- He’s alright, but he’s not real
Last week, approximately halfway through episode four of “Tell Me You Love Me”—my latest foray into the deep recess of post-commitment perdition more commonly known as “Sharing a Netflix account with your mate”—I came to the realization that I must be a gotdamn f*cking masochist.
I know this seems a bit harsh, but with the tens of thousands of other choices provided by the team of nutless monkeys apparently lording over our Netflix queue, why the hell else would I willingly choose for my girlfriend (Lady Champ) and I to watch a series that was so relentless in its graphic portrayal of very real relationship angst and astringency that a scene showing one of the male characters walking through a mall and shopping for a new suit made Lady Champ violently roll her eyes and shake her head at me while saying “You know what? F*ck him. F*ck you too.“?
To be honest, I know exactly why I chose for us to start watching that series–I knew she’d enjoy it because we’re both extremely voyeuristic and it’s quite possibly the most voyeuristic non-reality show ever televised—but part of what makes a show like “Tell Me You Love Me” such a difficult watch is that we’re just not used to seeing “romantic realness” on screen, and it completely jars us when we do.
Why is this a big deal? Well, like it or not, we get many of our relationship cues—how to act and what to expect from them—from what we see on screen. Not all cues, obviously, but enough to matter. This isn’t meant to be an indictment of how we’ve allowed the TV to raise us and our children, but merely an admittance of the fact that we can’t help but be influenced by something with such a panoramic cultural influence.
And, between Taye Diggs’s contrived “you’re like a tight flow over a perfect skeet” (or something like that) toast/speech during “Brown Sugar”, the equally contrived one on one, winner takes all hearts bullsh*t basketball game at the end of “Love and Basketball”, and—the Godfather of all contrived romantic movie scenes—John Cusack’s bullsh*t beneath the window boombox scene in “Say Anything”, we’ve been inundated with completely unrealistic depictions of how dating, sex, and relationships really work; saccharin substitutes that have left many of us unable to handle the real thing.
Perhaps the biggest and most prominent culprit in this ongoing cinematic bamboozlement is “Sex and The City”—a ridiculously influential HBO show about four extremely well-dressed homosexual men; a show that has inspired its own spinoff culture. (Seriously. For some women, “Sex and The City” is a virtual “how to live city life” Bible. In this sense, I guess Carrie Bradshaw and Caiaphas have more common than just nice tans and crow’s feet)
But, although I’m very aware of the show and its influence, I haven’t watched enough of it to really speak in depth about its adverse effect on many of our relationships, so I asked Luvvie the Nigerian Rice Whisperer to provide a bit more insight and clarity.
Sex and the City is liable for something that’s leaving women all high and dry. I call it the Mr. Big Syndrome, and I think way more women have it than you think. And it’s actively destroyed some folks’ frame of reference of what healthy dating habits should look like.
For the fellas reading this (and the ladies who’ve never watched SATC), let me catch you up to what Mr. Big represents. Throughout the series, Carrie dates a rich, charismatic guy named Mr. Big on and off. They made up and broke up many times. She dated countless dudes in between but always came back to Mr. Big. Add two dollops of commitment phobia on both sides, add a marriage to someone else by Mr. Big, and one cheating episode involving Carrie, and you get the cliff notes version of their dysfunction. But they had a happy ending. Eventually, Mr. Big married Carrie. After leaving her at the altar one time. Yes
Women seem to have grasped firmly on to the part where Big FINALLY marries Carrie, and they think their Mr. Big will eventually marry them. And this is how people end up as lonely cat women with memories of what could have been. Allow me to explain.
Most women have had a Mr. Big in their dating history. He’s the guy who is segzy, financially stable and as this je ne sais quoi that makes him irresistible. Plus, you feel like intellectually, he is on your level. He also does the southside slippery slide like he’s memorized the entire kama sutra, so he leaves your knees week (and your spot wet). He is just… EVERYTHING. Except… reliable or committed to you. He’s the dude that flies you to Paris and leaves the room in the middle of the night on some “we can’t wake up together. You’d think we were… together.”
And somehow, four years into when you first met, you still can’t pack an overnight bag to his place because it makes him nervous. Yes. Remember him? Most of us have had something similar. All they do is keep you interested enough to where you’re hung up. But they don’t commit.
And here goes the chorus that I heard when I brought this issue to the folks on Twitter. My @replies were filled with “BUT BIG MARRIED CARRIE.”
blinks twice
blank stare O____O
Sure, Big married Carrie. But did he not leave her at the altar first? Oh. Right…after she chased him, jumped through hoops and repeatedly got her heart broken by him. He finally committed. . Whoopty doo dah!!!
Yes ladies, Carrie ended up with Mr. Big, but in REAL life… #MightDontMakeIt. Mr. Big is the ultimate is “Bad Boy that women chase” and it’s a bad look for Carrie, because I kind of feel like Big married her because he got tired of running. And that’s a shame.
Mr. Big is great in your 20s. If you’re 30-something and still chasing your Mr. Big, you MIGHT want a new strategy. I’m just saying… If you have a Mr. Big, I hope you know the position he plays. Enjoy him. Go on the trips. But when you want to get your family game right, Mr, Big might not be the one. Let Mr. Big go, so someone worthy of your time and willing to commit to you can take up your time and energy.
Anyway, people of VSB.com, can you think of any other completely unrealistic cinematic depictions of relationships; sh*t that has wrongly made us¹ believe that things will be that way in “real” life?
Also, do you think we’re really equipped to handle an accurate cinematic depiction of the dating and relationship “truth“? I mean, maybe the tepid viewership of shows like “Tell Me You Love Me” shows us that the real is a bit too real for most of us to witness². Sh*t, I love burgers as much as the next man, but I’d rather get my Whopper from Burger King than a f*cking slaughterhouse.
The carpet is yours
¹By “us” I mean “women”
²Actually, the real reason why the show didn’t do too well ratings-wise was that, once you removed the “realness” gimmick, the characters themselves were about as interesting as watching paint f*ck
—The Champ
Although I know that it was briefly touched on, I think a revisit to the idea of Taye Diggs and Sanaa Lathan in Brown Sugar and your best guy friend will realize you’re the one for him and leave his woman for you! Yeah that syndrome exists too.
Hence the reason why guys just don’t have platonic friendships with women (outside controlled settings like college). Seriously, why would I have a platonic friendship with a smart, beautiful, spiritual, educated woman(pretty much meets all the requirements to be Mrs.Tgtaggie)? My main intention isn’t to be her friend. More like seeing if she had the compatibility and potential to be the wifey. A smart guy would’ve saw the potential in Sanaa’s character (way back when) and been wifed her. Also, if my best friend looked like Sanaa… you get the point.
I approve of this message.
^ totally agree.
if i met a woman who was beautiful, cool, intelligent, *insert my non-negotiable/dealbreakers and what not*…
why would i want to make her a “BFF”? i’d want to be her friend, but to set up for a long term relationship => marriage
hmm. interesting points you have. *strokes chin*
Nice to know they are so many marriage-minded brothas out there!
“Hence the reason why guys just don’t have platonic friendships with women (outside controlled settings like college). Seriously, why would I have a platonic friendship with a smart, beautiful, spiritual, educated woman(pretty much meets all the requirements to be Mrs.Tgtaggie)? My main intention isn’t to be her friend. More like seeing if she had the compatibility and potential to be the wifey. A smart guy would’ve saw the potential in Sanaa’s character (way back when) and been wifed her. Also, if my best friend looked like Sanaa… you get the point.”
coincidentally, chapter one in VSB’s upcoming “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night” touches on this very point.
also, chapter four touches on the subject I spoke about today.
my point? we want your money
I will gladly give you my money for the book (b/c I love this site!). lol. I also read the numerous posts you and Panama wrote on the topic of Platonic friendships.
You literally summed it up in that paragraph, and i 100% agree with what you said.
In the case of ‘Brown Sugar,’ which is an incredibly whack movie which I can only watch b/c of Mos Def, the main characters were friends since childhood. I think that brings a different perspective to the “if she’s so great, why would we just be friends” argument. They didn’t meet in college or while doing some post-grad internships. Oftentimes, childhood friends fear the potential fallout of becoming romantically entangled. (What if it doesn’t work out? What will become of our friendship?) That movie is full of unrealistic scenarios and subpar dialogue, but I don’t think that particular situation is unrealistic at all. Even though everyone says “your partner should be your best friend,” sometimes when the person is ALREADY your best friend, people are just afraid to take that next step.
@tamara,
Do you really believe that friendship of any type, garnered anywhere will stop men from pursuing a woman he wanted? Never mind the logic, let’s stick with the obvious…How many fine sister’s (fine in every sense) do you, does anyone you know of, have had male friends since childhood? What was that you say, “none that come to mine”. Let’s kill this male/female friendship thing now, it goes but so far. Eventually all platonic cross gender relationships have to end or be reconciled!
Agreed. A relative went through a 25+ year marriage to someone only to later realize that he wasn’t right for her. A year after their divorce, she married the guy she grew up with.
I truly wouldn’t believe that ish if I didn’t see that ish firsthand.
My main intention isn’t to be her friend. More like seeing if she had the compatibility and potential to be the wifey
i wish more dudes were honest with themselves about this..and more women were smart enough to recognize it as well.
I think not rushing to get with just anyone made me this way (and I went to a HBCU with a 12:1 ratio). lol. It really made me think of what my approach would be if (i meant when) the right woman appeared in my life (tomorrow, next month, year, etc). I really think that most people have unrealistic desires that turn into expectations in relationships. Hence why there are so many effed up people in relationships.
If we had a intelligent, common sense and realistic approach to relationships we will see more successful ones.
Did you go to Spelman? They were always telling us “Every time you step foot on Morehouse’s campus they outnumber you 17:1″ and women in the dorms were STILL fighting over dudes. Sad.
Oh no. I went to A&T. lol. It wasn’t that bad in Greensboro. I mean the numbers would work out for a straight dude like me in the AUC.
By the time you subtract the gay, bi and/or DL brothas from Morehouse and Clark Atlanta. The ratio would be like 20-30:1 #kanye shrug
I didn’t run into that many gay men @ Morehouse (too much time was spent trying to get brothas to stop having conversations with my breasts), but there are a lot of gay men in ATL. Whateva works for them!
“Your best guy friend will realize you’re the one for him and leave his woman for you”
That did happen to me, but I know what you’re saying.
“Your best guy friend will realize you’re the one for him and leave his woman for you”
That did happen to me, but I know what you’re saying.
***inserting “more people” to add believability to leila’s claim***
I don’t think he left his wife for Sanaa, i think he left his wife because she was cheating.
Sanaa makes that point immediately after they have the eight-minute sex (“We wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for you catchin Reese”)
I understand that he didn’t leave “Reese” for Sanaa … the only thing I was merely pointing out was the fact that often some women sit and say “my friend will understand one day that I’m perfect for him”.
Leila, don’t mean to pry to much into your business… how did the relationship work out for you?
And unlike the rest of you all, I went to a predominantly Caucasian school and well we didn’t have any out numbering issues… hell there are hardly any minorities there.
And tgtaggie, kirk lazarus, & peter parker if more of you up front brothas didn’t get snatched up in relationships so fast some of us VSS would be able to show you all that we also don’t fall for the unrealistic relationship stereotypes.
Carrie Bradshaw and her geriatric romance with Mr. Big was confused, convoluted, and straight-up crooked. First of all, I never would have made it to the alter with any man who married another woman AFTER we dated then cheated on her with me. BUT if I was in Vegas and roofied enough to do so, if he left me at the alter, i would of messed him up like I was the Craigslist Killer, then sold the movie rights to Lifetime and shanked inmates for cookies for the rest of my life.
Worth it.
this comment made me die a little bit….
not fully, but just enough to go to sleep peacefully…
LMAO at “shanked inmates for cookies for the rest of my life.”
And yes, I think a lot of women have this idea that ONE DAY the man who won’t claim you in the light of day will wise up and marry you. Uhm…he won’t. Not now. Not e’vaaaah!
And I wish folks would get that. Like the chick said, Mr. Big is cool for your 20′s if you want a good time, nice convo, decent trips and good dyck. And all those things are nice (been there, done that and loved it) but when you need a man to have your back and that negro hyperventilates when you say “ours, we, or us” then it’s time to get real, chalk it up to a nice time and roll.
In my experience if a man wants you, you will not have to ask, chase, beg or wonder. He WILL let you know. I’ll say it again for the t-shirt printing crew.
“If a man wants you, you wil not have to ask, chase, beg or wonder. He will let you know. Period!”
“If a man wants you, you will not have to ask, chase, beg or wonder. He will let you know. Period!”
This is THE TRUTH!
If you’re not careful you will have wasted your youth (and your eggs) waiting, trying to create, and believing in something that only exists in your head!!!!!
Why oh why did God put an expiration date on our eggs?!?!?!! If we just got new eggs every ten minutes like dudes got new sperm, those of us who want children/a family wouldn’t waste ANY time chasing dudes who hyperventilate at the idea. We’d have all the time in the world and we could all be zen. If rom-coms are all about fantasy (and they are, and I have a shelf full of them, as well as romance novels), then lets make THAT the fantasy. I’m working on my outline TODAY, LOL!
“If a man wants you, you wil not have to ask, chase, beg or wonder. He will let you know. Period!”
i almost did a holy ghost dance just now. PREACH. i tell my girls this all the time…it really is that simple. and if he IS playing those games chicks like to tell themselves he’s playing (hard to get, feeling you out, just scared, etc.) then he’s not man enough to be with you anyway.
lmao@ holy ghost dance. That comment is truth though, so it just might cause this and foot stomping.
Girl, the ironic thing about that comment is that it was told to me when I was 22 by a dude who was playing games with me. We were talking about another psuedo-couple and he said that and the LIGHTBULB went off. I was like “thank you for showing who you really are with that comment,” and that was the end of that.
