Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Pop Culture, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

The Mythical Negrettes: 3 Types of Black Women Who Exist Online and On-Screen But Not in Real Life

She needs more people

While attempting to¹ watch “The Corner”—an award-winning 2000 HBO mini-series based off of a book that will make you hate Earth—last week, I was reminded of how much I’m bothered by Tasha Smith.

Wait, let me rephrase that: Smith herself doesn’t bother me. I’m sure she’s a lovely woman, and she looks like she probably smells like orange sherbet and Carol’s Daughter products (This is a good thing). But, every time I see her on-screen (“The Corner” included) I can’t help but get distracted by the fact that the women she usually portrays don’t f*cking exist in real life, and it completely ruins my viewing experience. Although I haven’t had the opportunity to meet each of the three billion or so women on the planet, I can assure you that none of them are as tactless, shrill, ignorant, silly, and transparently manipulative as Angela Williams (Smith’s character in Why Did I Get Married), Jennifer (Daddy’s Little Girls), or Ronnie Boice (the tactless, shrill, ignorant, silly, and transparently manipulative junkie she portrays on “The Corner”) because if they were, someone would have murdered them already.

You’d hope the utter unbelievability of Smith’s characters and any other portrayal of the ridiculously rude and emasculating woman who mistakes malignance for independence and cuntiness for character (but still has tons of friends and male suitors) was uncommon. But, sadly, it’s not. TV, the internet, and pop culture is full of all types of Mythical Negrettes—black women who seem to exist online and onscreen even though no one has ever met anyone like them in person.

Here’s a couple more

The Black Man Hating Black Woman

One of the more interesting bi-products of last month’s No Wedding, No Womb firestorm was the “mainstream” exposure it gave to a few of the hundreds of black female empowerment blogs and bloggers on the internet. I can recall at least three conversations I’ve had in the past three weeks with women who weren’t aware that blogs like What About Our Daughters even existed before they learned of them through the NWNW conversations on Twitter. But while many Sister Toldja’s exist—bloggers genuinely concerned with the mental, spiritual, emotional, and sexual health of black women—there seems to be a few using the “black female empowerment” title as a thinly veiled shield to espouse their hatred of black men.

These women are usually easy to spot. They love to use words like “divest” and they all seem to have an odd fascination with referring to “black men” as “BM’s”. But, although their presence online doesn’t bother me (they’re actually helpful if I’m having a particularly good day but am overcome with a sudden urge to be reminded of why I aint shit), I am bothered by the fact that I’ve never actually met one of these types of women in real life.

I mean, seriously, I know I can’t be the only one who’s never actually met a black woman who absolutely abhors all black men, thinks we’re the bane of all existence, and wishes to start a NPNP (no penis, no penetration) movement designed to eunuchize all black males at birth, can I? But, they exist in spades online, and like Paul Pierce’s perpetual notquitebeard, their presence remains an unsolved mystery to me.

The Thug-Loving Professional Black Chick

You’ve seen, heard, and read about this scenario a thousand times

Astronaut Girl drives to hair salon the day before appearing before top secret NASA Mission to Mars Congress subcommittee. Corner Boy notices Astronaut Girl getting out of her fully loaded Prius, and spits best Corner Boy game at Astronaut Girl. Impressed with Corner Boy’s bulging package and tired of meeting boring Astronaut dudes at Essence Festivals, Astronaut Girl grabs Corner Boy’s hand and wildly f*cks him on the hood of the Prius. This incident marks the start of a romance, as Astronaut Girl’s infatuation with Corner B0y’s swag and steelo allows him to convince her to smuggle a package of heroin on the space shuttle to Mars so Corner Boy can have a hold on the burgeoning Martian junkie market. Astronaut Girl gets caught smuggling the package, accepts a no-prison plea deal contingent on her testimony against Corner Boy, has Corner Boy’s baby, and eventually appears on Oprah explaining her love for that lifestyle and the fact that she still gets a chill downthere every time she passes a gun store

Thing is, while “the professional black woman who only has eyes for thugs” is a popular black meme and storyline, I’ve yet to actually encounter one of these women in real life. I know quite a few black female doctors, lawyers, and scientists and shit, but the closest any of them have ever come to thug lovin’ was when they had to change their panties while watching an especially angry Stringer Bell on season three of “The Wire”. I’m not saying they don’t really exist, but I’m saying they don’t really exist.

