..is that the best person for you?
@Princess Duvet,
If you’re arguing AND to where it becomes an issue of being dismissive..is that the best person for you?
Question of the day!!
@Princess Duvet,
am I more discerning with other women in regards to friendships than I have been with men in regards to romantic relationships.
this is usually what happens when people look at romantic relationships as “winning” and “losing”. not saying that you do, but when people have this mindset, they never want to concede or give any ground
Hmm, I don’t think that women want to be right, I just think that sometimes we need to be heard. There is a difference b/w listening and hearing and if you’re not hearing me then there is a problem.
Open communication is what mainly causes a rift b/w men and women and by you saying “yeah, you’re right” you’re only adding fuel to the fire. You’re patronizing me and I’m not one for being ridiculed. Though I must admit many women do fall under the “I like drama” category there are a lot of men who relish in the drama, cause it gives their lives some purpose while there are some women who are drama free…
You’re generalization or general characterization of women is just as bad as saying “all men are dogs”
wrong in all senses… just my .22 cents!
while there are some women who are drama free…
You’re generalization or general characterization of women is just as bad as saying “all men are dogs”
@Liryc,
I agree, clearly the writer of today’s topic hasn’t been to fairytale land – a place where drama free women, Unicorns, and the Easter Bunny dwell
@Liryc, “Though I must admit many women do fall under the “I like drama” category there are a lot of men who relish in the drama, cause it gives their lives some purpose while there are some women who are drama free…”
I agree. There are plenty of us who are drama free. If a man is attracting a host of spoiled, overly dramatic women, there must be something about them that is attractive to him, or there is something about his character/personality that seems welcoming to the drama queen.
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
“If a man is attracting a host of spoiled, overly dramatic women, there must be something about them that is attractive to him, or there is something about his character/personality that seems welcoming to the drama queen”
Or it is the common culture of the place he dwells in… Some people get told where to go and work,,, and going without human interaction is not cool w/ everyone,, and how do you know that the guy isn’t attracting the passion that the woman may have and not the drama??? & fyi I don’t subscribe to ‘law of attraction’ Circa Job
@WuDaMan,
ok…he may be attracting “passion”, however, when that “passion” is juxtaposed against his arguments/point, it’s called drama. heck, everything the men are saying on this post about women could be construed as passion…even the petty arguments. You (men) call it drama b/c you don’t like her “passion” at that particular moment.
and don’t sleep on the law of attraction…it is the truth….
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
Aaah phooie w/ the law of attraction… Tell that shyt to Job and people subject to birth defects and or other things beyond their control… Natural disaster much?
Just like you carefully constructed your argument to allow for anomalies in nature so does the as I would call it ‘rule of attraction.’
And the guys aren’t disagreeing w/ the passion so much as the direction it is pointed.
@WuDaMan,
Well, I don’t think I can tell it to Job…his cell phone got cut off last month…smh….
as to the passion, I think we are saying the same thing. Men like passion, except when it is being used against them…
And like many women have already said, if the adult conversation is pertaining to an issue in the relationship, being patronizing and belittling is probably the worst thing to do.
And the truth is, based on personality, character, people do attract certain people to them. As for the birth defects and natural diasters, you can call that the will of God. But his will doesn’t discount what we attract to ourselves in our lives. In fact, if a man attracts a good woman to him, he might say it was the will of God, but if the man attracts a spoiled drama queen, is that not also His will?
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
I wouldn’t call it the will of God. Check out Job’s story. It wasn’t God that brought the pestilences. It was Satan. And to deny his power is kind of like ignoring the elephant in the bathroom. Just saying, ‘every good and perfect gift comes from the right hand of God.’ And if God allows something ill in your life 1. should try and get your lesson from that interaction because relationships are there to teach us about ourselves not someone else. ah Romans 5:1-5 check it http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=52&chapter=5&version=31 the suffering wasn’t brought on by God but the perseverance character and hope were.
@WuDaMan, I wouldn’t call it the will of God. Check out Job’s story. It wasn’t God that brought the pestilences. It was Satan.(WHAT DID GOD SAY TO SATAN IN THE BEGINNING OF THAT STORY?) And to deny his power is kind of like ignoring the elephant in the bathroom. Just saying, ‘every good and perfect gift comes from the right hand of God.’ And if God allows something ill in your life(SPOILED FEMALE; UNNECESSARY DRAMA) 1. should try and get your lesson from that interaction because relationships are there to teach us about OURSELVES(CHARACTER) not someone else. ah Romans 5:1-5 check it http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=52&chapter=5&version=31 the suffering wasn’t brought on by God but the perseverance character and hope were.
You’re right, Wu…my bad….
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
In the beginning of the story God was all ‘try my servant Job. He is a good dude’ (paraphrased of coarse) & it still wasn’t the will of God for Job to be the the brunt of the suffering. I mean God had to lift the hedge of protection off of Job so Satan could get @ him. After it all went down and Job was good on the test. God blessed him again. Nah N.I.A. Ms.Alldatshyt….. you right & I know it, I apologize. Wanna go get some daiquiri ice?
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
You’re right, Wu…my bad….
Best comeback ever! Lol!
@WuDaMan ,
i would love some Daiquiri ice, Wu. You’re buying…since I’m right. lol….
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
FLUCK YEAH I’m buyin. You want a sugar cone w/ yours? Shyt we may need to swing by the EL for some rum or something to *clears throat* top this shyt off. Mh Jesus be some mouthfulls of sweet frozen deserts.
