Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

The Other Foot: When Men Seek Closure

Sometimes when life gets you down, you just need p*ssy and a violin guitar.

It’s common knowledge that women more or less suck at rejection. Most women are so discerning (yes, this is debateable…so is yo’ mama) about their romantical decisions up front that the very idea that a man who was chosen would decline their advances causes women to come down with a mad case of the Bee Gees. And anybody who’s ever had the BeeGees knows that you do not want the BeeGees.

Obviously, men are on the other end of that spectrum. I just got rejected twice since I started writing this and I couldn’t care less; I make it do what it do. Also, women tend to be big on closure and men, well, we just go bang new women and pretend not to have any feelings about the previous relationship. This tends to work well for society and mankind since, again, we all know that emo men might kill you. It’s really all about self-preservation, truth, justice, and the American way.

Well, there are actually some situations where men don’t know how to handle rejection AND seek closure. I know, boohissboo. While most men would just rather move on and pretend a certain chick didn’t exist and then holler at  her sorority sister, every now and again comes some woman where sh*t just went so haywire that the dude is left scratching his head.

You need an example don’t you? Yes, I think you do.

Many moons ago, a  young Pan (my game has grown, prefer you call me Panama) was seeing  a young lady. They hit it off famously and excitedly set out to do things that ninjas who hit it off famously do. They ate out. They looked at ducks together. They didn’t even have to use their AKs. It’s like everyday was a good day.  Mind you, Young P Da Fly Thief actually liked this particular woman so he did things that ninjas who like particular women do. He was nice. He did sweet things. Chaka Khan. When he did hoodrat things with his friends, he invited her along.

Then one day, poof vamoose, son of a b*tch. Now that’s not completely true. There was an incident of sorts and to explain it would possibly implicate no less than 12 Guatemalans, three Deltas and Obama. But in all honesty, I, Panama Jackson, was completely innocent. Basically, she messed up royally in such a way that I was forced to take a few steps back and truly evaluate whether or not I wanted to continue forward. She knew it. I knew it.

So what happens?

She iggs me ALL the way out. She disappeared on me. You ain’t neva seen a ninja get more gon’ then this ninja got gon’. Kind of like Ron Isley in Tax Court, I was so confrused. It made no sense, especially since I extended an olive branch so that we could move forward amicably…at least as friends, and perhaps more though that piece was going to take some work. Here’s the kicker, I wasn’t sure if this ninja really was into me for real for real as a boytoy anyway. So technically, it seems like we were all good. But nope. This ninja kicked me to more curbs than a concrete company.

It was almost some Boomerang sh*t except nobody got played. As opposed to a woman being stuck on a dude wondering why he vanished, it was me trying to understand. I went to various women that I knew to gain some insight and all of them gave me some variation of the same answer: she was interested and realized she blew it so she just quit you before she got even more caught up. Self-preservation so to speak. That’s all well and good except…isn’t that the same sh*t women get mad at men for doing? And you know when men’s feelings get hurt, one woman doesn’t pay, the next ten women will pay.

Point is, for the first time in my long-legged life, I needed some closure AND took the rejection personal since until she f*cked up, we were getting along…famously. Oh, and she messed up, not me. Dat hurt very much. Now, this was years ago and I’m a much more coldhearted murderer than I was back then, no matter what Champ says (my ni**a, did you call me thoughtful and sensitive? – f*ck everybody). But that situation reminded me that every so often, men do look for that very closure that women swear we never seek. Did I ever get it? No. I recently saw this woman and we chopped it up for a second and I wanted so badly to ask her what happened but my ego and pride prevented me from doing so. I guess she was the best thing I never had. And yes, Virginia, that was intentional.

So let’s talk about closure today. Ladies, do you ever come across men looking for closure in your previous relationships? Fellas, have you ever sought out closure from a particular woman when things didn’t go right?

And synopsisize deez ladies, why do YOU think she bailed on me? And I promise you don’t need more context. No cheating, she just pulled a cardinal sin. And resist the temptation to ask what it was that she did even though I know its burning to know what happened.

Oh, and close deez.


After you read this, mosey on over to Guyspeak where Panama wonders about how true to life Beyonce’s video for “Best Thing I Never Had” is in an article entitled, Ladies, Is Your Ex ALWAYS On Your Mind?

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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at


Man Up?

  • “Sometimes when life gets you down, you just need p*ssy and a violin.”

    Ain’t that a guitar, doe? Guess that’s what kitty kat does to ya.

    “Andy synopsisize deez ladies, why do YOU think she bailed on me?”

    She was definitely on some “since we both sense that it’s about to be over, lemme be the one to make the decision instead of ME being the decision. I hurt you before you hurt me.” ish. She shut the door wide open, so to speak.

  • Nanee

    I don’t know about that “She didn’t want to get caught up stuff”, but maybe it’s because whatever she did to mess up shone some light on to what she was actually looking for ( which was something you didn’t possess). Not necessarily cheating but in some other aspect of her life.

  • I like the Reasonable Doubt era Jay allusion.

  • Andy synopsisize deez ladies, why do YOU think she bailed on me?

    You a three. What other reason did she need? ;)

  • i don’t think i’ve ever sought closure. well there was this one time i tried to get closure. she wouldn’t tell me the truth so when i was left alone in her home and she carelessly left her diary out in the open i took it upon myself to read it (terrible i know). i found all the answers i needed.

  • “Andy synopsisize deez ladies, why do YOU think she bailed on me?”

    Maybe she realized that she had messed the ish up and dealing with it (and you) would have included her accepting that she was wrong and taking the blame. We ladies aren’t wrong very often (or don’t think we are), so if something is 100% our fault it’s a big old horse pill to swallow, and running makes it possible to avoid some of that.

    and lol @ Cheekie for calling out the instrument switcharoo. Can’t get nothing past dem cheeks!…hmm that sounded a little grosser than I meant it but *shrugs*

  • xLadyTx

    I agree with your friends’ analysis of what could’ve happened. She knew she messed up & HER ego kept her from sticking around, possibly, making the situation worse. She probably felt it was just better to cut her losses than to do anything more.

  • AfroPetite

    To date I’ve had one guy seek closure with me and it was a fail of epic proportions. After a few months of being overly clingy, crossing one too many boundaries, and giving off more estrogen than my ovaries could EVER produce in a lifetime I just stopped calling, texting, etc. (I ain’t give not 2 fcuks neither)

    For the next few weeks he harassed me about why I’d gone MIA and eventually sent me a long drawn out text message as to why I wasn’t ish, wasn’t ever gone be ish, and a myriad of other potentially hurtful things which I also had a hard time finding fcuks to give about.

    Men seeking closure after a relationship is just….ughhh….spare me with all that.

  • I haven’t sought closure in many many moons. My philosophy is all things aren’t meant to last. And just because it was good for me doesn’t mean it was for him.
    I have had a guy seek closure, and in an effort not to be cold-hearted, I don’t think he ever really got it from me, because I wasn’t as honest as he needed.
    As for her, I don’t know but would hazard a guess that she wasn’t ready to do the work to keep things going, especially since she screwed up.

  • Perhaps she met a 4, 5, or 6? Since you’re a 3, maybe she saw greener pastures? Maybe she joined “the other team?”

    Its hard to conceive of situations that would lead a woman to just bail. We’re usually the ones sticking it out for way too long.

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