Sometimes it just takes one instance of clarity to move on.
This is the best comment on this post. And I haven’t even read all of them….
“If a man wants you, you wil not have to ask, chase, beg or wonder. He will let you know. Period!”
Tru.
tshirt please Mo-VSS.
thanks. lol.
I want a t-shirt too…or atleast a refrigerator magnet, shyt! LOL!
I’m dead. You killed me
“Carrie Bradshaw and her geriatric romance with Mr. Big was confused, convoluted, and straight-up crooked.”
the few episodes of satc i watched, i couldn’t get over the fact that the series’ main antagonist was a cop who got suspended from the force in like season 6 of law and order. every time i’d see chris noth on screen i’d half expect him to just say “f*ck this” and arrest samantha for vaginal loitering or some sh*t
and what was his actual job??? all i know is he was rich and had a driver.
i know he left to paris for work at some point. “work.”
He was like Tommy from Martin. lol
_______________________________________ x__x
I think he was some type of securities broker.
Yeah he was a banker or some other such.
Vaginal loitering??
O_O
dead.
reminds me of that movie ‘he’s just not that into you’. it’s true of romantic movies,they present a vision of romance/dating that most,if not all,people can never attain. and this leaves everyone feeling shortchanged(mostly the ladies who lap this kind of stuff straight up) and discontent with guys who are otherwise normal. all i know is if you can’t separate the reality of dating from the fiction that is portrayed on the big screen, maybe you’re a bit too immature to be dating seriously.
“all i know is if you can’t separate the reality of dating from the fiction that is portrayed on the big screen, maybe you’re a bit too immature to be dating seriously.”
truth dot mutha F-ing com.
Didn’t the movie “He’s Just Not That into You” contradict itself. The restaurant/bar owner dude that was giving the advice to the girl about how men are ended up getting with her even after he said he didn’t want to be with her. Then Jennifer Aniston’s guy marries her after years of not wanting to. It was a bunch of happy endings that was supposed to give the real deal.
“It was a bunch of happy endings that was supposed to give the real deal.”
so basically, it was exactly like going to a korean massage parlor?
yeah.. i read the book way before the movie and i was disappointed by the end especially jennifer aniston’s ending because it left people hopeful that even if he says he doesn’t want you forever it doesn’t mean that he’s just not that into you.
The book tells the truth and everyone should live by it
I wouldn’t marry my best friend and I think he’s great. I think those women that want to are also sexually attracted to their bestie.
What I want to know is what happens when two ppl are friends and then look up one day to find each other attractive and start dating. How does that work Champ? Is that possible? Cuz I have friends who recently got married and it came out of left field for me. I started mentally recounting all the guys I’ve been friends with who could end up being my man and it freaked me out. I mean, men don’t grow on me. I pretty much make up my mind in 2 seconds.
The crazy thing about that movie is that it’s the OPPOSITE OF THE BOOK. In the book Jennifer Aniston never would’ve (SPOILER ALERT!) ended up w/ Ben Affleck b/c the book states that any man not dying to marry you after 5 years of dating was never really into you in the first place.
It’s been a while since I read the book, but I think that the Jennifer Aniston situation was a bit sugar coated, but it did touch on some issues mentioned in the book. Ben Affleck stated clearly what he did and did not want. He DID NOT want to be married, but he DID want to spend the rest of his life with Jen Aniston. He told her this from the beginning of the relationship and she chose to be with him anyway, because she thought she could change his mind. Women constantly make this mistake.
I think in the end, he wanted to keep her happy so he married her. Honestly, they had to put a little sugar coating in the movie to sell it. Rom-com’s are all about the fantasy. But I don’t think it is the TOTAL opposite of the book.
Disclaimer: Not sure that the above information makes sense to others, but I understand it.
Perfect skeet??? Bwahah. On the real aren’t mostly all romantic cinematic depictions unrealistic? Maybe not unrealistic, but at least a bit far fetched? I can’t think of many that mirror real life, but then again, would we really watch if that were the case?
“I can’t think of many that mirror real life, but then again, would we really watch if that were the case?”
yeah, that’s the million dollar question. i mean, do we really want to see a movie where neither person was each other’s first choice, and they spend the majority of their time sitting at theaters watching movies neither of them really want to see?
I can’t think of many that mirror real life, but then again, would we really watch if that were the case?”
The only one I can think of is “The Breakup” watching Vince and Jennifer live together while trying to offload that apartment #real$hit
And eating.
LMAO!!!
I guess that’s why I liked Love Jones cuz it was damn real.
Boy meets girl, they aren’t quite a couple and they don’t really know who they are yet, they break up, see others, foul sh*t happens (and by foul sh*t, I mean Bill Bellamy) but they still have that something for each other. And finally they swallow pride (or really bad tea at the poetry spot) and decide to give it a real shot.
If you’re over the age of 25 and aren’t married to your high school sweetheart, you’ve most likely experienced one relationship like that.
But, another movie where it was COMPLETELY unrealistic was The Best Man. I know Taye Digg’s character didn’t get it in with Nia Long’s character, but real talk…the ONLY reason he didn’t is cuz he got his tail whooped. Him getting down on one knee for Sanaa Lathan at the end and her saying yes….when she JUST FOUND THIS OUT….I’m sorry, but I would have had the ULTIMATE revenge by saying now…and spitting on him in front of his boys.
I mean really….how you gonna “almost” cheat and then decide…I need to lock this one down for life? Negative homie…not this one. They just needed something to wrap up the movie and redeem Taye’s character, but I didn’t buy it at all.
…saying “no”
Not now
THANK YOU!!!
I woulda been like, “homie, you done flipped YO LID!!”
I was about to use The Best Man as a example. But what puzzled me was how Morris Chestnut (whose character was a man whore in college) was going get mad (and subsequently give him a beat down) at Taye for gettin’ it in with Monica Calhoun back in the day (undergrad). Then dude (Taye) tried gettin it in with Nia Long at the wedding and Sanaa takes him back? Flag on the play. lol.
lol yeah none if the ish in the Best Man is realistic. i do thoroughly enjoy the Candy story line though, with the one nerd friend
“And finally they swallow pride (or really bad tea at the poetry spot)”
LMBO!
? me some Love Jones!
Love Jone is my movie because it’s the realest love story I’ve seen maybe because I’m under 25 and can relate.
yeah, a friend and i had a conversation last night about how taye diggs got famous by playing “real” characters that could never actually exist in real life. i mean, seriously, there’s no difference between his character in the best man and jack f*cking sparrow.
you thought love jones was real???
no.
the poem at the end, kissing in the rain….puhlease!!!!
The only part of Love Jones that I thought was fake as hell was when Nia Long was standing in the rain allowing herself to wet her perm. In my 30 years of living, I have never seen a Black woman allow her hair to get wet for anybody.
LOL!!!! I remember this girl getting her hair wet in since class in hs and turning to the boy who did it and said “If you want to be friends with me or any other black girls NEVER WET OUR HAIR!”
“LOL!!!! I remember this girl getting her hair wet in since class in hs and turning to the boy who did it and said “If you want to be friends with me or any other black girls NEVER WET OUR HAIR!”
this girl’s name wasn’t “liz burr” was it?
Right…that part was MAD false. But the rest was decently realistic (as much as it can be for a movie)
I do, but I’m natural. You don’t have to worry about water when you’re chemical free
You don’t have to worry about water when you’re chemical free
This is a lie. Nobody should believe this.
How does water affect your natural hair?
If you’re natural and you straighten or curl your hair with heat, water will undo it.
Yeah, but I guess when I think of “natural” I don’t think of hair that’s been processed.
I understood non-processed hair…
It makes it wet but it doesn’t make it frizzy-I should post my picture. I hate to be the bearer of that bad news for Yonnie but I’m living proof. Those natural women whose hair IS affected by humidity haven’t found the right leave-in…but this is a VSB forum and not the Afrobella blog (check her out-she’s the business) so I will leave it at that
I never understood the, not-letting-the-perm-get-wet thing. It’s a chemical treatment that renders the hair permanently straight. Wet or not, that sucker should stay straight or you need to get your money back.
Seriously! How are you gonna tell me you went to the very edge of cheating and def crossed into inappropriate territory and THEN try to lock me down?! Mmm, how about instead I shove my size 7.5 right up your short azz and call it a night??
I’ve only seen a few episodes of SATC, and Mr. Big wasn’t on them. So, basically, he’s Floyd Mayweather and Carrie’s Chilli?
“Basically!”
EXACTLY SO. (Chilli knows the truth, but is love struck for some unfathomable reason)
Exactly
Yes, exactly. I was thinking the same thing. Somebody send Chilli the link to this blog so she can have an ahah moment.
Dead.
Right! And didn’t Floyd beat up his baby mama?
I don’t know about Chilli, but that would be a “hell naw” in my book.
LOL! Good comparison…
ROFL!!!
Chilli and Floyd sittin in a tree f*u-c…..are friends with benefits…and Chilli needs to stop chasing Waterfalls, bc Floyd is a Scrub w/$ but I thought she found what she wanted because she bout SomethingNew to the Soul Train Awards…idk but I saw a promo commercial with Steve”relationshipexpert”Harvey sayin What Chilli Wants is too damn much…lmbo…SN: She and Stacey Dash don’t age still lookin’ like the 90s Clueless & Crazysexycool days..Maybe they both suffer from “prettygirl” problems…cause Stacey been round the block/married a lotta times…
*falls off couch @ 90sgagirl
*cackles*
Yes. Yes he is Floyd to Chilli. I erased that line at the last minute but I’m glad you see it!
I’ve always had a problem grasping the “we met long time ago, but you got away.. and I’m bout to marry this chick but I’ma call off the wedding because you MIGHT still be out there..”
in the movies, people call off the wedding THE DAY OF (i mean, bish is in thee dress and the ice sculpture is bout to melt) and everyone lives happily ever after… I mean, ain’t NO ONE lookin round asking “what i’ma do with all this d*mn chicken?”
Wedding PLanner, Wedding Singer, Serendipity (My personal favorite).. even in The NOtebook.. (They weren’t getting married that day but still, the dress was bought!)
am i the only one wonderin, “why couldn’t you have figured that ish out before you put the deposit on the reception hall?”
that’s just me though…
In real life a brotha’s tires, car, life would have been in danger. If he pulled some shiggady like that.
“am i the only one wonderin, “why couldn’t you have figured that ish out before you put the deposit on the reception hall?”
that’s just me though…”
Naw, Nick, that ain’t just you!
You know…. That seems like b-b-b- bullsh*t!!!
What do you do @ that point?
You are not alone in thinking that!! It irks me!
I think it’s actually a pet peeve now. I bet not see it in another film.
For real? We can’t get those deposits back homie. This dress can’t be returned, we got this big azz cake over chillin’. C’mon son. :/
Shoot i’d get married strictly on the basis that i paid all that money-lol. Nevermind the shame of having to face yr family and friends after u pulled a stunt like that.
why would you do that? what’s more important your wedding day or your marriage?
HAHA, right!!
Some messed up ish like this happened to my cousin. Her ex-fiance pulled a disappearing act two days before the wedding. The wedding was on a Sunday and he conveniently didn’t come home on Friday. They filled out a missing person’s report and everything. He was from Haiti so his people came all the way from Hait(This was before the Earthquack). Then they found him on Sunday in the hospital but they knew it was just his way of trying to have an alibi because he checked in on Sunday with some made up hurt. Not only that his license plate was scanned by a state trooper on the expressway on Saturday since they randomly scan license plates. Best believe the fam was not too happy with this character.
Did you see the Bridezillas episode where dude stood her up for the wedding?? Stole her car and disappeared! Then afterwards, they showed that he came back and apologized and they went to Vegas and got married and were laughing at their family saying that the family didn’t want them to be happy and they “won”. That was the saddest sh*t I’ve ever seen. If a dude stands me up for the wedding, I better not see his a$$ again. And if I do he gonna have to protect his neck.
yesss!!!! i saw that. thats the one where the daughter didnt want her to get married. highlarious!!!!!!!
i saw that stood up @ alter episode .. and i’m sad to say that this is not the first only or last incident of this happening.. it happens..
I’ve seen a couple situations where the wedding was called off and the bride had a little party for less fortunate people….it was already paid for, might as well share it.
yeah, this is why stuff like this only happens in “white” movies. only white people have high enough credit to be able to write those expenses off and still be able to finance another wedding two years later
Nope, that happened in the wackness that was “The Brothers”. Shemar Moore’s character stood up Bebe…and she came to the crib dressed in her gown with a gun.
I think I would have done the same.
Worth it!
They made up in enough time salvage their wedding plans.
to salvage their wedding plans.
I mean, ain’t NO ONE lookin round asking “what i’ma do with all this d*mn chicken?”
DEAD!
i wish SOMEBODY would cancel on me the DAY of..
do you know how much work and money wasted that is????
*thinking maybe we need to stepup our deposit policy
I thought the same thing when I saw an episode of Bridezilla where the groom didnt show up to his wedding and didnt answer his phone. Damn shame…..they eventually married at city hall 6 months later o__0
So basically in the white movies we got dudes pulling a richard jefferson
@Champ. On the real tho… Tell me you love me was actually a very good (but short lived) show. I really did like the realness of the characters. For example, where the couple was having trouble conceiving and dude really didn’t want kids but was supportive of his wife anyway. You can really feel how he was dealing with that (hence the reason why he went suit shopping).
A recent example of bulls**t I just saw over the Christmas holiday. Our family wedding. How can Forrest Whitaker’s character string along Regina King’s character that long (25-30 years. I’m just guessing). What kind of self- respecting woman going to put up with some mess like that. Either he’s a voodoo plumber or she just plain stupid.
@tg
AND throw in the fact that Regina (or her character) is tough. I have little doubt some other men would have been pushin up in that amount of time.