@WuDaMan, I love sugar cones…and I’ll bring the rum….
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
I love her cuz she got her own. lol have I told you lately how you is all that n shyt mh mh mh.
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
“I agree. There are plenty of us who are drama free. If a man is attracting a host of spoiled, overly dramatic women, there must be something about them that is attractive to him, or there is something about his character/personality that seems welcoming to the drama queen.”
All praises be to the most high. revsionist introspection says its always you and never me. Additionally when are people going to get that relationships arent supposed be about toil and strife..if it is..you’re with the wrong person.
@Princess Duvet,
Additionally when are people going to get that relationships arent supposed be about toil and strife..if it is
This is sooo real!
@N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,
I agree with this 110%!! Every man I have ever met who quantified women in a certain way and thought “all women are like this” always seemed to be with those types of women… Let’s call them women A, who personify certain stereotypes about the female gender. Now these brothas that I have talks with and stuff would say that they wanted a different type of woman, woman B, but would never actually practically apply that in real life. They would always just keep being with women A, because it’s what they are used to, and they don’t feel insecure around woman A. Why not take a chance on woman B? Why? Because woman B may challenge them to step their game up, not skate through life, and may challenge them to be better people… and all men don’t want to do that.
@pgh muse,
so true… some of my male friends and cousins are the exact same way
@Liryc,
true, wanting to be right and wanting to be heard/understood are very different things.
welcome!!! (i think)
*shooting gold stars*
@Liryc,
I know if I’m not in a fighting mood. I just nod my head in agreement and smile all the while thinking of what i could be doing instead of auguring w/you. Cuts down alot of drama in my opinion…
@Liryc,
welcome and sh*t.
btw, if you just want to be heard, whats the problem with a man saying “cool, you’re right” after you’ve been heard?
Yeah this post is on point, but it’s not really fool proof. This already common knowledge to any man that’s been in a real relationship for a long period of time. I say it’s not fool proof because of 2 things.
1. Women like kicking dead horses
and
2. Some women say the dumbest shyt. Shyt so dumb that, it make your message your frontal cranium in disgust, after hearing such foolishness.
@eff yo couch,
1. Women like kicking dead horses
lol at the image of every woman keeping a spare dead horse in her basement to kick every so often if theres noone around to argue with
now, while this may seem like a good idea…..and in fact it might get you through one or two arguments or avoid drama lane….you are missing out on one thing….. women are a fairly intelligent species so we’ll eventually catch on to this scam. And the fact you are just dismissing us, and NOT listening is probably why you are in your specific dilema currently. So I advise caution gentlemen because you will get caught, and the drama you so earnestly seek to avoid will hunt you down…..
@shammyny,
women are a fairly intelligent species so we’ll eventually catch on to this scam.
word? who’d a thunk it?
welcome and sh*t, btw
@shammyny,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
http://www.imeem.com/people/zu2-m4/music/W8yKVV_v/bo_diddley_i_said_shut_up_woman/
and after that’s been said. take this quote into concideration. Women need to feel wanted, & men want to feel needed. it is what it is.
@WuDaMan,
*Crying*
@miss t-lee,
Don’t be crying shut up… LMCTFUAO!
@WuDaMan,
ROTFLMAO!!
Don’t let your mouth write a check your tail can’t cash! *dead*
@This Just In…Welcome to SIXBURGH!,
I love Bo Diddley…lol!!!
For that line alone.
@WuDaMan,
man….lol i need to cool work the F out….
Fellas, don’t eff this up and say “That’s cool….I apologize” , “You’re right, I can wait” or “I know, my bad.” She will know you aren’t sincere and will accuse you of being the arrogant ass that she always thought you were. Be Warned!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO.
Hahahaahaaha!! I use this technique on my boss when he’s tryna get under my skin. I just calmly say. “You’re right.” You can’t argue by yourself (well I guess you can, as long as your not answering yourself I guess everything is alright). But as far as men and women are concerned, I do think that this is a good tactic to get a female to stfu… cause sometimes that’s all a man wants… but men are so non-confrontational it’s ridiculous. Everything is not just going to blow over. Sometimes you do have to actually talk about things and work out situations… come to understandings and shyt. But this entry did make me laugh though.
@pgh muse,
“but men are so non-confrontational it’s ridiculous”
This only applies to stuff that’s not important to them!
Maverick-1st Congrats on your first post over here at VSB.
Secondly, I will admit you have a point here. Except you left out the third set. This is the method I tell all my homeboys to use when they get into it with their girls. (And oddly enough I use Baby Boy to illustrate my point. The scene when the mother finds out Ving Rhames was the one growing the weed in her garden)
Step1-Admit you were wrong. (You right, baby. My bad, I really didnt think before I did/said that)
Step2-Apologize (I’m really sorry about that. or I hate that I upset you like this or even a simply ‘Dayum baby, I messed up. My bad)
Step3-Promise it wont happen again/you will work on whatever the issue is. This one right here is the most important. Not because we always want to be right or because we enjoy the ‘drama’ of it all. But simply because we want to believe in you guys as much as possible. And when we still really love you, your word is all it takes for us to forget most the dumb shyt you did.
@Suga&Spice, oh yeah and key points. you cannot use these statements until after she has already spoken her peace. Also do not use these phrases back to back in rapid sucession of one another. You will not be taken serious. It is all in the timing and delivery.
