The National Park Service Guy’s Face When Getting That Bullshit Check From Trump Is The Blackest Thing That Ever Happened This Week » VSB

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The National Park Service Guy’s Face When Getting That Bullshit Check From Trump Is The Blackest Thing That Ever Happened This Week

(Mark Wilson/Getty Images)

 

The face Harpers Ferry National Historical Park superintendent Tyrone Brandyburg made yesterday when presented a $78,333 check from Donald Trump — the same Donald Trump who plans to cut funding from the National Park Service — is a face we all recognize. Because its a face of recognition. It’s the “This nigga…” face. Which is also sometimes known as the “This nigga here” face and the “This nigga right here” face.

It’s the face you make when you’re playing spades and it’s tied at 440 and it’s the last hand and you have enough books to win and your partner just reneged for no damn reason. Or when showing up to a 3pm cookout and learning the meat won’t be done until seven forty fucking five. Or when a date asks for a handful of your fries even though you just offered to buy her her own damn batch of fries seven minutes ago and she declined. Or when your homeboy says he can’t help you move because he hurt his back last night and you check Instagram that afternoon and see his bitch ass tagged in a flag football game.

It’s also perhaps the staunchest and most battle-tested existential defense against racist fuckshit and Peak White Peopling. If you see a Black person with this face, and that Black person happens to be in some sort of office environment or any other predominately White space, you know that something extra super duper White just happened, and that face is a shield against it. Maybe Darth Susan in accounting is emailing human resources again because someone used the wrong color dry erase marker or something. Maybe you just overheard Thad in finance ask Keisha in marketing how often she washes her hair. Or perhaps someone just left an aggressively unseasoned chicken breast on a plate in your cubicle. And, since “this nigga…” is a race-transcendent caption that could be used to describe anything from wifi connections to fabric softener, Tyrone Brandyburg’s “this nigga…” face is totally aimed at our President.

We are all Tyrone. #TyroneStrong

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Disqus just threw my comment in jail and my first thought was “What happen? Why it happen?”
    You guys are ruining me.

  • Brass Tacks

    “Or when a date asks for a handful of your fries even though you just offered to buy her her own damn batch of fries seven minutes ago and she declined.”

    I absolutely hate this! Don’t tell me its because my just fries taste better. How is that even possible when they are coming from the same damb fryer!

    I don’t get this foolishness.

    Jesus didn’t sacrifice himself for this fcukery.

    • Freebird

      But Da Devil stays busy.

      • Brass Tacks

        Indeed he/ she/ it does

    • Mr. Mooggyy

      Dat BS is what that is! ………and don’t ask me why I have the straight face when reach over a second time!

    • Ess Tee

      But the real question: Is the serving size enough for two? Or are you just being grumpy?

      • Mr. Mooggyy

        Semantics! You want some fries or nah!? Not…do you want my fries after I ask you and you decline, not stating that you would like to share mine!

        ……Woosah!

        • Ess Tee

          Relax. Relate. Release.

        • Ess Tee

          I’m trolling, really lol. I don’t like sharing my food. This is why I don’t care much for tapas joints.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          Right?!!
          Like if she don’t finish her order
          1) like I won’t finish it
          2) like I’m going to treat her like she’s a child ordering stuff and not finishing it. (And got the nerve to be hungry thirty minutes later…)

      • AKA The Sauce

        It’s not right

        • Ess Tee

          But it’s OK…

      • Sigma_Since 93

        No. Here’s the issue:

        “you just offered to buy her her own damn batch of fries seven minutes ago and she declined. ”

        This means you don’t want ANY fries. Not my fries, not yo momma’s fries, not yo cousin’s fries. Don’t reach after I ask you 6 times before finalizing the order and you told me no 6 times.

        • Ess Tee

          Maybe she didn’t want any fries at that *exact* moment lol.

          • Brass Tacks

            Smh…Women

    • WeJammingStill

      Is that the only line you saw ?

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        The only line that needs seeing!

      • Brass Tacks

        The nuance of the main topic is going to be dissected by more than enough of you highly educated folks.

        Y’all don’t need my opinion(s) on anything related to that part.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          Burning issues like this are literally stopping black children from being born.

          It should be the cause celebre’ of our times

          • Valerie

            “Burning issues like this are literally stopping black children from being born”

            TEARS lol

          • Wild Cougar

            Women should avoid having kids with men who resent sharing fries.

