Lists, Pop Culture, Theory & Essay

The One About Self-Awareness.


I remember the first time I heard the theory that people are more intimately familiar with who they think they are than who they actually are. Okay, that’s not true at all. I don’t remember when I first heard it, but I do know that when I heard it I immediately said to myself, “self, that’s true”. It makes sense if you think about it. We spend so much time thinking about who we want to be and how we think we come across that reality is like getting slapped in the face with one of Aretha’s areolas, your two ho’s, and a bottle of rum.

With that in mind, over the course of time I’ve come to some conclusions about myself based on what I thought I wanted or who I thought I was and how reality is playing itself out. Some way down like where the signifying monkey used to hang out. Others more shallow than Kim Kardashian in a kiddie pool kickin’ it with two koalas on Koval.


I thought I wanted to be one of those folks who likes to have deep conversations. It turns out that I want to be one of the people who has deep conversations about ignorant sh*t.

You know Savon from Love Jones? Yeah, I want to be him, except talking about thongs and the importance of Puffy to the fabric of society. But I SO want there to be a drum present. When I buy a house, one of the first things I’m doing is going drum shopping so I can have a truly Black household. All convos will include the drum. I want to talk about how Kool-Aid is truly the key to life and pop culture. I don’t want to talk about important things unless I feel like it. And only on special occasions…like when white people are present. Or in front of Barack Obama, though I’m fairly certain I’d probably talk a little ignant around Obama. The man sings Al Green songs for cripe’s sake. He cool.

I thought I wanted to date women with big hair who had the big hair angst and social justice guilt and conscience who were artsy and blah blah blah. It turns out I just like big hair.

Seems that I couldn’t care about their activism. I just like big hair. Hell, I might actually prefer big haired bougie women. The type with big hair and Coach bags who are as superficial as chicks with perms. I just wanna lay in their hair without the guilt of recycling. Basically, while I love Freddie from A Different World, I’m sure she would have gotten on my last damn nerves when I told her that I thought “Rack City” was empowering to women.

I thought that because I’m a writer and a rapper and an author and talker and because I communicate often I was a good communicator. It turns out that’s not true.

So, despite my uber sharing ass nature, in intimate settings, I can be quite walled off and anti-vulnerable. How’s that for some sh*t that makes no sense. I’m like the Great Communicator Of Useless Information When It Matters Least. I’m Alex Trebek for Dummies. For Relationships.

I thought that majority of my relationships ended because of compatibility issues. It turns out that most of them probably stem from that little communication problem I just shared a few lines ago. No coca-ina.

Now that’s not to say that every relationship that ended didn’t need to end, they probably did. But my inability to communicate properly was probably as culpable for the beginning of the end as any compatibility issue or constant nuisance that I either created or initially found cute but eventually found grating.

I thought that I was one of the few mixed kids who didn’t have an identity issues. It turns out that I do.

Yeah, I can’t decide if I f*ckin’ rock or if I’m f*ckin’ awesome. It’s a conflict that only people of my pedigree can fully appreciate. It’s hard out here for an cool mulatto. Or a culatto.

I often thought that because I was enlightened that I was above certain negativitisms. Turns out my enlightenment helps to inform my ignorance.

This woman cut me off in traffic today. I didn’t call her a b*tch while shaking my fist in my car behind my glass windows. Nope, I called her a wench. Mostly because I like the word and second because I thought calling a woman a b*tch because she’s a woman who pissed me off would make me like every other ignorant man. So wench it was, which I’m fairly certain achieves the EXACT same end as the b-word. I felt bad. But if I didn’t read, I don’t think I’d know the w-word either. Damn you education system for teaching me how to get around general use pejoratives for learned ones! I definitely call ni**as the n-word though.

Anyway, those are some of my self-awarenesses. Sharing is caring people. What you got?


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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • Iamnotakata

    Self awareness check…. I discovered earlier this evening at the gym when some guy approached me thinking he was enlightening me on an exercise I know works…..I’ve discovered that I don’t like to be told what to do (even if its to my benefit)…because the second I realized he was attempting to tell me different than what I knew, I stopped listening… So I have concluded I am a know it all…well when it comes to health and fitness…I’m an exercise physiologist what can I say?