Disclaimer-This will not (at least should not) work for relationship ending arguments. See: other women, continually mismanagment of money and blantent disrespect.
@Suga&Spice, I agree with you…you definitely have to pick and choose your times of using this method. But if you pull it out in a relationship-ending argument, then you have chosen to end the relationship anyway and you just want the other person to stop talking. In that case, you still accomplished what you needed to accomplish…
I like to argue, so those three statements won’t shut me up.
I’m in it for the duration, are you?
*sniggling*
I’m not arguing strictly for drama sake. If we’re having a “discussion” (as my parents used to call it) *lol*, there’s definitely a reason behind it, and it won’t be resolved that easily.
@miss t-lee, if that is the case, when do you feel that the “discussion” ends??? Answer that question, and you will see why this works so well…
@Maverick,
I’m not walking into your trap sir.
@Maverick,
Only crazy people don’t know how to end discussions. I was arguing with a guy once over why he was crazy to think it’s OK to continue living in his mother’s basement without paying her a penny. He insisted that because his mother didn’t need his money there was nothing wrong with it. When I said, “fine let’s just agree to disagree,” the fool actually told me no, and tried to continue the conversation. Ca.ray.zee.
@Voiceofreason, lol
@miss t-lee,
See…folks like you who argue 4 the sake of it I give the “Charlie Brown” to. The second i recognize a battle i probably won’t win no matter what i say, all I hear is…*womp, womp..womp, womp womp* (pause) yes, baby. *womp, womp womp* (pause) your right sweetheart. (throws in a head nod and slight eye contact 4 reasurance). And then all is well and life is good…The “Charlie Brown” is a must have in any man’s relationship survival kit.
@Tx10inch,
Trust me, I also use the Charlie Brown as well…lmao
@ southerngirl ::thanks:: (you’re right)
The issue isn’t that the man isn’t listening, in actuality he is.. the problem is that he isn’t hearing you out. To hear is to understand and to understand is to fully come to terms with what is being said by BOTH you and the female counterpart..
Saying things like “yeah you’re right.. my bad” isn’t showing that you’re hearing her out, its that you’re just sweeping it under the rug ad there comes a point where whatever was swept will leave a huge pile that will gather and accumulate and then what???
Confrontation is almost unavoidable but I think if you can honestly sit there and HEAR it out then you can get past it and not have to brush it under..
@ eff you couch… understand sense isn’t common.. though its called common sense!
@Liryc,
so, is “yeah you’re right.. my bad” better if you just an “i understand” in there somewhere?
Dude, this post is DEAD. ON.
And, yes, I am a woman.
I appreciate everyone being at least entertained by this post. It appears that some ladies on this site are taking this very hard because they are like “you will not insult my intelligence…that will not work on me”. Well, the success of this method also depends on 1) how good an actor the man IS and 2) how good of an actor the man WANTS TO BE…
Sometimes, we don’t care whether or not your are fooled. Sometimes, we just want to let you know that no matter how much you are going to argue, you have pushed me past the point of communication. So with that in mind, I don’t really care if I patronize you…you can also use this method in the “I’ll Take the Higher Road” approach. You can continue cursing at me and I will just respond with “you’re right…my bad”. I don’t care if you believe it…I just know that I will not entertain you anymore. If I am using it based on this approach, then I am second guessing if I really want to be with you after this anyway…
But if I really do care about your feelings, then my Oscar-award winning performance might come out. Not necessarily because I want to patronize you, but mainly because you are not going to hear anything that I am saying at this point in time and it is not as important to me as it is to you. So this gives me some time to reassess where I went wrong in this conversation, should the woman come back and want to start this up again. I won’t make the same mistake that I made this time around and it gives her some time to bring it down from a 10 to a 6 (based on the ANSI-approved Irate Meter). Best case scenario, we don’t have to discuss this again…worst case scenario, she brings it up but I know what went wrong last time and I ensure with every ounce of my being to not bring up that point again…
Ladies, it is okay if it has worked on you…you can lie to me, but don’t lie to yourselves. When keeping it real goes wrong…
@Maverick, I will confess it has worked on me. It also works wonders for me. Both men and women can be shut down with this one.
@Suga&Spice, it can work both ways. But alot of times, women have more endurance than men when it comes to arguments. You all can do a marathon argument…we give out in the final stretch. So with that in mind, we might need to use this more than you. But it could go both ways…
@Maverick,
My question to you is this: Are you using this technique just for the sake of “one upping” your partner instead of really getting to the root of a problem and solving it? Why continually try to passify her? Why not actually work out whatever it is that needs to be worked out, instead of trying to trick her and play mind games. I was agreeing with you to a point from the initial post… sometime women do need to fall back, but at what point do YOU actually man up and address whatever the issue is?
@Maverick,
lol@ when keeping it real goes wrong. you ain’t the only actor on the stage my friend.
there’s a difference between communicating and talking. i was going to say why would you be with someone you had to constantly say these things to, especially if you don’t care if you are patronizing her but you hit that on the head at the end of para. 2. and then, i guess the problem is solved because you aren’t trying to be with her anyway.
but to me, this post and phrases like this aren’t so much about insulting my intelligence as not respecting how i feel about the situation and putting on your big boy draws and trying to have an actual conversation.
and i don’t care how good you think your acting is, have you ever thought that maybe she knows you’re acting and decides to play along for the sake of ending the discussion at the time as well? and all the time in the back of her mind she’s thinking, this is NOT over.
and so you walk off thinking you’ve done something and you go off and “reassess where [you] went wrong in this conversation” and she brings it down from a “10 to a 6″ and now you have more sense and she just reiterates the things she was trying to say yesterday.