“@Champ. On the real tho… Tell me you love me was actually a very good (but short lived) show. I really did like the realness of the characters. For example, where the couple was having trouble conceiving and dude really didn’t want kids but was supportive of his wife anyway. You can really feel how he was dealing with that (hence the reason why he went suit shopping).”
i agree that it’s not a bad show at all, but dude definitely wanted no parts of that baby, lol. she (and his love for her) eventually broke him down, but he was thisclose from just saying “f*ck it” and leaving everything
i’m quite sad to report.. i have witnessed one of these heinous 25 year string-a-longs up close.. my uncle, we’ll call him s, and his on and off gf, we’ll call her f.. they met when my baby sister was 2 years old. she is now 27 and has been happily married for 3 years. my uncle and this chick are still not officially together.. and live in different cities, but i think they are still hovering around each other. f actually introduced her older brother to my aunt (s’s younger sister) and they have been married for 16 years. she stays losing, because she doesn’t want to win. she accept any kind of muppetry from my uncle and was my first listen on how not to be in a relationship at a very young age. its just pitiful. i always thought that she just wasn’t that bright. but its worse… she is a masochist.
*lesson.. not listen.. dang mulit-tasking.
First of all, Champers, have you STILL not watched ALL of SATC? lol. Embrace it, know it, love it. There will be a quiz later. Anywho, I agree with Luvvie 110%. I was so disappointed with the writers when they chose to put Carrie & Mr. Big together. Like what kind of dumb-a$$ shit was that? They completely undermined every brunch talk and heart-to-heart the ladies ever had about that sorry-azz non-committal mofo. She should have stayed with Aiden. Aiden was perfect. He made furniture. He had good wing span, and he had a dog. I like dogs.
The other unrealistic movie that sometimes messes with my idea of reality is “A lot Like Love” starring Ashton Kutcher & Amanda Peet. I’ve watched this movie more than a dozen times. It makes me cry, and I love it. *spoiler alert* It’s basically about two people who start off as f-buddies, evolve into friends, then f-buddies, then friends, and eventually lovers. The timing is always off until one day…romantic bliss. The movie will break your heart and mend it again. (89% ghey) In the past, I’ve often become enchanted with the idea that fate conquers time, experience, and distance. But I don’t think this ever happens in real life. In real life, people move on. And when you show up 7 years later playing a guitar in her courtyard, she’s probably on kid #2 with the next dude. Anywho, the movie is awesome and I love the soundtrack.
SATC Pre-quiz: Who said, “You take a nap-a, you don’t move to Napa.”
Isn’t that same type of movie with Ashton Kucher and Natalie Portman coming out now.
ashton kutcher has really bad jugment when it comes to picking movies. when i saw the promo for that new movie. i found myself sad. ashton, why cant you be better?
“ashton kutcher has really bad jugment when it comes to picking movies. when i saw the promo for that new movie. i found myself sad. ashton, why cant you be better?”
he has bills just like the rest of us, and those types of movies are very cheap to make, and always end up making decent profits.
(Intense hand raise) Ooohhh!! I know, I know! : )
Carrie said it to BIG when he said he was tired of New York and that he was moving to Cali.
Oh…wait…was this question for Champ?? If so, quizzing on SATC in front of me is like giving Kobe a ball and wanting him to pass it. LOL!!
She should have stayed with Aiden. Aiden was perfect. He made furniture. He had good wing span, and he had a dog. I like dogs.
Actually I thought that Aiden was too good for her. She had an ongoing affair with Mr. Big while with Aiden then he eventually takes her back. He’s forgiving, so that’s plausible. Then after he takes her back she expects Aiden to be ok with her being friends with Big. Shoot you had an affair with him, I wouldn’t want you to be friends either. Then when he wants to get married she’s all commitment phobic and tries to hide that phobia by putting the engagement ring on a necklace and not on her ring finger. Puhleeze. He did right by moving on and starting a life with someone who didn’t have the same issues.
greed. aiden was not her match. she did him so dirty!! it really bothered me how after the affair she was pandering for his acceptance. “forgive me! wah wah” oh its all about you huh carrie?? lets all make carrie feel better!!!! the f*ck??? she did not want to end up with aiden.
as far as mr. big their story line is entertaining yet abominable (spelled right??). in real life i could never get over that he married natasha!!! what??? you didnt even want to call me your girlfriend. you claimed you would never get married again. and you gone for a couple of months and now…you married!!!!!
and also, this is just me, but if a guy wont commit to you and turns around and marries someone who is exactly opposite of you in every way (natasha was upper east side conservative rich girl with straight brunette hair who was simple small personality and half carrie’s age) be offended!!!! be f*ckin offended!!!
*agreed
“Actually I thought that Aiden was too good for her. ”
Me too!! Aidan was WAAAYYY too good for her. Or perhaps being with him was too easy for her. AND she let Mr. Big come to his home in the country. W T F!
I ? Carrie. I really do. But she was a selfish drama queen, who tried to act like she wasn’t.
SPOILER!
It’s about SATC2….
Then she kissed Aidan in SATC2 and had to tell her husband Big about that. A mess!
“SATC Pre-quiz: Who said, “You take a nap-a, you don’t move to Napa.”
evelyn lozada?
Carrie, of course!
I was so disappointed with the writers when they chose to put Carrie & Mr. Big together. Like what kind of dumb-a$$ shit was that? They completely undermined every brunch talk and heart-to-heart the ladies ever had about that sorry-azz non-committal mofo.
YES! I was very pissed off… The whole Big story is the reason why Carrie is my least favorite character… She is annoying at best and stupid at worst. Never liked that whole chasing relentlessly after Big schtick. ick.
and for the SATC pre quiz answer: It’s Carrie. Said to Big when he decided to up and leave new york to become a winemaker and lay up in hot tubs. #jer.k
SATC Pre-quiz: Who said, “You take a nap-a, you don’t move to Napa.”
CARRIE! When Big was giving up NY to move to Napa Valley. (I think that’s the night they dance to Moon River in his empty apartment)
First of all, Champers, have you STILL not watched ALL of SATC? lol. Embrace it, know it, love it. There will be a quiz later. Anywho, I agree with Luvvie 110%. I was so disappointed with the writers when they chose to put Carrie & Mr. Big together. Like what kind of dumb-a$$ sh*t was that? They completely undermined every brunch talk and heart-to-heart the ladies ever had about that sorry-azz non-committal mofo. She should have stayed with Aiden. Aiden was perfect. He made furniture. He had good wing span, and he had a dog. I like dogs.
The other unrealistic movie that sometimes messes with my idea of reality is “A lot Like Love” starring Ashton Kutcher & Amanda Peet. I’ve watched this movie more than a dozen times. It makes me cry, and I love it. *spoiler alert* It’s basically about two people who start off as f-buddies, evolve into friends, then f-buddies, then friends, and eventually lovers. The timing is always off until one day…romantic bliss. The movie will break your heart and mend it again. (89% ghey) In the past, I’ve often become enchanted with the idea that fate conquers time, experience, and distance. But I don’t think this ever happens in real life. In real life, people move on. And when you show up 7 years later playing a guitar in her courtyard, she’s probably on kid #2 with the next dude. Anywho, the movie is awesome and I love the soundtrack.
SATC Pre-quiz: Who said, “You take a nap-a, you don’t move to Napa.”
What no one ever talks about is how the real Carrie Bradshaw didn’t end up with her Mr. Big in the end. Instead she married a ballet dancer. But we always choose the hopelessly romantic version, than real life any way.
of course :/ they could have done so much better with that ending. it was complete garbage. it’s like they didn’t even try.
then they come out with not one, but two movies that are complete horse sh*t. and by horse sh*t i mean you legitimately regret wasting 2+ hours of your life and get mad that you can’t get them back. you know what? i’m starting to think my little theory about the show being someone’s sick joke actually might be true!
LOL, I recently saw SATC 2 and I was a little disappointed. It was like two episodes put together instead of a movie. I think half of it could have been edited out. Loved the clothes though.
I actually liked SATC 1. Well both of them, but I’m a die hard fan, so whatever they put out, I would have loved.
I thought SATC was really good. Albeit, too long. But the storyline touched on some excellent issues: Friendships (Samantha feeding Carrie. OMG *tears*), Steve/Miranda’s infidelity storyline, and even Samantha’s realizing who she was and what she REALLY wanted in life.
I may have to go home and watch it. It’s been at least 4 weeks since I last watched it. Ha~
You and me both. I really liked that the series explored a bunch of subjects besides Big and Carrie… Then again, I’m a die hard as well.
“What no one ever talks about is how the real Carrie Bradshaw didn’t end up with her Mr. Big in the end”
In real life, he married that other chick and that was it.
i thought the real carrie bradshaw married ferris bueller
SATC is based on a book written by Candace Bushnell… who wrote the book loosely based on her real life happenings… She is the one who married the Ballet Dancer.
Exactly! I would have preferred Carrie marrying the Russian… It made more sense, it was a grown up relationship…
Not only did she marry a Ballet Dancer…She married him after only 8 weeks. No long drawn out dramer!
Rev. Luvvie of the Ratchet Negros Greater First Baptist New Mount Zion COGIC Episcopal Methodist Church gave us the fish scale (i.e. raw uncut dope) on this one.
We seem to like movies with a happy ending, hence No Strings Attached (the new jawn with Ashton and Natalie) has them going from friends to FWBs to relationship. It can happen but it’s rare. You usually play until you get tired/bored/find something better/can go from coach to first class.
In movies, women want the guy to come to his senses and men want to be the non-alpha who gets the baddest jawn on his arm.
“men want to be the non-alpha who gets the baddest jawn on his arm.”
expound and sh*t. i’m not sure i get what you mean here
This is great point here. This is like the guy’s version of the unrealistic expectations women get from watching sh*t like SATC and rom coms..
They believe as a schlumpy dumpy loser they can luck into and lock down some hot (and maybe successful) chick with their off color humor and self deprecating nature a la Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up
ok, i get it now. for some reason, the wording through me off.
“They believe as a schlumpy dumpy loser they can luck into and lock down some hot (and maybe successful) chick with their off color humor and self deprecating nature a la Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up”
That’s just sad. Do you really believe most non-alpha’s believe that type of behavior will pay off?
I believe that those types of men work extremely hard to become successful and are very generous(tricks) so that they can compete with my type.
I have seen that work for some of the dumpy loser guys in real life… i see a plenty mismatched unbalanced relationships… smh
the fish scale (i.e. raw uncut dope)
thanks for explaining this.
carry on.
Oh…and another thing, leave Lloyd Dobler out of this. He’s real d@mnit!!!
so is santa claus. and that dvd of “top five clutch peyton manning playoff performances” i ordered last week
wow. you know there are colts fans reading this ish, right?
ninja, it is monday and i haven’t even finished my coffee! *wipes away one bitter native american tear*
“top five clutch peyton manning playoff performances
OMG.
i’d like to say shots fired..but in light of what happened this weekend..will be retiring that. need a new saying.. anyone?
roll tide
spit hockered?
You know when I was younger I use to love sex and the city. Every Friday(I think Friday) I use to look at it. I thought sex and the city was how new york relationships are like.So recently I illegally download the complete series and now that I look at it I can say that show was pure GARBAGE. None of the characters are attractive and I’m not talking only physically and it shows nothing about women empowerment. Samantha having sex with every single(and married) men in NYC gets tired. Miranda is a uber bitch and Carrie is a self-absorb. The show basically is that you need a man to be happy on account that 3 out of 4 of the characters ended up married. Also it shows women that you should wait around for an ass hole because in 10 year you’ll married him.
hehe, the next time you leave a comment here, tell us how you really feel. don’t hold back so much
haha! I did go a little hard.
i fux with luvvie, dude. she broke this down PERFECTLY.
i’m a fan of the show, and i own the series (sue me). but i do realize it’s just silliness. especially now that i’m grown. i watched the first couple episodes the other night, where carrie is first meeting big, and i’m like dang, it was totally obvious this dude was playing her from the very beginning. i was some sort of intoxicated (i like to call it “one with the earth”) while i was watching, and i remember thinking “dude. this is just too blatant [big playing carrie like a fiddle]…these writers HAD to have made her look this stupid on purpose. this entire series is really just making FUN of women.” that’s when it occurred to me that maybe this series is all just a big joke, and we’re supposed to get that and laugh at ourselves.
or maybe i need to just lay off that stuff
there should be a website where people write tv and movie reviews while high
sounds genius to me
I think “The Cosby Show” deserves to be included in unrealistic media depictions of relationships. Black people are only obsessed with Cliff and Claire b/c 1.) They’re both extremely successful professionals (a doctor and a lawyers…what are/were the chances of THAT when that show first came out?) 2.) Despite being these professionals w/ jobs that require so much time they still manage to raise FIVE children and they STILL have sex or some type of foreplay at the end of each episode. (I hope ya’ll didn’t think they were just cuddling at the end of every night. Cliff was blowing Claire’s back out)
In honesty, when you are in a marriage with jobs like what they had it takes a LOT of time out of your life. Doctors are constantly on call, lawyers are always putting in late nights for cases. I’m honestly not sure how they even had the time to conceive all five of those kids. Then the sex thing, I’m only 21 but I must say the majority of couples that have been together since college (like they were) probably don’t feel like bumping uglies as much as we saw at the end of everyone of those episodes.
Sure it painted a healthy image for us as a community where single parent homes and absent fathers were growing, but in reality what are the chances of this being the same life for us? Pretty slim to none, and I say that b/c yeah you might be a partner at a law firm and maybe your boo is a top plastic surgeon, but what are the chances of ya’ll staying together and TRULY being happy forever? Sooner or later someone is going to feel like their significant other just isn’t giving them enough attention resulting in jealously leading to cheating on one or both ends or trust issues. I’m just saying.