  • demondog06

    ha! i have absolutely nothing to contribute…i just wanna be first.
    did i win?

    • spottieottiedarlin

      we off that! lol. And nothing, doe?

  •!/mackaroto Jay

    I just wanna lay in their hair without the guilt of recycling.

    LMFAO. Nice. I too lose my sh*t around women with big, natural hair.

    • Think2Inspire

      Jay on behalf of all big hair ladies, I thank thee.

      In my experiences, 2520’s love the big natural hair too. I had a dude nervously approach me as I was walking out of class to say I forgot my notebook. When I went back to class there was no notebook on my desk, I gave him the O_o and he admitted he lied and just wanted to tell me he thought I was purdy and had purdy hair. Had a girl wanting to fluff her afro and rub shea butter in it. Too bad he was so shy.

      • African Mami

        @ Think2Inspire

        Yes 2 all that you said. Dem white bois be goin nuts, dem black bois be calling me empress, African queen, Nubian goddess..

        Had this fellow once, stop and wax poetry to me on the streets. That was a dope moment. I love poetry so of course I engaged him in the madness.

        • MJoy

          Jealous! When my hair is natural it looks a hot mess! I perm it and then when I get, “Damn, your hair is so long and pretty” I feel as if I am everything that is wrong with the world… but if it was natural? You wouldn’t let me leave the house.

      • weethomas

        My first instinct when someone tells me I’ve misplaced something is to check where it usually is kept.

        “Hey, you left your phone” -> pat my pockets.

        • Locks of Love


          you on some planet Jupiter shiid.

      • Ro

        weird, i get more compliments on my hair when my new growth is outta control than i do when the dreads are freshly tightened. always baffles me.
        The compliments are nice, just don’t touch my hair…that’s rude and depending on where your hands have been, very disgusting.

        • MJoy

          MAMI!!!!!!!! DREAD ALERT!!!!

          Wait. Ro, are you a man or woman?

          • annette_b

            The way AM was watching you do the *booty shake* yesterday (?), it may not really matter…JS.

            • Locks of Love

              @ annette_ b

              it matters I date men, I appreciate women. #the end.

              • annette_b

                That’s exactly the way I meant it. My apologies if it came across any other way. No offense intended.

  • That Ugly Kid

    1. The frequent uses of sarcasm and apathy during conversations with friends makes me an azz.

    2. That people judge short males (like myself) more negatively than tall males. I’ll explain this one if you’re confused.

    3. I tell jokes a lot because I like to keep people smiling, happy. I love making others laugh. Apparently this also means I’m incapable of being taken seriously.

    4. I care about what people think way more than I should. I like to think I don’t, but I do. My appearance a “soft spot”, so to speak.

    5. I’ve been hopelessly in love with Jennifer Love Hewitt and Scarlett Johannsen for a while now. I just didn’t want to admit it.

    6. I’m protective of my female friends. I’m always there to help them in their time of need. Not because I desire a reward, but because I genuinely want to make sure they’re happy. Not sure if this is good or bad, as I’ve been called “soft” for this.

    7. Might have a man-crush on Dwayne Johnson. Dude is awesome.

    • Mo-VSS

      Jennifer Love Hewitt’s body is awesome.

      And if only I could give some of my “don’t give a f-k about what you think” attitude to others in exchange for the more compassionate caring alternative, I’d do so in a heartbeat. It isn’t easy being so uncaring. lol

      • That Ugly Kid

        “Jennifer Love Hewitt’s body is awesome.”

        I KNOW! And I remember that time when the media tried to call her fat because she grew some azz. I was like, “WHA?!?!?” No wonder why you clowns don’t appreciate the beauty of a curvaceous black woman. Because you think JLH, whose body is tame compared to our standards, is fat?! I can’t even…

        Also, I tend to be an uncaring person in general. But when it comes to my appearance it’s a different story. Which is why I get envious of my much less attractive (that’s my homie, but I can admit this), much less fashion savvy friend when we hang out. He’s happy as f*ck and could care about the fact that people make fun of his attire.