*shrug* my point is, i don’t think many of the VSS’ are saying your plan is straight garbage so much as it all really depends on the who, what and why of the situation and all of these things do not rest on your acting chops.
@SouthernGirl is at work.,
“and i don’t care how good you think your acting is, have you ever thought that maybe she knows you’re acting and decides to play along for the sake of ending the discussion at the time as well? and all the time in the back of her mind she’s thinking, this is NOT over.”
Thank you.
@SouthernGirl is at work.,
“shrug* my point is, i don’t think many of the VSS’ are saying your plan is straight garbage so much as it all really depends on the who, what and why of the situation and all of these things do not rest on your acting chops.”
I so agree. I tried the “I know…I apologize” one just last week with the ex and STILL almost ended up in a big, ugly, embarrassing argument in the doctor’s office. It only ended when I walked away, but then again, as miss T-lee said above, “and all the time in the back of her mind she’s thinking, this is NOT over”
Those sayings may work, but not with my babymomma.
:~(
@SouthernGirl is at work., what is funny about all of the responses to this post is that you all are proving how much women have to be right. I am looking through almost 100 replies and it is mostly women who are commenting back and forth about how dumb this is. We men are not even arguing with the women about this, and the women continue the argument. So what is that really saying???
@Maverick,
but see, that’s the thing. it’s not about BEING RIGHT. it’s about the discussion that occurs to work out the problem that we are having. i mentioned it earlier in a post upthread. in my experience, what you’re mentioning works (both ways) for small daily life sh!t. what you’re reading (in most cases) is women saying that this works at CERTAIN TIMES.not every time as you seem to present it.
i’m saying it doesnt’ work all the time. i’m talking about understanding and resolution in the bigger picture. which we are not going to get (in the serious discussions) if you are throwing in one of these phrases becauase a) you don’t want to talk about it right now or b) don’t want to talk about it EVER because you think by avoiding it, it will go away. it wont. now if it’s ‘a’ fine, we can come back to it (within a reasonable amount of time-day or two) because i know we’re not going to get anywhere. if it’s ‘b’ that’s not gonna fly because this issue will keep up so we need to discuss or let it/each other go.
in my opinion, the women that this works on ALL THE TIME are the ones that just want to be right, as you say. because if getting to the root of the problem or actually coming to some mutual understanding is not your goal, then yes, just hearing that you are right is probabaly gonna shut you up.
if me disagreeing with half of what you are saying is (or adding an asterik of circumstances to it) is “proving how much women have to be right” then fine…you’re right, i’m sorry, i wasn’t thinking.
@Maverick,
I am looking through almost 100 replies and it is mostly women who are commenting back and forth about how dumb this is. We men are not even arguing with the women about this, and the women continue the argument. So what is that really saying???
good point and sh*t
@ Maverick and The Champ,
Why do men get so offended whenever a woman states an opinion? We say something and suddenly 1) we’re at fault for even talking, 2) it’s assumed that we’re trying to be right and 3) we’re crazy for expecting you to talk back. It’s all so sexist.
The whole non-confrontational shtick is old. Men, you are not fooling anyone by acting like you’re meek, peace-loving creatures. Like parents, you’re really irritated because a woman is, essentially, back-talking. Regardless of the topic, it doesn’t matter what we say or how we say it, we’re back-talking just by speaking in the first place.
Unlike parents, though, you can’t point that out because men and women are supposed to be equal. But you don’t really believe that (or want to)–which is why you come up with those seemingly meek and non-confrontational responses you outlined above. To silence us. To put us in our place. By painting yourself small, we suddenly become the angry black woman—the teeth-sucking, neck-rolling, arms akimbo specter of bitchy emasculation.
**News flash** Women are thinking, reasoning people just like you. It holds, then, that we would expect you to be able to handle a conversation without getting put out when we disagree with you or—hold your breath—want to hear more about your thoughts. Show us the same respect you have for each other and just talk. This is true for any topic, from the mundane to the deal-breakers.
@Blackroot,
Chuuuuch!
@Maverick,
You’re right… My bad.
@Sula for the kids…, I know…I apologize…LOL…
Haha. Spot-on post, Maverick.
Just, um, fellas, make sure you don’t vary up the three phrases too randomly or you’ll be all, “You’re right…my bad” when your girl tells you that her cat just died.
@Cheekie,
WHAT THE HECK!!? The pu$$y is dead??? Oh no! Who killed the pu$$y? *sobbing*
@WuDaMan,
I knew someone would go there. And that it’s you? Totally appropriate!
@Cheekie,
Why wouldn’t I? It just looked so open, warm, & supple. I couldn’t resist.
…I need to quit smokin this shyt heah.
I suppose this is true in some instances. But I think men love crazy women and their drama. Crazy broads are never alone. He!! there’s even an ode to crazy women…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzc8_uRvOU8
Men always say women are crazy, but we think the same thing about you. Actually, we think you’re craziER and on a whole nother level. I don’t need to provide examples because the images that pop in to ones head when they hear or see the word “crime” makes my argument for me. I don’t think there’s one crime that women commit more than men other than prostitution. But then again I’m sure there are more men who pay prostitutes than women who are prostitutes. Law students are taking Crim Law and Crim Pro to learn about laws that are mainly meant to protect our society from crazy men, not crazy women.