            • Brooklyn_Bruin

              ^ advocating genofried

              • Wild Cougar

                Just good advice. Selfish men don’t make good fathers

                • Brooklyn_Bruin

                  ^ continuing her propaganda by making wild assertions not based in reality. Possibly fake news proponent

                  • Wild Cougar

                    It’s old wife tale already proven correct. Extra reality.

                    • Brooklyn_Bruin

                      ^ old wife

              • Looking4Treble

                I see what you did there.

                • Brooklyn_Bruin

                  Thank you, I do it for the people

        • Holy Room

          The nuwhatever you just said is gone get me to cheating with a basement man.

          • TheCollinB

            The n*gga with the gut?

            • Holy Room

              Yo. My dude. I got taste.

    • Courtney Wheeler

      In the females defense sometimes I don’t want a whole plate of fries so I think it’s fair if I can have at least 4 or 5 fries.

      • No. Order your own.

        • TheUnsungStoryteller

          Let us leech in peace, please. : )

          • No. Order your own fries and take them home if you don’t finish them

            • TheUnsungStoryteller

              Ewww…old fries? Who does that? I don’t even know it was a thing to put fries in the doggy bag/take home container.

              • Mr. Mooggyy

                I’ll give you that! Old fries are boo boo!

              • Cheech

                True if you try to eat them as leftover fries.
                But if you fry up an onion in the morning and repurpose them as hash browns, they are delicious.

              • Throw them in the oven. They’ll be good as new.

              • JennyJazzhands

                It’s not even worth it.

            • cdj

              Yup. They crisp up just fine in a skillet. No extra oil needed!

          • Courtney Wheeler

            I was fully aware/prepare to deal with the backlash of this unpopular opinion. But I’m glad that there are others who feel the same. :)

            • TheUnsungStoryteller

              Right. Let’s UNITE. Ain’t no shame in our game.

            • BrownBearBear

              I am here on your team ladies! Let the grazers graze!

          • Sigma_Since 93

            I’ll allow it IF AND ONLY IF we at a spot with bottomless fries and I’m payin. #nowastedmoney

            • TheUnsungStoryteller

              Bottomless fries sounds like a win-win in my book. That’s a good idea.

              • Cheech

                This exists. #FiveGuys

            • Freebird

              This requires no sacrafice or death on the dudes part and would not be seen as sharing. The access to your plate, soul, and possible death from starvation seem more important than the desire for fries.

      • AKA The Sauce

        There’s no defense for this at all

      • Sigma_Since 93
      • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

        I hate this with the heat of a thousand sun’s.

      • Mr. Mooggyy
      • NonyaB?

        Right? I often want just a bit, too. I mean, how can we go together if we can’t share?

      • Deeds

        I agree, I just want two or three, not a whole order. It’s a waste to order another.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          Nah homie. You simply pass them extras ova here.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        You would think it’s fair

    • TheUnsungStoryteller

      But sometimes they do. Sometimes your fries are fresher and hotter than my fries.

      • BrownBearBear

        You told no lies.

    • NonyaB?

      Don’t be selfish! Share yourself, share your food.

      -A Grazer

      • Brass Tacks

        Ill share all of me like that corny a** John Legend record.

        My food ain’t apart of that deal tho.

        • I know I’m going to see extra petty, but I order all my food extra spicy just so the missus won’t ask for none.

          She’ll still eat one or two just to spite me though.

          • Duncan Frame

            A marriage made in petty heaven.

        • TheCollinB

          That’s a bar

          • Brass Tacks

            I gotcha, King.

        • NonyaB?

          I mean, if we’re sharing bigger/deeper things, why not food? I can’t with all y’all #NoSharing army tahday.

    • Holy Room

      Stop being damn greedy. Share share share.

    • Val

      “Don’t tell me its because my just fries taste better. How is that even possible when they are coming from the same damb fryer!”

      Oh it’s possible. I’ve stood waiting for my order at McDonald’s and have seen them make a perfect batch of fries only to be followed by another batch that was overcooked. It sucks getting stuck with fries from that second batch.

      • Brass Tacks

        Nope. I can go inside and order you a fresh batch, tho.

        Cause that’s the kind of guy I am.

    • Valerie

      I feel you on this. I actually lost a friendship over some fries. Not even joking I literally lost a “friend” over sharing fries. If I do decide to share my fries you better get as much as you want at that time because I’m not sharing anymore.