        I’m not saying that I wear what everyone else wears, I don’t. Well, I didn’t until the hipster style became popular. I mean, I was the guy rocking the big azz glasses (that actually have perscription lenses in them), sweaters, and ties before everyone did. But now I care too much about what people COULD be thinking about me.

        • B. Brown

          I can’t ride with you on JLH (although she doesn’t look bad in Client List…that’s her, right?), but I’ve been all-in on ScarJo since Iron Man 2. She might be as much a reason as anything else for me to see Avengers again.

          • Tentpole

            Yes, that her in the Client List. She has grown on me.

    • African Mami

      # 2. I have to admit, I DO have problems with short men,not even, I have major BEEF, PORK, FISH and FRIED CHICKEN issues with most of the short men I’ve met.
      I’m sorry BUT lawwwwwwd hammmmercy. I have stories for days.

      • sincereluv4life

        ” I have major BEEF, PORK, FISH and FRIED CHICKEN issues with most of the short men I’ve met”


        I have to admit though, I prefer men 5’7″ -5’11” (and 5’11” is kinda pushin it lol), I hate craning my neck to look up all the time. I’ve dated a couple of guys who were over 6 feet & I just wasn’t feelin’ the lankiness/ feelin’ short next to them.

    • Chanelle

      Numbers 1 and 3 completely describe me.

      • Iceprincess

        @TUK As long as you not short where it counts ;-)

        • That Ugly Kid

          Oh I’m not. My arms are slightly longer than usual so I can reach the top shelves of everything.

          *Retreats into his thoughts.*

          Inner Conscious: You f*cking retard. She’s not talking about your gotd*mn arms. She’s referring to your peen.

          Me: My peen? You mean the entity known as Galactus The Ultimate Destroyher? Oohhh, thanks, bro.

          Inner Conscious: Whatever.

          *Exits thoughts.*

          Oh you mean “that”? I don’t like to toot my own horn. Which is why I bought these enormous, top of the line speakers with surround sound. Yea I’ve been known to cause a few solar eclipses here and there. I could tell you about this one time when I fell face first in the dirt and created what you humans now call The Grand Canyon. Or about those times when a new crater mysteriously appears on the face of the moon everytime I get an erection. But…I won’t.

          • African Mami

            lllllawwwwd hammmmmmmmercy!!!! Ultimate Destroyers have been known to send human beings into the ER? have they not?

            • That Ugly Kid

              Or the mortuary. Depends on whether or not I use the Doggystyle of Despair. Still, whether you end up in a hospital or the grave, it’s the most blissful way to go out by far.

          • nillalatte

            Um, yeah, the assignment was Self Awareness TUK, not grandiose ideas of self. lmao

            • African Mami

              @ Quuuuuuuuen,


              Oh mi gosh, I’m like waiting to hear more about the ultimate destroyer and here you are bringing down the temperature, and shutting thangs down!

            • That Ugly Kid

              Hey, the evidence is there. You can easily see for yourself. You can travel to Arizona to see the aftermath of me having an erection when I fell. And you can get a pair of binoculars and gaze at the moon to see the results of my erections. The choice is yours.

              • African Mami

                Arizona?! PUUUUHLEEEZE. I HATE that place!!!——>Brewer?! *puke*

                but I like crater inducing objects.

                • That Ugly Kid

                  And who says we had nothing in common? You like objects that make craters, and I like making craters with my object.

                  Small world.

                  • African Mami

                    2 shay!

          • JEHeartbreak

            Rotfl! I love the description of your…. arms. Breathtaking!

            • That Ugly Kid

              I know right! Add that to the fact that I have the stamina of a butterfly and women never want to leave!

    • Royale W. Cheese

      “7. Might have a man-crush on Dwayne Johnson. Dude is awesome.”

      Le sigh. The People’s eyebrow gets me every time.

      • MJoy

        +1 This man should make me melt but… he just doesn’t.