@Voiceofreason,
I don’t think there’s one crime that women commit more than men other than prostitution
Isn’t that the truth. I personally think men are 8 million times crazier than women, in general, but **disclaimer** i think it’s socializaton more than it is nature (although I think part of our contrasting natures allow for certain negative traits to be more attractive to men than to women).
@pgh muse,
“but **disclaimer** i think it’s socializaton more than it is nature (although I think part of our contrasting natures allow for certain negative traits to be more attractive to men than to women).”
I agree with you. But crazy is still crazy, no matter what the reason is. Lol.
@Voiceofreason,
U are absolutely right. Crazy is still crazy.
Tshirt?
@pgh muse,
lmao!
crazy is still crazy.
i love it.
t-shirt? i vote yes.
@pgh muse,
Oh yeah, but it would definitely need an explanatory pic to go along with it.
@Voiceofreason, LMAO
A picture of a brotha with his arms crossed and mouth all poked out, pouting and mad… cuz isn’t that just what they do?
@pgh muse,
LOL! Men kill me when they do that. Once I wouldn’t let a guy I was seeing watch what he wanted to watch on TV so he got mad at me and left my apt. I thought it was weird but I shrugged my shoulders and sat back down on the couch. 20 minutes later my door bell rang and it was him standing outside lookin all pitiful. He said I was supposed to try to follow him and apologize and he’d been sitting in the car the whole time trying to figure out when he should come back in. Crazy… Deraaaaaaanged.
@ VOR,
OMG!! LMAO! Right! That is HILARIOUS! U shoulda snapped a pic of that face with your camera phone… I can just imagine.
“Crazy broads are never alone”
True, because some of them are the greatest in the sack…that passion transcends.
I used to listen to that song so much back in the day when I was dealing with a girl that was nuttier than squirrel sh*t!!! She was just SO fly in SO many ways that I just couldn’t stay away though. D@mn…I was young and sprung.
@AkShone,
So the post would be more aptly named:
“The pursuit of happiness with crazy broads”.
no?
@Sula for the kids…,
*howling*
*weezing*
*hiccups*
*falls out*
Lol…nah, I’m just speaking on my youthful inexperience and naiveté as it relates to VOR’s statement on SOME men’s pursuit of the “crazies”. I definitely wouldn’t suggest this as a way to achieve happiness…especially with a crazy chick.
Let’s just say I understand what she’s saying and mildly agree, but not fully…
@AkShone,
FYI, the 1st paragraph of my post was mildly serious, so I’m OK with you’re response but not fully…
@Voiceofreason,
Crazy broads are never alone. He!! there’s even an ode to crazy women…
because n*ggas are scared to leave em, lol
I do have to say something else to say about this, cuz I think the ladies are taking this the wrong way. Everyone in a relationship should be respected, and I think that we ladies, I am guilty of it too, we ladies DO get so caught up in being right, and also in our need to be heard and respected, that we don’t consider that if we take a step back, and give the man some room to breathe and process before we continue the onslaught, that he may be able to come back to a conversation, discussion, argument with a more clear head and good will toward the conversation. Sometimes people need time to diffuse and process, and it won’t hurt anything if you save part of the conversation for later instead of trying to beat someone over the head with your version of how things are supposed to go. If we want to be respected we have to give it.
@pgh muse,
Preach!!! I so agree. It is said that men process information so much slower than women.
@swamii, you’re right…my bad…
@Maverick,
LOL!
@pgh muse,
this was a great comment. so great, in fact, that only someone from pittsburgh could have made it
@The Champ,
You’re right…my bad…
I know…I apologize…
That’s cool…I can wait…
FYI, most women know that men use this technique to shut them up. It’s fine if the argument is trivial (why didn’t you pick up your socks?, why can’t you put the toilet seat down?, when are you gonna cut the grass?), but if it’s a serious topic that truly warrants discussion, using this technique to keep your lady quiet is a childish way to avoid an argument.
@Voiceofreason, it depends on who is labeling the topic as “serious”. If it is serious to both of us, then you are right…we should talk about it. But in the pursuit of happiness, if you find it more serious than me, then there is no point in me arguing with you about it from now to forever…
@Voiceofreason,
Come on give us some credit. We use these phrases to KEEP (poignant quintessential pivotal cornerstone word in the phrase) a smile on our faces. If it’s something serious going down do you think we giggling @ it?
@WuDaMan, I second that emotion. A few women have gotten their panties in a bunch about this, feeling extremely offended by the post. To that, I say “I know…I apologize”…
@Maverick,
bwuuuahahahahaha. & the simple things shal confound the wise. lmao
@Maverick,
Cute! Your post isn’t offensive. I think some women may have misinterpreted your point. Or some wanted to argue with you to get you to say you were wrong for posting it in the first place. LOL!
@Voiceofreason,
Ummm what is the point? Cuz I think I missed it…
@pgh muse,
read it slow and ignore the semantics. (men are not that complicated)
Moral of the post Men love to be happy. That is all.
@WuDaMan,
and silly, unnecessary drama makes them unhappy. so shut up about it, dang…lol. j/k!!!
@WuDaMan, lol. and i don’t think it’s about giggling so much as trying to dodge the topic sometimes to keep up that happiness at all costs.
@voiceofreason,
i don’t think it’s offensive either. i found it kinda funny. i just think it doesn’t work all the time.
and i have nothing to do at work today but sit here and comment on these replies. lol. sloooooooow day.