Anyway, people of VSB.com, I need you to help me out. Does anyone actually know any of these types of women in person, or do I just happen to live in the only tiny vacuum of the universe where they don’t exist?

Also, can you think of any other Mythical Negroes and Negrettes who seem to only exist online and onscreen?

¹I put “attempted to” in there because we (Lady Champ and I) were only able to make it through one episode (there are six altogether) before sending it back to NetFlix. Although “The Corner” is definitely a well made show, watching it after watching five seasons of “The Wire” is like eating a steak-um after you’ve had prime rib at Bobby Flay’s. This analogy made much more sense in my head (and was much less gay), but I think you get my point.

—-The Champ

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't.

  • http://yourblogsfavoriteblog.com mthanded

    Stop that “first” BS.

  • http://yourblogsfavoriteblog.com mthanded

    Stop that “first” BS.

  • tnt_ftw

    daaaaaamnnnnnn it!

  • tnt_ftw

    daaaaaamnnnnnn it!

  • D-weezy

    Do I not read good or are there only two types listed?

    • Malia

      I figured it was an inside joke that I didn’t get.

    • Malia

      I figured it was an inside joke that I didn’t get.

    • Malia

      I’ve refreshed and now I’m convinced Champ is just messing with my head, trying to convince me that I’m crazy. I bet the rest of you can see it.

    • Malia

      I’ve refreshed and now I’m convinced Champ is just messing with my head, trying to convince me that I’m crazy. I bet the rest of you can see it.

    • Sylph

      You do realize that the first characterization that Champ mentioned are the stereotypical characters that Tasha Smith plays, right?

      *cues The More You Know theme*

      • Malia

        He should number them. It’s too late at night to be thinking.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          I’m convinced he LOVES when folks “correct” him on the number of things listed.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            i do love it. it’s more proof that VSB is necessary.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            i do love it. it’s more proof that VSB is necessary.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          I’m convinced he LOVES when folks “correct” him on the number of things listed.

      • Malia

        He should number them. It’s too late at night to be thinking.

    • Sylph

      You do realize that the first characterization that Champ mentioned are the stereotypical characters that Tasha Smith plays, right?

      *cues The More You Know theme*

  • D-weezy

    Do I not read good or are there only two types listed?

  • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. naturally

    DEAD… lol.

    I used to read WAOD, but I got tired them constantly berating all male commenters. All, except the ones who agreed with everything the writer, and the majority of the women commenters, would say. They did talk about issues that weren’t being talked about by other blogs, but they were just too much.

    I agree, Angela Williams does not exist. But, I think a lot of women try to mimic her crass behavior. Those women are happily single…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      I used to read WAOD, but I got tired them constantly berating all male commenters. All, except the ones who agreed with everything the writer, and the majority of the women commenters, would say. They did talk about issues that weren’t being talked about by other blogs, but they were just too much.

      see, i don’t think gina falls under the “black man hating black woman” category herself, but her site does seem to attract alot of women who do. which makes sense and shit, i guess.

      • Scipio Africanus

        The thing I appreciate about Gina is that she’s genuinely funny/hilarious, and that tempers the echo chamber that site’s commenters have going over there. I see her blog as a comedy blog that touches on serious-ish stuff for conversation fodder and balance, kind of like this one.

      • Scipio Africanus

        The thing I appreciate about Gina is that she’s genuinely funny/hilarious, and that tempers the echo chamber that site’s commenters have going over there. I see her blog as a comedy blog that touches on serious-ish stuff for conversation fodder and balance, kind of like this one.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      I used to read WAOD, but I got tired them constantly berating all male commenters. All, except the ones who agreed with everything the writer, and the majority of the women commenters, would say. They did talk about issues that weren’t being talked about by other blogs, but they were just too much.

      see, i don’t think gina falls under the “black man hating black woman” category herself, but her site does seem to attract alot of women who do. which makes sense and shit, i guess.

  • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. naturally

    DEAD… lol.

    I used to read WAOD, but I got tired them constantly berating all male commenters. All, except the ones who agreed with everything the writer, and the majority of the women commenters, would say. They did talk about issues that weren’t being talked about by other blogs, but they were just too much.