    •!/mackaroto Jay

      A. Weren’t you the very one who last week DENIED that men actually have “man-crushes”…TO THE ARCHIVES!!

      B. Don’t EVEN get me started on how I, if requested, would meticulously fill as many styrofoam cups as it would take, to make freeze cups out of Scarlett Johannsen’s bath water and eat one every afternoon.

      • That Ugly Kid

        Actually no lol. I was the one who admitted back then as well, that I admired Dwayne Johnson. And that I wanted a tattoo just like his, but on my right side.

      • Meisarebel

        I applaud your bath water comment. She was always pretty to me, but after I was forced to watch He’s Just Not That Into You, I believed all females who forced their men to watch that movie made a terrible mistake. Because now they shall forever be compared to “that hot friend who was literally trapped in the closet” that is Scarlet Johannsen.

      • erika

        @ B. Effing hilarious!

    • Pierre

      Back off Scarlett Johannsen is mine T.U.K.
      Are you really that short? You always talking about it?

      • That Ugly Kid

        Lol, I’m 5’8″, which I consider short. Mainly because I wish I were 6ft even.

    • JessieLee

      I agree #’s 1 and 3 totally sum me up in a nutshell

    • Perverted Alchemist

      “2. That people judge short males (like myself) more negatively than tall males. I’ll explain this one if you’re confused.”

      Please expound, sir. As a tall man, I’d like to hear this one.

      “3. I tell jokes a lot because I like to keep people smiling, happy. I love making others laugh. Apparently this also means I’m incapable of being taken seriously.”

      This is me all day and day!!! The funny thing is that no one takes me seriously either- at least until they see me in one of my really bad mood swings! Then they avoid me like the plague, LMAO!

      • That Ugly Kid

        “Please expound, sir. As a tall man, I’d like to hear this one.”

        Aight I’ll give you a few examples.

        A 6’2″ male with a short temper is just considered a jerk. A 5’5″ guy with the same temper is automatically seen as having a Napoleon complex. Or, a more notable example, a 5’5″ dude who drives a Hummer will automatically be seen as trying to overcompensate for something. A 6’2″ dude who drives the same vehicle? Oh, he just likes Hummers then.

        Basically, people assume all short men base their life decisions around their height, or assume our “negative” behavior is due to our height. Big house? Oh the little guy’s overcompensating. Big car? Same thing. Like to rock big hairstyles like afros and such? He’s insecure about his height so he’s trying to make himself seem taller.

        • Perverted Alchemist

          “Basically, people assume all short men base their life decisions around their height, or assume our “negative” behavior is due to our height.”

          I’ve heard a lot about that. Ironically, those very accusations are coming from short women- go figure…

          • Locks of Love

            I’m NOT short, and those reasons are LEGITIMATE. I’ve seen them being played out right in front of my eyes. I avoid short men like the plague, because them and I run into prollllems. Egos get hurt.

          • Kema

            *stand on step stool and speaks for the shorties*

            It is not ironic because short women do not feel the same pressure to be be tall.

        • Justmetheguy

          TUK makes some excellent points though. Why won’t women let short men just live? And why must all their behavior be based on the fact that they’re short? lol, Would that be classified as pop psychology? Assuming that all or most of a person’s decisions be made off of their stature (or any other physical characteristic that’s socially perceived as a flaw) doesn’t seem particularly scientific lol (Men do this with women too. She just bitter cause she ugly/flat chested/funny shaped etc;)

    • Wild Cougar

      Dwayne Johnson used to be hot before he decided to look like the hulk. Neck veins popping, can’t turn his head mutant looking mofo. It’s just Eww. I told his azz on Twitter he needs to leave the roids alone, but he ain’t studying me.

      • WIP

        I’m gonna need you to stop tweeting my man.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        you forgot to add in the pointed head. Head look like a blunt pencil point on those big pencils kindergarteners used to use back in the day.

      • That Ugly Kid

        Yea, his current look is because he’s preparing for a movie role. It stars him and Mark Wahlberg, who play body builders in the movie. That’s why he’s all Hulk’d up.

        Speaking of Hulk, The Avengers is the best superhero movie of all time and the Hulk is a f*cking beast. That is all.