I understand that. I really do. And it’s unfortunate, but I will say to you the same thing that I say to my SO… cause he will say versions of this same bullshyt to me. Example: I would be happy with just a room and a TV… oh really? Than why over the course of your life have you gone out and collected all this debt, all these women, these kids and all of the above, if all u wanted was a room and a TV? So although you may want to claim that men just want to be happy, in pursuit of that “so-called happiness” which i call self-centered selfishness, but I digress, men leave a bunch of messes in their wake for us to clean up. So unfortunately if you have to hear some bytching in the process, chalk it up as your penance. And I’m not talking about u Wu, cause I don’t know your personal circumstance, but if you are such a simple person, then keep it simple.
@pgh muse,
Come on… Yeah he says all he needs is a room and a tv. Did you also listen to him when he hollerd @ you? Or when he had cecks and made them babies? What about when he was willing to put wages he has yet to earn out to get some things that would appease the people in his life so they don’t bother him @ the wrong time or while he is watching his tv in his room? & the bytching I wouldn’t chalk it up to penance. No. It’s not a crime or sin to love and be loved by the women in his life. I’d call it a maintenance fee. Sort of like paying for an oil change, or brake pads, or new home siding, an insurance payment if you will. Relative to the daunting myriad of variables both seen & unseen real and imagined involved w/ living on this earth. Yeah this is mad simple.
@WuDaMan,
U know what. I actually really hear what u are saying.And I think u are right.
@pgh muse,
The point (at least I think) is to prove how women can turn something simple and trivial in to a pointless argument, and in turn build upon the male case that women are crazy.
I bet that before this post was for lack of a better term “posted” Mav and Panama joked about how many women would get upset over this post and how many times they’d use one of the key phrases to calm them down.
To that gentleman I say,
“You’re right. You usually are.”
“I believe everything you say. You’re a man. It’s pointless to question you.”
“I should be more worried about cooking dinner than getting answers to questions.”
@Voiceofreason,
Right. LMAO. Let me take off my shoes, and get barefoot right quick so that you can feel better about yourself.
@Voiceofreason,
*sniggling*
@Voiceofreason,
“You’re right. You usually are.”
“I believe everything you say. You’re a man. It’s pointless to question you.”
“I should be more worried about cooking dinner than getting answers to questions.”
lol…the only caveat is that this is exactly what we want to hear. to you, its patronizing. to us, its paradise
@The Champ, lol…the only caveat is that this is exactly what we want to hear. to you, its patronizing. to us, its paradise
the sad part about this is that I don’t think you’re joking.
@ The Champ,
I know this is the kind of thing men love hearing. I think men are hilarious creatures.
@Voiceofreason, I think men are hilarious creatures.
Me too. Thank god they have us, right?
@Maverick,
LMAO.
It works
*WARNING* Do not do this if you’ve already established yourself as a wordy man.
It works it works! It doesn’t work if she keeps nagging you about it.
@CPT Callamity, LMAO…if you are a wordy man, you might have to throw a little bit of monologue in between the beginning and end…
i am still holding onto the thought that i am a very complex creature, but, i’m not gonna lie…
99.9% of the time, when fighting with my man, all i wanna hear is him say “i’m sorry”… or better yet “i was wrong”…
such a good feeling.
why? not because i am on a power trip…
because it can be something so simple… 1+2=3, or, the sky is blue… and my man will find a way to argue that i am wrong. how can i be wrong? it’s not possible in this situation.
after explaining over and over again the logistics of a situation, it is nice to hear those 3 little words.
@laylah, you are a better woman for admitting that sometimes, it IS just that simple…
@laylah,
Don’t take this the wrong way darling, but how old are you?
I may have a theory that is closely linked to age… would you be my guinea pig? Pretty please?
I would just add . . .
“I can help you with that” or “Do you need any help with that”
“I love it when you ramble”
It’s not only that we love drama, we are passionate and committed to causes that we believe in. We want our men to be as passionate, but in most instances they flatline. Offering the reassuring phrases in this post, indicates to us gals, that you are feeling us. That’s all anybody really wants.
@kokoesquire,
“I love it when you ramble”
DEAD.
@kokoesquire, statements such as “I can help you with that” and “do you need any help with that” show a woman’s penchant for drama. Both of those statements imply that I did not ask for your help…you are creating a situation where there is none. The three statements from this post are ways to get out of an argument that is spiraling out of control. Lord, help us men…we have so many battles to overcome. Just teach us the tools that we need to cope with the trials and tribulations that you have labeled as “women”…
@kokoesquire,
welcome and sh*t
@kokoesquire,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
@kokoesquire,
“we are passionate and committed to causes that we believe in. We want our men to be as passionate, but in most instances they flatline”
..i would tend to agree with this. But i’ve had to learn that passionate doesn’t necessarily mean antagonistic or emotional bullying-with the well intentioned lightearted wet blanket exception.
I also find it curious that no one is really talking about being ill-paired (is that a word, i just made it up). Some people can either bring out your personal best or your personal worst-and if you are brought to the point where either opinion doesn’t matter then again, why are yall together? Not every Cinderella slipper was made to fit.
Happy Monday..
@Princess Duvet aka “The Princess Has Spoken”,
“Some people can either bring out your personal best or your personal worst-and if you are brought to the point where either opinion doesn’t matter then again, why are yall together? ”
true. if you can’t communicate or don’t care to, then what’s the point?