Yeah, Cosby Show while it was inspiring to many, it actually made me depressed about my life that in no way resembled the Huxtables. I think there were aspects that were inspirational, so I don’t knock it, but it was a not very realistic like you said…
it can be depressing. but focus just on claire and see the light. she was the most memorable dream from that show of what kind of educated, strong, classy, successful woman/mother i am/want to be. and this goal is actually attainable!
even if it dont come with a doctor husband and 500 kids.
let the choir sang – it *was* a great but unrealistic show. frankly those kind of careers destroy families.
as for the skins…the show came on once a week. frequency only seems unrealistic if you watch all 50-11 seasons in one day.
northern exposure was the sh!t that did me in…..seriously. it’s why I’m in Maine right now….
Yeah, great example of the Huxtables. Not only is their marriage total fantasy, but their entire family is. Black children all across the universe wanted to lip-synch on the stairs at random moments. Them niccas had FUN!
lmao!!! the family performances for anniversaries! oh gosh =)
This is true. Shoot people with 2 kids complain about how demanding children are, they had five. Plus there was never any marital strife. They coulda had an episode where their marriage was in trouble. That would have made it at least a little more realistic, especially with their careers and childrens.
yeah cuz obgyns and lawyers both are intense and demanding professions. neither of which is a 9 to 5. at all.
“I think “The Cosby Show” deserves to be included in unrealistic media depictions of relationships. Black people are only obsessed with Cliff and Claire b/c 1.) They’re both extremely successful professionals (a doctor and a lawyers…what are/were the chances of THAT when that show first came out?) 2.) Despite being these professionals w/ jobs that require so much time they still manage to raise FIVE children and they STILL have sex or some type of foreplay at the end of each episode. (I hope ya’ll didn’t think they were just cuddling at the end of every night. Cliff was blowing Claire’s back out)”
yeah, i think number 2 is much less realistic than number 1. it actually would have been more believable if they went ahead and added a white nanny to the mix
I think the whole premise of SATC was bogus, when the last time you seen a fly/flashy chick(carrie), a slut(samantha), a nerd(miranda) and a prude(charlotte) all hanging together and all best friends?? don’t worry i’ll wait lol
It never happens in real life, the fly chick wouldn’t even speak to any of the other checks. the slut would only hang w/sluts or guys. the prude would never be caught dead in same room as a slut. And nerd would be too socially awkward/shy to make friends with them, so the whole premise of SATC is pure fantasy, bc those 4 different types of chick would not be that close of friends, let alone roll as a crew like that IMO
they were all “sluts” (your word)… they just carried their sluttiness differently. carrie and miranda were the most sophisticated, charlotte pretended she wasn’t slutty which eventually resulted in her sexual problems once she got married (she held off until they were married although she had sexed loads of other guys), and samantha held nothing back.
so it does make sense that they hung out because they were all “sluts”. and the same goes real life women, in my opinion. they are generally women with the same values, they just execute them differently.
My group of friends since college is similarly configured. I won’t tell you which one i am .. *cough cough*
oh no, it happens. and they weren’t really that different. They were all “$luts” [of a fashion], and financially independent, all career-oriented, all single, all fashionable, I think they had more in common than not.
I agree with WIP and naturally alise, differing personalities hang together all time, plus like WIP they weren’t that much different. I don’t think Miranda was a nerd and she def. wasn’t shy or socially awkward. She was sarcastic and career oriented.
I have to agree with everyone else here.
I have ALL of those types of friends…and, to be real, they were all giving up the cooch. On the regular.
Wow thanks for clarifying that for me ladies lol, guess there’s a lot of undercover/closet slut women out here rolling in packs lol j/k(sort of)
Next time a women complaining abt her “loose” friend I’m goin take mental note tha she probably does the something and just more discreet abt it
“I think the whole premise of SATC was bogus, when the last time you seen a fly/flashy chick(carrie), a slut(samantha), a nerd(miranda) and a prude(charlotte) all hanging together and all best friends?? don’t worry i’ll wait lol”
sh*t, i saw it saturday night, lol
**DISCLAIMER**this might rub some ppl the wrong way, b/c they are so loved, but i’ll explain**
I think in a way everyones all time favorite tv couple the Huxtables has sort of painted a false perception for our relationship structures. Bare with me i’ll explain!
We all grew up seeing Claire and cliff; the doctor and lawyer power couple that was madly inlove with each other that had 5 kids and a brownstone in brooklyn. Who didn’t grew up thinking/wanting a relationship like that? I know my ideal marriage was being successful blk man with a wife that had just as successful career, so we could be referred to as “just like cliff and claire”
I think the huxtables are one of the top TV couples that many model relationship after just bc of their popularity. Yes there are power couples like them in real-life, but due to their exposure and popularity, I think some ppl think they can and should re-create that Huxtable model
In today society, I think when ppl are single and reach certain level in their career/education they tend to believe their mate/spouse has to be equal to them career/salary/credential-wise so they can have that “huxtable” power couple relationship/structure they grew up watching every thursday @8pm as a child(and on “nick at nite” reruns).
While being a power couple is ideal and perfect i’d say it will only happen to 20% of ppl. Only 20% of ppl will have a “power couple” relationship like Claire and cliff, where you SO will have equal education/salary/status. The other 80% will have to compromise on some level and work with what their partner has to offer.
Without digging up all the stats/studies/articles, I think we have all heard/read abt education/earning gaps among blk men and women in today society, so there is statistically no way EVERYONE can find a perfect/equal match (career/education/salary-wise) to form a power couple like The Huxtables.
Now i didn’t say get or take anything, but i do think you have to be willing to work with some ppl and just accept them for what the have to offer. don’t get caught up trying to find you “claire” or “cliff” b/c you feel like you have to be like “the Huxtables”
Interesting point.
I think black men whilst they are attracted to and would date powerful, ‘successful’ women, rarely do they wife them and if they do, hardly would they support that kind of busy lifestyle beyond a certain number of years. Virtually all black men (and I believe it applies to all races) want wives that support them fully but can still bring something to the plate viz a viz a highly developed cerebral cortex. A black man would rather marry a smart (informed), confident & ok looking woman that’s INVOLVED with home affairs (raising good children, cooks & clean, ensures home is as close to haven as possible), would help them achieve their goals/dreams (a woman that can stroke his ego without loosing herself) e.g michelle obama than a halle berry-looking, ‘I’m-busy-conquering-the-world-you-should-be-more-supportive-of-my-dreams-too’ (phew!) woman.
Even though movies portray romance in unrealistic ways, they do help you aspire for more which in itself aint so bad. Hell, if didn’t watch movies I would have thought tis ok to marry a man like my father! Its up to each & everyone to find middle ground between romantic fantasies found in movies and the dearth of good examples rampant in the real world.
“Interesting point.
I think black men whilst they are attracted to and would date powerful, ‘successful’ women, rarely do they wife them and if they do, hardly would they support that kind of busy lifestyle beyond a certain number of years. Virtually all black men (and I believe it applies to all races) want wives that support them fully but can still bring something to the plate viz a viz a highly developed cerebral cortex. A black man would rather marry a smart (informed), confident & ok looking woman that’s INVOLVED with home affairs (raising good children, cooks & clean, ensures home is as close to haven as possible), would help them achieve their goals/dreams (a woman that can stroke his ego without loosing herself) e.g michelle obama than a halle berry-looking, ‘I’m-busy-conquering-the-world-you-should-be-more-supportive-of-my-dreams-too’ (phew!) woman.”
eh. i don’t know about all that. many, if not most, men will put up with a lot—including “uber independence”—if his woman looked like halle berry or ***insert whichever woman you think meets “dime” status***
Not for long though. Had this same convo with my guy friends over the weekend (age range 28 – 36) and they all said they want smart, classy take-home-to-mama types as opposed to consistently-busy-hardly-has-my-time kind. The halles and tracy dash looking plus uber independent kinds is one for the books not for ‘eternity’. What I took away from that long convo from these VSBs (entrepreneur, pediatrician, engineer, interior designer, banker & politician) was a man’s peace of mind over trumps all! Looks and too much independence gets old real fast. Habituation occurs quicker for most. Maybe my guy friends are the exception….who knows!
I think women are the culprit of this idealogy the most. I know some very education professional men who claim they want a woman who has “a regular job.” They definitely want someone who is not in their line of work, because they’re work is stressful enough, they don’t want someone who can ask them tons of questions about their career, because they’re not smart enough to know any better lol. He wasn’t saying this in a mean way, but it made sense to me.
I still have hope for my power-coupledom, though. He may not be a Black man though, and I’m okay with that.
I know a couple of professional brothas who say they want to ‘marry a teacher or something like that’.
When pressed for more info, they went on to say they wanted someone college educated but who had a career that didn’t demand all of their time (i.e. lawyer, doctor).
Real talk.
@Veg and Liz: I tend to agree with you. I think a relationship like the Huxtables would be challenge to have in today’s time.
I have a rule…my future wife cannot be in the same industry and occupation as me. I want her to be supportive of my business but not working with/for me (I would think we would end up in divorce court). I want a wife to build a legacy with (kids, something to leave for generations to come) not a business partner.
Successful relationships have trade offs and if both of us have demanding careers, something will lack (kids, our relationship, family, jobs). I would think long and hard before marrying a woman with a demanding career (especially if she wants multiple kids, job promotions and etc.).
I have a rule…my future wife cannot be in the same industry and occupation as me. I want her to be supportive of my business but not working with/for me (I would think we would end up in divorce court). I want a wife to build a legacy with (kids, something to leave for generations to come) not a business partner.
That’s a real interesting point. And the honesty is refreshing. It’s better to know what you won’t be able to deal with instead of pretending to be able to and blow a gasket when things come to that level.
Hmm yeah. This dude was a doctor tho, and I was talking to a bunch of doctors about marriage. This guy really didn’t want to talk medicine when he got home from work, whereas others really wanted it. I at least could respect his position though, it sounded like a good reason to want a woman with a regular job (i.e. he was able to leave work at work).
“I still have hope for my power-coupledom, though. He may not be a Black man though, and I’m okay with that.”
My sentiments exactly! While I do love my black brethren, I have recently opened myself to include qualified (whatever that means) gentlemen of other hues. Not a thing wrong with that!
i co-sign all of this. especially that last part. gonna be a whole lot of beige children running the streets in 10 years.
but will add that men are schizophrenic them damned selves.
for example, my daddy threw mad shade at my mommy for not pursuing her pH D with him while they were both studying at harvard. granted, he’s crazy and incapable of loving anyone unconditionally but he saw nothing wrong with her having an education and his/hers bank accounts. meanwhile, my favorite cousin is three years into a relationship with a chick who is great but only has an associate’s degree and no plans to get her life together. so cousin is constantly on some “i don’t know if i can marry someone not smart” ish.
fellas, what is it that you really want?
lol, you just told the stories of two completely separate men, men who have separate wants because they’re…(wait for it)…two completely separate men
oh, i see.
men are different, unique, and special in their individual wants and needs.
@bumilla I just think every man is different in their needs, and that’s okay. Hopefully they can test their desires by dating healthily to see what it is they really want versus making a marriage decision off the first person they think is gonna work (or keep dating women they think they want but really don’t need). I do know my stepdad seems schizo on his approach to dating. On the one hand he wants a woman who will stay home and help him raise his kids/keep the home clean, on the other hand he is constantly complaining about how the standard of living is so high these days that he def needs a two-income household. he ain’t gonna get it both ways!
I think there are women who can do both. Before my dad died, my mom was working on her Masters (she has her PhD now…go mom!), working a FT professional job and came home every night and cooked dinner for him and us three kids.
She didn’t clean any house – she made us kids do that. LOL.
Granted, that woman is rare. And the ones who ‘do it all’ get tired. My stepdad only gets dinner cooked for him on Sundays! LOL.
@VEG your mom was superwoman! Which is cool, but when men expect us to be super women, that’s what I have a problem with. they ain’t super man, nor do i expect them to be. it’s not that I wouldn’t try it but….I dunno. most men couldn’t do this themselves, but some expect us to lol.
@Liz: She truly was. I love her.
“most men couldn’t do this themselves”
So true. When I was 12, I think, my mom had surgery and was in the hospital for a week or so. Our house fell apart. Dad made us steaks and baked beans every night for the first 3 or 4 nights – b/c that’s all he knew how to cook. And he had no sense of time management when it came to getting kids ready for school and getting himself to work. We were going to school barely fed and looking crazy, lol.
@V.E.G,
I think women often even set their guys up for failure (and it seems like I could become one of them)… And it often happens with do-it-yourself type women… They don’t let the guy get involved because well he’s going to mess up anyways (guilty!)…
I have two friends who both had babies this year. The first one had twins and took a leave of absence from work because her husband wanted her to be with the kids… She took a leave of absence from her (demanding) job and has been home for quite some time. Her husband is a-ok with that arrangement. However, whenever she hangs out with us and leave the kiddos with their dad, the poor dude has to send pictures of them doing various stuff for her to feel reassured that everything is fine. Almost as if he won’t be competent enough to take care of the kids. I understand where she’s coming from, but she may end up having a husband who is afraid to get involved because he thinks he won’t be able to do it.
Friend #2 is doing a research master in a university 5 hours away from their home city where her husband works. It was easy enough before the pregnancy because her husband traveled a lot for work… She took a semester off to have the baby, but is going back this semester leaving the baby with the dad. I almost gasped when I asked her but she was totally fine in his ability to figure it out. Her response: “I didn’t know jack about it either, I just learned, and he will”…
I wish I was a little bit like Friend 2 but being a first born AND a take charge person is my curse. I like to do things a certain way and end up doing everything…
and then complaining about itLe Sigh.@Sula:
Yeah, I think that if my mom had MADE my dad do more stuff around the house, he’d have been better able to handles us and the house that week she was gone. To be fair, dad did the ‘man’ chores: cut grass, remodeled the kitchen, etc. But nothing ‘domestic’.