        • MJoy

          Do you think I would like this if I know absolutely nothing about these characters or any superhero really? I want to see it but am afraid I won’t know what the hell is happening.

          • That Ugly Kid

            Yes. You’ll have fun with the dialogue and action sequences alone.

    • Asiyah

      “I tell jokes a lot because I like to keep people smiling, happy. I love making others laugh. Apparently this also means I’m incapable of being taken seriously.”

      I have that same problem. I’ve even heard it makes me “undateable.” LOL?

    • MJoy


      You’re amazing.

      • That Ugly Kid

        Since I’m still unsure as to how to respond to compliments, I’ve compiled a list of responses I think are approriate. Choose the one that you to receive:

        The Overbearing Sweetheart: I’m amazing? Thank you, so much! And I must say, you are particularly ravishing! Intellect, humor, wit, and stunning beauty!

        The Apathetic Kid: So?

        The Narcissistic Jerk: Amazing?! B*tch, I know this! You telling me like I don’t got mirrors at the crib!

        Pessimist: No I’m not. I’m atrocious!

        The New Yorker: Amazing? Nah, son! What’s amazing is our muthaf*ckin rats, kid! Yo, our sh*ts be THIS big *points to nearest Volkswagon Beetle*. Word is bond, son!

        Robin: Holy Buttf*ck on a stick, Batman! Thanks!

        The Cool Kid: Hey thanks and sh*t.

        • That Ugly Kid

          want to receive*

        • Kema

          You are too much!!! I actually lol’d in my cubicle. Hope no one noticed too much.

        • MJoy

          wow… They are all just so good when combined like that (all except the cool kid, I hate cool kids)

          I’ll go with the New Yorker.

          But again I repeat:

          You’re amazing.

  • Aaron Smarter

    Why do I feel like I was being described in detail,

    minus the culatto part?

    I’m not cool, nor (to the best of my knowledge) mulatto.


  • Mo-VSS

    You recognize (and often condemn) certain character flaws of other people because see some of them in yourself. That’s something I realized early in life. I used to hate liars until I realized I was among the best of them. I’m not a general, everyday type liar but when caught in a lie…I used to have a tendency to lie more. *shrugs* Now I just realize I have the ability to lie and that revelation makes me better because I’m not lying to myself about being a liar. Yeah…all that.

    I used to think I didn’t like bad boys but I lied (see!). I really do. I’m like a bad boy advocate. I’m always secretly rooting for the bad boy in a relationship to turn good. Not necessarily in my own life, but in the lives of others. I have no idea why I want this but I do…just not for my own life. lol

    Oh, and I used to fashion myself as a light-skint chick until people told me I was brown. And then I used to fashion myself as brown until someone else told me I was light-skint. So…to that end I have no idea where on the color spectrum fit (I’m lying again…see, dammit!) but in my head, I’m brown :)

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      ” I’m like a bad boy advocate. I’m always secretly rooting for the bad boy in a relationship to turn good. ”

      I’m always rooting for the bad boy to stay bad, because she knew who he was when she got with him.

      • Perverted Alchemist

        But let them yatches tell it, they ain’t know nothin’ about him!

    • MJoy


  • dd

    “You recognize (and often condemn) certain character flaws of other people because see some of them in yourself.” This is so painfully true

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      Yes. Its that old saying ” There’s something about you that I don’t like in myself.”

      Makes for great sex too when it happens between two people who are always “disliking” each other.

  • African Mami

    My foolishness self awareness journey:

    In college, I was that SERIOUS girl who was all about getting an education, and going back to Africa. Was into deep intelligent conversation. I rocked a mean short natural hair cut, talked the Oxford dictionary-still do, but I know it doesn’t come across that way, whenever I put my fingers to this keyboard, type and press post, a comment. I was very vocal about activist issues, as they pertain to women, the motherland, and overall inhumane issues.

    Thereabout, I forgot that I was FUNNY! That I LOVED and know how to laugh until my bones ache! That it was A-OKAY to make jokes about Africa and its problems, that it was A-OKAY to be VERY UTTERLY and highly mightly so FOOLISH.