I thought that men were supposed to be the “problem solvers” of the sexes… if that’s the case, according to this post, I can’t tell. This approach to problem solving seems a little passive agressive instead of, ummm, problem solving…
@pgh muse, how exactly is the problem not solved? If I didn’t care about winning the argument and you did, then why not give it to you? PGH Muse, 1…Maverick, 0. Because if I let the argument continue going past the point where I am still logical (women often get to that point before men), then something is bound to happen that we will both regret. This approach is the quintessential method of problem-solving…don’t deny it. Just accept it…
@Maverick,
U are right. Really.
@pgh muse, LOL…
@pgh muse, lol. that’s all he wants anyway. *snicker*
@SouthernGirl is at work., bingo…you’ve got it…
works for me…i just want you to agree with everything that i say, tell me how screwed up you are and how right i am and let me know that it’s all about me anyway…yep…that’s exactly who i am…keep it coming…
in the meantime…when i just lay there while you’re doing your usual, uninspired best four minutes of rabbit imitation humping…as long as YOU get YOUR nut…things should be fine, right?
@SexyCool,
Bwahahahah.
I like this chick right here.
@SexyCool…exactly…glad you understand…
@SexyCool,
Not rabbit imitation!! Bwahahahaha!
I agree with this post accept number 3. “It’s cool I can wait” is simply bad precedent. That is conceding the war to win a battle. I’m all for skipping the majority of pointless squabbles, but sometimes you just can’t wait.
@The Truth, number 3 is used in instances where the disagreement is not as extreme as one that would warrant numbers 1 and 2. Sometimes, there are instances where a woman would let you go with your option, just not this time. So if you can defer your option until later (and this is a judgement call), then you can shut down the argument early by employing number 3…QED…
As it turns out, Maverick likes to argue as much as the women he’s met…
But that’s ok, because you know what darling? You were right from the beginning.
“As it turns out, Maverick likes to argue as much as the women he’s met…
But that’s ok, because you know what darling? You were right from the beginning.
”
@Sula for the kids…,
that was FUNNY as hel! I seent (yes seent) every man on here get alittle hot under the blog (incudling P-Fiddy) …and their first response was NOT “oh you right”..but imma let them have it today.
Happy 4:30 my placental yaya
@Sula for the kids…, thanks, darling…I appreciate it…
Conflict Avoidance….If I may indulge the forum a bit, a story from last night.
Pre-History – been out all day with Shorty running her errands. She took me to dinner and conveniently inthe restroom when the check came. (I hate lingering @ a restaurant when the meal is done)
Setting – 9pm DC, her on couch watching 24, me tryna catch a nap
*24 ends*
*fee jumps in bed*
Her – “Yeah, I gotta get up early tomorrow, you want me to sleep over?”
me – 3 micro seconds of silence as i’m waking out of slumber mode..
Her – “Oh, cause I gotta get up early and you don’t want to/have to, you don’t want me to stay?!!”
me – *realizing that there’s not much I can do here at this point, damn my 3 micro seconds of silence* “What kinda callous guy do you think I am?”
her – *walks out*
Now our faithful readers of the manual know that there’s no way I could have “won” the first fight.
- If there’s a perception of winning or losing- the male has already lost.
- an answer of No = loss
- a weak yes = loss
- silence = tacit no = loss
- a wholehearted yassa boss, I run *my* life by *your* timetable = loss
^^^
But those of you who understand relationship dynamics know that the initial battle is over, but there’s a new problem.
Fight #2 – How I handled the chick generated “fight” is now MORE important than the “fight” ever was.
On some, “If he’s like this now, what’s he gonna be like when I bring him to my friends Oprah Trivia night?”
Some texts got sent to me
Some phone calls were made (all over seemingly frantic 12 minutes)
Eventually I answered and I ended up smoothing it over, but she ended up winning. (She stayed over, and i’m dead ass tired @ work)
But not without avoiding trip wires like
- “You don’t think I had a legitimate gripe?”
- “So i’m confused, do you want me to sleep over or not”
The real problem here is that often the dude in a situationship has to
- know what exactly the right thing is to say
- say the right things
AND
- say them the right way
When you play the pacification game
- honey/baby you’re right
- i’m sorry, I apologize, my bad
- the game/boy’s night out/board meeting/trial can wait
And more often than not you end up losing at some level.
Sometimes it’s your sense of self-respect – and chicks don’t like push overs (nor do they like boors either)
The other side of the game is to never give her an inch, at which point you become relationship tyrant guy.
Some chicks are “happier” with that kind of abuse, as it gives them a role to play. (you know how they say kids like discipline, it’s more of that BS).
Along those lines – If you ever get upset (job, family, your team ain’t winning), and your shorty is all up under you trying to figure out what’s wrong, it’s a good idea to have her go fetch you something. Gives her something to do, and gets her out of our locks.
The greatest lie told about relationship peace (as understood by men)
- We just need to communicate –
“Communication” = her telling him how she feels, and expecting the same sort of thing from him, when he doesn’t do that, nor knows how to do that.
“what part of I don’t want to see Diary of a Mad Black Woman do you not understand?”
Sorry for the long post, I’m venting.
Relationships shouldn’t be this hard, but they are.
@WestIndianArchie,
lol. i’m sorry WIA but that was funny. those three seconds did you in and the shouldn’t have. i’m gonna at least check to make sure you’re awake/look like you’re listening/ask if you heard me if i don’t get a response before i start throwing out daggers.
did you at least have a good, hot sweaty reason to be tired at work?