      • NonyaB?

        *Cackling LOUDLY* Valerie, ma’am. This atheist declares you need deliverance! Ees just some fries (which will pass through your body in no time).

    • cakes_and_pies

      This reminds me of an old “The Couple” webisode on Black and Chexy TV.
      This he!fer would not and could not keep her little hands our of this man’s plate. This is why people break-up.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtA12cmQkB0&index=12&list=PLE6989290834D7A6A

      • Mr. Mooggyy

        That BS! She shoulda got stabbed with the plastic fork!

        • cakes_and_pies

          IRL, I’d break up with her.

      • Rewind4ThatBehind

        Me on the way home

        http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Police-Throw-Man-Out-of-Moving-Car.gif

        I actually got mad watching this video.

        • cakes_and_pies

          This is how I feel when an SO doesn’t get a pre-authorization to eat my leftovers.

      • LeeLee

        Hilarious! Now I will poach fries, but I wouldn’t eat a dude’s whole neck bone like that. And I love neck bones!

    • Rewind4ThatBehind

      I’m not afraid to light someone’s hair on fire over fries.

      I’m really not.

      • Simms~

        Sir! Do better.

        • Rewind4ThatBehind

          No.

          The petty in me is strong.

      • miss t-lee

        Y’all try to act so upset when this happens.

        We know the truth.

        • Rewind4ThatBehind

          T….i like you and sh*t but I will fight you over food.

          • miss t-lee

            Well I guess you better get ready to scrap.

    • miss t-lee

      They taste better because they’re yours.

      You’re welcome.

      • Brass Tacks

        You are NOT helping, ma’am.

        • miss t-lee

          I wasn’t trying to help…lol

    • Hugh Akston

      You see why I stay in my corner?

      I’ve had one person stopped talking to me because of that same reason

      As she put it “it’s a sign of selfishness”

      Yeah about that…I am now order your own darn fries smh

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        It would take Terry Crews strength to hold my tongue in that situation

  • Duncan Frame

    Thad lol

  • Robert Dotson

    New screen saver

  • Damon Jaafar

    Today is April 4 and MLK JR was killed for being outspoken and cared for the human rights of his people and other people as well. This article was perfecting timing as how I feel today.

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      I’m not one to follow death anniversaries. Is this a new thing?

      • cdj

        I remember hearing it acknowledged over the years. Not in a big way, though.

        Since I’ve moved to Memphis, I notice they always commemorate it (for obvious reasons).

      • Val

        Not new at all, BB.

      • Damon Jaafar

        Well we have a man made holiday named Easter that celebrates the death and resurrection of a super hero named Jesus.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          The birthday is a much bigger deal

          • Damon Jaafar

            Agree

  • Blargg

    “Or when a date asks for a handful of your fries even though you just offered to buy her her own damn batch of fries seven minutes ago and she declined.”
    In her defense, portions are out of control in this country. Most places give you enough fries that you could JUST eat them and be stuffed. Maybe she’s watching her weight and figured it’s better to eat a few of your fries instead of letting you pay for hers when she’ll only eat a quarter of them?

    • Real talk I don’t share my food. Not even with family.

      • TheCollinB

        But do you reach tho?

        • No because I order what I want to eat. I don’t reach into anyone’s plate because that’s rude.

          • TheCollinB

            Go forth then and spread the gospel to your sisters.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            There is hope for you after all

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Real talk, Mrs. SS93 almost got into a car accident when we were dating fighting over the portion of a free Whopper I got from the girl in the drive thru that she was taking liberties with

        • TheCollinB

          She was trying to reclaim territory because she saw you had sauce and other women were taking notice. It could be a Whopper. It could be Prada World Cups. It could be those Jeezy Thug Motivation 101 tour tickets.

      • Val

        I absolutely believe you.

      • KCG

        Same. Some say it’s because I’m an only child and wasn’t forced to share.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      If she didn’t disclose that fact upfront she gets the noap and you get this for that weak excuse.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a3d0c0a68b840089731c385a5c6be9410dfc717deadfd9d42b703f0bcf1e05a3.jpg

      • cdj

        I order my food according to my hunger level, and I expect others to do the same. If I have to travel for work and eat with my coworkers, or go out to eat with a certain group of friends, sometimes I will eat beforehand, because they like to share and sample.