    Then, I got or should I say reclaimed my foolish back. It had been stolen away by life’s travails, BUT I’ve decided that from this point forward, I have to look at issues from a foolishness perspective, or else loose it in the midst of it all.

    I can hold a mean intelligent conversation-I know *WOWZER*! But, I choose not to, because it is DEATHLY BORING! My calling is FOOLISHNESS and I have accepted humor as my personal savior. I really don’t give a fug if I come across as stoooooooooooopid. Self awareness, is about YOU not THEM.

    Jammy Jams, I really do have to say I enjoyed this post thoroughly and you can see why. You like BIG HUURRRR. Dat’s wassup, coz dis sista right hurr got dat fro that looks like a tempur pedic mattress with soft landing capabilities.

    • Malik

      Woo you change your avatar a lot. I had to reread your first few sentences a couple times before I realized you who were again.

      • African Mami

        yes sweet Malik, I do.

        quick tip: All my avis have dreadlock innuendos to them.

        • Kema

          I almost didnt recognize you also. *waves* Hey Mami!!

          • Locks of Love

            segggggzay!!!!*hey hey now!*

            You should make your avi bigger. I need to do circumference measurements. Please and thank you!!! :)

            • Kema

              The answer is 42.

              • Locks of Love

                *faints*————————–>you are my VSB girl/donk crush. It’s official.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        I always know who she is by how she posts. She is consistent. lol

        • African Mami

          @ AWE

          YES! That is why we are getting married. Oh wait, we are on the basis of Oprah done Illuminated black people and their thoughs. ooops

          • A Woman’s Eyes


            Pick the wedding location!

            We can’t marry in North Carolina though :-( until there is a federal lawsuit won.

    • Val

      I don’t think you are foolish at all. I think that you have the rare ability to make very serious points using humor and wit.

      • African Mami

        @ Val,

        awww thanks hun! *kookamba toast to dat*

        foolishness to mean, I don’t like taking life seriously at all.

    • esa

      you inspire with style ~*~

      • African Mami

        uh oh, farrrrrizy?! thanks…..never heard dat, imma take it and run away!!! look downthread if you don’t understand why I am a night runner with compliments.

    • Perverted Alchemist

      “I can hold a mean intelligent conversation-I know *WOWZER*! But, I choose not to, because it is DEATHLY BORING!”

      Well that’s too darn bad, because you’re going to start today young lady!
      *Makes African Mami watch C-SPAN*

      • African Mami


        hey hey hey!!!!! American news is NOTenticing to me. Al Jazeera/BBC right up my alley.——->haven’t even watched them for the past prolly 5 years. Jesus take the wheel.

        • Perverted Alchemist

          Tell the truth, the real reason you watch BBC is because of John Luther- and you know who John Luther is!!!!

          • African Mami

            @ PA

            I didn’t know. I just goooogled. LAWWWWWWWWWWWD YES!!!!!!!!!!

            John Luther, needs an introduction, middle and an ending. Imma be back to discuss him in a few hours time.

            I’m coming to AL, for a motorcycle ride. I swear men in bikes are just too hot! I seen cops yesterday in bikes, and I lost the little sanity I had left in me!! *fans sef*

            •!/mackaroto Jay

              You coming to Bama Mami? What part?! Notice how I’m all questions whenever AL is mentioned on VSB.

              • Locks of Love

                oh now I know, by Bama you mean AL.

                One of these fine days…..

    • MJoy

      This is why you are my fembooboo!!!!!! College burned me the eff out on all that deep ish… I just can’t do it anymore, making people think I’m apathetic or dumb or lazy. Nah, n*gga, I’m just over it!!!!! Pass the punch.

      P.S. You never sound stupid. Shut up girl!!

      • Locks of Love


        I luuuuuuuuweeee you!!!!!