@WestIndianArchie,
I had to read 3 times to pinpoint the fights. So if I understand correctly, she was mad that you didn’t reply fast? I am not sure but I’ll assume that’s what the fight was about.
How about you both figure out what you want and say it?
You before going to sleep:
*I am not waking up early tomorrow, so I don’t know if it will be a good idea for you to sleep over*
.Or her before starting to watch 24:
*Hon, I really want to stay over but I have to wake up early, could you please, please make this sacrifice for me today? I’m so gonna miss you if I don’t sleep over.*
Period, end of story. It’s when egos and game playing get in the middle that unnecessary fighting comes into play. This was such a simple situation IMO.
@WestIndianArchie, Relationships shouldn’t be this hard, but they are.
this is the gospel truth! I think that open, honest communication is the key. And I KNOW that this is extremely hard for men. i read your post 3 times so that I could clearly understand the problem.We women do jump the gun, especially when we are unsure of where our partner stands with us. I think you should have told her, “babe, I’m sorry that I didn’t answer you as quickly as you would have liked. I was about to be asleep.” The question is did you want her to sleep over or not?
I stumbled across this blog about two days ago, proceeded to read about 15 entries…and I’m loving it…
On to the topic at hand- I know it sometimes seems like we women like drama, but that isn’t necessarily the case. Not for all of us, anyway.
In relationships, after you hit that point of comfortability with your partner and, in the words of Chris Rock, you get rid of your “representative”, you don’t have qualms bringing up things that bother you, and don’t feel the need to back down from an argument/confrontation in fear that you may scare your partner off (i.e. the point guys start having their occasional asshole moments and the moment ladies start throwing occasional bitchfits).
I’m a young woman (early 20s), and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in relationships, it’s knowing when to choose your battles. My ex and I were both stubborn to a fault, but I ended up being the one who would give in for the sake of not drawing out pointless arguments. I hit a point where I had to stop doing that, because I realized that although I had resigned to concede to keep the peace, he never seemed to. Not to say he wasn’t a good person, but he never had to curb his stubbornness…I love (…d) him, so it was whatever (the good qualities outweighed the bad). But it wasn’t fair. I made logical points when I was mad and he, being stubborn and mad, pretty much refuted them all until we had a huge blow up and he ended the relationship. He came back, months later might I add, and acknowledged that I was right in the things I was bitching about, but he was feeling “stressed” (from more outside factors) and didn’t know what else to do to end the fighting but walk away…long story short, he came back for a 2nd chance…and what can I say…same shit different day. We said the right things but nothing changed and I’m still back at square one.
I realize that was a horrible rant, especially for my very first post, but you can probably tell why I gained such an affinity for your blog in such a short amount of time…lol
Point is, yes, older guys…generally don’t do that. They know that it’s OK to concede the point every now and then. Because it isn’t worth it to argue with your lady –hell, any lady– if she’s fired up and you can avoid it. And because she does it for you more times than you may realize.
I’m not afraid to admit that I thoroughly enjoy being right. No joke. I am really opinionated and pretty stubborn, when I think I am right. But, although I should be against Maverick’s post I can’t because I believe it (has) will work.
However (you knew it was coming) a post like this infuriates me because it is a reminder that some men are closer to figuring us (women) out than I would like. How can I be sensually enigmatic when my SO is standing there all arrogant like because he knows what I am going to say and has already perfected his response? It makes me roll my eyes just thinking about it.
Allowing men to believe that they will never really know what we want gives women (me) the upper hand in many instances. So with that being said I ask, “Maverick, Champ (and the rest’a y’all), how much do you want to keep your nuggets of wisdom a secret because you are mess’n with my game son?”
@Ms. Hall, LOL…didn’t mean to throw salt in your game. I was just trying to help out these fellas who are racking their brains, trying to get out of these senseless, trivial arguments of epic proportions before they claw their eyes out. So I was just doing a public service…I am a humanitarian at heart…
@Ms. Hall, and I just want to let everyone know that one of my close friends tried this in an argument last night. Not only did it work, but the significant other commented that the conversation was the most productive one they ever had. Empirical evidence never seemed so good…
I hate to say but this is true and this will work. I just know it will not work in all situations.
@Tiger, it can work in all situations. The thing is that in the more serious situations, you have to enhance it with filler. But as long as you remember to say the first part, offer some fluffy explanation, and close it with the ending, you are good. For example: “That’s cool…I know that we have been arguing alot as of late and that things are not going the way that either of us thought they would. Perhaps we should just take this day by day until we see if we are ready for this…I’ll wait” OR “I know…I wasn’t really hearing you earlier because I was just really caught up in my point of view. But when I step back and consider what you are saying, you definitely have a point…I apologize”. You can get off with just the phrases by themselves for something trivial, but you might want to add a little filler as the tension level escalates…
I won’t even front. When we are “discussing” “disagreeing” etc. This is not gonna end without resolution. Period.
If we have to argue it out, voices get raised, whatever, there will be a resolution.
Now, there are points when I continue to say my piece and repeat it ad nauseum, I start to disengage and honestly stop caring.
I honestly believe most women KNOW they are smarter than men, so I feel like one of those phrases will “work.”
work=whatever you need to get the discussion over with.
Women don’t have discussions like adults.
Why?
They aren’t bound by logic.