Truth be told, outside of cleaning the house as part of our chores, we weren’t very self sufficient kids, either. We should have been able to get ourselves ready: we old enough to tell time!
Mom probably did think he and we would jack things up w/o close supervision. She’s not the first born (she #5 of 9!!!!) but she def. has/had control issues.
“he ain’t gonna get it both ways!”
this was my point but i see now i didn’t articulate it clearly. while i know that my expectations need some stabilizing, i’m full of salt and frustration by the dating game (and the colts loss). i think that there are just as many mixed messages and unrealistic visions of love ranging from “you can’t turn a ho into a housewife” to “i want a lady in the street and a freak in the bed” coming from the other end. where is this unicorn woman? does she or does she not have a master’s degree and full-time jobby job?
i think i need a hug.
@bumilla LOL *hug* yeah, I FEEL you! I think a lot of men just talk out the side of they mouths most of the time when they’re having these conversations. What they say they want is often different from who and what they’re dating, IF they’re dating anyone. They’re usually either with some booger monster they won’t bring in public, or they’re passing the time with a chick they ain’t really into for the long haul. pay no never mind to general public opinion. All that really matters is who you are specifically dating at any given time.
“I think a lot of men just talk out the side of they mouths most of the time when they’re having these conversations”
I have thought this for years. Which is why I take all relationship internet talk with a grain of salt.
“i think that there are just as many mixed messages and unrealistic visions of love ranging from “you can’t turn a ho into a housewife” to “i want a lady in the street and a freak in the bed” coming from the other end. where is this unicorn woman?”
Sorry, I’m a little slow today. What about those two requests is unrealistic?
Are you saying that a person’s past behaviors have no bearing on their future activities and that you can’t expect a woman to be in tuned with her sensuality unless she is a street walker?
and the colts loss
You in Naptown? Just asking because I am too. I had to tell my son to turn off Sportscenter Sunday morning cuz I just didn’t want to relive the loss.
SATC fan here!
but onto the topic at hand
lately i’ve been watching centric and vh1soul on regularly for their music videos. there is this new ginuwine song where he interrupts a wedding ceremony to get the love of his life (bird from the soul food show). and for the last couple of days I’ve been thinking whether that dumb shit every really happens and whether a woman is stupid enough to fall for it. if a negro came up into a church on my wedding day to rekindle our unsuccessful relationship I would kick his ass.
but does that mess really happen??
and while we are on the topic, I watched Leap Year two weeks ago where the chick is desperate to propose to her longtime bf and he eventually proposes to her. she decides she doesn’t love him and travels across the ocean for this irish dude (because there are just not enough hot irish men in america) and he drops everything just so they can get together. that is a common theme in a lot of romantic comedies. its kind of like a Big thing in that he popped in her life and she regularly let him interrupt her life
does that shit really happen? I’m asking because I don’t want to rule it out entirely as hollywood foolishness if I learn that folks really are this crazy
He!! naw this ish doesn’t happen in real life. I have yet to hear something like this happen to someone I know or to someone that knows someon I know and so on.
“(because there are just not enough hot irish men in america”
There aren’t, at least ones with accents…something about that accent drives me crazy…
“does that shit really happen? I’m asking because I don’t want to rule it out entirely as hollywood foolishness if I learn that folks really are this crazy”
yes it does. and by “yes it does” i mean “no f*cking way”
i’m going to disagree with the masses and say yes it does happen.. rarely is the key and what gets most people in trouble relationship wise
does the man that strung along the woman for years eventually marry her? yes, just not often
does the woman marry the man that stood her up @ the alter? yes, just not often
do people realize they are marrying the wrong one, break up and go after the “right” one and end up together? yes, just not often
does the man that says he doesn’t believe in marriage & lives with his girlfriend for 12 years eventually marry her? yes, just not often
in all these unrealistic romantic movies there is NOTHING that happens in them that hasn’t happened in real life!
People just have to realize that most likely this ISN’T going to happen to them!!!!!
Agreed.
And I think what movies do is talk about the outlier cases. Why talk about the most occurring thing? There is no drama, or transcendence in that. They single out stories that have the potential to soar and relate them.
What needs to change is not Hollywood, it’s our perception and understanding of pop culture, movies, etc… We need to recognize it for what it is and then enjoy the little nuggets of happiness we get from rom coms…
I am with you all the way!
Real life is waaayyyyy stranger than fiction.
Ive heard of a lot of women “dealing with”/”chasing after” Mr. Big. In some instances, I’ve even seen it with my own eyes. But, the thing is, they’ve(the women who do this) gotta know what theyre dealing with. They can try to be with dude all they want, and if it works, great.
But……
If it doesnt work, and they realize that alot of time was waisted or alot of the chasing was done in vein, then they cant get mad at that either. They made the conscious effort to be with or try to get with dude. And in reality, “Mr. Big” probably WONT come back and get them. Thats just how the game goes.
Now, the possibility IS there for him to “marry Carrie” at the end of it all…but that is so slim that its really not worth the risk to to chase after dude…..or maybe it is, which is why the women who do it, do it, lol.
Anyway
I cant really think of ANY movies that got the relationship thing right. I dont even really believe Love Jones got it right. The happy ending is more palatable and probably sells more like on Brown Sugar or Love and Basketball….as opposed to a “real” depiction which is why you never really see it.
Its like the difference between Sesame Street……and “Knee High Park” from The Chapelle Show, lol
My best friend’s wedding (julia roberts & cameron diaz)
“I cant really think of ANY movies that got the relationship thing right. I dont even really believe Love Jones got it right. The happy ending is more palatable and probably sells more like on Brown Sugar or Love and Basketball….as opposed to a “real” depiction which is why you never really see it.”
i think high fidelity got things right. (or at least as right as you can expect from a movie)
The Break-Up with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston was close.
I think non-Hollywood movies are more realistic… Hollywood is obsessed with happy endings because the belief is that movies ought to be escapist… European movies often do NOT have happy endings and show the mess in a blatantly human way… but then that’s what everyday life is made of… Most people are “gimme my 2 hour window of getting my mind of sh!t” and not trying to experience their reality all over again on screen…
I really liked “Tell Me You Love Me”, wanted it to return but the really good stuff never does…
Most relationship movies get it wrong, I go into them knowing it will be fluffy bool to pass the time & nothing meaningful or even touching will happen. Sadly, I can’t think of any Black films w/ realistic relationship portrayals besides Love Jones, & that’s not w/o it’s flaws (a typewriter? REALLY?? lol) We barely get to make quality films & even those seem to ultimately be forced into certain stereotypes to “keep them entertaining”. “Medicine for Melancholy” had moments, but I have a soft spot for indies (& it was nowhere near a fleshed out relationship).
Relationship films I like: “Two Girls & A Guy” – unrealistic BUT some nice, raw moments & well acted/”honest” conversations about relationship dynamics. & who doesn’t like Robert Downey Jr??
“Your Friends & Neighbors” – Neil LaBute is still demented (lol) but I love a film that’s not afraid to explore the flaws of its characters, & we’re talking some serious flaws here. Plus I like every actor in it, a rarity for me.
“9 1/2 Weeks” – oldie but goodie, the relationship was distant & exploitative, painful & fascinating. I love watching their degrees of vulnerability & eventual destruction.
9 1/2 weeks is one of my fav movies of all time…OF ALL TIME. That was me. It didn’t end in a fairy taile though and showed what happens with that type of unrealistic love. Great movie though.
“I really liked “Tell Me You Love Me”, wanted it to return but the really good stuff never does…”
i read that it didnt get renewed because the show’s creator could figure out which direction to take the characters (or whether to just start season two with completely new characters altogether)
Interesting, I thought sure it was b/c of the ratings. From the first ep I thought, “this is gonna be too slow for people.” Most viewers lack patience, hence AMC’s “Rubicon” being cut after a single season, & that show was GREAT.
& for the record, I’m a huge fan of the SATC series (despite the Big situation), but the films have destroyed everything about the show – it’s a shame.
they have?
LOL, yes! With its flaws the series was pretty clever in most of its seasons, & the movies are just dumb azz movies – no wit or charm, just clothes & crappy storylines. The series was actually good, I ain’t lyin’!
White women seem more likely to believe some of the media depictions of black men. One white chick called me a “Mandingo warrior” and asked me to “F*ck her like an NBA All-star.” I did. Got my Kobe on that night.
smh.
LOL @ Liz! eggsactly!
umm.. ok.
lol. good for you.
o__O
Tv has no stamina on real connections, cartoons give the best results. Wher’s my popeye or Daffy duck at?
lmabooo…so damn true….
“iz you iz or iz you ain’t ma baby!”
So ummmm…. I married my homieloverfriend so it’s possible.
Anywho…what about Lance’s wife in the Best Man? Did he really think her na na only curved to his peen after ALL of that playing around?!? Sorry fellas that pristine virgin chick waiting for u to act right is a unicorn.
I want to say she was one of those “born again virgins”. lol. And then he stupid enough to fall for it.
They were both stupid. Him for thinking she wouldn’t step out at LEAST once. And her for allowing him to do all that he did and then…finally wife her.
But, such is life. No…really. I know folks like this.
I liked SATC, but hated Carrie; I much preferred Samantha. I especially hated that she had to be rescued in Paris by Mr. Big. Here she is, a grown-a** woman, and she needed her night in shining armor? She showed no growth throughout the series, always looking for a man to fulfill herself. A mature woman picks her own self up and dusts herself off and takes care of herself. If she can’t do that, how is she going to take care of her husband or her children?
I personally found dating inspiration from the 90′s book “How to Marry a Black Man”. In fact, I saw the authors speak at the Learning Annex. The one priceless nugget from the book: If you see “your type” of man, run the other way! If he was really your type, you’d be married to him already.
Women do stupid things, à la Carrie, for “their type”. They let their guard down. They let their type walk all over them.
After I stopped looking for my type, I met my husband, who wasn’t my type at all. Turns out, he’s perfectly my type.
“I personally found dating inspiration from the 90?s book “How to Marry a Black Man”. In fact, I saw the authors speak at the Learning Annex. The one priceless nugget from the book: If you see “your type” of man, run the other way! If he was really your type, you’d be married to him already.
Women do stupid things, à la Carrie, for “their type”. They let their guard down. They let their type walk all over them.
After I stopped looking for my type, I met my husband, who wasn’t my type at all. Turns out, he’s perfectly my type.’
maybe i need to finish my salmon and orange tea, but this paragraph confused the hell out of me
She showed no growth throughout the series, always looking for a man to fulfill herself
Agreed! I so despise Carrie.
“Can you think of any other completely unrealistic cinematic depictions of relationships…?”
THE NOTEBOOK!
Although the movie had me crying in my cornflakes, I can’t even take that movie as a real depiction of a relationship.
I mean, seriously though? They died together? Holding each other?!
We all haven’t seen it Tee. Thanks for ruining everything…
I feel like I’m the only who wasn’t goo-goo over The Notebook. I was not impressed by that movie at all.
“I mean, seriously though? They died together? Holding each other?!”
i actually think they should have just titled the movie “they died together???” instead of “the notebook”
“A tight flow over a perfect SKEET”, doe?
*facepalm*
I hatechu, Champie. Just. HATE.
palm deez
my baby hands are too big.
This weekend I saw “What Chili Wants” for the first time and what Luvie described seems like exactly what she was/is doing with the boxer (Mayweather? Sugar? Floyd? I don’t know). He’s just stringing her along, saying just enough to keep here around but not enough to establish any commitment. Even a woman that seemingly has all the options in the world is still falling for the okie-doke. Then they here commentary in between the scenes and all I can think is “she can’t be serious.” I hope she’s just playing the dummy for the show. One thing I’ve learned in my 29 and 11/12 years- a man you have to chase doesn’t want you.
Can you think of any other completely unrealistic cinematic depictions of relationships; sh*t that has wrongly made us¹ believe that things will be that way in “real” life:
1. Tyler Perry movies (I think we had this conversation): Around every corner is a handsome underdog just waiting on me to give him a chance so he can shower me with romance, love, and marriage. So as a result women give every beggar, borrower, and thief a chance to f*ck them over.
2. Millionaire Matchmaker: LOL, ya I know, it’s not the most realistic- but once you see a man taking a woman on a helicopter ride to Vegas for a *first* date, Olive Garden doesn’t seem as accetable.
3. Harlem Nights: How many women walking around here thinking their p*ssy is “sunshine” that can make men change their no-good ways? Recipe for disaster.
WIT I watched last season and a lil few minutes of the first esp of the second and Chilli had me like are you serious, smh,, first of all Mayweather is a serious bama, that aside he has anger issues/mental problems and some more sh*t. I’m not even even gonna touch on Chilli’s seemingly attraction to bi men, (RAWSE put him out there)..but anyway yeah I hope Chilli was just doing that for the cameras and a check.
MESSAGE! Most bi women are attracted to bi men…. just “tongue in cheek” saying
2. Millionaire Matchmaker: LOL, ya I know, it’s not the most realistic- but once you see a man taking a woman on a helicopter ride to Vegas for a *first* date, Olive Garden doesn’t seem as accetable.
LOL!!!!
What Chilli Wants is a Check.
Believe that.
Would you be surprised if Chilli ended upwith Tyler Perry
I refuse to believe anything that comes out of someone’s mouth when a camera is following them around. The idea of Chilli is real though. I know tons of sistas with completely ridiculous and unrealistic wants from a man. Chilli is not that uncommon. What kills me is she never wants to discuss herself. She told one date that only SHE is allowed to ask the questions. Now the representation of that is real in the fact that many people want perfection when they are far from it.
Like for real, for real, I love my chocolate brothas and I never plan on switching teams. But a gorgeous Brazilian(?) race car driver??? I’m done with dinner. Let’s roll.