        *muah muah muah*

      • Justmetheguy

        Yeah, I gave up on it too. It wasn’t even close to being worth the effort. You can’t re-program people and life is too short to stay stressed like that. Now I only have those conversations with people who actually want to help and know enough of the basics to follow me on my views/opinions. They have to be smart enough to know what’s actually going on before we can even begin to talk about causes and solutions to the problems. Most people don’t qualify so I just don’t go there anymore (even when provoked). It’s just not worth it

  • Dignan

    One of the hardest lessons in my life is that when I was young I believed that I could change myself and turn myself into the person that I want to be. Didn’t work. At around age 33, I discovered that I’ma have to get comfortable with being the man that I am.

    And that was some difficult ish! I’m still not quite comfortable with it, but, as the man said in Spinal Tap, I would be much more bothered by the whole thing if I wasn’t under heavy sedation.

    • Royale W. Cheese

      Ah, Spinal Tap. ‘Big bottom, big bottom. How can I leave this behind?’ The movie was full of poetry. :)

  • Malik

    I used to think I was as well adjusted as the average person can be. Turns out I have all the narcissism, perfectionism, societal “otherness”, and anxiety as other military brats.

    I used to think that because I enjoyed reading I could pick up any book and enjoy and dissect it. Turns out I can’t really pay attention to story lines that well, even when I’m loving what’s going on. My preference is to read out of order and dissect the information based on what I find most compelling so non-fiction books have been the most compelling to me.

    I used to think that I was very apathetic towards other human beings. Turns out I can empathize very well. I can listen for hours, but never talk about myself.

    Thought I was handsome. Turns out I was just really, really pretty.

    • African Mami

      hey Mallllllikkkk!!!!!! since you are such a great listener, are you selective of your listening literature?! :)

      • Malik

        Listening literature?

    • That Ugly Kid

      “Thought I was handsome.”

      I hate when women call me this. I respond to the word handsome like women respond the word “cute”. To females, “cute” is like the unimportant, neglected little sister to “beautiful”, “gorgeous”, and “stunning”. It’s like, well, at least you acknowledge my existence, but…that’s it?! I’m cute? Just cute?! That’s how I feel about handsome. Like, thanks for the compliment, but I’m actually insulted because I thought I ranked higher than that on the hotness scale. Apparently, I don’t…

      • African Mami

        @ TUK

        excuse you?! If I tell you, you are handsome, take it and run away with it. Don’t look back lest you turn into salt like Lot’s wife did in Soddom and Gomorrah.

        If I call you PRETTY-there’s prolems.

        A handsome man to me, is FOIIIIIIIIINE.

        • MsVivienne

          Yesssssssssss, Old Testament!

        • That Ugly Kid

          Alright geez!!! I’m sorry. It’s just that to me, I perceive handsome to be very low on the hotness scale. Because handsome is something you’d hear adults call a little boy. He’s handsome because he’s small, cute, and adorable. However, I am not a little boy. So a term that is mostly aimed at little boys disturbs me. But that’s just how I think.

          I’m not going to pretend that I know what handsome is synonymous to from a woman’s perspective. You say fine (or foine). To me though, handsome isn’t code for anything. Handsome is handsome and foine is foine.

          • African Mami

            you dis boi. do you listen?! QUIT it! If a woman says you are handsome, zip it don’t provide explanations as to why you think its synonymous with a woman being called cute and feeling unloved, just say THANK YOU Handsome, IS really kind of a big deal, esp. with me. Shoo.

            Why are you writing a dissertation about a compliment?! Where they do that?!

            • B. Brown

              ^ What African Mami said. From someone who’s almost never been called handsome (I can count the times on one hand), take the compliment and roll with it.

            • That Ugly Kid

              Hmm, thanks to the Nubian Goddess, I’ve now had another self-aware moment. I over analyze sh*t too much.

              • That Ugly Kid


      • nillalatte

        LOL… handsome for a man to me is fine as in refined. Pure knock out. Distinguished. Like Mami said, run wit it!

        • annette_b

          Yes, this. Handsome implies a certain confidence and finesse along with the good looks, good manners and classy apparel.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        Give yourself 10 more years & see if handsome still bothers you.

        • CNotes


      • Cheekie

        Seriously thought handsome was the brother to beautiful.