    I agree, Angela Williams does not exist. But, I think a lot of women try to mimic her crass behavior. Those women are happily single…

  • miss t-lee

    Your last scenario (thug loving professional) sounds like an intro to a pron movie. LoL I’ve never met any of these types you’ve listed either, and I hope I never do. Especially not any of the man hating chicks-not my idea of fun, not at all.

    • JessicaL

      My cousin was trying to preach to me about black feminism after reading the Bell Hooks book Ain’t I a Woman. I found out out it was her excuse and answer as to why she hates black men. It’s weird because she would go from “OMG, men are such whores I hate them” and then some guy would call and give her mixed signals then it was ” I don’t know if he likes me”. I think it just gave her a reason to feel better about her own insecurities.

    • JessicaL

      My cousin was trying to preach to me about black feminism after reading the Bell Hooks book Ain’t I a Woman. I found out out it was her excuse and answer as to why she hates black men. It’s weird because she would go from “OMG, men are such whores I hate them” and then some guy would call and give her mixed signals then it was ” I don’t know if he likes me”. I think it just gave her a reason to feel better about her own insecurities.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      Your last scenario (thug loving professional) sounds like an intro to a pron movie.

      you’re right. it’s actually from a west coast productions series called astronaut booty

      • Golden_Standard

        I am almost the thug-loving professional woman. See, I grew up in the hood, hav family members with questionable backgrounds (the vast majority of them actually–men and women). I dated my share of thugs in high school, college, and one in professional school. Nonetheless, the one from H.S. gradually morphed into a thug…well he wasn’t actually a “thug” he just got into some tough situations and had to make some tough decisions; the one in college was also a college student and a member of a well respected fraternity, though he ended up getting put out of school my junior year; the one from professional school was a thug when I met him (Jordans, old school pimped out Chevy and all) but I realzied I had to let him go when he picked me up in said pimp car, turned up the sound system and I wanted to melt in my seat for fear that one of my professional collagues would see me and think differently about me….and he later caught a charge for unpaid child support & some mo shit, lol. But, I have since reformed myself and don’t give these guys the time of day. Not because their around the way personality ceases to appeal to me (like I said, most of the men in my life (dad, brother, cousins, uncles, etc are reformed around the way guys…all own their own businesses now)), it’s just because I can’t risk all that I’ve worked for; God has blessed me too much. Now, if I come accross a Jay-Z, used to be down but now I’m legit….

        • Golden_Standard

          By the way, I’ve NEVER been a “down a** chick” either and have NEVER liked or loved one enough to be a thug with them. You on your own bruh, lol

          • http://www.legallysane1.blogspot.com Tempest

            lmao!! @golden, my sentiments exactly!!

        • Golden_Standard

          By the way, I’ve NEVER been a “down a** chick” either and have NEVER liked or loved one enough to be a thug with them. You on your own bruh, lol

      • Golden_Standard

        I am almost the thug-loving professional woman. See, I grew up in the hood, hav family members with questionable backgrounds (the vast majority of them actually–men and women). I dated my share of thugs in high school, college, and one in professional school. Nonetheless, the one from H.S. gradually morphed into a thug…well he wasn’t actually a “thug” he just got into some tough situations and had to make some tough decisions; the one in college was also a college student and a member of a well respected fraternity, though he ended up getting put out of school my junior year; the one from professional school was a thug when I met him (Jordans, old school pimped out Chevy and all) but I realzied I had to let him go when he picked me up in said pimp car, turned up the sound system and I wanted to melt in my seat for fear that one of my professional collagues would see me and think differently about me….and he later caught a charge for unpaid child support & some mo shit, lol. But, I have since reformed myself and don’t give these guys the time of day. Not because their around the way personality ceases to appeal to me (like I said, most of the men in my life (dad, brother, cousins, uncles, etc are reformed around the way guys…all own their own businesses now)), it’s just because I can’t risk all that I’ve worked for; God has blessed me too much. Now, if I come accross a Jay-Z, used to be down but now I’m legit….

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      Your last scenario (thug loving professional) sounds like an intro to a pron movie.

      you’re right. it’s actually from a west coast productions series called astronaut booty

  • miss t-lee

    Your last scenario (thug loving professional) sounds like an intro to a pron movie. LoL I’ve never met any of these types you’ve listed either, and I hope I never do. Especially not any of the man hating chicks-not my idea of fun, not at all.

More Like This