[comment got cut off] Said that to say: Chili’s show is fulla sh*t just like all the other 50-11 “where are they now” celebrity dating reality shows. Plus she’s 39 and she wants to have a baby. Ain’t nothing to wait for at this point. Just pick somebody.
I thought the same thing. “Oh hi, who’s this? Kay BYE baldie.”
What baffles me about Chilli is that (she’s 40!!) she’s soooo picky. Why gur?
@WIP
Tyler Perry movies (I think we had this conversation): Around every corner is a handsome underdog just waiting on me to give him a chance so he can shower me with romance, love, and marriage. So as a result women give every beggar, borrower, and thief a chance to f*ck them over.
THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. Tyler Perry movies (I think we had this conversation): Around every corner is a handsome underdog just waiting on me to give him a chance so he can shower me with romance, love, and marriage. So as a result women give every beggar, borrower, and thief a chance to f*ck them over.
And every sorry, no-good, chump, beggar, borrower and thief thinks he DESERVES a chance at a woman. #getthafukouttaherewitdatshyt
Every romantic comedy, EVERY SINGLE ONE, has an unrealistic portrayal of romatic relationships.
I think the biggest lie that these movies feed women is that men are capable of speaking/acting/thinking like that. They aren’t. They aren’t socialized to be that way, they aren’t expected to be that way, and they really have no desire to be that way without strong incentives (ie the good-good). Men that tend to be super good at the stuff you see in movies are also whores and cheaters.
But, to toss something out there, the movie “Prime” with Uma Thurman was a fairly realistic portrayal of a relationship. They didn’t end up together, which is the fate of 99% of everyone’s relationships.
I agree almost all of those movies from pretty woman to The best man to Just Wright etc are ALL selling dreams.
As long as folk realize this, most are pretty enjoyable for what they are, idealized stories.
I think Pretty Woman was the worst offender of them all, LOL. The rich man falls for the hooker, then didn’t she actually leave him (like WTF?) and he came after her at the end? Never in life.
One movie that comes to mind is. “Thin Line Between Love and Hate”. Now that movie is as real as they come… until the end. Martin could have gotten some ratchets to take care of his issue. I saw this movie while in high school and it taught me to look out for the crazies! Not only that, don’t do a**holishess things to bring out the crazy! Remember when he didn’t show up for the birthday dinner? I also fell in love with Lynn Whitfield after that.
is it wrong that whenever i think of hoodrats or “ratchets” that remy ma is the first person that comes to mind?
Love and Basketball*!!!
I saw this movie with my teammates when I was in the 10th grade and while it had them all teary eyed, I knew THEN that it was THEE most unrealistic relationship/movie ever!
Besides the fact that any girl (Monica) that has an interest in playing basketball that young (11) is probably gay (not that there’s anything wrong with thaaaat), the chances of them BOTH being top Division I athletes in their respective (and SAME) sport, attend the SAME high school, go to the SAME college, AND be in a relationship…. ain’t goin’ happen!
As a young girl I KNEW that!
*I could be bias because I’m still a little bitter that all the men’s basketball players from my college looked like Monstars from Space Jams…..
I digress.
She’s gay because she liked playing basketball so young? Not going for it. I loved basketball that early and it took me roughly 15 years to realize a third of my basketball team were in fact lesbians (Facebook told me).
As for the school coincidences, that def could happen, especially in Southern California. Our schools are big feeder schools for USC and UCLA (and other big schools in cali/Pac10). Those colleges are like Advanced High School, as many students from the same HS go to the same college–this goes for athletes and non athletes. That’s why I had to get myself out of Cali when I went to college.
“She’s gay because she liked playing basketball so young? Not going for it. I loved basketball that early and it took me roughly 15 years to realize a third of my basketball team were in fact lesbians (Facebook told me).”
Yea its not the ones that play early on in life that end up as lesbians cuz kids try many different activities. It’s usually the ones that keep at it especially into the college years.
“It’s usually the ones that keep at it especially into the college years.”
Which means it was ALWAYS there, even at a young age.
“She’s gay because she liked playing basketball so young? Not going for it. I loved basketball that early and it took me roughly 15 years to realize a third of my basketball team were in fact lesbians (Facebook told me).”
She’s not gay because she played basketball so young, at a young age she might not have expressed it/made it known….but it was ALWAYS there…hence “it took me roughly 15 years to realize a third of my basketball team were in fact lesbians ”
“Those colleges are like Advanced High School, as many students from the same HS go to the same college–this goes for athletes and non athletes.”
I see where you’re coming from, being from California, and recruited by Pac10 schools myself, but I’m speaking about two athletes that are in a relationship, in high school, in college, both go to the pros, get married, and have a child. The unrealistic nature of the movie/situation as a whole.
you basically said anyone who likes bball at a young age is a lesbo. Sure, some are, but not all. I and 66% of my peers say otherwise. that’s all i’m saying.
“probably” was my operative word.
Again, I’m speaking on the movie as a whole.
This is NO personal slight to you and your peers who may have played at a young age and aren’t “lesbo”.
gotcha
See Candace Parker and Shelden Williams for example
Have you SEEN Shelden Williams? Bad example.
They didn’t grow up together or attend the same college.
Again, I’m speaking on the movie as a whole.
Yeah…bad example. Shelden Williams is one unfortunate looking dude. For some reason, ugly dudes stay winnin’
“Those colleges are like Advanced High School, as many students from the same HS go to the same college–this goes for athletes and non athletes. That’s why I had to get myself out of Cali when I went to college.”
Tru.
“Besides the fact that any girl (Monica) that has an interest in playing basketball that young (11) is probably gay (not that there’s anything wrong with thaaaat), the chances of them BOTH being top Division I athletes in their respective (and SAME) sport, attend the SAME high school, go to the SAME college, AND be in a relationship…. ain’t goin’ happen!”
i was more put off by the fact that omar epps became an nba all star and, to my knowledge, there has never been a 5’6, 150 pound nba all star. i could be wrong, though
“i was more put off by the fact that omar epps became an nba all star and, to my knowledge, there has never been a 5’6, 150 pound nba all star. i could be wrong, though”
Your knowledge might serve you correct, however there is Muggsy Bogues who’s listed as 5’3. But, I wouldn’t label him an “all star”
What about Spud Webb? How much did he weigh?
Here are two totally unrealistic movies, Pretty Woman and Knocked Up. The rich business man ends up marrying the prostitute. Where dey do dat at. Also, in Knocked Up, they ended up getting married after a one night stand resulted in a pregnancy. He didn’t even ask for a DNA test. It might have been a little more realistic if they had at least been seeing eachother off and on or knew eachother before the first time meeting in the club.
Also, in Knocked Up, they ended up getting married after a one night stand resulted in a pregnancy,
True… but a seth rogen would wife a katherine heigl because he might not get that chance ever again
“True… but a seth rogen would wife a katherine heigl because he might not get that chance ever again”
I have to cosign this. And he ain’t have sh*t going for himself; he had the chance to hook up with a good looking successful celebrity. IRL, a guy like him couldn’t have done better.
Seth Rogan was gross in the movie, that’s why it’s unbelieveable to me that Katherine would go for him. when she is pretty and a successful tv producer.
I’m sorry but I have to defend my homie Seth Rogan. He did clean himself up and get a nice job as a web designer at the end of the movie.
“Also, in Knocked Up, they ended up getting married after a one night stand resulted in a pregnancy.”
they didn’t get married.
Right, I was like “when in the movie did that happen?”
Oops ok not married, but together.
I’m not sure why everyone thinks Hollywood needs to be realistic at all. It’s escapism because it sells, and it’s been this way for decades. Escapism works on us. I love these stories, and so do you, otherwise they wouldn’t be so popular.
I’m currently penning a screenplay about love and dating with a friend. Some days i think i need to write a real love story. Other days I want to go for mass appeal and go escapism on all yall. We’ll see what happens.
Do both and add a third depicting lesbians. I have some stories for you chica!
Thats why I said most are enjoyable for what they are….folk need not draw anything other than entertainment from such.
I see how it’s difficult not to. I think I fell into those traps for a while, but I was (and still am to some extent) immature when it comes to relationships. People just need to grow a little to see these things for what they are: entertainment.
Yeah it is easy to dream, it always is esp for us dreamers.
I just don’t blueprint my life after TV shows and movies, real life is often stranger than fiction LOL!!!!
I’m not sure why everyone thinks Hollywood needs to be realistic at all. It’s escapism because it sells, and it’s been this way for decades. Escapism works on us. I love these stories, and so do you, otherwise they wouldn’t be so popular.
Liz is always the voice of reason!!!
“Liz is always the voice of reason!!!”
liz aint nothing but the voice of deez
What about the movie “Up In the Air” with George Clooney?
He was cool with his single life, playing it real breezy then he finally decides to take chance with ole girl until he finds out she was married with a family and eventually calls him just a “getaway” or weekend fling.
I’m sure many people have gotten side tracked with this same type of scenario which is why people are so guarded and skepitical .
Shout out to you for that. Craziest part about that movie was son really had the nerve to show up at shorty’s crib unannounced. Kids running around… lol.
LOL, that was the best! He looked all screwed up in the face.
Good one. I loved that movie!
Ol girl pulled a fast one on him for sure. That’s why it’s never cool to just pop up at somebody’s house. Especially considering he had never been there before.
He defly shouldn’t have popped up unannounced but you can’t be mad at him doing his “due dilligence”. We’ve all dont some “spot checks” one way or another, plus he had good intentions. Like a good number of people she would’ve dragged him on for years if she could have…
Is anyone else suspicious of George Clooney and him being the most “eligible” bachelor? A handsome man, white, with money yet can’t find a wife? Something is wrong with that man so I can’t believe him in romantic movie roles.
And he has a thing with prostitution! American Gigalo, Pretty Woman, Brooklyn’s Finest. Very suspect.
“And he has a thing with prostitution! American Gigalo, Pretty Woman, Brooklyn’s Finest. Very suspect.”
you’re confusing george clooney with richard gere
LOL, wow, I really did….They just all look a like to me. (j/k)
Richard. Gere.
I think he just wants a consistent eff buddy
“Is anyone else suspicious of George Clooney and him being the most “eligible” bachelor? A handsome man, white, with money yet can’t find a wife? Something is wrong with that man so I can’t believe him in romantic movie roles.”
i’m sure he’d find a wife if he was looking for one. seems like the “rotate different supermodels like jiffy lube does tires” thing is working out pretty well for him
He’s only ever married one woman and after they divorced he said he would never marry again.
That woman is now married to John Slattery and appears as his ex-wife in the show. I am intruiged by her because of this whole George Clooney thing.
*the show being -Mad Men*
Oh I didn’t know that. Hmmm
It’s not he “can’t” find a wife… It’s it doesn’t want to! and seriously, if I was George Clooney I wouldn’t want to either! What is his incentive for getting married? Like seriously?
*he…
Yeah I know he can. I just wonder why he doesn’t. There’s tons of incentives to get married but if the marriage “papers” (cause that’s all it is) isn’t his thing, at least build a life with a woman. Otherwise, he’s going to grow old and alone OR be used for his money by some young gold digger.
To be honest, I don’t see the incentives to actively want to get married if I am George Clooney…
Now he may fall in love with someone and want to have that someone for eternity but that’s different than actively seeking to get married…. just for the sake of the potential benefits of marriage.
There seem to be a lot of women who are under the impression that Love Jones was “real”, and You probably believe this nonsense because you are women and Nina got away more shit that Darius. The odds that any guy would get back with you after you jumping ship mid relationship, with no fight or no beef to go find out if you should’ve married your ex-fiance and then coming back and dating his friend, is probably not taking you back unless there has been like a 10-15 year separation or something.
I wonder how many women would’ve appreciated Nina taking Darius back as much if he up and got with Lisa Nicole Carson’s character while she was gone…??
Personally I don’t think Love Jones was real. the thing is all of these movies have some realness to them, but they’re just not 100% real. Like Love and basketball I could totally see happening. Until Tyra Banks comes into the picture, and they have some dumb basketball game for their hearts and sh*t. Everything else? Gravy. Matter fact, I think the rest of the movie probably happens fairly frequently (fall in love with your best friend) which is how you get hooked in the first place. All of them lay a foundation that the audience can relate to.
Yeah, that last basketball game was retarded (I blame Spike Lee), and they tried to make Tyra’s character look vapid and mean in her 30 seconds on screen in that movie but it didn’t work, I don’t know any woman that would’ve liked having that big “Q” on the wall in the bedroom.
Apparently screwing people over for love, (or basketball or hip hop) is a recurring theme for Sanaa Lathan.
LOL how did sanaa screw Q over for love? seems like he was the perp in the movie. same in brown Sugar too. she just seems to be the victim too much.
She screwed over Tyra in Love and Basketball and in Brown Sugar she screwed over Boris Kodjoe.
In The Family that Preys she screws over her husband.
In Out of Time she tries to screw over Denzel Washington
In Blade she tries to seduce and then kill her own son (Wesley snipes (he might of deserved it though))
In Something New she turns her back on all black men and then outdoes herself by turning on all black people by taking a part on racist a$$ The Cleveland Show… j/k
LOLLLL. In L&B and BS those were ancillary characters. We weren’t supposed to like them anyway, so it was okay to screw them over. I don’t think any main character is going to be without flaws though. that’s the name of the game: they mess up, they recover, everyone goes home happy.
I liked her in Something New. I think. i coudln’t relate to finding super hot white men who were after black women tho lol. That just doesn’t happen.
I liked her in Something New. I think. i coudln’t relate to finding super hot white men who were after black women tho lol. That just doesn’t happen.