        So… in your mind… what registers higher? Fine?

        Is fine/foine/fahn > handsome?

        • That Ugly Kid

          To me everything except “decent” and “aight” > handsome.

      • Ro

        :-/ i like being called cute…b/c I am. These big cheeks and chinky-eyed smile on this here baby like face…can’t help but be cute. Being called sexy throws me off, especially when i’m in jeans and a tshirt. Mainly b/c i look like a middle schooler, and you just called me sexy, you sir are obviously a pedophile. lol.

    •!/mackaroto Jay

      Thought I was handsome.

      When I was young I never really thought I was handsome… but females always did. Probably a mixture of off-self awareness with a little bit of low self esteem thrown in. I eventually developed confidence from seeing the type of women I could pull and the reactions I got from females, which usually took me COMPLETELY off guard. This sucked because my confidence in my looks was external, which is never good.

      In my mid to late twenties I finally became comfortable with my good looks… just in time for me to start getting old and losing them. C’est la vie.

      • That Ugly Kid

        “I finally became comfortable with my good looks… just in time for me to start getting old and losing them.”

        Really? So we just gon act like Nubian Goddess aka African Mami ain’t been eye f*cking your avi for the past two months? We playing the Alzheimer’s game now? I hope not. People might think that’s insensitive and all that good sh*t and sh*t.

        •!/mackaroto Jay

          I’m not saying that I’ve lost it(yet). Not by far. But you’ll find out when you reach 30, vanity will have you looking at yourself in the mirror everyday like Jeff Goldblum in The Fly… like “whats happening to me!?!? **gasp**…the f*ck did that line appear!? … dear God is that a grey hair… IN MY NOSE!?!?! **shotgun blast**

          Guess thats another self awareness issue. I’d like to think that I’m in no way vain or self conscious but…

          • Mena

            Agreed. You don’t realize you are vain until the one thing that people always complimented you about begins to fade and you start acting a mess b/c of it.

            I have always been complimented about my skin–liked stopped in the street by complete strangers and told how nice my skin was–then a dark mark appeared. I scheduled an appointment to the dermatologist so fast that it was ridiculous. I told my friends that i was doing it b/c i was worried about skin cancer. That was only half of it.

        • African Mami

          my crater inducing maker why are you bringing up my name into the mix of thangs?!

          • That Ugly Kid

            Oh I’m sorry dear, I was merely pointing out to a fellow VSB that his looks haven’t reached its waning stages yet. As evidenced by his ability to swoon women who are perfectly sane. If you were offended, I, William The Womb Wrecker, officially apologizes.

            • African Mami

              apology accepted—–>you too damn silly ya know dat?!

      • Aly

        “just in time for me to start getting old and losing them. C’est la vie.”

        Nah, you still got it ;)

        Btw, one conclusion that I’ve come to about myself- I’m TERRIBLE at flirting lol. I’ve never been one of those “bat my eyes and giggle” type of girls.

        • African Mami

          @ Aly,

          I take offense to the fact that the art of flirting has been reduced to just batting of eyelids/lashes and winks. It’s IVY LEAGUE deep ma!!

          • Aly

            Lol! You’re absolutely right Mami, and you definitely have one or two degrees from the Harvard School of Flirting. I need to take some lessons from you…

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          ” I’m TERRIBLE at flirting lol. I’ve never been one of those “bat my eyes and giggle” type of girls.”

          You don’t have to bat your eyes and giggle to flirt.

          • Perverted Alchemist

            I’m not even going to ask where you’re going with this…

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              that’s a good thing lol

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        Cheekbones. the end.

      • Kema

        “In my mid to late twenties I finally became comfortable with my good looks… just in time for me to start getting old and losing them. C’est la vie”

        I am soooo with you on this one.

        I was one of those girls that wasnt ‘cute’ in middle school (thick glasses and a Jherri curl) that changed in H.S. Not use to being considered attractive I still felt the same. It wasnt until my late 20’s that I fully started to become confident in my appearance. Now after turning 30 last year I have started looking in the mirror at my first wrinkles (laugh line). Ughhh!