        I would advise her to order a side of fries.

    • Rewind4ThatBehind

      In her defense, she’s getting stabbed with a fork if she reaches more than two times.

      Stay the fuck from round my plate.

      • Holy Room

        My dude. Cmon now. You letting me down.

        • Rewind4ThatBehind

          No.

          I offer one time and one time only.

          Don’t invade my plate just because you’re too selfish & prideful to order what you want.

          • Hugh Akston

            They don’t want to listen

      • Diego Duarte

        You know what’s worse? When you go to a familiar restaurant and order THE meal that you know is delicious but she decides to experiment and orders this extremely weird and shady meal. Then when it turns out it’s d@mn bad she decides you’re both going to share half of your respective meal.

        • Rewind4ThatBehind

          THIS!!!!

          Like LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

          I knew what I wanted, you got cute, your food sucks, that’s on you, go buy another.

          I legit have picked up my food from our table and went to another table to eat alone because I was that annoyed.

          • Diego Duarte

            LMAO! Were you a cat in a previous life?

            Bit of a disclaimer though, for anyone who’s offended by this. There are, mostly unspoken, rules to going out for food. I mean, if you’re trying out a new place or you have made it expressly clear that you’re going out to try new food, it’s perfectly okay for either person to feel entitled to reach into the other one’s dish, or to flat out order a couple of extra dishes and split each meal in half.

            It’s NOT okay to go to a regular outing and order fucking shrimp, sauteed in its own ink, only to find out it’s disgusting and then attempt to eat half of my food.

            No, you will own that shrimp just the way 4chan trolls need to own Trump taking away their privacy.

            • Rewind4ThatBehind

              I’m sure I was a mass murderer in my previous life because i have no idea why the horrible things that happen to me happen.

              I literally caught a heart attack this one time a girl coughed on my food and then tried to take the plate. I eat it all out of spite then got sick 3 days later.

              You are so right..I don’t care how offended people get by this, I will drop kick someone in the face over a piece of chicken. I AM NOT PLAYING.

              • Diego Duarte

                Coughed on your plate just to claim it and you ate it? Lol, and here I thought I was petty.

                Also can relate to having horrible things happen with no cosmic explanation. Sometimes I feel like whatever deity is out there create the universe for the sole purpose of fucking with me. And I know that sounds paranoid and narcissistic but I can’t help it if the universe keeps on rubbing it in my face with a string of comedically inclined, bad luck.

                Like legit after losing 66 pounds and being skinny for my first time ever I almost died in an elevator because I got stuck with the most overweight people ever and we went WAY over the limit.

                Can you imagine the irony of what would’ve been my tombstone???

                “Here lies Diego Alonso Duarte. Dead at 29. Because of overweight.”

                I can’t even…

                • Rewind4ThatBehind

                  lmao see that’s the irony I’m talking about.

                  You’d haunt that elevator shaft forever if it feel and kick out all fat people on principle. Just a ghost with a grudge.

                  You damn right I ate that plate. I refuse to lose to pettiness.

                  It’s aight though. Even though I got sick, I got her back . Made sure she got food poisoning when I bought her lunch one day. I don’t let things go easily.

                  • Diego Duarte

                    Kick them out? Oh I’d do more than that. I would chase them down the street and all the way home until they burned all that fat.

                  • tiggatae

                    Wait… food poisoning?… I mean… It’s all fun and games until someone’s hugging the toilet… In all fairness she asked for it coughing on your plate, that would have been a deal breaker for me, MAN that’s too far!

                    • Rewind4ThatBehind

                      No it’s not.

                      Too far would have been my original idea of putting crazy glue on her car seat.

                      See, I’m a changed person.

  • Duncan Frame

    Peak white peopling :-)

  • AKA The Sauce

    So….lets all be like Robert and make this our Screen saver for the day lol

  • Brooklyn_Bruin

    This ninja here versus I wish a ninja would versus you got me chexed up

    Are there caucasoid equivalents?
    Do they ever find themselves in these situations often enough to create phraseology?

    • TheCollinB

      “I can’t even” is “this n*gga” adjacent.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        I really think they stole that from us, but your point is taken. Makes me think about if there are any true encapsulations of the black experience, or are there always oppressor analogues

        • TheCollinB

          Check mark

          See: bling, Bling

    • JMe2

      In Minnesota, it’s, “well, that’s different.”

  • WeJammingStill

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