It only happens to Halle Berry…
Exactly…it’s not real 100% but it’s definitely not the linear “boy meets girl, they kick it, fall in love and live happily ever after” that movies seem to portray. It had elements of realness to it. They slept together too soon…they had issues…trust issues…she was unsure, she left…she dated his boy (foul on all levels) and he did his dirt too but after all that the feelings were still there so they decided “what the hell” and gave it a shot.
Not the most ideal situation, but I know folks who have been through worse and continued on.
So, I agree that it’s not 100% real, but it does have elements of real throughout the movie.
Omar I agree. Plus I couldn’t see too many brothers jumping through all those hoops just to get her number from the get go. I can understand playing hard to get and all but damn how many extremes do I need to go through to get your attention…
Umm, this was so my example! I’m sorry, but although I adore this movie, Love Jones is pure entertainment at its best.
10 points deducted for “my girl and i’s”
???? i have no idea what you’re talking about
The realist relationship movie = “The Break-Up”
Agreed
I kept thinking, “This is my life!!!” Good point, Omar.
yeah. cuz it didnt end happy. it ended REAL. and i never wanted to watch it again.
success.
Yeh sometimes It shows on TV and I never want to watch it again. There was no reason for them to end the way it did. Vince Vaughn was a tool for no reason…
And she was a jerk!!
Disclaimer: I don’t like Aniston.
Because Vince was a tool to her first…
i think the premise and the ending were real, but the lengths they went through to f*ck with each other were contrived and sh*t
Nope…not at all. When a woman feels unappreciated they will go through many hoops, barriers, and zones of uncomfortable just to make a point.
And men will do the same.
At least from what I’ve witnessed.
I’m not sure if anybody mentioned these before because I havent read through all the comments yet but the movies that are totally unrealistic are:
ANYTHING DISNEY (don’t act like they don’t count because they are cartoons…we are indoctrinated early with how girls are princesses and should wait for the right man and how relationships should be. They also teach us early that any persons who are ugly are our enemy and out to harm or kill us) ,
any movie with Taye Diggs or Morris Chetnutt and especially Gabrielle Union and LL Cool J- These people in a movie should automatically tell you that it is a complete fallacy in all things relationship. Never follow any of their leads or hints or clues to how to gain, keep or be in a relationship.
Aiight thats all i got for now. My mind just went blank on all the rom-coms that I love to watch and take nothing from but fashion, drinks, and places I want to visit.
wait, you can’t put ll cool j on that list. i thought “deep blue sea” was about as real as real gets
He goes on the list for his rom-coms which include Deliver us From Eva and Last Holiday. Deep Blue Sea was dead on with how a black person would react and survive around a bunch of sharks with 2520s dying left and right. But how real is his relationship in Deliver us From Eva when at the end he rides down a city street on a white horse??
The interracial relationship between Flipper and the white chick on Jungle Fever. Sorry for calling her the White Chick, but I can’t remember her name. Maybe it was the poor script, but the whole relationship was overdramatized and somewhat ridiculous.
As a former member of an interracial relationship with a family that looks like a Benneton ad, I can tell you that even in the early 1990′s, this wasn’t realistic. Great film. Horribly not true depiction.
Samuel Jackson was probably the greatest crackhead ever in that movie.
Absolutely. With a close second by Halle.
“I like getting high. I like getting high. Cause I’m a cc-cc-crraaa-ccraackhead!!!”
LMAO!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTA3qGQouaU&NR=1
you know, the relationship between snipes and annabella sciorra was probably the worst and least interesting thing about that movie
Pretty Woman is, by far, the most unrealistic depiction of a romantic relationship of all time. Nothing comes close.
Cosign!! Ole girl wasn’t even Russian, Asian or exotic or a call girl just a regular street walker. If Pretty Woman is happening in life, then all the hookers on Pennsylvania Ave in BK on the ones in Queens can retain hope.
Ha! Great one. Even though the story is totally unrealistic, Pretty Woman is still one of my favorite movies. It should also be noted that I have a thing for older white men with gray hair. Sooooooo……
I loved the SATC show…not b/c it was a ‘guide to living city life’ but b/c it was a well thought out, well written, smart television show.
Both of the movies sucked a$$.
I recall sitting in the theater at the first movie, next to Luvvie. What do ya know? And I remember her reaction when I told her I thought the 2nd film blew chunks (that one we didn’t see together). I’ve also had quite a few talks about men/relationships with Luvvie. I’m pretty sure that, as recently as last month, Luvvie tried to convince me that a friend/cut buddy who’s not unlike Mr. Big (except he’s not white and not rich) – who I know I have no relationship future with – is ‘the guy for me’ (she never used those words, more like ‘that’s yo man’). So I’m kind of taken aback by her viewpoints here. Luvvie up there is not a Luvvie I’ve ever heard talk before.o_O That’s all I’ll say about that. She’s my friend. Really. Like, In real life.
And before anyone tells me I’m throwing shade, I’m aware of that. Luvvie has already been notified that I called her out.
This SLAYED me. lmao
Glad I could be of service. LOL.
**logs on just to cackle at this comment**
“Luvvie up there is not a Luvvie I’ve ever heard talk before.o_O That’s all I’ll say about that. She’s my friend. Really. Like, In real life.”
so basically i allowed a luvvie impostor to infiltrate vsb?
Nope. VEG’s just mad cuz she’s Mr. Big. YEAH I SAID IT!
Girl go sat the hell down! I thought SATC was a cute movie. But did you ever hear me be all I LOVE MR BIG??? Yeah you just tryna throw shade at me b/c you got babyhair. GO AWAY, CREOLE!!!
And furthermore, YOUR Mr. Big isn’t even Mr. Big but you turned him into that when you told him “I don’t see myself with you.” So BAM!!! Since you wanna put it all out there, JERK!!!
Right.
You’re not Carrie. Actually, YOU’RE the female version of MR. Big.
I can think of a gazillion movies that lie to us when it comes to real love. One off the top of my head (sorry if someone has mentioned this already) is The Family that Preys. Aint no way a wealthy light-skint, good haired man gonna go after a poor black woman with 3 kids. I also think about Obsessed. A black male executive says no to a pretty white woman trying to suck his wang…not never.
Then there’s the ultimate lying movie: How Stella Got Her Gay Groove Back. Seriously this started a d@mn movement in the black community. You mean we can go to Jamaica and get a man 20 years younger than us? Woo hoo…big brim hats and one piece bathing suits sold out nation wide. Jamaica saw more tourism that year than Hawaii. (I’m lying) All the black
gaymale strippers set up shop in hotels. As fake as Taye Diggs accent was this false reality that men would be on a island and CHOOSE the cougar with saddle bags. I like how reality came in when it turned out he was gay and looking for a sugar mama. Yahtzee!!“The Family that Preys. Aint no way a wealthy light-skint, good haired man gonna go after a poor black woman with 3 kids.”
Did we watch the same movie?, I remember a wealthy white dude have a black side piece whose kid is actually his, that actually sounds a little realistic.
OMG I was thinking of Meet the Browns! My bad.
Some married men do honor their vows as rare as it seems, execs or not.
I know that. lol I was being facetious. However there is some truth to what I said as most infedlity is with a co-worker.
TYPO: I was referring to MEET THE BROWNS not A Family that Preys. All these Tyler Perry movies got me confused.
But you can go ahead and include A Family that Preys cause I don’t know any brotha that would allow his wife to talk to him like that and so clearly have an affair and be so naive.
LOL, oooooooohhhhhh, Shemar and the press-on cornrows. Yes, you have a point.
Or was it Rick Fox in that one?
Or Boris Kodjoe with the afro wig… lamo
His hair hurt my feelings. I realized 42% of his fineness is dependent upon his bald head. lol
I am uber late on the comments, but “Shemar and the press-on cornrows” …I died.
I am constantly trying to figure out why it is a requirement that men (well..women too) have horrible wigs in TP movies:
Shemar’s corn rows
Boris Kojo’s mid-size fro
TP’s mini fro in The Family that Preys (maybe this is the same wig Boris had but trimmed..)
Can’t he get Eddie Long’s wig makers on staff?!
You ain’t the only one. hehe. He might need some new material #just sayin’. I don’t know of any black guy who would have put up with that ish. I don’t believe in hitting women but, Sanaa had that slap across that counter coming.
We don’t have to go that far to find a cougar worshipper. Just leave the house.
Uhm…how Stella Got her Groove Back is the ULTIMATE in fakeness. I’m sorry, but Terry McMillan was hustled for a green card by an OBVIOUSLY flaming island dude. And she had the nerve to pen her “real life romance” in a book? I’m sorry but not only is that stupid and fake, it offends me. LOL
I hate when women marry OBVIOUSLY gay men and then get mad about it later when he’s leaving you for Bob the mechanic.
Get a clue. When you’re man has more interest in hair gel, glitter gloss and keeping his eyebrows freshly arched (as opposed to his line up) he’s gay. No two ways about it.
the truth… out of the mouth of Mo-VSS
LOL, girl I feel some type of way about that movie and Terry McMillan in general. I guess her Oprah appearances to discuss how she was mad at him for hustling her didn’t help either.
When I saw his pic I was thinking how on earth did she not know he was gay? Foolish woman. Yes, I cosign. Miami is the gay mecca so I see it alot. Funny how I don’t feel sorry for the women. I can tell you that not all are feminine or give signs with metrosexual behavior. Some are just regular men who are married then we hear through the grapevine that he had an affair…with a man. smh. But I want to believe that they all gave signs that the woman ignored.
I’d like to nominate the movie Closer for giving unrealistic expectations. Or maybe they were realistic expectations…..
Boy has a lady in his life. Boy writes book about Lady but then meets lady photographer and falls in love with her after one meeting. Boy as a joke sets lady photograper up with a Dr. he meets in a cyber se.x chatroom. Lady Photo. and Dr. get married. Lady photo and boy have affair. They fall in love. Boy tells original lady about affair. She runs away. To strip. Boy and lady photo are together officially, until the Dr. tricks her into sleeping with him before he will sign divorce papers. They never really divorce and instead get back together. Boy is upset and goes to Dr. looking for his original Lady. Dr. tells him the name of the strip club to find her. He also tells him he phucked old girl. Boy gets back with his original lady, until he phucks up and tries to get her to confess to phucking Dr. She bounces on his azz again. And he finds out he didn’t even know her name. No Alicia Keys. Or maybe it is…..hmmmmm. Lol
see, i always thought that closer, while a bit too self-satisfied and melodramatic, was pretty real, which is why that movie is so hard to watch
What made it unwatchable for me is that it tried SOOOOO hard to be provocative, yet just came off confused & pathetic. I seriously wanted to punch each character in the face throughout the film – one of the most annoying movies I’ve ever seen!
Thank you for writing that poem for me and inviting me to meet your friends on our first date. I really loved dancing with you at the Wild Hare and riding lake shore drive back to your spot to have amazing sex to Maxwell. Furthermore, thanks for making me breakfast of a wonderful cheese omelet. It was delicious.
Oh, thanks for being okay with me initially going to New York to “F*ck ol boy” like you put it. And I was ever so pleased with your running through Union Station to catch me before leaving Chicago to go to New York to work for Vibe. I know my friend who doesn’t have a man told you that I was leaving (and although misery loves company, she’s different. She likes being single – O___O )
Babe, I almost forgot to thank you for dedicating your book to me and after hearing my poem about love and getting an awesome applause, you run outside in the rain, calling my name and telling me how loving me is urgent like a muthaf*cka. I loved that kiss in the rain, it sealed our destiny.
Although Love Jones is my FAVE! The ish is straight unrealistic.
That is all!
Yeah alot of people say Love Jones is realistic, I beg to differ. lol I wish all men were that emotionally deep and in-tune.
Chile, if they were, i would have grabbed one and had all 30 of his babies. But, they aren’t, so until I find realistic, I’ll be man-less and child-less.
Great points Champ.
I think everyone has pretty much summed everything up that I would have said so I don’t know how much I can really add to this.
But I will say on another note, another thing that I think has driven unrealistic relationship expectations especially in black folks is the proliferation of rap music. I know it’s been said before, but I place more blame in rap music than in movies. Well, rap music and Beyonce.
After hearing endless raps about fat asses women starting taking that sh*t literally getting all kinda butt injections, doing anything to have the much coveted Kim Kardashian bubble butt. Got broads trying to get the sh*t on the cheap went to some around the way bootleg doctors office.. Those mofos were injecting caulk (get your minds out of the gutter, yes, the kind you use in the bathroom) in the asses, b*tches ending up in the hospital with all kinda infections and what not.
Hell no people aren’t ready to see a REAL depiction of present day dating and relationships. Just think if someone made a movie about a black guy who has dated black women his whole life – then he moves large metropolis city, gets some high paying job, and now only wants to date blonde beckys and/or exotic women. He ends up settling down with some non descript exotic Kim K. doppelganger and tells her how he just can’t date black women because they’re so (insert stereotype here) and she’s so perfect blah blah blah. You think people would really want to see that sh*T? Living in NYC, I’ll tell you that sh*t’s pretty f*cking real..
I don’t mean to sound stereotypical or bitter cause I’m really not, i could care less who dates who.. but im just saying imagine if there was a movie like that, can you only imagine the outrage there would be in the black community. But that sh*t is so common these days, yet people would not be ready to see that sh*t..
Like that sh*t with Tiki Barber.. Imagine a movie about a successful black man who leaves his pregnant Asian wife for some 25 year old blonde becky intern.. and now his wife has to see pics of him flaunting this floozie all over town… Or Tiger Woods, even better.
People don’t want to see the real sh*t.. they want the fantasy, they want to believe their Prince Charming is out there. People aren’t ready to face the harsh realities of the dating and relationship game
Personally I think people see too much of the harsh realities of the current climate of dating and relationships on the regular. Some of these movies, though most unrealistic, is the only thing giving some people hope and a vision.
The movie The Brothers touched on this topic a little bit. Bill Bellamy was fed up with black women and only dated white women. Although at the end he ended up giving black women a chance again, so yea there is still an element of fantasy there.
You are speaking GOSPEL right now!
I’m about to go on a tangent, but the following lyrics from Drake make me CRINGE EVERY time I hear them:
“We go to dinner you don’t even look at me to pay”
Yeah, but shout out to the homeowners
The girls that got diplomas
“And enough money to loan us a little something extra
Should we ever need it”
So I have to pay for my own dinner AND loan you money if you need it!?!?!?
What part of the game is THAT!
Then again…..that’s a real situation for some people out there.
LOL, it’s coming. Better get the hell outta Dodge before the game changes completely.
LMAO!!!
Now ninjas expecting chicks to look like supermodels AND be paid out the a$$ to be able to take care of them?!?
Where they do dat at????
I hate that line. If you take me out, ninja PAY for it. That doesn’t make me superficial or stuck up or a “princess.” It makes me a woman who wants to know that she is in the company of a man who really wants to be there. When a woman has to do all that crap to “catch” a man…it lays the groundwork for insecurities down the line. She will always wonder if he really wanted her…cuz she did the chasing.
Approaching is fine…but after I approach, I need you to be a man and let me know that you want me and would have approached me had I not done so. Otherwise, I don’t need it.
This! Yes. Yes. Yes. Please believe I want to know you (the man) is checking for me. Respect the art of the holla and stand behind your intentions.
Err possible movie I could have thought of has already been mentioned. I’ve been making the point made in this post for a while and intended to write about it…but failed. Isn’t this part of the reason so many women wanna be chased and courted in ridiculous fashion in so many instances?
These movies have created a blury line between chasing and courting and the tactics depicted on what’s needed to grab the attention of some women…
Slim, I can’t speak for other women, but my desire to be courted has nothing to do with the movies I watch (granted, I don’t need you to land in the courtyard of my building in the helicopter to whisk me away to the Southern Cape to have a picnic while watching the baboons pick bugs off of each other). However, I think too often, men (at least in this city) like to use unrealistic instances that we’re speaking of to not do what they should be doing anyway, asking women on a date, know damn well that you coming to my house and me coming to yours doesn’t suffice as a first date, actually paying for dinner….
These are minor things. Honestly, I can’t blame women for getting all engrossed in the movie fantasy because I definitely don’t see it being reality too often. *BigSigh*
@WIP and Alana
lmao….those are extreme examples but neither one of you can’t tell me you havent been to an open mic night hoping one of those eclectic brothers would dedicate a melodic poem to you…
i definitely wish they would, however, I’m not holding my breath waiting. I’m a hopeless romantic, I mean, it’s so extreme, however, I won’t hold that over some poor black man and expect these extreme conveyances of love.
Ya, I’ve “hoped” then I hit reality. My man cleaned the house from top to bottom. This is the most romantic thing I could imagine at this point.
That’s an awesome gesture @WIP
So I shouldn’t expect a guy to serenade me at my window to show me he wants to take me out?
Culture Club sums it all up!
“Time won’t give me time
And time makes lovers feel
Like they’ve got something real”
you’re right. culture club definitely summed it all up
after hearing so many friends say love and basketball was “the best movie ever” over the years ,i watched it this past august. i didn’t like it but i couldn’t understand why until later. because it was realistic. not the whole thing but:
girl meets boy, boy has home issues, girl understands. they separate.guys goes about his business girl feels like she is missing something and ends up waiting for boy (even though she doesn’t say it her actions show it). guy fvcks every girl he can and eventually gets engaged to a girl totally opposite of what original girl was. girl lets him in even though he is committed to someone else and makes him allow her to win him back. and they end up living happily ever after
Now that I think about is Jason’ Lyric was some BS too, with Jada Pinkett talking about lets just get on a bus and go, and not know where you’re going.
Since when do women dream about brothas with no plans…
Since when do women dream about brothas with no plans…
Someone better say that ish! I don’t need to be on the bus headed to the gutters of willacoocha, GA. Thanks but no thanks!
That movie was depressing, but I did like Lisa Nicole Carson’s character in that.
I was thinking “since when do people leave the ghetto?” and especially with no plans/destination in mind. Hmmmph
Since when do women dream about brothas with no plans…
I’m guessing shortly after catching a stray bullet from Bokeem Woodbine?
#eddiebrockshrugs
Oh, by the way… upon first reading this title, I thought the entire post was gonna be about Ron Isley and Kels.
(._.)
*sends cheekie to the corner for this one.
ROTFL…..I did too…..So contagious
Sometime last fall, the boy really did throw stones and stuff at my window….thought that stuff only happened in movies….
–Meeting ‘cute’: who really meets cute? Now it’s match.com or plenty of fish. or a bar.
–not seeing how hot your best friend is after s/he takes off their glasses. you either know they are cute, or you’ve slept with them in a moment of weakness (or drunkenness) and realized you might be compatible.
–Mind blowing sex years later where your clothes are left in a trail throughout the house…wait, that really did happen
“not seeing how hot your best friend is after s/he takes off their glasses.
LOL, Lois Lane HAD to recognize Superman.
I realized in high school that I could tell if a guy liked me when he asked me to take off my glasses. Then I got contacts, and had no clue.
The relationships on ‘A Different World’ were kind of realistic.
You know…I was gonna touch on that. I remember thinking it was realistic until the wedding.
“Baby….baby, pleeeeasssse!!!!”
But, that’s what made Dwayne and Whitley to classic. And it was definitely real for the college crew. Folks stayed back and forth between that main and other chicks in the 4 years.
Well…at least I did (main and other dudes, not chicks)
I have to agree with most of what was being said on this topic. I also have to say that I LOVED SATC (you couldn’t even call me on Sunday nights between 8-8:30).
I also wanted to say this. And I might have to turn my black card in when I do: I’ve never seen Love Jones.
That is all.
Carry on.
KMN
Don’t weep KMN. I’ve never seen Love & Basketball.
*joins KMN in the outcast corner.
Room for one more? I’ve never seen Love Jones either….
GASP!!!
Thank y’all now I know MJ meant it when he said you are not alone. LOL
KMN
Yeah hand that card right on over…
Nobody mentioned my all time favourite rom com – The Wedding Singer??
That ‘All I wanna do is grow old with you’ airplane scene was nice, but really?? Can’t see that happening ever…
And whats up with dudes in movies flooding a woman’s house with flowers to show their love?? If anyone did that to me in real life, I’d break up with him there and then. Who the heck do you think is going to clean up this mess??
how did you get in the house anyway….
I love Shonda Rhimes and I think she is one of the most talented writed for television, but any romance that she writes gets my vote for unrealistic. (BTW I would like to thank Shonda for writing all the romances of Grey’s anatomy because they give me hope for the future).
Love Jones…
there is no way you can tell me that if a man and woman are “kicking it” and everything is going well, she can just go back and life with her ex-fiance then come back when everything doesn’t work out. in the end of the movie they got back together. not in this reality. that relationship would have been deaded the minute she left. perhaps the moment she brought it up.
S/O to Luvvie!
I love how she broke down the unrealistic nature of SATC and how it relates to reality! The one thing I would like to point out though is how after years of women chasing these guys who don’t want to commit to them for a myriad of reasons-while “Mr. Right” for them, is trying to put his “Bid” in-some women become bitter and resentful. Which after 5 years of dealing with a dude who doesn’t want you and consistently shows you through his ACTIONS every other man in the dating pool ‘aint shit’. I think its important to realize that people will treat you how you allow them to treat you. If Mr. Big don’t want you find someone who will and it will prevent you from alot of heart ache and every other man you having to deal with the “20 feet tall” wall you’ve built-S/O to Ms. Badu- I love my black women but yall worry me sometimes.
…Just realized I was Mr. Big for a high school sweetheart til i manned up and got my self together.
I think the title of this piece should’ve been “Sh*t We Knew Already”. LOL! I think the fallacy in your argument is that you didn’t go back far enough. This is not a new phenomenon at all. The first person that comes to mind is Cary Grant*-he was always a cad that changed his ways for the right woman-a myth perpetuated at a time when most [white] women were dependent upon the institution of marriage for financial stability. The idea that a man is debonair, suave and ready to say all the right things at the right time has been a lie sold to women forever (“Jane Eyre”, anyone? The cad with the crazy black wife in the attic develops a debilitating disease and falls in love with plain Jane). What I find particularly disheartening is the fact that the lie is sold to women-in modern times-BY OTHER WOMEN. Nora Ephron and modern women’s mags are notorious for this.
I will say that most women I know aren’t buying the lie because we’ve been around long enough to know that those lines ARE contrived. Since you’re bringing up “Brown Sugar” I will state that the most honest part of the movie is the scene where Taye tells Sanaa that Boris didn’t cook for her and he’s running game so he can get sex on the first date. It’s a lesson that women have learned the hard way many times since high school: if he’s that smooth it’s usually because he’s playing you. I don’t know any women (I’m 32) that have been around the block that are looking for the cheating, twice-divorced Mr. Big type. He shouldn’t even be a fantasy. I think many women today are jaded and as such ANY gesture of kindness is automatically interpreted as interest/love because we’re so used to being mistreated. I don’t know anyone that’s buying the myths in these movies. My fave rom coms, BTW: “Love Jones’ and “500 Days of Summer”. When men write rom coms they’re much more realistic and honest.
*Rent “His Girl Friday”. Hell-buy it. It’s the classic “I want to love the honest guy but I’m still hung up on the cad” triangle but I also think it says so much about the way media will lie, cheat and connive to get “the story”, which is still just as timely today as it was in the 1940s.
this whole blog shoudl be titled “Sh*t We Knew Already” Yet, people don’t take heed.
So true. So sad.
i JUST ended something like this in December of last year. i’m getting into my late 20s and i and i couldn’t go into 2011 holding on to that fantasy. it finally clicked that we had different agendas. i wanted a relationship, he wanted to screw. we were always getting frustrated with each other because neither of our needs were being met.
ps: my mr. non-committed thinks mr. big is “the man.” of course he does *rolls eyes*
Mr. Big isn’t setting any unrealistic relationship expectations. Sex in the city is just a growed up retelling of every fairy tale about prince charming coming to rescue the damsel in distress. A bunch of modern gowns, balls and carriages. No reason to go deeper into the analogy because that’s literally all the show is.
Sex in the city is so popular because it speaks to the same basic unrealistic archetype drilled into all women since nearly birth for as long as anyone can remember.
It is funny that almost all of the nursery rhymes and fairy tales for girls involve them being rescued by some prince and living happily ever after. Almost every piece of entertainment geared towards women seems to be a more convoluted retelling of that same basic story. Doesn’t matter if it’s pride and prejudice or some Harlequin romance.
If you want the realities of those situations watch The Tudors of Basketball Wives.
Word!
And Anita Baker’s “Fairytales” should be standard for girls coming of age (like ages 9-29) so that they understand that what is told in the stories, is NOT, I repreat, NOT, what real love and life are like.
i honestly think romantic comedies are here to sell the not typical side of love and relationships… i don’t want to pay $10 to see the everyday thing.. SELL ME THE FANTASY… which in actuality HAS happened from time to time.. People want to be wowed and left in awe not just oh i saw that coming…
that being said i thought SATC was pretty realistic
4 educated financially independent women in charge of their lives that still have to navigate love the way everyone else has to
the one that is “In love with the idea of love and marriage” and gets blindsided when things don’t work out the way she just the way she KNEW it was going to
the one that gets pregnant and can’t come up with a plausible reason to terminate even though this was NOT in her life plan
the one that chases and chases the man that doesn’t want her now and during their off time, kisses a few frogs and a few princes (women break hearts too)
the one that is totally in charge of her life and sexuality but still gets her heart broken (heart break is a part of human life occurring in 97.9995% of the population)
and while all the above is happening they make mistakes, choose wrong, get hurt, give hurt, argue, have highs and lows etc… sounds like real life to me
“Two Can Play That Game” super unrealistic, but quotable so i love anyway.
I would rather see some realistic endings:
-Darius would have left Nia standing in the rain
- Sanaa would have left Taye standing on the dance floor in the Best Man and again in Brown Sugar
- Prince should have played Appolonia as soon as she joined Morris’ group
- Morris Chestnut should have played G Union once he found out she had relations with his father
The list could go on……
Too often we focus on the exception to the rule and not the rule itself. Typically, if a man strings you along, he’s not gonna switch it up all of a sudden and be Mr. Do-Right, however, we allow ourselves to get sucked into fantasyland by books and shows like SATC and believe that perhaps we’re the exception to the rule.
I’m a day late and with an abundance of intelligence available, just about anything I add is equivalent to a dollar short.
I’m still here to develop this thought publicly because of my respect for this community – please bare with me, I’ll be brief.
I’ve read expectations, anticipations and judgments within the posted comments above.
The “crazy”, selfish and lost individuals that prey on the committal hopes of another.
And somehow the fact that we are making a very simple topic far more complex than it needs to be.
The secret to controlling complexity is keeping the emotions out of it or more accurately limited. Relationships ARE a job. Marriage is a BUSINESS CONTRACT.
Am I saying to avoid loving the one you will marry??? Absolutely not. But realistically you don’t sign up for a job expecting to be fired, especially when you like/love the job. And your significant other is your boss. How often do you drag your boss through the mud?
These may have already been mentioned but When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, Serendipity (ugh, i think this John Cusack takes the cake), You’ve Got Mail (the idea that the person you loathe is actually your soul mate..umm no). The most accurate movie on the “real” dating is 500 Days of Summer in my opinion. Great story.
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This is so true. A lot of women live by the rules of SATC. Its a great show but the perspective on dating is often quite questionable. Women can be masochistic at times, often chasing the guy that hurts them the most while ignoring the guy that is a complete sweetheart. The Nigerian Rice Whisperer couldn’t have said it better.